Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
A Fusion Reaction of Dynamite image

A Fusion Reaction of Dynamite

E62 · Hello, Smileton
Avatar
44 Plays10 months ago

Podcasting entertainment as pure and crisp as a lungful of mountain air? That's what you want? Well, good, because that's what's on offer in this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON.

Miss Elizabeth and Jason are more than happy to be able to provide the very best in comedy and original music straight from Smileton, the podcasting capital of the world.

In an intriguing edition of DEATH METAL UPDATE, Miss Elizabeth gives us the latest from that bizarre world that mixes fascination and consternation in equal measure.

Smileton's small businesses step up and support the show and earn their way straight into a PAID ADVERTISEMENT.

And our intrepid hosts keep each other honest as they do a year-end round up of how their rashly-made resolutions ended up going in the latest NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION UPDATE.

This, plus music from Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE, will be sufficient fuel to power you through the week like a rocketship fueled with joy.

HELLO, SMILETON. If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Already.


Show Timestamps:

2:17 Death Metal Update

17:09 SONG – Boogie Blizzard

21:12 Paid Advertisement – The Joyful Catapult

27:22 New Year's Resolution Update

37:18 SONG – Mr. Blue Hullabaloo

Recommended
Transcript

Introduction & Holiday Excitement

00:00:04
Speaker
Hello, Smileson. Welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smileson, Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason.
00:00:17
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth, I don't know what to tell you. That was a good one. I'm ready for fun. What else is there to say? You're in a Christmas mood. Miss Elizabeth, the holiday season is upon us and I'm busting at the seams to celebrate it with gusto this year. That's for sure. Dear listener friend, thanks so much for checking in with us today. We're a whole new, brand new episode of Fun Time Capering is in store for you right now.
00:00:43
Speaker
We're very grateful that you're here joining us today. I can barely wait to get to it. It's exciting. Miss Elizabeth, it's going to be a joyful trip. We're going to be exploring the very best and fun time comedy and original music capering in an all new episode. And what an early Christmas gift to be receiving. Exactly.
00:01:03
Speaker
Well, dear listener friend, I can talk and boast and exude hubris all day long about how much fun we're going to be having. I better give you some details and then we better get just right to it. Okay.

New Year's Resolutions Discussion

00:01:16
Speaker
New Year's resolution update. We're at the end of the year, nearly. Miss Elizabeth and I have been keeping each other honest in terms of our New Year's resolution, but it's time for an end of the year check-in. Let's see how this year went down.
00:01:27
Speaker
And then we don't stop, we create a new batch and we just keep on going. Self-improvement, self-fulfillment is an ongoing journey. It is. Especially for you, you really sweat the details.
00:01:40
Speaker
What else is there in life, Ms. Elizabeth, by sweating the details? You sure do. Paid advertisement. So happy to bring you the good word from a proud Smiles & Small Business. They keep the lights on here in Smiles Syndicate HQ.

Humorous Local Business Advertisement

00:01:54
Speaker
We couldn't do the show without them, so we're happy to turn the show over to a Smiles & Small Business lock, stock, and barrel, and we will literally say anything they pay us to. I wonder who that's going to be.
00:02:05
Speaker
Well, I handled this particular engagement, and I'm a little bit extremely excited to bring you a good word. Oh, no. I feel like flipping the show upside down right now and just telling you all about it. But first things first. Yeah, I have an update for you. Unpleasantness.
00:02:21
Speaker
No, no, it's something we don't need to do. It's important news for the death metal community. This show is the product of a collaboration, but it makes me grit my teeth sometimes when I don't get my way. And I tell you what, when I see this this particular segment type come up on the show rundown, I'm itching to break out that red pencil. It's the death metal update again. Why are we doing this on this show? You you you have spun.
00:02:48
Speaker
a fanciful tale about the history of this show and its spiritual forbearer, the Smile Syndicate music hour, where if you trace back across the hundreds of episodes, you see those tendrils come in like an outer space spore landing on terra firma and get into its evil business. And that's what's happened with death metal. It's spread like a fungus in this town. Now we have this death metal update that occurs
00:03:13
Speaker
far too frequently. Well, you know, we have a large group of people in Smilton, a large component of Smilton, who are interested in death metal. They're death metal fans. They're part of the death metal culture. Right. And where did they come from? Thinking that Smilton is a death metal capital. And it's because of segments like this. So I blame you, essentially. OK, they've never not been here.
00:03:35
Speaker
Yes, Miss Elizabeth, they have. They have been here, but they knew to stay underground out of the daylight. And we liked it

Death Metal Grocery Store Opening

00:03:44
Speaker
better that way. OK, well, just in time for the death metal holiday feasting season, a brand new death metal grocery store has opened here in Smilton. And local ghoulish gourmands are finding their otherworldly shopping lists can now be taken care of all in one place. Oh.
00:04:03
Speaker
No more having to shop around and order online?
00:04:06
Speaker
There's a Smilton business that I don't care for. That's okay. You don't have to. There's a large group already who's already prime customers. What do we need this? UndeadNourishers is the name. UndeadNourishers' mission is a simple one. Provide Smilton with an arcane, crypt-based shopping experience while providing prices lower than a cannibal sorcerer's spirits after he accidentally tipped his cauldron into a freshly violated grave. I submit.
00:04:33
Speaker
That sentence by itself should be sufficient to convince any bank manager than a loan to establish a business such as this is folly. Low, low prices, Jason. Yeah, so you say. But at what price? What price these low prices? The brainchild of two local businessmen, including Jorg Johannes Flernstadt and Johnny Denfer. Oh, Johnny, why? Why, Johnny, why? Because he likes money, Jason.
00:05:03
Speaker
Oh, he's got a screw loose when it comes to this. This is a bad investment. He invests in things that are good investments. Undead nourishers promises to be just the thing to make this year's holiday season the best one ever. Jason, if you go down there, tell them that you know me, you will receive a five percent discount off of any bakery orders. Oh, thanks.
00:05:27
Speaker
Well, that goes for anybody else listening right now. If you just mention my name, you're going to get 5% off bakery orders. I was trying to be excited for the holiday season and this is a kick in the pants. Well, like death metal donuts. Death. No, I got somebody's got to put their foot down. I hope this thing goes out of business. Tootsweet, Jorg has been making enough money. It's not going to. Have you seen how the entrance is constructed? No, you actually go, you go into a crypt and then you go down.
00:05:54
Speaker
Oh, fun. Yeah, underground grocery shopping. Just what I need. No one's looking for this. Johnny Denver, the local criminal kingpin. I used to understand the man. He invested in my life coach, Jerry. I told you that till years ago. He invested in the money velocity advantage. Johnny usually knows where sound money should go. He does.
00:06:17
Speaker
Not in this case. You should pay attention because Johnny Denver has not been... He's been hoodwinked. I'll give Jorg that much. He's been working for years at getting death metal established here. He's a con man, but he's got talent when it comes to fleecing the roots. We'll just have to wait and see. And Johnny, unfortunately, I'm calling you a rube. I mean, I don't know why you think it's so crazy. It's like you can make death metal cuisine out of normal ingredients like spaghetti and stuff. All of it is crazy. So it's not... Okay, it's not crazy. I mean, there's like grapes.
00:06:44
Speaker
And because you can peel grapes to make like eyeballs. Yeah. There's like spaghetti with spaghetti sauce, which looks like blood. Kids get tired of that. I wish I wish our town did.

Smileson Death Metal Festival Plans

00:06:54
Speaker
OK. The concert scene this summer is already hot with planning for the 2024 Smiles and Death Metal Festival already underway. You have to plan that. You have to be planning the next one. So Christmas gone. Looking forward to the summer. Yeah. Death Metal is going to ruin that too.
00:07:11
Speaker
I mean, there's gonna be some death metal Christmas action too.
00:07:14
Speaker
But before- I was happy before we started taping this show. It's a merry time, Jason. It isn't. But before July hits, a number of big, big death metal acts will be coming through town as well. Chief among these is the Headless Ghoul Patrol. Oh boy. After toiling in obscurity for years, like the weary Crip Dennison digging an endless grave for an already zombified tomb reveler,
00:07:42
Speaker
Ah, thanks for that. Now I really see what you're talking about. No one expected their latest album, Dancing in the Sun, to make much of an impact. Myself included. As we all know, it was the biggest album of the summer and has put these rancid kings of uncanny merriment on the throne of popular music. They're breaking through. You're smiling, you're happy, but you're charting the downward spiral of civilization.
00:08:08
Speaker
Do you think of culture in general? Yeah. But death metal is, I mean, people love it. Yeah. People are really getting into it. It's

Viral Video: Death Metal Troubadour

00:08:15
Speaker
fun. It's a fun toboggan ride down to Haiti. The stage show the band will bring to Smiles and promises to be one of the most over the top that this town has ever seen. And you know, we've seen a few. We've even had a volcano going off in Smiles. I know, I know. Yeah.
00:08:32
Speaker
Yes. This is going to top that. That was stupid. And I look forward to more stupidity with this show. Featuring here, I'm going to tell you some of the details featuring 80 tons of soil from another dimension. Get made up. Another dimension. You can't prove it was made up. OK. I'll get my scientist buddy, my science guy to test that soil, and I'll bet he'll confirm that's from good old Mother Earth. But how would he know it wasn't from a different dimension, Mother Earth?
00:09:00
Speaker
because his box of wires would tell him so. OK, a giant mock graveyard will be the scene of death metal doom and fun. Yeah. And OK, I know you're not going to go to this. So here's the spoiler, Jason. Yeah. The show's going to climax when the cannibal sorcerer who travels with the band summons hundreds of recently entombed villagers who celebrate their summoning by streaking all over the stage. Streaking.
00:09:27
Speaker
And then into the crowd, they filter into the crowd, and then off, because it's atmospheric, Jason, and then off into the town for an evening of nude death metal tomfoolery and frolicking. I'm already planning to call the cops when that happens, because that's a crime. Well, the cops are not going to be able to catch all of those nudists running around. They're death metal. I think we can arrest them at the airport. Tickets are going to go fast for this one, folks.
00:09:57
Speaker
I am speechless because I
00:10:05
Speaker
I try not to just complain about things. I try to do things. I created the Smilton Betterment Society in an effort to improve the moral character of this town. Do you have any other members? And yet you're telling me of plans where... No! You only... Miss Elizabeth, I'm trying! No one's joining me. I'm fighting this battle alone. And now you're telling me a fresh assault on our senses is going to be coming this summer. And I'm powerless to do anything about it. I gotta just go under a quilt and just plan. Yeah.
00:10:33
Speaker
figure something out you better figure something out okay you want to hear new releases clean out those earbuds because it's time to do a rundown of the latest death metal good grimy shroud of loud brings us empire of the ants yeah that sounds like a late at the latest chart topper grimy visions
00:10:53
Speaker
Continue another they both start with grimy. It's a very popular word in the death metal community grimy grimy visions of the Neversphere Yeah brings us giant locusts among us come on. Okay? Baffling I don't know why death metal is hung upon the word grimy. That's weird and to is there any Cultural fad that death metal doesn't leap all over Everybody's in crazy, but giant bugs is a giant bug. Yeah. Yeah, so we got a very Empire the ants
00:11:22
Speaker
giant locusts among us like come on like blatant bandwagon hopping they're scary but here's some more grime for you yeah forever beneath the grime more grime brings us mega spider meltdown
00:11:35
Speaker
I did. I selected a theme. Yeah. I cannot believe that those are worthy of the slightest bit of interest from any sane person. The Crypts of Bohemia. At least that's different. That's a new one. Brings us Centipedes of Madness. More bugs. More bugs. Why not? Fortress of Bones. I love that band.
00:11:54
Speaker
OK, Fortress of Bones brings us that big bug is your new king. Wow. Well, I might listen to that one because that's an impressively dopey title, but it's a very good title. It's so dumb. It's almost making me curious. You know, it's even better than that. Yeah, you have to see you have to see the visual on the album cover. Yeah. Boy, is it like somebody pointing at a big bug?
00:12:17
Speaker
Yeah, that big bug is your new king. Yeah, I got it. That's right. And now for a quick death metal consumer product update. When I saw the commercial for the king of death metal chef, Gorbton blood feasts, latest set of pots and pans. Excuse me, what? The king of what? The king of death metal chef.
00:12:38
Speaker
Yeah, who? Gordon Ramsay? No, Gorbton Bloodfeast. Gorbton. Gorbton. You probably shouldn't- Come on. Don't make fun of people's names. It's not his fault.
00:12:49
Speaker
That's not his fault. I'm sure that idiot, his parents named him Gorpden. His name is Gorpden. It's not some cheap attempt to cause brand confusion. Okay, well he has a set of pots and pans. He always has a set of pots and pans. This is his latest set. I knew that I had to place an order right away because the advertising was spectacular for this.
00:13:13
Speaker
Well, it turns out that Cannibal Exquisites is the finest line of cookware that I've ever used. We already have one paid advertisement, Miss Elizabeth. You don't need to shoehorn in another one. Kudos to Chef for making sure that his good name is only associated with the very finest product. Yeah, you don't want gourped and blood feasts being plastered on shoddy merchandise.
00:13:38
Speaker
If you're surprised that death metal cookware could be so exciting, then you need to be listening to more death metal update, right? No, no. Yeah. I'm finding this to be a very strange thing to say, but you don't actually need to listen to this part of the show to your listener friend. OK, on the lighter side of death metal, I'm going to lighten it up for you, Jason. OK. Make sure that you go online when you have a moment and look up a video called Death Metal Troubadour. OK, let me write that down.
00:14:06
Speaker
Write it down, Death Metal Troubadour. This delightful viral video has been making Death Metal denizens smile the world over. And if you haven't seen it yet, let me tell you all about it. The video starts with our Death Metal Romeo setting up a sound system in the backyard of some suburban house.
00:14:25
Speaker
Okay. A fiendishly loud death metal cacophony starts and our hero sings in his finest cookie monster tones of his undying love for his Juliet who looks down on the scene from her bedroom window. Sounds pretty farcical so far. But they're both into death metal so this is highly romantic.
00:14:45
Speaker
This is charged with romance. And deafening noise. That's why it's death metal troubadour. The music turns out to be a bit loud and some of the windows of the houses are blown out. This sort of thing does happen in death metal.
00:15:02
Speaker
True love, you know, it's okay property damage. Well, yeah when you're young, you know these things cares about people's property exactly Juliet's dad just like in the play comes into the backyard and starts just freaking out Yeah, he starts raining punishing blows down on the head of our Romeo while Juliet charges out screaming and then trying to break up the fracas
00:15:25
Speaker
I like it. That, now this I would watch. I hope that's how the video ends with our Romeo being beaten into unconsciousness. This goes on for about 10 minutes. So there's quite a lot of content there for you to enjoy before police arrive and cart the grumpy dad off to jail. Julian. The dad? Oh yeah. The dad got, yeah, that's right. Well, trespassing, property damage, noise pollution. But he had the advantage. A good citizen stands up to it and he gets hauled off to the hooskow.
00:15:54
Speaker
He had the advantage over the Troubadour who only was expressing his love after all. So, you know, if you're angry... He should forbid that relationship. Okay, well, I'm not sure if you can forbid things in death metal.
00:16:07
Speaker
We're talking about real life here now Juliet yells to Romeo that he should text her later as the video ends so romance survives the true love never dies No, I don't think I think this is an outrageous miscarriage of justice And I think this this video should use as a cautionary tale to all parents out there Make sure your kids being kept far away from this menace
00:16:30
Speaker
I thought you would have found that to be quite amusing and much on the lighter side. The only thing I like is the idea of this kid getting punches raining down on his head. That makes me smile. Okay, so there's 10 minutes of that. Okay, well... I'll look for an edited version of the video that only gets to the good part. Let us close the cursed tome on this edition of Death Metal Update. Manners Dictate, I thank you, but really, Miss Elizabeth, you've dug quite a hole for this show. You're welcome.
00:16:57
Speaker
We're going to turn to some music. It's the only thing that can save us now, so I'm going to reach over to this mountain radio. OK, let's tune in a song. It's snowed a little bit. How about we play Boogie Blizzard? Let's go.
00:17:29
Speaker
Sparkle's eyes but the heart's still pumping Frozen solid but the join is jumping Hands are blue but the booty's shaking Frozen solid but the ice is quaking
00:18:06
Speaker
Grab your two cause the snow is blowing Storm is reaching and it ain't slowing Shivering cause my coat is too thin You brought this, let the party begin
00:19:47
Speaker
If the sola can't see the ground Boogie blizzard in surround Sound feeling Boogie, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep Dancing faster can we all fight? If the sola can't see the ground Boogie blizzard in surround Sound foot
00:20:35
Speaker
That's right, it's starting to get a little bit festive here in Smilton finally. Yeah, your songs do save the day. You can find all those songs on streaming platforms, right? Uh, yeah.
00:20:53
Speaker
Find more Smile Syndicate songs on all streaming platforms. Remember that guy? Yeah, I remember him. Utterly unhelpful. You just said that. Now again, now that nitwit is repeating it, buddy, I appreciated the silence you were giving this show for low these long weeks. Now that you're back, once again, Christmas is ruined. Okay, well. And now a word from our sponsors. More help I didn't need.
00:21:18
Speaker
Yes, it's time for the paid advertisement.

Joyful Catapult Advertisement

00:21:21
Speaker
Smiles in small business, say what you want about them. They step up to the plate when the situation demands it. They're coughing up the big bucks to be on this show, and I'm so happy to read everything they give me today.
00:21:34
Speaker
Today, I'm busting this Elizabethan excitement because not only... Who's it gonna be? You couldn't wait to tell us all about a business that no one needs, this ridiculous death metal grocery store. It's gonna be a big success. Nobody cares about that. Can I tell you about something that everybody needs or at least should enthusiastically support? We want to hear about it.
00:21:54
Speaker
Today's episode of Hello, Smilton is brought to you by the Joyful Catapult. Smilton's only shooting range for garbage catapults and dedicated supporter of the Pulting Lifestyle. Fogg Horn, how dare you. Why does the Joyful Catapult have to only be a shooting range for garbage catapults? What do you mean by that? Can it not be a shooting range for any type of catapult?
00:22:20
Speaker
Like a sparkle catapult. You're betraying your ignorance here, Ms. Elizabeth. A little bit of the poulting scene. The poulting scene has got... The poulting scene has moved on since the 80s, Ms. Elizabeth. We've kind of focused in on the fun and that's combining hurling garbage on people with catapulting things. You put those things together, that's a...
00:22:44
Speaker
That's a fusion reaction of dynamite. And we're not going back to the days where we load up a paper mache boulder. That's playtime. That's amateur hour. Once we landed on garbage, we knew that was it. We found the mother load of fun. OK, I understand. And you're not going to change. But I do like to catapult other things, such as snow.
00:23:08
Speaker
What? And also sparkles. Again, this is ridiculous sounding and you're clouding the message. Can I continue? Okay. Let's face it, firing off a garbage catapult in your neighborhood is one of the most intense joys life can bring. There's nothing more fun or funny than loading up your garbage catapult with the most heinous crap you can find and just launching that thing into the big blue, utterly heedless of where it will land. Okay.
00:23:36
Speaker
I know. You probably want to run outside and shoot off your catapult right now just from hearing this. I thought there was only one garbage catapult. Is there more now? Of course there's more. I had mine that disappeared in mysterious circumstances. Lance and Vance have one. There are many more hobbyists around, Miss Lizith. So people are just building garbage catapults? Or is there an industry now? It's a hobby. Are we selling them? Are we building them and selling them? Is this an industry?
00:24:00
Speaker
It's a burgeoning industry. OK. But unfortunately, some people hate having a good time and hate people who like having a good time even more. Good question. Yeah. Can you?
00:24:14
Speaker
Can you go to the garbage catapult range and buy or rent a garbage catapult? Probably. Or do you have to bring your own? Maybe you should let me finish the message. I'm sure details are forthcoming. OK. So some of your neighbors might complain about your hobby and make your life difficult just because it's not OK for you to enjoy yourself for some reason. That's why we started the joyful catapult. Come on down, bring your garbage catapult and share the love of polting with similarly minded neighbors.
00:24:43
Speaker
We're strategically located right in the heart of Smilton on the former site of that old crappy mall no one ever went to. We've got all the room you need to set up, load up, and fire away. We've got lots of room in the shooting range. And if your shot overshoots the mark somewhat and lands in a nearby neighborhood... Too bad, so sad. There's so many catapults going off that it would be impossible for the cops to figure out who actually delivered the payload that ruined that family's backyard picnic, haha.
00:25:13
Speaker
We offer a 360-degree experience. Point your catapult in any direction and fire away. OK, that is not a shooting range. Yes, it is. A shooting range is meant to be a safe place to shoot your stuff.
00:25:25
Speaker
And it is. You're going to be safe from harassment from the grumpy neighbors or the police. OK, this sounds nefarious. This sounds safe and fun. We can keep our prices low because the garbage loads rarely land within the shooting range, so maintenance costs are minimal. OK, so you're literally... This is a win-win. OK, it's more of a from place than less of a range. It's a range. You shoot at the range. So do you get into like a circle and just shoot outward? Yeah.
00:25:52
Speaker
Yeah, okay. You're in the middle of the range and you shoot out and sometimes, you know, your catapult's just a little bit too powerful. I don't like this situation. Who's gonna clean up the garbage? Not me. Come on down and share the smiles in good times. Everyone around you will think this is hilarious and there's no one to give you static. Sound good? Yeah, me too.
00:26:12
Speaker
That's the joyful catapult, Smountains-only garbage catapult shooting range. Heads up! LOL, just kidding. That garbage falling down from heaven is someone else's problem. Okay. Oh, Miss Elizabeth. This is terrible. I know where I'm spending my Christmas. Have you already spent their money?
00:26:28
Speaker
This advertising money, okay. So it's too late, so we have to keep it in. I think this is awful. I think it's terrible. I put that 50 bucks in a piggy bank because I'm saving to get a brand new garbage catapult because some nitwit caused mine to disappear. I don't know where it went. Stolen. This is a popular hobby, Miss Elizabeth. As far as I can tell, you have to build your own garbage catapult because there isn't a business that sells them.
00:26:52
Speaker
Well, not yet. Yeah, I mean, step one. This is the early days of the hobby. I'm sorry. OK. There's going to be a lot of product. There's going to be a lot of enthusiasm. I bet there's going to be a garbage catapult magazine coming out soon. OK, well, that sounds interesting. So get in early. Be one of the hip kids and get your own garbage catapult going. Take the word garbage out and make it just like rip. It's part of the fun. Make your hobby your fun hobby a little less fun. No sale.
00:27:20
Speaker
No sale.

Resolution Updates & Gaming Ambitions

00:27:23
Speaker
Ms. Elizabeth, New Year's resolutions are easy to give in January, hard to live up to in December. Yeah, and we know because it's December and we've been doing this since January. And in fact, it's our second year following up on this. It's more than our second year. I'm sure we've been doing this for many years.
00:27:38
Speaker
I can't tell you if my life's gotten better or not. It's a hard road and it's a long life. Well, you're looking good. You're looking strong. You're looking enthusiastic. You look determined. Well, yeah, I just spent 10 minutes telling you about garbage catapults. Of course I'm happy. Yeah, you do look good. Well, we'll see if that lasts in this, the latest New Year's resolution update. Okay. I'm gonna kick this off, Miss Elizabeth. Yeah. Miss Elizabeth, so I demand some answers about this resolution. Oh, answers? Really? I thought it was just like, have I been doing it? Explain yourself. Okay.
00:28:06
Speaker
A red sweater, green leggings, and inexpensive battery-powered LED lights means I can be a movin' groovin' Christmas tree, walkin' round, spreadin' Christmas cheer. Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. That's right. No, thank you. What? I don't think you should be doing that. I think that's a bad resolution.
00:28:24
Speaker
These are my resolutions. These are not like a question as to whether or not you think I should do it. Isn't it though? This is a calling to account of your rashly made promises and there's nothing more rash than wandering around town dressed up as a Christmas tree. Yeah, but I have been doing this and this is the resolution update. Have I been doing this? Yes, December. I have been doing this. And by the way, people love it. I can't believe that's true. People love it. And sometimes you can burst into song.
00:28:51
Speaker
Oh boy, your boy you're doubling down on now. You can do a little tap dance. Oh Miss Elizabeth, it's annoying enough the attention seeking with the flashing lights and hey everybody I'm a Christmas tree. If you're gonna start singing, I gotta keep my distance. Singing, dancing, spreading that joyful cheer. Oh brother. So basically the bad news is you're doing well with this one.
00:29:12
Speaker
I'm doing well with this one. That's good news. Okay. So how have you been doing with yours, which is take Umbridge with more stuff. I've been way too lax in that department. I trust my performance on this show has spoken for itself. I've taken Umbridge with plenty of things. Yes, you have. You took Umbridge with me dressing as a festive elf.
00:29:30
Speaker
I'm just, I'm doing me, Miss Elizabeth. Yeah, you are doing you. Well, congrats. Good. So we agree that this resolution has no need for further examination. I've been taking Umbridge all year long with plenty of things. You're an expert. Boy, oh boy, I talk about, talk about nailing it. Yeah. Leave this one off for next year. No, no, this one. Naturally, you don't have to focus on it is what I'm saying. But it came naturally after much work, much effort, much grit.
00:29:58
Speaker
Okay. Well, Umbridge has been, I think, successfully achieved. Good. Okay.
00:30:03
Speaker
It's the end of the year. So stock up on new, huh, stock up on new riddle books. Yeah. And be ready to make those smiles happen starting this January. Yes, I've placed an order. I've placed an order. No more riddles. You're begging for more riddles. No one's begging for riddles. They wish you would stop as soon as you get that little tone in your voice where it's like, I know what, I know what would fit into this conversation. Hey, guess what? What do you call it? Miss Elizabeth, stop.
00:30:29
Speaker
Okay. In the name of anything holy, retire the Ritalin. Okay. Well, I like, I like to riddle sometimes, but I don't make up my own. I'm not that advanced. So I need to order, I have to order a Rital book and then I sort of memorize them. When you get to Ritalin.
00:30:46
Speaker
How would you describe the reaction? Is it boisterous laughter or is it sort of like the before you're even done and kind of like wishing you'd move on to something else? Riddles aren't jokes. They're like little brain teasers that they bring joy, but first they usually land with some confusion, especially if you're not expecting a riddle. It can really throw people off. I took their voice, straining you out on this particular issue seems to be a fool's errand.
00:31:10
Speaker
Yeah, because it's my it's my New Year's resolution. So you're not supposed to strike me out on it. You're just supposed to ask me if I think I am because I miss Elizabeth Riddles like just do you not feel embarrassed? All right. Hey, what's in my shopping cart? Okay, riddle book big book riddles funny riddles for all occasions. Yeah, check out
00:31:28
Speaker
Yeah, you don't you don't question any of that. You don't second guess yourself. You can buy these things on Amazon. That's a blind spot. Okay. Pick a video game and master it. Yeah. Win a bunch of money. So this is like a very complicated, like, combination. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's not. Yeah.
00:31:46
Speaker
It's not as hard as ordering a bunch of riddle books and inflicting them on people. OK, so here's I'm going to put my fingers up. So pick a video game. That's one step, one step to master it. Yeah. Step three, win a bunch of money. This is all one resolution at a tournament. Yeah. And I don't know if this is a step. I probably won't even break a sweat at this since I was pretty good at Dig Duck at Dig Duck back in the day. Dig Duck, Dig Duck.
00:32:12
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth. Oh my dear listener friend. You're probably killing yourself laughing. What an embarrassing display from Miss Elizabeth. I don't dig duck Miss Elizabeth. I dig dog. Okay. Classic game. I don't know dig dog. You don't know dig dog. I do not know dig dog. Well, I'm pretty good at dig dog. At least I was back in the day. And I imagine today's video games are just fancy versions of that. So I should have no trouble with this one. And it's like printing money to me. Are there any dig dog tournaments going on?
00:32:42
Speaker
Well, no, it's pretty old. And the kids today turn their nose up at Dig Dug, much to their own folly. You're going to have to pick a different one like Wizards of Warcraft or something. Wizards of Warcraft. I don't even know what that is. I don't either. Pick a video game and master it. That's the first thing I'm doing. And I have a track record because Dig Dug was child's play to me after a few months. So basically, all that you've accomplished with this one is you've created the resolution. I've set out the intent. You've set out the intent. But you haven't followed through.
00:33:12
Speaker
Mastering a video game. Okay. It should be easy. I left it. Okay, I'm a foghorn. Okay, silence yourself. You failed. I didn't fail this but there's what are we the 12th? We're the week of the 12th. Yeah, or the 11th or whatever. Yeah
00:33:27
Speaker
Lots of time left in this month to get this one done. I already played Dig Dug a couple of decades ago or so. So yeah, I'm not worried. I left this one to last on purpose because it's going to be easy. It's video games. Kids don't miss Elizabeth. They're mostly dumb. How hard could this be? It's going to be hard. You're going to be humiliated by a tiny child. I'm not worried. I'm not worried. Okay. Print up some nice fashion police citations. Oh my.
00:33:52
Speaker
Yeah, nice ones. Fashion police. Not the 90s, Miss Elizabeth. No, but they're nice. Hand them out to people and watch their faces as they read, looking good. You do you and it's working. Yeah. Okay. You're creating garbage. You're creating trash and you're hassling people. That's a bad resolution.
00:34:09
Speaker
You just congratulate. Have you ever walked down the mall and then you see people and they're like walking together and they're like so well coordinated and you just think like, wow, that definitely required some effort and a lot a lot of effort. And so you give them a little ticket. It says you did it like good job. No one's asking you. And I've never had that thought in my mind at all. Well, people like it. You always you meet somebody new. When I'm in the mall, I'm pushing people out of the way because they're barricades. They're bloggers. They're impediments to me. Get into the food court.
00:34:38
Speaker
OK, well, sometimes if you shake their hand and give them like a piece of paper that says how cool they are, then they will just move out of the way naturally. I can't even conceive a bigger waste of time. OK. Finish the year strong, so strong that when people think back to 2023, they think of me. Yep. Finish the year strong. How's that for a resolution? It's nebulous. It's ambitious is the word you meant to say. It's ambiguous is what you were going for.
00:35:06
Speaker
Yeah, I'm gonna make a big bang before this year is over and everyone will be talking about 2023. Oh, that was the year Jason did TBD Okay, so something big something big something cool something amazing something. Everybody's gonna remember something Everybody's gonna associate with me. And once again, I got a few weeks here. So not sweating it. Okay, I'll think of something. Don't worry. Oh
00:35:27
Speaker
Okay. Should I be worried? Should I be worried? Why would you be worried? Oh friend, you're too ambitious. You're aiming your sights too high. Is there something wrong? Yeah. The exact opposite. I think you might be landing yourself in some danger.
00:35:43
Speaker
Oh, what a needless worry. Maybe I should be running behind you with like a big net or like a trampoline, something you can land in safely? I don't know, I must list that I live- A trampoline full of boxes or pillows or something? I live life without a net. Don't worry about me. Well, I'm chasing after you with that net. Well, try to catch me. Okay. Catch me if you can. That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I will.
00:36:05
Speaker
You know, this month is going to end with a bang. Don't worry about that, dear listener friend. Keep your eyes peeled. Keep your ears attuned. But you won't be able to miss it. It's going to be like an atom bomb of fun, of achievement, of something. And then your whole year you're going to look back and all you're going to be able to think of is Jason was amazing.
00:36:23
Speaker
Yeah, because of that thing he did. So yeah, we'll see what it is. No, it'll inspire you to do something similarly impactful in 2024 and at the end of the day if my resolution helps me and helps you, dear listener friend, isn't that noble.
00:36:39
Speaker
I think you want to become person of the year on like people of Smiles and some magazines. Too small. Too small. You're thinking too small. Okay. Big picture. Let's go. 2024. Look back on 2023. You're going to see my mug. All right. That's New Year's resolution update. We're ending the year with big bang and big achievements soon to come.
00:36:58
Speaker
Hey, well, let's listen to some music, Miss Elizabeth. What better way to put a capper on that particular segment than by cranking up the tunes? Play a song already! Sounds yourself, you ne'er-do-well. You can't kill my good mood. The only thing that's gonna make it even better is if we listen to Mr. Blue hullabaloo. Let's listen.
00:37:34
Speaker
A brilliant whirl on a sunny day With snowshoes on the beach He takes a bath with a jumper on Listen and he'll teach
00:37:49
Speaker
Everybody thinks he's odd, and everybody gets it wrong. Can you see the beams of sunshine? Anybody hear a song? Here he comes. Mr. Blue, hollow balloon. The squares can't dig what they think. He's gone anew. See me and you. Can we see Mr. Blue?
00:38:35
Speaker
He goes sunbathing when it rains Trainers in the snow He flies so high in a submarine Listen and you'll know Everybody thinks he's odd and everybody gets it wrong Can you see the beat?
00:39:03
Speaker
The squares can't dig what they think He's gonna do or see me and you Can we see Mr. Blue?
00:39:21
Speaker
They say he's just a strange little fellow They find him off-putting Forget the modern age, he's staying mellow They don't like his nonsense Everybody thinks he's odd and everybody gets it wrong
00:39:47
Speaker
Seems the sunshine, everybody sing along Here he comes Mr. Blue, hollow balloon The squares can't dig what they think He's gonna do it, see me and you Can we see Mr. Blue? He's trying to show us Here he comes Mr. Blue, hollow balloon The squares can't dig what they think He's gonna do it, see me and you
00:40:45
Speaker
That's a really good song and a great album. Thanks, Miss Elizabeth. That's the title track of the latest Smile Syndicate Opus, available on all digital streaming platforms. Finish this show out. We're almost done, dear listener friend, and then scurry off.
00:40:58
Speaker
to your favorite digital platform and give it a spin. What better way to kick off the holiday season? Yeah. Miss Elizabeth, it's been fun. It's been an all new episode of the show. We have more episodes coming before this year is out. Don't worry about that. Your listener friend, we're going to be back next week. But in the meantime, this one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth, take us out.
00:41:17
Speaker
That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileton. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileton. So spread the word and make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. Bye-bye from me. See you next week. And as always, remember, friend, the sun is a jukebox.