Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
If You Get It Wrong, Your Bucks Go Bye Bye
36 Plays6 months ago
Pulse-pounding infotainment? Is that what you're after? Well, that's not really what we do here, but since you're here anyway, you might as well sit back and enjoy this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON.
Jason and Miss Elizabeth have answered the call to provide the very best in comedy and original music delightfulness and this brand new episode will show the even the most ardent skeptic that these two really know how to put a podcast episode together.
In the latest SMALL TOWN, BIG MARKETPLACE, the good people of Smileton post their goods for sale and bafflement soon follows.
All Smileton sports bettors will want to tune into the SMILETON NORTHSIDE COMMUNITY STREET HOCKEY LEAGUE INJURY REPORT to hear which heroes of the road have fallen victim to the injury bug.
Listeners of the show contribute questions to the MAILBAG and our hosts have to dance fast to answer them because many of the listeners appear to be screwballs, to judge by the kinds of queries they're sending in.
Two songs by THE SMILE SYNDICATE bring Smileton good time music to the masses and at the very least, they’ll set your toes a-tappin'.
Not bad for a podcast pundits pronounced "obscure and troubling"!
HELLO, SMILETON. If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Already.
Show Timestamps:
1:46 Small Town, Big Marketplace
9:23 Smileton Northside Community Street Hockey League Injury Report
15:14 SONG – Rogue and Rascal
17:34 Mailbag
30:30 SONG – Get Thee To A Disco
Recommended
Transcript
Welcome to Smiles, Alberta
00:00:04
Speaker
Hello, Smiles and welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smiles in Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun
Cold Studio Dilemma
00:00:15
Speaker
today. Hey, Jason, let's go. Uh, Ms. Elizabeth, you're changing it up. You spoke words in a different order than I'm used to. Ever so slightly. But I'm a professional. That's not going to throw me off my game. I see you sitting over there with your arms folded. I'm a bit chilly. I'm sorry, Ms. Elizabeth. Would you like my card again?
00:00:32
Speaker
No, I'm good.
HQ and Studio Overbooking
00:00:34
Speaker
Dear listener friends, thanks so much for joining us today. You know, we could complain about the temperature inside Smile Syndicate HQ all day long. We are underground after all. The inner sanctum of above ground Smile Syndicate HQ is a crystal cathedral. It is a beautiful building, palatial.
00:00:53
Speaker
But the real business takes place underground, and that's where the complex of studios exists. It's a little chilly down here, to be honest. If you're down here for 30 minutes... We're in the cold crappy studio, Ms. Elizabeth, because I don't know how this happened, but smiles indicate HQ was overbooked today.
00:01:08
Speaker
a bunch of other podcasts from Smile Tender in here recording their shows. I think you might have had a hand in it because I see you dashing around, throwing your two cents in and then going on to the next show. They got all the good studios. We got one that barely has power. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm wearing a cardigan. Everything is fine. Okay, fine. Well, you asked me why my arms are crossing. I'm telling you, it's not because of a bad mood. At least it wasn't until
Promised Rocket Ride of Content
00:01:32
Speaker
you started questioning me about my body language. Okay. Well,
00:01:36
Speaker
Dear listener, we got a lot of fun in store for you today, so I hope you buckle up. It's going to be a rocket ride. Yeah. It's a safety first. Strap in. Let's go. Yeah. First thing we're
Quirky Dream Catchers and Car Modifications
00:01:47
Speaker
going to be looking at as a first piece of fun is Smuffin. It's full of people and they got tons of junk.
00:01:55
Speaker
And they want to offload it onto other smalltonians. They want to sell their stuff. They're valuables. They're looking to sell. And the curious... Capitalism at work. Yes. And the curious seek to find bargains in small town. Big marketplace. Miss Elizabeth, what's that first item for sale?
00:02:14
Speaker
OK, I'm going to read the first item, Jason. Are you ready for me now? I'm asking for it. All right. I have a number of beautiful dream catchers for sale. Please call for prices. These are dear to me, but I have to let them go as I have night terrors. And these dream catchers are really letting me down. As I scream in utter horror in the nightmare of all nightmares, some little part of me really hates those things for not stepping up when I need them the most from Maurice.
00:02:43
Speaker
And it's $7.80, $5.55, $25.25. Well, so why would I buy those? More Maurice. Yeah, I'm sorry you're having night terrors. I don't know if a dream catcher is supposed to be able to help with that. That's a fairly significant psychological phenomenon. It's a flaw. It's a malfunction of the dream catcher. But if you don't have nightmares, just get them and just use them as decor. Right.
00:03:10
Speaker
That's a crap way to talk up your product because you're just telling us they don't work. Well, you don't want to sell something that doesn't work and not say because you'll get downvoted. Why would I pay three cents for faulty dream catchers? But if you don't have bad dreams.
Parrot Songs and Collectible Switch
00:03:24
Speaker
You're spinning me around and I can't follow you, Miss Elizabeth.
00:03:29
Speaker
Give me a call and I'll come over and truck out your dune buggy. 125 bucks cash. Tricked the F out. Your ride will be trickin' and buggin' and trippy. And once I'm through with it, you'll be saying, I'd still pay you twice the amount for half the quality because wow. And I'll just be all, yup. Tricked the F out. Conrad, 780-550-903.
00:03:52
Speaker
OK, well, I feel like that's a sales pitch. It's a sales pitch, but I feel like it's a sales pitch from somebody who's already spent the money on on on an order from one of those plant related stores. Oh, without dare you do that. One twenty five is the exact price for an order. How do you know that? I just happen to know. You just happen to know.
00:04:12
Speaker
There's so many stores out there, and they all have very similar pricing. It's a regulated industry, Jason. I understand, Miss Elizabeth. And you're going to cast aspersions
Bikini Car Wash Debate
00:04:21
Speaker
on poor Conrad when all he wants to do is trick your ride the F out. He says, tricking, bugging, trippy. And then he says... It's called sizzle. He says, yeah, OK.
00:04:31
Speaker
Are you confused? Well, something's sizzling. Yeah, the bargains. Okay. All right. I've recorded cassette tapes of my parrot singing along with popular songs. Give me a call and I'll let you have one for free just to try it out. Believe me, once you hear Jethro, which must be the name of the parrot. Oh, what a cute name for parrot Jethro. Singing along to Abba's Vulevo or Sammy John's Chevy
Nostalgic Floppy Disks and Hockey Injuries
00:04:59
Speaker
Van.
00:05:01
Speaker
you'll you don't like that one that's a gross song how about when it's sung by jethro though maybe that'll change your mind i don't think so you'll be hooked and you'll want to buy the rest from griff 780 555 65 32 again it takes all types
00:05:17
Speaker
I'm not going to judge, but who the hell would want to buy this? It's free. Who would want to even look at it? It's a free sampler. You don't have to look at it. The idea that getting you hooked on listening to a parrot croon is way through the classics. It sounds adorable because I like parrots. So that sounds super cute. That's the kind of thing where it's like I kind of wish people from outside Smilton aren't listening to this because that makes our town look fairly silly.
00:05:43
Speaker
Hip waders galore. Every size and color I've been collecting for years and I've got some prime specimens. I'm letting them go because I'm changing hobbies to collecting stuffed owls. Call for rock bottom prices. Morgan 780 555 1214.
00:05:59
Speaker
Wow, well, hip waiters are very useful, and also I have to say I'm interested in stuffed owls too. What a weird, what a weird posting. She's switching over from
Music and Listener Mail
00:06:09
Speaker
hip waiters. I like hip waiters, fine. They're useful. I used to strut around town on hip waiters all the time, just in case.
00:06:16
Speaker
You're also a bit of a collector. Do you collect hip waiters? Of course not. No. Ms. Elizabeth, I broke that habit years ago and sold off my collection. All right. What I will say, though, is the left turn into owls. Stuffed owl collecting is just... Yeah, I don't even... Again, I'm not going to judge, but who the hell? It signals a change of life.
00:06:37
Speaker
Yeah, a screw coming loose in Morgan's brain. Alright, I've got a coupon for a free car wash at the Bikini Magic Car Wash. First one to call gets it from Maureen. 780-555-4098.
00:06:52
Speaker
Yeah, that's fine. Freeze the boat, right? Don't be rude. Miss Elizabeth, I've taken my ride. I've taken it there. And the wash job is subpar. The wash job? But how are the bikini people? Just fine. But I'm there to get my ride clean. I just had it trick the F out. It's got to look its best. And I know you're boohoo and you're bopping around in your bikini. And yeah, it's all good. It's almost like a fashion show. Yeah.
00:07:20
Speaker
Do your job. This is false advertising. It's a fun, slippery, bubbly, wet fashion show. Yes. Miss Elizabeth, why are you trying to sell me on it? I'm hooked on the concept already. But there's a time and a place. Okay. Well, where and when is that? I don't know. I want a car wash that's a little bit more down to earth than that.
00:07:40
Speaker
You're really focused on the car wash. You're not at all focused on the show. I'm aware of the show but you can go other places for that sort of thing. Can you? Oh my goodness. In a nice trick the f-out ride. It's sparkling clean but you can't do that if you're going to that magic bikini show or whatever it is.
00:08:00
Speaker
I got primo floppy disks for sale. All kinds of wild 90s
Listener Ideas and Bizarre Letter
00:08:05
Speaker
internet stuff on them probably. Nobody has a disk drive for that. I don't really remember and I haven't had a functioning floppy drive for 20 years at least. But I remember seeing some pretty nice pics and 10 second videos from back in the day. There's more of that stuff probably on there. How much would you pay for a piece of history? A lot? Then call me up dummy. Wallace 780555 6600.
00:08:29
Speaker
I feel like that one should have been for free. Because I think we're interested to see what's on those discs. Yeah, there's all kinds of wild 90s stuff on there. But 10 second clips from the 90s are going to be, I mean, that's bogus. I think those clips are probably timeless, Miss Lisbon. I don't think it matters what decade they were filmed in. I think they're poorly edited. They're either 30 minute clips or they're like they're accidental records. It took forever.
00:08:52
Speaker
to download those things, Miss Elizabeth, and this treasure trove living on these floppy drives cannot remain entombed
Creative Kid Questions and Disco Music
00:08:59
Speaker
forever. And how do you know it's not like six disks that you have to put them all together? Oh yeah, good point. You don't know. You don't know. But that's the thing. How much would you pay for a treasure box that's still closed? I'm not paying. I mean, I almost feel like it's a service for me to open that box. It seems like any price would be a bargain. He doesn't even have a disk drive for it.
00:09:19
Speaker
Yes, but if you do, then step up. There's a world of treasure awaiting you. Well, we're gonna turn to something probably more important than that, Miss Elizabeth. Uh-huh. Betting. Sports betting. Oh, I thought you were saying betting.
00:09:33
Speaker
Betting. Laying the money down on the outcome of sporting contests. I feel like betting is also important though. Maybe we should have a segment on betting. No, that's enough for one of your other screwball podcasts. Smile to Northside Community Street Hockey League. Intense. Competitive. Big money rides on those games. You gotta stay up to date on who's gonna be hitting the road and smacking that tennis ball around. If you get it wrong, your bucks go bye-bye.
00:09:59
Speaker
That's why we're delivering right now the Smilton Northside Community Street Hockey League Injury Report. I'm going to tell you what's what. Lay your bets accordingly. Sensuals Charisse. She's a right winger for the Smilton Exotic Dancers Federation. What did you just say? Sensuals Charisse.
00:10:18
Speaker
That is a very, that's a mouthful. Yes, it is, Miss Elizabeth. Can I get to the proper description of her injury? That's not her real name. Probably not. She got in a fight with her office manager at the construction company she works for and that manager is a total B. They were brawling on the floor and a fax machine fell and knocked her on the head. She's listed as day to day.
00:10:41
Speaker
Wow. That line... She's scrappy. Yeah. She brings grit to that line, Ms. Elizabeth. She's scrappy Cherise. That's easier to say. Sensual Cherise. She wasn't very sensual though. No. You see how flirty you are with a bump on the head after getting hit in the head with a fax machine.
00:11:00
Speaker
Well, that's what I'm saying. She was, yeah, she was brawling. Brawling isn't very, that's not essential. Yeah. It's an injury report, Ms. Elizabeth. I'm just reading you the facts. Chad Cheeseman, goalie for the chug of lugs. He was doing a DIY video for YouTube about how to wire your own house on the cheap when he got shocked.
00:11:18
Speaker
Lurch back and knocked a fax machine off the shelf and it knocked him on the head. Another fax machine accident. Oh boy, they're falling like ten pins. He's out for a week at least because the corner of the fax machine got him right on the top of the head and that's an ouch. Okay, do you know what? I think that we need to just get rid of the fax machines. Okay, and how do you send faxes around then? You just take a picture with your phone and then just text it.
00:11:40
Speaker
What? Just text it with your phone. I'll stop it. Send a text. You tried buying a house with a, with that kind of cockamamie. You don't use the fax machine to buy a house. I do where I come from. Brick Brock, Center for the Hockey Rockers. Oh boy, Lance's dad.
00:11:56
Speaker
took a swing at a bailiff while fighting a parking ticket in court his wrists are sore from the zip ties they used on him once they took him down plus he's incarcerated so they won't let him out to play street hockey so it's kind of a moot point actually so yeah he's definitely not playing so injured or not he's off the street
00:12:13
Speaker
Yup, he's in trouble. Hockey rockers, again, third line center, brings needed grit. Now what? Yup. Sports bettors adjust accordingly. Grover Jeffries, defenseman for the F-top hockey boys. He's playing that game where you spread your hand out on a table and then you take a knife and then you're like stabbing the table in between your fingers and you go space, space, space, space, you're like faster, faster, faster. Yeah. So this is going on and then a flop. He has a hawk.
00:12:43
Speaker
He's into hawking. Grover has a hawk. He has a hawk and it flew off his perch and landed on Grover's arm but he didn't have that protective glove on because he's doing that stabbing game and he got some puncture wounds that need to heal up a bit before he can play again. You know hawks are also stabbing machines. Yeah they have talons. And beaks. Yeah he didn't stab his fingers but his forearms got some nasty wounds. Yeah you have to wear those special gloves for that.
00:13:08
Speaker
So he's no use to the F-top hockey boys in that state. There's another word for hawking. What's the other word? There's another word. Like falconry or something. Falconry, that's the word. But what do you call it when you're doing it with hawks?
00:13:19
Speaker
Still falconry, I think. Maybe you don't do with Hawks. Maybe Grover's got the wrong end of this one. Maybe that's why he's got puncture wounds. Myrtle Feldman, center for the Smoughton Casual Lung Bowling Society. She got in a stick fight with Iris Evans from the Smoughton Community Outreach Association last week at a bingo game. A stick fight at a bingo game? What does that mean? They had their sticks with them, but they were at bingo. They weren't even playing street hockey, and one thing led to another, and they got in a stick fight.
00:13:47
Speaker
Yeah, bingo can get intense. I just think you shouldn't be bringing don't bring your sticks to a bingo fight. They're street hockey players. You bring your sticks everywhere. You never know when someone's got a tennis ball and a game breaks out. All right. Both ladies needed stitches. Ira Seven's returned to action last night against the bubble brains, but Myrtle's going to need a little more time to heal up and regain that sense of balance. Wow. Well, that's rough.
00:14:09
Speaker
Yeah, street hockey is a tough game. Hockey is a tough game. I know, Miss Elizabeth. That's why we're giving you this injury report, because people, you don't go through that meat grinder of a league without getting some cuts and bruises. Yeah. Some people are playing, they're playing on broken things, they're playing with broken things. Yeah. Yeah. Playing on broken things, Miss Elizabeth. And hands, that's what I mean. It's not for the faint of heart.
00:14:36
Speaker
Yeah, I know. That's the Smilton Community Northside Community Street Ocular Injury Report. I guess it helps you to bet, but I'm just amazed at what people will put their bodies through just to play hockey, which isn't that great a game. Right. It's like if only life would leave them alone, they'd be in far better shape. None of these are actually hockey injuries, Miss Elizabeth. Okay. Yeah, that's true. That's true. They're wild on and off the street. That's right. That's why they're so effective on the street. Time for a song.
00:15:05
Speaker
Let's reach over. Oh my god, I'm so ready for a song. Shoon in the Smilton Radio, here we go. Oh, Rogue and Rascal, let's go!
00:15:47
Speaker
They pay the price, not to rascal bad advice They aren't looking
00:16:27
Speaker
You go to bar, rascals say you fall behind Go say you roll before, rascals say you've lost your mind Pay the roll, pay the price, Dr. Rascal's bad advice They are looking out for you, tell us who walked you all through Pay the roll, pay the price, Dr. Rascal
00:17:07
Speaker
Rogan Rascal, by the Smile Syndicate, right here on Hello, Smileton. Fun, Miss Elizabeth. Yeah. Shogun acoustic guitars. That is fun. I think we need some more music, but I say that every week. There's lots. You mean new songs? Yeah. Oh, Miss Elizabeth. There is lots. If you could slow time down and give me more time in the week, I would be churning out songs like Butter Cakes. Yeah. Oh, nice. I like Butter Cakes, too. Here's something I don't like, though.
00:17:37
Speaker
Well, it's something that I like, I'm sure. Answering listener questions in the mailbag. They're not always questions. Sometimes there are a lot of things. I know. Sometimes they're just bizarre statements and I got to deal with them. So I got to put on my tap shoes because this thing frequently goes south.
00:17:52
Speaker
So, and we haven't done it for a while and I was wondering why I hadn't had that blinding headache in so long, but there's the answer. It's back now. The mailbag gives you a headache. It's like I'm on stage and I'm getting shot at with BB guns. I only read the best mailbags, too. Yeah, yeah. Only the best. Okay, let's go. What's the first question? Alright, dear Miss Elizabeth, big fan, I enjoy listening to your shows.
00:18:15
Speaker
somebody who listens to all of my shows or some of my shows. I probably subscribe to at least 40 of your podcasts and I enjoy each one. Well, that's good because a lot of effort goes into those. So I'm glad. You do such a good job with podcasting and you seem to like doing lots of them. So I thought that I would give you an idea about a podcast that I would like to do with you.
00:18:37
Speaker
You know, Jason, what I like almost as much as podcasting is listening to ideas about more podcasts. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your plate is infinite. You can do as many shows as people can throw ideas at you. There's no end to the creativity, Jason. No, apparently not. How about a show where you and I would go to various dinner theater productions throughout the Tri-town area and we report back on them?
00:19:01
Speaker
Hey, that's an idea. It's got many bonuses already wrapped up into that contract. There are a lot of red flags in that idea. We would call the show Dinner Theater Divas. We could talk about the food, the show, and the people watching that we did. Just keep it fun and light. I like a light podcast, Jason.
00:19:22
Speaker
I don't. Yeah. Maybe we could run a contest and put on our own dinner theater production at some point. Sounds like something that you'd be interested in? Let me know. It could be fun. Signed, Maggie C. Maggie C. at DinnerTheaterDevas.com. Somebody's already got the domain. Yeah. Wow. Way to go, Maggie. That's getting ahead of herself. So I recommend you stay away from that idea, Miss Elizabeth. Yeah. It's got bad news written all over it.
00:19:48
Speaker
I think that's... And that's not really a question. That's surely... I don't know why that had to be read out on the mailbag. I have nothing to offer that except a general caution to avoid such suggestions. I think, well, it was a good letter from the mailbag. I didn't find it that appealing. No. Because you can always join us on that podcast. I'll pass.
00:20:09
Speaker
That'd be fun. Dear team, we're heading into that time of year, crunch time. Oh, crunch time's a fun time, Jason. What does he mean, crunch time? I'm sure, okay, it'll become clear. It's time to band together and really focus on the job at hand. There's no I in team. You know, Jason, I've heard that somewhere before and it is true. There's no I in team.
00:20:32
Speaker
It's really important that we keep to the project plan and execute our tasks effectively. Please let me know if there's anything you need from me. See, generous, too. Yeah, gibberish. I only require one thing from you, flawless execution. High standards. High standards.
00:20:53
Speaker
I'm waiting for the question. The plan doesn't survive first contact with the enemy, huh? Well, my plans have it otherwise. Oh, big challenge. We can really get somewhere if we all stay focused on the goal. So let's podcast strong and really use this as an opportunity to make me proud. Signed, Ignatius Pepper, CEO of
00:21:18
Speaker
We haven't heard from this nut for a while somebody like there's no Ignatius pepper calling himself CEO of hello smile There is no CEO of hello. I think he might have written in earlier and made himself CEO Yes, we've heard from this nut more than once. We don't have we don't have a man need a pep talk from ya Maniac we don't have a management structure at all. We're just this is a haphazard organization. We're just a partnership. I
00:21:45
Speaker
Yeah, we don't like Dear Team. Give me a break. I didn't realize Dear Team was directed at us. So there's no question here. There wasn't any question marks at all. This is just a bunch of nonsense that tells us to work harder, apparently. However, we should work hard and I believe that we should work on flawless execution. I'm working too hard as it is. Yeah.
00:22:05
Speaker
OK, here's another one. Dear Hello, Smileton, I'm just starting out in the podcasting game and I think I'd like to learn how to do it properly by working with two professionals. I make puppets and I can do voices and my puppets swear a lot. So that means it's going to be an explicit podcast.
00:22:27
Speaker
I did that at school and I did it so much that I got expelled, so my go-forward plan is podcasting. That's not a good idea. I'd like to join your show as a wacky cast member. You guys don't really swear, but my puppets, Chad and Thad, would change that pronto. I could yell crazy jokes and make screaming sounds as you do your material.
00:22:54
Speaker
Let's take this show to the next level. I'm available Tuesday and Wednesday evenings only. Signed, Dave the Pants. The best thing about this letter is the signature. You like Dave the Pants? I think that's the best part. We've tried this wacky stuff. We don't record on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I've got other shows going on those days. We don't have cursing.
00:23:17
Speaker
I appreciate the gumption, and I really like the idea of screaming sounds in the background. Sounds funny. That does sound hilarious, but yeah, I don't know if we could stomach having a guy calling himself Dave the Pants on the show. Well, I like that. That's the one thing I like about it. We had a wacky crew on the show before, Ms. Elizabeth, and they left.
00:23:33
Speaker
and they started their own show which you haven't shunned. You actually participate with those goofs. They're working hard. Intern Nuthouse Crazy Crew. They were interns here. They got a big name working on this show and then they left and started an even more successful show and they don't even mention us anymore. Well that's because you were a bit of an abusive boss.
00:23:54
Speaker
Fair interns, Miss Elizabeth. How else are they going to learn? That's ingratitude for you. I'm really not in the mood for mailbag anymore. All right. Well, here's something that you might also not be in the mood for. Rapping with the kids. Oh, I'm back. This is a chance, Miss Elizabeth, to give a little bit back. To make the world the place you want to be, the change you want to see. When I get to influence the next generation, I take that responsibility very seriously. So I'm just going to
00:24:22
Speaker
sit down we're gonna sit down yeah me and the kids we're just gonna sit in a circle cry and just rap okay and no BS no jive all right it's just gonna be straight talk all around Miss Liz okay these kids got questions and I got plenty answers all right my teacher said I have rocks in my head so I put a cinder block through the windshield of his hatchback oh my goodness so many teachers have hatchbacks yeah
00:24:47
Speaker
I got to break into the school and find that security tape and destroy it if it exists. Any tips? Well, I don't know. I think you got your head on straight, kid. That was a hilarious, if unproportionate response. Yeah, that was disproportionate for sure. Disproportionate, Miss Elizabeth. That's the word to use, that teacher engaging in abusive behavior saying you have rocks in your head. Well, guess what? You got a rock in your hatchback now.
00:25:12
Speaker
that is a hilarious response and I love thinking ahead see somehow this kid is learning how to plan ahead foresee the future make preparations all the skills you need as an adult they surely didn't learn it from that block headed teacher oh my goodness the kid the only tip I have for you is keep going I think the teacher was a bit rude you're on the right path hey 50 bucks and I get some crummy printout that I can barely read WTF money back dude let's go I can't hand this thing in nope
00:25:41
Speaker
Is this another thing where you helped a kid cheat? No, I didn't. It's not cheating. Did you do homework for a child? I did homework, yes. For $50. That's called cheating. False. Another word for that is cheating. No, it's a paper. It's original. It's not plagiarized. All right. My social teacher will say, print this out again. How can I say I don't actually have the file because I didn't really write this, Mr. Henderson? Duh. If you've ripped me off on this, I swear to God.
00:26:11
Speaker
Don't threaten me, kid. 50 bucks? That's a lot.
00:26:15
Speaker
Yeah, I had to write and I had to print out a whole paper for social. I hate writing social papers, but I made an exception in this case. What was it about? Was it about Canadian history? I don't know. It was about some explorer in the north or something like that. I can't remember. That is very challenging. It had to be three paragraphs. Miss Elizabeth had to be three paragraphs with an intro and a conclusion. That's what that kid got. My printer's a little bit flaky right now. You can barely read it, but I'm sorry.
00:26:43
Speaker
You have 50 bucks isn't enough to get me to be able to buy a new ink cartridge. So you're out of luck kid. I'm not paying for you're paying me to do homework. I'm not paying to get the homework done. That doesn't make any sense. Okay. So kid, maybe you'll learn the lesson. Like a different lesson from a social lesson. Yeah.
00:27:02
Speaker
There's no money back guarantee in life. That's your lesson. That's more than that social class is going to teach you. Okay. How far could a dune buggy fly if we drove it off the roof of the gym? Should my buddies and me find out? Well, it sounds like these kids are taking science seriously. Wait a minute. Stop it. Don't entertain this. Dune buggies are not designed to fly.
00:27:25
Speaker
No, exactly, but they are built to jump. They're wheelies. And if you see a dune buggy flying by, you would miss. The word fly here is the tip-off. Right.
00:27:36
Speaker
It would fly for a time. I don't think it would fly at all. So how long? How far? I don't know. It will plummet. Right. So do your calculations, kids. Figure out how to get a ramp built so you can get it on the school in the first place and then just take to the skies and see how far you can get. That's just, that's ambition, Miss Elizabeth. The school didn't squash it out of those kids by some miracle. They want to express themselves. I'm saying, and I'm saying go for it.
00:28:02
Speaker
I hate going over to my grandma's because she's always pickling things. Jason, you like pickles. I love pickles. And I can barely see my eyes hurt so bad from the pickling juice. Well, yeah.
00:28:15
Speaker
How do I tell her to can the pickling for a while and air this stupid place out? Oh my goodness, it's a little disrespectful. I think, yeah, I think you should just be grateful for the pickles that you get for free. Sorry, like there's work. Pickles don't just grow on trees. They don't. It requires work. Kid, if you don't appreciate your grandmother for making those pickles and you got to get your head on straight.
00:28:39
Speaker
It's amazing to get homemade pickles and to have, like, hot and cold running pickles coming at you all the time. Why don't you do some productive while the pickling's going on, like mow the grass or something? Yeah, do something outside. Yeah, you're like... Yeah, we're not on your team here, kid. Yeah, you're coming off bad. Yeah. Do you know that guy who tears up phone books near Harvester Square? Yeah, Taron Tony. Taron Tony. My friend Noah started mouthing off to him and got too close. That's a bad idea.
00:29:08
Speaker
And that goof grabbed my buddy's knapsack and tore every textbook in half in there. Oh, well. That phone book goof better pay for this. Oh, yeah. Good luck on collecting. Wait a minute. High school kids are not paying for textbooks. Why is he asking for money back from Tarantino? He's probably an elementary school kid. Yeah.
00:29:27
Speaker
Either way, too bad. You're not paying for, just get a new one from the school. They're free at the school. It's like, did, did, did Tarrantoni not give you enough of a heads up about, of what he's about? Yeah, he tears books in half. Don't mouth off to him or you're going to get your stuff torn in half. And that's exactly what happened. And it was hilarious. It must've been hilarious to see that thing happen in person. Just him grabbing that math is five textbook and just, uh, just turning it into a cloud of paper.
00:29:56
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. Hilarious. Interesting. He must have liked that challenge because those are hard covers normally. Yeah. So these kids definitely have to learn some lessons, I think. Yeah. It was a real mixed bag in the mail bag in the wrapping with the kids statement. We got kids who have their heads on straight and we have other ones that are going down a bad path. That's right. I hope I have encouraged and corrected in a just manner.
00:30:16
Speaker
Yeah, well done. Thank you. Marky's Song Slot, the most coveted spot in all the podcasting. It's time for another song. I think we gotta do a dance number, Miss Elizabeth. Get thee to a disco. Right on. Listen.
00:30:48
Speaker
Mother says, what have you done? Mother says, the family's due.
00:31:32
Speaker
a disco spin and move magnificent holy moly here we go
00:32:52
Speaker
Spin and move right to the sand Holy, moly, here we go Blessed, freaky, sacraments Get fit to a dew skull Spin and move right to the sand Holy, moly, here we go Blessed, freaky
00:33:44
Speaker
Get thee to a disco by the Smile Syndicate right here on Hellosmile. Fun boogying down, Miss Elizabeth. I can take boogying down in three to four minute increments. Yeah, I need a little bit more music in my life. Okay. Well, there's plenty more of that on every digital streaming platform. You can listen to Smile Syndicate songs till the cows come home. Find more Smile Syndicate songs on all streaming platforms. Yeah.
00:34:08
Speaker
Handy, I just said that. Wow, he's got such a nice deep voice, don't you find? Oh, yeah, I love the interruptions, Miss Elizabeth. I'll say it again. Thanks so much for joining us, dear listener friend. It's been fun hanging out, being silly with you for this time together. And guess what? It's coming back next week. Another episode of Hello, Smileton. Straight into your earbuds, straight into those ear holes. And what better way to fuel yourself for the week
00:34:37
Speaker
You said that right, Jason. Thank you. Well, this one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth, take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileton. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more, Smileton. So spread the word and make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. And bye-bye from me. See you next week. And as always, remember, friend, the sun is the jukebox.
00:35:10
Speaker
Thanks.