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This Can't Be Good If You Like It
33 Plays6 months ago
The entire horizon is nothing but a huge wave, heading straight for you. It's moving too fast to escape, but you don't want to. That's a wave of fun headed your way and once it hits, that's when the good times start. What some call a wave I call this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON.
Miss Elizabeth and Jason bring you their funtime comedy and original music stylings from the heart of Smileton, podcasting capital of the world.
In today's episode, our hosts give you the rundown of some of the exciting activities and events in Smileton's seething social scene in the latest AROUND TOWN.
A PAID ADVERTISEMENT from a Smileton small business brings us the opportunity to learn about a product that will change all our lives.
And we present SMILETON NEWS as Miss Elizabeth brings you the headlines that would be dismissed as improbable if they happened anywhere else.
Add to this frothy mix a couple of songs by Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE and I'd say that'd be something I'd listen to.
HELLO, SMILETON. If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Already.
Show Timestamps:
3:10 Around Town
10:59 Paid Advertisement – Good Buddy CB Radios
17:09 SONG – Dinosaur God
22:28 Smileton News
36:10 SONG – Rhythm 25
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Weekly Recap
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello, Smileson. Welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smileson, Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Thanks, Miss Elizabeth. Hello, dear listener friend. Thanks so much for joining us today. I trust your week is off to a better start than mine is.
Soap Bubble Misadventures
00:00:24
Speaker
What's wrong with your week?
00:00:26
Speaker
Can you not see how red my eyes are, Miss Elizabeth? Are you hungover? Of course not, Miss Elizabeth. This body is a temple. I wouldn't sell you with such things, Miss Elizabeth. Did you get bear sprayed? Nope. No bear spray. Guess again. Okay. Okay. Okay. Guess again. Okay. You went diving without your goggles. Okay. Wrong. Three strikes, you're out. Miss Elizabeth, I'm surprised you got it wrong because you walked through the very same maelstrom that I did coming into Smile Syndicate HQ today.
00:00:56
Speaker
okay all these kids happy summer everybody and they're blowing bubbles isn't it nice having soap bubbles in the air when there's thousands of them and you get them right in your eyeballs and it's like getting bleach in your face okay well what you need is your bubble goggles i'm not wearing goggles those kids there were too many kids with too many bubbles it was it was a farcical scene and and look who pays the price i found it to be inspiring someone i'm trying to do something with my life miss elizabeth what exactly okay
00:01:26
Speaker
I'm figuring it out as I go. I'm sorry. I don't have a little slogan on a t-shirt to tell you that'll give you all the answers you need in a package. Okay. It's just maybe some of these problems are like smaller problems than what you're describing. My eyes are telling me it's a pretty big problem right now, right in front of me. But just take the day off. Everything is red. I'm crying. My eyes are teared up, Ms. Elizabeth, and it's not from heartbreak. Okay. Well, I hope you can stop. It's from soap attack. Stop crying soon.
00:01:53
Speaker
Yeah well me too. You know the nice thing is you'll throw all your clothes in the laundry and you don't have to add detergent because you're already covered in soap. You really see the upside don't you Miss Elizabeth? I do see the upside. I don't. I just have screaming pain in my eyeballs and I have to I have to deliver some prepared material Miss Elizabeth later in this show. I hope you have it memorized because apparently you can't see very much. I don't I never Miss Elizabeth that you know me I'm a
00:02:17
Speaker
fly by the seat of my pants guy barely think about this show before we hit the microphone all right I've got a but I know I got a paid ad to read oh later on in the show so like I'm gonna struggle through that I have a water gun right here I will blast your eyeballs right before the paid ad spare me your spare me your home remedies miss Elizabeth
Upcoming Smileson Events
00:02:38
Speaker
Later on in the show, Miss Elizabeth will be delivering the Smile 10 news. Hopefully the top story is a bunch of out of control kids causing trouble blinding adults. I forget what all the stories are. But yeah, we do have some very interesting stories. Yeah. Couple songs by the Smile Syndicate. That middling band from straight from the heart of Smile 10 right here. My Hard Rocking Band. I want you to make more music. What is the holdup? I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask what the holdup is. Blindness is currently the holdup, Miss Elizabeth. All we know is that there is a holdup. OK, got it. OK.
00:03:08
Speaker
So we're only going to enjoy some music as we go as well. But first, Smilton is bustling. We may be a small town, but there's a dump truck full of stuff happening each and every day. It's hard to navigate the social scene. So Miss Elizabeth and I have put together a handy guide. Yeah, I got some cool stuff. So you can figure out where to devote your attention, where the hotspots are, what you don't want to miss in this, the latest...
00:03:31
Speaker
around town that's right things are heating up down at connie's kettle and i don't just mean the spice tea that connie's got for sale which is amazing by the way join us this thursday evening as we have a tea party in the kettle oh that sounds hot to me miss with special guest world famous underwear model jesper silva oh
00:03:55
Speaker
It's going to be so much fun. That's what I say to that. He's going to be modeling the latest underwear from such designers as Thomas. Uh-huh. Gerd Fergal. Gerd Fergal. And Nomayo. Oh, my goodness. Well, those are titans in the underwear.
00:04:10
Speaker
Mr. Elizabeth, you're telling me this goof is going to be standing there in his underwear serving tea? Why are you saying goof? I mean, model. He's a model. A model. A model. What's with the tone of voice? Oh, OK. Well, I'm a little excited. Good. Smiles and police are going to be on the scene, Jason. Good. Arrest them for public indecency. Crowd control because this event is going to be hot. OK. I think you should come because there might be some. I'm not getting within 50 kilometers of
Water Balloon Antics and Antique Showdown
00:04:40
Speaker
that point.
00:04:40
Speaker
Some of the different underwear model, like the different underwear types might be to your liking. So he's going to be changing underwear during this show. Well, there's a screen.
00:04:52
Speaker
And it's lit from behind, right? Well, I'm not going to give the show away. What is this? A tea party, tea party, tea house? Or is it a bordello? Mr. Elizabeth, answer the question. OK, well, it's a tea party, tea party, tea house. Good.
00:05:13
Speaker
because the police might be busier than they think. So this is not appropriate entertainment for right-minded citizens. I'm going to call that out. I don't know what you think around town is far, but it's not corrupting dear listener, Fran. It's infotainment. It's great for men. Yes, because it's entertaining, but it's also educational for men who need new underpants.
00:05:35
Speaker
Well, trust me, the next time I go looking for Gintch, I'm not going to be looking for Tomás or, you know, Myo, as for sure. I'm not nearly stylish enough to pull those off. You're extremely stylish if you care to be. Okay, can I tell you about something that is wholesome and healthy? Okay. Bunch of kids have been throwing water balloons at cars, Miss Elizabeth. It is hilarious.
00:05:58
Speaker
They're always out there Friday afternoon, after school until dusk. It's on a crescent just off Happy Trail. I can't remember the name of it right now, but turn left at the mailbox that has that human male body parts brainbait on it. I thought you said it was wholesome. That's a guide to get you there, Miss Elizabeth. And once you're there, you're going to just see a bunch of fun-loving kids bombarding passing cars. This sounds non-wholesome and a bad idea. Why are we finding directions based on a painting of a human?
00:06:26
Speaker
I can't remember, that's why. Okay. It's awesome when the driver gets out and starts scolding the kids and just gets doused for his troubles. Yeah. Because he forgot, right? The kids are armed with water balloons. You're going to go yell at them. Guess what's good? Those kids will figure out what to do. I'm going to ask you in a different way. I'm going to say, do you remember how much it hurts to get struck by a water balloon? I do. I do.
00:06:49
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth, of course, is referring to the Sun is a Jukebox music video, which featured me getting hit by real water balloons. And I think is still on YouTube, if you want to see that. Before we take it down. Yeah, it's on YouTube. Hit us with your next adventure. I will, Jason, because it is that time again. It is time for another picnic in the sky. I'm not. Brought to you by the Smiles and Hot Air Ballooning Society.
00:07:14
Speaker
This is your chance, Jason, to hop in a basket, float above the town, and enjoy finger sandwiches and coffee from a thermos. It's free, and this year will be the biggest event yet. We've got balloonists from across the Tritown area participating. Oh boy. We're thinking there's going to be at least 5,000 balloons in the sky this Saturday. Goodbye, son.
00:07:37
Speaker
Well, unless you're in the balloon basket, in which case hello, son. Because you can see it from the basket. This stratified society you're trying to create with these hot air balloons. Join us in the upper stratus, Jason. So come on down and get there early. We won't have room for everybody.
00:07:55
Speaker
up, up, and away to fun. I'm blotting out the sun, the menace. You wonder why. You remember years ago when the Sky King picked up his pellet gun and decided to right a major wrong? And then he's been hounded for his... He decided to commit a crime.
00:08:11
Speaker
He shot down hot air balloons because they were blotting out the sun. He got hounded. He got put in the Smilton Supermax. I think he's currently on the lamb. I can't remember. I think he's on the lamb. We haven't heard from him in a while. Well, I'm calling you out,
CB Radio Fun for All Ages
00:08:23
Speaker
Sky King. It's time for you to pick up your pellet gun once again. You got 5,000 targets to fire at. Oh, we're just going to be having a picnic in the sky. Let us have our fun. I guess that is fun in your twisted book. Come up with us. No dice.
00:08:40
Speaker
Tonight, 9 o'clock, channel 13, Antiques Showdown. Showdown? I thought it was like Antiques Roadshow. No, Showdown. OK. If you haven't seen it, it's amazing. Antiques Roadshow, give me a break. That's like kindergarten compared to this show. All right. People bring their antiques to get appraised, and experts deliberately tell the people something too low to get them mad. And then they challenge them to different kinds of combat. This sounds exactly like Antiques Roadshow. Oh, really? Well, OK. I guess they'll stop talking then.
00:09:11
Speaker
mixed martial arts, sword fighting, leg wrestling, you name it. It's a total hoot. This guy bought a set of china from like 1780 or something and he got told it was worth 12 bucks. He got so mad he smashed it to pieces. It was hilarious. And then the appraiser was horrified as he was doing it because it actually is priceless or something. So he started crying and so did the owner of the china once he realized
00:09:34
Speaker
So they didn't have to, they don't have to fight each other for this to be hilarious. So yeah, that sounds a lot like the Antiques Roadshow to me, Miss Elizabeth. I mean, I think they go maybe a step too far, a step farther than the Antiques Roadshow, which is fun. That's a fun thing to do. It is fun. Well, dear listener friend, I trust you have enough before you to pick.
00:09:51
Speaker
how you're going to organize your calendar. I feel like it's hard to know exactly what things are actually worth. And so it's okay to undervalue something. But then the funny part is like how emotional people get after that undervaluation has taken place. And there's the life sucked out of my recommendation. You're exactly right, Miss Elizabeth.
00:10:10
Speaker
That's why I enjoy watching the show. You never know what's gonna happen. Yeah, exactly. It's chaotic. People screaming, people fighting, people crying. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying it's a fine. It's okay. It's okay to go a step too far. Like, it's hard to know exactly the value of things. Well, thank you for not giving me static for recommending a TV show, because you used to get all over me for like saying something funny's on YouTube or something funny's on TV. Oh, can you not go to this in person? No, it's on TV. I'm telling you, it's on channel 13. Oh, that is like... Oh, here comes the static.
00:10:38
Speaker
Okay, we're gonna stay home and watch TV. Right? Okay. Where else you gonna watch that show? I'm gonna be up in the sky. Okay. Well, I hope you have a long cable to wind up there so you can plug in your TV set. Okay.
00:10:51
Speaker
That's around town. I think we've left your listener friend more confused than anything else. Here's something to straighten your brain out, dear listener friend. A sound recommendation for a small business. Do you need me to blast you with my water pistols first?
00:11:08
Speaker
Uh, no, no, Ms. Elizabeth. The joy I got from delivering around town with you brought tears to my eyes that washed the salt away, or whatever's in soap that makes your eyes burn. Not salt. There's no salt in soap. Ms. Elizabeth, I'm not a chemistry major. I noticed. Paid advertisement.
00:11:32
Speaker
You want to get, if you're a smart and small business, you want to get our name on your name on our show, 50 bucks behind the toilet and the third floor of the Smoothing Public Library, scribble a note. What literally, whatever words you put on that we will read. Yeah, but we might complain.
00:11:47
Speaker
I rarely complain about anything, Miss Elizabeth, so today's episode of Hellos Mountain is brought to you by Good Buddy CB Radio. I'm in favor of CB Radio's. Mountain's premiere source for CB Radio since 1976. Awesome. Breaking Breakers, Good Buddies. There's a smokey tail following your brother.
00:12:06
Speaker
There's a smokey tail following you. Better slow down and don't get a speeding ticket, LOL. You need to read this with a bit more enthusiasm. I'm telling you that I'm trying to be in favor of this small business, but this copy is going to destroy this business. I love it. In a world where our kids are on their devices too much, isn't it time we put a more healthy device in front of them? I'm talking about CB radios. Flip the switch, talk to lingo, and next thing you know, you're talking to total strangers from miles away. And you are speaking my language, buddy.
00:12:39
Speaker
You know, with any kind of creative endeavor or hobby, people often get upset at the concept of gatekeeping, trying to keep newcomers out of the field or trying to set a bar to try to create this image of like exclusivity or a high bar to pass and keep the riffraff out and all that. I'm for it.
00:13:01
Speaker
Oh, you want to gatekeep? I absolutely want to gatekeep because even this applies to CB radio businesses too, I think. Listen to what's been brought. You're excited by this. And that very fact is making me cock an eyebrow. What I notice is that you will gatekeep and then you will stand yourself on the wrong side of that gate. That's what I notice. Like you gatekeep yourself. I don't even know what you mean. You gatekeeper yourself right out of a nice tee in the sky.
00:13:27
Speaker
If people couldn't pass the muster, then that's that. Couldn't pass muster. But do you put yourself in that category? No, I'm on the right side of the gate. Then join us up in the sky. No, I'm keeping the riffraff out, Miss Elizabeth. And that starts at home. But you're not riffraff. Don't count yourself in the riffraff. That's why I'm frequently on the quote wrong side of the gate. Come on down to Good Buddy CB radios located in the heart of the Garment District.
00:13:52
Speaker
Browse our stunning selection of new and like new radios. You don't even have to be a trucker to use these things. All the truckers I know love when non-truckers just pop on to say hello. Kind of breaks up those long, boring drives, you know? That doesn't sound accurate. No, that doesn't. Again, the gate wide open. But I'm happy to hear it. I'm happy to accept the invitation.
00:14:13
Speaker
And to get a lot of other people to. I think truckers are going to decide there's a better way to communicate. Maybe flags or something. Truckers might be unhappy with this. I think so. If you're going to be a CB radio head, which is what I call CB radio users. Jason, I like radio head too. I like everything about this ad. This can't be good if you like it.
00:14:33
Speaker
If you're gonna be a CB Radioed, which is what I call CB Radio users, you're gonna need a handle. Mine is Cracker Barrel, because I love cheese so much, and Cracker Barrel is apparently some really respected cheese company. I'm so on board with this whole copy, because I also love, I love Radiohead and I like Cracker Barrel cheese. So, I'm all over this ad.
00:14:54
Speaker
It's amazing. It's turning me off, CB Radio. Could I even believe that I would say such a thing not 10 minutes ago? Aren't you in favor of CB Radio? I am, but this ad is putting me off. This business, oh boy, it's like they're working against the cause. We just need to add some crackers. Are there crackers coming?
00:15:14
Speaker
Yeah, no. So if you hear a voice from your new CB radio saying stuff like, those are big 10s and 4s, big daddy, put another shrimp on the barbie for me. Oh, they weren't crackers, but they were shrimp. That's it. No, we got to shut this one down. I'm in favor giving the $50 back because that is an insane mangling of proper CB lingo. I hope that Good Buddies CB radios has a balloon and will join us in the sky because their picnic sounds delightful.
00:15:43
Speaker
Put another shrimp on the barbie for me, then you'll know it's good old cracker barrel coming at you over the airwaves. Good.
00:15:50
Speaker
Good. Yeah. This is a perversion of CB radio. In what sense? In every sense. Take your pick. Join us this Saturday for CB radio days. Kids get a free hot dog and orange pop, and mom and dad walk out with a shopping cart full of CB radios, one for each of the family, even the dog. LOL, what's your handle, Rover boy? Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! Yeah, and now it descends into farce.
00:16:18
Speaker
Well, you know, the dogs, some of them can communicate. I'm not even going to... Miss Elizabeth, that is not the intent of this ad. Some of them can communicate. And they might need a CB radio to communicate. You know, what happens if everything else turns off? You need a CB radio. Yeah. It's important. This is disaster preparedness. Disaster preparedness, that's right. And it's important for dogs too. The only disaster is decay from within and the collapsing of the world of CB radio. Well, that's part of it, that's for sure.
00:16:46
Speaker
That's good buddy CB radios. Join the convoy of people who have already decided CB is nifty. They've used so many code words for this thing is awesome. I'm disheartened. I'm flaggin'. Wow. Well I think we need a really cool song. Can we play a rockin' song about a ginormous beast? Dinosaur God. Alright.
Musical Interlude: 'Dinosaur God'
00:17:46
Speaker
Stages screaming at the sky What's it all about? A hundred billion years we see Thomas running out
00:17:59
Speaker
Jungle smashing down the wall 60 tonnes of darkness The maker of a soul Go get your clubs, gather your stones Can you save the world? Shaking your sandals, soil your winecloths Screaming like a girl
00:18:43
Speaker
Oh, dinosaurs.
00:19:14
Speaker
Jesus be shadows upon us, it's the end of days. Ooh, dinosaur god, ooh, dinosaur god, ooh,
00:19:43
Speaker
is all wrong
00:21:04
Speaker
You know skewing fiery coo Turned us all to stone Cold blood, pea-brained bench for God Laughing on his throat Squashing all the faithful Squishing infidels Peaceful jungle village Throw straight into hell Loses the thunder, love of Omega World out of control Because he's blessed, you think you are safe
00:21:44
Speaker
Dinosaur God Ooh, dinosaur God Ooh, dinosaur God Ooh, dinosaur
00:22:06
Speaker
Dinosaur God by the smile syndicate right here on Hellos Mountain. There we go. That set us on the right track. I guess Miss Elizabeth that was a five minutes or so of pulse pounding fury and I guess just the very concept of being menaced by that plant eating leviathan. Some vegetarians are terrifying. Yeah most of them are in one way or the other.
00:22:29
Speaker
A lot of stuff happening in Smileton. The local news is a joke. We used to go on and... The local news is not my news. No, the whole reason you have to do Smileton News in the first place is that the so-called gatekeepers of news are utterly unqualified for the job.
Disciplinary Measures at School
00:22:45
Speaker
Yes, they are. So we need a rogue news agent like Miss Elizabeth. That's me. Cut through the nonsense and give us the straight dope. I'm here to help. So Miss Elizabeth, it's six o'clock. Time for Smileton News with Miss Elizabeth.
00:23:00
Speaker
Good evening, Smileson. Let's talk about some news. The new principal hired by Smileson Elementary School represents the latest attempt by the Smileson School Board to bring order to what has hitherto been a freewheeling, anarchic funhouse.
00:23:17
Speaker
Well, they're trying to put the brakes on the fun at Smilton Elementary. For safety and sanity, they better. Joe Mallark, a former marine drill sergeant and exotic dance performer, has been brought in to introduce some discipline into Smilton Elementary's fun-loving student body. Yeah, you can't...
00:23:36
Speaker
Principal Mallark here to turn off the party time. He's gonna turn off the party and turn up the grades. These kids have been getting away with murder says Mallark. I heard about some of these punks organizing themselves into prank teams and then victimizing their fellow citizens. That's right. Not on my watch.
00:23:56
Speaker
party time's over kids the only words i want to hear from any of you is i'm sorry principal malarque i will work harder i will do better this guy sounds like a charlatan malarque will soon be patrolling the halls of smileson elementary with his trademark baseball bat and lime green track suit and promises to be a difference maker sounds like a nerd to me
00:24:21
Speaker
Says Malark. Grades are going up. Fun is going down. Sorry kids. Wap, wap. What's that? That's the sound of this bat. Make sure that you never hear it again. He sounds like he might be a little frightening. Yeah. Yeah. Who hired him to kill the fun? That surely was not the intent.
00:24:42
Speaker
Sounds like the kids have been getting away with murder, though. Yeah, he doesn't even know what kind of hornet's nest he's stepping into if he's gonna call out Prank Squad X the way he just did. He is, yeah. Well, this reporter... Good luck, man. ...wishes Principal Mallark well, and here's hoping that the revolving door of principals at the school stops spinning like a tornado, at least for a little while. Well, Prank Squad X is on the prowl, it's not gonna... That school does need help.
00:25:07
Speaker
Yeah, but it's, yeah, too much fun. Help. Oh, to have such troubles. Okay. All right. Well, Smileton Mayor Patti Pepper hosted a luncheon at the Smileton Chamber of Commerce yesterday afternoon in which she announced an exciting new initiative being launched by mayors of the three communities in the Tritown area, Jason.
Regional Promotion Initiative
00:25:28
Speaker
this can't be good says the mayor today my friends is the first day of operation charm offensive oco is uh-huh yeah a cutting-edge plan to invigorate the economies and raise the profiles of our dear towns myself joined by gowers gulch mayor goody goodstone and acting pickle hills mayor jackie jackson will be appearing on billboards throughout the tritown area
00:25:56
Speaker
Kind of a cross promo opportunity. We're an off-putting thing. We've also spent a ton of money. Oh, good. That's the official. Yeah, boondoggle. Yeah. Doing this cute website that shows the three of us in fun costumes having fun at all the wonderful hotspots our towns have to offer. The three of us are now calling ourselves the Townies. I think that that name is going to stick.
00:26:22
Speaker
Politicians get together and give themselves a nickname. Oh, only good stuff follows that. Yeah, nothing bad could possibly happen. One of the most important things that we can do as mayor is get the word out about our communities so that the three of us traveling to locales, both near and far, both commonplace and exotic, will do so much to energize our towns. The three of them are their buddies. They're going to fly to Tahiti on the town's dime.
00:26:49
Speaker
And that'll make things better for the rest of us. I was hoping for exotic locals in the local area, like they might go to the tar pits or things like that. No, that's why they said and exotic. Oh, you think that they're just going to do some traveling? I know so. Okay, the cost of the three of us flying around everywhere and staying at eight star hotels. Uh-oh. Eight star. You might be right.
00:27:11
Speaker
will be trivial compared to all the synergy that our activities will generate. Okay, that's a big promise. We can see. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure happens. Yeah, cold hard cash flying down the sewer versus synergy.
00:27:24
Speaker
Mayor Pepper's words were enthusiastically received and were followed up by a colorful celebration featuring music and dance and a nude body painted Goody Goodstone. She was wearing body paint, so it wasn't entirely nude. You know, when you're wearing body paint, you hear me complaining. No, I don't. I don't. Delivering an energetic fire dance. Yeah.
00:27:48
Speaker
Seems like- I don't know why, you know, I don't- So that was okay with you. Smilton has got a lot of stuff going on, but goody good stone is not bad. I'd like to do a fire dance. Miss Elizabeth, you've got to behave yourself. You've already worked up from this underwear stuff. Cool your jets. Seems like things should be heating up for our towns real soon, Jason. Real good. I wonder if there'll be more fire dancing. Yeah, again, that's a cheap stunt to distract from the boondoggle. Can we do some fire dancing together?
00:28:17
Speaker
Of course not. What an outrageous suggestion, Miss Lisbeth. I'm not some underwear model. You've got to keep it professional. You've got to keep it together on this show. I think you can work magic with body paint, though. I don't know what podcast you think you're on, Miss Lisbeth, but that kind of freewheeling nonsense doesn't move the stone here. I'm on a podcast called Hello, Smiley. No, you're not corrupting this show. Let's turn to something healthy. All right, turning now to the world of sports.
Street Hockey League Update
00:28:46
Speaker
Let's run down the scores for the Smiles and Northside Community Street Hockey League. It's about time. The smiling green grocers had their smiling faces ground into the dirt by the aggressive drunk school bus drivers. Alright. Who showed no mercy through the three periods and came out on top in a 6-5 tilt. I blew my voice out at that game. Really? It was so exciting.
00:29:10
Speaker
Okay. Those green grocers, you know, they come... I don't know if it's affectation or they're really just... They played hard. They're really clueless, but they're trying to come off as lovable, but then they just got put to them by the drunk school bus drivers. Oh, it was fun to watch. It almost felt like good versus evil, to be honest, in that game.
00:29:28
Speaker
Well, the devil got the good tunes in that one. The wide rhino boys teased and mocked the endless night goth guild and drove them right off the street in a lopsided eight to two contests. Those wide rhino boys. Hilarious. I didn't have to scream at that one, but I was howling with laughter. That's the hardest I've laughed at. I've laughed at a street hockey game since I don't know when.
00:29:54
Speaker
Well, the Nightgoth Guild is not used to being awake at those hours. I don't think they're used to getting mocked to that degree. The wide rhino boys came a little bit lit. They were a little bit drunk when they showed up and they got to work with the plants. Oh, those Goths.
00:30:09
Speaker
Yeah, well, maybe they'll be back in the next game. Who knows? The raft riders of Smileton showed up ready to have fun and had precious little of that after the dumb ducks got to work and felled their foes 11 to 2. That's the thing, those dumb ducks played possum. Super rough. You'd think they're kind of a joke team with that silly name, but just crisp passing, a deadly power play. The raft riders of Smileton didn't know what hit them. They got thrown onto the rapids, that's for sure.
00:30:37
Speaker
crazy. The big bugs scurried and burrowed their way to a 3-1 victory over the rudderless masked bunglers. That's so that's when the pundits that that one all wrong. They were calling for a dominant performance by the masked bunglers, but it's really puzzling what happened there. It's like they forgot how to play. Yeah, the big bugs, you know, kind of practicing ridiculous team, but they scurried their way to victory as you said, and I gotta hand it to the big strategy.
00:31:05
Speaker
Yeah, that's why hockey's so entertaining, Ms. Elizabeth. You never know what way the tennis ball's gonna bounce the street hockey. That's why you gotta watch each and every match. And sometimes they hold back some of their strategically until later and they don't bring it out until you're not expecting it. It's a tossy-turvy funhouse mirror. And that's enough for the hockey update. I got one more of the Smile Syndicate cool dudes. Your team, Jason.
00:31:27
Speaker
were on the receiving end of a right spanking at the hands of the skinny minis, and there were many tears shed over the 13-0 outcome. Yeah, I've got no excuses. I've got nothing to say to this. The crowd wasn't crying. It was just the cool dudes that were crying. Oh, thanks. Thanks for the little bit of flavor. You could have just reported the score factually and moved on and let me retain some dignity. But no. More tears than goals in that game, Jason.
00:31:57
Speaker
Very good. Too bad. Well, you still have to record it as a game. Just because you didn't make any scores doesn't mean a game didn't take place. I thought we hit rock bottom last season. Yeah. No, we're still falling. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know when we hit rock bottom. I don't know what that looks like anymore. Yeah. I don't know either. You shouldn't feel nauseated when you hit the road to play street hockey. You should be excited.
00:32:20
Speaker
You're still feeling okay, like you're still able to walk, so there's definitely more rock bottom to come. Oh, good. Well, nice to know. Okay. And finally, the Smilton Time Officer Brady Benchley took to the airwaves this morning to promote a bright idea that he has to really celebrate what a special little town we have.
Proposing 'July 0th' for Smileton Day
00:32:40
Speaker
Nothing good ever came from that brain. Idiotic ideas, foolish, wasteful, self-aggrandizing.
00:33:00
Speaker
Smileton Day. A new Smileton Day said benchly, ladies and gentlemen, it's time Smileton recognized what a great town it is and how deserving of a special day that we are. That's enough of these special days. It's not just us that needs to know, but the whole wide world. And this is why I'm proposing a special day called July 0th. What? It should be declared Smileton Day, July 0th.
00:33:28
Speaker
July 0th. It's literally a new day. A new day to be introduced into the existence of the universe, I guess. It's a brand new day that I'm proposing that we add to the calendar that falls after June 30th and before Canada Day, July 1st. Yeah. So we can have Smiles in Day and then Canada Day is the following day. You want to stick a new day in the calendar.
00:33:52
Speaker
Not me. This is Brady Beshley talking. Yeah, that's how special we are. We're going to change the calendar and I would be hard pressed to name a town more deserving of the honour. Don't you have to agree? No, this is insanity. Now, of course, we can't expect all other towns to follow along with us. Good. So we'll be printing up handy placemats and pamphlets that will help translate smiles and dates to those used by the rest of the world. Translate every date I use now going forward.
00:34:21
Speaker
I'm sure that it will be each year. It will be a day each year that Smiles in Day happens. It will continue to push our calendar out of alignment for the rest of the world. It's just going to get worse. Only by one day. A day a year, I think. I have not checked my calculator. But rest assured, we will be frequently updating the translation table so that you'll always know what day it is everywhere else. Smiles, Smiles, and you deserve this day.
00:34:48
Speaker
This is insane, Miss Elizabeth. He hasn't even done the math. I think it's just crazy enough. He hasn't even done the math.
00:34:56
Speaker
He does the impact of this. Every time we hear a date from anywhere else in the world, we're going to have to convert it to our own crazy calendar. Well, it'll be our standard calendar. The whole rest of the world will be on a crazy calendar. If nothing else, Brady Benchley can certainly be described as a booster. He's a booster. I wouldn't use the word booster. That's it for this edition of the Smile2News. I'm Miss Elizabeth. Good night.
00:35:22
Speaker
Well, thank you, Miss Elizabeth. I just hope he gets distracted by something else and forgets to implement this because this is the worst idea to ever come from Brady Benchlin. He's been batting a thousand for terrible ideas up to this point. He's the smiles and time officer.
00:35:37
Speaker
Like, yes! A fake office, Miss Lisbeth! Is this, is this, it's boondoggle upon boondoggle. Time is strange here in Smiles and strange things do happen. I have a feeling that we'll add a day and like nobody will notice. It'll be fine. Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna check the ads and see if there are any apartments to let in some nearby town so I can get out of this nut house. You want to move to Pickle Hills? Oh no. I'm staying here. See, I told you.
00:36:02
Speaker
time for a song uh let's do one we haven't heard noir okay rhythm 25 awesome let's go
Closing and Listener Appreciation
00:39:07
Speaker
Rhythm 25 by the Smiles. Let me get right here on whole Smiles.
00:39:11
Speaker
That one movement. It's energizing. No vocals, just instruments. Yeah, you don't have to feel so pressured that you have to create a song that has vocals. Why don't you just create a song that doesn't have vocals? Okay, I'm aware of my options. Okay. This is too much pressure. Okay, I think we'll get there. Maybe it's not enough pressure.
00:39:34
Speaker
Well, I see I'm going to be in for a good week. Dear listener friend, I'm sure you're set up for a good week as well after enjoying your time with us now. Go forth. Have a good week and we'll meet you right back here for another episode of Hello, Smilton. In the meantime, this one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth.
00:39:51
Speaker
Take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about hello, Smileton. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more, Smileton, so spread the word and make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. And bye-bye from me. See you next week. And as always, remember, friend, the sun is the jukebox.