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Nude Roller Skating? Not in My Town.
37 Plays4 months ago
Fun is headed straight for you like an out of control bulldozer so stand up proud and let it run right over you in this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON.
Jason and Miss Elizabeth are your hosts, Smileton is the town, and comedy and original music is the plan.
In this episode, Smileton citzens bombard the show with questions LIVE in the latest MAILBAG. Questions and answers and everything in between. Our plucky hosts are gonna have to put on their dancin' shoes to be able to answer these questions with the appropriate amount of aplomb!
The latest SMALL TOWN, BIG MARKETPLACE is your one-stop shop for the wacked-out, off-kilter junk our neighbours have for sale. Shake your head in disbelief and break out your wallet. Bargains will abound!
Two songs by Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE mean you'll be tapping your toes throughout this whole thing and surely there's no better thing you could be doing with your feet while you listen.
Listen to the show podcast pundits have called "staggering", "wildly entertaining", and "maddeningly obtuse."
HELLO, SMILETON. Listening Is Just The Beginning.
Show timestamps:
1:16 Mailbag LIVE!
16:11 SONG – Granny's Gone a-Skinny Dippin'
20:05 Paid Advertisement – Smileton Roller Rink
26:41 Small Town, Big Marketplace
35:22 SONG – The Universe Is Nude
Recommended
Transcript
Welcome to the Comedy and Music Podcast
00:00:04
Speaker
Hello, Smiles and welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smiles in Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Miss Elizabeth, thank you very much.
Excitement for Podcasting: Rare or Not?
00:00:18
Speaker
Uh, got to report something. Yeah? I'm feeling it. Are you feeling it? Feeling it today. Are you feeling the heat and the excitement? I'm ready to do some podcasting. Yeah, all good. Which is rare, extremely rare. Usually you're not feeling it at all.
00:00:33
Speaker
Normally, I do not want to do this particular activity. There are many other things I'd rather be doing. I have to drag you in here. Correct. And everybody loves it because it's hilarious. I rarely mean to be funny, Miss Elizabeth. I'm trying to get some messages out. You are, yeah. And you know, you have a lot of sort of community, some service-minded messages.
00:00:52
Speaker
yeah Yeah, but mostly it's focused around making my experience of living in living in this town a little bit better because there's a lot of work to be
Extravaganza Begins: Fun Awaits
00:01:00
Speaker
done, to be sure. But dear listener friend, I don't want to fill up your to-do list with things you could be doing to help us out here in Smilton. We just have to welcome you properly to this extravaganza. You're going to be having fun today with us, guaranteed. That's why you're listening in the first place. That's right. We're happy you're here.
00:01:15
Speaker
Well, Miss Elizabeth, i'm I'm very excited to be bringing some delightful comedy segments forward. And the one thing I appreciate is the ability we have to make...
Studio Mishaps and Listener Messages
00:01:31
Speaker
Well now, okay that's i was building I was being very methodical to build to something. I had a very important you were building up a segment in mind, but now where we've been interrupted. Guess what else has been building up is the pressure in the pneumatic tube, and the pneumatic tube has had a bit of a clog. And don't worry though, I have assisted and some of my other friends have ah ah have also helped to ah rectify the situation in the pneumatic tube.
00:01:58
Speaker
a little bit of kind of pneumatic tube constipation, you might say, a bit of a backup, a blockage, and but it's been resolved now. So but that that's well and good. Take the canister, throw it. Oh, OK. So we're starting to again, it's starting to release now. So we're getting a few messages. What these are, Jason, is we're getting some messages that are like live mail. I think we should treat this as a live mail bag.
00:02:26
Speaker
So it's a mailbag? We had a properly prepared mailbag segment ready to go here. I don't want to do this improvising. I don't know why. Who knows what these good people of Smiletin are sending into us.
Listener Interactions and Heroic Tales
00:02:37
Speaker
Okay, here's the first one. There's no quality control. Dear listener friend, I'm throwing my hands up. Here's what the first one says. There's no guarantee about what's going to happen now. Jason, just five minutes ago, you were so happy to be doing this podcast. Right, when I knew what was going to happen. And now we're just turning the show over to whoever wants to send us a message, all live. It's out of control. Brace yourself. Brace yourself.
00:02:59
Speaker
in the harvester
00:03:03
Speaker
Brace yourself. she loves that kite and i thought that we were in a real fix when it got stuck way up there but I didn't count on Smileson's friendliest podcaster being around to help us out. I have never seen such graceful shimmying. Thanks again. And you know what? Thank you, Julia. This is signed Julia. Thank you for complimenting me on my shimmying. I do practice shimmying. And I try to be graceful in my shimmying. Oh, well, this is just the celebration hour, isn't it? I'm glad you're getting all these props. Miss Lisbeth, I'm not burning with jealousy. Ladies and gentlemen,
00:03:40
Speaker
How dare you applaud that? They're applauding my shimmying. Yeah, you rescued a kite. Well, guess what? I shimmy all the time and I get no props for it. I get no attention. okay i you You saved a kite. You shimmy? You saved a kite, Miss Elizabeth. I did.
00:03:55
Speaker
No, I saved a child's happiness. I saved a life. Oh, really? Yeah. i yeah know Okay, well, you're rescuing kites. I'm rescuing human people. Well, congratulations. That's amazing. Yes, thank you. So, ah it was last week even, and I love it. no No messages in, no one complimented me for this, no one even thanked me for it. Well, what happened? There were these guys, they were based jumping off, smiled in school.
00:04:20
Speaker
okay And what they you know they have their homemade parachutes or whatever they have. they're doing there it's it's ah It's a science experiment in real life. They jump off the roof and they try to slow their descent with whatever they have to hand. This guy is hilarious, Miss Elizabeth. I always make sure I watch when that's going on because people's understanding of science varies wildly. yeah and anyway How long has it been since you were in a science class?
00:04:45
Speaker
miss Elizabeth I read science books regularly and I have a science guy. Okay. Who I tap on the shoulder and he gives me the science update on demand on call 24 seven. So you think you're dialed into the world of science. Well, I yeah don't feel defensive. I'm just wondering it's how an outrageous. Okay.
00:05:05
Speaker
okay ah My theoretical knowledge of science science is solid and I'm prepared to put it to use in the real world. So I see these guys base jump and then one guy has a tarp and he's just going to hold the tarp and use that as a parachute. Tarp doesn't seem like a good parachute, does it? Maybe it is.
00:05:22
Speaker
ah We have to, yeah, in the science field, Miss Elizabeth, we have to experiment. We don't decide on the answers ahead of time. So this good person was going to do that. So he's going to jump off the roof with a tarp and then hopefully that would slow his descent gracefully. I feel like I've seen a video like this on YouTube. Well, he got stuck. The tarp got snagged on ah on a vent or something up there. Perhaps luckily for him. So he's hanging off the thing. How far is he up off the ground?
00:05:50
Speaker
A school height. Oh my goodness. They're jumping off the gym. It's not now it's not good it's not close to the ground. well What's the point if you're... It's base jumping missiles. I know. So I went up there yeah and i and I freed them. I kicked that tarp free.
00:06:08
Speaker
And he just plummeted straight to the ground. Okay. Gracefully. Did he? A life saved. Did he survive? Yeah. I feel like that was- He was swearing a lot because he blamed me for the accident. But it's like, you'd be hanging there all day if it weren't for me. Did he suffer like a fractured pelvis after that? No, his pelvis was fine. I think he messed up his ankle or whatever. So he could have been hanging there all day. He could have been the victim of a bird attack. You don't know what happens when you're stuck.
00:06:35
Speaker
got my Okay, we're starting to have another little build-up happening. Okay, so here's the next one. Can I read the next one? Yeah. Okay. Hey, time for some shoutouts. Oh, it's never time for shoutouts. Usually we might not read a shoutout one, but since we're live, we're doing shoutouts. Yeah, quality goes out the window. What up, cheese dog? Looking good, sassafras. Oh, boy. My boy, Herbie T. Herbert. Yeah. Gonna getcha, Grandpa Gremlin.
00:07:04
Speaker
Keep it going, Major E. Who's that? Oh, Marjorie. Marjorie. OK, but yeah this is gibberish. Also, maybe maybe write these things in in English yeah so that I can read them. Or these are shout outs, but it doesn't mean anything to anyone. Yeah, this person says, haha. And then bopping and popping. Give me some word
Shoutouts and Financial Woes
00:07:27
Speaker
up to the utmost. Word up most to the utmost. I can't even read this.
00:07:31
Speaker
yeah No one can no one can you can't read it. I can't hear it. Dear listener friend can't understand it. I think I blame you It's signed crazy dog. Oh, well, thanks for the message crazy dog. I've wasted a bunch of time with the pop Was there a pop? I thought that it was somebody else ah ah get boffing and poppping Do you see why we need to peruse these messages before we just read them on air? Because that was just a preposterous waste of time. Okay, there's this other one that's been sitting here. He had me at Looking Good Sassafras and my boy Herbie T. Herbert, but then it hit the ditch. Yeah, okay. Yeah, read this next one. Oh, well, let me see it. Okay, here here you go.
00:08:10
Speaker
okay Oh, well, this might be an important message. it's it This is a Mayday Mayday and a Breaker Breaker to all my good buddies out there in Smilton. I've helped a lot of people with my life coaching services, and now it's your old buddy Jerry who needs to reach out for some help. I need liquidity pronto and stat, por favor.
00:08:33
Speaker
Things are expensive these days and my situation wasn't helped by some duplicitous individuals posing as credible online camping supply stores. I was trying to buy a bunch of equipment for a big trip I was planning and I got fleeced by no fewer than six different fake websites. Is this just a a naked request for money?
00:08:55
Speaker
from a life coach who has given so much and has changed so many lives. Okay. If you you want to put it in crude base terms, go ahead Miss Elizabeth. but but but ah I've got a difference to make if you don't if you don't mind. Alright, he's short of cash. These remorseless thieves took me for mid five figures. My wife Tammy is refusing to up my allowance and says I need to figure this one out. um Nothing funny about being short on cash, Mr. Elizabeth. I don't know why- There's something funny about a grown man on an allowance.
00:09:30
Speaker
well ah Well, yeah, Miss Elizabeth, it's ah Tammy controls the money in that relationship. Jerry made a boatload with his money making, the money velocity advantage, which I told you about in the early days of other previous podcasts we did. He got very wealthy from that and Tammy didn't. She lacked trust and she took control of that money and she only doles it out in allowance form to Jerry.
00:09:53
Speaker
So that's why that's why hes she's forcing him to skate on the edge. So he got fleeced by six different websites. Now he's stuck. That's why she controls the money. So how is this his fault? And now we have an oh and a studio audience full of goons laughing at him. That's a sorry state of affairs. It is kind of funny.
00:10:12
Speaker
My wife Tammy is refusing to up my allowance and says I need to figure this one out on my own and there's no way I'm touching our joint account. So this is why I turn to you, poor Pavor. If you need life coaching, whether it be goal setting, relationship counseling, or financial advice, my tracker track record speaks for itself.
00:10:33
Speaker
It would be mucho appreciado if you could send some cash this way, either as down payment on possible future life coaching services or just as a way to say thank you por favor. If por favor, I think it might be enough.
00:10:48
Speaker
Just reach out to me, Jerry the Life Coach, and help out a friend in need because indeed you have a friend in me, Por Pavour, Mucho Appreciado, and Arrivederci, Jerry the Life Coach. What a wonderful way to ask for help. He's not too proud, Ms. Elizabeth, when he needs help from fellow citizens. No, he's got almost zero dignity. at all just begging for cash admitting he's in a mess and he's admitting trouble and isn't that the first step on in recovery but it's not the first time he's made that first step well he he's oh i'm not gonna i'm not gonna scorn the man miss elizabeth if if he has one failing it's his heart is too open really i think one failing is he's just not good with money
00:11:36
Speaker
Well, he offers financial consulting services, Miss Elizabeth, so his many satisfied ah clients probably would beg to differ. okay I love this blaming the victim stuff. All right, well, we have another message. Do you mind if I carry on? Ah, yeah, yeah. that's the you know what the You know what the most fun thing about this is, Miss Elizabeth? It could never end.
00:11:56
Speaker
It could possibly never end. The messages could just keep on coming. 25, 28, 39 messages. We'll just show up with this nonsense. This one's an important one. Okay. One of my more enjoyable activities is to fire up the hovercraft, settle into the captain's chair, and hover around listening to Hello, Smilton. I was about to tell you to stop because I know who this is from, but so far so good. He's kind of plugging the show. Yeah, he does plug the show. He's doing something irresponsible driving that hovercraft around, but at least he's listening to us while he does it. He's fully licensed. Recently, I was traveling near Chicago and I saw an advertisement for a flea market podcast. I thought this sounded fairly ridiculous, but then realized this might be something that Miss Elizabeth would enjoy.
00:12:43
Speaker
Well, I think you're right about that. I might enjoy that. Or maybe she already does one in Smileton. Maybe in conjunction with that flea market in the old industrial park outside of town. I guess I'd listen to it at least once. You never know what deals you might find. He's just spitballing. You're right. You're right, though. Couldn't this have just been a text between you two? Why does this have to come in on the tube? This is okay. You can think things and they'll like your thoughts will sometimes just get conveyed through the pneumatic tube. Talk to Jim if you want, but leave us out of it. This is from Jim. Anyhow, enjoying a pasty in North Mid Michigan and digesting the latest episode. A pasty. A pasty. A delicious pasty. i'
00:13:24
Speaker
Oh, now it's clear. I was thinking that I might open a pasty shop at the food court. Oh. and So I don't have to mosey over to Gower's Gulch every time I want ah some decent fare. Decent.
00:13:38
Speaker
That's right, they don't have any pasty chops. This is like getting slapped in the face, and just as you're about to say something in outrage, you get your other cheek slapped. How dare he threaten to sully the food court with his pasty... I don't know what a pasty is, Miss Elizabeth, but it sounds off-putting. He's got an idea. Plus, he has to go over to Gower's Gulch for decent fare.
00:13:56
Speaker
Brother, if you're in this town, you're eating at that food court. You can waste your time hovering on over to Gower's Gulch, but that's a waste of time. Would you just settle and simmer? Because the pasty is exactly what it sounds like it is. They are delicious and you are missing out, sir. No pasties. And says Jim, LMK, if you guys want in on a can't lose business opportunity, oh might even do a pasty giveaway at one of the Love Lovercraft dealerships, depending on whether Um, McGillicuddy can come through on delivering me these six tons of rutabaga that I would need. That's right. Rutabaga pasties sounds delicious. Hmm. That's a great idea. I am going to L L L Y K.
00:14:42
Speaker
yeah Good. Can you leave us out of it?
00:14:48
Speaker
You want to confirm who that was from, Miss Elizabeth? That's signed from Hovercraft Jim. Oh my goodness. Who is the owner of Lovercraft? Yes. Hovercraft. He hovers around, he supports this show mightily, Miss Elizabeth. Yes, he does. And he thinks that gives him the right to show up in Smilton whenever he wants. It does. With that gigantic, preposterously big hovercraft. Which we love. Belching blacks. It's two lanes wide, dear listener friends. But he allows people on it. It's like a cabin hovering around with black smoke pouring out of it. It's a party crowd. Backfiring. Yeah, it's a party craft. Everybody loves that thing except me. Except you? Why not? You're just not cheerful.
00:15:23
Speaker
yeah Mmm... Miss Elizabeth, the only way... Can we pause this message barrage and and let's do a pit stop? Yeah, I think we're done. I think we're done. Somehow this doesn't seem as improv as a Tory. There's some Machiavellian scheming going on here. Because you're... yeah i so i'm I'm confident that'll be the last of the messages for the show now, just because you said, okay, that's enough. No, I think I don't. know I don't know who you're organized with, Miss Elizabeth, but you're youre you your hurting the show. It's just that I i i so have some sort of messaging going on between myself and the the pneumatic tube. but And the hoi polloi are sending the these messages in. It had a little tummy ache and now everything is
Community Highlights: Roller Rink and Music
00:16:04
Speaker
resolved. Okay. Well, it's time for a piece of music. Can we listen to a Smile Syndicate song? I wish we would. Granny's gone to Skinny Dippin'. Let's go.
00:19:27
Speaker
Granny's gone to Skinny Dippin' by the Smile Syndicate right here on Hellos Mountain. One of the all-time greats. It's a rocker. And if you want to hear that song again to your listener friend, go to Spotify, go to any online digital platform, look up the Smile Syndicate, click on it, listen to it, turn it up loud, as loud as your device will go, and it'll make the necessary changes to your mood. Find more Smile Syndicate songs on all streaming platforms. I would be screaming in anger for the interruption, but that was a good message. It's a good message. Yes, go on all streaming platforms. Yes. Miss Elizabeth, we had a bunch of unbidden messages flood us earlier in the show, but this is now a prepared message we have. Yeah. And this is done the right way with the transaction of cold hard cash. Cold hard cash, yeah. So this is going... I have a question. Why is cash always cold and hard?
00:20:24
Speaker
because it's solid currency. So it's not it's it's it's going to be worth something. yeah And it's cold because it's not hot. Maybe it should be warm and fuzzy. That's how it makes me feel. Warm and fuzzy. You don't move the world with warm and fuzzy. You don't? No. OK. Who's paying the bills today, Miss Elizabeth? Today's episode of Hello, Smileton is brought to you by the Smileton Roller Ranks, Smileton's premier roller skating destination. Yeah.
00:20:53
Speaker
The roller skating community has, I can see you've got words trying to come up. I do have words. I'll let you speak for a little bit and then I will interrupt. Just hold, just hold a pause for a moment. The roller skating community has been experiencing a dramatic rebirth ever since the inline skate came around. Roller skaters everywhere became a beleaguered, oppressed minority while no longer inline skating has been cast into the dustbin of history where it belongs and the heretics have come screwing back like rats wanting to be on the right side of history again. I to admit, I agree, roller skates are better than inline skates. yeah
00:21:33
Speaker
I was the biggest booster of this stupid roller rink before it got refurbished, before it got reopened, and then that that activity started and they made it it clear in no uncertain terms. Jason was not welcome. I think there was a reason for that. I don't know what it is. Okay. Blackballed Miss Elizabeth. They're talking about scurrying back. well they yeah they're They're forcing me out. Okay.
00:21:53
Speaker
I'll just continue with the app. That's some community you got there. Fortunately for them, roller skaters are a big hearted lot. That's a laugh. Jason is saying. And it was this big heart that pumped life into the previously dilapidated Smilton roller rink. Oh, come on. I announced on this show or I gave publicity to the campaign that they said we got to get this roller rink fixed up again. You did something. Yeah. Yeah. Roller skating round and round on a nice big wood floor while listening to loud disco music is back and back hard in Smilton and you're welcome. They're offering. Do you want to hear the offers? Yes. Maybe you can get in on these, Jason. They won't. They won't take my money.
00:22:39
Speaker
We'll see. Maybe they will. We're offering a special membership, a special membership offer to everyone in the Tri-town area. $50 a month gets you unlimited access to the floor and free tickets for each of many special events that we have planned for the rest of the year. Do you have any of the following interests? Medieval jousting night.
00:23:03
Speaker
oh I spelled K-N-I-G-H-E, of course. Mount Yi Skates and charge at thy foe with reckless abandon, ye old nightly hero.
00:23:14
Speaker
That sounds ridiculous. That sounds amazing. I wonder if I can skate in my medieval gown. ah Do you think I can? i These are all idle questions to be, Miss Elizabeth. I will not be there. How about nude night, 1977? Bringing back the 70s in style, all nude, all disco, all fun. Grow those sideburns, get those ponytails going and let's frickin party already. Adults only please. Yeah, well, the police will be called for that one. when Why? when they were Why? Adults only. Nude roller skating. Yeah. Not in my town. Oh, you're going to call. the Okay. Lasers, lasers, lasers. The most dazzling laser light show that you've ever seen plus lots of black lights. And we have a ton of LEDs embedded in the floor. Your mind will be boggled and your eyeballs will be blown away. Light it up.
00:24:07
Speaker
Okay, those are those are some really that sounds awesome. I would love to be in a laser light show. We've got medieval jousting We've got nude nights and we've got lasers lasers lasers. Yeah, it's a real mixed bag there. Unfortunately excluded from all of it I know I don't have to keep going on about this. I had you at roller skates, right? I knew it. So what are you waiting for? Join up today and cast your vote in favor of a healthy, growing roller skating community here in Smileton. Doubters like Jason from Hello, sm Smileton can get bent. Roller skating is here to stay. It sounds like they think that you hate roller skating. Yeah, what it over wait william which is what an idiot thinks. Do you like roller skating? Yes. OK, well, we have to write them a letter or something.
00:24:51
Speaker
Yeah, if you could be my advocate, Miss Elizabeth, it would be appreciated. Yeah, because you on roller skates would be awesome. Oh boy. Let's get you in on medieval jousting night. I don't even care what it is at this point. Yeah, fix this, Miss Elizabeth. That's what I'm telling you to do. We'll get you into some medieval hot pants. Okay, no sounding like I don't want to do it now. Okay. Well, no, you have to do it. You just said you wanted to do it. So you are a doubter then. I am not a doubter. Okay, pause. Okay. No more roller skating stuff. You fix the problem with no further input from me. Okay. And then you let me know when it sticks. No hot pants, no nonsense. I'll try to fix it, but if I find out it's unfixable, then that's on you. Just fix it. Okay.
00:25:40
Speaker
the only update i need from you is it's fixed
00:25:46
Speaker
and here And here are some complimentary roller skates courtesy the ruler yeah roller And the end they're having an adjacent appreciation night that's what yeah to welcome me back. And I get as much pizza as I want. and It's too far. It's catered by the Smothin' Spaghetti and Bingo. Spaghetti Buffet and Bingo. okay And there' so a trough of spaghetti. You're trying to take charge. You're trying to take charge. You just need to...
00:26:13
Speaker
And as much roller skating as I can handle. How much is that, by the way? Endless pizza? No, skating. What do you mean? Endless skating as much as you can. Well, well it's not endless. i' I am just a man, Miss Elizabeth. and I won't pecko forever, but I do need infinite pasta and infinite pizza to power my skating. Well, surely, again, you're just a man. See, this sounds like a Jason appreciation. I do that. Make sure that gets booked. Okay, I'll try.
00:26:40
Speaker
Thank you.
Marketplace Madness and Nudism Themes
00:26:41
Speaker
Smilton is a busy town. A lot of transactions happen. yeah People buying and selling goods. That's right. There's capitalism here. People have a bunch of stuff in there in their garages, taking up space. Maybe they don't have a use anymore. People have things they own and they want to sell to get money. That's capitalism. Exactly. They have to buy other things. So we're we're we're proud to turn the show over as ah as an but not an auction house, but maybe a a market.
00:27:08
Speaker
Marketplace, yeah. This is a central marketplace. So why don't we hear about some of these cool things that are for sale in small town. Big marketplace. I'll start for sale one hot air balloon.
00:27:20
Speaker
and OK, quite nice looking, but it says industrial waste management on the side. Not sure if that matters to you. Pretty sure that there's no holes in it. I bought it at Goodwill for five dollars. But come on, it's a hot air balloon. So I'm asking fifteen thousand dollars, which is a steal from Big Alice. Seven eight oh five five five oh three oh five. Well, that's your big Alice. That's a big ask. That is a steal. Fifteen thousand for a for an air balloon.
00:27:48
Speaker
that they bought for five bucks. this is you You told us about this balloon on your your nutty ah hot air balloon podcast. Your friend Chrissy ordered it. If it's a functional balloon. OK, I forget what I said. It's a functional balloon. So yeah. So it's supposed to be your head and instead it was the industrial waste and waste management. That's right. But it's still a balloon. Do you want to go up or don't you? 15 grand. I'll buy an airline ticket. Thank you. OK.
00:28:14
Speaker
I got a pile of adult coloring books for sale. Mostly Batman. I went through a flash phase, so there's tons of those too. Some Care Bear stuff if you like to kick your coloring old school. They're rare, so 800 bucks for the lot. Oh, when you said adult, I thought it was going to be like like all nudes, but it's not. It's like coloring for adults.
00:28:36
Speaker
It's just colouring for adults. Yeah, you're calling this thing out and you're still wrong. It's not it's not adult themed. Right. There's nothing adult about this. yeah There's nothing adult about it. There's nothing adult about it. They're mostly not coloured in. Benjaminanese.
00:28:51
Speaker
seven eight old five five five 7805551205. Can we just call you Ben or Benny? Or just jammies?
00:29:01
Speaker
How about we just ignore the person? i like okay so This is a person who colors like a little kid and wants to call it adult coloring purely because they're an adult. okay It's a Batman coloring book, not adult. If you say it's adult and then it's Care Bears, i I feel like that's false advertising because I feel like it either needs to be complicated or nudes.
00:29:22
Speaker
elizabeth I don't know what you would want with a nude coloring book. Well, it sounds like fun Just like painting nudes is fun. You see how this stuffs creeps into the show Like we just finished talking about a nude roller skating night. Now we're talking about nude coloring. That's why it's on my mind Yeah, this is this is the process of your file mint. It's often on my mind actually okay you enjoy Okay, let's focus on the show miss Elizabeth. okay What's the next thing that's for sale? All right. Wanna to sleep 17 feet off the ground? Then buy the homemade bunk bed that I just built. It is as awesome as it sounds. Not sure if it will fit in your place 17 feet off the ground, yeah but I built an attachment so that you could put a big canopy over it. If you had to set it up outside, if you have 24 foot ceilings, it would make an ideal addition to your lovely home.
00:30:10
Speaker
I'm asking a thousand. Charlotte, 780, 555, 1060. I think 17 feet off the ground would be like sleeping in a tree. That's pretty high up, Miss Elizabeth. And i can I'm a little surprised that there's something kind of cool in the marketplace today.
00:30:25
Speaker
That's not bad. $1,000, I'd probably try to negotiate down from that. From $1,000? But 17 feet is pretty high off the ground. I think the higher you go, the higher the money goes. Again, you go up there, you put that canopy on, you think you're safe from the elements, but you're still exposed to bird attack. I think if you offer less, then you're going to also get less feet. She's going to knock feet off of it. What? Yeah, if you want to be high up, it's more money. See, I knew there's always a gotcha. For engineering. There's always a gotcha. That's right.
00:30:55
Speaker
Two boxing gloves for sale. One right hand, one left hand. you Used to knock some MF-ers out. Oh my goodness. Don't have time to use them now that I've switched to the bare knuckle ring. Buy these gloves off me, then leave them at home and come on down and face me in the bare knuckle ring. MF-er like you looks like they need to get knock the F out. $78. James, 780-555-3050.
00:31:22
Speaker
I feel like James maybe needs to settle down a little bit. He's angry. yeah you know what You know what? We should set James up with the industrial waste management balloon for a nice afternoon where you would calm down. He could have a bare-knuckle match up there. i I would go up in the sky to watch that.
00:31:38
Speaker
if you're up up ah high in the sky you can scream and bellow out all of your rage and nobody can hear you i don't think i would arrange to meet james anywhere because it sounds like i might get knocked the f out just trying to do this transaction especially with the attitude he currently has he's just itching to beat people up Butterbuns jersey for sale. Signed by the whole team, Jason. Oh. Size XXL, that's a bit too big for you. But I'd put it in, I'd frame it, Miss Elizabeth. $1,000 US. Why are they putting it in US? This is a local sale. Sorry, not allowed. yeah it's It's Canadian. Oh my goodness. This is your holy grail, Smilton Street hockey fan.
00:32:18
Speaker
You can say that again. The Butterbuns are one of the favorite teams in this Mountain Northside Community Street Hockey League. You know what? This team makes me hungry every single time I think about them. Mustard stains all over it, but I'm sure they'll dry clean right out from Bonnie. Why does Bonnie have an XXL? I think she's selling somebody else's jersey. Why does Bonnie eat things with mustard while wearing that jersey? Yeah, that's a lot of things are jumping out here. 7-8-0, 5-5-5, 60-66. What a ridiculous... Bonnie, take care of your stuff. You have a gem there, you have a signed Butterbuns jersey. Mustard stains don't always come out. Oh my... Like, why do that? Yeah, plus now I'm hungry for Butterbuns. This has caused no end of problems this hosting. I know, yeah. Somebody... I think we should ship some... like a thousand bucks is a bit much for me just to throw it at a mustard stain jersey. But if there's any chance in the world of saving this thing, some...
00:33:10
Speaker
Oh, we got to ship some money together to save this Jersey from Bonnie because she's because she's determined to ruin the thing Okay, so I thought we were done with the marketplace, but here comes one from the pneumatic tube So so take this next one Jason you're up. Okay Again, I don't want to I hate this improvising. Okay. Sorry. What does it say?
00:33:31
Speaker
ah Dune buggy ramp for sale, okay? That's just that's a start. It's a genuine starbound 2000. I'm only selling it because I just got the starbound 3000. It's solid, durable, and launches your buggy skyward at even moderate speeds. It's real light too, which makes it ideal if you want to put it on top of the Smilton Elementary gym and launch your buggy from there.
00:33:54
Speaker
Whatever. Not saying I actually did that, but you really should do this if you buy the ramp. Hint, hint. Dan Buggy, the Doon Buggy King, 780-555-0900. Well, I love it. You know, part of what I love about this is that it's called the Starbound 2000. What a great name for a ramp.
00:34:13
Speaker
<unk> buggy round I'm glad this message came in because that's awesome. Dune bugging is a solid thing to be doing at your with your time and jumping off the school. you know Dune buggy is even better than bass jumping. because he both anated what because those don't Those dune buggies don't have wings. yeah There's no way to... You're just arcing gracefully and then here comes the ground and hopefully your nose isn't too... diea you You could be in trouble. That nose is pointed groundward. Plus, if you have those special new models of the dune buggies that have the thrusters, you can go extra far. you It almost feels like you're flying. California dune buggy legend Booty Coombs has started selling some of those in his local dune buggy outlet store here in Smilton. So yeah, we we have seen people hit those afterburners and sail across the horizon.
00:34:59
Speaker
Yeah, Doon Buggy. I'm sorry, dear listener friend. I know you're getting jealous now because it sounds pretty cool to be in smiles with all these Doon Buggy flying around. And guess what? You're right. It is fun. You know what else is fun? but Music. And I think that we should focus on the theme that I have stuck in my noggin at the moment, which is a bit more of the nudism. Okay. Well, what are you thinking? I'm thinking the universe is nude. Let's play it.
00:39:29
Speaker
The universe is nude by the smile syndicate right here on Hello, Smile. See? It's fine. It's okay to be naked. You can be nude. Miss Elizabeth, we'll agree to disagree. I think it's this heat that's making me feel like mood is the best way. Calm down, calm down, Miss Elizabeth. and And again, this show actually has left me in a pretty good mood because I was about to scream here for grabbing the weak red grabb the grabbing the wheel of the show and taking over there and substituting in a different song choice. yeah Again, this show has we' been way too freewheeling, way too crazy. We gotta calm down. We gotta calm down. Yeah, it's this crazy heat. It is the crazy heat. Thank you so much for joining us today. We're going to be coming back at you next week with another all new episode of Hello, Smile 2. All new, all new full, full show content. Fully closed, but all new. I'm not promising fully closed. You can't settle down. You can't throw that on me.
00:40:20
Speaker
Cool your jets. Yeah. In the meantime, this one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth, take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileton. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileton, so spread the word, make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. And bye-bye from me. See you next week. And as always, remember friends, the sun is the jukebox.