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00:00:01
Miss Elizabeth's Tales of the Irresponsible
36 Plays1 month ago
Oh, the entertainment that's in store for you when you listen to this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON! You're so lucky!
Jason and Miss Elizabeth are rarin' to go as they take a trip back through the archive to bring a couple of classic segments back to the surface.
A vintage edition of THE SUNSHINE REPORT will see Miss Elizabeth telling us a number of small little tales of magic that happens around Smileton and Jason's having none of it.
People think they can write in to the show any old time and they do forcing our plucky hosts to do some fancy dancing to answer the off-kilter and baffling questions fired at them like so many cannonballs. Sound exciting? Well, that's what you get with a classic edition of the MAILBAG.
Songs by Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE round out the festivities. Get ready to sing along!
HELLO, SMILETON. Listening Is Just The Beginning.
Show Timestamps:
2:10 The Sunshine Report (from January 31, 2022)
21:14 SONG – Electric Wiggle
25:16 Mailbag (from July 15, 2021)
40:31 SONG – Oh, Bermuda!
Transcript
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello, Smiles, and welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smiles in Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Miss Elizabeth, thank you so much. Welcome to the week. Oh, yeah same to you. I'm in a good mood today. It's odd.
00:00:23
Speaker
I was looking forward to coming into the studio to do the show. It's my birthday week. It is your birthday as soon upon us. I think we have a long weekend. It might be even today. Oh, my goodness. It's the beginning of September. We're going to be having fun as fall opens those gates and and brings an autumnal glow to the proceedings. Yeah, I think I might even go for a walk today. Oh, isn't that delightful? Yeah. Well, I'm going to do the same as Elizabeth, but before I do that, I'm going to work my arse off okay because we got a show to do right here, right now. yeah And ah dear listener friend, thanks so much. You've got ah do a wide range of options before you. The podcasting world has never been more crowded with garbage. So we thank you for carving out the time to listen to us caper andrnc and pranson dance in the meadow for you. yeah
00:01:15
Speaker
You're going to get some fuel for the rest of the week. You're going to maybe get a smirk on your face or a positive guffaw or belly laugh. And you're going to maybe rock out to a couple of songs. And by the time we get to the end, you're going to think, what the hell did I just listen to? and And I got to tell everybody I know about this. Yeah. And and where is Smilson and how do I move there? Well, no. Well, let's slow down here. you listen your friends Slow down. you you got to yeah You can learn about Smileson is what I'm saying. Feel free to come here and visit. Ms. Elizabeth, we had way too many people moving here because of that crazy death metal festival. We do. We've got to slow down on the people moving here. the The condo building is frantic. The house building is frantic. The town is growing.
00:01:59
Speaker
It is. And if there were i if there were a few less narrative wells, I'd be a little more optimistic about the town's future, but I can't drink i can't drag us into depressing topics, Miss Elizabeth. but We gotta celebrate this show, we gotta celebrate the fun we're having in Smilton, and we've been doing this.
00:02:16
Speaker
Quite a while. We have. This is episode 99. It is. Number 99 was Hello, Smileton. And before this, the show we did together live from s Smileton was the Smile Syndicate Music Hour. We did 307 episodes of that. yeah So we've been podcasting well over 400 episodes now. Amazing. We're going to hit a milestone next week, episode 100. Expect the same.
00:02:40
Speaker
We're just going to do a show. up well What more do you want from us, dear listener friend? The show is hard enough to do. What do you want? Special guest? You want a big band? ah yeah You want a live satellite TV broadcast? Support the show. you know We're not made of money here. That's right. And you can support the show by going to, I think you can just go to Hello, sm Smileton and you can find ways to support the show. And to those of you who are listening who are supporting, thanks. Yeah, we appreciate it. That's not sarcastic. No, it's not.
00:03:04
Speaker
Well, we have such an illustrious career in podcasting, Ms. Elizabeth, and the results are are sterling and speak for themselves. So much so that we're so proud to be able to go back into the archives and pull out classic segments to yeah revisit his old friends once again. Because people haven't heard them yet. yeah Or you've forgotten all about it. I know when I listen to these segments again, I have i utterly no recollection of ever saying those things. i know And even if we play something more than once over the years, as time goes on for some true classics, it's like a newborn babe hearing its mother for the first time. Yeah, it's like, I mean, it's become one of the main reasons why you still podcast, is so you can listen to yourself 10 podcasts from now, podcasting 10 podcasts earlier. The only podcast I have any use for is this one. because you I don't care for podcasting, except for this one. It's crazy. It's, it's, it's smart. So I'm never disappointed. Okay. You, you, you've gone into the archive and X, Ms. Elizabeth. got some well What's the first one? My first pick is a particularly sunny version of the sunshine report. Okay.
00:04:09
Speaker
Let's hear about some everyday magic that happens in our town. That's what I was saying. Educational content. This segment originally aired as part of episode 273 of the Smile Syndicate Music Hour. It was entitled, they'll renovate that that food court over my cold dead body. And it was blasted into the ether on January 31st. Happy New Year of 2022. A month ago. Let's go.
00:04:37
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth does a lot of different things on this show. She is, she's, she's multi-talented. She does 91 other podcasts and it's like she does 91 different things on this show. One of the more unwelcome things is something we call the sunshine report. Miss Elizabeth goes out all bright eyed and bushy tailed out into smiles and it just lets that magic, those magical things happen. So she's going to say share some stories with us now. Miss Elizabeth, give us the good word.
00:05:04
Speaker
OK, well, this is the Sunshine Report. Living in Smilton has its perks, and one of the biggest ones for me is the magic that is all around and available to all of us, Jason. Yes. Available to us all the time. All we have to do to access it is keep a smile on our faces and keep our eyes open, because let me tell you, it's freaking everywhere, Jason. Oh, really? Yeah, it sounds like a sounds like um a mosquito infestation.
00:05:30
Speaker
Magic is not a mosquito infestation. Well, I don't know. we're We're going to find out what you mean by magic, because I think some of these stories, you might have a slightly askew version of matt definition magic. Oh, OK. Well, spoiler alert. OK. I'd like to share a few examples of what I mean. So we'll clarify that. Hey, it's your segment. Do what you want. And tell you about some sunshiny things that have happened to me lately. OK. Do you believe in magic, Jason?
00:05:58
Speaker
It depends what you mean. Do I mean, do I believe in happy magic that spontaneously happens? No. Do I believe in dark, demonic, sinister forces from another dimension set to wreak havoc on this show in the shape of a round wheel of mystery? Yes, I do. Well, me too, Jason. Okay. Well, they don't call right they don't call us the city of sports heroes for nothing, Jason. So it won't surprise you if one of my Sunshine stories involves sports.
00:06:26
Speaker
In this case, I know it better be Smileton Northside Community Street hockey. Arm Wrestling. Oh, close. The Strong Arm 2022 Arm Wrestling Championship was held in Smileton last week and I was lucky enough to get a press pass yeah to attend the event so that I had a full 360 degree view of what was going on both in front of and behind the scenes. Well, thanks for the heads up on that one. You know, I you know i'm i dabble. i had ah I had a passing interest in arm wrestling a few years ago. I had some people over. Smiles Indicate HQ for an impromptu arm wrestling competition and that got out of control. Impromptu. yeah They didn't even want to arm wrestle. It just turned into chicken fights and smash and stuff. I had to throw them all out of here. Maybe we should have a segment where you and I arm wrestle. Well, step right up.
00:07:15
Speaker
I'm not saying I'll live. Done and done. I'm just saying it'll be fun. I'll clear this table off right now. What I saw was a little bit worrisome, actually. At the arm wrestling competition? That's right. Oh, no. Miss Elizabeth, you didn't meddle. Did you? You didn't meddle in the festivities. Let me tell you, Jason, there was a lot of tension. There was a lot of grunting. Yeah. Yelling. Okay. Sweating. And what could only be described as aggression.
00:07:38
Speaker
Yeah, Miss Elizabeth, it's an arm wrestling competition. They're there to show who's the boss when it comes to pushing the other guy's arm down onto the table. You said it, Jason. They were aggressive. They're not there to they're not there for afternoon tea. Well, there's a lot of hand holding that goes on during arm wrestling. i just I was a bit surprised. You meddled. You meddled.
00:07:58
Speaker
Well, things were getting a little too heated for my liking. yeah well That's true. Time to change it up then. So during a midday break, I got backstage because I had that backstage pass with the pressure in my skull and I held an impromptu chat with all the competitors yeah i of course and the organizers of the event. Yeah, we all got together. I held up my phone to show everyone a video that I took and you should have seen their faces.
00:08:25
Speaker
but Pride. pride what They beamed with pride at the intensity and the competition, no doubt. Okay, well, when they saw what they had looked like arm wrestling with the bulging eyes yeah and the grunting, yeah and the pained expressions, and the tugging, and they even recognize themselves, Jason. Have you ever done that, recorded yourself, just to so that you could look back and see what a fool you had been? Miss Elizabeth, how dare you? And number two, no, I haven't.
00:08:54
Speaker
Well, everybody collapsed into a giant group hug at the end of that. Sorry, when I'm getting ready to arm wrestle, I'm not, I'm not running around like some geek in the AV club looking to record the whole thing. Oh, yeah, we got to block this before you guys start arm wrestling. Oh, you frickin' throw down and get to it. What a huge... Miss Elizabeth, are you trying to tell me that you tried to grab the rudder of that tournament? I successfully did, because we hugged it out and we found something a little less aggressive to do for the afternoon that day. Yeah. As it turns out, everyone at that tournament ended up winning, Jason. Oh really? Except, except, except anyone who gives any care at all to arm wrestling. You could have saved us a bunch of time if you had just said, I wandered into an arm wrestling competition, wrecked that thing, made everybody unhappy, moved on.
00:09:41
Speaker
Everybody was happier though. i miss elizabeth It worked out well. It was magical. I was like Tinkerbell or like a pixie ferried. I went in there with my magic wand in the form of a phone and then I just went ding. And then and everybody and it was all ruined. It turned to brass. You're a reverse Midas. They had a golden tournament going on. You decide to turn it into just a London lump. Alright, well to continue. Yeah, plus you'd go strutting out whistling a happy tune and and then the armwrestlers would look at each other and go, what the hell? Weren't we doing a tournament? what She tricked us. Yeah. Sorry, Miss Elizabeth, you're a medaller. Okay, well when they aren't keeping Smileson safe from the flames of fire,
00:10:23
Speaker
that yeah Smiles and Handsome Firefighter Brigade do what they do best. Yeah, so ruin an arm wrestling competition and and then and then go gawk at Handsome Firefighters. is that wait Is that what this story is? Well, they're very handsome and they did get into dunk tanks for charity, which is the other thing they do awesomely. oh They do that really well. Yeah. if you got if you If you need to see some guy get dunked in water after you throw a softball at a target, oh, they're your crew. well but your if your're If your shed catches on fire and you need it efficiently put out, yeah yeah yeah you yeah might as well call it a funny farm. Those handsome firefighters are so hot, they need to be dunked in that dunk tank. Oh, yeah. Put those flames out, if you know what I mean. I know what you mean as Elizabeth. and And once again, the town suffers.
00:11:12
Speaker
A couple of weeks ago to celebrate the little window of unseasonably warm temperatures that we had, yeah our handsome firefighters got their dung tanks out and they weren't freezing solid which was lucky because it would have hurt to fall over. Oh yeah, but that would i would have been horrible. And they let the town throw softballs at the dung tank target for five dollars to turn what a bargain. Five bucks? Just five dollars. I throw stuff at him for free. Oh, would you? Well, you should have been there. Nah. Each one of us went up to the tank screaming and shrieking and excitement. Like the Beatles are there. I'm a Dunk Ringo.
00:11:45
Speaker
Yeah, it was kind of like that. There was one girl who just screamed so hard like she did fall over, but she was okay. She was okay. She didn't even really pass. No medical attention. to her No, no. And because the opportunity to dunk a handsome firefighter doesn't come around like just every day, especially in the winter. Yes.
00:12:02
Speaker
So there was lots of squealing, lots of dunking, and a great time was had by all, including yours truly. Even though they were soaking wet and in their bathing suits, the handsome firefighters were still able to pose for a picture with each and every softball thrower. So I have one of those. Oh, fun. I'll show it to you later. Yeah, have fun. Do you miss Elizabeth?
00:12:23
Speaker
i don't I don't care to see, Miss Elizabeth. That's okay. I'll take your word for it. i What I don't want to see is paid civil servants mucking around in a dunk tank instead of doing the job they're paid to do. How many bo many homes, how many dwellings burned down while this fun fair was going on, Miss Elizabeth? Okay, well, it's a good thing you asked, because if that wasn't magical enough, and that photo is photographic evidence of magic happening. so But if that wasn't magical enough, midway through the fun, we heard sirens and calls of, stop! Thief! Okay. Something's going down. Yeah, somebody felt like there was an emergency coming from a nearby bank. Oh, okay. It turns out there was a robbery taking place. Oh my goodness.
00:13:10
Speaker
Yeah, weird personallyly we're for Smileson. Yeah, hopefully the but the handsome firefighters god you got the hell out of the way to let the Smileson police take care of that. Well, here's what happened, Jason. The handsome firefighters toweled off and they put their pants on with grim determination as they set out to catch the thief. It turns out vigilante is a they needn't have bothered, you're right.
00:13:35
Speaker
but Okay. Yeah. Because a police dune buggy was Johnny on the spot and actually knocked the thief over with the dune buggy. Well, good. No thanks to the firefighters. So why are they getting kudos? Why are you mad at the firefighters? They're just looking handsome. Exactly. ah you You're stuck on handsome. I like the firefighter part. To each their own, I suppose. Yeah, it's a wide world, Miss Elizabeth.
00:14:00
Speaker
But it sent a bag of money hurtling right into the middle of all of us. So we cheered. Yeah. And the handsome firefighters stripped off again. Yeah. And the fun continues. Just contaminate a little bit of evidence and then get back to the fun. What a way to spend a Wednesday. yeah A Wednesday! It was fun! You know, you have to jump on those really good weather days when they arrive. Yeah, it doesn't matter how much of the town is in flames. There's dunking to do. There wasn't a fire that day. You keep on saying, like, as though the whole town was on fire, but that's not true. Oh, it just takes one fire to be an outrage. Yeah, but there wasn't one. The fire was all in the dunk tank. As far as the handsome firefighters knew, oh, there's no fires here. Well, okay. On a whim. That's an enraging story.
00:14:46
Speaker
but Well, next time, maybe you should get in the dunk tap but cool dun and cool down a little bit. I'm far too busy for that, Miss Elizabeth. I may not be fighting fires, but I've got my own... I've got my own... fires in the fire. Yeah, and you seem a little bit overheated, so I think maybe who we should put you in the dunk tank. Well, that's how I respond to nonsense. I'm sorry.
00:15:08
Speaker
Okay. Well, to continue then. Okay. Another one? I got another one. This is all about magic, Jason. Magic that happens every day, like regular, everyday magic. I know. I got the premise. Okay. On a whim, I decided I needed to buy a kazoo. I'm going to stop you right there. That's that okay that's all. Okay. Well, you got to check those whims, Miss Elizabeth. Well, kazoos themselves are a little bit magical, as you should know. So that's just what I did. I'm just gonna have to say no, Miss Elizabeth. I went out and got a kazoo. Okay, I believe you. I went to one of- because we have several kazoo stores. Some are specialty stores. Yeah, let's have the run down. I walked out. Do you have a video tour you want to take us on to some of these videos kazoo stores? So I walked out with my trusty new kazoo, yeah and I started playing 99 bottles of beer on the wall. And the next thing I know, someone's beside me also playing a kazoo, because everybody has a kazoo in Smilaton, or usually you have a few. You might have a collection, a kazoo collection. Oh, Miss Elizabeth, my headache, ah my eternal headache, attests to the self-rampancy of kazoo playing in this town. That's right. So we just kept walking through the town block after block, and the sound of our kazoos filled the air. You might have heard it.
00:16:20
Speaker
Yeah, I i think ah fuck some i thought was mosquitoes i thought either like there's some kind of like ah some kind of violent activity involving metal being torn apart was going on. It's just a kazoo. It's like a kazoo parade. It's an impromptu kazoo parade. As we walked, more people came out with their kazoos and joined us. Everlarger did our ranks swell.
00:16:44
Speaker
Yeah, more more narrative-wise. And soon we had hundreds of people with us. Flies to honey. All of us were playing kazoos. You think that you liked that song before, but imagine the sheer didn't wave of sound. It was like a physical wave of sound that would hit you. Like a tsunami. Yeah. A kazoon a kazoon, and you should react it's the same way. Turn tail, run away from the source of it.
00:17:09
Speaker
This is was another reminder that music is magic, yeah and if that music comes from the souls of hundreds of your neighbors, so much the better. Yeah, again, something good corrupted. so that you And you dare call this the Sunshine Report? Wait a minute. Out of all of that, you think there was something good that was corrupted? What was the good thing?
00:17:28
Speaker
Oh, music. The concept of music has been sullied just that little bit. Because it's like a sacred thing, but but we were just having too much fun. yeah Yeah. Well, yeah. Who cares about the wreckage? Who cares about the unwitting victims of your fun?
00:17:41
Speaker
So that's it for the Sunshine Report for this time, but keep on smiling and be on the lookout because you never know when magic's gonna happen, Jason. Yeah, Miss Elizabeth, that's a note like we should just call this Miss Elizabeth's Tales of the Irresponsible, because that's pretty much what you were telling me. I don't think there was anything irresponsible there. Magic happened, and I contributed to the magic, and then more magic happened. And I say yeah there were scofflaws. There were people who were luffing off work. what's a scoff There were people who were playing kazoos and causing a racket. Disturbing the piece is what I call that, Miss Elizabeth. ok And a tournament ruined. So yeah, sunshiny. I'm in a good mood because of those stories. Old stuff.
00:18:24
Speaker
i smile to look it right here on hello smile Miss Elizabeth, you are relentlessly optimistic. I'll give you that. Yeah. No matter what screwball events happen in the town, you'll put a cheery smile on it and and you'd think I'd learn something from it, but I'm steadfast and thinking you're on the wrong track. Yeah, yeah. There's lots of fun stuff to do and in so in s Smileton. ah yeah Yeah. Tell me about it, Miss Elizabeth. it's It's hard to find sometimes. Fun things all the time. Well, I know what's fun is playing music and I've been going over the list of smile syndicate songs. Oh, you gotta be kidding me. The spinning wheel has just appeared.
00:19:04
Speaker
I thought we were rid of this thing. it You can't be rid of it. The round wheel of mystery has... Dear listener friend, if you are a long time listener, you don't need a description. If you're new to the show, this freaking thing, this wheel has come rolling rolling into the studio with us. I thought it was gone. I thought it moved into another dimension. It's a... Okay.
00:19:22
Speaker
It's a trans-dimensional being that makes random choices it's a wheel specific in circumstances. If you wanted to know what song to play, it'll sometimes show up, but it'll show up in many other circumstances also around the world, around different times and also in different units. I don't know what race created this, what dimension they live in, but this thing has been tormenting me. I thought i thought it decided to leave this dimension alone. It did for a time. But why is it? Okay, I'm not even going to ask why it's back. It had other decisions to to be watching over. Well, guess what? I kind of had a heads up. It's a guardian of decision making. i
00:20:00
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yes. I had a little bit of a heads up that the round wheel and mystery might have been sticking its nose back into town because my science buddy ah told me about it and he was able to do Miss Elizabeth. You know, I told you about my science buddy's box of wires. Yeah. That he hooks up to the wheel and then he he's horrified at the readouts. Yeah. He can do that wirelessly now.
00:20:20
Speaker
Oh, OK. He's hooked the wires together. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not a science guy. No. But he hooks the wires together and they work somewhat at distance. And he was able to use that box to calculate that that wheel, you know, it's been gone for what, a year or two years or something or 18? I don't know. It's been months. It's been months. At least this thing's been gone.
00:20:39
Speaker
my science buddy was horrified at the readout because it used to say that that wheel was a trillion years old older than the universe you know how old it is now how old two trillion years old yeah it hasn't been gone to so who even knows miss lisabeth this see these are external forces the but the parts of the universe i don't under understand it doesn't experience time the same way that we do it So can you just leave this show alone? Can I just not pick a song? like No, no. It wants to pick a song. The wheel is back. Oh, good. It's picked a song. What is it? The song that it picked is Electric Wiggle. Let's listen.
00:22:34
Speaker
Remember this is just for fun.
00:23:00
Speaker
Whoo, the electric we go!
00:24:42
Speaker
Electric Wiggle by The Smile Syndicate, right here on Hello Smile. And you have to admit, that was a really good choice. It's a good choice, but that day even that even a stupid stop wheel is right twice a day. Shouldn't insult something that is like a transcendental being. Remember the wheel was hanging around all the time and those stupid druids came around and they were worshipping the wheel? It was so fun to do, yes. yeah That was annoying. It's like a god, almost. Yeah, so I don't God like properties. I'm actually going to shut up because I don't need to remind the local Druids about that the wheel is back and that they might start come sniffing around to here again. They always know when the wheel is back. well they I don't need that at all. Okay, Miss Elizabeth. but i I have another pick for you. Thank goodness for that. Okay, my second pick is an informative mailbag.
00:25:23
Speaker
OK, it features thought provoking questions and a whole bunch of answers. That's good. This first came into the world as part of episode two, three, four. I sort of chose this one because the number was two, three, four. I have to admit of the Smile Syndicate Music Hour, which was first broadcast on July the 15th of 2021 and was entitled Jason Rockefeller, Rockefeller Podcaster. Let's listen. Well,
00:25:51
Speaker
We got to do this every so often, Ms. Elizabeth. Mailbag. Yeah. ah people We get letters. People write us in mailbag at thesmilesindicate.com. Go ahead and email us. And we we only do this. We challenge you to email us. We we will respond. Where we where should your listener friend send an email again? Mailbag at thesmilesindicate.com. Well, if you do that, you join the many thousands that are clogging the mailbag as we speak. And every so often, Miss Elizabeth and I finally roll up our sleeves, get into that sludge, pull out some hard hitting questions and answer them right on the show. I consider it like mining for diamonds, though. And so every every single one that I pull out is like a little diamond or like a little nugget of gold. i It's a gem. I dust it off. I present it for your approval. And you never really approve. yeah so Well, ah to me, it's more like barnyard veterinary type things, you know, we have to wear the shoulder up the glove up to the shoulder. That's what we're talking about here. You're giving, but you're delivering messages. You're delivering messages from our dear listener friend. Delivering wisdom. How about that? Let's start with the first letter. All right. Dear, the smile syndicate music hour and then in brackets for now. but Now just hold, hold your horses. Okay. Just wait for this message to fully emerge. Ready to flip my wig? Mm-hmm. We're a funny little podcast broadcasting out of Pickle Hills, and we'd like to become known as the Smile Syndicate Music Hour of Pickle Hills. I don't mean that figuratively. We fully intend to use that name exactly as I have stated. There are three of us on this show, me, my husband, and his cousin who, by the way, has a way funnier voice than Jason.
00:27:30
Speaker
and is way funnier anyway. Oh, is that a fact? So please consider this letter a polite way of me asking you to stop using the name the Smile Syndicate Music Hour, which we came up with. Yeah.
00:27:46
Speaker
ah That's our name. this This question's easy to answer, Miss Elizabeth. Hang on, it hasn't fully emerged yet. And it's not a question. You've had a good run, but it's time to turn the name over to a podcast that is, quite frankly, the future of podcasting signed from Candy Rockefeller, co-host and co-producer of the Smile Syndicate Music Hour of Pickle Hills. farcical letter I know how dare they oh some pipsqueak podcast with how many episodes in their back half zero zero zero saying step aside give us your name we're gonna and and your yeah pickle hills to top it off okay so here's the thing here's like here's my sort of fools only got electricity like 20 years ago so what are you throwing well you don't have any weight to throw around I don't even know if they back in your hole. They might not know how to podcast in probably not. I think whatever they know how to do, they've learned it from us. Yes. From Smileton and from the Smiles. I got to say I'm a little disappointed. Pickle Hills is a pleasant place. They're they're our neighbor town, dear listener friend. were They're one of our neighbor towns. The Gowers Gulch is the third town in the tri-town trifecta. But they're the narrative. Well, it's usually Gowers Gulch. Pickle Hills are there. They're kind of like
00:28:54
Speaker
You know, you don't worry about them too much, because they're not really up too much. You're a bit of a dim bulb community, if I do say so. But yeah this kind of braggadocio, step aside, hand your name over. Guess what, Candy Rockefeller? You hand your name over. and i'm I'm Jason Rockefeller now, and you turnt you you stop referring to yourself as Candy Rockefeller, because that's not your name anymore. I take it. i Quite frankly, I'm a better Rockefeller than you will you could ever be, Candy Rockefeller. okay I don't think you can take the name Rockefeller, just Willie Nilly. I'm done. Willie Nilly? Yeah.
00:29:24
Speaker
candy willy nilly that's her new name jason rockefeller podcaster that's that's the way it's gonna be i'm not scared of you candy rockefeller you you you get to episode 10 then you come back and then we'll have a tussle about who gets the name of smile syndicate music okay is so the answer is no then no then the answer is uh uh okay deer smile syndicate music farm I love it when letters start like that. I'm failing to understand why one of the better-known Smilton podcasts that heavily features animals continually fails to make Grady the Goat a centerpiece of the show. That's a very specific question. I'm telling you, this kid is gonna be a star. I think pun intended there. He's won countless integral calculus competitions, both in the barnyard animal and human categories. Well, I don't believe that. He can compete with humans, Jason.
00:30:18
Speaker
Yeah. He's great with children, and he teaches them something when he's doing side gigs at petting zoos. Oh boy. Well, this guy's flying the flag for Grady the Goat, no doubt about it. Well, there's a reason, Jason. And to top it all off, he's a show goat. So get your act together, guys. Book Grady the Goat early and often on your show, and you won't be able to afford him if you wait too long, awaiting a reply from Fenton Burns, manager of Grady the Goat. okay I have nothing against having Grady the Goat on. I think we should. Grady the Goat is... You want to have Grady the Goat on the show. What would that be exactly?
00:30:55
Speaker
Uh, well, we have Mr. Terry's sometimes features on the show with a, with a, with a message. We could do something with Grady the goat. Oh my goodness. If you think you've just entered a crazed fun house, you basically have ah Mr. Cherry's the algebra solving horse. Somehow he's on our show. Every so often there is material reported to be written by him on a giant Bluetooth keyboard. And on other days there's material purported to be written by, don't you say it.
00:31:24
Speaker
Yeah, Lance Brock. Yes, Miss Elizabeth. Yeah, yeah you're you're you you're cruising for a scold in here Am I cuz greater the goats about to do the same trick? but The difference is Lance Brock is a human who can write things greater the goats a goat who can write things and and we let Elizabeth, we can talk in circles all day. Fenton Burns, I don't mind, is is pluck his attitude. He's hustling for Grady the goat. He's trying to give him a bigger, bigger profile here in Smilton. It's fine. Mr. Cherries is kind of ruling the whole animal kingdom, but Miss Elizabeth. Yeah, because he's established. Everybody knows Mr. Cherries. These animals of Smilton, they're fine, but I don't think they all belong on this show. There's 800,000 other podcasts that get broadcast out of Smilton. Surely someone else can find one for Grady the goat. Greater the Goat is on that other podcast that I'm on with the other animals. So, you know, we're not not' we're not talking about that either, Miss Elizabeth, because that's a Miss Elizabeth podcast, ketchup topic. We'll be here all day. I can imagine that that podcast is like what it's like to be crazy in your brain listening to.
00:32:27
Speaker
Okay, dear Miss Elizabeth and Jason. I have a quick question for you. I know you get messages from a pneumatic tube, and I was wondering if I should get one installed and get rid of my internet. Could it be a big money saver? What are your thoughts from Trish in TO? Why do you want to mess with that? Don't you hear what a tor- Trish, thanks for the question. What are you talking about? If you listen to this show at all, you know what a constant torment messages from the pneumatic tube are to me. For you. Yes, for you. They're rude. They're uncouth. If you want that in your house, you're signing up for that voluntarily by all means. So here's the weird thing about the pneumatic tube here in Smileson is that we actually don't get it installed. It's self-installing. It's an organic construct. It self multiplies. And if there's a new house, it'll appear in the house. It burrows and creates itself towards the house. And then there's a pneumatic tube there.
00:33:21
Speaker
Yeah, your listener friend, we're just kind of like an almost a supernatural in the sense of it is natural, but it's like super. It appears in your house. We're just going to stay quiet. I'm not saying it's magic, Jason. Your listener friend, just let her talk. OK, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean that that's not how things are working. She'll stop soon. Your listener friend, she's talking crazy talk.
00:33:40
Speaker
The pneumatic tube doesn't grow itself. It's an it's an ancient communication device in Smilton somehow all the buildings are still hooked up to it It's an ancient organism. You don't want to sign up for that curse the pneumatic tube. I've tried to fill it with cement I've tried to fill it with soup. I've tried to fill it with new you name it and it won't work glitter Yeah, you can't do it doesn't work. It doesn't work keep coming through and it's a torment Everything you put in there gets helpfully deposited in the place where it will do the most good I think Trish doesn't take me seriously Seriously, I think she hears me complaining and she thinks that's so funny. And then she wants to sign up for the very source of my headache. And people think that pneumatic tubes are super cool and retro. And yes, you can definitely install a system, but don't expect it to sort of grow a brain all of a sudden, like ours seems to have.
00:34:22
Speaker
Oh, I'm just gonna leave it there. Don't do it Trish and don't listen to Miss Elizabeth. It's time for a segment I like to call rapping with the kids. Okay, now we're talking. It's time to sit down with the elementary students here in Smiles and they've submitted questions to the mailbag. We gather them up rapping with the kids. Why is it rapping? Because I'm putting sandals on. I'm sitting in that circle with the kids. We're just gonna sit there cross legged. And we're all just people. We're just gonna rap. They can say or ask anything. Hey, Ms. Elizabeth, I've been on this big blue marble. And you're going to be helpful and supportive. I will. I've been on this big blue marble for maybe a few more revolutions than some of these kids, but we're just going to talk about life. If they have questions, I've got answers. Let's go. Okay. Here's number one message from a kid from a Smileton school. Ready? We have to go spend the weekend at my grandparents' farm, and it's so boring.
00:35:13
Speaker
I told my dad if we're forced to go, I'm going to steal their tractor and jump it over a ramp or something. Okay, kid, go to it. So that's not a question. It's more of a statement, but you're you're expected to respond. I respond. Kudos, kid. Thumbs up. That is turning a lemon into lemonade if I ever heard it. You're in favor of tractor jumping?
00:35:31
Speaker
would Miss Elizabeth, would any member of that family ever forget that vacation when a stolen tractor turned into a stuntman's dream? A daredevil's dream? what the Kid, I applaud you. That's imagination. You're only in elementary school? I can't wait to to see what you think of once you're grown up. Tractors are expensive, though. Like, what about the suspension? Well, they shouldn't run a boring farm then.
00:35:51
Speaker
Is it wrong to have a favorite animal? I like horses, but my mom says I need to broaden my horizons. Well, your mom seems out to lunch, but I agree with her. I don't think you should have a fa favorite animal. We're all animals on this planet. You can like horses. But but what about goats? What about Grady the goat? Yeah.
00:36:08
Speaker
What about what about bird Jason? What about bird on the bird can go last in the list that little sociopathic But dear listener friend if you don't know who bird is sociopathic parrot miss Elizabeth loves him. He he puts on a sociopathic that's one of the sociopath he not he He torments me hates my guts He spews foul language my direction and he and he puts on this smiling face when out when ah whenever anyone else is around but it once it's one-on-one me and him you should hear him it's foul and Yeah, you know, like I think one reason is he's not afraid of you because he knows he can always fly away. Oh, afraid of me. I should be afraid of him. He doesn't care who he hurts, Miss Elizabeth. That that screwball parrot. All right. I'm broke and I need to buy stuff and I don't have any money, so I need a job or something. Let me know how much you'll pay me. Well, I'm not going to hire you for anything, kid. You got to come to me with more than that. What do you mean? Oh, I'll pay you 10 bucks.
00:36:58
Speaker
Now, what are we gonna figure out you're gonna do for me? Paint a fence? For the whole thing? Deal. Do my accounting books? those Ten bucks? Deal. We have Mr. Cherries for that, and he does pay a bit more. Take the garbage out? Get lost, you little punk. That's not worth ten bucks. I meant he charges a bit more. Mr. Cherries? Doing accounting? Yeah, he doesn't charge only ten dollars. We gotta get off Mr. Cherries, Miss Elizabeth, figuratively and literally.
00:37:20
Speaker
Well, I think if a kid wants a job, you got to find find somebody who's offering a job. like ah ah You can't start a job request with, I'm broke. Yeah, no, you can't. Here's another one. The kid has a screw loose. Yeah. We had a speaker come into the school and talk about careers and he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. And I said, safecracker. My principal said, pick something else. And I said, help yours. and Now I'm in trouble. Should I tell my parents about it? Oh, you 100% should. They'll die laughing.
00:37:51
Speaker
Safecracker up yours kids if any kid a dear listener friend if you're sharing this show with it with a younger person Wait a minute hang on he basically means bank robber Safecracker yeah, hey say hey man. I was just hired for a job I don't know what they're gonna do with the contents of the safe once I crack it I'm just part of this crew. I don't know I don't know the name of the guy who was running this outfit. He's got a code name. I got a code name I'm just crack wearing wearing masks there the alarm bells going with their people pointing guns and not me okay I got my stethoscope out and I'm cracking a safe kid good on you tell your parents good story and next time a teacher gets in your grill up yours and problem solved okay I told all my friends to pay someone else to do their homework because Jason has burned me twice now cram it I wonder what kind of marks he got when he was a kid did fine That's a good question, Jason. Let's go through your report card. We're not gonna do that, Miss Elizabeth. Why not? Because I had a crap time in school, Miss Elizabeth. Aww. It was horrible. Oh no. And that's why I swore I'm gonna help every kid cheat. Okay. And get them through that school that much faster. Wow. But it sounds like you're not helping them because you've burned them.
00:39:00
Speaker
I haven't burned anybody. If a kid pays me 10 bucks, instead of my going rate of 20, we cut a deal, you're you're gonna get a cut rate product. Sorry, kid. You got paper with stuff on it to hand in. Do you at least guarantee that he they're gonna pass? No, I do not guarantee that, Miss Elizabeth. That's the $100 gold Platinum Club special, all right and hardly any kids can afford that these days. So they are not reading the fine print is what you're telling me. And another lesson is given, Miss Elizabeth. but How old do I need to be to start gambling? Should I start now? You should have started yesterday. I think every day is a bit of a gamble. Exactly, Miss Elizabeth. That's your approach to life. Are you risk averse? Are you going to grab life by both hands and say, like let's ride, you a frickin' bronco? Well done. Mailbag.
00:39:43
Speaker
by the smile syndicate right here on the smile syndicate music hour yeah that's mission accomplished miss elizabeth but that was a bunch of answers if you have a question mailbag at the smile syndicate.com send it along and we'll get to it at yeah some point maybe we can connect you with grady the goat maybe Mailbag questions and answers right here on Hello Smile. So everybody can start sending in mailbag questions or comments and Jason will answer them. That's right. No matter how screwy, how hairbrained. And it's okay to send them through the pneumatic tube as well. I prefer you didn't do that. If you want to.
00:40:18
Speaker
it I have a wild idea, Miss Elizabeth. I would love to hear your wild idea. Is it musical? It is. Can I suggest something and then it actually happens on this show? Maybe. How about we listen to Olber Muta? I love that song. Let's listen.
00:44:40
Speaker
Obermuda by the Smile Syndicate right here on Ellis Mountain. Wow. Fantastic. I suggested a song. You accepted it. We played it. There were no incidents, no interruptions by the wheel. I love it. I love the story of Obermuda, that it's the Bermuda Triangle. I love to be thinking about that. Yeah, it's great. That song plums the depths of mystery. Yeah, it's kind of fantastic, but also in a science-y way. I just can't believe we're getting to the end of the show when we're in a relatively stable, intact way. No. No weird interruptions. Miss Elizabeth, i i'm goingnna i'm go to yeah I'm not going to push my luck any further. I'm going to say thank you so much, dear listener friend, for listening to this show. And you better be coming back next week for episode 100 of Hello Smilthing. More caper and more fun is going to be had for sure. And I'm going to say to you, Miss Elizabeth, that this one is done, but it has been fun. so
00:45:33
Speaker
let's Why don't you take us out? That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about hello, Smileson. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileson, so spread the word and make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. And bye-bye from me. See you next weekend. and As always, remember friends, the sun is the jukebox.