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Hey, Hot Chicks! Get Away From The Drums!
38 Plays6 months ago
Listening to this episode will be something exactly like fireworks exploding in your brain which sounds like it might be kinda bad but believe me it isn't in any way because it's fun. Would you expect anything less from HELLO, SMILETON?
Jason and Miss Elizabeth are broadcasting live to tape from Smileton, Alberta – podcasting capital of the world. Listen now and hear why this positive hotbed of creativity has got the whole world agog.
In a classic SMILETON STORY, hear all about Jason's buddy Lance and his ill-fated attempt to shoot a music video. And a vintage MISS ELIZABETH'S PODCAST CATCH UP will bring us up to speed on some of Miss Elizabeth's 92 podcasts that she does on a weekly basis. Improbable? Yeah, no kidding!
Two Smile Syndicate songs are along for the ride to turbo charge the good time fun and to get our tired toes a-tappin'.
HELLO, SMILETON. If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Already.
Show Timestamps:
3:51 Smileton Story – Lance Brock's Goin' Snake Music Video (from March 14, 2022)
27:38 SONG – Who Is That Over There Shimmying?
30:35 Miss Elizabeth's Podcast Catch Up (from August 15, 2022)
50:11 SONG – Zip It
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Transcript
Welcome to Smileton
00:00:05
Speaker
Ooh, Smileton, welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smileton, Alberta, which is the podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Thanks, Miss Elizabeth. You introduced the show. I did. I'm glad. I do it every time. It means I don't have to. There you go. it is It's a division of labor and it seems to work. It does work.
Podcast Essentials
00:00:30
Speaker
Dear listener friends, thanks so much for joining us today. I hope you're in the mood for fun. That's pretty much all we can do for you. You have other challenges in life. You have other things that you need to get you from A to B. We entertain, and we somewhat inform, but mainly entertain.
00:00:47
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth, you the the the degree to which you undersell this show is staggering. i was This was false modesty. Dear listener friend, this is the most important stop in your whole week. You you aren't going anywhere without us fueling you up with fun and setting you on the right course. This show does both of those things. You ignore it at your own peril. We'll sit in your ears for about 45 minutes. Or so. Yeah. Sometimes the message blasts that yeah at you at 300 decibels and yeah and you don't need that much of it until you're completely powered up for the whole week.
Studio Challenges
00:01:19
Speaker
I don't know how loud we'll be coming in this week, Miss Elizabeth, but i'll either way or way, whichever way it goes, it's going to be hot. Yeah, something's hot.
00:01:28
Speaker
Yeah, I am. The air conditioner has been broken in Smile Syndicate HQ for a little bit too long. Oh no. And once again, we're stuck in the crap studio. Other podcasts in town seem like it... Who's responsible for the booking in this place? I noticed you've got a couple of buttons open in the top of your shirt. I have to say, I don't mind it. Yeah. Workplace to rest on Miss Elizabeth. professionalism. stling we are hot We are podcasting professionals, you and I, and again, I will repeat the the message I have for you for when we're not in the studio recording together, if we ever bump into each other and smile anywhere in Smilton, I don't know you, you don't know me.
Workplace Humor
00:02:06
Speaker
That's just gonna have to be the way it is. So you start talking about my clothing and the way I my ah i appear. Miss Elizabeth, it's harassment. I'll flat out. All right. Well, I feel a little insulted.
00:02:18
Speaker
guys. Miss Elizabeth, you think you can say whatever you want, and then when you get a little bit of a bark back, you're offended now? Isn't that just the way of the world? I guess. Well, we have a fun show in store for you today, dear listener friend, because yeah yeah you might have you might be able to tell just from listening listening to us bicker at one another that we might have been doing this for a while.
Podcasting Journey
00:02:40
Speaker
We've been podcasting for quite some time now. Years and years. Which means... Jason, were we around when podcasting first became invented?
00:02:49
Speaker
No. No. I think we were here. yeah I think we were here so long ago. It is a staggering amount of time. There were interregnums, but the very first episode of the predecessor of this show, which was called the Smile Syndicate Music Hour, aired in, I believe, September of 2015. 2015. Then there was 13 episodes, and then there was a break of a couple years. Well. Picked up again. Podcasting is hard. Yeah, picked up again in 2018. And we've been on the air ever since. That's right. As the Smile Syndicate Music Hour for 307 episodes. And here we are coming at you with Hello, Smile! in episode 87. We've always been big believers in the podcasting milieu. Have we? Yeah. I've been skeptical from the beginning. Have you? Oh. And my eyebrow is still arched to scant. It's a whole thing. Yeah, but it is a scant at most things.
00:03:42
Speaker
True enough, Miss Elizabeth, there's a lot of stuff to be a scant about. All this meless stuff just means for you, dear listener friend, that there's a huge backlog of episodes for this show and its predecessor, meaning there's a ton of gold in there and we like to go back. You probably haven't heard it. You probably haven't heard it or you haven't heard it in a while. There's some nuggets that need to be brought out into the light of days. Miss Elizabeth has got her gold pan and she's panning for gold. I am, Jason. What have you found for us this time? My first pick is a flat-out, preposterous tale of blockheadedness to the nth
Music Video Adventures
00:04:16
Speaker
degree. Oh, one of your stories about your tea house buddies, I assume? No, wrong this time, Jason. Jason tells us all about the time that Lance Brox goin' snake, that made-up phony baloney band. What? Oh, ha, ha, ha. Provocateur. I only say that because you haven't played anywhere or or done any music. Miss Elizabeth, our reputation precedes us.
00:04:40
Speaker
Remember when you tried to shoot a music video? Yeah, I do. Well, it went about as well as you could expect. Unfortunately, or fortunately for us, it's pretty funny. Unfortunately for you. Yeah, hilarious. This story first aired as part of episode 279 of the Smile Syndicate Music Hour, yeah which was entitled The Pied Piper of Hot Chicks and first aired March 14th of 2022. I almost don't want to listen, but Let's go! Elizabeth, I gotta tell you a story. Okay. ah its Something positive. Some of us in Smilton strive for positivity. All of us, I think, in Smilton after all. yeah Yeah. That's the intent. That's why we live in this town. Gonna ignore that.
00:05:31
Speaker
I'm in a band, Lance Brox, Goin' Snake, the the greatest rock band in the history of time. Time will tell, for sure. In the history of time. Once we get some songs recorded, once we play our first gig, once we have a successful rehearsal, ok we will show the world what we already know in our brains. Alright, I can't wait, Jason. I cannot wait. Rock gods are among you, Miss Elizabeth, so it's best you recognize. I recognize. I'm just waiting for that first album. but The thing is, the thing is, we're, you know, where We live in the real world. That's where Lance Brock, Lance Brock's going, Snake does its best work. But unfortunately, we have this thing called the virtual world online internet. That's where a lot of people are. And we can't, we got to stop ignoring that. We got to get, we got to represent ourselves in that virtual world. So our drummer ah Vance, Lance's brother, brilliant idea. We should do a music video, 250 hot chicks. And we're like Lance or Vance, you you you had us at 250.
00:06:27
Speaker
Yeah. What a great, a foghorn? I don't, why would you not like a music video like that? What a weird thing to blow your horn at. Yeah, I think foghorn is objecting to the 250 hot chicks stats there. Hey, like what you like foghorn? I don't care, but don't, don't blow a raspberry at people who do think 250 hot chicks is a good idea. Well, it's not a bad idea. It's just a great idea. It's a bit of like, I mean, isn't it a bit of a far reach for, for a... Miss Elizabeth. for a band that hasn't recorded a single album or really played anywhere besides a birthday party instead of the backyard. Miss Elizabeth? I'm just saying. You think this list of facts? You're going to have to pay them. You're going to have to pay these hot chicks. They're not free. Hot chicks aren't free. Can I tell my story? Yes. Because if you go up to some random hot chick and, hey, would you like to be in a music video by the greatest effing band of all time? And they'd be like, when and where, friend? That's what a hot chick would say. Really?
00:07:23
Speaker
like Can I tell my story and I'll tell you what hot chicks did say Okay, oh my goodness you actually approached 250 I have a story. Okay. I have a story. All right. I can't wait ah sure it ended So Vance drops this atom bomb of a terrific idea on us more like so what else happens in the video and he goes writes itself and We looked at each other and said yeah, he's right You get 250 hot chicks in a room, dynamite happens, and that's it. like what else like Talk about Gildan the Lily. You already got everything you need. yeah So we just gotta to get this thing going. Yeah. So really, I mean, 250 hot chicks, why do they need your band? Miss Elizabeth.
00:08:01
Speaker
ah If you know what I mean, they can just make their own video together. Go to the mall, go to the park, go to the carnival. You will see that hot chicks don't just assemble in groups of 250 by themselves. They need organization. This is such a funny concept. 250 hot chicks is an entity. I think you mean interesting. so
00:08:24
Speaker
like We got to plan this video. We got to make it happen. So we we sit down and we brainstorm. So hot chicks, fine, but they got to stand somewhere. They got to be hot somewhere. They got to rock out somewhere. So where's that going to be? Where? A junkyard ah with flames. Okay. And now it's like, okay, well, let's, let's count it down. miss elizabeth Hot chicks. One, two flames, three junk. That's a music video if I ever heard it. Okay. So, how are we going to do that? How are we going to get there? And how are we going to get them out of their parkas? It's still snowing here in Smileton. Okay, Miss Elizabeth, you're getting ahead of us here. Oh, okay. That's the coolest background you can have. And the 250 chicks... A junkyard. 250 chicks on screen. Okay. there'll be so You won't even look at the background. so be They'll be so crowded without chicks. you won't even You won't even know what you're looking at it anymore. Yeah, okay.
00:09:15
Speaker
So we're excited and ah you kind of point out that it is in fact still winter in Smilaton. It is. So we gotta we gotta do what we do best as Lance Brock's Goin' Snake. Uh-huh. Improvise. Yeah. So like a jazz band almost. Yeah. That's our side. Miss Elizabeth.
00:09:36
Speaker
They were not just the greatest rock band of all time. We're the greatest jazz combo of all time. Wow. Just just listen to us. Okay. And and you'll you'll be like, groovy man. Like, yeah that's how you'd listen to jazz. or like That's what I understand. So we improvise. So the first thing is we don't, the kind of junkyard we have are idealized platonic version of what a junkyard should look like. We don't really have that. No. mil that no we We don't have a shooting location. Yeah, that's not going to work. okay So we got to improvise. Barney Wasteoid, our terrible base player. yeah His backyard is a disaster. It's got garbage and re like but scrap and all kinds of crap back there. It is a junkyard. It's basically a junkyard.
00:10:19
Speaker
We can shoot there. It's his backyard. We don't need permits. We don't need any of that. So problem solved. Plus his car. it Wow. His car is unbelievable. it It looks like it's sitting in a junkyard while it's rolling down the road. Okay. So you're talking about a backyard. You're talking about yourself as a band. You're talking about junk in the backyard and you're talking about 250 hot chicks. Are you planning to just like cycle them through the backyard, like walk them through? Because I don't think you can fit them all in at one time. but What do you mean? 250. His yard's not that big. Hot chicks. You get them together. They like dancing. They'll go out there and dance together. We can crowd them together like sardines. It's not going to be a problem. I think it might be a problem. Okay. why You're so skeptical. like thisli it's It's like logistics, Jason. You know what it's like? You know what it's like? It's like what I got to do a photo shoot. Yeah. I just got to take some cute pictures of puppies.
00:11:10
Speaker
Oh, I don't know. You know, you just like, there's nothing more to it. Get 25 puppies together. Done. ah Okay. It's easy. it It doesn't require anything else. Put 250 hot chicks in a backyard. Turn the camera on. Done. The movie writes itself. that's kind that's the That's the idea. Okay. So the ball starts rolling and we came together as a team to get this done. First thing, where are these chicks coming from? 250. Well, there's five of us in the band. Yeah. 50 each. Track them down. Okay, Jason, where did you find 50 hot chicks and why was I not invited? um invited to Miss Elizabeth, you know why you're not invited. Why? Because you hang out with Mitch Winchell.
00:11:48
Speaker
but ok He hit the biggest rock poser loser in Smilton. He runs the guitar store that light that competes with Lance. Alright, so you see me as the enemy. i The band does, Miss Elizabeth, and I gotta go with my band. you got i when when you When you're faced with, do you go with your band or do you go with your post your podcast co-host? Especially when you have 91 other sets of podcasts and co-hosts. You don't think I know a few hot chicks, though? I mean, I could have brought some hot chicks. You know lots of people, Miss Elizabeth, but you don't have our band's best intention. Where did you find 50 hot chicks? Okay, let me tell you. So, Dr. Gone, he didn't just go looking after looking for hot chicks. He also was going to take care of the pyro.
00:12:27
Speaker
Oh. So he hops in his... Wait, I thought that hot chicks was all you needed and then it would write itself. I'll go down the list once again. Okay. Number one, hot chicks. Number two, flames. Number three, junk. Oh, the pyro. Okay, got it. Pyro. So yeah, we're not just a pie in the sky crazy eyed dreamers. You're not? No, we got to take the steps necessary to make this thing real. Okay. Dr. Gone hops in his hatchback, dual mission, 50 odd chicks, pyro, let's go. We also had to go find 50 odd chicks. Okay, so did you have a vehicle to put the 50 hot chicks in? What do you mean? do Well, you don't expect them to all cram into the hatchback. Well, yeah, they don't, they can, no, they can follow the hatchback in their fancy cars, whatever hot chicks drive, I don't know. You're like the Pied Piper. The Pied Piper of hot chicks.
00:13:18
Speaker
So i I go where you can frequently find hot chicks. The mall. Smiled in food court. My old stomping grounds. So when you're at the food court, Smiled in food court especially, you're focused on the food. you yeah The whole intent is for you to enjoy that fast food. So they were kind of rude to me, the women I approached. So they were having lunch? Yeah. Did you offer them money? I didn't, Miss Elizabeth. Why should I do that? Maybe you just said something like, this will be great for your portfolio. One, they're a joint food. That was strike one. And strike two, they're ignorant. They're ignorant? They were ignorant, Miss Elizabeth. They didn't quite get the handle on who Lance Brock's Going Snake was. Yeah, because you haven't performed anywhere or produced any albums yet.
00:14:00
Speaker
yeah So how was anybody supposed to know who you are? But I think you have to open your eyes. Open your eyes is the answer to that, Miss Elizabeth. When rock gods stride proudly among you and you see the light radiating from them and you hear the distant sound of angels, can you not recognize the foghorn? You're expecting too much out of people, Jason. They're not mind readers and they can't see the future like you can. Fine. I'll admit the effort was botched. I i actually didn't get one hot chick to come back with me. Oh no! Not one. oh Not a one. Oh no. so But you could have asked me and then you would have had one. Miss Elizabeth, i'm I know better than to ask you because you will do something to make the the video shoot go haywire. I mean, I would probably be helpful. You're an agent of Mitch Winchell. I'm not falling for that parable. Okay, that's fine not true, but okay. Fine. I go back empty handed and we go back and ah Dr. Gaughan has come back. He hasn't found any hot chicks either.
00:14:53
Speaker
But he did find, I don't know where he sourced these things, but he's got, we've got barrels, and we've got cut up old tires, and we've got all kinds of solvents and stuff. I don't know where he, some kind of like dangerous goods disposal thing he must have raided. Yeah, sounds very dangerous. but where he's He's dumping all that stuff in barrels and lighting it up, and ah Miss Elizabeth, the flames. yeah he delivered the flames in spades that it just it it did look exactly the way we want it just flames belching out of these barrels unfortunately were you visited by the smileton handsome firefighters i was not miss lisbeth at least not yet because uh the flames were impressive enough and who ate looking on that who would call the fire department you just like you see a shooting star you just you just marvel at it the only problem was there was a fair amount of smoke
00:15:40
Speaker
black, choking smoke coming out of those things. Burning rubber turns out to be not all fun and games. So it's basically you guys in the backyard with a bunch of junk and fire. Burning tires. No hot chicks. Not yet. Did you at least get a chance? Not yet. So we're realizing this had better look good on the screen because we're choking here. This is basically poison gas we're breathing in here. I can't believe you lit it before you started filming. Well, and Miss Elizabeth, you you got you you got it when you're roasting marshmallows, you got to get let the fire get going and let those coals heat up. Similar examples, similar approach taken here. ok So ah no one, it turns out, everybody came back, no one had any luck. Lance included, which is a little surprising. that's what I figured no hot chick is gonna know like you're you're approaching women these are women and correct and you're not offering them anything but you're asking some chance for immortality okay you want to be in the yeah like this video once we post this thing it'll get it'll be the first YouTube video to get a trillion views okay wow I said it you did say it our YouTube channel by the way check that out it's doing better
00:16:47
Speaker
Yeah, less than a trillion, but something's happening. So do your listener friend check on you. Miss Elizabeth, you're distracting from the issue. Like and subscribe, et cetera. Smash that subscribe button. Yeah. Lance, he went where hot chicks hang out. Strip club. ah oh Unfortunately, he had he really I don't know how he approached them, but he found himself out in the alley in a dumpster that was too deep to climb out of. So he might have got his words in the wrong order then. Yeah, I don't know who he crossed, but he got shucked in there with the with extreme prejudice, yeah and ah he had to call us. Is he all right? He is, but he couldn't get out, so he had to call us. and we had to
00:17:25
Speaker
go down there. I'm glad he had cell service at the bottom of that dumpster. I think that dumpster amplified it or something. But anyway, we threw a rope, long rope over the side. He tied it around his waist and we kind of heaved him up and out of there. He was all right. But he was unbattered, undiminished, but we're still batting zero for the hot chick count. um So it's not really the most promising start to um to shooting the hottest, greatest music video of all time. It never occurred to you to just hire some models, for example. What do you mean? Hire some models, just hire some. Why pay money when you can get it for free, Miss Elizabeth? That's what I'm saying. But you you couldn't, though. Just then, we hear what sound like gunshots.
00:18:11
Speaker
oh oh no and what is it it's not a gun yeah ladies and gentlemen gasp in amazement because what do we see a rickety school bus uh-huh pulling up it's battered it's belgian smoke uh-huh it stops in front of barney wasteoy's house and hooves piles out of there melinda lance's main squeeze and 40 hot chicks Of course, because she's got those connections. Okay. Melinda is part of the Smileton Exotic Dancers Federation. Yes, there you go. She talked them into having a good time shooting a music video with us, so they show up. A few dozen hot chicks. We can work with this, Miss Elizabeth. That was lucky. And Lance goes up to Melinda. Where's the rest? So he wasn't that thrilled, but my brain was spinning, Miss Elizabeth. I knew we could turn these few dozen hot chicks into what looks like 250 with clever editing.
00:19:01
Speaker
Okay, you're just gonna like copy and paste them? Or just a lot of quick cutting where you can barely register what you're looking at. Yeah, that's a good idea. You just, you know, focus the camera, just a tight focus. That'll make you it look like you've got a big crowd. That's a good idea. Yeah, so Lance gets to organizing. He goes, okay, hot chicks. Okay, we need you to sort yourselves out. We need the super hotties up front. And the the rest of you can just kind of hang out in the back, do whatever. Okay, this is why you don't get help from the hot chicks. so rude you gotta to take a strong hand when you're organizing people they're people so hot chicks up front the super hotties let me know if you need me to show you you're gonna be playing air guitar so let me know if you need to i need you to show you i gotta show you some chords so you don't look stupid doing that oh oh and the hot chicks in the back do what you want because you're out of focus anyway oh my goodness and are you gonna show them how to play pool later too i don't know miss elizabeth i
00:19:53
Speaker
but We don't have that kind of funny business on our minds. We're trying to shoot a music video. video So we're setting up. that the The choking tire fires are raging. okay And we got to get going here. We're in position. And we got the iPad all set up ready to shoot this thing. It's on its stand. yeah And we we're shooting it on an iPad. Yeah. But with no ok but but then we starting we're starting to see some holes in the plan here because we realized we didn't we don't have a cameraman. We don't have anybody to be behind the camera the whole band has to be in front of the camera We don't have if we had 260 hot chicks Yeah, maybe we could get some of them to cycle back there to to make sure the cameras doing alright We don't have enough hot chicks to spare they have to be all on camera did you ask melinda to help you
00:20:35
Speaker
No, she's going to be on camera too. Oh, she's one of the hot chicks. So then, so, okay so we don't have anyone to yell. Actually, we don't have anything to, so we we have to use a hot chick because the band can't not be on camera. You have to use a hot chick. So Lance, Lance goes, Hey, the hot chick, go turn the, go turn the iPad on. Come on. You've got to learn their names. Cindy, maybe it was, I don't know. I don't know. what could have been sad I never asked miss Elizabeth. She gave him a look. Maybe it was Brenda. She's really good at cameras This hot chick this particular had a hot this particular hot chick had an attitude problem ah She didn't like Lance yelling mush at her. Yeah, it's a very very very insulting. It's calling her a dog
00:21:13
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth I don't I'm sure that was not his intent. No, but I can't worry about that cuz I gotta tell you about an even bigger problem We realize we haven't you know, we're worried about the tire fires But we haven't set up like any kind of PA any kind of audio system and to top that off We didn't actually decide on what song we're doing Jason. It sounds like you're falling down on logistics We were so the hot chicks logistics occupied us. Yeah, and the and the rest of it went by the wayside. Okay. Whoopsie daisies. so you know it's getting cold we don't know what song we're doing so we just like Lance goes forget just just rock we'll make it work so we're just gonna we're gonna mime along to an imaginary song and uh so we're getting ready that we're getting ready to shoot this thing and sorry what are you doing you're you're getting them to to mime to an imaginary song yeah because we don't know which we don't have a way to play it we don't know what song we're doing and we don't know we don't have a way to play it out loud you haven't even selected your song no miss elizabeth we got hung up on the hot chicks thing Oh Oh my goodness. Okay, so you don't know which song you're even recording a video for. We're just gonna rock. We put sound to it. It'll work. Okay. That's how music videos get done normally. Is it? I think so. Why don't we have more done then? So that why don't we? Yeah.
00:22:21
Speaker
Because I'm sitting here talking to you, that's why. Okay, well maybe we should do something. So Vance starts complaining, because you know it is actually winter out there, it's minus 22 when we were trying to shoot this thing, so he starts loudly complaining, he's worrying about his drums. so These things, these are brand new, they cost it cost me 20 G's, I don't want these things freezing, and he's just scowling at us, and the camera's rolling by this point, and he's not playing drums, he's just like, right ray made me like he's angrily like pointing at us and stuff, so we're just gonna have to... It's probably going to look weird in the video, Miss Elizabeth, so maybe we can't feature Vance too much because he's basically reading us the riot act instead of drumming, but that's okay. People will be distracted by the hot chicks. He's not in charge of the band. No, but but he's yelling at us instead of miming drumming. all right we take a where So we do a couple takes, and ah in between in between some of those takes, Melinda comes up and she goes, hey Rockers, we're rocking pretty hard out there. You guys want to get fix us some drinks or something?
00:23:12
Speaker
So we all ply ah pile into Barney Wastoy's kitchen and we're in... So you're making drinks for the hot chicks now? Yeah. Okay. And we're looking at in his kitchen is just a mess. like i we and And there's nothing there. And it's like, what are we going to give them? Like, do you have any booze? No. Do you have any anything? No. no I think I have some old iced tea mix or something like that. So we just started dumping that and into a container. No sugar. I don't know how well these drinks are going to go over, but whatever. You just need to be rehydrated and get back to rocking because that's the important thing. So we put some drinks together and then we we tried to go back out in the backyard and the door won't open. It's bumping up against something. oh And it's the door's blocked.
00:23:53
Speaker
I think Melinda might have pulled one over on you. You gotta watch out for her, you know? Although she's hot, and she always gets one running. She's wily Miss Elizabeth because Vance takes one's look out the window and he's going like, Hey! Hey! Hot chicks! Get away from the drums! The hot chicks. I think they got sick of being called hot chicks. They started disassembling the drums. Yeah, just like... They stripped that thing down in 30 seconds, Miss Elizabeth. They carted it off. They walked off with that $20,000 drum kit. No kidding. They stole it! Yeah. And we're stuck in the house screaming futilely at the window, like shoo! When we're trying to shoo the objects away from the drums, it didn't work. The onions is actually applauding that because, I mean, I think they saw something coming.
00:24:34
Speaker
Because you keep calling them hot chicks instead of by their names. One of those hot chicks gave us the finger. Oh, which one? I i don't know, one of them. Felicity, maybe. like yeah you're You're making up names, Miss Elizabeth. Actually, if you know any of their names, I'd like to know because I would pass it on to the authorities because this is Grand Theft Drum. What's going on here? The police are just gonna laugh at you. well Well, I'm not laughing at it. Okay. So that was a bit of a setback getting the music video shot. You're kidding. We finally get outside. They blocked with some old barrels and some of the junk that's in Barney waste toys backyard. yeah So we're looking there and all we've got is our our bunch of like choking smoke, ah ah tire fires, and then in the distance we can hear some sirens.
00:25:11
Speaker
So somebody finally called the fire department. So before the handsome firefighting brigade gets there, we're going to get out of there. Let Barney Waystoy explain himself. And that's the tale of us shooting our first music video, Miss Elizabeth. So you're letting Barney Waystoy take the rap for that whole situation? It's his backyard. It's his junk. Okay. I mean, you lit stuff on fire in his backyard. Ms. Elizabeth, I gotta think of another way to get this music video shot. I'm not worrying about party wasteoid. Wait a minute. Are you telling me there's no footage that you can just repurpose now and use for a music video from that? Ms. Elizabeth! You did have hot chicks on camera!
00:25:43
Speaker
No, we didn't, because the camera on the iPad was pointed the right way, so we just got the back of Barney Wastoy's crappy house. so That's all we shot. Okay. And did they leave the iPad or did they walk off with that? No, they left the iPad. They left the iPad. It's an older one. I guess they didn't like it too much. Interesting. That's the story, Miss Elizabeth. Wow. Sounds like failure. Sounds like a bit of ah ah but ah a bit of a a washout. I wouldn't have said failure. I would have said a learning experience. Neither would I. I would say we're undaunted. ah We're still rock gods, Miss Elizabeth. yes We're dealing with the follies of mortal men here. we can we we're We're proud enough to just smile our way through it. I'm comfortable calling you a rock god for sure. Okay, well good. Time to recognize reality. But even rock gods can learn some severe lessons in life. No, no. This this bounces off us, Miss Elizabeth. We're on Daunted Music Video yet to come. Old stuff.
00:26:35
Speaker
out of the archives right here on Hello Smilton. Yeah. Fun, Miss Elizabeth. Ridiculous. i ah yeah Even though that went south, it was the fun to to go back and hear the tale woven before our eyes. i I trust you are confident that we will once again attempt to shoot a music video with lots of bikini chicks and it'll go a tad amount better than that one did. Well, I like how the word come up and seems to fit well with stories like this. Oh, really? Really? Yeah. Well, I think it was an outrageous misbehavior and we just got to settle in. We just got to buckle down and we just got to get the job done and everything else will fall into place. Okay. So we agree, Miss Elizabeth.
00:27:21
Speaker
Another thing we agree on is the importance of music in this show, so I think we should reach on over to the Smilton radio. There we go. And we're going to dial in a Smile Syndicate classic created right here in Smilton. What's it called? Who is that over there shimmying? Let's listen.
Musical Interlude
00:28:22
Speaker
Don't you look like that
00:28:27
Speaker
Who is that? Who is that? Who is that over the city? Who is that? Who is that?
00:29:43
Speaker
Who is that? Who is that? Who is that over there shaming? Who is that? Who is that? Who is that over there shaming? Who is that? Who is that? Who is that over there shaming?
00:30:14
Speaker
Who is that over there shimmying by the Smile Syndicate? Pretty good. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty good. Right here on Hello, Smile. That's on the latest Smile Syndicate album, which is entitled Mr. Blue Hullabaloo on every digital streaming platform you could care to mention or summon to your mind. That's right. Well, Miss Elizabeth, yeah I see in that pan there's another huge chunk of gold. ah yeah You better ah hold it up to the light and show us what you got. All right, my second pick is a riotously entertaining edition of Miss Elizabeth's podcast, Catch Up.
Miss Elizabeth's Highlights
00:30:50
Speaker
Oh, come on. Be a little bit objective, Miss Elizabeth. You're blowing your own horn here. Hear yours truly as I give you the rundown on some of the other wonderful podcasts that I produce. Wonderful. And some of them I'm just on. I don't produce. You're stretching the word wonderful to its breaking point.
00:31:10
Speaker
Here why a Smiles in Podcasting columnist recently called me that ever-smiling podcasting dynamo. Oh, dynamo. I can count on one hand the number of times i've ever I've ever been called a dynamo. I'll call you a dynamo right now. Well, zero. Zero is the count. Now it's one. That doesn't count. Really? You're not going to count me calling you some? No. This segment comes to us from episode 301 of the Smile Syndicate Music Hour, which was entitled A Self-Sufficient Entertainment Machine and was originally broadcast on August 15th, 2022. Let's listen to that thing.
00:31:50
Speaker
I'm ah committed to this show, dear listener friend. You can't doubt that for one second. This show is pretty much all I got going on. And I don't devote my whole attention to it. Miss Lisbeth, on the other hand. No, no. ah Yes, yes. 92. 92. I said it correctly. 91 other podcasts. 92 total. We are podcast number 92. And that's the order priority. And she is so busy, week in, week out of being on on on these other shows, it bedevils my imagination. Right. It it makes me frustrated. I know, because you can only see one way of podcasting, but each of these podcasts is very, very different. And I have a lot to tell you about on the podcast. For some reason, some some of the people who tune into the show once in a while, I'm leaving you out of that, dear listener, Frank, because I know you're more discerning than that.
00:32:37
Speaker
They want to hear about some of these other shows that Miss Elizabeth does. 92 a week, you can't keep up with it. So Miss Elizabeth got the bright idea that she wants to give us all an update on some of the bigger more ah bigger happenings on some of the shows other shows she's done this week. So Miss Elizabeth, regretfully I say, let's hear about it now. Alright, well, I was pretty busy last week recording new episodes of the 92 different podcasts that I do. I can appreciate that listening to all of these shows might be a challenge, Jason. Sometimes, you know, it's hard to go through all those 92. It's tough to get through 10 seconds of most of those shows. I'm going to pick out some highlights from some of them so that you'll know where to start.
00:33:15
Speaker
so yeah This isn't like instead of this is just how to get started Okay, but you really should listen to music our back catalog is where any good podcast listener should be starting They're already listening to the show. Okay. No, we're already confident about that But you really should listen to all 92 because there was so much fun going on around all those You can say it but it doesn't make it true. It rings hollow. Let's start with must have mustard. Oh boy a Mustard podcast third podcast how self-indulgent can you get? Slather it on and eat it and get on with your life while you're talking about sitting around looking at Mustard's. Mustard is about indulgence, Jason. Yes. It is about making your life a little tiny bit better. And I'm not about indulgence. Livestreaming can be a fun way to liven up a podcast recording session. Case in point, we're doing it right now. I've never found that in this list. Really? No. We're livening it up right now, Jason.
00:34:06
Speaker
especially if you take calls during the show. oh wow We could add that. to our That's a bridge too far. Do you think that's a bridge too far? yeah We're not doing that. well so We love hearing from fellow mustard lovers. Can you imagine there being such a thing? Yes, because there are fans, they listen to our show and they call in all the time. There's so much to talk about and share in the mustard world, especially over the last five years or so. Mustard's been booming. Wow. Oh, yeah. So we've been doing that on the show for quite some time now, Jason, but we ran into trouble last week during our last episode. Oh, no. one of the guys dating Rudy's wife they as you know have an open you may not know this they have an open relationship it's no big deal what does that have to do with mustard so one of the guys called in and started giving one of the guys she dates that's right they have an open relationship yeah what kind of messed up world is mustard you're getting stuck on the open relationship
00:35:05
Speaker
So I just need to explain it wasn't her husband, but it was somebody that she's dating Started giving Rudy static about who the real mustard king of Smiles in it.
Chaotic Episodes
00:35:16
Speaker
Well, that's a slap I don't care anything about mustard But that's a slap in the face because you want to be the mustard king now that you've heard that there is a mustard king Am I right? I know you're like You can fight duke it out among yourselves. I don't care about that particular title It got real slap a man in the face like that. It got real personal, Jason, real Oh quick, and it got nasty, too. So we had to do plenty of bleeping. We have a bleep button. Well, I'm telling you what. Unlike on this show. We don't have a bleep button. Heck no, Miss Elizabeth. You have to keep yourself under control, Jason. That's right. Because you don't have a bleep button. While this was going on, Chrissy got in a phone argument with her sister-in-law about who's to blame for the skidoo being lit on fire and crashed into the hot tub, which was also lit on fire. Holy.
00:36:03
Speaker
They would tend to... It was all in the same incident, so that explains the fire. Lots of fire, lots of crashing. It was a fiery, fiery situation. I may have been hasty in writing this show off. So you should have listened to this one. In fact, you can still because it's a podcast. Sounds amazing. So I took that as a cue to call up Lacey from Lacey's Skidoo and Hot Tub Pick Apart. She could fix both those problems. Exactly. That's right. That's what I thought. So I tried to fix it right there. That's a little bit of sound thinking, which I wouldn't expect from that show. So for about 10 minutes, there were three separate calls going at the same time. What? That's right. Oh, I stand corrected. But no. Unlistenable. So this got even- Three conversations at the same time. Yeah, but listen what I did. Can you imagine the listener just screaming at their device, someone at a time? You're making me nuts! Okay, so here's the solution though, Jason. I patched them all together. And then Lacey and I managed to get the situations all calmed down and fixed. Pretty darn impressive, don't you think? ah yeah she Yeah, you have to admit. This sounds like the craziest show I ever heard of. came I know, it came together really, really mustard-like, I have to say.
00:37:10
Speaker
I hope that we have time next week to actually talk about mustard in the next episode. There you go. Mission accomplished. Mission creeped so that you don't even remember what the original mission was. Mission awesome. Let's rock with Mitch Winchell. That's the next podcast I want to give you a little rundown of what happened this week. Can I hearken back to the fact that you do have 91 other shows to pick from and you've seen to be hell bent on picking this one to just rile me up, tweak me just that little bit. Well, this one, yeah, I guess it does tweak you, but it does have some really cool information in it. So I think I better. I'm all ears, Miss Elizabeth. I'm all ears about hearing about how to steal groceries and how to break into a hatchback and depart like a ghost like you are never there, but the groceries have vanished. That sounds like a useful skill, but it's nothing that Mitch Winchell is able to do. That's all he does. This show is quickly becoming the most fun to work on for me. One of the most fun. This is fun. Present company emphatically excluded from that. I'm having fun right now, but this one is also fun. Mitch gave everyone a rundown on the, you don't,
00:38:14
Speaker
You don't have to feel so defensive and like... Don't I? No. When I got blistered, I got blistered from the attacks from our studio audience. I know people that are gunning for me, okay with wise. This is all just useful information. Just thinking of it that way. OK, tell me all about it. Mitch gave everyone a rundown on the latest from his store. The sales have been so crazy for so long that Mitch is now talking about opening new locations in both Gowers Gulch and Pickle Hills that he's franchising. Yeah, the trifecta right there. The tri-town area. The tri-town area trifecta for business. Well, I'm sorry to our neighbors in those towns. Gowersville, Pickles Hill. Right, now they can get good quality. Yeah, the biggest phony burger experience. Phony burgers, phony rockin'. This Mitch Whitch wouldn't know rock and roll burger experience if he fell into it. So they need guitars too. Maybe they're sick of driving to Smiles and now they can go to their own store.
00:39:06
Speaker
That's still a Mitch Winchell store. Okay. Clean, well organized, good prices, new equipment, etc. No, not a paid, no. Unpaid advertisement. Okay, you're right. I'm hitting the buzzer. You're right, okay. And we can't forget about Mitch Winchell's rock and roll burger experience, which I know you have not forgotten about that. No, it's on my mind as you can tell. Myleson's favorite burger joint keeps getting better. Oh, wait a minute. I thought you were talking about the burger experience. No. His store. Rock, style, and guitars. That's right. Oh, it's even worse. His sales are going so well. Oh, well. See, I was in such a rage that I couldn't even hear you, right? All right. Well, there are so many pictures of famous guitarists. She runs too many businesses. Somebody's got to investigate. He runs like a guitar store and he runs the burger place. Yeah. That's right. Yeah.
00:39:51
Speaker
There are so many pictures of famous guitarists digging into delicious burgers that I had a joke with Mitch about opening a new wing to of the restaurant just to display, just like a display wing. So he gives Pete Townsend food poisoning and he wants to a brag about that. That's a disgraceful act. Unfortunately, the burger experience also has become the target of jealous nitwits. I'm not calling you a nitwit or jealous. I'm sure you weren't one of the ones attacking. No, surely not. okay Your buddy Lance apparently decided that it would be a good idea to show up in the worst disguise ever. What when what do you mean disguise? Basically, it was a $5 wig and a mustache made out of electrical tape.
00:40:36
Speaker
That's his look, Miss Elizabeth. I don't know what you're complaining about. So it was Lance, thanks for the confirmation. He tried to make a scene saying, this food is making me f-ing sick. Yeah. Okay, finish, but finish that. And why did I, oh, why did I eat here and get poisoned? Yeah, that sounds like Lance. Dear listener friend, if you don't know who Lance is, he's my buddy. He runs the real proper guitar store in town music by Lance. Not that phony baloney store Mitch Winchell runs, rocks down in guitars. He's just you know what you know you know Lance he may have assumed a disguise, but you know what he was a food critic He was going in there to review the food He was like a consumer reports advocate for food safety and what happened to him is God Scott turned inside out Because he felt like he'd been poisoned miss Elizabeth you have it there in black and white It's all mental though. It's anxiety. It's coming from his
00:41:25
Speaker
Oh, yeah, the rancid meat in that burger all in your head, Lance. No, no, you'll start feeling sick if you feel like super anxious about something. Trust me, I'm feeling sick right now, Miss Elizabeth. All right. But a couple of the kids working behind the counter got him settled down pretty quick. Well, thank goodness for that. Then it turns out Lance didn't have his wallet or something. Whoops. Do you know anything about that? No, I don't. So he couldn't pay for the food? No. Well, come on. but It's okay, though. He's a resident of the town. Can he not run a tab? but So, Mitch, he let him wash dishes for a couple of hours. Let him. He let him do that to pay for his tab. So, a little bit of unpleasantness, but it all turned out okay in the end. it Yeah, it sounds like ah food poisoning being skated right over like taller Cranston. That was all just lies.
00:42:13
Speaker
It wasn't just lies. This was with We Got An Eye. Apparently, uh, Mitch Winchell, from the horse's mouth, the rocking so the Rock Stallion's mouth himself, yeah told you one of his customers complained of illness. If you were getting... Complained of a stomach that was unsettled. So if you're feeling like your stomach is unsettled and you might be food poisoned, do you think you're gonna say... Get to the hospital and then sue the pants off Mitch Winchell. Right, exactly. So what you don't say is, why did I eat here and get poisoned? what race he's calling to the rock gods in the sky whoa but tied us all if this is our fate you we are but as flies don't want boys as the rock gods treats mild and Mitch is not holding it against him because he did get that the dishes walk for a couple hours that's okay goodness for that how about this and then up up and away the hot air ballooning podcast
00:43:04
Speaker
Oh, you're going to like this story.
Quirky Segments
00:43:05
Speaker
No, no, you're going to like it. We're not, we can't pass because it's amazing. So I want to hear about that one. We were sure flying high in the latest episode. We, so to speak, hu we didn't do it actually in the sky. I see what you did there. You go up in the sky on your hot air balloons, flying high means. ah hock yeah success enthusiasm momentum in a positive direction very positive attitude wordplay is delightful thank you we did a live unboxing of Christie's latest balloon you like unboxings I do Christie's latest balloon oh god you people she's been how many balloons do you need well she has been flying you'll understand in a moment so she has been flying a generic hot air balloon oh fair or so oh
00:43:47
Speaker
Because the last like a common or the last time that she got a custom one made, they screwed up the order. And if you recall, instead of saying Christie with an exclamation mark, it said industrial waste management solutions. which i wish i could I wish I could have been privy to that unboxing video. Oh, her crest fallen face must have been such a thing to behold. Okay, so she donated that one to Goodwill. Oh, that sounds like an awesome balloon to have. Well, you can find out because she donated that one to Goodwill, and I have seen it flying around here and there, so I'm glad someone is enjoying it. Goodwill takes hot air balloons.
00:44:25
Speaker
Yeah, they take good will takes everything. cheap They're full of good will. Well, apparently, of course. But anyway, we were all excited to see the unveiling of Christie Mark two. So k Christie opened the box and we started the burner and waited for about half an hour for the balloon to fill. Okay, it's half an hour was on the show. Amazing. Oh my goodness. I can't imagine it was a giant balloon shaped like Christie's head. Oh boy, Miss Elizabeth. That is that disturbing. It was. That's where that thing came from. Fantastic. Just huge. It was her big grinning face. Yes. So happy. It was kind of cartoonized. What? She's attractive. What are you doing?
00:45:08
Speaker
Christy's just fine, but I don't need a balloon of her head. that I saw that thing in the distance and I was terrified. okay Nobody needs a balloon of their head. is It's something you want and you enjoy when it's happening. okay It was fun. I can't wait to see that floating head above Smileton. Elmer suggested, a great suggestion, that we all get balloons of ourselves, our own heads, no And that we have a whole set up there in the sky. At the same time, Jason. Just when you thought hot air ballooning couldn't get worse. Okay, well... Human heads floating above the other... Talk about oppressive. I've already ordered mine and Jason, I've done a little one for you as well. Oh, it's going back to the manufacturer. It's going straight to Goodwill. Straight up in the sky is where it's going. If it goes to Goodwill, they'll fly it. You know they will. Elizabeth, this town is Kafkaesque enough. We don't need you contributing to them. It's not Kafkaesque. Come on. Feels that way, Miss Elizabeth. It's joyful. How about then, the next podcast I want to talk about talking Smilton Street Hockey. I'm torn. I don't care about anything as much as I care about Smilton Northside Community Street Hockey. Wait a minute, you mean you don't even care about this show? Miss Elizabeth, I care about this show.
00:46:17
Speaker
Mountain Northside Community Street Hockey gets my wheels turning, and I would be all over a podcast, but I have two problems with it. One, I'm not on it. And two, who the hell thought it was a good idea not to ask me on it? You could guest on it. Guest. Okay, well, listen to this. Thanks, but no, I should start a competing show. We kicked off the show. You don't have to start a lot of, like, spite podcasts. I know. I don't have time to do this one, Miss Elizabeth. I know I can't start number two. I'm not like you. We kicked off the show with Ken making it very clear that he now wants to be known as Barbecue Ken since branding is very important and he's got to maintain his competitive edge in the Smilton Mall food court. Everybody knows who Ken is. everybody The lineup at the Korean barbecue place is a mile long every lunchtime. And he's Barbecue Ken. Well, you know what? Normally i I cock my eyebrow in dubious wonder at the things you say, but Ken call himself barbecue Ken. I basically call him that half the time anyway. So that's a good idea. That's right. Yeah. Branding's important. It is. It is. Once we got that straight, we went into the biggest controversy of the week, the overtime goal, or was it? oh Yeah.
00:47:26
Speaker
in the game between the Butterbuns and the Drunk at Works. Yeah, I was there, Miss Elizabeth. I don't know if any of you and your podcast host happened to be at that game when I was right on right at roadside. Well, just in case that you missed it, the teams were tied at three heading into overtime. Yeah, exciting. The tennis ball was in the Butterbuns zone. That guy with the horn-rimmed glasses moored. He was at the nets trying to kick the ball, and then somebody in the crowd yeah threw in a bunch of tennis balls onto the road, and like three of them ended up in the net, Jason. And you could hardly tell which ball was which. You know, they all look very similar, those tennis balls. and Exactly, Miss Elizabeth, and that was not even the most appalling part of it. Yeah, there's no way that that should have been counted for three goals. ridiculous. Bad roughing Jason. Absolutely Miss Elizabeth and um I I don't want to point fingers but I will. Yeah. I blame you. I blame I blame fans like you Miss Elizabeth. Why? Because you're so concerned with fun. You don't. Okay why aren't you blaming the person? You don't clutch with all four limbs to the rules because you thought if one ball is fun maybe two we should give a spin. What do you say people? I didn't throw the balls in. I'm not accusing you of that but this this this attitude you have miss Elizabeth you gotta admit that's a common theme in your 92 podcast okay let's have fun I guess it was a super fun thing that that guy did and maybe the score doesn't matter after all ah yeah ah maybe you can't play me in your honor did you hear the confession
00:48:55
Speaker
Absolutely ridiculous. And that's all I have for you for the summaries because, you know, you really have to go and listen to the shows. well Really, you have to. Well, you do, Miss Elizabeth. That's true of any podcast. Thank you so much for those those riveting updates. Yeah, you're welcome. Ladies and gentlemen, silence yourself because I need to change my mental focus. The audience is just applauding. ah I know they are. I'm happy. Not not a concern of mine, Miss Elizabeth. out of the archives and into the light right here on Hellos Mountain. I feel all caught up on your cockamamie podcasts. Yeah, those podcasts are all still running, Jason, so that was highly relevant even to today. Yeah. Many of those podcasts, they still have the same exact kind of energy. You feel like you're you're putting in your time to useful things with those shows?
00:49:38
Speaker
of course okay i'm just checking you know not everything has to be useful jason yeah you can say that again some things could just be fun no um like yeah we again we differ on the definitions of certain words and that's okay Once again, it's time for music to bring us both together. All right. Let's play something in this, the marquee
Closing Musical Piece
00:50:00
Speaker
song slot. And I've got a slot. And based on what you were just playing us in that last segment, here's the perfect song to cap it off. Because you wish everybody would just zip it. Let's listen.
00:50:23
Speaker
All day with a jibber jab Spinnin' with a bafflegab Spiled a lot of poppycock Drownin' some foolish talk Sippin', sippin' Your mouth doesn't control Sippin', sippin' Shut back who we hold It's like full of a party Cause I can't take any more
00:51:04
Speaker
Come and show what else is new Hold it as you blow a zoo With a awful rhyming scene Cards fall up and back again Sit big, sit big You're now kind of the troll
00:51:51
Speaker
In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hogwash In the field hog
00:52:27
Speaker
Seven shots, that's who we hold Time to rumble and lard in, cause I can't take any more
00:53:01
Speaker
Zip it by the smile certificate right here on HelloSmilePen. Wow. Dear listener friend, i I trust you're taking that message of that song to your heart and you're going to sit there with your app closed and just listen to us finish out this show properly. Who did you write that song for and or about? no give The artist, Miss Elizabeth? No one in particular. No one in particular at all. all right No one of my acquaintance at all. okay you you're asking You're asking to go into the workshop and see the master at his bench. And the master says, get the hell out of here. I'm writing a song. all right ah yeah yeah you yeah You'll hear it when it's done. And ask me not about where the the word flame of the imagination came from for this song. All right. That's a good song. And that's how the sausage is made. Okay. In secret. That's right.
00:53:55
Speaker
You know, listener friend, thanks for joining us today. We're going to be coming back at you next week with a brand new episode of Hello Smilton. More fun to come. If my calculations are correct, that'll be episode 88. Amazing. the The joyful treadmill just is as relentless it is as ever. yeah We trundle on producing this content week in and week out. Never can it stop until one day the treadmill casts us off. yeah That day maybe 10 years, 20, 50, 100 years from now, we don't know. We don't know what the fate of podcasting is going to be. Who knows? And as soon as the wind direction changes and podcasting sucks, then we'll be out of there. I guess. And we'll be on the latest, newest, greatest platform, whatever that may be. All right. You better get your running shoes on, dear listener friend, and be ready to follow us. What could that be, Jason? I have no clue. I don't know either. It better be audio only.
00:54:47
Speaker
And it better be pretty much exactly like how podcasting is right now. Yeah, because that's how we like to do it. like Yeah. it I do it. I don't know if I like it. Dear listener friends, thanks so much for joining us. We'll see you next week, but in the meantime, this one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth, take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about hello, Smiles, and there's a lot of fun going on here. So let's share it with as many people as we can. The word world needs more Smiles, and so spread the word, make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. And bye-bye from me. See you next weekend. As always, remember, friend, the sun is a jukebox.
00:55:30
Speaker
Thanks.