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00:00:01
The Proof's In The Hatchback
33 Plays4 months ago
Drink at the water's edge, my friend, for you have found an oasis of entertainment to parch your thirst which is pretty frickin' severe given the week you just had. This life-saving sustenance can be none other than this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON.
Miss Elizabeth and Jason are right here in the here and now to present the very finest in comedy and original music entertainments, all broadcasting to you from Smileton.
In LANCE BROCK'S ROCK TALK, hear the latest from Smileton's rock guru as he gives us the word of rock from on high. Thrills, spills and ROCK are all guaranteed.
Miss Elizabeth gives us the latest rundown on some of her other podcasts in MISS ELIZABETH'S PODCAST CATCH UP. To the uninitiated, some of these other shows may sound baffling, preposterous, improbable. The uninitiated are correct.
Two songs by Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE add much-needed music blasts to the festivities and it helps fuel this whole show to the frickin' moon.
HELLO, SMILETON. Listen Now, Believe Later.
Show Timestamps:
3:05 Lance Brock's Rock Talk
21:03 SONG – I'm Gonna Hover
26:06 Miss Elizabeth's Podcast Catch Up
40:57 SONG – I'm Going Back To High School
Transcript
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello, Smileton. Welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to take straight from Smileton, Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Thanks, Miss Elizabeth. That's a good introduction. You set the scene. Now let's deliver the goods. your listener friend. Thanks so much for joining us today. You're in the mood for fun. You wouldn't have pressed play on this episode if it were otherwise. If you're expecting the ah the latest in world events or a historical survey over some past age or i though get the discussion of the latest
00:00:44
Speaker
Fashion and culture nonsense going on. Yeah. Yeah. come Yeah done come to the wrong place. Unless Smilton has any of that content happening in the town. Well, Miss Elizabeth, that's on a case by case basis. The topics we'll discuss on this show. But yes, we are here to cover all the goings on that's going on in our dear town of Smilton. Now, I just have one quick request you and that is I'm feeling highly unorthodox, Miss Elizabeth, but all I'll allow it. Because I'm feeling a little bit extra nauseous today. Why? Because, I don't know, I just feel a little bit like I've seen somebody too much pretending or going for kind of that gag reflex kind of concept. What kind of weirdos are you hanging out with, Miss Elizabeth? So, you know, I'm hanging out with your buddy Lance at Mitch Winchell's Burger Experience. Okay. And... You're hanging out with him? Well, he's... What's he doing there? None of this makes sense, Miss Elizabeth. It doesn't add up. I just have to say that he was there trying to indicate that the place was making him sick, that he was getting food poisoning from him. Oh, food poisoning? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. And so he was doing the, like, constant, like, he was gonna have a throw up. Yeah, because he's being poisoned by that food. Yeah. But it's fake, but it does make you feel a bit queasy when you watch somebody do that.
00:01:57
Speaker
Do you listen to a friend? Of course, you if you've been listening to this show, you know who Mitch Winchell is. He runs the other guitar store in town. My buddy Lance runs the only true rock store in town. He's got competition. This Mitch Winchell, who's been who's been blinded people, became very successful with by tricking people. Now he's opened up a rock and roll burger joint called Mitch Winchell's Burger Experience. It's really good. And and you know what happens? You go there and you try to eat and you get food poisoning. So Lance, again, consumer advocate. Only Lance says that. And it's just because he's in. So what do you think? You're sick because you saw Lance get sick at this poorly prepared food. I'm requesting that we just don't discuss Lance. What do you mean? I just can we have a moratorium on Lance for this episode? Just for this episode, just while I recover my gag reflex back to normal. okay Well, I he's I think you should allow yourself with Lance because he's trying to do a public good here to alert the public about this menace No, he's not culinary menace. He's lying. It's just it's false. It's fake. He's just trying to do damage He wouldn't do that miss Elizabeth and as per your request Yeah ah Next up is Lance Brock's rock talk. Oh, sorry. We can't miss Elizabeth. ah The show is cast in stone. Okay. This is the battle plan. We got to go through with it. Lance what worked hard. He struggled through his illness through popcorn. Way to kick a man when he's down.
00:03:23
Speaker
I'm just not sick. He's under the weather. He got poisoned by a rancid beef or something. He still got a rock talk together for us to to present today. It's slanderous and it's not true. ah What do you mean it's not true? Explain his green complexion. ah he's just I don't know he's it's he's it's makeup like it's not real he's making a fake gag reflex oh you're so cynical miss elizabeth i wish you would just take people at face value and just open your heart a little bit you might learn something okay okay lance brock he runs the best guitar store in town he's got an update for us from the world of rock here in smileton i wish you would have run this past me
00:04:03
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth, I knew you would complain, so I decided to spring it on you. okay Hey, what in the F is up? I know you've got your F and M cranked and your axe is ablaze, but put down that weapon or rock and listen up because it's time for another F and installment of Lance Brock's Rock Talk. Tick, F and talk, it's rock, F and o'clock. That's pretty funny. Yeah, funny? Yeah, that's pretty funny. Uh, that's a call to arms. That's a call to action, Miss Elizabeth. I didn't find one part of that funny. Tick-effin-talk, it's it's rock-effin-o-clock. Yeah. That's okay. Let's go. Okay. Look, you're in the mood now. Yeah, I'm smiling. Pretty good. I'm smiling. I'm not throwing up. you'll You'll help him shut that burger place down. No, I will not. Okay, good to hear, Miss Elizabeth. So, I got pink eye over the weekend and it's driving me... Of course Lance has pink eye.
00:04:57
Speaker
How could you let- Miss Elizabeth, he's going through things, obviously, and you're gonna laugh at the man. Stop sticking your fingers in your eye. Ah, stop it. So I got pink eye over the weekend and it's driving me up the effing drink. My S-Head cousin Sandy was making fun of me for wearing an eye patch to cover up my pink eye, so I loaded up my finger with eye gunk and rubbed it in his eye when he was chugging a cold one. Now he has it to... just effing desserts. Okay, think that might not be legal to do that to people to take like an actual disease and just like deliberately infect somebody. I think that might be, you know, an aggressive move. ah Miss Elizabeth, I think yeah land it's a assault. I think it might be a assault. Lance owns his actions and he called it just effing desserts. And that sounds pretty, pretty on the money to me.
00:05:45
Speaker
So keeping this town on the right track of rock is a pretty big effing burden. Gotta say not enough of you rockers are coming to music by Lance to buy your rock weaponry and too many loser posers are going to that grocery stealing floppy hat wearing goof Mitch Winchell's store and throwing your money away there. Because it's a great store and he gives really good lessons and he's he's his store is clean. It's even got air conditioning. How much? How much what? How much did he pay you for this commercial announcement? No payment required, it's just the truth. I saw this thing on YouTube about this Greek dude who was holding this huge globe on his shoulders, and I don't know why the Fe was doing that, but he was going, can one of you effers effin' help me with this thing because it's as heavy as F and S? I'm not Greek, but that's effin' me to an F and T.
00:06:33
Speaker
Is that like Atlas? Yeah. Atlas is like holding the globe. By he bears the world aloft on his shoulders, Miss Elizabeth, and Lance feels the same way when it comes to rocking this down. Okay. He's Atlas. He needs some effing help here. Can someone relieve him of the burden? So you know who's trying to help him? He's got pink eye too, which can't be helping. You know who's trying to relieve him of that burden? Huh? Mitch Winchell.
00:06:58
Speaker
I think you're mistaken. He's trying to help with the rock situation in Smileton. elizabeth He is not trying to help. He's a saboteur. You could maybe pitch in, since you are, you're also a writer of rock music and you been making anything new. Have you not heard me talk about Lance Brock's Goin' Snake? The band I'm in? lance's Lance's band. I'm in it. We're trying. We're doing everything we can to get the message out. Just come out with smile syndicate stuff of your own independent making. Yes, I'm doing that too, Miss Elizabeth. I'm my own, I'm i'm like mini Atlas myself. Lance is asking for help. So am I! Miss Elizabeth, we both need it from different angles, but it's the same plea, okay and you're as deaf to him as you are to me, and that's this town in a nutshell. Alright, you guys are weirdly not working together.
00:07:49
Speaker
My aforementioned S. Ed cousin, Sandy, has a buddy on the police force. And he heard that the cops raided Mitch Winchell's hatchback and found a bunch of groceries in there. Is he probably just when shopping? And he got totally peed off that the cops were rifling through his stuff. And i and if I was there, I'd go, you want to explain who who you stole these effing groceries from, you effing loser poser rock god wannabe goof poser? I should totally be a cop. My mean squeeze Melinda knows a bunch of cops and says she doesn't think I could pass police school and all ah I'll say to that is the last person who underestimated me had their world rocked by yours effing truly so let that be the effing lesson.
00:08:31
Speaker
Okay, so they went through Mitch's groceries. Caught him red-handed. for which he Stolen groceries in that hatchback of his. Probably had a receipt right there. Of course. The person who bought those groceries paid for them, Miss Elizabeth. He doesn't steal from the store. Oh no, no. He steals from the hatchback. It's the perfect crime. Until now, Miss Elizabeth. Hatchback to hatchback. That's right. Okay. Yeah, like a ghost. All right. It's like poltergeist, Miss Elizabeth. Except with stolen products. Yeah, this is such a crazy story. mit I mean, just for the record, Mitch does not steal groceries. He doesn't have to. He has a very successful business. His reputation speaks for itself. And I don't think Lance is whistling Dixie here when he accuses him. He points that accusing finger at Mitch Winchell and in and the and the proof's in the hatchback.
00:09:22
Speaker
Dixie is exactly what he's whistling. I disagree Miss Elizabeth and our understanding of the law is is different from each other. It is. Lance's customer review. Here's a message for that idiot who, work before we get to that, huh customer review. Whoever heard of such a thing? Normally stores get reviewed. Well, Lass doesn't like the reviews he gets sometimes. So he's decided to fight fire with fire. He complains. So he reviews the customers right back at you. So next time you think about shooting your mouth off about something you don't know anything about, think about you getting reviewed. You might not like it too much. Yeah, it's definitely unpleasant. So what a great idea and and and in in it's helping.
00:10:01
Speaker
I would say my subjective impression is that the clientele in that story is a little bit less of the riff-raff, a little bit more of the rock warrior. Somewhat. But it's a slow process, Ms. Elizabeth, and these reviews help, so I'm pretty happy to be able to read the latest one. Alright, let's find out. Here's a message for that idiot who came by on Thursday and said he got bit by a bat while he was in my store. Go cry to your mama. You probably provoked the effing thing in the first place. So he doesn't deny there was a bat in the store. No. Yeah, because there are bats. Oh, Ms. Elizabeth, we live in nature. I don't know if you noticed. There are bats in the rafters. You know what else? There are birds outside. Yeah. And coyotes. But they're not usually trapped in the store biting customers.
00:10:45
Speaker
Well, no, he does a pretty good job of keeping the animals out, but he's not perfect. None of us are. Not the bats. Cast the first stone, why don't you, Miss Elizabeth? You probably provoked the effing thing in the first place. Who knows, maybe that bat was effing radioactive and you'll turn into Batman. LOL, ya whiny dumbass. No stars? Uh, that's a one star. Okay. For the whiny dumbass. Who got bitten by bats? Yeah, and now he's got superpowers, so what's he complaining about? Well, I don't think he has superpowers. He might have rabies. but Well, he might have rabies, but he also got a pretty nice guitar in the deal. You think he got a nice guitar? I don't think he did. He might have bought a Gabson. I don't think he...
00:11:26
Speaker
You laugh, but those are those are reasonable clones of Gibsons, Miss Elizabeth. They're dirt sheep. You just gotta sand them down a little bit to get rid of the splinters. You gotta wash off the guano a little bit, too. You're so you're so yeah you're hanging out in that tea place too much, Miss Elizabeth. You think oh the whole world's a tea party. and yeah Yeah, everything's got to be so prim and proper. that' Is that what I sound like? yeah Well, when you're complaining about Baquano, yeah. Baquano on my axe, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to complain. OK. That's what a rag is for. Clean it off. yeah It's the grit and grime of rock. What do you want? You're trying to say that it's it's a feature, not a bug. Pretty much. OK. Top effin, five effin concerts that I effin went to and won't effin forget any effin time soon.
00:12:12
Speaker
Well, this is new. Concerts, Miss Elizabeth. I'm not sure how useful of ah of a list it is, though. What? Well, you know, because usually a list would be like, okay, so now it's actionable. Like... Actionable? Yeah, like... Here's the action. Recognize a rock god. He's about to lay out some of his rock master bonafides here, Miss Elizabeth, with a range of rock he's experienced. He doesn't just produce it, Miss Elizabeth. He's a consumer. Well, yeah, I know he's a consumer. And where did this sense of taste and refinement come from when it comes to rocking experiences like he's about to lay out? So if you want to learn how a master became a master, listen up. And if you don't, get lost because there's no helping you anyway. Okay, so you're saying that there's education to be had here? Okay. Number five, Rockapathea. These efforts showed up and smiled and stormed Handsome Mike's bar like effing barbarians on a... I've never heard of them.
00:13:03
Speaker
Rockapathea never heard of them. Oh first time ever elizabeth yeah oh stumbling down You should be holding your head you should be read with embarrassment really Rockapathea got no idea but i miss elizabeth Have you heard of the Beatles I mean, I've heard of the Beatles. Have you heard of yeah yeah yeah Eric Clapton? I've heard of Clapton. Have you heard of the Pink Floyd? I've heard of the Pink Floyd. Okay, but you haven't heard of Rockapathea? No. Well, everybody's got blind spots, but that's like a huge one. I don't think it is. Rockapathea. These efforts showed up in Smilton, stormed Handsome Mike's bar like effing barbarians on a rampage, and just left this town a smoking ruin. I wish I hadn't passed out during this second song because what a show to effing experience. Okay. but Sounds like he also didn't really attend the show. No, he didn't. He he got a little taster, Miss Elizabeth, and he probably was lit up a little too bright before the show even started. Second song out like a light. Okay. But that just tells you how effective they are on a song by song basis. Okay. Number four, I was watching YouTube and I saw this video of Nancy Wilson playing the beginning of Barracudas or Crazy For You or whatever. Pretty effing nice. And it effing rocked too, so talk about your effing bonuses. Okay. Okay. That, that gets a foghorn. This was when I saw that video and it's okay. Yeah. I don't know. I wouldn't call it a concert experience. Okay. Yeah. It's not a concert experience. Number one, number two, you're supposed to be talking about the rock and not about her as some kind of a, like a model. Well, she looks all right, Ms. Elizabeth. Focus, focus. He was focused all right. Just check that video out. It's easy to find. Number three, the pipsqueaks.
00:14:50
Speaker
These nerds are about the lamest excuse for a band I ever saw but my S-Head cousin Sandy dragged me to one of their shows in Pickle Hills and it was lame like you'd expect until the singer touched the mic and got a big electric shock and totally screamed like an effing girl and I was on the floor laughing and Sandy was all, not cool dude, he could have died. But I barely heard that because I was, that effing girl scream made me laugh so effing hard.
00:15:18
Speaker
All right. Do you see the lesson here, Miss Awesomith? You got to be careful with your electrical. Well, true enough, but what it only takes but a moment to make a lasting impact on a life yeah and an experience doesn't have to be a two hour rock and roll extravaganza. It could just be the the moment that somebody touches a hot microphone and gets zapped and screams like an effing girl. yeah That's enough to sear into your memory, sear into your soul and make maybe change your life a little bit. yeah I don't even know what I would do if I had been there. Sounds unpleasant.
00:15:51
Speaker
Or for sure, but to witness such a thing. Oh, I don't think I'd ever stop laughing. I think that's a little overboard. Number two, Rush. Okay, actually went to a Rush concert. Yeah. Okay, cool. I hate the effing weather here sometimes. I was all set to go to a Rush show in Edmonton and it was mid-May and it effing snowed that day and the effing trucks got stuck in Calgary and the band was here and that was a while ago but what an effing disappointment and if only I was older and had the store I would have been able to tell those guys to come to my store and rent what they needed because I have
00:16:25
Speaker
I would have given them a sweet primo discount on the account of them being rushed for F6. So there wasn't a concert. No, it's got snowed out. OK. Miss Elizabeth, I myself had tickets to that show. Yeah? And I found out pretty late in the day. Yeah, shows canceled. They're here. fuck Fucking Calgary. So did Ticketmaster send you to Cats instead? To Cats? Yeah. Oh, a backup? No, Miss Elizabeth, say I just got to sit there staring at the wall. Oh. What a disaster. Well, for how long? For her the rest of time, I didn't see Rush for four years after that.
00:17:03
Speaker
I'm glad you're laughing. It was a painful childhood experience and Lance also had tickets to that show and what he just said speaks to my soul because that exact thing happened to me. ah No kidding. Number one best concert experience of all effing time. Number one. No, it can't be. Lance Brock's going snake. No, okay. I object strongly. What do you mean? He can't say that his own concert, which he hasn't really done any concert. You're you're complaining about highlighting an experience that hasn't happened yet. Yes. Too bad. It's the future, Miss Elizabeth. Get ready to live in it. okay Our first concert. Unforgettable once it happens, which should be soon. I can already remember it and it hasn't even happened yet. So what does that effing tell you about how hard it's effing gonna rock?
00:17:50
Speaker
I don't make threats, I make promises and I promise that first show once Handsome Mike gets off his arse and lets us have that stage for one effing night which is all we need. The gates of effing Rock Mount Olympus will open and we will climb that effing staircase and if that's not an effing memorable rock show then I must not know the effing meaning of that term. Okay, so he's promising to eventually do a show. Is that was that is that what you heard? That's what I heard. From what I just said. That's what I heard. about Nothing about staircases and Rock Mount Olympus and Gates and Transcendent and the transmogrification of humanity. Okay. All right, so that's the promise. That's a pretty big promise.
00:18:34
Speaker
Yeah, not a threat. A promise. Yeah, that's a big promise. So can you take that to a the bank? Probably not. Can you make sure it sticks as number one in your concert going experience? No. Boy, you're negative today.
00:18:49
Speaker
Because it hasn't happened. He keeps promising it and then he doesn't come out with any music. Miss Elizabeth, you if you picked up a shovel and helped us dig, we might be able to get some hole going here. That's it for Rock Talk. Keep your axes tuned. And I think I've come around on the spandex a little bit. What? Miss Elizabeth, these day that he's an explorer. OK. He doesn't think he has all the answers. He's always on a quest to see different ways. He might start wearing spandex now. He's exploring the 80s now. Yes. OK. What's wrong with that? I used to think if you wore it, you were a loser, poser, loser in a loser, poser, loser hairband.
00:19:29
Speaker
But I've seen some examples lately that rock pretty effing good. So I'm a rock and roll. I'm a rock and let rock kind of guy. So if you need to wear that F and S to get the rock job done, be my effing guest. Well, there you go. Open mind, Miss Elizabeth. Open heart. He's going to start wearing spandex pants in spandex. Well, he doesn't hate you if you wear it. He might. He saw something. He saw some examples that worked for him. You never know. That's the thing. He's not predictable. Rock is an act of living force in this town. He's pretty predictable. Here's my prediction. He will never do a show. Okay. This show's not working for you, Miss Elizabeth. No, it's not. I told you I didn't want land. You're cynical to the core and it's not and this show's not helping you. It's supposed to cheer you up. It's supposed to make you happy. I'm nauseous to the core. oh What is such a... go Miss Elizabeth, you just gotta open your heart.
00:20:19
Speaker
Lancebrock, Rock Talk, I'm leaving the effing buildings, so don't let the door hit your arse on the way out. Okay. Are we done? Done. All right. Well, what more do you want from a segment, Miss Elizabeth? I learned a lot. I laughed a lot. I feel better about myself. I feel better about my community. Okay. So, good job, Lance. Thanks for that. Miss Elizabeth is ungrateful, which maybe, maybe if she goes away and thinks about some of these messages, she might come around. Maybe. Uh, here's something that'll help that process along. Music. Let's reach over, Miss Elizabeth. All right. The Smilton radio. Let's tune it in. Here we go. We're gonna, we're gonna bring up a Smile Syndicate classic, I'm sure. Okay. I'm gonna hover. Let's listen.
00:21:27
Speaker
Down the stairs The old house isn't late The unicycle's hit the ditch This ain't no fun
00:22:04
Speaker
or scuba. Hot air balloons are lost in space. At first into the tuba, clouds are coming.
00:22:23
Speaker
Clouds are going.
00:22:36
Speaker
I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover
00:23:12
Speaker
Those are going They're gonna run They're gonna hide I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover I'm gonna hover
00:24:04
Speaker
I'm going to hover on a Smile Syndicate right here on Hullabaloo Smile. See? A great song and it's actually out on streaming platforms. It is. You can listen to that as part of the latest Smile Syndicate album, Mr. Blue Hullabaloo. yeah Check it out on Spotify, YouTube, Google, whatever it is. is there That might be the same thing now. YouTube music, iTunes, yeah whatever your title. he Whenever platforms are around, you'll be able to find all the Smile Syndicate stuff on there. Miss Elizabeth, you started the show with a very unreasonable request. who You didn't want any Lance Brock and we got some. So that's as may be. Are you grumpy now? Have I put your mood in a... No, but I'm just like... I'm i'm thinking of Sauce. I'm thinking of Ganders and Gooses.
00:24:48
Speaker
Okay, i'm I'm feeling hungry now that you've talked talked about you know poultry and sauce. You don't eat ganders, you don't eat goose, Ms. Elizabeth. I don't know what planet you come from. But what you do do is ah when you make a request and somebody makes a similar request back to you, you accept it graciously. Well, you didn't do the request though. but I couldn't because it was already set, Miss Elizabeth. But I will make it a request to you is that, you know, we've been doing this show together a long time. And ah part of but one of the bugaboos I have is a niggling issue that flares up. Bugaboo. Yeah. You mocking me? No. OK, good, because I have a simple I have a simple request for you. Let's hear it.
00:25:32
Speaker
You do 92 podcasts every week. I do a lot. And I'm so excited to tell you. Tell me, Miss Elizabeth, you didn't let me finish, which is don't tell me. I want you to focus on Hellos Mountain for the next six months. So no more other podcasts. You got to focus. You can't demand that. I'm just putting in a request. OK. And then we don't want to hear about these other podcasts. I'm highly focused on this show. We don't want to hear about the extracurricular activities that contribute nothing to this show. Sometimes what you don't want to hear or what you want to hear is not the same as what our audience wants to hear, which our audience sometimes wants to hear. What are some of the highlights of some of the other major podcasts in s Smileton, which is what I am here to deliver in the next segment. We should have like a button for dear listener friend to push and like want you press it once and something lights up here in Smileton to get HQ. One is yes, two is no. we haven't done And then we we could say, dear listener friend, do you want to hear about the other podcasts that Miss Elizabeth does? A quick update from those other shows? And they would all say yes. And it would probably be a strobe light because they'd be saying, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Over and over again. They'd be saying yes. And you know what? We haven't had a message through the pneumatic tube. No, no. In a while. I'm glad of it. i Why did you say that? Now it's going to happen.
00:26:48
Speaker
Well, I think it should happen. no That's where people can send us messages. yeah I don't want any messages of any sort. I don't want updates. I don't want messages. I just think we should sit here and stare at each other till a show ends. So what I have today is Elizabeth's podcast catch up. That's right. That's an unpleasant surprise. it Sounds like people are excited about it. Ladies and gentlemen, silence. You don't get a vote, that's for sure. The first one that I want to tell you about is and you like this one, Jason. So stop it. You do. You do a show besides this one that I like. Must have mustard. Oh, you love it. Yeah. Yeah. Number one, you like mustard. I don't know. I don't love the drama.
00:27:28
Speaker
The drama is hilarious, but that's kind of not really the point of the podcast. Well, it has become recently, with all the drama surrounding the show lately, I'm glad to report that Chrissy Rudolfo and I had a few minutes at least to talk about the latest, greatest mustards that we've been able to try. Huh? So we've been able to focus on mustard a little bit. yeah Who's Rudolfo? Chrissy, Rudolfo and I. yeah so OK, keep going. You remember Rudolpho? I don't think so. Well, I mentioned last time that Rudy had escaped from Mexican prison. Rudy. Yeah. Yes. OK. Well, after attempting to throw one of his wife's suitors off of a cruise ship, which is pretty illegal.
00:28:14
Speaker
Yeah, Rudy, he had a bad swingers cruise, attacked a suitor of his wife. He did. Tried to throw the guy overboard. Then he got in Mexican prison. Mexican prison. And he had to escape. That's what your podcast should be about. I don't know why you waste time with mustard. Well, it has been. It has been lately. Their open relationship has definitely been making him batty lately. Yeah. But he convinced some guy that he met in jail to exchange identities with him for a while. Super handy. This other guy is pretty fast and sneaky. Well, those traits will transfer once they exchange paperwork. That's right. Unfortunately, his name is Rudolfo, which is pretty close to Rudy. You don't need to... Oh, brother. But beggars can't be choosers, Jason. You don't literally have to exchange identities with a person. You can just pick a name, make up some paperwork.
00:29:03
Speaker
Well, Rudy's got a specific way that he's going about this. i'll eat boy Something's making me question this guy's judgment. well I don't know what it could be. Something is. well he I think it's every single thing you tell me about him. Yeah, probably. So his fake Spanish accent is pretty fun to listen to. And I'm really curious to hear about which mustards our friend Rudolfo will be trying next. Well, that does sound funny. Chrissy mentioned that she was looking into learning how to make mustard and then selling it at the farmer's market. Oh, you dissuaded her, surely. Well, Rudolfo made fun of her for the idea, saying that she'll probably make the worst mustard in the world. oh
00:29:45
Speaker
and people would have to be crazy to buy it. But Chrissy fired back by telling Rudolfo that changing his name is a bad idea since his wife has so many other dudes in her life that she can barely remember his original name to begin with. Mr. Elizabeth, Chrissy is unleashing a neutron bomb yeah in response to a shot from a BB gun. That's right. So he started sobbing. Oh my goodness. It was pretty dramatic. Words hurt, Ms. Elizabeth. Words hurt. And then Chrissy told us how she was thinking of calling her mustard, Misty mustard.
00:30:22
Speaker
Yeah. Which sounds pretty yummy to me. So you both were very... I'll give you a credit, you're very focused on the topic of your show. You have a co-host who's sobbing like a baby and you just want to talk about Misty Mustard. You know what? He made his bed. You stepped right open in his sobbing body. Yeah, he made his bed. He did. Oh boy. He did. Due to a technical... Again, I can't stand the ideas of these shows, but then you tell me this is what goes down on him? Yeah. Every time. I'm going to check it out. You love this show. That's what I'm telling you. Well, why can't this show be that exciting? Well, it is pretty exciting. Fair enough. Due to a technical error, the last 10 minutes of the show were done at high speed. So we all sound like chipmunks, which is kind of funny. But there's a simple fix, you guys. Not to worry. You just download the file. Here's some homework you have to do to listen to this show.
00:31:09
Speaker
Oh, it's not really homework. It's more like just clicking buttons. So open it on your favorite audio editor. but Find the affected section. but So download the podcast file. oh Get an audio editor. oh you're just You're just repeating what I just said. ah yeah I just can't believe my ears. Open your favorite pitch correction software. and Buy some if you don't already own it. That's right. And you can, it's not expensive and you can probably get it on a, on one of those, on a sample, you know, a 30 day free trial. yeah Come on. And slow us down back to normal. Feel free to reach out to Rudolfo if you have any technical questions.
00:31:48
Speaker
Here's an idea. Why doesn't Rudolfo fix the original file, repost it, problem solved? Yeah, but some people have already downloaded it. So we all sound like chipmunks. the That's no good. I don't know. I have nothing to say to this. What's poppin' the popcorn podcast? Another show you shouldn't be doing. You'd think that every episode of a show like this would be the funniest thing ever, but I think that we managed to top ourselves this week. Yeah. Top ourselves like butter, Jason. You're just having giggling fun on that show. We did a special video episode called Where's Tony? So Tony, of course, is Tony Popcorn.
00:32:25
Speaker
Yeah. He's our grumpy co-host who hates popcorn. His name really is Mr. Popcorn. Right. He's a tormentor guy. His name's Popcorn. He hates the stuff. Yeah. Yet you drag him onto this show. You yeah you mentally torment him. And what? He's gone missing or something? Well, we don't call him mentally tormenting him. He said that he wasn't coming in to record the show with us. Okay, good. and he needs ah He needs to live his life. So we decided that we will take the show out of the studio and we did this hilarious thing where we went all over town asking people where Tony popcorn was. Stalking. yeah And we got the whole thing on video. It's not stalking when you can't find the person, Jason. It's not stalking. We went to grocery stores. We went to the library. We went to parks. It was like a super fun field trip to the mall everywhere.
00:33:11
Speaker
And then we finally tracked him down having lunch with a lady at an Italian restaurant. Well, he freaked out, Jason. When he saw us, he lost his mind. He saw that we had our phones out. We were recording him. So he tried to hold it together. He's having lunch. He's having lunch. He gets upset because he sees you're filming him and he's with who? Well, he's at the Italian restaurant with a lady. So he waved us off and he threw dinner rolls at us. yelling that we needed to get the hell out of there and stop filming. Good. Good. So here's the thing, Jason, and this is like an open question. We didn't expect to find this, but I'm pretty sure that the woman Tony was with wasn't his wife. Oh, nice. So maybe that's what he was so hard under the collar about. mind Mind your business, Mr. Elizabeth. He didn't want to be near you.
00:34:00
Speaker
If you don't want to get caught, don't do the bad thing. oh You know, I think a little popcorn added to his diet might just calm him down a bit. Yeah, I'm sure it will. Miss Elizabeth, this is outrageous behavior. Yeah, he shouldn't be dating other women besides his wife. That is outrageous. Does that need to come out on what's poppin' the popcorn podcast? Okay, so throughout the show... Do you think that's gonna make him like popcorn anymore? He seems to hate popcorn. Nah, he hates it even more now. It really does hate it. It's like an ash in his mouth. It is. Throughout the show, we were also trying out some of the latest models of popcorn makers from all the big players in the popcorn game.
00:34:36
Speaker
You were using pop, you were making popcorn during the show. Well, they still haven't figured out a way to make them quiet. No, yeah. It's like a jet engine. They make a big sound. So we definitely had to speak up, especially with seven of them going at the same time, because, you know, efficiency. It must have been deafening. But the smell of the studio was unbelievable. So popcorny and buttery, salty. So I'm sure that our listeners will agree that it was worthwhile. I can't believe that for one second. What? you It smelled good in the studio, therefore it was worthwhile on the podcast having dev and deafening wave seven deafening jet engines. Can't understand a word you're saying. Poppity poppity pop. um Oh, brother. It was fun. Okay. Okay. Talking Smiles and Street Hockey. This one is right up your alley. Yeah, no kidding. i should This should be my show, Miss Elizabeth. I should not be doing this show. Why don't you join us? i Keep inviting you. You do. Your co-host made it clear I'm not welcome there. All right, this week's episode was fast paced, Jason. Faster than a smile to Northside community street hockey league game.
00:35:41
Speaker
so
00:35:45
Speaker
Stay on script. I'd say, Barbecue Ken had a fun idea for us to talk about the worst teams to ever play in the league. The worst teams. ah Yeah. Well, it's a waste of time right there. No, there were lots of different candidates that got brought up from days gone by. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's a lot of good teams out there nowadays. No kidding. They're getting better and better. But the current choice, at least according to Barbecue Ken or BBQ Ken. Yeah. What's the smile syndicate cool dude? Oh, fun. That's some thanks. I support Barba- I go to Barbecue Ken's ah place in the Smilton Mall food court fairly frequently. Yeah. This is how he rewards me. yeah I'm stuck with a bunch of stumblebumps. It's just facts. Mrs. Elizabeth, do you think I like being on a team like that?
00:36:31
Speaker
I don't. Yes, I think you do. I'm trying to make us better, but they don't listen. Well, I'm sorry to say worst team to ever play, but I think what I mean is like you have the biggest challenge. You're the most talented team. Do you agree with Barbecue Ken? Well, it seems to be true. This show stinks. I'm going to tell you flat out. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know one thing about Smiles and Street Hockey. Most of the show was Cranky Neil and BBQ Ken celebrating a victory. And I don't mean their favorite teams that won. Okay. These two passionate street hockey fans petitioned town council to cease all road work for the summer so as not to interrupt any of the games because in their words, this season is really starting to heat up. Wow.
00:37:18
Speaker
So no nothing. It's just street hockey on the streets. No work at all. No street hockey game will be inconvenienced due to potholes getting filled, cracks getting fixed, or surfaces getting paved. Wow. So I'm not sure when these necessary roadwork maintenance tasks will be completed, but that's for future us to worry about. That's some sense. Because we have street hockey to think about right now. They do too much work on the roads as it is. They do. It's very inconvenient. I like this. I didn't know that was happening. Well, good. See, that's making the town a little bit better. It is. That's doing something to improve, to make it easier to play street hockey. Come on. Exactly. Tensions are definitely heating up. If I was on that show, I would have said kudos.
00:37:58
Speaker
I think... you i But, unfortunately, I'm not, so I work i can't. and I do it here and it's that's a hollow that's up hall thing. I'll pass it along. Tensions are definitely heating up between fans of the Butterbuns and the Smilton Community Outreach Association. No kidding. Very tense situation. I don't want to use a phrase like street hockey fans' civil war, but that just may happen if this heated rhetoric doesn't get cooled down. but you and you're You're probably stoking the flames, Miss Elizabeth. Well, we were flooded with calls from both sides, hurling abuse and threats at each other. I like to think that this is just good fun, but Cranky Neal did a lot of yelling at the callers telling them that what they were saying was against the law and stuff.
00:38:42
Speaker
Boy, boy. Really going for the going for the throat there. All I know is it's better to settle these differences out on the road with a hockey stick and a tennis ball, not with fists, crowbars and chains. Like some of the colors we're talking about, Jason. elizabeth What kind of why are you riling the people up like this? That's crazy behavior. I i think I'm saying let's do it with hockey. Exactly. you should But it shouldn't even need saying. I don't know what's possessing these fans to grab crowbars and chains. You may hate the Smile at the Community Outreach Association or the Butterbuns, but that's a little much. I think you're in favor of the Butterbuns. butter buns are fine and and and somebody's got to teach that community outreach association something because they're animals they're they're horrible and dirty vicious they are but even so we can't have fans cracking each other's heads open over it of course not and we just want to see that happen during the game yeah
00:39:33
Speaker
So but god people get some sense. I think your podcast is hurting more than helping the street hockey scene. Maybe you should join the podcast and help it to become better. I think I need to figure out how to do more than one podcast a week and just get another street hockey podcast going. Yeah. Run you guys right out of business. That's what you should do. Go ahead. Okay. accept it Okay. You dared me. im Um, it's happening. Okay. Bring it. Fine. Do you have anything more for us, Miss Linda? That's it for now. Oh, boy. Well, thanks for the update. Podcast catch-up. My pleasure. Again, when you do these updates, you tell me what's going on in the broader world of your podcasting endeavors, and it just makes me it makes me feel deflated. Makes me feel, you know...
00:40:13
Speaker
What am I doing? What am I doing in this wacky podcasting world? um I'm obviously doing something wrong here. No, you're doing okay. I don't have enough machines running in the background. I don't have enough noise. I don't have enough weird co-hosts to bring their life problems. I think that's what's missing. I think we got to figure out a way to do that. Yeah, we could have more fun. but More fun? Yeah. Now that I disagree with, okay it's impossible to have more fun than we already do on this show. i'm just like i'm just trying to so I'm just trying to figure out how your shows can be so successful doing such weird stuff. yeah it's It's counterintuitive. I'll take that away from my own puzzlement. ok In the meantime, let's listen to a song to clear the air here. sounds good miles syndicate I'm going back to high school. That's fun. Let's listen.
00:41:27
Speaker
It's time to turn my life around It's time to get on solid ground I'm gonna jump back in the game My life will never be the same
00:41:54
Speaker
I'm going back to high school I'm twice your age and twice as cool I'm going back to high school Oh man, this is gonna roll Second time won't be more fun This is the smartest thing I've ever done I'm going back to high school
00:42:25
Speaker
They're great some go back with frenzy
00:42:53
Speaker
I'm thrice your agent twice as cool I'm going back to high school Oh man, this is gonna roll Second time will be more fun It's the hardest thing I've ever done I'm going back to high school Remind me where the office is
00:43:20
Speaker
I am younger than I look, yes I am
00:43:50
Speaker
Or was this mountain here before? Being hip is so my thing You're looking at your next prom key
00:44:34
Speaker
I'm going back to high school I'm going back to high school going back to high school, but I was going to get right here on Hello, Smile. Yeah, I have a lot of high school students who just graduated don't have to sing that song to themselves. Go right back. Do it again. You had fun. Might as well do it again. You only live once, so do it again. Yeah, OK. That's it's that's my advice to you. Don't do something new.
00:45:17
Speaker
But do it after you do it again. OK. Miss Elizabeth, it's been a good show. It has. Good doing it with you. I love half the content and the other the other half, I don't know what to do with anymore. OK. So I guess we're just going to have to to keep on this, keep on keeping on with this dynamic creative tension. I guess so. Because ah but the results are dynamite. Mm-hmm. I hope you had fun, dear listener friend. I hope you're planning to check in with us once again next week for another all new episode of Hello, Smileton. In the meantime, this one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth, take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileton. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileton, so spread the word and make a difference.
00:46:01
Speaker
So it's a goodbye from Jason. Bye bye. And bye bye from me. See you next week. And as always, remember friends, the sun is the jukebox.