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Do You See How When I Put Words Together They Make No Sense?
44 Plays1 year ago
Imagine combining the very best episode of The Love Boat with the most thrilling Super Bowl ever. Pretty entertaining, huh? No! That would be a mess! Listen to something better like this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON.
Jason and Miss Elizabeth bring a satchelful of Funtime with their comedy capering and original music outpourings. Trying to resist the enjoyments on display is a fool's errand.
In a vintage SMILETON POLICE BLOTTER, Miss Elizabeth gives us the goods from the mean streets of Smileton. The Thin Blue Line is keeping the peace and Miss Elizabeth is watching the watchers, so..... things are pretty good, I guess!
In a classic SMILETON COMMUNITY MESSAGE BOARD, the good people of our dear town have their say and, no matter how baffling, off-kilter or off-putting their utterances are.... kinda lost my train of thought there.
Songs from Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE bring that sweet sweet music goodness and wow, talk about a podcast episode!
HELLO, SMILETON. If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Already.
Show Timestamps:
5:03 Smileton Police Blotter (from May 25, 2020)
15:35 SONG - Lovestorm
17:46 Smileton Community Message Board (April 12, 2021)
32:27 SONG – Werenerd
Recommended
Transcript
Welcome to the Live Show
00:00:04
Speaker
Hello, Smileson! Welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to take straight from Smileson, Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I am ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason! Miss Elizabeth, thanks so much for your charming introduction. Jason, where's your cap?
00:00:23
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth, I'm struggling with half today. I gotta admit it. I gotta tell you all about something that happened to me earlier this very day. Oh, story time already. Yes, but before I get to that, I must do the most important thing, and that is welcoming you, dear listener friend, to the festivities. Thanks so much for joining us today. You're gonna have fun. There's gonna be some comedy on display.
Miss Elizabeth's Secret Deal
00:00:45
Speaker
There's gonna be some music, and you're gonna get out of this with a huge grin on your face.
00:00:50
Speaker
That's right. It sets you up for the whole week. And try to get a better offer than that today. And you might have a really decent idea of what's going on in Smileton. And basically, it's like a real estate offer. Why you should move to Smileton? Ms. Elizabeth, the deal we have with the Smileton Chamber of Commerce is not to be spoken of out loud. Yes, we are promoting migration and moving to Smileton, but that is not an explicit mission. That is a diabolical
00:01:17
Speaker
a secret crypto plan we're executing. We could edit it out. We don't have to. Okay, I'll just edit that out. Okay, good. When I'm editing, I don't really listen that closely, so that beep will kind of snap me out of it.
Jason's Bizarre Cinema Experience
00:01:35
Speaker
I gotta complain about something before we get to the fun. Miss Elizabeth, I'm a wreck. More complaining? No, no complaining, but a little bit of a demand for some kudos and respect for carting my arse in here today.
00:01:48
Speaker
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to ignore you. I've never seen such a foul tempered studio audience. What? Like, is it a body part that's bothering you? My whole being was put into a blender earlier today. OK, Smilton Odeon, the movie theater that opened, you know, that is a place it looked like it was going to be super cool, old timey movie theater, not a multiplex, but it was going to be the old time movie experience.
00:02:14
Speaker
Yeah, like being in the 1920s, like going to the movies. Not that far, maybe the 50s. Movies like they were meant to be. So I was really looking for, and tickets are hard to get to that stupid thing, so I finally got a seat and I was able to go to a movie earlier today.
00:02:33
Speaker
Oh, it was an experience and not a good one. I was prepared to have the time of my life. They were playing the Shaggy D.A., the thrilling 70s sequel to that Disney movie, this Shaggy Dog, where Dean Jones probably turns into a dog at the most inopportune times, and he's a D.A., Miss Elizabeth. That's a serious job. You can't be turning into a dog. While you're driving a car, no less. It tends to undercut your gravitas. Yeah, your credibility as a cop.
00:03:02
Speaker
So anyway, I came in, there were super high expectations. I know this is going to be like watching Citizen Kane first run in the theater. And we sit down and we start getting barraged. In what way? Well, because it's like a 50s theater. But the owner of this place, I don't know who it is, whoever's run in this place has lost their mind. Every gimmick you can think of has been thrown in because having a proper old-timey theater isn't enough. So they handed out 3D glasses. I'm like, that's weird.
00:03:30
Speaker
Shaggy DA was never 3D, not in my experience. Did you imagine the fur though in 3D? That would be fun. It was headache inducing because it wasn't a 3D print. So I don't know what they were doing. And then we start, I went with Cranky Neil. We'd look at each other and what the hell is that? And they started pumping these weird smells.
00:03:51
Speaker
Oh, like doggy smells. Like many... Miss Elizabeth? The smells came in. There's dog smells. There's perfume smells. There's outdoor smells. There's mating rhino smells. Nothing to do with the movie. Whatever kind of weird smell they could... They're just trying to make it more exciting by pumping in all these things. Well, that does sound exciting, Jason.
00:04:15
Speaker
Yeah, but they didn't ventilate the place properly, so those smells clashed something fierce. Okay. Then the seats start tingling. Yeah. And vibrating. Yeah. And pretty soon they're, they're rising up and they're starting to spin around. Oh my goodness. That sounds like so much fun. How can you watch your movie when your back is to the screen? You're being spun around. You're part of the movie. It was silly, Miss Elizabeth. It was nauseating. What a poor cinematic experience. I gotta go. Smilton Odeon, get your act together. That sounds fun. I can't even tell you how the movie ended.
00:04:43
Speaker
It's got spectacular reviews. And not for the movies, but for the theater itself. Again, the point of the venture is to display movies in a proper form, not to turn into a frickin' circus. Well, I like it to be a bit of a ride, I have to say. What a horrible experience, Miss Elizabeth, and I thank you not to remind me of it ever again. Oh, one sec. Oh, one
Humorous Phone Call and Listener Request
00:05:06
Speaker
sec. No, wait a minute here. You can get phone calls, so can I. Yellow.
00:05:12
Speaker
Oh hi Connie. Did my tea order come in? Oh no, okay yes. You're right, we are doing the podcast right now. Yes, you called in right as we're doing the podcast, it's so funny. Oh fun. I can't believe it. This is outrageous. I know, what a coincidence. I guess you're, you might be, you know what, she's in the studio audience. Wrap it up. Okay. Oh hi Connie, I see you waving.
00:05:33
Speaker
You see we're doing a show and you're calling. Okay, you silence yourself, Miss Elizabeth. Get off the phone. We got a proper show to do here. All right, Connie. She's made a request, which I think is only fair. I got a request for her too. Okay. And the request is, can we please listen to the Smileton police blotter from episode 115, May 25th, 2020, called Get Out of the Hot House, Miss Elizabeth.
00:05:56
Speaker
She doesn't want to hear new content. She'd rather hear something old from the previous version of this show when it was called the Smile Syndicate Music Hour. She's picking this one. Let's listen. Miss Elizabeth has gotten some illicit technology that's allowing her to listen in on the communications of the Smileson Police Department. That's right. And she's compiling our own collection of the police's activities and the strange incidents they have to deal with in a segment we call the Smileson.
Absurd Police Blotter Stories
00:06:28
Speaker
That's right. Thursday, 2.52 a.m. Police responded to a noise complaint in the Westwood area and found a sleepwalking man creating an erotic ice sculpture with a chainsaw.
00:06:42
Speaker
The man, later identified as local dentist Alfredo Gon, completed his work, which stood proudly on a wooden platform. He then set the platform ablaze and howled with tears in his eyes as the sculpture quickly melted. Police were moved by the scene and refrained from pressing charges. The still sleepwalking dentist returned to his home, prepared a cucumber sandwich and some warm milk and returned to his bed without further incident.
00:07:11
Speaker
I don't know. What were the police even doing there? They seem to really like hassling my buddy, Dr. Gone, the hippie dentist. I think that they were alerted by the sound of someone. The chainsaw in the middle of the night. The chainsaw in the middle of the night. And the howling and the crying. Combined with the howling and crying and perhaps the erotic nature of the design. Yeah, well. And also then the fire.
00:07:35
Speaker
But it turned out that everything was all right. He just needed a bit of supervision. He was just expressing himself and that we don't need the art police. And you know you don't wake Dr. Gon while he's sleepwalking. No, no, that would be bad news. You don't know what might happen. You learned that from the Flintstones. That's right. Saturday, 10.03 p.m., the Smiles and Swat team was called to an unlicensed limbo party in Harvester Square. The officers arrived in full riot gear and were ready to crack some skulls.
00:08:02
Speaker
But as the enchanting limbo music entered their ears, their bodies got in the groove and soon the thin blue line was seeing how low they could go under that low low limbo pole. Again, the police are taking time to go hassle people who are having a limbo party unlicensed.
00:08:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's got mayor baronet crap mayor paddy pepper stink all over exactly my thoughts Jason I don't know why you have to license a limbo party I know those things smiled and really loves limbo those parties can get out of hand I've seen those things turn into a 3d orgiastic madness fest all because of limbo well that's not the police's business
00:08:45
Speaker
That's right. And as a sidebar, I've noticed that a lot of times when the Smilton police are called out to an event, they often end up becoming just wrapped up in the festive mood of whatever the event is. That keeps it. So why just don't answer the call or go when you're off duty. I will say Smilton's enthusiasm for limbo does border on the excessive. Do you think so? Nobody's been hurt yet. No, but it's too much.
00:09:10
Speaker
All right, Monday 709 p.m. Residents of the Summer Oaks area had their early evenings relaxation shattered by a man dressed up as the Green Goblin who was riding a segue and lobbing homemade pumpkin bombs at parked cars. Oh my goodness. As police arrived, they found cowering citizens powerless to stop the menace until a resident dressed as the rhino burst through some garbage cans and headed straight for the goblin.
00:09:40
Speaker
Police cheered as Goblin uttered a panicked cry and fled the area. When congratulated by his grateful neighbors, the unlikely hero would only growl, I am the Rhino.
00:09:59
Speaker
People were people really cowering from the Green Goblin well these homemade pumpkin it's not the real it's not the real they're probably food coloring that's right ridiculous exactly well good work they did they didn't even
00:10:15
Speaker
Okay, they showed up and they didn't even do anything They just stood by with everybody else and cheered when the rhino took care of business, you know You have to investigate before you can take action. How do you yeah you you I don't know why you defend the police so much. They got they this is a this is mission drift I'm just trying to report what happened. Okay
00:10:31
Speaker
Wednesday, 9.37 p.m., police were called to the home of uptight rock music-hating Vice Principal Warren Wurman after receiving a complaint that a gang of party-crazed high schoolers had placed a domesticated animal's excrement in his mailbox. Now that's not, that's got to be, yeah, that's not okay.
00:10:53
Speaker
An agitated wormman demanded that police expel team quarterback Tyler Coltman, head cheerleader Kristi Sunbody, and her best friend Twyla Gerp, who even though she's awkward and clumsy, really is beautiful and graceful, and if only she could believe that herself. What on earth? That's just what came across the blotter.
00:11:16
Speaker
OK. OK. OK.
00:11:37
Speaker
Hmm, this is this is sounded like a porkies ripoff, you know glad the police stepped in a race and arrested these three and this Twyla GURP She's like a she's and she looks like a nerd, but she's really beautiful underneath that nerdiness. She just would take
00:11:53
Speaker
off her glasses and shake out her hair exactly right and I'm glad she's gonna learn to think about what she did in the who scout because she's fallen in with a bad crowd these these these people who are kings of high school they never you chalk it up to experience the only thing I don't don't agree with here is the kissing of the boots is a little bit well
00:12:10
Speaker
Come on, you wake up with a mailbox full of animal excrement, it's going to change your perspective on things. I don't blame Warren Wurman for losing his cool little bit. Sure, he hates rock music, but who else is going to run that school? The kids are out of control. I don't blame them. All right. Tuesday, 11.31 a.m., delinquent school children were rounded up by truant officer Chubby Farina and thrown into a dog catcher's truck.
00:12:34
Speaker
On the way back to school, Farina called police to inform them of the children's capture and to let their teacher, Ms. Pretty, know that the children would soon be in class again. Ten minutes later, Farina recovered consciousness and called back to police to report that the children had broken free, partially suffocated him with a plastic bag over his head and when he woke,
00:12:57
Speaker
He was lying at the edge of the Smileton tar pits with the dog catcher struck surely resting on its sticky bottom The children are still at large while that chubby Farina Talk about I was telling you the mission drift with us the Smileton police department is this true an officer he sees power mad That dog catchers truck he'll throw you in there at the slightest with the slightest provocation. I got thrown in there. I've been in time Yes
00:13:20
Speaker
Well now, there was no sign of the dog catcher's truck, so I would not place money that it's at the bottom of the tar pits. I would say perhaps those children might have taken control of the truck. Well this town's turning into a little rascal short and I don't mind. Shelby Farina had that coming to him. He had that hook.
00:13:37
Speaker
And he'd catch you as you were running away. You were just sitting at the pond, having a bit of a fish. There's no fish in there, but nothing wrong with sticking the old fishing pole in the old pond, skipping school. Why, I did that all the time, and I turned out fine. Chubby Farina thinking he needs to discipline all these kids. Well, they got parents, Chubby Farina, and I'm a grown up. You can't be hassling me when I'm just having some popcorn in the park. Start chasing me, throwing me in the dog catcher truck. I'm outrageous.
00:14:05
Speaker
So that was the feel-good story of this Smilton blotter. Yeah, and that's it this week for the Smilton Police blotter. Well, thanks, Miss Elizabeth. My pleasure. That was informative. You've got your pulse on the CME underside of this town. There's all kinds of bad stuff going on when the sun goes down, but Smilton's finest are on it or would be if they weren't wasting their time with limbo parties and and whatnot.
00:14:28
Speaker
Well, they were called out to those events. Don't forget that. True enough. Yep. They were paid for those. Well, if I could give some advice to the Smilton Police Department, I'd get a little bit choosy, which calls you answer. Could be. Could be a good idea. Old stuff.
00:14:41
Speaker
right here on Hellos Mountain and a little bit of outrage on the side. How dare you take a call during the show, Ms. Elizabeth? This is the most unprofessional thing I've ever seen. How do you figure? Last week? Are you referring to me? We're getting calls from Lance?
00:15:00
Speaker
Right. His purpose in calling me during the show was to correct a perceived error and to improve the quality and content of the show. This is some woman bombing in to knock us off course, which she did effectively because listening to an old Smoughton police blotter from a previous episode was not on my bingo card. Not at all.
00:15:21
Speaker
Not at all, Miss Elizabeth. Do you think you need to relax with a piece of music? Yeah, I think I do. I think we might be, you know what? Valentine's Day's coming up. Yeah. I think we might be about to get hit by a love storm. Let's listen.
00:17:18
Speaker
Love Storm, a smile syndicate right here on Hello Smile. Well, that cheered me up a little bit. That's a little under two minutes of fury, Miss Elizabeth. I know it's so energetic and I sang the Love Storm part. You did. You're singing on the chorus and dear listener friend, that song is pretty short to the point. It punches you in the solar plexus and moves on, dances off and you want to hear it again. You better go on any digital music streaming platform of your choice and look up the smile syndicate. That's right.
00:17:46
Speaker
Well, Miss Elizabeth, I'm trying to, I'm scrambling now because we had all this content ready to go today. And I was excited to present some things for once. And then your buddy Connie throws a monkey wrench into the works. And then now I have to figure out where we went.
00:18:04
Speaker
One second. Gotta be kidding me. Here we go. Hello. Oh, hi, bird. Oh, come on. Oh, my goodness. You've really upset Jason by calling. There is no way Bird is on the phone. Dear listener friend, Miss Elizabeth is purporting to be talking to a parrot right now. All right. Bird has requested the second pick. Yeah. And he's so excited to be on the show. He says hi to everybody.
00:18:28
Speaker
Yeah? Was he swearing? He's not swearing. He doesn't swear to me. He doesn't. And so what he's asking for is Smilton community message board because he's so community minded. Oh yeah. He's a psychopath.
Death Metal and Dune Buggy Festivals
00:18:40
Speaker
He's community minded and from episode 207 April the 21st 2021 called Mustard's Big You Know. That was the name of the episode Miss Elizabeth. I remember it well and I guess we're going to play it and I have some words for you afterward.
00:18:55
Speaker
We gotta keep going, and this upcoming segment is going to be terrifying in a slightly different way. Is it? Well, because we're going to peer into the seething id of this town of ours. Citizens of every stripe post their musings, post their frustrations, post their desires, post their obsessions on the smile. Yeah, sometimes their possessions and what they want to sell.
00:19:20
Speaker
We don't filter, we just put them out there. So this is going to be a pretty decent picture of what's going on. It's a Polaroid snapshot of what's going on inside the mind of this town. All right. Shall I get started? Let's just start going through them. Okay. Attention young death metal bands.
00:19:36
Speaker
Oh, I see. I don't like how that's starting already. The Smiles and Death Metal Festival 2021 is approaching fast and we want to make sure that the next generation of crypt burgling tomb revelers are represented. If you're a band that is ready to lay the doom down on the world of daylight but haven't yet recorded anything or even played a show, I'm looking for you. Contact me via the normal methods and make your pitch.
00:20:02
Speaker
The festival's army of the undead cannibal knight will be stronger with you. That's from Jorg mailbox 6650. I get exhausted by postings like that, Miss Elizabeth, like that is just so silly. Jorg is continuing to pollute this town with the tendrils of death metal. And I should be out there fighting the good fight, stopping this invasion of the body snatchers. But it's wearing me down, Miss Elizabeth.
00:20:28
Speaker
How would you stop people from enjoying death metal? I would present them with a better option, Ms. Elizabeth, and I would point out the folly of going into that death metal void. We had the death metal festival last year, and it was only because of the big-hearted nature of this mountain competitive food eating community
Customer Service and Creative Canoneering
00:20:45
Speaker
that it
00:20:45
Speaker
All turned out properly at all. Everybody got on the same page at the very end. We all had a good time. I can't see that happening again this year. And I kind of thought it was understood that, you know, we settled our differences and now let us never speak of death metal again. That was not taken up. That was not message received. Jorg is stubbornly pursuing this course. You're aiding and abetting a Miss Elizabeth.
00:21:06
Speaker
Well, the culture is going strong, and to be honest, I mean, Jorg is offering to help young musicians. That's off-putting. Yeah, okay. You should just leave the young people alone to find a nicer, sunnier path. They don't need to be introduced to crit burgling and tomb raiding and whatever else you death metal weirdos get up to. Okay, well, it's all in good fun.
00:21:27
Speaker
oh it's not but then but look at the wreckage leave behind miss elizabeth a bunch of confounded people miss elizabeth and i count myself among them let's read a different message all right the sun is up the dunes are clear and it's time to do some dune buggy in this summer california dune buggy legend booty coombs is bringing booty boom 2021 to smileton okay now this is something i can get behind miss booty boom
00:21:51
Speaker
Fasten your seatbelts and put on your brain buckets. The internationally renowned Doon Buggying Festival is going to bring the Doon Buggying fun to Smilton summer. So get ready for the greatest summer of all time. California Doon Buggy legend Booty Coombs himself will be there as the Doon Buggying master of ceremonies. But if you think that's the only Doon Buggying celebrity you'll see at Booty Boom 2021, think again. Details will be released soon. Drop any plans you had for the summer. It's time to Doon Buggy and celebrate Doon Buggying too.
00:22:20
Speaker
with the festival. Tawny mailbox 16035. It's gonna be a summer of festivals, isn't it? See, once again, something good tries to just gently poke its nose into Smilton and the death metal morass is there like the blob to to vower it and make it its own.
00:22:38
Speaker
Are you kidding? The death metal crowd is going to enjoy the dune buggy. The death metal festival better stay out of the way of the dune bugging festival. Can you imagine the dune buggies full of death metal revelers just cruising down the street and like going over... Are you trying to turn me off dune bugging forever, Miss Elizabeth? Because putting images like that in my head will do the job. Well...
00:22:57
Speaker
They could have fun. On a recent episode of the Smile Syndicate Music Hour, Jason, one of the hosts of that show, made a number of scurrilous comments about the Smileson Community Theater, and I would like to state formally that should he fail to provide an acceptable apology and plan for restitution, I don't like the sounds of this one.
00:23:21
Speaker
The Smiles and Community Theater will be forced to launch legal action. Unfounded claims of corruption, legal impropriety, and quote-unquote money laundering of all things are... Did you say all these things? Okay. Whoever this joker is, he's got me dead to rights. Are absolutely unacceptable, even for a show of questionable qualities such as yours.
00:23:45
Speaker
Make things right by choice, Jason, or we will be forced to do it by law. The ball is in your court. Joffrey. Joffrey. Joffrey. Mailbox 6948. Oh, yeah.
00:23:57
Speaker
Shot my mouth off loud and proud about the Smilton community theater people Last last week miss Elizabeth and I did accuse them of money laundering and it's and a bunch of other things Oh, yes, you did. I'm not backing down I can I can smell malfeasance a mile away miss Elizabeth and I can tell those creeps are up to something You think they're really serious or maybe he's just acting
00:24:19
Speaker
He's not acting. He's a scoundrel. I'm calling you out, Joffrey. I think you're the head of that money laundering operation. I think you got other criminal activity going on. I think you lied. I think that's not even your real name. I think you're even in working for that organization under false pretenses. He's acting.
00:24:38
Speaker
No, he's a deceitful, duplicitous person, Miss Elizabeth. And if you think putting on a production of Annie gets your gun or Annie or the Phantom of the Opera is going to get you out of the bad books with me, guess again. You're just compounding your crime. Joffrey, you haven't heard the last of me. Send your lawyers after me. I don't care. Yeah, I don't enjoy the threats to my co-host. Yeah, cram it, Joffrey. Yeah. You money laundering goof.
00:25:05
Speaker
If anyone is thinking of buying those cool moon boots that light up from disco shoes, I say stay away from there. They have the worst customer service in the world. I need proper shoes for my partying and the arrogant snobs at disco shoes seem to be more interested in being rude to their customers than supplying them with high-quality party shoes. Who cares? Maybe I'll start going to one of those barefoot skunk parties. I saw a YouTube video of
Robotic Havoc and Magic Performances
00:25:30
Speaker
one of those and it looked pretty wild. Corinne mailbox 9994.
00:25:34
Speaker
Sometimes you learn things that are problems that you never thought of as a problem at all. Party shoes. Corinne is hung up on party shoes. Party shoes are fun. Yeah, but I don't even want to know what a barefoot skunk party is. Yeah. That sounds strange. Once again, I was happily living my life, Miss Elizabeth, without knowing any of this. Now it's in my brain. Now it's in my purview. And just my enjoyment of life has just gone down a little bit.
00:26:03
Speaker
Canoneers. Share your love of canonery with other like-minded citizens. I think this one might be talking to you, Jason. I'm interested. Come on down to the Smiles in Public Library this Saturday for the inaugural meeting of the Smiles in Society for Creative Canoneering. Hmm.
00:26:20
Speaker
Do you like shooting cannons? I could learn to like it, Ms. Elizabeth. We will shoot antique cannons at each other just as some of our ancestors did. Learn how to handle gunpowder safely and learn which balls are the best to use when you're aiming at fellow society members in a spirited game of cannon tag.
00:26:39
Speaker
Oh, this sounds neat. I told the team that I wasn't going to do this, but I'm going to because it's just too fun. Come on down and join us today. It'll be a blast. L-O-L from Magratheny, mailbox 11067. Magratheny? I was with you, Tilly, and their one is with these screwball names, Miss Elizabeth.
00:27:00
Speaker
Like the it'll be a blast. Oh, that was right up my alley again. I was looking forward to joining this thing I wouldn't mind shooting a cannon at some of my fellow citizens about the name Maybe it's an alias. I'll talk to him. No, I think it's like a combination name It's one of those weird combination names. Well, see what it's like Margaret
00:27:18
Speaker
and Anthony puts together a C name. Can I not just see a posting that interests me and then I go investigate and it turns out to be a little bit of fun, a little bit of folly in my life? Yeah, that's the one. Why does a weird name have to get in the way of all that, Miss Elizabeth? Let's go together and do some canoneering. Well, Miss Elizabeth, let's go. Let's go meet Mark Rothany.
00:27:38
Speaker
Usually, I'm finding things, but this time I'm asking for help finding my grandson's robot that he made out of garbage cans and old radios. That thing came alive and it's racing around eating cars and growing bigger by the day. My grandson has tickled pink over the whole thing, but I think this thing could turn into a mechanized menace if we're not careful. If you've seen it, unplug it and let me know where it is.
00:28:00
Speaker
Shouldn't hurt you if you just stay away from cars George mailbox 1421. Well, that's our old buddy George. He's usually find it George I think George might be like a performance artist guy. He may not be a beloved retired guy Living his life for this wife and his grandson comes to visit every once in a while and they keep finding weird stuff and he keeps telling us all about it now and
00:28:24
Speaker
They've created something weird and lost it and it's in potentially Smiles and might be in trouble if we've got a car-eating robot. I don't think that sounds amazing. That doesn't sound real to me, but I'll take George's word for it. I'll keep my eyes peeled anyway. Weirdest stuff has happened in Smiles. Yeah, that's true enough. Poof, Alakazam, the astounding Ed has learned a few new tricks and is now taking bookings for gatherings, parties and other festive events.
00:28:50
Speaker
Turns out the car the Astounding Ed just
Concluding Playful Criticisms
00:28:53
Speaker
bought has higher payments than he was expecting so he's gonna have to conjure up some quick cash on an ongoing basis and what better way than entertaining everyone while he does it. Indoors outdoors at the front of the school bus as it takes a group of school kids to an outdoor swimming pool. Two towns over the Astounding Ed has done gigs in every possible situation and the result has always been the same, enchanting magic and joyed by all.
00:29:20
Speaker
Cash only and if you text me, please use the terms used wheelbarrow instead of anything to do with magic let's just say other parties have taken an interest in my finances and I don't declare my magic work on my taxes. Oh, he shouldn't be saying this on the message board.
00:29:36
Speaker
So I really don't need a paper trail with any of this stuff. As I said, Cash only booked me today. Wonder awaits from the Astounding Ed mailbox 6600. Well this Astounding Ed, he's working. He's got bills to pay. Yeah, he made a little bit of a mistake, but now he's also making a lot of people happy.
00:29:56
Speaker
Well, I don't know about that. He was really not inspiring confidence with me. The last time we heard from Astounding It, didn't he lock himself in one of his own tricks? And the fire department had to come and smash it open and get him out. Yeah, that was his latest trick. Well, that was some trick. Cost him a bunch of money. And from what I understand, the fire department was triumphant in the lawsuit and they actually made him pay for all the legal fees.
00:30:19
Speaker
Did they? I didn't know that. That's unfortunate. Well, yeah. And so now he's not now buying cars again. Astounding Ed is like, I don't think he's very good at magic, but he's not good at managing his own life either. So yes, he might need a life coach. Oh, Miss Elizabeth. Or like an investment advisor. I happen to know a life coach.
00:30:36
Speaker
Yes, but he doesn't help you. Jerry will turn him right around. That's a great idea, Elizabeth. Well, yeah, I'll tell Jerry to reach out to the astounding today. Well, that is the Smilton Community Message Board messages galore from the good citizens of Smilton.
00:30:51
Speaker
There's a lot of fun happening in Smilton right now. It's like spring has sprung and people are just like getting ready for summer. Well people are in a better mood a little bit because we didn't there were hardly any threats in that. There were hardly any just crazed ramblings against enemies real or imagined. It was just that one about the disco shoes. Yeah well it's a dissatisfied customer and the message board is the perfect place to venture spleen sometimes. Moral stuff. Unprompted. An unprompted segment right here on Hellos Mountain.
00:31:20
Speaker
Well, Bird was very complimentary. I can barely contain my anger, Miss Elizabeth. He was so complimentary to you, Jason. I don't believe that for a second. That's the sociopathic little parrot spews venom at me every chance he gets. He said, pay my respects, pay my respects. Oh, I don't believe that hardly sounds like him at all. Well, I mean...
00:31:39
Speaker
I blame the human facilitator because I doubt Parrot has the brains to dial a telephone, to call a podcast, to make a request for an old segment. Do you see how when I put words together, they make no sense? Yeah, because you... Why are you being so rude to Earth Bird? I mean, he literally was just being... If I were to tell you what he called me the other day, it would curdle your blood. Okay, well...
00:32:06
Speaker
Let's just we were gonna finish this show off with some semblance of dignity. All right, let's sing a together with a song Let's sing along with the song we're about to hear which is about a nerd who gets bit by a nerd and turns into a were nerd a nerd who gets bit by a nerd and Turns into a we're nerd. Let's go
00:32:48
Speaker
And behold, a terrible sight What once was as fast, becomes awareness
00:33:21
Speaker
Take the glasses off to a scarf, see the sun is blue. He's leveled up and made the world a hellish MMO. Wherever you're out for a scarf, then you strike for the morning. Wherever, roll a ten-sided tie, you'll be dead by the morning. Wherever.
00:34:25
Speaker
to him a grand buffet for twenty bucks to sign a photo and plug
00:34:57
Speaker
by the morning wind.
00:35:22
Speaker
Wear a nerd. A lot of smiles to make it right here on Hello Smile. But now we're talking. The nerds have to stop fighting each other. Can you imagine being turned into a wear nerd? Talk about turning your life upside down. I think it happens to the best of us. Well, not me.
00:35:37
Speaker
I had no such luck. No, I thought it was almost like autobiographical. It's a horrifying thing and the movies tend to romanticize the thing, but I think it would be quite a horrifying experience and I hope the song conveyed some of the depths, the darkness, the dark time of that poor nerd's soul.
00:35:55
Speaker
I hope you've recovered from it. Well, I hope it's given you something to think about. Well, dear listener friend, I hope you've had somewhat of a decent time with us. This show has gone not as planned at all. I'm still feeling nauseated from that insane movie theater I went to. I'm gonna have some stern words for the manager once I regain my senses. I think, and once that happens, we'll prepare for next week because we will be coming right back at you for another episode of Hello, Smileton!
00:36:21
Speaker
So in the meantime, Miss Elizabeth, this one's done, but it's been fun. Why don't you take us out? That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileton. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileton, so spread the word. Make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. And bye-bye from me. See you next week, and as always, remember friends, the sun is the jukebox.
00:36:51
Speaker
Thanks.