00:00:00
00:00:01
Can I Suggest That Dogs Stick To Podcasting?
36 Plays6 months ago
Holy smokes! Talk about podcastin'! This, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON will be on the lips of all your acquaintances so you'd better tune on in pronto lest you be left behind!
Jason and Miss Elizabeth bring their astounding brand of comedy and original music to podcasting and the whole medium is thus ennobled.
In today's show, a classic LANCE BROCK'S ROCK TALK has Smileton's rock'n'roll sage sharing his wisdom in his inimitable way and it behooves us royal to heed his words.
A vintage doubleshot of a PAID ADVERTISEMENT and a SMILETON COMMUNITY MESSAGE BOARD gives us that left-right UPPERCUT and DOWN GOES THE PODCAST LISTENER! TOO ENTERTAINED, I GUESS!
Two songs by Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE round out the fun and you really should be just listening right now instead of reading this silly stuff.
HELLO, SMILETON. If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Already.
Show Timestamps:
3:30 Lance Brock's Rock Talk (from April 11, 2022)
17:41 SONG – Too Legit To Quit
21:32 Paid Advertisement (Lovercraft) / Smileton Community Message Board (from January 23, 2023)
SONG – 10 Fingers, 9 Toes
Transcript
Introduction and Light Banter
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello, Smileton. Welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smileton, Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I am ready to have some fun today. How about you, Jason? I don't know, Miss Elizabeth. Thanks for the introduction. Anyway, the question prompts so much thinking.
00:00:23
Speaker
Well, I have to give you a tentative answer. I think, yes, today should be fun. We should have fun on today's show. I am ready. You want to have fun? Ah, yeah. It's a choice. I always come here to Smile Syndicate HQ with the goal of having fun and then I turn and I look at our studio audience with us here in Smile Syndicate HQ and the whole enterprise goes up in smoke.
00:00:45
Speaker
Everybody here wants to have fun. Even everybody in the audience, as you can clearly see, I think that's what you're referencing. I will deal with the audience presently, but before I do that, Miss Elizabeth, please join me in thanking you, dear listener friend, for joining us today. Your eager attention powers this show. We can't believe it, actually.
00:01:05
Speaker
No, we're making your life better. There's no doubt about that. But in some weird way, your attention makes our lives better too. And isn't that a circle of some virtuosity? It's like a symbiosis. Virtuousness. Yes, Miss Elizabeth.
Audience Antics Discussed
00:01:20
Speaker
Now, with that happiness out of the way, let's turn our attention to the Nerdiwells up in the studio audience.
00:01:25
Speaker
Do you have to be insulting, though? They are putting so much effort in. Look at the lack of respect on display, Miss Elizabeth. They're all... Dear listener friend, I'm glad you're not here with us in studio because then you would be as appalled as I am by the display. Appalled. It's pastel colors. It's for the season. Every single nitwit in the studio audience is dressed up as the Easter Bunny. Do not call them nitwits. They're nitwits. Think about it. Look, why are there 60, 70, 80 Easter Bunnies? How can that even be? They're hippity hoppity.
00:01:53
Speaker
Their narrative wells miss Elizabeth. Oh my goodness. Yeah, it doesn't wash with me.
00:01:58
Speaker
Their do well stands for like never do well, but they're all doing so well right now. You see what they're doing? It's off-putting anyway, this display. It's more than mildly nauseating. They're doing what bunnies do. Yeah, which is apparently sit and kind of like, like they aren't even talking to each other. They're just doing like bunny gestures and they're putting Easter eggs in each other's baskets. They keep scratching their noses in the cute little way the bunnies do.
00:02:24
Speaker
didn't you just get a grotesque shiver of skeeves when i just described what they're up to how sick is it for an easter bunny to put an egg in some other easter bunny's basket and they're passing them around like some kind of sick 70s party okay i think you're getting
00:02:42
Speaker
You're letting it get to you a little too much. Why did they do this? Well, I think it's organized. It is organized. Because the costumes are all very similar. Gang, we've got a show to attend. They have pastel colors. Are we going to listen? Are we going to applaud appropriately and laugh at the merriment on display? Or are we going to just make fools of ourselves, try to take the spectacle away from the show? It's an off-putting display. Look at them. They're nodding. They're nodding at you.
00:03:08
Speaker
They're listening. You look at them, they keep pointing at their little ears. Yeah, guess what? When we go to commercial break, fire hose is going on. Oh, come now. And then we'll see how comfortable those costumes are after you're soaked to the bone.
00:03:24
Speaker
All right. Well, Miss Elizabeth, we want to talk about entertainment, and this studio audience is making it backbreakingly difficult to achieve, but we're going to do it anyway. And we're going to take a shortcut right straight through to this show's vast archives. Many delightful episodes lie in this show's past, Hellos Mountain, and in the spiritual forebearer of this show, which was a podcast entitled The Smile Syndicate Music Hour.
00:03:48
Speaker
Between those two shows, Ms. Elizabeth, there are almost 400 episodes in the archive. A lot of good stuff that bears hearing once more. So let's each one of us take a turn. OK, Jason, I have trusted you to pick the first one. So I hope it's a good one. I hope you could probably, you know me, I'm a creature of predictability.
00:04:09
Speaker
Are you?
Lance Brock's Rock Talk
00:04:10
Speaker
I am. Okay. So you might not be shocked to hear that the segment I have chosen to listen to once again is the segment called Lance Brock's Rock Talk. That's right. Rock and roll the way it was meant to be experienced. Rock and roll living sage right here in Smiles and that's our Lance. He gives us the good word of rock very frequently and this particular bout of wisdom comes to us from episode two hundred and eighty three of the Smiles Syndicate music hour which first aired March 11th
00:04:38
Speaker
2022 and an episode called
00:04:40
Speaker
I call the big ones man cakes. Let's listen segment after segment of high quality knowledge, high quality entertainment. This one meets that those criterion. Don't you think Ms. Elizabeth and I really can't complain. Can I? You cannot because it is time for Lance. Rocks, rock talk. My buddy Lance runs the best guitar store in town music by Lance. He is opinionated when it comes to the world of rock and rock music. And he gives us words of wisdom to say, and I'm so proud to read them to you right now.
00:05:09
Speaker
All right, well, the audience cannot wait. Well, good, because I can't either. And if we're through not waiting, let's get to it. What in the F is up, you crazy backflippin' f-ed up maniacs? Fellow rock travelers every last F in one of you. Time to turn up the tunes, crack a bunch of f-ing cool ones, and settle the F back for the latest Lance, rocks, rock, talk. I hope you like talking about rock, because that's the only dish on the F in menu. All right. Wow. Well.
00:05:39
Speaker
That's like a BB bouncing off a tank. Like, we're at rock base camp. I see the summit ahead. My hiking boots are tied on tight. I've got my hands or claws ready to grip the rock face as we ascend to Rock Mount Olympus. And you think a little, eh, is going to slow me down from that?
00:06:00
Speaker
Yeah. You know what? That, that horn is like Fogg Horn's dopey little brother. Why are you insulting the car horn? Cause he's trying to knock me off my game. One of the duties of a rock God is to effing dominate the whole sphere of rock wherever you effing find it.
00:06:16
Speaker
I've assembled the greatest effin band in the history of time and we're just about cocked and effin loaded to blow this effin game wide open but we can't unleash the full effin fury because some dumb show is being recorded here and a couple of my guys are on it for god knows effin reason. Something about eating food. Those guys can effin be easily replaced.
00:06:38
Speaker
But by the time I do it, they'll be reporting back for effin' duty. Then I gotta deal with their effin' drama, so I'm in an effin' holdin' zone, and the nuclear fusion bomber rock will have to wait a good effin' few minutes added to the effin' timer. Wow, okay. That stings a little Miss Elizabeth to be told by the guy who leads the band- He's talking about you! Yeah, he's talking about me and Dr. Gone being effin' replaceable. Lance, I beg to differ. Clearly you're not replaceable, he's just mad at you.
00:07:05
Speaker
Because he doesn't like the rock and roll freight train being slowed down because we're on hell's stomach. Yeah, patience. Lance, we're going to dominate most fields of entertainment. So you just got to give us a few minutes, a few f-ing minutes on the nuclear timers. Not a lot of time. Yeah. Dominance awaits. Don't worry about it. I'm with you. I'm part of the mission, Miss Elizabeth. Trust me, this is not a distraction.
00:07:26
Speaker
Neither is doing this show. Just gotta give a shout out to my main squeeze Melinda. She and her friends pulled a good effing prank on us when they showed up to shoot a music video with us and effing ended up trapping us in a house and stealing my drummer's effing drums who also happens to be my brother so he's not effing happy.
00:07:46
Speaker
But you've got to look at your effing self in the mirror and laugh. And Melinda was all, can't take a joke when I asked her about it. And I was all, I take the effing point. But Vance isn't laughing. No, because she is a thief and he still stays with her because she's pretty.
00:08:01
Speaker
That's a loaded term, Miss Elizabeth. Well, she steals things. I told you that story in March, didn't I, about Lance Brock's Goin' Snake, the greatest deafened band in the history of time. We got together, we're going to shoot a music video in Barty Wastoid's backyard. The plan called for 250 hot chicks.
00:08:19
Speaker
We had trouble rounding up 250 hot chicks. No kidding. Cause when you ask for 250 hot chicks, like almost nobody just steps forward. You have to phrase it differently. Melinda brought 40 hot chicks and then they tricked us. They ended up locking us in the house and a bunch of them expertly broke down Vance's drum kit and walked off with it.
00:08:38
Speaker
Cause they're exotic dancers and they know what in the F to do when somebody asks for a hot chick. Hey, if you're a hot chick, I'm not judging. What you're doing on your own time is fine. If you show it to be a hot chick in a music video, you gotta do it. You gotta meet your end of the bargain. Well, their mercenary is what I'm trying to tell you. We learn that the hard way. Yeah. And speaking of grocery stealing car wash vandalizing rock hitting nerd wannabes. Wow! Say that again.
00:09:05
Speaker
I won't. Mitch Winchell put up a bunch of billboards all over Effin Town and they're an effin disgrace. Okay, everything that stands for. That's a lot of bad words to say about Mitch Winchell. Mitch Winchell, of course, runs the other guitar store in town, Rocks Downing Guitars, Lance's main competition and the biggest rock poser nerd wannabe in town. No, he's not a wannabe. He has the best, the best, like the most normal store for rock stuff. Stop.
00:09:29
Speaker
He offers lessons to children and adults alike, and he has an intact store that's clean, and he offers fair prices. Okay, go ahead. You're right, Miss Elizabeth. You're testifying for the prosecution with all that stuff.
00:09:45
Speaker
He's a nerd, he's a wannabe, he has his nice tidy store with an intact roof, nothing about rock in there at all. He's standing on that billboard with a big roof, goofy grin and a sweater on showing a family how to play guitar and I threw up when I saw because how much less like rock can you get? He should get out of the guitar store business and leave the dealing of lethal weapons of rock to the likes of yours effing truly. This is what makes me cringe. That knob should sell toilet plungers or something else up his effing alley.
00:10:15
Speaker
Well, leave it to Lance to use it. Turn a phrase that really brings home the message. Okay. I get where he's coming from because I sometimes lose patience with that rock wannabe sometimes. I don't know what to say. It's just all so wrong. It isn't wrong. A dear listener friend, if you weren't aware, Miss Elizabeth is in Mitch Winchell's band. Oh, Mitch Winchell. Rocking Horse. That has nothing to do with the fact that
00:10:38
Speaker
Battle of the Bands, we told you about that earlier this year as well. There's history here, Ms. Elizabeth, that you're ignoring. But kids and families should have access to rock. Yeah, exactly. Real rock. Not intact roof, spic and span, tidy instruments, smiling guys in sweaters. I noticed, I didn't say the word rock once there. You're not getting away with considering a non-intact roof as part of the rock.
00:11:06
Speaker
Musique by Lance is the best effin' guitar store you've ever- I don't care about the roofs, Miss Elizabeth. What I care about is what's under that partial roof. But it's not a selling point. Lance has some roof troubles. Let's just leave it at that. Musique by Lance is the best effin' guitar store you've ever seen. Come on down and take advantage of our special effin' rock for the effin' rock gods deal. Buy three guitars and get a free effin' case for one of those beautiful instruments of rock war.
00:11:31
Speaker
That's not a deal. It is. That's not a deal. That's a deal in my book. Oh my gosh. Tell them why I'm saying yeah. Okay.
00:11:39
Speaker
I never get sick of him saying that, Miss Elizabeth. That's great. Yeah. Lance wants you to go to the store and tell him that he himself sent you to the store so he knows which ads of his is the most effective. And I gotta tell you, advertising on, I'm not that this is an ad, Miss Elizabeth. Okay. And now it's time for Lance's customer review. Okay. So this effing creep and a raincoat came in and he's shuffling around the store for like three hours and I was finally, you're going to buy something or do I have to beat your effing keister? And he turned to me.
00:12:10
Speaker
Is that his sales pitch nowadays? Well, I would grab my wallet and hand over the cash if somebody said that to me. And he turned to me like he was going to get all effing testy when this other guy with awesome rock god hair came in and goes, there you are. And the guy charges at the raincoat guy and they effing crash into a bunch of knockoff gibsons I sell because I think they're effing close enough and they just start
00:12:39
Speaker
and they just start going snake and the fists are effing flying and I just pulled up an effing sandwich because it was effing hilarious and they probably brawled for 15 minutes before the raincoat guy got his coat torn off and he just ran out of there and the guy with the awesome rock god hair goes this ain't over and he effing takes off after him and I just sat there and applauded even though I was effing alone three stars
00:13:00
Speaker
Wow. That was amazing, actually. The audience liked that one. That's a good story. That's pretty incredible. Now, can you imagine that happening at Mitch Winchell's rock stallion guitars? Never. That would never happen. Exactly. Elizabeth, we agree. It's April insanity and there's joy in the world. Okay. Mitch Winchell has security at his store, so.
00:13:20
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. No rock at all. Top f-ing, five f-ing bands of all time. You ready to count it down with me, Miss Elizabeth? I'm ready. I'm always disappointed, but this is how it goes. Number five, Led Zeppelin. Oh, I was going to go.
00:13:36
Speaker
Number five, Led Zeppelin. These crazy rock titans have effing slipped a little bit because I listened to House of the Holy Man like 50 times in a row and I think I'm getting a bit sick of it now. There's something wrong with all of that.
00:13:51
Speaker
Number four, I poop my pants because that's what I effing do. What? I've never heard of- Never heard of these guys, but my brother Vance told me I totally need to put them in the list next time. Is this a real band? Now that I did, I effing see what he did there. There's some effing payback coming Vance's way. Whoops.
00:14:08
Speaker
Lance got tricked there into reading a silly band name that makes him foolish. I think it was an April Fool's joke. Number three, Hart. Okay, that's a good choice. Vance and I are... Hart, Miss Elizabeth. You know Hart? I've heard of Hart. Vance and I argue about which one's better and I say you're both in the effing rock hall of rock Mount Olympus beauties because...
00:14:32
Speaker
So this is all about appearance then? If you're both in the F'n Rock Hall of Rock Mount Olympus beauties, then what F'n difference does it make? I'll F'n take care of any F'n one. Okay, so this is not about their musical content. It's about which Wilson sister is better, and they have an argument in Lance's saying they're both F'n Rock Mount Olympus beauties, so what F'n difference does it make? You'll take care of any of them. So this isn't a music list then.
00:14:58
Speaker
Number three. Okay. Number two. A.C. D.C. Yeah. Five brothers. Five guitars. Five f-ing hundred tons of rock. What more can I f-ing say? This list makes no sense. It makes all the sense in the world to me. And the number one top f-ing band of all f-ing time. I hope it's this mouse syndicate. I am feeling the Atlanta Brock's Goin' Snake. I know it. You know it. And soon the f-ing world will know it. Know that.
00:15:27
Speaker
Okay. Well, I got to say, again, you don't know anything about rocks. So we're just going to quietly ignore you. I'm going to F and leave you with an F and rock tip of the F and day that you can F and use in all your travels down that F and rock highway to F and make F and sure your F and journey F and rocks. Wow.
00:15:45
Speaker
Lance, Brock, Brock. He just, he was so worked up with that sentence. He forgot to do the tip missile. Yeah. What's the tip? Lance, Brock, Brock, over and F and out at the end of the F and day safe travels. You crazy F and fellow rock traveler. Peace and out and F and over and F and out. Peace. All right.
00:16:04
Speaker
uh crickets from our studio audience that's right yeah you narrative wells you just had a mountain of gold dropped on you and you just sit there slack-jawed staring forward yeah spare me your sarcastic applause miss elizabeth that was such an off-putting reaction to such a magnificent segment well i think we were all like it went on too long and then we were waiting for for too long and then we were expecting a rock tip
00:16:31
Speaker
Oh, Miss Elizabeth, you gotta screw those. When the show comes out, go back and listen to it. You'll hear how great it was. Lance has to take responsibility for his own content. He fully owns that content, Miss Elizabeth. Home run Lance, don't listen to her old stuff. By Miss Elizabeth and me right here on Elos Mountain. I like listening to the words of Lance. I know you do. What's going on with Lance these days? Is he alright?
00:17:01
Speaker
He's fine, Miss Elizabeth. He's trying winter. Has it been fixed now? His store, does it still have a big hole in it? It has the hole it's meant to have, and the other one has been patched up to a degree of reasonableness that passes muster. All right, good. Well, satisfactory conclusion to that.
00:17:22
Speaker
I'm glad Lance is doing okay. He's doing great. He can't wait for us to talk about his next zany adventure.
Musical Interlude and Smile Syndicate
00:17:29
Speaker
Okay. And in the meantime, I'm going to reach over and tune in on the radio, the Smilton radio. Let's find something good to listen to. Hopefully something by the smile syndicate. Oh, I think I found something too legit to quit. Let's listen. Too legit, too legit to quit. Too legit, too legit to quit.
00:17:54
Speaker
Too legit, too legit to quit Sweat running all over my chest
00:18:10
Speaker
I don't quit no I just press harder than I ever did before Going for the dream that I have in store In my mind and I know that I'm making it I gotta get mine and nobody's taking it away Cause hammer don't play that And you better step back I hustle for my muscle and you look weak son Yeah I'm going for all I can get Chicken at the top cause I'm too legit to quit saying too legit
00:18:43
Speaker
To legit, to legit to quit To legit, to legit to quit
00:18:58
Speaker
Step, step to the rhythm of a sure enough winner I've been here before, I ain't no beginner But I've been new, tried and true Survival of the fittest, it brought me through My crew and we're ready to strike Train for the mission so believe the hype The day you kissed us
00:19:21
Speaker
You wish you'd never met us You remind me of a real short story One-hit record and you start to bore me Get ready, this is it Cause we're too legit to quit saying Too legit Too legit to quit Too legit Too legit to quit Get bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket bucket
00:19:52
Speaker
Get back, get back, get back, get back, get back, get back. My people, we don't know defeat. We cross the strong and percolate the weak. Daily, we make our moves to improve our group, because we love to rule where we lay. Work and play.
00:20:15
Speaker
Get bugged, get bugged We started at the bottom, now we're leading the way And yeah, I'm havin' a fit, kickin' to the top Told some two legit to quit, sing Two legit, two legit to quit Two legit, two legit to quit Two legit, two legit to quit Two legit, two legit to quit
00:20:42
Speaker
Too legit to quit, but I'm just gonna get right here on Hello, Smiles. Well, that is one of my favorite of your covers. I really enjoy. I enjoy listening to it and I enjoy remembering you recording it.
00:20:54
Speaker
Yeah, you came into Smile Syndicate HQ after hours. I thought I told those interns to make sure that your building pass was 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. only. And you couldn't sneak in in the evening time when I'm doing my recording. I did sneak. There you were. There you were. You had the boogian in the control room. Yeah. Distracting me, my Tully. Yeah, it was amazing. I mean, you were really just giving it your all. I always give it my all, Miss Elizabeth. That's why I'm wearing this shirt.
00:21:23
Speaker
your listener friend it says I always give my all on this shirt with a crazy cartoon character it's sort of my trademark at least it is today okay miss Elizabeth please tell me you have a decent pick I matches the greatness of mine I do I have a pic my pic is a delightful paid advertisement about hovercrafts and a thrilling edition of these smiles and community message board oh my goodness
00:21:47
Speaker
These both originally aired as part of episode 16 of Hello, Smiles, in which was entitled, I took my pants off at the food court and it went out into the world on January 23rd, 2023. I'm gonna listen.
00:22:03
Speaker
All I know is that my blood pressure is sky high. Maybe some cold hard cash might soothe my nerves a little bit. Smileton Small Business sponsoring today's show. Who is this delightful business who's helping us out today? Today's episode of Hello Smileton is brought to you by Lovercraft. Do you remember we heard about Lovercraft? I think it was last week. Didn't they move to Gowers Gulch?
00:22:23
Speaker
No, you suggested that, but that was just because you were in a fit of peak at the time. Smileson's premier hovercraft Emporium, Jason. The opening of Lovercraft may be the biggest news story of the year for Smileson, possibly even Alberta. Big words. The recent groundbreaking ceremony heralded a new era for personal transportation, one of practical luxury and comfort. I'm biting my tongue.
00:22:50
Speaker
50 bucks miss lisber what is it now 70 bucks it's more like 75 i think several yeah wow yeah that's right well that's a lot of money i gotta introduce an amount it's a chunk i guess it wouldn't behoove me to complain about the advertiser as we're trying to read their copy out so i'll leave you to it i'll just fuming silence
00:23:07
Speaker
bring your current model in for a customization quote or choose the perfect model for you from one of the many all-terrain craft in our spacious showroom. While you're buying a hovercraft for the family, why not get the kids their very own Lovercraft Junior?
00:23:27
Speaker
Available in a variety of colors, these mini hovercrafts will help the children glide through their childhoods as easily as traipsing through a warm mist at sunrise. We've got a number of special events planned for this year. Whether you enter your hovercraft in this summer's Lovercraft Invitational Smash Up Hovercraft Derby or in the Lovercraft Hovercraft Parade of Love,
00:23:52
Speaker
You will find plenty of ways to express your love for hovercraft with fellow hovercraft lovers too much hovercrafts Enough of the hovercrafts the guy who runs this thing Jim sails into town with this oversized hovercraft Crashing into stuff knocking mailboxes over. It's a scene. He craves attention. I'm past it Well, we all crave attention to set up shop with lovercraft, which is the worst name for us business Thank you for your sponsorship, but your business It raises my ire
00:24:22
Speaker
Hey Jason, did you know we mine the rubber for our steel belted and vulcanized skirts right here in the Tritown area? Yeah, I know. Gower's Gulch, rubber capital of Alberta. You can rest assured when you purchase from Lovercraft, you are helping your neighbors and your community.
00:24:39
Speaker
Further, our scholarship program selects top students from the area and awards them with grants to pay for the demanding education in aeronautical engineering necessary to produce high-quality but affordable vehicles for the rugged lifestyle of the great white.
00:24:57
Speaker
How much money is in this thing? I thought this thing just opened and he's already, he's already, this is established in the community. Lovercraft already has a partnership with the UFO landing pad research area. Okay, well that makes sense. It does. So because of all of the aeronautical engineering that has to take place. Uh-huh. So stop on. Miss Elizabeth, can I just say something? Sure. I thought Lovercraft was a new adult novelty store. Oh. That's all I'm going to say.
00:25:26
Speaker
think of that at all yeah wow well it's not that it's not no kidding it's not miss Elizabeth a number of people shopping lists remain unfilled it's hovercraft oh my goodness so stop on by lovercraft and help us help you improve your life but not in the bedroom guys
00:25:46
Speaker
outside of the outdoors. We offer reasonable monthly payment plans as well as an innovative trade-in program. Tell them Jim sent you and receive a free air freshener. No strings attached and no purchase required. And Jim did say on the side to make sure that I emphasize there's literally no strings attached to those air fresheners. You'll have to provide your own strings. Lovercraft like floating on a cloud.
00:26:12
Speaker
Thanks, Jim. You paid? You had your word? Now let's pretend that never happened. I think a lot of people are interested in lower-crafting them. No more hovercrafts. We have too many screwball vehicles in this town as it is. Speaking of screwballs, we've got to turn to the Smiled and Community Message Board. We've got to hear from the dear people of our town. Let's hear from the Smiledtonians.
00:26:36
Speaker
Yeah, he's, he's interrupting the flow and you seem so happy to like, you want the show to go well, don't you? So it's like, you're really excited to see the parade and it starts going by and you start hurling cinder blocks at it with a big smile on your face. And you think you're helping.
00:26:53
Speaker
No, it's more like hurling candies. I'm the candy hurler. It isn't anything of the sort, Miss Elizabeth. And now can you behave yourself for the remainder of the show? Well, I can't promise or guarantee. I will try. I will do my best. Smiles and Community Message Board, people in our dear town have sent us messages and we are on our bound to read them out on this show. So Miss Elizabeth, what's the first message that we've got to give out
Community Announcements and Quirky News
00:27:17
Speaker
right now?
00:27:17
Speaker
Thanks Jason, it's been quite a ride these past couple of years for Rainbows, the book writing dog. Oh yeah, we heard from this particular person some time ago. From penning her memoir, roughing to worry about a dog's journey, and seeing it dominate the bestseller list for 100 weeks and counting,
00:27:39
Speaker
to being the creative genius behind the thrilling Hollywood adaptation that smashed box office records, you might be wondering what my animal companion has in store next. Jason, I think you might have been wondering this. I haven't been, Miss Elizabeth.
00:27:54
Speaker
I haven't liked this story from day one. It is preposterous. And I believe that this book has sold as many copies as this person claims. And that there is a movie. I saw the poster. This requires a lot of people to play along and it's making me nuts. Yeah. Well, how about a sequel? That's the last thing this world needs. This writer says, I'm proud to announce my dog has just agreed to write her next book, Barking Up the Right Tree.
00:28:24
Speaker
barking up the right tree, Jason. I heard you. A dog's lesson in life and love. And just last week, she signed a three-picture deal with Paramount. Oh, why not? Why not? Paramount's not bad for a sassy little pooch from Smilaton. That message, Jason, from Sunshine Jane, mailbox 3060. Yeah. What do you think about that, Jason? Utterly demoralizing. It's amazing. What? Wait a minute. You cannot be jealous of a dog. Oh, no? No. Miss Elizabeth? Oh, yes, I am.
00:28:51
Speaker
What why this dog I don't believe that the dog wrote the book I think Sunshine Jane has got a gimmick and she's riding it for all it's worth and people are eating it up Okay, Jello Sunshine Jane has a business of her own. She has a lot of other things going on She runs two podcasts and I'll have you know that her her doggy also has a podcast
00:29:12
Speaker
And so they are both fully working. They're just a couple of working gals. Can I suggest that the dogs stick to podcasting and leave books alone and leave movie making to humans? Okay. What a ridiculous story, Ms. Elizabeth. There's no way a dog wrote a book. There's no way a dog oversaw the production of a Hollywood blockbuster. And if Paramount is signing up dogs for three picture deals, then I'm avoiding the Cineplex. Okay. So that all having been said, you are still okay with the dog running a podcast though.
00:29:42
Speaker
I do what you want. Hey, Murphy here from Titanic Telescopes. I've been in the telescope trade for years now and it's hard work. So I really don't have time to have you people coming into the shop wanting me to watch videos on your phone that apparently prove the Earth is round. Spare me two and two or four. The Earth is flat and I've got telescopes to sell.
00:30:05
Speaker
These videos are hilarious. I know all about deep fakes. You see that video that apparently shows Tom Cruise doing a commercial for Pizza Me Baby in Smileton? Deep fake. Yeah, Ms. Elizabeth, there's no way Tom Cruise is doing commercials for that local pizza joint. That was a deep fake? Yes. No, no, I'm pretty sure if it was a deep fake, it was a deep fake of him live walking down the street because I'm sure that I saw him. There's no way Tom Cruise came to Smileton to do a commercial for Pizza Me Baby. I'm telling you, I think I saw him in person.
00:30:33
Speaker
So he must have been deepfaked in person, like in those Mission Impossible movies? Because that's where deepfaking started. Deepfaking started in Mission Impossible. Tom Cruise has no one to blame but himself. That one video that shows people knew the Earth was round since the Greeks take away the deepfakes and the cool animation Woody have left. Bunch of bull.
00:30:55
Speaker
spare me your videos if you want a great telescope to view the wondrous planets tipped up like dinner plates to face us come on down and I'll sell you one stop wasting time on silly videos and look up to the flat sky and learn something for crying out loud murphy mailbox 1440 okay so so you're telling me like you are totally sure that the earth is round me you are me jason yeah yeah okay
00:31:18
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth, he's got, he dances to the beat of a different drummer. The problem here is not that Murphy thinks a different way. It's that so many people are compelled to prove him wrong to himself and he's not interested. So just leave him alone. It is hilarious that a flat earth guy is selling telescopes. He's actively wanting you to look up to the heavens and he's increasingly strained to provide explanation as to what's going on up there. But the guys that he's running it on his business, leave him alone.
00:31:45
Speaker
You know, I think the fact that he's selling telescopes is actually what is making me come around to his side a little bit. Miss Elizabeth, you're so open-minded and it's going to be your downfall.
00:31:56
Speaker
Hi, Smileson. Looking good as always. It's the proud Peacock family band checking in. Jason, you like these always. Thumbs up, Ms. Elizabeth. The best family band in town. We're off to a great start in 2023, but I have to say that our terrific family-friendly brand of entertainment attracts both really nice people and people who have something screwed up in the old brain department.
00:32:21
Speaker
We were. I like the way this is going, Miss Elizabeth. Well, this is often how it goes with the proud Peacock family band. Oh, I can't wait. We were so proud to have a New Year's Eve livestream in which we sang songs, told stories, and rung in the new year with wholesome family fun. Were you at that event, Jason?
00:32:38
Speaker
Hi, Miss Elizabeth. To be quite frank, I skipped it in favor of another streaming event on New Year's Eve. If you're telling me something unpredictable, unexpected happened during this livestream, I might regret my decision. Let's find out. But yet again, pranksters decided that people having a good time need to get hassled during the livestream.
00:32:58
Speaker
We were performing in front of an animated background depicting happy bullfrogs playing the banjo. That does sound very family-friendly. Oh, don't say, oh boy, kids love bullfrogs playing banjos. At some point... If I see another bullfrog playing a banjo, it'll be too soon.
00:33:15
Speaker
At some point, some joker or jokers switched the scene to animation that showed two human male body parts riding two other human male body parts as the one horseback. You know, complicated, Jason. How does that even work?
00:33:32
Speaker
Now we're up to four human male body parts, engaging in a jousting contest to the delight of an audience, an audience filled with also human male body parts in medieval regalia. Well, that seals it. I definitely regret missing this. That sounds like the best animation ever made.
00:33:51
Speaker
I tell you what, these pranksters have human male body parts on the brain and you should probably go get your jollies somewhere else. No, no, this is fine. This is good. Growing up, maybe you should look into it. Oh, proud Peacock family band mailbox 5440. This is looking a gift horse in the mouth. Somebody, Miss Elizabeth, you want to call this prank? Like a gift human male body part in the mouth.
00:34:15
Speaker
I was going to say that, but I thought that was way too foul to air on this show, but there you go. You said it for me. Miss Elizabeth, I wouldn't call this pranking. I would call this unsolicited content improvement. If I'd been watching that stream and all of a sudden the animation cut over to jousting human male body parts and politely applauding human male body parts in their medieval regalia.
00:34:38
Speaker
I don't think I could have come up for air. I'd be laughing so hard. I'd probably still be laughing even right now. OK, but what if you were looking at the Proud Peacock family band and realizing how crestfallen they were because now they're banjo playing bullfrogs. That's the thing. I don't think they realize till later. So they were picking and grinning and just be bopping along while that panic scene was happening behind them. OK.
00:35:01
Speaker
That's unfortunate. Well, I'm hitting YouTube right after this show. I got to find footage. There's got to be something because that sounds like the greatest artistic event so far in 2023. Wow. Well, hmm.
00:35:12
Speaker
I was out walking with my grandson the other day near the tarpets and stumbled upon an old crate. Oh, I hope he didn't trip and fall. Miss Elizabeth, if I know who this is from, he's very careful when he's out going for a walk. An old crate? Okay, what's inside it? Inside was what appeared to be a functioning time machine. What? Tried it out a few times. Visited Elizabeth in England.
00:35:33
Speaker
The pre-colonial Mayan Empire at its height. The wonders of planet Earth in the year 3000. Wow. Can't say it did much for me. I don't have time to mess around with these kind of things. If it's yours, come get it. It's not claimed by Sunday. It's going in the trash. George, 1421. Wait a minute, George. We need so much more information.
00:35:52
Speaker
Like, well, yeah, he's Miss Elizabeth. This is a grown up attitude. He's always so nonplussed about everything that he finds. Like he finds things like giant robots that come to life and and dolls that like seem to have their own tea time going on. And a dude's a hazard Ouija board. Remember that one? Yeah. And a time machine that's actually a functioning time machine. You know what? I think, George, go to the doctor because there's a psychological problem that you're having. Oh, no. Yeah, it's called maturity. It's called
00:36:20
Speaker
But he's just bored. No, he's seen it all, Miss Elizabeth. You don't know what this George has been up to in his life. He doesn't crave novelty like a sugar fiend. It's true that, yeah, he definitely does. He's seen it all. He doesn't need to waste his time. But for all we know, he did change the past. We don't know, Miss Elizabeth.
00:36:38
Speaker
Oh, you're right. We could be in an alternate universe that could have branched off right when he was in the time machine. If that delightful artistic event at that livestream with the human male body parts, maybe that wouldn't have been possible, except for something George did 1200 years ago that led to that. Stepped on a butterfly or something. We don't know. Thank you, George, for whatever you did, because this is the best possible universe when stuff like that can happen. I get it. Maybe I'll take that time machine for a spin.
00:37:05
Speaker
Where would you go? Where would you go? What do you mean if you have time? It's a time machine. Yeah, I'm busy. I don't have time to wander around town looking for thrills. It's a box full of all, all of time. It's a box that contains all of time. I hear you. Go back to the old west.
00:37:27
Speaker
Boring they hardly had anything then and if you go even farther back they had even less they didn't have malls miss Elizabeth I don't know what you're supposed to do with your time Why would you why would you endanger yourself going back in time and then being bored out of your skull? Okay, I'm gonna stay right here where the action is
00:37:44
Speaker
That's the Smilton Community Message Board, Miss Elizabeth. Insight. Intrigue. Delightedment. And we get to meet some of the fine citizens. The colorful characters that make up this town of ours. More good old stuff right here on Bellows Smilton. Yeah. From the archives.
00:38:02
Speaker
Such great titles to some of these shows. I took my pants off at the food court. It's such a great title. It makes you want to go back and listen to episode 16. That's right. That whole episode. It's still in this feed, dear listener friends. You can go check it out if you want. And I'm telling you true. That's what happened. The pants came off at the food court. I know. I can't remember why, but I'm sure it was a ridiculous reason. It was a ridiculous reason. And I think that things happened afterwards. When you take your pants off at the food court, the dominoes start falling. Things are going to happen. Actions happen for sure.
Closing and Audience Appreciation
00:38:31
Speaker
Well, the next domino that's going to fall is going to be us listening to another Smile Syndicate song, Miss Elizabeth. All right. How about Ten Fingers Nine Goes? I think it's a good one. Let's go. The lady is a beauty, her mind's a mildy. Friendly as a postman, what kind of secrets does she keep?
00:39:19
Speaker
Tell me true and put aside your obfuscation Ten fingers, nine toes Ten fingers, nine toes She says the story's simple The childhood prank I'm wrong Yet I can't believe it
00:39:46
Speaker
to knock it off. Says it's no big deal. Heard the Nile's empty words. The truth remains concealed. A darker tale to tell. Putting me in hell. The truth is more than she lets on. Through the day the toll was gone.
00:40:12
Speaker
I'll be friendly as a postman What kind of secrets does she keep? She truly is an open book
00:41:04
Speaker
put inside your obfuscation ten fingers nine toes ten fingers nine toes
00:41:19
Speaker
Ten fingers, nine toes, smile syndicate, right here. Hello, smile-ton. What do you think of that? I think that's a good one. And I'm hoping that you are actually going to be writing some new songs at some time in the near future. I love having my to-do list jam-packed with backbreaking labor. I know it feels like pressure, but isn't it just time? It is time. Got to get moving. I agree with you, Miss Elizabeth. There's too many hit songs percolating in the old brain pan to let it just sit there. Yeah.
00:41:45
Speaker
So I'm going to go do that right now. Dear listener friend, thanks for checking in with us today and staying for the duration because you're finding yourself positively vibrating with energy now. And it's all thanks to us. You're welcome. Make sure you come back here next week for another episode of Hello, Smile to Miss Elizabeth and I will be right here. Surely you will be too.
00:42:07
Speaker
In the meantime, this one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth, take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileson. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileson, so spread the word, make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. And bye-bye from me. See you next week, and as always, remember, friend, the sun is the jukebox.