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Who Chases Storms Anymore?
22 Plays1 month ago
Listening to this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON, is like peeling an onion. The more layers you peel back, the more your eyes are watering – from ENJOYMENT.
Jason and Miss Elizabeth are your trusty co-hosts and whether Miss Elizabeth presenting the latest in the bizarre, off-kilter world of death metal in a brand new DEATH METAL UPDATE or Jason is spilling the contents of his id all over the place in a stunningly on-point ACCUSCOPE HOROSCOPE, you know these kids spell Entertainment with a capital E.
Enjoy the comedy and enjoy a song by Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE. Either way, you're the winner.
HELLO, SMILETON. If You LIved Here, You'd Be Home Already.
Show timestamps:
3:16 Death Metal Update
19:00 SONG – New Planetoid
22:16 Accuscope Horoscope
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Transcript
Welcome to Smiles in Alberta
00:00:04
Speaker
Hello, Smiles and welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smiles in Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go with Jason. Jason, go.
00:00:19
Speaker
got I beg your pardon. Everybody's happy just to see Jason back in the studio. Stop it, Miss Elizabeth. i Dear listener friend, thanks so much for joining us today. i You're going to just have to have some patience here because I got to i got to cool my temperature down. You do a little bit. I normally have i come in here as zen like ah like an oasis. You're heated. I'm happy. We don't know what's going to happen. Literally anything can happen.
00:00:44
Speaker
It's an explosive combination. It is. Well, Ms. Elizabeth, i yeah yeah yeah you already know what I'm going to be complaining about here. Do we?
Critique of Rick the Stick's Antics
00:00:52
Speaker
Well, yeah I don't know how you got here to Smile Syndicate HQ today to record the show, but I was out on the mean streets this month. Okay, well then you knew you know what I'm upset about then. Okay, dear listener friend, we have the worst radio host in the world.
00:01:07
Speaker
Rick the Stick Jefferies. He gets wacky, zany ideas that were hackneyed and terrible in the 90s, let alone today. He's annoying. He's an annoyance, that's for sure. Every so often, he goes, hey, it's mountain. It's drive backwards day, honk honk. And everybody listens to him. But it's fun. No, come on. He's annoying, super annoying. But driving backwards in a dune buggy is kind of fun. People are so keen to seize on any ridiculous idea, and they're so bad at it when it comes to executing it. I mean, I did crash a few times, but it's only a dune buggy. Yeah, everybody just has all the time in the world to do whatever they want. Drive backwards, it's wacky. Plus, it snowed. It snowed that day. It was the first real snowfall so far this year. The roads were slick. It was slippery time out there. I know, and I haven't changed over my dune buggy to winter tires yet. It was a farcical. And this is the damage done by this willingness.
00:02:03
Speaker
Willy-nilly-ness. Yeah. Oh. Because look at ah look at the wasted time and energy trying to get around, and now my probably the rest of the day is ruined. Probably the rest of your day? Probably. Oh. i was in I woke up in a good mood, and then I saw the snow, and I said, well, come on, winter, let's go. What does that look like when you wake up in a good mood?
00:02:24
Speaker
Okay, sun beaming into the bedroom. I stand up, I stretch, and I take a deep breath and I said, another day to do good in this world. Do you do any push-ups? Yeah, while I'm drinking my OJ, huh and then i get and then I get my... ah crisp, clean clothes on. And then I go strutting out the front door and the neighbors go, Hey Jason, another day, huh? And I go, you bet neighbor. And then I step out onto the street and then I see backwards, doing buggies. Everybody's driving backwards. Honking, crashing into each other, fire hydrants. Like it's no good knocking over fire hydrants when it's freezing cold out. I know. So a lot of dopiness, dopiness to spare, but we're going to, we're going to try to do a good show for you today anyway, dear listener. I i mean, I've just been having fun. I think it's all very lighthearted. it's Yeah, but as long as the wreckage falls elsewhere, you're you're you're sitting pretty. Yeah, exactly. Dear listener friend, we we we're going to do some capering for you straight from Smilton. We're going to be having some fun today. And unfortunately, the way we got to kick it off is by doing something Miss Elizabeth wants to do, which rarely leads to a happy time.
Death Metal Update: Chaos & Fun
00:03:33
Speaker
Of course, I can only be talking about the death metal update. That's right. The most baffling inclusion in this show. You want to talk about the god you got like clash. It's not baffling. Clash of tone. You know what you did. I did. You know why we do the death metal? I had to get fixed in the hospital.
00:03:52
Speaker
such a huge death metal audience now attracted to this very show and that's why and it's because of your bad judgment it's a happy happy high energy happy inclusion let's get it over with death metal update what's going on in that screwball world number one number one Jason scandal Scandal. Yeah, Korean death metal boy band Wunderkind's New Crips on the Block. You remember I've spoken about New Crips on the Block before, are winning the hearts of death metal fans around the around the globe. But a recent appearance on the popular UK TV show, Ready, Steady, Cannibal.
00:04:30
Speaker
Oh, come on. Has thrown the group into roiling seas of controversy. Ready, steady cannibal. Ready, steady- Cannibal's not a a verb. Oh, yeah. The show is ready, steady, go. It depends on what your lifestyle is. Really. Before the incident, I- Mauling English is just one of the things you do on the side, Miss Elizabeth.
00:04:50
Speaker
I didn't even know that there was such a thing as glam death metal, but now I do. Oh. Glamorous. Glam death metal. Death metal. When the boys strutted out in platform boots, huge permed hair, and more makeup than ah than a vogue cover model from 1986, they were greeted with sounds of delight and consternation in equal measure. You know what?
00:05:16
Speaker
like yeah why This controversy. Glamorous. no Nobody needs glam death metal. Ms. Elizabeth Glam died in the 70s. The 80s swept it into the dustbin of history. you just That's where it should have stayed. sometimes Platform boots. Sometimes you don't know what you need, Jason, until you see it strutting across the death metal stage. No one needs this.
00:05:34
Speaker
A bold new direction. Death Metal needs 70s glam and we're bringing it with a 2020s edge. Says NCOTB manager Griffin Sweeney.
00:05:47
Speaker
and COTB. You notice that takes the same amount of time as new crypts on the block does? It's not shorter. Maybe if you're typing it, not saying it. It's a bit of a tongue twister for sure Jason. People may complain. How is this new? Copying a fad from 50 years ago. How's that new? But we need to move forward. Death Metal needs innovation to stay alive or undead or whatever. Ah, yup, there we go. Point is, people are talking about it and that's a win in my book. There we go. Do you not even see that this cynical hustler is taking you for a ride? He doesn't know anything about death metal. He doesn't care. You gotta keep things going. Live or undead or whatever. Well, you gotta keep things going. Keep things going.
00:06:29
Speaker
This reporter is currently undecided about this new trends Jason for your information But she's keeping a wide open mind and boogieing down while she thinks about it because of all the South Korea keeps pumping out these boy bands. They think they're not contributing anything miss Elizabeth They're contributing a lot. This is not innovation. They're innovative. That's exactly the opposite of what I was about to say. This is death metal and it's death throes. The seeds of decadence, Miss Elizabeth. You were so pie in the sky or pie in the crypt or whatever with your death metal celebrations and your parties. Pie in the crypt. You didn't even notice it was going rotten like a
00:07:13
Speaker
or the side like a rotten pie in the crypt that's right Jason and now it's time for some death metal shout outs A great big death metal yippee yahoo so to Barbarus the Unsparing. is it well who Who is that? Some local nitwit? I told you that the farmer's market would be just the place to sell your handcrafted mittens. Death metal mittens or he just calls them death mittens. Barbarus the Unsparing and he's he he's knitting mittens. He's knitting mittens called death mittens. You stretch death metal out to the point where it doesn't even have any meaning anymore.
00:07:53
Speaker
I think it does. How are mittens death metal? Death mittens. Again. Do you listen to a friend? Am I the crazy one? Yeah, you got to keep warm, Jason. I mean, let's not, oh you know. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You do. I mean, we're not actually dead. Oh, no. No, we still need to to keep warm with our death mittens. Oh, well, that was the clarity I needed.
00:08:17
Speaker
An undead woot, there it is, to Vivian Murphy, who kindly didn't press charges after some carefree, smile-ton death meddlers lost control of their death metal soapbox racers and crashed all the way through her fence.
00:08:33
Speaker
i like I love this. A little bit of glossing over criminal destruction of property. Carefree. ah A little bit of of his enthusiasm. Destruction. Criminal? No. Destruction? Yes. I throw the word negligent in there too. ah No, no negligent. It was just purely death metal accidents. It was an accident. We'll buy some hammers and nails and get that fence fixed up in a jiffy.
00:08:57
Speaker
Consider yourself shouted out at? Not one of you knows how to swing a hammer or how to fix a fence. Of course we do! ah Based on what? like You can smash them up pretty good. I can see that. We can fix it. I doubt it. We can fix it, death metal fixers. We can do it. Consider yourself shouted out at Tiffany Jones, Smileson's best blacksmith. Not actually Smileson's only blacksmith. So I have to say, yeah a little bit of a competition going on there between blacksmiths. Oh yeah, like you wouldn't pick your best buddy Tiffany anyway. She is my best buddy, isn't she? Those gauntlets that you made for the mighty
00:09:32
Speaker
and that's the name That's their name. That's the name? And that's just a weird way to pronounce, but that's just what it is. made him How is that spelled? It's just, it's the mighty... yeah yeah Made him the hit of our death metal Halloween party. wo Happy Halloween! You don't even need me for this show.
00:09:55
Speaker
i' Not anymore. Having a lot of fun. So is that it for the death metal update? That's it for death metal shoutouts, but also lo i have I have a death metal problem solved.
00:10:09
Speaker
if you want to hear about that. Well, tell me all about it. It's pretty cool. Death Metal, seer, visionary, sage, poet, and captain of industry. Yeah. We can just call them captains sometimes. Jorg Johannes Flernstadt were at a Death Metal wine tasting last week, and the funniest thing happened, Jason. Yeah. It was a great event, but the host complained to the two of us afterward about how hard it was to get the glasses clean.
00:10:38
Speaker
Okay, I'll explain. The black lipstick that we were wearing, because we were in full regalia at the time, the black lipstick everyone was wearing really clings to those crystal goblets. We were drinking, of course, from real crystal goblets. I'm going to stop you right there, Miss Elizabeth. This is a problem. Do you have a question? I just have a little commentary slash rant. Okay, well let's hold on. What is the state of your world in which this is a problem that one is identified as being a problem and two? Women have this problem with all kinds of mistakes. Has the slightest need, like where does it sit in the priority list of problems that need solving? Listen, if you can solve this problem for a death metal lipstick, you can probably solve it for 50% of the population. Don't put death metal makeup on. That solves a lot of problems. What about the 50% of humanity that wears lipstick and gets it on the crystal goblets all the time? This is something that could actually help other people. Use a paper cup, Your Majesty. Crystal goblets. When you send people to the moon that it doesn't help because then people get Velcro and stuff to use in their everyday life and microwaves and stuff like that. You solve problems. So this is a tale of innovation. This is an engineering feat you're about to tell us about. But let's hear it. OK.
00:11:52
Speaker
Jorg whipped out his phone and called one of his R and&D guys, cause you know, that's how you get things solved and told him the problem. Not 24 hours later, Jorg was demonstrating a prototype for a new formula of crystal cleaner that takes off the most stubborn lipstick stains. Wow.
00:12:12
Speaker
I mean black would be the deepest darkest color but of course going all the way up to quite light pinks or even whites because sometimes as you know you might go very pale white with this show a soap opera no so why are we having commercials for cleansers right in the middle of it oh my goodness death metal industry moves just a little bit faster than the shuffling corpse of oblivion's blessing Oh, helpful simile. Yeah, you're welcome. New releases, then, for you? Please, please. You're sounding like you're sick of death metal, but I still- I need some new death metal, Miss Lisbeth. I'm so sick of all that old stuff. Okay. Remixing classic albums in surround sound is all the rage these days, and death metal is no exception. So much for new. Well, no, it's still new. It's just remixing classic. That's gonna become new. Okay.
00:13:04
Speaker
but Let's check out some of the reissued classic death metal albums that hit the street this week, Slime Bride. I think you're a fan of Slime Bride secretly. ah Okay, i ah ah Count Vellifia is okay, the guitar player from Slime Bride, and he's got Blueberry, the world's strongest donkey. The donkey's all right. But the donkey has nothing to do with death metal.
00:13:28
Speaker
No, he has a lot to do sometimes with death metal. I mean, he does help with the setup and take down of the equipment. For sure. I see that. way A can of worms opened. I regret the action. You need a donkey for some of that very heavy work. Anyway, this album is called Necrotic Night I Yearn for Thee. Neat.
00:13:45
Speaker
Bored Horde. That's that's one you haven't heard of. That's that's another yeah name of a Bored Horde. Bored Horde. Arise Brothers of the Crypt. Arise. That's an old classic. It sounds so bored. King Crustacean, you know, summoned Thrice to the tomb. Cannibal Cannibal Infinities Chapter two.
00:14:09
Speaker
Oh, if there's anything worse than a death metal album, it's a death metal concept album. Chapter two. How many chapters are there? Three? There's three. Yeah, that's right. So they're releasing chapter two first. Or the other one's out already. The other one's out already. We're in the middle. If you knew King Cross Station, you would be on top of this. I'm sorry. Cannibal Vixen brings us Love You To Your Bones.
00:14:31
Speaker
Yuck. Again, the Cannibal Vixen album covers are all right, but that's it. The music inside, worthless. Well, for heaven's sakes, Putrid Pete. Putrid Pete. Often a very fun death metal creator brings us. Take time to laugh at your undead self. Kind of a self-help one. Sounds zany to me, Miss Elizabeth. I don't like it. I don't like it. yeah Sounds like a Ray Stevens album. Okay, and on the lighter side of Death Metal, good news for Smiles and Death Metal dog owners! what Can you not just say good news for dog owners? What's a Death Metal dog owner? Especially for Death Metal dog owners. Keeping on top of your undead poochies, nail care can be quite a chore. But with the opening of Hellhound Dog of Doom Grooming last week,
00:15:22
Speaker
yeah That's grooming for your hellhound. That's right. Grooming for your hellhound. I thought would have liked that. Just call him a dog. A lot better than you did. You can now cast those concerns into the spinning vortex of the Twilight Never Zone.
00:15:39
Speaker
Meet Sandra and Denise, two local Smileton entrepreneurs with an unending cannibal hunger for customer service and doggy well-being. the Yeah, yeah, they're good at marketing too. Oh, yeah, I can tell they They identify the mark and zoom right in on heaven's sakes as recent converts to death metal fandom There we go dynamic duo will bring their business savvy Winning personalities and attention to detail to each and every canine or hellhound customer
00:16:13
Speaker
And here's a deal that even the most miserly sorcerer of an eternal madness can't resist. Two for one bath days. Oh, two for one bath days? What a deal. Soak your pooch or hellhound in natural spring waters fresh from underneath the tomb of the half brained necromancer. What a way to get your little buddy clean or two buddies or one buddy twice.
00:16:40
Speaker
Ms. Elizabeth, you I'm detecting a theme here. we we You told us earlier about the the cynical manager of the Korean death boy death metal boy band who can't get his story straight. What about anything death metal? He just sees a ah market to exploit. Here, two recent converts, they and they need to differentiate their dog washing, their dog grooming service. So how they do it, they see the most gullible, gormless consumer base in the world, death metal people. And they say, sign like you're you're going to be far more loyal to that business than maybe you should be. Are they good at dog grooming? I don't know. Of course they are. I don't know. They can talk about crypts and tombs all they want, but that doesn't tell me one...
00:17:18
Speaker
Lasted thing about a dog. They do not advertise this to the general public, but I will tell you that I have taken plus our hellhound. What's with the paid ad? To get there, to get his little... Mickey the Studio dog? Mickey the Studio doggy to get his claws lee trimmed. And I must say, don't say leave him alone because he's super happy now with his death metal claw extensions.
00:17:41
Speaker
So first he gets trimmed and then he gets extensions. So now he has doggy talons that make him look mightily ferocious. That's good. So you double down on the problem and spend money at doing it. As you know, he's a little dog. So it's really super cute to give him these really big extensions and put him in amongst the other little dogs. The other little dogs get a real kick out of it. Let me tell you, the little dogs are making fun of him. That is hellhound dog of doom grooming, where death metal and pampering puppies go paw in hand. Let us close the cursed tome on this edition of Death Metal Update. You can filibuster all you want, Miss Elizabeth, but that was an unpaid advertisement. It wasn't filibustering. You've got some stake in this company, I'm sure. I just think it's really cute. Hey, I'll advertise it on the show. Jason won't care. I just think I knew you'd care. I just thought it was super cute. I know, but you didn't. No, because it's a good service. And the talents are super cute.
00:18:44
Speaker
Your listener friend, ah groom your own dog. Don't take him to this business. Don't come to Smiles and to visit this business, that's for sure. My goodness. Miss Elizabeth, we gotta do something to ease the throbbing, pounding pain in my head. Play a song already! Again, I'm not necessary. New planetoid. Let's go.
00:22:02
Speaker
New Planetoid by the Smile Syndicate right here on Hello Smilton. Extremely cheerful. Yep, it is. Yeah, and hopeful. And it's telling a story about getting far away from here, which is what I feel like doing when you bring up such nonsense. And I feel like it thematically ties in really well to our next segment. Does it?
From Music to Horoscopes
00:22:21
Speaker
Yeah. Well, good, because it's the horoscope. It's the acuscope horoscope. It is the most accurate horoscope in the world. Because the New Planetoid is soaring amongst the the stars, yeah.
00:22:31
Speaker
the new planet? Well, maybe. I don't know what galaxy the new planetoid is in, what solar system. It's only three days from here, so it's gotta be pretty close. It's our it's in our solar system. It's basically near the moon. Here, yeah.
00:22:45
Speaker
Anyway.
00:22:50
Speaker
Brand new month, dear listener friend. You've got a lot of choices before you, and you were woefully unprepared to make the right ones. Good thing we're doing the Acuscope Orescope right now to guide you. Your life will get better once you listen to this. So ah heed the advice, take it to heart, put it into action, yeah and clam up and listen. I very much appreciate any direction you can provide. Okay, we're going to flip it around because these messages are particularly accurate this month. Okay, and these come from your ear balls.
00:23:19
Speaker
from my inner, the inner mind, Miss Elizabeth, the seething id, unbidden, unfiltered. Miss Elizabeth attributes these unbidden sentence messages to a ear infection. So you sit in a dark room and then you scrawl these down. Or I'm out and about, and know in ah in a and it comes to me. And it hits you, okay. Scorpio, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I write that down, regardless of the circumstance. Or do you hold up that little tap tape recorder and press record and record it, and then you have to like, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr.
00:23:49
Speaker
Rewind it? Often. Okay. That sounds good, okay. Let's get started. Alright, Scorpio, October 23rd to November 21st. The job hunt will continue throughout this month. Time to reconsider some of the more bizarre offers for off-beat employment that you've been turning your nose up at. Okay, job hunt.
00:24:06
Speaker
Well, Scorpio, the traditional employment has been eluding you. So I think you might have to adjust your parameters of acceptable behavior, take some of with some of those more freaky things that you you would never think of. That is not what this says. This is what it means. Bizarre offers for off-beat What do you think that means, Ms. Elizabeth? I thought that just meant think outside the box. I think it means. Be open-minded. It does, but so what you're gonna do is go do that and then shower when you get home and just be proud that you you did an honest day's work no matter how foul the activity was. it' All right Sagittarius, you are a Sagittarius if you were born between November 22nd and December 21st. Come on Sagittarius storm chaser. What year is it?
00:24:53
Speaker
What does this mean? Sagittarius has become a storm chaser, won't shut up about it, and I'm like, what is this, 1997? Who chases storms anymore? Okay, but couldn't it also just be- Old hat! Because there's also storm chaser movies. What about just watching storm chaser movies? There's a current one- As a job? No, not a job. Why would it be a job? That's not what this says.
00:25:16
Speaker
Yes it is. That's what it means. It doesn't call it a job. Is this all about careers? I'm confused. Miss Elizabeth. Yeah. Careers are often front and center to people's minds and it's a major area of life that you need some advice on. This is very generic. Boy, it's a good thing I'm reading these this month because Miss Elizabeth is what willfully obtuse all this says is come on Sagittarius yeah yeah you could be talking about movies no it's what they're up to if don't you even know Sagittarius okay they got that rickety pickup truck painted says storm chasing incorporated whatever i can't remember the Are you talking about a specific person right now? I'm talking about Sagittarius, a specific group of people born between November 22nd and December 21st. I feel like we need to widen the umbrella a bit. Okay, when we talk about Capricorn, who was born between December 22nd and January 19th. I think you're on your own this month, man. I heard through channels, man. I think we should stop calling you Capricorn and call you Janice instead. The two-faced statue guy.
00:26:21
Speaker
not cool okay yeah capricorn knows and i know that's all we need to say on the matter these are specific people no capricorn if you were not but anybody who was born between december 22nd and january 19th okay do you have like 12 or friends I really don't know what you mean. No. Because then that would make more sense as to who like you're actually talking to specific people. Let's find out with Aquarius who's born between January the 20th. We've done many of these Miss Elizabeth. I don't know why you're confused today. because You seem to be very specifically talking to a specific individuals. Your star sign determines a lot about you and I know what Capricorn got up to and I know that two-faced skullduggery that was resulted from these bad choices. All right, January 20th to February 18th, which is Aquarius. Okay, good. Well, this is the most poorly designed high school yearbook I've ever seen. Good work.
00:27:25
Speaker
so Why? Why are you so sarcastic? What do you mean sarcastic?
00:27:39
Speaker
You say good work, but you're calling it poorly designed and you're also you're focusing on the the high school yearbook of all things. What do you mean? Well, talk to Aquarius. They're the ones who designed this piece of crap. People get excited about their high school yearbook. They want to be able to like look back on it in there as the years go by with some fond memories in this hack garbage work that Aquarius turned out disappointing to say the least. So right I so decided to save my breath and just say a sarcastic good work because I didn't mean it. Okay. Okay.
00:28:14
Speaker
Pisces, who was born February 19th to March the 20th? The sign of the fish man. Uh-huh. Come on Pisces, bring it in. Let's hug it out. All right, that one seems a little bit more positive. Yeah. Pisces and I have crossed, we buttered heads and crossed swords before. Okay. But it's enough. It's enough. We got, we got, like, I see Pisces. I see the reason behind the weird behavior. I'm saying, come on, bring it in.
00:28:41
Speaker
Okay, I mean, also this adds evidence to my idea that this is a single individual person, that each person is, that each sign is a person. Oh, Miss Elizabeth, you're pretending not to understand what a horoscope is. It's everyone who was born between these days. But you're not going to hug every single Pisces on the planet Earth. Am I not? No. The spirit is willing.
00:29:02
Speaker
Okay Aries, March the 21st to April the 19th. Lighten up Aries, you're getting pranked so much because you're such an easy target and the carrying on you do after the prank happens is hilarious. Just calm him down and maybe you'll be left alone. Maybe you should be nicer to Aries, like for Aries. It's too tempting, you know it's so easy to get Aries revved up. And then the over the top reaction to the slightest tweaking makes it makes it a well you want to go back to okay i feel like i need to know like i need to have like a list of your 13 best friends and then this list and then draw lines to see who is who torus for every area is on earth april the 20th to may the 20th better how to better learn how to fly a biplane next month's air show is going to take an interesting twist and you're going to end up being far more than an excited spectator how about that
00:29:53
Speaker
That's weird. Prognosticating the future. Every Taurus on Earth is going to go to an air show next month and I'm giving him a heads up. Learn to fly by plane. Okay. It's going to come in useful. All right. Gemini, May 21st to June the 20th. Strangers in the night. Exchanging glances. La la la la. Oh, how romantic. A couple of smooches ain't worth getting your iPhones stolen. Just saying. Okay. That's a weird one.
00:30:22
Speaker
It's a heads up. Gemini's gonna get carried away on the waves of romance. okay And the next thing they know, the phone's gone. so you're gonna okay see And this is this remorseless heartbreaker is probably calling all kinds of people and yucking it up about what an easy mark Gemini was. hey Cancer, June 21st to July 22nd.
00:30:44
Speaker
yep continue oh I'll continue shipwrecked after your lobster boat sinks is no way to spend the autumn but that's what's in store i'll relax you'll get rescued eventually okay another prognostigation that miss Elizabeth is disappointed in law because not everybody has a lobster boat The cancer is going to find themselves on a lobster boat. Okay. ah oh and If you don't like the future, change it today, Miss Elizabeth. Yeah, that's a good idea. Although you're saying, but you can't. But you're saying also like lean into this one, just relax, you're going to get rescued. So isn't that a good thing? well Isn't that a good way to use your uncanny prognosticating abilities? Yeah, that could be pretty good. But you know, I'm not sure if anybody's these days really shipwrecked.
00:31:28
Speaker
Oh, get rid, you're so naive. Right? Leo, you're a Leo. I am. July 23rd to August this 22nd. Remember that time you went to the summer carnival and they had that thing where you throw darts at a bunch of balloons and if you pop one you won a free poster? Is this from your own history? So you paid your dollar, you took your shot and came home with a bunch of posters. Did you? But you were trying to get that Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders poster and instead you won five of that same poster of meatloaf on stage all sweaty. You're not a meatloaf fan. Those were the days.
00:31:59
Speaker
yeah oh that's pretty okay that's an interesting insight into your history okay vergo miss elizabeth is giving up on the whole horoscope angle because it's so clearly one to one So this one's probably about me, because I'm the Virgo in your life. It is a testimony as to how unfiltered these messages are, Miss Liz. I just got a memory from my own childhood, and I just presented that as a horoscope for all Leos. Did that happen? Oh, Leos, you're not a Leo. You don't know what I'm talking about. Did that really happen? Leos out there know what I mean. Yeah, it did really. Exactly that happened. That exact thing happened? Yes, you popped a balloon, and there was a colored thing underneath. I was right. And that told you the color of the poster that you got. And you've never been a poster Meatloaf fan at all. Not really. You're not a Meatloaf fan.
00:32:44
Speaker
Not really, Miss Elizabeth. That's why there's five posters of the same thing with him being all sweaty with that, you know, that puffy shirt he used to wear. But it's a lot of work what he does on stage. ah You know, okay, so I'm a Virgo, so this is about me. August 23rd to September 22nd. And all other people born between August 23rd and September 22nd.
00:33:04
Speaker
Sky watching is all good and all, but the only star I care about is the big ol' one you see in the daytime. That's what I do. Check out this tan. Okay.
00:33:16
Speaker
a i Forgot that one miss Elizabeth. That's pretty good. I have been sky watching. Thank you i am late I have been going up because you know why because we're so far north That the sky is dark more than 50% of the time. We just had a time change Yeah, and it's clear a lot of nights now our Brady Benchley our time Guardian yeah has changed our clocks again. He didn't do that Our clocks are changed. True enough. Yeah. And it's because we are seeing the dark all the time. And so to make this more cheerful for myself, I have been doing more sky watching. So I happen to know Jupiter is super close to Orion. So if you want to see Jupiter right now, look up in the sky. When you see Orion, it's the brightest star. you can be
00:34:04
Speaker
Orion you can be up all night Shaking in the cold shivering or you could be like me and taking it easy in the sunshine Under the one star that matters and getting getting boffo health benefits to boot it But it doesn't get higher than about five degrees out there. It's fine. Miss Elizabeth How are you getting a suntan in five degree weather because because I'm a Sun worshipper. That's why all right Libra September 23rd to October 22nd False advertising, Libra. This isn't a chalet at all. This is a gross cabin that smells like bears have been using it to empty their septic tanks in. And it's cold. okay Yeah, not happy. right I tried to get an early start on winter. Libra puts me onto this crap cabin that he called a chalet, that he or she called a chalet.
00:34:50
Speaker
You know, Libra, you deserve for ah to have an avalanche, knock that gross cabin right into the bog. well I can tell you that it was not bears, because bears do their duty in the woods.
00:35:02
Speaker
Where do you think this crap cabin is, Miss Lismith? It's not on the French Riviera! Alright, Horpto! Something to do with leap leap years. That's right, Horpto the 13th sign we were all Horptos once. I'm gonna spare you the calculation to figure out whether you're a Horpto or not, you know if you are already. Not least of which, because none of the other signs work for you. Cartwheeling everywhere is hilarious on paper, but it's not sustainable. Look at you, these those arms barely work anymore. Use your legs like normal people.
00:35:31
Speaker
But wait a minute now. that's not That's not true. If you use your arms more, they will get stronger, not weaker. Well, Horpto's having a little trouble keeping it up. Cartwheeling is an exhausting activity and there's no way to get around. Well, you need to have time to recover, I guess. It is a way to get around. I'm just telling Horpto to just nip the problem in the bud and stop the cartwheeling. And that's all. Okay. All right. Fine.
00:35:54
Speaker
Act scope, horoscope. Consider yourself informed. Consider yourself forearmed. Consider yourself... Is Aurora forewarned? Is forearmed, Miss Lismith? Probably one of those... ah what yeah' You're probably one of those. That swelling confidence you feel, dear listener friend, about taking on the upcoming month is exclusively due to me, so I will pause briefly as you say thank you. We're all very grateful. Yes, we are.
00:36:17
Speaker
Well, this Elizabeth, we've had fun today. We've been capering and dancing and jumping around. Yes, we have. And we're going to be doing it all over again next week. We'll do it again next week. let's Oh, and I have been doing, I'm going to share this info. I've been doing some research into some different ways that we can do the recording. Oh, boy. Using special different kinds of... This Elizabeth is a tech head. She really want gets wrapped up in the equipment we use to do this show. She wants to make a major upgrade that will nuke.
00:36:45
Speaker
the smile syndicate coffers. well We're gonna have to have that argument. What are coffers for? Not emptying. You need a full coffer for a rainy day. Coffers are for making podcasts better, which is what we might be able to do. There's not one thing wrong with this podcast. Wireless microphones and video attachments. We might be getting back to video. That's one of the evolutionary aspects that Miss Elizabeth referred to last
Future of the Podcast
00:37:08
Speaker
week. Christmas is coming. We'll see. I'm not happy about it. I know you're not. You don't like change. I'm in no state to be on video, Miss Elizabeth. I'm a wreck. You are looking smart right now. You are looking very sharp. Can't help it.
00:37:18
Speaker
Very sharp, I must say. Thanks, by the way, for the reciprocal yeah compliment here. Yeah, no worries. okay Miss Elizabeth, this one's done, but it's been fun. Why don't you take us home? Why don't you? That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileson. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileson, so spread the word and make a difference.
00:37:42
Speaker
So it's bye bye from Jason. Bye bye. And bye bye from me. See you next week and as always, remember friend, the sun is a jukebox.