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How Are You Supposed To Build A Spice Rack In That Environment?
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Entertainment that will ASTOUND! Entertainment that will SPELLBIND! Why are you chasing those things? Better to hunker down with a brand new episode of HELLO, SMILETON, and enjoy some good-for-you podcasting.
Jason and Miss Elizabeth are blasting into the fall with segments guaranteed to please. In the latest A YOGA MOMENT WITH ANGEL, Smileton's most intense yoga practitioner has his say. Put on your hard hat and get ready.
The SMILETON COMMUNITY MESSAGE BOARD will see Smiletonians with time on their hands send in whatever occurs to them. It’s off-kilter, bizarre and utterly compelling.
The podcasting wags had it right – there's boffo entertainment right here in this very show.
HELLO, SMILETON. Listening Is Just The Beginning.
Show Timestamps:
3:50 A Yoga Moment with Angel
19:17 SONG – Theme from The Smile Syndicate
22:31 Smileton Community Message Board
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Transcript
Welcome to Smiles, Alberta!
00:00:04
Speaker
Hello, Smiles and welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to take straight from Smiles in Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Let's go, Miss Elizabeth. Time for some fun. Time for an all new episode.
Heart Health Update and Banter
00:00:21
Speaker
Are you feeling energetic? Uh, energized?
00:00:25
Speaker
How's your heart? How's my heart? How's your heart doing? It's fine. I got an update about mine. Yeah. Well, as you remember from last week, bit of a heart victim yeah in the past few weeks, but I'm recovering. Yes. Feeling better. I thought we covered that topic in total last week. Miss Elizabeth, I thought you weren't going to talk about your heart anymore. I will be talking about this every single episode now. Oh,
Itchy Frustrations and Town Mapping
00:00:50
Speaker
well, that'll be fun. Yeah. That'll be fun.
00:00:53
Speaker
We have to mention it. Do we? It's an important issue for everybody. I don't know that that's true, Ms. Elizabeth. I think everybody's just glad you're back in action, fully ready to go to to help out with the comedy and the music capering that we're going to be doing. I'll tell you how I'm feeling. I was a little bit itchy. it' Oh, wow. A little itchy now.
00:01:12
Speaker
It's the too much information hour now. It's a bit irritating. OK, medical update. Forget all the comedy we had prepared and the smile syndicate song. We're just going to hear about Miss Elizabeth's travails. So out with it, Miss Elizabeth.
Meet Angel: Yoga Master or Menace?
00:01:28
Speaker
Yeah, a little bit itchy, that's all. ah That's it? That's it. You threw the show into the ditch just to complain about an itch. I'm a little bit itchy. Okay, well I'm itchy too. Sorry, it's very itchy. Okay, well I'm very itchy to get to the good stuff here. It's really irritating. Dear listener friends, thanks so much for joining us today. We're going to have fun. ah Broadcasting from s Smileton has its perks, but it's a frequently vexing place. Ms. Elizabeth, you would agree with that. I agree. I am currently still, and it once again, trying to build a map of Smileton. I feel like all the components of our sweet, dear town
00:02:07
Speaker
seem to move and shift a little bit. And so I'm trying to lock them down into sort of like a map. yeah I'm working on that as well. I think what you're what you're talking about there is your head in the clouds too much. You don't pay enough attention. Stuff's not shifting around. You just have a cock-eyed view of what this town is.
00:02:25
Speaker
I feel like once I nail it down, then then I think the elements will stay still. Well, I'm glad you're using the phrase, nail it down, Miss Elizabeth, because that's what this first segment upcoming right now is all about. OK, who are we hearing from?
00:02:38
Speaker
Who are we hearing from? yeah We're going to get a little bit of wisdom. We're going to learn about how to run our life a little bit more effectively, locking some of that nonsense down, and getting serious about self-development. I like some good some good tips, some practical tips. good And I don't know what's about to come. Good, because it's a yoga moment with Angel. ok You look disappointed. Well, I'm okay. No, let's hear. Okay, good. My buddy Angel. Top yoga master in town. He's a biker. He is a biker. He's a yoga master first and foremost. He rode into town on a motorbike. Fine. And he opened up a yoga studio. Okay.
Angel's Unorthodox Yoga Methods
00:03:18
Speaker
And here we are today reaping the benefits of that. Okay, that sounds good. How lucky are we that that choice was made?
00:03:26
Speaker
We were about to find out. Right. You're a member of the studio. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not. I chose something more relaxing. ah Yeah. You you chose ah to be lazy. You chose to not take a serious approach to life. and And you wonder why you were a heart victim, Miss Elizabeth. You're very judgmental.
00:03:45
Speaker
I think I might have come to even more harm if I was in yeah in Angel's yoga studio. I'm already a heart victim. Why don't you put that on your lens to look at what's going to be coming up in this segment right now and you tell me what you think if your heart would have been better if you'd followed some of the advice Angel's about to give us. Waka Waka, how's it hanging? and Ready to lift your head out of that trough and clean the crap out of your ears long enough to have to... Ladies and gentlemen, i'm explain to me what's funny about that. He's already being me if big being mean to people. He's already being like condescending and unkind to people. um Yeah, he's a yoga master. What else do you expect?
00:04:29
Speaker
Oh, I went into the hardware store. And you know what? They were friendly to me. And they tried to to show me some to some good products and or services. And they really wanted to make my customer experience really good so that I came back the next time. How weird. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah, that's what you expect at a hardware store. And this is what you expect from a yoga master. OK. Well, I have to say, I did run into Angel actually yesterday. OK. In the grocery store in ah in the fruit section.
00:04:57
Speaker
oh in the produce section. This had better have a point, Miss Elizabeth. Well, I have to say that he didn't look like he's so angry when he's talking about yoga. That's not anger. That's intensity. He's full of angry intensity. Okay. Phorosity. Okay, yeah. Negativity. False. but the other The exact opposite.
00:05:17
Speaker
And I have to say that when he was in the fruit section, he looked almost like free. Like he looked like a different person. I almost didn't recognize him. That's yoga for you. He was... He's living it, Miss Elizabeth. He was enjoying himself in the fruit section. yeah ah Okay. He was he was making... he was I think he was making like a fruit salad. He was he had bananas.
00:05:37
Speaker
And he was picking up, he was choosing a pineapple. He asked for my advice, which I had advice on pineapple. No, that's not a surprise. Because you want to have a good pineapple that will give you a good for fruit salad and also a nice helmet for your cat for afterwards with the pineapple. Do you remember the when I asked that this have a point?
00:05:58
Speaker
Well, strawberries. I'm telling you, ah kiwi fruit. All kinds of things. This is a new strategy to make sure we do not get through the yoga moment with Angel. I'm just telling you, the man who was buying fruit it's allowed was obviously making like a fruit salad. Like he was having a fruit salad party. Yeah. It was not for one. Let me tell you that there was so much fruit. It was not for one person.
00:06:20
Speaker
Why are you surprised, Ms. Elizabeth? I'm saying he's clearly must have friends or thinks that he's going to have company. Of course. Okay. This is a different type of person. Oh, Miss
Jock's Misadventures and Flirtation Fails
00:06:32
Speaker
Elizabeth, I think you caught him on an off day. i think i might I think if you're trying to tell me he was enjoying life, I agree with you. If you're trying to tell me he did it with anything less than over the top insane intensity, then I'm going to challenge you on your account. Well, he was not insanely intense. He was very, he was interested in fruit.
00:06:52
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth, your little tableau from the fruit section is not going to be enough to sway my view of Angel. I see you what he's like. OK, here's my yeah I'm just having a guess here. I think maybe yoga touches a part of Angel that he that sends him into this furious mood.
00:07:11
Speaker
not I think he goes into something, it touches something where he like explodes. Okay. But he's not maybe normally like that. I think, Miss Elizabeth, this is you and your hot air balloon flying away from reality. Okay. you're yeah you've got a night You're trying to save Angel from himself, it sounds like, but it's it. He's already saved. He's already reached Nirvana and he's beckoning us to follow. Why would you stop him? Well, let's learn about his version of yoga then I guess.
00:07:41
Speaker
Ready to lift your head out of that trough and clean the crap out of your ears long enough? Have some yoga wisdom shoved in them? We need to just be a little bit less insulting. It's very insulting. It's too much. I'm going to ignore Fogg, aren't I? I'm going to tell you to listen up, Miss Elizabeth, because the good stuff is coming. Okay. All right then, let's get to work.
00:08:01
Speaker
Walking around this town and looking at the slack jaws, dull stares, people walking into mailboxes, and bumping into walls over and over like the stupidest robot in the world, reminds me that a yoga master is beholden to the mysterious monks of the east, from whom he learned his craft to pass on his hard-won yoga wisdom by making sure the knowledge is shared no matter how many skulls or spines need to be cracked in the process. Too painful.
Angel's Romantic Missteps and Class Chaos
00:08:27
Speaker
That sounds painful.
00:08:29
Speaker
But the rewards. There's no no pain, no gain. Don't you remember the t-shirt? Yeah. So, Angel, are you making any progress or are you just wasting your time? Good question, friend. I'm proud to say that even though there's a mountain of work in front of me, a veritable Everest of donkey dung that needs to be shuffled, I know for a fact that my teachings are making a difference. Let me share with you now something shared to me by one of the mouth breathers in my beginner's yoga class. He doesn't even like his students. He calls his mouth breathers. Miss Elizabeth. He doesn't like, he doesn't like yoga. Do you not think the biggest favor you can do for a person is being honest?
00:09:11
Speaker
I think so. Being honest. So he's being honest with his students. When you when you show up to a beginner yoga class, you've you've confessed that you don't know anything about yoga and you're starting from square one. Okay, that's true. You got to be in some kind of horrible state. So he's just reminding you of that. No, that does not necessarily add up. You don't have to be in a horrible state. You could just be ready for self-improvement. He's definitely too... This mouth breather sounds like he's hit the ditch long ago and it's a good, so thank god he came to Angel.
00:09:42
Speaker
I'd recently put in a large old-fashioned clock in my studio. It ticks real loud and is unrin and is an unrelenting backdrop to my classes. I can relate to this. Do you know why, Jason? Why? Because I was recently a heart victim.
00:09:59
Speaker
And my heart beats so loud now. It's so loud. It's annoying.
00:10:07
Speaker
So this mouth breather is hearing this tick, tick, tick. And as he's getting thrown to the floor, attacked by dogs, chucked down a flight of stairs. Remember, he's just in a beginner's class. He told me that now whenever he hears that kind of ticking sound, wherever he is, he starts sweating and shaking and having a panic attack. So you got to keep him away from me. because Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I was overjoyed to hear this.
00:10:35
Speaker
I made sure he knew that he'd taken his first few steps down the path of yoga. He's trained his body to never let his guard down and to always stay frosty. All you dumb teachers listening to this should take note. This is how you train a body and a mind.
00:10:50
Speaker
yeah Angel being a little bit of a braggadocio guy here, but like I used to be commended. This is knowledge being transferred. This student is like getting zapped with electricity. It's wisdom he didn't even have before. Now yeah now he's got the shakes and he's and and he's on guard constantly and he's in a near state of panic. yeah sounds like yeah Sounds like Nirvana Beckins.
00:11:14
Speaker
T-shirt update. I got all of the moths out of my detached garage, but the t-shirts are a torn-up nod mess. See, Miss Elizabeth, but that my heart weeps for the guy. He's trying to sell cool yoga t-shirts. No one's buying them. And then the moths got at them. Well, ah yeah. Then this fire happened, and the garage burned down, and the insurance settlement has got me kinda seeing dollar signs.
00:11:40
Speaker
I don't think an insurance... No, that's not how insurance works. And I've already forgotten about those ah awesome yoga t-shirts no one wanted to buy. Well, it worked out in the end, Miss Elizabeth. You see how when you're guided by yoga, good things end up happening? People didn't have the
Musical Interlude: Smile Syndicate
00:11:55
Speaker
sense to buy my shirts, but the moths got a belly full of cotton and flew off happily while I hit the jackpot by that mysterious fire. Oh, it sounds like he maybe set the fire himself. oh Elizabeth you had better have evidence for such a wild accusation. He just sort of implied it. He said it was mysterious yeah Apparently without cause I feel like when you call something mystery unknown
00:12:21
Speaker
quick update on the yoga girlfriend situation before we get to today's exercises. I think he should more like try to hook up with people in the fruit section because I feel like you're not going to have a good relationship coming out of yoga when you're so stressed out about yoga
Community Message Board Shenanigans
00:12:36
Speaker
all the time. If you're meeting people in the fruit section, they're they're they're therere they're probably up to something. You want to steer clear though. yeah Okay. Yeah. salad Call it what you want. My wingman jock was doing some legwork for me. but kind of What does that mean?
00:12:51
Speaker
talking up a few chickadees at handsome mics oh like just like getting work done not not working on a leg priming the pump okay okay the women in this town i thought he had a sore leg no miss elizabeth he's got a wing man the wing man's talking up uh angel okay to some fine uh to a few chickadees chickadees okay the women in this town need to learn some manners I don't know what they put in those drinks at handsome mics, but throwing drinks in my good friend's face like that shows a distinct lack of grace and is distinctly unladylike. I don't care if you like my buddy's earthly conversation style. That's no excuse for this kind of alcohol assault. Poor Jock's eyes were red and inflamed, plus a bouncer chucked him right into the road and he got hit by a golf cart. And what a cavalcade of injustice. I feel like maybe Jock should just mind his own beeswax.
00:13:47
Speaker
Yeah, mind your own beeswax. ah Ignore a friend. ah You could help, but you won't, because you're too busy. What do you mean by help? Be the change you want to see, Miss Elizabeth. What do you mean by help? Jock's helping him with the chickadees. In what way? Talking him up. That doesn't... no. That does not make sense. Hey, chickadee. ah yeah yeah You look pretty fit. Are you into yoga?
00:14:11
Speaker
Well, my buddy Angel runs the tip-top yoga studio in town. He's probably the smartest yoga guy I ever met. I think he must have said something worse than that to get a glass of fruit drink in his face. I freely admit I cannot imitate jock properly. Yeah. The the guy talks, so yeah you wouldn't believe how he talks to women. I can't do that. I don't even know how he does it. It's a skill I simply lack. Yeah, well, I think you don't want to have food drinks, though. Can you accept we're different people? Yeah. yeah and And maybe I want things that you don't want, and I know for a fact, vice versa, ah old's true. Sounds like Jock didn't enjoy the drink in his face. Well, no, but he probably had fun talking up the chickadees.
00:14:50
Speaker
Until he got assaulted. Alright. Miss Elizabeth, if if I'm going to spend time getting worked up over every act of injustice in this town, I'd be here for another 48 minutes. I'm definitely on the lady's side on this one. Okay, today's exercise is laughing at pain. You can do these when you're sitting on the couch staring at the wall. So yeah what you do is you bend your hand back as far as it'll go. And that's it.
00:15:24
Speaker
Okay, do you think you can do that one, Miss Elizabeth? i think Laugh at pain? I think he needs to just get into the kitchen and just start chopping some pineapple. Oh, forget the fruit salad. Because I think he'll feel so much better. I don't think so. Today's exercise, washing strawberries. Okay, I trivialize all you want. He's got some more exercises for us. This one's called the Nutcracker.
00:15:47
Speaker
So you hold your legs up, bring your knees together, spread your feet as far apart as they'll go. I'm confused, are you sitting down? so Okay, you're on a couch, slouch right down, lift your knees up, off the ground, off the ground okay put them, make sure they're together, and then you flare your legs out with your knees still touching. And now slam your ankles together as hard as they'll go.
00:16:11
Speaker
Okay. The nutcracker. That'll hurt. So is this because the bones, your ankle bones? Yeah, just the thing that sticks out, you'll slam them into each other. That'll hurt a lot. So your ankle bones are are crashing into each other. yeah you Those are the nuts that are cracking? The beginners will scream in pain, but the more advanced students will learn to laugh okay as the bolts of pain rip through their bodies. Okay, these exercises sound pretty bad. Now this next one is called the neck witter. Okay, I'm gonna have to calling into this one. For one thing, because my neck hurts for one thing already. Oh, your heart, your neck, it never ends. Well, when you are a heart victim, sometimes your neck and shoulders also hurt. Little known fact that now everybody is going to know. OK. Miss Elizabeth, you're cutting off the knowledge. Yes, because
Episode Wrap-Up and Invitation
00:17:03
Speaker
I don't. That's more fooling you. Nobody needs no neck whipper. And we also don't need the nutcracker.
00:17:08
Speaker
Your listener friend, you can figure out what the neck whipper is. Get doing it. the The hand breaker. No, that's like, ah um doesn't even have a name. That's a warm up exercise. Okay. Yeah. Your listener friend, do the neck whipper. You know what I mean. Just do it. Five sets of 10. Let's go. Don't you'll get dizzy. You'll fall down and you you don't want to have to recover from neck pain. That's enough. You'll get enlightenment for one day. Come on down to my studio and frickin pay for it. If you want the real goods, don't be so cheap. Namaste, you turds. I'm looking forward to maybe being invited to his fruit salad party. He's got a fantasy vision of what you imagine in yoga. Well, Angel should be. He's sticking to yoga. Sorry. You can't change the man, Miss Elizabeth. I think he's into a lot of other things besides yoga. And I think that they might make him happier. Oh yeah, his mind's a million miles wide. easy He craves the entirety of human experience. How wide is your mind? How wide is your mind? Miss Elizabeth, it's focused.
00:18:08
Speaker
It's narrow. you You use whatever word you want, Miss Elizabeth. Fine, I'm narrow-minded. Who cares? That's not what I meant. yeah all right yeah what narrow what What you call narrow-minded, I call yeah ah right on target. Is it wide and long? Miss Elizabeth, my mind's what it needs to be to get me through the day. Is it circular?
00:18:32
Speaker
What are you talking about? I don't know, you just, you said that, you said that Angel's mind was wide and I just thought, what does that mean? Because he's got, because he's got the wisdom from those monks in the east somewhere. That's all. Okay. Geez, you need everything spelled out. This heart victim stuff's got ya with a screw loose in your brain. I am thinking about things now, because if your mind can be a certain width, is it also a length and shape? Could it be a depth? You know what we need? What? A song. Okay.
00:19:02
Speaker
let's That's enough Angel for today. an Angel dropped truth bombs on us and we're here to figure out how to apply them to our daily lives. And as we do that as a soundtrack, why don't we listen to a Smile Syndicate song? Yeah. Theme from the Smile Syndicate. Perfect. Let's go.
00:21:49
Speaker
The theme from the Smile Syndicate right here on Hello, Smile Syndicate. Nice. Fun times in this little store. Yeah, that is the theme. Well, if you crave more Smile Syndicate songs to your listener friend, you might as well go to any digital streaming platform you like, get on there and look up the Smile Syndicate. It's not hard. No, it's not. and then you And then you... You can also look up your name and find... I think you can find the songs just looking up your name.
00:22:14
Speaker
Not your name, dear listener friend. The smile syndicate. That's the name. Smile syndicate or Jason. You can look up Jason. Don't look up Jason. and That's Jason Ayers. OK. All right. That'll be the soundtrack for the fun time of the rest of this week for you if you do such a thing, dear listener friend. But in the meantime, we got to do something. I don't know if we do this out of civic duty or if we do it out of a misguided sense of trying to give the people of this town a voice on this show, which they clearly don't need. And also it's just wanting to understand what is going on in the community and sort of understanding what people are up to. Okay, well, I don't know if we need it, but we're gonna do it anyway, of course. I think we need it, otherwise... We're talking about the Smileton Community Message Board. That's right. Our neighbors have flooded us with messages. Yeah. And we're here to read some of them. Miss Lismith, what is the first message we're gonna bring to light now today? I got a few. Okay, here's the first one.
00:23:07
Speaker
Whether it's on the street at the bottom of Lake Smilton or sailing through the skies above the Tri-town area, Smilton Bus Tours has the reputation for delivering the best tours around. Oh boy, oh boy. Smilton Bus Tours. Mission creep or what? I didn't know that, what do you mean mission creep? I think it's pretty cool if they can do all three of those. How can you go everywhere in a bus? I don't know. Bar none and no more discussion will be entertained on that topic.
00:23:36
Speaker
ah sorry When I started Smiles in Bus Tours, my aim was to grind the competition into a mushy paste and leave me free to dominate the tour industry round these parts. okay My highway-screaming, high-flying submarine diving are the class of the industry and it turns out some killjoys can't handle that.
00:24:00
Speaker
Wow. Apparently, aviation officialdom, quote unquote, doesn't like it when random tour buses start flying around, getting into people's precious air spaces. OK, Top Gun, it's a friggin bus. You can't see that thing up there. It's huge. Watch where you're going and we'll all get along fine. I'm not grounding my buses and I defy the authorities to come stop me because what vehicles do they have that can keep up with me? LOL, Jacob mailbox 13333. Wow, Ms. Elizabeth. i I went through a whole spectrum of emotion with that. I was annoyed to start.
00:24:41
Speaker
Then the guy got my interest and then I got irritated that it was a paid advertisement for free. It is a paid advertisement. And then he pulled me around by defying the authority. So I think keep going wherever you are. Jacob, I like this tour bus you got going. I don't understand how it can fly. Well, I guess you better take a tour and find out. I guess.
00:25:01
Speaker
Why? I have a message for you here, Miss Elizabeth. Alright. Handyman Grover here. You guys want to give me a heads up when you're pickling things? I hate going to places to fix something or build something and I get in there and I can barely see or breathe because the pickle brine is so overpowering and then you're not sure what you actually want me to do?
00:25:23
Speaker
So no pickling gets added to the rule list that's on my website. No pickling. Don't try to seduce me and don't have the stereo blaring when I get there because you most likely have terrible taste in music. I'm thinking of switching to just doing DIY YouTube videos because this handyman stuff has given me a migraine. Grover mailbox 8808. Is he complaining because when he goes to do a job, people are pickling? Is that yes is that the idea ok that's the idea? Okay. so So when he goes to your house, don't be pickling things. That's the rule. Okay. Well, I think that maybe you can't ask, but if you have a job, go and get paid.
00:26:02
Speaker
yeah That's the idea, but people are making it difficult. But it's not difficult. just It is. People seduce him all the time assaulting his nostrils with pickle brine, terrible music. Oh, elizabeth he's actually getting seduced? Why do you think he said don't try to seduce me? Oh, that's adorable. He's probably adorable, Miss Elizabeth. Handyman Grover. It's not the 80s. You can't talk like that anymore. Okay. Miss Elizabeth, he's probably one of the... I'm guessing the guy's a good handyman because everybody wants him.
00:26:30
Speaker
So the ladies are pickling things and they're feeling a little bit... Pickling things in their necklaces. How are you supposed to build a spice rack in that environment? Exactly. All right. Ready for another one? Yup. Attention, attention. Sunshine Jane here with another consumer report update, which I always found... That's a funny title first for something.
00:26:56
Speaker
well It's a consumer report. Yeah, she's taking it upon herself to be a consumer advocate and no one's looking for that It's like there's a report already and now you're updating it yeah
00:27:09
Speaker
ah Holy, I'm not going to own her title choices, Miss Elizabeth. Carry on. I check out local small businesses and give you the good, bad and the ugly about them. Okay. Busy body. In this update, I would like to talk to you about Musique by Lance. Oh boy. Okay. Let's hear it. It's a music store that I was surprised to see was still in business. Oh, yeah whatever.
00:27:36
Speaker
I think everybody's surprised to see that it's still in business. That's disingenuous. I was sure that place was abandoned. What with the hole in the roof and the plywood over over the window, she's got a point.
00:27:50
Speaker
And all those cars in the parking lot in the lineup of frickin' rock warriors needing to buy the latest acts of rock destruction. But apparently... Yeah, apart from that, it looks abandoned. It's still open, and I had a need to buy a ukulele for my nephew, so I went in to check it out. Oh, yeah. I'll cut to the chase. No stars. Oh, yeah, there's a surprise. I was treated rudely. Guess what, lady? It's a tango. You can't show up there with this crappy attitude and expect it to get treated right. I was treated rudely, there was a terrible smell in there, guano. And there was a man dressed up like a lobster who was acting like a ridiculous idiot. Okay, I'm gonna... Ridicul... Okay, boy oh boy, she's confounding. Plus, you threw the word guano in there, Miss Elizabeth. That is not part of her message. That's the smell. That's the smell.
00:28:44
Speaker
fine you get used to it and the rock lobster is not ridiculous or idiotic it's hilarious He started trying to jostle me and in doing he spilled my purse all over the place and somehow the bear spray that I carry got lodged inside his costume and it went off. oh His screaming and thrashing did actually give me a chuckle but it wasn't enough to award a star for that. No no stars and please avoid from Sunshine Game mailbox 3060. That's absolutely ridiculous. She came in there assaulted the guy with bear spray. Pretty hilarious. She wasn't amused enough at her own assault and she's giving no stars. You know she loves nature. She goes out into nature where there are bears.
00:29:27
Speaker
yeah so you have to have bear spray yeah in your purse it's not for humans it's for bears not for rock lobsters either it but it and but he jostles her don't jostle the ladies of smiles and you might end up with what he does relax bear spray ends up in your costume and now what are you gonna do another injustice i gotta let that roll off my back how fast can you get out of a rock lobster costume yeah you didn miss lisbet there's no good answer to that question I wouldn't have believed it, but anger management actually kinda works. My idiot HR rep sent me to some training because of an incident in the copier room at work that wasn't my fault.
00:30:06
Speaker
She's all go to the training or we'll have to fire you. I'm glad she forced me to go because I'm feeling much more relaxed now. I realized I was a rageaholic and I'm publicly owning that right here. That's good. I'm even enjoying my summer vacation just doing some bird watching in the backyard. I'm going to go next door and have a friendly chat with my neighbor because holy god those wind chimes. Okay. Sheila.
00:30:30
Speaker
mailbox 5701. She doesn't say to be continued, but that's pretty strongly implied. I have a feeling that Sheila... It's the Holy God, I think, is what tips it off. That's an amazing way to end a post. Sheila, thanks for getting back in touch because it's been a little while. I guess she was in anger management. She was always freaking out on the bus and threatening to like physically assault people.
00:30:54
Speaker
I think she might be going off the wagon here, but time will tell. Oh, what a little bit of sunshine in this show, Miss Elizabeth. That tickles my brain, that story. She does need to relax. When you're a renowned Smilton ladies man,
00:31:09
Speaker
All right. I don't know who this is from. I have an idea. You get a little touchy about protecting your reputation. So I didn't appreciate the attention that I got from a group, not to say gang of ladies who were apparently attending a bachelorette party. And let me tell you such rudeness I have rarely seen. Oh my goodness, the poor guy. Is upset but well spoken. I like it. Yeah. OK. I had spotted this fine filly Okay. That's a problem. Sitting at the bar, so I went over there and told her that heaven must be missing an angel because if she got rid of the glasses and grew her hair out and got rid of that tattoo, she'd be an angel.
00:31:55
Speaker
Oh, that's sweet. Oh, fuckhorn. Romance is not dead, not while I'm here. So I was getting to work, and the next thing I know, this woman came by, bumped into me, and spilled her drink all over me. I yelled at her to watch where she was going, and the next thing that I know, five harpies are all in my face, yelling and laughing at me, making fun of me. Killed off what I had going with that filly. He's calling women horses. Fillies, Miss Elizabeth. Find fillies. who had potential to be a hottie.
00:32:29
Speaker
Oh my goodness. Wow, that's a... That's flattering. It is not flattering. She could be a hottie. That's not a nice thing to say. Oh, jeez, well, I must be from the planet Mars. You are from the planet Mars. What a waste of an evening and ladies, every last one of you is on my S-list. Good. And if you think any of you have the slightest chance of being one of Jock's fillies, you're laughing or winning, I suppose.
00:32:59
Speaker
but from Jock mailbox 12-0-60. Oh, Jock. You know what? We don't even need your number, Jock, because we're not going to be sending you any messages, because we don't like being called horses. Fillies, Miss Elizabeth. I don't see the word horse there once. We're not horses, though. Miss Elizabeth, this is the modern dating scene. And this guy, yeah this guy is easy he does he does well by the ladies. So how else? I don't think he does, though. How else do you become a ladies man? I think he gets drinks thrown in his face. oh still We're not going to talk about that again, Miss Elizabeth. That's an unfortunate scenario that played out that needs to be forgotten because you got to forgive and forget. Jock got right back up on that horse and went off looking for a filly. Another horse, another horse reference. That is enough out of Jock with the horse references. Oh, stop.
00:33:48
Speaker
It's Smilton's favorite family band checking in. We've sure had a busy summer playing all kinds of shows for the good people of Smilton and I say good people advisedly since I need to give you a reminder that most people in town are good hearted. I was all set to announce something exciting.
00:34:08
Speaker
And it's with disappointment that I must tell you that we had to pull down our 3D headset app from all the digital stores because we discovered that some image immature pranksters have turned what was supposed to be an immersive 360 experience with your favorite family band into a surrealistic nightmare of human male body parts flying everywhere, having dog fights in the sky, bursting up through the earth and coming down from the sky as a choir of angels. Choir of angels?
00:34:38
Speaker
The programming skill needed to pull off such a feat, Miss Elizabeth boggles the mind. It does. There's a lot of effort went into that. I realize what I'm saying makes no sense, but that app makes no sense. And I want you to know that this was not the design we signed off on. The media company who we contracted is just as confused as us. Once again, immature pranksters, spoil the fun. Please do not download the app. We'll let you know when the proper app is posted. I wish we could focus on performing music for people and not human male body parts.
00:35:07
Speaker
Proud Peacock Family Band mailbox 5440. You know, they just keep on trying. They do, Miss Elizabeth. And I i tell ya, that... It's a whole family. They come together. Yeah. That little kid shakes that tambourine. Yeah, a strong family. that They got that yeah the youngest kid in the family. He's the drummer. He's a beast on those things. Yeah.
00:35:28
Speaker
and They deserve to get a proper hearing because they are one of the better family bands in town, but Miss Elizabeth, that prankster, either or pranksters show such ingenuity. how to be a whole Can you imagine thinking you're going to get a little bit of a family good time hour with us but the proud Peacock family band, and then you just, I don't even know what it would be like if experiencing that app. 360 assault.
00:35:52
Speaker
Are you not tempted to give it a try? It sounds like amazing. It probably is hilarious. I know it's hilarious, but I would I would actually bet that that app is still available, that the proud peacocks haven't figured out a way to pull that thing down yet. Dear listener friend, I know. OK, can you at least give us half an ear? Because I know you've already got your headset on and you're downloading this thing as we speak. Let me know if it's if it's worth it. So it goes on like it's a headset thing and then you can like look around and yeah, it's OK. Yeah.
00:36:21
Speaker
it I don't know if it's an augmented reality thing or a fully immersive experience. Either way, it sounds hilarious. It plays the Proud Peacock family band music, but then you see a lot of um yeah male human body parts. Feet and hands and... No, Miss Elizabeth, that's not what we're talking about. I know, I'm just trying to... Distinctly male body parts. okay okay yeah Let's call it there, Miss Elizabeth. I think we've had enough of hearing from Smiles and for one day that this has been Smiles 10 Community Message Board. Miss Elizabeth, always leave them wanting more. Yeah. And you know what? What? I think that's a good principle to apply to this show. I think we should wrap it now. Let's wrap it. I think we should reassemble and deliver another all new episode of the Hello, Smiles and Show.
00:37:12
Speaker
Next week? Sounds good. What do you say? I think we should do it. I guess that means this one's done, but it's been fun. Miss Elizabeth, take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileton. There's a lot of fun going on here. So let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileton. So spread the word and make a difference. So it's Bye Bye from Jason. Bye Bye. And Bye Bye from me. See you next week. And as always, remember, friend, the sun is a jukebox.