Transcript
Speaker: Hello, Smiles and welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to take straight from Smiles in Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. Or so I thought, I am ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Thank you, Miss Elizabeth. So you thought, what do you mean? What happened last week? I was here. I was ready to go. Okay. I feel like I had my script in front of me, not that we can do everything from a script.
Speaker: No, Miss Elizabeth, but 90 % of the show is improvised. We do have a scaffolding to keep us in place and you're demanding an explanation as to why we did not put out an episode last week. i guess that Are you calling me sent onto the carpet to explain myself? I'm just gonna let you know, and you already know this, but for the audience, I did call around hospitals. I called around medical clinics. I called your friends. My phone was dead. I couldn't reach out, to you Miss Elizabeth.
Speaker: i did yeah i did I probably didn't text you quite enough, and I called the jail. Okay, yeah and you came up empty because you aren't even close to explaining what happened. did before before ah Before I justify why we missed the show last week, I'm going to welcome you, dear listener friend, to the show.
Speaker: i'm I apologize if you showed up here last week and and you just heard tumbleweeds rolling by, but I can assure you the explanation. You will be ah ah reducing your anger and turning that into sympathy towards me and towards my plight.
Speaker: Here's what happened, Miss. I told you the last show that we put out that we, um the band I'm in, Lance Brox, Goin' Snake, could come out with the name for the tour. We're going top -down strategy. yeah yeah God's Among You. That's right. You've named a tour, but you don't have any music to play.
Speaker: You. I can't even remember, Miss Elizabeth, because of the harrowing events of last week. I'll have to go back and check. Here's what happened. We got excited. We're going to be a touring ongoing rock band. We got the name. But you don't have music. and No, we're getting there. OK. So in the spirit of let's do top down, let's figure this out and and then get the details done later. I think you should switch from top down and do bottom up instead. Well, maybe now after what happened, maybe we'll consider it.
Speaker: we decided the next thing to do is get a stage show together. Like how are we going to be moving on stage? So we we decided we need to rehearse, but we don't have songs in that. So we're going to just like air guitar. Air guitar. That's fun. So we just put on some songs that we like and we we we didn't really have a stage, but there's a big open space on the roof of Lance's music store, Music by Lance. Well, wait a minute.
Speaker: Yeah, that roof is not intact. It is. It's enough of it is intact, Miss Elizabeth ah to get the job done. So we climbed up there. We put a ladder against the side of the building shimmied up there. We're rocking out. We we have a boom box up there blaring out classic hits and we're jumping around air guitar. We can feel this tour to could coming together. You didn't fall through this. No, no, the roof is intact, but a wind did come up. There's a hole in that roof. Like it's not intact.
Speaker: I gotcha.
Speaker: ah Because it rains in a little bit. Yeah, it's your listener friend. It's not that big a hole in the roof of the music store. It's there for character. It's like it was hit by a gust of wind came up. it Oh, stop. All right. A gust of wind came up, knocked the ladder down. Oh, so you didn't have a plan spen three nights up there, Miss Elizabeth. I thought you were good at shimmying. but There's nothing to shimmy with.
Speaker: Okay. We were stuck up there three nights. None of you had a phone. The phones were all dead, Miss Elizabeth. So you were up there with your air guitars? Yes, we just had pretend musical instruments. You're making it sound ridiculous when you put it that way. Well, because it sounds like you should have been able to attract some attention. Believe me, we were yelling for help. Were you air yelling for help? No.
Speaker: I'm just wondering how come this doesn't make sense. Do you think night two was fun, Ms. Elizabeth? Do you think we were having fun? I don't know. It's kind of cold in this mountain, late October. Next time I know, check Lance's roof.
Speaker: Yes! If you don't know where I am, go to the music store and look. Because people did walk by. People did try to get in the store. we They heard us yelling and they just smiled and waved at us. Ladies and gentlemen, you were no help either. okay It was my fault. I apologize. I'm in no mood to discuss this further. you guys because We got down. vance came Vance finally came. He wasn't he thought the airband thing was stupid and didn't participate with us. so we Think of that. This is how committed we are. We were doing airband and we didn't even have an air drummer. that's How can that work? yeah But we made it work, damn it. I guess you air made it work. Yes, we did. So I feel proud of that and i so I feel proud of surviving that ordeal. And I'm just telling you, yeah well, once we get that t -shirt designed finalized, then we'll move on to figuring out some songs and figuring out how to get ah get ourselves booked in a place to play. Dominoes will fall. maybe Don't worry. I wonder if you'll get through this entire process and have a whole successful um touring situation where you're selling t -shirts and you have shows yeah and you don't even have any songs. I wonder if you can do that. That would be amazing.
Speaker: Well, if we unlock that, that would be some trick, Ms. Elizabeth. But unfortunately, we're just going to have to come up with the best rock songs you ever heard in your life. Okay. Just that. Okay. Sounds good. You're a listener friend. Yeah. As you can imagine, I'm weathered and worn from that experience. So what we're going to do is we're, Ms. Elizabeth and I are cooking up some changes. You need a facial. You certainly need a facial. You're looking a little, I mean, your air, you've, you've been attacked by the air. Yes. Yeah.
Speaker: those owls, Miss Elizabeth. They night the owls. They make different sounds than what you thought. Difficult to sleep, so yes. They don't just say who. I'm ragged. Yeah, you are. So we're going to visit the vast archive of this show while Miss Elizabeth and I plot a way forward because we had an important meeting for the for this show right before we hit record and we decided it's uh it's uh the pressure's been building and we got to evolve this show a little bit yeah some exciting changes are coming i don't know why you're taking over stating that because i'm the one who's saying we need some focus sessions because if you get yourself locked up on top of Lance's roof and and we can't do the show we need a backup plan here in case i get mia because of some tom foolery that i get up to here in smileton state time for some focus sessions Jason dear listener friend your support is appreciated as always there's gonna be some fun stuff coming up in a highly structured way Jason highly structured fun highly fun highly fun miss Elizabeth do you have some pics for us out of the vast archive of this show and spiritual forebears smile syndicate music hour
Speaker: Always, Jason, my first pick is a grab bag of bad judgment and poor behavior. Oh, come on. But it's funny to listen to, so why not? This is a yoga moment with Angel and a pneumatic tube message. The pneumatic tube comes to us about garbage catapults from episode 43 of Hello Smiles, in which was called Some Divine Hand.
Speaker: guided our aiming of the garbage catapults. And it first aired July 31st, 2023, about a year ago, Jason, a little more. Yeah, let's listen. Yeah, let's go. Why not?
Speaker: Wisdom. Wisdom in spades, Miss Elizabeth. Okay. You always, I was listening to some of the older shows. You know, I was passing the time and I was listening to some of our capering from days gone by. And we've done this segment before. And you're you're skeptical. You try to gain say my friend and my yoga master, you doubt his credentials, you doubt his approach. Yes. And quite frankly, you look foolish in the process. Okay, well, so be it.
Speaker: Okay, so I have a sense that this is exactly how this segment is going to go because we're here to present ah the latest edition of a yoga moment with Angel. My buddy Angel runs Nirvana Yoga Studios here in town. He's the purveyor of Yoga 10X x 1000, the most over -the -top intense brand of yoga on planet Earth. ah the Yoga shouldn't be so intensive.
Speaker: OK, Miss Elizabeth, thank you. You just said in a nutshell what's wrong with your approach to yoga. You got it backwards. OK. Of course it needs to be intense. Self -realization is no joke. you're not It's not going out for a Sunday tea in the park. It's it battling the monster on the mountaintop.
Speaker: ah With the fire all around you and the lightning bolts cast from on high and you got a gut through that kind of situation and Playing ah playing a little dance tune on your gramophone and sipping some tea ah The monsters gonna laugh at you. Okay, so will I quite frankly my goodness monsters? Why are there monsters all of a sudden? It's a metaphor. Let's hear from Angel Waka Waka, how's it hanging? and Well, I had the crappiest week that ever crapped on me and that's saying I'm awful. Wow. I took my blood pressure at the drugstore and that thing blew up like I just scored a trillion points on a pinball game. Sky high bye bye baby.
Speaker: better to burn out than fade away, right? Okay, no, not right. And I think he needs to take a look at his approach to yoga. It's not helping. It's not lowering his blood pressure. He is sounding burned out. He doesn't normally talk that way. mr elizabeth I'm a little bit worried. But he's got a lot more to say here. So let's see how this goes.
Speaker: I know some of you mouth breathers who listen to these have trouble keeping up with me sometimes, but I'm not sure how much further I can break it down. Imparting yoga wisdom to people too slow on the uptake to do anything with it, and for free mind you, might be one of the dumbest things I've gotten up to lately.
Speaker: But maybe one day you might lift your head out of the trough just long enough to see the pearls I've cast before you in Fogg Horn. Don't interrupt yoga wisdom. He's calling the audience stupid over and over and over and over again. I held my tongue and Fogg Horn held his tongue for many times. Do you think there might not be a method to the madness here?
Speaker: Repetition? ah And breaking you down so that he can build you up in a proper mog in proper yoga style. Well, I think that I'm feeling pretty resistant to that strategy. We're misshapen lumps of clay, Miss Elizabeth, and it takes a strong fist to batter down the grotesque contours so that he can start fashioning it into something resembling a yoga ideal. okay I'm not misshapen for the record. No, but yeah inside you are, Miss Elizabeth. your your Your yoga soul needs work. All right.
Speaker: But maybe you might one day lift your head out of the trough just long enough to see the pearls I've cast before you, and you come down into my studio and pay up and get some yoga wisdom beat in India. Not likely, but a man can dream. Okay, it's abusive. The trough? Yeah. It's abusive. Right. Yeah. i yeah Tell me something I don't know, Miss Elizabeth. but It's not helpful to the blood to the ah blood pressure.
Speaker: Yes, Ms. Elizabeth. It's not even helping the abuser, isn't even benefiting. Holy smoke, Ms. Elizabeth, you go into a yoga studio with the expectation that your heart is going to be racing, your blood pressure is going to be sky high, your adrenaline maxed, and you're fighting for your life. That's what you should be doing. If you're not at that so you're not in the yoga zone, if you're not doing that. okay So I had to pay three grand to that yoga -hating goof who sued me. I insisted in paying in cash and the goof actually agreed. um I don't know what the legal eagles in our studio audience have an opinion there. What's so funny about that? Well, he's Yeah, he's, he's carried to justice makes you laugh. Yeah, he got sued, but he abused a quote unquote. ah Let me back that up. He got sued by a student who didn't like being taught yoga properly. yeah He didn't like being screamed at for having the dogs sick on him getting blasted with a fire hose. He got he got he got a little rattled. So he goes running home to mama, right? an angel And Angel is not learning. And she took her little sweetie to the lawyer and they decided to sue Angel for was psychological tormenting or something like that. That was the official charge. Ridiculous. So that dragged on for months. And the judgment ended up being that Angel had to pay $3 ,000 of this goof, who couldn't hack it.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, that's backwards. That goof should have paid ah shouldop hady ah that goof should a paid Angel three grand for showing him that he's on the wrong path in life and he needs to get his act cleaned up. Well, I think that Angel has a moment here where he can learn something and he's resistant to learning it. Don't worry, Miss Elizabeth. he's not He might be down, but he's not out. okay I insisted in paying in cash and the goof actually agreed, which is hilarious because I just gave him three large and counterfeit bills. i Oh, yeah. So first of all, being on your counter that's pretty so silly, but also what's even more silly is like mentioning it on the show, which now like Hello Police. What? No, Miss Elizabeth, you can't call the police. You're doing a podcast. but What they're listening is what I'm saying. I decided to turn this goof's dopeness against him. The money I paid him as a picture of me on it. Ha ha. I'm just glad that this business is finally settled and I can get on to yoga, find people who actually deserve it somewhat. Okay, that's terrible. ah Life gives you lemons. he got He had a little bit of jollity there, passing out some counterfeit bills, got ah got the got the lady of justice off his back, and he's back to having fun again. I think he's going to be back in jail again. No, that's that sounds like a good time story to me. Speaking of which, aside from my astounding yoga mastery and stupefying teaching skills, I still continue to try to improve how I deliver yoga instruction. Case in point,
Speaker: Last month I ordered a brown note machine from a classified ad in an e -zine. It arrived last week and I got to try it out on my yoga students. Okay, were you there for this?
Speaker: Miss Elizabeth, I just want to read what Angel says. I don't want to i don't want to bore you with my personal anecdotes. all right Oh my God, the looks on their faces. I just gave the class a little blast from the sound machine and you could see the terror in their eyes right away. Do I go clean up? The class hasn't started yet. Do I push through? It was so quiet. You could hear a pin drop, except for me laughing, I guess. Oh man, good times. Most students pushed through it and by the end of the class, woo But it was worth it though. Okay, that's awful. That's awful. That's part of the abuse. Brown note machine. You hear it. You lose control your lower system. Yeah, a mess might get made in the pant zone. No kidding. No one's looking for that. no that's and what That's what that's what yoga is all about is you have to deal with the unexpected.
Speaker: I thought that the brown note machine was kind of like, kind of a fantasy thing. Like it wasn't really, it doesn't really work. No, no, he i'm tell I'm here to tell you it works. It works. It works yeah works very, very well. Very effective. It was very effective. Did he do it while everyone was in the downward dog position? It doesn't matter, Miss Elizabeth. what It came out, it hit hit us like a shockwave. Okay, so you were there.
Speaker: like yeah I'm not saying anything more than that. Surely, there's a rubbernecking editor. Ladies and gentlemen, ah you're lucky I don't have such a machine here because it would be on for a full 60 minutes. And then we'd see if you'd be in the mood to laugh after that. So I signed up for this yoga exchange student program. I sent some of my knuckle draggers across the ocean somewhere and I get some back in exchange.
Speaker: I made it clear to my students that this program was mandatory and I had some of my yoga henchmen pay a visit to a few of them in the middle of the night. They were bound, gagged, put in burlap sacks and shipped off to Portugal. We got a few students from Lisbon back. I gave them a rundown of how yoga works over here and they got upset.
Speaker: They refuse to be attacked by the yoga dogs, grapple, or even do a proper screaming at the sky. I'm used to working with unpromising lumps of clay, but these people don't seem to be any use at all. I think I'd rather have the three stooges we shipped off back.
Speaker: Yeah, no kidding. I'm telling you, this is not the proper approach to yoga. Nobody in the world does yoga like this. It's abusive. It's terrible. it's it's it's It hurts people physically, mentally, emotionally. And yeah, people from somewhere else in the world is going to give him their reality, which is, this is not yoga, sir. You said one thing, right? There ain't anything like it in the world. What? a Miss Elizabeth, yeah again, you can't complain because it's in the waiver somewhere.
Speaker: that you may get abducted in the middle of the night and shipped across the ocean to another yoga school. That's what yoga is. I don't know what you're complaining about there. Okay, I'm glad it wasn't you. We would have been late with a show. I've been Miss Elizabeth. There's long distance undersea cables that could join us by telephone. Okay, we would get the show out no problem. And I welcome the challenge of doing yoga in Portugal. Okay.
Speaker: Anyway, keep at it. Yoga wisdom is hard won, but lasts a lifetime. Don't let challenges and other people stand in your way. Stomp it all down. Push. Grind. Overcome. Victory. So say the mysterious monks of the east, and so say I, your yoga master. Sign up today and experience my poop machine firsthand. No other yoga studio has that, I frickin' guarantee. Namaste, you turds. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, you yo yeah the sales pitch is one year over. Sign up. go I recommend you head out now. Go down to Nirvana Yoga Studios. Sign up for that class. Get blasted by the poop machine. Your life will change. Yeah, sounds like you'll have more laundry.
Speaker: Oh, Miss Elizabeth, you and your sundry details. yeah You focus on how the sausage is made instead of enjoying a good breakfast and... ah Come on. I don't need... It's the pneumatic tube. I don't need it, Miss Elizabeth. Well, I'm curious what it is. i I'm not at all, actually, so I would recommend you just roll this unwanted message into the bog. I've opened it. Here it goes. Okay. Attention, attention. This is an all points bulletin for the pneumatic tube network. My family and I were sitting in our backyard about to have a nice meal out on the picnic table when a pile of garbage dropped out of the sky and into our lives.
Speaker: coffee grounds, banana peels, and used diapers contaminated our lovely meal. this is awesome My wife and children were quite shaken by the spectacle. My three -year -old son asked me, why did garbage fall from the sky, Daddy? Did we do something wrong? Does someone have a good answer for my son because I sure didn't?
Speaker: If someone's playing around with a garbage catapult, knock it off. And if you have to be an idiot, point it at a different neighborhood. My sister -in -law's hatchback got totaled after it got three direct hits from some fool's garbage catapult, so this is really getting to be enough already.
Speaker: If anyone receiving this message has a tip that may lead to the arrest of the dummies involved, please reply to this message or call the cops. Or if it's you, knock it off before I figure out who you are and make things mighty uncomfortable for you. Signed, sick of garbage. Oh, come on. Don't be so prissy.
Speaker: Oh, I don't approve of your good time. Have you ever had a used diaper land on your head or like inside your picnic? miss was I prefer to be on the right side of the garbage catapult when when it comes to such things. No kidding. Okay. I would watch what you say next because the police, as I said, are listening to this. mi alliance it's not mike I just, i I may or may not know something about this and it's not my garbage catapult.
Speaker: OK, but I was there when that baby got loaded up and shot shots of the moon for all we knew for all you knew. Well, now you know it was. I don't think that this person mentions the neighborhood, but it was the wrong neighborhood because this person is going to follow up. ah Sounds like a bullseye got hit that day, Miss Elizabeth. What a delightful story. Thank you. But this show doesn't have to be a torment. It can you and make you feel good. How did you answer the question, why did garbage fall from the sky, Daddy? Did we do something wrong? I don't know. They've got to figure that answer out for themselves. Because maybe maybe there's a little bit of ah cosmic justice going on here. And some divine hand guided our aiming of the garbage catapult. I'm not sure if it's OK. So you're aiming it. OK, got it. I don't... Pardon me, Miss Elizabeth. I don't... i yeah You think you got me, but I've been choosing my words carefully and none of this will stand up in court. Because, hey, ah your honor, you stink. I think you're a joke. And just try playing this tape in evidence because I'm insulting you right now, you goof. So ah take that gavel and cram it up your butt. How about that?
Speaker: I think that's unwise. ah Objection, Your Honor. ah This evidence is obviously insulting you and in is inadmissible. Objection sustained. The wheels of justice continue, Miss Elizabeth. Okay. Wow. You're Judge, jury, and executioner. Bingo, dingo. Horrific old stuff right here on Hello, Smile. That pneumatic tube, I sort of need to reconnect with the pneumatic tube. Miss Elizabeth, I gotta tell you, if we had had that garbage catapult, we could have been sending SOS messages from up ah up ah from on high. I like the garbage catapult. Oh! Pneumatic tube. What are you...
Speaker: Boy, talk about an unwelcome surprise. I'm not saying that there's a message coming from the pneumatic tube, but do you think we should check and see? Yeah, yeah. I have no clue what this is. Okay, let's open it up. Let's see. Oh, guess what? It's a song request. I can't take it, Mr. Elizabeth. My eye is twitching already. Well, it's one of your songs. What? An actual proper song request not telling me to write a song for some of the arcane purpose? It's asking to hear, I'm going to hover. One of your better songs. Wow. Let's play it then.
Speaker: Clouds are going.
Speaker: I'm gonna hover
Speaker: I'm going to hover right here on Hello Smiles. It's pneumatic too. Yeah, that thing proves itself useful once on a blue moon. I love it. Oh, brother. Well, dear listener friend, I trust you had fun listening to that song. And if you want to hear it and more like it, go to Spotify, go to whatever digital platform you can lay your hands on. It's literally on all of the platforms. Look up the smile syndicate and you will be set up. If you're on iTunes, like Apple phone with the different phones.
Speaker: All the different apps? dear listen friend If you're still rocking a Windows phone, you can still use that. If you've got a Razer flip phone, if you've got a clear net, a futurist friendly phone. i had I had both of those. I don't know why you're making fun. Yeah, and I'm going back to my own past too, Miss Elizabeth. They didn't play music though. All they did was made make calls. no Kids don't understand. Kids don't understand much, Miss Elizabeth. What is your second pick? Oh, all right. My second pick is a classic edition of the New Year's resolution update, something we should always keep up with. Yes. Promises kept resolutions fulfilled. Let's find out, Jason. This first aired as part of episode 241 of the Smile Syndicate Music Hour. The title of that show was What is Rock Then? And it first went out into the world on August the 9th, 2021. Wow. Some time ago.
Speaker: but But still a classic. Still a classic. Let's listen. Time. Time to check in with our New Year's resolutions. Anybody can flip, anybody can shoot their mouth off in January. Second week of January. Where are they? Here we are in the beginning of August. We're we're we're gonna we're going to tell you.
Speaker: True proud and true how we're doing with our resolutions so far this year miss Elizabeth We're gonna go back and forth and I'll start so you yeah I want to know about your resolution. Yeah says here go for more walk. Yes meet more dogs. Yes, this is specifically Irresponsible going for more dog for more walks in order to meet more dogs yeah yeah Yeah, not just going for more walks period which is also a laudable goal in itself And by the way, are you trying to say that this is an even more difficult and normal resolution for you? I'm just saying that you put your focus towards like finding furry cuddly friends. Yeah. And you know, you know who you meet on these walks, especially around town in Smileton? Who? The yoga dogs. oh boy well why would you they're out walking in themselves often i all it's miss elizabeth they're an independent enforcement agency those yoga dogs you gotta to stay away if they decide you're a troublemaker you're in trouble so you meet more dogs when you go on more walks and you have to just go where the dogs are That just sounds like something on a to -do list for a sunny day. It doesn't sound like a New Year's resolution. It doesn't sound challenging. It doesn't sound like you you put yourself to any trouble at all. Well, I don't think of New Year's resolutions the same way that you do. I think that we've established that over time. Yes, we think of them incorrectly. Yeah. OK, well, here's how you think of yours. Your resolution was gotta to get more stealthy. Yeah. The lack of stealth has been... Is that a resolution? It is. I gotta to get more stealthy. Is that a resolution? It is! Okay. Get more stealthy. Okay. I gotta. How do you do that?
Speaker: Miss Elizabeth, you gotta you gotta get in a stealthy mindset. First of all, all your actions are driven out of your mindset. So you got to take a stealthy mindset. You got to be perceptive. You got to be your head on a swivel looking for threats and you got to move like the wind. You got to move like a vapor. You can't smell. OK, wow. Transparent. Miss Elizabeth. Washing might be part of part of this. Miss Elizabeth, washing is assumed for all of my resolutions.
Speaker: i've i've Being unstealthiest tripped me up more than once this year yeah and that was our last year even and it's enough of that stuff yeah so So do you ever wish like if you had a superpower like it wouldn't be flying or strength. It would be invisibility ah No, I think it would be more like turn into any animal. Oh, okay. Well, that's pretty stealthy.
Speaker: No, I'd be turning into like a 500 foot tall hippopotamus, ah yeah smashing some towns down. ah Agreed. Yes. You'd be making a rocket. No stealth there. When you when you got... But nobody would know it was Jason. When you when you basically become animal, stealth goes out the window.
Speaker: Here's another resolution that you made that makes me quite cross that you consider this a resolution. Make three people smile each and every day. Yeah, this one. Okay, so I have a tip. If you are wanting to take on this resolution yourself, try to get it accomplished in the morning.
Speaker: Because if you wait till the afternoon and that slips you by and then it's 11 o 'clock at night It is hard to find three people that you can like just turn up on their doorstep and make them smile Miss Elizabeth if I may say so this resolution Logistical nightmare doesn't make me smile this resolution makes me grimace. You're smiling right now i mean you so miss your one no i'm not you we why not a three Once again, this is not a proper resolution. This is not. How not? Because you you going out on the street dropping a few banana peels on the ground pretending to fall on them and listening a few smiles pity smiles Okay, that's not a reason for heaven's sakes. I do not do Pratt Falls. You know that well I
Speaker: i don't so I don't see it excluded anywhere in the documentation for this resolution. Okay, how about yours? Get good at punching stuff so I don't hurt my hands. Well, that one yeah seems pretty obvious. Well, like stop punching stuff and then your hands won't hurt so much. I won't need to stop punching stuff if my hands are tougher.
Speaker: And how do you get tougher hands? so Punch stuff. I think you just need boxing gloves. No, you're not. I can't walk around wearing boxing gloves. I never know when the need to punch something comes up. Sometimes you got to punctuate what you're saying with a quick punch. Okay. you Punching a lamppost. Punching a parked car. mike Punching a parking meter. And you just do that. And then your your your fist just bounces off of it. Yeah, you don't even and you you just keep breaking your hand.
Speaker: You don't, no you don't, and you don't even howl in pain. You just do it like there's nothing. People go, holy. So you have accomplished this. You've gotten good at punching stuff so that you don't hurt your hands. No. Let me ask you something. I gotta get good at it. Okay, so you do currently hurt your hands. I currently hurt myself badly, yes, Mr. Lisbon.
Speaker: ah So that's what a resolution is for. Get better. Oh. And I'll get better punches stuff. Okay. Done. This isn't even a resolution. Buy a chef's hat to make cooking more fun. That is a resolution. I could phrase it like this. I resolve to buy a chef's hat to make cooking more fun. It's the kind of resolution you only have to do once.
Speaker: Yeah, I resolved to condemn that as a false resolution. Perhaps I should have said, buy a chef's hat and then wear it at least once a week to make cooking more fun. Well, that's a little more like it, but still, there's no effort there. There's no brain bending force of will required. Have you seen me wearing that hat and and working on a lasagna? Because my goodness, lasagnas come out so much more fun. Everything's more fun in a fancy hat, Jason. Miss Elizabeth, every time I see that hat, it makes all the food you prepare taste like ash.
Speaker: Well, here's here's what your resolution looks like. Read books in other languages to force that language into my brain. Yep. It's time to go all Berlitz on this. Okay. I've been learning so many languages, I can't even keep track of them all. Okay, which languages?
Speaker: Most of them, Miss Elizabeth. Most of them. I've been reading. What you do is you go to the bookstore and if it's an English bookstore, you say, where's the other stuff? Where's the good stuff? Not the English stuff. And they say, well, that's all we got. Then you know you're in the wrong bookstore. You got to go look at a book that you look at it. You got to go get a book when you open it. You don't know what you're looking at. You don't know which way is up. It's a different language. Correct. Actually learning different languages. I think so. And do you understand the content of the book? Not yet. That comes last, Miss Elizabeth. Once it's in your brain, then you can start putting the pieces together to understand. Well, I mean, I definitely - This is like speed reading for languages. Congratulate you for deciding to learn new languages. I think that there might be different ways of doing it though. Like maybe meeting somebody who speaks that different language and then meeting with them once or twice a week and speaking with them in that language. I can't be distracted, Miss Elizabeth. I got a force that language into my brain and reading is the best way to do that. Start that window box planter. Oh, I started it, Jason. Oh, really? Yes. Started it. Mm hmm. Would you sketched it on a piece of paper? Well, it starts when did some window shopping and call that a resolution fulfilled? Yes, it starts with it starts with a diagram, you know, and then you have to do some research.
Speaker: Miss Elizabeth that you have to figure out what will grow, which then ice here are you going to use? Yeah, these are just happy little. what What do you call it? Like happy little resolutions. Resolutions are not happy. They're not little. They're fearsome. They're huge. They're challenging. OK, well, I would challenge you walking in a tightrope that they could be challenging and also happy at the same time, such as this one of yours. Pretty much beast mode 24 seven. Yeah, that's pretty happy. it's no it isn't beast mode that requires a fair amount of intensity miss elizabeth will be in beast mode 24 7 yeah yeah that's pretty happy i'm going i'm going to the food court in beast mode okay i'm going to the car wash in beast mode what does that mean beast mode
Speaker: complete beast mode okay well i think that's pretty happy that's my that's my version you've never seen a proper beast mode then miss liz my happy last word yeah it's pretty happy it's happy fun times it's like happy fun times to the nth degree if you're pretending you don't know what the word beast mode means it's like you're not even explaining to me what you mean by it beast mode get an extra walk in every so often yeah this is similar to the first one about going for more walks but you're just gonna do one more yeah every so often no no they can go together what yeah you can come you can go for more walks and get an extra walk in go together yeah they can go together talk about doubling up they can double up so this isn't a resolution at all then it's just a restatement of a previous one which you have failed to meet
Speaker: No, I haven't failed to me. I've meet more dogs, I go for more walks, and I go and I get an extra walk in. go I do all of that. I got to get better. All in one walk. Instead of being beast mode all the time, I got to get better just playing around with words and I can stretch one thin concept into eight different resolutions in my week. Go a whole lot easier. Don't be mean. How about this one? Okay, this is the last one. Figure out what a marathon for your mind would be. Yeah. And do that. That's right.
Speaker: what have you figured it out no step one is figure it out okay well it's a resolution i'm not quite there yet miss elizabeth the year is still young a marathon for the mind what what even is that so you haven't done you haven't accomplished something you put your mind to but it's just too big it goes on for too long it's too intense you hit the wall five eighths of the way through it's almost like you're setting yourself up for failure on this one But once you break through that wall, Miss Elizabeth, the elation you feel in your brain Theoretically So I just gotta figure out what that is
Speaker: okay So, honesty, that's the name of the game during New Year's resolution update. I look forward to checking in with you next month, Miss Elizabeth, to see how you're continuing. I want to find out what is beast mode and how can I incorporate it into an idea for my window box planter? When you see me walking around, that's beast mode. OK, because I want to take a visual concept of that and incorporate it into my window box planter. Oh, I want my window box planter to be beast mode. Miss Elizabeth, beast mode cannot be contained in a window box planter. I want my window box planter to be beast mode.
Speaker: Resolutions updated right here on Hello, Smilton. Yeah, and it's a reminder, Jason, that we probably haven't done that recently enough. No, I think there's probably, while we're getting near that where we can see the back quarter of the year. We're right in the middle of it. Yeah, I feel like we're getting back on top of things, though, what with missing a show and getting spanked about that a little bit, I think. Well, guess what, Miss Elizabeth? Next week, all new episode of Hello, Smilton. Yes. It will include, dear listener friend,
Speaker: Accuscope Horoscope. You've been at sea. A new month is beckoning. November will be upon us soon. That's right. Find out what you need to know next week. It's Halloween. We should have played ah the one about the werewolf. Were -nerd. Were -nerd? Well, maybe. Maybe next week we'll play it a bit too late. It's a bit too late. Maybe we should just tag it off to the end of this show. Let's add were -nerd. Can we add were -nerd? Please, please, please, please. Fine. Were -nerd. Here we go.
Speaker: Wherever you're out for a scarf, then he strikes without warning.
Speaker: Roll that ten -sided die You'll be dead by the morning wind
Speaker: Yeah, improv. Not part of the plan. Miss Elizabeth called an audible. There's We're a nerd. Happy Halloween. I'm so happy. I'm excited. Miss Elizabeth is excited. We're doing the horoscope next week. We've got ah other surprises and we're doing death metal update against my better judgment. All new content. All new fun. yeah But we got to wrap this one up, Miss Elizabeth. We're not going to go all the week long day. We got to stop and start up again next week. Sounds good.
Speaker: Why did you - Well, this one's done. It's been fun. Ms. Elizabeth, take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about - Hello, Smileton. There's a lot of fun going on here and it's gonna keep on going on here. So let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileton. Not less, Jason. Indeed. So spread the word. Make a difference is the only way. So bye -bye from Jason. Bye -bye. Bye -bye from me. See you next week. And as always, remember friends, this settles the jukebox.
