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Let's Tango, Pelican
25 Plays2 months ago
Tingle with anticipation as you hit play on this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON.
Jason and Miss Elizabeth are hitting the mics like hurricanes and it's a good thing they recorded the whole thing!
Smileton's apostle of rock shows he is a true fount of rock wisdom in LANCE BROCK'S ROCK TALK. See if your guitar solos don't get even better after hearing this!
The hotspots of Smileton are plentiful and it takes our trusty co-hosts to help us sort out the choices. Screwball, off-kilter and plain ol' wacked out events are happening all over town and you'll know which ones to hit in the latest AROUND TOWN.
I'd sit down for this one if I were you.
HELLO, SMILETON. Listening Is Just The Beginning.
Show Timestamps:
4:12 Lance Brock's Rock Talk
19:25 Song Request
22:19 SONG – The Burgled
25:55 Around Town
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Show Excitement
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello, Smiles and welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to take straight from Smiles in Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Thank you, Miss Elizabeth. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm super excited. I'm a bit scattered. you're so You're stoked. I'm a bit scattered. i'm I've got a lot of pots on the boil at the moment. Oh, cry me a river, Miss Elizabeth. That's a problem of your own doing.
00:00:33
Speaker
I'm not unhappy about it. They're wonderful pods. I've got to tell you about what I'm excited about because it isn't just sitting down with you today to do this show for you, dear listener friend. Thanks so much for checking us out today where we're going to hope we justify the investment of time you're giving us right now. And um i yeah I'm going to take it as a given that you're going to come out of this turbocharged and ready to take on the week. Yeah, that's what we're here for. those but I'm charged up. I cannot wait. i And i'm going to give you the I'm going to tell you why. OK.
Lance Brock's Band Tour Planning
00:01:03
Speaker
You have heard about the greatest rock band of all time. Okay. Lance Brock's going snake. My buddy. All right. Runs the best guitar store in town. I don't know why. If you're going to just randomly be handing this ah sash out, why don't you take it for yourself? Because you have these smile syndicates, the smile syndicate music. say You start talking like that and then you start making no sense to me. Which is on all streaming platforms. Why would I try to take the sash away from the greatest rock band of all time? Because I'm actually in it with Lance.
00:01:33
Speaker
and the the the cast of characters. that He's never put anything out and you have. That's all. Well, Miss Elizabeth, there was a significant development this week. Oh, really? Barney Wastoid, out of the blue, sends a text to everybody and says, we got to meet. we we got There's an important development happening with this band. And I think, well, wow, well Barney Wastoid, he normally, he he's the least involved member of the band. And that you and that in this is a band that includes Dr. Gone, Miss Elizabeth.
00:02:05
Speaker
the casualty of the 60s hippie dentist, both both those guys really put no work in. But when he's raising the alarm, you know, we got to respond. So we all went to the clubhouse, our rock and roll clubhouse. Yeah. And you know what? Where's that clubhouse, by the way? behind Behind the store, that ram shackle shack behind music by Lance.
00:02:30
Speaker
That's not a ramshackle shack, Miss Elizabeth. That's a rock and roll nerve center. OK, so there's a ramshackle shack, kind of a lean-to almost, behind what's already quite a ramshackle store. You are distracting me. What is this? This is does an architectural digest, Miss Elizabeth. this is This is a rock and roll bulletin that you need to hear about. I'm going to just jump to the end of this story. We have a name. OK. We have a name for our tour.
00:02:58
Speaker
Oh, you've named the tour? We've named the tour. But can I just ask you before you tell me the name of the tour? Okay. Does the tour contain any songs that have yet been written? Miss Elizabeth, we're pursuing a top-down strategy. Okay. We're going to put a name on the tour so that we can start thinking about t-shirt designs. Then we'll figure out what songs we got together. Then we'll figure out where we're going to play them. Okay, you guys ready? And then we'll put the itinerary together last. You're going backwards. I think you should go more. You want to know the name of the tour? I want to hear the name. Rock Colossus Gods Among You.
00:03:29
Speaker
OK.
00:03:33
Speaker
Well, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Elizabeth, this is making me think we're on to something here, even did that the narrative wells in our studio audience. If they like that name, I'm thinking we're on to something. Yeah, I was polite. It was polite applause. It was.
00:03:48
Speaker
Well, polite. They didn't tear the police apart in fevered excitement no that they can't wait for this tour to start. That's true. ah So we gotta remember that name, Miss Elizabeth. Rock colos Colossus Gods Among You. Rock Colossus Gods Among You. Not Colossus Rock Gods Among You. No. Miss Elizabeth, the word order was very specific. ok It will look badass on those t-shirts. Speaking of my buddy Lance,
00:04:14
Speaker
Why don't we hear from him?
Rock Music Updates and Adventures
00:04:16
Speaker
What do you say, Ms. Elizabeth? Why don't we do a Lance Brox rock talk? Didn't we just hear from Lance? Not really. that was That was more of an update from my side of the fence. Now we're going to turn the show over to my buddy, Lockstalk and Beryl, and he's going to give us the latest in rock news. OK, let's hear it. Hola, my effing rock amigos. Como effen esta esora to rock your effing calgetinas.
00:04:46
Speaker
You'll forgive me if I'm blowing your mind with all this effing Spanish, but I was online pretending to be from Spain to impress this chick, and it's becoming second effing nature. Muchas disculpas, doll, you find chicas out there. okay I don't know what the hell he said, Miss Elizabeth. But it rocked pretty hard, whatever he was up to. Yeah, he's rocking hard all the time. but See, he never has he's never so consumed with rock that he can't learn something else, Miss Elizabeth.
00:05:13
Speaker
but My main squeeze, Melinda, is driving to Saskatchewan with her boyfriend because his stepmom hurt her back at the go-kart track, so he has to go there and re-shingle the roof or something. All I know is that this tomcat is on the prow while the main squeeze cat is away, so I'm gonna be all up on those backyard fences if you know what I mean. Ola chicas, el gato grande at your service.
00:05:39
Speaker
He's gonna have some fun, Miss Elizabeth. His main squeeze is out of town when the cat's away. this mu is like Well, he's not a mouse. He's a yeah a different cat. Well, his main squeeze isn't really... He isn't really the main squeeze of his main squeeze. No, he does he's got a different perspective on that situation, Miss Elizabeth. She's off with her boyfriend and that's him getting getting permission to be a tomcat, I suppose.
Pelican Guitarist Incident
00:06:01
Speaker
I wonder if Melinda will ever want to get married and who she might select. Oh, I don't know who could tame that filly, Miss Elizabeth.
00:06:08
Speaker
Did you just name her a Philly? I didn't. It's a phrase, Miss Elizabeth. i don't say i don't I don't have a ton of respect for the woman. I gotta say that. Angel uses the word Philly. I don't approve of that word. Jock uses the word Philly, too. Okay, I don't approve. Everybody. Miss Elizabeth, you're getting the hint that everybody uses that word, so you better get on board.
00:06:26
Speaker
My S-Head cousin Sandy isn't his happy-go-effin-lucky self these days. He was getting a mani-pedi at Gail's nails when he saw something strutting by the front window, and that something was so effin' stupid.
00:06:41
Speaker
It was an idiot dressed up as a pelican and he was playing this awesome double neck axe and he had an amp strapped to his back and he's playing like Steve Vai on speed. what So I'm just trying to picture this. So we've got a guy dressed up as a pelican. Yeah. And we've got Sandy being concerned about this, even though he's usually dressed up as a rock lobster. Am I correct about that? Yeah, you're kind of cutting to cut into why he's concerned. Yeah, you you don't care that he was getting a mani-pedi. I care that he's getting a mani-pedi. Was he not in uniform or was he in uniform? Well, he didn't have the Rocklogged costume on if that's what you mean. So he can get out of that costume. That's good to know. Well, of course he can. miss elizabeth but He wears it voluntarily. All right.
00:07:24
Speaker
So he's ah he's a little disturbed at this thing, strutting by like he owns the town. A pelican, yeah. and Like random animals playing rock guitar on the street. It's strange. Some doofus dressed up as a pelican. However, I don't think that ah Sandy, dressed as a rock lobster, usually plays guitar. I think he's usually not playing guitar. What are you saying? that What, is he better? He's better than the rock lobster? I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that this is a differentiator.
00:07:52
Speaker
for sure a bunch of people are following him rocking out so you can imagine how much he wanted to throw up so after his nails were done he stormed back to the store where i was doing some light dusting and this this This effing idiot starts yelling and storming around and he almost knocked me off the effing step ladder. So I go, what's your effing problem? And he tells me all about this Pelican. I put two and effing two together and effing the answer came out Mitch Winchell. So I took my effing apron off and hopped on my bike because the truck's in the shop because guess which s-head cousin of mine backed into a fire hydrant with it.
00:08:29
Speaker
Turns out, his story was so his store was so crowded that I couldn't even... it Turns out, Mitchell's store was so crowded, I couldn't even get in there to give that goof piece my mind, but don't worry, I won't forget about that effing pelican stealing my idea. The pelicans, I'm confused by. This is all confusing. Okay, Sandy, storm back. ah this this Lance is doing some light dusting in the guitar store. Light dusting, okay. He almost knocks them off the ladder.
00:08:57
Speaker
Right? Yeah. And then he tells them all about this pelican and Lance is freaking out because this is like a blatant ripoff, a copyright infringement. Well, it's not copyright infringement. Using an animal and like getting getting a guy to dress up in a hilarious animal costume to advertise your store. I wonder where he got that effing idea from, Miss Elizabeth. What a ripoff artist. The guy, this Mitch Winchell never had one single idea that was original in his entire Forsaken life. Okay, I think everybody should calm down because just random animals walking down the street playing playing rock music Sounds like fun. Everybody knows Sandy gets his s nails done that day that time a day That was on purpose. That was on purpose
00:09:36
Speaker
Oh, I see. This is strutting around ah deliberately, like throwing the gauntlet down in sandy space while that lobster claw is going to pick it right back up again and said, like, let's let's angle pelican. OK. OK, so now there's going to be there's going to be a lobster pelican combat. Kind of like mortal combat.
00:09:56
Speaker
Probably, Miss Elizabeth. I wouldn't look too far down the road. But yes, so I'm kind of reading the tea leaves here, and I can't imagine a scenario where these two don't come to blows. The pelican's got a weapon that he can use as a finishing move. What, did the double neck axe? Mortal Kombat style. Well, let's see how let's see how fast he's wielding that weapon, because Sandy is a rock lobster. He'll take you down before he... Well, I guess Sandy's got sharp nails.
00:10:27
Speaker
he's got He's got groomed nails, Miss Elizabeth. Now he's comfortable, but now he's agitated okay because of this freaking pelican. I can't believe you're you're so blasé about it. like Is this either a master stroke that you helped Mitch Winchell plant? No, fine I think it's fine. I think more people, it doesn't have to be an advertisement. I think you've been hearing
Humorous Misunderstandings in Measurements
00:10:45
Speaker
about the Rock Lobster on this show over and over again and you decided to feed Mitch Winchell some information.
00:10:50
Speaker
No, no, no. I just support people wearing different costumes and playing rock music. Why wouldn't you do it? It doesn't have to be an advertisement for Mitch Winchell. Whatever. But that would be okay if it was. This is the most... This is... This is weak soup. This was weak soup. I don't think so. It's not one of the pots I have on the boil. Put it that way. I borrowed some dumbbells from Jake Waits because I was watching some old wrestling stuff and Hulk Hogan was going on about the 24 inch pythons and I measured my arms and they're pretty long too so I should build up some muscle. So when I'm ripping off a huge guitar solo off the top of my head at Lance Brock's Going Snakes first gig the chicks won't know whether to watch the smoke pouring off the effing fretboard or my big ass arms. So when he, when Jake waits... Okay, hang on. Who mentioned the 24-inch pythons? Hulk Hogan. Okay, okay. Because doesn't that mean... He's always going on about the 24-inch pythons and they're gonna knock scuds out of the air and what you're gonna do and all that. Okay, but that's a circumference though.
00:11:59
Speaker
Yeah. That's not a length. He misunderstood, Miss Elizabeth. That's what I was wondering. He they measured to see if his arms were 24 inches long and he said, well, they're pretty long. Yeah, how long are my arms? I wonder. Miss Elizabeth, that's not the point. mean Are they muscled?
00:12:14
Speaker
You know what's interesting? Did you know that your feet as an artist, did you know you can take your foot and you can put it onto your arm from whichever segment of the arm that you want? Like it could be from your elbow to your wrist. Your foot is the size from your elbow to your wrist. Try it. What? It is. I'm gonna push everything out of- I'm Miss Elizabeth. I'm not gonna waste my time. I'm telling you, you think they're smaller because they're farther away from your head. There's no way that's true. I'm pulling my foot up right now. It is true. Well, I must be a freak because there's like way, way more space.
00:12:45
Speaker
No. Your feet are definitely... I'm hurting myself doing this. From your elbow to your wrist. 100%. I'm stopping. I'm wanting to be able to finish this show if I pull something. You can use a ruler. Do it after the show. I'm not measuring anything, Miss Elizabeth. Okay. You think they're smaller because they're farther away.
00:13:03
Speaker
That's how it is. I'm holding my arm up and I'm looking at my foot down on the floor and I'm thinking, no way. I know. I know. I know it'll break your brain. Can you not just leave me alone? How long are my arms? Are they 24 inches? I don't even know. It's not about the length. It's about the circumference. OK. Are you knocking any scuds down with those ah pythons, Miss Elizabeth? I hope I don't have scuds to knock down. OK, well, me too. That'd be scary. Top five effing bands of all effing time. The Platinum Edition. Platinum Edition?
00:13:32
Speaker
ah So you better listen up. Okay, I'm trying. He's often giving us the rundown of the top five bands, but this is this is extra special. All right. Platinum. Okay. Number five, Heart. Okay, I agree with this. I found this issue of Hit Parade from 1979 and there was this picture of Nancy Wilson on stage rockin' out and I was all vah, effin' voom. Yeah, it's not always just about looks, though. I hope. Is the Platinum edition just about looks? It's about Platinum opinion. Because they do look good.
00:14:02
Speaker
Yeah! So what's the problem? Why is that a bee in your bonnet, Miss Elizabeth? Well, I'm just... the Okay, well... Number four, Molly Hatchet. They were playing a casino about 45 minutes from here last week, so you better effing believe I went. That singer is so effing awesome. He was totally hammered by like 1.30 in the afternoon because the casino had all his free booze. He was so wasted they had to wheel him out on stage on a set.
00:14:26
Speaker
a stretcher his singing was all over the effing place but that was money well effing spent in my book because how many times are you gonna see that okay i haven't bothered to really get into molly hatchet at all Flirting with disaster, Miss Elizabeth. Should I be? Yeah. Okay. Well, can you imagine? How hard would you cheer when you saw the guy getting wheeled out on a stretcher on the stage, center stage, then they kind of put a microphone on his chest so he can yell into it? What a show. I don't know. It's not for me. Number three, Black Sabbath.
00:15:00
Speaker
Okay. Some of the goofs I went to school with really got into devil worship, and they thought Black Sabbath wasn't the real deal. You really can turn that record backwards and hear some funky stuff, can't you?
00:15:11
Speaker
the ah Queen. Oh, it's queens Queen. not like so Queen's not on this list. It's fun to smoke marijuana. That's right. It is fun to smoke marijuana. Play another one bites the dust backwards and it sounds like that's what he's saying. It does sound that way and you can actually try it and it actually works. Don't try smoking marijuana, dear listener friend. where is it with Miss Elizabeth is like the devil on your shoulder. Keep your nose clean. Listen to me.
00:15:33
Speaker
I'm just saying that that is what the record says if you play it backwards. Don't do everything records tell you. But here's the weird thing though, Jason. How do kids know that that's what it says backwards? Because they put their finger on the record and but and ah spun it manually backwards. But if it wasn't, like, how does the secret message get into your brain? consciously okay I ended up having a fight with one of them after school. One of the goofs who got into devil worship. He thought he was some kind of effing boxer so I just gave him a kick in the D that took the fight right out of him effing pronto. A teacher saw everything and I was in detention for like three weeks after that. I kid you effing not. I love how these kids were worshipping demons in S like that and I'm the one getting in trouble.
00:16:16
Speaker
That teacher drove a convertible, so stand Sandy took a dump in it, and they couldn't blame me because I was in detention. The perfect F-analibi. Boy, that that whole thing is a mess, but Black Sabbath!
00:16:29
Speaker
Oh yeah, Black Sabbath. Black Sabbath's good. Of course they're good, Ms. Elizabeth. Number two. They went through a few iterations though. They did. They did. He's primarily focused on Aussie and probably the early Dio eras. Number two, Lancebrock's going snake. How? Platinum edition. How? Why aren't we number one? how How are you anywhere on the five? What do you mean?
00:16:55
Speaker
ah you I think you can hear me. i didn't I didn't ask you to repeat your words, Miss Elizabeth. I i demanded you justify them. Well, I'm just saying. You're asking why it is the greatest rock band of all life and time on the top five list? I think yeah you answered your
Controversial Band Rankings
00:17:11
Speaker
own question. Where's Led Zeppelin? Where's the Beatles? They're not on there right now, Miss Elizabeth. That's why he does it every every time. He does a different list. It's OK. Think shift, Miss Elizabeth. You aren't listening to Led Zeppelin all the time. OK.
00:17:24
Speaker
Why aren't we number one? Because some of the guys in the band are starting to get a bit effing complacent and it's time for effing rock battle. Not sitting around waiting for me to get this effing band booked because each of us by himself could convince Handsome Mike to let us play at his bar. These effing rock gods of yore are damn sure not going to have effing feed a clay if I have an effing say in the matter. Okay, so this is actually Lance trying to Yeah, there's a light of fire under some people's keisters. So maybe that's why Barney Wasterd called that meeting to give us the name of the rock and roll tour that we're going to be embarking on. ok Rock, Colossus, Gods Among You. all right And number one, top effin band of all effin time, Justin Bieber.
00:18:06
Speaker
ha ha how I agree with you, foghorn. how See what happens when the true gods of rock end up in number two? Loser posers sneak into the number one spot. We'll just wait and see the look on old Justin's face when he loses the number one spot when Lance Brock's going snake comes raging back like an effing typhoon and he ends up in the music garbage pail. I feel like Justin Bieber's going through some stuff right now and maybe didn't need this little kick in the shed. Why is he sneaking around crawling to the top of this list? He saw an opportunity and he told No, nothing to do with list. You can say that again, Miss Elizabeth. He should be 50 miles away from the top 5 fans of all time. I guess we're mentioning Justin Bieber. Maybe some people will check out his work and maybe... We're not intending to... he um Yeah, Miss Elizabeth, he's not start for promotion. and He doesn't need help. Yeah, okay.
00:18:57
Speaker
I see my- Support Justin Bieber. I see my axe on it stand across the room and it's effing beckoning like an undersea sorceress so that means it's effing time to go. Adios, my fellow rock travellers, Lance Brock. Over and out. Alright, well.
00:19:12
Speaker
ah Ladies and gentlemen, you're you're two for two today. I don't understand it, but I'll take it. Stop clock is worth twice this show. They usually do applaud after segments. He's right twice this show. Huh? Yeah, that's right. You got it. Well, good. Miss Elizabeth.
00:19:27
Speaker
we often have fun picking a song by the smile syndicate we do on our show so sometimes we just get on with it sometimes songs compete sometimes the round wheel of mystery gets spun sometimes we just kick the jukebox into overdrive and it spits out a song but I understand miss Elizabeth you have a song request Yeah, we have a song request. We're always ready to hear from Smile Syndicate fans wanting us to pick a song from the massive back catalog to feature. So what are we going to be talking about today? Here's the song request. It says, Hello, friends. Pizza Pete here. You know, Pizza Pete, you enjoy Pizza Pete. I don't like this already. Delicious homemade pizza is within reach straight from my home to your family's
Pizza Pete's Theme Song Request
00:20:10
Speaker
heart. That's what Pizza Pete's pizza treats all about. What do we talk? This is not a
00:20:15
Speaker
Can't you just smell the rich tomato sauce and delicious mozzarella cheese and the toppings? I'm getting hungry and annoyed. The only thing missing from pizza pizza pizza treat is a theme song. Something catchy.
00:20:31
Speaker
but up but up bar i Sorry, I just have to read these as they're written. Oh, yeah. Pizza Pete can't be beat. He's the man with the magical treats. Pizza Pete, Pizza Pete, Pizza Pete serving the entire hooray town area. I don't know how he wanted me. He wants that to be a song. Yes, he's kind of like tried to emphasize some of the vowels. so what i What I see happening here is that he's yet another screwball who doesn't understand what a song request is. He's requesting a song. Yeah, he wants one he wants one created for him. So something like that. I've heard that the theme song that you've done for this show of yours, I've heard the theme song that you've done for this show of yours, and there they're pretty mad.
00:21:13
Speaker
Pretty mad. They're pretty massive. Well, that's someone else's Pizza Pete. Instead of that, something catchy. And I needed it by Saturday because that's when the YouTube ad comes out. So we probably need it before that to give my nephew time to add it to that video project thing or whatever. Do a good job and I'll give you some of Pizza Pete's Pizza Treat coupons. Pizza Pete can't be beat. He's the one with the pizza from Pizza Pete. Pizza Pete, get bent. Oh. You're not getting one note out of me. Oh no. What a rude song request. Poor Pizza Pete. Are you sure? I think it's a good opportunity to get your name out there, Jason. Well, I'm going to go on every online forum I can think of and post nothing but stuff about Pizza Pete and how I had Pizza Pete one time and I got the worst stomach upset you ever heard. Is that even true?
00:22:05
Speaker
No, it doesn't need to be, Ms. Elizabeth. It's going online. I don't think you should say things that aren't true about Pizza Pete's Pizza Treats because they're delicious. Tough. Pizza Pete, no song for you. We're going to hear the burgled instead. I like that song. Let's go.
00:22:49
Speaker
before i wasn't gone long we saw here anymore
00:25:18
Speaker
The burgled by the Smiles Syndicate right here on Hello Smiles, which I believe still exists in video format on the YouTube for now for now, Miss Elizabeth. It's pretty friggin hilarious. i might have to be opportunity You know how Disney puts things in the archives for 20 years. I think that might have to enter the archive.
00:25:35
Speaker
Well, okay, for now, I mean, I don't even know if I know the- I don't know if I can- Look up the smile syndicate on YouTube, you'll find it. Yeah, I might not have the login information to even get into our- Who knows, Mrs. Elizabeth, the times they are a- Might be stuck there forever.
00:25:50
Speaker
Oh, really? No taking the video down. Well, that's an outrage. We'll see. It's mountain, hopping in town. Lots going on. It can be confusing, dear listener friend, particularly if you're new to town or if you're visiting, you're probably attracted by all the stories you hear about all the goings on. There's things happening. You get here and you you're you're confused by the kaleidoscope. You may not even know where to begin. You only have so much time in the day, so that's why we started this segment around town.
00:26:19
Speaker
to be the trusty guides that you can spend your time wisely. Pick those key events, those key happenings, those key hotspots that'll that'll they'll make you glad you're in Smilton. Miss Elizabeth, you're going to tell us about some hotspots, some events, something that warrants our attention. What is it?
00:26:35
Speaker
You're going to be interested in this one, Jason. Good news. The Hot Hot Summer Bikini Car Wash charity event, which was postponed back in July, is back on. Oh, good. And it will be happening this Saturday, starting at 11 all around Harvester Square. Because of the delay, a couple of adjustments had to be made, Jason, oh making it, you might say, even more exciting. Oh, OK. the i I'm i' all right. years. Yeah, the University of Smilton's cheerleading squad can't make it because they have a competition in Saskatchewan that weekend and it's October now so it's too brisk really for bikinis so that is out. Instead, members of the Smilton polar bears will be getting out there. It's polar bear season in their bikini briefs.
00:27:22
Speaker
It's all for charity, so bring your, what are you saying Blech for? No one needs to see that. So bring your dirty car down to Harvester Square this Saturday and let's have some fun for a good cause, Jason. A good cause. Tremendous fun. I don't care what kind of person you are, Miss Elizabeth. The sight of those polar bears and bikini breeze will make your stomach protest. I find it to be invigorating, and I find that some of these Smileton handsome firefighters are also polar bears. Oh, stop. Well, that makes it even a bigger disaster, doesn't it? It's a bit of a mix. It can be a mix. You don't know who you're going to get, that's for sure. This whole event was sold on the concept that a bunch of cheerleaders are going to be putting on bikinis and washing cars in the summertime sun. So you were excited, but now I'm excited. So you win, I lose. That's the story of my life.
00:28:16
Speaker
Smileton's notorious ladies man, Jock, is hosting an event oh know from nerd to pickup artist. You're not going to stop me right there, Miss Elizabeth. You're already- He's trying to pick up art, so he's going to train people, train men. How to turn yourself from a nerd into a pickup artist. How is Jock going to accomplish something that he's never managed to accomplish? Oh, whatever. In his own life. It's going to be an interactive seminar where every single guy in town has the opportunity to get some tried and true methods for scoring with the ladies. Where do you get tried and true methods, Miss Elizabeth, if you don't have first-hand experience? That's what I'm asking.
00:28:53
Speaker
Okay, we'll go to the seminar and find out. Even if you're the most nerdy... No, I'm saying jock doesn't have that experience. Even if you're the most nerdiest nerd, you'll be able to up your game with this seminar. Now, I'm saying all like all I'm saying to you is on the pamphlet. All that stuff I just said, Miss Elizabeth, that's from the pamphlet. I don't know firsthand that this is true. Are you going to go to this?
00:29:16
Speaker
I'm recommending it.
Nerds to Pickup Artists Event
00:29:17
Speaker
OK. Miss Elizabeth, even if I don't put the tips and techniques to use, it's good to have them in the arsenal. Yeah, OK. It's like having a backyard nuke that you you get along with your neighbors knowing a little bit better, knowing you can wipe them out at a moment's notice. OK, good to know. OK. So that's what this is for. I don't need to use these techniques necessarily. All right. I get by, Miss Elizabeth. Yeah. But yeah the tool kit is stacked.
00:29:46
Speaker
So pamphlet, I'm going by what's on on the pamphlet. I don't know if it's true, but those ladies all around jock in that picture on the front of the pamphlet sure were smiling a lot. So. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm glad you guys are going to have a fun evening. i know Dear listener friend, doesn't that sound awesome? Can you imagine the stories jocks going to be telling us you know what or the hilarious demonstrations? So you get together. Where is this located? I don't know.
00:30:09
Speaker
OK, so you don't know where it's located. You could do it wherever it is. I don't know when it is either. You could cater it using pizza pizza. No pizza. Delicious treats. No, we want to have our focus on landing some ladies not throwing up in the bathroom all night from the toxic poisonous pizza, from pizza pizza. It's not poisonous pizza. If this show gets transcribed in search engines, see it? So I'm going to say stomach pump pizza pizza.
00:30:37
Speaker
ah Violent nausea, pizza peat, explosive diarrhea, pizza peat, pizza health the concern, rats, cockroaches, pizza peat.
00:30:47
Speaker
That's so mean. There's a little SEO for you.
00:30:55
Speaker
What's your next event and or activity? All right. Friday, October 18th, mark your calendars and watch the skies and join me at this Smileton UFO landing pad.
UFO-Themed Extravaganza
00:31:08
Speaker
Oh, that sounds like a waste of time. It's going to be super fun. The biggest searchers for extraterrestrial intelligence will be congregating and celebrating first contact, which is going to have to be happening sooner than you think.
00:31:21
Speaker
ah So you're celebrating something that hasn't happened yet? It's going to be happening. It's going to be soon though. We're sure it's happening. Based on nothing. Like disclosure and it's happening. If it happens, it better not be you goofs that aliens first meet. Brady Benchley. The earth will be destroyed. you you If you want to be there, he'd be there. That's what I'm saying. Whoever's there is the going to be the one that's there. Too many goofs, Miss Elizabeth. I mean, that's obvious. It's it's like it it's you know it's just what it is. I'm not going.
00:31:47
Speaker
Brady Benchley, Smilton's time officer and creator of many self-published alien-themed manga, will be presenting his latest thoughts on the Earth-Alien connection.
00:32:00
Speaker
Oh wow, I'm all ears. What a tragic waste of time this whole thing is. Can you be like, those are not credentials. Oh my goodness. Those are not credentials Miss Elizabeth. but I don't care about a self-published manga. It's not tragic and it's not a waste of time. This is inspiring and we are getting things done. Plus Jason, there's going to be free DNA tests.
00:32:20
Speaker
So come on down and find out, Jason, if you are, in fact, as I suspect, part Martian. I assume those DNA tests will be turning up all kinds of stuff, both those people, those weirdos down there. It'll explain a lot. You might be part Martian. That's one strain of UFO of alien visitor that we think that we have here on planet Earth already. That's what I'm saying, Miss Elizabeth. Only only weird human alien hybrids could come out that goofy.
00:32:49
Speaker
OK, well, smiles and UFO landing pad. Let's get spacey. Forget it, Miss Elizabeth. That's a bad recommendation. There might be. There might. I i don't want to say there might be libations.
00:33:00
Speaker
so no of course let's get spacey drunk goofs at the ufo land We can thats too tellingn me to stay away thisless back can listen to a Queen song backwards.
00:33:14
Speaker
i would they would that the missiles the laser missiles and the plasma bombs would start raining down and i'm like i'd be looking to the skies and i wass like i can't i have no counterar i can't blame you aliens you took our wrong the human race has more to offer than leaveves goofs but we didn't present it and it's on us I mean, I'm sitting right here. You don't have to be calling me a goof right in front of my face. You don't have to go. Okay, well, we're going and it's gonna be amazing. We're going. Guess again, Miss Elizabeth, I reclaim my social calendar from your talons.
Jay Walker's Jamboree Anticipation
00:33:43
Speaker
Okay. Okay, starting Friday, going all weekend, Jay Walker's Jamboree. This is gonna be hilarious.
00:33:50
Speaker
So this is what you do instead of greeting our cousins from out of face? Yeah, a friendly festival. Jay Walker's Jamboree. Take over the street, vendors, some nice times, some little games, some French fries and ice cream and pop. It's just a fun time, Miss Elizabeth. Maybe you wear a little bit of silly clothes. Jay Walker Jamboree. It's hilarious. Okay, what are you going to wear?
00:34:13
Speaker
doesn't Well, i I'm not really going to participate in this, Elizabeth, because I sat in on the planning committee's latest meeting and they did it again. oh They did it again. What? They forgot to get the road shut down.
00:34:25
Speaker
Oh, oh this is go to this is the funniest festival Smilton has. okay So these guys go strutting across the street dressed like hobos and then they go flying through the air like 10 pins on a tournament night. Why don't you help them to fix this problem? So shoulder pads, hockey helmets are mandatory if you're going to participate. But I would say be like me, bring along and care.
00:34:47
Speaker
Stay safe on the sidewalk. Okay, just watch the show cuz he's there's rag dolls aplenty. You just want to watch the world. but It's not burning miss Elizabeth hard Hardly anyone gets hurt at this people don't it's on succotash Street There's all those cars parked like it's pretty tight tight going people don't speed on there. So it's it's fender benders. Oh car smashes into a guy sends him flying maybe into a parked car maybe into a storefront window that's why you have the helmet and shoulder pads on all right turn yourself into a human missile i might have to get out there with my gang and just be helping people just to help no helping don't interfere we need to help those jaywalkers they're gonna do what they want they're jaywalkers i can't believe you know that this is happening and you it keeps happening it's not the first time that happened okay so much fun in store Are you just hoping that it'll be like process of elimination? That, you know, all the... I just want pandemonium and I'll be just laughing myself sick. Okay. That's around town. Dear listener friend, you've got a busy calendar. We filled it up for you. You're welcome. We'll get the van cleaned for sure. It's going to be great.
00:35:53
Speaker
Oh, you're saying this Elizabeth leave that smile syndicate van we bought that ah Way in the beginning of the of the podcast gonna do the car wash the polar bear car wash ah no not miss is But that van is gonna stay where it is for a little extra there they'll come inside the van but and then we'll sell it Probably probably wouldn't be able to give the thing away. It needs a cleaning. They have they have a shop guys are not getting anywhere Okay, the polar boy that vehicle off they'll do more than the bikini and my association with us for sure Dear listener friend, thanks so much for joining us today. We hope you had fun. where you we're We're just getting started here with the fun. We're going to be back next week with another all-new episode of Hello Smilton. I can't wait. It's going to be a delightful joliment time, but in the meantime, this one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth, take us out.
00:36:40
Speaker
That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smilton. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smilton, so spread the word and make a difference. So it's bye-bye from Jason. Bye-bye. And bye-bye from me. See you next week, and as always, remember friends, the sun is a cheap box.