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I'm Gonna Scold Everybody Listening
40 Plays1 year ago
Listen to this, the latest episode of HELLO, SMILETON for the first five minutes and see if you don't find your soul ablaze with joy. Boastful? Hardly.
Miss Elizabeth and Jason bring you a frothy mixture of comedy and original music straight from the heart of Smileton, the littlest town that became a podcasting juggernaut.
In LANCE BROCK'S ROCK TALK, Jason delivers the message of rock from Smileton's greatest living practitioner of the form. Thunderbolts of wisdom and rock will fly down upon us from Rock Mount Olympus and I'm sure you'll join me welcoming the blasts.
Miss Elizabeth does far too many podcasts week in and week out and she's gonna tell us all about a few of them in MISS ELIZABETH'S PODCAST CATCH UP. If you thought Hello, Smileton was off-kilter, wait until you hear about these shows!
Two songs by Smileton's own THE SMILE SYNDICATE will put a grin on your mug and hop in your step. And that's gotta be a good thing.
HELLO, SMILETON – If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Already.
Show Timestamps:
1:07 Lance Brock's Rock Talk
16:15 SONG – Banana Bus
18:45 Miss Elizabeth's Podcast Catch Up
35:19 SONG – I'm Going Back To High School
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Smileson Show
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello, Smileson. Welcome to a comedy and music cavalcade that's coming at you live to tape straight from Smileson, Alberta, podcasting capital of the world. I'm ready to have some fun today. Let's go, Jason. Miss Elizabeth, thank you so much for that charming introduction. You are fired up, and I don't blame you. There's a lot of exciting fun straight ahead on this show. Ladies and gentlemen,
00:00:28
Speaker
Again, it's less than a minute into the show. Everyone's excited. Somebody shot a cannonball at me. It's the studio audience here. They don't have the show's best interest at heart, but I will soldier on, Miss Elizabeth. I have to do important things. Okay. First thing. You're an important person.
00:00:46
Speaker
First thing I need to do, I need to welcome dear listener
Comedy and Music Energize the Show
00:00:50
Speaker
friend to the show. Thanks so much for checking in with us today. You are going to be entertained both by some comedy campering and some original music offerings. And Miss Elizabeth, it's going to be a delightful hour or so that we spend together today and it will power you through the rest of this week. First up.
00:01:09
Speaker
some words of wisdom. You need to guide your life. I know you use this show as your moral compass and as well you should, but it shouldn't just be my voice that's telling you what to do, whether it's giving you helpful advice or warning you away from Miss Elizabeth's fanciful advice. You don't need warnings.
00:01:27
Speaker
But there's another voice who's ready to proclaim the truth.
Lance Brock's Rock Wisdom and T-shirt Mishap
00:01:31
Speaker
I wonder who it could be. Straight from Rock Mount Olympus. Oh, for heaven's sake. My buddy Lance. He's the greatest living rock practitioner here in Smilton. And he gives me the words of wisdom and I just read them. I know, but I wish you wouldn't platform Lance. Why? Because you're giving him a platform. That's right. That's what you do in a democracy. Is it? I don't think. OK. Yeah. Yeah, Miss Elizabeth. You want to go there, we'll go there.
00:01:57
Speaker
He speaks the truth, he speaks the truth to power and people like you, you elite of Smilton, it makes you quiver in your space boots because you know he's going to tear down the walls of lies. Okay, I just want to know when did the vote take place if this is a democracy?
00:02:16
Speaker
Can I just get to it, Ms. Elizabeth? The people decide at the ballot box. The ballot box of rock. Checkmate, let's hear it. The effin' bells of rock are chiming, so it's time to put on those tight jeans and hit the effin' streets of rock because it's time for another effin' edition of Lance Brock's Rock Talk. If you're a loser and a poser, then these words aren't for you. You wouldn't even effin' understand them anyway, so listen if you want, because I don't give a flyin' eff.
00:02:44
Speaker
Sorry I'm so effing juiced up. I had a great idea and it effing got all ruined by some loser poser so listen to this ass. My dad has been wearing the same 1978 Black Sabbath tour shirt every day since like forever and I always thought I'd know my effing band Lance Brock's Goin' Snake had arrived when I saw all these effing badass rockers around town wearing a Goin' Snake t-shirt but I don't effing have any so effing time to get them printed up.
00:03:14
Speaker
That's Miss Elizabeth. That's initiative. That's seeing a need in the market and striving to fill it. So you wonder why we platformed this guy. I called up some old bat at cheap shirts and told her what I wanted. I told her there should be...
00:03:36
Speaker
that is extremely disrespectful towards a woman that you clearly have called to request her assistance. Yeah? I think he might have her dead to rights. I think this story as it unfolds, we might circle back and understand why he calls this ostensibly friendly old woman an old bat. All right.
00:03:56
Speaker
I called up some old bad at cheap shirts and I told her what I wanted. I told her there should be this demon grabbing the world and it's gonna stick a guitar right effing through it. And the guitar says go and snake on it. And the top of the shirt says Lance Brock's going snake. And the bottom says best effing band ever. And on the back is a testimonial from Led Zeppelin where they say they turned over their effing rock crown to us and how they bow to us because they pretty much suck compared to us. No disrespect.
00:04:25
Speaker
Okay, so he doesn't provide her with actual artwork. He just makes like a demand for artwork and says, print it on a T-shirt. Did you not, did that not, could you not see the fulsome vision of the T-shirt floating in space right before you with those words? Did that not conjure the image for you? You just can't print it from your brain.
00:04:46
Speaker
Well, it's her job to do that. No, it isn't. It's her job to print the shirts. Lance does not understand this whole process. This woman must have soup in her head because she said she wrote all that down. And what do the effing shirts end up looking like? Some kids standing on a beach with a shovel and an effing bucket in the words, let's go for a clambake. That's just probably the default image that she had in her computer. I think she didn't hear, right? And she heard clambake instead of going snake.
00:05:13
Speaker
Okay, and she kind of changed some of the details and now what now what are we supposed to do with a shirt like that? Yeah, she's not an old bat. She just she just did what what came like the closest she was she rolled her eyes and was like clambake fine Let's go go to print this guy will pay for it
00:05:29
Speaker
I ordered 10,000 of them and there's no refunds, so if you're listening to this and you want to buy 500 or 600 shirts off me, let me effing know. I called to complain and the old lady goes, oh, I heard what you wanted, but it sounded silly. I think ClamBake is better than Goin' Snake. So just exactly what I told you happened. My dad always said to respect my elders, but I'd pointed... But I'd point to this hag and say, even this s-head. Oh, come on.
00:05:59
Speaker
It's just it's just how dare she do that? She had pretty strict orders straight from rock Mount Olympus straight printed on the tablets of rock and she Overrode that commandment with her own judgment. What a ridiculous thing to do. Okay lens You have to come up with some kind of vector graphic and then bad is the least of it miss Elizabeth. Okay
Cousin Sandy's New Year's Misadventure
00:06:23
Speaker
pretty effing eventful holiday season. There was a New Year's Eve party and my effed in the head cousin Sandy was looking forward to it for months. He was going to dress up as the Rock Lobster and just get out there and hump everything at that party that wasn't nailed down. Well, some rock-hating goofs were at that thing and they effing pulled the bottom of the Rock Lobster costume off Sandy and made him walk home in his ginch.
00:06:46
Speaker
Okay, yep. I'm boiling with rage at that statement. Really? Because they let him keep his top part on. Which is the main part of the lobster costume if you ask me, especially if he's using it to hump everything.
00:06:59
Speaker
Like what an outrageous farcical... Ladies and gentlemen, again, the slightest whiff of human suffering presents itself and these jackals are all over it like jackals on a carcass. It sounds like he might have earned it. He said everyone was laughing at him and I don't think he's humped anything since. Have you ever heard anything so effed up? Some people in this effin town hate partying and I'd feel sorry for them if I didn't effin hate them so much.
00:07:26
Speaker
You F with Sandy and you F with yours, F and truly your posers, you won't find it so F and easy to pull my pants down, believe me. OK, well, challenge accepted by some people, I'm sure. The gauntlet has been thrown down, Miss Elizabeth, and I dare these losers and posers to pick it up because they're going to get smacked right in the mush. OK. Lance's customer review. I put on the Santa hat, put out the 50% off sign that said, yeah, right, as if on the bottom to make it legal that I jack the price up of everything up.
00:07:54
Speaker
and welcomed shoppers to buy all their effing Christmas gifts from me. Pretty effing slow go in the effing crazy cold snap we had didn't help since they still have that effing hole in my roof and the store was freezing. Barely anyone showed up in the effing few who did ask me dumb questions so I had to boot them out. So one and a half stars to everyone. Okay. Merry Christmas. Santa sends his effing regards. Okay. I think I've said this before, but we should probably arrange some kind of a barn raising situation for Lance's store.
00:08:25
Speaker
Because he needs help. He's not doing it himself. He doesn't need help. He can't afford it. He needs people to help him. I think we should do a community organization thing. We should all get together. Fix his building because it's fine. It's got character.
00:08:40
Speaker
But he's going to go out of business. Stick that in your calculating formula, Miss Elizabeth. You think barn raising is the answer to every problem in town? I'm here to tell you, that store has charm. That store feels like a rock and roll emporium. And don't even dare touch the hole that keeps the spirit of rock connected to the spirit of nature. Okay. Top f-ing five f-ing bands of all f-ing time.
00:09:06
Speaker
You ready for this?
Fantasy Band and Top Five Ranking
00:09:07
Speaker
I'm ready. Are you going to argue? Are you going to gain say the choice is made here? Well, yeah. I mean, the one thing I always question is when your music doesn't appear anywhere on here. Miss Elizabeth, there's a lot of effing rock bands out there. Yeah. I'm striving for excellence. Have I arrived? Questionable. Yeah. But I must go on further. And I use these bands that Lance points us at as fuel for inspiration. OK. Number five.
00:09:35
Speaker
Picture this. The year is 1978. Nancy Wilson from Hart decides to form her own band with that chick from the fifth element and she can play guitar too. Then, what's her name from Baywatch? Erica something. She'd play bass. And Avril Lavigne on vocals and how about two twin sisters who each play their own drum kit. I'd totally watch that effing band.
00:09:58
Speaker
So you're not on this list, potentially, but this is a fantasy band that Lance just made up in his head. He probably dreamed about it one night.
00:10:06
Speaker
That sounds like a good dream to me, Miss Elizabeth. Yeah, but it can't be one of the top five effing bands of all time. I don't know why not. If you had that band rocking in front of you, I think you'd pay attention. Okay. And you'd probably get out your notepad and scribble off whoever was previously occupying the fifth spot on the top five effing bands of all time. I don't know. And scribble in the name of this band that currently doesn't have a name, but just picture it. I mean, it does sound awesome.
00:10:33
Speaker
I've played Screaming for Vengeance every single day at full volume since the day it came out. That was 42 years ago. Do the effing math. I think the math indicates that his hearing loss is a problem.
00:10:47
Speaker
It's moderate to severe, Miss Elizabeth. He got it checked. It's getting worse and worse. Number three, Led Zeppelin. Cut these guys some slack. They may sound like amateur hour compared to my effing band, but they were effing rock masters in their day. Okay. That's paying respect. That's honoring your roots, Miss Elizabeth. Led Zeppelin doesn't require any slack.
00:11:08
Speaker
Well, cut them some, because if you're going to compare them to Goin' Snake, they may come up a little short. Goin' Snake hasn't had a single single. What? A single single? Yeah, they haven't come up with anything. Do you know how much work there is in getting a band off the ground? I'll tell you who does know. Who? Led Zeppelin. Yeah, so cut them some slack. Number two, Ozzy F. in Osborne.
00:11:30
Speaker
This guy dressed up as an effin' werewolf for that album cover and he effin' stayed made up like that for five effin' years. Yet another reason, apart from inventing hip-hop, trip-hop, and that shoegaze-esque among many others. Okay, I don't think that last part was true.
00:11:47
Speaker
or even made any sense. He started a sentence and forgot to close it off, Ms. Elizabeth, yet another reason, and then he listed some stuff, but we don't know what the reason is, but I guess reason to be on the list, and I gotta agree with him. Yeah, I think it might have, like the cold might be getting to Lance sometimes when he's composing these. He's fine.
00:12:07
Speaker
Number one, top effin band of all time, Lance Brock's Goin' Snake. New Year, same old effin band at the top of the effin pile. Rock Gods are effin' among you so you best better recognize that effin' factoid.
00:12:23
Speaker
Okay, I hear you Lance. Yeah, that was a good list. I'm updating my I'm updating my Spotify playlist Well Judas Priest Led Zeppelin Ozzy Osbourne are actual artists. Yeah have actual things published. Yeah. Okay. Okay so far so good Yeah, so that's there's a fictional band that can't really find acts that never actually existed bands if we're honest Oh, come on. Yeah
00:12:47
Speaker
I'm the proud rhythm guitarist of Lance Brock's Going Snake, Ms. Elizabeth. And once Vance decides he's going to come back into the band because he and Lance had a fight last weekend and he told Lance to stick that band up his F&Rs. So there's a bit of a problem. We have temperamental artists at work. But I tell you what, once Vance cools down, once we rehearse some songs, when we get some songs ready to go, we're going to play at Handsome Mike's bar.
00:13:11
Speaker
And that will be the spot that historians point back to when they say the seismic shift of rock happened on that day at that place. So you wonder why Led Zeppelin's being left in the dust. All right, I look forward to that day.
00:13:26
Speaker
Hey Melinda, I'm sorry I accused you of emptying the tip jar at the effin store. I was a little hot under the effin collar because that tip jar is my effin designated beer money and an empty beer money jar on an effin Friday night isn't just what the doctor ordered and what an effin pisser when I found out it was empty. There was at least 40 bucks in there because that thing has taken off since I printed off that picture of poor kids on it and put some BS about supporting a charity on it.
00:13:53
Speaker
Okay. Why is this in the... I don't understand. Why is this in...
00:13:58
Speaker
Miss Elizabeth, he's got the platform that you're talking about and apparently he's using it for something else. I don't know what he's talking about either. He's talking directly to Melinda, his main squeeze. He's trying to pass things up with Melinda for some reason. I shouldn't have effing accused you without ironclad proof. You're right. It was probably some burglar or something effed up like that. The effing cops should do their effing jobs for eff's sake. Anyway, I've got some... I've got a hankering for some spankering. Okay.
00:14:27
Speaker
This is not the forum! I don't really think that needs to be in Lancebrock's rock talk. Anyway, peace out, over and out. Lancebrock has left the effing building. That was... Oh, got a phone call coming in here. Oh! Hey! How's it going? I'm Jason. Yeah, rock on, man. How you doing, brother? Well, what...
00:14:55
Speaker
Yeah. I read what you write. I don't edit this. Unbelievable. What? Sorry. Hang on one sec. What? Unbelievable. We're on the show right now. Lance has called me. He's been listening and he's apparently peed the F off that I read that last part. It wasn't meant to be in the rock talk. So he can call it. This is not a call in show. Well, if it was supposed to be an email and put it in an email and send it to her, don't
00:15:20
Speaker
Okay. See, I told you you shouldn't read that. Dude, I gotta go. I hear ya. Okay, we'll fix it. We'll fix it. Okay, put that in email, send it off. All right, later. Rock on. Okay, Lance is mad. He didn't say hi from me. Oh, Miss Elizabeth, he was screaming. Yeah. Okay, I felt like screaming too.
00:15:43
Speaker
That's kind of an f-ed up way to end Lance Brock's rock talk. But Melinda, that message was for you. Everybody else, pretend you didn't hear because that was personal business. You had no business sticking your nose into. So that's how you're going to fix it. You're just going to tell people to just... I'm going to scold everybody listening. Dear listener friend, forget you ever heard that last part. We don't edit this show. Particularly the hankering for spankering part. Unbelievable.
00:16:03
Speaker
Let's reach over. Tune in the radio. There we go. Smileton radio. We gotta play a song. We gotta cheer each other up, Miss Elizabeth, because we've... There's tension now. Banana bus. Let's do it.
00:16:17
Speaker
What's that noise, that rumbling sound? Feel the shaking in the ground? No, this isn't a parade You don't have to be afraid Look at that, what a surprise I cannot believe my eyes Round the bend and full of fire
00:16:54
Speaker
Banana bus Lots of room so climb aboard This is what you're looking for World of wonder is inside Sit right back enjoy the ride Banana bus Banana bus Banana bus Banana bus Banana bus
00:16:55
Speaker
Yellow, but that ain't the song.
00:17:35
Speaker
What a sight it kills the sky Still the smoke is it rolls by Wobbles but it never stops Down the road and at the top!
00:18:05
Speaker
Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss Banana Boss
00:18:23
Speaker
banana bus by the smile syndicate right here on hello smileton cheery tune miss elizabeth very cheerful i think it's still the top song on all streaming platforms that's all anybody listens to and it's like yeah
00:18:37
Speaker
They listen to it on repeat. It's all ages. Apparently. Yeah. Well, it's good to have a song like that. It is good. Well, dear listener friend, you can tell so far in this show that I am committed to getting this jumbo jet of a show landed week in, week out, no matter what. I put a lot of effort into it. I put a lot of expensive concentration, a lot of soul and blood, sweat and tears. Is it expensive for you to concentrate?
00:19:06
Speaker
It is. There's a lot of stuff in my head, Miss Lizbeth, and just focusing on this show excludes a lot of other areas where I could be making significant contributions. Okay, that's probably true. So, all of that is to say I focus on one show. It's a lot of work to get one show out week in and week out. Miss Lizbeth, on the other hand, seems to think that I'm a foolish person because she
00:19:30
Speaker
does 92 weekly podcasts. If you can conceive of that number, it's ridiculous. And you keep asking to be on my shows. And so I do have an update. Well, she's going to give us she's going to give us an update about a selection of those shows to spare us the effort of trying to keep up with them all because there's way too many. That's right.
00:19:49
Speaker
Well, don't say that I don't invite. I do invite you on to other shows. You usually say no, but you said yes a couple weeks ago. OK. To Low Carb Mom. Yes. Which is another show that you are currently on. You can search for that on all of your pod catchers. So Miss Elizabeth isn't joking. She's doing another podcast right now called Low Carb Mom. And I appeared on the first episode. She's so she's giving out the advice, giving out the tips and tricks. Yeah. And I'll get you in on every single episode that I possibly can because you're a good foil for me.
00:20:19
Speaker
foil. You are excellent. So look it up on any podcasting platform to your listener friend, you'll actually hear it. Yeah, there's a lot, there's meal plans, there's recipes, there's all kinds of cool stuff. But I want to hear about the goofball podcast that you've been on because that one has me as a co-host to keep it grounded. These other ones don't have me involved and you're about to hear, dear listener friend, about what kind of screwball antics she gets up to.
00:20:45
Speaker
All right. Must have mustard. One of my favorites. Think of that. How could you have a... So this podcast has been going a while. How do you not run out of things to talk about? A podcast about mustard. No, no. Listen to what happened. Okay. So Chrissy and I had to mostly do the latest episode solo since Rudy was in jail. Oh, no. See? It gets exciting. Poor Rudy. Really? It's a little bit like a soap opera. It is. Must have mustard. Although we also do must have mustard.
00:21:16
Speaker
Yes, so you keep saying we do baffling. So he and his wife went on a swingers cruise, you know, as they I mean, that's in character for them. Yeah. And he freaked out in the buffet line and attacked a couple of dudes.
00:21:31
Speaker
They might have been coming on. As one does on a swingers cruise. Well, yeah, I mean, you know, because that was likely to be happening. Have you ever heard of a more unappetizing buffet than that?
Mustard Podcast Updates and Jail Incident
00:21:41
Speaker
Well, I mean, for the people who want to be on it, they're just... I know, I know the different strokes. Yeah, that probably would have been fine. But then he tried to throw one of them overboard during an outdoor luau. Oh, whoops. Did not succeed. That's pretty much attempted murder.
00:21:59
Speaker
You don't think you do well if you get thrown off a cruise ship. So he got taken into custody once they docked in Cancun. So nothing really bad happened. So he's in jail in Mexico right now. He's in jail. So it's too bad since we were looking forward to hearing his report about what kinds of mustard cruise ships are offering these days. That's what you're focusing on.
00:22:18
Speaker
Well, yeah, because he hasn't been doing well with this Swinger lifestyle. These previous updates are any indication he's not really along for the ride and he's kind of a hothead now. Well, we got the Swinger update. Now we're looking for the mustard update.
00:22:32
Speaker
So we also got a call-in to the show, which we don't- Change the name of the show to Swing and Mustard or something like that. Swing and Mustard, yeah. Well, we must have Mustard though. That's the thing. Swing and always seems to happen. No matter what- Just get out of that world, Miss Elizabeth. So we got a call-in to the show, which we don't normally do. Someone at Rudy's work called Mycel to see if we knew where he was because he's been away for over a week now because he's in Cancun.
00:22:57
Speaker
Yeah, in the slammer. You live in the dream. So he's risking his employer considering his job abandoned. Well, that's not going to help. So because I guess he didn't call. That's not one of the phone calls that he made. No. So I told him that he's in Mexico in jail after a misunderstanding on a swingers cruise. I just told the truth, Jason. I just spilled the beans.
00:23:17
Speaker
And we ended up staying on the line with Rudy's co-workers for 20 minutes, since it turns out that he's really into mustard also. Oh, cool. It turns out everybody is. I mean, if you just scratched the surface, there's a mustard fan. There's a seething, like, undercurrent in that show. You like mustard also. Not enough to listen to a podcast about it.
00:23:38
Speaker
I think you would listen to this podcast though. I'd only just edit out all the mustard stuff and just give me the dirt on Rudy and his misadventures. Alright, what's poppin' the popcorn podcast?
00:23:48
Speaker
another food-related podcast that's probably even less interesting than Mustard. This one has a different angle though. We kicked off the latest episode with a celebration since our last episode was downloaded one million times.
Popcorn Podcast Celebrations and Tony's Dislike
00:24:02
Speaker
I think a lot of that show was just us popping popcorn. There's just the sound of popcorn popping. Again, you have a knack to just utterly demotivating me.
00:24:14
Speaker
It's kind of like ASMR. Popcorn. I don't know what that is. It's just popcorn sounds. So I knew that there were... What am I doing? Well... Why don't I just do a podcast where I just eat pickles?
00:24:28
Speaker
You could, but that's got a kind of a squelchy feel to it. It's a different audience for sure. Yeah, and I'll get eight billion downloads and I'll put no effort into it and the world will be right again. I think you'll find it takes a lot of effort to keep a podcast like that up. Unlikely. It's probably hard on the system. I knew that there were a lot of popcorn lovers out there and I'm glad that there are also podcast addicts.
00:24:51
Speaker
They're addicted to podcasts and to popcorn. A lot of compulsive behavior going on here. Corinne was really excited to tell us the news, but Tony Popcorn wasn't excited at all. He's one of our co-hosts. Yeah, you've told us about Tony Popcorn. Tony Popcorn. All he wants to do is quit the show since he hates popcorn and is really sick of people assuming that he loves it just because of his name. His name is Tony Popcorn and he hates popcorn. Yeah, because he's sick of it. Yeah, so you guys are just going to ignore that and keep pushing on, use the man for his name,
00:25:20
Speaker
Well, Corinne asked him why he doesn't change his name and he got super mad and called her a really nasty name.
00:25:28
Speaker
Awesome. So maybe you should listen just maybe just to that part. I'll listen. Yeah, like how dare she Tell him to change his name. Well, she doesn't know the family history of the popcorn's is probably a proud tradition It's it's very insulting popcorn related that because we don't believe him. We think that there's something. Yeah, we're gonna get to it Eventually don't believe in what that he doesn't love popcorn He would change his possible. It's possible. He would change his name We hit the internet to find people to call them up to see if they love popcorn
00:25:58
Speaker
Online harassment, okay? No, no, no, not at all. Or just a landline harassment. That's right. We found a guy named Edgar Pop with two P's. P-O-P-P. You're just looking people up and calling them up randomly because of their last name. It's not random.
00:26:15
Speaker
It's not random. It is. He was really confused. Yeah. I don't think that he listens to podcasts because he had never heard of us. That's the only explanation. He ended up swearing too much for us to really use very much of his phone call. OK, there you go. You're putting me off. Now you're hooking me back in again. He said he didn't like popcorn. And I'm starting to think that people who don't tend to and I'm starting to think that people who don't tend to have foul dispositions, Jason. Yeah. Like maybe you are a case in point here as well.
00:26:45
Speaker
Guilty as charged. Yeah, because you seem to be a little bit on the grumpy side and you don't love popcorn. I'm very empathetic to these poor people who are getting tormented by you and your screwball co-host. Popcorn is fun. It jumps around. Not for everyone. It's any kind of flavor. Might I suggest popping up a real simple solution to that problem? Popcorn! That's the answer to everything. We then called a woman named Jennifer Kornfeld. Let me guess.
00:27:15
Speaker
She was not interested in what you had to talk about. Well, I mean, of course, she wasn't necessarily expecting the conversation to be about corn. We told her that we just talked to a guy named Pop. And if she married him, then she could take the name Jennifer Pop Cornfeld, which I thought was a really that would have gone together really nicely. I bet there are you and your your co-hosts were the only ones laughing at that.
00:27:37
Speaker
Well, we weren't really laughing. It was a serious suggestion. OK, yeah. But she just asked us to never call her number again. There you go. To just lose her number. There you go. At least she didn't swear. Yeah. She was a real nice lady. I think edited highlights of this show might be OK. Maybe like 90 seconds of people swearing at you. I'd listen to that.
00:27:57
Speaker
We then tried a bunch of crazy popcorn flavors that we ordered off of Amazon. So that was noisy because we did have to pop them first. Uh-huh. I would have thought that would bring Tony around to having some fun, but nope. Nope. No, he didn't like. I'm surprised. He doesn't like the noise and he doesn't like the flavor or the texture. I'm angry just hearing about that it happened. I can't imagine being in the room for it. Okay. Well, he said that he would rather drink poison and die slowly while he bled from everywhere than touch one kernel of that popcorn.
00:28:27
Speaker
That's a pretty decisive statement, I'd say. That really was. So I just told him that he hadn't tried the right flavor yet. Yeah. We'll keep working on him. Oh, I got another call. I'm Mr. Popular today. How are you so popular? Yeah, hang on a sec. Yo. Yo. Hey. How's it going? What? Okay, you can't be on the phone while we're podcasting. I told you to send it in an email.
00:28:55
Speaker
I go, okay. Well, you shouldn't have called her all annoyed. Well, yeah. Is this Lance again? He called Melinda and he tried to like straighten it out and they got in another fight. Okay. Well, don't blame me. Melinda has a boyfriend. Hang on one sec. I got another call coming in. Come on. Hey, how's it going, brother? It's Jerry.
00:29:25
Speaker
Awesome. Sounded good. We're only getting one side of this call. That's hilarious. Hey, man, I'm doing the show right now. You should come by. You're not doing the show. You're on a call right now. Really? What the? Oh. Oh, OK. Yeah, this sounds awesome, but you've got to tell me later. OK, take care.
00:29:53
Speaker
My goodness That's how we sign off the case cuz that just went out on our podcast If I can't have fun doing this show, I don't want to do the show anymore Is that it for the podcast? No, I got one more. Okay. It's York presents the ultimate death metal hour featuring your Your present kind of hoping you might stop doing that one. I
00:30:20
Speaker
So it also features, okay, Kristoff, Carl, Heinz and Jorg. Those are the three. Those are the co-hosts. Oh, I believe me. I'm aware. We spent the first part of the show discussing whether we should rebrand the podcast.
00:30:32
Speaker
That's a good idea. Do a gardening podcast or something. Get rid of Death Metal. That's the best idea I've heard all day. It's going to be Death Metal, but rebranded. So Carl Heinz has really set up making the show more focused on Smileton. So he was thinking, hello, Death Metal, Smileton. So he thought that would be a good name. That name is effectively taken. Jorg prefers to keep, because we're the Death Metal, hello, Smileton.
00:30:59
Speaker
No, we're Hello, Smileton. Yeah, we're Hello, Smileton. This show used to be called the Smileton to Get Music Hour. So you're called his, the ultimate death metal hour, which is already a little bit too close for comfort. But now they're getting even more trying to create brand confusion. That's right.
00:31:16
Speaker
So Jorg prefers to keep the name as it is, because it's so focused on his own name, I think. Because he thinks that that's accuracy. It doesn't really matter what name that crappy show has. I'm not sure at all, Jason. And Christoph said that he didn't care as long as his name was in the title somewhere. Yeah, stuff more names in the title. That'll work. So I think that this spirit of open dialogue and really listening to each other is the key reason why this podcast has lasted for so long.
00:31:44
Speaker
I think it's just a big headed stubbornness that keeps that show on the rails. Anyway, so we like to keep you in the loop that that's what we're thinking about. Yeah, I'd say that's a horrendously terrible idea. Well, thanks for your vote. That's my input. It accounts for one vote. As you might have guessed, we are all very excited about the Smiles and Death Metal Festival that's coming up in summer
Death Metal Festival Plans
00:32:04
Speaker
this year. Yeah. This summer. July can't come soon enough. There are so many exciting ideas being pitched, but there's one I really need to tell you about, Jason.
00:32:12
Speaker
We've barely started this year, and summer's ruined for me already, so thanks for that. Well, Kristoff has started his own death metal band. Oh boy. And they're going to be playing their first gig at the festival. Can you imagine? That's a big deal. That dunce fronting a band? That's got to be hilarious. Don't you want to know what they're called? Flesh Munch. That's a great name. It sounds, it's death metal, but also kind of cutesy.
00:32:39
Speaker
flesh munch. I don't want to say it. I don't want to look at it. I don't want to hear from that band. Kristoff says they sound like a combination of Katy Perry, Slime Bride, and The Bridge to Chaotica-ton. Meat! That sounds terrible too.
00:33:00
Speaker
So he says that they'll all perform nude so that the audience can focus on the music instead of their hip fashion sense. I told you that guy was a dunce. Holy. I'm calling it now. This is going to be the biggest, greatest death metal festival ever. Ever, Jason. Oh, yeah. I don't want to see that guy nude or clothed on stage or off.
00:33:23
Speaker
Yeah, but you won't have to focus on the clothes. I'm just gonna say thanks for the heads up Yeah, flush munch. It makes sense that they don't have any clothes on there none of that makes sense And oh and one more thing your friend and mine York has had another honor bestowed upon him Pickle Hills acting mayor Jackie Jackson created a death metal key to the death metal city for Pickle Hills That's an outrage and there's more town
00:33:51
Speaker
I think Smileson suffers enough from Death Metal, but now the mold is spreading to Pickle Hills. Well, yeah, it's hard to keep it contained. It is. We need a bunch of bleach or something. And there's no more deserving recipient than York, because he really has brought Death Metal to Smileson in a big way.
00:34:11
Speaker
extremely off-putting and extremely demoralizing. A huge soiree was held last week. You were invited and you didn't come, but it was amazing. It cost the town $600,000. So you should have come. You should have enjoyed it. I'm not going to partake.
00:34:26
Speaker
It was worth every single penny, Jason. It was not. What an outrageous misuse of town funds. Pickle Hills isn't quite the death metal capital that Smileson is, but it sure is nice to get this kind of neighborly cooperation going. You thought, Ms. Elizabeth, you think this toboggan ride is fun, but it isn't. It's fun for her. You're heading straight down to Hades. Okay, well, that's part of death metal, too.
00:34:47
Speaker
Yeah, Miss Elizabeth, are you finished? Are there any other podcasts to go over? That's it. Thank goodness for that. Dear listener friend, I am so sorry. You must be thinking what the deuce is going on in Smilton. What a crazy place you live. How do you cope? And I say, one, a lot of headache pills.
00:35:09
Speaker
and to music. Yeah. So let's play a smile syndicate song right now to lower my blood pressure. I'm going back to high school. Good.
00:35:48
Speaker
It's time to turn my life around It's time to get on solid ground I'm gonna jump back in the game My life will never be the same
00:36:16
Speaker
I'm going back to high school I'm thrice your agent twice as cool I'm going back to high school Oh man this is gonna roll Second time won't be more fun Smartest thing I've ever done I'm going back to high school
00:36:46
Speaker
Go back to boost their grade Some go back with friends they've made
00:37:14
Speaker
High school, I'm priced your agent twice as cool I'm going back to high school Oh man, this is gonna roll Second time will be more fun It's the smartest thing I've ever done I'm going back to high school
00:37:41
Speaker
I am younger than I look, yes I own a car
00:38:10
Speaker
Was this mountain here before? Being hip is so my thing You're looking at your next promise
00:39:17
Speaker
I'm going back to high school
00:39:17
Speaker
I'm going back to high school. I'm going back to high school by the smile syndicate right here on Hello, Smilin. That'll put some pep in your step, Jason. Absolutely will, Miss Elizabeth. That song is catchy and fun. And dear listener friend, if you want to hear that one all over again, you can either reverse this podcast and listen to the beginning again and then wait till you get to the end to hear that song or go on to any digital music streaming platform you can think of. Look up the smile syndicate and I'm going back to high school. We'll be right there.
00:39:45
Speaker
Yeah, usually put the time codes in the description. If you go to the description of the podcast, you're going to see time codes. And I think you can press on those time codes on most podcatchers these days. Podcasting 2.0. Unfortunately, the song won't make any sense unless you've heard the rest of the show that's a one big setup for it. Yeah, but if you're listening to it again... I'm telling you, there's only one way to do it. Okay.
00:40:07
Speaker
Well, I am a stickler, Miss Elizabeth, because we hurt. We got an earful of what happens when people aren't a stickler enough. OK. Madness, chaos. Yeah. The fight continues. May I remind you that for a stickler, you took two phone calls, three. You took three phone calls during this podcast. So I don't know if you're that much of a stickler. I will take a look at me. I was built for fun. And that's what I'm going to have. OK. Have you had fun? A little bit. OK, good.
00:40:35
Speaker
Dear listener friend, thanks so much. It's been a fun time with you today. I hope this show gives you enough fuel for your soul to power you through the upcoming week and we're going to be back next week with another all new episode of Hello Smilton. We'll meet you back here in the meantime. This one's done. It's been fun. Miss Elizabeth.
00:40:54
Speaker
Take us out. That's it. We hope you enjoyed the show. Tell a friend about Hello, Smileson. There's a lot of fun going on here, so let's share it with as many people as we can. The world needs more Smileson, so spread the word and make a difference. So it's bye bye from Jason. Bye bye. And bye bye from me. See you next week. And as always, remember, friend, the sun is the jukebox.