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Costco Shooters
115 Plays5 months ago
We are not political we are gay
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Transcript
Introduction and Opening Remarks
00:00:03
Speaker
Happy National Prayer Day. Stay prayed up. God bless you. Some motherfuckers don't forget to do your fucking push up to keep the homosexuality awake.
00:00:21
Speaker
Spectacular, give me 14 of them like that. Dude, the shower and your mom's gonna do a dope plot. Okay, first of all, I don't like men who dope. I mean, who wouldn't wanna be? Black is like the epitome of cool.
Personal Anecdotes and Humor
00:00:47
Speaker
So guys, I'm kind of scared to walk home right now because this guy came into the store and started trying to steal and whatnot. Smell of corn. So this is so good smelling. One of the best smells I know from food.
00:01:08
Speaker
Two more. Two more. Two more. Two more.
00:01:16
Speaker
You a banker? I am a banker. I am not a banker. Am I a banker? Am I not a banker? Why am I a banker? Why am I not a banker?
00:01:26
Speaker
Hey, what's up my niggas? Go ahead and knock out a few push-ups. Show yourself that you still got it.
00:01:35
Speaker
Hey everybody! Welcome to Dudes R Us. We can't be stopped and we'll do anything for you. Please subscribe and join the Patreon so Jared does not die. to Test. Test. Mic. Microphone. Oh shit. Microphones on.
00:01:54
Speaker
but podcast podcast on we're recording yes hell yeah yes yes we usually do this at the end but everyone should uh join the patreon because now that the celtics are for sale we need to make like five billion dollars real quick so we can buy them yes yes please save save all of us save jared especially
00:02:23
Speaker
Why me especially? ah you're I don't know, man. Fine. So we got five more months of Jared until if we do Patreon doesn't explode. Yeah. I'm black. Let's go. Let's sign up. Sign up for the Patreon. I'm signing up right now. I'm signing up twice right now. Signing on my mom's account. yeah Take your money away from Shane Gillis and give it to us. he doesn't He's got plenty now. He's got he's got plenty of podcasts anymore. You're actually going to make the podcast, you're going to make his podcast better by taking away some of his money because he'll have more relatable things to talk about. Yeah. Don't listen to the, uh, whatever 16th protect our parks where they talk about shitty stand up being good. Hmm.
00:03:20
Speaker
Yep. Joe Ruggins talks about the comedy store.
Space and Justice Discussions
00:03:28
Speaker
a boeing Boeing and NASA had to release a joint statement that the astronauts aren't stuck in space. No. they They're happy to be there. It's fine. Everything's fine. Read the statement. What does it say? Why are they stuck in space? What are you talking about? Uh, so Boeing, so ah stick qui re cap yeah, Boeing, uh, which we've been making fun of for a few weeks now about their shitty planes. They also made a spaceship that brought two, uh, astronauts to the international space station. Butch Wilmore and and SUNY Williams.
00:04:18
Speaker
They were ah this was the beginning of June. They went up there. They were only supposed to be there for like four days, and they've been there for over three weeks now. I guess it's been a month at this point, pretty much. Yeah. I don't have the exact statement. I have this article summarizing it. NASA is insisting the two veteran astronauts currently aboard the International Space Station are, quote, not stranded after running into mechanical issues onboard the Boeing Starliner that took them to space. Butch Wilmore and SUNY Williams have now been in space for three weeks after their journey, which began June 5th, was sidetracked by the Starliner experiencing mechanical problems where while the crew was testing out in testing it out in space.
00:05:12
Speaker
Yeah, dude. So they're stuck. They're not stuck. This was a planned three to four weeks, at least in space. I don't think they could fix the Starliner. So um they just left it and they just left. They were doing the classic of like, I didn't throw up. I was just getting some air. thank you You're outside in the driveway, you're like, I wasn't throwing up, I'm just yeah getting some fresh air. When when anybody calls you, ah when you're like taking a nap and it wakes you up, yeah and the work and they and they're like like, were you sleeping? Did I wake you up? And you're like, no. No, no, no, no. No, I was just, what do you want? i'm not I wasn't sleeping.
00:06:04
Speaker
Hey, uh, you're supposed to be, oh, sorry. I was on the phone with somebody else. Shit, dude. I just lost track of time. This is crazy. Work's just been crazy. And my dog, like, did a Amazon delivery driver. It's just been wild. Sorry. Yeah, I didn't pick up. I was on the phone with somebody else. um um game So what are they doing up there if they're saying they're not stuck? I assume, I mean, they're they're homely people, but I assume when you're three weeks into a four day trip to the International Space Station alone that they're just like banging nonstop and zero gravity. Isn't that impossible?
00:06:49
Speaker
what to bang in zero gravity. Yeah. I bet you you can like brace your legs. It's like two putting two magnets opposite sides together. Yeah. You probably got to have like, um, they wear those like rubber bands to so they stay in their bed. When they sleep, you probably just put the rubber band around both of you so that you keep getting pulled back together.
00:07:12
Speaker
Hmm, that's true. You get like a one of the you like kick off the wall Yeah, like push off the wall and then push in Yeah, and if you're not in space, it can't get pregnant That's true. Probably just find surface just gets It finds its balance no matter what you Water always finds a balance and that always finds a balance no matter what it's going somewhere I mean, it's not like there's work for them to do. They only have four days of work. So it's like, it's like me and my job right now where I'm just like, you can't go play Xbox either. Cause that's flowing around. I can't oh they don't let them have that. That's flowing up in the air. All the ox cords and shit are popping out. h They don't let them have like TV and stuff. They can't want like, look at the news. Cause the news would be like they're stuck in space. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:08:08
Speaker
You can't read a book that's floating around like fucking Harry Potter all around you. That's what I mean. I bet they're just fucking like rabbits. Yeah, just coming in each other's hair by accident. um
00:08:23
Speaker
Just getting all over the place. Well, I guess it would never settle, so just kind of keep fucking floating around and it has to go in the hair. Yeah, it just combs. It's fully formed load. Combs right out. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's fucking a hailstorm in that bitch.
00:08:45
Speaker
There's just the one module that they that they do it in that's just a minefield yeah The other the other astronauts come to rescue them you're like, yeah, you got to stay out of module 9 don't go through there Yeah, that was just like a bad like ah Leak don't go through there. and We had an adhesive explosion in there the hydro hydrogen and he exploded all over my hair Oh my god tuba elmer's glue exploded they're fucking stuck as hell dude yeah i don't know why but i just like it made that just made me think of the uh the special special garlic sauce from papa johns that could also be that could also be something that exploded
00:09:33
Speaker
yeah
00:09:37
Speaker
I have this one of my favorite streams of Venice Boardwalk and it's an automated camera that's like on a swivel but it somehow keeps panning back to two handicap guys in wheelchairs focusing on them. It just keeps pointing directly at them. They're smoking a cigarette, passing it back and forth. Their legs are tiny as hell. Fully developed. They got helmets on and shit though. They look like they're like BMX-ing in them though. Extreme. ah Wheelchairs. Something that's like i would I thought of right before this is like the utter fake and bullshit stuff that ah RFK is doing by going by like putting on Bobby on his
00:10:24
Speaker
I know it was buses and ads and shit calling himself Bobby where no one calls him Bobby as he's just taking valor from think he's done today did you see the picture the the picture came out today because I think probably they were saving this for later, like the Democrats and whoever did it was probably saving it for later just to fully obliterate him. But then because of the fucking train wreck debate, yeah, they dropped it early. So there's a there's a picture holding a sniper rifle and shooting JFK. No, it's it's it's actually worse than that. That would be interesting. he The picture dropped today of him and I think his wife or some girl that he's with eating a dog.
00:11:09
Speaker
what it
00:11:13
Speaker
Oh, my God. That's awesome. ah Like, how do you that's how do you fucking fumble this? Put that on the Patreon, dude. Just so you can appreciate it. I'll put it on the Patreon, but ah send it over real quick so I can put my eyes on this. Not a not for the faint of heart, not for the dog lovers out there.
00:11:42
Speaker
He says, how's it go, dude? Oh, that's a goat. That's what he says. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm looking at the picture right now. Maybe a different picture.
00:11:57
Speaker
this I mean, Jesus Christ. is it Is it wearing a collar that says a Rover on it? No. I'm a dog. If your presidential campaign is at the point where you have to be like, no, I was not eating a dog, I was eating a goat. Oh yeah, they matched the ribs up too. That was gonna be my question too, and they did. That's fucked.
00:12:25
Speaker
You're probably cooked. Yeah, he's done. and the snow violent worms Brain worms, eating dogs, weird voice, anti-vax, weird voice, training Ravens. Fucked up voice. Like, come on, dude. Yeah. Oh God. I mean, but this clearly what also clearly wasn't like yesterday. They've had this photo has been out there for a minute. So like, you know, somebody was sitting on this just waiting for like, Everyone's like, Oh, you know, ah RFK not looking so bad right now. And then they drop him fucking chomping on a dog. Yes, he is. He does look bad. Actually, look at this. Oh my God. I want Joe Rogan to bring him on. Ask him about the dog. youe Yeah, man. I love my dog, man. I love, I love my dog so much. How could you do that, man?
00:13:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's fucked.
00:13:27
Speaker
I mean, the the debate thing was insane. They just are like, so yeah, the first question was was was like in this not no political stance at all. Honestly, maybe a dead dog could be the president or somebody I really could care less. They were like, yeah, um groceries last year from this year, whenever it was, maybe it was the first other debate. Yeah. Are one hundred and twenty dollars compared to one hundred dollars on average. Which they're probably realistically like $160 versus $100 now. It feels, when they said 20 bucks more, I was like, no way. Yeah. No way. What is what? Groceries. Yeah. They were like groceries, you know, at this time, I think it was last year, but maybe it was the last time they debated. It was like groceries were on average, $100. And today they're 120, meaning like 20% inflation, which I'm like,
00:14:21
Speaker
I got fucked. Feels way more expensive right now. Because it is. And then, yeah, there's Mr. Joe Josephhead. He didn't even answer. I mean, obviously, like every question no one answered, but I was like, yeah you got to answer that at least, bro. Somehow every time gro grocery store, it's a minimum of thirty eight fucking dollars unless you're just buying like eight cans of yarns or some shit. Neither of those fucking retards answered anything. They got asked about childcare and they just talked about who could golf better.
00:14:52
Speaker
That was fucking insane. First of all, if your whole personality is that you like to golf, you're a total faggot. Let's just get that out of the way right now. Co-signed. Like, if you're like, oh, yeah, I just can't wait to hit the links of the boys this weekend. Gay. Gay. Yeah. be and Be like a man and do what I do and go golfing in the middle of the workday. flyers By yourself. By yourself and just get paired through weird with a weird other dude. Never with anybody else and by yourself. But yeah, fuck that shit Anybody whose personality revolves around a game that they're terrible at is not Not cool. Yeah, and then just the like
00:15:37
Speaker
fuckin' old man dick measuring of like, my handicap's a six. Like, bro, people spend like 12 grand a year just making sure their kids have ah have a are able to stay alive because you have to have both parents working right now. Are you really really talking about golf right now? yeah Yeah, then the fucking ah RFK was having his own weird livestream debate where he was acting like he was there. But that's awesome. Weirdest thing ever, dude. how once that I was watching it and he was like nodding his head to whenever someone said, but he just never, I don't think he ever spoke on it. He was just standing there on a steady on the same mock stage, but in Los Angeles. That's hysterical. It was insane.
00:16:27
Speaker
just live reacting yeah and there's a live crowd with them too oh my god it makes sense why he never talks because you'd scare everybody out of the fucking building probably bro they they had two minute limit on answers for that debate he wouldn't have been able to get an answer
00:16:48
Speaker
Oh my God. That's so far. Maybe they should just do a, a mistrial like they did with Karen Reed for the the debate or the presidency is doing this trial. I think about that a lot that we should all like you when you, when you're born or whatever, you get a social, you get your social security card and then you get a little like, like a remote with two buttons. And just like every, I dunno, every week they give you like a, Hey, what do you think? And if everyone, if 60% of people all push the button, then just like the president explodes or whatever, and you you just get, you get one question and they're like, do you want to redo? Just like both of these guys go in the meat grinder and we, and we pick two new ones. I think that wouldn't, that would help.
00:17:38
Speaker
I guess my only sense of was was like everything that he said. I'm like, well, I guess like, um, he probably like, when, uh, I guess we need to see Trump get in there. Cause he has a lot of shit that he's going to say, like he needs to back up so much shit that he's going on about. He's going to end all of the wars. He's going to bring inflation down. He's going to make it affordable. I'm like, dude, all right, let's send them in to get all this done. Yeah. I mean, that was the other like.
Political and Legal Commentary
00:18:07
Speaker
Uh, you, if I'm looking at it from just like 10,000 feet, like I'm on an alien who's just being introduced to America or like, even just somebody who lives overseas, you're like, okay, these are the two options, two, two options for like most powerful person on earth. And you've got the one guy who's like,
00:18:27
Speaker
It seemed legitimately like he might die. Yes. I don't know. What about the little girl that was raped? What would who talk about that? like Sir, we were asking you about abortion. And then you've got this guy who's like, when I was president, we had the most beautiful economy. Everyone said the best economy. Like every literally ever they could have been like ah like every question they were like, you know Like if if they had answered the child care question instead of arguing about golf you would have been like when I was president Everyone had childcare. There was childcare everywhere. Everyone was happy. No one paid anything for childcare and you're like Brother that wasn't true. That's I remember three years ago. Yeah
00:19:16
Speaker
So, uh, yeah, not only, not only did he just like spout, just like shit about how the world was when he was president, we're like, it kind of also sucked. it's It's not great now. It sucked then too. You both suck. But then he was like saying all the shit he was going to do. And you're like, you didn't really do anything back then. now The Jews would not be blowing up each other if I was here. that yeah yeah All you did was say, yeah, literally. I mean, that's the crazy part. He was like, he so you said that Putin wouldn't have gone into Ukraine if he were president. That war started under his presidency. So that's interesting. Uh, I mean, I, I seem to remember him talking a lot about building a wall that he never finished building.
00:20:07
Speaker
Uh, it's just crazy. Let's get him in. There's a lot of shit to back up now. And again, Biden didn't answer for fucking 20% inflation. So like both of them, he didn't even give a reason of why he should be in there. He was even a reason for anything. at least I mean, ah Trump was like trying to give reasons of what he'll do. And Biden was just like, holy shit. That guy, yeah i'm tired Trump would say something. And then Biden would be like, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. He forgets what he's saying.
00:20:43
Speaker
come home Come on, come on, Jack has got the morals of an alley cat. And then he would have moments of clarity like between his like dementia psychosis. There will be moments where his, where, where like ah so a neuron fired. That was something that was in his like week long practice in camp David, where he'd be like, he'd be like president Biden. Uh, People are concerned about illegal immigration. What would you do to you know secure the border? He's like, when Donald Trump was it was at the cemetery with the World War II, World War I, and he said that he wouldn't go because they were liars and suckers. My son wasn't a liar. My son wasn't a You're just a sucker, you're a sucker. And you're like yeah like, okay, you just had a weird moment of clarity where something clicked from your practice. You didn't answer the question, but you got you know your weird one liner in. Four questions back, dude. Yeah, my guys. And if he was on stimulants, holy shit, I'd love to see him without stimulants because that dude is on a fucking another planet. It's even funnier at his age where he had the
00:21:53
Speaker
Like the, uh, Oh fuck. That went so bad last night. I got to really come over that. And the next day he was like, you know what? That sucked, but I still got it. yeah Like a man as old as me knows when to take his comeuppance and I shit myself. boom But the other guy, he'll literally put you in jail. So what choice do you have? Yep. We're going to get Saul Goodman as our president.
00:22:32
Speaker
Seems like another, another Donnie Trump presidency coming up. I mean, I think it would be really interesting to see what the demo. I think, I mean, obviously the Democrats will just double down on their guy. Um, There were people talking like the day of and or the night of and the day after of like, could they just get him to step down at the convention in August? Which would be super interesting. I don't know who they'd put up, but you got to figure you just give people less time to like form an opinion almost. Were you like, oh if you just threw like, and I'm not saying they should, but it's just the first name is coming to my mind. But if you like threw Gavin Newsom up there and you were like,
00:23:20
Speaker
You got it's, it's August 20th. You've got two months to make up your mind, me or that guy. And there's like not enough time to be like, to dig up a whole bunch of shit on him. Um, they bring out the big guns. Barack comes back. Did you imagine Jay Z is president.
00:23:44
Speaker
President Jay Z. Let's go. talk Someone better than Gavin Newsom. Yeah. Again, I'm not saying that would be, I think a bad idea, but it was just gone for that douchebag either. Kind of the first name that popped in. him I mean, you'd be like, could it be Pete Buttigieg? But like, no. He let Boeing crash 75 airplanes and kind of keep trains on the railroad tracks. I mean, they would they would grill him on that. They would for sure ask him about ah how good of a job you did as transportation secretary. Pretty bad. Keenan Thompson. What about the Gretsch? Who's that? Gretchen Whitmore. I have no idea. I don't know who that is. Michigan. OK. Isn't she the one who faked the people trying to kill her?
00:24:29
Speaker
I think they really did try to kill her. I don't think she faked it. Let's get Condoleezza Rice in there. What's her latest thing? Whitmer.
00:24:44
Speaker
She is the one they tried to kill, but what did I didn't realize that was a faked thing. Michael Phelps. What's he doing? he's just hey Get him in the office. I guess once you've won like the most gold medals, you can kind of just chill. People got pissed at him for like smoking weed and he was like, yeah, but I won the most gold medals and smoked weed. So like, and everyone was like, yeah, that's true. All right. Yeah. Hell yeah. I would vote for him for president. Yeah. All right. Nevermind. That was just a misunderstanding on my part. I take it back. She didn't fake it. You were thinking about the guy from that TV show.
00:25:22
Speaker
Juicy, Juicy Smut Smollett. Yeah. Jesse Smollett. Yeah. Let's go. It's easy to get her confused with a gay black dude.
00:25:35
Speaker
So on to the, on to the no-butt Karen Reed getting a hung jury. She ain't, she, or mistrial. What one was it? That was a Tuesday, Monday. What day is it? It's Tuesday, that was yesterday. Jesus Christ. How is that possible? Mistrial? So yeah, hung juries considered a mistrial. Yeah, okay.
00:26:01
Speaker
Yeah, dude, so they ended up Friday not having a thing. They send a letter to the judge being like, we can't agree. The judge was like, you're gonna have to come back Monday. Massachusetts has this thing called a Tui Rodriguez charge. When they think the jury is going to be hung where the judge goes into the jury chamber and it's like, come on, you guys yeah literally just like, come on. Like with this, it's been nine weeks. You guys have to vote gray. You guys. chey Chewy, Chewy Rodriguez. Do it for him. Don't sacrifice your personal convictions, but like, come on, please.
00:26:43
Speaker
if we have to do this again, come on. Uh, so that she did that. And then after you do that, if they come back and they still say they don't agree, basically in Massachusetts anyway, the judge basically has no choice. Ask to declare a mistrial. All right, fine. So yeah. So they, she did the Tui Rodriguez. They came back like two hours later and they were like, listen, bitch, uh, We still don't agree. and We never did and respect our decision or lack thereof. And she was like, fine. Was the majority innocent? And no, they don't say. Oh yeah. Okay. So, so far yeah the court doesn't ever announce that the jurors are free to talk to the media if they want to so far only
00:27:41
Speaker
an alternate juror has talked to the media and only through a letter because they're afraid, which I didn't think about. Initially, I was like, Oh, for sure. Yeah, that's like the cops Yeah, like for sure one of those jurors is gonna is just gonna like walk out of the courthouse go immediately towards NBC 10 and be like this like there was just one bitch and she just like Wasn't crazy and she wouldn't agree with anything. She just said I hate that Karen Reed bitch and she and I wanted to burn and like that was the whole tone of the whole thing but then
00:28:19
Speaker
They on the news was like, yeah, they're like hiding their identities and they're like driving them far away from the courthouse on a bus because they want to like, so they can keep their identities secret. And I was like, that's true. There's some fucking nut jobs out there. One, there's some nut jobs out there who are either just going to want to talk to you or ask you questions or might want to, or might want to get revenge on you for like whatever. But then also it's like, because it's a case that involves the state police and the local police and all that shit. I'm like, hmm. Because in my head I was like, if I was a juror, I would have spoken immediately. And then as I thought about it, I was like,
00:29:00
Speaker
This is the easy way to get a ticket every time you drive. yeah Just have the entire state police hate you. Get your license suspended without knowing. Just weird shit constantly happened to you. I was like, yeah, I might. I mean, I think I still would talk, but I'd figure out a way to do it anonymously. So, so far no, none of the real jurors have spoken, but I think that maybe that's what's happening right now is like they're figuring out with media and stuff how to how to talk, how to give interviews without giving away their identities and stuff. Okay. But yeah, so there's that. So I still don't know what the breakdown of the jury was and literally 16 seconds after they declared a mistrial, the DA, um, sent out a statement on Twitter that they were going to retry. Damn. Like,
00:29:59
Speaker
Um, so that fucking sucks because also Karen's like I mean, at least she's on bail. She's not in jail. Yeah, of course. But that's still another, the state can wait up to a year to retry. So that's, so let's say they start next year and then the court, the trial goes on for another few months. You're like, this is still ah another year where your life is kind of in limbo and she's not allowed to drive right now. you know Of course. A bunch of shit like that. were Especially in reverse.
00:30:32
Speaker
You're allowed to drive forward only. um Yeah. Yeah. So crazy shit, dude. Not the outcome I expected.
00:30:47
Speaker
You know, judges really do hate when you go against them. Like a thing about the judge going in and being like, come on, come on. I don't know if I've told this story before, but I had to appear for jury jury duty, jury, jury, jury, jury, it's a little. It's going inside of the bank. Yeah. The judge was like, I got called in to an actual case and then The judge is like, oh, does anybody have any biases? And I raised my hand and I said, is there going to be any police testimony? And he said, yes. And I go, then I'm going to automatically think the guy's not guilty.
00:31:27
Speaker
And the judge called me up to his little fucking bench thing and he's like, why, why, would why would you say that? Why are you being an asshole? um And I was like, because I don't trust the cops and I'm not going to believe anything he says. He goes, it's a yes or no question that he's answering. You really won't believe him. I was like, nope. And he just looks at me and he goes, go sit down. So you're dismissed. Nice. That's awesome. So that's a good idea. If you don't ever want to do jury duty and there's any sort of police officer, you can just be like, I don't trust the police any at all. I'm an extreme, extreme bias against them. Well,
00:32:07
Speaker
I don't trust the policeman. Noah Noah ride with the police. The jury I was on, they made me the foreman and I was wearing a fucking weed shirt. Oh, Jesus Christ. Didn't expect that.
00:32:23
Speaker
I'll never do jury duty. Is that where they got the, uh, two E Rodriguez law from when you were the Foreman? Yeah, that's right.
00:32:34
Speaker
They were like, fuck. No, Foreman two E Rodriguez. You're like, my name's Jared. Uh, ours was a
Karen Reed Case Speculations
00:32:45
Speaker
good one. I mean, in all things considered, there was, ah Most of us, ah all of us agreed except for like two like white moms. And then it was just like six hours of convince the white moms. And I don't think we ever did, but they were eventually just like, I want to, I don't want to come back tomorrow. So if I don't, like I think he did it. But if, but if I need to say not guilty so I can go home, that's fine. And I was like, cool. I don't i don't care what your reasons are. As long as this, this kid doesn't get it and go to a fucking juvie for being, uh, I don't remember the exact things of the case, but
00:33:24
Speaker
It was some kid, he was like 14 and like Mattapan and ah gun went off. And the police came, gun went off. Guilty. so police can't I mean, kind of true. Uh, police came, they found a gun. They couldn't find ballistics, so they couldn't match the gun that they found to a gun that was actually fired, but they found a gun in. It was like six kids in one of the six kids houses. And then they swabbed all the kids and found ballistics residue on them. But ah so we didn't know that there was six kids and that the state had
00:34:12
Speaker
done to all of them, so we only knew that it was the one kid that they were trying at at that point. So we were like, well, he probably did, or he was at least there, but they didn't prove anything. They don't have the bullet ah They only found a gun. They can't prove that it was the gun that was shot or they like a cop came in and said, like, well, we know we have ways of knowing if a gun was recently fired and based on like the particles on the gun, it was recently fired. And then we didn't obviously the jury doesn't get to ask questions and like the defense didn't like ask, like, what does recently fired mean? Does that mean like?
00:34:50
Speaker
within the last six days or the last six hours or the last six minutes, like, what does that mean? So we would just have to go off of like that. And that was the one question we sent the gun was sent the judge was like clarification on what recently meant. And they said they couldn't answer that question. So anyway, found him not guilty, which was great. And then we the judge told us after who was the judge? Somebody told us after somebody in the court, maybe they're not supposed to, but told us after that. the that there was like it was six kids and the state was trying them all individually. So just like going down the line, trying to get one of them for the crime, I was like, that's fucking insane. Because we weren't we were the we were the third of the six kids, so they had already tried twice. And I don't know if those kids got convictions or innocence. But we weren't allowed to know that during trial, which should be like, damn. State be ah ruthless.
00:35:49
Speaker
We need to give it to robots and instead of drones. Yeah, maybe. Six robots decide. Yeah, that's true. That feels like that feels like the premise for like a movie now that everyone's terrified of AI. You have six robots with guns decide. It'd just be like, what is that movie? A Few Good Men or something? 12 Angry Mode. is that a mil ah is a few good men's a military court movie. But anyway, one of those kind of types of movies, a court drama, but it's about how, I don't know, in the dark future where AI judges are the law, some guy can't get justice or some shit. So he has to like destroy the system.
00:36:36
Speaker
It's crazy that some people just make decisions like that on somebody's life. That's just like well. I don't feel like coming back here next week and So especially if it's guilty if it's not guilty it's obviously like yeah, it's guilty and they're like well I guess I'm just gonna agree with everybody else yeah, so the the worst So the worst part about, I think we convinced, so it was two two moms who were like holdouts initially. One of them flipped really early and was just like, we just like did the thing where you go over like the evidence that we thought the court, the state didn't prove. And she was like, fine, you're right. I think they're still, I think you they, I still think you did it, but you're right that they didn't prove it. You're like, great. um the The one who was the holdout the longer
00:37:26
Speaker
He like went through all the evidence and stuff and she was like, she was like, I don't really care what the evidence says. I'm a mother of like three boys and I i was looking at him and I can just tell that he's guilty. He has a guilty face. And like, I don't know, maybe it's implied by saying Mattapan, but like, was it a black kid? Yes, it was. Was this a white lady being like, I can i can tell looking at that kid that he's guilty. ah So I was like, that's pretty fucked up. I took one look at him and I could tell he was black.
00:38:01
Speaker
Uh, yeah. So just the, just that where she was like, I don't care. I don't care what the evidence says. I'm a mom and moms know these things. And I was like, bitch, I'll kill you. Bitch, you don't know shit. And then, so to start from that starting place and then six hours later, be like, like I'm too busy to come back here tomorrow. So if I have to stay not guilty to get out of here, then fine. Oh my God. It pans to the kid in the courtroom. He's wearing slides.
00:38:37
Speaker
By the way, Karen Reed, I don't mean to sound fucked up, but I don't know. No wonder she was cheating on that guy. It looks like a sloth in her one pictures together. It looks like fucking fat fucking herb. Just like, why the fuck would she even date that dude in the first place? Probably because he had a gun to her and arrested her.
00:39:04
Speaker
Yeah, I also think she's like Nothing she's definitely just like tapped. Oh really she's fucked She's gotta be probably I mean going through all this. I mean not even that before i like She I don't know the the text messages and like phone, uh, what'd you call it? Like voicemails, they released the prosecution release between her and John just for she has that vibe of like just a fucking crazy girlfriend. No way. What would she say? If you leave, I'll kill myself. Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:39:44
Speaker
She was like, thought he was cheating on her and would just like go into like crazy fucking rages. And it sounds like he had been trying to break up with her for like months, like three months. And she just kept being like, you know, crazy about it. I'll run myself over with my car. in there Maybe this is not a popular opinion, but I think if you're trying, if you're trying to break up with someone, and they try to pull some sort of weird thing on you like that. You just let them do it. Oh, I mean, I, in principle, I agree. Just like, go ahead and try. Have I, have I been caught in that situation? Right. Where it's like, it's harder when they're like, they're like, everything's in my life is fucked up. Like, I just don't know. Like it, do you know what I mean? It's like, you just, you're like, oh, it's just like easier to keep doing this and make a whole thing out of it.
00:40:41
Speaker
All bark and no bite, bitch. Do it. I'm I'm out of here. I'm going to Chipotle. I'm going to go get a pack of smokes. You want anything? Oh my God. I'm going to get a burrito bowl. to At the very least you kind of start like that first conversation happens and you're like, all right, all right, all right. Let's figure it out. And that's when you start like taking some of your stuff home and like, you know, Where's the vacuum? What? i say You're like fuck I took two necessary of items I started with the wrong amount of necessary Hey babe my mom's gonna watch the dog for us for like a week no particular reason why just like
00:41:29
Speaker
It's important to me that the dog isn't in the house this week. Where's the shower curtain? What?
00:41:40
Speaker
I'm getting it serviced. What do you mean? I don't know. I need to see these text messages. What is she like, John, you're, you're fat. Fuck. I hate you. That's crazy, dude. I think they were both cheating on each other, but I think it was, I think it was this scenario where, So one, you're 1000% right about like the attractiveness discrepancy between them. But I think it was a situation where he either was cheating on her or thought he was cheating on her. There was like a thing they brought up in court where they were on vacation in Turks and Caicos or something, or the Bahamas, and she thought she saw him kissing some girl in the hotel lobby, and then was like a psycho of the whole trip.
00:42:28
Speaker
um So I think she thought he was cheating on her and then because, and then she was doing the like, well, if you're going to fuck around, like I'm going to fuck this officer Higgins guy, I'm going to fuck your coworker. How about that? It's kind of a crazy move by him being the uglier one and cheating. Yeah. That's a guy who was ready to die. I think he killed himself. Oh my gosh. I have not heard this theory. That's my new theory. He killed himself. He was too, he flew too close to the sun. And then he just jumped behind a car and killed himself. He went in and grabbed one of the drunk cops guns. And then like all good cops, they all fired on him at once. I mean, true.
00:43:25
Speaker
you just laid He just laid on the ground and banged his head until he passed out. as out like I fucking hate this bitch. She's way too hot for me. I just don't understand how, if you're like the way uglier guy, you're cheating. That doesn't make any sense.
00:43:47
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. This bitch playing, dude. Maybe he's got Riz. He's a fucking Rizzler. He's a Rizzler. He's got Skippy. Cop Riz. What is that? I don't fucking know. Hey, if you have sex with me, you won't ever get another parking ticket. yeah Jesus Christ. Just pull, just pulling people over, seeing,
00:44:23
Speaker
the talents like I write you this ticket. Yeah, never again. So this $400 speeding ticket or we go to Napper Tandy's later. I fucking hate Napper Tandy's.
00:44:43
Speaker
That place actually sucks. Both of them suck. The one in Norwood sucks and the one in Walpole sucks. Yep, the one in Walpole probably sucks more because the fucking parking is insane. Well, and it's in Walpole. Yeah, true. Does anybody actually like Walpole?
00:45:05
Speaker
Tough call. Yeah, maybe this bitch just in the fat guys.
00:45:13
Speaker
I resent that, dude. The Brian Higgins guy looks like a Baldwin brother. So I don't think it's it's a going up up the ladder too much. No, that's why I think it was like a um ah just a revenge kind of thing. I love David Baldwin or whatever, or Stephen Baldwin, any of the random other ones besides Alec Baldwin.
00:45:47
Speaker
Or here at the Costco meat department. Yeah, excuse.
00:45:58
Speaker
yeah Starting off my outfit, I'm wearing my gray hat with white stripes, my gray P. Clappell jacket. god i want to put a bullet in that kid's fucking head and his brother or whatever too excuse the wench excuse the wench oh my god imagine being that woman and just being like what the fuck is going on with these guys you're terrifying you're like fucking these these types are the ones that shoot this place up anytime oh a thousand percent they're in they're in the costco
00:46:30
Speaker
i can finally I can finally breathe in this Costco. He says that about so many random places I never get what he means. In like the Costco milk cooler, in like a zoot suit. He's from Anchorage or some sort of Alaskan town. So when he's down in the lower 48 he goes, I don't know how you guys breathe down here in the south. Is saying because it's like hot and shit? It's so much more human down here. Oh my god. Yeah, dude. You live where no one lives, you fucking loser. I'm riding my bike today. So let the listeners know what we're talking about. this
00:47:20
Speaker
Count Franchula. Spell it out. Yeah, I'm going to. 1611 on Instagram. ah He's my new favorite. Spelled C-O-W-N-T-F-R-A-N-C-H-E-W-L-A. 1611. Count Franchula. Uh, yeah. I'm here in the Costco. I just like that every single outfit's exactly the same. He makes an outfit. He makes an outfit. Fucking video every day. And it's the same fucking outfit, dude. Starting off my outfit, I've got my gray hat with the white stripes. I hated so much. I've got my gray peach lapel jacket.
00:48:11
Speaker
I've got my purple cufflinks on. We are at the hotel pool today. He's out like a fucking best Western pool bro. I got my dress to the nines. Yeah, I've got my red tie with with touches of blue I've got my red boutonniere and my red pocket sweater dude. He loves that red boutonniere I have my blue pants black socks and my brown loafers on because it's not just him It's like he has a fucking semi retarded twin brother, right? Yeah Yeah, like both of them. So I want to beat them in the head with a bat or like a similarly aged
00:48:56
Speaker
similarly autistic brother that just like unfortunately had him as an older brother and was like, I guess this is how you act. Yeah. Yes. I guess you dress in an all gray suit and and go to Costco and call people wenches. See the way I dress and they assume that I'd be eaten at these high end establishment. Oh, yes. I just had an amazing taco lunch at this restaurant in this small town in the middle of bubble clap nowhere. And I'll tell you what, I bet it was better than some. See, I think it's an act dude. I don't think this is a real person. my god I think he's like a method actor or something. Yeah, like it's like fucking human clarinets or some
Humor in Daily Life and Work Challenges
00:49:45
Speaker
shit. I fucking hate these guys so much. Yeah, I'll take this outfit. Bubblegum, bubblegum, no, bro. You live in Alaska. Today's outfit we have my hat, which is in a dark color with white stripes. I have my gray button-up shirt it on, and I have my dark single-breasted waistcoat and pink lapel jacket.
00:50:04
Speaker
krista We're going to get up we're goingnna get a copyright strike from Calfranchila. I'm going to start my fucking car up and it's going to explode like a a fucking mafia hit next week. I heard that you guys were making fun of my gray hat with white stripes.
00:50:31
Speaker
um Heard that you were engaging in jocular banter about my outfit God damn it, dude. Let's see a wire going from my car acre down to the road and he's on a bike Christmas shaped box bro is you go to fucking blow that bitch up dear ah ha ha who's laughing now i mean his brother on a double dot bi it pushes off push off the gravity
00:51:23
Speaker
He'll stop and make a fit a fit video. Topping off my outfit, I've got my gray hat with red accents for when I kill people. Piddle faster, brother. We have to get away. He just blew this motherfucker to the ground in the middle of bubble gum nowhere. I also have noticed that um somehow live life jams, life sucks even more now that he's got a job.
00:51:55
Speaker
He's like, yo, I'm really starting to get this, I'm really starting to get this stuff, you know what I'm saying? Really starting to understand, like I'm really helping people know what I'm saying? But you know, the lottery, you know what I'm saying? It's just so hard, you know, you got to go to the Powerball and like put the numbers in, you know what I'm saying? Then you get a ticket. Oh my god dude. He gets played two times a day by a guy that's coming up and asking for bus money. I am scared to walk home today because ah i so I caught this guy stealing stuff man and i I take it up with my manager like oh my god. Yeah dude why are you snitching? You're gonna be out of this job and
00:52:39
Speaker
two weeks and he's definitely one of those not mentally stable enough persons where he's still going to walk back to that 7-11 after he quit.
00:52:51
Speaker
You know, it just didn't work out, man, but I appreciate this so much. You know what I mean? The manager's like, I fucking, this guy, I fucking... Oh my God, fucking shit, man. I should have never trusted this guy.
00:53:05
Speaker
He's still, he's like, ah he's like i'm I know I don't work here, but but I just wanna come in and reorganize the candy if that's okay. I love that he got schooled by the sky gods. He got schooled by the solar Ponzi scheme and then schooled by the roofing Ponzi scheme where he you pay for roofing classes and then they're like, yeah, dude, we got you. We put a gold star next to your name. He was so excited about that gold star. And they're- Whole video about that gold star. He was like, we were vibing. He put a gold star next to my name. Even though that the every roofing company is eight Mexicans and USPA business shirts on a roof. They're like, yeah, so you need tools. You didn't hear about that. Tools are $9,000 to get a roofing job.
00:53:58
Speaker
oh My god It's like literally the the tools you need is like a flat shovel and then a fucking nail gun Basically, it's like bro. You don't have to buy your own tools to be a roofer. You just to get hired into a company Fucking guy works at 7-11 right where he belongs What's the over-under you guys give him two more weeks at this job not even Man, I'm just gonna catch him live streaming the Powerball and have to fire him. That's gonna be his excuses. So I was scared to like even walk home after I caught these guys stealing, man. I had to leave for my safety, bro. Yep. Touching his face because he's so fucking iced out. Can't even feel himself. I love these pants.
00:54:46
Speaker
ah Oh my God.
00:54:54
Speaker
live life jam. hey nothing for this do i just enjoy skipping around and being happy and engaging with all you guys do um blowing up did i'm freakin star um a star brother star brother he getting't paid yet i don't make nothing from this what love you guys i just love everybody how he also All right. I mean, he obviously was a drag act and everything, but he also must be like a touch special because he's got this special guy haircut. Oh, no, I know. A thousand percent. He's got like the weird ball cut that tapers towards the back and is like way high above your ears for some reason. He also just has his skull looks like an alien.
00:55:36
Speaker
ah He looks like if he if he's strapped a fucking a Straight razor to his wall and then just turned around in front It just 360 spins around it um Man I met the big, wide fish department getting my fish fried today on Friday for fishes.
00:56:10
Speaker
White button-down striped shirt, black and white hat. yeah
00:56:19
Speaker
I'm at the grocery store today in my T-shirt.
00:56:25
Speaker
Thank God they don't have schools in Alaska or those guys would be feasting. yeah They would have an insane kill death ratio. no Oh my God, right? They don't have schools or prison there so they would just be let loose basically. Just fucking piling snow in front of the school doors as quick as they can so they can't let him in. Oh my god. Having polar bears circle the schools as security versus these two maniacs.
00:57:02
Speaker
Pulling up in the deuce man bike. it done Double strapped up, pulling up to the school. Federal law requires that you let me in. Every time we do an impression, he sounds just a little bit more like Heath Ledger's Joker. That's what happens to these types of kids. They see the Joker and they're like, oh, God, yep, that's me. that I'm going to dress like him and ever I'm going to dress like the Joker from Old Navy. That's me now.
00:57:38
Speaker
You get it, Dora, it's over. How many fucking fit videos can you make where you're just wearing the exact same outfit from the day before? It's the same fucking outfit, dude. Whenever they come up on my algorithm, I literally get furious and just scroll by them as quick. Besides when I put them in the intro last week, I was like, whatever. I'm here with the big Y today. the them Then pushing pushing off on the two man bike is like the funniest shit.
00:58:16
Speaker
I'm back here doing all the pedaling and all the work.
00:58:29
Speaker
Oh my god. You got a comment on one of them to get them on. what's I would literally, we would, they would be perfect to get on a Patreon episode. Just one of them. They'd be talking into a pair of Skullcandy headphones as their fucking microphone would be so choppy but worth it.
00:58:55
Speaker
Come on our um on our podcast and tell us about your fit. How the fuck do they they fly do they just fly in? like They say they're in the middle of nowhere. It's like, that's your choice, guys. You guys are flying right now from Alaska to come chill out in the lower 48 or whatever.
00:59:18
Speaker
What is their deal? Do they have a dad? Obviously not. They're obviously raised by the grandma. They're on the ground, dude. Yeah. They're like they being raised by wolves. yeah Yeah. They're being raised by other school shooters.
00:59:40
Speaker
I'm here at the Costco and just realizing how easy it would be to blow this motherfucker to the ground.
00:59:52
Speaker
It's like I can finally breathe.
Controversial Statements and Beliefs
00:59:57
Speaker
The Casco grocery cart is the most efficient for fitting an adult sized body in it and pushing it out. Oh, dude, King James Bible believer. Who is he following? Look at it. Look at that guy's follow following and and really see if he's an actor or not. Well, he follows Gek. Therapy Gecko. Oh, okay.
01:00:30
Speaker
and m MMA fighter Sean Strickland. Oh, dude. It's going towards, this is real so far. He's getting school shooter vibes by the second. A decent number of just like, no, maybe not a bunch. A non-zero number of like just TikTok, or not TikTok, like OnlyFansBabes. A lot of m MMA. He follows reclaimed masculinity. Does he follow Jeremy Fragrance? He does as well. That's fucking very important. I don't follow him so I can't tell. That collab would be insane.
01:01:13
Speaker
Give me a phone. I take the picture now. He falls a lot of fitness dudes, like a suspicious number of fitness dudes. Yeah. He's definitely retarded. Funny podcast moments.
01:01:33
Speaker
Mmm. Some males, male fashion Christian.
01:01:46
Speaker
Wow, man, you smell really bad. are
01:01:53
Speaker
Why do you smell like sour milk? Wow, man natural mus oh man. That guy's officially lost it with the corn smelling video. Oh, fuck. you mr be
01:02:12
Speaker
don't like What are you watching now? I really do not appreciate y'all digging up my past. Bringing up what I used to think and the things I used to do. I really don't like y'all bringing that up as an argument against me. And I must be clear, going forward I will no longer be respectful to those who bring up my past.
01:02:43
Speaker
Paul, click into the comments and give us a synopsis of what his past is. I don't like thinking about my past. And send that to me so I can put it in the intro next week.
01:02:59
Speaker
ah Someone goes, what did he used to do? And he goes, pee in Democrat. so
01:03:08
Speaker
because I did have some liberal views a few years ago. What changed your mind? The Bible? Oh my god, hell yeah. Oh man. ah Here we go, what did he do? He said the n-word, it's still in his post like two years ago and he goes, yeah I did say it.
01:03:32
Speaker
Oh my god, I gotta find that. Holy shit. That's probably such a hard, long, drawn out n-word, too. Oh, it's the most... She sounds it out. It's the most racist n-word you've ever heard. You gotta come on to the Patreon to hear it. Yeah, we're gonna play that on the Patreon. That rules so hard. He drags that shit out.
01:03:59
Speaker
Oh my god, of course he said that. you mega eight ands in your bank account but when that jasma Oh my god, there it is probably. There it probably is.
01:04:14
Speaker
all right and that's that's the uh regular and we're going to hop on over to the patreon and we're gonna play and bring it up we're gonna we're goingnna play the n-word videos and talk about that of this guy dropping edwards and shooting up schools on the patreon so give us a review subscribe download the podcast every time you listen to it Post on everything and and stop listening to Shane Gillis' podcast and listen to ours only. Bye bye. Bye guys.
01:05:25
Speaker
Zips, that's a whole chick One bad bitch, gotta have bursts Yeah, that makes sense Yeah, I make hits, but I still take so much Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace! Brace!
01:05:47
Speaker
Brace!
01:05:57
Speaker
The fish scale whites ain't gonna mama. Zone 6 polar bears never see something. It's winter all year cause the birds fly young. 95 air masts cause I'm a dope one. I'm ballin' like an alpha leaver, got no jumper, it's great.
01:06:41
Speaker
In the trap, I got something to serve It's 16 bars, same price for a bird What you need a bird? A couple pounds, I'm on TV now You know my side of town So many bricks, I can build my own apartment You better have a check when you come in my department
01:07:08
Speaker
And a trap car, $100,000 off a cab, that's a trap star All this smoke got me feelin' real nauseous Ridin' with them bricks, got me feelin' real cautious
01:07:37
Speaker
Boy a bad bitch, gotta have merch Yeah that makes sense, yeah I make hits, but I still take breaks Tony Montana, all I have in this world Is my 100 round chopper and my white girl Or a beige breeze, shit hard to cook Call the plug bag, tell me that too Know what that mean, this shit free
01:08:49
Speaker
I got this slim shaded, One we call it eight miles I'm from North Memphis, walkin' some brown bad bitch, gotta have merch, yeah that makes sense