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Johnathan Aubrey
73 Plays1 month ago
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Transcript
National Prayer Day and Self-Improvement
00:00:13
Speaker
national prayer day stay prayedda bless
00:00:19
Speaker
It's Friday, but remember it's not fucking time to party like a person It's fucking time to work on yourself to be better than everyone else and not to be a weak and fat motherfucker like all these little bitches
00:00:34
Speaker
We have to stay woke. Like, everybody needs to be woke. And you can talk about if you're the wokest or woker, but just stay more woke than less woke. yeah
00:00:51
Speaker
Spectacular. Give me 14 of them right now. Really? Do you know what's in here? I don't care. Don't tell me. No, I'm going to tell you. Two ingredients. Sweet potato and eggs.
Random Chats and Culinary Humor
00:01:01
Speaker
Fabulous.
00:01:06
Speaker
What's the recommended amount of dedicated wham I should have to a server? Y'all have no idea how much that mustard helps my painful legs. Five seconds, ma'am. Five seconds is all I take.
00:01:29
Speaker
Dudes are us fuck lemon party. Black enough for you guys? Name one person who's black. Your black cellmate. Hey, we got a 21 Chevy Silverado. Send me more information on Italy for spring 2024 to go to Venice and stay.
00:01:55
Speaker
Saturday night trying to stand in Cornwall. Chicken bowl.
00:02:10
Speaker
My coffee black and in my bed at three You're too sweet for me You're too sweet for me
00:02:29
Speaker
Hey, everybody. Welcome
Podcast Promotion and Listener Shoutouts
00:02:31
Speaker
to Dudes R Us. We can't be stopped and we'll do anything for you. Please subscribe and join the Patreon so Jared does not die. What up? Check. Check. We're live. Oh, shit. Check. Ones and twos. Dudes. Ones, twos. Shout out Fanny Dantum. Fanny Dantum. Shout out the dog. Shout out the big, big bloke. Shout out the big bloke.
00:02:59
Speaker
Join the discord. But shout out Fanny Dantum. Shout out Patrick C. Shout out Hank Chill. Shout out everyone. Patrick C, the boy. Pack and ship. The boy's back. Pack and ship. Back, pack. I won't say the other parts of it, of of his nicknames, but the boy is in it. Shout out Emeril Lagasse.
00:03:30
Speaker
Bam. Hey, I'm a big show, a show listener, you know? Yeah. Yeah. He's a sponsor. Yo, fuck you, Ben Avery. Fuck Ben Avery. Fuck Dave and Costa. Dude, we know you steal our fucking topics and steal all of our topics subconsciously listening to the podcast. Whatever. It's okay. I mean, like, at least whatever.
00:03:59
Speaker
We'd give you credit. if we If I stole your jokes, I'd give you credit. I'd be like, hey, this is a joke from lemon party. But like, it's funny for you guys, too. Yeah, fucking whatever.
00:04:11
Speaker
Ben's fat. Jace is big and fat. And Devin's a drunk and Jace is now a drunk again anyway. So fucking guys, we're back. We're firing off. Damn. If they were in County Lockup, I'd probably throw piss and shit on them in a cup. Yes.
00:04:29
Speaker
Yes, just a bucket of piss right in the face. I'll definitely mix it up and pour some hot water in before so it sticks a little better and toss it right on them when they're walking down the tier. Yep. That's just what I'm about. That's what I'm about. Piss throwing.
Dieting Challenges and Food Cravings
00:04:47
Speaker
Shit and piss. Let me check my notes here.
00:04:52
Speaker
While you're checking your notes, ah if you're a fan of All Dressed Lays Potato Chips, they're back. What the hell is that? It's a flavor called All Dressed. i don't know what it I don't know what the flavor is. I think it's a mixture of stuff. It's like barbecue and salt and vinegar.
00:05:13
Speaker
And some other shit, but, uh, ruffles used to sell them and then they like disappeared legit for like five years. And, uh, they are back. I saw them at the store and I got some and they're dope. Let's go. Shout out ruffles. Let's go. All dressed sponsors. It's just like all the dressings.
00:05:36
Speaker
It says on the package, it's Canada's favorite flavor, which figured that out. But then the picture. Um, the picture is like a bunch of shit. The picture has like a tiptoe or barbecue. Yeah. Barbecue it looks like some spice, like a jar, like paprika, and then ah probably vinegar. Vinegar bottle. Damn, those look good, dude. Bunch of stuff. They're great. I got it at Wegmans, but I heard they are also at like, uh, Walmart maybe. I don't fucking know. Get them. Amazon prime too gotta to get them. Get them. They have all different jalapeno ranch.
00:06:15
Speaker
Uh, cheddar, sauerkra. I know those are normal Lyman, jalapeno cheese. I would eat jalapeno ranch originals. Oh, original. Okay. That makes sense, ah man.
00:06:30
Speaker
That was one of my subjects. I've been doing the ah seriously buckled down on the eating healthy past two weeks and it sucks so badly. It really sucks, dude. I eat like a peasant. It's so talk to me about your food because today sucks. Bean. So yesterday, so a lot of my meals are a fucking potato about sweet potato or something else going on. Not like that.
00:07:00
Speaker
ah So I had, so two days ago I had a sweet potato with, uh, quinoa rice and tuna. Oh God. Like just like daily in the air fryer kind of thing. So like, there's not any like butter or anything on it.
00:07:16
Speaker
And then today I had, uh, uh, like a couple of beans with chopped up asparagus and onions. yeah I'm fucking eating like a medieval peasant. Yeah. I'm so hungry all the time too. Yeah. I'm sorry. I, uh, I'm not, that not, the not the peasant, but I i just do, uh, I wake up, I eat, you know, I eat four eggs and some bacon. And then I, uh, you say healthy.
00:07:46
Speaker
yeah that's good for eggs that's that's the world's mineral world's minerals dude i i mean i'm not i don't know what i'm but attempting to achieve necessarily you know if you want it's keto basically right there i gotcha not doing keto but i'm saying uh eggs and that follows all I guess I'm like in the in the realm like I'm like I had the blood worked on and it was like you got my all my cholesterol and fat. I can't really eat egg yolks anymore and I'm not gonna eat egg white so like I'll still eat an egg every now and then but like I would eat an egg I would eat like two or three eggs every morning and I'm down to like.
00:08:23
Speaker
um, one egg meal a week kind of thing. But anyway, every day brother, that's, that's no bread, nothing bad. That's just protein. And if you can get bread out, that's huge. Yeah. and And that's, that's protein. And God, it's so painful because now back in New England, there's I got Portuguese sweet bread in the house that i I make for my wife and stuff every morning and I can't eat any of it and it sucks so fucking badly. yeah and I limit myself to one grilled blueberry muffin a week.
00:08:56
Speaker
ah wow and oh yeah I do that for breakfast and then I just do breakfast and lunch and it sucks so my lunch is my dinner so I try to eat it like two and I just do steak or chicken with like some pickles on the side and like I either put it in like a spinach wrap and fucking like some feta and fucking other stuff and that's really it dude it sucks it's like some hummus and
00:09:27
Speaker
Every day. And then if I like want a quick snack in between, I would eat some like almonds and blackberries. I still eat like 28 blackberries a day. Yep. Sometimes I eat probably like 30 blackberries. Blackberries are tight. And then that's it, dude. And then I just like maybe I like tonight I just had a Greek yogurt.
00:09:49
Speaker
That's seven and then that's it. and yeah It's like torture. And then I just fucking wake up. It's one of those like 15 gram Greek yogurt protein with like yeah no calories. And then that I just wake up and do it all over again. And then, you know, right before the podcast, I was just putting the kid down thinking about pizza the whole time and everything else. Yeah, dude.
00:10:12
Speaker
Like, God damn it, dude, I only can do this once a week. I only can eat pizza like once a week. Yeah. I told myself, uh, only cause I mean, cause it's hard on weekends. So like I'll cheat on yeah Saturday, Sunday, all by myself. But then, ah but then I'm like, so Sunday, because I eat like a fucking steam potato and fucking can of tuna as like, and then same thing with you. I don't, I don't eat.
00:10:38
Speaker
either lunch or breakfast, depending on like where I'm at, but I'll eat. I eat two meals a day. Dinner always, but then probably like realistically like an 11 o'clock meal that's like it's between breakfast and lunch and I'll have dinner. But ah again, because I'm eating fucking.
00:10:58
Speaker
just a pile of vegetables. Then on the weekend when I'm like, Oh, I get to eat whatever I want now. Then I'm like, I ate so Sunday for dinner was an entire, a small cheese pizza to my face and a cheeseburger sub to my face. And I was like, this, this feels like I'm defeating the purpose, but it was dope.
00:11:17
Speaker
that's But yeah, today I was just sitting in bed thinking, or not sitting in bed, but I was on my laptop, but like watching a YouTube video and the whole time I was just like, I want chicken nuggets so bad. I just want to eat like 200 chicken nuggets right now. Yeah, I know. I know. i'm Hungry. I was like, I had the fucking bowl of beans and asparagus and onions. And I'm like an hour later, I was like, why am I so hungry? That was a lot of food. Yes, I know. And I was like, I want 900 chicken nuggets.
00:11:47
Speaker
It's tough. I get my kid chicken nuggets at McDonald's and just nothing, dude. Nothing for me. I haven't had McDonald's in like weeks and it sucks. It sucks so badly. Yeah. I don't get how I get supposed to like, this isn't, this is not normal. You know, this shit's gay. It's harder than a year long view of quitting smoking.
00:12:16
Speaker
definitely harder than that being like disciplined about this. Cause I'm ah like, I'm saying this and I have, and I would definitely say I've been eating better the last whenever we started talking about it, when I got that blood worked on. Yeah. But there's also still days where I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to eat 800 Reese's and I've done that. There's been times where I just bought a ah Halloween bag of Reese's and ate like 10 of them. I'm like, yeah. Um, so fucking hungry all the time.
00:12:42
Speaker
like on and off sometimes i'm like i'm ah i'm all right but like yeah dude i got i i want to have uh one of those it's like that it's a personal uh of the giorno croissant crust pizzas they're so good crush crush those like after the podcast just you know watch up Lockup extended stay and he just crushed one of those and now I can't do it now. I haven't ate one in a while Yeah, dude, like an a nighttime personal pizza Snack so good order door dash some some like Taco Bell after a pot can't do that anymore. It sucks, dude I can't even can't even eat anything yeah fucking Just drink fucking seltzer water and scat fried scallops and steamed broccoli for dinner That's so stinky
00:13:29
Speaker
It was definitely a stinky meal, but again, it was just like. I mean, like no butter or anything, a little bit of fried and a little bit of oil for the scallops, but the the broccoli literally was just steamed. That's how it is, dude. It's like i I just eat fucking steak or chicken and it's like just cut it up and like eat it nuts. I don't know. Thank God. I don't think sticks bad, but that's also one I've been marinated. Thank God. Yeah, that's good.
00:13:59
Speaker
I've been like on fish, chicken or seafood, I should say mostly chicken. I haven't had like a proper steak in months. Yeah. Just do those steakhouse marinated steak tips on the grill every single day, dude. Yeah. They're real good. They're fucking just crunch those and then I just eat those fucking leftovers and then.
00:14:24
Speaker
It's crazy. It's like the gayest thing to talk about sometimes. I'm like, man, now that I like look at like the back of stuff, I'm like, how is there like, there's like 300 calories in like fucking anything, dude. I mean, there's that nonsense. i'd like say The can of beans that I have, can of butter beans, which I'm like, beans are healthy. No salt added.
00:14:45
Speaker
Beans and it was like contains two servings serving size. Like, I think it said 300 calories. I was like, all right, this is a 600 calorie can of beans. Yeah. Um, so even then I was like, I didn't eat all of it because I was like, all right, I've got a, yeah. What the fuck can I eat? That's what can I eat all the time? That's zero calories. Like, I don't know. Um, or just not crazy. Just blackberries. Uh, so many of them. And I fucking just like, I just, my stomach just becomes a rock for like two days. Um, yeah, dude, it's tough. It's tough out there.
00:15:24
Speaker
Yeah, dude, it's like I literally eat could eat three things of three whole containers of blackberries every day. I just run out. Then I just have to go get more. It's impossible. So I just try to limit myself. ah Almonds are, I can't eat more than like eight almonds. Cause those are fucking somehow like 200 calories. If you eat like 12 of them.
00:15:47
Speaker
That's the other thing, dude. You just don't realize what the fuck so easy. to Like, like, again, as I talk about being healthy, I bought a bag of those all dress chips ah yeah and on Sunday because I was like, I i mean, I don't really eat chips.
00:16:04
Speaker
But I went, I, but I look at the fucking chip section every time I go to the grocery store to see if those chips are there. I've been doing that literally for like five years, never seeing them. And I did this time and I was like, holy fuck. Oh yeah. And I bought, and I got two bags and then I, you know, get home, put groceries away.
00:16:24
Speaker
play some video games, open the bag of chips, and then you're just eating chips, not thinking about it. And I ate that entire bag over the course of playing, you know, Call of Duty for two hours. Or I was like, Oh, fuck.
00:16:38
Speaker
9,000. Yeah, that entire batch. It's like 1200. I was like, all right. That was, that was my, that's your whole meal. Yeah. Half my day of calories. Great. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. I don't get it, dude. And it's so easy to do that. Well, I wasn't that no point was I like, I'm full. Why do I continue eating? It was like unconscious eating.
00:17:02
Speaker
Yep. She could be a fat fuck like like Ben Avery like Ben Avery yep yep I don't know man is there's any way other fucking I don't know dude it's fine it's fine dude there's nothing better than just munching on whatever you want mm-hmm It's like I'm already planning like, Oh, when I get pizza this week, I'm going to get this. That's like, I think about it too. Yeah. It's fun to think about how fucking.
00:17:40
Speaker
I do, we do get on the weekends. I was like, I said, John Sunday is cheating. Get some, uh, do doing Sunday, Chinese lunch has been really good. That's it. I just can't eat. That's like, that's my, that's my dinner also fucking sucks, but it is really good. It slaps every time.
00:18:02
Speaker
God damn it, dude. I just want to make zero calorie, zero calorie doubles or something, you know? That'd be huge. Let me get some zero calorie doubles in this. They ripped through me.
00:18:17
Speaker
yeah I'd still eat them. Oh yeah. if ah If you gave me a half hour after eating and then I had to just, yeah. Worth it. If I was, yeah, it would, if there was zero calories and I get food poisoning for like a day after, that's fine. Yeah, totally fine. That's, that's cool. I'll take honestly we preferred. Yeah, I'll take,
PUBG Gameplay Experiences
00:18:39
Speaker
I'll take it. That's totally cool with me.
00:18:43
Speaker
Oh yeah, that's the journey. And then just fucking, you know, playing golf and, and back on, uh, pub G pub G is very fun. You guys try that. It's extremely, it's challenging in a good way. Yeah. No, I've, my buddy used to work for them for their like media department. I never played it though. You got to play, but I'm i'm aware of the game and the concept. and Yeah.
00:19:11
Speaker
My friends used to play a lot before I was into video games, so I just didn't play, but... Just so much at Dragonwood. Give it a try. Especially with Call of Duty ending. Sorry, Modern Warfare 3 ending. It'll be easier to break the addiction. What does that even mean, ending? It's like it's in Season 6, and then Black Ops 6 comes out in a month or two, and so that'll be it. So then I'm...
00:19:39
Speaker
Then you start from scratch. So like I've fucking spent a year grinding, you know, camos and stuff. And you're like, God, I don't get to carry them over. So yeah, they want you to do, you get it you know, so it's like, it'll be easier. Cause it's like, all right, I can go back to playing this game to no one's playing anymore and like get camos just for the sake of it or start this new thing. That's going to last a year and be in another addiction or maybe it's probably Maybe it's PUBG. PUBG is so good because you don't, you don't do any of that. You just try to get wins. Just wins. And it's owned by Koreans. they don't have a fuck or Third person shooter. Or you could play first person, but I've never played, I just played third person that gives a little more difficulty.
00:20:24
Speaker
um like literally most of it. I mean, you have a, there's, I'd say like maybe two out of five times. It depends how you play, but I usually drop like super far out where it's just kind of me and I can take my time and stack up weapons and first aid kits and ammo. Then I kind of come in as a circle shrinks and You know, I'd say two out of five times it's close combat, but most of the time I'm trying to psych some combat that's like, you know, two miles away from each other in the hills of fucking Afghanistan. Basically, it's pretty sick. Yep. Pretty realistic.
00:21:06
Speaker
And so if you die, you don't have to wait for the game to end. No, you just exit to the lobby and fucking start up again. Yeah, that's still my first day. I got to I was like the second like I could have won the game, but choked at the last second. And I was like, you know, I wasn't ready. I was way to my adrenaline was my palms are sweaty as
23andMe Privacy Concerns
00:21:29
Speaker
fuck. I just just had no idea what I was doing still. I freaking.
00:21:33
Speaker
Forgot how to play the game a little bit now happens, you know every time I'm near like a good kill streak And then you're like, oh I just need one more kill and then you just ah play like an idiot Yeah, that's the thing pub G. You're on a kill streak the whole time. Yeah, you have no other option You know but yeah yeah yeah Yeah, if you guys play jump into the discord and let us know oh Yeah for sure Yep. Let me know. Hit us up. Drop drop your iPlay Xbox, but it's cross cross console or whatever you would call it. So let's let's link up. Fanny Danthem shout out. ah Shout out Patrick Z. Shout out Hank Jill.
00:22:25
Speaker
Shout out. Yeah. Shout out. Shadow wifi. Let's go. We've talked about 23 and me in the past, right? I'm not sure. I was thinking about it today though. Do you hear, I mean, I like going through like lawsuits and shit. Oh God. Why? That's why I've never done it.
00:22:46
Speaker
Uh, well, for sure. I mean, there's like a million reasons to never do it. I think we talked about it in relation to how they used 23 and me data to catch the golden state killer or whatever. and Okay. Yes. We've talked about that. Um, which I think in general raises to like, do you want a corporation to have your DNA? Oh, their lawsuit right now is because there was a data breach and like,
00:23:13
Speaker
bad enough when there's like a data breach and they get your credit card number, like your social, but at least there's like identity protection for that. Um, and like, you know, that shit can suck, but at the same time it's like the worst that can happen is like your accounts get fucked up and you have to go through a lot to fix them, but it's not like you die. Yeah. Uh, your fucking genes get like your, your DNA gets stolen in a data breach, which I get again, it's, but ah yeah what I don't know, what can you do with that shit?
00:23:42
Speaker
Um, just very weird. So getting lawsuits for that. And at the same time they're a publicly traded company. I think they went, they had an IPO in like 2019, but they're trying to go back to being a private company, which is like an interesting move.
00:23:59
Speaker
Um, I think they were, I think at their height, they were 19 a share and they're 33 cents a share now. shit It's crazy that you can't make money. Like I get that it's weird sort of, but, but in an, an a and but in a time where like everyone
00:24:20
Speaker
like wants to know more, like, like, Oh, you can like learn this stuff. The fact that they couldn't convince people to do it as like, ah Hey, if you're going to get married, if you're going to have a kid, like you, like, you should just do this. It's irresponsible not to. but They can't make money doing that is is crazy enough. But yeah, they're bored and fucking quit. where Like a bunch of their board numbers quit in protest because they're trying to go private.
00:24:46
Speaker
and there's this fucking lawsuit. And if they go back to being private, then like a private company, like at least a publicly traded company owning or having access to like all of your DNA information. You're like, well, whatever sketchy things they do kind of have to be public and like shareholders know it's like private company, just like they can just change the rules and be like, Hey, we own this now. We got all this information. Now we're going to sell it to Google or sell it to your insurance company.
00:25:12
Speaker
It was purpose, purpose, data breach. Push the, push the private equity even more. Yeah, literally. So sell it to AI. Um, so if you needed a reason not to do fucking any of that shit, don't even do it on your dog. Yes. Um, there you go. Don't do it. Never give your DNA up. Yeah. Keep it. It's yours. Don't give them away.
00:25:43
Speaker
Let's see.
Prank Calls and Restaurant Critiques
00:25:47
Speaker
This fucking thing. Yeah, that's how you get the gold state killer locked up to. Bunch of rats, bunch of rats. You could just be a rat and not even know it just because you wanted to know if you were actually finish. Finish him.
00:26:14
Speaker
Um, dude, what else is going on? They put Diddy on suicide watch. what theyre calling ahead black a st health You're home for memorable experiences. We are located at 7606 West bell road, Glendale, Arizona, 85308.
00:26:33
Speaker
Let us cook for your family tonight to place a curbside or takeout order. You can either do it online by visiting.engis.com, download our new Loyalty Reward app, or press 2 to speak with someone and we'll be happy to take your order directly. Want us to clean up and do the dishes too? Press 3 to make a reservation. You can call...
00:27:25
Speaker
Hello, and thank you for calling Arrowhead black and new steak house. Your home for memory. What the fuck, dude?
00:27:35
Speaker
What the hell? That's lame. They're open right now. They're open for another three hours. Dude. I know. What the fuck? That's fucking whack.
00:27:58
Speaker
I didn't know black Angus was a real restaurant for a really long time. I didn't either. I didn't know what the fuck that was. There's a, there's a patent on an old ancient patent Oswald joke about black Angus. Oh really? Um, yeah, dude. Like I think that special came out when I was in high school. So it's like, there's parts of it that I think are probably still funny, but you couldn't do those jokes today. Stuff about like gay retards and stuff. Oh, perfect. Right on brand. yeah Definitely on brand for us. Um, but there's a whole bit about it, about black Angus. And I didn't know it was a real restaurant at first. I thought it was just a bit. And then I was like, Oh, this is a real place. I didn't even know that too. I just clicked a random man's restaurant. Potato skins.
00:29:05
Speaker
I'm just looking to make a reservation for the end of this week if possible. Of course, so that is what day exactly would you like to come in? It would be like Friday early evening, maybe around 6.30 I was shooting for. For how many people? It would just be two. Two? Excellent. And so you said like 5.30 is it? 6.30.
00:29:32
Speaker
630 all right so 630 is booked right now, but I have something at 615 or 645 What do 645? Perfect, and can I get a phone number please for the reservation? Yeah, it'll be 813 855 07 88 All right 813 855 07 88 yes, that's perfect And can I get a first name, please? Yeah, B. Jonathan.
00:30:09
Speaker
And first, last name. Aubrey, A-U-B-R-E-Y. Excellent. Are you celebrating something in particular? Nope, just going out to dinner.
00:30:23
Speaker
Perfect. All right. Well, thank you for choosing our place. Celebrate the Friday night. I have that reservation all set for two at 645 here at Ruth Christian's Castle on Friday the 27th. All righty. Thank you so much. Thank you.
00:30:39
Speaker
Oh, wow. What a fucking idiot. Oh, what an idiot. good yeah They're going to be so fucking pissed when Jonathan Aubrey doesn't show up.
00:30:54
Speaker
Aubrey's standing up, of Ruth, Chris and Scott. They're going to call that number. yeah are you right
00:31:04
Speaker
Where are you? We have your table ready. Mr. Aubrey, where are you? Hello. We gave you the 645. There's people, there's other people. We're going to give you a reservation away. If you don't show up right now. How about that? Jonathan Aubrey standing up, Ruth Chris. got Disrespectful.
00:31:27
Speaker
Maybe I'll fly out there and make it recorded for the Reddit. Oh, it's Mr. Aubrey. I'm here for my reservation. There we go. Oh man, that guy was all, that guy was like, uh, yeah, we'll see you then.
00:31:43
Speaker
My name's Hector. I was like, I get fucking guy. yeah I'm going to totally be there. He had no idea. He had no fucking idea. Celebrating Friday. Yeah, we are. Yeah. Celebrating your fucking dumb ass. Mr. Aubrey.
00:32:05
Speaker
Dude, he's going to lose his shit with gris. Fuck you, dude. Fuck big corporations. Place sucks. Fuck you guys. faculty Yeah. Fake, fancy $60 fucking stakes. Black Angus would have got it too. If they would have picked up.
00:32:23
Speaker
black i sort of Like you want to make a reservation I didn't know that's what kind of place it was Like Outback Steakhouse. I mean like I mean we you you can do that, but you can also just walk in just Bro, we're never full We have, somehow we have 500 seats. We have we way overbuilt this place. Dude, no one comes here anymore. We have auditorium seating. We have like four bars in here. We actually operate on an abandoned cruise ship, so it you you can have an entire deck if you want.
00:33:02
Speaker
Oh man, dude, I fucking got that guy so good. dude He's has no idea. He probably will. he he but He's going to go home and tell his wife. He's so excited. I got I she got an obvious.
00:33:18
Speaker
ah Jonathan Aubrey's fucking booked. I just, babe, I booked Jonathan Aubrey tonight for six. Unfortunately, we didn't have the six 30, but I hope he's not mad. i He seemed okay. I hope he's not mad that we had to do the six 45.
00:33:35
Speaker
I think this is going to be a thing, babe. I think this is going to be big for me. I told you da that, that, you know, they said things were going to, my, my week was going to be a good week and things are going to get better. I think this is it. No, no, no yeah no. He said he's just Friday night, just a Friday night for him. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's not celebrating anything. He's just coming by. He's just coming by.
00:34:02
Speaker
Oh, fucking idiot, dude. I should've got his name. Hector. Oh, that was his name? Yeah, Hector. Oh, yeah, just breeze past that. it's mean know He's a Mexican, so... Not a bad fake name, right? No, I...
00:34:20
Speaker
I was like, I wonder who that is. what I wonder what reference that is. It's good.
00:34:26
Speaker
Yeah, it's Paul Rudd. I'm coming to blow that fucking place down Friday. yeah ah
00:34:38
Speaker
Oh man. He's all, he fucking wrote that down in some book or some Ruth. Oh, he's got like a computer. It's stuck. You can't delete it. Do you think I should call back like Thursday night and keep pushing it every week? Uh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're going to ruin it. You're going to ruin it. Hey Hector. Yeah. Sorry. Mr. Albert here. Something came up again. I gotta, I'm going to, I'm going to come by for lunch. How about that? Ooh.
00:35:10
Speaker
Six 15. If somebody booked the six, who the fuck booked the six 30? Yeah. Six 30 is a six 30 is an insane time. They do that Friday. Yeah. It's Tuesday. They already had that shit booked. And I mean, I guess I don't know what the Scottsdale Bruce Chris looks like on the inside, but you got to figure, you know, I know you stagger the table so you don't over.
00:35:39
Speaker
ah over, uh, work the kitchen. Yeah. But you, you do multiple seating. So that means that probably means like three to three to five parties booked six 30. Unless that place only seats like 10, which, you know what I mean? If you've got 50, if you stagger your seating by 15. Oh yeah.
00:36:04
Speaker
A lot, it's just weird. Wow, this place is in a literal, it's like, right, it's butted up against the Orange Theory Fitness, of course. it's Yeah, of course. I'm not a good Ruth Grace.
00:36:15
Speaker
I mean, I think they all kind of, they all suck. Yeah. It's like, this is their big thing. If it's your birthday or anniversary, they give you a tiny cup cheesecake and they just write happy birthday and chocolate on on the plate. Hell yeah. Did I want that? What happened to Ruth Chris? I've never been to one. I always thought they were all right. I mean, I thought, I thought, I think they were, so they were in that tier of fancy steak houses like Flemings and Mortons and stuff, ah where it was like, you know, major cities had like one or something.
00:36:52
Speaker
And then I assume they made an, you know, they're trying to be like, cause they started opening in like strip malls and like yeah next to an orange theory fitness. Literally just exactly that dude. Kind of shit. And, and I think tried to keep the idea that they're fancy, but then they just make normal, like they just, it's like, you can get a, you can get a decent filet mignon at, you know, I don't know, probably Outback.
00:37:21
Speaker
And I don't think they probably serve anything that's that much better than that, but they can charge twice as much for it. Cause it's like on a, they have tablecloths, oh you know,
00:37:34
Speaker
and you'll get, you'll get their, uh, it's probably all all a cart. So you have to get a fucking $15 side of asparagus. Yes.
00:37:47
Speaker
It's not like you're not going to get apps. $30 fucking shrimp appetizer or something. Lobster mac and cheese. So yeah, I think that's their business model. Cause I think I went to one when I was
00:38:33
Speaker
Thank you for calling. We're open Sunday through Thursday from 4 p.m. until 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday. We are open from.
00:38:50
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:38:57
Speaker
and evening think the fishman janna speakinging open can help I'm just looking to make a reservation for Thursday if possible. It would just be 2. And what time are we thinking? 6.30 if you have it. Can we take a look here? Yes, we do. And can I have your phone number? Yeah, it would be 714-855-0788.
00:39:29
Speaker
There'll be ah Jonathan and then last name's Aubrey, A-U-B-R-E-Y. Thank you. Thank you. And are we just coming in to enjoy a meal with us or are are we celebrating anything? Yep. No, just looking to have a good Thursday. Alrighty, sounds good. So we'll see you 26th for two guests at 6.30. Perfect. Alright, take care. No problem, you as well.
00:39:52
Speaker
ah adriana you jump You bitch, Jesus Christ, Adriana. Oh, Marina Del Rey, California. ruth Chris, you're going down. dude Of course. It's a Marine Del Rey. The Anaheim didn't answer. They might, they might be, uh, MIA. Yeah, dude. They're under siege.
00:40:17
Speaker
The fucking Venezuelan gangs took over the Anaheim fucking Bruce Chris for sure. This one's this one's butted up against the AMC theater. No way.
00:40:31
Speaker
ah yeah it's um ah Yeah, it's like corner off of the AMC is a grocery store to the left of it. Dude, that's what I'm saying. They're basically a cheesecake factory now.
00:40:44
Speaker
Oh man, I was going to call the cheesecake factory and then I was like, wait a minute, who, who actually looks a reservation there? I think they, I think people probably do cause of, for the same reason where you're like, Oh, are they fancy? Like I bet there's a class of people, class of people where like going to the cheesecake factory is like,
00:41:06
Speaker
That's your like birthday or anniversary dinner. Holy shit. The Ruth Chris sign to just looks like shit. Yeah, it's dumb. getting It looks like it should be like a, like a comedy club. Yeah. Do an open mic. Yes. Oh my God. Marina Del Rey. What is going on in Marina Del Rey is the question where do it's a trash. It's trash. It's just an outdoor mall now. Like everything is just literally the mall.
00:41:35
Speaker
Oh my god, it's a second level Ruth Chris. It's like you have to go up an elevator. It's like where they worked at in the 40 year old version. It literally looks exactly like that. What the fuck? You have to go upstairs or outside.
00:41:55
Speaker
outside It's outside too. What the hell? So that you can be like
00:42:02
Speaker
You're going to eat above a Shake Shack? I don't fucking know. Oh my God. That's so fucking funny. Dude, I'm getting, I'm getting all these motherfuckers. They're going to be businesses going to fall apart. They're, they're over, they're over leveraged to Jonathan Aubrey right now.
00:42:25
Speaker
ah john a iy writingking them down du a shareholder meeting but what an arey Someone tracked this guy down Well, actually, sir, he's giving, you know, a few different area codes, the same number, though.
00:42:51
Speaker
Oh, wow. What a fucking idiot, dude. It's going right along with it, right? Oh, they're so believe anything you say. Oh, Marina Del Rey. I didn't know it's part of Los Angeles. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jonathan Aubrey's big, big player in town, huh? Coming around. They probably have a system and they're like, wow, this guy's going to Scottsdale to Marina Del Rey. Probably rich. Probably flying by jet. Probably works for big tech.
00:43:23
Speaker
He's got two business meetings back to back Thursday and Friday flying in flying out. Oh my God. I would send, probably send a gift basket to him on Thursday as a thank you. Oh man. Any special note, just having, trying to have a good Thursday. thursday and She's like, hell yeah. Second level.
00:43:43
Speaker
Oh my God. When you get here, uh, just so you know, you have to go inside the Chico's yeah to get the elevator. Yeah. You're going to walk down right above the ah eyeglass store and you're going to take a right and there's the elevator right there.
00:44:01
Speaker
Or you could take six sets of cascading stairs up to... Through the parking garage. Goddamn, dude. What is ah what is Jonathan Arbery to you, you know? that that's good I think this is a good... I might roll with this name for a while here. I like it. It's got it's it's got a lot going for it, yeah. And I go by Jonathan, I'm not John.
00:44:27
Speaker
No. That's the thing where I was like, maybe I should say John. I was like, no, John, John, Jonathan's a type of guy. John Aubrey. Not so sure. John Aubrey doesn't return books to the library. Jonathan Aubrey. Jonathan Aubrey. He's, he's making a goddamn reservation. Yeah. He's, he's an attorney or something. Ruth Chris. Jonathan Aubrey Esquire. That guy.
00:44:54
Speaker
That guy fucks. How crazy would it be a person move if I call him back and make the same exact reservation?
00:45:03
Speaker
Like, ooh, interesting. We actually already have a Jonathan Aubrey in the system. yeah Are you, and be like, no, i I swear I haven't called before. Different area code, huh? Okay. What are the odds?
00:45:24
Speaker
We'll book, we'll book it anyways. Yeah, we'll do that. Oh man. Got him. It's always happens to me. There's a Jonathan Aubrey in this and he's always going to the same restaurants and then sometimes the restaurants cancel one of our reservations because I think we're the same person. Please don't cancel this one.
00:45:42
Speaker
little BTS, you know, I was, I was brainstorming this brilliant bit idea before his show and my mind thinking about pizza, putting my kid down. And I was like, you know what, be a good bit. If I just fucking torment some, some chain restaurants. Oh yeah.
00:46:01
Speaker
even his Ruth. Chris. Shitty fucking. Who's Ruth and who's Chris? Shit branding, dude. Who are they? Get better at branding. Tell us. Make your stores or your restaurants better, but. I'm fine if they just close. There's way too much shit. I'm taking over, over actually. A little undercover boss.
00:46:28
Speaker
That'd be dope to go in and just be like, hey, I'm actually from corporate. you could not be If you were John and iry from corporate, kind of can you, can you show me the back? Like honest to God, if you were in a suit, I think you could probably, that would work in a lot of places.
00:46:51
Speaker
Yes. Yes. I, if when I was like a, you know, like urban outfitters, if somebody came in and they were like, I'm from home office, can you let me upstairs? I would do that because I'd be, I'd be terrified ah if I were like, um, I have to check with my manager first. And then I would do that. And they would be like, what the fuck you just made. You just made Jonathan Aubrey wait.
00:47:17
Speaker
Dude, we're gonna- he's gonna shut the store down. You made him wait. J.A. is gonna have a fit tomorrow. Holy fuck. Oh my god. Just go home. go I don't want Jonathan Aubry seeing you. He's gonna make our all hands fucking to hell tomorrow. Thanks a lot. Ah, man. J.A. Shout out big J.A. That's right. J.A. My guy.
Disturbing Video Reaction
00:47:44
Speaker
Jonathan Ahri, my dude.
00:47:50
Speaker
yeah Oh man, you know, heading to my notes too after the last episode that big Trump dog came right at me and now my algorithm is just filled with black guys eating birds. Oh my god, dude.
00:48:08
Speaker
I'm I have i I think I have a pretty high tolerance for like gross shit. I usually think it's funny. I'm usually the one to send it to other people. That. That fucking bird video.
00:48:26
Speaker
And I think you sent it at like 7 a.m. because it was the first thing I saw when I woke up. like Woke up, turned off my alarm, opened Instagram. Oh, some people have sent me some things in the night.
00:48:43
Speaker
open up our thing and it's a fucking black eye, crunching on some crispy whole ass birds. The head first. Yep. Dude. And just like, can it was it made my skin crawl. I did. I.
00:49:04
Speaker
I closed my like, it shut me down. don now It was so bad. And it's because I couldn't stop her because of the how the, the crisp snaps of them are so light. oh like I couldn't think, I couldn't stop thinking about, yeah, like you get it that crispy on the outside, but you're just eating. It's like bones and it's like brain and stuff. That's what that guy does. He just eats fish bones. And then now he takes it to the next level. he Just eat birds. Whole ass bird.
00:49:31
Speaker
They're eating the birds. Holy fuck. Yeah, I don't know why that bothered me so much. There was layers of that. Oh, it's kind of normal. Some people do eat birds like Fresno. This guy is eating the beak of like two crores that he fried and stuff like that. Also, yeah, that's not like the why is that weird? Don't you eat chicken? And I'm like, yeah, i'll eat I will eat a prepared chicken. This guy like caught a seagull and and deep fried it whole. Yeah, it's different. We can agree that that's different.
00:50:01
Speaker
No feathers, you know, this guy just literally fried a fucking bird and then he Slices it open the middle and like stuffs it with like other stuff and done just like consumes it from like beat to tail God yeah It set off my day so weird that is his wife just looking at him like i couldn't reply I wanted to just tell you like fuck you i wanted to text you separately and just be like fuck you that was so bad ah Oh my god, it's so crunchy and fucking nasty. The level of crunchiness he achieved on an entire bird. So you can tell it was legit, dude. That's how you can tell it was legit. Like that was impressive. The face of it too. Just shows you, yeah. Oh, that's the whole head sticking out of the sub. Yep, there's feathers.
00:50:55
Speaker
Of course there is. Yeah. Whatever that thing ate is still in there. Yeah, it's feathers and it's a heart. And yeah, and ah two. um What are they? What are these two sardines on top? And then they stuffed the bird. Yep. The beak in the head is right there. Oh, yeah. Yep. Oh, yeah. And then he puts it right back into the sliced open gut in the feathers and eats it.
00:51:25
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yep, that's why. What the fuck is this? Oh, God. You guys were blind. Bob said, what the fuck is this? Oh, my God. It's sounds like two pieces of like that like Texas toast that is in the frozen section.
00:51:47
Speaker
ah ah It's a black guy with dreads in a plaid suit. Oh my God. That is so fucking funny, dude. god oh Somehow so much worse than like any, anything you've ever sent of like the Asian guys like slurping on a weird crab. This is so much worse.
00:52:16
Speaker
like I know what that crunch is and it's like a bird's whole neck. That's, that is the bird's head, neck, and beak. That's his first bite on Texas toast. It's so fucked.
00:52:39
Speaker
and Just cleansing. Dude, I don't know. Uh, there's no point now. i I reached out to her to try to get her to do one. Uh, and she just ghosted me.
00:52:52
Speaker
Oh, you got a cash app or dude. Do I, I yeah, you got to pay or pay a message. ah Well, I didn't know how much you send that line dude. Oh damn. All right. I didn't know any of that. All she hears is the like the one you get paid on like where it's like the money sign and she just gets to work on filming. Oh, that makes way more. So I was so mad dude. What you got to say, maybe you got to send her a voice chat.
00:53:21
Speaker
No, there's no point now. The moment has passed. Hey, hey, blind lady, blind. Hey, hey, send a, send a congratulations on the kid. and Yeah, basically.
00:53:55
Speaker
He does anything. I mean like you if you give her mind especially if you can't because that was the thing I didn't want to You got to pay her, dude. Well, I would have
NC Lieutenant Governor Scandal and Podcast Closure
00:54:05
Speaker
paid. What I mean is I didn't know if I wasn't sure if I just like sent the money up front and like how much to send. You send money and you put it in the description of the money. All right. I didn't know any of that. I just said they're like two bucks and I messaged her on PayPal and I was like, how does this work? I'll pay you and never got a reply and I was mad about it.
00:54:34
Speaker
Fancy chef is out to dinner. Where, who? and oh damn that guy yeah that guys retarded I mean he's literally just like has something going on cuz he rides in the golf cart at the boardie show Probably got like gout yeah yeah he's got he' he's a Big black guy's got gout for sure. Just wearing the chef's hat. Come here. We got you. We got you a golf cart. Yes honestly Also true that would work as hell they see him from a mile away.
00:55:09
Speaker
Oh man. Yep. That's, that's, that's, uh, that's it. And besides lemon party stealing John McGinnis from us next, uh, we talked about him a while ago and now they're, guess what? They're posting him again. That's John. That's, that's who it is. And then, you know, I said it out loud.
00:55:28
Speaker
My wife was like, maybe they see, maybe they get fed your algorithm, like your friends. And I go, well, they don't follow any of us. So it's impossible. So that's out the window. They're just listening to us and fucking doing our fucking things. Yeah. Okay. Whatever.
00:55:45
Speaker
one
00:55:51
Speaker
Yep.
00:56:02
Speaker
Jeremy Fragrance is a bitch. Oh my God. Oh shit. for September, her eyes are going nuts in that video.
00:56:23
Speaker
Absolutely nuts, dude.
00:56:32
Speaker
man, being blind is insane. That is crazy. If I had known that I would have, uh, I guess I don't, I don't know what I would have done. It's funny cause she can see it just like, Oh, if it's only I'm blind enough, but I only can read if it's on PayPal, if it's attached to a PayPal. Oh my God.
00:57:11
Speaker
Oh, that is awesome. The best, the best, the best ever. The best. the best
00:57:31
Speaker
Yep. So now it's just black guys eating birds on my algorithm. Blind ladies singing for money on PayPal. That's not so bad. It could be worse. Maybe I'll just hop, like, hop off the podcast after this and just start calling more restaurants just for the lovely game. Just practicing. Wait, say that again. I said I might just hop off the podcast and start doing more reservations just for the lovely game after oh yeah dude solo. I support the hell out of that. See how far you can take it.
00:58:07
Speaker
take fucking go up to four people as a reservation oh yes take up a fort well a two top and a four top are kind of the same six top that kind of sucks that's like vindictive i got a dinner party yeah that's what i was i was like only four four person like maybe someone is like oh nice i'm gonna have a good table two people is forgettable I know this is a lot, can you do 12? Oh man. That's actually being a dick. Can you push some tables together?
00:58:40
Speaker
I understand if we can't be seated at the same table, but if we could be next to each other, that would be pretty cool. Could you put the, could you put the manager on? Yes, this is Paul Rudd. I'm going to blow that shit down. I actually need ah to party a six, but it's me. And then I need five, uh, uh, uh, booster seats. Yeah.
00:59:04
Speaker
We'll get them all sorted. We'll get them all sorted. It's an anniversary and a birthday. It's a big, big day.
00:59:14
Speaker
Big, big day. Big day. Big day. reverse man reverse eating PUBG, Jonathan Aubrey, got them all. Got them all. You covered everything.
00:59:27
Speaker
yeah
00:59:30
Speaker
All dressed chips. Got them all. Got it. We didn't even talk about the the fucking lieutenant governor of North Carolina. What's happened with that? Do you don't know but anything about this? No.
00:59:45
Speaker
Uh, so the lieutenant governor of North Carolina, he's, his name's Mark Robinson. You should look up a picture of him. Yeah. Okay. Um, he's a Republican. Like I'm like. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, dude. But he's like a mega Republican. Like one of the kind that like talks like, well, talks like Martin Luther King kind of guy. Oh yeah. But I'd be like,
01:00:14
Speaker
that some people, you just have to kill him. Oh, man. He's like a not crazy guy. um Somebody Googled his Instagram handle. OK. And found an account on a website called Nude Africa. OK. Had the same handle.
01:00:41
Speaker
and has been like posting on basically like a black Pornhub since 2011. Okay.
01:00:53
Speaker
Um, and figured out that it's him like he was like matching IPs and shit to figure out it's him and you just post some like, so this broke like last week or two weeks ago or whatever. But basically people just found his like post history on this message board for like a black porn hub. Oh God. It's all just like insane shit. The most insane shit. We're kinda, we're like, uh,
01:01:21
Speaker
We're almost an hour in. Yeah. I won't read both of these. You give me an A or B because I picked two excerpts that that are both terrible. They're both genuinely terrible.
01:01:34
Speaker
Okay. Do I get to choose between A and B? Yeah. Pick A or B and that'll decide which of these two I read. I've got to go B. All right. B is, um, from Friday, September 23rd, 2011. Okay. As a reminder, this is the Lieutenant Governor of North Carolina yeah who is running for governor. Okay. What is Lieutenant Governor? Lieutenant's like a vice governor. Oh, okay. Okay. Cool. Uh, okay.
01:02:02
Speaker
and And imagine these words coming from that giant black man that you saw in the picture. The piss thing is more common than most people think. And many want to admit I have an FB ah fuck buddy loves to lay that loves to lay on her stomach, spread open ass and have me piss all over her asshole and pussy. The longer and hotter the stream, the more she loves it. Sometimes she lies on her back and fingers herself. And when she's about to come, she wants me to piss hard fast on her clit and up her asshole. Of course, I love the piss on. I love her to piss on me as well.
01:02:38
Speaker
uh watching her asshole flex in all in and out while while she shoots her hot piss on my chest gets me rock hard every time another thing she does that might seem strange is that when we hang out she will sometimes wear her pussy juice like perfume meaning she'll smear it behind her ears and on her neck and on her wrist so that every time i get near her i smell her delightful scent okay what is a you want me to read a
01:03:08
Speaker
A is actually worse. ah no is ah This is from Sunday, October 30th, 2011 at 11 AM. So this is early had me another hot morning with my, sister with my wife's sister. ah Oh my gosh. She brought along her laptop this time and we watched some hot vids on nude to Africa.
01:03:31
Speaker
The one that really got us hot was called Wet Anal. This vid got her pussy soaking wet, and y'all know I did right. Oh, man. That ass was wet, slick, and good, and pissy. And I licked and sucked that pussy an asshole till my face was covered in her funky juices. Then she sucked my dick till it was good and hard and lubed it down with wet. Love it. Then she, no, there's way more, there's a whole other paragraph. Okay. And we're gonna read it.
01:04:01
Speaker
Then she laid back and I greased that asshole with her pussy juice and wet, watching my big dick slide in out of her asshole, takes my breath away. It looks so good. We ass fuck a lot, but she gave me nasty, sexy surprise this time, right when I was pumping that dookie shoot.
01:04:24
Speaker
it covered my chest and stomach It was so fucking hot she was coming I was coming She was pissing and I was covered in piss and pussy juice and lube damn that girls good and I can't wait till next week. Oh My god, this guy's a Dude How do you match the match IP addresses? So this is totally real. obviously And it's like, it it has to be real. It's too good. It has to be real. It's just like Instagram handle and the posts are from 2011. So it's not like somebody found his Instagram handle today yeah and then started making posts. And you'd be like, Oh, it's like, no, somebody found this and it, and it, and it's been going on, you know, over 10 years ago.
01:05:07
Speaker
So he's obviously denied and he's like, this is fake news from CNN, but you're like, they proved it was you and you're like his entire staff quit, yeah but he's just like denying it, which is awesome. He's got, he has to resign soon, right? I mean, I assume he'll just lose, lose the election.
01:05:28
Speaker
Oh my God. What a fucking idiot. I mean, and there's, I'm not, I didn't, I stopped at those two, but there's, there's many, many posts about his fucking ah weird piss fetish. Oh my God. lot of it To study some game on this guy this week. That's so fucking funny. Yeah.
01:05:51
Speaker
That was not on my 2024 bingo card. No, but most of this shit wasn't. Oh my God. Well, I think that's a great episode. I was like, I'm saving this for the end. yeah there thereious Oh my God.
01:06:10
Speaker
Well, everybody join the reddit and join the discord. We love you guys so much. Yeah, that's so funny shout out to Danny Bantam and Hank Chill and Patrick C Packetship. Let's go shout out to Jonathan Aubrey and duy shoot Yeah, shout out what's that guy's name Robinson Oh Mark Robinson The legend Mark Robinson did that Dude Guy can piss on command. I love it Peace out y'all. Bye