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Tales from a Bar Fight
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Transcript
Thoughts on Life and Education
00:00:06
Speaker
Happy National Prayer Day. Stay prayed up. God bless you.
00:00:14
Speaker
How you doing Instagram? It's Big Time Tommy, and here's my thought of the day. In school, you are given the lesson first, then the test. But in life, you are given the test, and then you learn your lesson. That's the old school way. OS4Life, take it easy. It's not often you see a Mexican in a suit.
00:00:42
Speaker
Today's subject is slavery. I'm not a stupid fucking idiot. I know it was just a pig, but for 50 seconds it felt really
Humor and Commentary on Society
00:00:53
Speaker
real. And when you think you're gonna get eaten and your first thought is, great, I don't have to go to work tomorrow. You're really- Barack Obama had big part of 9-11. Which part? Not being around, always on vacation, never in the office. What?
00:01:12
Speaker
Looks just like me. Yeah, we figured that he'd keep on popping up, and he'd be like, come on down to Mr. Albans. We've got Fela, $29 or $250. Nike, $29 or $250. Why does it sound like that?
00:01:41
Speaker
Welcome to Dudes R Us, subscribe, download and join the Reddit. Stay prayed up, we have Andy Warhol making a guest appearance on this episode. We love you, fuck work we are here to save you.
Sports Discussions and Notable Incidents
00:02:05
Speaker
I love, I watch every basketball game ever. I think basketball's mad boring. Uh, watch basketball, fall asleep. I like it when we went and watched it at like, I like going to see live basketball. I think that's fun, but I could never watch a game on TV. It's how I feel about hockey too. I think hockey's boring as fuck. Oh man. Hockey's on our only interesting ones to watch. No way. No way, dude. You don't even know who has the fucking puck. All right.
00:02:33
Speaker
The only interesting thing that happens in hockey is sometimes somebody kills the other guy with his hockey skate. Oh my fucking God. That happened like a, like five days ago. Yeah. This guy was playing in a Euro league. Adam Johnson who played, who played for the penguins like four years ago, like not even that long ago, it was like 17 to 20 or something, but they had a collision and when
00:02:56
Speaker
That dude went down, the other guy went like up with his skate and slashed his throat. Jesus Christ. Fully severed his fucking carotid artery. Horrific video. You watch him just spray blood all over the fucking house. He gets up. He like gets up and then he's like trying to rush him off the ice. And it's just like... You can just watch, you can see him dying. He gets his head starts nodding as he's skating off the ice. Yeah. It's like so much blood. Yeah, don't watch that. He's skating off the ice.
00:03:25
Speaker
Mm-hmm. He's got like a medic or a ref, but he's got somebody he's got his arm around who's trying to guide him off. See, this happened before. This has happened a few times. But one of the last times that it happened, it was a goalie. And one of the players slid into the goalie with his skate up and caught him in the throat and severed his artery. And he immediately started spewing blood all over the ice. But the trainer was a Vietnam War vet.
00:03:53
Speaker
and he fucking ran out and stuck his fingers into the guy's throat and pinched off his artery and saved his life. That one's gnarly too because the camera doesn't pan away. The camera like zooms in on the guys. And it's like, it's like probably 1980s or so, maybe like 19. Was it that long ago? One where the, where the goalie, let's look it up right now. The guy with like the Z last name.
00:04:22
Speaker
only gets throat cut Clint just more like a large check where a cowboy or some shit this happened. I mean, bro, this has got to be like the night like late 70s or 80s because it's it's shitty quality. Jesus fucking is fucked up. Who's the guy I'm thinking of?
00:04:48
Speaker
It's I mean, it's happened a lot of times, but I yeah. Oh. This one with Malarchuk, though, is like really famous because the fact that that trainer happened to be like a war medic and just ran out and fucking. I don't think he died. Was it Zednik in like. In like the 2000s, I remember seeing that one like. When dramatic.
00:05:16
Speaker
that Nick Zetnik might have just been a really big hit. I don't know if he got caught. I fucking remember that game and they like and there was like blood on the ice and they couldn't fucking like Zamboni the blood off and it was just weird the whole game. No, he does get cut. Jesus Christmas.
Debates on Gun Rights and Retirement
00:05:34
Speaker
But it doesn't look like his was that one. He didn't know. I don't think he didn't die from that. You should watch that video with a goalie. I just linked is fucking gnarly. I don't know if I can do that. I don't know. Hell no.
00:05:46
Speaker
Come on, I'm stuck in a pussy. I mean, it's it's really engaging pod content for all of us to just silently watch a video that just be fucking just silent for 30 seconds. Yeah. Oh, just be physically and mentally changed after that for the rest of my life. Yeah. Oh, fuck. God damn.
00:06:13
Speaker
I just like in this Malarjic one because the announcers are like, Oh my God, stop showing it. And then the camera just zooms in on it. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, God. They're like, Please, please stop showing it on TV. And then the guy just continues to zoom in. Same fucking stadium, like, whatever. Imagine Dragons are doing a fucking concert four days after all the weekend. Jesus.
00:06:48
Speaker
I don't know, man. One day you might get your throat cut playing hockey. The next day you might just get shot by some asshole when you're bowling. Oh, fuck. That whole thing is fucked up too. Um, yeah, I mean, that's, that's America right now, huh? It's beer sea theories were out on that like, hours after it happened.
00:07:16
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, there's going to be conspiracy theory about any everything right now. Especially if it involves guns, everyone on the fucking gun side is going to be like, this is a false flag. This is a government blah. So stupid because of this dude up in Maine, like his family made complaints against him. Yeah.
00:07:37
Speaker
Don't the army reserve made complaints about him He's fucking threatened to shoot up the army reserve base and he still had his gun Nothing understand that at all. I mean that shit for sure like there's just you know, we care that much about people having guns that like You can be that fucked up and have that many people in your life be like this person probably shouldn't own a gun and then you can basically tell people yourself like
00:08:04
Speaker
I probably shouldn't own a gun because I am mentally disturbed and think about shooting people all the time. And they're like, well, it's the Second Amendment, though, so we have to let you have it. And it has to be a gun that can fire off more rounds than the fucking old dudes who wrote the Constitution could even imagine. Show Thomas Jefferson an AR-15. He'll be like, oh, shit, no, we didn't mean that.
00:08:34
Speaker
Oh, he meant like a flintlock pistol. He can have a flintlock pistol. He'd probably be going to shooting spree with that. And they're also like, that thing's fucking dank. I want one of those. Yeah, I mean, that's also true. I'll be like, you know, we can Indians. I could kill a lot of Indians with this. The United States is also like, all right. Well, how about you instruct people to shoot guns, too? And how about you become an instructor on this stuff, too, if you're hearing voices? That's totally cool. Right.
00:09:04
Speaker
Do you want better? We'll give you guns and you instruct how to use it. Yeah, nothing can be nothing can be bad enough like the gymnastics they have to go through to be like, No, this is fine. This is fine. He should he should it was fine that he owned a machine gun.
Social Interactions and Work Culture
00:09:25
Speaker
Did your friend ever go and pick another barrel?
00:09:29
Speaker
yeah that's so weird that you brought that up did he just do it recently oh you would yeah you would know yeah i literally got a bottle yesterday from the new barrel i was like i bet he did because i just i just pulled the one down from last year how's this year's bottle so it's a rye which i think last year's was a bourbon i haven't tried it yet because i just got it yesterday and i'm
00:09:58
Speaker
You know not really a weekday drinker, but uh But yeah, dude, if you want to crack it open. I'm gonna hang and Sip some rye. Yeah, I'd like to try I'd like to actually try the bourbon too if you still have any left if you haven't I still have some of that bourbon And yeah, this rise overproof too. So should be nice. Well, they're probably all just barrel strength, right? Yeah, exactly
00:10:26
Speaker
is that dude still bald bald as ever you still feel kind of bad because i ended up with two sets of these little dreams because the one was supposed to go to whoever and he just left it on my desk for them oh yeah the person that he left it for didn't deserve it anyway that's so funny i don't feel bad though who do you leave it for you gotta write that in the chat
00:10:53
Speaker
I don't even know if you'd recognize the name. Let's see. I'll just give you a description. Zimbabwe. I don't think you would even... Oh, okay. Yes. Accurate description, Bob. Annoying blonde fast car. Who was the one that called her the wrong name when we were in the car with her? Who was that? Was that you, Paul?
00:11:22
Speaker
I don't know, probably. She just didn't respond. It was hilarious. Yeah, there was a bunch of idiots who try to remember back then. That's so funny. Get her asphalt. I'm good. I didn't have to interact with her that much. So
00:11:52
Speaker
Yo, you balled as hell. I was going to text you that at some point today, Jared. Wait, what? Next time you see him, Mike, I know you already saw him, so you can't do it, but next time just be like, damn, you balled as hell. Damn, you balled as hell. I'll do that. That'll be a good way to open my next call. Okay. Sometimes I like to say weird shit to him on calls, like when he calls me just to make him feel awkward.
00:12:23
Speaker
Oh, that's good. That's all my daddy sometimes. Just come out. It's great. Holy shit. Hello. Yes. Hello there.
Lifestyle Choices and Media Consumption
00:12:40
Speaker
Yeah. Say weird shit to your boss. It's fun. Listen, work is.
00:12:52
Speaker
works work. That's a fact of life. Work is so you know, have some fun with it and say weird shit to your boss. See what happens. Yeah, you know what I hate more than anything. When you talk to someone who is winning now. When you talk to someone about winning like a large lottery and they're like, Oh, I would still have a job. Oh, yeah. You know, you would not have a job. You tell me you'd have fuck you money and you could do and you do literally anything you ever wanted to do and you would still work.
00:13:22
Speaker
That's what I think about successful people. I'm like, why don't you just retire and like fucking do nothing right now? Like people that are like, oh, you know, they have a deal with like Target on something. It's like, dude, just retire now instead of making more bullshit into the world and do nothing. You'd have millions of dollars. You just do nothing every day. Yep. Honestly, like to save some money for the rest of us. Fuck.
00:13:53
Speaker
Yeah, did you fucking maybe these people are all just like weird ass robots and they're like, I love being successful, though. I need to do I need to start a bigger business. I mean, there's definitely some of that like ego shit. Like, and it's never enough. You know, no matter how much you're making, it's like, oh, there's somebody is making more than me. And that makes me feel inadequate.
00:14:17
Speaker
Mm. That's what I'm saying is if I want a big lottery, I would just do I would I would literally do nothing, dude. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, exactly. I'd be like, I think I'll take the four wheeler out today. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even fucking do anything at all. Yeah, exactly. And I would still not watch all those Netflix shows people tell me to watch. Correct me. I still won't know how succession ends. Stop telling me to watch it. Mm hmm.
00:14:47
Speaker
Yeah, I haven't even watched any of that. It's how I felt during the pandemic, when people are going, oh, you got to watch Tiger King. I'm not watching it. Never watched Tiger King. Not watching it. I just thought it doesn't interest me. I like it just because now I live next to that bitch. She's literally that place where Carole Baskin's place is. There's a McDonald's 200 yards on the right side of it. And there's just a bunch of tigers living there. Yep.
00:15:20
Speaker
That shit's hilarious. Listen, it's okay for people to like TV shows, but you don't have to be like, Oh, you have to watch this. I mean, you gotta watch house hunters like Westworld. You know how many times been told to watch Westworld? Now I'm just not watching it out of spite. I don't even know that. Like I watched, tell me to watch Lord of the Rings last week. I was the one who was like, but I think I was modest about that. I was like, I know at this point, if you were going to watch it, you would have. So you're not gonna, but like,
00:15:51
Speaker
You ever get a stomach flu and you need to just like have background noise on for nine hours? Yeah, bro. At this point in my life, I'm not wishing for a stomach flu. Sometimes it happens. Yeah. Stay grinded, dude. Stay grinded. What were you just saying, Pops? What show did you mention? Oh, fucking Westworld. This is how impactful Westworld was to me.
00:16:21
Speaker
I, so there's, I don't know how many seasons there are now, but I stopped watching it after the second one. There's three. Great. I watched the first season with my roommates. You know, it was like a thing where we, we always had like an HBO show. We watched every week. We watched that one. Uh, great. Then I guess we watched the second season also.
00:16:45
Speaker
because I- Four seasons. Then four seasons, great. So then I think I heard there was a third season coming out and I was like, oh shit, there's already a third season. I better watch the second season to catch up. Cause I did actually kind of like season one. And then I was like, no cap, like three quarters of the way through season two. And I realized I had watched it already.
00:17:09
Speaker
I was like, wait, I think this is familiar. And then like asked my roommate, I was like, Hey, when we would watch Westworld, did we make it through season two? And he was like, Yes. What are you talking about? And I was like, I just rewatch the entire thing and didn't remember until like the second to last episode. I had seen it already. So like, it's one of those, it's like fucking Mulholland Drive that like people think it's good because it's confusing.
00:17:34
Speaker
And it's like inexplicably confusing. So people are like, Oh, you just don't get it. And it's like, No, there's nothing to get. It's not good because it's like, complex, you're just being pretentious. I don't maybe Oh, he's he's the robot actually. Feel like Mahalan Drive was only scary because of the music. Yeah.
00:17:58
Speaker
Like they did a really good job of making a lot of, like, stress. But then the rest of the movie you're watching, like, this is like an old woman jerking off behind a building. That's part of the movie. She's like, wow. Going to town on that muff cabbage.
00:18:23
Speaker
What's the other one? He does with a racer top. The dude with this with the flat cut haircut. I don't know. Same director. John Waters. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Now, what am I thinking of? Birdcage.
00:18:54
Speaker
I mean, I'm thinking of fucking the way wrong director. I'm not thinking of. Well, my thermal. No, no, no, no, no. David Lynch, how did I how did that name escape me? It is David Lynch. Yeah. I don't know why I was like, because I was thinking about Pink Flamingos the other day, thinking about Edith Massey eating eggs in a cage. Do you ever have a survivor night?
Nostalgia for Reality TV and Iconic Shows
00:19:24
Speaker
I was a survivor night. Do you watch survivor? Oh, the movie, the TV shows survivor. No, I saw, I only watched one season of that. Um, sound like it's 25th season. Yeah. What year?
00:19:44
Speaker
The third season, so let's say it was, uh, set the one where the fat gay guy won, and then he didn't pay taxes on it and it ruined his life. Nah, that's the first thing. That's Richard Hatch. He's actually from, uh, Rhode Island. So, yeah. So the guy who won Survivor season three, which was, I want to say in 2001, nothing else relevant happened that year. Um,
00:20:15
Speaker
He, oh, Ethan's on. So Ethan's on for Massachusetts and some, and allegedly some kids in our middle school knew him or like, we're like related to him. And so we all, I don't know why it was just like, we all watched survivor because my buddy was like Ethan's on wind survivor. He wasn't like, he, he, he's not allowed to tell anyone cause it hasn't like, cause like, you know, it airs later, but like he basically like,
00:20:43
Speaker
moved like after the show ended he like moved moved away and like did a bunch of rich guy stuff and my my friends were like just just keep watching Ethan's on wins and then he did. Oh damn he did win as a shout out to those two guys. What about Boston Rob? Who was that? That's the guy from real world.
00:21:05
Speaker
No, that's the dude. That guy who said he's gonna smash the other dude's head in and eat it. I know that guy. That's such a cool thing to say to somebody. Fucking smash your head in and eat it. Strong word. I've partied with that dude. His name is not Boston Rob Boston Rob was on
00:21:33
Speaker
No, Boston Rob was on survivor. He was on survivor season 18 He was on survivor Marquesa survivor all-stars the amazing race 7 the amazing race 11 survivor heroes versus villains if ever Redemption Island survivor Island of idols survivor winners at war goddamn
00:22:06
Speaker
Yeah. He's an OG then. He's like Johnny bananas. Exactly like Johnny bananas. CT. He's like CT. That's the that's the dude's name. We said he was gonna smash like I said in Anita. There's no way you party with CT. From real world? Yeah.
00:22:30
Speaker
Yeah, I have. No way. Where'd you party with CT? Mutual friends. You partied with him at mutual bank? Yeah, as a mutual bank. No, different dude from Massachusetts who was in the real world. Not that. I don't think CT was from mass. Was he? No. I don't know. I don't even know who CT is. I never watched the real world.
00:22:56
Speaker
He fucking dominated it always in the real world road route challenge That's where he said he was gonna smash that guy's head in oh Yeah, not that dude. Anytime. There's like a challenge in sand like a physical one-on-one. He just dominated absolutely dominated He was from Brooklyn Yeah, hell. Yeah, he loves bagels
00:23:25
Speaker
I'm from Brooklyn. I love bagels. I love to smash people's fucking heads. Here we go. Vincent Tamburello Sr. and Ramona Tamburello. And then he had a sibling, Vinny Tamburello. Yeah, they don't fuck around, huh? Nope. And his name was the least Italian of all of them. His name was Chris. Oh, no way. He's adopted. Oh, my God. I made that part up. But his name is Chris. I'm Chris. I'm from Brooklyn.
00:23:56
Speaker
love the potty real world is such a hilarious TV show that fucking skit that Dave Chappelle did the mad real world is like so true they would always have the they would always edit it so like the one black guy in the real world just looked fucking crazy he always wore one of those fucking Dave Chappelle hats too
00:24:26
Speaker
to be like, look, it's happening again. We can do about it. They would all go out and like, one black dude would usually stay back and like just kick it. What about chance and his brother? Remember that show? Wait, what?
00:24:56
Speaker
a chance at love yeah uh yeah like vaguely that was a good show a chance real chance of love was that chance the rapper you date chance the rapper or something no this was the chance to rap before chance the rapper
00:25:25
Speaker
You wouldn't know who it is if you saw a picture. I really didn't. He was literally named Chance and he was a rapper before Chance the Rapper. That's funny. What about that one where it's like Russell Simmons and his brother and their kid's run's house? Then in the end he'd sit in the bathtub and drive to college on his Blackberry. Doing prayers on his Blackberry.
00:25:55
Speaker
These were real shows that existed. Yeah, bro. What year? Early 2000s. Hogan knows best drugs and my favorite of all those shows those the Ozzy Osbourne one.
00:26:11
Speaker
I vaguely remember the hearts of that. The fucking dog shit in the house. Yeah, it's just because of those moments and just watching like I love the 80s and I love the 70s was good too. When I was a middle kind of remember those it was on VH1 or something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do. That's basically our podcast just in a show. I love the 80s. Yeah, everyone. It's kind of crazy.
00:26:39
Speaker
And then it was like the two, it was like 2010 and they did. I love the 2000s. It was like, guys, not enough time has passed. No. You gotta like, you're talking about stuff that happened like two years ago. Chill. It's kind of, kind of crazy that they got Ozzy Osbourne off the psych meds and now he just has a normal voice. That true. Yo. Yeah. You should look at like a video from the last couple of years. He just talks like we do. Who?
00:27:07
Speaker
I was the Osborne. No way. Sharon Osborne was like drugging him. I mean, it would just be payback for the time that he got so high he tried to kill her. What? They were on tour together and he was in like a fit of rage from cocaine and he tried to murder her. He like I think he was choking her to death and he either came to or somebody stopped him.
Wild Party Stories and Consequences
00:27:32
Speaker
Listen, we all damn that kind of rules We all do things when we're blacked out that we didn't mean to I mean he also bit the head off of a bat. So Yeah, whatever Let's see if I can find it did make schools out too. So I mean you can do whatever he wants What song am I thinking of crazy train yes crazy train
00:28:01
Speaker
house cooper though too that he gets a pass he was he's in that post Malone song and he's just sounds normal which one's that I want to be Ozzy Osbourne
00:28:29
Speaker
You guys want to hear about how much of a fucking 17 year old white girl I was on Saturday? Yes. So, uh, this guy drinks. So yeah, so my buddies had a Halloween party on Saturday and I, uh, you know, not my favorite week going into the weekend. So it was definitely like ready to, you know, just,
00:28:59
Speaker
you know, ready to blow off some steam. So I'm like, yeah, you know, get to this party at like 430. And I immediately make my buddy do a shotgun of beer with me. I also brought a fucking giant bottle of Kirkland signature tequila. So that was pretty great. Is it any good?
00:29:23
Speaker
Yeah, dude, I will challenge anyone. It's probably bottled by a patron or whoever you're about to say. So that's what I was going to say is those fucking bossy Azul tequila bottles that like white and blue porcelain bottle that like is one hundred and eighty bucks and everyone's like stereotypical fancy tequila. Hmm.
00:29:52
Speaker
I will challenge anyone. Winner gets a fucking class as well. Bottle to identify the difference. Like, you know, what about blind, blind taste test class as well and Kirkland signature tequila. They are indistinguishable to the point where I think they're bottled by the same company. Dude on pando stream. Uh, he hasn't been streamed a lot lately.
00:30:20
Speaker
have him do it, dude. He's, I don't know if this is secret proprietary information. I think he's gearing up to do some, wow, hard mode speed running, but I don't know that for sure. Yeah, I heard that too on Instagram. Yeah, on the gram. So anyway, go real hard Saturday. I'm like, decided the only ways I'm drinking are via shotgunning a beer or tequila. No normal drinking. And what point did you start?
00:30:49
Speaker
giving everybody like getting people to drink the tequila because you're saying it's better than a zoo anyways. I wasn't doing so I'm not I wasn't selling it that way. I there was one there was a there was a bunch of the party was in New Hampshire and in New Hampshire, you can only buy liquor from state run liquor stores. So they saw the bottle of Kirkland signature tequila and we're like, wait, what is that? And I was like, fucking Costco tequila, baby.
00:31:18
Speaker
And they were like, Costco sells tequila. And they were just like, their minds were blown by the idea of that. And so we ended up doing a bunch of shots because they just thought that it was wild that Costco sold alcohol. Um, but I wasn't doing the classic as we'll argument with anyone because they were, these are my people there. They're just great with drinking, uh, Costco tequila. So anyway, a lot of that happening. Decent amount of shot cutting beers happens. It is.
00:31:46
Speaker
It is the night is young. It is like 1130 and I am not in great shape, but that's fine. I'm in great. I'm in great shape. Not in great shape. I At one point Oh, and the reason I had brought the it was a potluck and the reason I had brought the big bottle of tequila was that I I said that the thing I was gonna bring for the potluck was margaritas and then
00:32:13
Speaker
At that point, I had not yet made a margarita. So it's somewhere around 11 30 midnight. Somebody was like, Jared, where's those fucking margaritas? And so then I started making margaritas. And at some point or no, so I had brought to heen to do on the glasses for the margaritas, but I had left it in my bag. And so I'm making the margaritas and I remember that the teens in my bag. So I go into the other room to grab my bag, put my phone down in that room and then go back.
00:32:41
Speaker
with the tahine to finish up the margaritas, finish the margaritas, hand them out to all the people that were asking. And then I was like, all right, guys, who the fuck took my phone? And, uh, and everyone's like, what? And I'm like, my phone's missing. And it's like, haha. All right. Give my phone back. And now like 20 minutes has passed. And I'm like, all right, guys. Like it was funny at first, but like, it's kind of fucked up. Now give me my phone. Now it's like an hour's pass. And I'm like, this is not funny anymore.
00:33:11
Speaker
Now like two hours has passed and I'm like losing my shit. Like I can't think about anything else. I'm like, one of you motherfuckers has my phone. Just like give it back. And I'm like being an asshole. And then somebody finds it in the room where I left it and all that memory floods back to me. And I'm like, oh shit. I definitely was in that room and definitely just put my phone down, but I didn't want to admit to it. So I was just like,
00:33:36
Speaker
Oh, somebody, somebody put my phone, like took my phone when I was making margaritas and put it in that room and like, and they're just an asshole. And then, but then I was like, I'm drunk and it's not going good. So then I was like, I'm putting myself to bed. So let's say it's like 1 a.m. now. 1230. I don't know. Sense of time. Who knows? It's. It's midnight. Who cares? Put myself to bed. I'm like, I'm getting weird, bad, drunk, not going to end well.
00:34:07
Speaker
put myself to bed. I remember laying down on the couch and then I went to sleep. And then that beautiful thing where you, where you wake up after falling asleep now blacked out. And then apparently black out. Apparently Jerry was up for like another hour and a half just talking so much shit to everyone. Um, the memory of, and then woke up the next day.
00:34:38
Speaker
at my buddy's house and he and his wife were like, you have so many people to apologize to today, starting with us. Oh my God. It was great. I want to apologize. What am I apologizing for? I was like, I was like, what did I do? And my buddy's wife who was like,
00:35:00
Speaker
the hostess of the party was like, well, first of all, you were sitting around the bonfire and like pointed directly at me and said, fuck you twice. That's awesome. I don't remember that. And then my buddy was like, I'll serve to apologize. And then I and then I guess I saw I was dressed as a hippie. And I guess I like threw my wig in the fire. Oh, it's like a motorcycle guy. Yep.
00:35:27
Speaker
Um, people were mad because they might've had to breathe in two seconds of fucking wig flame. I was fucking picturing you this whole time too in that outfit. Well, that was when I was sitting by the fire and I soberly threw pressure treated wood on top of it and he didn't get mad at me. I wasn't psyched, but we were down. I was upwind from it. What happened?
00:35:51
Speaker
It's just not good to breathe in wood that's pressure-treated. Oh, whatever. It's all like arsenic. Oh, okay. Kind of. It happens. One of the few things they tell you about bonfires. But anyway, so that was that. So what I do like, Jared's all drunk. He's like, oh, I thought this was a free country.
00:36:14
Speaker
fuck you fucking hippie. So I so I put myself to bed because I when I realized that like freedom of speech motherfuckers right dude pull out the me on Reddit every day when I when I realized like oh shit I was in the wrong and I just like spent two hours acute or like an hour and a half for accusing my friends with stealing my phone like this night's not gonna get any better
00:36:41
Speaker
And then I went to bed and passed out and woke up and, and blackout drunk me decided that it was going to keep the bit going. Oh my God. And just keep, keep calling people assholes for stealing my phone. Even though at that point I knew that I was the one who just put it in that room. Um, but two things I'm very proud of that night.
Reflections on Past Bar Experiences
00:37:03
Speaker
Uh, I didn't smoke a cigarette, which I was very worried about.
00:37:10
Speaker
Now I'm now like four weeks. No SIGs. Great. You can all give me a pause. Don't worry about it. And then I didn't fucking break any glass. All right. Didn't drive either. I didn't drive. I don't drive drunk. Pretty much save that kind of drinking for Halloween, New Year's Eve and my birthday. And so the last time was my birthday and I
00:37:36
Speaker
got to that level where I put myself to bed this time, but didn't put myself to bed. And then I was throwing, I was drinking margaritas and then I would be out of glasses and then I would finish them and spike them at people's feet. Oh my God. And so I had to wake up. I mean, I had to clean up a lot of broken glass the morning after. Who'd you have to apologize to? Which time? This time. Oh, like I just apologized to my homies group chat. I was like, Hey guys, sorry.
00:38:07
Speaker
Clearly I was very drunk. I have a similar spiking glass story. I was very drunk at Tavern in the Square in Boston when I was probably 21.
00:38:18
Speaker
And I was in the middle of, you know, Ted says that like little dance floor area was like quite literally in the middle of it with like a lot of friends. And I finished my beer and I put the pine glass directly over my head and then Gronk spiked it. And like, you know, glass obviously went everywhere. Yeah. And everybody just like all the people I was with turned and looked at me and they're like, what's wrong with you? And I was belligerent. So I was just like, oh, you guys just being fucking pussies. Oh, my God.
00:38:48
Speaker
Then I proceeded to my friend DJ shows up and he had a like a long neck Budweiser and I also had a long neck Budweiser and I want to click the bottle on top of his so his would erupt and I hit it so hard it shattered the bottle in his hand and he looked at me like it snapped the neck right off the bottle and he's like bro what the fuck and I looked at it and I just go yeah that sucks looks like you're gonna have to buy yourself another beer and
00:39:16
Speaker
Oh, you're such an asshole that refused to buy him the beer. So I was, I was, you know, two for two that night. That's okay, Jared. Sometimes you just get too drunk and you fucking spike a few glasses and bottle out of somebody's hand. We would have been, we would have been a bad.
00:39:35
Speaker
Do our age to have to have hung out in our 20s because I also enjoyed a Spike and a glass at the white horse or common ground or the model now and again The best part was I looked the bouncer right in the eyes as I did it and he just looked at me like dude, come on. Yeah Yeah Sometimes you just got a spike of glass
00:40:06
Speaker
If I was drunk at the Fenway Christmas party and I spiked a glass there. I mean, it's really at a work Christmas party. It's really satisfying to do. It's like definitely a dick move at a bar. And like as I've aged, I've realized like that's this is somebody's job. Like I'm just being an asshole where like at somebody's work right now, it sucks. But how is fun?
00:40:37
Speaker
My best that story though doesn't involve me or doesn't wasn't me but it was my buddy that I was at the model with and he He actually probably was a better spiker of pine glasses than I was but uh We were at the model normal night Normal night, but for three days prior I had broken my collarbone. So I was still in a sling and I
00:41:03
Speaker
So we're at the model. I'm in a sling with a broken collarbone. We're drinking one of the one of the bartenders or the you know, like stocky dude with orange hair. Yeah, he's like sweeping up some popcorn or some. She's like sweeping. I don't know why he was sweeping. And he and he gets to where we're standing and he's like. Sweeping and then he kind of nudges my buddy's feet with the broom basically to say like, hey, can you move? I'm sweeping here.
00:41:32
Speaker
Uh, and my buddy just kind of like looks him and doesn't move. And he gives him like, then he gives him like a harder tap, like kind of on his like ankle with the broom being like, I'm not fucking around move. And so my buddy just looks at him and just yeets his fucking pine glass full beer right on the ground in front of the guy. And it was like, no time to process.
00:41:54
Speaker
what had happened. He's in like all the dudes that worked there were like bodybuilders base. They're just all big dudes, big fucking guys. And we're standing in that corner right by where the kitchen is. Um, like between the bathrooms and the kitchen without any time to like process that like, Oh shit, a glass has just broken. That guy is already like lariat arm around his neck, dragging him through the kitchen out the back door.
00:42:22
Speaker
and they drag him out the back door and push him into the parking lot and shut the door behind him. And I'm still inside. I just hear him kicking on the back door. I'm like, this is bad. So he's kicking on the back door from the outside because, oh, because as they were dragging him out, his shoe fell off. So one of his shoes is inside. I pick up the shoe and I'm like, I'll just take it out to him. And the guy grabs it out of my hand, opens the back door and chucks the shoe across the parking lot.
00:42:53
Speaker
And then I'm like fuck So then The fucking bouncer goes goes out the door like Chuck's a shoe goes out the door I go behind him. They're now fighting in the back parking lot the fucking bouncer my buddy These two kids are skating in that back parking lot like young kids skating and they see this all going on so they start recording it and
00:43:18
Speaker
My buddy like keys into what's happening that he's being recorded mid fight breaks away from the duties like scuffling with and just hucks the kids, runs over the kid, grabs the phone and hugs it across the parking lot. I think definitely shattered into a million pieces, uh, goes back to fighting the bouncer. That fight like rolls from the back parking lot up to the road. The other, the like bigger, older bouncer with like the fucking long, like, like,
00:43:46
Speaker
heavy metal beard. He comes out and puts my buddy in a sleeper hold. Nice. He's now so he's like side like that side alley not quite at the sidewalk yet is now on the ground in the sleeper hold and like I wanted to do anything but I am I have a broken collarbone. There's nothing I can do besides be like guys stop. So
00:44:17
Speaker
So that's happening. Then one of those kids, the kid whose phone didn't get, so the two kids skating, the kid, the one of those kids who didn't get his phone thrown across the parking lot comes over to me to start talking. He's like, is that your, is that like your buddy or whatever? And I'm like, dude, like, I don't know what's going on. Just like, I'm just trying to get out of here. My buddy like comes out of sleep or hold sleep, just sees me talking to that kid and thinks that kid is starting shit with me. And like, like,
00:44:48
Speaker
electricity went through him. He's immediately up on his feet, sprints towards me, does this like jumping punch at the kid like through the air, flying punch punches this kid so hard they both roll into the street. So now whatever the street that goes by the model is, they're in the street fighting the old bouncer dude who put him in the sleeper hold comes back, puts him in a sleeper hold again in the middle of the road.
00:45:18
Speaker
Um, then because I'm not in the middle of this fight, I'm like more aware of the surroundings. I hear distance sirens. So I really like run up to my buddy and the guy and I'm like, just like pulling them apart. And I'm like, I'll take care of it. I got this. And like guy lets him go. I pick up my buddy and I'm like, we got to get the fuck out of here. The cops are coming. And so we like run and like hide out in a friend's house nearby. And then we find out later that the cops did indeed show up.
00:45:47
Speaker
They shut down the model like an hour before close, and my buddy was banned for life. We're spiking a glass. Do you pick them up with your one arm? Kinda. Did you go to the avenue? Yeah, the avenue wasn't like my main spot. The avenue was like a treat. If you wanted to get the $5 burger with the egg on it. Yeah. My roommate and I, we lived on
00:46:17
Speaker
whatever the street was that was behind Joshua Tree. So we went to the avenue like kind of regularly. Yeah. Do you remember the bouncer who had no neck? Not we're going to bail. It was, he would have been like a, he would have, his like mob name would have been like three ton Tony, bro. The dude was like a literal fucking brick wall.
00:46:38
Speaker
He would wear his football jersey every now and then and he would just be so sweaty. He was bald. He would wear one of those white service towels around his neck because he'd just be sweating at all times. I bet he weighed 360 pounds but was probably like 300 of that was just muscle. Dude was fucking terrifying. And the entire time that I went to the avenue, I never saw anybody get into a fight and I'm pretty sure that's why.
00:47:07
Speaker
Cause it was like, you don't want to have to get, I don't even, I don't even think the guy would beat you up. I think he would just fucking actually kill you. I don't even think you would have to do anything. I think you can just look at you and be like, you need to leave now. Yeah. Yeah. Not did you start shit with, he looked like a mob guy. Like it was just his whole appearance.
Living in Allston: Lifestyle and Culture
00:47:31
Speaker
He looked like if you just put a suit jacket on him, he could be in like a fucking extra and good fellows.
00:47:39
Speaker
That fucking area was so weird. It still is. You know, I was thinking the other day and no offense if you have friends who are doing this, but could you imagine being 30 and you still live in Austin? I mean, I was, I was living in Austin and I was living in Brighton. I mean, I was living in Brighton when I'm like my 30th birthday, but like not for long after that. And that was definitely,
00:48:06
Speaker
Not the reason, it wasn't just like that vanity of being like, I'm 30, I better get out of Halston. But it was definitely like a thing where it's like, all right, guy, like you used to make fun of people in their thirties at the model or like at the sill. And like, you're that guy now. Yeah, you just see, like, I'll see people that I knew from college that'll still post videos of them hanging out.
00:48:30
Speaker
at whatever whatever fucking shitty bar on like a Monday night. It's like, man, that's just depressing. I mean, never went past that. That's a friend of the pod. Twitch TV slash a panda was at the model last night, but I think you mean everyone but him when you're talking about this. Yeah, of course. He's the coolest. Well, what I'm envisioning is like the person in your high school who peaked, never moved out of town and then still goes to the high school football games.
00:49:00
Speaker
That's like the towny version of the fucking person who peaked at, I smoke cigarettes outside of the model and I still do it at 35. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the forever hipster, the hipster that never is still tragically hip at 30, 35. What are you trying to say, man? Yeah. Say what you're trying to say.
00:49:28
Speaker
I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the people. Well, why would why would I even think you were talking about me? Why would you just told me you just told me to say it? Well, no, I'm just asking what you meant by that. All right, fucking stuttered belt boy. Oh, my God. Get him, dude. I'm drinking. I've been drinking a lot of whiskey tonight.
00:49:57
Speaker
Get his ass. No, I want to do that to him. That's my pal. Start asking him where your phone is. Oh, I did do a similar thing to one of my coworkers the other morning, Jared, I went in and he has this Chevy Chevrolet hoodie that has a Punisher logo on the back of it. And I was like, bro, does that a real Chevy hoodie? Or is that something you had made?
00:50:27
Speaker
And he's like, he's always wicked cranky in the morning too. And he's like, it's a Chevy hoodie. And I'm like, yeah, but did you have it made or is it like officially licensed merchandise? Goes, I bought it at Chevy and I go, yeah, but is it officially licensed merchandise or did you have it made? And I asked him probably five times in a row on the fifth time he actually, you could watch him getting matter and matter. He's like, I just fucking told you.
00:50:56
Speaker
It's a fucking Chevy hoodie and I bought it at Chevy. I just had to needle him one more time. I'm like, yeah, but and he's like, don't ask me again. Has it had the punished logo on it? Yeah, I'm like, well, what fucking Chevrolet makes a Punisher hoodie like seems suspicious to me. Now I know you said that a while ago. I just noticed it. I'm like so much shit. Oh, my God, everywhere.
00:51:24
Speaker
everywhere. One of the security guards has it on this thing. I mean, I really like this dude. I bowl with him on Mondays. So I have no beef with this guy. But he does drive a Chevy with a Punisher logo on the back of it. What is the Punisher logo even from? Probably comic Punisher. But like, what is the part is it like? What type of like movie is it though that everybody likes it that much? I think I don't it's not
00:51:53
Speaker
The use of the logo has nothing to do with the movie anymore. I want to say... I want to say that the Punisher... Oh, this is...
Cultural Symbols and Their Meanings
00:52:04
Speaker
It's like a thin blue line guy. Okay. Is that what he... I mean, was that the... No, the Punisher hates the police. He's a vigilante.
00:52:13
Speaker
Yeah, I want to say the Punisher is like a vigilante, but like this fan of it's killed by the mob and then he goes and wipes the mob out and then just like continues killing people. Yeah, but he's like a cool but he's like a cool vigilante who has like a motorcycle and like his and a lot of guns and like grenades and stuff. How does he have like a sick motorcycle?
00:52:34
Speaker
Yeah, he's got like a sick stuff on here. He's got like a sick ass hog and he got guns and he shoots bad guys. I think in the Punisher movies got a Pontiac GTO. Yeah, dude, chill with that shit, bro. But anyways, a lot of the like, I feel like a lot of the people that you see with Punisher logos are like thin blue line people.
00:53:04
Speaker
But yeah, the dude I bowl with is like smoking weed and shit. So I think he just really, I think he really likes comics. Cause he also has a, um, transformer like bumper sticker on his fucking $80,000 Chevy truck. I mean, bumper stickers are just crazy in general. Oh yeah. There's some, uh, wild ones down here, dude.
00:53:31
Speaker
But why would you spend all that money on your vehicle and then you just put a fucking sticker on the back of it? It's not a, not an algae and water bottle. Uh, yeah, I don't know. And I'm willing to bet most of the people, not that it mattered, like, not that I'm like, you're like, I'm gatekeeping, uh, Punisher. Cause I've never even read those comics, but that's hilarious. But people who have that sticker on their car, on their trucks, like,
00:54:01
Speaker
Most of them probably have no idea like oh, I bet 90% of them are like asshole militia guys. I was just I found those that Twitter side the other day and it was so sad of these guys. I don't even know how those people like live every day. Just talking about guns every day and like pretty psycho ways.
00:54:28
Speaker
Talking, you know, one of them smoking a cigarette like denouncing your amendment rights. It's crazy Bro, one of our friends got into an argument with the doctor because he didn't want to get his child vaccinated You know one of the oh, yeah, but not like Defending that fucking mass shooting basically because of the AR shit and then like I saw this one of this girl and
00:54:57
Speaker
on there to just punt push like off they want to take our guns away like posting links to like kits to build guns. Yeah, what the fuck this guy's just like, one of those hat brims really been smoking a cigarette in a shed like talking to the camera with a dog tag around his neck. It's like an actual militia guy. Yeah, quite literally, dude.
00:55:24
Speaker
It's like our brother's going to jail for 17 years because he was at the Capitol. Literally. Imagine being that much of a fucking loser. You can't actually care about that stuff. Outside in your shed just fucking going off. You're just ticked off. You know what's kind of crazy to me too is that those people tried to. All right. So they, January 6th happened.
Reflections on January 6th and Its Impact
00:55:50
Speaker
They stormed the Capitol. They made it in.
00:55:53
Speaker
And then that, uh, I think her name, um, I don't actually know what her name is, but that woman got shot and killed. Yep. And then they were like, Oh, it's such a travesty. And it's like, no, that, that was like a pretty good example of how well trained the Capitol police are that like,
00:56:13
Speaker
Oh, yeah. You shot and killed that person. And then the other Capitol police didn't hear that gun go off and just fucking like they were in just a kill. They were in like a little kill tunnel. Oh, yeah. All those people could have gotten killed. They heard one shot go off. If they were just like a regular run of the mill police, it would have been like fucking 200 people just gunned down in a small hallway.
00:56:35
Speaker
Like that whole thing, the whole fucking thing about, oh, it was wrong that you killed that person. It's like, no, it's not. Person was trying to go through a door where they were, they were defending whoever they were defending in the Capitol police office is like, do not come through here or I'm going to shoot you. Yeah. He's like, no, you won't. I mean, honestly, they should have shot more people that day.
00:57:04
Speaker
Like I have no love for the police, but that is one time where I was like, that person fucking deserved it. They literally asked for it. That's what I mean. Probably just be a. Do not step over this line. Right. Like it's not like you're trying to fucking. I don't fucking know. Like that's the fucking government. That's like the seat of the government. There's like one place where people where if the cops are like, hey, you're not allowed to do this.
00:57:34
Speaker
And you fucking listen. It's not funny. Even just like to your point, the dollar, dollaritas at Applebee's. Like, Oh, it's such a travesty. They killed this fucking random asshole. It's like, no guy actually did the world a favor that day.
00:58:02
Speaker
Like, Oh, she was a veteran or something. It's like, Oh yeah, that just gives you like a fucking badge to do whatever you want. Yeah. I mean, I'm very, very dumbest person at my high school. So I joined the military and now I can do whatever the fuck I want. Yeah. Yeah. I've been very clear about how I feel about veterans. So we don't need to go over it anymore. I just said Jared's viewpoint just for everybody.
00:58:34
Speaker
Listen, there's no other job where people wear hats about like what they were doing at their job 20 years ago. Just saying. Get over it. You might. You might be like number one marketer 2023 fucking hope not. I was there.
00:59:02
Speaker
Justin Bieber, I was there. Just for the record, I, you know, I like some veterans. Uh, yeah, the ones that like, like my buddy, like my, I told that story about that Halloween where I showed up to the party. We both like World War II veterans.
00:59:26
Speaker
where I showed up to the party dressed as a suicide bomber and my buddy who had just gotten back from Afghanistan was there that he's a cool veteran. He thought it was funny. He laughed it off. He laughed it off. Then cried it off at night later. Probably. That's not my problem. So what'd you do Sunday Jared you woke up to that multi grain burrito. And he apologized.
00:59:56
Speaker
Um, I woke, uh, Oh no. So my penance to them was I watched their kid for like an hour and a half. Wow. So they could sleep in a little bit and then they went and got breakfast. And then, um, I hung out there. We're like way too long. Like annoying. Like I was there till like 2 PM and we're like homies. Like this dude I've known for like,
01:00:24
Speaker
Fucking 15 years or some shit, but I was also I was like you probably hate the fact that I'm still here Did he say it was a yes, please leave no No, I don't know. I think they like having me there I taught I taught their son Because he he he's really into I'd be like make you hell he's got blocks and stuff and he'll be like make the tallest tower and
01:00:50
Speaker
And so I'll be, I'll try making the tower and he is, it gets too excited and knocks it over before it's done. Like, Oh man, if you just give me like two more minutes, it'll be way taller and it'll be way more fun to knock over, but he can't help himself because he's just a little guy. And so then I just taught him to say 9 11. Anytime he knocks it down. So that'll be a fun one for when his parents figure that out. That's so funny.
01:01:19
Speaker
Uh, that was real good. You just loved it. What was the, what was the breakfast you got? Uh, that was like a,
01:01:33
Speaker
I was a breakfast burrito. I want to say that it was like a sausage, egg, and cheese. And like, I think there was like some maple in there or some shit. Okay. Nice. Pretty good. It was a good breakfast burrito. Um, yeah. So I hung out there way too late.
Cooking and Hospitality Challenges
01:01:46
Speaker
And then I went to the grocery store, got some stuff, made dinner for my sister and my ma. It's some crispy salmon. Okay. Hell yeah. Crispy salmon. Cause my sister doesn't eat meat except fish.
01:02:03
Speaker
Uh, I know my sister does that too. I know I don't get that Out of all the meats you eat you eat the worst one. Yeah Does she eat other seafood? She eats Lobster oysters and fish Yeah, pretty much all the worst Yeah Could have way better fucking meat than that dude
01:02:31
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. She was vegan for a really long time. So like, what about pizza? Um, chicken eggs. Would know she's veggie. She's like pescadarian now. So she will eat cheese and eggs and stuff now. But for like I said, for a long time, like 10 years, she was vegan. And that just kind of sucked because like it limited
01:02:54
Speaker
like the restaurants we could go to, or, you know, like family will make sacrifices for family. So we'll make like, go to different restaurants or like, make different food for dinner and stuff. But it's definitely nicer when like the entire group can eat the same shit. Can you hummus every fucking night? Yeah, or it was just like a thing where I don't know, it's just made it
01:03:16
Speaker
You know, it made it difficult because we'd be like, Oh, we can't go there. Or like, she's got to bring like her own food or like, no way. Or like, uh, you know, like doing the Shane Gales bit or her just pulling out a grilled cheese. Yeah. Or like there's things we all like making where it's like, I really like these like Swedish meatballs I make. Um, whatever dude, they owe me balls. Um,
01:03:44
Speaker
And I feel like an asshole when I make those for Thanksgiving because you can't eat them. But I'm also like, fuck off, like something I really like. And there's not really a way to do this vegan or vegetarian. You make full awful Swedish full awful balls. Yeah, there's I mean, I tried that for a long time just being like, oh, I can make some thing that's kind of like it out of things. But it's like if you like I worked really hard on this recipe, like I've made these fucking things like 100 times to try to get to like
01:04:14
Speaker
an IKEA meatball, but like good. And so like, they're bad. No, IKEA meatballs are great. But I was trying to get to like, what's like the platonic ideal of like, I can IKEA meatball. And in any event, I've just worked really hard on this recipe. And so then to be like, Oh, just do, you know, like, what's the ratio of like pork and beef and veal and how much fucking allspice should go in it and how much how should I
01:04:42
Speaker
fucking sweat the onions in cayenne or sprinkle the cayenne on the onions after they're cooked. Like really thought about a lot of stuff and then to go into that and be like, yeah, just throw in some tofu meat. Use fucking chickpeas. Just feels like disrespectful to the process. Use an apple. Yeah. I'm just kind of like, that's not how this works. I feel like vegan people, like if you invite them over, you feel like you have to make
01:05:07
Speaker
All right. Say you invited a vegan friend over and you were like, Oh, we're going to have hamburgers, but since you're coming, I'll make you like some fucked up portobello cap bullshit fake hamburger thing. But then when you go over to their house, they're not like, Oh, I'm having some shitty portobello thing, but I'll make you a burger. Yes. That's extremely true. That's a, that's a fair point. It actually happened recently. I cooked for my team.
01:05:35
Speaker
when they were all up here and one of the guys on my team is vegan and awesome. You're probably like, Oh, here's some like good vegan meal that I made for you. And then I didn't make him a good meal. I mean, I honestly felt bad that I couldn't make a better meal, but like, basically I was like, the one that you make, wanted to cook for the team, asked them, what do you want?
01:05:59
Speaker
They kind of voted. They wanted like a creamy, garlicky chicken penne with vegetables. Oh, what the hell? Yeah, it was. It was the fuck. It was extraordinarily disappointing. Yeah. I was like, you guys, I was like, I'm going to go. Like I had to go out and like pick some shit up and I was like, I'm going to go and pick some shit up. You guys just decide what you want me to make and I'll you know, and then I'll give you the shopping list and I'll make it tonight. And I was like, and they were like,
01:06:28
Speaker
They were like, well, what can you make? And I was like, I can make anything. Whatever you're imagining, I can make it. Like, curry shrimp, fucking really nice steaks, like whatever you want, I can make it. And so they're like, awesome. And then I come back and they're like, we want like creamy, garlicky pasta with chicken and vegetables. And I was like, what the hell? You're all disappointing to me. But in any event,
01:06:55
Speaker
I made that and then for the kid who for my buddy who's a vegan, I just made I just like cook some of the vegetables separately. So they got like the pasta, chicken and vegetables. And I just made him some some nice roasted veggies. That's it. Well, I can't I don't know, dude, what I don't know what vegans eat. That's what vegans eat is just fucking terrible food all the time.
01:07:19
Speaker
These were fucking really good roasted vegetables, but well, not like that, but that's just like for dinner, bro. No, that's what I mean. That's not a dinner. What am I going to do? Make some weird? Get some nuggets, nuggets, get some weird nuggets. There's like, I'll take some fried Satan, a little bit of fucking dude, just put a fucking quarter pound over some McNuggets on the side for that guy and just say, bro, if you can, if you don't eat this, it's on you, bro.
01:07:51
Speaker
How good that would be Yeah, that's like getting out of jail fucking type good Yep. Oh man. I was talking about that today. Just how good a fucking quarter pounder is Smacks dude, my friend was like You know how shitty you feel after eating McDonald's and I was like no no great after yeah I don't think I've ever felt bad after eating McDonald's I had hot dogs tonight barely felt bad. They're so good. I
01:08:18
Speaker
They probably feel great. Yeah, honestly, we went on a walk after charged up fucking fuel the fuck up and it's not even hot dogs regular just fucking hot dogs pigs in a blanket style bro. There we go. Yeah. So good. Maybe I'm the only one that I always do pigs in the blades where I cook for hot dogs and then just cut them up. Huh? Yeah, instead of the mini ones.
01:08:49
Speaker
Oh, I get that. Yeah. I didn't even think about that. I didn't even know there was many ones until like five years ago. Yeah. I wonder if it makes a difference. I think I think they taste better on the many ones that got like just in a bigger blanket. Well, on the many ones, you've got everything like sealed in when it cooks, I guess.
01:09:12
Speaker
But I think I like the idea of just cutting them up. Just put them into like thirds, and you're good. Yeah. Then it's like half of a hot dog sometimes. Yeah, I like that. When you cut one a little too far, yeah, it's good, dude. You like boiled hot dogs? Fuck no. I don't think I've ever. I think I've only eaten those at baseball games. Yeah, boiling is like. That's just doing it. That's just the way you do it for like, I need to cook 30 hot dogs right now.
01:09:43
Speaker
Yeah, I totally hate boiled hot dogs too. You boil them in the crib? That's your favorite way to cook a hot dog? I like them on the grill, but I don't have like a gas grill. So I just usually boil them.
01:10:01
Speaker
Damn, bro. I even do them sometimes. Poppity hot dogs. Nah, I just do them sometimes in the saute pan with a ton of butter if I need to. I was going to say, I wouldn't... Oh yeah. Because I've made them like that. But I still like a boiled hot dog better than that. I wouldn't want to... If I wasn't going to grill, I wouldn't want to wait for water to boil either. I'd just be like, yeah, this is going on the fucking fry pan. Yeah, I just...
01:10:22
Speaker
Man boil all you get the full taste of it then fucking delicious boil Yeah, do you just just that every taste of the hot dog you get in that just how it's seasoned with water That sucks flavor out so good
01:10:38
Speaker
Yeah. And then it's in flavor water. Yeah. What do you put on? I mean, you're putting mustard and shit on the hot dogs. Who the fuck cares how you cook it? I mean, sure. But you don't get like a snap or anything. That's a ridiculous. Honestly, that's a ridiculous statement, though. You're putting you're putting mustard, ketchup, mustard, whatever on the hot dog. So it doesn't matter how it's cooked. The best part of a hot dog is when it's like got a little bit of burn to it. That's what I'm saying.
01:11:08
Speaker
Get a little char on there. Fucking good hot dogs, dude. Maybe it's a New York thing, but we always like the hot dog carts. You go to a hot dog cart, and it's just a hot dog that's been floating in water for fucking 20 hours. Yeah, but I mean, that's efficiency. That's just because they have the hot dogs in that pitch. And it's just in water that keeps it warm the whole time. And you get used to that flavor, and you're like, that's how I want my hot dog. I get the Hebrew nationals, especially right now. It's what's going on in the country.
01:11:39
Speaker
Got a support. I mean, the Hebrew nationals are the only ones that are like not made with fucking asshole meat. Hot doggins, dude. Hot doggins. They actually use like... Boar's head, spicy deli mustard. There we go. That's the fire.
01:11:57
Speaker
Nice. Jared's boss one time told me all about Hebrew national hot dogs. That's who I learned it from. He was like, you're gonna eat a hot dog. It's Hebrew national or nothing. Damn. So I picked the right one to commit to a while back. He went into serious detail about it too. We were all trashed. So it was like a weird conversation.
01:12:16
Speaker
Yeah, at one point when I was in the trap, I would just make hot dogs and bacon to just put a slice of bacon in the hot dog called day. She was fine. Sometimes I'll boil a hot dog and I'll put a piece of American cheese in a bun. I'll just stick the hot dog into that. Yeah, I love you, Paul. I'll eat that. You rip it, dude, boil it, I'm throwing some cheese in there.
01:12:39
Speaker
Well cheese dog you would crush prison dude Just that unshakable optimism make a fucking nice ass roll up or a pie or something called a day dude Mad beef jerky and cheese pies and shit in there. There we go. Yeah beef jerky nice fucking meat stick pause
01:13:05
Speaker
You ever get the beef jerky? That's bacon jerky. It's just like, it's just like a cold piece of bacon. Oh, that sounds kind of bad. You know what I did pick up? It's terrible. It tastes good. From all my boys that came back from doing time, they always put well first they put me on and then everybody else fell into it when but you get those. What are those things called the it's not like a nutter butter, but it's like a crunch those
01:13:33
Speaker
Crunchy things the way for her finger. Nah, they're like the little Debbie's like way for chocolate You get the nutty buddies and then you just break them up Put them into like milk with a little bit of cereal and it's mostly nutty buddies. That's so fire, dude Those are fucking really good treats you guys you got to pick some of those up at the grocery store next and
01:14:03
Speaker
Nutty buddy. Yeah, and then you break it up put it into milk like a cereal bowl And then just a tiny tiny bit of cereal on top of that Really good And then uh, honey buns are still big too Those fat ones that were 50 cents or whatever. Yeah, those go to the gas station every now and then and i'll get one Yeah
01:14:32
Speaker
Hell yeah, bro. You just, I love that, dude. You are a fucking prison, dude. I love it, dude. Kind of funny. I was thinking about this and I used to work at Fenway and I was, I was making like $12 and 50 cents and I lived in Boston. I would eat those, um, steaming fresh. You know what that is? It's like a bag of vegetables, but sometimes they would hit, well not sometimes, but you can get the spaghetti ones. What?
01:15:00
Speaker
It's just like noodles in a bag with veggies and maybe like some sort of questionable cheese sauce. I crushed that. Yeah. My fucking straight poverty meal. You could get like four of them for four bucks, four of them for three bucks or something. Yeah, I think my pops always had those too.
01:15:23
Speaker
Yo, this is, this is for sure. Eat a whole can of beans. This bag of penny and vegetables. Steam fresh penny and vegetables from Walmart is $3.19. Oh my God. Get them on sale. 12 ounce bag of penny and vegetables, $3.19. That's wild.
01:15:49
Speaker
We got to just do one of those one-week challenges where we just have to live off of that type of stuff. I could do it no problem. It would just be like a regular day. I was about to say, Aidan, sometime when you're here for more than 12 hours, we'll hang out at Paul's place.
01:16:12
Speaker
I'm not roasting you Paul. I appreciate the hospitality, but just like the constant stream of microwavable or ovenable snacks. It's just like, like, like three 30. And it's like, I'm going to make pizza rolls. You guys want pizza rolls? Yeah, I do.
01:16:36
Speaker
Dude, that is so awesome, man. It's like 90. It wouldn't skip a beat. It wouldn't skip a beat. I'd say 90% of the time I make, for if it's like just Shannon and I, or I'm making food for like a party, I'll make actually good food. And then I'll be like, you know what? I'm just going to smoke a whole brick of cream cheese. That's what we're going to have today. Yeah, that is so awesome. You're just doing a fucking three year bid, dude. Just fucking smoking cream cheese in a pot.
01:17:10
Speaker
That rules so hard dude. Get one of those fucking rolls with like, looks like a cinnamon fucking dough rolled up at the bakery, dude.
01:17:26
Speaker
I just feel like there was a point in time where we were so poor and it was me and my roommate and we would have like literally no food and be like, all right, we've got, we've got a can of, a can of fucking refried beans and a can of black olives, which can of food. Eat an entire can of black olives or have a hot sauce sandwich. Just take a piece of white bread and if I can put Tabasco in it, fold it over and eat it.
01:17:53
Speaker
Yeah. Do you see that just now that like literally just now the cup of noodles came out with a microwave book cup and everybody's like, what the fuck was the cup before?
01:18:05
Speaker
fucking styrofoam cup that said do not microwave. That's so fun. Did it actually? Yo, people that still eat a cup of noodles for lunch. You need to get yourself checked. That's not good. I'm not even gonna lie. I just bought a whole six pack of ramen at the grocery store today. The one that's in the styrofoam cup. No, I got my favorite. I'm talking about the classic one that has peas and stuff and it's in the cup.
01:18:32
Speaker
Not my favorite, but I'm not going to act like I haven't eaten the styrofoam one in the last two weeks. God damn, I can just taste that taste already. The one the one fucking shit poor food that I will just willingly eat because I enjoy it is like whatever shit ramen you can find, including a couple of noodles.
01:18:57
Speaker
I fucking love ramen. I just got the whole I got the six pack of the creamy chicken or the roast chicken. I think it is. Yeah. Like the more gas stationing, of course, the better. I don't eat the cup ones, though. I eat the break it, break it in half, flip it around. Yeah, I mean, that's definitely like if I'm if I'm trying to make fancy ramen. Yeah. But I am not above the like used to fucking big, small, stoner food is you just you open up the ramen just like you get the
01:19:25
Speaker
Yeah. And you just eat it cold. It's like a crunchy taco thing. I'm not doing that. I upgraded it nowadays in my later life. I just throw the whole brick of ramen in. Then it's like noodles. That's what I used to break it up as a you. You know what I mean? You used to crush the whole way up. You should try it, Jared. Just eating it dry? Yeah. You just eat it dry. It's mad good. I've eaten it dry a ton of times, bro.
01:19:49
Speaker
I don't know. It's like legit good. Yeah, put the seasoning on it a little bit, shake it up in the bag and then eat it dry. It's good. Maybe. I believe you. I just can't really picture myself trying it at this point in my life. I feel like the hot sauce sandwich is probably a low point in my life. And then like the dudes at Fenway didn't believe me and I was like, no, like,
01:20:16
Speaker
Last night I had a hot sauce sandwich for dinner. That's so funny. Every now and then I'll have one just to remember what it was like. Get back to the good old days. Yep. See, that's how you know yourself reliant though. You're just like, you know what? Things get really bad. I'll just eat fucking hot sauce on a fucking folded over piece of Wonder Bread.
Shopping Habits and Food Discussions
01:20:42
Speaker
Yo, do you, um, I need to get on if it is possible, but do you like only grocery shop at Costco? Is that possible without eating the same thing for like 300 days in a row? I don't, I think if you're like the ingredient house, if you're willing to do like a decent amount of like cooking, you can probably get away with it. That's the thing is like, I cook, we could do, we get like avocados and shit.
01:21:10
Speaker
It's like not that big of meals. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then some of the other things there I've already kind of, I mean, I'm a very new, I'm a one month into Costco guy, but, um, I dunno, this is not a, this is not a real problem for people, but I'm like, Oh, pomegranate. I have to get 12 of them. Yes. That's a problem. It is a real problem. That's a tough part with me. Cause I'm like, uh, I don't need that many.
01:21:39
Speaker
100%. Like I don't need fucking fifth. The only one I think that's a really good deal is the avocados. How many five pounds of avocados Yeah, I go to we like it's like literally six in a week or whatever six and six days. That's all I need. Yeah. I'm right now like great for like the butchers are the fucking meats is great.
01:22:08
Speaker
Mm hmm. Great for getting bottled water. Great for getting your bees. Is the butcher though? Like how many do I got to get like two pounds of chicken? Because all I need is like one at a time. You know what I mean? Like I just freeze it. Yeah, that's kind of what where my where my vibes. I just honestly forget it in the fucking freezer every time bro. Don't forget it. Yeah.
01:22:34
Speaker
Because you know what I mean though? Like I gotta cook, right? And then I'm like, great. Now the chicken's not, the chicken's fucking frozen. Yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna high road you and be like, I don't have like $200 of frozen meat. I'll never eat in my fridge, but, but, but I do sometimes thought out and cook it.
01:22:53
Speaker
prior preparation prevents piss poor performance dude six p's don't six p's me I don't get that fucking time in my head bro. I'm like, I'm gonna cook that shit then. That's already enough fucking remembering out of my head. Isn't the seven p's
01:23:14
Speaker
Remembering the cryo preparation prevents piss poor performance. That's six peas. Proper preparation and planning prevents piss poor performance. But you're adding, you're adding another thing on. I think it's the seven peas, not the six peas. Look that up right now. Six. That'd be so ironic. Yeah, the six peas. Product placement, promotion, price, people and passion. You should know that dude. That's that's marketing one on one. Dude,
01:23:43
Speaker
They give that to you. Seven P's is a British army adage for proper planning and preparation prevents piss poor performance. Got your ass. Paul, you ain't prepared, bro. I wasn't going to even get it right. All right. I get for denigrating the fucking veterans earlier. I'll come out of limits. They fucked the British army, dude. What are you going to do about it? I can I
International Relations and Drug Trade
01:24:08
Speaker
can say with absolutely no reservations.
01:24:12
Speaker
British Army veterans, y'all suck. It's like Canadian arm fucking, you know what I mean? What are you guys going to do? We were all dude, you know, each other's butts. We could easily take out the British Army if we needed to. Why don't we just take over Canada? I know it's often said, but we really got it's not worth it. Canada, dude, it's just cold there. It's like a flex that you don't need. It's like a flex. It's embarrassing because
01:24:37
Speaker
you're like you did what you moved into Brunswick bro people that I met from the other week they're like yeah my at my house it gets to like 40 below I'm like bro you're not supposed to live there that's why I don't you don't have to fucking live in the 40 below climate it's not supposed to happen I feel like Mexico has a lot of nice stuff that we could take Mexico was a would be a more would be a better one if we were gonna invade a neighbor yuck
01:25:07
Speaker
Mexico would be the water gives me diarrhea. No, we could clean the water up. We get it. You got the Gulf. We get it. And that's probably what I would take. If I was looking at the two, I'd want Mexico to get good food. The entirety of Mexico is habitable. Whereas like the food, everyone in
01:25:36
Speaker
Everyone in Canada lives south of Edmonton in like four cities What does that mean? Like most of that country no one lives in it's like uninhabitable Yeah, dude, it's not it's 40 below fucking whatever. That's fucking stupid. If you're not living in like Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto Vancouver Calgary Winnipeg, there's nowhere to live. It's Toronto Toronto whereas Mexico
01:26:06
Speaker
you got a whole country of places. Yeah, I think I'd live in Chihuahua. My family's from just live there based on the name. Yeah. I like to live in Cholula. This is a real place. Really?
01:26:25
Speaker
Um, well, uh, well, uh, well, uh, they're in Jalisco, Mexico city. I would like to live in Mazatlan. What about Mazatlan? God is ass. Damn. Damn. Second and glorious bastards where he goes, you speak the second most Italian and the guys like Bonjourno.
01:26:57
Speaker
I mean, Mexico honestly seems kind of dank. Good food. All the fucking beaches. Yeah, we just need to get all that. All those people killing people out of there, you know? No. No, they can stay. They provide a service, drone them out. They're like bullies. I forgot. I forgot how much of a cop you are. Drone the fucking, what about cartels killing people?
01:27:27
Speaker
Just in general. They provide a service, dude. They don't provide any service, dude. Yes, they do. What do they do? They give bring fentanyl into the country. Whatever. Dude has a kid and he's like, I want safe neighborhoods. I don't want fentanyl fucking in these Chinese clubs over here anymore.
01:27:50
Speaker
That's China. China sells it to Mexico and Mexico is just an unwilling relationship. Oh my God. If it wasn't for China, Mexico would still be selling. You're standing up for the little guy right now. Better things. Listen, here's the thing though.
01:28:12
Speaker
Uh, everything in life is supply and demand. Pops was saying how much he loves capitalism and how gay for capitalism he is. They wouldn't be, they wouldn't be bringing, he would set it like at the beginning of the pod. We all heard it. Damn. Uh, if there wasn't a market for fentanyl in America, then there'd be no incentive for Mexico, Mexicans to smuggle it across the border. I'm just saying regular drugs, which would be a lot cooler.
01:28:41
Speaker
They do do regular drugs. Yeah, I'm saying they're not do fentanyl. They can pay an option. If Americans weren't buying it, they wouldn't there wouldn't be anything to sell. All right. Who are you real mad at? I don't think they're fucking selling directly most of the time. They're just cutting with it. And then selling it for people to cut more with it. Yeah, because because of China.
01:29:03
Speaker
Where the fuck are they getting the precursor to? You think they're just making it? You think they're just making the fentanyl precursor in Mexico? Yeah. At this point, they probably are. No, they're getting it from China. Dude, after a while, just like in any other drug, the source is going to become the source. They're going to fucking just keep buying it from China forever. I think it's fairly well documented that the flow of drugs goes precursor from China to cartel in Mexico.
01:29:34
Speaker
made into fentanyl dude there's like hundreds of fentanyl mexican labs that just got busted on here well you know what it's probably it's probably fucking dank or else people want to do it honestly i'm kind of with jared on this there's definitely a market for it i mean there's a market for everything you could probably you know you could maybe try to figure out what the root issue is why people want to do fentanyl but
01:30:03
Speaker
for just being honest, like, it's probably dank. Probably dank. That's a that's a great take. What makes it? I don't know. I've never done it and have no interest in doing it. We've talked about we've talked about this on pod that when I got when I had surgery and when I was 20, I refused general anesthetic. We talked about that, right?
01:30:34
Speaker
Maybe not. I refuse general anesthetic because I...
01:30:37
Speaker
Well, didn't want to be completely under. And so they were like, all right, we'll have to just kind of load you up with painkillers. And I was like, what does that mean? He's like, we're going to give you a lot of fentanyl. And this was in like 2007 when like it wasn't an epidemic. And you could just get a bunch of fentanyl. You can still get it at the hospital. No, I know. But yeah, either way.
01:31:08
Speaker
And so they just gave me a whole bunch of fentanyl and I just watched on a screen while people dug around on my insides. And I, all I, what I remember is they were like, all right, we're like starting. And I looked and they were like cutting me open. And then the guys like reaching his hand in where he cut into me. And then I just started laughing and then everything got really bright. And then I like woke up whenever it was over. So, um,
01:31:37
Speaker
Fentanyl is good enough that you can have people digging around your insides. And it's funny. I think maybe America just got to growing weed. Yeah, right. And Mexico was like, Well, we can't just ship up this fucking bullshit brick weed anymore. There's no more market for it. There's still a market for that.
01:31:58
Speaker
Okay. I've smoked some of that stuff. That's terrible. It is fucking terrible. You just got to be, you just got to be Fernway and, and spray terpenes on it and call it terpene enhanced pre rolls. And then you got a product. I still don't even think that that's brickweed. I found some brickweed in a parking lot at a brickweed fucking big Y and Springfield one time. And I took it home and smoked it. And it was, when was this? Probably 2010. All right, fine.
01:32:30
Speaker
It was some terrible. It was like a little drug dime bag. So I was out doing carts. It was in East Long Meadow, Mass. Actually, it was not in Springfield, but I found it while I was out doing carts. Thank you. Our fact checkers were about to call that out. Yeah, they were on the case. There was a time and there was a time in, you know, history where you could find drugs on the
01:33:00
Speaker
in a parking lot at a grocery store and do them and not feel like you were going to die. Yeah. Yeah. There's those subreddits now that show you pictures of where weed was hidden. And I'm always nervous. Even when I recognize where it's at. What is it? There's like a separate buy too much. Yeah. There's one for Boston where people will be like, Oh, like,
01:33:28
Speaker
go to find this spot in Boston Common, I hit something and it's like, I don't know. That's I'm, I'm, I'm sure it's probably fine. But I don't think I would take drugs from a random person anymore. I smoked parking lot weed more than one time. And now I probably wouldn't do that.
01:33:52
Speaker
And I'm, I'm like, I'd say I'm 99% sure that all the reports online that say that somebody died from fentanyl laced weed is fake. And I still don't think I would take that chance. Yeah, I think a lot of it is what the hell. I mean, there's like, definitely some just like shit out there where it's like,
01:34:13
Speaker
do where it's like this cop was like cleaning up fentanyl and like the dust got on his hand and he overdosed. You're like, No, that's not that that's actually impossible. Even if it's in the air can't kill you. But I think you could OD on like fennel laced weed. But I also do think that's mostly propaganda. I just don't think like in my logical mind, I don't think that there's people who are giving you free drugs.
01:34:43
Speaker
Yeah. Right? Like they weren't like, okay. So brickweed was like, maybe the market's changed a little bit. But when I was in high school, it was like five bucks a gram for mids. And I don't think anybody was like, I'm also going to throw a little bit of opiate on top of this and still sell it for $5. Like that doesn't make any sense to me. Because it has to cost more money because now you're cutting it with something.
01:35:10
Speaker
And it's not like you're cutting a powder with a benign powder. You're adding something. You're just adding more drugs. You're adding more. You're adding more drugs for the same amount of money. That doesn't make any sense. Nobody's giving away free drugs. Who knows? I haven't had to buy weed from a fucking regular street dealer in a long time.
01:35:37
Speaker
Do people even call weed mids and headies anymore? Is that even a thing? No, it's just weed. Just assumed to be at least something better than what it was.
Substance Use and Health Reflections
01:35:50
Speaker
Right. I don't think like in all the time that I worked in cannabis and people would say shit was mids. I was like, this is not mids. Even, like even the worst weed that we ever produced was not as bad as the Mexican brickweed that you would buy occasionally when you were in high school.
01:36:07
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, I feel like a lot of the people that we worked with were maybe like, 21 to 25. And 2020, and had never actually experienced bad weed, because it had either been legal or decriminalized. Yeah. Kid gloved. Like mid like actual mids, you couldn't smoke enough of it to get high, it would just give you a headache.
01:36:35
Speaker
You could smoke a fucking ounce of it and not fucking have like a bipolar episode after You could buy an ounce of it for like 80 bucks. Yeah, exactly Now if you smoked even like a quarter of weed sitting down of like regular weed, you'd be fucked up for like a day Or even like the pricing be like five bucks for a gram of mids
01:37:03
Speaker
15 bucks for some like fucking shitty better mids that somebody would call Reggie and then they'd be like, Oh, it's Hetty's. It's $20 a gram all the way up. Okay, so it's a 400 something dollar ounce. Oh, yeah. Just fucking dived out ounces making the most money off them ruled certain fellows would do that. I was always impressed.
01:37:35
Speaker
There's this dude I knew in college who sold it for 10 bucks a gram all the way up. And it only made sense if you were buying like four grams. Otherwise you're getting ripped off. Yeah. Be like, yeah, but it's less than $300 for an ounce. And it's like, yeah, it's less than $300 for an ounce or some fucking nasty trap weed.
01:38:05
Speaker
Teddy's bro. Teddy's don't worry about it. I got to trim mine still and still hanging in my shed. It's still hanging. Holy. How long has it been up there? Probably two weeks. Holy shit. And it's like definitely ready to be trimmed and it still smells good and hasn't like lost its Terps or anything. I just haven't had a chance to trim. Well, yeah, dude, it was fucking freezing this morning.
01:38:35
Speaker
Oh, the shed is insulated enough that it didn't. I actually checked it this morning just to make sure. No, I didn't even mean like, like I was worried that it got it or anything. No, I didn't mean like that. I just meant it's been so cold that Terps wouldn't even evaporate. The, the big branches still aren't snapping, but they're not. I got to trim it at a certain point. If it's the one that it's on, if it's like that. Small ones. If that snaps, you're good to go.
01:39:03
Speaker
Yeah, some of the smaller ones are snapping. I think I'll probably trim them tomorrow if I can. I just haven't had time. I feel like this happened one time. I brewed beer and then I never bottled it. And then I found it like right before I moved and it was basically malt liquor. Yeah, dude. The house I lived in in Brighton when I was 30, the people who had lived there like seven years before us brewed beer, I guess.
01:39:29
Speaker
And we were like cleaning out because we were finally moving out. We were like cleaning out and there was this like crawl space kind of underneath the porch that we knew there was some stuff under. And so we kind of just like went under there to check it out. And like one of the things there was a big old, like, uh, one of those giant barrels for, or not barrels, those giant glass bottles for like wine making and beer making that had turned into some like horrific, like Brown.
01:39:59
Speaker
vinegar kombucha shit just look gnarly as hell. Well, the crazy thing about beer is like doesn't go bad. Yeah, I don't know if this like I guess I don't know what this started out as but it was like it looked like it was like the color of Guinness but then it had like a weird light brown layer of like sludge at the top.
01:40:25
Speaker
It was just, uh, it looked ungodly. We left it under there. Like you could find a beer from whenever, from your fucking, from your dad in the seventies. And as long as it wasn't open, you could open it and drink it. It's not going to taste good, but it's not going to make you sick. You see that occasionally they'll find like, um, meat or whatever from ancient Egypt and you can open it and drink it.
01:40:51
Speaker
Oh, that's crazy. That's wild. That's because it's alcohol. There's that wine from that like ship that sank in the Arctic. They found intact bottles of and it's like the oldest rarest wine you can get. But it doesn't taste good. Oh, it doesn't taste very good. Yeah, probably tastes like shit. I mean, but let's be real. Does any wine taste good?
01:41:16
Speaker
I've had some, well, no, that's a fair point. I've had some natural wines that tasted pretty good, but. Or wine. That's like rare to find, too, unless you live in a big city. I don't know, does any alcohol actually really taste very good? I mean, I would argue, yes, but. Sure, everything's an acquired taste, but I feel like if you were
01:41:45
Speaker
Say you were 21 because we got to keep it legal. You'd never had any alcohol in your life. Anyway, continue. All right. Allegedly, you're 21. You've never had a sip of alcohol in your life and somebody gives you bourbon. You'd be like, this fucking sucks. Yeah, no, I'm sure somebody gives you a beer. You'd be like, this sucks. Tequila is fucking disgusting. Rum terrible.
01:42:09
Speaker
Yeah, I guess that's, then you have it a few times. It's like a cigarette. You smoke your first cigarette and you're like, wow, I just cough my ass off. That was terrible. Then you have, you know, 15 more of them. And by that time, you're like, these are the best things I've ever had in my life. I need to have at least 20 of these a day for the rest of my life. Yeah. Cigarettes are so good. So good. I haven't smoked a cigarette and
01:42:41
Speaker
had like a couple puffs off a year is a few weeks ago, but I haven't spoken full cigarette and probably to maybe a year. Yeah. And I'm still like, if somebody's like, Hey, do you want to have a cigarette? Immediately, I'd be like, yep, those things are fucking delicious. I was doing really good for a long time. But like the last I know I know, but like the last year and a half, I've just
01:43:04
Speaker
been a bad, a bad streak, but yeah, I'm back to like a month without it. That means you can do it for as long as you want. Just get a quarter pounder at any time instead. I haven't had, I've had one day in the last four weeks that where I was like, Oh, like where I had to be like, I'm not going to leave the house because if I do, I'll be, I'll pass a gas station. If I pass a gas station, I'm going to buy cigarettes.
01:43:32
Speaker
I'm fucking convinced that if they didn't give you cancer, everybody would smoke. Oh, of course, dude. You look way cooler. You've never looked at a person. Well, yeah, I mean, I guess you have, because you've seen some like fucked up hillbillies. But a lot of, you know, you look cooler. Something to do gets you high for like the five seconds. And I mean, really, once you get used to it, they taste good.
01:44:02
Speaker
Uh, yeah, I just love the like little excuse to fucking leave whatever situation I'm in. Yeah. I got to go smoke a cigarette and people like, Oh, okay. Whatever. It gives you unlimited five minute breaks. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. It's the best substance ever, ever designed.
01:44:29
Speaker
It just is a bummer that it definitely gives you cancer. And there's like no, there's no real way of getting around that. Yeah. Until we're like robots. As soon as I can get like bionic, like Android lungs that don't deteriorate. Everybody's going to be chuffing butts for sure. Get on it. Fucking zuck. Figure it out, zuck.
01:44:59
Speaker
You watch old movies. Who's smoking cigarettes? James Dean. Coolest dude of all time. Fair. Fair point. The Fonz. Punching cigarette machines. Right. Jumping sharks. That's that balance in life. Can't be too cool.
01:45:25
Speaker
Yep. You have to kill you. You have to blow up in a submersible underneath the ocean. Yeah, you get a billion dollars. Everything's good. And the next thing you know, fucking submersible, you're in rapidly decompresses and crushes you to death. Probably worth it, honestly.
01:45:53
Speaker
How many people have seen the Titanic since it went down? Not many. James Cameron. James Cameron, for sure. Ocean Gate dudes did before. For like two seconds. Still counts. If you didn't have a family or anything, it'd be worth it.
01:46:24
Speaker
What are you trying to say? You want me to fucking go to the Titanic? Is that what you're trying to say? I would like you to go down in the submersible and send me pictures. Well. Like to live vicariously through your life. All right. Fine. You guys like Buffalo Trace? Um.
01:46:56
Speaker
Yeah. Or do you like the other things that they bottle under their label? I don't remember all that. Been a while since I was reading more about the ocean gate thing. What happened? There's found more pieces of it. Like just now? No, like in the beginning October. I just haven't looked into it since. Yeah.
01:47:24
Speaker
It's just like a waste of time at this point. Well, obviously it's just, you know, they're just doing stuff, but you know what? October 11th, more presumed human remains covered. That's different from pieces. That's like shit. That's like stuff. I mean, even if I, all right, say one of my family members went down in the sub and they got crushed.
Unique Memorial Wishes and Reflections on Mortality
01:47:52
Speaker
I wouldn't want them to bring the body parts back up. No, definitely not. Just fucking leave it in the ocean. Yeah. What am I going to do? Get it cremated and then have to hang on to it? You can get it cremated. You just have like a. You know, get it mounted like a third, like a lumbar vertebrae and be like, what is that? Why do you have that like pot roast bone on your wall? And you'd be like, that's my husband. Oh, my God.
01:48:25
Speaker
That's grandma. Oh, where's your husband right now? At the bottom of the ocean. Yeah. In pieces inside crab stomachs. Or even just, I don't know. At that point, I think you should just, why are you spending all that money to bring it back up?
01:48:44
Speaker
Um, that's fair. Make a pay for it at least. That's not like a fucking, it's not like a question. It's not like, Oh man, maybe one of those people like shot them before the, for the fucking sub decompressed and crushed all of them. What if you're, what if, what if one of them was secretly Muslim and because, and because of Muslim burial rituals, if they're
01:49:11
Speaker
Remains are reunited on dry land. They don't get to go to Muslim heaven. That's a fair point. I forget that people believe in ghosts still. I would love to for my final resting place to be eaten, eaten tiny piece by tiny piece by crabs. That'd be great. My wish is to be made into a. Packed into a firework. Yeah, that's pretty cool.
01:49:41
Speaker
I don't mind that. So I told Chan, I was like, if I die before you, I want to be packed into a firework. And then I want a bunch of people to come and see it. So here's, I guess, a question is, for your firework funeral or whatever, do you covered in my dead body dust? No, I'm definitely fine with that.
01:50:07
Speaker
Um, definitely fine with that. But do you want like a big fireworks show and then the finale is you or is it just like you and nothing else to take away from that? Hmm. I bet you with a human body, you could make like 20 or 30 fireworks. Yeah. And if you were good at it, like, I don't know, they probably just cremate you and put the ashes.
01:50:33
Speaker
in a firework, which is fine. But like if you really wanted to like, maximize the impact of your body, like, you separate out some of the chemicals, like you get some, you know, sulfur compounds out of your body, you get some iron compounds out of your body, you get some copper, nitrogen stuff, you can get different colors, you know, isolate some different elements from your
01:51:00
Speaker
your bones and your blood and your hair and stuff. And you can, you know, you get a few different varieties of fireworks. I will say that it's not an original idea because Hunter S Thompson had his remains fired out of a cannon as a fireworks. So yeah, it's kind of where I stole it from. I mean, if you're going to steal, I feel like Hunter S is, uh,
01:51:28
Speaker
Not a bad, not a bad person to steal a death ritual from. I respect that. Certainly won't be the first person to be eaten bit by bit by hundreds and hundreds of crabs. Talk to that talk bro. I'm actually, I'm pretty, I'm actually fairly certain that you can get buried at sea and it's not very hard to do.
01:51:58
Speaker
I mean, I can definitely just decide when I'm like old enough or whatever, or like I've done all the things I wanted to do and then just like fill my pockets with rocks and jump off a boat. You want to like show yourself first? You were just drowned. Drowning seems terrible. Drowning does seem extremely terrible. No, I wouldn't do that.
01:52:29
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I'd go the drowning way. Yeah, that's probably like the one I you know, the like improbable death scenario that gives me the most anxiety is being like is like waking up in like a golden retriever dog cage and then and then getting thrown into the water because you're just like I'm sinking and there's nothing I can do to stop sinking and I'm running out of air. And there's nothing I can do about that.
01:52:59
Speaker
What about the monk? He'd be like the monk who let himself on fire. Uh, honestly, I still think like at least he had agency over that situation. I'm sure it was horrifically painful, but he like chose to do it. So I think there's like that part of it where you're like, okay, I got to do this for like Tibet or whatever, but just like drowning in a dog cage.
01:53:30
Speaker
No, thank you. That's probably a fair point. You saw a saw and then you've been prepping ever since sun. Like, okay, if I've ever got the reverse jaw opener, that's going to rip my head in half. This is exactly how I would find the key. Yuck.
01:53:56
Speaker
Yucky. I can't believe they made like 15 of those moments. They still make they still make them. Like the first one was pretty good. The second one started to get kind of goofy. The third one was like probably where I stopped watching them. Yeah. Fucking saw movies. We got a shout out to do on this wrapped this bitch up.
01:54:26
Speaker
Wrapped his bitch up before we hit two hours. Shout out Sinaloa Cartel for keeping us Americans well supplied with fentanyl. You actually mean shout out China, but that's okay. Pops shout out. Shout out China. Damn. For giving COVID to the world and ruining three years of my life. Okay. Could have been Italy, but we don't know that.
01:54:55
Speaker
Shout out, Aidan. Shout out to Kevin from Bring Him In High School. All right, that's a pod. End of the episode. Thanks for listening. Stick with us. We can't be stopped. Join the Reddit. Good night, pumpkin.
01:55:21
Speaker
We want some bombastic romance and fantastical love Mr. Lova, Lova, Lova Mr. Lova, Lova, Lova Mr. Lova, Lova, Lova Mr. Lova, Lova She called him Mr. Bombastic, he said he fantastic Taught me none me but she says I'm Mr. Roo
01:55:47
Speaker
Oh, Monty, I'm a fantastic, touch me, not me, but she says I'm Mr. Rose Smooth
01:55:55
Speaker
Just like a silk, sappin' cuddly of me up like a quilt I'm a lyrical lover, no take me thin or filled with my sexual physique John Umi, well Bill, Umi, Yoma, well, well, can't you tell? I'm just like a turtle crawling out on my shell Call your captivate the body, put me under a spell With your couscous perfume, all of your sweet smell You're the only young girl who can ring my bell And I can take rejection, so you tell me go too well I'm bombastic
01:56:24
Speaker
Tell me fantastic, touch me nummy box, she says I miss the road. Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom
01:56:49
Speaker
Baby, please, let me take you to an island of the sweet cold breeze. You don't feel like drive while baby hand me the keys. And I will take you to a place and set your mind at ease. Don't you stick to my foot bottom. Baby, please, don't you play with my nose because I'm a hunching sneeze. Well, you are the one and the me and the cheese. And if I'm me, I'll be the love, you're the peace. I'm bombasty and the fantastic. Don't fling on me, but she says I miss the road.
01:57:17
Speaker
Whoa, oh Monty, tell me Funtasty Tell me not me but she says I miss the boom, boom, boom Fusty, tell me Funtasty Tell me not me but she says I miss the road
01:57:41
Speaker
Girl, you're lovin', girl, you're lovin' Girl, you're lovin', girl, you're lovin' Girl, you're lovin', girl, you're lovin' Girl, you're lovin', girl, you're lovin'
01:57:48
Speaker
Who do you like to kiss and caress? Rock, donk, every strand of your pun bitches I'm bombastic, pretty does the best The best you should get, nothing more, nothing less Gimme your digits, chat on your address I'll bet you can't fess when you put me to the test I'm bombastic, really fantastic Got my number box, this is a Mr. Row, Row, romantic, really fantastic Got my number box, this is a Mr. Boom
01:58:18
Speaker
Mmm, busty, frilly, fantastic Don't you know me, boxy says I'm Mr. Rose Mmm, mmm, dick, frilly, fantastic Don't you know me, boxy says I'm Mr. Boom, busty, why Y'all your admiration, it'll lead me from the start With such physical attraction, y'all your notified spark I'm on a few words, now go till you know sweetheart Naga laba, laba, laba, lana, chappir fad
01:58:42
Speaker
I'll get straight to the point Like a ara, ara dart Homily dong, nami jakouzi, young kids on bubble bath Only song you will hear is the beating of my heart And we will mmm, mmm, and have some sweet pillow talk I'm bombasty, can be fantastic Don't you know me boxy says I'm Mr. Rope I'm monte, can be fantastic She tickle off me boxy says I'm Mr. Poop I'm bombasty, can be fantastic Don't you know me boxy says I'm Mr. Rope
01:59:13
Speaker
Smooth.