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Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
42 Plays2 years ago
Wam, Bam, and Thank You Ma'am
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Transcript
Unusual Podcast Opening
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to headed least. I hope you enjoyed that sound. Was that real? Yeah, I stood up and put my butt to my computer and let it loose. That's how you start. That's how you greet our listeners.
00:00:31
Speaker
Are you fucking kidding me? I think that's so good. I can't wait to listen to that one back. Yeah, we'll have that one on repeat on the next episode. I'm going to add that sound to our soundboard. Oh, you should. You should clip it. Yeah. Clip that. Clip it. Yo, I just hit a clip. But it was really just a fart into a keyboard.
00:00:59
Speaker
Yeah, but I don't know. I feel like that's kind of history right there. Yeah. Nobody has ever done that before. Ever. Ever. I think people would be crazy if
Absurdities and Speculations
00:01:13
Speaker
they did. I can't remember the last time I saw someone fart onto a computer ever. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If I saw that, then I might call the police. Mm-hmm.
00:01:28
Speaker
because they got something wrong in their brain. So should I call the police on you right now? Or should I wait? No, because there was ulterior motive. Oh, okay. It was for phrase. Yeah, that's right. It was for entertainment purposes. And not just because you wanted to fart on your computer. Exactly. That's, that's fair. It's like, you know, how like,
00:01:58
Speaker
sometime back in the like 800s or something. I don't know when, but somebody like looked at a cow and saw the udder and was like, let me pull that, you know? Yeah, it's I don't know. It's I feel like that's kind of like
00:02:19
Speaker
just instinct, you know, cause like every young boy goes through puberty and they figure out how to pull themselves. I feel like one time someone was like, hmm, wonder if you pull that, if the same thing will happen. And then next thing you know, we got milk, got milk. But it doesn't look the same.
00:02:46
Speaker
And there's four of those. Aren't there four little danglies on an udder? Yeah. Wouldn't you see that and you would think that it might be a little bit sexual to touch that?
00:03:02
Speaker
and then you'd be getting a little sexual with a cow. Yeah, but I also assume that's just how it had to have started. Someone was trying to get sexy with a cow and then their bones just started getting stronger and they were like, wait a second.
00:03:19
Speaker
Like,
'Got Milk?' Campaign Discussion
00:03:20
Speaker
hold on. I think I'm on to something here. And then next thing you know, we got Michael Jordan doing Got Milk ads, which by the way is just, that was one of the biggest conspiracies of all time. What, getting milk? Yeah, the whole thing was like, it makes you bigger and stronger when research has shown that it doesn't even really do that much. Just milk.
00:03:49
Speaker
Because it was a whole government scheme to try and prop up the farmer economy. Yep, yep, yep. Our own fucking people. It be your own homies. Yeah, it be your own govi.
Weekend in Denver: Humorous Encounters
00:04:06
Speaker
guppies guppies it be your own guppies it'd be it scooby dooby dooby like that sometimes it's scooby dooby dooby into guppies yeah sometimes not all the time but sometimes it is yeah exactly um well jack i haven't talked to you in a while what would you do this weekend
00:04:34
Speaker
Uh, this weekend? Yeah. Ah, what did I do? Okay, I did a whole lot of nothing, but I also did a whole lot of something. So I did for 90% of this weekend besides watch football and hockey.
00:04:55
Speaker
I did nothing. But the other 10%, I did something kind of fun, kind of interesting. I went out downtown Denver. Shout out. Shout out downtown Denver. Yeah. Mile high. Mile high city, 5280, 420. What up? 69.
00:05:21
Speaker
42069, we chill like that. Anyway, so I went out and I watched, I can't name his name. It sounds like Basin. I watched him talk to a lesbian the whole night. He did not know was a lesbian the whole night. Oh, I like
00:05:52
Speaker
It took me a second to understand what you were talking about, but it clicked and I get it now. Yeah. So he was chatted up with this lesbian and then he goes to the bathroom and me and this other guy were standing there and she comes up to us and she's like, Hey, I think your friend's hitting on me. And my friend was like, yeah, he probably is. And she goes, but.
00:06:21
Speaker
But I'm not, I don't, I don't do that. And we're like, what? I don't lose that way. And she's like, I'm not on that side of the plate, if you know what I'm saying. And we both looked at each other confused because she didn't look like, you know, a lesbian. Like a man.
00:06:41
Speaker
No, no, that's not what I'm saying. She just didn't look like, because sometimes you're right. There are some like that, but that was not... Anyways, I'm getting distracted. There were no giveaways. There were no giveaways, right. Now, assuming nowadays can get you put in jail, but that's beyond the point. Anyway, she tells us this and me and
00:07:03
Speaker
Me and my friend look at each other and we go, yeah, we're not going to tell him. And then we proceed to watch him attempt to hit on this lesbian for the rest of the night. And it was quite entertaining, to say the least. That is fucking awesome. Yeah, it was pretty great. If it wasn't a lesbian,
00:07:27
Speaker
What would be the odds of him securing the bag? That's tough to say. I'd say he's
Bar Antics and Regrets
00:07:40
Speaker
batting at about a 300 right now. Okay, but like, did he have slick game or was it like...
00:07:50
Speaker
He's just shooting. I mean, there was definitely a point in that conversation where she looked like she was thinking about it. And for a lesbian, that's quite a bit. Damn. That's impressive, actually. Yeah. And then, anyways, afterwards, we went and got, I think it's Ian's Pizza. Is that right? Ian? Ian. I-A-N.
00:08:17
Speaker
Never heard of it. I as an igloo a is an ass and as a nut Dude they should really change the military alphabet based on what you just said I agree This podcast is brought to you by Ian's pizza late-night pizza cheap hot and fresh and
00:08:41
Speaker
and delicious. Ian's Pizza, downtown Denver, just off of Blake Street and I don't know the other street.
00:08:49
Speaker
Did you get to witness like any crime while you were getting pizza? No, no, but last time I went downtown, just outside of the entryway, there's like this little alley by Jackson's if you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Last time I went there, there was a homeless man in the alley completely butt naked, just jerking off.
00:09:12
Speaker
actually. Yeah, it was one of the crazier things I've ever seen. What I don't understand is there were cops at the entryway where the guy was checking IDs and everything, and literally like five feet behind them, there's just this homeless guy going to town on himself, literally beating the shit out of his meat, and they didn't do anything. That's fucking crazy. I bet that the cops made eye contact with him.
00:09:42
Speaker
but then like at that point, it's like gay chicken, you know? Yeah, like you don't want to make the first move, you know? Yeah, no, no way. Because then you're gay. Yeah. So they let him do it. Right. I mean, honestly, I kind of respect the decision. And I wasn't that freaked out about it, but I assure you that I'd say up to probably 100
00:10:12
Speaker
females walked past him in the time I was there. And they probably had an issue with it. Well, did you get a glance at the Schmidt? No, I didn't. I looked over, saw a naked homeless guy. And it's one of those things where you can tell what he's doing without actually looking at it.
00:10:36
Speaker
You, come on, you didn't, you have to have taken at least a good glance. I did not see the man's penis. That's disappointing. It is. Just kidding. No, it's not. I mean.
00:10:52
Speaker
You already, like, semi-witnessed it. You might as well get a good look. Yeah, I guess. I mean, yeah. If you buy the ticket, you might as well see the show. Yeah, exactly. Speaking of buying tickets, those idiots changed their all-you-can-drink deal. It used to be 20 bucks. It used to be 20 bucks all-you-can-drink, and now it's 10 bucks, and then $2 per drink that you get.
00:11:19
Speaker
Oh, so you have to pay 10 and you get nothing and then it's just $2 drinks for everything? Yeah. Whereas before you'd pay 20 and you could just stand by the bar and drink and then wait in line and then get another and drink and drink until you shouldn't be drinking anymore. Yeah, I do remember that.
00:11:45
Speaker
You'd go to the bathroom. That place was such just an electric time. Oh, it was a factory. We went. I have been in that bathroom and seen, I'd say probably upwards of 10 people getting kicked out of the bar for trying to do cocaine in the stalls.
00:12:05
Speaker
Really? Yeah, I just go in to take my piss because there are bouncers that sit outside looking for that kind of shit. Oh, okay. And then they'll just go in and they'll just grab them and take them out. Have you ever been taken out by a bartender? No, but I did watch my friend Basin get put in handcuffs and taken out of there. What?
00:12:35
Speaker
Yeah, he was trying to fight another guy. I don't know.
Dark Humor and Controversial Jokes
00:12:39
Speaker
I'm not a fighter when I get drunk. I don't understand why people get so aggressive. Who cares? I normally am not, but there was one time. I don't know if I've told you this or not. Maybe I have. There was one time where I was definitely over-served.
00:13:04
Speaker
I read top five drunk Luke and I was at an underage bar, you know. Clearly I was not underage. I would never do such a thing. Yeah. No, that's, I was going to say, that sounds very unlike you. But the bar was trashy is the point. Like a CNG. Oh, like worse than a CNG. Oh, wow. Okay.
00:13:33
Speaker
And, um, uh, I was like, it was towards the end of the night, you know, it's probably like two in the morning at this point and I'm getting ready to leave, you know, so I walk out of the bar, which like, you know, pointing out here, I was out of the bar. I wasn't even in the bar. I was outside and I'm like waiting for my Uber and then
00:14:01
Speaker
there's like a driveway in front of this bar and i'm standing in the driveway but it's not a road but then another uber comes into the driveway and it is like honking at me because i'm in the middle of the driveway in front of the bar and i was like you know what fuck you uber and i flipped him off
00:14:25
Speaker
And then the bouncer saw me flip off the Uber and was like, you can't do that. And I was like, what's it to you? Dude's being an asshole. And then the bouncer came over and said, no, you're being an asshole. And I was like, fuck you, buddy. And he was a large, like, yeah, he was like a six, five, two 75 kind of guy, you know,
00:14:55
Speaker
And then, you know, I can't remember exactly what was said, but I was aggressive towards the bouncer. And he was aggressive towards me, okay? It was his fault too. You're a drunk idiot. And I swung at him and missed because I was hammered. And then he picked me up with one arm.
00:15:23
Speaker
one single arm and carried me halfway up the driveway. And I get out because I'm like, when he's carrying me, I'm like wiggling around and shit, trying to get out. I do get out. But then I turn back around. I didn't do the smart thing here. I got out of his grasp and I should have been like, ah, you know what?
00:15:50
Speaker
I lucked out. Let's book it. I didn't do that. I turned around. Your confidence. Yeah, exactly. I looked at the bartender in the eye and said, you want to fucking go, buddy? And he's at least 100 pounds heavier than me. And I swung again. And I missed again.
00:16:15
Speaker
And then he threw me into the street and picked me back up with one arm. And then like, I got like ragdolled onto the asphalt in the middle of the street. And then like my hip felt broken for a long time after that, but it wasn't, we recovered. And that's, that's good. Yeah. That was, that was the only time that I got violent. I, I've never been violent drunk.
00:16:44
Speaker
Not once. I would recommend it like one time, just to experience it. I always thought that I would just like one time, just kind of let out all my rage and everything. And it's never happened. Maybe I do. Really? But I'm not big enough to fight anyone. See, the only time you ever get like that either.
00:17:10
Speaker
in my observation, the only time anybody gets like that is if they're already angry about something before they start drinking, you know? So you gotta, you just gotta get angry. So you're telling me to get really angry and then decide it's time to go out, get hammered, like, like. Yeah, cause you're like drinking to get rid of your anger.
00:17:36
Speaker
Yeah, even though it's just gonna build up more. And then I go to the bar, find the biggest bouncer, and tell him to go fuck himself. Yeah, but you don't want to just go up to him and tell him to fuck himself. You probably want him to initiate the kerfuffle. Kerfuffle, that's a nice word. Thank you. Merriam Webster taught it to me. Really? Yeah.
00:18:08
Speaker
straight from the dixie speaking of dixie you know how a lot of people have like uh... like uncircumcised people have that thing that hangs off their dick yeah the flap yeah what's that called the hoodie the penis oh yeah the hoodie that's right yeah yeah they call my dick hoodie mellow cuz it be
00:18:39
Speaker
Blashing because it it'd be black No, I'm kidding They I don't know a lot of people have that thing like foreskin and then apparently when I was getting circumcised I
00:18:59
Speaker
my rabbi because Jew, right? Yeah. When I was getting circumcised, the rabbi like cut it off and he went up to my dad. He goes, holy shit. This is no foreskin. This is a fiveskin. I just thought I'd share that story. What's the pun? There's no pun. It's just fiveskin because like,
00:19:29
Speaker
It's large. Yeah, I had a very large foreskin. 90% of my penis was foreskin. Now it's just like nothing. There's like nothing there anymore. It's just like a naked mole rat. Oh my god, what is that Kim possible? Yeah. Oh, fuck that thing looks so weird. Dude, that thing was cute. But it also looked like an
00:19:59
Speaker
a penis without a foreskin. I mean, that's probably the most accurate description I've heard of it ever. Do you know what that molar rats name was? Fuck dude. Do you know it? No, I'm gonna look really quick. Just tell me the first letter. It's gonna be some like
00:20:27
Speaker
some like pun or something. No, all I want to know is the first letter and I'll get it. Oh my god. Is there a live action Kim Possible? If there is, I need to kill myself. Okay, this name is a very generic dog name. Really? Yeah.
00:20:55
Speaker
I thought his name was like, Newt. What's the first letter? Dude, Newt. What is Newt from? Oh my god. I mean the first letter of the fucking mole rat guy. R. Well, wasn't it Kim and Ron? Yeah. And then the R is a different name? Yeah, it's a different name. Rex?
00:21:23
Speaker
No, but that's not a bad guess. Rocky? Rick? No. Ricardo, was he Italian? I think he was Italian, but it's not Ricardo. Okay. Uh, Randy? It rhymes with doofus. Uh,
00:21:50
Speaker
Ooh, doofus and starts with an R. Yeah. Hmm. I don't know, I'm stuck. What was it?
00:22:02
Speaker
Sorry, I didn't give you enough information there. It was Rufus. Okay. Well, that's just, that's what, what do you expect me to do with that info? Yeah, I know. That's my bad. I made it too hard. I, I take the blame. Yeah, you should. Um, but on a side note, what the fuck is Newt from? Cause I, Newt, is that a SpongeBob thing? No.
00:22:29
Speaker
I would know SpongeBob. I got a SpongeBob tattoo. Fairly odd parents. Now Newt from kids cartoon. Hopefully that works. I think Newt was definitely a Nickelodeon thing. Newt. I'm seeing a picture of fucking what's his name? The little football looking guy from Codename Kids Next Door.
00:22:57
Speaker
Oh dude, that show was so good. That show was probably my favorite kid show. Did you ever play that game? Oh my god, what was it called? Where you like launched those little animals into the sky?
00:23:17
Speaker
No. Dude, I'm looking this up because I, it was like, you can still play it today. It's one of the best games ever. Code name, kids next door game. Oh wait, uh, wait. Okay. C K N code. Oh, code C N C N code name. C N K N D.
00:23:48
Speaker
That took a lot of brain power. Dude, I can't find this anywhere. Codename Kids Next Door. That's PlayStation 2. It was an online game. It was a trading card game? Punch time explosion? No. I'll think of it later. OK.
00:24:15
Speaker
You ever seen those movies where like TV shows where people just like get stuck in the desert? Like they might wake up and they're just surrounded by sand.
00:24:30
Speaker
Yeah, and then they see a water, but it's like they're stupid because they're in the desert. There's no water. There's no fucking water in the desert. What an idiot. How dumb can you be? But how do you get there? How do you end up in that position? I think you're a really bad treasure hunter. I think that's the only explanation. Interesting.
00:25:00
Speaker
It happened to my friend once. I think he was following an ice cream truck on his scooter and he was still scooting, but he fell asleep and he woke up in the desert. He sleep scooted? Yeah, it's a thing. Either that or he actually got into the ice cream truck and just can't remember anything that happened to him in there. One of the two.
00:25:29
Speaker
Oh, no, isn't that just like candy trucks? No, it's always the ice cream van. Dude, I thought it was just the windowless white vans. Those are all ice cream vans. My mom would always tell me, stay away from the ice cream truck. They're sketchy.
00:25:54
Speaker
They give you ice cream. Yeah, I like to go into the puppy trucks. Those are good. Puppy trucks? Yeah, where they have a bunch of puppies in the back. And then you go and say hi to all of them. And then do they give you a shot of like, opioids? No, you just get to see the puppies. Where the fuck are there puppy vans? I was in like four when I was a kid.
00:26:25
Speaker
Is your butthole loose now? Kind of. Why do you ask? I think that might be related. Yeah, my uncle owned one. Oh. Yeah, him and then the local rabbi and then there were two others. Who was it? One of them was
00:26:49
Speaker
I think Governor Hickenlooper. And then the last one is R. Kelly. But he gave me an autograph, so it was kind of sick. Were you by chance, or did you get wet at any point in the van ride? Dude, I don't remember shit about that. But that's just because when you're a kid, you don't remember much.
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Let's say it's that. Yeah. I just got a new bumper sticker. What's that? What's it say? It says, warning, this vehicle makes frequent stops at your mom's house. I thought it was pretty good.
00:27:36
Speaker
That is pretty good actually. I would rock that on my car. Yeah, absolutely. And it definitely beats like the stupid fucking bumper stickers that the moms have with their whole family on the minivan. Those make me want to hit the car. If your kid dies, you have to end up peeling one of those little stickers off the minivan.
00:28:03
Speaker
What if you saw one of those? What if he's a minivan with a peeled child on it? I would hit the car hard with my car. Just so they could join him? Yeah, it's really doing him a favor. Yeah, it's a courtesy.
00:28:25
Speaker
Yeah. And also they suck for having that sticker. So, you know, it's a win-win. I don't even care if there's a sticker being peeled off or not. I am ranting that car. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like extra points to, you know, when, when the stickers go like across the whole length of the back. Uh, what do you call that? The back windshield? Yeah, it's the back windshield.
00:28:54
Speaker
For some reason I thought there was a fancy name, I don't know why, but when there's so many that it goes the whole length of the back windshield, and some of them even put their animals on there, it's like
00:29:08
Speaker
they don't deserve to be a part of society, you know? Yeah, I agree. The other people who don't deserve to be a part of society are the people who put the baby on board sticker. Just because I don't really like kids. I want to be as far away from those kids as possible. So my average speed around that car, knowing there's a kid in there,
00:29:36
Speaker
is a lot higher than if the sticker just wasn't even there. Yeah, it's at least double the speed. They're effectively putting their own health at risk. Yeah, it's basically like saying, there's a nuclear bomb in this car, and they're driving down the road. Like if you hit me, you're fucked. So I'm gonna get as far away from that shit as possible.
00:30:03
Speaker
And it's honestly creating more of a hazard than if you just didn't have the sticker at all. Seriously. Like, I'm not gonna drive any safer knowing that you have a baby on board. Fuck you. Yeah. Um, but speaking of nukes, do you think it's time for World War III finally? I mean, it's gonna be like,
00:30:32
Speaker
It's just like a way more advanced Cuban missile crisis because it's global. Yeah. And the missiles are like nuclear. Yeah. I think that I think it might be time. It might. And honestly, fuck it, you know, like.
00:30:54
Speaker
I've already lived the best years of my life, so might as well just make it rain. I'll probably off myself before the nuke even gets to me. And then we'll all live happily ever after in heaven. If you got one of those messages on your phone that like a nuke was coming, you think you're just gonna like
00:31:20
Speaker
get the, get the nine millimeter out of the nightstand. Well, I'd wait to get confirmation that it hit. And then I would take the nine millimeter and the 12 gauge measure. Um, I think there's probably going to do more. I would set it up so that, um, I would dangle the guns from the ceiling and then point them at each other.
00:31:50
Speaker
but have a foot of space between the end of the two wheels. And then put your head in there? Yeah, and then put my head in there and then pull both of the triggers at the same time. That's not bad, but I don't know how you pull both triggers.
00:32:08
Speaker
tie a string to each of the triggers. Okay. So I have one string in one hand and the other in the other and I'm just gonna really quickly yank both of them. That'd be pretty good. I think what I'd do is I'd set up a contraption in my basement where there's a noose.
00:32:26
Speaker
But tied to the noose is a pull activated release on a trigger. So I start hanging and then I get shot and then I'm really just dead. That's not bad too. It's like a deadly Rube Goldberg. Is that what those are called?
00:32:52
Speaker
Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about. The thingies where it's like one, um, it's like those videos of the, of the ball, like a little metal ball on like a roller coaster and it like hits a domino. Oh, like those trick shot videos.
00:33:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever that is. That's what it would be. I'd have like the sickest suicide ever. It'd be sweet. Yeah, I'll film it for you. Yeah, it's gonna be one of those. It's gonna be one of those three minute things and at the end there's a platform I'm standing on and a soccer ball will knock it down and then a gun will just blow up in my face. Dude, do you know?
00:33:41
Speaker
how many clicks that would get. I think it would get a lot of likes. It's a very creative suicide. That would be probably the most trending video for like a whole week. Yeah. If anyone who's listening to this can digitally like animation create that, I think that'd be pretty sweet. And I give you the physical rights to it, but not the idea.
00:34:09
Speaker
That makes sense. Yeah. And then like any money from it should go to the Headed Wiest Fund. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I forgot to plug that.
Supporting the Podcast Fund
00:34:20
Speaker
We're supposed to read this off.
00:34:23
Speaker
Newly started in October of 2022, HeadedWeast has started a HeadedWeast fund. This fund will be used to give back to society and provide booze for your hosts during the show. If you'd like to contribute, please reach out on our Instagram or Twitter, and we will give you further information on how to contribute, who to contribute to, and how much you can. We really appreciate your time, your support, and your money.
00:34:52
Speaker
here on headed least. Thank you. Yeah, that's just like it's such an admirable cause, you know, I just want to give every penny I have to that. I already have. Yeah, yeah, I literally went to fill up gas the other day. And I only got to fill up two gallons because my accounts are flushed because it was all sent to the headed least fund because I really, I really admire what they do.
00:35:22
Speaker
So I think that, you know, giving them that kind of money is really gonna do a big difference in the world. And I think it's gonna go a long way. Yeah, I think you're right. I think I'll do the same. And I think that you loyal listener should also
00:35:42
Speaker
Yeah, it's, it's an opinion though, you guys are entitled to your own opinions and it's something I'm passionate about. And maybe it's something you're passionate about. Um, and next week, uh, we're going to be announcing a new fund. Um, we're going to do a fund a week. Yeah. Um, here on headed waste next week, uh, will be the Jack's belated birthday fund. Yeah.
00:36:11
Speaker
Oh, I forgot, dude. I forgot it was my birthday. Did you?
Reflecting on Life Decisions
00:36:16
Speaker
Yeah, it's been a really, like any birthday after 23, if you're younger and you're listening to this, any birthday after, I'd even say 22 is meaningless. That just really made me upset to realize that you're 24.
00:36:37
Speaker
Yeah, my brother's going to be 29 in five days. Shout out, Joj. Dude, we're going to be dead in a matter of seconds. Well, I mean, I'm definitely not getting to 25. I guarantee there's going to be some nuke shit going on that's just going to end me. Yeah. It was fun. It was fun while it lasted. I'll give you that. Yeah, there were a few good times.
00:37:04
Speaker
some bad times, some really...
00:37:09
Speaker
really good times, I guess. And then some just absolutely terrible times. Yeah, like, like just morbid and make you question if you deserve to be living any more moments, you know? Yeah, and a lot of moments that, you know, just kind of kept you up at night thinking to yourself, where did it all go wrong? What? Why am I
00:37:38
Speaker
Why am I where I am? Why did I make those decisions that I made? Why didn't anybody tell me that my decisions would have consequences?
00:37:50
Speaker
Yeah. Where the fuck were those people? I never once heard, Jack don't do drugs. Not once. Never. Never. Ridiculous. It was kind of crazy, but there were good times, so that's good. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Mostly bad, but yeah. This podcast is brought to you by Good Times. We're out of business. Fuck yourself.
Fast-food Nostalgia and Absurd Products
00:38:19
Speaker
Are they actually this kind of stuff? I don't know. They probably are. I like good times. They had some pretty sick curly fries, right? I think so. They had some pretty sick custard. Oh, were they a custard shop? They were like burgers and custard, I think. Good times. Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. How may I take your order?
00:38:49
Speaker
Wait, what's that from? Good Burger. Oh yeah, that's right. Hello, welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Oh, they're still open. They're still open. Will you see if they have curly fries? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:39:10
Speaker
Wow, this looks like a lot fancier than it actually is. Well, maybe they had a whole like company wide change because they knew they were going under. Our menu sides, they have no curly fries. Dude, you're fucking joking. I'm serious.
00:39:37
Speaker
You're kidding. They have green chili cheese fries that look like they slap, to be honest. Aha! They did have curly fries, you fuck. Dude, I'm looking at their menu. Well, it was an old thing then. How do you know? Because I looked up Good Times curly fries, and this is exactly what I'm talking about.
00:40:04
Speaker
Good times curly fries. Dude, are you sure you're not just looking at a stock photo of curly fries? I don't know, but they look so good. I want some curly fries, dude. Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but curly fries are inferior nine out of 10 times to just normal fries. Well, it's kind of hard to fuck up fries.
00:40:32
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's not like I'm gonna not like the fries, but I would have rather had to... Holy shit. What? Arby's releases curly fry vodka? Alright, that's it for me. I'm gonna go hang myself. Dude, what? That sounds awesome! See ya! See ya!
00:41:00
Speaker
This is about fucking time. I was getting real tired of that guy. Now I can have the whole podcast to myself. It'll be so much better to without Jack. He's holding me back. You know, I, I, I, hello.
00:41:28
Speaker
Nice. Thank you. Arby's curly fry vodka. Dude, I'm going to get hammered tonight if that's a thing. What is no? That sounds like the worst thing ever all time. Oh, they have crinkle fry vodka too? What's the difference? I have no idea. If you want to snag the vodka, Arby says they'll go on sale.
00:41:56
Speaker
at noon on November 18th. Wow. I'm probably going to buy like six of them. Cause I think it'll be a collector's item. Just hold onto that shit for like 30 years. Yeah. I'll make like a fortune off of it. It's going to be like, it's going to be a good get up to like 5,000 a bottle. Oh my God. No. Did they already sell?
00:42:28
Speaker
Sold out. Fuck you. No, you're not. That was such a wild roller coaster of emotions. Now I'm in a deep depression. Wasn't this supposed to be your depression episode? No, that was last week. And funny enough, this week is more depressed than last week. I'm supposed to be ecstatic this week.
00:42:59
Speaker
But I've just been talking about nukes and killing myself. Well, I mean, there's, yeah, it's always a topic of conversation though. Yeah, I guess. I got a question for you. Yeah, hit me. Ouch. Sorry. Yeah, it was a bit harder than
00:43:24
Speaker
I, uh, and I meant to, sorry. No, that's all right. Um, so who would you rather do? Jackson Mahomes or King Bob. We just discussed how this is not a depression episode, Luke.
00:43:51
Speaker
If this is, I asked you a question. This is a depressing question. I don't think it's that depressing. Jackson Mahomes himself is like, he's like the face of depression. And just to be, just to clarify here, you're talking about the minion, right? King Bob? Yeah, King Bob the minion.
00:44:19
Speaker
Are there, is there such thing as like girl minions or are they all? I think they're all like, um, they're all like in between, you know? So how do they breed? Like what, how do, how do more minions come about? Um.
00:44:39
Speaker
That is for you to figure out. There's got to be a fucking fantastic Reddit on that. Oh, dude. There has to be. I'm gonna look it up and just be so ashamed. You know that like how some animals poop out of the same hole that they they get fucked in? No.
00:45:08
Speaker
what animals what it what what i think maybe birds across the streets just like a school and i saw whatever you're listening to
00:45:23
Speaker
I was pulled over and the guy was in his boxers and the girl was getting a shirt on like I think he pulled and I think they were parked there and then he like went up and called them having sex and since it was next to a school or whatever like they're getting arrested or something because What What the fuck
00:45:47
Speaker
Could you imagine just having sex in a car outside of the school? What were you just listening to? I don't know. I've got a question for you. Yeah, go.
Minions and Reproduction: A Comical Take
00:46:05
Speaker
But first you have to answer my Jackson Mahal answer to King Bob. King Bob. King Bob. Dude, that seems like a little bit like statutory to me.
00:46:16
Speaker
I don't think so. Some of those, some of those, I think King Bob's at least like 19. I don't know, but I don't know, man. How old do you think King Bob is? Four? There's gotta be different limits for minions though. Cause they probably ate, it's like dogs, like they aged at a faster rate. I think, okay. I think we need to do some,
00:46:42
Speaker
Minion research between now and next episode. When are minions in their reproductive prime? Okay, see it says seven. What? No way. Yeah. When are minions in their reproductive... I shouldn't be looking at this on school Wi-Fi.
00:47:11
Speaker
Dude, it doesn't say. Yeah, you idiot. I didn't look it up. Who would Google that? Who the fuck would Google that? What's wrong with you? Oh, god, dude. What is wrong with you? All right, let's move on. Let's move on. All right, you want to move on? Yeah, I got a question for you. Oh, OK. And then I have something.
00:47:34
Speaker
Okay. What's the recommended amount of dedicated WAM for my Minecraft server? What's the recommended amount of dedicated WAM for my Minecraft server?
00:48:04
Speaker
I don't know, probably like six feet. Oh, no, probably like 20 feet. Sorry. That was so hard to get through. Yeah, I could tell. You're really struggling with that. Well, because I have the video pulled up on my end, and I was saying it as he was saying it so that I could really nail it for you. Yeah, yeah, I got you.
00:48:35
Speaker
Hey, Beep. Spell red. L-S-T-R. Red. What is that from? It's Beetlejuice. You've never seen those videos? Howard Stern? No. Oh, so it's this guy, Beetlejuice. You know who he is. He's like the little... Wait, Jack. You can't say it a third time. Oh, you're right.
00:49:04
Speaker
Thank god, because my room is dark.
00:49:06
Speaker
do not whatever you do. God, thank you for catching that. Anyway, yeah, he's, uh, he's this little guy who has a little bit of a mental illness. And he was on the Howard Stern show way back when, and they asked him all these questions. And like, it's like the first one was like, spell orange. And he goes, L S T R. And then another one was like, if you dig a six foot hole, how deep is it? And he goes, Oh, no, probably 20 feet.
00:49:39
Speaker
Oh, hold on, hold on. Okay. I just had an interruption. Sorry. I can tell. That's okay. I've never seen Beetlejuice. Jack. Sorry. Um, what'd you say? Are you good?
00:50:09
Speaker
Yeah, I just had someone who's living in the same place I'm living, which I will not specify, come into my room and start saying things. Yeah. Anyway. That's fair. Yeah. I forgot. Oh, we were talking about Beetlejuice, but I've never seen it. Luke!
00:50:36
Speaker
No, it's okay. I can say it because, yeah, no. Don't worry. Scared the shit out of me, man. Jesus Christ. I've got two more. I've got two more. I'm going to keep that in my mind. Two more questions? Two more Beetlejuices.
00:50:54
Speaker
Up there anymore. I got one more. Oh, you remember that that YouTube video from like I was way back when the guy who's singing that song is like asking all them questions asking all them questions. Why are you asking all them questions making statements assuming? No, but I'll have to send you that. It's like one of the classic YouTube videos.
00:51:23
Speaker
I've missed classic YouTube. You ever see how to keep your fridge stocked to get women? No. Is that a good one? Yeah, that one's pretty great. It's like mostly just like Kool-Aid in his fridge. I just spoiled it.
00:51:44
Speaker
Well, you know what time it is, Luke. It's time for the Headed Wiest Bonus Code of the Week. Thank you for making it this far with us. And on this week's bonus code, we have hashtag Burger King Foot Lettuce.
00:51:59
Speaker
If you DM us this code, we will reply and also send you a hefty amount of money pulled from none other than the Headed Wiest Fund. Thank you for tuning in to Headed Wiest. And once again, that's hashtag Burger King Foot Lettuce. The last thing you want on your Burger King burger is somebody's foot fungus.
00:52:29
Speaker
That was pretty good. Thank you. I haven't listened to it in a while, so that was kind of off the rip, you know? Yeah. Jordan knows something. I always wanted to be like a trendsetter, right?
00:52:45
Speaker
Yeah, like you look at the people who would like one strap their backpacks, you'd look at the people who started doing coke in high school.
Dark Humor: Celebrity and Historical Jokes
00:52:56
Speaker
And then you look at like Jeff Dahmer, just like a bunch of trendsetters. And I would want to be like that. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think? What do you think the next trend is?
00:53:12
Speaker
Oh, you're not going to ask me what trend Jeff Dahmer said? No, I think I know. I was building up to something, but you ruined it. Was it being gay? No, Luke, it was not. What was the trend? He ate five guys before it was cool.
00:53:46
Speaker
That was really good, actually. That was really, really good. And you ruined it. It would have been so much. I don't know. No, I think it was even better. You just think that because you fucked up my pitch. What I'm more mad about right now is that I didn't think you were just going to hand a punchline to that. You know, I thought you're like,
00:54:14
Speaker
Maybe you wanted to be a trendsetter. No, I don't want to be a fucking trendsetter. Well, I thought you were sharing. Wait, what was that? What was what? There was like a knock. Like that. Was there actually? I don't know. Anyway.
00:54:44
Speaker
Are you okay? Jack, it's October. Oh, it's spooky season. Yeah. Yeah, it's okay. I'm sure everything will be fine. Maybe. Um, speaking of spooky season, I have some really good Halloween costumes for all of our listeners to probably try out and use. Yeah.
00:55:11
Speaker
The first one would be Michael Jackson. Everyone loves Michael Jackson around little kids. Would you say young Michael Jackson or older Michael Jackson? Prime Neverland Michael Jackson. I think if you're black, then you should do older Michael Jackson. But if you're white, you should do younger Michael Jackson.
00:55:40
Speaker
I think that's not a bad idea. I think you could honestly get away with it nowadays too. Yeah. You just pay an homage to Elijah. Yeah. Another one, if you have any children who are like in middle school, maybe like freshmen, sophomore high school, Jeffrey Epstein's a great choice.
00:56:04
Speaker
Um, and then if you have a gay kid, Jeff, Jeff Dahmer, you get the classics. I think those would be three great Halloween costumes for you. Um, and Luke, I wanted to do a quick segment.
Sports Predictions and Bets
00:56:18
Speaker
We have the first, uh, few NBA games starting today and tomorrow. Um, but we look at tomorrow's slate. Um, and just give me, give me your picks.
00:56:33
Speaker
So starting out of the bulls and the heat. Okay. Let me think here. I'll just rapid fire them. Okay. I'll go gut reaction. Okay. Bulls heat. Okay. Bulls. Pelicans nets. Pels. Okay. Rockets Hawks. Hawks. Knicks Grizzlies. Grizz. Thunder Timberwolves.
00:57:02
Speaker
Uh, uh, uh, Timbies. Okay. Uh, we got nuggets, jazz, nuggets, always nuggets. Fuck. Yeah. Hornet spurs. Uh, hornets. Cause all of them are in jail. Maverick sons. Um, mabs. Trailblazers kings.
00:57:29
Speaker
to go with the Kings. All right. And that's all for NBA. And then for NHL, I'm going Panthers spread puck line all day. I'm taking the cracking at home. And then I'm going to take the ab spread as well. Those are my three picks for tomorrow, the only three games. That's what I got. So that was our sports section. I think that was very well done, Luke. Yeah, nice and quick.
00:57:53
Speaker
and really professional. These picks are guaranteed money makers. Guaranteed. I mean, if you throw my picks into a parlay tomorrow, I don't care. Put your fucking house on it because it's hitting. You're going to have two houses the next day. Wouldn't that be tight if you could just wager your house on draft kings?
00:58:18
Speaker
Yeah. There'd just be a button that says house. Yeah. Or one that says mortgage. I would have negative seven houses right now, if that was possible. You think? Yeah. I don't know. I think I'd probably be at around half a house. You can get half.
00:58:41
Speaker
Do they cut it in half when you get the half or can you just only be in half of it? They take it vertically so I no longer would have an attic or a top story but I have everything else. I think that they should take it horizontally so like that there's a line you can't cross.
00:59:02
Speaker
And there is the one minute mark. Thank you for tuning in. We're sorry for the delay. Some of us here on Wed Streams have lives.
Episode Wrap-up and Farewell
00:59:12
Speaker
Go fuck yourselves. Anyway, thank you for tuning. Oh, fuck. I think I just said the other thing again. Thank you for tuning in to Headed Weest.
00:59:22
Speaker
I think I did. Thank you for tuning in to Headed Wiest. We really appreciate you listening. Please rate, review, follow on everything. Comment, subscribe. Comment, subscribe, like, share, whatever the fuck you do, everything you can. And make sure to turn in that bonus code, which is hashtag Burger King Footlettuce. Thank you. That's me, Jack, signing off.
00:59:48
Speaker
Oh, okay. Yeah, this is Luke signing off as well. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you here next week in Beetlejuice. Oh, shit.