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Original Understudies - EP 95- Unknown Obsession
128 Plays10 months ago
This episode's suggestion is Summed up as "Unknown Obsession"
but here is the exact quote
"I'm obsessed with this thing no one in America (or Canada) has ever heard of and it always makes me sound like a crazy person when I try to share it with others. Have any of you ever had that experience?" (AD)
If you wanted to send a suggestion in, there is no easier way than going to the webpage OriginalUnderstudies.com Don't forget to add some sort of name to credit the suggestion to.
This episode would not be possible with the unending support of our Post Audio Engineer and Sound Designer , Toivo Kallio.
That music at the start... You know who that is? It is The Quick Six, I bet you would love their whole album "County Line" check it out!
Todays Understudies are...
Shannon Bacchus - @TheShannonBacchus
James Heaney - James Plays Elden Ring
Jake Regal @JakeRegal
Amy Bury - @bury0007
James Heaney - James Plays Elden Ring
Rob Gamble - @GobertRamble
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction & Audience Interaction
00:00:09
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of Original Understudies where I've gathered the world's most original understudies and we're going to perform some improv comedy for you using your suggestions. You could put your suggestion in at originalunderstudies.com. There's a little Google form and if you fill it out, you're going to get your suggestion used to.
Upcoming Performance Announcement
00:00:34
Speaker
Additionally, on June 16th, at the Chaos Bloom Theater. I believe that's Saturday. I'm trying to make sure that I got that date right. ah Where's the calendar? This is in Denver, Colorado. Denver, Colorado at the Chaos Bloom Theater. We will be performing, it is actually Saturday, June 15th. We'll be performing at the Chaos Bloom Theater. Get
Meet the Performers
00:00:58
Speaker
your tickets. Who's wing?
00:01:00
Speaker
Well, it's me, Amy Gerlich, Zach Roland, Adrian, and I can't pronounce his last name, so I don't want to butcher it, and a couple of other Denver improvisers that I have yet to meet. It's going to be exciting. But that being said, the suggestion for today, as I've been reading before we start, so it's a little long, so I'm going to read it.
Unusual Obsessed Suggestions
00:01:20
Speaker
It's not that long. It's weird. It's a weird suggestion i when I do this to them. I'm obsessed with this one thing in America. or Canada that has never been heard of. And it always makes me sound crazy when I try to share it with others. Have you ever had this experience? A.D. Anyhow, I'm Jake Riegel. Thank you for having me. None of us got introduced today. That's OK. Oh, this is this is what I was saying before, as I've started giving the suggestion before. And so you can think about it. But we'll start with Jake. You get the first introduction to Jake. Welcome back. Yeah, I don't listen. This happened last episode, too. Well, no, this makes sense. I thought there was no suggestion last episode. And that's why. Well, last episode, the suggestion was just waffle iron. Right. So then I started introducing and then I went back to just without saying it again, I just started talking about waffle irons. It all makes sense to me now because, yes, I thought we were just organically talking about waffle irons. I will never organically just bring up waffle irons. It's too specific for,
Social Media Shoutouts
00:02:23
Speaker
I don't know. Jake, where would you like people to find you? Jake Riegel, I'm so sorry. I'm ruining the show. No, this is the best part so far, but so far it's really good. And Amy Burry, welcome back, Amy. How are you and where would you like people to find you? I'm great and they can find me at their own demise on Instagram at Burry0007 and then TikTok, AmyBurry1.
00:02:53
Speaker
Great, yeah and Shannon Baucus, where would you like people to find you Shannon? This week I would like to be found in a swift moving pharmacy line because I just came from a very slow moving pharmacy line. So I would this week to be in very fast lines, but if you can't find me there, you can find me on Instagram at the Shannon Baucus. Yeah, slow pharma, what are you gonna do? And we have Chad Reinhardt. Welcome back, Chad. Hello. How are you doing and where would you like people to find you? Oh, I'm just, just L-I-V-I-N and loving in the life within that. ah You can find me at the Fox lot, but across the street at the Hartley Golf Course. Yeah, that's that's where I, that's where you can find me or at Chad Reinhardt on Instagram.
00:03:41
Speaker
Do you really go golfing? I usually will hit a couple buckets to try to work out my slice. And when that doesn't work, I just go chip and putt at the par three. Yeah, i've I've only golfed like, I think maybe six or seven times in my life, but I'd like it to be something I
Cultural Misunderstandings & Stroopwafels
00:03:58
Speaker
do more often. Same. ah And finally, last but not least, we got Rob Gamble in the house. Rob, where would you like people to find you online? Online, I guess you could go to the Instagram at Go Burt Ramble. I guess you could, you could look there. You could try to find me there, or you could find me probably in an alleyway in Santa Monica sometime most nights, ah sometimes face down, sometimes face up. Looking at the stars.
00:04:31
Speaker
All right, so ah let me reread this suggestion again. I'm obsessed with this one thing, which we don't know what it is. ah No one in America or Canada has ever heard of, and it always makes me sound like I'm a crazy person when I try to share it with others. Have any of you had this experience before, the Stroopwafels? probably waffles I mean, strip waffles are good. I think the first time I had them was on an airplane. I misunderstood the suggestion. I thought it was saying people in America, people outside of America or Canada don't understand it. So this whole time I was thinking about how my Swedish friends came to Chicago and they saw a bunch of little league baseball games on a Saturday afternoon and they lost their fucking minds over
Sports Culture Clash: Europe vs US
00:05:16
Speaker
it. They're like, this is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. It's just a bunch of like five year olds and like baseball uniforms running around. They freak the fuck out. Do they not have sports for children in suite? Apparently not as cute as ours.
00:05:31
Speaker
Is it because they don't compete with each other in any sport they do as a team effort? Well, they were saying even like their high schools like don't have organized sports leagues. Like if you want to be a part of a sports team, it's all like club and like it's not organized through schools. And so I took them to my high school and saw like the baseball fields and the football fields and they were like, these aren't at our high schools. I feel like that's like most of Europe.
Nickelback's Global Perception
00:05:53
Speaker
They do like the sporting clubs and they represent like all the sports. Yeah. Yeah. You like don't do it through school. Anyway, I misunderstood the suggestion. I had something. We're supposed to just come up with whatever we think that they've. Yeah, and whatever. first thought I had was Nickelback. Like that was the first thing I thought of. Like people don't understand them outside of the country. What do you understand about them? Their first song was really, really great. And then like.
00:06:23
Speaker
They just became this like meme, like I don't know. They just turned into this soft rock Creed wannabe band, I feel like. I don't know a single song by Nickelback, but I've for years, I have the same bits that I do in the mission of probable shows when I get to like the beginning of the show or the end. And when we do three things, I always tell people, if they don't know it, clap a little bit like it's a golf show. But if they get it right, I want you to break into applause like you're at a Nickelback concert. And it can usually get people to laugh. I'll either say that or I'll say Bieber. Those are the two people that I will say, because in my mind, they're so cringy.
00:07:01
Speaker
that nobody would applaud it. That's the suggestion today. Just people just don't understand them. I also think that culturally, we don't really take we we're we're not like, hey, this person is bad and we don't like what they do anymore. Like that was a big thing in the 90s and 2000s. So it's easy to say Nickelback sucks and has always sucked. Like what's a band or musician that we're like, we disrespect them on a fundamental level. Yeah. Kanye West. I mean, I don't know. I just, I know when it got like canceled, people were just like, no, right I guess that's the only reason you would say it was like, no, we have Creed. We don't need this. Yeah. It that same sort of world. Like when everyone's like, Oh, did you see that? That movie? It was so bad. Like I did see it, but you know what? I didn't make it. So I have no,
00:07:55
Speaker
Skin in the game.
Comedy Sketch: 'The Godfather' Refund
00:07:56
Speaker
i don't I shouldn't say like, oh, this is bad or good because I wasn't a part of it. So everybody did a good job. It got produced. It got made so uncomfortable saying Madam Webb was bad. i I live in that top of my Netflix cubes right now. It depends on how passionate you feel about wasting your twenty dollars for a movie theater ticket. or how passionate you are about Marvel canon material. But I didn't see Madam Web. But the real problem with that movie is they changed the plot of it in post. They did not do reshoots in editing. They changed the plot of the movie. And it's very obvious.
00:08:37
Speaker
Original studies.
00:08:45
Speaker
Excuse me, I'd like to get my money back for that trashy film that my daughter and I were watching. I'm sorry, what? These are the ticket stubs. It just ended, but it was a waste of my time. But the godfather? You watched the godfather and you thought it was a waste of your time? Well, honestly, I thought it was okay, but my daughter didn't get it. And I was explaining it to her the whole time. And this couple behind us started. Yeah, it was a bad experience. I just want my money back. Okay. But I will do this reluctantly. All right. Here's your money back. you like You know, I would, I would like to talk to a manager. I don't like the reluctance. A manager. Okay. I'll be right back. Excuse me, Craig.
00:09:37
Speaker
Yeah. We had somebody out front so they didn't like watching the Godfather wants their money back. Okay. You want to go, you want to go talk to these people for me, please? Yeah, I'll talk to them. All right. Hi. yeah How can I help? Yep. Hi. I appreciate your time. I was watching God. This is my daughter, Carrie. Hi. I'm so embarrassed. I'm so incredibly embarrassed. Don't be embarrassed. This is the American economy. This is you have the right to do this all the time, mom. How many times have we gone to a movie? I'm sorry to blow it up for you, but how many times have we gone to a movie that you've requested money back?
00:10:13
Speaker
Well, at this theater, it's the first time we've been here. We're not allowed to go back to the regal sentiments. yeah Anyways, I'm so sorry. ah itt We watched The Godfather, it was a bad film. I'd like to have my money back. And just so that you don't step in it, your employee gave me my money back, but the attitude wasn't right. So I'd like you to give me service with a smile. She wasn't pumped. She wasn't pumped about giving a full refund.
00:10:41
Speaker
so carrie yes I was just saying you should probably just do it because she has sued for a lot less. so Thank you. I didn't want to say it, but now you know. I'm going to be honest. I wouldn't personally be sued. It would just be AMC sentiments. I'm not really responsible for what happens here. That is true, but a lot of people have lost their jobs because of my mom, unfortunately. Okay. um but What about the Godfather didn't you like? Well, it was over her head. She said it was too complex. Actually, Carrie, why don't you tell him what you didn't like about it? Yeah, let me pull up this list of things that I definitely wrote before. Oh, wow. It says that you don't think that Michael earned is kind his arc of falling into a life of crime and avoiding his... ah Correct. This is ah something I feel strongly about.
00:11:33
Speaker
This is so embarrassing. It's so obvious. This is America. We have the right. We have the right to complain about this. I'm sorry. This bullet point says that Fredo isn't fully realized in the movie. Please tell your daughter that he has an entire major arc in the second film there. That is not true. I've seen the second film and it's not major. It's not, you know, it's not. It's like the main thing. I don't remember the second one that well, okay? But I'll tell you what, the attitude you're giving me is making me want to talk to the owner of this establishment. You want me to go get the honorees here?
Support Group Parody
00:12:22
Speaker
Hi, everyone. Thank you so much for coming to the support group for people who have lost their jobs because of Mrs. Marianne Fitzpatrick. um We have some new members today, some people who have recently lost their jobs due to Marianne Fitzpatrick. Welcome, welcome. We understand that she was recently at your former employers, the AMC Cinnamon. That's right. um Yes.
00:12:49
Speaker
I'm sorry, I should make you feel more comfortable. ah my My name is Danielle and i ah Mrs. Fitz, as I like to call her, her I came in, i'm I was a barista and I've been too afraid to get another job I ever said, so I organized a support group. I'm going to be honest, I don't want to say anything ill about m Mrs. Fitz because I just feel like she could be listening to us or observing us. I understand the paranoia. Yeah, she she does have this air about her that she is everywhere. um I can assure you I've already searched the room for bugs.
00:13:24
Speaker
So i I just want to go out on all them here and just say she is the most despicable person that I've ever met in my entire life. I mean, I just want to say she didn't understand the plot to the Godfather. Are you serious? She said she wanted her money back. Don't talk. There might there might be a bug anywhere. You know what? I don't care. Just like in Francis Ford Coppola's The Conversation. I don't care. Anyone can hear this. I want to scream it from the mountain tops. Okay. She is a horrible human being. And I can see you're very passionate about this. I'm guessing you said that to term her without a smile on your face too. Yes. oh no I was very polite. Dumb, but dumb, stupid person. Michael, there's, there's blood coming out of your eyes.
00:14:08
Speaker
but just not eat this again she comment I think she has a way of making things happen. Bad things happen when she's around. Hey, hey, Marcus. Marcus. Yeah, no, thank you, Claire. Yeah. okay Marcus, how can we help you? Just want to say I'm ah Marcus Fitz, her ah her husband and I was working as a leading physicist for NASA and she
00:14:40
Speaker
Keep saying that the moon landing was fake and she got me fired. So, you know, now I'm hopefully going to be an assistant manager at the local California pizza kitchen. But yeah, i all I too had bleeding ears, bleeding eyes. So I know what it's like. And she will not sign divorce papers. Was that your your first stop after you got fired from NASA? You went straight to CPK? Oh, it was it was a steady decline. city e clay Yeah. but First, I tried management at the local jack-in-the-box and they wouldn't take me. So I went across the street to the CPU. That's pretty quick. that That wasn't a long ladder. That was just two. Yeah, he thought I'd be able to teach it like a higher learning establishment. and But no, they don't take kindly to a dishonorable discharge at Space Force. Yeah, sure.
00:15:45
Speaker
Carrie, when you're spending time with your dad this weekend, I want you to slip some information about just how fun I've been lately. You know, yes i think that I think that your dad and I could probably get back together if you just made it a little more cheery, you know? Mom, I have tried every weekend for the last six months. I think he's just really not oh over it, the fact that his eyes bleed sometimes because of you and his his nose. and Everybody's eyes bleed a little bit? i i've tried I've tried using all your reasoning in your list of bullets about... why the two of you should get back together. And and and and honestly, I think this might be the one con you're not going to be able to pull. i I don't think you're going to be able to get back together with dad. Carrie, I know this might be a little pushy, but I'd like you to take this bug and I'd like you to show, not tell that you are helping me get back together with your father because he
00:16:52
Speaker
My love of my life. My love of my life. Okay. so you And I feel like you probably are actually siding against me. Okay, Mom, I... It's just this little tiny microphone. Okay. And this little tiny camera. Take my pen, one second. Zip. Okay, that's not what I thought. Okay, well.
Family Reconciliation Drama
00:17:26
Speaker
Oh, hey, honey. Oh, you're you're visiting me at work. Yeah. Did you talk a little louder? Yeah, you want to try the the ah just the lunch menu. Oh, did I? That'd be that'd be great. Yeah, the the the the the chicken Thai pizzas. is Oh, that sounds good. Yeah, it's great. Could you talk her um a little too chicken Thai pizzas then to. Yeah, thanks, Sherry, to check. Great. Great list. Yeah, i just water for me. Oh, two diet coats. Yeah, I got it. OK, two chicken type. It's the two diet coats. OK, bear back. Nice. up but It's very cool. Nobody really looks. It's very cool to be seeing you at at work and shining. um And I there's one other place that I think you could be shining. And that would be is back home with mom. Oh, yeah, you could speak close to my butt. That would be great.
00:18:21
Speaker
I mean, I don't know if that's gonna go over too well. I really just finishing the management program. I don't think that, to you, they just look like a customer. It's probably not a good look. Marcus, I'm so sorry. We're out of ice. Is that gonna be okay for the Diet Cokes? I can't believe this. We're out of ice. Just a couple waters. Okay, okay. Two Diet Cokes, no ice. All right, bear it back, bear it back. Thank you. So, dad, I didn't want to have to do this, but honestly, I- Let me guess. She gave you a bullet list. She gave you a bullet list. Yes, yes. Yeah. yeah um Yeah. Yeah. This makes sense. 12-gauge shots. Oh, 22-gauge shot that she's got. um
00:19:04
Speaker
M16 mag. Oh, goodness. She is really planning on. the Yeah. Oh, goodness. All right. Here's a ah pack of BBs, pack of pellets. So it looks as if she's looking to do harm just either on a surface level, just like a skin with, you know, a BB with a couple of posts. The last one doesn't seem that bad. She just wants to lock you up in her bedroom and tie your ankles to the bed posts and you're kind of... That could be good things, too. That could be good. ah oh Yeah. it The Fifty Shades of Grey. The Fifty Shades. Oh, two chicken thigh pizzas. touch Very careful. Very hot plates. We don't need the accent. We don't need the accent. The accent is excessive. Could I get some parm?
00:20:02
Speaker
So I need to make sure the full grown man wouldn't be able to break these bed posts. Okay, so just I don't know. I feel like Angie's List used to bring people here that I could trust to really do the job right. and um so You just want me to see if I can sit on this bed and let you tie my my ankles to the bed post? Well, I mean, I here's the truth is I don't think that you would put the honest effort into breaking the bedposts because you want to prove that you're made. I will freaking put all of my effort into it. I get paid. You know, the only way I get paid on Andrew's list is if I get a satisfactory customer. So I'm going to go all out to break this fucking bed to show you. OK. OK. OK. All right. Wait, Watch out for my ankle hair. It's pretty wiry and sometimes when you get when you tie it tight a real product tightly it can kind of the little my wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hairs wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can sort of pierce come back and pierce my skin. So you just gotta watch out. This is happening before I just let you know problem Excuse me.
Mattress Store Antics
00:21:13
Speaker
Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt. I'm the manager of this establishment I just want to know what is going on with the I'm thinking about purchasing this bed. I'm going to purchase this bed, but first I want to make sure it's sturdy. So I've hired this person from Angie's list. I'm tying them down. Do you have a problem with that? Or do you want to get your ass sued? I'm sorry. I just, I just don't think this is allowed. You can't try to break a bedpost at the sales lot of the mattresses. I mean, are you doubting me too? Are you doubting me too? Cause there's nothing I love more than being doubted. I don't think that you can not not break the bed posts, but this is just this is a safety issue for everyone in the store right now. And I understand you two are the only people here, but like, tie me up and I'm going to show everybody here what I can do. OK. All right, George, let's just tie you up. Let's fuck this guy. I'm sorry. I'm going to ask you to deliver. I'm going to have to call the authorities. I'm so sorry.
00:22:19
Speaker
breaking news for the six o'clock NBC for Temecula.
Protest for Fair Work Practices
00:22:24
Speaker
Angie's list employee was caught hogtied on one of the bed posts at the mattress firm. Now is this another teleprompter prank? This seems like a false story. I'm so sorry to the studio, but these are these are the actual police reports I'm reading right now. And Angie's List employee independent contractor was ah i tied square up to each bedpost at a local mattress store. No, we have to pause the news. Pause the news. This is clearly a prank. This is Lisa's day in the booth. This is Dave in the booth. Yeah.
00:22:57
Speaker
Not a prank. Not a prank. We are still rolling. Still alive, still alive, still alive, still alive. yep still alive All right. And and we have ah we're able to interview the Angie's List employee as well. ah Hi. How's it going? I can see we haven't gotten you untied yet. Yeah, ah so now as a form of protest for what I believe is the right of every American, which is to do a full days of ah day's ah honest work ah in whichever and how so ever you choose that to be. And in my case, that would be being tied up to this bedpost in this fine matty fact ah factory mattress outlet.
00:23:34
Speaker
and um And I have a right to do that. And so would you say, oh, so sorry, if I may ask, how much are you getting paid to do this bit? Five dollars. I know this is all part of it. Oh, five dollars. It's not a bid. Honestly, you think my bid. Absolutely what not. now ah How long have you been an independent contractor on Angie's list for BDSM work? Sorry, I missed all that. I was so angry. You do Angie play. Yeah. How long have you been an independent contractor in the BDSM field? Oh, yeah, about about a week. Ah. So not exactly a seasoned professional. Before that I was working with children. Straight from children. The next stop was to get tied up to beds. Yeah. I thought there'd be levels. I thought there'd be levels. In this police report, we didn't get a background history.
00:24:32
Speaker
This is very strange, Sven. ah If we were at the IKEA in the homeland, I don't think they would let us tie people to this bedpost.
Customer Service Confusion
00:24:43
Speaker
No, they tie us up to the bedgoers themselves. This is insane. This is just a strange thing that any customer can do it. But like, sure, getting the management to tie you up is a totally normal thing that happens in the homeland. I guess they just don't have the same kinds of helpful management here at the in the United States. In the United States, not very good with their um how the engineering. So they have no trust. Whereas like in the homeland, we were like, oh, go ahead, try to go ahead. to Tell us to try to this it to destroy the structural integrity ah of this California king.
00:25:24
Speaker
that's exactly what i'm trying to say york heard the bird the gi the
00:25:42
Speaker
I think it's possible I was the bad guy in this situation, ah but i it was an important moment. I was at the tennis courts in Venice on Tuesday morning. We had a friend from Tokyo in town and on Tuesdays, Four of the courts are for pickleball only on Tuesdays from 8 a.m. until noon and we got there at about 7.50 and we were playing and the person that organizes it came by and started um saying that we can't be
Tennis vs Pickleball Conflict
00:26:15
Speaker
there.
00:26:15
Speaker
And I said, well, when you guys have people that are playing pickleball, we'll be wrapped up and we'll leave. And it turned into a shouting match. The big turn was but she put her hand on Aaron, my wife's shoulder. And at that point in time, I was like, but I was no longer in a compromised position. I was like, you don't touch other human beings, period. But it was kind of scary because then we she did leave us alone and she said she's gonna get park rangers or whatever it was to tell us we couldn't be there. And like there was still two pickleball courts that were empty and nobody, and they weren't pickleball courts. They're just the regular courts that only on Tuesdays from 8 a.m. to noon you can play pickleball. about pickle ballers that are like so, you know, like something about pickle ball and the people who played pickle ball. And like, that's a red flag, you know? I think I read something about this. Yeah. There's some article about how there was all this confrontation going on in tennis courts between the pickle ballers and the tennis people. are you serious robbery dead series I'm not messing with you. Like there was an article, I don't remember what it was. I was reading about it and it was just like, this is ridiculous. This seems like a bit. Somebody's news. And now it's like coming up here. But no, there is a thing on tennis courts where they're like, it's like, you know, Crips and Bloods, basically, I guess. I don't know. I mean, that's what it felt like. I was embarrassed because I was yelling at her. After she touched Darren, I was like, I don't, I no longer care if I'm yelling. But I also, we just wanted to play for like 20 or 30 minutes. This guy was visiting from Tokyo and we wanted to show him a good climb. And like our finest tennis courts. My finest tennis courts, they're smaller courts to paddle tennis. But we played for like 30 minutes. I think it was like 8.15 when we left and the courts were still empty. But the whole time I was sitting there, like just being like, I can't wait till the park rangers come by. I'm gonna yell at them too. That is not what they thought their lives would be. Park ranger is not, yeah.
00:28:17
Speaker
monitoring Venice Beach. Yeah. Yeah. What ah are we? Are we a big role pickleball group? Let me just gauge it. I've played pickleball and I like it. It's difficult rules. You have a lot more rules to follow. Paddle tennis is just mini tennis. My parents are pickleballers. And how do you feel about your parents? I'm pro my parents, but I do think it's generally boomer vibes.
Encounter with a 'Karen'
00:28:46
Speaker
Oh my God. Here comes the Karen. Okay. Look, if she gets close to us, just act, act like, you know, make your body into bigger position than it is and she'll run away. Okay. She'll just come up here and she'll just try to tell us what to do. Okay. Just make your body as big as you can. And she'll go away. Okay. Okay. okay Yeah. Yeah. No, I can get big for sure. Like a bear. yeah Here she comes. Okay. she's Hi y'all. Hi y'all. I noticed y'all work. You look like you're, uh, about to engage in a game here for a second. And I just thought that was very funny. And I wanted to say that um you in fact, cannot play right now here on this court. We are bigger entities than you right away.
00:29:27
Speaker
OK, so I know you guys are all physically big and stuff, but you have not heard me talk. I can really talk for a long time and annoy the crap out of people, quite frankly. OK, this isn't working. OK, we just got to get into the fetal position and let her tire herself out. OK, OK, OK. So, okay, you guys wanna do this? You really wanna do this? I can start, um first of all, according to a statute 1.2.3.5 of the Arkansas State Board of Tennis. I can't even, oh God, it hurts you so bad. It's illegal to use a tennis court for pickleball. Did you know that? It's illegal. and Do you know what happens to people who do things that are illegal in the state? You end up
00:30:10
Speaker
in the hands of the law and i'll tell you i have no you know it's really not worth it to go outside you know now we should just go home we should just leave here we should just go home and we this this is not fun anymore bad things happen to people in prison and i'll tell you that's where you're going straight to prison if you don't leave this court alone okay
00:30:39
Speaker
Oh, hi, welcome home. It's me, your landlord. she's I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. But I looked through our contract and 0.2, 0.3, 0.4, 0.9. Don't make eye contact with him. Don't make eye contact with him. Oh, it does say that you're not allowed to have plants that grow larger than 1.5 feet. If you if we look at him, he'll think we're challenging him or something. Stay very still. Stay very still. He's very still. That monster is going to land you in a little place I call prison. Prison, that's a prison plan, right there. Hey, hey! Uh, Dave's a landlord. You're single, right? Desperately. Do you ever play pickleball? What's that? You know what? Come with us. Yeah. Come with us, landlord Dave. We want to introduce you to somebody we think that you like. Yeah.
00:31:38
Speaker
As I was saying, as I was saying, according to 1.2, 0.4, 0.3, 0.9, 0.9. I just, did you, oh my God, you both, you two look at each other and talk, bye. Wow, I feel like I'm under arrest in my heart. and You don't want to go to my jail, because I'll do bad things to you, bad things.
Documentary on 'Karens' and 'Kevins'
00:32:03
Speaker
This is disgusting. This is great. This is like a medium ritual for Karens. kevin um What's your favorite rule in the hand in the um Arkansas state pickleball? You know, that's a trick question. Every rule is equally important.
00:32:22
Speaker
The American Karen is a very hard creature to tame. Any time that they're out in the wild, they're usually looking for conflict, a way to ah one up the next person. And the rarest this is, they do mate. And when they do, it's usually by a similar mate. They're not called Karens, they are called Kevins, if you will. As you can see on this tennis court right now, we have two ah potential mates bonding over what they would call putting people in jail or complaining about their parts. Excuse me, do you have a permit to make this documentary? Excuse me. Yes. And quite frankly, in the corner, I'm seeing a lot of electrical cables kind of jumbled together. And that seems like a fire hazard. That's a hazard. That's a hazard.
00:33:24
Speaker
All right. So while I'm out of town, it would mean it would mean a lot to me if you'd want her this month. Stare a plant. I have a couple of flowers in the front area. And if they're all alive, when I get back, you'll get the full ah the full contract wages. Yeah, that seems that seems doable. ah Although part of me, ah it feels like I'm kind of falling into a trap. Like, yeah are do they do they die easily? Are you setting me up to fail here? ah yeah
00:33:57
Speaker
Monteras are known for growing big, almost uncontrollably. ah In the basement, we have one Venus flytrap. And this it's ah it's important that this Venus flytrap gets that every single day. And that is also part of the contract as well. Yeah, yeah sure. Like I said, I'm great with plants. I've been on on Angie's List now for for several years. I was one of the one of the beta testers and they just kind of kept me on board because of my services. That's just great. yeah And then back here, you'll see this greenhouse. You've got a lot of space for ah for Southern California. I don't think I've ever seen a basement, to tell you the truth.
00:34:37
Speaker
It was my mom's place and I inherited it. I'm borderline broke. I'm borderline broke. okay But anyways, this this greenhouse, wheat we grow marijuana back here. It's totally legal, absolutely legal. don't Don't give me that look. That was a look of happiness. So you got, I will now i will wipe that look right off my face. Okay, so, and if you could just keep these marijuana plants alive, so there's the Monstera plants, the Venus flytrap, these marijuana plants, and this part is a little illegal. I've got these poppies. These are just just bagel toppings, right? No, this is what I make small batch heroin with, okay? ah So, I mean, it's obviously in its state right now, completely harmless, beat but I need these to be alive.
00:35:24
Speaker
Of course, yeah. I mean, our artisanal heroin. Who doesn't want a little bit of that, especially where we live? You know, we can sell that at boom at farmers markets right next to the honey. So, ah yeah, nope no, no problem. All right. night I have no use for it. I ah B.Y.O.H. for me. So I'm I've already I've already locally sourced mine, but I would be willing to try some next time you've Oh, sure. I mean, I I don't have any of it myself either. It's just it's just because I'm dead broke. God, I'm broke. All right. Okay. And yeah.
00:36:01
Speaker
These are the keys. I couldn't help but notice that you opted for the the insurance clause in that if the lister does not help out with his side of the contract that you can sue the entire company. Oh, absolutely. Every time I always get that and this house is fully insured. So like being gone makes a lot less questions if something happened. So these are the keys and this is Great. Oh, and I couldn't help but notice ah the the back of your Subaru is just packed with a bunch of ah rifles, automatic, semi automatic. You're not you're planning just to go go hunting. Oh, absolutely. hunting, hunting. man I'm spending three weeks off the. Yes. You want me to put all the rope in the cinder blocks?
00:36:49
Speaker
Kerry, I told you not to interrupt when I'm dealing with anybody from Angie's List. Rope and cinder blocks. Actually, how would you like to make an extra $5? Me? Yeah, you. Pick those cinder blocks up. Get those ropes. Yeah, sure. Put them in the back of the soup.
00:37:19
Speaker
NBC News channel five report. Angie's List woman has been charged with... Oh, Morse code? No, that's our theme song, good. A woman who patronizes Angie's List has been caught yet again tying up Angie's List workers this time the back of her car. Okay. Pause the news. Pause the news. Uh, obviously a fake news. A good one. Whoever got that headline in. Listen boss, I got, I got the guy in the back of the trunk right here. You have the guy. He's right here. He's right here. Yeah. How's it going?
00:37:54
Speaker
i now let help you on the tran Okay. Hi sir. How are you doing in there? are or are oh oh he's thought the house gagged sorry let me just get that okay Oh, man, those zip ties are tight. Who would have thought I needed one around my mouth anyway? Yeah, it's great. How calm you are. the She loaded me up. She stuck my veins with something and I'm not entirely sure what it is. It could have been. Oh, he's blacking out. So, real news. What the hell is this news crew doing in front of my house? Oh, shit. What are you two doing? Blinking. Put this ball game back in your mouth. I am... You two... I am not law enforcement. I can't really get involved yet. I'm gonna sue your guys' ass off. You're from the news, aren't you?
00:38:59
Speaker
It's getting really violent around here. I just want to play a couple of games of hopscotch. And I don't know. These are these locals are I've heard they're they're getting pretty violent around here with ah the local players. They're more into the the monkey bars, if anything else.
00:39:17
Speaker
I just I'm going to draw a chalk outline here and hopefully it will come. Someone will come by and play. You're playing hopscotch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm playing hopscotch. Did you want to join in? That's my sidewalk. It's your sidewalk. This is just my sidewalk.
00:39:35
Speaker
Are you the are you the
Neighborhood Game Disputes
00:39:37
Speaker
yeah kid? We was over here about to play Foursquare. We have Foursquare on this sidewalk from 8 a.m. to 12 p.m. whether or not you want us to be here or not. Well, you came out of those bushes really quick. Oh, hey, look, guys, look, I'm just like trying to enjoy a game here. If you guys are more than one, there's a lot of room. There's a lot of room. There's a bunch of empty space all around me. Don't even think about taking over the street because we've got the ah the the field hockey team is going to be squaring off against the street hockey team to figure out who can play in this space. okay don't even Don't even think about joining the street hockey team because when a car comes by, we're not going to yell car and you're going to get hit.
00:40:16
Speaker
Oh, oh, what's everybody doing here? it jack so i yeah um good ah you mid the disturb re hey It's Jack, good thing you're here. This guy's trying to play hopscotch. Oh, come on, play a popular game like Jax. I don't know if I'm feeling safe in this neighborhood. You guys are coming out of the sewer. You're dropping out of trees. Like, I just... Yeah, get on out of here. Don't tell your friends we was here, neither. Okay? No one's gonna believe you. No one's gonna believe you. No one's gonna believe you. No one's Real quick question, and yeah we can move on to talk about something else after, but how the hell do you play Jax? Do you bounce a ball and just have to pick things up? That sounds like such a stupid game. You don't get it, man. Yeah. you're in the thirty s Tell me how to get it. you Just tell me how to get it. You bounce the ball and you pick up as many as you can and then catch the ball with the same hand.
00:41:27
Speaker
We see before the Internet, people really didn't know what to do, so they had to make up games in order to keep themselves busy. Also, who made Jax? You don't know how to you don't know how to play hoop and stick down the street either. Yeah, I don't know how to play the can like. You ever heard of choke the neighbor's cat?
00:41:50
Speaker
I used to play choke the neighbor's cat all the time. No, I mean, all of those games I've not heard of, but I don't see them for sale. I see jacks, but in my mind, this is every time I would bounce the ball, get all the jacks and I'd be done and I'd be the winner. Yeah, right. That's not...
Nostalgic Games Discussion
00:42:07
Speaker
Wait, Shannon, you asked who made Jax, and I don't know the answer to that. They look like Caltrops, like the things that they used in World War I. And I wonder if that's what it's supposed to do. Why are those a children's toy? Because I feel like those sort of games were just made up with whatever you could find lying around.
00:42:24
Speaker
What are they? Just a normalizing military for, you know, to raise them America. and may america kind man and and But then they use like a very violent looking thing for the dumbest, nerdiest game ever. Like it's another or fail. Yeah, but you have to think about those cool people that were playing jacks that were like the top of the top of the game that people would just like gather around and watch see how many they could scoop up. People just walk around with sharp jacks in their pocket. I used to play, I guess kind of similar, but it was called pogs. Have you guys ever heard of pogs? Come on. Sad ass white girls. Nobody plays pogs anymore, do they? Well, maybe, maybe in Hawaii, I don't know.
00:43:11
Speaker
And I think that the rules used to be, if it was correctly, you'd have the stack of those like cardboard pogs and one metal one, and you'd hit it as hard as you could. And was it that all the face-up pogs you got to keep and then... but All the ones are that were turnover you got to keep, all the face-up ones were the the other guys, I guess, he got to redo it. But they considered it as a form of gambling, so they were it was banned in a lot of ah elementary schools.
00:43:41
Speaker
Kind of want to bring pogs back. Yeah. Arm teachers with pogs and guns. They have pogs. They're just on pornhub. What? I heard that at the top there, Shannon. Well done. Well done. I guess I don't know what that. I guess that one's Google it. Do we even have time to do more improv or is this just going to be the end of the show? We got just enough time.
00:44:16
Speaker
Oh, I'm sure we could have something that she can play with here. I mean, oh, yeah, we got tons of games. let's ah I don't know. These silverware. well Let's give her some silverware. She'll play with it. Yeah. I mean, I mean, did she can make music with these. Yeah. Yeah. These spoons. You bang them together. Play kitchen. Yeah. No, girls love to cook, right? Oh wow, this looks fun. I can melt these down and make silver bullets to shoot werewolves. What else can I play with in your home? Well, there's a lot of stuff, okay? But we need you to stay in this room yeah until we get the ransom money from your family, all right? So you just stay in here. Good luck with that.
00:45:00
Speaker
Wait, what does she mean? Good luck with that. Her parents want her back, right? Everybody wants their kids back, right? Yeah, of course, of course, of course.
00:45:15
Speaker
Frank, what we really need to think about here is, do we want her back? Now, I know that makes me an awful parent, thinking that, saying that out loud. I feel so bad just getting it out. But like she's violent. Yeah, she is violent. I think she's better off with them, okay? We were gonna put her up for adoption, and now that job is done for us, okay? They could have her, they could demand all the money that they want, and we will never take her back under any circumstances. Any circumstance. This is... This is a gift. This is a gift. This is a gift to us. I feel bad. I do feel bad, you know? The deep down, the nurturing mothering part of me feels bad, but also, like, I am tired of finding dead animals in her pockets, you know?
00:46:11
Speaker
Oh my god, Steve, Steve, she just poured gasoline in her eyes. She's fine. This is crazy. No, this is not fine. This is not normal. I've never had kids, but they don't pour gasoline in their eyes. Oh, it's fine. I can still make perfect eye contact with both of you. um This is really nice, honey. I mean, we got a couple margaritas going. We got something on the barbecue. You know, we' we're having a good time now. is I'm sure she's having a blast with those kidnappers. I'm sure she's loving it. they're They're like right up each other's alley.
00:46:50
Speaker
Okay, okay. She just tied us up. we can We can get out of this. We can get out of this. I can't get out of this. The more you squirm, the tighter it gets. Do you think we should call them and warn them, Frank? I mean, do you think we at least... No, no, no. I'm sure they'll figure it out themselves. If they haven't figured it out already, then they're definitely going to figure it out. You're our leader now. You're our leader now. We'll do whatever you say. You really shouldn't have left the gasoline in the guest bedroom. That could give people the wrong idea.
00:47:23
Speaker
What idea? Well, I soaked that jute twine around your arms in the gasoline.
00:47:35
Speaker
One thing I'm really concerned about is, you know, she had this fascination for she wanted to taste flesh, you know, and that was the only thing that really like concerned me as a parent is one day she's
Arson Survivor Story
00:47:47
Speaker
going to eat someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there were several close calls with smaller cousins.
00:47:54
Speaker
NBC News Channel 7 coming to you live from an arson scene the only survivor is a six-year-old girl a Little girl little girl. Did you see what happened? Nothing Nothing happened this house just Started on fire and I happen to be walking by. Look at that, honey. She's on the news. Look at that. She's something big, but I just didn't. I just didn't think it'd be this big. Daddy, Daddy, Mommy. I'm coming for you. I miss you so.
Closing & Season Break
00:48:47
Speaker
Thanks for listening to another episode of Original Understudies. This episode wouldn't be possible without our post-audio engineer and sound designer, Toyful Khalil, and our incredible Patreon members who helped me afford this creative endeavor. Now, we're coming up on the 100th episode. After we hit that 100, I'm gonna take a teeny break-a-rooney as I try to gather myself and re-galvanize myself for what we'll call a Season 2 of Original Understudies.