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Original Understudies - EP 85 - Power is loving what you do
149 Plays1 year ago
This weeks suggestion is
"If freedom is doing what you love, then power is loving what you do." - Brian Litteral
If you wanted to send a suggestion in, there is no easier way than going to the webpage OriginalUnderstudies.com Don't forget to add some sort of name to credit the suggestion to.
This episode would not be possible with the unending support of our Post Audio Engineer and Sound Designer , Toivo Kallio.
That music at the start... You know who that is? It is The Quick Six, I bet you would love their whole album "County Line" check it out!
Todays Understudies are...
Shannon Bacchus - @TheShannonBacchus
James Heaney - James Plays Elden Ring
Chad Reinhart - @ChadReinhart
Jake Regal @JakeRegal
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Listener Invitation
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of Original Understudies, where I've gathered the world's most original understudies and we're going to perform improv comedy for you using your suggestion. If you'd like to put a suggestion in, go to originalunderstudies.com and fill out the Google form that you can fill out. Put your name in there. It's nice to have a name, okay? It doesn't have to be your real name, but put a name in there so I know who it's from, and we got one today.
Social Media and Online Presence Discussion
00:00:31
Speaker
Let's introduce the improviser starting with Jake Riegel. Welcome back, Jake. Where would you like people to find you online? I have never been the first person you've introduced. I've done this show probably 25 times now. This is a huge surprise for me. You got the bump. You're up in the cast list. That's incredible. I slept very poorly. So I'm going to do bad improv today and get bumped right back down. I'm at Jake Riegel on internet. You can find me. I stopped using Twitter finally, but you know, I'm around.
00:01:02
Speaker
And TikTok's going away too, right? It's everything's getting shed. Yeah, it'll be banned by the time this episode drops. I've heard a couple people over this week stop referring it as X and just calling it Twitter what it is. Like, why are we following this bullshit? It's Twitter. It was always Twitter. It is Twitter. You can call it what you want. Not even in like a mad at Elon Musk sort of way. Just like it is still Twitter.
00:01:26
Speaker
Like, yeah. And I don't see her tower tower my ass. Yeah. Fuck that. And welcome back. Jordan bull coming in from Buffalo, New York land of the greatest Salsa. Not a big deal, but it is Rochester. It's an hour away, baby. Buffalo heads. All of my letters have been being returned. You read me every day for a year.
00:01:54
Speaker
Every day. Where would you like people to find you online? You can't fucking find me. I dare you to try. Jordan and Robert Bull, you try.
00:02:03
Speaker
Jordan and Robert.
Reflections on Past Habits and Online Associations
00:02:05
Speaker
And coming back at us, it's Chad Reinhardt, who delivers cigarettes and beer to college graduates. Where else would you like people to find you this week, Chad? I'm still at that parking lot at the Rostros for Less, just down the street. I ran out of Marbles and Medellos, so I'll just be asking for change there this week.
00:02:28
Speaker
I haven't been a smoker for a long time, but yesterday I did eye cigarettes at Ralph's and they're not as bad as I thought the prices would be. I thought that they'd be astronomical. They're only like 10 bucks. Yeah. Kids can't afford expensive. I can't afford it, but uh, you're telling me they're cheap and they make you feel good.
00:02:52
Speaker
I remember when I was smoking and when I was in Chicago and this is long time ago, they were like $12, $15 a pack. What? So I figured they were like $20 a pack now. Yeah, but I don't know.
00:03:05
Speaker
I don't remember being that expensive. I don't remember, were you in Chicago as a smoker ever? Yeah, where were you, man? I guess I, I mean, I would buy a pack here and there, but, I mean, in case my in-laws are listening, I swear. Never, never. I would buy them and throw them away. I think people can't afford houses, so they're like, we gotta keep them distracted somehow, make cigarettes cheap again.
00:03:33
Speaker
Yeah. And as tradition, we've saved our newest original understudy for last. Welcome to the podcast, Shannon Parkes. Hello. Shannon, where would you like people to find you online? Where would I like them to or where can they actually find me? I mean, that's your call either way. I'd like them to find me tagged in Jason Momola's Wikipedia link next to partner, lover, favorite person.
00:03:59
Speaker
I mean, we don't have that big of a listening pool. Listen, I think if the five of us put it out there, it might pick up. I'm manifesting. I'm going to say you're the person who attacked him at birds.
00:04:12
Speaker
As long as I get in there. Whatever, man. Just put me in. You can find me at the Shannon Baucus on Instagram. The Shannon Baucus on Instagram. Great. Thank you. So here's today's suggestion.
Improv Suggestion and Childhood Stories
00:04:27
Speaker
And it's a quote. I don't know if it's a real quote or if it's a fake quote. I am pretty sure it's not a real person, but they did leave a name.
00:04:36
Speaker
Okay, the quote is, if freedom is doing what you love, then power is loving what you do, unquote, Brian Littoral. Wait, that is the suggestion. I mean, it's been put into the website. That's the suggestion. Is it something that is like internet famous and I should know who Brian Littoral is? Is it a real quote? I don't know. I didn't look it up. Brian Littoral does sound like a mad TV character.
00:05:04
Speaker
Does it? Not at any particular one, just seems like. It sounds like the kind of like archetype that you'd use writing sketch comedy of like, okay, this person we're bringing somebody in that takes everything super little. He doesn't understand euphemisms. Thing is just on the spectrum.
00:05:21
Speaker
I guess, yeah, it could be. So there it is. So let's just remind you of, if freedom is doing what you love, then power is loving what you do. It's kind of like almost a riddle of sorts. I feel like there's a different word instead of power that phrase usually is. Isn't it like, I don't know, like love or something? No, love's already in the saying.
00:05:48
Speaker
I just feel like Brian Literal swapped out the word power with the word that's supposed to be there. Brian figurative much. But that quote sort of reminds me of when I was like truly 12 years old, I somehow weaseled my way into becoming the administrator of a message board for a pro wrestling simulator computer game, which is one of the lowest stakes things you can possibly imagine.
00:06:15
Speaker
And I was back when the internet was still the wild. I was a 12 year old running that that message board and I ran it with an iron fist. I was so excited to like ban people or punish them for their power. Yeah, totally. No one makes fun of Goldberg.
00:06:33
Speaker
So it was a computer game? Yeah, it still exists, believe it or not. Who's running and monitoring the board? That's a great question. It isn't me. I'll tell you what. So is it a game where you're playing the wrestlers and people fight against each other? You play a company and you get to almost like program their shows and try to get good ratings and have positive fan reaction. Oh, you're not. It's not a wrestling game.
00:06:57
Speaker
No, you like, this was, yeah, you play like as the WWE or whatever. You don't wrestle in it. Is there a simulator at all? It's fantasy football, but for the WWE. That's exactly right. Oh my God. Original understudies.
00:07:25
Speaker
My son's birthday, we want to have a we want it to be kind of like a corporate gig. And I've been looking through your program. I see clowns. I see magicians. What's something that will make a corporate experience for him? Well, let me tell you right there, little brother. We're going to have the coolest kick ass dudes come over to your little one's house.
00:07:50
Speaker
Maybe it's a bounce house, maybe it's a bounce ring. Either way, it's gonna be the most kick-ass B-Day ever.
00:07:57
Speaker
I hear what you're saying, and it's certainly unlike any of the party companies that I've gone to, so I'm hopeful here. But the tone that you're presenting isn't what I'm trying to endow my kid's childhood with. I want it to be corporate. You know, let me stop you right there, brother. Sounds like you're raising a little worse.
00:08:22
Speaker
Um, I mean, no, no, I'm not. He's pretty tough. He's a tough kid. Okay. Why doesn't he prove it? I broke my fingernail, dad. Brian, stop it for just one second. I'm on the phone. I think my fingernail really hurts. It is my birthday next week. Here, let me kiss it. Okay.
00:08:46
Speaker
Okay, that's better. Thanks, Brian. We're taking a folding chair over to your head right now. Oh, no, no, that was out of context. It was a pretty bad owie on his finger. I'll show you owie, brother.
00:09:01
Speaker
OK, we'll hire your your we'll hire your party planning company. But I want to make sure that my kid always remembers his birthday. We cut to his birthday the next week.
Wrestling Party Experience
00:09:15
Speaker
What?
00:09:19
Speaker
Ooh! I feel alive! Brian, your legs bent backwards. This is the most alive I've ever felt, Dad. I'm seven years old. This is amazing. Little Brian, looks like you're old enough for a Texas death match. Oh, yeah. Put me in the cage. Oh, Brian, this is... Oh, Brian, they're finding this little boy backwards. They're thinking his legs in there. Oh, I didn't know it could move like that. Oh, look, the little guy's still smiling through the whole thing. I feel alive. Can't let everybody sing.
00:09:51
Speaker
This is my peak. Have you been, have you been getting into fights in the office? Oh, I wouldn't say fights. I'd say disagreements, arguments.
00:10:19
Speaker
Okay. Well, there's been enough arguments that it's landed you in the HR office. Okay. Okay. So just sign in here and you'll be in to see Linda in a minute. Got it. Was this Derek? Did Derek say something? First of all, I don't know. And if I did, they would certainly be against the rules to tell you. All I know is there's a pattern. When people end up in the HR office, it's because it's not a one-time thing. Ronnie, you're just doing your job. Listen, I don't want to take it out. I'm just doing my job. You're just doing your job. You are a piece of shit though. So would I put my name down?
00:10:49
Speaker
Yeah, put your name down on the list. That's not appropriate. What's that? You just called me a piece of shit. Oh, we're supposed to lie in the office? No. Linda. Yeah, honey. Linda. How can I help you? I don't know if honey is appropriate for help. Okay, well. We have somebody. We have somebody in the office.
00:11:11
Speaker
I mean, you don't have to go that far. Thank you, Linda. Yes. We all know it. Well, he signed in and he's ready for you. All right. Well, are you ready? I mean, I guess is it emotionally. Let me just, we got Derek in there. I know.
00:11:28
Speaker
Well, well. Well, okay. Well, well, okay. Well, well, okay. Well, well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay. Well, okay.
00:11:55
Speaker
Hey Derek, heard I'm getting fired, you piece of shit. Hey, why don't you have a seat? All right, I'll leave you to it. Okay, Linda's gonna let us hash this out ourselves. This is great. This is none of my business. I was just here to make sure you sign the paper and bring you to Derek. Thanks, Linda. See you at the bar. Derek, you little fucking swine. You little rat. Huh? You little mole. Do you like ratting people out? Is that your thing? My asshole itches.
00:12:22
Speaker
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just gotta be radically honest in this office. Man, that's, I actually respect you so much right now, holy shit. Where was this before? I don't know, I guess they had it bottled up. My feelings about itchy, my butt was. I can't say, man, are you, man? That's wildly vulnerable of you to say. Hey, I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry, I was like,
00:12:52
Speaker
Hard on you and stuff. I'm sorry to interrupt this meeting, but I just, I got a memo I need to distribute to everyone. There's butt worms going around the office, so just so everyone's aware. Yeah, that would explain a lot. Yeah, I'm out. Okay. Worms, plural. I thought dogs got that. You have a dog?
00:13:15
Speaker
I go to dog parks, I don't have a dog. I gotta admit, I came in here so hot, Derek. I came in here ready to kill. You're a nice guy. Oh, Linda? How's it going, Rodney? What? What? What did you say? I said, how's it going?
00:13:42
Speaker
Well, I just feel like you called me honey and I just worked the front desk of your office and I kind of want to report it, but obviously it wouldn't be comfortable to report it to you, Linda, because, well, you're the one who did that to me. Well, if you have something to say. You're the buyer, fuck you, Rodney. Rodney, fuck off. Oh, you think this is toxic?
00:14:10
Speaker
I mean, not this moment right here, but just generally. Let me look what happened. Let me check my HR binder real quick. Let me flip this page. Toxic work environment. It says get bent, Rodney.
00:14:23
Speaker
It doesn't say that, does it? Really? Get bent. Look at the page. This is ridiculous. Yes, I drew it myself. I made the manual myself. Rodney, bite me. Linda, this is probably, I would say you're probably putting a liability on the company. Well, and here's the thing, Rodney. You could have just let me call you honey and let it go. And now look where we are.
00:14:46
Speaker
I don't know. You're a fucking dick, Rodney. Get, bite me, buzz off, loser. I'm gonna quit. I'm not gonna deal with this, okay? Or we could just go back to honey and sweetie. There are only two options. There's no middle ground. Okay. Well, it seems like the third option is being paraded by you if I say anything.
00:15:15
Speaker
Uh, yes, keep your mouth shut, that's also true. Okay, um, hmm, I guess I'll just go back to honey and sweetie. Hey honey, welcome home from work. Oh my Rodney sweetie baby, how are you?
00:15:36
Speaker
I would like to find another term of endearment for us than honey and baby. Sweetheart, what's going on? I'm sorry. I don't know if you can tell, but I've been crying. Look at these shoulders. We're on these, sweetie baby, honey, darling, crying.
00:15:51
Speaker
My name now at work is, well, honey poo, also honey poo, sugar, baby, all those things are now work names, so we're gonna have to find something else to do. Of course they are, because they can see how sweet you are, you little turd. I love you so much. Yeah, but that's our love language. I don't want my love language mixed up with work. I can't hide your bushel basket under a bushel basket, baby. Everyone's gonna see under that bushel basket. They're gonna see how honey and sweet and little baby poo you are.
00:16:18
Speaker
Okay, you're right. Maybe I'm just making too big of a thing out of it. Yeah, you go back, I want you to go back in there tomorrow and I want you to, I want you to tell them how sweet you are. I want you to show them how sweet you are. What do you mean? I want you to get right in their face and show them how sweet you are. I mean, I feel like there's a line I might accidentally cross and then I'd be in hot water.
00:16:40
Speaker
Baby, you practically run HR. I think so too. I mean, honestly, I don't think Linda could do her job without me. That's what I'm saying. You're so strong and powerful, you little honey bear sweetie poo.
00:16:58
Speaker
Hi, my name is Rudolph.
Critique of HR Handling Interpersonal Issues
00:17:01
Speaker
I'm from double HR, HR's HR. And I couldn't help but notice how this HR department has been handling interpersonal conflict. And I'd like to have a little conversation with the two of you and the words and actions that you've been utilizing. No problem, sugar. Okay. Okay, yeah, so right there. Do you mind if I hold your hand while you talk to us?
00:17:25
Speaker
Yeah. Right here is a sort of what I wanted to talk about. Um, while it, it, you know, sexual harassment, it's cheap and it feels good. Ultimately. I don't mean to interrupt you, but your hands are pretty cold and clammy. Do you mind? I'm sorry. Are you getting your sexual chemistry here? I'm not. Are you? Absolutely not. Really? What's going on with you, baby? What is this? The,
00:17:51
Speaker
We're working. We're trying to work. Sugar. Okay. Here's the thing. I've read a lot of pickup artist manuals for research for my job, and I've heard that physical touch and terms of affection like that are signs of sexual attraction. You know, Rodney and I were talking about this. It's giving incel. Yeah. Okay. You were saying it's involuntary? Yeah. Well, that's accurate for now, but...
00:18:18
Speaker
Someday I'm gonna switch, turn the corner one way or another. I'm losing one half of that term any day now. I think sugar just like embrace it, live in it. This is nothing, honestly. Like I caress Rodney's face every single day. He has no problem with it. I should embrace being a red-pilled incel HR guy?
00:18:44
Speaker
I've definitely known of when I worked at Activision and Treyarch. Maybe I shouldn't say the well, it's been more than it's name of name of them. It was it was pretty much everybody but me. I'm telling you, it was everybody but me.
00:19:02
Speaker
And I've already talked about how we had sexual harassment training there because they got good. This isn't like 2000, probably like 2000.
00:19:16
Speaker
maybe eight, but we had somebody come in to talk to the whole like QA staff about sexual harassment. And at the end we were allowed to ask questions and somebody in the crowd was like, is it okay to say, that's what she said. And the person had never, it was a long time ago, so they didn't really understand. They didn't know the joke.
00:19:45
Speaker
I still didn't like I knew the joke because everybody was always saying it everywhere But I didn't know that it was from the office. I wasn't watching the office. It was just you know
00:19:57
Speaker
I mean, it predates the office. Yeah. Oh yeah. Does it? I have no idea where it came from. Like I don't know where it came from, but the person up there was like, could you give me a couple, like an example of what you mean? Cause she didn't understand. He's like, yeah. Like somebody says, I'd like you to push that chair in or something. And then somebody else says, that's what she said. And I don't remember the example cause it's so long ago, but the example was spot on like sexual harassment.
00:20:27
Speaker
And she was like, it sounds fine to me. So afterwards, it was free reign for the entire floor to just constantly say that.
00:20:38
Speaker
And not that you can't sexually harass somebody of the same sex at all, but it was probably, we were doing it, it was mostly just to each other. And there was, the problem was that it was just such a toxic masculine like group. There's probably four women that worked in QA. I don't know the exact numbers, but there was so many more guys and it must've been a nightmare to be them.
00:21:06
Speaker
I worked at a place, actually James, you worked at it too. Roger, a plumbing contractor. Has it been enough years that we could share everything that's illegal? Roger, no one's going to look up. You can't even find him online. He's nine years old. I hope he's alive.
00:21:24
Speaker
I mean, wouldn't it be nice? Isn't it pretty to think so? But his son-in-law, so my girlfriend at the time worked in the office and everyone's phones, they didn't know apparently, but, oh, bye Jake. Should I just keep going? Yeah.
00:21:41
Speaker
I think so, I think hopefully he's not going to come. If they could look up, there were company phones, so they knew every site that the employees went to on jobs and stuff, right? And one of his sons, not his real son, a son-in-law who took his last name, even though he was a grown man when his parents got married.
00:22:03
Speaker
He was looking up porn like all day. And she's like, no judgment, but like it's a lot of, it's a lot of like, you know, pegging porn this guy's into, but he like wasn't presenting that way. He's definitely presenting as like a big, he's definitely presenting as like a big butch. Everyone remembers the guy at work who loves to get pegged. Everyone loves that.
00:22:24
Speaker
Well, the thing, it was weird because I was in the car with him, almost never worked. I almost never worked at the office or any of those things, but because it was important for you to see the pipes, Jordan brought me in, and top of the things I worked on, the Santa Monica police station, maybe I shouldn't say too much. It's already unplumbing, how can you not look out porn all day? We know where all of the police poop goes down.
00:22:52
Speaker
Like, yeah, it was just like checking out and like working on 3d cat editing, but they were like, if you're working with all this cat editing and pipes, you should go out to the field and like see what it's like, which is awful. There's nothing that smells worse than sewer systems. It smells something I should say. I definitely didn't have to do.
00:23:13
Speaker
Who's idea was it that I had to go out to some of these places that were, I went to like, I was at hospitals where they'd open it up and it would be like, it seemed like a shaft down to hell. And it would smell like just feces, like just not feces. Like, I don't know. We were on the plumbing engineering side. Typically they don't go infield.
00:23:33
Speaker
And like it says bio hazards don't have any open flames, all these warnings. And like, I don't have a mask. I don't have anything. There's just, I'm like, is this safe for me to be in? Like it's fine. They got you man. They pranked you good. But yeah, that's what I guess he did in the van all day. And she got in trouble cause they were paying his bills. They had records to everyone's phone. They were company phones. And this guy was looking up porn all day.
00:23:57
Speaker
on the job, literally while he was on the job. It's like, what's this guy doing? Was he just like desperately trying to get aroused? It wasn't working. And he had like, what's that movie with Jason Statham where he like has to be pumped full of adrenaline or he'll die? It was like that, but he has to be hard or he'll die.
00:24:23
Speaker
Quick timeout. I definitely lost internet for about a minute. I never got kicked out of the Zencaster. And I automatically reconnected to this Zoom. How do you feel? I think it'll be fine. All right, cool. Let's be inspired by porn at work or something. Original understanding.
Dating Game Misunderstandings and Features
00:24:52
Speaker
Okay, testers, we've got this new game. It's just in the beta phase. It's called Home Run. It has nothing to do with baseball. So it's really just gonna go through virtual dates and the best way to, well, hit a home run. So go ahead. I don't understand. I guess I don't get it. Is the date at the batting cages?
00:25:19
Speaker
It very well could. There's a whole dropdown list of places that you can go on a first date. It's really just an interactive sort of deal. And like I said, forgive it, we're in beta testing. So this is just like some 16-bit graphics, but they're just placeholders. So yeah, have fun. Let me know if you have any questions. I've got a question. Yeah, go ahead. Can I play as Mr. Met?
00:25:47
Speaker
I want to play as Mr. Matt. Oh, I actually want to play as Mr. Matt, too. I want to be Ronnie Woo Woo. From Wrigleyville? Yeah, we're doing baseball dates, right? Yeah, sure. Yeah, why not? There's no toxicity in baseball, I'm sure. Well, can two mascots from the National League go on a date with each other?
00:26:09
Speaker
Well, we're very progressive in this game. We'll give it a shot. Yeah, sure. I mean, I guess are you guys playing versus mode? We can do that. We can have Mr. Matt V Mr. Matt's or I guess it's not versus. Because we both claim Mr. Matt probably. I would like to see both Mr. Matt's date each other. Co-oper versus happy to do either one. Co-oper sick actually. Co-update.
00:26:39
Speaker
My log on. Pull this up. Whoa. Where's the baseball stuff? Welcome to Barney's Beanery. Here are two G and T's for you. Oh, I've been there. Okay. Oh, look, there's a right click to drink. Drink. Oh, my screen got fuzzy. That's funny. All right, so how do I warm the crowd up?
00:27:07
Speaker
All I see is a 17 page menu. These specials are in the purple section. You don't really look like Mr. Met from over here. You kind of look like a... Just like a middle-aged man. Yeah. What do I look like? You look like an inappropriately young but legal woman.
00:27:32
Speaker
Okay, Thomas, is there any baseball stuff in this? Here are some apps for the table. Oh, Irish nachos and regular nachos, okay. It seems like this date is going well.
00:27:53
Speaker
I'm sorry for coming into your office, but I wanted to let you know that I thought that this testing was going to be for. I'm sorry, I mistook it. I thought this was going to be about, you know, RBIs and traditional baseball. I feel uncomfortable with dating.
00:28:10
Speaker
I've never been, I've never been on a date. I couldn't, I couldn't QA this. That's partially why we're doing this is to help all of you, uh, insults. I mean, insecure guys out there, uh, to, to, to, you know, start breaking the ice, start breaking through and ha you know, touch grass. You know what I'm saying?
00:28:32
Speaker
No, I don't. Oh, see, that's a common euphemism for when a girl, you know what? It's it's it's fine. Maybe you'll figure it out. That's more of like a level six, level seven. You'll see.
00:28:47
Speaker
The other concern I had is I've never really approached dating as a versus mode. I don't know. I feel like the tone of versus mode in dating is, I don't know, unconventional from what I've understood, but I've never dated before. Well, as soon as you get into the game, you'll realize it's MVM or MVW or WVW. And that's really how it ends up. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead, buddy.
00:29:17
Speaker
Knock, knock, knock. So sorry. We just actually finished the latest patch to the game and we are ready to unveil dating deathmatch. If anyone wants to be the first couple of people to try that mode out. Oh, wow. I'm so glad we're launching this so quickly. Yeah, go. You know, it's still pre-alpha, but we're happy to have these testers around. I feel like as a woman, I would be really successful at this. Just avoiding being killed while dating. Sign me up. Sign me up.
00:29:45
Speaker
All right. Give it a go. I guess I guess I don't want to lose out on a professional business opportunity. I'll versus you. Hell yeah. You're going down. Death match. Yeah. Okay. Date me to the death. Where do we log in? Is it these cubicles over here? Yeah. Go ahead and each of you grab a cube. Break a leg in there.
00:30:08
Speaker
I mean, I'm gonna try, but they're gonna be yours. You wish. Oh, this is a small tube. Okay. All right, start game. Start game. Choose your weapon. Pepper spray, teaser, 911 on speed dial.
00:30:27
Speaker
Torture chamber basement. Oh, this all seems, this doesn't seem normal. This doesn't feel like a normal. Okay. Torture chamber basement. I'll take those. I'll go with pepper spray. Oh, you get to choose a special aspect about yourself. Pretty hair, big tits, Krav Maga training. Oh, good. Okay. That's the ghost of dead mother in closet. I guess that's my independent. This is, I like my character. It's a lot like me.
00:31:00
Speaker
Go to Barra alone and wait to be approached. All right.
00:31:11
Speaker
Dating's weird. I was at a bar last night by myself, normal thing to do, very cool, very chill, scrolling on my phone, having a drink. And usually after about one or two drinks, the men will start to notice I'm alone and start, they won't come up and talk to me, but they'll come and talk to the bartender while they're standing next to me and wait.
00:31:30
Speaker
for like an opportunity for an opportunity to say something to me. And there's a really drunk guy was talking to the bartender and he leads off by how he was on judge Mathis. He was like, I was playing a deadbeat dad. I was the defendant. He's like, I could use this to promote myself. And then.
00:31:48
Speaker
He gets his drink and he's just standing there waiting and eventually he goes, I dig the hair. And I'm like, yeah, thank you. I get that a lot. So I'm like, oh, thank you. He's like, yeah, it's really yellow. And I was like, thank you. He goes, yeah, in a good way. Some yellow hair looks like snot, not yours.
00:32:06
Speaker
And the fact that he said my hair didn't look like Snot made me really think my hair looked like Snot. Maybe, because most people would think Snot looks like green. Yeah, I don't know what the truth is. Snot is much more yellow than it is green if you're a Snot truther. I'm a Snot truther. I'm a Snot truther.
00:32:27
Speaker
I don't know. I am so thankful that I found Erin and got married and never had to deal with the bullshit of dating again because there's nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than thinking in my head, how am I going to talk to her?
00:32:47
Speaker
Cause it never went well. I was incredibly, I'm not shy. I'm like, I can be in front of a thousand people and won't be nervous. But one girl at a bar would break my brain and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't say hello. I would just sit by myself. I was awful.
00:33:03
Speaker
Well, and it works the same vice versa. Like I'm like, Oh, I got to get off the apps. I just need to start approaching people in real life. And I was asking my brother for dating advice and I'm like, okay, if you were a single guy and a woman came up to you, how would you like to be approached? How would it go? And he gave me dating advice for like 30 minutes. And then he says to me is like, or do you think like you could shave your armpits?
00:33:25
Speaker
It was like, you could like change your hair to a normal color and grow back out. Like I used to compete in beauty pageants for 17 years. He was like, you could go back to looking like that and it would probably solve all your problems. I was like, okay.
00:33:52
Speaker
Reading Apple news, huh? Cool choice. Cool choice. Yeah. Thanks. I love that app. I read it too. Oh. It keeps me posted. So, I've been noticing for the last 45 or so that you've been flying solo today, huh?
00:34:22
Speaker
Yeah, I'm in between shifts at work and I just come here on my lunch break, so. Grab a couple drinks on your lunch break. Cool, cool, that's badass. Yeah, I mean, I should say that's cool, it's a relaxed office. Here's a pint of cider for the lady and a strawberry daiquiri for the gentlemen. That's right, I'm very secure. That's great, wow. It looks tasty.
00:34:50
Speaker
It's incredibly tasty. Do you want a sip? Well, you can't have one. Okay. Oh man. It's funny. Netty level five completed. How do you feel about a closeup magic? You a fan or? I don't think it matters what I say. You're probably going to show me it. Yeah. Card and coin. Yeah. I don't do the big stuff. Card and coin mostly.
00:35:17
Speaker
All right, grab one of these babies. Don't tell me what it is. It's a coin. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to warn you. I sat across from him the other day and he took my entire purse and I filed a report, but they said because I handed him my purse for the closeup magic trick, it was legal. So I just wanted to say that and take that information for what you want, okay?
00:35:43
Speaker
Okay. I'm gonna choose the option report. Report this man. I report this man. Well, I didn't do anything yet. I didn't even do it. I won't even do magic. Don't worry about it. Let's hang out. Let's chill. Let's have a great time. Report, report, report, report, report. I don't want to interrupt, but I sat across from this man last week and my sister was with me and she participated in this little magic ruse and I haven't seen her. Where is Megan? All right. I must reveal the truth. I am Gelfor, the evil wizard.
00:36:13
Speaker
I have absconded with your sister and your parents. You've done what for my sister? I've absconded. Google it. Okay. Guilfoyle, I knew it was you. I put all the clues together. When I was in the bathroom, there was a, I looked on the, and I turned left towards the wall, and there was a... Yes. Yes. I've hunted you. You've found a cliff on the wall. I've hunted you and found you. I tell you what I have. I have a portkey. No. Which I think is trademarked.
00:36:47
Speaker
You know, that's all rigged. They have weighted dice, so you're just losing your money if you gamble with them on the boardwalk. I like the sense of risk. What if I beat the dice? Look around. If you're not hustling somebody else, you're being hustled. I'm tired of hustling. Maybe I want to be hustled every now and again. Okay, Dave?
00:37:15
Speaker
All right, fine. I guess if you want to gamble with this stranger on the boardwalk, but just make it quick. At least gamble it all at once. All right. All right. Okay. Well, which one to pick from? There's so many. The truth is, is I'm sure that they're all pooling their money together. There's no way each one of these has the same hustle, but don't know each other.
00:37:38
Speaker
What about the nut and shell game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nut and shell sounds good. Okay, okay, okay. Hi. Oh, wait, wait. Yeah, step right up, step right up. Hey, look at you. Look at all the legs up there, but they go all the way to the top. I like five, four.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yellow hair. Okay. So here's the, we got three shells, three shells. Here it is right here in the middle. Take a look. You can even monitor if you want to pick up the, the, the P that I've got here, the marble. Go ahead. Oh yeah. I'd love to inspect this. Oh yeah. Like your eyes. You notice it must, must be the sunlight on the pair. Really?
00:38:18
Speaker
really hits it. Well, sorry. Sorry. We're getting, okay. Well, this one's just gonna be a practice round. So we're going to put it in the middle, put it in the middle, keep your eyes on the middle. Eyes in the middle, switching around, switching around. Is it cheating if I help her? Well, you gotta, let's let her go first. And if you're really feeling lucky, we'll, we'll both have you throw down a 20. Okay. Take a look, take a look, switch around, switch around. Oh, Dave, that's a,
00:38:41
Speaker
You shouldn't give him my name. That was my dad's name. Was it really? Yeah, must be a nice guy, Dave. Solid guy. Betcha. I'd like to think so. Let me see your hands, Dave. Show me your hands. Here. Oh, yeah, you've worked with cement. You've worked with cement, haven't you, Dave? This is a real man right here. Real man right here. Well, thank you. Blondie, what's your name? Charlotte. Hey, Charlotte. Charlotte and Dave. We're getting married. You're getting married?
00:39:13
Speaker
He's just got to propose. I got to make the money to get the ring to propose. Perfect opportunity right here. Perfect opportunity. Okay there, boy. Let's cut out the little shenanigans there. You're not supposed to be doing games here on the PRR, are you, boy?
00:39:30
Speaker
Listen, officer, we're adults and we want to, we're enjoying ourselves. This is our friend, okay? This is our friend. Don't give me no sass there, boy. I know this one. How you doing? You're about to take this fool's money, eh?
00:39:42
Speaker
I, this is a game of chance officer, McGillicuddy. Oh, very funny. Don't you try and charm me. It's not going to work this time, eh, boy? You want to put down 20? 20 gets you 200. 20 gets you 200. Times 10? Are you serious? Yeah, these are the odds. This is what I'm giving you. All right. I probably shouldn't. I'm on the job, so. Well, I mean, I've seen you kick back a couple of siders on your lunch break, so why not? What's wrong with this? Stop it. Yeah, you know what? OK, you guys having fun?
00:40:11
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. OK, put me in for 20. Yeah, yeah, 20. All right. All right. Let's go. No. All this is exciting. All bets are off. All bets are off. OK. And we've got the green marble here right in the center. Keep your eye on the green marble. Keep your eye on the green marble. Where's the green marble now? Over here on the left side. And we're going. We're switching. We're switching back and forth. Switching back and forth. Well, that's fast. Yep. Well, you'll stay in the man's got the magic fingers. And all right. Ladies first, why don't you go ahead, Miss Charlotte?
00:40:40
Speaker
It's on the right. Done on the right. Okay. Two more chances. Officer McGillicuddy. We've got two more chances to see which. I was here before he was here. Well, no, I'm actually willing to let him go. Come on. Let me, let me go first. Go right ahead, Dave.
00:41:00
Speaker
I watched it. It was like slow motion and I saw that thing. Is it the one on the right? Open it up. Wow, Dave. Fuck. No, it's not the one on the right. I was watching it. You really do have a blue collar man there, don't you? I thought you were going to help me out a little bit more there, Dave, to be honest. What are you talking about? Well, there's three cups. Yeah. She picked that one. I watched it.
00:41:28
Speaker
Yeah. No, I've seen this trick before. I'm not swollen for it, okay? I know you. And it doesn't matter what I pick. Oh, do you think Dave's the grease man? You think Dave's here as a merch? Hey, wait, wait, let me in. Let me in. This guy here took me for $200. No, you're shut up. It's my turn to pick. It's my turn to pick. It's my turn. It's my turn. I want to take two picks before you even get a chance to guess which one is something. I'm going to let that slide. Yeah, I'm going to let him do it. My first guess, the one on the left. What?
00:41:57
Speaker
I didn't even watch it. That is an empty cup there. Innocent bystander. And my second guess is the one on the left now. Oh my God. Are you going to lift it or not? You got it. Didn't he? Well, I didn't really even put it down. It's a fair play. Fair play. Did it get that?
00:42:24
Speaker
He didn't get it. It's your turn. Okay. Well, it looks like I just hold on. Hold on. It's my turn. It's my turn. Okay. Is it too late to put another 20 down? Can I just put $20 more down? Let me get one more guest on it. We should go. No, no. I got an idea. I'm actually willing to let them go first. You go first.
00:42:49
Speaker
Yeah, go ahead and throw down 20. Eat it, asshole. The king's third time's a charm. It's the one on the left. Wow, you're a very special man, sir. Very special. You're a lucky lady, Charlotte. Thank you. It's obviously wrong, right? It's not right. It's right.
00:43:11
Speaker
I need verbal confirmation from you, Game Master. You sick son of a bitch. I got lost in Charlotte's eyes real quick. I got distracted.
00:43:26
Speaker
Did you do beauty contests? Wait, look at you. I mean, I was homecoming queen, but of course. He's stolen. It's the one on the left. Don't be quiet. I mean, you must have been prom king for sure. Yeah, runner up, runner up. I didn't play football. No, you're too smart for football. Yep, that's true. That's true. I should have played defense.
00:44:03
Speaker
We are here today to wed these two fine people, Charlotte, former beauty queen, and cup and balls man. Unnamed, past, and present. His name is just for me. Oh, cup and balls man. There you go, boys.
00:44:21
Speaker
I object! My best man, Officer McGillicuddy. I couldn't find any family members. Hold on, I heard an objection from down the back. I also heard the objection, yes. Dave, god damn it, I told you not to come. My life's fallen apart ever since that day on the boardwalk. That was on you, you kept guessing the wrong cups over and over again and kept putting down money. It was eventually gonna be right!
00:44:47
Speaker
But he closed shop and he wouldn't let me put any more money down. The only way for me to be right was to go with the cup and balls man. He knew the whole time. All right, sorry. I dropped my objection. I'll sit in the pews. Let us continue this marriage between cup balls man and the woman with the piss hair. Piss colored booger hair. Finally.
00:45:11
Speaker
up on the altar to join in permanent matrimonies. You have won the game. You have passed level nine. Congratulations, you are officially wed. Whoa, run! Why does the game end at level nine? Turn that down. Turn that down. Turn that down. Turn that down.
00:45:53
Speaker
Thanks for listening to another episode of Original Understudies. This episode wouldn't be possible without our post audio engineer and sound designer, Toyo Kaleo, and our Patreon supporters. If you'd like to be a Patreon supporter, go to patreon.com slash Original Understudies.