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Original Understudies EP80 - Disguise
149 Plays1 year ago
Last year I did an episode where we recorded 3 sets of 2 people... all using the same suggestion, but not knowing what the other groups performed.
This time I wove them together, I hope you like it.
If you would like to join the Discord Here is the Link -
Email me a Word, or phrase, or picture... to inspire our show OriginalUnderstudiesPodcast@gmail.com
This episode would not be possible with the unending support of our Post Audio Engineer and Sound Designer , Toivo Kallio.
That music at the start... You know who that is? It is The Quick Six, I bet you would love their whole album "County Line" check it out!
Todays Understudies are...
Zak Roland - ChaosBloom
Amey Goerlich - Best Of Denver® Readers' Choice Poll
James Heaney - James Plays Elden Ring
Rich Baker - Richbakercoaching.com
Rolland Lopez - RollininRiches
Jack Zullo - JackZullo.com
Jordan Bull - Good Luck Finding him
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Improv Setup
00:00:10
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of original understudies where I have gathered two of the world's most original understudies and we're gonna perform some improv comedy for you using your Suggestions and there's gonna be three groups of two people and they're gonna get the same suggestion And unless improv has broken down some way these scenes are gonna be completely different
00:00:34
Speaker
the word I'll reveal in a moment. But let's first introduce Amy Gerlick and Zach Roland. Welcome, guys. How are you? Good. Thanks for having us. Good. Thanks for being here. I am a huge fan of you guys sharing a microphone because it really just makes my editing process a million times better. Is it still comfortable for you guys to improvise next to each other like this? Yeah, I think so.
00:01:00
Speaker
Hello. Let's go. Oh, if only you can see it, it's romance in there. Where would you like people to find you?
Chaos Bloom Theater Promotion
00:01:09
Speaker
If you're ever in Denver, Colorado, come to our theater, Chaos Bloom Theater. Come see shows. Chaos Bloom Theater. Come perform and be in a jam every Saturday. Jams. They are wonderful. I love them. Here's the word. Are you ready for it?
Mustache Madness
00:01:26
Speaker
Disguise.
00:01:29
Speaker
Original understudies. What is this? Why do you have a huge case of mustaches? What is this? Oh, they're for different occasions.
00:01:41
Speaker
But you have a mustache. Yeah, but I put it. I put a different one on in case I needed it for, you know, just a different different look. Like if I'm going out to a bar or if I'm going out to a baseball game, you know, sometimes I just want to be just a different person. And nobody nobody says anything that you have a double mustache. Not normally. No, not not not normally. But, you know, I think it's it's just, you know, kind of
00:02:06
Speaker
People maybe don't know how to react, you know, and that's kind of what I'm going for is that I'm a different person. They don't know how to react. So if we've met before, maybe they don't know that they we've met before and it's a different experience for them. OK, well, this seems this is a lot. I'm bringing it up because I I keep getting like mustache burn. Yeah. Yeah. From you. And I was going to see if you'd be OK with
00:02:34
Speaker
Well, I mean, I could shave my regular, but I'd like to keep the, I'd like to keep the other mustaches. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, could it be the oil that I use on those? I don't know. A lot of oil in my mustaches. Okay. It's not really the problem. I just, well, sorry, you know, I just want to try to be a good husband and you know, just make sure you're comfortable around my mustaches. Well, I'm comfortable around these mustaches as long as they don't touch my face.
00:03:01
Speaker
Sure. So just don't wear a mustache around you, but I can still wear them in public. I mean, I guess if you want to, yeah, it'll look less weird that you don't have like a double mustache. Sure. Well, I was thinking about a special one for your mom's birthday. I know we're going to go, we're going to go out, we're going to have a nice dinner. Oh boy. Oh, I was just saying, you know, it's an extra big one. Here, let me just show you. Okay. All right, here it is.
00:03:30
Speaker
Wow, that is like comically big. It's like a Groucho Marx is what I call it. Yeah, that's not a Groucho Marx. You don't think so? No, a Groucho Marx is like tight. You know, it's a thing. Is it? Let's introduce Jack Zulo.
Meet Jack and Jordan
00:03:48
Speaker
Jack, where can people find you? Hey, guys, you can find me at JackZulo.com. Great. And Jordan Bull. Jordan, how are you and where can people find you? I'm so good. You can find me at MichaelJordan23.com.
00:04:01
Speaker
Oh, that was his number. You can't find. You can't find him anywhere. So Google. So here's the word that I would like to inspire our improv session today.
Armor Antics
00:04:13
Speaker
Disguise.
00:04:18
Speaker
Oh, you scared me there, buddy. No, sorry about that. I was trying one of my little, little thingies on. Well, you snuck up on me. I wasn't expecting that. I was at a heart attack. Yeah, sorry. Let me take this suit of armor off. Man, you really dive it. When you dive into the rent fair, Billy, you dive right in.
00:04:42
Speaker
Well, what's what's a fair if you're not going to get it? So would you help me with my head? Would you help me? Yeah. Yeah. This is this is the real deal, man. This is heavy. Yeah. It's cost me a lot. Yeah. It's intricate working and working this ship here. This is beautiful. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah. I found it out to one of those pawn shops.
00:05:02
Speaker
You found this at a freaking pawn shop, a full suit of armor. This is like a medieval suit of armor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a pawn shop by the side of the road. A tiny little, tiny little man inside. And he was, he was a, I don't want to do his voice, but do his voice. Come on, Billy. Okay.
00:05:22
Speaker
Come in here, and if you're so lucky, you can have my suit of armor. That's exactly what he said, just like that. That's crazy. You know what? You've got a talent for voices. You probably should do some voiceover or something. I don't know how you get involved in that, but you'd be great at it. Stop flattering me. And that's your thing. You're the voices guy. I bet you can do that exact same impression if you want to.
00:05:49
Speaker
Hey, everybody, come check out my pawn shop. I'm a tiny little man, but I'm big on the downside.
00:05:57
Speaker
Wait, dude, that's almost perfect. Just do me a favor and move it to the back of your throat a little bit. Hi, everybody. I'm a tiny little man, but if you turn me sideways, I'm the biggest man you'll ever see. Was that back of the throat enough for you, Billy? You're such a ridiculous kid. I'm sorry. I can't help it, uh, overhear you guys this conversation.
00:06:20
Speaker
I mean, we're all Ren Farinati's, right? Ren Farinati's. Ren Farinati's, that's what they call that is. Triton True, Truin Blues, Triton True. You said you got that armor from a thrift shop? That's pretty crazy, right? Some pawn shop by the side of the road, a tiny little man, weird little voice. Are you sure that tiny little man wasn't a gnome?
00:06:42
Speaker
I'm not sure. What do you mean? Well, back in medieval times, cobblers used the gnomes to help them with shoes and blacksmiths helped, they got help from gnomes for their arm. Wait, wait, Billy, do you hear what Roger's saying? He's saying, baby, you made a real honest to God, rent fair from the past medieval gnome.
00:07:06
Speaker
Todd, I'm suppressing what he said. See, you think I traveled back in time? Just like- No, no, no. I think you freed that gnome. I think you let the gnome out of that. I don't know if you know the legend or the lore, but gnomes? Who let the gnome out? Exactly. Hey, this is a rent fair. That's way too modern.
00:07:25
Speaker
That's way too much. But what I'm saying is, if you opened that armor and a gnome got out of it, well, then you're cursed until you trapped the gnome back inside the armor. Okay. He was wearing an armor and I did too.
00:07:42
Speaker
What do you mean, man? What's gonna happen? Honestly, I'm gonna have to pack up my booth. I can't be this close to you guys. No, are you serious? What kind of was the curse? Roger, you can't balance us. You always balance us. Roger, you're in now. You're in now. You're in. All right. Well then, the source of knowledge for this. I mean, I feel a little itchy. Am I supposed to feel itchy? It's probably the curse.
00:08:08
Speaker
I wouldn't itch it. Hold on. Let me pick up my book of curses. There you go. There you go. Don't itch that stop. It's going to spread. Definitely. Definitely. Don't itch it. Okay. All right. Is it say that in the book? Yeah. It says it right here in the book. If you have been in contact with a gnome and he tries to give you one of his possessions and you get itchy, don't scratch. Do not. It says don't take it.
00:08:32
Speaker
Well, too late for that, right? Yeah, I missed. Obviously, I fucked up the first one, Roger. We all get it, okay? Yeah, Roger. Come on. You're pointing out the obvious. Sorry. Hey, as part of the thing, does it make my mood a little bad? Well, I can only imagine being itchy would make you irritable, but that's not, from my understanding, part of the curse.
00:08:51
Speaker
OK, actually, I'm very, very fucking nice guy. Billy, Billy, we've had this conversation, man. You do you. However you're feeling, man, you can't suppress it inside. Billy, let's just retrace your steps. I'm sure we're going to be able to find this gnome somewhere along the path that brought you here. OK, Todd, can you just eye contact with me? Breathe in, breathe out. Yes.
00:09:15
Speaker
I'm looking you deep in your eyes. Careful. You can pass the curse with the kiss, I think. Careful. We're not going to kiss. That's a kiss. That's a kiss. It's not my fucking friend, dude. It's my friend. Fair, it just looked like you were staring deep into each other's eyes.
00:09:38
Speaker
You're staring deep into each other's eyes and our lips were grazing. That's not a kiss. We're doing a freaking breathing exercise. Breathing exercise. Come on, Roger. There was air between us. Yeah. If you're not hurting, you're helping. You know what I'm saying? If you're not helping, you're hurting. All right. All right. All right. Sorry. Breathe in. Breathe out. Look me in my eyes. Yeah. Deeper. Let's find this fucking gnome. Yeah.
00:10:08
Speaker
Think about where you saw this gnome's
Mustache and Family Dynamics
00:10:11
Speaker
little shop on the side of the road. Okay, okay, stop for gas. And then two eyes, two, three, four point two miles east. Your ears are bleeding. I just had a vision. Your ears are bleeding.
00:10:30
Speaker
Are you serious? Are you all right here? Here take my tissues. Oh, look at all that blood. Wow. Jesus. Well, I wish these, which these potions I made were real. It's just Kool-Aid. Uh, but if you're thirsty and you need just to refresh, you can have some of this. Thanks Roger. I actually, sorry about that. I actually do want to go. Here you go. Yeah. Kool-Aid's delicious man. This one's for stamina. It's green.
00:10:56
Speaker
Okay, but it's just Kool-Aid, so it doesn't mean you don't have to— It's Acto— It's Acto-Kool-Aid. All right, we can— It sounds like we're gonna leave the fair— the fairgrounds, so you don't have to keep up the— But if you want to, you can— you can stay in character, actually. That'd be pretty fun. I'm not in character! What are you talking about? Oh. This is— This is just my voice. Oh. You guys— Cool. What do you mean, cool? I'm— I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry, man. Yeah, we just thought you were always putting on airs. Yeah. Are you guys putting on characters?
00:11:23
Speaker
I mean, I try to play true to the source, you know, which is me too. Yeah. Yeah. Me. Me too. Me too. I mean, I have suit of armor. I bought on a pawn shop. I thought that was enough of character. There was a bad life choice. Look at that suit of armor. Everyone would have bought that for her. How much did you pay for that, Billy? Let me put down these blood soaked regs.
00:11:47
Speaker
So I can think. You know, we probably didn't really pay anything for that. Man, it was a lot. It was about two or three months with me.
00:11:55
Speaker
Two or three months worth of pay. Two or three months worth of pay? What does that even fucking mean? Okay, don't give me fucking attitude. What does that even mean? How much do you get paid? Are we supposed to know what your pay is? I wanted to be sensitive to how much you might make. I make a lot of money. Don't feel sensitive to a lot of money. Let's put away the rulers and the dick measurements, okay? Okay.
00:12:17
Speaker
Thanks, Todd. But my family's not left needing anything at the end of the night, okay? Everybody's fed and got proof. Okay, that's what my point was, is I want to quantify it. No one was insinuating that. It's just like in movies when they say, you know, a certain amount of money. They don't say the exact amount of money. Calm down, Billy, we get it. Your dad pays for everything. Roger. Todd. It's not cool, man. Yes. That's not cool, man. Well, your dad, it is cool. There's nothing wrong with getting... My dad's taking you out to dinner. What's wrong? I know, I love it. I'm not... What?
00:12:46
Speaker
What? Yeah, I go out with Billy's dad every once in a while.
00:12:51
Speaker
How come, I mean, we've been working next to each other at this rent fair every year for a long time. Nobody's ever invited me. I'll be honest with you, Roger, me and Billy's dad, you know, we have a certain, I don't know, chemistry. It's just weird. He's like an older little weird version of me. Yeah. They go way back. They talk the same. They look the same. They use the same phrases and stuff. It's crazy. Yeah, it is nuts. Hold on a second. I'll do an impression of Billy's dad right now. He's so good with what? Listen to this. Hey, I'm Billy's dad.
00:13:20
Speaker
See, you guys spot on spot on. It's so good. It does. It sounds exactly like you. Exactly. That's the point. Yeah. Roger. That's the point. That's my dad. My dad sounds exactly right. Yeah. I pay for everything for my son because I love him and I don't want the world to hurt him. Oh my God. I thought my dad was right. Yeah. Whoa.
00:13:40
Speaker
Oh, wow. You made me a little emotional. So there you go. Nobody's buying any potions from me. It's clearly this. These things are all room temperature, if not warmer. Let's wrap it up and go find that fucking though. Yeah, dude. Bring your room temperature Kool-Aid. Todd, let's put on our special friendship bracelets and get the fuck out of here. What?
00:14:04
Speaker
me and Todd are gonna put on special friendship bracelets. Is this a problem for you? I don't know. I mean, I guess I just felt like we were friends too. I'm the one who warned you about the curse. We are friends. Well, I don't have a bracelet. I don't have a bracelet. Why are you getting all upset about it, man? Maybe that's why you don't have a bracelet. Okay? Because like, you know, you make a big deal out of things, Roger. All right, fine.
00:14:29
Speaker
And maybe, maybe, you know, you're doing a solid right now, you're coming with us. Maybe you'll earn a friendship bracelet on the, it's kind of something that happens organically. It happens authentically and organically, Roger. Maybe one is down the road for you. I don't know, but maybe.
00:14:44
Speaker
Yeah, we made friendship bracelets after we got smashed drunk in a bar one time. Wow.
Velour Jacket Misadventure
00:14:50
Speaker
Yeah, my dad was there. They can't bring in pictures. Yeah, his dad was there. He drank like a lot. And then he was doing an impression of me. It was spot on. Spot on, you should see him. Well, it doesn't seem like it would be hard. It seems like you guys would sound just like each other. We sound just like each other, which, you know, still, it was, the waitress was quite confused. Yeah, I know they sound similar, but before we go, actually, would you mind doing an impression of my dad and an impression of you? Sure, sure.
00:15:13
Speaker
Hey, Todd, thanks for being friends with my son, Billy. He needs friends like you. You're a real hard working man and all the women seem to love you. I don't buy it as much. I don't buy it as much as him being himself. Yeah.
00:15:30
Speaker
I mean, I could tell he was doing impression, but it's pretty fucking good. Alright guys, I'll tell you what. I'll do you solid. Let's hop in my van. There's no seats in the back, so you're gonna have to hold the- hold the edges. And let's just go down 4.2 miles. Okay, let's go.
00:15:49
Speaker
Let's first impreduce the improvisers. We've got Rollin' and Rich from the show Rollin' and Rich, right? Is that what we call it? Rollin' and Riches. Rollin' and Riches? Rollin' and Riches, yeah. Rollin' and itches? I'm sorry, go ahead. Rollin' and Riches. Rollin' and rollin' in like inside but short and Riches like money. Yeah, I do like, I do like rollin' in itches.
00:16:16
Speaker
I like that. Let's change our name. If we ever get hired by like a, like a skin care company or something. So if nitrogen wants to hire us, we will change our name to rolling in itches. But individually you guys are a who. This is Roland Lopez. Yeah. And that's Rich Baker. That's me. But we're doing voices. So this is this voice here you're hearing is Roland Lopez.
00:16:41
Speaker
I cannot blame anybody but myself for this crazy beginning of the episode. Actually, all crazy beginnings of all episodes, I can only blame myself for. So you guys have some, we'll call them tour shows coming up, right? You're out on the road doing shows in Boise in March, is it? Yeah. Well, so we're a duo. We're an improv duo. We've been around almost 10 years. I think we're going to hit our anniversary sometime in May.
00:17:04
Speaker
And we are going to be in Boise, Idaho on the first of March and the second of March, we're going to be in Pocatello, Idaho performing at their improvathon. And cool. I've actually never heard of Pocatello Pocatello. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.
00:17:20
Speaker
We've met a lot of people from both of those communities and great people. We've been wanting to go up there to make that long drive. We're finally doing it after many years. Looking forward to those shows. And then the 15th of March or 16th of March, we're going to be in Reno, Nevada, performing there and teaching in all these places. We're also going to be teaching workshops as well. So yeah, we're looking forward to it. That's really groovy. I have performed in
00:17:49
Speaker
48 states. Nice. Wow. I have not performed in Hawaii, which Roland, you performed in Hawaii, right? I did. You and I were on a team together years ago. Yeah, I just wasn't able to make it. Have you performed in Hawaii, Rich? I performed on a cruise ship that's docked in Hawaii, but I don't think I've actually performed on Hawaii. I'll count it. I'll count it. The other state is Idaho. I've never performed in Idaho. I got to get it. I got to get out there. This will be my first time performing in Idaho, too.
00:18:17
Speaker
Yeah, if I if you say if I can get rich, rich, you are you are in. All right. I don't care for this one bit. All right. So here's the suggestion. Take it where you'd like to. The word is disguise.
Bathroom Line Romance
00:18:34
Speaker
Oh, look at this guy's over here. Well, oh, oh, me. Yeah. You you're looking all fancy, huh? Yeah. You're not used to this, right?
00:18:47
Speaker
What is this, velour? Yeah, oh, feel that. Feel that the entire thing is velour. Who even are you? Hey, listen, I told you, I said, I'm gonna make myself a better person in 2024. And this is what I've got so far. My God, man, how much did you, I mean, that's so, it looks so expensive. Oh, this was everything. I had to borrow money from mom and grandma. Oh, it, those relationships are not that great.
00:19:16
Speaker
It's so good to see you, grandson. Come on in. I've missed you. We never spend any time together. This is such a nice treat. It's been like seven years. Look, I got the car running. It's double parked. I just need some money right now is the thing. I can't stick around. I understand.
00:19:33
Speaker
What is that? Is that spam on that plate? That is a little spam on that plate. Yeah, I fried some spam. Oh, I mean, maybe I could stick around for a moment or two. Mmm, spam. Is that who I think it is down there? Yeah, it's our grandson, John. Come on. Pop pops. Oh,
00:19:52
Speaker
Here, you gotta just hold on a second. It takes me a while to get down the stairs. Oh, geez, don't hurt yourself, Pop-Pops. We should not live in a house with stairs. This is not an okay thing. Oh, come here and give your grandfather a nice big hug. Oh, okay. Oh, too tight, Grandpa. Geez. Oh, you gotta get stronger. Yeah. When I was your age, I used to be able to pick up a tree trunk. Pop-Pops, I've heard those stories. That's how he impressed me. Really?
00:20:22
Speaker
Why? Hey there, young sailor. What are you about to do? I'm sorry. I was just trying to clean up a little bit of this work. We're cutting logs out here. Oh my, is that your arms are so strapping. Oh, would you like to see what I can do with these arms? I'd love to. Oh my. You're a little bit more sturdy than I usually see a lady. Pick me up there. I can pick you up off your feet.
00:20:48
Speaker
Oh, those were good. That was a good day. Oh, I didn't need all of those details that got oof. He didn't pick up a tree that day, but there was definitely some wood involved. No, no. Did you believe the other guys in the forest? Let me take her home that night. And we've been together ever since. Ever since. Wow. You two you two are what I aspire to be.
00:21:12
Speaker
Pop pops. I hope that one day I, I find a woman that I'm, I can pick up and just take home. Well, you got to start with this spam on the plate. Oh yeah. Let me eat that thing. See some of this spam. All right. What did you say is just fried?
00:21:29
Speaker
Yeah, so you went to your grandmother's. Yeah, yeah. Little got some money from her and Grandma and Grandpa. And you didn't need to tell me about how they met and he picked her up and everything. That was a little too much. Look, here's the reason I'm telling you that because if you see any woman that you think would be a good match for me and that I would be able to pick up with the my little spindly arms, I would like to, you know, give it a shot. You get a velour jacket and all of a sudden you want to pick up a lady with those arms.
00:21:58
Speaker
This is my new year, 2024. It's the year about making things happen. What do you think? Some lady's just gonna walk on by right in front of us right now and ask to be picked up. Excuse me, excuse me, I'm sorry. Would you mind that the line for the bathroom is so long? Could you just pick me up and put me up, put me upstairs? Oh, yeah, sure. Hang on a second.
00:22:20
Speaker
Oh. Hang on. Okay. I've got the rail. Try not to wrinkle the velour. I've got the rail. Okay. Oh. Push. Oh, wow. There you go. Thank you. Oh. Look at you. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Bye. Bye. Take. Goodbye. I love you. Does she know I love her? Did she hear me? You gotta be kidding me. Does she know I love her? Wait, wait, wait. Me. Let's back up. You just pick. She just asked you to pick her up and you did it. Yes. This is your year. You know what? I'm going after her. I'll see you later.
00:22:50
Speaker
Excuse me! Excuse me! Original understudies.
Spy Secrets at Dinner
00:22:58
Speaker
Oh, my God. Thanks for coming home. Oh, you look fancy. Dinner's going to be just perfect and I would like it if we don't. You know, that's not his real mustache, right? It's not his real mustache. You saw him a month ago. How could he have grown? You've always had a mustache. I just. Yeah, but this is completely it's a completely different color.
00:23:22
Speaker
Yeah, but your father's been dyeing his hair for a long time. Would you believe that two thirds of his hair isn't even real? What? There's a big part of the time. Why is dad doing that? Let me close the door behind myself. I don't ask him to. I don't know. I'm sure maybe he, you could tell us, Brian, why do you do the mustache thing?
00:23:44
Speaker
You know, it's just a different feeling. It makes me feel younger. And as you could tell, I'm not a spring chicken anymore. So I figured maybe if I died by mustache, people would think that I was younger than I really am. I didn't even realize dad was in here.
00:24:03
Speaker
I didn't either. I honestly, I was going to try to keep the door closed. I was closing the door in hopes to. There was a family conference going on and I figured I should probably be involved. I just finished dying. It's freshly dyed mustache. So I guess this is actually a great opportunity. Why don't you tell us what you think of his mustache?
00:24:25
Speaker
I think it's classy and it makes him look like a real gentleman. Come on, dad. It looks ridiculous. Does it look real? It looks absolutely 100% real. I would want to be in a bar or a baseball game with a man with a mustache like that at any time.
00:24:43
Speaker
Why? What is, what is it? Does it make you look like more like a man? No, he likes it. It's a guy thing. It's gotta be a guy thing. You know? Well, dad, I think you should just let it all. I think silver Fox is, it's looks good on people. Just a little bit of gray, a little bit of white speckled here and there. I think it's nice.
00:25:03
Speaker
I've always told him he should just completely shave his head and wear all sorts of wigs. Yes. I mean, the sky's the limit if he gets rid of that stuff on the sides. Yeah, dad, it looks, you look like an old man. I can't believe that I'm being treated this way.
00:25:19
Speaker
Just because I do a little dye job here or there, now all of a sudden I've got to wear wigs? What is this? Some kind of a show? So we're putting on a show for everyone? I don't want this to turn into another one of those family dinners. Let's just stop arguing. Yeah. It's mom's birthday. It's my birthday. Mom, you did nothing. You did nothing. It's your birthday. Your mother's a trimmer. You know that. Thank you. What does that mean? She keeps things tight.
00:25:45
Speaker
Well, her hair is very short. That's not the hair I'm talking about. Oh, dad, you're disgusting. Well, it's going to be one of those dinners, I guess. It's not disgusting. Yes. You know what? Let's talk no more about hair. Yeah. And let's just sit down here. Let's just sit down.
00:26:01
Speaker
Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. I caused a lot of drama here. Everyone. I didn't, I didn't know that my mustache was here before you joined the family. You don't have to worry. We fought like this since she was a little girl. Honestly, I don't think we even fought at all before she was born. I can't remember. It doesn't matter.
00:26:20
Speaker
How did this get turned on to me? I don't get it. I'm so sorry. It's my birthday. I don't want to argue. I don't want to argue. I just don't remember having so many arguments. Let's not argue, mom. You look lovely. You look young. Let's open gifts and have some food. Yeah, come to think of it. I don't even think we wanted a child. Well, no, we didn't want a child.
00:26:45
Speaker
Excuse me, excuse
Agent Chaos
00:26:47
Speaker
me. Oh, I'm next in line for the bathroom. I'm next. Oh, okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Aren't you the, aren't you the gentleman that helped me cut in line in the first place? Yeah, I picked you up. I just wanted to talk. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not a big talker at parties. I'm not the most social. It's okay. I gotta be honest. Would you mind if I played my violin?
00:27:12
Speaker
Oh, thank you. Listen, I know I come off all classy and stuff, but I want you to know that these trappings you see on me are not who I really am. I'm a t-shirt and shorts guy. Cargo shorts, lots of pockets.
00:27:27
Speaker
I don't, I never wear Prada. I never wear Prada, but I'm here for this party and I wanted to look fancy. My mom wants me to have a baby before the end of the year. So. Well, I mean, if you want to do that, it's, it's already February. I know it's. You've only got a few weeks.
00:27:43
Speaker
I'm in Prada already, what else can I do? Pardon me, would you like me to switch to my slap bass instead? Oh, please, I'd be very romantic. Sure. Oh, it's my turn in the bathroom. All right, well, listen. Wait, how am I gonna get a hold of you again? I'll leave my shoe here and you go from person to person in the town trying to find the person that sits. Goodbye. Goodbye.
00:28:15
Speaker
So I have eyes, I have eyes on him. He went into a house. We're gonna have to get some more pictures and we're probably gonna have to get pictures of whoever he's with, Doug, because I think this is our guy. I think this is our guy. You're saying you have eyes on the suspect and he has now entered a domicile, is that correct?
00:28:38
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know why you can't be in the van with me. Why do you have to be in a separate car? I think it's just it's more covert. I think it's better for, you know, coverage. All right. I think that detective work is hard. OK, we're trying to find the bus. This guy, we got to be everywhere all at once.
00:28:56
Speaker
Okay. Well then why? If I could chime in, Paul, I feel a little silly pretending to read this newspaper by myself talking to you. There's the three of us out here look suspicious. I agree. I agree. Paul, I think you're doing great. I'm going to get out and start waxing the car. I'm going to go ahead and just put a nice coat of wax on it. People are not going to think it's totally normal. It's seven o'clock at night.
00:29:19
Speaker
People don't wax their car, they're like, do they? I'm going to turn on the ice cream truck music. That's borderline creepy this time of day. I'm not going to read this newspaper anymore. This, I look ridiculous. I'm going to do something different. Do not abandon the mission. Do not abandon the mission. We've got to get this guy. He's a serial disguiser. Okay. I've seen him all over the place. Just different disguises. I've been reading this newspaper for three hours.
00:29:44
Speaker
I look like an idiot. No, you don't. Tell me something you read. What? Tell me about something you read. I haven't read anything. I've just been staring at it trying to look like I'm reading. Well, that's the problem. Just engage with the newspaper, like read something and it'll take your mind off what you're doing. OK. All right.
00:30:04
Speaker
Is this, is the ice cream truck music too loud? I feel like it's really loud. I could hear it from two blocks away. That's where I'm at. I'm two blocks away, waxing my, my Chevy Impala. That's the car I'm, it's a Chevy Impala. That's what that, yeah.
00:30:21
Speaker
All right, I don't know what that is. What kind of ice cream you got in there anyway, Bob? Oh, my God, there's kids coming down the street. Oh, no. There's kids coming down the street for ice cream. Oh, yeah. Here they come. There's no ice cream in here. What? I'm going to rip the wires. I'm going to rip the wires. Don't rip the wires. Don't abort the mission. I'm ripping the wires. No more ice cream music. They're going to find you out. They look like they're slowing down and they're turning away. They're slowing down. Oh, they're turning away. Oh, they're going towards you now. Oh, God, that was close. They're going towards you now.
00:30:50
Speaker
Oh my god. This is a bus stop. You're gonna have to engage with these kids. You're gonna have to talk to them. There's a bus coming around the corner. You're gonna have to get on that bus. Oh, okay. I guess I'd look like a real crazy person if I sat at the bus and didn't get on it. Hey, mister. What's your even? Oh, it's the newspaper. It's all the stuff that's current defense, kiddo. Tiger.
00:31:12
Speaker
What's a, what's one of the current events you're reading about? Oh, there's, well, this little boy here that carries a blanket all around with him, he's dirty. That's a cartoon. Yeah, yeah, sure, it's a cartoon, but he's like, you know what, you're a nosy kid, okay? I'm reading. Hey, Mr. Haven't I seen you somewhere before? You look familiar. Let me try that mustache.
00:31:38
Speaker
Oh, that's a real one. It's a real mustache. Jesus. Oh boy, this guy, he's a weirdo. Yeah. I'm not weird. Listen, guys, kids, kids, I shouldn't tell you this because I'm undercover right now, but you guys can't be criminals, right? Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh
00:32:04
Speaker
No, no, this trench coat, this newspaper, this is all props. I'm a, I'm an agent. Oh, wow. What? Here, let me, let me, let me get one of the other guys to come out here. Hey, Rob, grab me. Wait, Bobby. Hey, what are you two? I'm just finished the second coat of wax one.
00:32:27
Speaker
Come down to the, come down to the bus stop. These kids are, they don't believe me that I'm under, I told them I was undercover. You told them you were under, you can't do that. And then you're going to blow the whole thing wide open. I had to make a split second decision. They're bringing a lot of attention to me. They want proof.
00:32:43
Speaker
Okay, guys, the kids are starting to walk towards, they're walking towards the house that we're checking out. Did someone say something to those kids? I don't know, I was stream of consciousness. Oh no, we've been made. Should I leave? We've been made. I'm reaching behind the studies.
Curses and Transmogrification
00:33:04
Speaker
My my feet are burning. Oh, is that part of the curse? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:17
Speaker
Oh, sick mural, dude. Yeah, dude. I didn't know you were such a great painter. No, I didn't paint that. I didn't paint that. Oh. Who put this tiger on you? It was a, it was an elf. It was an honest, thank God, real elf. Not a small one, a tall one, a drow elf. Don't get into it, okay? I got over my curse, but it is a beautiful painting. Wait, what? Wait, you, you met a drow elf and you got, you were cursed by it. You got cursed. And then you got, I mean,
00:33:47
Speaker
You're like an expert. Guys, there's a lot about me you guys don't know because I'm not in the best front club, all right? Let's just deal with the snow, Dom. Let about the friendship thing, man. We've known each other for a long time. A long time. And we are always- A long time. And all we knew was that you sold fucking Kool-Aid. Yeah. And you know what? We told everyone the Kool-Aid was great. Yeah. I never said it. I never said a damn word. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. All right. Wow. This gas station,
00:34:17
Speaker
Doesn't really look like, it looks kind of like it's haunted. I'm gonna say it haunted. This gas station never looked like this before. Yeah, I mean, I guess I don't judge gas stations like you guys judge gas stations. I would say, oh, maybe it's a gas station down on this log. And maybe the owner could use some help. It's like something out of a, like a Dust Bowl story. Yeah. What kind of gas station has a thrift store in it? Yeah, the pawn shops out the back. Yeah, and they were out of gas too.
00:34:47
Speaker
It's weird. Yeah. It doesn't look like anybody's in this. This looks like nobody's been here in years. Looks abandoned. Yeah, this place is empty. Yeah, that's kind of how it looked when I got here. All right, so if you follow me through this, a little light. See the light out of the end of the trees out there? I mean, you'd have to... Yeah, I see it out there. All right, come and follow me. Okay.
00:35:09
Speaker
What? Yeah, this is the place. This is the place I shouted. I shouted. Hey, do you have gas? I mean gas. And then this little man. It was just around here somewhere. Here, quick. One of you, one of you say, one of you say you need gas. Wait, what do you sound like again? I need gas. I need gas. What is that? I don't know. I think it came from the woods. Oh, oh.
00:35:34
Speaker
Holy shit. Holy shit. Gnome? I think that's the Gnome. Gnome, are you here? It's me. Yes, I'm here. You took my armor and now you're cursed forever. Why would you do that, Gnome? Why would you do that? Don't! Don't! You're gonna kill him! Oh my god! You're gonna kill him!
00:35:56
Speaker
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got you. Oh, no. You crushed his head. Oh, no. Oh, my God. We're never going to be able to stop the curse now. Are you serious? He said I killed him. It's all happening again. Todd, your anger, man. It's all happening again, Todd. What do you mean again? It's a long story.
00:36:20
Speaker
How many gnomes have you killed? It just keeps happening. I see a little person and they start talking. I get scared. I just get scared. Let's make sure that we're completely clear here. You're talking about guard gnomes. You're talking about regular gnomes and you're talking about leprechauns. That's what you mean, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's okay. Good. Perfect. That's what I thought you meant. I see little things. I see little people.
00:36:52
Speaker
He doesn't like hot wheels. He doesn't like dolls. He doesn't like miniature anything. It makes him extremely upset. Well, unfortunately, I don't think there's any way to stop this curse now.
00:37:06
Speaker
I see your kind of your skin's going to get red. It's going to get blister. You're going to eventually you're not going to stop yourself from scratching. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Billy. I didn't know what I was doing. That was our only hope, man.
00:37:20
Speaker
It's all right, Billy. All you gotta do is you're gonna have to live underground. That's kind of where mole people come from. Oh my God, is this a whole, now I'm the gnome? Is that what's gonna happen? No, you're not a gnome. You're a mole person. I'm gonna have some gas here. I'm gonna be a little gnome up in a tree and I'm gonna say, you need some gas. You wish it works like that. You wish it did. Okay. But no, you're gonna be a mole man.
00:37:42
Speaker
You're going to have big black obsidian eyes. Really? I mean, eventually after years and years of living underground. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I'm not familiar with mole man. I guess I would, what I dig around, I dig really fast or something. Am I crazy? It says, it says it right here. It says, it says a known curse nine times out of 10 leads someone right into
00:38:05
Speaker
into underground living for years and years. Can you do me a favor? Can we just read the rest of the stuff in this book? I feel like we're only reading a tiny fraction at a time. It's way better to reveal when it becomes important. Okay. All right, man. I guess it's my life, not yours, huh? Yeah. I'd hate to ruin the spoilers. Spoilers for my own life. All right. Oh my God. My hands are becoming big shovels.
00:38:34
Speaker
It's the beginning of it. Todd, we better get out of here. We better get out of here and let Billy do his thing. We can hop in the car. If you're not gonna, that's not gonna look really good on your wrist. Why don't you just let me take this wristband. Oh, this is good. I can't take it back with my little shovel hands. Sweet. Yeah. Come on, let's get out of here, Todd. I'm sorry, Billy. Todd. Roger's my friend now. Todd, I think this was, I think this was maybe Roger's plan.
Disney References and Lost Shoe
00:39:07
Speaker
You left your shoe, huh? So I left my shoe. What else was I going to do? It's a good move. Where'd you ever get that idea? All the lessons I've ever learned have been from Disney cartoons. No kidding. Yeah. That's why I use this fork to fix my hair. So you got good hair. Thank you. Is that why when I asked you to help me, you said that all I needed was the bare necessities? That's exactly why I said that. I see.
00:39:38
Speaker
Yeah, don't worry, one day I'll make a man out of you. So, do you think she'll ever come around with my shoe? I don't know man, a Kuna Matata, you know, like you taught me. Yeah, that doesn't really, it's not really appropriate in this case. I don't know, you could show her a whole new world though.
00:39:55
Speaker
Sure, I could if she ever meets me again. I hope she doesn't dare close her eyes. I get it. You watch a lot of Disney. No, no, I'm just I learned it from you. OK, you created this monster. I'm trying to put that genie back in the bottle.
00:40:08
Speaker
There it is. Oh, the lamp. All right. Listen, I'm I'm hurting you. OK, all right. I feel like I had a brush with love and I just I left my shoe and ran. Maybe I should have been. I don't know, a little more for maybe I should have just waited until she came back from the bathroom. I could have waited. How long has it been?
00:40:29
Speaker
Four weeks. He probably left by now. He probably did. Yeah. Here I have been walking around with just one shoe. Look at my foot. Look at this mess. That does not look healthy. No, I haven't showered or anything. I'm pretty sure that's infected. Oh, Christ.
00:40:49
Speaker
Oh, there's some kids at the door. Okay. I'll go get- Mom, it's your birthday. You don't have to answer that. I'm sure that there's a re- I don't want the kids to just be sitting outside. There might be something dangerous happening. I don't know. I don't know. It's nighttime. Why would kids be coming to your door? They're probably gonna- Well, they shouldn't even be outside at night. When you were a little girl, you weren't allowed out after dark. Hmm?
00:41:12
Speaker
I know. So just don't answer the door. They're going to try to trick you or something. Really? Prank you. Prank me? Probably. Oh, yeah. OK, I'll just just I'll just ignore them. I'll ignore them. I'll answer it with one of these mustaches. Yeah, let me just go ahead and put this bad boy on. Here we go. There it is. I call this one the Warus.
00:41:36
Speaker
Wow. You walrus. You mean the walrus. That's what you wear. It's like a walrus, but it's when you wear it for wall. Okay, fine. That answer the dark. All right. Hello. Here we go. Ah, hello. Hi. Hey, mister. There's, there's a secret agent over there and he's casing your, the joint. What? That guy over there, he's wearing a trench coat. He looks like inspector gadget. He's been sitting out there for hours reading the same paper.
00:42:03
Speaker
Apparently he's reading current events and that means cartoons. Oh, no. I can't believe this is finally happening.
Fairy Godmother's Chaotic Wishes
00:42:12
Speaker
We've we've been discovered. I'm sorry, but we are actually Russian secret agents who have been living in this neighborhood for years, gathering information from your U.S. government. What?
00:42:31
Speaker
Um, excuse me. Yes. Pardon me. I'm sorry to interrupt. I just I'm this is going to sound really silly, but my friend is we're searching all over the city to find someone who's missing a shoe. She's trying to return his shoe and I am helping her. Are you serious?
00:42:53
Speaker
Are you serious? I am. I am. Do you know anyone who's missing a shoe? Look down on my feet, lady. What do you see? Lady, look at his foot right here. Look at my feet. Oh my goodness. Wow. Look at that. That is not okay. No, it's probably infected at this point. I am not a doctor and that is not okay. Yeah, I should have kept a sock on or something.
00:43:13
Speaker
Well, okay. Well, first of all, gross. But secondly, are you, did you, do you want, do you want to meet my friend? I would love to meet your friend. Hang on a second. Let me put on my velour, my velour suit.
00:43:27
Speaker
Come on in here. I found him. Oh my God. That's the exact same suit. It's you. I don't know. Is it you? You look so different. Your, your foot's all mangled. Yeah, it's, it's not good. I'll probably have to amputate. The guy I met that night had very nice feet.
00:43:48
Speaker
Beautiful feet. That was me. Oh, why, it's me, your fairy godmother. Ding-a-ding-a-boom. There's your foot back. Bye. Oh my gosh! Look at that, like new. That is incredible. You have no idea what it costs me to have that fairy godmother. Every time she grants me a wish, whether I say it out loud or not, it takes a day off of my life. Oh my god, how many wishes have you asked for? Many, many. But the thing is, I don't know how many days I have left, so it's weird.
00:44:17
Speaker
You know, it's taking away a day, but I just don't know how many days I have. Has that ever occurred to you to maybe, you know, wish for more days and then just lose one? I don't know. The first thing she said is don't try any funny stuff because she can smite me as easy as she can bless me.
00:44:35
Speaker
OK, so I'm your fairy godmother, but one, don't try any funny stuff because I am powerful and I am pissy. OK, I won't try anything funny. OK, but you just wish for whatever you want. You just lose a day of your life.
00:44:49
Speaker
a day of my life, that's it. Every wish, that's it. I'm so young, I've got the whole, my whole life ahead of me. I've got so many wishes ahead of you. Can I have 500 coins for Candy Crush? Oh my God, of course, but bling, one day. This is awesome.
00:45:07
Speaker
You wasted it on 500 coins on Candy Crush. Obviously, I have regrets. I didn't even believe it was gonna work, but it was still $5 worth of Candy Crush time. It wasn't worthless. But you gave up a day. Yeah, I regret it. Okay, good. I regret it. How many days? Do you guys mind if I play my harp? Oh, yo, please, please. I wish you would stop. I wish you would...
00:45:31
Speaker
I wish. Oh, well, OK, I'll go. I'm sorry. I'm forgive me. I forgive me. I gotta go. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't even. OK. I don't know if my fairy godmother did that. I don't think that was a wish. I can't tell. It's just I've had. I've had that musician following me around for so many years now. I don't know how I can live without him.
00:45:51
Speaker
Yeah, I'm sorry. No, I need to fix this. I'm sorry. I've just been I've got baby mania right now. I understand. Look, I'll be ready to impregnate you in a few minutes. But let me go. Let me just go make sure he's okay. I did. Hang on a second. Hey, Giacomo. Giacomo.
00:46:09
Speaker
Yeah. Hey, listen. Yeah. I was just playing my saxophone here and I was just real sad. I didn't want you to leave. That was all her. Yeah. Yeah. She's the love of my life, but she doesn't speak for both of us. You want me to play one of my many random instruments randomly throughout the day? Would you please play something? I got a harmonica. Hey, listen, Giacomo, you've been the best all these years. You've been the best.
00:46:37
Speaker
You take the music, but you make me make the music. That's what I do. You take care. Nice velour, by the way. Thank you.
Agent Discovery
00:46:52
Speaker
I don't know. I think they're looking at me. They're talking about. I think they're pointing at me. I think we've been made.
00:47:01
Speaker
Yeah, they are. I'm leaving. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. Let's get out of here. We got to go. Don't leave. Let's let's get him. Let's let's get him. Let's just get him now. There's got to be enough evidence. We have nothing. We got to leave. OK. Can somebody pick me up? Let's just take an Uber. I'm out of here.
00:47:22
Speaker
No, I got to go. I got to I got to get through the car wash before it closes. Oh, geez, I get to play. Mr. Come over here. All right. All right. Come over here. They want to meet you. Hello. I I've been waiting for that damn bus. It just never comes on time, right? Get him. Get him. Get him. Just got him. Right. Pull him inside. Pull him inside. Put this mustache on him. On my mustache. I look ridiculous. What is happening?
00:47:51
Speaker
Mom, what is happening? Are you a part of this Russian spy business? Well, yes. It's... What? Well, if we haven't done anything serious since you were born, we used to be international spies. Now we're just parents. It's my fault again? It's been so boring since you've been around. Oh my God.
00:48:16
Speaker
Okay, sorry about that. I just had to take care of that. He's been part of it. He's been like family for years. Sure. I'm sorry that I put you in this position. And I bet you're wondering why I don't just wish for a baby. No, that has been at the top of my head. I already wished for a wish baby. And what happened? Oh my God, it's like the Antichrist. It's like the Antichrist. It came from a wish. It's too dangerous. I need to have one the old fashioned way, stat.
00:48:45
Speaker
But where is your antichrist baby now? How many years ago was that? It was towards the beginning. I didn't know what I was wishing for. It was when I was making wishes left and right all the time, losing days.
00:49:04
Speaker
I think that you're very prepared. I need you to go up back to Earth and to destroy mankind. And say hello to your mother while you're there. Oh yes.
Antichrist Baby and Relationship Tension
00:49:24
Speaker
Wow, okay, well...
00:49:27
Speaker
I mean, there's no chance that your antichrist baby is gonna come and ruin our lives, right? There's no way. Don't worry about it. That baby's in the past. It was a wish baby. Our baby's gonna be real. Okay. All right, well, let's get to having a baby. Did someone invoke the antichrist? You said he wouldn't be around.
00:49:54
Speaker
Let me just see if I'm going to try to wish this one away, fairy guy. But yes. Wait, I want to make this clear. I don't want the responsibility of another man's baby, especially if that man is Satan himself. Oh, Mike, you can't handle just because it's an antichrist baby. You can't be a stepdad. It's just way too much responsibility that I want. If we're going to have our own child. Why are you two fighting? Mom and dad shouldn't fight.
00:50:21
Speaker
I'm not your dad, kid. I called you dad. Yeah, I'm not comfortable with that. This is way too much responsibility. All right, let me take him to a baseball game and let me see if we can connect. Stupid.
00:50:51
Speaker
Thanks for listening to another episode of Original Understudies. This episode wouldn't be possible without our post audio engineer and sound designer, Toyvul Khalil, and our incredible Patreon subscribers who help us be able to afford the endeavor of this improv comedy podcast.
00:51:12
Speaker
uh give me a heads up tell me what you think about this format i've had a lot of fun editing this one and i kind of want to do some more so send your suggestions to originalunderstudiespodcast at gmail.com or
00:51:28
Speaker
Now it's fully functional, go to the website originalunderstudies.com and if you enter your suggestion there, well, I don't know exactly the math of it, but I promise it will be the most quick way to get to the front of the line. Thanks!