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Original Understudies - EP 76- Moon Landing Dreams Deferred
145 Plays1 year ago
Andrew writes in expressing his disappointment at a recent moon lading cancelation.
If you would like to join the Discord Here is the Link -
Email me a Word, or phrase, or picture... to inspire our show OriginalUnderstudiesPodcast@gmail.com
This episode would not be possible with the unending support of our Post Audio Engineer and Sound Designer , Toivo Kallio.
That music at the start... You know who that is? It is The Quick Six, I bet you would love their whole album "County Line" check it out!
Todays Understudies are...
Jack Zullo - JackZullo.com
Tess Mcarthy- @Brelamay
Chad Reinhart - @ChadReinhart
James Heaney - James Plays Elden Ring
Max Crandall - @UncleCrandy
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Transcript
Introduction and Cast
00:00:09
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of original understudies, where I've gathered the world's most original understudies and we're going to perform improv comedy for you using your suggestions. Let me introduce the improvisers starting with Jack Zulu, Jack. Welcome back. Where are you at? Where can people find you? I'm in Brooklyn, New York. You can find me at JackZulu.com. And yeah, that's it. I'm happy to be back.
Social Media and Personal Flair
00:00:37
Speaker
Garuvie and Tess McCarthy, where can people find you? And is there any explanation for the beautiful artwork behind you? Ooh, boring answer first. People can find me on Instagram at B-R-E-L-A-M-A-Y. I announce shows on my stories there. But for the beautiful artwork behind me, well, that would be...
00:01:01
Speaker
some just really old granny fashion cloth that my landlord decided would look cute in this breakfast nook. It looks good. I thought it was maybe going to be a real Monet painting. Yeah. Well, you know, someday, someday I'll make enough money to put a real Monet painting in my breakfast nook. Max Crandall, welcome back. Where can people find you?
00:01:29
Speaker
Find me on Instagram, Uncle Crandy. And you can find me at Santee Alley selling flower patterns to landlords to put into breakfast nooks. What inspires your outfit? Do you wear something this wonderful every day or do you dress up for the podcast? I made this shirt myself. You're joking me. No, I sewed it myself. Oh, that is incredible. Right?
00:01:56
Speaker
Thanks. It's not the first thing I saw. It's the first shirt I've ever made. But yeah, how hard was it? Not that hard. I just took a I took a shirt that I liked and I just copied the pattern. And then you can see that the you can see that the collar is a little silly because I didn't really know how to do a collar. But
00:02:20
Speaker
You gotta show a rubber band until they go. And then it goes around your neck.
Neighborhood Nostalgia and Comedy
00:02:28
Speaker
And finally, we've got Chad Reinhardt back in action. Chad, where can people find you? And what's going on? I'm in Palms at like National in Bagley. I'm often hanging out front. I'm not smoking cigarettes anymore.
00:02:48
Speaker
But that's, you can probably see me out there. I'm usually in these overalls. So, oh, and Instagram, if you want to see random stories of me trying to do self-tapes while the construction's happening next door.
00:03:02
Speaker
How long have you lived there, Chad? I have been here for about seven years, I think. So you lived there at the same time that Mary used to live in that, like, neighborhood? Yes. And the same time, does Tom Zelenka still live there? No, that I couldn't tell you. Tom Zelenka moved out a while ago.
00:03:21
Speaker
Because Charles Ball used to live in that neighborhood. I used to live in that friggin neighborhood if you ever came to my house, James. I was getting to you. I like there's so many improvisers that live right in that area. It's a great neighborhood. It's easy to get to the west side. It's easy to get to the east side of Hollywood.
00:03:39
Speaker
There's a lot of life there in downtown. Don't don't you grate me. OK, I get it. I get it. Shut up, Jack. I was at your apartment once or twice. In fact, I had to confront you about being being friends and be like, hey, dude, dude, you never hang out at my place. And I feel weird.
00:03:57
Speaker
I'm a homebody, plus I've got all the video games, you know? All right, so here's the suggestion.
Canadian Moon Launch Comedy
00:04:04
Speaker
Here's the suggestion that we got. It goes like this, James, Andrew from Langley here. I recently heard the moon launch got canceled and I feel a bit disappointed. I mean, we were on the verge of having the first Canadian on the moon.
00:04:21
Speaker
Anyway, let's turn this setback into inspiration suggestions. Moon landing dreams deferred. Andrew, I thought every country had people go to the moon already. Oh, is that like an exclusive thing? Certainly not every country. No country. Canada. Come on, Canada? Didn't get a person up in the moon. I think someone went to the moon.
00:04:47
Speaker
Well, do you think it's easy to land people on the moon? I mean, it was pretty hard the first time when America got it done. But once you set the path, like, doesn't everybody go up to the moon? No, it was the first moon landing was done just up the street in Hollywood, James, everybody. How can you launch from a flat earth? Think about it.
00:05:10
Speaker
I totally agree. Flat Earth would be tough to launch from. Here's something that you just start spinning it like a coin.
00:05:21
Speaker
Yeah, this might be wrong. So obviously look it up and I don't want to do libel or get in trouble for anything. But I recently heard that Buzz Aldrin was denying the moon landing. Really? Did you guys hear that? I also heard that. But I also if you hear Buzz Aldrin talk, he's he's a very old man. And listen, I don't want to speak ill of the almost dead, but he might not be quite in this right mind. That's wild.
00:05:50
Speaker
Yeah, was he doing it to get on the Joe Rogan podcast or something? I didn't read where he said it. I didn't read why he said it. I read a headline that made me click and then it wanted like me to join some like I don't know. And that was just
00:06:06
Speaker
as far as spreading. I had to look this up. Not only does interview clips do not show Buzz Aldrin saying moon landing is fake. And I remember this. He actually punched. He tried to punch as a 70 year old 72 year old man. He tried to punch somebody who said that it was fake.
00:06:26
Speaker
OK, so I was just spreading absolute bullshit misinformation. This is how it happens. Hey, but I always preface like I gave the exact story. I didn't read what it was about and I didn't want to join the cult. No, of course you can say whatever you want. If you say I'm not sure, but before I've heard people say right, many believe that other people say yeah.
00:06:54
Speaker
If Buzz is such a hothead, I want to know about the first fistfight on the moon. I mean, if you're like cooped up in a little spaceship with these guys, tensions are going to be running high. So now we're all kind of motioning this slow motion fighting, but I don't know that that's the way it works. Can't you in space like you might float, but couldn't you do quick, fast punches? Like there's no gravity. So it's just that if you're not moving, you're going slow.
00:07:22
Speaker
I think I think when you're you're only like three inches away from a humiliating and crushing death at the hands of the vacuum of space, you don't you don't start making fast moves unless you have to. I guess I don't know.
00:07:40
Speaker
I think because you are rotating in like the motion of a top as you're rotating around the Earth at like 90,000 miles an hour, everything looks slow in comparison. That's wild.
Script Pitch: "Karate in Space"
00:07:59
Speaker
Hey, guys, step into my office. I just I got a picture of this latest script that came to my brain.
00:08:09
Speaker
Oh, great. OK, well, we've been wanting something new from you. So let's hear it. I've been waiting for someone to deliver a new script to your brain, boss. Yeah. Well, you know, I get a lot of people who send me spec scripts and I have to go through them. I have my assistant go through them and choose the ones that I feel like I'm going to reimagine and make my own.
00:08:29
Speaker
OK, sounding dangerously close to plagiarism here, but I'll hear it out. So I'll continue on like you didn't accuse me of that again, Rebecca. And I feel like we got a new idea. Watch it. Watch for it. Wait for it. Karate in space.
00:08:50
Speaker
Oh, hey. Listen, Jeffy, it's just that the last three scripts you've brought us have all been different activities in space. So, you know, we had... What's wrong with space, Rebecca? We had canasta in space. Canasta, sure. Yeah, great game. Yeah. Well, you also had a...
00:09:15
Speaker
Top chef in space. Top chef in space would have been great if those, if you don't mind me saying, boop, would have agreed to going up into space. Okay. All right. Well, we all know that you're talking about Tom Colicchio, so no need to bleep your own words. Listen, I just think that maybe space is a little tired and maybe we should move on to another topic. Space is tired. The undiscovered country, the final frontier, the galaxy far, far away is tired.
00:09:44
Speaker
Okay, I feel like boss it might just be that You spent half the studio's money building that space set and now you just won't move on to a new idea
00:09:57
Speaker
It's not my fault it went down. I'm not saying it is. I just don't think you need to try to make space movies happen, you know? You have to inspire a new generation to get out there. We're dying on this planet. Can't you feel it? Every breath I take, I feel my life leaving me. Oh, boy. I mean, that could... Sir, let's all just take a big breath together and feel what this Earth has to offer, right?
00:10:31
Speaker
And let's just take a big breath together. See what this earth has to offer. I feel a little, some particles in the air today. How about you? I'm pretty new at this. I don't know. I don't know if I feel particles in the air. Close your eyes. Okay. Give me your hand.
00:11:01
Speaker
Let me feel your heart beating. I'm sorry. My hands are clammy. Hold on just a moment. There's an accident out front of the studio.
00:11:09
Speaker
Yeah, there's a lot of crime outside your studio. I just came to try to like unwind. Oh, you're doing great. You're doing great. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Oh, excuse me. I had vegan chili last night, so I'm a little gassy. I'm sorry if that's what you- Oh my God. The particles in the air that you're feeling right now. Oh my God. Okay.
00:11:32
Speaker
It just reminds us that we're all one in this earth and... Oh, I can taste that. That is good. Can we open a window? Oh, well, we're just going to hear a lot more of the sirens as soon as we crack that window. I was already... Hey, Carl Earthson. Yeah, it's the third of the month. Rent is due.
00:11:54
Speaker
Damn it, Becky. All right. I'm trying to get trying to. OK, you know what? Finish your little class, finish your little class, but just know that the tensions here are high. OK, you're three months behind and I'm going to have to kick you out on these crime infested streets if you don't pay up.
00:12:14
Speaker
Okay, all right. Oh my gosh. Becky, I'm offering, I've been offering you sessions and you should take me up on it. Cause if anyone needs some chill, it's you. If I ever catch you trying to run out on your rent again.
00:12:31
Speaker
I will push you through that window and now look back. Why are you grabbing me? I'm very tense, okay? I'm very tense and nothing seems to help. All right, the life of a landlord is stressful. Becky, let me remind you just what your sweater says. Stay chill. Stay chill. Your voice is kind of calming me down. Say something else calming.
00:13:02
Speaker
Stay chill. The fire hydrants will be plugged soon. Yeah, they did make an announcement about that. Wow. You know what, Carl, this business is important. I see what you've been talking about all these years now. The flooding in the basement isn't that bad. The sub pump will be installed later today. Oh, you really know how to talk to a landlord. Oh boy.
00:13:32
Speaker
It still stinks in here though. I think hot yoga is a bad idea for this room. Oh, it's heart, sorry, hot fart yoga. If you are feeling the hot in your pants, then you're doing it right. You're doing it right. Carol told me that you were spreading rumors. I slept with a lot of people in high school.
00:14:02
Speaker
That's not true. Oh, was that me spreading? I don't know. I'm officially with Carol now. Carol and I are together. So I know that you guys have known each other longer.
00:14:19
Speaker
But I'm with Carol now. I'm pretty sure I didn't start those rumors, but I did hear that you were a big slut back in high school. That's not even true. I dated several people, but never went all the way. Well... You know, all these bobbleheads on your desk make you look like a child in this office.
00:14:43
Speaker
These bobbleheads, the heads don't even bounce up and down. Yeah, that's because I didn't like the noise that they made. They rattled around and they bothered everybody. So I glued them into place. You come across childish. You got to get out of the high school mentality and into the like office world. You can't be spreading rumors about people. Look at my desk. Look over here. Look at this. Organized. Meticulously organized.
00:15:10
Speaker
So it doesn't look very fun over there. It looks way more fun over here. Hey, boss, sorry, interrupt. We got some over the pad stuff happening in the break room. And I just want to know if you wanted to get in on this. Yeah, I'm down. I'm down. Cool. Let me deal with this. We deal with this nerd over here. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. We've got some we got some Mountain Dew, very blessed in there as well. So take the time. Yeah. Soup. No cap. Oh, God.
00:15:39
Speaker
Excuse me, but what is over the pants stuff? Well, I mean, we're not going to do under the pants stuff at work or we'll get in trouble. So you got to keep it, you know, PG over the pants strictly, you know, H on D, H on V. Now, I don't want you to feel threatened, but as soon as I'm promoted. Also H on B sometimes, dude. What is H on B? You know.
00:16:08
Speaker
No, I don't. You know, H on the B, dude. Hand on the butt? I think this is wholly inappropriate for the workplace. It would be much more suited in an after-school activity in high school.
00:16:33
Speaker
Yeah, hey kids, settle down, settle down. Okay, I know no one loves to take sex ed, but we've made some changes to the curriculum. And I think this all is gonna be very much more applicable to your lives. This is horticulture. This is my third time taking sex ed, and I love this class.
00:16:51
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, you're only allowed to audit this time. We're not giving you credit for three years of sex ed, okay, Charlie? That's fine. So please don't disrupt the class. I'm here for the experience, Mrs. Horticulture, and I won't.
00:17:06
Speaker
I can't wait to see my first penis. The diagrams are amazing. Oh, boy.
Comedic Sex Education Scene
00:17:11
Speaker
All right. Well, first up, I hand stuff. Usually we start with, you know, the consequences of pregnancy, but we've decided to start with something that you high schoolers will be much more familiar with. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Is it the 100 pictures of penises? Charlie, Charlie, please. We don't get to the penises until class three. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
00:17:33
Speaker
Last time you didn't even show up until penis class, okay? We all know what you're in this class for. She said you're in the class. You're in class. Dear God. Here I am trying to do something to better my community. This is a volunteer position, y'all. She said come and community.
00:18:08
Speaker
Heather, Heather, come into my office. Yeah, hello, hello, sir.
00:18:13
Speaker
Miss Horticulture, we really appreciate you covering sexual education. Just trying to do my best for my community. That's me. If any of our staff had to talk to the students about these things, we think the students would then associate all the sexual tension with their typical teachers. But you haven't been able to control the classroom.
00:18:40
Speaker
Yeah, well, I'll admit that's not the strength of mind, you know? But a strength of mind that does exist is drawing real graphic diagrams. So I feel like for the visual learners in the class, it's really been working out. Oh, sure.
00:18:55
Speaker
Sure, but Heather, no, I don't want to get too intimate with the conversation, but my wife and I, when we had what we would call a power struggle, we had to figure out which one of us was dominant, you know what I mean? Okay, tell me more about that. And here, one second, let me just get my sketchbook out. Yeah, keep talking. Yeah, yeah. So what she did, and actually I brought this in for you. This is a bull whip.
00:19:19
Speaker
Ooh, I'm very interested. Let me see. Yeah, I got the details. Okay, and did that power struggle look something like this? Oh my God, that's exactly it. But you made me look like I had less of a belly heather. That was real kind of you. I look hot there. Yeah, it's all part of the gift. It's all part of the gift. It's a gift? I can have that?
00:19:43
Speaker
Yes, this is for you. I drew this picture of you and your wife in a sexual power struggle as an apology. That's really mighty kind of you. But you can have this bullwhip. You can have this bullwhip. Maybe it'll help you wrangle the class. Okay. Yeah, I can bring this into class. We can see, you know, what these kids think of sensation play.
00:20:13
Speaker
Stop! Please stop! Come on! This wasn't in the class last year. How is this teaching? It's all in the curriculum. Just trust the curriculum, okay?
00:20:31
Speaker
I don't know if everybody has the same experience, but for me, I believe it was either fifth or sixth grade when we first learned sex education. Obviously, we knew it was coming way before it happened. But they had us all get on a bus and we went to like a museum that was just for sex education.
00:20:54
Speaker
of destination sex ads. That's wild. Yeah. And there was like two anima... I wouldn't call it animatronics because they didn't move, but they were like statues that would light up certain parts and you'd see them and you would get in big trouble. We knew going into it that any laughing would get us a detention or I don't know exactly what the punishment was, but a detention, let's call it that. So, and I bet you I could look it up. It was probably everybody in like the suburbs of Chicago had the same thing.
00:21:24
Speaker
Yeah. Just wondering, where's this museum at? Maybe like an address or something. Just for the podcast. Not to go and laugh at it or anything. Well, I grew up in Crystal Lake and it was probably an hour drive. So I'd say if you look up like Sex Education Museum in Chicagoland area, I'm sure there could only be one. I doubt that there's multiples of these.
00:21:45
Speaker
That's wild. Yeah. Oh, so you guys didn't do that? Absolutely no. No, no, no. That sounds- So I remember we had one of those overhead projector things where they would like put the cell, you know, the gel things on. And then at the end, they gave all the boys, well, first they separated us by gender, which I think is wild. And then-
00:22:07
Speaker
They gave all the boys old spice deodorant. They had a box of it. They were like, oh, the kids are starting to smell ripe. We better teach them sex ed. I mean, it's more useful than a lot of sex ed I've heard about. I mean, I feel like I didn't have sex ed until I was in high school.
00:22:28
Speaker
Really? Yeah. I think it was fourth or fifth grade for us also. Yeah. I had a unique sex ed experience because I had sex ed at church, but it was a Unitarian church. So you'd usually think sex ed at church is going to be way less useful. It was way more informative. They showed a straight porn. They just turned porn on them.
00:22:50
Speaker
I mean, almost, almost. We learned quite a lot. There were diagrams, the book that they gave us, and there were several rounds of it for like the like fourth or fifth grade version. They gave us a book. And I remember one of the reviews on the back, like, you know, quotations you get on the back cover of a book said like, oh, so useful. And kids will love the illustrations. We did not. We did not love the illustrations in that one.
00:23:19
Speaker
My sex ed teacher was the guidance counselor's wife, who was also the mother of one of my brother's friends, and we all went to church together. So I would go over to their house sometimes, and the guidance counselor would just dump a bag of chips on the t-shirt on the couch. So that's the perspective that we're learning sex ed. Wait, what? Yeah. No bull?
00:23:46
Speaker
No, no ball. Just just either. Right. Right off. So basically sex ed was three minutes and it was and don't.
00:23:57
Speaker
That's about all we got. And I did not go to a Christian school. Wow, that's crazy. I just looked it up. I usually don't do searches and stuff when I'm doing this, but I had to, because I thought everybody went to a sex
Diverse Sex Education Experiences
00:24:10
Speaker
ed museum. It was called the Robert Crown Center, and it closed in 2017. So I don't know what the kids do now. I guess they just use the internet. Well, at Unitarian churches, they hand out condoms.
00:24:24
Speaker
Wow. Really? Awesome. What is a Unitarian church? Unitarian says it's a religion. It's not. It's just a bunch of people who are like, yeah, I do think that you should be nice to others. You don't have to believe in God to go there. You don't have to believe in the same thing at all. Unitarians are actually awesome. They're very progressive, pro LGBTQ plus, pro helping people. They're wonderful. I haven't heard
00:24:53
Speaker
I've heard of this before. I'm pretty dumb in general and like close-minded and ignorant, but yeah, I've never heard of this. It sounds like the kind of church that I would like. It's the kind of church you'd like. It's the kind of church you'd enjoy. It's the kind of church where you should take sex ed.
00:25:21
Speaker
Hi everyone. Did he say, sorry, sorry. It's okay. First time here, I didn't know that you were gonna stop talking right there. No, no, I just wanted to say into the body of Christ. Amen. In Latin. Amen. Just so that it sounded good. I thought you said Domino's crusty. Domino's crusty is the pizza that we prefer here in the unilateral church of everything.
00:25:47
Speaker
So your children are going to be coming about that time. And when I say time, what time are you a psychic? Well, no, it's just your children are all entering the fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth grades. Yeah. So we wanted to bring you in and discuss a little bit about sexual relations and how you could maybe identify. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Yes.
00:26:16
Speaker
My wife said that all these babies were brought by the store. And she is right. Okay, good. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. Because I have grown up in a very different religious atmosphere than this. And I like what you're doing here. Wait, I have a little note here. It says you grew up in a shack in Eastern Tennessee.
00:26:37
Speaker
I never called it a shack myself. That must have been something my wife said. It does say that you didn't have electric or potable water. Yeah, it says there. Also, say at the bottom there, it says, don't mention the shack part, Pastor. I don't know if you read that part at the bottom. It says, Hey, domino, Christie. Amen. Let's move on.
00:26:58
Speaker
I wanted to present you guys with classic literature on, and well, you could present the sexual population between your children. Oh my God, what is this picture of? What is this on her? Well, you'll see. Okay, sweetheart, sweetheart, calm down. What is this? Father, Father, this might be a little advanced for my husband. You could call me dynamo. You could call me dynamo. Oh, thank you so much. Father, dynamo. Thank you.
00:27:28
Speaker
I actually have avoided having a chat with my husband so far. So maybe we could just skip over this part. This is my favorite part. I don't want to skip it. This is the part I like. I need to learn about this. I need to learn about this. We do have a couples.
00:27:49
Speaker
class workshop. If you guys would like to sign up for that at the end of today, I could bring you in and allow two on two, me, my wife, you two together, some wine, roses, candles.
00:28:00
Speaker
Okay, two on two, that's the first time I've heard a class described that way and not like a search term. Well, we'd like to keep it intimate and we'd like to keep it smooth, wet, deep, everything that makes a- This sounds like it's exactly what I need. Right, right. See, sweetheart, when you ask me for wet and deep, I'm not usually picturing Father Dynamo involved. I'm just a little worried about this. Okay, well.
00:28:28
Speaker
What about him? Can he, can he come with, yeah, I'll go in your place. Well, then it would probably be a three on three event. And sure. If we find one more, we could, we could definitely make that happen.
00:28:40
Speaker
I don't know. I'm just I'm just nervous. So I think the more the merrier, right? Well, you look like you're stretching your mouth over there. Do you have anything you want to add there, Brian? Father Dynamo, I was just taking the ball gag out. I can be the third for the three on three. Well, there we go. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I'm sorry. I haven't even taught my husband what a ball gag is yet. I thought you were just eating an apple. What is that? That comes out of your mouth?
00:29:04
Speaker
If you want, you can give him my bull whip. Oh my goodness. If you're just trying to ease him in before the ball gag. We are so, so far away from bull whip. We've barely gotten to dental dance. The museum looks great, okay? Don't get me wrong. I just don't know if we need...
00:29:30
Speaker
a whole museum just dedicated to hospice care. It just seems sad and unnecessary part. And it's like four wings of a museum just dedicated to hospice care. We don't need to teach kids about that.
00:29:53
Speaker
Yeah, well, my brother is a sex ed teacher and he has his own museum, so I wanted my own museum. Okay, that's great. I mean, I think that's great that a family of museum owners clearly are independently wealthy, but just like, for instance, this exhibit over here about pulling the plug on grandma,
00:30:20
Speaker
Well, that's one thing that can happen. So I put it in the museum. Of course, of course, that can happen. Yeah, that can happen. But do you want like a 10 year old kid to know that that could happen?
00:30:37
Speaker
I wasn't really thinking about who might come to the museum, but if that kid came, they could pull the plug themselves. It's interactive, see? Master, master, master, I have your marketing plan to get lots of people here to the museum. Oh, thank you.
00:30:58
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much. Sorry, this is my tiny henchman. Oh, I know. Sorry, I hadn't introduced you to- I know, he was the next conversation we were gonna have, but I just felt like he was weird, but somehow not as weird as the museum.
00:31:13
Speaker
While we're having this conversation, now is probably a good time to tell you that I have never actually worked in hospice care. It just seemed like a good idea for a museum. Master, I'm going to hobble off back to my basement cage. Okay, perfect. I'll lock it behind you with this old rattly set of skeleton keys. Yeah. Yeah, what was his name again?
00:31:44
Speaker
Igor? I wanted to be sure. I wanted to be sure it was Igor. Because that's what I heard and I was like, that can't be right. Yeah. I noticed recently that yes, some of the hospice
00:32:05
Speaker
uh exhibits seem yeah wildly inaccurate like the for instance the one about bringing grandma back from the dead uh in a scene that looks eerily similar to i imagine how Igor was made
00:32:26
Speaker
Dad, I saw at the museum that you could bring grandma back. I don't know why, like, didn't you love her as much as everybody else does? Oh, I didn't. Oh, buddy. Yeah, of course we did. It's just...
00:32:43
Speaker
You know, finances are a little low right now and hiring a necromancer is just, we'd have to dip in your college
Necromancer Family Discussion
00:32:51
Speaker
fund. And we thought that college education is more important than- I don't even know for sure that I want to go to college and look at this. I'm sorry, I rushed it, but this is a really low budget necromancer. And I got an ad for him. And I thought maybe we could just talk to him. We don't have to, I miss Graham.
00:33:10
Speaker
I miss. Yeah, I miss her too, buddy. It's tough buying that much whiskey every month. And I'm sure she's pickled even and beyond. But we did just buy one, get one free necromancy. OK, like you can get grandma and then anybody else you want. I don't care. Grandma and then you pick the other.
00:33:31
Speaker
Um, well, I, I do miss my dog from childhood a lot and I, I've got a, got a sample of his hair. So I'm sure the necromancer can do some DNA imaging. We'll just, we'll just have a conversation. We don't have to do it. We just have a conversation with them. Okay. Let's just, um, we'll pull them up on our, uh, we'll just, we'll just pull them up on our computer.
00:33:59
Speaker
Oh, wow. Dad, I'm uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable. You rang me to bring people back from the... Well, I guess whoever your master is was really good at bringing people back from the dead, judging by your...
00:34:24
Speaker
you. I've learned everything, everything my master can do, but I do it at the third of price. Well, just taking a look at your resume, which hopped up immediately, you do have experience in basement hospice care. Tell us a little bit more about
00:34:46
Speaker
Yes, I find the dirt, the dirt adds to the potions that adds to bringing back people with an earthy smell that is reminiscent of people coming back from dead. Dad, can I ask him a question? Yeah, go right ahead buddy.
00:35:04
Speaker
If you bring our grandma back, is she still going to be the same grandma and have all the same memories? She's going to be your grandma, but she's going to be even better because she'll have knowledge of the great beyond.
00:35:24
Speaker
Hi there, St. Peter. Oh, I'm so pleased to meet you. I had such a wonderful life, a beautiful family, a beautiful son and grandson. And now I'm pretty hyped for heaven. So you got a room for me or what? Welcome to the pearly gate. This is everything I imagined it would be.
00:35:48
Speaker
Pretty nice, huh? Yeah. Oh, so beautiful. Oh, hi. Have you been here long? Nice to meet you. Yeah. Yeah. I've, uh.
00:35:59
Speaker
Yeah. St. Peter. I've been here since they opened. Okay. Wow. That's pretty, that's pretty great. We take Sundays off for the Lord. That's the choir of angels. They have a lot of information. I mean, listen, earth was great, but I'm really ready for some eternal salvation. Sorry. Hold on a second.
00:36:23
Speaker
Yeah, what is it? They want this one back. They want this one back, Pete. Oh, my. Oh, me. Oh, my. I am so sorry. I can't let you in. I'm sorry. What now? Is this a reincarnation situation? My henchman just handed me a... Sorry, your henchman? Yeah, my little henchman here. Yeah.
00:36:48
Speaker
It's me. Yeah. Didn't read about him in the book. We have a subcontractor who takes care of anyone that's going up or down. Guess that makes sense. Yeah, he's not really affiliated with Heaven, per se. He just kind of hangs out in the basement mostly.
00:37:08
Speaker
But he handed me a little little piece of paper that seems like your son and grandson are they've hired a necromancer and they're going to bring you back to life. Oh, boy. OK. Well, I mean, of course, I love my family very much, but was kind of looking forward to heaven. You know, I bet it's really nice in there.
00:37:29
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. We will let you know that if you do go back, there's a chance of you going to hell for eternity. Oh yeah, that is true. You may become ghoulish, and if you eat anybody while you're down there, you're probably not getting back at heaven. Sorry, ghoulish? Is that something a necromancer can do? Well, sometimes if they don't bring you back right, you come back different.
00:37:55
Speaker
Oh dear. Well, my son is a total cheapskate. He definitely didn't hire the best one. There is definitely a 90% chance that you will not come back correctly. You know what? He was always my least favorite one. I can tell you that.
00:38:21
Speaker
I'm sorry. She looks. I'm sorry. She looks. Yeah, what happened to her? She's.
00:38:37
Speaker
Um, wow. Are you guys happy? My mouth is on my ass. Oh, my God. We got to get rid of her, Mom. Wow. Well, we got we got some leftover whiskey from from your wake. I suppose we can. I mean, you better. You better. Please remit payment to my cell.
00:39:02
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, no problem. Hey, your your avatar looks not like you at all. It looks very angelic. Must have been used to be some arrival when you got upstairs. Wow. Yeah. OK, we're going to send it down to you. I'm so.
00:39:20
Speaker
Sorry, but... Okay, yeah, well, you've got a lot to apologize for, so let's start with that whiskey, okay? Dear God... We did dip into your inheritance slash buddy's college fund to bring you back, but, you know, the boy gets what the boy wants. Oh, man, you're gonna spoil that kid. Son.
00:39:47
Speaker
What is this? Is this a I found a rosary in your room? How? What? This is doing in this house. I would probably Julie left it when she was over here. Let me smell your breath. Let me smell your breath.
00:40:06
Speaker
This smells like Sacramento wine. Have you been going to a Catholic church? No, dad, it was consecrated. I was told that was the blood of the land, not actual, not actual wine. This is a Unitarian household. Okay. Well, we don't do. It's so weird. First we were at the unilateral church and then we went over to Unitarian. So we're like, I'm so confused.
00:40:34
Speaker
Your mother didn't like the unilateral church, so we went to the Unitarian one, which covers unilateralism in it. It's got everything. It doesn't. I mean, I guess it feels like an upgrade from unilateral, which is kind of counterintuitive to the the name of the last one. Don't think you're going to get out just by just by telling me all these fancy words. OK, just because you got a good vocabulary, you got good grades of school, you think you're not in trouble.
00:41:05
Speaker
You know, I'm in I'm grounded or I'm in the purgatory of this home. No, we're going to go out.
00:41:17
Speaker
And we're going to smoke a bunch of cigarettes. And I don't know something that Jesus wouldn't want. I don't know. What's the opposite of Jesus? I've never been to one of these churches before. What did he hate? Well, poor people, I think. I don't know. I've just been a couple of times. We're going to go be poor people then. How do you like that?
00:41:39
Speaker
Yeah, that's right. We're going to get rid of all your stuff. We're going to sell everything. And then we're going to, I don't know, give the money to a necromancer or something. And we're going to, we're going to become poor people. The sign up front of the Catholic church said M A G A. So like, I don't, I don't know. I don't really know what it stands for. I'm sure it's like an acronym of something.
00:42:06
Speaker
This is a mega net school and you're welcome to put your funds to bring your kids to our school. We're going to learn all the most important things at our mega net school. Would you consider this for your children as their educational source?
00:42:24
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. I mean, the mainstream swampy schools just aren't for us. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, honey. When men are talking, you ain't going to be answering first. All right. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I forgot where we were.
00:42:41
Speaker
Yeah, it's a magnet school. Yeah, you know, there you go. Well, you know, I don't want to air our dirty laundry right here in front of the superintendent, but we will visit this once we get back in the car. Oh, you know what? I know this school is in our house, but maybe I should just pop into the cafeteria, see if I can help out with cooking lunch for all the kids. Women are for fornicating and cooking.
00:43:07
Speaker
Oh, I guess I guess I'd better go fuck the chef as well. All right. Hi. Yeah, I'm new to town. Get them. Oh, geez. Hey.
00:43:42
Speaker
Thanks for listening to another episode of Original Understudies. This episode wouldn't be possible without our post-audio engineer and sound designer and our incredible Patreon supporters. Additionally, we are in the good graces and lucky enough to share a review with you, which
00:44:04
Speaker
Got to cut to the front of the line, so next week we're gonna use this suggestion. But let me read it for you in my most dramatic voice to just express how thankful I am. It's a five-star review titled, Sorry I'm Late.
00:44:19
Speaker
I'm such an idiot. I should have known about this podcast. I've listened to alchemy this over and over, but somehow I hadn't heard James announce this show in the AT finale before. Until a few days ago, when I re-listened to the finale and there it was! James clearly talking about continuing the legacy with original understudies.
00:44:42
Speaker
Well, after a short-stunned moment of disbelief, I looked and I found it. Such bittersweet moment. Better on myself for completely missing this vital information for the first time, but sweet for the obvious joy of finding 73 episodes of Improv Genius to live on for the foreseeable future.
00:45:05
Speaker
Thank you guys for your creations. I absolutely love every moment, a scene suggestion, or is it more of a theme suggestion now? Could people be working with the very thing they're allergic to? I'm a gardener and used to work for someone who got hay fever in the spring.
00:45:24
Speaker
I wondered if there was a cleaner allergic to dust, a peanut farmer with it not allergy, or veterinarian allergic to fur. All the best in the best of all, you're the best, the best of all. Best of wishes from Damien from Tasmania, Australia. Uh, double, double D? Double D is the name? Apple Podcast. Oh, thank you so much. Catch you next week. See you at the Knowledge Bureau.