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Dungeon Dive Inc 15: I Dream of Betsy
60 Plays8 months ago
We've got something a bit different today. Cass was sick so we enlisted our pal Kimmy to play a role in todays episode. We rewind a bit to the night in Bureaucules' office. It turns out Boom had messed around with the Staff of Eurythmices and sent everyone into a shared dream. What will they learn about themselves and each other and will they remember when they awake? Let's find out! You can now find all our links in one easy location: https://linktr.ee/funinstallers. Go there to find our site with playlists or our ko-fi if you want to support us! Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the episode that you're listening to today. This is role players. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. I mean, that song. No, we're going to get we're going to get copyright. It's live, I believe. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, what do you want to do? OK, OK, OK, OK.
00:00:25
Speaker
If we ever start making money off this, we're going to get stricken for that one. Anyway, we're doing something a little more different today than usual times. We're different. How different? I'll tell you, Cass is not with us today because she unfortunately rolled a seven last week.
00:00:45
Speaker
and I killed her because of the seven she rolled. She's out here this week. Don't worry, she'll be back alive next week. As Adam had said earlier, we discussed, and I had to kill her. I was very sad. He said, hey, man, it's okay. Seven days for a seven. It's okay.
00:00:58
Speaker
Yeah, seven days, Verona seven, then you come back to life. But she had expressed interest. We're going to we're going to. What's it called? We're going to respect her last wishes, so to speak. She said, I don't know if she had said it on recording or not, but she always thought it'd be nice to have Kimmy come on, our friend Kimmy come and play her doll Betsy.
Dream Setting and Character Descriptions
00:01:15
Speaker
And we're going to do that now in this episode today. Say hello, Kimmy. Hello, Kimmy. Thank you. That's how it works, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We do that kind of stupid show. I'm good at this.
00:01:25
Speaker
Yeah. Um, anywho, uh, see how we got Kimmy here. She's going to be playing Betsy today. Um, the guy is going to be in a dream, as you've noticed by the name of the episode, probably something with dream in it. I don't really know what's going to be called yet, but they're in a dream.
00:01:38
Speaker
We're going to rewind back from the last episode you probably listened to, which was after they had a night in the office. We're going to go back to the night in the office and pretend they had something happened there. It's one of those things that happens on TV shows once in a while when they like fuck up their scheduling or whatever. I don't know, but it happens. And now we're here and we've got Adam playing boom. And we got, we got Adrian playing protect skull. Papa.
00:02:08
Speaker
So the premise here is that they were at that, you know, hanging out at night in bureaucracies office. What happened is boom was playing around with his staff of eurythmoses and he was trying to do something with it in describe indiscriminate what it was. We're not going to get too much into it because it's going to kind of ruin the what happens here with the dream. Anyway, he fucks with it and everybody is in a dream now.
Dream Mission: Retrieve Dovan's Crown
00:02:37
Speaker
That's what's happening today, and they're gonna face their greatest fears or maybe Have some wonderful delights who knows but for me boom papa I want you to roll mind to see what you do with the staff because I don't think I ever told you but it has If you do bad rolls on it people have bad dreams And they can be woken up easily if you do a good roll with it You'll put them to sleep, and they'll be hard to wake up, but they'll have like really nice dreams. That's why it's like hard to wake them up
00:03:04
Speaker
But anyway, roll, mind. I will do it. I'm doing it right now. Holy shit. I will do it. He's doing it, guys. I need to find my character sheet there. Hit the music. Yeah.
00:03:52
Speaker
Uh, where is it?
00:03:55
Speaker
Oh my God. We literally played a whole song and you're still trying to find your button. There it is. Yeah, that's a fucking dude. Nice. Isn't it? And that's a true success. Yeah, it's the truth of successes.
Debate on Dream Reality
00:04:08
Speaker
Therefore, so yeah, you guys, your last thing you remember, you're partying in that room and then all of a sudden you guys, let's just say you kind of like feel something weird kind of happens and you all sort of like wake up sort of in Birocculli's office.
00:04:26
Speaker
Um, boom, what do you, what do you, you look around and you see, um, everybody else and protects. What do you look like in this dream state? Um, so I look like I usually look, but like much taller because when I'm still a tall goblin, I'm like still quite a small, but I want to be tall. So I'm like, at least this biggest boom, if not taller. Oh, nice. Cool. Cool. All right. Want to be tall.
00:04:54
Speaker
So yeah, you see all of a sudden protects is all stretched out and boom, boom, you look over at actually we say Jeff's looking at all you guys. Jeff's looking at all you guys because he's there too. So is Mark the goblin janitor. He's also there.
00:05:06
Speaker
Jeff and Mark look around at you guys and they see where Tulip is sleeping, was laying, sitting, whatever. Now they see a full-sized Betsy instead. What exactly can we eat as Betsy? She was like a weird creepy like bluish skinned fetish doll, I think. But now what are you?
00:05:25
Speaker
So the skin's still going to be kind of like that bluish tint, but she's more humanoid. Except her eyes are still going to be the buttons and she's got the big pink bow in her hair. Creepy. I know. And her hair is kind of like this blonde and flowy and it's like in a ponytail. Wow. Nice. Very good. And then Jeff looks at Boompapaw and Boompapaw, what's your dream self look like?
00:05:53
Speaker
Exactly the same, because you can't change perfect. Everything is exactly how it should be. Can't improve on perfection, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and no need to change nothing when it's all perfect, inside and out. And you guys look around, you see the goblin janitor, Mark, he's wearing like swim trunks and flip flops. He's on like a little lawn chair. There's like sand underneath where he's like, he's like, I'm on island time now, don't talk to me. That's hilarious.
00:06:21
Speaker
And Jeff still looks like Jeff. Jeff does. He's got his he's got his robe on his, I guess. He's like, what? What's happening? Something feels funny, you guys. What's the heck? Yeah, I'm feeling great. I don't know about you. You know, I don't really look at you all that much, Protex, but I feel like there's something different about you. You think so? Do you think?
00:06:50
Speaker
I mean, just mathematically, you would have had to have gained weight since you're all kinda... I don't remember ever looking you in the eyes before. You know, you feel you just look unitic, but I think that's much nicer now.
00:07:04
Speaker
I'd prefer if you look me in the dick, honestly. So sign of respect to where I'm from. We also, I forgot to mention that Betsy is humanoid now and alive and walking around, but she also has a doll of tulip, a little tulip doll instead. Yeah, she's just swinging this doll around in her left hand. Like, this is weird. What happened to my fur? I don't even, why am I not fluffy anymore?
00:07:33
Speaker
I'm like hiding behind you. What happened to her? What? What'd you say? You're hiding behind me? Yeah, hiding behind you. Well, I mean, all right, look, I don't I feel like you probably got a couple inches taller, but it's kind of hard for you to hide behind me if you're bigger than me, but at least almost my height. I'm a big boy. Yes. What are you hiding from? This is all this. I mean, it's Betsy. That's how I see her all the time. I don't.
00:08:03
Speaker
You don't. That's weird. That's the I mean, we've talked a lot. I mean, there's no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Hold on. Stranger danger. What is going on? What are you what are you talking about? We talk all the time. This is so weird. Like what? I agree. I'm just going to hold up the tulip doll and be like, what is going on? What did you do to me?
00:08:32
Speaker
I can't handle this. Wait, hang on. Can I talk to Tulip for a second? I thought you were much bigger, Tulip. I was going to say, you can't make a deal like Tulip would do with Betsy and be Betsy playing making Tulip talk. Oh, yes. Hello, Boom Papa. How can I help you? And she's like puppeting the doll, puppeting the tulip doll and moving his head. Hey, so, you know, I thought
00:09:02
Speaker
I thought that you were taller, but also like, did you slip something to Betsy last night because she's acted like she doesn't even know who I am anymore. Um, no, I've always been this size, so I don't know what you're talking about. I'm still looking at you eye to eye because that's true. We normally do it.
00:09:27
Speaker
Yeah, she got me there. Oh, I'm a little a little out of my element here. Betsy, I'm not used to you talking to me this way. Um, this is really weird and I don't know what happened. I was just sleeping and enjoying myself. And next thing I know, I have a lack of fur and longer legs. So I don't know what's going on. I don't remember being this tall, which I'll take it. But
Journey Through the Dreamscape
00:09:58
Speaker
Do what? If you're doing that thing again when you talk with other people they're talking. It's always too messy. I'm not doing it on purpose. So what did you say? Do you want me to shorten those legs? No.
00:10:20
Speaker
Are you sure? I feel, it's nice being kind of tall. Like, I'm used to being dragged around. Now it's your turn, Tulip. How do you like it? And she's going to swing her arm around with the Tulip doll. Whoa. All right. Something's real flunky here because my Betsy would never do that. She is a sweet angel. While you're trying to figure that out, you hear from approaching from somewhere further down the hall outside the closed door of the office here.
00:10:50
Speaker
And then the door opens, and Berakkles comes in in a little pink tutu, and he spins into the room. Hey, get the fuck out of my office, you fucker. I'm just kidding. I love you guys. Come on, bring it in. Everybody gets a hug. Ah, he picks you up, protects, and he picks your feet off the ground. Ah, it's protects, my favorite. And there's fucking boom. What'd you say, Berakkles? You're gone. No, hey, don't tell me to be good. It's my office. Fuck you. I'm just kidding. I love you. Hey, you guys are going to love this. I got a great job for you guys. Listen. Oh, Tulip, you look weird.
00:11:18
Speaker
Just kidding. Betsy's going to hold up the tulip doll and just be like, oh yes, did you bring any candy? No. I always like Betsy better. I'm glad she's here. Betsy, you're going to love this. Oh my gosh, that's why I'm the best. It's fine. Yeah, yeah, you're going to love this. Listen, all you guys are going to love this. Listen, you guys got to go, you got to steal Dovan's crown, OK?
00:11:45
Speaker
Yeah. Big job for you guys. Big job. So is it like the crown of a building or a crown of a person? It's Dovan. Don't pretend like you don't know. Dovan is the most evilest, eviliest little bastard and he's out there somewhere and he stole a crown. Who's crown? Dovan's crown is his, yeah, it's his evil. It's his crown. Yeah. He's using it for evil, but it can be used for good if the right person gets it. And, uh, you guys, we all know, as you said, boom, he's the mastermind behind all the terrible, evil things going on in the world.
00:12:14
Speaker
I know. I knew it. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, you better get out there and find that sucker. You know, if like me being tall and Betsy being like real wouldn't be like an indication or like dolphin being real. I think something's fishy here. Hey, shut up. No, no, this all sounds really legit. Yeah. I see. Betsy and I agree. Bye. And you always do.
00:12:37
Speaker
As it always was. Yes. What, what are you talking about? That I don't think that we're like in the real reality right now. No, I'm pretty sure this is how it is all the time. What? Yeah. Why would you say something like that, boom? Yeah. That's a world of weird. The smartest person ever. Gosh. Didn't you even realize anything?
00:12:59
Speaker
Sorry, you guys are the same height now. I kind of mixed you two up. Protects, you said that, huh? Sorry. I got height blindness. I mean, you guys are always the same height. I just always mix you guys up because I love you so much. I love you both the same. And you too, Betty, Betsy. I just imagine that you see all of us with big pink hearts over our faces so you can't tell us apart and you love us all equally. Yeah, it's just an explosion of love in this room just coming out of me and into me and all out of our places.
00:13:28
Speaker
This room is covered in my love. I can't even believe it. Oh, man. I'm going to write a book called The Explosion of Love. Don't touch anything. Yeah, don't touch anything. I just touched everything. I was having a licking contest with Mark last night to see who could lick the most stuff at the office. And hey, as you guys know, when you complete the job, Dungeon Dive Inc. will match 100% of what you get out there and they'll give you that much money back too. So it's a great company to work for. Am I right or am I right?
00:13:56
Speaker
So, I want to pinch Beroccolis and see if he feels pain.
00:14:02
Speaker
I've had skin like a rock, brother. Can't hurt me. Which as he says that, protects. Bashing through the wall all of a sudden, a giant muscular rock man comes out. He's bald of head because he's a rock obviously. He's got these like sort of carvings in his arms and his body look like old tattoos and shit. And he's wearing a little black Speedo. And he goes, protects. Can you smell what I'm cooking?
00:14:32
Speaker
I made sausages for everybody. Come on. I love sausages. You guys need it. That sounds a lot like Biroccolis. It does. I don't know how to do the roger voice. Gotta have more gravitas. You gotta really emphasize it. But hey, you sons of bitches. There you go. That's a little better. Guess what? I turned all those sausages into energy drinks so we can all chug them down. We got energy to go find Dovin's crown. Buy my energy drink line. And he smiles at the camera.
00:15:01
Speaker
Well, he raises his eyebrow. His little stone eyebrow. Uh-huh. And I go over there and like go and touch Dwayne to see if he's real. He's as real as he's always been. You know, maybe it's not that bad that we're here right now. You're damn right. So what did you say about Dolphin? Uh, you got to go get his crown. He's doing all kinds of evil things, you know. He's, uh, he's, he's limiting the candy supply. He's, uh, where is he?
00:15:30
Speaker
You gotta try and find him, I guess. Last we heard, is he dolvin? What'd you say? Is he indolvin? Funny enough, we don't think so. Last we heard, he was out by Angmar causing trouble.
Meeting Allies and Unraveling the Plan
00:15:45
Speaker
So he turns around and where the door once was to the room, there's now a portal. If you guys want to go through his here, portal will take you right up to Angmar. We got a guy up there you can talk to. He'll kind of give you some tips and everything. Oh, my buddy lives out there. Yeah, you probably know him. He's a fellow out there we work with. OK, let's do that. Say no, Laura. Let's go. Yes, let's go save the candy supply. Oh, Tulip, you're just the one trick pony with that candy.
00:16:13
Speaker
Well, I need my candy. Betsey says she's probably like looking so depressed. Yeah. Betsey just face palms like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I have to follow this around. And she's just talking about Tulip. We need to get you some help, okay? I don't know if there's enough candy to help you. I mean, hey, if Betsey thinks you need help Tulip, maybe you should see somebody.
00:16:39
Speaker
No, I just need candy. I'll be fine once I get candy. And there's the candy supply is being taken, so we have to fix it. I need my candy. Maybe, maybe I'll, maybe we'll get you a nice pretty dress while we're out there. You know, I'll make you a dress at a dolphin's robe when I'm done killing them. Oh, pretty dresses. That would be wonderful.
00:17:06
Speaker
Oh my gosh, Tulip, calm down. So you guys walked through the portal? Yeah. Yeah. Going in. Nice. So you go through that portal, you come out on the other side and you see a nice little like cottage in the woods. There's a little chimney with some smoke coming out of it and there's a huge ass door and out of it
00:17:29
Speaker
sort of Shrek style at the beginning of the movie, coming out of his outhouse, comes the troll, and he's like, hello fair gentles, welcome, thank you for coming, dolven's causing a ruckus out here. I just, I just like float off my feet and go give him like a big old tackle hug, a big glomp as we used to call it, back on the, back in the internet days, the old internet, we call it a glomp. Oh no, nice. Slash glomp. My old, my old pal, welcome back to my old house. Hey man, you're,
00:17:57
Speaker
Your fur is looking so good. Like, I don't know who your dresser is, but my goodness, you look amazing. Thank you. I come with every day. Well, of course you do. Yeah, I mean, yes. I don't know if you remember my friend. This is Tall Goblin and this is
00:18:19
Speaker
Two lips, and this is Betsy. Of course, how could I forget these three fine people here? Well, I'm glad to see you all, because that crazy fellow dolphin has caused quite a stir up here. You see, he is doing bad things. I remember you now. You're the guy we rescued in the beginning. Yes, that's correct. Not rescued, but encountered.
00:18:45
Speaker
And now I'm civilized. That's why it's fine. You've probably been through quite many adventures. Anywho, last I heard a dolphin had done some crazy things down in the town of Angmar. If you wouldn't mind going into there and helping everyone, that would be great.
00:19:04
Speaker
Oh, this is Dwayne, by the way. Sorry. Forgive my rudeness as Dwayne. He's always been with us. Just not. That's awesome. Yes, I remember him very well. He's my old friend. He gives him a nice firm handshake. You remember him? Of course. I remember everything. That I don't remember. That's a pretty cool memory. Indeed. Anyway, please go down to town. You might be able to hear those shrieks from here, the shrieks of terror and pain and agony. Hey, just a quick question. Yes.
00:19:33
Speaker
Do you guys ever think that maybe we're not in the real world? You know, do you ever listen to me? I'm sorry, I don't know who you are. Neither do I. This is how my real world is, so I don't know. What world do you guys live in? Tulip, does this look normal to you? Yeah, everything looks fine. See? Maybe we're all living in Tulip's world.
00:20:02
Speaker
Well, no tulips world. That sounds scary. Yeah, nobody wants that. Yeah. OK, well, I mean, you know what? Then, yeah, you know, I just think I might have licked one too many things in the office last night. Maybe I just I'm a little woozy. But, uh, yeah, I suppose let's go to town and go see if Dovin, you know, Dovin's my mate.
Confronting Dream Obstacles
00:20:25
Speaker
Oh, gosh, Dovin might. Boom, Papa's eyes dilate real big as. Oh, I forgot. Well, that's what we're here for. Guys, we got to go get Dovin.
00:20:32
Speaker
Be one one word of advice still be careful my friends I believe that dolvin has thrown an enchantment on this forest. Oh no I don't know why I said that like that, but I did um be careful You know you should really become an actor. You're so dramatic What's your hair wash regiment because your fur just feels so soft? Oh?
00:20:52
Speaker
Well, thank you. Lather, rinse, repeat? Or do you just lather, rinse, condition? I'm just curious. Well, you see, I first, there's some frog people I like to hang out with. I roll in the muck with them. It's very exfoliant in such things as that. And then I get a good rock scrub on my chest in my part of my language, buttocks, where most of my hairs come from with my chest and my buttocks. And then that's really all it is. You get a good rinse, done.
00:21:19
Speaker
Fascinate I'm gonna have to try that. Can we go like roll around in the swamps in the mud with the frog people? I mean, obviously we'll find dolphin first because I know that's important So yeah, I mean I love the frog dudes Do you have some information on this enchantment you were talking about? Yes, it's it's bad a Bit more. It's just like dolphin the cast bad enchantments. Oh
00:21:42
Speaker
Yeah, well... Not even a good one, lame. Sorry, it's a well done, it's a good enchantment of bad things, you see. It's just dangerous out there, there's troubles, monstrous things, twisty turny points that you'll be like, oh, I just was here five seconds ago, what happened? Yeah, those sorts of things. Uh-huh. You know, that doesn't tell me a whole lot, but fine. Sorry. So, I suppose...
00:22:12
Speaker
Yeah, let's go to Dolve in town. Well, no, wait, don't worry. What is this place? Agma, right? Correct. All right. So, Justin, in this timeline, we hadn't picked our team name yet, did we? I mean, it doesn't really matter because you remember everything that's happened. Yeah. But this dream happened before. And so I don't know if we would come up with bigger, black or daggers. Well, this is that was after we woke up, though. So I can't say bigger, black or daggers move out. OK.
00:22:41
Speaker
I think you didn't you have that in the swamp? Yeah, we had it like after. Yeah, we had it in the office. Yeah. OK, so there you go. You don't can say that. So just say we're going to leave. All right. All right. Team name. Let's roll out. Let's roll. It's like the best team name ever. Team name. Go. I kind of like a team name. Let's go. Let's. Yeah. I hope I remember this. She's shaking her head. Oh.
00:23:08
Speaker
Well, thanks, Tula. I appreciate your encouragement. I mean, do you have any ideas on this enchantment? No, I don't know. But maybe we can figure something out when we get there. Yeah, I suppose we could. OK, it's going to go in there and punch Dovan in the deck. Yeah, let's go punch him in the deck several times and then give me old pecker ripping.
00:23:30
Speaker
Oh, shit. So do that. We head out. Nice. One, two, three, four. Roll a D8 for me. Any one of y'alls. Boom. Do it. Because if I say any one of y'alls, all you will do it. And then that'll be chaotic. What are you talking about? Roll a D8 for me as you walk through the forest. Just one D? One D. OK, here's one D8.
00:23:50
Speaker
Oh, man, let me see what that correlates to. Well, you come to a stone structure in the woods and there is just a big old, a big old, huge cat sitting there and it goes. Hello, I'm annoying and no one likes me. Yeah, that's true. That's that's pretty spot on. I'm glad that you acknowledge that about yourself. But I found you a new friend.
00:24:18
Speaker
Can't wait to get blown up. I love getting blown up. Meow! I'm gonna follow you guys for no reason. Meow! And it jumps down and it's... I'm going to mount the cat. Meow! Oh, you can't just do that. What are you doing? Do an animal handling roll. What's that? Are you using protection? Um, Robobody for me. She's kind of like... Meow! Meow!
00:24:39
Speaker
with an eight. Okay. Yeah. You're, yeah, you're on there. You gotta like, you hold her a little bit and you're like, just cause she's like, why are you doing? He's huge. He's huge. He's like squishing her.
Mission Focus and Dream Logic
00:24:49
Speaker
She's also, she's also very big. She's like an oversized, not normal sized cat. I'm a big boy. And if he's as tall as me, you will become a petal seed. She's like a sizable horse or bigger. Oh, okay.
00:25:04
Speaker
I don't remember being that big. It was like, it's a it's a dream. And you want to go for a ride? Oh, God, the tool of it. You know, I don't want you to get you pretty dress all dirty. Protects catch and Betsy's going to throw the tulip doll at Protects while he's on the kitty. And I'm like startled, but I try to catch her. Nice. You catch it. But you have to roll mine for me.
00:25:32
Speaker
Well, we're mind mind. It's a fine. You feel the inexplicable need to now talk to this doll as if it was to look and make it talk back to you as if it was to look. I want to hear Adrian do his best attempt at like a British, like a low key British work accent. So that's why to look bright. Yeah, let's go.
00:26:05
Speaker
All right, so you guys do you just tear off into the woods protect you what mate? Yes. All right. So protection is just he's just hauling ass through the woods with his mount. You guys go after him. Betsy's just going to skip after a lot of that. Nice. Let's go fight Dolvin.
00:26:25
Speaker
She's much happier now, she lost her lead weight. And you hear bang boom as Dwayne the Rock runs well on behind you. They're going to smell what the hell we're cooking these sons of witches. Come on, Dwayne. Crap. How come you're not riding Dwayne? He's huge. Hey, he stops and he turns around and he's like, nobody rides the rock. That really reminds you of SpongeBob.
00:26:54
Speaker
The pioneer is just to ride Dwayne the rocks all over this land. You can only ride boulders, not rocks. SpongeBob is very clear about that. Let's go kick some candy asses. Oh, don't say candy in front of Tulip. He's got a one-track mind. Did somebody say candy? I can't stop. It protects as you're riding through. Roll a D6 this time.
00:27:24
Speaker
Wendy of them Wendy That's one that's still a six. Wow. We who would have frickin guessed it my man. Hey So you run through and you see a stone statue in front of you you're looking at it and I need you as you're running in there to roll mine for me Me again
00:27:47
Speaker
back here. Yeah, because your first one in the other one that's plowing through on a kitty steed. OK, six. My guy, I got some bad news for you. That's a mid range success. So you depending that I have like on your before. Yeah, so it's not it's not bad. You kind of look at the thing for a second. You feel a little a little unnerved, but you manage to pull your eyes away. But you're you kind of slow down with your with your thing there and you block Dwayne the rock and he kind of bumps into you.
00:28:16
Speaker
And that's not really a big deal, but everybody else comes, comes in and you're all kind of blocking the way. So, um, everybody else, I need you to roll mine for me. You tell her to, uh, pit Betsy and, uh, boom mind you say, sorry, Betsy. That's a 17 work for you. Holy. That's a, you're fine. Um, so yeah, you boom, you see the statue and maybe you remember it from reality or not, but you know, Oh, I'm not going to look at that thing. You look away immediately. You feel it trying to draw you towards it, but does it on the other hand, Betsy, your eyes go straight to that thing.
00:28:45
Speaker
And I need you to roll nerve as you look into this thing's burning or flaming red eyes as it grows bigger and bigger in front of you. Oh, I don't like this sick sick. OK, it's like it's following anybody else or just me. Let's let's not really just look in your skin, standing still to my status to statue. It's just but it's kind of like you're stuck with your eyes on its eyes and you've rolled a mid success. So you're you're not.
00:29:12
Speaker
You're not, like, frightened so bad that you can't do anything, but you're at least, um, you're like, you're like, ah, that's, you're kind of, you're kind of scared for a second, um, slowing you up a little bit. That's unsettling. I don't like any of this. Yeah. Dwayne smashed the statue. Hey, alrighty. Dwayne! He climbs the tree and he's like, smacks his, he smacks his elbow and he flies down off of it. And, uh, since it's your, uh, your mental creation there in the dream state,
00:29:41
Speaker
Why don't you roll a body for me and see how well Blaine the Rock does at destroying this statue? 15. He fucking obliterates the shit. He lands on it. Ba-bang. Ba-boom. Everything goes in pieces and you feel fine, Betsy. And you guys, you see the roofs of Angmar just beyond the hills and between the trees. Blaine used Rock Smash. Who knew this statue was just blocking our view? Who knew? It's a weird place to put it.
00:30:09
Speaker
I know. I know it. You've got like a dolphin tracking on, huh? Yeah. Hey, Betsy, you're feeling OK. You know, you know, you seem like you're a little mad at Tulip and you know, you seem a little if I'm being honest, you seem a little cold to me. And, you know, did I do something wrong to make you angry? Did I not talk you in the right way when we went to bed? You know what?
00:30:34
Speaker
I feel like everyone just projects on me and makes it about what they want. Nobody ever asks me what I want. Granted, I can't talk very well, so just maybe ask for my opinion sometimes, okay? It doesn't matter, but it'd be nice to be heard.
00:30:51
Speaker
I tried to get Tulip to ask you the other day about where stuff was and you know to solve the puzzle with the black dagger in the cave I said ask Betsy but she wouldn't ask you and I trusted that you knew the answer but she's just so stubborn sometimes and it's like you know she makes my voice and she tries to make me all sweet and stuff and you know just let me have a little fun sometimes okay let me go out and you know you guys get to have all the chaos and I just what get dragged around by her how is that fair I mean you're a puppet
00:31:22
Speaker
What did you call me? Damn, you can't say that to a lady. That's first of all, first of all, that's dollist. She's a doll. She's not above it. Fine, a doll then. How'd you like it if I called you an elf? Huh? You like that? I almost look kind of pretty. It's like how we got a bond, OK? I thought we were friends, but then you go around saying stuff like that. And you know, that hurts my feelings. OK, which I could have them. You don't know.
00:31:52
Speaker
I don't know that I don't want to know, to be honest. I give him the hardest thumbs up. Like, I take that. She's gonna rip tulip out of Protex's hands and just like cuddle like tulip to her chest and be like, I don't know how you deal with this, you know? He could just be so mean sometimes. You know, that's me. So that's fine. That's me. Protex, you're not protecting my feelings, okay? That hurts.
00:32:21
Speaker
Not everything is protecting. I have enough protecting to do already. Your name is Protex, though, isn't that what you do? Yes. Is it you're right on all counts, but I'm still not abiding by it. There's no winning with you. Yes. Well, you guys are talking about that Dwayne, the rocksman like hunkered down at the top of the hill, looking down at the town. He's like, guys, I've been thinking.
00:32:50
Speaker
We really need to do a good entrance when we walk down in there. We need like fanfare. We need to do a swagger, a strut. We need to get down there into the... Yeah. You're rolling down the mountain and I'll try to balance on you. You goddamn son of a bitch, I'm in. And he balls himself up. I'm gonna... I'm gonna cast Music Kiss... Music Kiss, Laudicus. So you guys enter into it with some really cool music. Roll mine.
00:33:22
Speaker
That's a T in, maybe. Oh, nice. And you don't fuck it up, so it's not going to be awkward. It goes, if you smile, we'll protect this cookie. It's sausage. Ding. It's sausage. Surprise. The sausage tray is coming. So, yeah, you got you're going to roll down the hill on Dwayne the Ruck? Yes. All right. Jump on him and you start rolling down. What are you guys doing on your way? Oh, yeah, I forgot you had the cat. You were riding the cat also. Are you riding the cat while riding Dwayne down the hill? No, no, I'm abandoning the cat.
00:33:53
Speaker
That's fine. I'm a jerk. No one wants to ride me. I'm still gonna follow along for no reason. I also don't think I talked this way before, but I do now.
00:34:05
Speaker
No, it just depends on how people imagine it, I guess. Then as protects, sort of disappears down through the trees towards the town, the cat suddenly like jumps up and a chest appears beneath it and it's like, see you guys, I want to meet you down there! And the chest like rockets off out of the, like blasted out of the tower in the other episode. Well, Betsy, what way do you want to enter town? Do you want to do something cool or do you just want to walk there?
00:34:31
Speaker
No, let's do like totally something cool. OK, like he gets to go down like that. What are we going to do? We need some cool way to go down the hill and make it in town and be like, pal, what's up? We're here. We're going to solve problems. Let's see. Let's see what. What is your opinion? What would you what do you think would be cool? OK, right. So we have this like magic flying carpet, right? But we stand on it like striking these awesome poses while we just roll down like
00:35:02
Speaker
covering and like a magic carpet on this magic carpet type board thing. Okay. And then our hairs be all blowing in the breeze and we can look so heroic and fierce as we go down. Yeah. I mean, I still got a little tufts of hair on the back of my head that might blow the breeze. We can certainly give it a try. Yeah. And then if you want, you can stand in the front and I'll totally do like, you know, the whole, you can spread your arms out and you know, we can make this a whole thing. It's great.
00:35:32
Speaker
Yeah. In that case, then, Betsy, as you're trying to, you're trying to summon this into the reality of the world, you're all mine for me. Summoning a magic carpet. Oh, I was rolled a seven. Do you want to save that or re-roll it? I will save it. I'm going to save it. I'm going to also cast Magicus Carpetus.
00:35:58
Speaker
15! Okay, so Betsy, you're doing your own thing, making a carpet willing to existence, and it comes out as kind of small, and then Boom for Pa does his spell, and do you make her carpet bigger or do you make another carpet? Oh, I would never mess with another lady's carpet. I'm just going to make mine just be a real big immaculate one.
00:36:20
Speaker
So yeah, that happens. So you have the little one you spawned in by Dream Magic, Betsy, and boom, you summon one in with magic at the same time. It's really nice and big and extravagant. Yeah, it's got like a couple of chairs on it so we can sit down if our legs get tired. Betsy's got like one of the hoverboards. All right, let's do the thing. Let's surf down in there. Whatever surf it is. I know what surfs are.
00:36:49
Speaker
We're coming up with surfing now, okay? It's whatever we want it to be. All right, let's go. We fly down there. To the town! We fly down there, yeah. You see Protex barreling through between some houses. He stops in the middle of the town. You guys gonna fly down there. And the cat crashed into a building and jumps like, like a surprise. He flies off somewhere in town. And you guys meet up with Protex.
00:37:16
Speaker
And Dwayne The Rock, who's coming back from being a ball into being a man shaped rock again. Oh, hey. Took you long enough. Yeah, you know, we had to discuss. Yeah, we had to discuss what we were going to do. So, you know, it's not it's not about who gets there. You know, you can go ahead and be Mr. Speedy guy if that's how you do it in Godland land. But yeah, you know, Spain and I are such a dream team. We don't even need to talk. You can just do the thing. It's about the journey and not the speed. OK.
00:37:46
Speaker
Dwayne the Rock's looking at you guys with his one rocky eyebrow raise. He's like, I'm good. You say dream team? Yes. Because we are a dream and we are a team. Dwayne the Rock's were like- No, I think this is real.
00:38:02
Speaker
Dwayne The Rock starts twitching. He's like, ah, don't say that, candy ass. I don't say that. Why do you keep saying that we're in a dream, Protex? That's what I say, you candy ass. Stop it. I will tell you, but Dwayne doesn't like me to talk about it, so we're going to be silent about that. You know something that we don't? He's respecting my boundaries.
00:38:32
Speaker
Yes. Candy ass. Right. He keeps saying candy and ass. Hey Tula, if you want to go get some candy ass. Oh, I would love some candy ass. Okay. You know, you're my favorite, Boom Papa. I am? I don't know that. What? Why do you think I still follow you around? It's fine. Uh, I don't know. Just because the goblins kind of dumb and
00:39:02
Speaker
Doesn't get anything done without me. So you follow me because I'm smart. I got big brain. Yes, you definitely have a big brain and you're so smart. And I just want to follow you around everywhere. Oh, my gosh. Calm down, Tulip. He's going to figure it out. And you said you didn't want him to know anything. Uh, yeah, what?
00:39:28
Speaker
You what, mate? You didn't want. Then you hear slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. And a big brigade of frog people comes with the frog king at the helm. My God, I found you at last. Well, you must come with us at once. The town is being laid to waste. And right now you're looking at the town. You're like, it looks fine. Where in town is this happening? You see, it's all confined into that building over there. And you look there.
00:39:57
Speaker
Oh, did the cat run in there? You look over and it's kind of like the tower from
00:40:08
Speaker
when you teleport around the enchanted forest, like the kind of elven design tower with fancy intricate log beams and things on the outside and sort of a whitewashed cover face to it and the nice tiled pointy roof. And he's like, yes, but don't be misled. Upstairs is bullshit. There's nothing there. It's downstairs is where the real trouble is. My word was terribly in there. All right. I mean, you wouldn't lie to me, would you?
00:40:35
Speaker
No, my god, my blood. And you see Cramit comes over, he's like, yeah, man, it's crazy. We got to get in there. I could barely shoot. There's like snake dudes and shit in there. I mean, that's what's make dudes. Well, all right. So I'm a little confused here because you guys don't last time I talked to you when we had our fun party, you didn't seem to care about what happened to any of these people. You just wanted to stay out of your swamp.
00:41:03
Speaker
And now you're here and you want to protect the people of the town. Boom. Did you finally take a hit off of our pipe? Look around you. This is the swamp. And all of a sudden there's a bunch of muck and mud and reeds all through the town and shit. Look, it's just a swamp. You're a crazy boom. You don't see. Oh, well, call the beacon, Vince. Let's go in the tower then. Excellent. Let's go. It's all I needed to know, brother. So you guys run over to the tower?
00:41:31
Speaker
Yeah, that's he's going to pick up some of the mud and rub it on her arms to try and get the soft like fur to grow back. Oh, nice, nice, nice. Just like the ogre told her to. Excellent. Hey, why? I didn't know that you were so. It's something. Are you OK? Look, I mean, I know you said you want people to talk to you and ask you questions and everything, so like, I mean,
00:41:56
Speaker
Are you and Tulip not actually friends? Like, should I be worried? I mean, because like, I don't want our, I don't want our relationship. So, you know, I try and help her as much as possible and as much as I can. Okay. Um, but I hear like a lot of in like all of her secrets. So I don't want her to spill beans that she's not ready to spill. Okay. Just because she might like you doesn't mean she needs to project that onto others or, you know, keep that hidden. Like she should just come out and tell you.
00:42:27
Speaker
Wait, so are you trying to tell me that you guys talk to each other? Well, yeah, you see us do it all the time. She'll be holding me and then she gives me that sweet voice to talk back with. And, you know, that's not really what I sound like, obviously. Right. Yeah.
00:42:51
Speaker
Well, I can have tulip talks all the time. This is fast. This is very interesting. What is what's going on here? Oh, so, yeah, so this is this is Betsy and apparently tulips a doll now. I don't remember being that big, but makes sense to me. Right. No, it's always been this I see credit. Is that right? Yeah, that's why we start as. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
00:43:19
Speaker
Could I, could I, um, can I have a quick private chat with, uh, with Tulip just for a few seconds? Sure. Betsy's going to pass you Tulip and then she's going to take a couple steps back and just go back to rubbing mud on her arms. And then she's going to put some under her eyes. Boom, roll mine. I'm just going to let it go because I already know what I want to do. Um, Hey, Hey Tulip. Um, what's going on?
00:43:49
Speaker
I want to jump your bones, boom. I throw the doll back over towards Betsy. Wait, what kind of spell did Dolan cast on Dolan? She would never talk to me that way. Oh my gosh, I told you. That's what happens when you don't listen to me. Oh, we got to go get Dolan. He's casted spells. Dolan would never talk to me like that. He is casting spells. It's terrible. Let's go in there. Come on.
00:44:14
Speaker
I'm already on the way. The goblin's beating us. We can't let the goblin win. Goblin's like, I've been walking towards her the whole time. Um, yeah, Protex, you walk in up to the door. It's, it's like wide open. Um, it looks, it's kind of like sunken into the mud. It looks kind of like that, um, kind of the door he went into, um, in a swamp, but it's got a tower on top of it too. And, uh, do you want to walk into there?
00:44:40
Speaker
And so I can either go down below or like up in a tower, right? It's kind of like when you go to a theme park and they have like sort of decorations, but there's nothing really there. It's like this. All there is is a little little door with the like stairs going down. OK, then I'm going down. Nice. You're not waiting for your gang is going to go in between the rock backing you up. Yeah. OK, cool. Walk down in there.
00:45:04
Speaker
And you see you're in a little hallway, and it kind of widens out, and there's a room, and there's some snake men just like, oh, sitting around kind of at tables and chairs, like, you know, kicking their feet up, playing back of rack and things like that. I go up to the snake person, and I ask him, are you evil? No, and what?
00:45:34
Speaker
Are you evil? Are you my mommy? And are you evil? Who's to say, really, in the grand scheme of things, you know, I... Am I... Who, are we all evil? Are any of us good? I don't know. I mean, you're a snake person, and I have bad memories of a snake person, so if you don't convince me that you're not evil, you're going to smash you. Oh, shit, he's right... Guys, guys, what are we... Come on, guys, let's get him! They all stand up, there's like five of them.
00:46:04
Speaker
And they start coming at you, that guy, he tries to swing at you there with his little clawed hands. What do you do, Protex? Okay, let's get him drained. And I'll try to defend myself from, like, sick person.
00:46:16
Speaker
Okay, what are you doing? Are you blocking his little claw? Are you pushing him away? Are you punching him right in the face? How are you protecting yourself? I'm protecting myself, but if he tries to punch me, I try to sidestep him and then try to counter him. Okay, roll body for me to sidestep and see if you can counter him.
00:46:40
Speaker
that's how you love it 11 that is a that is a true success I'm gonna let you yeah you do a little sidestep and we just punching him in his little face yeah all right man roll that
00:46:51
Speaker
DiMaggio, or no, you're not gonna roll it. What do you have, four in damage? Yeah, my damage is four, yes. Nice, so you punch him right in his face and his neck just like spins around like a cartoon and he looks at you again with his neck all twisted up in his tongue and he falls over. And roll body again as Dwayne the Rock runs at a guy and goes to the store to check him into the wall.
00:47:13
Speaker
That's a four. About a half a seven. You have a seven? Fucking then you're gonna use it. Re-roll it for Dwayne. Gotta save his little life. I'm going to use that seven. Do it. I dare you. One time now. A six. That's great. That's better than a four for sure. He smacks into that.
00:47:35
Speaker
That dude smashed him in the wall, but as he's like squishing him against the wall, the guy kind of scratches at his back and Wayne the Rock looks at his shoulders and he's like, ah, man, my tats. This is candy ass. And he punches him in the gut and anything dies.
00:47:49
Speaker
And then here's to you guys. You run down or you come down there as this is happening. You see Dwayne The Rock punching a guy in the gut and splattering is punching a hole right through him. And there's like three more snake men jumping around on the tables and dancing around like they want to fight protects. I mean, not protects. Betsy or Boom, whoever wants to go first, whoever thinks we're running there first is there first. Go get him, Betsy. Show us what you could do.
00:48:16
Speaker
Okay, so Betsy is going to take and she's going to be like, I summon tulip super hammer and she's going to throw tulip with a little hammer stuffy in her hand to try and knock out one of the snake people. Nice. Roll the body to do that. Teamwork.
00:48:30
Speaker
Oh, we have third. That's a Supreme. Yeah, you freaking throw that thing. She's explodes a dude's head right out from under her. She hits as the doll hits his head and his lifeless body collapses to the ground. Lifeless like that was pretty sick. Another guy's bottom going. She just skips over, picks up tulip and brushes her off. That was amazing. You did a great job. I know. Do I get candy now?
00:49:03
Speaker
There's two more guys boom what are you gonna do I got the weirdest brainer right now You know, I'm just gonna keep watching I just want to see the the girls fight go ladies keep going and protects
00:49:20
Speaker
He's one of the girls in my book. Go ahead girls. As you sit there and wait there, all the frogs rush past you and the frog king jumps on the table and he goes,
00:49:37
Speaker
Yes, get that! There's three left. Get that fellow there, my minions! And they all sort of like swarm one of the snake people and start like just beating on him and dragging him down. And they kind of hold his head up and then Cramut takes a shot and aims at his head and shoots him and blows his head off with an arrow. And back to Protex. You see how this has happened. There's one snake man left. He's just at the doorway at the end of the room. He's like, he looks nervous and scared. What do you do, Protex?
00:50:05
Speaker
Let's finish him Dwayne and I want to like, Dwayne and me like punch back at the same time. Oh shit tag team, roll two Bobodies for me then. That's one and that's two. That's a failure. Well, was the first one you? I guess so, yes. Okay, so you want to tell a cool tag team with Lane The Rock, but unfortunately you don't have as much wrestling experience as him. So you got to punch the guy and he ducks your fist. But as he ducks, he goes right into the uppercut that
00:50:35
Speaker
Dwayne the rock is throwing and he makes his head go. His neck stays intact, but it stretches out like he's a rock. I'm stuck on robot and he smacks his head off the ceiling and explodes up there. Um, and then he falls dead and Dwayne says, Hey, don't worry, bro. Tex, we can't all be the champion. Yeah. Really got to learn from you. Yeah, you do here. Have an energy drink. Oh, thanks. Maybe lessons after this. Yeah, maybe. Um, anyway,
00:51:05
Speaker
What are we doing now? We're going down this tunnel? Yeah, let's continue on the tunnel. Come on, everybody. I'm in charge now. I don't know why, but I'm a little hesitant to go down to that basement ordinarily. I'd be like, yeah, let's go. But you know what? They're going first. Then you hear echoing from down there, yes, you coward. You are too afraid to face me, Dovin.
00:51:35
Speaker
Don't let him talk to you like that. Uh, man, my self-esteem is so high right now that he couldn't possibly hurt my feelings, even if you're trying. After all this time, you can't get it up, eh, boom? Actually, I beg to differ. Let me pull up my robe and show you. He pulls out his two staffs. I pull out my sleepy staff and my regular staff that does all the other cool stuff. Actually, oddly enough, you don't have your sleepy staff, but you do have your regular staff. Oh, I swear I had a second one here a minute ago.
00:52:05
Speaker
And then you hear from above, what else one of the things have you guys fought before? What else did you guys fight? You fought the snake people? I had to things up so I can remember what you guys did. You didn't fight him, you just got to talk to him. You really didn't fight him. I guess more snake dudes come up. You hear from where you came from up the tops, you hear,
00:52:30
Speaker
snake people attack and then the king says well I say we will hold them off so you can feed them their overlord cut the head off of the snake as it were you folks don't worry Kravit will mostly handle it himself I don't think he fought a whole lot except for the snakes that's true yeah
00:52:50
Speaker
We solve our problems with our brains most of the time. Mostly. Yeah. So they go and they go. This is mostly so that I can say the frog people don't keep following you. They go and hold off the other snake people that are coming in from outside the town. And you guys can go down if you'd like. Yes. Is Dwayne already down there? Bet he's going to skip with Tulip. Okay. Is Dwayne already down there? I know. He's kind of waiting. He's like waiting. He's like, he's like right at the door with protection. He's like, come on guys, let's go.
00:53:17
Speaker
Hey, hey, hey, Mr. Dwayne The Rock. He looks at you with his stone eyebrow up and inquisitively. First of all, you look really buff. Thanks. What can I say except you're welcome. Secondly, I dare you to do a big old cannonball through the center of this floor to go straight into the basement instead of taking the stairs. He looks down, he's like,
00:53:45
Speaker
Well, as a rock myself, I can see that this rock-like structure is not straight below us. It goes down at an angle there, and the next room is down below us. So I'll do you one better if you'd like there. Protect... Oh, no, your name doesn't protect... Boom! Sorry. I'll do you one better there, Boom! I'll use this dead snake man here as a surfboard, and I'll surf down there, because the thing we do is surfing. Yeah, that's a great idea. Let's do that.
00:54:10
Speaker
All right. He's like, he picks up by the guy by the scruff of the back of his like, uh, like little ratty shirt he's wearing. He's like, get ready protects. I'm going to throw him down. We're going to jump on him. He throws him down, jump and roll one. Just want to roll one body for me to see if you guys can both manage to land on there. Pretty good. That's a 10. You fucking do it. You're you squish on them and you start sliding down there. His, his long floppy neck that got stretched out is smacking around. And they do that. Uh, you see them slide down into the darkness.
00:54:39
Speaker
Mom, I'm surfing. I love you, son. Boom and Betsy, they are descending into the depths. What are you two doing? Betsy, are you going to go down next? You and Tulip, you guys are more of a close up fighter than I am.
00:54:58
Speaker
Okay, we'll go down and Bessie's gonna like clutch tulip to her chest and be like, see you on the flip side and backflip into the hole and go right down. Oh shit, yeah. She backflips into the doorway, boom, and she's immediately just swallowed up by darkness. Pretty sick looking. And scary looking. Neat. I'm gonna, I want to cast an invisibility spell on myself. Oh shiznit, roll mine to kiss for me.
00:55:25
Speaker
13 baby. Yeah, brother. You're fucking, you're going. Nice. I'm going to creep down there ever so slowly. Okay. All right. Um, so, uh, uh, Betsy, are you, are you just doing backflips all the way down?
00:55:40
Speaker
Yes, she's just doing backflips and she's just trying to make it look super cool and doing all the twists and stuff and be like, man, if only the Olympics existed here, I would have all the gold medals. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say you're doing that and, uh, Rotex and Dwayne the Rock, you stop at the bottom with a splat and you're at a big circular room. There's a enormous, enormous pit in the center of it.
00:56:05
Speaker
and you could stand on the edge of this pit like 10 people abreast and in the pit you could fit like 30 rhinos at least like lengthwise and there's just that giant pit and then I bet so you do your flips and you come laying down beside him you see the same thing there's no people here actually there is people here there's five people all in black robes and they're going and then at the other end of the room Jeff Lovers is like hey guys what's up I'm waiting for you guys how's it going
00:56:35
Speaker
I'm gonna throw the snake person I wrote down with at one of the black road people. Robobody.
00:56:44
Speaker
that's a 14 holy shit yeah you you throw that thing at him and it cuts him right in half nice and uh another guy on the other side of the thing throws his head down he's a he's a bearded guy with a bald head he is holy shit dolvin rise help us you are the end all of all evil you are the greatest thing that ever was behind all the scenes
00:57:08
Speaker
And boom as you're sneaking down you see that happening and a giant Head comes out of the thing. What does boom imagine? Dovan probably looks like I Feel like he has been so scarred by that first weird wizard that we encountered and
00:57:29
Speaker
that I think he just thinks he has his face. But like the wizard Stamos. Yeah. The one that I didn't trust to begin with. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like he left such a mental scar on him that that's why he's so fixated on Dovan is he thinks that guy is still that guy is Dovan and he doesn't think that he's gone.
00:57:48
Speaker
Okay. A giant head of that guy comes out. He's like kind of baldish. He's like balding fuzzy hair right here inside. He's got devil horns and red eyeballs. He has devil horn and red eyeballs. And he comes out and he's got big old teeth. And he's got a big long snake that comes out of the hole. And he says, he says, if he made some steak and eggs, show me where the whores are.
00:58:13
Speaker
And they're all like, yes, yes. They have a t-shirt. And then Greg goes over to one of the other coaches and pulls the hood down. It's that chick that Jeff has a crush on. And he's like, ah, here is the first whore for you. And he looks at Betsy. He's like, maybe that one too. I don't know. She looks a little weird. She's covered in mud. I don't know if you're into that thing. And Dolphin says, ah, take them all. I don't care. Well, that's a little rude. You didn't even buy me dinner.
00:58:47
Speaker
and across the outside of the room, Jeff's like, wait. I love her. Don't feed him to don't feed her to the big guy. And that's really all he can do and say, though, because he's not a player character. So Greg's like, what the fuck? And Darwin's like, what the fuck? And you guys can do something now. OK. As as a rough ring. Boom, boom, whispers. What the fuck?
00:59:12
Speaker
Did he call us? Boom. You take care of Tolvenna. We are going to take care of the cultists. I'm not here. You can't see me. You didn't know where to be seen. Boom. Why aren't you here? I left. I'm somewhere else now. Oh man. Oh man. No man. You can't stop us, Tolvenna. We're going to stop you.
00:59:42
Speaker
That's poor shit. Steak and eggs blast. He opens his mouth. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. A bunch of steak and eggs fly at you. Protect. Steak and eggs blast. Roll. Do something. Roll out of the way or something. Avoid all the steak and eggs. Roll the body. With a throw. Oh, shit. You dodge right out of the way. Roll another body for Dwayne the Rock.
01:00:06
Speaker
With a 10. 10. Yeah, he fucking jumps right out of the way. He's fine. You can't hit us. You little bitch. Betsy, what are you going to do? He just spats bacon eggs on your friend almost. Ew, that's gross, OK? You didn't even ask. So Betsy's just going to start spinning around, and she's holding Tulip in her hand, swinging as she's going like a helicopter, and just trying to knock into things with Tulip.
01:00:31
Speaker
Just things in general not like anything done. I just write a name just trying any of the cultists that are around her She's just spinning roll roll bow body for me then come on body Hells yeah, let's say you smacked as one of the one of the let's just say Greg's beside you he's trying to he's trying to get Dovin to eat and or have inexplicable sex with this woman and
01:00:57
Speaker
You smack him right in the head with tulip. I think you do three damage or something. It doesn't really matter. Words hurt, Greg. Okay, watch how you talk to ladies. We're classy around here. And you blast him right in the chin and knock his beard clean off and he falls into the hole. That's a deep hole. Does it keep going?
01:01:24
Speaker
You hear him take a breath. He goes, is that candy down there? I don't know, Tulip. Gosh. You want me to throw you down? I'd rather not. Okay. Calm down. You'll get candy later. Boom. You've seen us all unfold. What's your next thing you want to do with yourself? Oh man. I just realized I missed a really good opportunity.
01:01:45
Speaker
Uh, for a joke earlier, uh, that's a, damn. Cause you know, I'm invisible. So you can't see me, right? Yeah. Dwayne Dwayne the rock. So when you said, boom, I should have said, you can't see me, but I did it. I just said, I'm not here. I blew it. Anyways. Um, I'm going to try to get as close to Dolan as I possibly can. Okay.
01:02:14
Speaker
without him seeing me. And then that's fine. You did pretty good. You're you're fucking you can get right over there with your big ass roll. You did. All right. I am going to try to suck all of the steak and potatoes that he shot out into the room, the steak and potato blast. And I'm going to try to cast a reverse, a reversal spell to have him get sucked.
01:02:42
Speaker
You're going to have a de-gurgitation. Yeah, it's a de-gurgification spell. Roll mine. As it happens. Actually, you know what I'm going to do first. Can I do two things? Do I see his crown? Oh, yeah, I forgot to say it's on his head. I'm going to try to see if I can't grab that with my stick as I cast.
01:03:06
Speaker
De-gurgification on this dude. Okay, that's that's gonna be that's a tough one doing those two things at once But okay, go ahead and roll. What are you doing first? I just want to get the crown mostly. I'm invisible So I'm just gonna try take it and see if he notices I took it You said you're gonna use your stick, but do you want to use try and magically lift it off? You're gonna try to just take it off now I'm just gonna try to I'm just gonna try to take it like I don't know how big he is compared to me But I feel like if I put my stick up there
01:03:33
Speaker
He's pretty big if I'm sure you already knew Adam at least noticed I'm doing like if anyone's played the big primordial serpents from Dark Souls. That's what he kind of looks like except he has an old man face. So he's like he's like a giant head coming out of the giant hole. All right. But yeah, then you know what I'm going to do instead is I'm just going to try to take the crown. OK, with your just trying to knock it off your stick, knock it a little bit.
01:03:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to try to just you know what? I'm going to manifest a giant club, a magical club and whack them so hard at the top of the head. It knocks the ground off. OK. No, I mean, no, it's not going to be a club. It's going to be a it's going to be a big. What do they call those? A big of mutton shop like that. You know, the big old fucking slabs of mutton people carry around and bite off of. Yeah, he loves me. I think you're on drumstick.
01:04:23
Speaker
Yeah, big drumsticks. Since he likes eating so much, I'm just going to smack him in the face with a big drumstick. Okay, so I guess you roll mine then to manifest that and use it as a magical... That was a nice feature. That's a success of Rooney. That is a success of Rooney for sure, brother. And I'm going to hit him and say, do you smell what boom is cooking? And then...
01:04:42
Speaker
Whack him in the side of the head when you hit him and you have a d10 in in in what's the color magics? That's four damage. I think so you smack him And I will say Yeah, I will say it's good. Yeah, you can you jostle the crown off his head it goes and it goes and smashes one of the other evil cultists
01:05:04
Speaker
And that guy's dead over there who wasn't doing anything in particular other than being part of the cult. And Jeff's like, holy shit. And he runs around and he's like grabs the chick and he's like, oh my God.
01:05:15
Speaker
Um, and you knocked that off his head and he's pretty mad. He's still alive though. He's going to try and, he's going to try and do a bite on you there. Boom. And you want to, what are you going to, what are you going to, how are you going to get away from that? You son of a bitch. I'm invisible. Good luck. Finally. He's give the sniff for me. I guess. Yeah, he does. He doesn't get you. I'm going to, I'm going to, while he's trying to bite at me, just so I can try to do something.
01:05:38
Speaker
I've been rolling mine a lot, so this time I think I'm just going to, uh, since you sniffing for me, I'm gonna turn around and try to just blast a big ass, uh, a big ass, uh, uh, flatulence in his direction. Wow. Um, I guess, Robody. I figured out by now it's a dreamland. I'm gonna try to turn my ass into a gun. Okay. Robody, then. It's a five.
01:06:04
Speaker
Yeah, you do a stink all right. And he knows right where you are. So he gives you a chomp for three to two damage. Oh, man. Oh, no, that's going to leave a scar for sure. Oh, and protects. I think you were you were next up in the roles pattern. So what did he do? He's he's he's over there chomping it like where a stink cloud is.
01:06:28
Speaker
I'm going to take another cultist and throw it against Thorwin's head and tell him like, hey, you stinky hat.
Comedic Battle Sequences
01:06:38
Speaker
Okay, only ones left. Metrician alone. Only cultists are either dead or the ones that are not dead.
01:06:46
Speaker
Well, I mean, there's the lady called us who was kind of evil, but she's Jeff's crush. And Jeff's there. I just take like a dead one. Okay, you take a dead guy, he's fling him. It's that guy you cut in half. He's probably the closest one to you. You just throw his legs at him. Roll body for me.
01:07:01
Speaker
That's Ralph. Holy shit. Yeah. You smack him right in his, right in his side of his head. And then that does a little bit of, he's, he tries to look at you then. And Betsy, this weird thing headed man is looking at you. What do you do? Um, excuse me. You're kind of rude and my friend and I don't like how you speak to us. So she is going to take, and she's going to swing her arm and launch tulip.
01:07:30
Speaker
at the weird head thing. Oh shit. Roll body. This might be it.
01:07:37
Speaker
Six oh you do the thing but addendum So tulip smashes through fuck his head look like a little bullet she shoots ready But then he he falls down and his head smacks onto you Betsy Doing two damage to you as he smacks on you When he dies you you fiend
01:08:05
Speaker
Oh, get it off. It's gross. I don't like this. Oh, oh, it smells bad, too. Like, oh, oh, yeah, that's totally quite like dolphins. Oh, I've expired. Oh, his tongue's hanging out of his head. Oh, she's going to push the tongue off of her. Be like, Rose, it's all drooly. Protax, like, do something. Get it off. Train smash.
01:08:34
Speaker
All right, brother, he pushes it into the hole and heads. You're so charming. Thank you. Hey, what do you say when we get back to our normal selves?
01:08:49
Speaker
We get into a single pocket and maybe jostle around together a little bit in there. Oh, that sounds like a good time to me. I mean, you keep doing that eyebrow thing and I'm so in. Hey, hey, protect. Okay, boom is crossing as I was like stupid sexy Dwayne. Put her in your pocket with me later.
01:09:11
Speaker
And don't come a-knocking. Just smash like a bubble in like a rock against each other. There's a giant crown over there. It shrinks down to doll size. And then now it goes dink, dink, dink, dink.
01:09:24
Speaker
So, I'm going to take the crown and put it on Dwayne. It's tiny for his giant head. What are you doing, brother? It doesn't matter. Do I say brother? What are you doing? I don't like this kind of thing. Say you're turning
Realization and Reflection on the Dream
01:09:36
Speaker
in the Hulk Hogan. What are you doing, brother? Give me an identity crisis. I don't like this kind of thing. Take his back. Okay. Then I'll put it on Boomsat. I mean, I'm not having an identity crisis. I think I look great in a crown.
01:09:51
Speaker
But, uh, it's good. Can I have a, can I have a word of private just for a moment? What's wrong? I think, you know, I hate to break the news to you, but this is a dream that we're in. I mean, I've told you, it's like half a day ago. I don't think that you did. And it's fine if you want to keep taking my ideas, but you know, cause there's still mine at the end of the day, but, uh,
01:10:17
Speaker
You know, I'm thinking that none of this is real and we can't stay here forever. And my staff is missing and I'm starting to think that that has something to do with it. So, you know, I don't I don't really know what we're supposed to do with this crown exactly, but I think we're nearing the end of the dream. So you may want to have any more conversations with Dwayne that you need to have before before this all comes to me. I will see Dwayne after this, so it's fine.
01:10:43
Speaker
Yeah, he might not be as cool as he is right now, but we'll still be together. I'll still be cool as I am. Oh, yeah, true. He's like super cool. Just going to smash him as snakes. And Betsy, as they're talking over there, Dwayne's kind of like hanging out next to you. He's like, hey, he's like, yeah, when we get in those pockets, like, I mean, you know.
01:11:03
Speaker
Maybe it's, you know, we'll be careful with some lint might catch a fire or whatever, you know. But then you feel as you're, as you're talking to him, you don't start, you start to feel like you don't care about laying the rock. And, um, you feel from your fingertips up to your noggin with the bow on top of it, that he really, that you AKA Tulip wants that crown. Um, Hey boom, you've got that crown, right?
01:11:33
Speaker
Yeah, I think it looks good on my tiny little head. You know, I think it would look so much better on Tulip. Like she's going to pick up a little Tulip doll and be like, you should put it on her head and, you know, see what you think it looks like. OK, maybe you could charm Tulip with it and then Tulip would actually confess her feelings. Uh, yeah, I suppose I could do that. That's probably it.
01:12:02
Speaker
Hey, before I do that, um, would you say that you would tulip a friends now? We've always been friends. I mean, not all friends get along all the time. Like we kind of like bigger back and forth, but I love to love. Okay. I could deal with that. That's good. I just want to make sure everything's okay between the two of you before, uh, you know, she gets crown princess or queen and you know, goes off and does her own thing, you know,
01:12:30
Speaker
you know princess tulip how does that not sound appropriate and so fulfilling for her yeah right you know all she needs is a nice pretty dress um oh speaking of which uh you know i tore a little piece of the
01:12:44
Speaker
of what was left of Dovin's robes and his big, snakey body. And I got you something for, you know, that you can wear later. It's not complete yet, but, you know, also it eventually, uh, make you a pretty dress as well. Oh, you're for me. So sweet. Oh, it's for you. Yeah. Oh, that's what I keep telling Tulip that you're just, you know, really good. Boom. And, you know,
01:13:09
Speaker
She doesn't want to believe me. She's like all scared about feelings and stuff, trying to have this tough attitude. And I'm like, gosh, you don't have to be so tough all the time. Yeah, you know, I get it. Sometimes I feel like I got to be smart all the time. And sometimes I've been telling myself, you just got to let loose and just let the cards fall how they will or let the dice roll the way they're going to. And, you know, I've been having a blast with the frog people and, you know, just hanging out and picking on macawkalese a little bit.
01:13:38
Speaker
You know, even the goblin ain't too bad sometimes. Yeah, you got it. So I mean, it's all worth it in the end, right? Yeah, I suppose.
01:13:47
Speaker
And you hear from the corner, and Jeff's over there like he's got like that chick, the other coat lady, he had a crush on, he's like, can you guys get the fuck out of here? We're trying to have a moment, Jeff. Calm down. Not everything's about you, OK? Don't mind. Don't mind. You guys said this is a drink, but it's the only chance I'm going to get with her. Come on. I mean, I left the coat. You guys. You know, as soon as we leave, OK, that is all gone and it's not going to go anywhere. You're just going to go poof. I know. That's why I need to go poof now, guys. I mean, can you?
01:14:17
Speaker
Wait, so you don't want to poop with us? That's a little rude. Wait, Tulip or Betsy, Tulip, did you guys already know that we're in a dream? You know that this isn't how life is supposed to be. You know, honestly, I'm not sure. This whole world is kind of weird type of scenario. And even if the other world is the real one, I don't even know. I'm just used to waking up in strange places. Well, that sounds about right. Like a like Baroccioli's office.
01:14:47
Speaker
which is where I suppose we got to go back to. All right. You know, what's kind of fine with this? What's so special about this? Why do you care? Protects like clearly you're taller than you're supposed to be. Is that what you want out of life? Is you just want to be a tall goblin? You know, I'm taller. I have trained every body. So what's not to like? Well, what else do you want? You know, we can try to make it happen in the real world.
01:15:16
Speaker
Protects you look at the giant um like mutton leg that boom hit the giant giant wizard Stamos Dovin in the head with and you think man, that'd
Farewells and Return to Reality
01:15:26
Speaker
make a really good entree at my tavern my tavern I Guess you're right. There's some things that need to be doing then it's doing in the real world I mean I could make it taller if that's what you wise I could probably find this ball that stretches you out a little bit
01:15:45
Speaker
I mean, that would be actually pretty nice, yeah. You want to be tall? I mean, being tall would be pretty useful. Being short is useful, too, you know. You know, I would actually prefer to... I mean, it's kind of useful to be in deck punching heights, but it's actually kind of nice to be like an eye height with like most people. I mean, hey, look, I tell you what. Let's get out of here and I'll help you accomplish one of your goals.
01:16:14
Speaker
I don't know why you were eyeballing that mutton for so long, but I can get you some mutton or I can make a dollar. OK. But just kind of tell me what you want to do, OK? I don't know anything about you other than that you're a little menace and you want to steal money from people all the time. Yeah, you could just help me get some money from the church and then we'll be even. Why do you want money so much? Because I'm building a tavern and I need money for it. You're building a tavern? That's the first time hearing of it.
01:16:44
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Fuck you about the timeline, so I'm building a tavern. It's a dreamy place. It's a dream. So you better hope that I forget this when I wake up. You need to tell me when we wake up, because I don't know if I'm going to remember any of this conversation. OK. I'll try to. All right, we're going to try so hard. Betsy, can I give you a hug before we go? Of course you can give me a hug.
01:17:11
Speaker
All right. Uh, so boom, gives her a big squeeze, a big, I'm just, I'm just kidding. Um, so yeah, and then you hug her and they, that's great. And you five put the crown on the top. Yeah, it was very awkward. My big belly kept pushing against you. I couldn't quite get my arms around it. Um,
01:17:32
Speaker
I put the little crown on Tulip's head, and I say, I'll see you when you're big. Little princess. Betsy starts to shrink down to a doll and Tulip turns into a real girl like Pinocchio. I'll miss you. I'll see you when we wake up. You hear the ripper-ling of a portal opening up right in the big giant pit, and you hear from the other side of it.
01:18:03
Speaker
Okay, you've drained like a handshake, and like Tom, I'll see you on the other side. I'll see you on the other side too, and don't forget, buy my energy drinks. And he slashes elbony, jumps into the thing, doing an elbow drop into the portal. And before he touched it, he turned into a rock. I put my hand on Protex's shoulder before we go in, and I say, don't you dare let him touch Betsy.
01:18:26
Speaker
you know it's what he wants i can't really be against that oh oh we can't be against it no i really can't okay do you want your tavern you want to be tall you want to be tall i mean it would be nice but it's not super important
01:18:43
Speaker
Oh, well, you know what? When I wake up, I'm going to go back to hating you. See you, protect. That never happened. And now Tulip holding Betsy. What are you guys doing? Jumping through the portal? Yes. Tulip's going to squeeze Betsy and just jump into the portal. She's just going to give a big, tight hug and say, I've missed you so much.
01:19:10
Speaker
Oh, how nice. There you go through and protects your left one left in there. I'm going to take a snake bite of you know, chomping into puddle. And the cat comes squeezing down through the tunnel and says, now, forgot me again, you sons of bitches. And you guys all wake up the next morning to tulips getting smashed in the shoulder by bureaucracies is opening the door and everything is right. And what the hell are you guys doing in there?
01:19:40
Speaker
Um, and that's where that dream ends. Uh, so thanks for listening. Thanks to Kimmy for joining us, filling the hole. It was left behind. I'll gladly fill that hole. Yes. Well, speaking of holes, somebody's got to go, somebody's got to go dig up casts in a few days. Ah, shit. We can do this. It's fine. See you guys next week. Shit.
Conclusion and Sign-Offs
01:20:44
Speaker
Oh, does it look good already?