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Timejail: Office Space-Time Continuum!
48 Plays2 months ago
Scheduling is a bit fucky at the moment, so enjoy a wonderful episode of timejail featuring our friend, Danny Guarantee! Meet Dr. Turtle, Uhhh Darius, and the familiar wooden face of Slappy Pete.
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Transcript
Introduction and Setup
00:00:27
Speaker
And we are live good morning good afternoon and good evening ladies gentlemen non-binary folks in the reverse No, no, this is role players and welcome back to an episode of time Joe because Cass is sick. Oh, she's sick She said last night. I'm not ready. I got a flu and I was like, ah fuck and then Justin goes Oh, dude, baby. Let's do time Joe. and I said, oh, yeah, let's do that. So Cass we're sorry You're not here and we hope that you feel better if you listen to this episode and to the audience Hey, we'll get back to Savage City next week. But right now we're in time Joe um So, uh, we have our friend Danny with us, Danny guarantee, I think for the first time on, not on role players, but on time jail. Um, so welcome to the show, Daniel guarantee. Wait, wait, this, it this isn't TOQ. Uh, I mean, it can be word time jail. So we could just record an episode of the podcast in time. jail
00:01:14
Speaker
hell am i doing here Yeah. So hell yeah. So Danny will be playing himself and someone else that we will describe here in a moment. Um, and then we also have Justin and we have Adrian of role players who are still here because they are not sick as far as I know. Yeah. Yeah.
What is Time Jail?
00:01:35
Speaker
So now for those of you who don't know, if this is your first time listening to time jail, Hey, congratulations. You don't have to listen to any time jails to listen to this one. So the beauty of time jail is that almost everything that you're about to hear is made up aside from the characters that the players created and then, uh, the setting and then maybe one character that's pretty consistent. And his name is Marion. Um, outside of that, everything else that you hear for the rest of this episode is pretty much just improvised from whatever the players think or have said about their characters and whatever my brain comes up with at the time.
00:02:03
Speaker
Um, and so the setting time jail time jail is a place where people are plucked from their timelines or their realms or their universes. For some reason at the time wardens think is appropriate because they think you're dangerous to the timeline. For some reason, sometimes people end up in time jail for the wrong reasons. Sometimes people wander into time jail. Sometimes the wrong people are picked out of their timelines because the time wardens are still trying to get their shit together. But either way.
00:02:31
Speaker
time jail is a big white void. And the only things that you see, aside from the typical people that you're locked up with, is is white. As far as the eye can see, when you look up, when you look down, just a white void. The only other things you can see as far as structures are concerned are there are these towering um labyrinthian maze-like walls that just stretch up seemingly forever, straight up.
00:02:54
Speaker
and they go off in different directions. No roofs, just these labyrinthian walls that just go in all sorts of different directions. Outside of that, that's the only consistent structure you see. And every so often, about a three foot tall a snail wearing a blue backpack and a blue shirt and a little hat between his eyeballs, his little stocky eyeballs, will come by as slowly as possible and Slide a little tray through the time gel slot for you guys to eat your mush. It's mostly just mud, but that's what they think is delicious and they give it to you and they're always friendly when you talk to them. Outside of that, that's it.
Character Introductions
00:03:30
Speaker
So now um let's go to Justin first. Justin, you want to tell us who it is that you are playing, what your character looks like and what they're doing at the moment.
00:03:42
Speaker
um Laying, no, sitting in one of the corners of the see-through room is a small wooden dummy um dressed in a child's cowboy outfit. i'm Just sitting there, not doing much, not saying anything. um Anyone who's been here listening for a while and knows it's maybe, may I remember, wasabi Pete.
00:04:07
Speaker
is who it is, like Pete ah from the Cowboy episode. And he's here in time jail because he did a naughty biscuit thing. But he's just sitting there. He's been sitting quietly for who knows how long because he's just, you know, he's used to being imprisoned in his mind. So he just sits there quietly. Okay. um Adrian, who are you playing? What does your character look like? Before I tell you that, I just noticed something. I really kind of shook my world to the core. Like,
00:04:36
Speaker
When you said like Mary's like three feet tall, I cannot always like hit this wrong. And I imagine Mary knows like it's a three meter tall, exnail just like like three feet. You know what? Imagine Mary wrong. That's fair. You know what? That's ah an understandable thing because I forget you got your American show. We use American freedom units.
00:05:01
Speaker
So that would be like, what, like one, 1.2 meters or something like that, I think. Yeah, it would be pretty small, but like three meter would be very tall. Yeah. but About like maybe up to your belly button as far as their forehand is concerned. Their eye stalks might be a little taller. Um, um but yeah, my character.
00:05:19
Speaker
Yeah, he's like, wait, you mean they're not giant? Yeah. I mean, they're giant snails. To be fair, snails are not that big. Right. So I mean, they're giant compared to their usual brothers and sisters. Yeah. Tell us about your character. So I just tried to make a character like 20 minutes ago and I told Adam that you have like a bunch of turtles. So he said I'm the turtle man, a turtleman or tall doctor. Yeah. And I kind of took that.
00:05:49
Speaker
And ah can I kind of imagine myself to be like, uh, when you like see a Kung Fu Pondo or like any of that, it was like Kung Fu like movies like this are like old master. And I'm like this old turtle who seems pretty slow, but if he wants, you can be very fast. And he's also ah like time and space travel and like just studies like everything to like keep everything in his book.
00:06:20
Speaker
So you're, you're, you're just like, like an overall time master. like ah like
00:06:27
Speaker
I wouldn't really say time master, but I can travel between times. What are you a master of? A master of turtles. Got it. All right.
00:06:38
Speaker
And then Danny, would you please tell us who your character is? And of course, maybe what they're doing at the moment, ah his name is ah Darius. And he said his name is what? Because I didn't hear any of that. Sorry. His name is ah Darius. Darius. OK. Well, it's either ah Darius or it or he's thinking about it. Nobody's really sure which. Gotcha. um He is a very big, bulky guy, muscles on muscles on muscles, ah bald with a goatee. Thank Napa from Dragon Ball Z if you guys know it. And um he is sitting in the corner of the room at a cardboard desk ah doing quote unquote paperwork ah with like these little tiny glasses on.
00:07:30
Speaker
And he's like mumbling to himself and up against his back is a ah giant hammer. I like to imagine he has like those little pond snake glasses that just like sit at like the end of his nose. Absolutely. Also, yeah ah because he's such a big dude, the chair and the desk is really small for him, so he's all like scrunched up. All right, so let's start with.
00:07:57
Speaker
So Dr. Turtle, first of all, you see a big bald, beefy boy sitting at like a little make believe computer. And you see like a little dormant doll man sitting in the cell with you. I should say also, your cell is it's invisible. You know you're in one because you tried to walk through it and eventually you hit a wall. um But you know you're in a you know you're in a cell,
Exploring the Space
00:08:21
Speaker
but you you're just not. you don't You can't see the walls.
00:08:24
Speaker
um So Dr. Turtle, what what are you doing at the moment? I've used a lot of time to study my surroundings. At some points, I look up from a book and I look around to see a guy sitting on a chair. So I approach him and, hello, are you also studying this place? Take a number. And he points to the edge of the table where there's one of those little ticket machines.
00:08:56
Speaker
I don't really see a ticket machine. can it go well Can I say that? Well, if you don't see it, but when you do see it, it's at like 999 and stuffed in all of Slappy's little shirt pockets, like hundreds of little tickets he's got.
00:09:15
Speaker
I'll go with you right when I can. Okay, I'm ready. What? gee are You're you already fast. um Thank you. Have you noticed what place we're in? It looks kind of already peculiar. Oh yeah, I come here to work sometimes. You come here to work sometimes. Yeah, so why are you in my office? You must notice places greatly. I mean, i lay ah I know a lot of things. Maybe. Can you tell me all of those things? I'm really curious.
00:09:52
Speaker
Uh, well, okay. Yeah, no problem. Um, my name is, uh, Darius and this, this beautiful girl here is Lucille. Oh, wait, does it get into the jet hammer? Okay. Check. home And right now we are in my office where I come to do my work. Then I guess I'm sorry. I stepped into your office.
00:10:22
Speaker
um That's okay, you're forgiven. You want to grab a coffee or something? I'd love one. Sure. Okay. I'd take a double shot, espresso, three sugars and ah surprise me. i'm I'm not meant to like get you one. I meant like me both together. Search for coffee shop or something. Oh, hang on one second.
00:10:52
Speaker
And ah in the blink of an eye, he's just gone. And then he just kind of comes back with two cups of coffee. There you go. I went and got it myself.
00:11:03
Speaker
um So so Slappy, you see this interaction happening and then you see ah Darius ah blips and comes back with coffee as like your are you ah you ah are you awake at this juncture? Like, did you wake up and take all those or you are you just now waking up?
00:11:19
Speaker
and I know that you're just kind of like your own little your own little like brain hellscape I would imagine with a ticket I just I've been done doing that over time like when when they're sleeping or something I just been going over and fucking with those gotcha um ah Nice, they're just sitting there for now um You take any action no not at this moment, okay So you guys are having an interaction about coffee and then you see a just It's weird that you haven't noticed it yet, but you see that there's a couple of Marians at a nearby water cooler and one's like leaning up against the other one. And one of them has like his little like ball cap on backwards in between his stocky eyes. He's like, yeah, so like I got off at three today if you want to maybe go out sometime. And he's like swirling his little, his little like but upside down like pyramid cup. You know, those little ones that you can't sit down. um You know, and there's other ones like
00:12:12
Speaker
Oh, I don't know. I have to get home because I have a roast on. And they're just kind of like having their own talk over at the water cooler while you guys are having your conversation. Oh, my God, he's so cool.
00:12:25
Speaker
I think we should study those creatures. OK, can you give me one minute? I just want to finish this thing I'm writing down. And he goes back to his little look and ah he he looks up and he's like,
00:12:39
Speaker
I always do love drawing pictures and I get real upset if I don't finish it. And you look in the book, like you look over his shoulder and it's like the super um complex mathematical formulas, but he's just kind of doodling as he makes them. Like he he's he's definitely not thinking. hes His hand is just kind of going. Those are some really pretty pictures you're drawing.
00:13:05
Speaker
Thank you. Look, this one, this is the room we're in. He points to one formula. Over here is where I went the other time. He points a whole different formula. And oh, this is how I like to get around. And he points to just a whole third formula. Oh, it's so much fun. I just kind of realized it's kind of fun to meet another time traveler, I assume. ah What? You also travel to different places, right?
00:13:33
Speaker
Oh yeah, all the time. I just kind of wander. That's pretty cool. That's how I got here. I just, you know, I walked and, uh, I assume that's how you got here. No, yeah. Just kind of took a wrong turn, but I'm kind of glad I'm here. This seems really interesting. I know. Albuquerque
Office Shenanigans
00:13:52
Speaker
is a really confusing place. Oh, for sure. It's like one wrong turn and you end up in like this thing. Oh God.
00:13:59
Speaker
Tell me brother, but luckily it's all nice and quiet here. I can draw my pictures in peace. Okay. You do that. I'll go and check out those snail people. Yeah, you you do that. I'll be right there. and Okay. Uh, so before we go any further, do any of you have a skill that says something along the lines of at the start of the mystery that you would like to use? Now would be a time to use it if you have one. Don't think so.
00:14:27
Speaker
ah hiarius I do. Sorry. I do. Does Slappy have one? No. Okay. So Adarius, do you have one that says at the beginning of each mystery?
00:14:40
Speaker
Yes. Okay. What does that do? Sometimes I forget to ask that question. i Oh, I have a thing I didn't use. I can move points around. So I can add up to three points and remove up to three points to different stats.
00:14:55
Speaker
Oh, you can choose all the butterfly effect. I see it. Yeah. You can choose one rating to receive a plus one and another rating to receive a minus one. Uh, each stat can only have up to three, oh i say min up to three or minus two. These actions disturbed the space time and the oscillations of their characteristics as a reflection of that. And I'm going to take one away from tough and move it into, was it cool? Sure. Yeah. That's pretty much what you do is you would just, you would.
00:15:26
Speaker
You would give one stat of plus one and one stat of minus one. No, not cool. Sharp. I want to give this. OK, cool. So your brain is is sharpening a little bit as as you're in here interacting with another. I'm not doing this on purpose. Right. OK, cool.
00:15:43
Speaker
So while that's happening, like you know just like you see around ah around ah Darius, a little kind of spark of of sanity hits for a little bit as like the space-time continuum like cracks in and repairs itself around him. um And then like his calculations start to like really start ripping along the page.
00:16:05
Speaker
um So while you're doing that, uh, you see, uh, a beautiful, like just like an objectively gorgeous pixie like woman walks across like this, all of a sudden office setting. Like there's carpet, there's like overhead lighting, like fluorescent lights. There's the water cooler.
00:16:27
Speaker
There's a bunch of computers and desks and cubicles and, you know, like just like an expansive looking office all of a sudden constructed around yourself. And you see this just objectively stunning, pixie woman, like just walks across. She's wearing, actually, you know what, Justin, why don't you tell me what this pixie woman looks like as she walks into the scene? know Um,
00:16:52
Speaker
Well, you keep saying pixie. I know you're meaning physical features because that's like something that you yourself very much like. But I'm going to say she's she's literally a pixie. She's actually a pixie. She's two inches tall and she's fluttering across the yeah area with her little wings. And she has a little business suit, a little power suit on. That's green. Nice. It's just a power suit.
00:17:15
Speaker
I and she kind of she she kind of flutters across the scene and she says, All right, gang. All right. Everybody listen up. Conference room. Five minutes. We're going to have a ah an important meeting about paper sales. It's important. And everybody just kind of rolls their eyes like, oh, God. Oh, no, it's my girl now in an office with Marion's. Yeah.
00:17:40
Speaker
I want to find out like, Oh, I'm not this shit again. Cindy, I'm tired of listening to these damn seminars about selling the paper. Um, excuse you. Uh, you will be at the office meeting because it's important and you're our top salesman. Slappy. Exactly. I'm the top in the fricking pile. I don't need to listen to this stuff. Please let these idiots to don't know how to sell people. Let's do it. Let me just sell our ABC always be closing.
00:18:08
Speaker
I'm on the phone right now with some idiot who wants to buy a thousand reams of paper. Let me start another piece of paper. yeah Hi, I'd like a thousand. I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry, ma'am. You're not an idiot. You're a lovely customer. I have value your time. really Slappy pizza. that Slappy Pete, all of a sudden has like an old timey phone in his hands. And, uh, Daris, Darius has another one and he's ordering paper from Slappy. Hey, Dr. Turtle, doctor turtle doctor. Was it a gimme? Come on. I need ah the the TPS reports quick.
00:18:38
Speaker
Dr. Turtle, get in the TPS reports. We're out of TPS reports. Oh my god. You need to be in a stim media. I don't need to be in a stim media. Cindy, get this guy out of the fire. Dr. Turtle, roll plus sharp to find the TPS reports.
00:18:53
Speaker
that That's a 10. Whoa, a big fat 10. You find them. They've been in your hand the whole time, Dr. Turtle. Oh, yeah, right. Oh, thank you. Listen, ma'am, I can get you a thousand pieces of paper for five hundred dollars a month. Forty five thousand. OK, yes. Thank you very much. I didn't even get a name. but I did it, boss. I got the paper. Oh, my God. So, yeah, you made another sale and you see that there is a red and an older red headed looking Marion a little more wrinkly. ah You know, and his head is red. He doesn't have red hair. His head is just red. And, you know,
00:19:29
Speaker
Uh, they've got like a big marker and they're scribbling on. There's like a thermometer like thing that they're built. They're like, Oh, when another thousand names of paper from Slappy Pete, Oh, we're almost there. And you see the thermometers like getting redder and redder because they're trying to reach a goal for, it's almost by end of day, three o'clock on Friday. Uh, look at that. Yeah. And then you see the pixie woman, uh, Dr. Turtle, what is the pixie person's name? What your office boss, pixie person's name.
00:19:56
Speaker
would be Dr. Pixie. Dr. Pixie. I've been yelling. I've been yelling Cindy. yeah Cindy. pi Well, Cindy's her first name. Pixie's her last name. So it's Dr. Cindy Pixie. Cinderella Pixie. Yeah. So Cinderella Pixie, PhD is there. in favor Or and wait, is she MD or PhD?
00:20:21
Speaker
Adrian, what's the difference? One of them, one of them is more like psychological doctor. The other one is a medical doctor. Then let's go for psychological doctor. Yeah. all right it is a ph d in paper yeah Paper has doodles.
00:20:36
Speaker
Paper has doodles incorporated. I knew if I said still long enough, something really wacky would happen around here. So, uh, all right. So, uh, uh, Darius, like you just, you just bought a thousand reams of paper. I did it. There was a thousand reams sold to me. And that is not, um, that's not embezzlement or whatever. That's not like insider trading that still counts towards the sales. Um, that still counts on me. Yeah.
00:21:05
Speaker
yeah Yeah, absolutely. I'm getting that party. You guys are still in your cell, though. There's just now there's like office equipment in your cell. OK. I thought maybe it's like an office now. No, you're just you're still in your cell. Just the office has formed around you. um What do you want to do, Dr. Turtle? I want to look at one of my gadgets. It's a universal locator. It indicates the exact position in time and space.
00:21:36
Speaker
You want to look at your exact position and time and space? Yes, and see why I ended it up. How does that thing work? Do you just have that, or do you have to roll for that? I just have that. But I can't can only be blocked with magic and high levels of radiation. Well, there's high levels of time radiation here, so when you look on it, ah your gadget, it just... Is it like a screen? um I think it's like a... I would imagine it looks kind of like a compass. Like a compass, okay. on The compass needles kind of going all over the place and like a little display on it just says like, it just keeps like scrolling. You're locked up, buddy. It just keeps saying that over and over again. You're locked up. That seems very strange. And then it answers back like, I know, right?
Chaos Unleashed
00:22:20
Speaker
You want me to take a look at that? i like magic Yeah. And it says, ask me again later.
00:22:28
Speaker
I mean, look, I can maybe fix it. I'm sure. Um, since you are also have time to show, uh, take a look at it. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. What are you going to try to do to fix it? So swing your fucking giant screwdriver on a screwdriver.
00:22:49
Speaker
I'm just, he's just going to look at it and be like, ah huh Oh yeah, that's the problem. Uh-huh. Okay. He's going to like put it on the ground and then he's going to move it just like an inch. but oh Yeah. Perfect. Back up.
00:23:05
Speaker
All right. Watch this. And then he's just going to take his hammer and just smash it. I will kick some ass against the compass and see what happens. Oh my God. How do we all kick some ass? Uh, hit your dropdown menu or it's already open. So just, yep, it it should just add it for you. Just keep the number the same when you push the button.
00:23:30
Speaker
That's an eight. That's an eight. um You hit it. You strike this fucking compass, just sending like a shockwave throughout the office. um But on an on a seven to nine, something also happens to you. So like the compass just like you hit it and it cracks all over the place and then like two little feet grow out of it and it runs up your hammer and it just kicks you right in the fucking face. And it says, what the hell, dude? What'd you do that for?
00:24:00
Speaker
And then it goes and hops on dr turtle's um ah Dr. Turtle's shoulders. And then all of a sudden, Dr. Turtle, it can talk again. All of its displays are perfect. um And the shockwave it s sent shattered your cells, sending everything flying everywhere, paper flying all over the place, ah phones knocked off the hook. Your cell has shattered. You can see cracks in the invisible wall revealing themselves and just falling apart. I can hear. What the fuck, dude?
00:24:30
Speaker
I can't care. What? What? That's how fuck, dude. Fix. That's not how yours happens. That's my nose. Slappy Pete, since you weren't like directly in it, Rola act under pressure to not get tossed around by the shockwave of the compass being smashed by a sonic screwdriver hammer. OK.
00:24:57
Speaker
OK, OK. Well, 10. Like, what does that look like when you just like absorb it and like not react? Or do you use it in some way? Because you could also do that if you want. No, he does. He just sits perfectly still in his chairs. If nothing happened, none of his papers go flying. Yes, like total dominion over like his little area there. He just kind of brushes it off a little bit. He just like like glares at his papers and nothing moves. um So Slappy Pete, what do you do now that this happened, that your your office is now ah open?
00:25:27
Speaker
um And while this is going on over there and the shockwave hits, what do you do? ah Well, look at that once you see it's a time of lunch ah Gotta go to that break room. See you guys in the break room. I jump down out of my little chair. I said the big normal size chairs I jump down shit See like what you feet tall. Yeah, I'm two feet tall. Don't talk to me Cindy. I'm on my lunch.
00:25:50
Speaker
And I just walked out of one of the cracks in the wall, I guess. Yeah, you walk through one of the holes in the wall. I You head. Are you actually heading towards the break room? Yeah, I guess. All right. What do you what do you what do you see in the break room? What are you looking for when you go in there? I guess I pass those two Marians that are trying to hit on each other or whatever the one and I slept the.
00:26:09
Speaker
The paper cup out of the one hand is trying to get the other one to come home with or whatever. Hey, what the hell, Sloppy? You want to drink it out of it? Come on. You're eating up company time. You prick. Get out of here. Get to work. I'm on my branch. Hey, you see it? Look at the thermometer over there. Look, there was one little scribble line. It was yours. Look at the tally on the side. Those are rookie numbers. Pump those up. But i but I'm in quality assurance. I don't do sales.
00:26:36
Speaker
Brother, you're like the last line of the defense with sales, not getting refunded, brother. You got to, you got to like, I think I should know the last line of defense. You're the first line of defense. Last line of defense is customer service, but you're like the first line of the defense. You got to get on that shit. Get on my level is what I'm trying to tell you. But the last problem I encountered one of the other office mates scanned somebody at the factory scanned one of their eye stocks and the paper. And there was a watermark and we had to recall all the paper.
00:27:03
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And there was a time too, before that, that the people were very sharp and everybody was cutting themselves with it. That was me. I thought it'd be funny, but it's not a here nor there. You got to briefe make these problems go away. How am I going to do that? End your sales slap. You're not, you're not doing, I mean, you're not doing sales. You just got to keep the sales coming. and You got to keep them, you know, going. I'm going to sit you i talk to Cindy you need some help. Go to the meeting. I'm going to go. talk I'm going to go talk to Barbie and HR and tell them that you're not being appropriate for the office.
00:27:31
Speaker
Good luck with that, buddy. I'm, not I'm holding this place. I'm like the pillow at his place. I'm like the supporting walls. Yeah. Try that load bearing over here as well. Get out of here. As he walks through a hole in the wall. Yeah. Get real, you stupid snail. Hey, that's racist. Um, species. This is anything, buddy. Fine. And you go to the office or the office kitchen, you have the break room.
00:28:02
Speaker
What do you do in there? Damn, it smells like fish in here. And you see like you see Dr. Fish is sitting there reading the paper goes, sorry, Slappy, I'll try to do it. Oh, sorry. I think I didn't know he was sitting there. I thought somebody was I thought somebody was cooking up their lunch or I look around or Barbara was in here sitting with her legs a little spread too far. And then you see Barbara sitting in the corner and she crosses her legs and she goes,
00:28:28
Speaker
sorry slappy i'll try to tote it down oh ah I mean, everybody knows you two is doing stuff together. So I mean, like either spray something down there when you're done with him being in there or like, I don't know, like he leaves a stench in there with you. Barbara's all I'm trying to say. He stinks and you stink because of it. You two stink like fish sex. That's all I'm trying to say. And they go back to reading their paper, or playing on their phones and just ignoring you. I got ah go in a pour sconing hot a cup coffee a coffee coffee a cup cup of coffee, cup coffee, coffee, coffee fee fee, and ah I like pour it into my face hole ah and I say, hey, you guys hear about how ah people eating dogs and cats now?
00:29:11
Speaker
ah yeah It really helps. The coffee really helps wash it down if you do try that. Yeah. You see, you see like Barbara like holds up her phone and you see there's like ah an orange colored Marion on screen wearing a blue suit. And guess they're reading the dogs, they're reading the cats. It's all dogs and caddies out there. and And she's like, Oh, I can't believe that someone would even say such a stupid thing.
00:29:36
Speaker
Yeah, he also said people are drinking bleach or something to wash down. I don't know. Either way, I just figured I just I just started coffee and I thought of that, too. So I wanted to say it. But we're not going to get any more into that. I don't give a shit about it either way. Dr. um Dr. Fish is like, I hear people eat fish. Dr. Fish, that's insane. What are you talking about? yeah Keep conspiracy theories to get yourself. I'm leaving this room and I throw my coffee cup against the wall by the sink splatters all over the places as you walk out. um All right. So ah Dr. Turtle and um And ah Darius, you guys are sitting back in your broken cell hole. um What are you guys doing? Slappy Pete has walked out and had his little interactions. What are you guys doing while that's happening? I am investigating. First, I'm going up to the break room and I want to question the Mirians.
00:30:23
Speaker
Oh, you're going to go to the break room. So youre you you would you say that you went there first or you got there like after Slappy Pete was leaving after Slappy Pete, like I'm investigating like the havoc likes Peter's cost. I see you're just following the trail of Slappy Pete like he's like slapping cups out of people's hands dirty. Like what has happened here? I see you go in and you see like janitor Marion is there.
00:30:49
Speaker
He says, you know what, I'm just, I just, you know, I know it's my job, but you know how hard it is to mop coffee out of carpet? Why is there even carpet in the break room? That's a good question. Those were always poor decisions, that lied. Solarizations to ruin.
00:31:08
Speaker
I love how it's a time traveler like carpet in break rooms as by civilization You wouldn't believe it, but this is what means everything Yeah, this is what started several apocalypsies. I'm telling you now system People need to you know Civilization is never gonna learn if they keep putting coffee or keep putting a carpet in break rooms. It's like really dangerous In break room equals apocalypse
00:31:38
Speaker
I can open my notebook. ah So what would you describe your species to be? Marion? Marion, okay. Continue. Yep. That's it. Nothing more? Nope. Like, do all of you look all the same or the differences? How old do you get? Absolutely. What? That doesn't seem very helpful.
00:32:05
Speaker
Oh, maybe you should talk to Dr. Fish about it. He studies us all the time. All right, I'll do that. ah Would you know how I find him? I'm right over here, my boy. I'm hearing fishy sounds. I'll go this way.
00:32:21
Speaker
then they
00:32:25
Speaker
ah So as you go and talk to him, just so we can kind of set the scene, dare ah Darius, do you leave your desk at all? Do you go anywhere? I also go to the break room. Are you standing behind him or are you somewhere else? Well, he's talking to ah the Marion. I go over to ah the fridge and the microwave and everything. I start putting stuff together. And as they're talking, you know but the microwave goes off and I pull out this big plate of ah microwaved fish, cats and dogs. And i found like a table it's like a yo dinnerish I sit at the table near Dr. Fish and I just start like biting the heads off of the fish. And I start eating the cats and the dogs. What is it that you have there, my boy? Oh, well, ah I got these cats and these dogs. I got that from um Ohio.
00:33:23
Speaker
And oh, and then I hold up on the fish nearly. I got this fish. You want some? Oh, Charles, that's where you've been. Sure, I'll take that. um And he just like takes the fish head off of feel like out of your hands and just puts it in like his little briefcase and he opens it up. There's like a bunch of there's like a bunch of fish eggs and stuff in there and he's going to close it. It's all right. Everybody's back home. Yes. Saving it for later. Smart.
00:33:51
Speaker
Yes, I'm going to make an example later. um And then as you're sitting down to that, like you're finished talking to the Mary and Dr. Turtle, and then you see that ah Darius is sitting there um with like a little TV dinner with all that stuff in there feeding something to Dr. Fish. um What do you do? I look at ah Darius. Those are some weird diet patterns. Why did you choose to eat cats and dogs?
00:34:20
Speaker
why i What? Oh, these? Yes. I don't know. They were there, people had them, so they looked yummy and I just kind of grabbed some. I still thought you'd call it. OK. You want some? This one's a golden retriever. No, thanks. I'll get something later. All right. You're missing out.
00:34:51
Speaker
Um, you see, as you're doing that, Dr. Fish pulls out like a very, like a very deep black marker and he scribbles on the box of the TV dinner versus golden retriever. And he scribbles out the E N and golden. And then like a little dude in like a green hat jumps out with like a very bright golden beard. He goes, oh, I am free. And he runs off and starts grabbing everything shining in the office and like runs out the door. I'm a gold retriever.
00:35:21
Speaker
And he runs out and just starts grabbing everything. You hear people screaming in the office as like this little dude's running around ste taking shit. He's about a half to two feet tall. i got yeah yeah i run ah called retriefa Adarius just watches him and then shrugs. Did you just say shrugs, my boy? Yeah, that's what I was doing. And then he like puts his fingers to his, he puts his finger to his fishy chin and he goes, h judges harshly. He says condescendingly.
00:35:56
Speaker
him He thinks loudly as he flatulates, hoping they think it was Barbara.
Secrets of Slappy Pete
00:36:03
Speaker
so So, Dr. Fish, you ran out after a little gold retriever. Why are you doing that? that part of the dr fish I'm sorry, Dr. Turtle, excuse me. No, you know what? Dr. Fish chases behind you. leave He's leaving his fish farts in the and break room. Smells like chum.
00:36:28
Speaker
And then you hear Barbara goes, I thank you. Thank you so much. It's like a visual record. As dr fish as ah Dr. Turtle runs out with Dr. Fish after the gold retriever, what's what's Slappy Pete doing? I mean, I would love to get involved in that. But I've been I've been so I've been farting around here too long. No, it was Dr. Fish.
00:36:52
Speaker
yeah ah That's great. hey Oh, do you say you work here, right, fella? Yeah. Oh, that's great. Um, who, do you know anything? Do you know if, uh, do you have any and and in information about who's kept here in this place? No, that's not helpful at all. Uh, do you know, uh, shoot, uh, look, is there any, any Marian's look, they are not part of the the, the weird office thing. And I know that it looks like they're part of the part of a jail situation. Is there like, is there like a little point where like there's an office hallway and it stops being the office and it starts being the jail again? Uh, you know what? Why don't you, um, why don't you, uh,
00:37:27
Speaker
What would that be? Read a bad situation? Probably read a bad situation. All right, brother, I'll read it. Yeah. So would be plus sharp. And then we'll see what you see. Seven mixed to success. All right. So you get one question from the read a bad situation list, which is what's my best way in, best way out. Any dangers you haven't noticed? Biggest threat. What's vulnerable to you and what's your best way to protect? Oh, you know, Pete wants to know what's most vulnerable to me, not necessarily with damage, but just what's most vulnerable to my shenanigans in my and my desires. um You see as you start roaming and down the halls a bit like, you know, you leave ah Darius, he's not helpful to you at all.
00:38:02
Speaker
Start like just wandering around and then you over here like a phone ringing like down the hallway and like what you would consider probably like the annex of the area in here. Hi, this is Smelly Smelly forever. I'm here to help you. What can I do for you? Customer service. And then you hear and you hear. like rob ra bla bla bla bla ra ra ra And then you're like, Oh yes. Yeah. We keep the dynamite stock. Definitely secure, sir. You can come by for your quality assurance inspection later in here. It's like, yes, it's the one down the hall with the big red X on the door. Nobody goes in there until you get here, sir. Of course. yeah ra ra ra Yes. Of course. I love you too. um bra Yes. I'll see you for dinner. ah ra Okay. And then, and then you hear the phone ring or the phone hang up. Um, okay. So their name, what was their name was? Her name was smelly. Okay. Um, I am I, huh?
00:38:51
Speaker
that's ah That's a. A smelly. yeah You walk down to her office and you see her. She's sitting there and it's another. Actually, it's just like it's a it's a dwarven lady and she's just sitting there and she has like chains all over her. ah She has like big ball and chains on her ankles. ah She can barely lift her arms, like picking up the phone and everything. And she's like, yeah, what do you want? I'm on work release. I told you I'm working.
00:39:17
Speaker
ah yeah Okay, this is my first time seeing you today. Calm your ass down there, Smelly. Geez, Louise. My ass is so calm. it's It's chained to a chair. That's that's fantastic. Smelly, um ah can you, ah your customer service, right? Let's pretend I'm a customer. Point me in the direction of ah the guy who is in charge of ah keeping track of everybody in this place.
00:39:41
Speaker
What is it or who's it was our HR department at? Oh, HR is right here in the other in the other cubicle in front of me. Silly. Oh, I, I, I doesn't show up. That's where Bobby works. Okay. That's great. I know now where I need to go and leave me alone. And I walk around the other side and you see just like a really sad looking Marion, like his eyes are like all droopy. His like shoulders are all slunged over and he's just like very slowly just like typing on like a little keyboard.
00:40:09
Speaker
Bobi, my sweet guy. How could I have forgotten such a wonderful little fella? How are you doing there, buddy? Everything's fine. I'm thinking about taking a trip to ah ah ah Time Coast to recap for a vacation. Oh, that sounds magical, Bobi. Let me tell you something here. i Actually, let me ask you something, Bobi. Could I ask you something?
00:40:33
Speaker
yeah Yeah, of course. I'm HR. That's what I'm here for. Oh, Bobby, um I wanted to get some personnel information. You know, I'm the top dog in this place. so I can just do ask that I can get whatever I want. So tell me, ah Bobby, if you can't look up on your little clicky clack machine there. um Any other slappy Pete's in this place? You see, he just looks in like his eyes are like super like droopy. He's kind of like Eeyore and he's like, I don't know. so That sounds like a violation of a lot of HR ethics.
00:41:03
Speaker
Hey, Bobby, turn them a little stupid eye stocks at me, huh? Why don't you look into my dead, ah lifeless eyes, Bobby? Are you using mental dominion on him? Yes. seven What does a seven do for mental dominion? Mix, let's see. I get one hold on him. All right, you get one hold. And his like his eyes open up as wide as they can while still looking really sad.
00:41:28
Speaker
ah And like his pupils go full black and white and dilated. That's right. Lock in with me. Look at me. Connect with me. Uh huh. Now tell me, Bobby, how many and where are they to slap it well or just tell me where the slight pizza are and I'll find out the rest for myself. It says, ah, screw it.
00:41:49
Speaker
And he just like unlocks every single file cabinet that he has. And then just like, I'm out of here. And it just like points you to one that has like a bunch of red folders in it. And it just like slugs his way out the door. It's the door. It's the door marked S. Yeah. Yeah. And all of all of the S stands for Slappy. Every single S. Oh, my God. They're so freaking many. I mean, I was I was expecting at least a couple of me to be able to do so. So Louisa's holy cannoli.
00:42:17
Speaker
Uh, they're all like separated by like cell blocks.
Plans for Mayhem
00:42:20
Speaker
Jesus. They, they got us like a hundred cell block, 103 cell block, 3,400. Geez. Yeah. I know we're terrible and crazy, but geez, you got to separate us that much. youre one through sixty nine Yeah. Like, uh, Darius is like towering over. You're looking at the one above you. That's the sex number.
00:42:46
Speaker
Yeah, it is. tote There, there, there, there is, um, do you guys, do you know anything? Can you help me at all with this? You say you work here. Can you help me at all? You were in the cell with me. I really don't think you're working, but do you know anything at all about anything? Yes. Small child. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Well, I guess actually you, you, you, you kind of like disappeared for a minute earlier when I was, and then you came back with some coffee, right? You can like, you can like zip, zap all over the place, right?
00:43:15
Speaker
Uh, I mean, I, I went and got the coffee. That's pretty great. Um, I knew an asshole who could do that. His name was Corleton. Uh, he's kind of a weird guy as well. I know that guy, you know, like, oh, wait, no,
00:43:30
Speaker
that can just staring at him. Yeah. This is looking at you with a dumb smile. Like it was like a solid 15 seconds of silence. and My, uh, my, my, my public mouth is like hanging open and then I just close it. Um,
00:43:44
Speaker
um Why don't you look at, all I got a lot of these files here of different, um, slightly pizza in this place. I would like to, you know, I have a lot of, I'm just like kind of tired to lot of all the bullshit I've been dealing with in life. And I just want to get all of us together and just kind of just try to see what we can get up to before we all get exploded or it like obliterated or brought back here, whatever, you know? So could you like zip zap to each of these ones that open up all the doors for me? Or at least just get us there and then I'll open up, figure or something out.
00:44:13
Speaker
Sure. and I just I grabbed the top of your head with one hand and I just lift you up. ah yeah oh and We literally I just take a step and then ah boom, we're in like this hallway with a bunch of cell doors. um Nice.
00:44:35
Speaker
but As soon as we get there from every cell, you hear all at once, hi. What the hell did you bring me? yeah and Somewhere at the far here. God damn it, Darius.
00:44:52
Speaker
This is where I go and I want to party. Hey, guys, I got one. And then suddenly all the different jail cells break and all these ah different areas as well.
00:45:04
Speaker
Oh my, if i there's been many times I wish I could perish and this is one of them. Just start crowd surfing him across the Darius. So while you guys are crowd surfing, Dr. Turtle, you walk in there and then you see you you eavesdrop on their conversation with Dr. Fish is like leaning over your shoulder looking through the door and then they just disappear as they're looking through file cabinets. What do you do?
00:45:27
Speaker
I was chasing the gold retriever. Oh, that's right. You were chasing the gold, the gold retriever. So you see them doing all that stuff. and You see the gold retriever walks box through and then you see he's going, yeah, dude, where's all the shine is that? And then you see like he like rips a ah necklace off of off of ah Dr. Dr. Cindy Pixies neck and just keeps running and she's like, oh, hey, it's like, oh, fuck you, dude. And he just keeps running down the hall, like doing like little parkour along the walls. He's like running circles around the hallway, like up on the wall over the ceiling, back down.
00:45:56
Speaker
He's just corkscrewing around the place. What do you do? I want to run after him and try to catch him. Uh, what does that look like? How do you run after him as Dr. Turtle? I go on all fours and I like run after him like as fast as I can and try to like catch him with a mouth. Catch him with your mouth. yes i mean my and ah running Let's call that ah an act under pressure.
00:46:21
Speaker
And let's see Russia. Yeah, let's act under pressure. So you can catch up with 10. Whoa, you got a 10. You catch up in room. You're like the fastest turtle in the world. You like fucking just like skate that wall and you just bite his little ass cheek in your mouth. He goes, whoa, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, whoa, hey, hey. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I placed on my hands. Hey, what? How are you? I'm fine. If you let me go prick.
00:46:50
Speaker
um I testify few questions for you okay have a question for you. Shut the fuck up. Let me go. And I don't let him go. So are you native to this like space? I'm native to wherever the word gold retriever is written. That's fascinating. So you could be anywhere. Yes. Like, um you know, you're on a chalkboard, you write golden retriever, you erase EN, boom, there. Or you just write gold retriever because you're like, you're curious, bam, I'm there.
00:47:21
Speaker
So you're trapped here until someone else writes gold retriever. Yes. I mean, no. Nope. Nope. I didn't say that. That's interesting. OK. You're interesting. OK. I'll just take everything in my notes down and I'll play some down again. Is that it? Is that all you wanted? Yeah. I just wanted some information. That's all I told you. I don't mean you any harm.
00:47:50
Speaker
Oh, well, you bit me in the ass. You want to even out the other cheek? Sure. And I All right, fine. At least now I have an indent on both ass cheeks. Yeah. So if I need some help from you, I'll just write your name, okay? No, don't do that. I don't want you to do that. No, i my name isn't that anymore. It's Phil. Phil? Yeah, it's Phil McCracken. Mm hmm. Write that down. I'll show up.
00:48:19
Speaker
OK, I also note that down. So I'll just try both names and then not one don't try the other one. No, just film a crack in. The other one won't work. I promise. Don't even waste your time. It's a waste of time. I mean, I have infinite time. It's not no problem. but I mean, it would really hurt my feelings if you read that. i yeah I don't like that name anymore. So just don't write that down. It'll hurt my feelings. I mean, all right.
00:48:45
Speaker
You seem like a pretty nice guy. So all right. Thanks. And he he like he lists his hat up to like tip it to you and his hair comes off and then he puts it back on. And then he just starts running down the hallway and taking more shiny stuff from other people's offices. Okay. This is like, wow, what a fascinating creature. I was just experimenting. What a fun little Ryan, huh? I was like really fascinated as well. You should try that with other words. We should try to have other words. Do you have a chalkboard?
00:49:13
Speaker
No, but I have a marker that can write on almost anything. OK, I'll grab the marker, and I'll write in Dr. Fish. What do you write on Dr. Fish? Yes. Let's first try this out, and I write gold retriever on Dr. Fish. And then like he shows up like on gold um Dr. Fish and is like, ah, damn it, I told you it would hurt my feelings. What are you doing? Oh, sorry. I just needed to try this out. It won't happen again. Hey, Rick, I'm Phil now.
00:49:40
Speaker
ah He runs off because I was in the middle of something. You see he's got like underwear on his head that's like got like a bunch of like bejewels all through it. He's like running away. He's like, damn it. OK, you can go again. I probably probably won't call you again. He runs off. He runs off as like gems are falling off this underwear. Shit. OK.
00:50:02
Speaker
So Dr. Fish is like, why did you write that on me? You fool. I have, there's, you could write on any surface here and you write on me. You know, you were the first person that was in front of me. Hmm. He takes his marker back off you and then like writes on his hand, Dr. Fist. And then just like, he fights Dr. Fish, but then like scribbles off one part of the H and then like his whole hand turns like a giant fucking fist and he just decks you across the fucking room with it. Oh no. Well, I just sent you like flying across the hallway crashing into the wall on the other side. He goes,
00:50:32
Speaker
Hmm, good to know that works. And then he just like uses his magic eraser and just erases it back and his hand turns back into Dr. Fish. Oh, no. And then you accidentally squish the gold retriever. Oh, tell my wife I said.
00:50:53
Speaker
No. OK. So while you're doing that, we're at a crowd surf with Darius, this is his end. What do you guys do? I feel like it's going to be a time chill episode that never ends. It's not stupid. You two. One guy thinks he works here. The other guy just wants to learn all I can about the place. I know. Right. Can you believe Dr. Turtle thinks he works there?
00:51:21
Speaker
Yeah, crazy. How weird that put me to put me down. You sweaty bastards. Oh, oh, yeah. OK. It puts you down. You're just surrounded by like a hundred dairies is all just staring at you with like the same fix my little suit stare. Because I guess now I'm in a suit as we're in the office setting.
00:51:41
Speaker
um um Can all you fucking guys look into my eyes? OK. They all they all just like quickly look look yeah look at my look at my face real quick here and look at these little papers of mine. I tell you to do something for me. Once I got a nine again, and makes a mixed success, I get one.
00:52:02
Speaker
You get to give them one order of all the of all the extra dairies that are looking at you. So I don't know if they all count as hunters, but I don't know if the actual dairies is looking at me either. But if they're a hunter, they can choose whether or not to follow my order and they can get experience. But well they only count as hunters if ah if they're being played by someone. So they're already. So however many of these dairies there are, I'm going to tell them now, no funny business, no bullshit. And I want each of you, one of you motherfuckers to go to an other individual side of Pete.
00:52:31
Speaker
And find them and let them out and bring them back here. There's 28 of them. I just want you guys. I want you to go find 28 slappy Pete's. OK. And then in the blink of an eye, 28 dairies is suddenly just have other slappy Pete's in their hands. You didn't even like see them leave and come back. They just all of them, the same grip.
00:52:57
Speaker
On the top of the head, just holding them. Oh, this is magnificent. Oh, look at that. Look at you. You're so big over there. Oh my God. You're like a giant fricking day. You're like amazing. Jesus. Yeah. You see like a fucking massive, slappy feet. That's also being held up by that other Darius. And he he's like, he's like, car, car. Oh, they really, they really messed you up. Didn't they buddy? That's all you could say. Oh, that's so sad. Oh, I like your little bowl ahead over there. You, you, you're pretty cool.
00:53:27
Speaker
yeah then it goes a All right, now I can't, I feel like I don't really have you guys in my, uh, too good, but all you muscly best bastards, you can drop this side of the piece, let them down on their little tootsies. Uh, let them be their own little men now. Thank you for carrying them by their heads. Sorry. You only got one hold on us. This is just, this is just like a polite ask. Can you just let them be free now? Can you let go of them? Hmm.
00:53:54
Speaker
All right. And they'll just let go. So they'll just fall like, you know, like wooden feet to say, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. There is this because we get pretty bitey. If you don't do what we want is if you don't let us go, we get pretty bitey. Just going to tell you that that was a good call.
00:54:11
Speaker
None of it, please. Anyway, you see, you see, as you guys, are as you're talking all the slappies and dariuses, you see like a door flies off the handle and you see there's probably like a four foot dude with like pointy features, tall, spiky hair.
00:54:27
Speaker
and like bright green eyes and his hair is starting to glow a little yellow. And he goes, God damn it, Darius. um Hey, Super Saiyan pointy face, we don't need your shit, aye? It's the fuzz and all of us disappear in like the blink of an eye. You see, you see like a bad, you see like a bad says like Petita on it and then like.
00:54:48
Speaker
He he like puts out on like a pair of like aviators and all of a sudden he's on like a super saiyan motorcycle. like I had to let him go for it as it was his turn. It's his turn. And then they all just in the blink of an eye. They all just are gone. like Everyone, even even mine is just gone. You're all left. Like, God damn it. And now you guys, all the slappy pizza stuck in a hallway with the motorcycle riding Petita.
00:55:16
Speaker
OK, is he leaving to go after the nap? the No, not the not nap. There he is. Uh, yeah, but he's like she's he's like blasting right through you guys to go after them. What do you do? Slide a piece. Act under pressure. Dodge. All right. So roll 28. Act under pressures, please. Oh, my God. No, I'm kidding. Don't do that. two seven Do it. Do it. So you're all the seven. Some of the slappiest get just obliterated by like the orange and gold fire that just flips. We are immortal and we take one less harm.
00:55:51
Speaker
from fire. Oh, from fire. I didn't realize that. Yeah, he's like he's like spit like golden fire off of his bike. Damn it. I want weakness. Yeah. And you see some of those guys are just like going up and smoking meat like this. No one's like happy as a water trough over here. And they like jump in the fucking water trough to avoid the fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, good, good, good, good job, guys. Good job.
00:56:14
Speaker
And so, uh, roll a, let's see, roll a D10. See how many Slappies got fucked up by Petita's golden. Come on, low number. Damn, we lost so many young fighters today.
00:56:30
Speaker
Guy with the bull hat. Take your hand off in remembrance. Yeah, he it's all that one. You see the one that you see the giant one is just like his face is cracked. And like you said, he goes, Carl, I run after him. No, not you. cla I slap my hands on his face. Not stay with me, buddy. Come on. And he looks in your eyes and you see like a little a little black goop comes out of his eye as if it's a tear.
00:56:54
Speaker
This is Carl. I remember his eyes turned white and then lifeless. Anyway, I wish you guys you want to go do some crazy. They go, huh? You all said too much. Was that a ha ha or a ha? It was a ha ha. Oh, great. Excellent. Let's go. Let's why don't we have this? shithole There's just like a bunch of cacophony of those laughs as you guys run up the hallway. We're running that way. Hold on a second, guys. I just remembered I got in this place because I killed that fellow with the with the necklace when we was in the Wild West. I have his necklace here and I i got him i tortured him ah you know as a Wild West in sort of ways. I burned his feet. you know I pulled his nose hairs out of his head. ah Other stuff, too, really you know ah terrible. But I told him how to tell me how to use it. and That's why I'm here because I was time traveling and all kind of crazy things.
00:57:46
Speaker
Uh, I can just i hope maybe get us out of here, you guys. What do you think? You see, like, there's a, there's a Marion that's about the same size as you guys. And he's wearing like a little suit, like slappy pizzas. He goes, ah yeah, ah that sounds cool. Uh, it might be a good time to tell you.
00:58:04
Speaker
When I brought you a whole bunch of slappies, I didn't grab them from jail cells. I grabbed them from outside time. that's fine Or like, she she's like normal. to I went to a bunch of different times of slappy and just.
00:58:18
Speaker
Um, normally I would kick you out of here snail, but we're kind of low on men. So I'm going to keep you around. All right. I'm sloppy Marion. I mean, Pete, that's damn right. You are. Remember that your name is sloppy Pete. You have no other name. Now that is your identity. You're no one else, but slightly Pete, you're like leans his stocky eyes. Heard you guys look into my car. but that's how What work on that? You don't seem like you have that pizzazz, but, um, ah whatever you have a gun. Yeah. And he flexes his arm.
00:58:47
Speaker
Oh, that's not right. Um, go screw this. And then he pulls out like a fucking second rocket launcher from his ass. Holy shit, man. Yeah, that's yeah, that's good. And you see all the other slappy piece pull out like knives, bats, firearms, ah you know, jet packs because you realize that they weren't locked up in here. They were from everywhere else. And there's like one that's like cybernetically enhanced. He's like a wooden puppet that also has metal bits attached to him.
00:59:15
Speaker
um Oh man, Cyberpunk Pete, I love it. Cyberpunk you guys. I don't know what hat where these guys are from or what's going on in your lives. but um I'm anybody who wants to fuck up like history or the world. um I've already. Well, I started to try and fuck up my timeline, but I really need to get back into that. So if you guys want to help me out, we can help each other out. It's going to be a great time. ah What do you guys say? Yeah, then Slappy, the Marian Slappy goes, help, help. And then all the other slappers go, ha ha.
00:59:51
Speaker
It's going to be great. All right. She's going to run my little hands together. And I say, yeah, look, like, like, like, like, so, um, use's no else now so Dr. Turtle and Dr. Fish, he just punched you across the hallway. You squished the gold retriever. He's like, tell my wife, I said, ah, what do you take the plot of the gold receiver? That's right on the ground. And I write on the crown again, gold receiver and see if that arrives on gold receiver.
01:00:22
Speaker
I'm going to call the receipt. So yeah you write gold receiver. and You just see, you see, he just lays there and it like all the gold just like attracts to him. Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting ah I made your life again! Did you tell my wife what I said? There wasn't really a time, but I saved an endangered species, so I'm happy with that. I'm not endangered? What are you talking about? You know, I only know you, so as far as I know, you're endangered. Oh, maybe you're endangered. That fish guy looks pretty pissed at you. You know, maybe we should just, like, leave out of here. Kind of seems, like, not as nice as anymore. I'm good! Let's get out of here! I grabbed a gold red reefer and, like, a poof out of time jail.
01:01:21
Speaker
just poof Yeah. All right. You poof and you end up wherever Darius is. Darius, where are you?
01:01:30
Speaker
ah is I was going to poop to him. So you guys poof to each other and like now you're like, you guys are poofed like two feet away. Yeah. You poof two feet together and you guys are fused at like the center. Half of you is a Darius. Half of you is Dr. Turtle. And then like a small fraction of you is the gold retriever. Oh my God. It's my dream come true.
01:01:53
Speaker
I'm a journal. That's most curious. Watch this and I retract my head. Yeah, you pull your head into the shell. It's my shell. This is amazing. I know, right? I love it. What does it look like inside of your shell? Do you have anything in there? Oh, yeah, I got like decoration in there. You have what? Christmas decoration. yeah have a Christmas decoration.
01:02:20
Speaker
You see Christmas decorations in the cell. What else is in there that Adarius decorates it with? Adarius is just going to... Jesus, how's he even going to do this? Who cares? He's just going to like install like a TV and some video games and just like... start You start hearing from the outside of the show like... and
01:02:44
Speaker
Extra life. Oh, right now we are just somewhere in a time void, just like chilling in my shell. Yeah, you guys are in like an empty white void. You don't see the office. You don't see the walls. You don't see any marians anymore. You're just in like a vacant space, devoid of everything while he plays video games inside of your shell that you share. You have a roommate now. What do you do? You know, chill, play some video games. so you just There's just a shell sitting there now. so ah You guys just like, you just like tuck your legs and everything up into the shell and you guys just play the video games. You're the gold retriever and a Darius.
01:03:26
Speaker
There's not enough gold for the Golden Retreat, so he stays outside. Oh, he stays outside. He's like, ah, shit, who's written?
01:03:34
Speaker
ah Yes. yeah ah So is that what you guys hang out with, just like and in like a a time void, playing video games for eternity? Yes, exactly. Yeah, I'm just going to chill, a bit. I love that. Okay. so the So you guys just like suck it into a shell and you play video games together in yeah perfect harmony.
01:03:54
Speaker
um And so we cut back to Slappy Pete and his army of slappies. Slappy, um and slaffy what are you doing with all these little clicky clacks? I imagine just for fun, my little for a reason, the time jail actually has one good feature where it stops at least my little time spell thing from working that I learned how to use. And he he goes, ah Slappy Pete, and he points to the Marion. Use your knowledge at his place. Tell me, tell us to lead us how to get the hell out of here. All right.
01:04:24
Speaker
So the portal room, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. To the portal room. And you're clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. And as you guys run over to the portal room, and there's like a bunch of Marians in there just kind of hanging out, playing on their phones. And there's like a bunch of these large like mirror looking dishes that are like devoid of anything in the middle. And there's giant tokens in boxes. And you have to put a token in to go somewhere. ah You got some tokens there, Sophie? I always have tokens. That's my special power. Look. All right.
01:04:52
Speaker
yeah He has one. Oh God, that was disgusting to watch. i yeah I love it even more now. Do it again. yeah And he gets shorter every time he does it. And and do it again.
01:05:08
Speaker
yeah i look at the i look at you I look at the other side of Pete's and they all nod. I'm like, do it again. And he's like, eventually eventually we kill that Marion. Yeah. He just like falls over. Just like lifeless.
01:05:22
Speaker
All right. um I think we've got enough tokens for everybody now. That's good. Thanks, buddy. And they all go, you're welcome. As all the other Marians turn. yeah Oh, God. Oh, my Lord. You guys can stay here, though. You snails.
Humorous Plot to Kill Oculus
01:05:39
Speaker
Yeah, I really worked here, bud. Oh, that's great. i And imagine like there's like what, 18 side pizza. I have like 35 tokens. I made him shit out of himself to get dissolve to nothing. Um, I just throw it at the machine. All right, boys. Uh, first things first, we're killing Oculus. Yeah.
01:05:57
Speaker
yeah but Um, you see, like, you see one that opens up to Oculus to the year of 2022. Uh, you see, uh, Oculus 20, 20, uh, 2050. Wait, wait, machine. I had no mic machine. I want to go before I started. Yes. There we go. Yeah. I want to stop before it ever started. So they can't imprison me and I'll be free forever.
01:06:18
Speaker
And you see one that's just like a camera shot of just like a half man person, half turtle person, partial ah gold retriever person, like just like tucked into a shell. What the hell is that?
01:06:31
Speaker
yeah um sleep Hey, I look at them and those Marians are like staring around. Hey, Marians, go get on that. That's freaking me out. Go get rid of that. and And they all look and they're just like so just like amazed by like the spectacle that they're looking at. It's like, wow. And they all get closer and their eyes just like are glued to the screen to the dishes like they're watching them play. Oh, my.
Streaming Adventures and Lucille's Fame
01:06:53
Speaker
god This is my favorite new let's play. Let's get the hell out of here, you guys. Come on. These are the glitch streamers I was telling you about. yeah
01:07:02
Speaker
yeah Then you see, like, subscribe, new subscriber, Marion, new subscriber, Marion, new subscriber, Marion. Wow, Marion, thank you for the song. Oh, wow, Marion, thank you for the song. Thanks for the free mysterious. Yeah, you see, you see like the the gold retriever on top of your shell? He's like looking into a little screen and he goes, Marion says, wow, best, best let's play so far. Another Marion says, oh, wow, definitely worth the subs. Oh, five gifts, five coin spot.
01:07:35
Speaker
Oh, wow. Thank you for the five coins. I really appreciate it. Wow. Well, well, Marion, Marion bought us 500 titties. Oh, yeah. out For the boys. Get it on this Lucille.
01:07:49
Speaker
And you hear a hashtag. We love Lucille. Hashtag show more Lucille. No, she's mine. Hashtag Lucille. Hot tub, hot tub stream win. Yeah. Yeah. There's like a poll where it's like, what would you like to see Lucille do next? No, no, she's mine. No. he started do frenchter offensive on stream Yeah. And then he starts to get canceled to like, Oh, he doesn't want to let Lucille have her own life. now No, no,
01:08:19
Speaker
Oh, we got to live minutes. Yeah, we got to like ah we got to like a like a news article on like Brotaku dot com or some shit that just says like this is Darius stream canceled after five minutes because because of a hostile work environment for Lucille. Well, it was fun. Well, I stood. I'm hungry. And then just like that, a Darius Lucille are both gone. The TV and the video games are gone.
01:08:47
Speaker
He's no longer a part of this amalgamation. He's just. And then the turtle is left. Oh, yeah. ah You hear the gold retriever goes, you still got me, buddy. That's true, I guess. Yeah. Let's let's go somewhere else. Yeah. Let's do that hot tub thing that they were talking about. Good idea. Let's go to a hot tub. And then you see a big turtle man and a golden retriever in a hot tub video.
01:09:18
Speaker
It's only Marians dot com. um Only for the most loyal of Marians. That's right. You have thousands of subscribers because there's thousands of Marians in time jail. um And so as that's going on, ah Slappy Pete, you you get all your coins ready and you guys all start jumping into the the portal to go to old school Oculus. Yeah.
The Slappin' Egg Event
01:09:41
Speaker
Uh, so what does that look like as, as all the slappies jump in and they end up like where there's like Oculus headquarters is being built, but it doesn't have like a sign up yet. There's just like a lot of workers there that are just constructing the building and renovating things digging out land. Um, we all just sort of pop onto the ground, I guess in the grass outside the thing. And, uh, all you hear is a.
01:10:05
Speaker
a ah And so with the camera za zooms out as we see a swarm of of Slappy Pete's ah running towards to cause havoc and then more purple and green portal start to open up and more Slappy Pete's start to pour out as now Slappy Pete's medallion works now that he's freed himself of time jail. Thanks future me.
01:10:32
Speaker
And so, swarms of Slappy Pete's come pouring out of portals opening up left and right, filling up this space as far as the eye can see. Thus setting forth the event that we will all come to know as the Slappin' Egg.
01:11:32
Speaker
well does it look good already
01:11:59
Speaker
it look good already.