Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
The Affordables 1.4: Luck Be A Trickster Tonight!
33 Plays14 days ago
Today, The Affordables reel in the aftermath of the Dog Goblins antics. They discover that they may not be dealing with the demon they originally encountered. Prepare for silliness!
Recommended
Transcript
00:00:30
Speaker
Alrighty, here we go. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary folks of universes. No, no, no, this is role players, and welcome back to the Affordables episode for the Affordables, right? Fourth episode of the Affordables? Yep, that's right. um Hey. Hey, guys. Hey, listen. I just want to say to all of you wonderful listeners out there, no matter what country you live in,
00:00:52
Speaker
Hey, thanks for hanging out. We appreciate it. um So what are we doing? Um, affordability. So last time the affordability got sent on a mission to go and take a little dog goblin demon around town to show him a good time. And they barely made it into it before Jimmy Chang had just got fed up with it and decided, fuck this thing and shove the shoe down its throat and then kicked it out the back of the van. Um,
00:01:15
Speaker
And then they had an epic battle with it. Uh, and ultimately with a tire to the face from Jack laser, some grenade launching and, um, some quick thinking by chimichanga and some strange reality hacking from Everett. They trapped the thing into like his giant Kong toy and it melted into a puddle and then turned into a little corgi toy, which was run over. The squeaky toy came out and they could hear drums beating in the distance.
00:01:42
Speaker
And then just when they thought their life was fine now, a giant six-sided die started rolling on the road and crushed some Canadian tourists in the background. And if that doesn't sound like a fever dream, I don't know what does. And so now here we are. And so, um gang, that's where you are. A giant six-sided die just started rolling down the street, crushed some people behind you. You guys are all standing around the van area where um where Jack laser ran over the dog goblin. um So what what do you do? You hear drums beating in the background all over the ah the place and you see a giant six-sided die probably bigger than the van that you drive. ah What do you do? What are the odds of that happening? two One in six and She hack it to make it smaller to fit it in her bag.
00:02:39
Speaker
You want to hack the dice or the die? That's a great idea. That's a really good idea. Okay. Sure. Yeah, do that. Sure. Yeah, know go ahead. Well, hang on. I got to get into the world 20. I forgot to launch the game. I'm coming though. Don't worry. So you're going to hack the die. So let's have that be.
00:03:02
Speaker
Uh, you know what? Let's have yeah that be an act under pressure role this time because of just a general. Chaoticness, Kate, Kate, chaos, Kate, chaos of it. Yes, that word, chaoticness as a kids. I got an eight. All right, so describe to me what that looks like exactly that that you are trying to hack this die.
00:03:27
Speaker
and Okay. So she's going to go into ask Jesse and, uh, be like, uh, all right, dude, send in some little tiny little dudes to make that smaller. And then we're going to put it in my bag and she's going to start typing. Um,
00:03:47
Speaker
um Uh, okay. Yeah. Bunch of tiny little things going to start crawling out of your computer and then just like to have like little pickaxes and gloves and hammers and stuff. They just start going. dig-ingg-ing d do ding And it's gradually shrinking. Um, uh, as it goes, it's going to take a little while, but you notice that over the next couple of minutes, it's getting smaller. Um, but you also start to see that, um, as they're doing that, you glance over at Jack laser and he looks like he is an animated cartoon right now.
00:04:20
Speaker
Wait, why are you looking at me like that? Don't you like see how like your role like weird? What are you talking about? Whoa, you look like a cartoon. Yeah, you can see her like a reflection in like the mirror, the windows and the mirrors of the van. I'm looking at my hands like I'm on a bad trip. Whoa. Is it just Jack? Right now, yeah, Jack is just like fully animated, like he looks like he lost one of his dimensions.
00:04:48
Speaker
way Am I like a cartoon or am like ah am I like ah like ah like a toy story? ah you're like it You're not 3D fully CGI'd. You are like a 2D person.
00:05:01
Speaker
Holy crap. Jack, whatever you do, do not turn sideways. What do you mean? I look off and I turn and I look down the road. Jack, where are you? Right here, I turn right.
00:05:13
Speaker
yeah
00:05:16
Speaker
Uh, and then, uh, Jack, uh, as you're kind of reconciling with what's going on, you see, um, you see Jimmy Changa and he looks like ah a werewolf in a trench coat. Jimmy, you really let your hair rot even more in the past five seconds. Huh? What do you mean? Oh, oh, oh my God. No, I left my fursuit at home. No. you know Now everybody knows you're a furry.
00:05:46
Speaker
just very I have a friend named Snow spear who is to. What were you saying, Luke? It makes me so angry. Oh, and then then you see like as if in like a ah cartoon, you see like a giant hand grabs the sun, pulls it down and puts a moon up there and it's dark.
00:06:14
Speaker
Oh shit, my weakness. I fucking love moons. This makes me want to go on a fucking rampage. ah Yeah, so what do you guys do? That's what kind of your situation right now. I shoot myself with a silver bullet. Oh fuck, do you have a silver bullet on you?
00:06:38
Speaker
Of course, yeah, I don't know. i tell Yeah, you have a silver bullet. um And yeah yeah, are you just using like a Glock and just trying to just shoot yourself with a silver bullet? Everett, you got to shoot me.
00:06:52
Speaker
nope i'm not gonna shoot you because i feel like this is just like some kind of illusion from like all of the like i don't know i feel like we're tripping on something so like just don't don't freak out already okay guys because like we're just gonna like we're gonna ride this out because maybe there was like some sort of effect that from like the dog because he was from hell i'm just saying Can I do it? It'll be fine. Let's just write this out. It'll be right. Do I look all right? Do I look the same? Do I look my my good? You need a bad situation. Yes, you can roll for read a bad situation. And as you're rolling, you can see ah that ah that Everett has shrunk down about like three feet and she's like about like a two and a half foot little halfling girl with pink hair.
00:07:45
Speaker
pretty much You look the same to me. very
00:07:52
Speaker
Read a bad situation. You got a nine. What question do you want to ask? i So many questions to ask. so Well, no, um I want to know what's the best way. What's my best way out?
00:08:09
Speaker
Uh, you have the open road all around you, brother. The the West way out is well you know getting in land like, OK, so you think like if I just if we just drive away, this effect will stop. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Uh, yeah, I mean, there's you don't have any evidence that shows that, you know, all the weird stuff is happening here. You can see probably like maybe a quarter of a mile down the road a little bit like the sun is still up over there and it's so nice and shiny over there. It's just whatever's happening is happening like right here.
00:08:39
Speaker
So it's kind of like an eclipse or something a little bit. Sure, kind of. Sure. Kind of. Like there's it's like actually nighttime. It's actually I mean, the sun is starting to go down on the other side of the road, like where you're looking down the road, but where you are, it's dark way too early. It's only three thirty. Shit. So, you know, you could just go to where the light is. You could just chase the light. Hmm.
00:09:06
Speaker
Yeah. Guys, I think that maybe if we just get away from the fucking dice, definite that might, that might, I might stop talking like this.
00:09:18
Speaker
You think it's the dices that did it? Uh, yeah, that's just like my opinion though. yeah and just like oh Yeah, that's like how I feel. That's just like your, that's just like your opinion though, Luke. That's not, that's like your opinion, man. That's just like your opinion. Uh, so you're saying I don't get to keep it?
00:09:38
Speaker
Keep what? The dice. Oh, I just want it. Oh, yeah, you are trying to shrink it hot. I mean, it is shrinking over time. It is getting smaller. Maybe our first step shouldn't be fucking with a giant dice that came out of the sky, guys. I don't know. This is maybe just me putting it out there. Oh, it's not the size of the giant it anymore, I don't think. No, it's about like it's it's about the size of like a little ottoman that you can put your feet up on right now. That's still pretty big. Still pretty big dice, yeah.
00:10:08
Speaker
Right. I guess I'll just ah I don't feel like I should just leave it out here, though. Like, I feel like um we should maybe put something over it to like protect everybody from it. Where's it? Wait, which one of you guys? Where's a squeaky dog toy at? I think she was trying to do it. is great Give me a thing. This thing. I have it on my hand. I look at it.
00:10:36
Speaker
Now, so here's the thing about me, Chimmy, and and every small girl. yeah i ah If I don't have something to punch or grab hold of, I can't really get my head around a situation. So I'm going to just start mashing. What's going on? Tell me what you know. And I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll investigative mystery. OK, go for it. I got a 10. It's a 10, baby. What happened here? or we know What is being concealed here? but I get more than one, don't I? I get two. You get two. Both of those motherfuckers in. So which what was the first? what Which one do you want to know first? um What happened here and what is being concealed here?
00:11:13
Speaker
What had happened here? Hmm. I'm trying to think in Jack laser's experience in terms how he would interpret what's going on here. um Like, well, before I answer, tell me how Jack laser would like as he tries to interrogate this thing. Does he come at this with like any sort of like inclination or idea or is he just spontaneously like I'm going to choke this thing and hope it talks to me?
00:11:41
Speaker
Um, no, he's, he's just, um, literally he needs to physically get ahold of the situation. And then he's now, now he can, he can sort of like be like, okay, what do I know about dog goblin from them? I know I, I, I used to like to look at a dog goblin in the past when I was a little kid. Tell me something, tell me something. He doesn't have his brain to tell him something.
00:12:00
Speaker
Well, Dog Goblin is a unique creature of hell that um is someone who far beyond just a fire and brimstone kind of powers. um Depending on certain situations met, you do remember some stories of just like some reality warping abilities that the Dog Goblin has shown in other stories and things that you've heard about in the past.
00:12:27
Speaker
So you could probably interpret that so somehow, some way, the dog goblin is still manipulating the reality around all of you right now.
00:12:41
Speaker
Somehow, some way, dog goblin is still manipulating reality around us. Is this damn little squeaky toy?
00:12:51
Speaker
What do you mean? Is this so it really is all just an illusion? Then why am I talking like this? I'm not sure, Jimmy. Oh, wait. I'm still trying to figure out what's being concealed here. yeah right Well, if we already kind of answered that, maybe what can... I know we already asked what can hurt it before, but I don't know if there's anything else that can hurt it now or what I'm going to do to stop it. but You can also save your second question if you want to wait to use it.
00:13:15
Speaker
I got to figure out now I know what's going on. I need to know why I'll stop it. So I'm going to change my question. I'm going to say, what can i hurt it as in what can stop this dog goblin toy from warping in the reality?
00:13:28
Speaker
um You hear the squeak toy start to talk to you and it says, well, that would be telling. You're going to have to find out a way more before you know the answers to that one there. But you better get to investigate. and do Do me and Everett hear that? Yes, you all hear the squeak toy talking to you like a clown person. I really don't like this guy. Give me that. Give me that. There you go. Let me see that. Good. I grab it in it. Well, if I'm a wolf, then ah and I try to bite it.
00:14:02
Speaker
Uh, I'm trying to bite it. I'm like trying to crush it. It just ripped his shreds. All right. Roll kick on mass against it. To bite it? Okay. Yeah. Like, because you want to destroy it, right? Yeah. I just, I don't think anything is going to happen, but we'll see. You're going to eat. All right. You take a big old bite into it and you start chewing on it. And here it goes. Oh, oh no. Oh, please chew me harder. I mean, don't chew me. Oh.
00:14:33
Speaker
And you hear it say, if you bite me one more time, that should do it. I'm assuming it's like a marble and you just I just bite into it and it's like it just hurts my teeth. yeah I mean, you can have it hurt your teeth if you want, but it's just this thing screaming as you chew on it. And then you're just like a you hear like some air escaping from like, like you kind of cut into like the plastic tube edge that it was in a little squeaky toy is.
00:15:02
Speaker
Yeah, like you you've made a dent into it. You could you could destroy it if you want. That's up to you. But you hear it screaming at you while you do it. It sounds like it enjoys it. No, I hate what you're doing. Please. I spit it out onto the ground. You think it lands on the ground and you see like a little bit of air escapes like the bottom of it. And then you see like like a hand like a little hand start reaching out of it.
00:15:28
Speaker
um And then like it gets bigger as like the arm reaches out of it farther and like just like this really skinny tiny thing starts to crow out and the more it escapes the bigger it gets this more life size like you guys and then you see play about like a A four and a half foot, maybe a little bit more ah bipedal person with like a white. Oh, no, no, no. A white mask on their face. I'm stepping on it. I'm stepping on the hand as you know, you're stepping on the hand. OK, you see this thing. You step on the hand and he goes, oh, oh, stinky. Oh, and you see like as you step on it, his hand flattens to like like fucking like pancake levels.
00:16:09
Speaker
in here what you've defeated me better let me go now Jack Everett step on this motherfucker yes step on me I mean no don't please maybe Everett don't step on it I don't know why would why would we want to step on it that's like the weirdest thing he'll kill him Yeah. Hey, I'm a cartoon, right? Why? Why are we going to kill him? Or we is it like an evil something that just came out of that toy? Oh, yeah. Yes. That's. the dog Also, also ever the dog was evil, too, Everett. The dog was evil, too. I don't believe it. I just um I feel like maybe he was just a little cranky sometimes, and then he just needed a time out. But, you know,
00:17:03
Speaker
killed a guy miss already. We tried that and it didn't. I don't think it worked. ah um but So guys would kill the guy. He killed at least like seven people or something now. Today. Today alone. Oh, yeah, I guess. OK, well, she starts stomping. Oh, no. Oh, yes, you keep stepping. And so you're all just stepping like on the on the hand and the arm that's coming out. Yes.
00:17:33
Speaker
Okay, you step on the bun. She just pretty much shit stomp it for a while. And um it just stays flat. And you don't hear it talk anymore. You just have like a long arm and like a little bit of a face sticking out. That's like flat like a pancake. Great. You do. All right, Jack, run it over with. We tried that to be over all the time. No more time. It'll work this time. I swear to God.
00:17:56
Speaker
And then I just started blasting. in
00:18:01
Speaker
So what are you going to do? You going to run over it? Is that what you said? No, no, he wanted me to. I was going to pull out a giant mallet like cartoon and smash it too, but there's probably enough smashing going on. I don't really know. No, you should try the mallet. You should try the mallet. Yeah. Do you want me to make you a mallet? I could ask Jesse for it.
00:18:25
Speaker
No, I was just going to pull one out of my pocket because I'm a cartoon. I wanted to see if I could do it, but I mean, it's already pretty flat. You guys did a good job on him. Yeah. Yeah. yeah All right, well. and like Jack, you see like.
00:18:39
Speaker
You see someone in like kind of like a ah gesture looking outfit with like real pointy curly shoes like at the end like like standing next to you with their arms crossed and they're like their face maybe meets your shoulders like with how short they are and they go yeah yeah maybe a mallet or perhaps even I still like the running over idea maybe we should do that. My my face is like stone cold like this expression I look at my I just like turn my head towards the
00:19:08
Speaker
what the fuck are you doing here you i like the running o writer i really I hate that guy. Let's get him. I grabbed him by his ruffled collar. Who are you?
00:19:23
Speaker
exactly You see, he like he just turns into like a like a real skinny, like like yeah emaciated soldier. He goes, I'm just a guy trying to save his country, sir. That's all I am. Please don't hurt me or just put me out of my misery. I'm starving.
00:19:41
Speaker
I punch it. You punch him and he explodes into like a bunch of bones and falls on the ground and then reassembles itself and like just kind of puts himself back together. then like The flesh in the skin like repills back over. and He goes, no, that was very rude. That man served his country. Oh, that's exactly why I did it. You're making a mockery of people who serve their country. I had to suck you again on the jaw for that one.
00:20:06
Speaker
and You just they just feel like a giant boxing gloves cuz out of nowhere and just like decks you back into 3d mode and like knocked you on the ground Anyways So, hey you guys want to run this thing over or or what? Run you over Why I'm a Goodman like you guys. Hey, Jimmy Changa, by the way big fan What?
00:20:31
Speaker
Huge fan loves your work. What did you say? I can't what what I? Said I'm a big fan. I can't hear you stop making him talk to me and then he time So we can think about how to kill him He turns into a giant fan and just starts blowing at you guys like I'm a big one of these
00:20:53
Speaker
saying no getting swept away by the winds jimmy ah So that's what's happening right now. He's just blowing cold air on you guys right now. There's so much time on this one little guy right here. Let's kill him already. Geez, we should just be home and I'm starving.
00:21:16
Speaker
So what are you? I'm asking. Why are you? I'm your fan. No, that ah you know. ah What? so dumb He turns back into his little gesture looking stuff and he goes and he like just like sits on like crisscross applesauce on the ground and crosses his arms and he goes, maybe you should just ask Jane. I do that too much. I wrote, you know, that's not fair to her.
00:21:43
Speaker
She bails me out of too many situations. Yeah, you're right. She thinks that you don't appreciate her enough and you should send her a flower once in a while. A single flower? Just one. She doesn't want too many. She's allergic, Jimmy. um um just yeah think Think about that for a minute, Jimmy. What's your game here, buddy? what your What's your thing?
00:22:11
Speaker
I'm just here to have fun and then help you defeat. Oh, no, we got away. And then you see like a like a like that squeaky toy like with like an arm sticking out of it is like running down like on its fingers like thing from the Addams family just running away. Well, now you let them get away. I pull my magnum out.
00:22:30
Speaker
um and I fired off around towards the sweet toy. OK, you broke some ass, I guess. I want I want to. I want to help, Justin. and i Go ahead. You want to also roll kick some my ass just for fun? You guys seem to like ah ah like a like a Marvel Ultimate Alliance team. I want to my yeah i want to hold there's a his arm.
00:22:54
Speaker
Okay. that's a ten name and i got a time Perfect. You guys just hold each other. Yes. He comes up behind me and he he's like, no, like this. Exactly. It's like that episode of Jojo part five. shit And then, and then, uh, you see, as you go to shoot, you're standing on the bow of the Titanic and you're both dressed in beautiful clothing and a nice dress. we both i say We're both wearing the dress. Yeah, you're both wearing a dress and shooting down and you hear a beautiful song in the background that I can't sing for copyright reasons. And um people screaming and then you hear people screaming and jumping off.
00:23:32
Speaker
ah And then you fire your gun at it and it explodes the hand into a bunch of confetti and hear, weeee! And then you see so credits start to roll in front of you.
00:23:44
Speaker
Oh, no, no, no. Enough of that, enough of that. yeah no yeah ah so press the I press the skip button. All right, it skips to the end, and then you're back on the main menu screen. i Turn around, there's ah there's a jester standing there. i well have My revolvers, still my magnum's still out. Now, back to you, motherfucker. Oh, well, thanks for killing him. He was really shackling me, and then he holds up his wrists, and then like these like little gauntlets that were like kind of under his sleeves just like fall off. Thank goodness, those were itchy.
00:24:14
Speaker
anyways Anyways, where'd you where's your girlfriend at? Where'd she go? Oh, there you are, little guy. And like a big arm like reaches over you ever and just like young she forward. He says, Hi, how are you?
00:24:29
Speaker
yeah When he looks over to see Everett, you'll see her like taking selfies with herself and like ah both Jack and Chimichanga in the background. And she's got like hearts in her eyes and you'll see her just like yoink. And she's like, ah you you see like an out you just see like an outline of her, like taking a selfie still in the background because he yanked her so hard. Like, yeah.
00:24:58
Speaker
So what are you guys up to today, or what? You can let me go, though. Yes, of course. Yes, consent. Consent. So sorry. My apologies. Just wasn't ready for that. Like, I can't let these guys know my secret. Do you want to take a selfie with me? Sure. And then you see, like, a whole crowd of people shows up with cameras and goes, they're going to take selfies of us. And all the guys, they all turn around and start taking pictures.
00:25:27
Speaker
Yeah, they all like are taking selfies though. like They're all turning around to like have the front facing camera facing them and you guys. So there's a bunch of people with their backs facing you and their phones facing you taking a selfie with all of you guys standing in the background all at once. Is it going to be cold?
00:25:42
Speaker
yeah Jekyll is looks incredibly exacerbated. He's like, oh, geez, he puts his magnet back in his holster. He just walks nonchalantly over to his van to check out what are you doing? I'm rolling investigate a mystery, please. Sure. Go for it. Damn 12. You got a you got a 12 for investigate a mystery. Dang. Yeah.
00:26:12
Speaker
Uh, what sort of creature is it? Well, you see, uh, you see, uh, you see this guy. I can ask any question. I forgot. Do you have the ah advanced investigative mystery? No, I thought. No, I thought I took that, but I did i don't know. You see that you see this guy stands like next to you, Chimichanga, and you're you're like, I do have it. I do have it. Oh, you do? Yes. Oh, OK. Well, then ask whatever you want.
00:26:41
Speaker
What sort of creature is this? um was asked No, I want to know what the hell it is. And also, I just want to know like what the fuck it is and then also how the fuck to hurt it or like, well, we can make what the fuck is sure. I'm here, you know. um So you hear you hear him say. Jimmy Chango, you should check your text messages.
00:27:09
Speaker
I if swear to God, if Jane fucking I open, I check my text messages. You see a message from someone and it says, definitely Jane. um And then and then you see you see on it, it says, if you must know, I am. I mean, it is a trickster. Right. I knew that. I mean, these are. Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:37
Speaker
And that's what it says. And then you hear beep beep. Get out of the way, guys. I'm running them over.
00:27:49
Speaker
you You run them over and he just explodes in like a bunch of individual pieces and just lands like a busted mannequin all over the ground um as you blast past them. And you just hear. Oh, you've defeated me yet again.
00:28:05
Speaker
Um, like I said, come on guy, pull yourself together. And then you see him go and all the pieces pull themselves together and he stands back up. I feel a little better. Good. Anyway, so yes, I'm a trickster. Jane out at me. Hello. Yeah, Jane. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's not Jane's number. Oh, whoops. Hang on. Hang on. And he just, can I see your phone? I'll fix it.
00:28:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah, here. And i i I I turned the phone around and shown the screen and then I flip it back really fast. Oh, like there. Oh, no, you saw it. You can see it. You saw it. I saw everything I need to see. Now check it again. I i throw the phone on the ground. Oh, what? And then you see like a mattress like appears underneath it to catch it. Why would you try to break your phone? Oh, my goodness. I take out a gun.
00:29:03
Speaker
okay And I pointed at myself. Oh, oh, Luke, you have so much to live for, please.
00:29:13
Speaker
No, I'm too much of a pussy. I'm too much of a pussy. No, I was just gonna kill myself. I can't handle this. Oh, okay. Well, it's your choice. And in the end, I'm so sorry that you feel that way. God, you're so annoying.
00:29:29
Speaker
I mean, you can go do another job. I mean, I know, I know you said you don't have, you don't have to do a sequel episode if you don't want to. Hey, hey, I have my card when I get out. Bang, I slam it shut. Don't tell Jimmy what the fuck to do, buddy. What do you want? What do you want from us? What do you want? What is your, why are we always just standing in the road talking to you? What do you want from us?
00:29:53
Speaker
That is an excellent question. I was just going to go have my fun, but you're still hanging out here, but you guys have a podcast to record, so I mean, do whatever you think would be the most active. No, no, no, no, no. No breaking the fourth wall here, buddy. What? What do you mean? Hey, hey, hey, shut up. This isn't that kind of show. Come on. No breaking the fourth wall. This guy's a hack. What? Come on, David. What do you mean?
00:30:19
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know who the hell that is. Oh, you wouldn't. Sorry. Sorry. Uh, sorry. Jimmy Changa, Luke. Thank you. You're a good guy. Shut up.
00:30:38
Speaker
It's almost like someone's audio went out and we're just stalling for time right now. Yeah. No, I saw that her audio went out and I'm just going to say, you know what? You should just leave. And then come back, you dirty little girl. Whoa. Anyway. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I put my mind on again. Was I not PC? Is that not PC? That's just gross, saying that. That's disgusting. This is a weird way to say it. Fucking weird, yeah, dude. I'm sorry, guys. Cassandra, is your audio working now? Can you hear us?
00:31:14
Speaker
Yes. Oh, you can? It still says you're muted, weirdly enough, even though you're talking. Yeah, it does, even though you're talking. That's crazy. That's really weird. What the hell were you talking about? Oh, sorry. Sorry, Jack Lazer. Forgot you have a little peanut of a brain. What did you just say about Jack? I said he has peanuts for brains, like a little delicious nut butter in there.
00:31:37
Speaker
Don't joke about that. Nut butter? Jack's allergic to peanuts, and you know that. Oh, sorry, Jackie. um just I didn't mean to. i am alert yeah I'm glad you knew that about me, Jimmy. That's why we're good friends. yeah i never I never came out and told you, but you've seen me avoid peanuts. That's a good investigative you know summary. Very good. Very good work.
00:32:02
Speaker
Anyways, I mean, we don't have to fight. I could just go out of my business. you You beat the dog goblin. Good job. What are you going to do with your time instead of annoy people? Probably annoy people, yeah.
00:32:15
Speaker
You guys know how humans have to eat that food stuff? Yes, you're like a you're like a succubus, but instead of like sex, you have to annoy people in a way, you know, I just there's certain things I have to do that feeds me. It sustains me. Otherwise, I get real moody. You ever get hangry?
00:32:37
Speaker
We really can't let this, let this guy go, guys. No, no. I heard that Blake Dancer has a job for you guys to go stop a gang of skateboarding goblins over in Michigan. You should just go do that. Blake Dancer's in our dab. We can do what we want. I'm talking to you right now.
00:32:54
Speaker
You guys don't want to go stop skateboarding goblins? That sounds like a hoot. No, not really. Oh. Well, they teach me how to skateboard? Maybe. You want to go do a montage? I could teach you how to skateboard.
00:33:07
Speaker
Oh my god, I want to learn how to skateboard so bad. Luke? Jack, do you guys want to learn how to skateboard? No. yeah Sure, real quick. Okay, let me just see.
00:33:20
Speaker
You just see music starts to play and then just like you guys see flashing before your eyes like a whole montage of like Everett falling off a skateboard a bunch of times and like hurting herself and trying to do all these and falling and breaking her leg and then she's in the hospital and then you see the trickster sitting next to her like you know as her legs like up in a sling and he's feeding her pudding and jello in her bed then they get back to it and they do an exercise montage and they run up the streets of Philadelphia and the stairs that Rocky ran up And then she's all better. And then she gets inside into a skateboarding competition. Then she's just like, she gets third place and they celebrate real hard. Then the credits roll. Then you hear, I have the tiger, it's the weed or the white. And now you're back. While that was happening, I wanted to hear you next to Jimmy Chong and say, Jimmy, do you know how to kill this fucking thing? I picked my phone up off the ground.
00:34:16
Speaker
Okay. off The little mattress that it's on. yeah i and i i I text actual Jane. You're texting actual Jane? Well, it doesn't say actual Jane. I mean, like, you know, it just says Jane. I'm the same. Like I go to my messages and yeah the conversation that I'm actually having with the real person. Right. And I go,
00:34:40
Speaker
Hey, there's a there's like a trickster here. What the hell do I do about this? And I roll something. I don't know. All right. Roll. You know what? You know, if you've rolled that 12 on investigate a mystery um and you have the advanced, do you I think you still get two holds. So you still have one more question you can ask. ask so You could ask Jane that question. ah How do I kill it?
00:35:07
Speaker
How do I kill it? So you text Jane that you have a trickster, and it's so funny, you can ask whatever, and you're just like, how do I do the thing? um So she texts you back. she says She says, I've actually had a very important meeting right now ah with um some potential investors to get you guys more money for your jobs, calling her.
00:35:29
Speaker
All right. You're calling her? Yes. While the stupid montage is going on, I'm calling. All right. Oh,
00:35:39
Speaker
oh by the way, Everett, rolla roll a roll. Just a general cool roll real quick, just out of curiosity, because maybe you'll get a better place in the skateboarding competition. got five You got a five. Although I did level up, so.
00:35:56
Speaker
Oh, I don't even see your role on roll 20 with the role. Oh, do I have five? Oh, it didn't show up on for us yet. But anyway, you got a five. So yeah. you guys You got third place. um Okay, I just want to see if you got a cooler role. There's the five. We see it now. um Yeah, well, you get an experience point and you got third place. So hey, you got that going for you. Yeah, I leveled up. Yeah, you leveled up. Good job. um So ah yeah, Chimichanga, you called um you call Jane. She's like, what? I just texted you and told you I'm in a meeting with investors. Why would you call me?
00:36:32
Speaker
Because I need to know what the hell is going on here. Because this guy's like manipulating reality and showing us a fucking montage of my teammate every year learning how to skateboard. And like right now, they're it's just we're just watching them like, like just this little demon thing is just feeding her fucking pudding and whatever in a hospital. And it's like, you know, I'm sorry, like, I appreciate what you do. But like, goddamn, we're, so we're really yeah I don't know, Jack, how would you wear this? We're tripping the fuck out. yeah How do we kill it, Jane? Time is money. You hear, you hear, you hear like in the background here, tell them you're busy. And she's like, she's like, I'm in a meeting right now, Jimmy. I just, she's like,
00:37:15
Speaker
Come back to the meeting, Jane. It's like they're trying to rush me back. Yeah, just one second. God, so what did you say it was? ah I told you it was a trickster, right? It's not a real meeting, Jane. Get out of I don't hear. I just call us real. get you Oh, God, Luke, there's a bomb in here.
00:37:34
Speaker
hear so Who ordered five guys?
00:37:39
Speaker
Oh, no, there's a guy who just bust into the window to dress like a jester and he threw himself on top of the burger as it exploded. Oh, my hero. I hang up mid whatever the fuck is going on. Jack, how do you... I mean, I'm Jack. Jimmy Chaka, how do we use the internet? We can look it up because you google it. How much longer do you think this montage is going to go on for? I don't know. They're in Philadelphia right now. That's pretty close to the end, I think.
00:38:06
Speaker
Pretty much the ending. I type in the in the boogal. How to kill a trickster. How to kill an trickster. ah You see Jane's web page come up her. No, no, no. I scroll down. I scroll down. You see Jane's other blog. Come on. OK. Shit. All right. we the roll This is a you know what? Role act under pressure.
00:38:31
Speaker
Or smart, or as sharp, if you want to. Either one is fine. I do act under pressure because I have an advantage on that. If I get really good, I got a five. yeah yeah Yeah, as you keep scrolling, you just be seeing like Jane's blog on cooking. Jane's blog on cooking tricksters. Jane's blog on cooking with tricksters. Jane's blog on hanging out with tricksters. What's wrong with this lady you talk to?
00:38:51
Speaker
it's just the It's just the trickster, man. and Jane's usually you know pretty accommodating and not a piece of shit like that. so She would never speak to me that way and she'd respect me. Okay.
00:39:04
Speaker
I put my phone in my pocket. Whoa, Jimmy, it looks like we have to just leave the area and then try to find out how to kill it later and come back and find it again someday later. Let's try to just sneak away while this fucking montage is going on. Yeah, I think she'll be okay. She looks like she's going to be fine. Get in the van. She's having a great time. Yeah, as you guys are getting in the van, getting ready to drive away, you see in the rear of your mirror that the Everett's getting the third place metal draped on her neck. Oh, come on, Everett. Everett, the crowd's going wild for you right now. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. I love you too. Oh, yeah. No pictures, just autographs. And everybody shows up with pictures of you that they want you to sign. Oh, yeah, she signed it.
00:39:49
Speaker
And then you see you see somebody ah with a big microphone. They go, hello, this is Jack Jackson here with the local news for wherever we are. Everett, how do you feel about getting third place in your very first competition and skateboarding? You know, I knew I was always destined for greatness, but, you know, I never thought I would be this great. And it's amazing.
00:40:14
Speaker
Wow, yeah, you're really surprised us with that. What was that last trick that you did there that really stunned the audience to get you up into third place? Oh, that was the triple-double quick-quadruple-stickle-fuckle-lookle-lookle. I think I drank one of those in high school. That's incredible. Yeah. Wow.
00:40:36
Speaker
Did you say it was a double, triple, double quadruple sickle, fakalaka? Exactly. Yeah. Wow. Incredible. What a day. That's going to go down in history. The kids are already doing a dance on TikTok called the triple psycho, fakalaka, what you said.
00:40:54
Speaker
And you see, you're like, as that guy's interviewing you, the montage is over, the credits are done rolling and he has a microphone in your face and you see, Jimmy and Jack are getting in a car and in the van to drive away. What do you guys wait for me? She starts running like the guy in the muppets. OK, I was going to say you have your skateboard in your hands and a medal around her neck and you're sprinting towards the van. ah Jack laser, you're the one behind the wheel. What do you do? Hurry up, get in. Do you get it?
00:41:29
Speaker
No, just keep them distracted. Do another montage. I'm serious. Keep distracted. Are you having a good time? just Just hang out. Just hang out for a bit. I'm going government manipulate someone. I'm going to manipulate You're trying to manipulate Everett? Yes. Go for it. Go for it. I think that's fantastic. All right. Let's see.
00:41:54
Speaker
Wow, that's a big fat 12. So i plus but we're going to get the year, we'll be back. On a 10 plus, if the other hunter does what you ask, they get an experience points and they get a plus one forward on their next role. So Everett, if you listen to them and just go distract them longer, you get experience and a forward. and Okay, she's going to look at him and go, do you think you could teach me how to play the guitar? I've always wanted to learn how to play like the middle guitar.
00:42:23
Speaker
Oh my god, yes. i um And then he just he grabs you and he yoins you out the van. And before you know it, you weren't like some killer like rock goddess outfit. um And he has you he has you sitting in a room with him, like with two acoustic guitars, like and at a party. And he says, All right, guys, listen, I play acoustic guitar, I play a little song for the party here. And then like he makes everybody shut off the music. like and you start showing you how to play. And the guy sort of goes to this epic montage of smashing guitars on top of people and then rocking real hard, learning how to play with your teeth and your feet. And then six years pass, and then like you're in a guitar rock competition. And then you are the winner of, you get, oh no, you know what, roll plus cool again to see what plays you get. You get a plus one forward in that role.
00:43:14
Speaker
Oh, I get a nine. So you got a nine. You took second place in the rock God competition um and they gave you these really cool ah this cool helmet with like wings on it that lets you fly for a little bit when you put it on. um and he And he just you see like ah the tricksters like crying like big, huge crocodile tears. He's like weeping and like blowing his nose real heavily into a hanky. like Oh, my God. I can't believe my baby's grown up so fast.
00:43:43
Speaker
um And then ah so yeah, it's a sudden you see a person with a microphone comes by you guys This is Jack Jackson of the local news of wherever we are here at the local rock god competition with Everett Everett how is you got second place in this in this thing? And I don't care to interview the first place person who cares about meatloaf anyway um And he puts the ah he puts the microphone in first he goes. How do you feel?
00:44:13
Speaker
You know, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm feeling pretty good. I feel like the competition was fixed. The competition was fixed? Yeah, I feel like the judges were paid off. And, you know, I feel like yeah it was just um an unfair advantage. But you know what? Next year, I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it next year.
00:44:37
Speaker
Yeah, you know, though there is a there is controversy about a loaf of meat pinning dollar bills to the judge's pockets before the competition. Allegedly, we have to say allegedly. And he was given a mashed potatoes and gravy. So, you know. Oh, yeah. Me too. But I was still announcing fairly. Yes. Unbiased journalism. That's what I'm about here. um I don't believe you. I feel like you guys are best friends.
00:45:08
Speaker
What? No, I'm not a best friends with a trickster. I mean a meatloaf. What? That's crazy. Anyway, what was the name of that trick that you did when you were on the skateboard and played the guitar at the same time? um That was like the triple axel kitty cat bat like um maneuver. Right. The triple axel kitty cat bat like maneuver. Got it. Very good. Very fancy.
00:45:34
Speaker
Um, so while that interview was going on, what are YouTube boys doing since she's going to another montage of learning how to play guitar? um We're driving down the road to where the sun is shining um and there's a,
00:46:04
Speaker
We're still in the, like, trickster universe or whatever. No, we're in the sunshine and we're outside of his little bubble. This is not Starbucks. This is Scar-Brucks. We're gonna clean that. We're trying to avoid covering for you. I mean, silly. This is real to me. This is our universe.
00:46:24
Speaker
All right, I checked my phone. Is it all fucked up still? No, Jane's been texting you a bunch. She's like, she's like, Jimmy, what's going on? Luke, tell me what's happening. All right. She says she answered. She goes, why the hell have you not been answering your phone?
00:46:41
Speaker
Okay, Jane, i'm first off, I'm sorry. Second off, there's a fucking trickster, at least it's what it says it is. um and It's just completely manipulating reality. It has like total control of like literally everything. Yep, that's what they do, all right? I have no idea how to fight it because you know the minute I you know do anything, it just ... We ran it over, where like we tried to hit it with a car with this van, and it just flew in a million pieces and was like, wow, great job. God, it's so annoying, I just wanna kill it.
00:47:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's their whole thing is they yeah they they they have to get a rise out of people to to feed themselves that ain't the negative energy that you feel when you are around it helps it gain more power. um So one way that you can deal with it is to just stop giving it attention. um And then when it seems like it's weak is drive a silver dagger silver anything that's pure silver right into its heart as long. Well, if it's a trickster, that is, as long as it has silver anywhere in its heart, it cannot move.
00:47:44
Speaker
Now, on the other hand, it could be a leprechaun because they have similar powers. So that's a whole other way you have to be. it You have to go find yourself a four-leaf clover to even have a chance against a leprechaun. So it could be either one. They all have similar powers, but different ways to beat them. Just one really likes both, though. Oh, really?
00:48:03
Speaker
Yeah, so you'll know if it's a leprechaun. If you put out something gold and he immediately jumps on it, that's probably a leprechaun. But don't let him know that you're thinking he's a leprechaun, because then he'll do it to fool you to make him think that you think that he's a leprechaun. And I look over at Jack. Does he have, like, any gold on him? Does Jack have any gold on him? I was going to say, I was wearing my gold watch. He didn't even blink. OK.
00:48:29
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think so, because Jack had it. I check his goal. Is he wearing the gold watch? Is it a real gold watch? I don't know. He paid six five dollars for a pair of sunglasses. This is a real gold watch.
00:48:43
Speaker
Yeah, but does he still have it? ah Does Jimmy, does Jack still have the the um the watch on his wrist? Yeah, I don't know. Did a leprechaun? No, no, it's gone. It's gone. I've been robbed.
00:48:58
Speaker
Like you could it probably when you got turned two dimensional, that's probably when it disappeared.
00:49:05
Speaker
Jimmy, it's a little bastard took your fucking watch. So maybe it is a liver gun. I feel like I'm going to want a fucking flower. I see. So we got to find it for the clover. I'm not that lucky. I'm not that lucky. So you hear like other folks are like, Luke, are you still there? Hello. Oh, hey. Yeah, we're just OK. So it took it took Jack's watch.
00:49:29
Speaker
Okay, so what? it's called It was a gold watch. Oh, it's a gold watch? Okay. Well, as long as nobody was thinking about leprechauns when the watch was stolen, then there's probably a good chance that it was absolutely a leprechaun. I haven't thought about leprechauns since I had Lucky Charms yesterday. Oh, how far yesterday was it? How long ago? I don't know. I don't know. It feels like we've been watching this montage for 60 years.
00:49:53
Speaker
Six years. You can't let him get that kind of energy for six years. worth Go stop that montage. What are you doing? Sweet leprechauns also feed off bad energy, like bad vibes. Yes, they're just like they're all just like little trouble causes. OK, right now, they're having a good time. She's enjoying it. She's loving it. Yeah, the only difference is with the leprechaun is that ah typically while they're having their fun, they'll take something shiny and hoard it somewhere like a dragon. Well, typically they're just like causing mayhem because it makes them feel good and more powerful.
00:50:24
Speaker
ah Okay, so I pull the phone away from you Jimmy. How are we gonna do once we get this really clever this passes to my watch tell me Well, um there's two things you can do. One, if you can manage to feed it to him without him knowing, ah he will puke gold forever and then he'll be out of commission for the rest of like humanity. um But it's very hard to get a leprechaun to do that. That's disgusting. Any other options? um The other option is if you can lay it on top of him or like put him in a cage somewhere and then put the put the clover on top of it, then it'll feel like it weighs infinite amount of weight and he won't be able to move it.
00:50:59
Speaker
And then he just lays him beside the road forever? Pretty much, unless someone unless the wind blows it off of him or something. but's I don't know how to kill him, god damn it, Jane. I don't know if you killed leprechauns. I only know how to incapacitate leprechauns. I've never actually seen one dead before. I've got to do a lot of research before. If you can find a way to kill him, you let me know, because I don't have that in my research. All right. Jimmy, what kind of shit did you got in the back of the scarbox?
00:51:29
Speaker
I don't think we're gonna be able to find a four leaf clover man. All right. No, no honest Well, I was gonna say I want to just find much influence start stabbing him once we put it fully over in his chest But um, yeah, but like we can't even He's just gonna get stabbed and be like you do know somebody who can who can hack reality?
00:51:47
Speaker
FYI, is she a leprechaun? She could be we don't know Do I know she could hack a leprechaun Well, I don't think she can hack a hack a leprechaun, but she can materialize things from her computer. Just just to remind the players of what she has done before. I mean, she did summon a giant Kong out of the air for you guys to trap a fucking demon dog in. Oh, yeah, she has her magic laptop or whatever she uses her little magic book. Yeah, that's true. We could. Yeah, but like I feel bad using that all the time, you know,
00:52:26
Speaker
Well, it's what she's she likes doing it. anyway I mean we gotta find an actual for the clover. I'm sure so we gotta actually do some actual real work there Man, I wish I was that lucky. I wish I had luck have like ah Do you want to use a luck point to find the for the flower?
00:52:46
Speaker
do you want to Yeah, I feel like I'm almost out of luck if only I had a teammate I I get out of the car, I'm like, damn it, Chimmy, I look down on the ground, I don't know, and I spend a lot of time. Wait. You know how little clovers and shit they grow in like little like dirty areas, like and like the like side of the house and shit, you know, like those little clovers and things? I look down like a little dirty patch, and like just outside the parking lot where there's some grass and like some disheveled mulch and shit, and I'm like, Chimmy, look right here next to this discarded straw.
00:53:14
Speaker
so In between the spot and the condom. You're the luckiest. Someone got lucky in your life. Holy shit. yeah Everybody's in luck today. All right. So you found you found a four leaf clover. It's beautiful.
00:53:34
Speaker
right chi it's It's got four leaves on it and it's a clover. Let me see that. I want to care for those. I found it. Okay. Well, let me see it. Just show it to me. well You're looking. You look with your eyes. I'm counting. I'm counting each leaf. One, one two, two, three, four, four. Good job to me. There's a fifth leaf. There's a fifth leaf growing out of the stem. I pulled off.
00:54:01
Speaker
show I never know. You don't need that much luck. Yeah. All right. So you have a four-leaf clover in your hand and you see the montage off in the distance, like down the road. It's like you can see the credits are almost rolling. She's talking to the the talk to the reporter. We got to get over with there quick.
00:54:18
Speaker
I just run down the street holding it like ahead of me. You're holding it in front of you? What? Oh, sorry. You're right. We said we're getting beer, right? Did we? Yeah. be said I said we're getting beer, and so we back. Sick. All right. and all right um It's set up here, though. I'm going to go inside and buy coffee.
00:54:43
Speaker
Okay, you're gonna get a coffee. All right, what kind of coffee do you get? I'm gonna walk is there is there anyone working in there? ah Yeah, there's tons of people working there. Who do you see? I walk up to the most disinterested barista imaginable.
00:55:01
Speaker
Okay, here. Hey, how can happy you Hey, what kind of This is going to sound weird. All right. i She's on our phone. What? and Do you know anything about leprechauns? We like everything. Why? Oh, well, they like blue moons and horseshoes and.
00:55:28
Speaker
If you had to give a leprechaun coffee. How would you prepare that? Oh. Just give me your clover and I'll make you a latte. Jack, give her the clover.
00:55:43
Speaker
Just give me the clover, Mr. Jack. It's mine, I found it. Yeah, but like if we feed it to the thing, it'll die probably or it'll throw up forever. Yeah, but then just throw up on the side of the road forever. I mean, I guess we can, do you think? What? I mean, we could throw it in a furnace later after we used to get it to throw up. Oh, I would like that.
00:56:03
Speaker
ah I was gonna say we can maybe ask um Everett to 3D print a leprechaun gun out of the internet. where would she I mean, yeah, we could ask her to 3D print like leprechaun jail. I don't know.
00:56:22
Speaker
so chair yeah I want this thing to not be like trapped or puking forever, or something could go wrong and it comes back, or it's just on the side of the puking forever. That's really, it's gonna draw attention. I want it to be dead and gone. Yeah, me too. That's why I'm saying we make it puke and then we pick it up. And we just, well, your van's gonna get a little dirty. And we just take it ah to a furnace like an incinerator, we just throw in there. Also, don't forget, Jane told you that he'll be puking gold coins the whole time.
00:56:51
Speaker
It'll be, we'll be rich. it i I don't know if they're good currency. I don't believe it. But anyway, oh well I guess whatever. We'll figure it out. Here. Here's the for the clever. Thank you. And I hand it to the barista. Okay. Thank you. Now what size would you like? Do you want a venti? Small.
00:57:20
Speaker
a small are we really doing this? Can I just get the smallest size? I guess okay. um And they make it make it make one of those and then three other ones that way he kill you will buy that we're all drinking them. Do you want them all to be clover flavored? I why?
00:57:38
Speaker
um Yeah, yeah, just if you get like with the clover in one and market it ah T for trickster cuz we think it's a trickster, right? Yeah. Yeah put t t t. All right t t t got it then J on the one and then C for Jimmy and then G for girl for the other one No,
00:58:02
Speaker
no that's that's like a mountain Jimmy you're thinking of the wrong thing just put G for girl why no What is wrong with you, Jack? Yeah, I think he's right. It's Mount Everett, remember? We're going to go over there, look like assholes, because you're like, oh, here, Everett, here's your e-coffee cup. And she's like, my name's Tiffany, or whatever her name is. I think I put a T on hers, too, for Tiffany. No, that'll get confusing. I opened Discord. I opened Discord to show Jack. This is Everett. How do you not know our teammate's name? I don't know. I just learned the other day, it's been a little crazy stuff happening. I don't know. Jesus Christ.
00:58:36
Speaker
Okay. Is this for like a leprechaun or whatever? Uh, yeah. Oh, cool. All right. I'll tell them I said hi. and lean over the of You're asking a lot of questions all of a sudden, lady. Because it's like I'm bored.
00:58:55
Speaker
I put my magnum on the counter, just make the damn coffee. I can't put that fucking gun away, man. It says, OK. And she takes your magnum and puts it in the coffee and starts stirring it. Yeah. Oh, sorry. All right. So she whips up four lattes for you, one of which is ah ah four leaf clover flavored. And the other ones are caramel macchiatos. Great. All right. That's the only coffee I know, aside from black.
00:59:24
Speaker
seems legit. I take out a $20 bill. And I, I like pull it, you know, and I'm like, thank you. And I just like, ah stick that in the tip jar. Wow. And I actually like I just gave him like a million dollars. But you didn't just but you didn't pay for your drinks. I take out another 20. And I slide it over to other camera I go Mr. Benjamin.
00:59:54
Speaker
I mean, I looked at the cash as I did. The cash was like, Jimmy, these companies are super expensive. They're $35. That covers like two coffees.
01:00:07
Speaker
I take out my gun. I leave a 20 there. I take out my gun and I pull it out my head and I say, I'll blow my brains out. like god me stuff like go let me just tell like i very problem with this <unk> someone going to call your bluff eventually She says fine. Just take it. I give her my credit card. I'm kidding.
01:00:32
Speaker
I see. haha Just kidding. If I got away and take my credit card and pay for it. She swipes it and gives herself a 30% tip on top of it. Hey, that's a 30% tip. That's smart of you. Yeah, it's really smart. Thank you. Are you like seeing anyone or what? Shut up. I take the 20 back out of the jar. That's I prefer my guys talk to me. Get help. You're the one that put a gun to your head, you have freak.
01:01:03
Speaker
That's less weird than what you did. it talking to am or I have Kimmy's phone and my phone out. I'm um i'm copying Jane's phone number to my phone. I'm like, I text her, hell Jane, this Jack laser, can we threaten to kill himself twice today?
01:01:22
Speaker
ah She texts you back, she she goes, hell to you too, Mr. Laser. um No, he's too much of a pussy for that. It'll be fine. Exactly. ah ti back What did I say, Jack? Just letter O and THX, G-O-D. Here's one back to me. She texts you back, Roger that.
01:01:44
Speaker
All right, so you guys are going to go back to where the montage is? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, they were running a little bit late, ah Everett. So after your montage in the interview, what do you do after the montage is over and you have a like a really sick um guitar, a rock guitar hanging, a electric guitar hanging right. So by the time that they get back, since they took forever to come back to get me, um you would see Everett and the trickster. So back in the day, me and my friends, we used to like
01:02:19
Speaker
sit and read together. Um, but like one would have like our legs up and then like, so we could lean back on the other one's legs. And so we'd have like, you know, like a, basically like a makeshift chair out of each other's legs anyways. So whatever it has done has, she has materialized like a little like tree that the trickster can lean up against and then she's leaning up against his legs and she's just sitting there strumming on her guitar practicing and they're just having a conversation, you know, just a normal like regular conversation. No big deal. He's like braiding your hair. um Yeah. And he's just like, he's like, so um so you're telling me that
01:03:09
Speaker
ah the They were going to kill the pig until the this the spider made some interesting webs to keep him from being butchered. Yeah, it was like the weirdest thing. Next thing you know, like this spider was like putting words inside like the webs and stuff and then like the pig was like dancing all over the place and they were like, oh my god, he's so cute. Let's not kill him. He's our friend.
01:03:36
Speaker
Wow. Boy. Human literature. Incredible. You know, where I come from, all the books are just literally open book, someone scream shut book, move on. You know, it's just not as entertaining as it used to be. That's why I come here to the mortal realm. Hmm. I could understand that. Yeah. There's a lot better reading material here. I feel like then if that's all they do to you down there. Mm hmm.
01:04:05
Speaker
Would you be able to take some back? We have a great bookstore in town. Like if you were able to take some back home with you. That'd be cool. Yeah. Although I would prefer if any of them had like gold pages. That'd be pretty neat. Do you like gold pages? That would be pretty cool. But, you know, I feel like you wouldn't be able to turn the pages.
01:04:31
Speaker
or even carry the book because it would be too heavy. You know what I'm saying? That's why, like, all of our books are made out of paper. For mortals, I suppose, maybe. But one time, I won a fiddle contest with the devil and got a gold ukulele. And it was incredible. I feel like you're pulling my leg on that one because I've seen your ukulele skillset and you are trash. But I taught you how to guitar. How dare you, ma'am.
01:05:00
Speaker
The guitar and the ukulele are two different things. so and They're the same thing but smaller. No, you you have failed failed terribly with the ukulele. It's fine though. It's fine. Just practice a little more. Wow. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. Well, you know what? I don't want to montage with you anymore. You've hurt my feelings. It's okay. You'll be back later. I'm your best friend anyway.
01:05:27
Speaker
No, my best friend, well, I'm not going to tell you who my, oh, you almost made me tell you who my best friend was, but I'm not going to tell you. I'm not going to tell you my best friend is- Yeah, me, shut up. No, you shut up. You shut up. No, you fucking shut up. You fucking shut up her. Shut up her.
01:05:41
Speaker
yeah So, Jack and Luke, as you guys are approaching the situation in the van, what do you do? I guess we just pull up.
01:05:53
Speaker
on the way to bear and On the way there I don't trust that girl so I take like I Literally am like pouring all the drinks like I pour a little bit of each drink into the one for the leprechaun. Okay, and I am like Making sure that he is going to get to that fucking for leaf clover cuz I saw her put it in a drink and You did. Right. OK. And I'm pretty sure it was a leprechaun's rank, but I'm just like not sure. So I'm just point like the one that you said to mark TTT is the one she put. OK, I'm going to make sure he gets that one. Mm hmm. But you're also going to put some you're going to put some cloverleaf and all the other ones just a. Yeah, like I'm going to try to like mix them up basically. Gotcha. So it doesn't matter what he gets. OK. So you guys roll up as you see that the these these two are having a tiff in the street. um What do you do?
01:06:46
Speaker
Oh, hey, guys. Make it out of the game. Got you guys. Shut up. ah You said you're being a dumb dumb guy. Shut up. Hey. All right. Trickster guy. You guys so long. ah The barista was working slow. We just, you know, we decided we're going to get beer, but we decided to go for the opposite. Good coffee here. Got you something. Oh, was Janine working today? I don't know. I don't know.
01:07:18
Speaker
But ah here, I've already got you. Here you go. Got some trickster guy. Oh, thanks. Oh, thank you. Very aromatic. Caramelly. I love caramel, yeah. Yeah. I'm taking a sip. So he goes to take a drink and he says, oh, wait, a toast. Let's all go around and say our own kind of toast. You know, you can't drink without a proper toast. right Yeah. To a new friendships.
01:07:48
Speaker
Ah, yes. And now, now you, Mr. Laser. Um, to coffee. It's good. Oh, all right. Sure. Okay. I mean, not my favorite, but okay. Um, how about you, Everett? To my best friend, Trickster. Oh.
01:08:10
Speaker
Oh, you write me. Yes, I yes, of course. I have your best friend. um Yeah. And he says to all of you, I just must say over this next six hour ah toast, I just want to tell you all this first and foremost, that I think that you're all just fantastic people. And I hope you get everything that you want in life. I think that you're all beautiful and lovely and good people. You make the world a safer place. Right. Shall I go on?
01:08:40
Speaker
i you know i don't I'm just gonna I'm drinking my coffee. I'm just enjoying the coffee. Oh, okay. Well, all right, well down the hatch. um So now when everybody please roll a manipulate someone, either that or a plus cool if you want to do act under pressure to see if you were able to give an impassioned enough um what do i or a convincing enough toast to get him to 100 success, a seven for Mr. Laser.
01:09:07
Speaker
ever it gets a plus one for rolling. I manipulate someone. You're rolling a manipulate someone and I failed. That's a four. Um, you know, and I would say I was a 10. All right. so was some Yeah. You know, he liked yours, Jimmy Changa. But then, like, you know, he also remembered that, you know, you killed the dog goblin um or that you attacked the dog goblin. So he's like a little kind of staring at you and you can hear his thoughts. You can see the words typing above his head as I'm saying these things literally as what I'm saying is what's coming from his brain.
01:09:41
Speaker
Oh, there's like a narrator. yeah long you hear You hear and then and then the so called tricks to look over to Jack laser. You know, with with with, you know, malaise in his heart, he just said he was toasting coffee. And you know what, that's okay.
01:10:00
Speaker
And then the so-called trickster looked at Everett, his best friend, so-called best friend, and he said, I love this girl so much. Cheers, you beautiful darlin'. And then um they drink, they drink the coffee, and they pound it back and goes, oh, this is, ooh, mmm, creamy, wow. That's, really it's it's hot, man, be careful. Check lasers, like, his face is like lower than I think. That's good. son of a bitch. And you hear, he she starts to sneeze a little bit. Sorry, excuse me. I'm so, I haven't, must be, um maybe some dust in the air or some, so no ah you don't have any allergies, do you? We didn't tell the barista about any allergies.
01:10:50
Speaker
ah Why would you avoid peanuts? yeah Are you allergic to peanuts? No, I I just think it must be the must be the pollen in the air. ah two And you see like his belly starts to get real big and like grumbly goes, oh, i oh, oh, oh, might have a Tuesday is he coming. Jack. Hey, well, Jack, where's your where's your watch, Jack?
01:11:18
Speaker
Oh yeah. You give him me my fucking watch, you piece of shit. I start like like i grands are ruffling through his pockets. Hey, no. And then you find like a shit ton of watches like in his deep like infinite pocket that you reach in. There's like a bunch of like gold jewelry and coins. This isn't mine. This isn't mine. I guess he really is a fucking leprechaun. Hey, don't you dare use that word. Who taught you that?
01:11:42
Speaker
My best friend is a freaky leprechaun. Hey, don't we say the breaking into the where's the gold you fit and be asked it. You think it is not so much. You see like you see like a gold coin, like a little bit of a rainbow splatters out on the guys. But I, I don't know what you're talking. I'm a tricks like another coin. The other guy goes, what, what, what did you put in this coffee? Can she punch him in the stomach?
01:12:11
Speaker
Yeah, go for it. He's having like a whole allergic attack right now. So oh yeah you suck him in the gut and just like like a whole treasure chest fucking comes out of his mouth and lands on the gun and like cracks open. And there's like just gold and diamonds and rubies and all sorts of like precious gems and stuff in there because I was saving. Give this and like he just keeps like like every so often like just like gold coin just keep like falling out of his mouth and rainbows keep splattering on the ground like tie dyeing the road.
01:12:41
Speaker
Holy shit, you guys were rich! No, I- This stuff is- No, I- Yes, that's right, it's not- Don't take it to sell it to any- Are his powers still active?
01:12:56
Speaker
Are his powers so active in what way? Like, yeah, I mean, everything else is made it everything night. Like, you know, like, oh, yeah, it's been day. Yeah. Yeah. It's been daytime for a hot minute since you started doing the montage with Everett. Yeah. Everything looks like it's back to normal. You're not a wolf. um You haven't been for a hot minute since he made put you guys in dresses on the Titanic. Yeah. ah But yeah, everything seems to be back to normal and he's just like like coughing up like the equivalent of a golden hairball like on the road every so often.
01:13:24
Speaker
but
01:13:26
Speaker
Great. All right. I start pushing. Well, ah can you can we get this guy into the van and then we'll bring him down to the incinerator. Yeah. The incinerator. Blah. And he just can't talk anymore. He's just like infinite piles of coins are just like now coming out of his mouth as if like a piggyback just exploded.
01:13:45
Speaker
want to help jack A lottery machine just went off. Before we go to the truck, I don't want to fill up. Go to the nearest ah like foundry or something like that. bla um um um Oh yeah, i know where I already did that. I know where it is. so Nice. You were doing the drive over. I wonder where you were doing and for it. I thought we were best friends. Nobody's your friend, your piece of shit. A thief. Get in the car. I want to pick him up by the collar. You wait to be friends, don't lie.
01:14:09
Speaker
but but all all of us
01:14:13
Speaker
You pick him up by the collar and he just like spitting gold coins like on your jacket like boom. I mean, like and then drag on it. I want to like pick him up by the back of like his, you know, the back of the collar and then just drag him over the van. OK, you're talking about the back of the collar. You drag him over the van. Are you checking him in the back? Yeah, and I really think the door is open while we drive. OK, I just like letting them puke out the back of the van. OK. OK, so you do what?
01:14:44
Speaker
What are you doing? Where are you taking them? We're going to get we're all going to get in and we're going to go to the foundry or the incinerator. It's really a dump. They have an incinerator there. OK, so you take him to the foundry where the incinerator is. ah He's just peeking coins like down the back, and like out the back of the van, just like just just covering the road as if like a salt truck is driving. but It's running down the street. and Yeah, people are running out into the street or people are pulling over and like looking to see what it is. Like somebody picked up a treasure chest that he puked out in the back.
01:15:12
Speaker
um and And people are fighting in the streets. ah Chaos ensues. Nature's healing. Nature is healing. Yeah. And so you take him to the incinerator. Do you say anything to him before you chuck him in there?
01:15:26
Speaker
yes make and but bla bla bla bla bla It's going to be a little hot. i yes He like hiccups as he tries to laugh at you. boom um hey jack He's a little heavy. Can you help me throw this motherfucker in there?
01:15:42
Speaker
Yeah, this is for stealing my watch, you piece of shit. And we'd get him like, we're both like barrel carrying him towards the thing. Okay, hey just you just chuck him in the incinerator and you turn it on yep And how we know how to use it, but yeah, we're doing it. You know what? It's just one big lever like Resident Evil 5 Yeah, it's just one big little leprechaun. Yeah, just as yeah, it's just kill leprechaun button And you should pull that lever the door starts to close very slowly and make room for The bulkhead is closing. Make room. The bulkhead is closing. You see he's like trying to crawl towards the door as it's closing very slowly. Like a broom nearby. Is there a what? Like a push broom or something nearby? Sure. I had the brush in my eyes. I'm pushing him. Yeah, just poke him in the face.
01:16:35
Speaker
As it as it it shuts just like as it's about to hit the broom he goes to stick his fingers through and just you hear oh um As it shuts And then it turns on like the whole room just like it it bursts into flame You see like it's so hot that like the gold coins if he's puking just melts into like as like liquid gold um He just looks like a charred blackened um Body in there It's like black and gold. There's like some residue on his mouth of liquid gold that's built into there. um And he's just a husk of ah of ah of ah of a body in there.
01:17:13
Speaker
That's not enough for me. I thought I'd run it again. Run it again. He made his ass. You're just going to run the incinerator again? Yes, I'm running the incinerator again. Make room as the bulkhead is closing.
01:17:31
Speaker
Please make I want to look around at him. His little fingers pop off when he was trying to reach out. Yeah, it's a concern of mine, too. Actually, there's like a little fingernail like between the bulkhead and the wall that you can see. Can't be too careful. No, yeah, it's good call, good call. I'm here now as you throw it and you turn it back on again. Everett, while they're burning him, is there anything that you would like to do as the inferno is happening?
01:18:02
Speaker
She's pocketing as many gold coins as she can and rubies and jewels and shit. Yeah, you've got you've gotten in quite the haul. And ever, I will say that as they were dragging him and throwing him into the incinerator, as you were picking up all the gold coins, you did find that he puked up like a small piece like a small sticky note that has like a rainbow drawn on it and then like like a little cauldron looking drawing at the end of the rainbow on it. And it was like a little.
01:18:33
Speaker
Yeah, and it looks like it's ah next to some sort of superstore somewhere. There's like a little drawing of a store nearby on the on the sticky note. Neat. I'm just going to put that in like her bra, stuff it in her bra. And you hear, yay! It's nice in here.
01:18:52
Speaker
um And so you guys turn the incinerator on one more time, you incinerate them until there's nothing left but like a black and gold pile of ash and liquid metal or liquid gold on the floor. Good. What do you do?
01:19:09
Speaker
Well, high five. You sweep them up. Cheers to that, bud. and Cheers, Jack, with the coffee. Left mine in the car. Let's go back and get our drinks. Yeah. Let's go back and get our actual beers. That was good. that ah That depressed barista really knows on her way around a bean. Or a clover. Clover on the clover, yes.
01:19:36
Speaker
I'm going to drink some of this. I'm curious how that tastes and clover flavor, you know. um Yeah, you take a drink of the clover drink um that has a little bit more of a potent one that she made versus like the mix up that Jack or that ah Jimmy Chang did. I forgot. Yeah, he said he mixed them up a little bit so you guys you had like a little bit of. um A little bit of ah of a thing. Pretty much like mine does. It tastes like it tastes like yours, but like like you feel like your body is invigorated. You feel like you're a little bit more awake than ever before, um but also like a little giddy at the same time. And then it quickly goes away because you're not a leprechaun. So none of the other effects happen.
01:20:21
Speaker
i Well, that's good. You're not a leprechaun. That's one way to find out.
01:20:33
Speaker
and I really wanted a one liner for when we lit that guy. um Shit. ah It's not about getting fired to your money. Burn for a burn, baby.
01:20:51
Speaker
is I set fire to the pain or something. I don't know. um Get out of here, barista. You're bumming us out.
01:21:04
Speaker
And actually, you do see that you see you see this barista standing in the incinerator room um with you. And she grabs a hold of her barista shirt and she just like tears at it. Then you see she's wearing like these camo pants. She has like a bunch of those like bullet chains like around her around her body like in an ex. She has um like a leather top on. She has a whip on one end. She has like a fucking big ass machine gun in the other hand. And she says,
01:21:34
Speaker
Well, if it isn't Jack Laser, my old nemesis, just wanted to see what you were up to. Shit, what'd you put in the drain? It is I, Maxine Steel, and I'm here to fuck your day, Mr. Laser. Are you sure your name's not Demolition Darby? No, I killed her. Oh, sorry, you guys all looked the same to me, you know. In a dark room with some candles lit, I can't tell the difference.
01:22:01
Speaker
No, how dare you mix me up with them? Listen, Darvie, she sucks. I killed her and then brought her back to life and killed her again because I'm cruel. I mean, how can I forget? She does suck. You didn't. Yeah, I'm cool.
01:22:16
Speaker
Wow. Wow. You're just misogynist as ever, Mr. Laser. And that's why your life comes to an end today. Hey, it's not misogyny if it happened. Or didn't happen. Hey, i we wait I'm pretty sure that's why she's mad at me because i we did it and I left the next day.
01:22:34
Speaker
Is that why you're mad at me? No, I'm angry at you because I am a nemesis of yours from your past because you use the point of luck today and that's why I'm here. yeah i get not here ah ah I take out my shotgun and just shoot her.
01:22:55
Speaker
you You shoot her and she dies. No, I was gonna do it. I was like, can I go protect somebody? I wrote protect somebody on her. You wrote protect somebody? Okay, I on her. I knock his gun and he shoots the ceiling above us. so The breeze sprays down. No, Jimmy, it's not climatic. We have to get out of here and fight her later. Let's go!
01:23:14
Speaker
And then she starts firing her machine gun up into the air and like they're explosive rounds and they're just like fucking just destroying the inside of this building. And that's like the building starts to rain down. We started to collapse. We got to run out of here. jimmy it's so It's just a dump. It's going to explore just so explode. I press all dive out of the building.
01:23:43
Speaker
They'll think, are you, what are you doing, Everett? Same, she's following. They're just running out of the building and she's like laughing as she starts bringing down this building around her and she goes, I'm cruel, I mean, I'm steal Maxine.
01:24:01
Speaker
That was so fucking cool.
01:24:44
Speaker
but does it look good already
01:25:10
Speaker
Does it look good already?