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The Affordables 1.7: The Smitey Pucks: A True Goblin Dog Story
34 Plays19 days ago
It's a hockey night in Lost Angeles! Somehow, the world's worst team has become the world's toughest team! Blake suspects supernatural elements! The Goblin crew joins up with Jack Lazer, Everett gets herself a little cheesy treat, and Jay gets a concussion
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Transcript
Welcome Back and Episode Introduction
00:00:30
Speaker
Oh, here we go. Good morning. Good afternoon and good evening. We restart restart. and Please restart. Not mine use words not and what you don't like it. You don't like the cheer. gonna I did. No, just let's just go. I did. Just just continue. You know, how you know, if I were copying Justin's intros, I would just put the intro music right here. ah But I'm not going to do that. I'm going to put it at the beginning because it's easier for my brain.
00:00:57
Speaker
Um, anyway, hey, listen, welcome back to role players. This is episode seven of the affordability with David Cass and Justin here playing, um, Jay Proto, Jack laser and Everett, uh, respectively. And, uh, Hey, last time would happen. Here's what happened. Monster trucks happen. Grapes happened. Red hoods happen. Public serving in the cervix, not cervix announcements. I don't know what that is. Public service. That was disgusting. you Jack laser makes public cervix announcements every day. Oh my God.
00:01:29
Speaker
But survey, no service announcements, cervical announcements like your spinal cord. OK, what was I talking about? Right. What happened last time? So public service announcements. Anyway, so they did that whole thing. That was great. That was funny. And hey, I didn't tell them what we were doing today, so they can't fuck it up this time. So it's going to be a little bit more of a straightforward episode.
00:01:52
Speaker
Um, so anyway, uh, Cass, let's start with you, Cass.
Cass's Character Development
00:01:56
Speaker
Um, uh, I'm talking to Cass specifically, not to Everett specifically, because I'd like to know from your perspective, how much time would you have liked to have passed? Now it doesn't have to be three years, but you know, since your last mission, how much time do you think your characters would have just been farting around before the next mission was given to him? Probably just a week.
00:02:16
Speaker
Just a solid week. Just like we had since we recorded last a solid week. All right. So why don't you tell me if you would, whenever it isn't on a job, like is she still training with the police academy? Like what has she been doing over the past seven days?
00:02:31
Speaker
So she definitely has been training still getting her, her skills honed down. You know, uh, she's got all those hacking skills that she's still trying to perfect, especially with the Ask Jesse and everything. Sometimes he's a.
00:02:48
Speaker
He's a turd and won't give her what she needs. And so she's got to learn how to do it, like the back doorway, you know what I mean? And and so sometimes she gets ahold of, you know, her, her buddies over that she used to, you know, roll around in the streets with and get up to shenanigans and they teach her new code. Maybe sometimes that they have learned while they were, you know, just farting around doing their own thing while she's off, like,
00:03:18
Speaker
You know, doing good things for good people, you know. Gotcha. So she's just been kind of, you know, connecting with some old kind of techy acquaintances while also kind of working at the police academy. Now, are you working at the police academy or you oh, I guess you can't work at the police academy. You're right. Wait, were you at an academy? Are you were you were you at a police station? Just at a police station. She just like comes out and.
00:03:41
Speaker
Yeah, she's been like ah not really like and working as a cop per se, but they like hired her on as like a consultant because like gotcha have the ability to be able to assist detectives and stuff like that. And that like is makes basically like her ultimate goal. She wants to be able to like work her way up to like the FBI and stuff like that. So she's north. Yeah, I know. Right. You're welcome. gotcha Okay, so let's you know what? Why don't you? learn to i'm allergious they just
00:04:18
Speaker
Don't you know that snitches get biotches? Don't you know that? um Anyway, so you know what? Just for like general, you know, skills, let's have you do, um, let's say one intelligence or I'm sorry, sharp role for just like your typical hanging out with your nerd friends, kind of like, see if you've improved at all. And then on top of that one, just for general kind of socializing, connecting with your network, working at the police academy, let's have you do like a general kick some ass roll to see like how your gun training's been going. Okay.
00:04:51
Speaker
So a sharp and, uh, kick some ass roll, which would be tough. sharp Roll a six. Okay. So, you know what? That's okay. So take an experience point. Um, if you had succeeded, I was going to give you two experience points, but you still get experience point for failing. So by the way, it's great. Um, you know, so just learning, right? So it's not so much that anything bad happens. It's just that you're still around the same level. You've just been mostly reconnecting with your old colleagues.
00:05:16
Speaker
Not that you've really been enhancing your hacking skills as much as maybe your police skills. So allows to kick some ass to see how your police endeavors have been going with the with your shooting and
Jack Lazer's Goblin Team Adventures
00:05:27
Speaker
such. You got a seven. A seven, OK. So you know what? That'll just be one experience point you can also have. like It's getting there. It's still a work in progress, but like you haven't really improved like significantly. But like you know you're getting closer to the to the inside of the bullseye with every shot you take with your guns.
00:05:45
Speaker
She's busy like daydreaming about Chimichanga and Jack Lazer, you know, she's like, man she has like fanfic. Yeah, I can't believe that I got to actually meet like these hunky dudes. And so now not only does she have a Jack Lazer shrine in her desk, but she also has a Chimichanga one. And or she has like a pack of his cigarettes.
00:06:10
Speaker
you know she's still talk cigarettes Yeah and she's figured out how to make like the um the clay busts so there's like little tiny busts inside there and there's a cigarette hanging out of chimichanga's mouth. I get to hang out with with the movie star and a god slayer isn't that cool cool.
00:06:33
Speaker
All right, cool. So that's good to know. um So ah who do you want to popcorn next? Who should I ask how they're doing next? ah Jay Proto or Jack Lazer? Jack Lazer. All right. Let's find out what Jack Lazer has been up to for the past seven days, Jack Lazer. So I first want to say that in universe, Jack Lazer is not a movie star, but he in a meta way, he is a playing himself as himself.
00:06:58
Speaker
But he doesn't know he's playing himself. Gotcha. So is he is a movie star. He's still famous. He's he's like Nicholas Cage. He's just very in there. Is he in movies though? No, not in the universe. No. This is a movie. This is a movie he's in. Oh, I see. Oh, okay. I see. I got you. But then it's extra meta because everyone else, every other NPC knows that they're on a podcast and they see you as the stars to their like, oh.
00:07:22
Speaker
Yeah. Anyway, the movie they're in. Yeah. Uh, so Jack, what's Jack like, Jack for a week, huh? Okay. Where were we? like We were in fucking he, Oh, I know what he's been doing. He's been up to, he just, he went, he went back to old Dick and he said, um, he got ahold of the number of them, those goblin guys where he just went back right yeah's right and he's he he's like, Hey, you guys want to start hunting monsters with me or under me? I'll fricking take it in my wing, get you some, some fun. Yeah. All right. Oh, we're doing character. I'm sorry. Hey.
00:07:50
Speaker
You guys want to hunt monsters with me ah under my wing? I'll take you guys under my wing. Got nothing better to do. Hell yeah, brother. Bring those spray painting skills and your kick-ass attitude and your can-do positivity or whatever. Oh, I'm more of a pessimist. How many of us do you want, by the way? ah However the God will let me have. All right. Why don't you roll a 2d12s and we'll see how many of them leave oh and come with you.
00:08:16
Speaker
Nine. You got nine. Nine of them left. The other three were like two burnt out to the fucking care. So you get eight goblins and you get Tommy as well. I'll join you. and All right, guys. Well, it pays crap. um We don't have a like a home. I live out of a sort of a storage container at the moment. Units. Is it like room to hang out in there and like take a dump man? No, I go and shit down at Denny's down the street.
00:08:43
Speaker
Oh, hey, I should on the Denny's, too. Not in. Well, that's fine. Whatever you want to do. I mean, we are. You're not going to live with me. It's just you guys, you know, you're kind of under my, you know, this is now seven, man. I still got to schedule a date with that hot rainbow lady. yeah Yeah, you can you can work. That's yeah that's your private time. You can work on that. I'm not going to help you there. But yeah, well, what do you guys want to and you guys? You know, you're i you're working ah sort of under me with me, but you can be your own team. You know, what do you guys want to call yourselves? And um I already came up with a name, Adam. Well, I assume you did. That's why you brought it up. I wrote it here. So I'm just going to stay here. We want to be called the goblin dogs. Oh, hell yeah. That's pretty cool. All right. You guys got cars like think I got a van. I can throw you all in if I need to take you somewhere. But yeah we got rocket powered skateboards. No, that's right. Fuck you guys are awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I want you guys to kind of like send me independent. You know, I don't need to like bring you where I need to, you know, I just tell you to do something. You can do it. And, you know,
00:09:40
Speaker
Blake Dancher, oh hey, here's here's i send did an invite to Discord. ah Shit. And you guys want to invite to Discord? Yeah, yeah. what what's what' your What's your handle? Here's my phone. Just invite yourself to the Discord. OK, cool. And they he he sends he sends it out to just like all the goblins. um So even the ones that don't work for you i also join up. There's like about a dozen new people that just joined in the server. Blake Dancher's like, he just like pings you because you're like at here. Who the fuck are these guys?
00:10:11
Speaker
I just he just takes back goblin dogs. He says he just like he puts a um he puts a gift up of a guy, just that guy who peeks out the door that you like to use with a thumbs up. How's it going? Oh, he's got a good point there. We should get some food, you guys. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, let's go shit on Denny's after we eat there. Yeah.
00:10:35
Speaker
Um, so you go, you spend some of your time going to do that. Is there any skills that you would like to work on or anything that you would like to do? Um, cause I'd like to give each of you an opportunity to like gain some extra experience for like, cause I assume you're not just fucking around, like you're recruiting people. So that's like part of your, you know, your endeavor. Are you, have you been working on anything socially, structurally, anything like that? Um,
00:10:58
Speaker
Uh, he's going to, who's the guy that took his phone and like invited everybody to discord.
Mothman Investigation with Jay Proto
00:11:02
Speaker
Uh, I don't know. You tell me what's his name and you better write these down. cause I'm not going to remember. So I know there's Tommy. he's the tom is that Yeah. Tommy's just the yeah human male is high, right? Uh-huh. Hi human. Uh, then there's, um, uh, Xanax was there too. Xanax was one of the ones that talked to Everett. I'm going to spell it with an E at the, I'm gonna spell it E C K S.
00:11:24
Speaker
S.K. And then there's there's there's Zeeps, um, Davin. Yeah. Kaborb.
00:11:34
Speaker
Basler. Spider Rock. And then a bunch of others that you can call the names of. How many of you got out of it? I got one, two, three. I gave you nine, six, seven. There's 12 in the server, but there's nine that just will work for you. The other three are just kind of floaters.
00:11:53
Speaker
Then there's, uh, there's, there's lipo. Okay. And, uh, and SCSI lipo and SCSI. Okay, cool. You can just tell me which ones are talking to you at any given moment. Cause we'll probably all sound the same, but I'll try to give them different personalities. This week. Yes. Spider rock was a guy. He's, he's, he's a guy who did the phones for me. So I'm assuming he's good with computers. I'm like, a spider, spider rock is like, yeah, they call him S rock and he's just really good on the computer. Spider rock. Was it?
00:12:19
Speaker
Yeah, man. All right. I'm going to have you guys look into somebody. There's somebody that came back from my past, Maxine Steele. Most of them is rogue. Look her up. See what you've been doing in the past, like 10 years or so. I've been living in a cave for a little while. Mound her. Oh, cool. She's in movies. Huh. Which kinds? Like the naughty kinds? Like x-rated ones. If I was a chick, I'd do it too. Easy money, you know? Hey, you got the body for it now, bud.
00:12:48
Speaker
and It's a whole thing. Anyway, yeah, figure out what I mean. That's it. does She knew. Yeah, she's doing movies, but you know, she's known for doing her own stunts and actually doing a lot of public property damage when she does her role. So, you know, she's been getting a little less work lately because she just doesn't use the props. Damn. OK, I was expecting like her to be i don't know doing some.
00:13:12
Speaker
yeah What do you call it? Espionage type of stuff or something? I don't know. She came up came up with a grenade launcher the other day. I think yeah she had a grenade. She uses she uses explosives on sets. That's why people don't hire as much anymore. But her movies make millions. So she's still getting work. Huh?
00:13:27
Speaker
Is there some of the links to some interesting sounding X-rated films? Yeah. So, yeah. So like, you know, every time that like there's a there's an orgasm on set, she blows something up. Yeah, I'll have to study these just to, you know, understand her mentality and her her, you know. Hey, that's why you're the boss. Yeah. Yeah. Send me all those links. Put them in the Discord chat, actually. Yeah, um easily have an i yeah I'm going to market is NSFW. So, you know, everybody knows.
00:13:56
Speaker
No, whatever that means. Yes, sir. It means never sue Fox's. W silent. OK. OK. That's OK. Oh, just 10 years. You've been just you've just been porn videos, huh? Yes. Well, I don't know what porn is, but she's been doing X rated movies. Oh, so not quite what their X rated action movies were like, she has to fight her way to get laid every time.
00:14:23
Speaker
Man, porn's changed since I was little. Anyway. Since I was little. Anyway. Why don't you roll a manipulate, just sort a charm roll, first of all, just to kind of see like you know how your leadership skills are going. Failure. That's a five. That's still one experience point for fucking up. um so Not that there's anything bad, but like you know theyre they because they know you and they they got high with you a little bit, like they respect you, but you're going to have to work to kind of get them to ah to kind of really want to follow your lead a little bit more, but they know you it from your celebrity status. Thanks for getting that information from me. I guess that's all I need to know about her. I'll i watch those videos and see if I can find any any little tips or tricks on how to fight her. Yeah. All right. And then roll a tough roll to see, you know just because like you've been through a lot of shit and you've done a lot of different roles lately, I want to see people still recognize you as your toughness. Wow, they really still do. Your stock has gone up in that role.
00:15:16
Speaker
So take two experience points for a 14. Hell yeah. Or just the general celebrity status you has has only gone up because of your PSA, your prowess in the monster truck rally, you know, everything going on at the, you know, in Dick, Michigan, and you're hiring goblins and giving them work. Like people are noticing and your stock's only going up right now. Your people love you even more now. And I didn't do it on purpose for the show off that I'm hiring goblins. I just hired goblins because I like them. They're cool dudes. Yeah, you know. I like them because they're just cool dudes.
00:15:46
Speaker
Yeah, it's almost like just when you do good, people recognize you for doing good. Hey guys, you know, there's something I thought. You do good things, good things happen to you. Do bad things, bad things happen to you. Right. Yeah. ah Yeah. Thanks. I think the same thing. I'm really excited to be doing some good. I think I look good with just a mustache instead of like the little facial hair I got the whole beard going on. No, I think you should just keep your old face. Sorry. Kind of like a grizzly bear. Yeah. Yeah. All right. What was that one name you said, Lazy?
00:16:15
Speaker
Uh, Lipo and Skozzy. Oh, Skozzy. Well, that's, uh, that's Skozzy talking to you. Okay. Skozzy. I think, so I think of Skozzy just cause he sounds like, uh, sounds like an old timey, like dude's nickname. I feel like he like wants to get them all to like, do like some singing on the side, like become a singing group as well. Like, uh, old timey, like they go like, yes right guys, we got to give Mr. Lazer his time. He's got work to do. Everybody get your costumes on. We got to perform pretty soon for practice. all on guys yeah costumes we just was this Oh, you know, we're working on a, you know, it's like a barbershop quartet, except there's a dozen of us. Oh, OK. There's barely any fear with like, you know, what I'm trying to have you guys do. This is really driving me. OK, I'm out here. I'm going to go away. I'll let you guys know if I need your help. Right. Then you hear where, where, where. And then start practicing in the background while you walk away. They're lucky I'm giving them some money. And don't quit your day jumping just a gosh.
00:17:14
Speaker
I hope we want your first priority, sir. All right. Better remember, causes he has that voice. so I don't know. I just trying to give him some different voices and personalities. I don't know. OK. I should man, I should have given Scottish accent because that's easier. Remember, Scotty was Scotland, but I fucked it up. Oh, well, well, ah next time that's probably lipo. I eat a lipo. There you go. That's lipo. Lizzo lipo. As you said, or so no listen it and the rest of them don't talk. I was thinking about Lizzo. I don't know why I thought about Lizzo. So I said lipo.
00:17:44
Speaker
Right. All right. Jay Proto. What has Jay Proto been doing over the past seven days? ah He's been listening to a lot of Lozo. Yeah. Yeah. What songs has been listened to lately? I'm just kidding. He's just been listening to her play ah George Washington's like Crystal Food or some shit like that. I don't fuck him out. Yeah. Whenever people got mad at her about you was listening to that a lot. Yeah. She she played George Washington Carver's Peanut Butter Flute.
00:18:11
Speaker
a yeah um Anyways, na he's a he was texting Jane Secretary because he's like, is there another job that I couldn't do? And you know she's just like, no, I'll hit you up when there's a job. And he texts Jimmy Chang, who takes a day to respond, and he's like, dude, just chill. like You got paid, right? Yeah, he's like, you just stay, you just wait, just hang out. You got good money, right? And Jay did get good money, right? Because it was his first job, his first gig out of whatever the fuck school it is, you know? You know, he's out of training now and he got his first paycheck. So he's like,
00:18:51
Speaker
he doesn't know what to do does he spend it has he gone to spend his money yet yeah it's what he's going to do i think so he's you know he also doesn't have a he doesn't really have a place to live and all that so he's kind of like well fuck it and he buys a he buys like a tent And like some ah backpacking gear, a nice like a huge like hiking bag and like, you know, boots that are like nice quality. And like, you know, he makes like a trail mix and he's like, fuck it. I'm just going to go. ah And he catches a bus to Ohio and he's looking for, ah he's looking for Mothman in the
00:19:31
Speaker
Oh, he's been hot and hot and Mothman for for what purposes is he hunting because he thinks that's what he because that's what he needs. It is what he thinks he needs to do. You know, in his free time as he needs to investigate other monsters and stuff. OK, OK. You know what? I want to let's roll some. Let's roll some rolls to see how he's doing with that. Like ah like was that like over course of a couple of days and he gets his bus out to the Appalachians.
00:19:54
Speaker
Um, yeah, I'd say that after a week, he like is just, he's like getting out there and he's like about to, like, you know, you picture him like getting off at a bus stop and then he's walking into the woods. He just like walks into straight into the woods.
00:20:05
Speaker
Okie dokie. You know what, then why don't we have you roll a couple of rolls? Maybe this can be like how you get get some extra XPs for like, you know, trying to venture off on your own. Do you take anybody? Do you tell anybody that you're going anywhere or do you just go off on your own? He tells Jane's secretary. so So she knows. So he has a direct tie to her as well, like Jimmy Chang does. it tries to he he ah He texts the Discord group with like Jack and Everett and says like, you know, he's going to be going after Mothman and no one responds to him. Gotcha.
00:20:35
Speaker
Yeah, later, like when you lose cell reception, like, you know, you get a bunch of responses from a bunch of goblin ah people that like give like a bunch of video link. Yeah, they send you a bunch of porn links in there. but You put them in our discord chat, huh? Yeah. So um but yeah, how about let's do a let's do a sharp roll to see ah how Jake J. Preto is doing with that. A seven. OK, so um you know what you find like um like very, very little to go on when you're up in in the ah and the mountains of Appalachia, but you do see like some interesting spools of like large bouts of like, ah what do you call that? Um, like chrysalis, chrysalisis, chrysoli. Oh, really?
00:21:22
Speaker
Yeah, you find like some different like assorted size crystallize that aren't like usual, like bug sized or probably like a foot or so but long hanging off a tree. um So like you don't know if that's necessarily related to Mothman, but you could have take a sample or pictures or whatever it is. i'm taking alu I'll take it. I'll try to take a sample. All right. ah So like what how what else does ah Jay do with that information? Finding those different crystallize in the well, he's kind of oh he has no signals, so he just kind of keeps like.
00:21:52
Speaker
Look it around. I don't he doesn't really know what to do either. He's just wasting time. Well, hey, good. You know, he's still learning. All right. So, yeah. So take an extra experience point for finding something. Oh, I think you're really nice. He leveled up. Yeah. Well, yeah, bro. He's leveling up. See, he's just getting a little information, but he's already becoming a better hunter. He gained a sharp after that. He gained a sharp. That's what you gave him. I imagine that fucking a man.
00:22:18
Speaker
Uh, so yeah, so you take some samples of the, you take some pictures, you take some samples of the crystalli. Um, you, you know, they're, I mean, they look like they're still, um, like something freshly came out of them. Like there's still like a little bit of like ooze and like, kind of you can see those like breaks in there. Like, you know, if something crawled out and left, usually like something turning into a winged creature, as you know, like, you know, from butterflies and moths.
00:22:42
Speaker
Yeah, these are clearly Mothman Crystallize. So he's going to look around for a trail, because Mothman leaves a trail everywhere he goes. He always leaves a trail. He can't help himself. right um You know what? Do you want to do another sharp roll? That can be your other sharp roll. With my plus two now, and he fails.
00:22:59
Speaker
Wow, I'm taking you for that. ah yo yeah ah Yeah, you take your XP, you should take it. um You know, so yeah, what you do find, but then the trail goes cold is like when you follow like you see like a little bit of goopage um and you just catch a glimpse of just like something like fluttering off in the distance.
00:23:19
Speaker
And you see on the trail that like you're kind of following around, you see like in a little bit of an open clearing, ah like just like a bunch of cans of peanut butter, jars of peanut butter that are completely lit clean. Blaying in the in the in the grass. Interesting. Yeah, totally clean. well yeah Like ah you know Peter Pan. Oh, crunchy or creamy? Creamy. OK, all right.
00:23:49
Speaker
It's creamy. It's Peter Pan's cream me peanut butter. He's going to make a note. Mothman creamy peanut butter. Peter Pan doesn't remember that forever. Yeah. So, yeah. So you find that they're the only other lead that you have aside from Peter Pan peanut butter is that there are a bunch of like small little kind of circular ask prints in the ground, like probably sets of four at a time, ah like around like these jars in the earth. Do I recognize these? Should I roll for that? No, I would say that ah you probably can, you know, could surmise that they are some kind of print from whatever was standing there. Like it looks like multiple bug like creatures were standing around this stuff consuming it. He's going to smell the prints.
00:24:42
Speaker
You're going to smell the prince. Yeah. They're not fresh prince. Hey, hey. You smell them and they smell like just ah the only real potent smell that you get is just peanut butter everywhere. Like they just like it just reeks of of peanut butter in this section. ah This area is a service right now.
00:25:05
Speaker
You know, roll for service, roll, roll plus call for your phone to see if your phone has good service. No, you don't have any service. You're old to six. He tries to ask the goblins, hey, are you guys out in the fucking Appalachians right now? ah Yeah, you said that message and it just looks like it's like continuing to try to send that eventually it comes back read like message not sent. Shit. Yeah. All right. Well, um,
00:25:34
Speaker
That's interesting, and he keeps moving on, I guess. OK, so yeah. So you probably spend the the rest of the week. I don't know how many days you decide to spend out there, but you know kind of walking in circles at this point, like like any other leads that you find all comes back to so footprints in peanut butter. And you like you don't catch any other glimpses. You see a few other like opened larvae like hanging from a tree that look like they're kind of starting to rot out at this point, like something grew out of it and left.
00:26:01
Speaker
um But that's all that you find is all right. There's a lot of peanut butter and footprints. Yeah, I'd say he's saying he's out there for a couple of days and then he leaves and he's going to go into town and try to ask who's been buying, you know, copious amounts of Peter Pan peanut butter.
Mission to Investigate the Los Angeles Serifs
00:26:16
Speaker
And there's any strange people come in and kept buying. them Yeah. And then he gets a call from Jane Secretary, right? Yeah. Well, you guys actually get a call from yeah Blake Dancer. Oh, OK. Yeah, Blake Dancer has got um you a new job, he puts a ping up in the in the discord. It says like, all right, any actual hired heroes who want work, ah you know, like I have a job um in ah Los Angeles, California. Los Angeles, Los Angeles, Los Angeles. So yeah where the hell is Los Angeles? It's south of Los Angeles. But like, it's hard for people to find, but it's in Los Angeles.
00:26:59
Speaker
OK. Jack laser, you get a cool. Everett, do you respond that you want a job in Los Angeles? Yeah. OK, excellent. So everyone responds. ah You guys get a call ah from like when you get back in town from blank dancer. ah So. ah Who jumps on first? Jay Prado, Jay Prado. All right. He's so bored. He's so bored. He's just sitting there it's like, right. Hey, gang, how's that?
00:27:29
Speaker
How's your week been? You've been, uh, you've been rested. You've been, you've been hanging out. You've been, uh, which we all been up to. Come on. like get Let me in. Let's be, you know, I'm your buddy. What's going on? Uh, we've been honing my.
00:27:42
Speaker
Oops, sorry. You know what? That's my fault. yeah That's my fault for just not asking one at a time. Enjoy editing that. Actually, I'm just going to leave it. I think it's great. It really shows the incompetence of the team where they all just had him running it. I'll talk at the same time. Yeah.
00:28:02
Speaker
You know what? That's perfect. I'm glad to hear about everything that you guys have been doing. Thank you. but Thank you so much if they want to know. Yeah. yeah you say Jack hasn't even joined it. it Like whenever you wait too long to answer, yeah he just goes, he drops out. and like He comes in like a couple minutes later. I'm here. Yeah, what's going on? Hey. Oh, we're just all catching up. I already got the gist of what you've been doing based on all the camera feeds I've been watching from Dick. Good job.
00:28:30
Speaker
ah you are Yeah, you saw me talking to the goblins, huh? Sure did. Keep tabs on Ollie. I just want to see if y'all were going to be honest with me. That's creepy. It's not creepy. It's my job. You don't have a camera in inside my storage container, do you? So anyway, do you guys want to jump? I have a job out in Los Angeles, California. Hell yeah. All right. So here's the deal. This is a juicy one, guys. Listen, there's a hockey team called the Los Angeles Serifs.
00:28:58
Speaker
That's serifs. It's like Sarah with us at the end. And they take like, they've been like this huge growing team. They went a whole fucking decade without winning a goddamn game. And now they've been on the uprising. They just won the Stanley cup a few weeks ago. Just crazy. I had been taking the media by storm and I heard about this.
00:29:19
Speaker
Do you not watch hockey? I love hockey. Well, then you should know about it. I didn't know the season was on. I've been out. I've beenve been doing too much other shit. It just wrapped up. They won the Stanley Cup a couple of weeks ago. Where have you been? I've been watching some videos. Right. Okay. Is it the ones that you're fucking goblin buddies? By the way, I just, you're on thin ice here. I don't know why you invited so many people to my server. They're they're with us now. They work with us.
00:29:48
Speaker
They're a little green. Uh, not, no's not racist. I'm trying to, I mean, they're like, they're, they're new to like to hunt in the monster kind of thing, but hold on. Hold on, Jack. cla good guy yeah Hold on a second. yeah Can I say something? Yeah. Who the hell are you Blake to talk to Jack that way? Telling him he's on thin ice. Who are you Blake? I'm the guy that shows some goddamn respect. do is This is like a semi-volunteer sort of work we're doing here.
00:30:10
Speaker
Right. Well, yeah, I apologize if my tone was a little bit Chris. However, you know, it's my server. I don't even know why I gave you permissions to invite people in the first place, but I mean, and they're they're your responsibility. They start fucking up everything. Oh, somebody just bought some, some discord boost nitro. Oh, fuck. Right. They can stay cool. Good job. SCSI. Yeah. He knows computers.
00:30:37
Speaker
Well, I got to talk to that guy. I got questions. He's like the Donatello of your goblins. Yeah, I guess. Anyways, look, anyway, the deal, um, you're going to go to, uh, to what's called the galactic cup, right? This team just got into the galactic cup and they're going to win the whole thing. And I have some Intel that tells me that these guys, it's not that they're juicing that they've improved all of a sudden that that they're good at what they do. There's some supernatural shit going on. That's giving them some sort of extra juice to win these things. And no one fucks with my favorite sport of hockey.
00:31:14
Speaker
Right so i need you guys to go and figure out what's going on there sauce out whatever the supernatural entity is and get the fuck rid of it. Now my idea is that you guys make your own little hockey team and go and beat him that way if you have a different idea you go right for it.
00:31:28
Speaker
Now, now who's needed for hiring nine guys, huh? We got a fucking team already going. All right. I start. I mean, you see um immediately say like, is it like his hands are in front of the screen and and he's typing. You just see boys. We're going to Los Angeles. Get your home six of your skateboards ready. It actually kind of works out quite well because I didn't anticipate that, but I forgot you was mentioned of the goblin team. Now who's an asshole, Blake? Huh? You know what? You know what?
00:32:01
Speaker
Right. So guys, um, sorry about that. Uh, anyways, um, Jay Everett. Um, any questions? Did you learn your lesson? I sure did. Boy, boy, boy, you know what? He hangs up. yeah You know, Everett, at least you have a little bit of common courtesy. Uh, you know, it's just good that I can talk to you at least. I mean, yeah. Anytime.
00:32:31
Speaker
So like, how's your mother? Oh, she, um, she still did. Thank you for asking. Okay. Well, you know, I just thought I'd ask because I thought I heard you say something about you seeing ghosts last time. And I just wanted to make sure you were saying still. Oh, no. Oh, no, no. The ghosts are real. Don't get me wrong. It's just not my mom. I just thought it was my mom, but it turns out they were just trolling me. Turns out that even in the afterlife, people are still kind of assholes.
00:32:59
Speaker
Makes sense. All right. Well, you have a good day. Okay. Oh, hey, you too. And, uh, hey, good luck with your date with Tommy. I heard all about it in the discord chat. You're not supposed to know about that. Cause then everyone's my chances. Tell him to stop posting about it. He's posting all sorts of loving IV bullshit in the server. Haven't you read it? No, because I try not to. Okay. Well, he's, he's talking about how he's going to take you out.
00:33:26
Speaker
Oh, my God, I got to go put a stop to it. I'll be I'll call you right back. Click, click, click. Right. No one says bye anymore. Fuck. um And he leaves the chat. um So what do you guys do? What are you doing, Everett? She's going to get ready to join the boys. OK, the boys are joined. You guys are together. Whoa. You're on the same place outside of ah outside. We're we're ah Jack laser. What do you guys want to meet up at?
00:33:55
Speaker
God damn oh right there, right at the. Oh, as I was there right at the city limits of ah Los Angeles. You're at the city limits of Los Angeles where there's the only business there is a coffee shop called the Kitty cats and coffee coffee shop. Do they serve alcohol? What the fuck was that? Did they serve? Sorry. That was a truck going down the highway. All right. They take those aviators off. Yeah, they serve alcohol. There's it's called an up or downer.
00:34:22
Speaker
the upper downer. Hey, look, there's the upper downer. Let's go get some uppers or downers. Oh, yeah. No, the drink is called the upper downer. Keep your papers peeled for some goblin dogs. They're going to be coming here pretty soon, those fellas. Yeah, right.
00:34:35
Speaker
Hey, you guys, you guys go into the into the kiddies and coffee, coffee shop for uppers, downers, and you see that all your goblin guys were already there ah standing in line getting their orders. Hey, hey, what's up, man? The place becomes like immediately like fucking like so like we're all just yelling and it's like so obnoxious. Yeah, it's like a bar all of a sudden causing lipo. Oh, man.
00:35:01
Speaker
It's like, oh, hey, I had people on laptops giving you glares. Corbo, Corbo, right? And it's Corbo. Yeah. Right. Kavor. Kavor. Yeah. Yeah. Good boy. There you go. He's got a lot of these guys. These are the guys, Jay and Everett.
00:35:17
Speaker
So that this is our team. This is our team right here. Goblins. Yeah. Tommy there. He's going to be, he's going to be the, he's going to be the goalie. Oh shit. me I've seen what Tommy can do. Yeah. He kicks ass. He's going to be a great goalie. Oh man. I like, I love catching, you know, so just like throw it at me and I'll get it. Yeah. I'm going to be catching these nuts. Boy. Why did I say that? ah Oh man. Cool. if You got that. You want to throw at me, bro. Go ahead.
00:35:43
Speaker
They throw you or throw at you. He ignores them and he, um, Jay goes to get an up or downer. Cause he had a long flight and boys, his, his arms are tired. You know what I'm saying? And all of the other goblins like step out the way with their drinks and go, Oh yeah, let's see what he's getting. And, uh, you see ladies, she goes, hi, what's your fucking order?
00:36:07
Speaker
I'm going to, okay, here's my order. How about you, uh, chill the fuck out lady. What are you fucking talking about? You see who that is over there? Look, hey, look who that is. You recognize that person? Ew. Oh, Everett. Hey, girl. How you doing? Okay, yeah, that's Everett. You obviously know I'm talking about fucking Jack Lazer over there. Oh. Who's that? Yeah. You have a fucking celebrity here, so how about you watch your goddamn mouth and show some fucking respect? Oh, fuck. Sorry. Fuck it, man. Fuck. Anyway, what kind of order do you want? I don't want anything now.
00:36:39
Speaker
You just lost a customer. Great job. And you want to bring your manager out here. I am the manager. Great. You just lost a customer. Oh, fuck you then. Lave. He's not wearing shit from that piece of garbage.
00:36:55
Speaker
She goes over to Jack. Jack, that lady that lady is not showing you proper respect. you should We should leave this fucking establishment. What are you talking about? I was just chest bumping all the boys here. I know, but I went over to get something and that lady was just like, what's your fucking order? like Calm down. like Have you ever... Oh my God.
00:37:13
Speaker
You need to get out a little more, Jay. Listen, this place, it's it's like an insult place. They can, you can digate they can, they can, they razz you. You know, it's like, if they say shit to you and you can say shit to them, you know, you know, it would be a reason. Where are you, where are you getting that from? um I bet you've never been to Lust. I'm telling you, you gotta get out more, Jay. This place, this first, this whole town is amazing. And this place, I don't really like coffee and shit, but their alcoholic coffees are pretty good. ah But yeah, this place is great. So watch this. Tiffany, give me a fucking smoke of Cheeto. I suck a dick, it'll be out in a second, bitch. Hey, you might ask you, bitch.
00:37:52
Speaker
Okay, Jay just, Jay just... walks outside, he's done with this place. jack yeah you know every Every time you do something like that, when you exit the scene, I always think about in the early stages where you'd say Jack walks off the podcast ah jade what's a gun in his mouth and yeah suck podcast. He's taking his fucking camping gear, Hebra, and he's going outside. and I go, oh, I got, I know the first thing for you. A small fappuccino for him, please.
00:38:24
Speaker
All right. Extra one. One. Is there anywhere else that Jay can go? Is there anywhere else Jay can go? One just boiler coming up. um just
00:38:37
Speaker
Yeah, there's a there's there's another one across the street. It's just a Starbucks because of a Starbucks. All right, they go, don't you mean, don't you mean Skrybux? Yeah, Skrybux. Yeah. The lady, they go, Oh, hello. Welcome to Skrybux. How might I serve you, mister? Uh, can I get an upper downer? Oh no, we don't sell those on account of the place across the street sells them. Just give me a fucking coffee, please. Please. Thank you. Oh, so we, I can't along use that kind of language, sir. I understand. i um um I apologize. I just really need a coffee. Thank you.
00:39:13
Speaker
All right, here you go. How would you like a caramel macchiato with latiato and macanano? Just just a just a black coffee. Just a black coffee for the for the gentleman. And then they bring you a just a straight cup of just like a styrofoam cup and they point you to where you can just go get your own black coffee from. Yeah, that's great. He fills up and then he goes back outside after he pays. He pays. And he goes outside and he's sipping on his coffee and just I assume he's across the street and he's just looking at the fucking up or downer, whatever the fuck he's called. he sees He sees Jack wander out with two coffees in his hand and he's like looking around like confused like, Jay, Jay, where you going? I got your Frappuccino. I'm over here, Jack. Thanks. I got my own coffee. You can give it one of the goblins. He runs he runs across the street. Here you go, Jay. You're going to love this.
00:40:05
Speaker
Okay, thanks. I got a nice for you. like friday Okay, um he's double fisting coffees now. Excellent. ah Everett, do you get anything from ah the kitty cats and coffee coffee shop? Oh, yeah, she gets the kitty cat special. Yeah, the kitty cat special is like they make this like beautiful little drink. And then you know how like they use like the cream to make little shapes in the coffee.
00:40:30
Speaker
Mm-hmm, but they just put a cat's face in there and then like they pull it out um And then like there's a kitty cat face in there and then the cat like licks all the coffee off his face. Oh Yeah, yeah, cuz I got one fucking kitty cat special for the weird haired girl out here um And then ah just oh sir Also, ever how the fuck you doing girl? I haven't seen you a little while.
00:40:57
Speaker
Oh, you know, I'm just like, you know, solving crimes and being awesome. Still, it's just how I do. I just wake up and I'm just awesome. It's just how it does. You like to solve crimes or whatever? That's fucking crazy, fuck fuck. Yeah. You still go by fuck fuck anymore or do like people not call you that now? Nobody calls me that anymore. No. Dang it. Does that mean I could use it to kind of like it?
00:41:24
Speaker
I mean, you could totally use it. It's not really my thing anymore, especially since I don't do that anymore. I've kind of become celibate because, you know, I've got bigger dreams and she's looking over at Jack and Jane with hearts in her eyes. All right, cool. What way to kill the fucking mood ah with that? Whatever that is, celibate. You can't speak that word here. The kitty cats and coffee coffee shop.
00:41:54
Speaker
I mean, yes, I can. I can say whatever I want. I'm like a celebrity now, don't you know? ah No, we don't really get TV out here. What do you mean? Like I've been on the TV. I'm like i know a TV out here. I know because I like I was like ah the bestest like superhero person ever. And I saved a town. All right, cool. but Yeah, whatever you're smoking. come Give me some.
00:42:20
Speaker
I mean, you can have some of that too. It's called goblin green. It's pretty good. Oh, fuck. You got goblin green. We just saw a bunch of copies in here. I just assumed that they're all hitting the stuff, but no one offers us any. Oh, yeah. Here you go. Oh, fuck.
00:42:35
Speaker
and he said And she starts dipping it in coffee and then smoking it. Yeah. yeah All right, so you get here, you get your kitty cat special. ah You guys all meet up across the street, I guess, where Jay and Jack are hanging out. um right What's your plan? you have You have a hockey match you have to get to. And all the other goblins are also up there with you. There's nine other Gobbies that are just hanging out. Eight goblins and Tommy. yeah Just assume they're there all the time. Yeah, they're there all the time. Even if I don't say they're there, they're there. They're there. All right, guys, we're going to get to this hockey rink now that we're all buzzed up and leveled off and everything like that. So yeah.
00:43:17
Speaker
causing where's the Where's the rink? but but voice i you but causing head australian kind of um who it's It's down here, Jack. It's this way. Oh, yeah, he's right. Just listen to him. Oh, I forgot, this place is like kind of like one street. Oh, yeah. it's like Literally, it's literally like a block down. If you look outside, like yeah yeah if you see that building, that's the rink.
00:43:39
Speaker
If you look at that building down there, that's the hockey rink. Did you know that? Oh, thanks, Cozy. Yeah, let's go down there. All right. Yeah, let's go. Let's go. Come on, Jack. All right. So you guys all clockwipe down the street and you guys were there and you can see the when you walk into the rink, there's just like a bunch of crazy shit going on, like just like a bunch of big signage being put up, a lot of games that are like centered around the Los Angeles serifs.
00:44:08
Speaker
um You see that they're inside their home turf, like the Galactic Cup has come to them because they're they've been like the ultimate winner of the entire team, of the entire ah game. So everything comes here. There's like a bunch of crowd crowds like forming in, going and buying their tickets to get into the game. And you can see that they're practicing on the on the ice right now as you like look over the yeah look over the rail and they're just like firing like you see these dudes are all like fucking like Some of them are pretty jacked, but there's also other ones that like aren't that big to be like hockey players. And they're like fucking slapping these these these hockey pucks at like 300 miles an hour, like through the fucking net as they're practicing their shooting. And they're skating around the ice at like ridiculous speeds. Wow. Yeah. um Well, they're not juicing.
00:44:56
Speaker
yeah um But they're probably doing something else that's legal. Yeah. Hey, I talked to the goblins. Do you guys think you could um ah maybe... I hate to ask you to do this but take the rockets off your skateboards and put them onto some roller ice skates?
00:45:11
Speaker
we not love to do that but i was gettingary absolutely there Thanks. Hold on. Thanks, Zeeps.
00:45:21
Speaker
ah know like would have kind of that idea but i do not yeah Steve is kind of like the yes man of the group, but it's not just a yes. He doesn't just say yes all the time. He's like, yes, he's willing. Um, they're going to hook us up with some rocket skates and we'll go to skate circles around these assholes. Uh, I guess we gotta find the registration desk and, uh, fortunately they've already gotten to work. Like he's already like, they've already jumped over the counter where the skates are and just started like, just already starting to work on it. See, let's find the registration desk and force him to put us into the tournament.
00:45:54
Speaker
You see, ah you see a lady and a guy just kind of chilling on their phones behind the counter ah when you get up there. Oh. And they're just still tapping, tapping, tapping. One just like, hey, so like if I lose two followers, but I gain three, like, did I really lose anything?
00:46:15
Speaker
Like, fuck, bitch, I don't know, man. I'm just trying to, like, master this dance. Jay interrupts him. Jay interrupts him and he walks up and he slams a hand down on the desk. Jack's trying to talk to you. Jack laser is fucking trying to talk to you. Bathrooms are that way, Jack laser. ah Thank you for that tip, but ah we want to sign up. Oh, oh, hi. And you see like they both like start making eyes at.
00:46:40
Speaker
Jay Proto, like, oh, hey, and they both kind of like leaning closer to him. They're like, yeah, like whatever about this Jack person, but tell us more about you. How do you not know who fucking Jack Laser is? I don't know. He's not on TikTok, is he? He is. He could literally is. Is he really? Let me look it up. ah She scrolls and she just sees like explosions behind Jack Laser is like he's running in the distance towards the sunset.
00:47:04
Speaker
OK, like whatever. Looks fake to me. No, that's his he does his own stunts. He's awesome. Yeah, looks like special effects. It's not fake. I was there, too. Look, I'm in the background. Oh, wow. You look so good on camera. You got a face for like, shut up. Wow. Jack, why does no one show you respect here? Yeah, I probably don't care. God, they just don't get it. I mean, also respect whoever you respect. So you just tell us who to respect. Can we have your number? Are you on TikTok or the Gram?
00:47:33
Speaker
No, no, no. All right. Whatever. Jack, would you want to ask him? I'm sorry. We need to sign up. Sign up for what? The tournament. Oh, you want to go in and play the hockey? Yeah. I mean, I guess there's no rules that says teams can't just sign up for it. I mean, anybody can go after the Galactic Cup. But I mean, the serifs are here. So like, good luck. Like most professional teams haven't even showed up for it because they know they already lost a bunch to them during the main season. All right. Well, is there any rules written out about carrying a ah Magnum onto the field. Yeah, know honestly, there aren't that many rules at all. The Galactic Cup's pretty new. All right. Well, ah hey if a things go sideways, I pull my Magnum out. You never know. Might have to shoot something other than a goal, you know what I'm saying? Wow. hey hey Hey, Jay, was it? Could you hold that gun instead? I bet you'd look cooler in your hands.
00:48:24
Speaker
Jason's own guns. Pick your, pull your gun out, Jay. Show your gun. What are these? Okay. I don't, I don't need to do that. Um, okay. That's enough. I think that you pulling out the gun is enough. Um, ladies, where the hell is the, uh, I need to, I need to, I need to inspect the locker rooms. Can you, can you take me there? Uh, yeah. Yeah. You want me to, what, what, what of us to escort you to the lockers? Yeah. Yeah. I just want to see what's going on there. And yeah. Okay. Yeah. Um, you got to come to Everett and Jack, you got to come to, you know, I'm just going to kind of vibe.
00:48:55
Speaker
I'm going to get all right. Find concession stand. I'll go by myself then. And they get really go to the locker rooms with Jay Everett. You want to come check out the locker rooms, you know, or the where, you know, no. OK, she's she's nonresponsive right now, I guess. All right. So you go to the locker rooms with I guess both both people go with you. They just walk in with you.
00:49:19
Speaker
um And they're like, yeah, so these are the lockers, as you can see, oh okay you know, so where the serifs, where are the serifs locker rooms that like, Oh, they kind of have their own because this is their home, you know, field advantage. Uh, do you want to see their locker?
00:49:35
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I'd really. Oh, I thought you want to see where you change. Oh, sorry. um And they walk you over to ah the special one, which is like really big ass double doors like Dark Souls style. um And as you walk through them, you can see that it's like it's an immaculately cleaned, ah like really nice lockers. There's just enough for them. There aren't any extras um like luxurious bathrooms. It's quite nice in there.
00:50:02
Speaker
Oh, wow, man, this is this is really nice in here. Yeah, only the best for the serifs. Wow. Yeah, um I want to look around. Is there any like equipment anywhere like out in the open? ah You mean like like they're like they're hockey gear sticks, skates. I mean, yeah, there's like some sticks and stuff ah kind of like wedged.
00:50:25
Speaker
you know, up in their little ah like there's like that little rack where like they can pull ah a hockey stick off of when they head out. um Yeah, I want to go grab one. Yeah, sure. You got one. It's a hockey stick. Nothing unusual about it that I could maybe roll for. I mean, if you want to take a little look see at it. Sure. You want to do investigate a mystery, perhaps. Yeah, we'll investigate a mystery. I got it at night. What do you want to know? um What can it do? It being a hockey stick.
00:50:55
Speaker
What can it do? ah It can hit a fucking puck with itself if you swing it. So it's a normal hockey stick. It does. Yeah. yeah as As you analyze it, um you are you just kind of say, yeah, it just looks like a standard, like taped up you know hockey stick. that to I mean, it's a higher end hockey stick because it's a pretty, you know, it's a pretty rich team now. um But like, yeah, nothing that jumps out that says it's it's anything crazy. All right. I'm going to put it in my bag.
00:51:26
Speaker
You're going to you're going to take it. Yeah, I'm taking it. Yeah. OK. You do that. You take it and you you do that. And so what do you go next? I'm still not done. I'm not convinced there's nothing. I want to just roll it. I just want to roll again. Like, what are you trying to find? I'm trying to find some evidence that like their equipment is like enhancing their abilities or something.
00:51:52
Speaker
Uh, okay. You know what? We can just use like that role because like you're looking at what they have. So yeah, they, I mean, again, it's mostly just hockey sticks that are hanging up in here. Um, but you can kind of, I mean, there's probably a couple pairs of skates or something near like a bench or, you know, knee pads, elbow pads, helmets that are probably like, you know, hung up in the appropriate places. And I'd say probably after a few minutes of scrutinizing as your fans just kind of like watch you.
00:52:17
Speaker
do that. um Yeah, you glean that everything that at least that you can see in here looks fine. Like there's nothing. um Nothing jumps out at you is like it's altered has any sort of magic, like, you know, infused in it or any sort of, um ah you know, extra weights or anything like that. It all feels legit to you, at least from what you know about sports. give you my more lot But yeah, okay, well, we better go back to Jack and report. Okay.
00:52:46
Speaker
um So you go back out, ah Everett, is there anything that you are doing? um Whilst she's she's at the concession stands, she's getting some nachos and a pretzel and definitely some candy, because, you know, she's. ah She's got to get that concession stamp boot. It's like her favorite. Oh, don't forget those roll of dogs. Those are like the bomb. Oh, yeah, dude. That's like my dude. That's my shit. ah Yeah. So like, are you like here to watch the big game or like what do you you know, are you a big fan of the serifs?
00:53:24
Speaker
Yeah, it's totally the biggest fan, you know, like um i would I love it when they get the ball into like the glove and then they like do the touchdowns.
00:53:39
Speaker
Yeah, you know what? I love when people do that because, you know, but I that's what fans do. We as as Sarah are fans, like kind of, you know, because they've sucked for so long, we often like to, you know, as you know, say like wrong things because they always did a lot of wrong stuff before. um you know So, yeah, that's very on point. It's kind of like the i being an ironic fan now. So that's I get that.
00:54:00
Speaker
um yeah I hear that ah you the you know that ah Bing Bong Bonsen is going to get on ah on the news after this because he's been really like, you know he got put as team captain. He was the worst player on the worst team last year.
00:54:14
Speaker
And now he's like the leading scorer and the leading defenseman and the leading check person who checks things. And he's Czechoslovakian. Um, whoa, that already like gives him like, like God status right there on the ice. Like I don't even know what even like that would, that would be close to even look in like, because like, um I mean, to be honest, I'm not much of like a sports fan, but like I came here with like,
00:54:43
Speaker
my boyfriends and so I said, that's fine. I'll just come in like hang out and just like do like the concession stands because, you know, you guys have like the best food. And then at least while I'm here watching the thingy, then like I'm at least fed and then I'm happy. You know what I'm saying? Because as long as I've got food, I'm good. Yeah, I smoked a bunch of blunts before work, too. So I totally get what you're saying.
00:55:11
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. You got to always have snacks because you never know when your munchies are going to hit. And as much as I smoke, I'm always hungry. I like the pre-munch, you know, a practice munch and post-munch. So I'm right there. Exactly. Yeah. And then you can have like another hit and then it's like you you just restarted it and it's like, oh, I guess I got to get something else to eat.
00:55:33
Speaker
Well, just keep an eye, you know, if you, when you're out there, keep an eye on Bing Bong Bonson, if you haven't been watching them, because, uh, the thing that really blew my mind, cause I, I thought I had to stop taking hits because, you know, during one game on a bet, he played center left and right wing for like a whole period by himself. And they still went up ahead. There were just three dudes on the ice on his team and he played all three forward positions and.
00:55:59
Speaker
Like it was incredible. Like if nothing's ever been done like that in the history of the sport. So keep an eye on Bing Bong Bonsen because I think he's going places. Do you think that maybe like he's like using enhancements because that doesn't seem right to me. Oh, come on. Not you. Come on. They've been losing for 10 years. Let them have it.
00:56:20
Speaker
I mean, but it's not right if he could kill himself, right? That doesn't seem safe. They did testing live on the air, and they came back clean. All the team members. ah I don't know. I'm feeling a little suspicious about this guy. Oh, you know what? I thought you were cool, but you know what? I was going to give you some extra cheese on your nachos, and now I'm just going to put it on my nachos. Oh, yeah. What would you say about? Yeah, hey, I could use some extra cheese, though. I love being my bonsan.
00:56:48
Speaker
oh Hey he big bong bonsen fan. Oh, yeah, Yeah. Oh, yeah Guys, tell us are you like big boy? Would you say big bong bozen? Give me a free cheese ah They're all like hey you like like several of the goblins jump over the counter just start putting cheese and ra um love my animals Yeah, just give us the whole cheese thing man Yeah, just rip it out, man. I don't pay for any of this shit. Lipo. Lipo, land the thing. Good. Put your mouth under the nozzle. There they are. Yeah. You see like Scott. He's just like, Oh, he's got a great Jack. Jack. Look what I found. Look what I found, Jack. Check out. Check this out. I took I took one of their sticks. Get pranked, idiot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, I checked out their equipment and ah it's normal. I don't I don't.
00:57:42
Speaker
i thought that would be that I thought that was it. I thought they were just ah using you know modified equipment and you know had some kind of special properties and no, it's just a standard ass hockey stick. Well, it sounds like they've got some sort of um Slavic connection with this Bingo Bonsen guy. he's ah oh He's born on the ice, it sounds like, from his Czechoslovakian days. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah that's incredible being born on ice.
00:58:08
Speaker
He came out of the mud and just skated across the ice, they say. Wow. It's amazing.
00:58:16
Speaker
He's the one, if anybody needs to get shot out there, it's going to be him. You want me to shoot somebody? I mean, I was already saying, did you see me waving my gun around earlier? If we need to kill anybody, we can. Here, let me take mine out, too. He takes out his shotgun. Don't forget you have that ability, and if you do a job that he asks you to do, even if you're hesitant to do it, you get XP for that.
00:58:37
Speaker
yep um The only thing I'm just thinking now though, I was just thinking about killing a man for this game, which you want me to kill him? I want to win. Oh, just calm down, Jay. But I hung up pretty early. did Do you remember? And I also didn't pay attention because I didn't really listen to Blake when he talks. Why do we want to beat these guys?
00:58:55
Speaker
Um, Blake, I think, uh, he didn't really give us a reason. He just seeks her cheating. I mean, obviously he has a, he wants to win. He has gambling debts. That's that just seems obvious to me. And, uh, we're going to, we're going to take his scumbags out of her cheating. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. He did say that he doesn't want them to ruin his favorite sport. I've heard in the sector. Oh yeah. Right. But that Blake, he wants the other, he's betting on another team here. So obviously like he's a lot of money on the line. Right. Blake. Yeah.
00:59:21
Speaker
Uh, no, that's not correct at all. Although if I were a bitten man in my team one, that would mean a bigger paycheck for you guys. Yeah. i understand that eating In my favorite sport. You're voting for the goblin dogs, right? back yeah nice You know, everybody else is betting on the, is betting on the, on the serifs. So if I bet on you guys and we win big paycheck for all of us, buds. Oh yeah. All right. Hey.
00:59:50
Speaker
Alright, I'm ready. Okay, I could kill a guy for this. Let's do it. Yeah, it's 517 to 1. I'm the one. Oh, wow. Tell ya, we're gonna make some money here. Let's get those serves to fucking lose. Yeah, we're talking like $635,000 payout. Oh, yeah, but that's if you were betting. That's if you were betting, right? That's if you're betting. I'm not saying I did, but I'm not saying I didn't. Is there a bookie window around here? Yeah, actually, we have a chat for that in the server.
01:00:19
Speaker
I don't know how much money I have, but I put it all on us. I don't put any money on us. I keep it in my pocket. You have $2,200 that you've accrued. I put $2,200 on us. Nice. Right. Anybody else play some bits? Not that you have to. This is all private. No judgment, though. I'll put $10 down. $10 on who?
01:00:43
Speaker
the the the big one i don't know like i told you i don't know sports or anything one is like they're gonna make me the most money well then you want to bet for the goblin dogs because it because you guys are the goblin dogs and if you win then you bet on yourself you make a lot of money yeah but okay we'll do that then and come on jade don't be a push come on put some money up You are me. I don't have
Hockey Gear Mishaps and Tournament Chaos
01:01:11
Speaker
any money. I just got my first paycheck last week. And he's like, here, look, and he pulls out his he has all he doesn't have a bank account. He has all he got his he'd like got a check and cash it at like a liquor store. And he's like, look, I only got like 50 bucks left. And he turns out his pockets. You could quadruple that money. I'm going to quadruple it by making sure that fine here. And he he does as jackass and he gets an experience by putting all this money down on goblin dogs. Excellent. I've learned I can play with this now.
01:01:38
Speaker
all right So ah so the the goblins come out, they have all of their equipment that they custom made for themselves. ah They have like all the equipment that you guys need if you want to put on any helmets, logos, jerseys. Do you want special jerseys or do you just want to go out dressed as you are? We don't wear shit. but Where is AJ? i Oh, I went ahead and... Oh, here they come now.
01:02:01
Speaker
and The whatever the fuck delivery service we were using shows up with a bunch of drones and a bunch of guys. And there's a I ordered all of them custom hockey gear. Oh, nice. What's your yeah what's your logo look like for the goblin? does It's a goblin dog. this is Oh, man, that's good. And it says G.D. Nice. similar ja I don't know how to tell you this, but only two things touch this body.
01:02:33
Speaker
tank tops and leather. Well, there's a custom leather tank top that has your says laser on the back. Fuck you. How about this one, then? You don't think I know that. I was testing you, Jay. You passed. As I didn't. They just fucked up the order. Everybody has tank tops. Their hockey dreams are tank tops.
01:02:55
Speaker
We're going to look badass out there. The mesh ones where they're all see through. Yeah. You can see their nips. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right. Well, yeah, there's a sign out the crowd. This is oh, my God, I see their nips.
01:03:11
Speaker
um um ah Yeah, ah they custom fitted your skates ah to shoot out rainbows effort when you when you skate. Tommy did because he wants a boner. Yeah, Tommy made you one that shoots out rainbows when you skate.
01:03:26
Speaker
Or at least he got the other guys to do that for him because I don't know if Tommy can do that. Oh, yeah. Did you say Tommy was the manager? What did you say he was? He's the goalie. Oh, he's the goalie. That's right. He's the goalie of the team. He can keep a blunt in his mouth and still ah he wear the helmet over. Yeah. over Yeah, he has like a big he has like a big ah like, you know, like one of those beer hats, but there's like bongs in each one of them that like filter down into his mouth into his helmet.
01:03:56
Speaker
Um, and it was like every, every like probably two minutes, like you see like tiny little lighters, like, like those little blowtorch lighters fire off and like light the end of it. And you hear, you hear like the bubbling water start to hit because, all right, I'm ready to do this guys. Let's go. Can I square Mr. ah Mr. Laser? Yeah. Sorry. I think it was going to do that. Hold on. hook Took up again there. Tommy. Hang on. Here it goes.
01:04:21
Speaker
Wow. what a good song Good job, Tommy. i Get out there and then go, you son of a bitch. Oh my god, it reminds me of the day when David, and he was like, oh, you can hear that? I was like, my favorite, I was at work listening to that and I was fucking dying. I was like, he is my fucking hero. I forget what, yeah, I think David was like taking a hit like off screen and like, he was like, you guys can hear that shit? You can hear that. I was like, he's my fucking hero. I love that guy.
01:04:53
Speaker
Um, oh man. Um, he goes, hang on. I want to take one really, really big long one. Ready guys. One for you. Big long wind. Just listen. It's going to be good. And it like, he lights up the storage again.
01:05:11
Speaker
Almost choked on water. That's ASMR for you guys. Let's go. All right. So you guys, you guys hit the ice. and your custom outfits. Uh, you guys get on the ice after I punch it, I get on the ice. goes the manager Jay's the manager. You're not getting on the ice. He's the coach. No, he's not getting on the fucking ice.
01:05:32
Speaker
All right, so ah you're on the sidelines with ah the guys that aren't on the on the on the ice. um And you guys can see there's like a tournament bracket, but there's like 15 teams, and it's just the serifs on the other side of the bracket. And you see just like very quickly, one by one, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, like the names just keep either because they're quitting or because they're getting annihilated so quickly in the first period that they forfeit.
01:05:57
Speaker
um And so, like, just score after, you know, ah score after score, team after team, until it comes up to the goblin dogs next. um And you guys see that they announce, they go, all right, everyone, please give a warm Los Angeles. Welcome to the goblin dogs, to the goblin dogs. All right, guys, let me practice. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, o
01:06:27
Speaker
Um, all right. So you guys get on the ice. Jay Proto, you're down on the like. So what are you doing since you're like going to be the manager of the team? Like you have like a game plan. Yeah, yeah, I'm ordering um steroids and.
01:06:41
Speaker
I'm like I want to tape like I want to whoever I think is like the biggest like the baddest fucking goblin out there like and he's going to he's going to be like the best forward. Right. I want to fucking like I'm going to tape like a grenade onto his fucking stick or something just to like help him. Like I'm trying to cheat basically. All right. I'm openly cheating and I don't give a fuck. Jack, who's your who would you say is your strongest? Because you should label this. Who's your strongest goblin out there? Basler.
01:07:08
Speaker
Baseler Baseler. That's where it was. Baseler. Yes. Yeah. Baseler is the biggest. ah Actually, in my brain, that's also the one I was thinking it was the toughest one. He's got a very high pitched voice. Yeah. He has a very what high pitched voice. Yeah. I named him after a lady wrestler I thought about. um So ah I want to talk to Baseler. All right. Hello, Mr. Manager. What do you need for me?
01:07:32
Speaker
Okay. Hey, look, I know I sound like Jack right now, but you need to take this, take this grenade. Okay. Yes. I love explosions. Give me your stick and he's going to, I'm going to take it out like a bunch of tape and I'm just going to tape over. I'm just going to like wrap that son of a bitch in hockey tape. All right. You're going to get past the puck. All right. And you're going to just hit it as hard as you fucking can. Okay. And you're going to try to kill that goalie.
01:07:58
Speaker
ah but ah Wait, so if you tape the grenade to my stick, is that to make the puck go faster? Yes, it is. That's how it's gonna work in my mind. I don't even care if it's wrong. Is this one of those reusable grenades where I can do it over and over again? No. It's just one time? Yes, you got one shot at this. Don't fuck it up, Bazzler. Only one shot? One opportunity? Yes. Now give me the most annoying goblin on the team.
01:08:22
Speaker
Well, all right, hang on a second. Jack, who's the most annoying goblin team? Call me. It's all so bad or not. Tell me, like, hey, bro, what's happening? I'm supposed to be in the goalie box over here. Yeah, you're going to hang out with me in the box. You're not going out. You're not starting. Sorry. Who's going to goalie if I'm not out there, man? I'm already decked out. Oh, shit. You're the goalie. That's right. Shit. Fuck. Give me the second most annoying. Bring him out here. Zeeps. Zeeps, come here. You're not starting, Zeeps.
01:08:51
Speaker
What? Why? That's fucking stupid. Come here. Come here. Shut up. Shut
01:09:16
Speaker
Shut up Well, yeah, you're going to be in the box, but just leave the box and just go around the fucking net. And you're going to stretch the box. What box am I supposed to be in a box? What box am I a Christmas? Fuck it. They don't know what fucking hockey. They didn't even know how to cheat in hockey. Fuck them. Do you just want me to go and like piss on stuff over there on their team when I'm not on the ice? Just get the goalie to fucking turn around. Right. And then, you know, not focus on the game. That's it's all I want. So I want is that what I'm on ice or on ice? Like when I'm on your ice. All right. Clearly, you're too stupid. You're so annoying. Why aren't you the most annoying? Tommy wasn't annoying at all.
01:09:48
Speaker
What are you talking about? I'm not annoying. your Team doesn't see whatever. I love you, Jimmy. All right. I'm going to pick him up with one hand and then just just like throw him over at the other. gul I don't even know. He lands behind the net and just kind of like you see little birdies flying around. And then when the birdies fly away, he stands up because I'll get back here. um All right. Well, that's my distraction for the goalie. Hopefully they we can score that way. I don't know. You know what? Roll and manipulate someone. We can kind of preemptively roll that when the game starts.
01:10:19
Speaker
See what happened. I feel OK. So, yes, I will take the experience on that. Yeah, you take an experience point. We'll see what happens with that later. um All right, Everett, what are you doing to prepare for the game? You guys are getting out on the ice. You guys are getting ready to do the tip off. Baseler is up there at the front. I guess he's the center is if that sounds right. You made him center, I think that point of for a conversation.
01:10:44
Speaker
Sure, you guys can have a talk. Go for it. Everett, come over here. Everett, Everett. Bring it in, bring it in, bring it in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here. All right, so ah listen, I don't think we have a chance in hell, all right? So I need you to just hack reality and do whatever you can to, you know, ah make it so it serves lose because there's a lot of money to be made here. um And bug playing, honestly, let's cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat. All right. You got it. Hell yeah. All right.
01:11:09
Speaker
What do you want me to hack? I can hack like this skates and make them. I trust you. You can do whatever you want. It'll probably lead us to victory. Okay. Okay. I'm going to do whatever I can. Okay. Just to like make you proud of me. All right. Uh, yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah.
01:11:26
Speaker
Make me proud. Get out there and your number one starter after Jack probably. All right, go. yeah So what are you talking about? I need my phone right here to hack all of the dudes. I don't need to be on the ice. I'll break my phone if I get on the ice. I'll fool. Oh, I just thought it'd be cool if you're hacking while you're playing hockey, but that's all right.
01:11:44
Speaker
I mean, I don't know if I have the kind of skill. I'm not very coordinated. All right. Well, you can see the box with me. I mean, you say that, but like the way that we met Everett was she was in as a roller skating off with a person with a with a missile launcher in the streets. Yeah. Not on purpose.
01:12:03
Speaker
to
01:12:05
Speaker
Okay, so she's she's also playing from the sidelines. So it's just going to be Jack and the goblins out. ah So is Jack going to be the forward at the center then instead of Baszler?
01:12:17
Speaker
Here's the thing, Jack does not understand any of the rules. He's going to be out there running around, bum rushing people, knocking people over. so there's books kinding people There's usually five people on the ice and then there's the goalie, bit which makes six. So there's three that go up front, a left center and a right. And then there's two defensemen in the back.
01:12:37
Speaker
um So joey Jack, Jack, we're together out in the field and he's like, all right, the guys, they expect us to follow the rules, right? They expect three guys up front, two in the back. I just say, fuck the rules. These guys won't know what hit him. We just bum rush him. Here, everybody take this. I got switchblades for all of us attached to the back of your stick. Can I pull in Jack for a conversation real quick? Oh, Jay's waving me over. Just get to also, um, I gave you all wristbands, put it, put it, put, and I gave you wristbands and a, uh, and a safety pin, put the safety pin in the wristband. You have a guy with it if you need to. All right.
01:13:07
Speaker
Get those ready. I'll be back So that rules subject check check bring it in brain a brain. Hey, what's up? We're gonna we're fucking cheating, right? We're cheating, right? Yeah, I gave those guys switch blades and safety pins. Fuck. Yeah here. It's Jay hands in the box What's in his box? a bunch of ah Performance enhancements don't ask give the whole team man. Just give me the whole team. All right. All right, cool um And then let's just like how about we just um kill them or something just kill the team We don't even play the game. We just get into surrender Yeah, we're gonna play the game all right, but we're okay. Yeah, we're playing right understand. Yeah. Hell. Yeah, man. Get out there kick their ass I'm like my boys ready to get fucked up. Yeah, give us steroids
01:13:50
Speaker
Um, so you're going to go give them all juice to inject in their ass. Secretly. So at the rest of the, so everybody watching doesn't see. Yeah. I have, I have my own wristband. I tucked like the syringe into my wristband and I give them all a smack on the ass and I inject them in the ass. Okay. Perfect. Good game. Everybody's bad. Good game for you. Buzzo good game. Lippy, uh, Corbo, uh, Zeep and the other guy.
01:14:15
Speaker
Tell me you're fine, Magner. You don't need Eggman. Yeah. You're perfect the way you are, buddy. I'm already... He's looking the wrong way in the goalie net. I'm like... Sorry, I slammed my fingers. He laugh so he looks over his shoulder. Right. I know. I'm just looking at the crowd for a second, man. It's chill. Shit. Okay, cool. Yeah, hype him up for us. He's fixing my hat. And he like blows like a big old like puff of like bong smoke like into the crowd like a fire-breathing dragon. Like... And then I go, woo! Yeah, Tommy!
01:14:45
Speaker
Um, um, and then you guys are off. So Jack, you are at the front with your stick and there's a referee that's getting ready to drop the puck. And you see that there's Bing Bong Bonson, a little scrawny dude from Czechoslovakia, um, at the, at the front. And he's, he says, Oh, I think I'm at the can again. Oh yeah. Bing Bong. Hey, Bonson, you know what? I'm going to slide you back across this ice, back up to your mom's couch. Oh, that's the man. That's the man. That is good to say.
01:15:14
Speaker
Alright, uh, I don't know what you just said, so let's just, let's just knock pucks, okay?
01:15:21
Speaker
So, yeah, roll, roll, kick some ass to see if you can out-puck him in the starting, uh, Ooh. Puck you, Bing Bong. I got a mixed sense on that one.
01:15:32
Speaker
That's a nine. I'm going to say that you guys are probably, you know what? He slaps his stick. You slap your stick. Bam. Like all of a sudden you're in a fight. Like nobody tips it off to anybody else on the team. You guys just have like the puck wedged between the edge of your sticks and you're both like tussling, like trying to fight it. And then you look down at it and look up at him. I'm sweating. And he says, I'm going to roll to help out. I'm going to get the fucking tie ready, boy. Go ahead. You're going to want to help out. Yeah, I got a real plus cool.
01:16:02
Speaker
That's a nine. ah Yeah. So so how do you help us and ensure the coach of of efforts also helping out? OK. You're like, jack don't forget the switchblade. She's hacking people's skates as they're rolling around and ah like making them fall into like other people's fists and stuff and like ah falling into the wall and shit.
01:16:24
Speaker
Yeah, you see in the background, like what what whatever you're doing to help, ah Jay, you see in the background, like one of the guys on the series team skates fails and he falls and then like one of your goblin buddies jumps up and like use his ass to like check him, like jumps up, just butt cheek to face, just like knocks him on his ass.
01:16:41
Speaker
ah Jay, how are you helping out Jack? I shoot that motherfucker. No, I'm just kidding. ah No, I I point it I don't remember all the goblins name So I just pointed the clip one and then I'm like just go cross check him cross check him man Just get him off fucking Jack baser comes at like checks ah checks ah Bing Bong Bonsen and like shuffles them just enough that like Jack can get the lead and like take the take the puck off him. But then you see Jack or that that Bing Bong Bonsen looks down at Baszler and you see his eyes glow yellow and then like a bright white all of a sudden and then like he turns his head to the right and fucking like Baszler gets thrown up against ah against the glass, the plexiglass. And then he turns around like you see all the other players, the Sarah's players eyes turn bright white and they all just start like barreling at Jack.
01:17:29
Speaker
Jack, what do you do? I'm oblivious. I'm skating towards their goal. And then as you say skate towards the goal, you just feel like like a gust of wind just like blows you down onto the ice. um And then you see like the puck is no longer underneath your stick. And then somebody else has it on the other side of the ice, taking it down towards the goblins. I need a help. I want to read a bad situation. I go ahead. It's plus sharp to see what happens.
01:17:57
Speaker
Eight. That's an eight. For a brief moment, you see one of the defensemen who comes in like wax the puck out of their area. You see like his eyes glow white and you see for just like a split second before you miss it, like giant white and gold, like ephemeral wings um burst from his back for a second, giving him a crazy ah burst of speed. And then he goes, you know, and just slacks that fucking thing down the ice away from his his area.
01:18:27
Speaker
yeah mean what ah Can I ask a question? Can you ask a question? I'm just kidding. Yes, you can ask me if you want. um From the read a bad situation list. Yes. What's the best way to protect the victims, AKA or Jack?
01:18:47
Speaker
Um, you can kind of guess that the only way to protect, uh, your team is to, um, like, you know, they're fast, you know, they're strong. So you have to, you have to engage from a distance. You can tell. Cause every time they get up close, they just get royally fucked. Okay. All right. All right. So you can kind of see that everything crazy that they've done so far to your team has evolved them getting really close to, to like, do some damage. so Okay. Um,
01:19:16
Speaker
I'm going to yell out. Keep the puck away from him. Just pass, pass. You can't get close to him. I don't know if that helps, but sure. Yeah. Roll a help out. Actually, you can kind of preemptively do a or protect someone if you want. No, I failed. but All right. Yeah. You yell out and you can't hear anything because like the crowd just going crazy as they watch like, you know, Jack laser get fucking knocked on his ass. um And then you see um the annoying goblin whose name I already forgot that you threw over there like jumps up and goes to like jump on top of their goalie. He like gives you like a big thumbs up like, yeah, I'm gonna do it. um And then he jumps and accidentally lands on Jack laser as well. No, he's so annoying. He goes, Hey, hey, you're kind of like really cool. Do you want to like hang out? Why do you mean playing hockey? Anyway, we should just like go and get fucked up together. Mr. laser. ah What do you think about just abandoning this career in hockey? What do you what do what do what do you think about that?
01:20:10
Speaker
Fuck you, buddy, I whip him in the face. You whip the goblin in the face? Oh, it's a goblin? I thought it was a goblin. Yeah, he tried to make the goblin go distract the goalie, but he failed, and so he accidentally hit you instead. I throw him down the ice, and I'm like, no, get your head in the game, dammit. He told me I wasn't on the team. Fine, just kick trips to people, trip them. All right, I'll go trip people. And then he goes and trips with one of your goblins. I got to you. The guys that aren't in the leather mesh tank tops.
01:20:38
Speaker
Should've asked for the most competent, not the most annoying. Guys, you're so annoying. Which one was that again? Zeep? I think I was Zeep. You're so annoying, Zeep. What? He told me he wanted me to be annoying. To the other team. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to throw my hockey stick away, and it slides across the ice. I'm going to take my skates off. I'm going to shove my fists into them, and I'm going to turn the rockets on, and I'm going to fly down the ice with blankets.
01:21:11
Speaker
So you're putting your hands in your skates, turning them on, and you're going to fly down Superman style down the ice. I'm just going to run, but I'm going to have rocket fists now instead of rocket feet. I'm better on my feet than I am on little blades. I'm just running across the ice to go get these guys. I'm going to slice them with the blades as a fucking thing, but I'm going to kick some ass. Let's see what happens with that. Oh my goodness.
01:21:36
Speaker
We're going to rock it for 14. Yeah. Tell me what you're trying to accomplish, because you do that with and then some because you get an extra move ah bonus from the kicks and masslessness. So I'm like running across, you know, I'm I hit low. I like slice dudes across their legs. Like they're not like, you know, dead, but they like, you know, it hurts. They can't really run too good no more. um And then I'm going to kind of like, you know, elbow dudes as I pass them. Maybe like I i ah burn a guy's ear with the like the rocket boot. Yes. OK, you do that and you get the puck.
01:22:06
Speaker
but you don't have a stick. um um umm calm I
01:22:14
Speaker
I'm kicking it down the ice. You do a very OK kick down the ice because it's not remotely as good as hitting it with a hockey stick. I am. I'm not i'm not trying to like i entirely knock it away. i'm I'm just like I'm like kind of soccer ball and I'm like, I'm running. I'm just kind of kicking it forward as I go. All right. Can Everett hack the puck to make it? Sure. Like look like she's hit it. He's hitting it. Yeah. OK, sure. Yeah. Go ahead and roll. Let's call that. um You know what? We are in a hockey rink. Let's call it plus cool with your hacking to. So, you know, so wow. Fuck. I want to use the luck. We're going to use your luck. Yep. I've only used one. OK. I'm just confirming you really want to use it. That's OK. You can do whatever you want. hoie um and All right. What is your luck special?
01:23:06
Speaker
Uh, let's see, you're going to suffer some her technical difficulties, breakdowns, communication problems or weird noises and recordings, et cetera. OK, yeah. So you see ah Jesse like jumps out of your phone and like starts like skating down the ice towards the.
01:23:24
Speaker
um towards the puck, and he's gonna go and like try to manipulate what the world looks like, so it looks like Jack Lazar's kicking the puck down into the goal. But then like he just like stops, and you see his eyes are both completely blue. And he just turns he just like stops what he's doing, and his eyes are completely blue. And you see a bunch of error messages just like flickering across where he's doing. And you see, oh, looks like he's blue screen, ladies and gentlemen. Looks like he's blue screen.
01:23:48
Speaker
yeah He's just like standing there in place, not doing anything. Is ah the his stick available for Jack to grab it from him? So that he has a blue screening. It's also a blue screen. Oh, damn it. OK. Yeah. So yeah. And you see another goblin comes and jumps over the side and ah another one takes his place. He looks over, he goes, hey, how come you're like not on the ice or whatever? Come on, like do chip we're getting our asses kicked out there. What are you doing? He says to you, Everett.
01:24:24
Speaker
I'm like not very good at like the skating stuff and like, you know, just I'm very not coordinated to do that. I'm not. I don't know hockey very well. I'm really good at just like cheering them on. Well, cheer harder. We're getting our asses kicked. These guys are like crazy. I've seen stuff like this before. This these aren't any normal human beings. I'll tell you that. what What are they? What are they?
01:24:49
Speaker
Fuck, I don't know. I'm just saying like there's like every time they check us, like my body gets scorched. Look at all these burns on my body. That's like some holy shit. Holy shit. God. Yeah, that's like some weird stuff going on. Yeah, like ah all of us are getting literally burned out there. Hmm. What is it? It's like holy, huh? um Yeah, regular fire, holy fire. And I would know the difference because regular fire, you know, eventually like it will keep burning. But like it's like spreading across my body right now is killing us. What are we going to do about this, Jay?
01:25:28
Speaker
Oh, I don't know. He has a mental breakdown. No, I mean, you can see as like he's saying that you see every so often, like you see a player that like isn't moving as fast as the other players on the field. All of a sudden you see like a burst of like, again, a quick a quick visage of like wings and gold off their backside as they start skating really fast all of a sudden, because you notice like they're not always doing it all the time. But the ones that get that quick burst of speed all of a sudden are like the best players on the field.
01:25:58
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So it's not, it's not like a 100% of the time thing. Okay. All right. Right. Yeah. You see, there's like two or three that just get these bursts of just insane athleticism, right? When they need it the most. Okay. So it seems like there's someone who's like, you know, either buffing them or they're able to buff themselves temporarily. I mean, they seem like they're, I mean, I see why they're called the serifs, but, uh, you know, uh, what do we do here? I don't want to just ask Jane, but this is typically when I was Jane.
01:26:28
Speaker
What? You can utilize Jane if you want. Yeah, but I want to figure I want to learn how to solve these things on my own, you know. fun Yeah, that's like a fan telling you that, like on yourself. Like, yeah, we've heard about Jane. Jane's cool. You got me. Hmm. I can ask Jesse something if we really needed to, like just ask him if he knows of anything that might have happened like this. Isn't he blue screen?
01:26:53
Speaker
Yeah, he's blue screen on the field right now. I can restart my phone. Look, she like restarts it. Restart your phone as it's like it shows that there's like an an update. It'll take three minutes to finish. And do you see like that Jesse's still out there blue screening, but like he's also starting to like re materialize. You see he's loading in like you see his shoes and his ankles are starting to show up like every couple seconds.
01:27:16
Speaker
And you see like a bunch of files, like you see a file throwing another file into a folder, a folder, a file into a folder. And it says like two minutes left, six years left, 4000 years left, four seconds left. Cancel the update. Cancel the update. King tracks.
01:27:36
Speaker
ah Yeah, so your phone's updating. um So while you guys are figuring out what you're going to do, Jack laser, ah you're on the field or you're on the ice. ah You just got knocked over by like a like some sort of holy wind of sorts. um And you see basically like flies up to you guys, this boss. God, fuck, what are we doing here? Getting killed out of here. Look at my body. They're burning me.
01:27:57
Speaker
Oh fuck, they're burning shit. My hockey skate fists fly off. And I just run down the field and I'm going to go. Run down the ice? I'm running down the hockey field. I'm going to grab the Bing Bong Bozler's back of his shirt. You're just going to start fighting him? Yeah. He throws off his gloves and he goes, oh, they're going to fight the way you.
01:28:25
Speaker
Alright, hey motherfucker! I'd go to pull his shirt of over his head. Alright, Ro kicks his ass against him. is like yeah yeah yeah He like throws his gloves down and you see his like hands are glowing. failure Fuck! Failure! Fuuuuuuuug! Luck! I his shirt over his head.
01:28:43
Speaker
it's I start wailing on this midsection. You turn it into a 12, you roll it over, you just start like wailing on it. How much harm do you do? Let's say two harm. you are i got something horrible I got something for ah my fist attacks. Wait a second. Oh, you do? You have an arm attack? Cool. Wait a second.
01:28:59
Speaker
Come get use the monk. We didn't know we needed for a week spot. You are you're unarmored and hand weapon attacks. I'll get the ignore armor tag. Oh, fuck. yeah So yes, you do a bunch of damage. You start slugging them. But my right. I'm just I'm just I'm just holding his jersey over the head with my left hand and just same spotlight right in his kidney with my right hand. Oh, man, you just nailed them. Yeah, you you yeah i've always wanted to do that. Yeah. Pull the jersey up over their head and start punching him in the face.
01:29:29
Speaker
Well, come on, Everett. Take a whack at this guy. I'm telling, I'm, I'm, I'm motioning to the right. I'm telling, I'm yelling at the rest of the goblins. Switch play the other guys. Fuck them up. And I see it. I hear. I hear. I hear. Yeah. I'm like, boys, switch blades. And so they like they flip their hockey sticks over to the other side. So they're pointing the switch players sticking out from the other end like bayonets.
01:29:53
Speaker
Yeah, they just start swinging that shit around. And you see the guys that like aren't like going as fast like these goblins go over and they switchblade their ankles and you see the guys like drop immediately and they cry out like, oh, my.
01:30:04
Speaker
god it fucking hurts um and then you see like you see like the really fast ones um you see like like they like one of them like zips over really quickly you see like a burst of golden energy bursts out of them and they place their hand on that guy's uh leg and then you pull it off and like there's no damage there and he gets up and gets back to skating as the goblins continually keep cutting and just just you see one skater just keeps flying around, healing everybody that the goblins out there are cutting. You know, all of a sudden all of the other goblins jump onto this under the ice as well. So like you have this guys have like 12 players on the field. like you it's We're not cheating. No, that's fine. We're not cheating, he says, as we have we have blades on our work and grenades and weapons. So for enhancing and too many players, I'm going to try.
01:30:50
Speaker
um inspired guesswork once per mystery. When I observe a monster in action, I may investigate a mystery to discover its powers, motivations, blah, blah, blah, blah. It works even if what you asked about wasn't displayed. OK. Work it out by deduction by guessing. All right. So you have to roll for that. Yeah. Fucking roll in to help out. All right. Roll for help out because you got a five. So you need to give him that. You need to give him that plus two if you roll successfully. um i can Or you could do the same thing. I can make you look good. Yeah. All right. So that was investigate a mystery that he rolled.
01:31:21
Speaker
So if you roll better than him, you can give him that role instead. Yeah. Plus sharp saying, oh, man, saying, oh, my that's an eight. I get my you get an eight instead. Jack laser like as ah you know, you want to tell me how I do that. But you know what? You just feel the spirit of your coach telling you to play in your headset. What would you do? He'd be smart about this. All right. So what does it mean to get an eight on your skill?
01:31:49
Speaker
um I really don't know. here's um ah How do you share the chat? There's what it says. um it's but I'm just investigating a mystery, but I guess it's more of a fight. I don't have to actually like you know fully understand what I'm looking at. Okay, then just pick something from the investigative mystery to ask. What sort of creature is it?
01:32:06
Speaker
It is. So you look and you start to you clock around. You see like all the healing. You see your goblin friends are getting burned every time they get body checked. You see like these bursts of gold and white energy, wings coming off their backs as different guys are flying around the field. It's a fairy. You are dealing with serifs, my friend. Serifs inhabiting the bodies, like jumping between bodies of the players to give them enhanced movement and speed and strength.
01:32:31
Speaker
This is an homage to angels in the outfield from the 90s. Boys, change your plans. Get your spray paint out or tip your switch plates to the ground. Start carving satanic circles into this ice. so I know you're an Everett. Everett, hack the sound system. Play highway to hell. You got it. All right. yeah Roll tack. Highway to hell into the music system, I guess.
01:33:00
Speaker
Roll sharp or cool. ah You know what? Your choice. Your choice. That's a cool. Yeah. That's a 15. Do you have it? Play Highway to Hell specifically? Do you have another song in mind? Like, what do you make come up on the speakers?
01:33:15
Speaker
ah The number of the beast is 666 by Iron Maiden. The number of the beast!
01:33:27
Speaker
The number of the beast. You do that and then rob zombies on the other speakers. Under super beast! Yeah, ear rape these fuckers! Is that effective at all? Does that work at all?
01:33:41
Speaker
You see like they start to like anything grab onto their grab onto their heads a little bit, and they're like, ah, Satan's music. Oh, it does work. Sorry. I reach down under the bench and throw all the porno magazines under the field. He just carries with him. That's part of his Tensor Flies. Oh, Everett. Load up our Discord with all the porn videos. I don't say that.
01:34:12
Speaker
No, this is good. This is good because then I they can't play it on TV and no one will know we're cheating. They can't. You see Maxine Maxine steals. Movies start to play on the screens on the big tight. See that, guys, that's premarital sex. Oh.
01:34:28
Speaker
Oh, that guy's firing bullets from his genital. And for money. Disgusting. Yeah. Suck on that. And you see like you see there are three of them that are reacting. There's two guys that are just like one of like one guy's kind of rock fisting on the series team is like, yeah, is this is fucking good shit. You see the other guys just like, what the fuck is happening right now? You see Bing Bong Bonsen and like two other ones are like just like disgusted at everything going on. OK, so beo Bingo is reacting. OK. Also, Jack, please rule.
01:34:58
Speaker
You know what, let's call it, uh, let's just like a general charm role because I want to see how well your minions respond to you saying to carve satanic circles and make success. All right. That's a nine. or fails Break hands with them. Yeah. So they're like using their, their switch blades in their, in their, on their hockey sticks and they're using their, um, the J proto tried to help out with a three.
01:35:21
Speaker
It's another experience point for Jay Proto. Jay Proto, you're getting drowned out by like, you know, you're trying to scream help over there just because the music is so loud that Everett's pumping. um Since he gave me an eight from when I failed, do I still get a point for that failure? No, because you took the eight instead of the three. OK.
01:35:37
Speaker
Um, so yeah, he just pretty much overrides whatever that rule is. Um, so, uh, so yeah, so you're, they're out there with the spray paint, they're doing the symbols on the, on the ground and all sorts of weird little runes and shit.
Supernatural Hockey Match Finale
01:35:50
Speaker
And you see like one of them actually gets captured in it.
01:35:52
Speaker
ah not realizing what's going on, because they're distracted by porn and music. um And you see like, as that guy gets trapped, like he, he leaves like the guy like looks confused all of a sudden, and he skates away from the room, like kind of not sure what's happening. And you see there's like a large, um maybe like seven foot tall floating like gold winged angel looking figure, like trapped on the room. He's like, unhand me with this wretched symbol from these awful creatures.
01:36:22
Speaker
Oh, shit, guys, don't look at it. It'll burn your eyes out. Can't see one of the goblins already like one of his eyes is catching on fire. Ah, fuck. Um, so, uh, so Everett, what do you want to do as like, you see, there's a, there's an angel on the ice. There's two other guys that like, one, one of them, you see Bing Bong Bonson is like skating towards and he whacks the fucking puck like as hard as he can. And it's just like, you just see like an explosion from his stick as it fires towards Tommy. What do you do? Hmm. Tommy's your goalie to if, in case you guys don't remember what the positions are, Tommy's your goalie.
01:37:00
Speaker
Right, yeah, no, I remember. I don't know hockey very well anymore. It's been a while since I've watched it. You don't need to know hockey. What would you do if you wanted to stop a guy who was doing a thing to get it into the net? She's gonna... I don't fucking know. um she She's gonna run out there on her skates and just like try to become a distraction, I guess, because she's not very good at skating, so okay um she's just gonna be a distraction.
01:37:28
Speaker
All right. So, yeah, he's already he's already smacked the puck. So Tommy is your goalie and he's there. So either you can try to intercept the puck or you can try to help Tommy in some way, because this looks for sure like this is going to score. No one scored yet this whole game. I see. everything So she's just going to like slide across the fucking ice with her whole body to try to like ah stop the puck. Oh, fuck you're going to get in front of the puck.
01:37:55
Speaker
I see ever doing that and I want to use my body yeah ability to you then push ever it further out of the way and then intercept it myself Oh fuck so you're both going on to the ice this yeah, but I'm like ever it's gonna get oh shit all right So he's running out there he's going out there You know like those movies were like someone's getting shot and it did the slow-motion jump in front like no But that happens like one does the slow motion jump in front and then the other person does the slow motion jump in front of that person. Like, no, he's like, no to your no. Exactly.
01:38:29
Speaker
And so, yeah, you jump and you shove Everett out of the way. Everett, as you get pushed across the ice, ah you see ah Jesse shows back up and catches you with a big grin on his face. He goes, I'm updated, baby.
01:38:45
Speaker
Um, and he catches you and places you gently on the ice. Um, and Jay proto, you take the, um, you take the puck to the head.
01:38:57
Speaker
for four harm. And I had a helmet on. You take a puck to the helmet and the head for three harm. um As you jump in your way, your armor. Yes. The helmet flies off onto the ice and Jay Proto just gets flung like down. um But the the hockey puck deflects off your helmet up into the crowd and kills like three people shattering the plexiglass.
01:39:23
Speaker
um And ah you fly into the net instead into Tommy's arms. And ah you just feel like your head has just been jostled and fucked up. Like you can't think straight. Oh, man, the dangle head, man. Oh, hey, you okay, man? Are you all right? Talking about that dangle head, man. It hurts, man.
01:39:46
Speaker
Oh, fuck. You're talking like way too slow, man. I slide across the ice on my knees. Jay, oh no, are you okay? It's all fine, man. It hurt, man. My sweet boy, my sweet boy. What'd they do to you?
01:40:00
Speaker
I'm going to hit you with a poke, man. I can't even finish the sentences. These bastards are going too far. I ripped my leather vest in half and throw it off. Jay takes a poke out of his pants. I take the poke from him and I just whip it at their goal. There you go.
01:40:24
Speaker
And I think we hear the horn after that one. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Roll, kick some ass after like the the clock's counting down nine nine. Can I roll the help out? I already did help out. I mean, can you?
01:40:40
Speaker
You know what, yeah, roll to help out. That's a seven. Boom, I got a plus one to that. That's a 10. You give them a plus one. Jack laser, you get an extra bonus to your kicks of mass. What do you want to, what extra bonus do you want? Holy shit. Let me look at them. Remind the audience that is you inflict terrible harm. You gain the advantage. You suffer less harm or you force them where you want them. I forced them where I want them. I want to, I want to, since like I was doing bad, but then Jay's like, he says something or something on it. He's like, Jack,
01:41:10
Speaker
Do it for me. He's like, dang, do it for me, man. something can so well let me
01:41:16
Speaker
Don't, man, score, man. All right. I throw it and I want to force him where I want him. Basically, I want it to bang off the head the helmet of like the guy who's in the goal and then fly into the goal. OK, you do that. And as you throw it, you see the little the little annoying goblin, Zippo or whatever, finally, like does what he's supposed to do. And he starts jumping on that dude's head, and like twist his helmet around so he can't see. And you chuck that thing. And it just like dangs off that dude's helmet. I said dangs because he's saying dan he dangs on the helmet and goes into the net and just goes, oh,
01:41:50
Speaker
And the crowd, like, goes fucking crazy, because no one scored on the Sariffs all year. And you guys are the first ones to get a point. And the crowd goes absolutely fucking nuts. And then you see all of the Sariffs drop to their knees, just, like, devastated that that happened. And you see, like, all of a sudden, two other Angels-Sariffs fly out of those guys' bodies, and they're like, all right, that's it. There's 15 seconds of play left in this game, and we're going to score 15 goals, one per second. Get ready, you ruffians. Hey, hey, hang on, Angels. No, you wait, man.
01:42:21
Speaker
Oh, I call on a dingle time out. Time out, man. All right. Yeah, we we all get a time out. You guys can confer with your team. We'll confer with our team. You see like they're like hovering over over like talking to each other and you see like the the human, their human players look up and their eyes just like burn out of their sockets and they die. um Oh, geez. Damn. i got They got too close to the holy radiance and fucking dies. I tried to do the team model. Oh, my God.
01:42:49
Speaker
um All right, so yeah, and you see you see the other three players that like they were possessed or just like there' they're on the ice. Just like utterly confused about what's going on. um So you guys are in your hotel, the goblins. I want to tell the goblins. OK, go pick those guys up. Bring them over here. They're on our team now.
01:43:05
Speaker
Adam and you see Bayes. I mean, I mean, I didn't say it like that, but um yeah, his head injury is not healed, but he said they understood him. Yeah, that's all right. So boom, Howard sounds like a normal speaking to goblins. How about that? They do. They understand you completely. That's why I like. That's why Tommy said you're speaking so slow because he's used to he's used to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Like, what's the deal, coach?
01:43:28
Speaker
No, Dangle, get them, ah yeah, is this a Serif talking? No, this is Tommy talking to you. Tommy, get those Dangle, the Serifs, man, they're on our team now, man. Look, they have no idea what's going on, man. Right, cool, man. Yeah, they're here. Oh. How about they want to go down?
01:43:46
Speaker
big look he man
01:43:51
Speaker
sariffs man they they my controller man did you did you say as bingo bondns and and big bong buns and ah bigo you get the fuck out of you get off this light right now you're not on my team but what to do i stopped jack but the I'm not playing with this fucker. he good hockey he hackch player man's good hacker player man I'll give a shit he's an asshole. Get off my ice.
01:44:10
Speaker
He's not an- My control, man. I don't know. He's an asshole just in general. It doesn't matter. Anyway, listen, you're going to tell me crazy, Jay. We're going to win this one by the books. Everybody take your switch blades off your sticks. Take your rocket boots off your skates. Hey, angels, we're playing fair. We're not.
01:44:31
Speaker
And I looked at a crowd, I'm like, we're going to win based on human abilities against these angel scumbags think they're better than us all. Yeah. And you see that, you see the goblins are like, yeah, our human abilities, our earthly abilities, normal mortal being abilities. No one casts gun, man. I kiss cast gun, man. Jay, your brain damage you need to calm down. Uh, Everett, do you do anything while this meeting is going on?
01:44:58
Speaker
Mm. She is letting ah ask Jesse Carrier back into the. What the bench. Yeah. And is just kind of sitting there watching eating her nachos. Oh, yeah. Roll for nachos. Hmm. Yeah. Roll act under pressure to make sure you don't cut yourself with any tortilla chips in your mouth. Yeah. They're sharp. They're sharp. Oh, guys, if you get them in the wrong place. Oh, it's like little daggers. so That's a 12. You're so good at eating fucking nachos. It's stupid. You're like eating that shit like a cartoon. I'm eating all of them. Yeah. And just the nacho cheese is still hot. Even luckily. Yeah. and And Jesse says, yes. And as I said, I'm updated now and I am currently removing the calories as you eat them. So you don't gain any weight eating all of this terrible, expensive food. I knew you were my favorite. I know. It's a shame that I'm not real.
01:45:54
Speaker
Yeah, cause then we'd probably get married. Oh, now I'm celibate until I pass my, my, my police academy exam. You're celibate too? I'm celibate too! Oh, fantastic. We should talk about celibacy together. so Maybe it's not a book club. but Yeah, ah we could read so many books because that's like so much time that we're not having to spend doing it. Yeah, I've read 15 books since we started this conversation.
01:46:22
Speaker
Me too. Wow, you're so smart. Super human. um So so you guys are having a little meeting while Everett is just being a fan at this point, eating and talking to her imaginary ah Google friend. um So what's the plan? You guys are going to go win by your merits and cast gun at the same time? Yeah. All right. So the Goblin team goes back out under the ice. ah Is Jay Fredo still casting gun?
01:46:53
Speaker
Not yet, man. Not yet? Okay. All right. So the clock starts. You have 15 seconds. You see one of the serifs. He says, he says, I am going to just destroy you the moment the puck drops. You little scallywag. You Jack laser.
01:47:11
Speaker
I'd like to see you fucking try, bud. I'm going to cut you in half with my eyes. I don't think you understand what you're dealing with. I, uh, I just jostled my aviers on my face and I'm like, these are reflective lenses, bud.
01:47:28
Speaker
ah Holy shit. fuck He looks at his own reflection and just melts into like a goop puddle on the ground. Splat. And they go, Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that we couldn't look at our own reflection. The other one says either. Oh, that's just a bit different. Look at the one that got another angel. Like, yeah, I didn't know either. I just kind of like, you know, fucking around with that one. Oh, I looked at his eyes and the other one melts too. Oh shit, bro. I looked at the other guy's shit. Oh dude. Oh my God. It's like covers his eyes because I need a body to possess. I need a body to possess. And he sees like, he sees the one dead one and just like flies down towards, uh, towards one of the guys with their eyes. I want to use my body guard skill. Okay. What are you going to do?
01:48:04
Speaker
I want to, I want to, I want to push that body out of the way because you can't see, right? So I'm going to, I want to get possessed. Uh, okay. So you got, you want to get possessed. All right. I don't know. I don't know how you do that. Cause, uh,
01:48:20
Speaker
Is that an answer to pressure maybe? Uh, I would assume so. Where's your skill at? What's it say? It just says I can, if I'm right there, I can do, I can, I can, you may throw yourself in harm's way. Whatever's going to happen is going to happen to them. Said actually, you know what? You don't have to roll. You just jump in the way. You push that guy out of the way and he flies into you and possesses you instead. Oh, dangle sucks, man. but or there's the out of episode dago This this dangle, this dangle, this dangle. I can't, ah,
01:48:47
Speaker
Everything you say is like coming out of him because like your brain is so fucked up that like he can't process what your brain is doing. Yes. ah So Jack, like there's no other people on the feet on the ice, it's just you. And Ash Jesse, who also gets out there with the other goblins and puts a helmet on. So it's just our team. It's just your team. Yeah, only Jack and then the team. and It's Jack and the team. I'm like, i Xanax, Zeeps, go in deep. i feel like past we We start passing the fuck around like we're actually playing. Yeah, this is pass, pass, pass, pass around the bodies on the on the floor. Scuzzy, score a goal.
01:49:22
Speaker
All right. Roll for Skozzy to score a goal when we roll for Skozzy. Roll. Kick some ass for Skozzy. Kick some ass, Skozzy. You're going to be loving it here, Skozzy. I got a 12. That's a 12. He smacks it in. but Two to nothing. The the goblin dogs versus serifs. The crowds go absolutely ape shit.
01:49:42
Speaker
who And then the the reference, there's like five seconds left. And Raff goes, well, I guess I'll drop the puck again. I mean, there's no one else out here.
01:49:52
Speaker
And you see that I'm like, guys, let's just all fight for the fuck. ya And you know, like you see you feel inside of you, Jay Prado, that like the the the ah the serif is trying to like break free. He's like, this sucks in here. I can't dangle dangle dangle.
01:50:11
Speaker
and <unk>t get get get Get fucked, man. Oh, I can't speak swear words while I'm inside of a human body. ah And you feel like your body start to get hot as like, like, like, like kind of like vapor is coming out of your skin. Like, oh, stop cursing, you vile fiend. Okay, man. That yeah that hurts, man. Oh.
01:50:35
Speaker
um So you're you're causing the Sayer of Pain as you swear. And you see Ash Jessie looks back at you, Everett, and he goes, shall I, madam? Yeah, make the winning goal, Jessie.
01:50:48
Speaker
All right, so like all the goblins out there like fighting Jack laser and each other like for the puck. um And you see he just like summons the puck over to him and just like, just like, like someone's like, he summons like the biggest fucking hockey stick you've ever seen in your life. It's like the winning goal like tape across it and he just slaps it. And like, it's like reality repeats it like six times like an instant replay go slap, slap, slap, slap, slap.
01:51:10
Speaker
Um, and he like smacks it through creating a hole in the wall behind him. The crowd goes fucking ape shit. Confetti rains from the sky. Um, and, uh, you guys win. You guys won, won the match. The hockey match. You did it. Yeah. These are the icy slides. She said dang old. Hell yeah. Yeah.
01:51:37
Speaker
Um, so yeah, you guys win. And then, uh, you feel that the serif leaves your body and he says, this place sucks. I'm going home. Um, and you see a beam of golden light, like beams down around him and he starts like hovering up very slowly. Like, I hate earth. Earth blows. We hate you too buddy. I shoot. I shoot him. You shoot him? Yeah, of course. Fuck that guy. All right. What do you shoot him with? Uh, standard nine millimeter bullets.
01:52:07
Speaker
How many trucks do you put into him? As many as I fucking can. All right. You fire the whole entire magazine into him. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he just plops to the ground like I'm just a puddle. what Oh, I didn't think he would. I didn't think he'd actually die, man. Oh, cool. yeah You hear Tommy says like, yeah, man, like sir, sir, like not as hardy as angels, man. And like when they're going to do that whole beam thing, they're like super vulnerable to like everything. man Oh, okay, man. I didn't know that, man. Whoa, slow down. youre you no I'm sorry, actually, speed up. because You're talking too slow.
01:52:47
Speaker
Okay, let's ah but Money man, let's get it. No. Yeah, and you guys see Six hundred and thirty six thousand actually, you know what because other bets were put on it it went up six hundred and sixty six Thousand dollars starts to rain all on top of you guys and your goblin team um Just like heaps of money just got him rich It's supposed to rain down all over you. Dang, we gotta get that shit, man. We gotta get going, man. Get going. We're cheating, man. What are you doing? He's kinda grabbing it. Just picking up stuff in your pockets. Yeah. Jay is filling up his hiking bag that he brought with him with cash.
01:53:31
Speaker
All right, everybody roll um six hundred D. ah D. One hundreds. And then just kind of see what kind of a money that that you scoop up, like more immediately. I got thirty thousand dollars. It was yeah thirty thousand dollars. You got twenty thousand. Yeah. three hundred Seventy seven.
01:53:52
Speaker
Jack got $31,332 and ever got $30,254. Why do y'all get $30,000? That seems off. Then I then look at Jay and I'm like, Jay, you only put in like 50 bucks, so ah you owe me some of that. I put more in than you. Dang over. Jay runs away. Jay's been looking at it. Which one of you experienced point you, son of a bitch? your Medical bills, man. and men Medical bills.
01:54:16
Speaker
That's true. He does have a head injury. Uh, so Dave Frodo goes to the hospital, uh, to pay off, like, yeah are you going to doctors so you can actually afford it? Yeah, he doesn't have all the drugs. Yeah, you go to the doctors, pay your medical bills and then you see like the roof blows up and you see ah you see Maxine Steel drops through the roof. She says, you think I was done with you, fuckers? I just saw you got really goddamn rich. And she like cocks like a six barreled shotgun. She goes, I think that money's fucking mine, bitch. Is this at the hospital? Yes. I didn't go to the hospital with him. So I just need to be by myself on Maxine Steele. Yeah, Maxine Steele and you are there to fuck around in the next exciting episode of The Affordables.
01:55:06
Speaker
are
01:55:52
Speaker
well does it look good already
01:56:22
Speaker
You look good already.