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The Affordables 1.2: Five Guys Right To My Thighs
21 Plays18 hours ago
Today, we meet Everett as she learns of new Medieval Pop music, and the chaotic inner workings of who's in charge of music. The Affordables then must band together to stop a war between robots and skeletons in the Jungles of Bezos because Blake Dancer has a special sapling growing there. Are the Affordables up to the task? Yeah probably
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Transcript
Introduction and Character Setup
00:00:30
Speaker
I'm pushing the button. Anyway, good morning. Good afternoon and good evening, ladies, gentlemen, non binary folks of the universe. This is role players and welcome back to the affordable's episode two. ah Just going to get out in front of it right now. I have a little bit of a sore throat and a strained vocal cord. So either I'm going to get a little squeaky today or I'm going to try to let the everybody else talk a little bit more. Cass is also a little sick and she's here, too. So but we won't infect you through your earphones as far as we know.
00:00:55
Speaker
um But hey, this is The Affordables, where a guy named Blake Dancer crowdfunded about $1,000 to hire affordable action heroes to go save his favorite vacation spots. That's all you need to know. And let's introduce our characters real quick. So Justin, please remind us who your guy is and tell us just like a quick little refresher of who he is in case this is the first episode someone listens to.
00:01:19
Speaker
I'm Jack Lazer. I just think of like a stereotypical action guy. He's got a tank top on. He wears aviator sunglasses, a little bit of a beard, like a short beard and dark hair top of his head. um And he has an extra pair of sunglasses on a necklace around his neck just in case the first ones break. Awesome. And then we've got we've got David returning to the show. Our good buddy, David. David, please tell everybody real quickly who you are playing, my friend.
00:01:47
Speaker
Um, so yeah, I'm the same guy. I'm always, I've always been, which is Luke who apparently grew his hair out. Um, according to the AI. Um, yeah. How is that what you're going by? Is it, is the thumbnail is that you grew up? Uh, yeah. According to mid-journey or whatever, he has long hair now and a beard. So.
00:02:12
Speaker
He looks like Neo, but if like Keanu, Keanu Reeves like redid the matrix today. Like present day Keanu Reeves the way. he Yes. Yeah. Not like, not like stupid, you know, early 2000s nerd. I mean, honestly, that is his best look. Yeah. Is it? What? Like his new one with the long nice hair that he's got going on right now. whoo Money.
00:02:38
Speaker
um All right. And since Cass, you're talking, who are you playing today? Who's your character? You're fresh to the scene. um I'm playing Everett and she is the Snoop playbook. And she's got like she's got like multicolor dreads in her hair with like these kind of like steam, punky like goggles in her or or ah like just kind of sit on top of her head. There's really no use for them. um She just likes the way that they look.
00:03:09
Speaker
So she just kind of keeps them on top of her head and she's got, you know, really pretty, like gray blue eyes, uh, with, you know, like your normal hippie, like ish type draped clothing and a scarf always around her neck because it tends to get a little cold wherever she goes. And you never know when you're going to need a scarf.
Everett's Chaotic Encounter
00:03:38
Speaker
Okay.
00:03:39
Speaker
Well, Everett, we welcome her to the the Snoop to the game. um Now, let's cut to Everett, actually. What is Everett doing right now? What what would Everett be doing like on ah on a day where she's not immediately called to do a work for the affordability?
00:03:56
Speaker
So currently she would be at the coffee shop in town. It's her favorite place to go because it is one of her favorite people watching places and she'll sit there and just Google people while she's watching them. Googling for what? Why is she googling? What is she googling?
00:04:20
Speaker
She's just Snoopy. So she just wants to know everything about them. Yeah. She'll she'll just see if like maybe you know they have like a ah ah criminal history and she wants to find out about it. They might not. You never know. She wants to find out their credit history. You know maybe they have something you know that she could go look at later and discover when they might not be home.
00:04:46
Speaker
Sure. Okay. Well, are you? is she up Is she looking? Is she looking somebody up right now? Currently, she is looking up a different type of music that she heard about one of the people talking about as they were walking out the door. She wasn't really sure if it was like an actual thing, but turns out it actually is a thing um when the dude said, ah yeah, my favorite music is like medieval hip hop. She thought that that was a joke. Mm hmm. It's not. Gotcha. It's not a joke.
00:05:22
Speaker
ah Yeah. OK, yeah. So you see a band that pops up called Pop and Locksmith um that is like currently like real big on like kind of the indie pop medieval pop scene um that's kind of playing right now. um How do you feel about Pop and Locksmith? They've they've got a good beat going on right now. She's definitely going to add them to their playlist to see if You know, she might like some of their next stuff that comes out. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. they Yeah. they they They have one. They have one called like ah like blacksmith on the dance floor. That's like their number one hit right now. um That like everybody's jamming to that's like in that niche kind of fandom. Everybody's jamming to blacksmith on the dance floor.
00:06:15
Speaker
hu Yeah. And there's a lot of people that you see like in the, you know, people taking pictures. There's like a little trend going on in the community where they're actually going into dance clubs with like hammers and an anvil. It's like a five person stunt because people have to help carry the anvil in and they go on the dance floor and they all take turns you clanking their hammer on the, on the.
00:06:34
Speaker
So like every dance floor is now erupted like Tink Tink Tink Tink like as the music plays that and instance instance is now accompanied with a Tink Tink Tink as they hit the they hit the anvil. So that's like kind of what what you're seeing right now is you're jamming into your little in the cafe. um She's having a really hard time sitting still in her seat because she finds that this beat is like one of her favorite things now.
00:06:59
Speaker
So she's going to close her laptop and tuck it into her little like messenger bag that she's got like a leather messenger bag off to the side and um she's gonna kind of Look around to see if anyone is like watching her first and quickly walk out of the coffee shop with her earbuds in her ears and just kind of like skip along as she listens to the music. Yeah, you listen to the music and then you see.
00:07:33
Speaker
ah You see like a woman kind of out of nowhere like materializes beside you like she was wearing active camo and she's got like roller skates on and she's got like little like go go shorts on and a really tight white top and she has a fucking mohawk that's like bright blue and ah gold on her head and um and she kind of looks at you and she has like one of her earbuds and the other one and she goes the fuck you listen to. I don't know I heard this stuff about like medieval hip hop in that, that coffee shop over there. And it was just, I had to make sure it was like a real thing. Cause I totally thought it was a joke, but it's like, it's my current, like it's my current fave right now. And I don't like that you're, you're being a little, a little poser on our community. So I challenge you to a race. If I win, if I win, you can't listen to Papa locksmith anymore.
00:08:32
Speaker
Were you to say that I can't listen to stuff? I am just like a person just like you and I just found it out and now I'm a new fan and now you're trying to say I'm a poser. What kind of shit is that?
00:08:43
Speaker
She pulls the comically large like gun like pistol off of her back. Like I heard the back of her shirt has got like a really big like hand cannon fucking like you could fit your fist in the in the barrel of the gun. She points and she goes, I'm the queen of the fandom and I get to decide who gets to like things around here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She's got her arms up, you know, like, who whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:09:09
Speaker
Listen, lady, I just became a fan. I didn't know that there was like some sort of hierarchy on all of this crap over here. I thought that it was like, you know, a free country and such things. Nope. Not when, not when old Queenie's on the job. Listen, I didn't even know this was even like a real thing until like five
Team Formation and Mission Briefing
00:09:33
Speaker
seconds ago. What is your deal?
00:09:36
Speaker
Uh, she shoots at you, uh, and like just narrowly misses us. Like a comically large bullet flies out of it. And like a massive explosion erupts behind you at the, uh, at the cafe. She's like, fuck. and She's like, hang on. And she like pulls like a comic of large bullet out of her pocket and then starts like loading it back. Just give me a second. And it looks like she's loaded. Like I agree. It's like a grenade launcher, but it looks like a pistol. And she's just putting like another shell in it real quick. She goes, next time I won't miss bitch.
00:10:08
Speaker
ah So she's going to leech into her satchel and she is going to pull out a really large whip and try to grab this gun and whip this lady like kind of ah like whip her hand and then essentially like um like spin her around so that she's tied up in the whip.
00:10:35
Speaker
That makes sense. OK, are you trying to hurt her or just like subdue her? Subdue her. OK, you know, what why don't you just roll act under pressure for that? Because like she is actively trying to do something to hurt you. So I don't need to do that before she can finish doing what she's doing. OK.
00:10:53
Speaker
So yeah, just roll act under pressure. seven That's a seven. ah Yeah. You get your whip around her hand as she's like trying to load it. So she kind of, you know, she's also kind of a big, uh, Buffy kind of gal, you know, she's like, she just kind of looks like she's their own kind of action chick. And she just like uses the one hand to just like flip it up over almost like you're like cool loading a shotgun.
00:11:14
Speaker
Just like so you have her one hand so she just throws it up in the air and catch it in the other hand so you have her partially subdued one side is being pulled by the whip the other hand is now she's trying to load the gun with one arm while you're doing that just let me the fuck go and then like you see rockets activate on the back of her skates and you guys are now going like 20 30 miles an hour down the road on skates and you're trying you have to like run quickly behind her so that you don't like get dragged on the pavement and Uh, cause you currently have your whip around her arm. What do you do to maintain? She's going to flick her wrist and try to like knock her down and then take off running the other way. ah sick She's down. You're going to try to take off running. Yeah, just take off running in this big, beautiful action world we've built. You want to run away.
00:12:05
Speaker
she a fucking but hackcker what is she I don't know. hack something um You know what? That's fine. If you want to run away, so so you're going to try to get the whip off of her arm arm and go the other way.
00:12:19
Speaker
Yeah, she's going to try to like make it around to where she can get around the building because she also has like a ah it's kind of like one of those little rice burners, but it's got ah like rockets that like pop out to the side. So she wants to like get into that car so she can like blaster with a rocket. You want to get into a car and blaster with a rocket?
00:12:46
Speaker
Yeah, it's got like the kind of like the Batman car where it likes like, you know, comes out and then it just blasts a rocket. OK, so, yeah, you know what, that would be another act under pressure, I suppose, to do that before you eat total shit on the pavement. ok ah She's like, just let go already.
00:13:05
Speaker
You're not allowed to listen to Poppin Locksmith anymore. You're all the five. Well, that's an experience point for you. So so like you like one of the rocket starts to like the little rocket gun comes out of the car is like you're trying to get onto it to engage. But like this woman's going way too fast. And as it comes out to engage, you can hop in and shoot it. You just rip it right off the car. And now like you're being dragged on the pavement with like a rocket, but a missile launcher like in one arm.
00:13:34
Speaker
and the whip on the other hand, ah the whip in the other hand. And you take one harm as she starts to just drag you on the pavement as you have a rocket in one arm and a whip in the other being dragged. Awesome. She's like, just let fucking go. And then you just see like, she's like turning over her head. She's like looking over her left shoulder, pointing her free handgun, like back over at you. And she's trying to aim up a shot. She's not looking where she's going at this point. She's looking like she's about getting ready to to launch an explosive at you. What do you do?
00:14:02
Speaker
She's going to grab her little pocket knife that she's got on her hip. She's going to cut the. Well, I guess she doesn't even have to cut the whip because she just has to let go. So you could just let go of it. You have to let go of this fucking whip and.
00:14:21
Speaker
i I guess see what happens if she falls. If who falls? The ah lady that has like the rocket skates. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you let her go, she's just going to just going to fly off. And so you let her go. So you stop getting dragged on the pavement. You have a rocket launcher in one hand from your car. You have your you let go of the whip. So the whip is still tied to her arm. And she's like flying off in a distance. And you see she makes like a she goes maybe like 100 feet farther up the road and then cuts like a quick 180 like lose like a big trail of fire behind her. She turns around.
00:14:55
Speaker
And then she see like down the way, like the camera zooms in real close. And then like just a barrel starts to eclipse the lens of the camera and sheer like a big fat bullet bill looking bullet starts to come out at you. What do you do? She's going to shoot a rocket at it and see if she can hit it dead on. So it just explodes. Rola, take some ass for the rocket to see if you can create a neat little explosion in the city. Wait, eight.
00:15:24
Speaker
That's an eight. That's pretty good. So you shoot it through like the like you don't hit it on directly, but like the missiles kind of like diverse. Yeah, it's like they kind of deflect off each other. And you see just like two buildings on either side of Queenie just start to crumble down around her. She looks really fucking cool, by the way. She looks cool standing as the smoke and the fire starts to erupt around her and just like a bunch of like rainbow flags and like confetti starts flying everywhere because you just blew up the confetti factory.
00:15:51
Speaker
Mm hmm. And um she's like, actually, you know what? And then she like puts her she puts her gun away back in her shirt. And she goes, that was pretty bitch. And you're in. You can listen to Poppin lock Smith, whatever you want.
00:16:05
Speaker
um And I don't want to listen to him now. Fuck or he walks away. And then she just clicks her heels together, throws your whip back at you. And then she just rockets off into the sunset as buildings start to fall around her.
00:16:19
Speaker
um wonderful And then you get a message on your you get a message on your Discord server that says like, hey, who wants a job? And you see someone named Chimi Chang replies and Jack Lazer replies. um And there's still room for more people to reply. No one else has replied to it yet. Do you reply? Absolutely. I said reply. So you reply. Yes. Absolutely. She says I'm in.
00:16:45
Speaker
All right, so Jack laser, chimichanga real quick. Let's just check in with the boys. Jack laser. Are you with Jimmy Chang? Are you guys together? Are you guys separate? What are you doing at the moment? I don't know Jimmy Chang. Are we together? Well, we just solved the ah the bear incident. Oh, yeah, we're probably we we're one does find like right like we're the five guys right now yeah yeah We're eating our five guys after the ah we we we still in are we still in the park a lot and shoot Yeah, we're out in the parking lot. Oh, you still in the park a lot from where like the the factory got blown up by a bunch of five guys Yeah, I mean you think they were gonna freeze some of these and keep them like the good
00:17:24
Speaker
ah Yeah, I think so. This should be fine for a few days. It's fine for a few days, yep. It's got preservatives. Where are you heading back to, Jimmy? ah And then I get a notification. Yeah. Looks like you get another job. Goddamn, there's no sleep for the...
00:17:47
Speaker
It was a badass wicked boys, badass wicked. Yeah, no rest, huh? Yeah, that's what they say. Sleep for the badass boys. I think I found the title of the episode, guys. Perfect. no Sleep for the badass boys. All right, so yeah, you get a message that says you got a job and you guys are respond to it.
00:18:15
Speaker
and What is the job anyways? and check either own work yeah Your phone starts to ring as you see that ah Blake Dancer is initiating another call with all of you.
00:18:26
Speaker
right I try to wipe my hands on my pants as much as I can to get all the grease off. i don' hear your accept you and like It doesn't respond right away. It still doesn't recognize your finger. You get close, man. it's I'm trying to hit it. I hit accept finally. Yeah, finally it opens up. And so you guys see ah Blake Dancer on there. You see yourself. Are you guys just on one phone like crouching together? Yeah. yeah So you guys are on one call and then you guys see Everett like a rainbow haired like steampunk punk rock looking chick. Um, on the other end and you see Blake Dancer. He goes, right. I ate a fuck his rainbow hair. First time. First time long time. I ate. He's talking rainbow hair. How about you? Like fuck yourself? What do you need? Uh, you know what? My mom tells me to fuck myself every day at I fucking call you thinking at my feelings. Fuck no, bud.
00:19:23
Speaker
Guys, we're in a family venue right now. Can you watch your language? Yeah, the parade is going on behind you. I guess you guys are like, and they move quick. What do you want?
00:19:39
Speaker
You see Grizzly Adams is like leading a parade in the back. Look! He's alive! He goes, right when I was going to send you on our job, that's what you're fucking here for. I was going to get a job. Right? you You want a job? You want to get paid? You want to go and do something something cool, I hope? Yeah, we just finished the job. Oh, you did? How did that go? I didn't get any sort of debriefs or nothing. No notes. ah What happened? We were just eating a celebratory burger after the job well done.
00:20:06
Speaker
Oh man, you can't eat five guys. It goes right to your thighs. Five guys, right to the thighs. That's what my mom always told me. Five guys, good for the thighs. Five guys go straight to your thighs. Anyways, we ah we blew up the production facility that this guy is using to like make counterfeit money or something. I don't know.
00:20:28
Speaker
ah And the town's in complete disarray, but they have a parade going now, so I guess everything's okay. Everybody's happy. I'll expect my money. I'm missing a parade. Yeah, you're missing a parade. Oh, damn it. Where's my money? I didn't know that they were going to have it so fast. You going to pay me? Yeah. Am I going to pay you? Of course I'm going to pay you. That's what it's for. I'm going to pay you. Great. Yeah, okay. I gave you my direct deposit information. Oh, yeah. Your check will be there. We get paid every two weeks. I gave you my Venmo.
00:20:59
Speaker
Yeah, I know. yeah You'll get your deposit every two weeks. You guys get a deposit? This is a business, probably not. Well, yeah, of course. We're we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna parachute your check-in, Everett. Don't worry about it's when it. Every two weeks, you'll get a check parachuted into you. A parachute? That doesn't sound very effective. How about you just like give it to me with your hands? Why do you think I'm gonna come all the way over there and risk people identifying me just so I can give you a check? Hell no. Yes.
00:21:29
Speaker
Nah, yeah, nah, nah, it's yeah, but nah with it afterwards, nah. I'm telling you, yeah. Nah, I'm just going to put it in direct deposit for you, or I'm just going to drop it in by a balloon or something. But anyways, do you guys want to hear what your next job is or what?
Mission Launch and Jungle Descent
00:21:44
Speaker
Sure. Yeah. Right. Yes. So I call this one the war of bones and drones. All right. So listen.
00:21:52
Speaker
Well, just listen. You haven't even heard. well Come on. I worked really hard on that night. No, he's not talking about that. He's just, he's talking him about my phone. I'm trying to mute it. It was just not. It's not all right here. I think I got. Oh, there he goes. Oh, he muted himself. All right. let's So he, uh, so anyway. Oh God. Is that, is that Buzzy Lumpkins in the background? Downson in the parade. Fuck. I miss that shit. Oh, say hi to Buzzy when you, before you guys leave. Yeah. Uh, Buzzy. like Blake says, hi. Oh, hello Blake. Oh my God. He stopped for us. but that um knows you Wow. You must be pretty famous. Uh, well, you know, I just spent a lot of money there. So don't worry about it. Uh, anyways, uh, hi, hi Buzzy. Hey, can you see like Blake's face is like really fucking red right now? Like you're so bashful. He says, all right, anyway, the war of bones and drones, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to drop you down in a place called the jungles of Bay's house.
00:22:50
Speaker
And there's a big old war going on right now between the Skelly squad and the mandroids. It's just a bunch of skeletons and robots just fucking each other up over there in the woods. And I don't know how it happened, and you guys have figured it out. Either kill them all, or just let one side win. Just whatever it takes. But I have a tree that I sponsored there last year, and it's still just a little guy, and I don't want it getting trampled by all these fuckfaces getting into a gunfight and sword fighting over there in the jungles of Bezos. So I just need y'all to go just get dropped in there and go handle business and come home. Pretty easy, right? Any questions?
00:23:26
Speaker
Yeah, that sounds real easy. Um, so we're going to go down there. We're going to kick some ass. Yeah. And, uh, eat some five guys after. All right. Cool. Yeah. I haven't been to the busy and rainforest in a long time. Yeah. It's a beautiful place. You guys are weird. There are five guys burgers and fries. Five is establishing burgers in the world.
00:23:53
Speaker
Oh, it's oh, it's a restaurant. I got it. It's fine. I've never been on that side of town. Oh, OK. You've never you've never been to Nebraska or Oklahoma or wherever the fuck we are or anywhere else. if ive got Yeah. Where are you guys? I see yourself. Yes, has but Everett herself has not. Yeah, you're outside. I think. Yeah, you're outside of Oklahoma. You're somewhere in Oklahoma. Yeah.
00:24:20
Speaker
I forgot about that. I just wrote it a week ago and I already forgot. um and Right, so, ah you know, but I did a favor, I called in a little favey and I got a little plane that's gonna come pick y'all up and take you over there to the jungles of Bezos. Just make sure you get ready and then get to the rendezvous point in about, I don't know, like 25 minutes or so. Is that good? Yeah, it should be an enough fun.
00:24:45
Speaker
All right, cool. Cause I don't know what state we're all in and it's ambiguous. So let's just assume that you can all get there in 25 minutes. Okay. And then screen wipe. We're all there at the drop off point.
00:25:01
Speaker
um So, Everett, you're there. ah ah Jimmy Chang Smith is there. Jack Lazer, is there anything that you guys want to do or talk about or prepare before as you see the plane is starting to come in and land near you guys? I'm going to shake Everett's hand and say, nice to meet you. I'm Jimmy Chang. Jimmy Chang, is that your real name? ah No, it's not. OK.
00:25:29
Speaker
And I'm Jack Lazar. Okay. That's his real name though. yeah
00:25:35
Speaker
Now, every- I need to see your ID and a blood test to make sure that you walk correctly who you say you are. Now, Everett, you have heard of Jack Lazer. Jack Lazer makes a lot of noise around town. So like you've probably seen like new sites with his picture on it. And you would actually you would likely, since you're a hacker, would know who Jimmy Chang is, too. She knows exactly who Jack Lazer is. She has a huge crush on him and is trying to act cool.
00:26:07
Speaker
Yeah. And then you would know Jimmy Chang because he and a couple of others were known as like the god slayers when, you know, a couple of years ago when a big battle happened at Stonehenge and they were fighting like a magical force there and Jimmy Chang and his a a grenade launcher had been immortalized in a museum somewhere. um Some people love him, some people hate him, but you would at least recognize him from the pictures that that's Jimmy Chang Smith, the god slayer. OK.
00:26:36
Speaker
I think it follows me around wherever I go.
00:26:41
Speaker
I would, too, if I were him. um So you guys are there. The the plane comes and lands. And you hear Liberty back in business. Hop in, lady and gentlemen. OK. Thank you. Right on, brother. Right on, brother. Clank, clank, clank. Walk up the steps.
00:27:25
Speaker
It's Tom fucking Cruz. It's literally Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is there and he has like something on his throat that disguises his voice a little bit because he thinks it makes him not recognizable. um He's like, hey, guys, you guys ready for some top gu top pie flying high with me? ah That's what we're doing. You guys ready? Goose is geese. Guys, you guys ready? Are you? No, I'm not even going to bother with this. Yeah, we're ready.
00:27:55
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not anybody famous. I'm just helping out a friend. No, we're not. Yeah, we're not even gonna go there. No. Fire up that single prof. Yeah. it is cessna yeah guys get What kind of music do you guys want to listen to? Yeah, that's great.
00:28:17
Speaker
Danger sound start to stir some memories in me Looking at you. Oh Well, ah when I don't look at my face anymore. He puts on like a pilot's mask like over top of his face near So we're gonna take off pre three I imagine he's wearing a, uh, he's wearing a like full on like jet helmet, you know, like yeah he's flying like a, so star like a single, like, yeah. shitty play He just can't let it
Battle with Skeletons and Robots
00:28:49
Speaker
go. basic This is necessary always. And then, uh, yeah, you see the engine, the camera pan. So the engines, as you hear a a little bit of fire spits out the backend and then clock wipe, you guys,
00:29:03
Speaker
are being dropped out of a plane with a parachute strapped to your back. Or you can choose not to have parachutes. That's up to you. But like the the the back end is opening like the hangers opening and he's like, but not like get the fuck out and go save the world. try Yes. She flips them off in the back. And if so, what do you do? She flips them off and then what? She just flips them off and puts her parachute on. for And then you just jump out to play.
00:29:33
Speaker
Mm hmm. All right, cool. Jimmy Chang, what do you do? um I'm yelling at him and pointing towards the runway that we're flying over right now. I'm telling him, just land. Just land to the plane. I come walking fast. Now I grab to be talking about a choice. Come on, Jimmy. And I drag out with the back end with me. I don't have my parachute on. Oh, exactly. Jack, what do I waste together? Did you grab a parachute?
00:30:03
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I have one. Yeah, you see, as you grab Jimmy Chang without one. So you have one. All right. And then, like, i tight as you guys jump, you see, as the hangar starts to close, you see ah not Tom Cruise like lands ah down the airstrip. He's like coming down to land over there. um He lands before we do. Yeah, he's already on the ground.
00:30:27
Speaker
He's all like standing there like, what took you so long? Yeah. <unk> no ah So what does it look like when Everett is descending with her parachute? Like, do you do anything cool? do you ah Do you deploy your parachute immediately? You guys aren't like super, super high in the air. Like you were just above the canopy when he started to drop you guys. No, she's in full on panic. Like she's not very good at it. And so like she's always afraid of like her parachute never opening. And so like She'll be like, OK, OK, you can do this, you can do this, you can do this. Pulls the the string and is like trying to look cool, but just absolutely looks like she's flailing around. All right. Do act under pressure to see how well you do it, trying to look cool.
00:31:17
Speaker
and Or to or to rather to maintain your cool as well. Maintain my cool. Eight. and That's an eight. That's not too bad. so like you know Every so often, like the panic is stuck on your face, but you know um the the pressure from the drop just like makes everybody look that way, so you're kind of covering it. um But yeah, you start to descend. Do you pull your shoot? Yeah. You pull your shoot, and what color does your shoot? What is is your shoot? What does it look like? Everybody gets a custom one.
00:31:46
Speaker
Oh, I'd say it's probably like one of the. So, you know, it's kind of like a rainbow gradient type um and but great parachute that kind of looks like tie dye, but it's got like all the different colors of the rainbow all just kind of mashed together in a gradient thing. Yeah.
00:32:06
Speaker
All right, so you have a wonderful gradient rainbow tie dye parachute that opens up. ah Jack laser. You have a hold of Jimmy Chang as you went out the back. um Do you pull your shoot right away? What is your dissension look like? Oh, yes, this is where kind of over the counter. Yeah, I want to pull it pretty pretty early. I want to kind of I also want to survey around what I can see if I can see anything poking out of like the trees or anything interesting I can see while we're kind of up higher. Or do you want to investigate a mystery? Fucking would love it.
00:32:35
Speaker
Yeah, do it, see what you can see up there in the canopy. That's a one question hold you can ask my guy. Yeah, brother. What sort of creature is it? What happened here? What can it do? What can hurt it? Where'd it go? What's it going to do? What's being concealed here?
00:32:50
Speaker
What is being concealed here? Not a whole lot. As you guys get down below the canopy here, beep, beep, beep, beep, you sink, sink, sink, sink. And you guys are dropping into an active war zone. There's explosions happening beneath you. Like the canopy was covering up ah quite a lot. But as you get below the branches and the foliage, you just see there are like skeletons, some with like meat still hanging on them that are hacking away at these robots that are blasting lasers at them. Some of the skeletons are firing like these like pristine silver bow and arrows at these fucking ah Robots and like taking them down on one shot. It's just like a big massive fight right now and as you're starting to drop in You see that there's a big bony boy with a big bony club and he's just going to town on these little robots at a time as The jet brigade comes flying in trying to shoot at it and taking it down like King Kong whoa That's what you see well
00:33:46
Speaker
Um, what about you, Jimmy Changa? As he's looking around, what do you do? He's holding on to you. I call in a, uh, three 80 millimeter orbital barrage. All right. who do you Who do you call that in from?
00:34:02
Speaker
a I blame guys. Bye guys, of course. All right. Looks like like I don't know. Looks like, wait, are you guys trying to use your one freebie for the whole year already? You want to you want to drop a three, a three eighty, a big old barrage on the forest. I might hit my tree in there. Oh, sorry. OK. You got to find my team, protect it. I hang up. I hang up. I hang up. I hang up. Jimmy, tighten up. We're about to hit the leaves and the bridge is shit.
00:34:34
Speaker
So you guys, um you guys all land somewhere in the trees nearby each other as like this active battle is happening. Jimmy Chang, what do you do first? um I'm going to roll around in the muck and try to camouflage myself.
00:34:49
Speaker
Perfect. Roll for muck. See how well you do. What what is that? what hundred rule let's Let's have it be, uh, you know what? Let's just have it be a straight, sharp roll to see like if you're really good at it. Uh, like if you're, if you pay attention of detail, I failed as a five, you're just covered in just like a general muckiness, but like, you know, you just missed a few spots, but you still look kind of okay. You could still blend. You just look a little less good than you would if you, uh, rolled well. Okay. All right.
00:35:16
Speaker
Yeah, if you don't look too bad. You look too bad. um So you're rolling around in the mud right now. It's taking a little bit longer than usual. Jack laser. What are you doing and as Jimmy Chang is laying in the mud? I'm also going to jump down next to the mud puddle. and I'm going to do like just like ah a a meal at the edge of the mud, rubbing on my cheeks, a put some on my ba muscles, some like stripes. Yeah.
00:35:40
Speaker
Uh, okay. Roll for sharp as well to see how well you, how well can I sharply sharpen like how can you sharp? be cover Success mixed. You know, I'd say well, a good enough. Well, a good enough. Yeah. And while they're covering themselves in mud, Everett, what are you doing?
00:35:56
Speaker
Um, I feel like she would probably see if she could grab like one of the guns that fell on the ground because she doesn't really have too many of those. And she's going to grab also because there's skeletons running around. She's going to grab onto one of like their femurs or like one of their big bones that, you know, like used as a club. And uhu ah she's going to start like Basically, you start beating the crap out of stuff. What are you going to hit first? You're going to attack skeletons with bones or you're going to attack robots with bones? Skeletons with bones. All right. So you're just going to rip a femur off a skeleton and just start swinging. Mm hmm. All right. Roll. Kick some ass. Just straight up tough roll to see how well you just start. You just land and immediately grab a bone and just start swinging. Mm hmm. I think that's cool.
00:36:53
Speaker
I hate an eight. Roll out. Roll a D for for me, please. Just slash for the four. You can click on the little dice on this left side. Got it. Three. You just you kneecap three skeletal boys as you just like take out their legs and some of the legs dislocate and fly out from underneath them. They're just like little torsos with arms crawling around on the ground as you just like wreck three dudes swinging around and like the skeletons like what the fuck?
00:37:21
Speaker
You're working with the bots, are you? And then you see a skeletal ah warlock is like floating above everybody, and he's looking at you and he's leading out of a really loud shriek as he sees unique happen as boys. um And he looks well, I guess he doesn't really have a face, but you can assume he's angry because he's pointing at you and yelling. He doesn't have any facial expressions for you to see if he's angry, though. He can check.
00:37:49
Speaker
Yeah. I think that's the leader right there. Maybe like last time we kill him and everybody else dies. That's what I was thinking too. Fuck yeah. Go run a distraction. I'll snipe him with my with my rifle here that I have.
00:38:06
Speaker
I'm going to run the rifle that I have. I'm going to walk onto- Just keep him distracted. We got this. yeah I'm going to lock onto him so I can keep running a circle around him, but not lose track of him. And I'm going to, I want to say, come here, kill me. Do it. Come on. I'm All right. Roll up, roll, manipulate someone on him to see if you can convince him to focus his attention on you instead of failure.
00:38:31
Speaker
That's a six. Oh, shit. um You just like you know what happened is like you're over there screaming and then you just get like a hot laser just like blast you in the arm and like just like look like a bunch of blood starts like running down your arm and then cauterizes almost immediately like like dried paint just like that's nice as dries as it runs. um And then you see there's like robots on the other side of said he said to shoot him over here. Pew pew pew pew.
00:38:58
Speaker
um and You get shot by a robot who thinks you want him to shoot him. How many alleys do I get? ah Two harms of alleys. Two alleys? Oh my god. and I am close to being unstable. How? You just got in here. It's only three. I only had three until I'm unstable. Oh no. Until I'm dying. I'm um close to dying. Are you really? What?
00:39:18
Speaker
I only have three on OK and then four on dying side. Oh, you don't keep this is a whole new episode, guys. You don't keep your damage from the last episode. That was that was two. You gave me two. I had I took two damage. Oh, right. I guess you oh I didn't realize I have three. I have three damage and they OK. That's right. I forgot, guys. Sorry about that. Well, you know, that's what you get for screaming and failing. Sorry. Oh, like ah as he's trying to distract the other guy, a laser comes and beats the shit out of his arm. What do you do as now you guys like have robots that see you as you're trying to snipe this guy?
00:39:50
Speaker
um They see me. Well, they see him because he's screaming over here. Get me. I'm focused on the warlock right now. OK, you're still covered in mud on the ground. I'm like prone. I'm like take I'm like sitting there like a like a sniper, you know. Right. I'm there like a sniper. All right. What do you want to do? I want to I want to take a shot at him, but I want to shot at the at the at the warlock. Yeah, but as I'm not shooting at the head. You're not shooting at the head.
00:40:22
Speaker
No, I'm shooting at his heart. Whoa. Where where the heart of the world is. See, I got him. I was going to say, I was going to say that was the alarm you heard it. The alarm went off. His heart was like, oh, no, someone spotted my heart. Yes. All right. Roll kick ass. Yeah. Yeah. The lunchtime clock went off in his heart like, man, it's time to suck souls into this baby to fail.
00:40:49
Speaker
you You rolled a six. Oh, no, the alarm. yeah It wasn't the alarm of his heart. It was the lunch alarm on your watch that went off just as you want to take the shot. Oh, no. We do have luck. You do. have You do have luck if you want to use it. You can either fail and take your lunch or you can use a luck. I don't miss. You don't miss. No. So you use luck? No.
00:41:14
Speaker
No luck needed. like needed
00:41:20
Speaker
You, yeah, you actually, you know, you know what happens is you that you shoot him directly in the chest and he explodes into a bunch of bony little pieces and they all come raining down onto the ground.
00:41:34
Speaker
uh but then like they reassemble and then stand back up and they point at you and then like ever all every single bone person turns and looks at you ever hit it while it's down it hit the warlock while he's down ever what do you it's like eldon ring you got to double tap him yeah assembling himself So I was thinking while they had them distracted, she was gonna like kind of go behind a tree and try to hack into the robots to shut them down first. Oh, interesting. So you hear him screaming like, Everett, the skeleton, get it while it's on the ground! And you're like, typey, typey, typey. Don't worry, I'll be right there. Don't worry, I'm on my way. Just ah just give me one minute, okay? Just give me a second.
00:42:25
Speaker
All right, so you're going to do a little hacking role. Uh huh. Now, do you have a skill for that that you have to roll or is that just something we just have to come up with? All right. I believe. Let's call that sharp then, I guess, for your. Yeah, I think it just be sharp because I have one. And I can read the current news, but and I think that's just a real sharp so. OK, roll a sharp.
00:42:53
Speaker
11 11 hot damn so you're getting your lap happens when Adrian's not here. I actually win rolls. He doesn't suck all the good rolls out for you. So you're rolling 11 and you start like so what does it look like as like your what is your database look like? How you like what is your mechanism look like? How do you do it? Is it a game so so go lights? Is it like a matrix looking thing?
00:43:16
Speaker
So she'll actually go into like her actual normal browser and she'll go to ask Jesse, ask Jeeves, and she will start typing in a bunch of stuff and it looks like a waiter that actually comes out with like, you know, the the penguin type a suit and a tray and he does like this thing where he swirls his hand above the tray and next thing you know like a skull and crossbones shows up above the tray and then she hits okay and as she sends out the virus to shut them all down.
00:43:54
Speaker
Yeah. And then you see you see Jesse, the waiter person with like the skull and crossbones on the tray. You see like a little animation of this person like running between tables where there's a bunch of skeletons sitting and dining on fine wires like spaghetti noodles. And he just like garnishes all of them. Like he just starts like shaving off like a like a cheese grater. Like how much? So we went to stop. I mean, we went to stop. Yeah.
00:44:19
Speaker
And it's like you see like all of the robots in the area just go stop, stop, stop. And you say they all just kind of start to like malfunction or kind of do like a weird little like dance from the waist where they can't help but to keep leaning back and forth looking. Stop, stop, stop. And so like you just how Jack laser and Jimmy Chang, you just feel like a cacophony of stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop in the jungle as you guys are.
00:44:45
Speaker
Um, being, um, seeds by skeletons. What do you do? Jack, Jack, get the, get that motherfucker, get him, kick him while he's down. Kick him while he's down. I run across the way. You do that. I stand on top of the big skeleton wizardman.
00:45:04
Speaker
You're getting so there's the big skeleton with a club and then there's the warlock skeleton. That's just like a normal, but like he can float. He's on the ground right now. Yeah, that's the other one. Yeah, that's the one that he knocked down and wants me to double tap. I'm going to go stand on top of him. I'm going to take my shotgun and put it at the back of his skull and go. All right, roll, kick some ass. And I will say you are in imminent danger because you ran through a bunch of other skeletons to do that. But you rolled an 11. Dang, I do believe that means you get an extra advantage you can pick.
00:45:33
Speaker
oh li You can take it no it don't don't shoot his head Jack shoot the glowy part ah So you can take take one plus one forward or give one to another hunter you can inflict terrible harm Which is plus one harm suffer less harm or force them where you want them?
00:45:49
Speaker
Um, I, owe oh, um, I want to, I want to suffer one less harm just in case something bad happens to me. Okay, cool. All right. So how much damage do you do with your shoddy? Uh, it is a three damage gun threes of harm. My goodness.
00:46:07
Speaker
um Yeah, you but his head just explodes into shrapnel that flies all over the place raining down upon his friends and enemies alike.
Post-Battle Discovery and Strategy
00:46:18
Speaker
um But he's still moving. He's still moving. Can I use my can i use my finishing ability? Do you want to? Yeah, because I heard Jimmy say, no, shoot him in the chest, in his glowy chest. I'm going to try my second attack.
00:46:34
Speaker
With that. OK. And I got a 10 success. Dang. damn my I double the harm. I want to shoot at his chest now. Uh, okay. You shoot at his chest and you do doubles of harms and then he explodes and just sends out like a shockwave that knocks down everything in the area. Trees start to fall. Uh, and you just get sent. So, uh, you get, uh, smacked into several trees and across robot bodies and everything. And you just roll like to like a little bowling ball. Um,
00:47:11
Speaker
And I'm going to say that you take two mores of harms, which would be one less harms because you took one less harm. I knew it was smart to take that. Yeah. So you just start rolling. So, yeah. And actually, you know what, ah Jimmy Chang, why don't you roll act under pressure to try to see if you can keep yourself from.
00:47:33
Speaker
Oh, wow. That's a 12. Fucking Timmy Chang is cool as fuck. yeah and What are you doing? I mean, I'm prone. i Yeah, you're prone. Oh, I'm just, I'm prone in in some mud and you know, I'm just like.
00:47:45
Speaker
I see him go to shoot it and I just like put my head down and get as low as I can. Yeah. It's not very cool, but it works. You know what? Sometimes it's the most effective of approach. And so yeah, everything flies over you. Like you're right below the blast. So like, yeah, nothing happens to you. um ah Everett, what do you do? How do you act under pressure as well as like a big blast wave just shoots out and you're, you're too close to the action to avoid the shockwave. What do you do?
00:48:12
Speaker
ah Well, she's kind of still behind the tree, so I feel like she just kind of like balls up into a ball ah ah behind the tree as best she can. Alright, roll, act under pressure just and and hope for the best. as like There are trees that are being blasted into shrapnel from this shockwave. That's why she's crouched into a ball. Yeah, alright, roll, act under pressure. That's plus cool.
00:48:36
Speaker
Nine. That's a nine. I'd say you take one harm from the initial concussion of the blast, but because you tucked under like near the roots enough that you probably avoided like any severe damage as like and your tree does hold on. um So you're OK. And then you just hear like a like a strange silence as you hear it stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. And then like all of a sudden, all of the robots stop moving. All the skeletons stop moving.
00:49:04
Speaker
And you just hear a couple of birds chirping off in the distance. But other than that, it's silent. What do you guys do? Marco. bo Hello. Oh, God. Jack. I run over to Jack. Oh, fuck. You OK, buddy? Yeah. Sure. Man top of the guy that was going to explode.
00:49:26
Speaker
Yeah, that was probably a bad move here. And I hand him a cigarette.
00:49:33
Speaker
Should make you feel better. Nice. So what do you guys do now? I want to investigate a mystery. Go for it. Plus shop from Chimly Changka Smith himself. I got a nine. All right. I believe that's one question, right? Um, where'd it go?
00:49:56
Speaker
Where did it go? Where it go? Really bad. Where it go? What did what that thing do? um Yeah. So you um as you hear the birds chirping in the distance, you you you hear that those are no ordinary birds. Those are drone birds. They're just there to check on the so on the scene. They're not real birds at all. And their chirps sound more like robotic cries of tyranny. I'm grabbing flying. They're flying off to the west. I'm grabbing JX shotgun. I'm trying to them. Those are real birds. Those are robots. Those are drones.
00:50:36
Speaker
Oh, no, drones in the trees and they just start shooting up into the tree. Just could crack, crack, crack, to crack. All right. You you can roll, kick some ass on them if you want. It's going to be at a minus one because they're a little farther away. It might be almost out of shotgun range at this point. We'll see.
00:50:54
Speaker
um I got a four. That's a big old failure. It's a four. Yeah, you just fire up into the air. I mean, nothing bad is going to happen to you, aside from maybe you're alerting some people that there's still somebody alive in the jungle. um Yeah, but just like cacao cacao cacao is like buckshot and pellets ricochet off the trees. But you don't hear anything other than like you missed you miss tweet tweet you missed. Yeah, yeah, I know. Are they flying to?
00:51:23
Speaker
They're flying. I mean, I can find out if you really want me to. Yeah, I think that would probably be a good idea. Yeah, she's going to open up her laptop again. she's Well, she'll sit like on like a tree stump. That's whatever is left over from the blast. She'll pull up her laptop and start hacking into the birds to see a if she can find out where they're going and if she can stop them. All right. You sign on to do another hack. Now, this one's going to be a little trickier.
00:51:53
Speaker
ah because they're and pretty far out of range. They're up high and they're flying away from you. There's going to be at a minus one and you see as you go onto your website, do you still use Ask Jesse? What'd you call it again? Ask Jesse. Ask Jesse. Do you still use Ask Jesse for it?
00:52:08
Speaker
Uh, yeah, but it's going to be like a different type of version of ask Jesse where she knows that she's going to need something like a little more high tech. So he's like, ask Jesse on steroids. Right. So instead of like, he Jesse, yeah, he's a big beefy dude and like his suits all ripped up and instead of a saucer, he's holding like a big old sword.
00:52:34
Speaker
Yeah, he has a machete instead, machete. Yeah, he's got a little machete. You see that they've initiated counter hacking and there is like a curly haired white woman named Karen, who's also on steroids. And she's like, manager, manager, not like talk to your manager. And so they're trying to kind of. I would love to see him just slice her head off. Yeah, yeah so you have to get past their countermeasures, their firewall, so to speak.
00:53:03
Speaker
and Wow, 10. So I got a nine, basically. A nine. You know what? That's still pretty good, I would say. It takes you a little longer than usual, but not enough for it to really matter. But yeah, you see, like, steroid G just, like, hacks this, like, angry Karen down, like, no sweat. And you hear, like, a womp, womp, womp, like, as he slashes through her. um And then as he steps past you here, but butta da, then and da, da, da, da.
00:53:33
Speaker
And then you... Level up! Yeah, level up. New skill unlocked. Fireaga. And so you... um you ah You know what? You have a fireaga ball in your hand. it It materializes. You have a little gem that, when thrown, creates fireaga.
00:53:51
Speaker
um um And ah Jeeves actually reaches out of the computer and hands it to you. Jesse just gives it to you. He goes, hey, go! And um got this off Karen. And then ah you see through the through the bird's eyes, the bird's eye view, if you will, the drone as it's flying over to the west, you see that there is like a big camp like built like a big metal structure built into the jungle. um And at the center of it is like a little.
00:54:21
Speaker
like maybe a little baby tree maybe a year old that's kind of sprouting up a little bit maybe like a couple of feet tall very skinny um and you see like there's a bunch of um like robot guards walking back and forth patrolling it and you see a bunch of skeletons inside of cages built of bones um Oh, yeah. And you can see that there is like a big stairway that leads up into less like big metal temple and like fire shooting up out of the air. um And you see like a bunch of workers running to and fro inside of this giant building. That's what she points on her screen and says, Look, guys, I can see like what's going on in these. Check it out. I got all these cameras in such things. Whoa. Good work. That's pretty. ah
00:55:07
Speaker
It's pretty fancy. Wow. Uh, so where is that attack in the world? Well, clearly you're able to materialize stuff from the internet. It's like, that was crazy. And it's, I don't even know what this is. And I, can I see that the, the fire rocket, you can't touch it. Nope. my Really? Okay. She shows it in her pocket. That's like incredibly disappointing. And I don't know.
00:55:35
Speaker
Sorry. yes here I'm not going to fight over you. Because I got one of those in my bag. No, just where's the location of the... Where is this? Because like i I can see it. I just don't know where it is in relation to our position. Tip, tip, tips, and sends the GPS coordinates to their little ah whatever they've got. Their phones. Yeah.
00:55:58
Speaker
Yeah, there's GPS coordinates in there. It's over to the west about ah like, I don't know, like a mile up the road, you know, through the through the trees, through the jungle, through the base of a jungle, a mile.
Infiltration of Robot Camp
00:56:10
Speaker
Yeah. A mile through the crazies, the jungles of Bezos. Wow. That's what it said. You sound so surprised. All right. Well, I'm going to go pick up a machete from nearby.
00:56:23
Speaker
Uh, yeah, actually one of the robots has a machete wedged in his arm. ah I go to rip it out. You rip it out and then you see the robot gives a thumbs up and then sinks into a pool of magma nearby. Oh, pretty, bro.
00:56:44
Speaker
There's just like a little puddle of magma. This place is really dangerous speaker. My generator really did a weird number on this place. Yeah. Make sure it's like garbage in there. They go punch a tree. You've got to equip the machete. Yeah, you just like pun punch, punch, punch, punch, and you see it's starting to degrade like a little bit. But then eventually, like some of the tree disappears, but the rest of the tree doesn't fall. It just like hovers for a little while above it. Yeah, I duck under and go through. like Yeah. Yeah. Speaking spin of Minecraft, I want to pick up one of those silver bows. No skeletons was using. Yeah, you pick it up and you and it's so heavy.
00:57:24
Speaker
It's a very heavy longbow that they were using. Damn, this thing's heavy. Good thing you're exercising. Can I keep my bowl club? Yeah, you can keep a bone club, whatever. Yeah. Yes. Can I keep this? She says to the the skeletons that are laying on the ground. Can I keep this? No, she says she says that to the to Jack and to Jimmy Chiang Kai. Oh, you're asking if you can keep it. I stand up and I'm strapping the air over my back. Yeah. Spoilers of war. I don't care. I can add this to my collection. Thanks, guys.
00:58:03
Speaker
ah Yeah. Do any of the bots have a flamethrower? ah You know what? Roll for sharp to see if they had one. Two two of those. honest Good thing I leveled up. Yeah, yeah it's a five fail. You know what? They did have a flamethrower, but there's no pack that goes with it. It's just the gun part. It looks like the the the fuel tank was busted. We took pulse one sharp. There might be a little one that there might be a little of the tube there to me.
00:58:30
Speaker
am I get a little bit of a blow off on you. Yeah, it's got one. It's got one one breath of flame left in it. What lives are just enough to create one battle and like ah like five minutes getting it set up and then I go to fire it and you fire it where Peter's out. Yeah, I'm trying to clear out all that. All the all the foliage around us. Yeah, fully into place. ah You fire it out, right? And it it just comes out like toothpaste from like a tube. It just goes like.
00:59:02
Speaker
onto the ground. Oh, god damn it. Yeah. And some of it gets on your machete and then now you have a flaming magma machete. Oh, well, that's convenient. Yeah. Cool. That can cut down trees. No problem. It is now the tree slayer. I am cutting through the trees. It cut through it. and It's like a fucking hot knife through butter and just like the trees and all the bushes are falling down all around you. yeah They're all like going up in flames leaving ash behind you in your wake.
00:59:31
Speaker
This is terrible. All right. Let's keep going. Environment. Yeah. Great for us, though. Yeah. So you guys are just cutting through, turning trees and ashes you go. Jack, lazer what are you doing as Jimmy Chang is lava cutting all of the trees falling behind him, I guess. Are you doing anything? Do you say anything to the group? Do you prepare anything as you go towards the robot factory? I'm going to keep the bow ready and I'm going to ask you ahead of time what kind of damage does that thing do.
00:59:57
Speaker
uh it does loads of damage yeah it's fired off loads it fires off loads into people's what kind of loads loads just like Do you see like an eye to ask? You don't need to know. You see a large eyeball form in the sky and then another eyeball form in the sky and only one of them winks and then they disappear as you hear loads. So, yeah, you can make do with that what you will. I mean, it does. It does 18 damage against robots, but only two damage against everything else.
01:00:43
Speaker
Okay, okay, so we're right that is to harm plus 16 against robots Did you saw how easily that silver bow was just taken down robots early as you guys are parachuting that's why I wanted when I saw I'm doing some damage Yeah, that's the only way they can contend with the robot menace is to create something so perfect to kill them um All right, so ah Everett, you hacked in. You saw what's going on. You have your fire auger ball. You guys are heading towards the forest as you guys get closer towards the factory. I mean, you guys see like a little clearing start to come up. You see the factory from the screen. ah You see all the skeletons that are trapped in bone cages. You see the sapling that Blake Dancer wants you to protect in the center of the of the town.
01:01:29
Speaker
Uh, and you see robots patrolling all over the place, all the way up towards the big staircase. It leads up into the, into the bot house. What do you guys do? Um, well, do you want to try to parlay with the robots guys, or do you want to just kill them or hack them or what? I can hit the jackal switch and start taking them out silently with this bow.
01:01:50
Speaker
was Yeah. Okay. If you can do that, that sounds good.
01:01:57
Speaker
You know, I can hack as much as I can. Everett, you know, I'm the greatest hacker ever. You are so good at hacking that you can hack the literal air around people to make it so that you're you're partially invisible. That's just how good you are at hacking. I know. Right. You can hack literal air particles. I'm like the greatest. The areas filled with microplastics and yeah for chips now, probably. You you you can manipulate the particles floating in the air to make your friends invisible.
01:02:28
Speaker
Or she gives them armor even, you know, whatever you want to do. I mean, I could even make them look like they're robots too. It'd be like the weirdest thing. I could like go in like Wizard of Oz and make it look like we're part of the gang. Yeah. Chimichanga, what are you doing? What do you guys think? That sounds really dangerous. I've got my mud and I i like i creep back into this the bushes. Okay. Are you just going to go stealth? Yeah.
01:02:57
Speaker
What are you doing to check your head? um I'm just going to go try to talk to him. You're going to try to talk to the robots just straight up. Yeah, because all we care about is a tree, right? That's all I care about. Right. Like the answer wants you to end the war so you can protect this tree. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm going to try to reason with them. All right. So you're just going to walk in.
01:03:19
Speaker
Yeah. Well, no, I'm not going to walk in. I assume I walk up to the place and, um you know, there's guards or something. No, they would see you right away. Yeah. Patrol and guard would like turn his gun towards you right away. ah So you're going to walk in. You're going to go up and talk to somebody. i Jack laser is disappearing into the woods to start doing some Bose stuff. Everett, what are you doing as you see Luke is walking towards the robots and you see that ah Jack laser is trying to hide?
01:03:48
Speaker
She's going to find like the closest like rock or tree stump or something that she could sit on so that she can hack into the robots to not only make them not see Jack, but kind of monitor how like the conversation is going to go so that she can try to make it go in their favor.
01:04:13
Speaker
Okay, this one is going to be a manipulate someone through hacking because you were trying to alter how they are seeing or interacting with someone. Okay. All right, let's see how you do with a manipulate someone. That's plus charge. Oh, that's a big fat 12 or. Yeah, I love you. I miss you, Adrian, but take as long as you need. So. just So yeah, you go through and and ask Jesse is just serving up a bunch of like hearts to all these different people and also like sexy blindfolds to all the all the robots that are in the in the.
01:04:51
Speaker
You know, in the mainframe. And yeah, Jack is like, Jack, you're like right now, you're like the best hider on earth. Like not a single robot can spot where you are. um And Jimmy, I'm right. Yeah. And Jimmy Jenga, you walk up and you see a robot that's patrolling around the tree turns and says, what are you doing here? I mean, how are you human?
01:05:15
Speaker
Damn right, alright. Take me to your boss.
01:05:20
Speaker
ah Roll manipulates someone, and I'll give you a plus one because they are currently under the influence of Everett. Okay, good. I'd like to hear that. Yeah.
01:05:32
Speaker
That'll be plus charm seven. So it's an eight total. Yeah. Like you see, like there's still like every so often like the red eyes of the robot flash pink hearts as he's talking to you. And he kind of looks like he's fighting with himself. He's like, I will not, not, not, not deny your request. um And he says, right this way, way, way. And he just starts walking and then you hear, he's with me, guys. He's with me.
01:05:59
Speaker
And then they all just like, okay, cool. And they just kind of go back to their patrols, but they don't look at you anymore. As you see like pink hearts pop up above their heads and he just walks you right up the stairs. All right. What am I seeing in here?
01:06:10
Speaker
Uh, you walk up and you hear him say, Oh, pawn sass on me, me, me and him. And, uh, you see like a big, kind and thing thank you for laughing at that. and a big so fast too
01:06:30
Speaker
Thank you for encouraging my stupidity. So they the the big door opens up. um And as it opens up, you see there is like the fattest robot you've ever seen in your life sitting in the center of the room with like a bunch of tubes all over him.
01:06:50
Speaker
and like out out from the tubes you see. I like the tubes in Futurama that people use to travel. You see like bots are like just like flooding out of his big fat robot's body, like just shooting from him into these tubes and out into the jungle somewhere, you would assume, or throughout the factory. And there's a bunch of other little miscellaneous workers working. And you see they're hammering with bones. They have bone hammers, and they have bone tools. and and and bone levers on their machines. It's almost like they're making decorations and tools from the bodies of their enemies. um And you just see like a big old fat robot spawning new robots.
01:07:31
Speaker
Okay, I mean, I don't know what the bones are supposed to scare me because I'm not a I'm not a skeleton. Just so hey I don't have one of those. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't like the reason a femur is a lever. Yeah, whatever. down care Yeah. Try using a ah human like the skin, buddy, then maybe I'll care. Yeah. Yeah. Put some skin on there and I'll give it shit. You know, um I want to just like start. I'm going to try to call Jack.
01:07:56
Speaker
You're going to try to call Jack. OK, so let's cut the jack about two minutes, about two minutes before you call Jack. ah Jack, you're sneaking through the jungle. What do you do? I watch Jimmy's voice with steps and I go, Jimmy's going to the belly of the beast. What a brave bastard.
01:08:14
Speaker
And then I I look, I i put an arrow on the on the bow, I pull it back and I move the camera. It is a first person camera view on the end of the bow. yeah A with a robot standing in it. Let go. um That one. That one's a freebie. It just it's like flies true and curves around and just and just takes them out right away. And you hear that satisfying shadow of a robot falling apart. Hmm. Satisfying. Now, what do you do? I continue to creep on and I want to try and keep picking off like any guards outside that are singled out.
01:08:50
Speaker
You're going to pick off some guards that are singled out. OK, so some I'm going to pull my knife out and do you do some, you know. Yeah. All right. just Yeah. Just just give me a cool montage. Just tell me of that. Just real kick some ass real quick and just give me a montage of like what's happening before Jimmy Chang calls you. Don't fucking have eight mixed success. That's an eight plus you're hidden. So yeah, I just say that like you're you're generally successful. And the ones that see you are too overwhelmed with love to do anything right away. So you have done.
01:09:16
Speaker
I like sneak through, shoot another guy at a tower, come by, a guy surprises me, I have an arrow in my hand and I stab it into his oil rig. And another one here is that and I throw my knife at him and I shoot a bow and I sidestep straight across the way, pull my knife back out, wipe the oil off my shirt and actually I take the oil and I put it where my mud is wearing off my face and I Yeah, cover my face with more. OK, no, no, no, no, no. And then I see a back door face. Not my whole face, just a little streak like a football player. Just to keep the sun out of my eyes. And I see a back door and I'm going to try and go towards it. All right. You're taking a back door. You went all the way around the factory to like kill people and then just jump back in.
01:10:05
Speaker
All right. So you go through the back door, ah Jack, and you see that there is a lock, a lone door, a tiny door by human size, and there's a lock on it. And you see there's a screwdriver and like some picks um on the on the ground next to it and a skeleton that looked like it was trying to pick the lock. It didn't see. Didn't know I was in a Bethesda game with all this environmental storytelling. Yeah, I see the lock picking equipment and I say, hmm,
01:10:34
Speaker
I pull my shotgun out and start bashing the lock. Good. OK, so we'll kick some ass against the lock and then you get a phone call as you're starting to do that. Ten. You're busting the you're like getting the fuck out of it and like denting the door in at the at the like where the latch is like. Fuck you. many here Die, long die. You hear your phone. Your phone goes off. What is your ringtone? I'm like, oh, shit.
01:11:01
Speaker
Hello? I put it like in the cup of my elbow. I'm still smashing. Hello? Hey, hey, hey. Stop banging for a sec. What? what Try to get in the back door. No, I'm in the belly of the beast, so to speak. I saw you going, you taught you're a goddamn badass. Well, no, it's Cass Hactom or something. I don't know. You just did some... Every Cass. Sorry, not Cass. Taverant. I don't know what the hell Cass is.
01:11:28
Speaker
ah Whose kiss? I had no idea who that is. average and Ever just like materializes next to Jim and Jack, who's kiss?
01:11:40
Speaker
Anyways, Jack, I found their leader. Okay. What's going on in there? Why do they have this war? What's going on? I don't know. I don't know. Are they trying to find materials to make phones in here? I don't know. I don't know. But we got the tree here. I prefer not to just blow this whole area up. And I'm guessing that bow that you have is some kind of magic thing because I saw you like, you know, one shotting the skeletons on the way up here. That skeleton's roping out. You really got the window scene. Wasn't it awesome?
01:12:12
Speaker
Yeah, that's pretty, pretty rad, dude. Um, so it's pretty, it's probably, um, you should probably come up here and shoot the, uh, big guy. Oh, it's like, he's like giving birth to robots. Like, as well disgusting bang, bang. let's go this luck Can you come back and unlock the back door for me? Oh, yeah, sure.
01:12:29
Speaker
um Bang. I go unlock the door for Jack while we're on the phone. And it opens outward. That's what makes it tricky is it's an outward open. Oh, it's a push. OK. It's a push door off from the inside. It's a pull door from the outside. But does it have like a bar? Yeah, there's a bar on the inside. Yeah. OK, so I push that and it opens right away. I push the bar and it opens. Oh, my God. Are they on each side of the door? Yeah.
01:12:55
Speaker
Oh, my God. Could they have like a push pull fucking contest for a minute? He just like trying to push it. I totally just saw that in my brain. Yeah. Yeah. Are you there to me? Yeah. Normal bunch. Yeah. OK, let go of it. Oh, oh, I'm trying to. OK, I think you jammed it a little bit. I'm kicking the kick and I'm kicking it. You see like other robots come to join you and they're trying to like push. They're like, we got you. Thanks, fellas.
01:13:25
Speaker
OK, and we finally get the door open, right? We finally get the door open, right? um Yes, Jimmy. Yeah. All right. Well, ah bots are on our side today, I guess, Jack. So they still have big carts above their heads. Yeah, follow me. All right. So as he's leading Jack laser to the big guy ever, what are you doing? like She's going to pack up her laptop while it's still like in the Jesse mode and she's going to shove it in her sha satchel and then follow the boys into the factory. She's going to walk in and you see one of the robot says, you, you were not with me, me, me. Where are you going? Oh, I was going to go with my brother up there. You just let him in to see my other friend. That's my brother.
01:14:17
Speaker
OK, I have no reason to disbelieve le li leave you. Please leave leave leave me now. OK, bye. OK, bye, bye, bye, bye. And these guys are stupid. Hey, that hurts our feelings. We we all share the same brain waves.
01:14:36
Speaker
ah So you just walk in to the skips in. You skip in and a couple of robots get behind you because they're mirroring your movements. This is five fine fine fine fine skipping.
Boss Battle and Digital Defense
01:14:50
Speaker
um And so you go in and you see a big big big fat bomb robot guy and then you see Jack laser and Jimmy Chang are there. Wow, you're all together. What do you do? Yeah, that thing shoot him, Jack.
01:15:02
Speaker
that thing. I ever watch this. I pull out the arrow, pull it back to right into the belly of the thing, birth and baby was robots. You do that. And then, uh, like you feel like you hear like a loud whirring and it's cool. And like, uh, a robot shoots out of its belly and like jumps in the way of the arrow and explodes.
01:15:29
Speaker
And you hear it say, you hear it say,
01:15:50
Speaker
no, no. and I pull out my grenade launcher. Oh, fuck. He pulls out the grenade launcher. Oh, shit. So we're in a boss. She's got these. All right. So in a boss battle that like the the screen shatters into a bunch of pieces and then you're going to do that. Then you see Jimmy Chang has got his grenade launcher out. Everett, what do you have out?
01:16:16
Speaker
She'll pull out her phone so that she can start hacking from her phone so that that way she can like move if she needs to. OK, and then Jack laser, what do you pull out as the battle begins? Obviously, I keep the bow out going to keep the bow out. OK, everybody roll initiative roll. I'm going to roll. Read a bad situation. I have a plus one. OK, I have a high dexterity. All right.
01:16:42
Speaker
I failed to read a bad situation. You failed. The bad situation is you go last. Shit. Oh, dang. Jack Lazer, you're up first. What do you do? I'll ever rolled read a bad situation as a nine. Jack Lazer, maybe you don't go first. What do you do? Hello, Ralph. I'm sorry. I thought you really said for us. I'll read it. You know, I'm going to get a better one. Can I go first? Oh, shit. So a bunch of robots are descending on us, too, you said. Yeah, so you see. OK, so this boss has three parts to it. You notice when you put the little arrow on different parts of him, he has the middle part. He has the the the bot reproduction part.
01:17:22
Speaker
And then he has the ah the week part that hasn't been finished yet. Go for those wires. The bots are currently soldering some pieces onto it right now. um So what do you do? I am going to. Try to shoot. La la la la la. The was there any bots kind of like running at me right now? what's ah No, but there are some that are you see are like being sucked back through the tubes to be used as weapons against you. Hmm. Oh Yeah, that's the other part It's the tubes the two whether that's the bot production part. So the tubes are where the bots are coming from. Okay um I want to shoot into the tube You're gonna shoot a tube and bro kick some ass against tube to kick some tube. Oh tube and see that. wow Well, and you're big. You're fucking old like crazy. These tubes are kicked, man. Dude, I'm telling you, those tubes are going to be tied when I'm done with them. ah All right. So you get to pick ah another effect on top of your damage with your arrow. I want to force them where I want them. So I want to re like make the tubes so it like bends or something. So they just start firing into like the wall. OK. That's very funny. OK. Yeah. So the tube does two or the arrow does two harm to the tube.
01:18:44
Speaker
i new but Yeah, because it's not a robot, just a tube. It's a tube. Yeah, but it dents the tube inward a little bit. And yeah, just like now a robot comes out like as it's starting to counter attack you and it just. Oh, no, it flies into another robot that was trying to fix the weak point. Geez. And they clack together and break like two clay pigeons smashing around each other.
01:19:09
Speaker
Yeah, so now we're over to Everett. Everett, it is your turn. What do you do? A tube has been bent. What do you do? She's gonna try to... She's gonna try to hack again. You're gonna try to hack again? Yeah. Well, what are you trying to do? She's gonna go back in. Hack in what way? What are you trying to do? She's gonna see if there's a way to shut down the main server.
01:19:36
Speaker
The main server of like the robots. OK, this one's going to be a little tough because you're going into the main server. You're trying to bypass all the other servers to get into the main one. And so you see ah you see Ash Jesse is now encountered with a bunch of robots that have helmets on and shoulder pads, and they are all in like a formation to block him.
01:20:02
Speaker
What do you do? Yeah. So roll. um Let's see. You know what? Why don't we roll for Jesse? What would Jesse do to get through this defense of guys? I see.
01:20:16
Speaker
The animation of Jesse, he's ah like he got a level up, so he was able to like get even hulkier out. And so he's his machete got bigger and like his muscles are bigger. And so he just does like a big circle around like with the machete, like a helicopter and tries to chop all the skeletons around that he's All right. Let's roll. Let's roll. Kick some ass for Jeeves or Jesse. Sorry. Jeeves. Jesse Jeeves notorious. Jesse.
01:20:59
Speaker
That's a 10. Dang. Fucking with no problem at all. You've absorbed all of Adrian's rolls. Jesus. Fucking just mowed them all down. You just passed all the bad rolls to David. um And so, yeah, he just' like he just does like a cyclone helicopter move and just flops off the heads of all these defending robots. And you see Jesse just walks through a door that says main server.
01:21:25
Speaker
Um, that was going to be a lot harder, but you rolled the 10. So I don't know what else to say. Um, so you, um, he just walks into, you just see Jesse walked into the server room. Um, so you have completed step one of the hardest hack you are supposed to be able to do. Um, uh, Jimmy Changa, you have your grenade launcher out as you see efforts on her phone and Jack laser's firing arrows at the tubes. What does Jimmy Changa do?
01:21:50
Speaker
No, I want to slight to magic. You want to. OK, you select magic and I want to cast fire Raga. Are you going to cast fire Raga? OK, with the grenade launcher, with the grenade launcher. So, you know what, roll, roll, use magic. But no, no, no, it's not man. Roll kick some magic. So I'm a roll roll, kick some ass and use magic and then see what they are added together.
01:22:22
Speaker
wow is it twelve it kicks a as i my just one on use magic yeah i not actually proud here and I'm not actually trying to use magic. I don't know if you got that, but I think it's great. No, I just want to see what would happen to entertain me. a Yeah. So you see that just like.
01:22:40
Speaker
all of your like the the energy from the the fire Raga crystal in ah Everett's pocket starts to flow like a team like a chrono trigger team move out of her pocket into the the shells of your grenade launch now making them flaming explosions Um, you, you now have magic grenade launcher. Uh, what do you do? Are you, are you firing it? Where, where are you shooting? It's already been fired. Where are you firing at the weak spot that you said it was not the weak spot. So you rolled a 12 plus one, which is a 13 for you. Some magic, but I have a crit fail on use magic.
01:23:18
Speaker
There's no such thing as crit fail on oh and well whatever I roll a two. Yeah, so I rolled the lowest possible value on my worst stat. i get So you get you have advanced kick some ass on a 12 plus. What do you want to advance failure? and Yeah. So well, you still roll the 12 regardless. So you started advanced kick an advance on kick some ass. um I want to kick some ass without without a kicking my own ass or anyone else's ass besides my target. So you suffer no harm at all. Is that what you want?
01:23:48
Speaker
That is ideally I would like to know. All right. So um and not bring any armor along to. Yes. To every or jack. All right. So you. Yeah. You know what? You cast a protection spell that keeps them all from being damaged ah for one turn. ah And a very good one. Yeah. You fired your grenade launcher over at the weak point doing how much damage of harm?
01:24:10
Speaker
How much does that do? I don't even know. Tell me. How much does it do? That's four harm. Four fucking harm. ah Yeah, you that is not looking good because those guys aren't there to repair it. And then you see it just disappears and he goes and it just disappears um from where it was.
Escape and Victory Celebration
01:24:29
Speaker
It was like it was never there at all. It was just to distract you from attacking what you needed to attack. Oh, shit.
01:24:37
Speaker
Yeah, but a fire started right now. I miscalculated, Jack, but luckily everything's on fire so we can just leave and everything will burn down. ever I'm sorry, I missed. That's okay. You know, sometimes I miss too, but I just got so lucky today. I don't know what happened. I just had so much luck.
01:25:01
Speaker
Jack, you're up. What do you do as a flame start to spread over near where the weak point was from the fiery grenade launcher? Oh, no, the weak point. I.
01:25:15
Speaker
am going to shoot my bow at them again at what the tubes are at the bot at the at the the thing but the bot fabricating the pregnancy but all right roll another kick some ass and you have an immunity spell so you can't be hurt this round So I got a mixed success. That's a seven. You fired it and you do two s'mores of damage, completely bending it to a 90 degree angle backwards as it's firing the robots in the wrong direction now. um And you see so this is like 90 degrees. Can it be like bunching up in there now? They're like, yeah, yeah, they're getting stuck like in the in the bend of the of the tube. And it's starting to build like a like a lot of pressure. They're starting to get hot in there as they're breaking and collapsing in there. um And you see the big robot guys. You are a big, bulky, bit be be it be a bad person and it shoots a laser from its eyes. But then like a big fiery spell comes up and absorbs the laser. So you get no damage from it. Huh?
01:26:18
Speaker
What was this? This bull, bull, bull, bull, pucky. um And so you've you've you've greatly ah reduced the number of robots that are being produced right now as they're all bunching up in the crevice of the pipe. um Nice. Yeah, now we're to Everett. Everett, you are now ah through the next stage as Jesse walks into the mainframe.
01:26:40
Speaker
And you are greeted by a much smaller version of the big pregnant robot that you see before you. And Jesse's standing there with his big machete and you see that this thing is currently holding a shield and a tiny sword. And you hear it goes, come get me, baby, baby, bad person.
01:27:01
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Only people that like don't know me can call me a bad person. So like, I thought we were like friends and she'll put her phone in her pocket, grab on to her bone club and like spin it in her hand and go after them just like swinging it.
01:27:22
Speaker
So wait, so you're going to so instead of having Jesse attack the digital version of the boss, you're going to put your phone away and attack the real version with your bone. Am I hearing thought that right? It was I thought a little guy was coming at me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Jesse is currently in the mainframe and on your phone. Never mind. And there's a little animation of a smaller version of the boss with a sword and shield. Gotcha. Yes.
01:27:49
Speaker
I thought there was like a little little guy coming at me while I was at my phone, like hacking the big guy. OK, never. No, you're just I'm back. That's part of the best. That's the last line of defense for the mainframe is this guy. OK, so she is going to tip tappy tip her fingers away and make it to where Jesse will like.
01:28:14
Speaker
Split it from ah groin to chin. Oh, geez. OK. OK. That's just going to be a straight kicks a master role from Jesse ah to see how well he does against the digitized version. Oh, I got a six. That's a six. But next point for you. Unless you also have luck. You do. Do you want to use luck? You'll suffer technical difficulties. Yes, you do. Is your luck special?
01:28:45
Speaker
You know what? No, I'll take the failure because I feel I feel like ah The boys will be able to hack be able to blow him up faster than I'll be able to hack through him. OK, so what we so we'll see. So what we see is an epic battle where like, you know, like some some Yoda Star Wars shit, we're just this things like jumping up and down, doing spins, swinging a sword at Jesse. Jesse's ducking out of the way, landing his machete against a shield. There's just like an epic battle going on with like really cool like digital like that kind of like old eight bit kind of music playing like deep, deep, deep, deep.
01:29:21
Speaker
um There's a really badass fight going on on your phone right now as you're pretty much having your own little boss battle on your phone. And while you're doing that, Jimmy Chang, you blew up the weak point and there's a fire spreading. What do you do? um Move away from the fire. ah You know what? You have successfully taken a step into the back row of the party away from the fire. Fantastic. um Yeah. But now what do you do?
01:29:47
Speaker
What was ah um Jack Glaser shooting at? Jack laser were shooting at the tubes that were birthing other robots into the factory and he was bending them so that way they kind of like bunch up into the corner of the end of the tube. So is that like is that problem like solved now? ah ah Yeah, I mean there are other tubes but that seems to be like a problem right now because like all of them are like bunching up into one tube like just kind of like getting piled up and it looks like it's causing like an overheat. Oh, so probably assume that's going to resolve itself pretty soon.
01:30:21
Speaker
OK, so maybe we ah maybe I read a bad situation. maybe All right. Roll roll plus sharp to read a bad situation. Let's see you get some good rolls. There's an eight. Yeah, you got that one question. What's the biggest threat? and The biggest threat is um the birth canal where the first robot took the arrow for um uh for uh the boss and you can see you know in all the chaos and the flames to the fire and the flames as you guys carried on you can see that like the birth canal of this robot is actually getting red hot and it looks like something bad's about to happen in it okay i'm gonna hey guys guys guys look uh the birth canal of the robot's getting red hot and uh it looks like something's something really bad is gonna happen here
01:31:15
Speaker
So maybe we better ah make her like a tree and get the fuck out of here. All right. I should never had it as a turn to run away. All right. I want to cast a blazaga as I'm running away. All right. You cast blazaga as on the arrow as it hits the silver era and it goes into the birth canal when you hit big explosion happening in ten nine.
01:31:42
Speaker
Eight. um What do you guys do? Oh, fuck. Run. ah
01:31:51
Speaker
We've got to protect the tree. Why are you guys going slow motion like me? You've got to protect the tree. I call down, I hit my stratagem button and I call down the shield generator. Oh, perfect. You call that a fucking shield generator. I'm going to just throw it as accurately as I can under the tree.
01:32:09
Speaker
You do that perfectly, but like not enough for the help pod to like blow up the tree, but like land on the tree right now. I feel like it actually lands on another robot that was like, there you go, calling in help. It was like about to fire an emergency flare into the air. Yeah, man. Where are you guys getting all these ideas from? I have no idea, man. Yeah, I know. Just sometimes I just come to me when I'm with friends.
01:32:29
Speaker
um And then Everett, as you're hearing like the countdown, you see like in your phone, you see the little robot, like, or the, the, the, the, the last line of defense, like robot turned and says, Oh no. And then you see Jesse just goes hu da da da ah and cuts him from dick to chin all the way up. And he falls to pieces. And then you hear it goes self-destruct. No longer happening. Everybody have a good day.
01:32:55
Speaker
we Well, that's lame. And you're just kidding. Five, four. What do what do you do?
01:33:08
Speaker
Everett, how do you think we need to get the fuck out of here? They're already running. run I'm already gone. All right. She doesn't notice. Yeah, she doesn't notice. She was on her phone, so she just takes off running. She doesn't care whether she's like looking at her phone like, guys, we got to go. Would you guys go? All right. Everybody roll, please. um Uh, act under pressure and tell me like something really cool that you do as you're running to something theyre very actiony. Well, it's a 13 from Jimmy Chang. Jesus. Nice. All right. That's a seven for Everett. And then Jack laser. What do you do? Comes a six failure. Six. All right. But Jimmy Chang, you just do a full dead sprint towards the are you going towards the shield generator?
01:34:01
Speaker
Yeah, well I run out and I do a dive and throw the shield generator near the tree. You throw it into the tree? i I dive down, I imagine it's like up on a hill or something and I dive down the hill and like, ah you know, land right ah right as the shield generator comes down and then like, you know, it forms and then I'm um just on the ground. So smoking or smoking a pack of reds? Yep, having a smoke, just waiting for the scene to blow over.
01:34:27
Speaker
okay so everett you roll a seven what does that look like as you get out of there what what do you try to employ to leave
01:34:35
Speaker
ah feel like she runs out as fast as she can, but like still parts of her dreads get like a little bit singed on the tips. Oh, no. Oh, the tips. I'm going to hate when my kids get singed. And so, yeah, you get your you get your tips singed a little bit, but you sprint down. ah You see like a robot tries to jump in the way it says you you hack me, me, me, me. And it looks like he's going to try to deck you. What do you do?
01:35:03
Speaker
She's gonna use the bone club and tie to knock his head off like a baseball bat. You knock his head off and the way down the stairs, bam! Fucking just sends it flying and off as you're...
01:35:14
Speaker
Um, as you as you do it and he says, why did I choose to be a man? And he falls down the stairs headless as you make your dead sprint. Jack, later laser. What does it look like for you? She's been out with your six. He's he's like right right alongside chimichanga and chimichanga does his awesome like dive down the hill and he rolls and slides into this place. I jump like over. I try and jump. But there's like a bit of oil where a robot spilled and he like rolls down the steps. and Yeah. Ah,
01:35:45
Speaker
ah ah yes. The perfect it looked up perfect fully for falling downstairs. I love it. um But you take. zero damage ah as you are riding the high of adrenaline running from an explosion. And everybody knows that heroes can't be hurt when they're running from explosions. fuck Yeah. I mean, oh, yeah. and that And then you hear the skeleton say, wait, we're trapped in here, too. And then ah the factory explodes.
01:36:18
Speaker
Uh, but not like in a cool way. It just kind of like, it implodes on itself. It doesn't explode just because like, e and everything's like sucks in together. Like a big magnet just went off and everything just got pulled into itself. And now it's just like a big fucking ball of metal and it's now rolling down the stairs at you. What do you do? Uh,
01:36:40
Speaker
Is it going to like, is the shield generally going to stop that, you think? and You know what, you would know you would know better than anybody, Jimmy Jenga, will it? ah Let me get something I can roll for this. Yeah, you want to know if it'll hold. Yeah. and ah Yeah, just roll a general sharp roll to see what you know.
01:37:00
Speaker
yeah Could talk to Jane, too, if so ever. I mean, it's questionable. You know, it can take several missiles from the sky and space and not blow up right away. But yeah you've never seen it withstand a giant death metal ball. um So, I mean, you feel like you're probably got like a 65 percent chance you'll be OK.
01:37:22
Speaker
Okay. Well, we're fucked. Goodbye guys. it' just sick
01:37:31
Speaker
Um, we can maybe, maybe we can move it. Maybe we can like, uh, alter its course. Um, I'm thinking, uh, uh, oh yeah, I have a grenade launcher. I'll use that thing again.
01:37:45
Speaker
All right. You use your grenade launcher. Jack laser. Do you do anything to help? Chimichanga stopped a big death metal ball. I'm like, I probably just roll out of the way of it. I just roll. OK, we have to protect the tree. It's rolling right towards the tree. I jam the silver skeleton bow into the ground. I assume it's very strong. I jam it like point up the way it will be like a little ping off and maybe go sideways. OK, so we got a grenade launcher, a little ping. And then what are you doing to redirect the death ball?
01:38:13
Speaker
Um, so that whatever you, what was that thing that you called? like I got earlier. The fire. I put it in my pocket. The fire. Thank you. So she's gonna, what does that do? yeah you It just, it's makes fire a lot of it. Explosions and fire. Okay. Okay. So she's gonna pull it out of her pocket and, uh, look at,
01:38:38
Speaker
Jimmy Changa and say, is it? Well, will this help you or will, like, if can I like throw it in? like just then just Just use it. Just to use it. Just come on. OK, God, you don't have to yell at me and she throws it at the big death ball. So so he put a silver arrow in the ground facing upwards to change the trajectory. Jimmy Changa, you're firing your grenade launcher at it.
01:39:07
Speaker
I'm going to see what the Fireaga in the bow does before committing to firing a grenade launcher again. Those rounds are expensive. That's true. They are very expensive. Well, it's very expensive. and You only get two, okay? Yeah.
01:39:23
Speaker
Um, and so, yeah, so it hits like, it hits the arrow like a ramp and starts to go up into the air and the fire ball blows it up into the sky and then like levitates it with a lot of like accelerating heat. Like, and you see, it kind of looks like a globe with flames like staking all around it. And then you hear, I am Aries, the God of war and flame. Thank you. I shoot that shit. I shoot that shit. I shoot that shit.
01:39:50
Speaker
I wish to bestow upon you the reward of, oh fuck, and you fire a grenade launcher at it. um and Just shredding it and then the fire auger ball just like heats it up too much and just like melts it all in the air and it falls down like a big liquid hop.
01:40:08
Speaker
um Uh, what do they call it? Just liquid metal, like white phosphorus. Yeah. White phosphorus and just like burns the rest of the Bezos for jungle down. Guys, go with these here. Get underneath the shield. ah Yeah, you get under the shield and then it creates like a beautiful like silver dome of dried liquid metal. And now you have a beautiful ah ah monument of your victory here today.
01:40:35
Speaker
As the shield dissipates, you're still covered by the giant shield of liquid metal. Well, now we're stuck. We're stuck in here. No, it made a door. It made a door here. Yeah. It's the weirdest thing. How did Nietzsche know how to do that? How does Nietzsche know these things? I have no idea.
01:40:58
Speaker
um And you have successfully protected the tree, ah which is now also underneath this thing. And as the tree grows, it'll send the the the metal dome to the sky with it. um That's good. Essentially, it's a tree wearing a helmet. You guys gave it a part of it. Yeah, I'm going to tell them it's going to be lacking a little bit of sunlight. Yeah, it's probably going to have. everyone It's just going to go bald where it wears its hat too much.
01:41:27
Speaker
um I knew it. Yeah, and so you guys have done it. What do you do to celebrate this epic victory? Jimmy, call us some five guys in. She's hungry. Everett, you want some five guys? I mean, yeah, this sounds delicious. All right, I'll order some burgers. Have you guys heard of like this medieval hip hop stuff? This music is crazy.
01:41:53
Speaker
I don't know what you kids listen to to these days. is What? it's so So you see you see um a bunch of cars pull up in the middle of the base and jungle and five guys jump out of each car and they run over with bags of ah with bags of burgers and fries. You know, he's ordered so much of this shit.
01:42:16
Speaker
But... Oh god. oh Guys, I didn't actually want the... Guys, I didn't want the explosives. I just want the food. I want actual food. Yeah, but you see then you see like an army of skeletons on their knees and you see the the sorcerer re-piste itself together and he says, yes, but we wanted the explosives. Wait! Screw the burgers!
01:42:44
Speaker
Skeletor, you asshole.
01:43:30
Speaker
well does it look good already