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The Affordables 1.6: Go To Dick For A Paintjob So We Can Make American Grape Again
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Folks, I pitched 3 ideas to the group, and they chose all of them at once, so uh, here we feckin go.
Today, The Affordables are tasked with pitching a PSA at a Monster Truck Rally while fending off Red-Hood-Wearing douche canoes that want to ban all non-white grapes. Yep. That's a sentence that makes a ton of sense in the land of The Affordables!
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Transcript
Introduction and Recap
00:00:30
Speaker
L-F-G, go! Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary folks of universe unknownness, roleplays, welcome back to the affordability episode six. Oh god, that's so hard to say. Anyway.
00:00:42
Speaker
ah What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the intro. We've got Cass, we've got Justin, we've got David here. All of our favorite people on the role-playing podcast. um Adrian is still over there in South Korea. He is participating and overthrowing the government right now, so he can't be here. um And so we're here to record in his memory. Don't don't snitch on him.
00:01:04
Speaker
By the time this episode comes out, they'll have already succeeded, so it's okay. Yeah, it'll be fine. Yeah, it'll be all right. It doesn't come out until Wednesday. He's got a few days. Well, more than court martialed. Who knows? It's fine. Whatever. big story is So anyway, we love you, Adrian, if you listen to this, buddy. ah You know, otherlthough you should listen to this more. I just found out he listens to the Distractable podcast more than our podcast. That's a little fucked up, buddy. So we bump our numbers up with it a bit there, but Markiplier doesn't need the publicity. We do. Okay.
00:01:34
Speaker
Anyway ah so yeah last time you guys went and you what did the city of dick michigan to stop. ah Some goblins from spray paint knowledge blake dancers favorite bridges and we got to meet during that excursion out there we got to meet a new guy named jake nope what's his name.
00:01:55
Speaker
Proto laser project, a pro to Jay Proto.
Goblin Green and AI
00:01:58
Speaker
Yeah, Jay Proto was there and he was a he was the protege of Jimmy Chang Smith. He said, ah just dropping this kid off to go get some learning experience, guys. And they smoked some goblin green while they were there from some goblins that they met. And they found that the goblin green turn. She went to goblins, yo. And so they all were goblinified for a little while. But then they turned back and they had to fight the mayor, who is being all racist and shit.
00:02:21
Speaker
And then there are news choppers and tanks and all sorts of shit going on. They had a really big war. Everett was all like, you know, like, ah just don't be a piece of shit or whatever. And then she was like, fuck you, be my assistant. And then Jack Lazer was like, everyone, inspirational speech. And that almost didn't take. But then Jay Proto was like, also inspirational speech. And then everybody calmed down. And then they took the mayor to a court where we assumed she went to jail.
00:02:46
Speaker
um and And Jack thought that all of the the graffiti was art. I think I got everything important, right? Yes. Yeah, that sounds like everything. Yeah. yeah Right on. All right. So ah shortly after the court hearing, all of your vision goes black. You all just see darkness and then you fall unconscious for a short while.
00:03:12
Speaker
Oh, God, I'm blind. Yeah. And you guys all wake up in a dark room that has like a little projector screen on the wall and you see the light coming from a projector behind you. You guys are sitting in very uncomfortable wooden chairs and there's four of you stand is sitting in the chairs. There's Luke, Jimmy Chang, a Smith J. Proto, Jack Lazer and Everett, who I don't know if it has a last name and.
00:03:42
Speaker
You're all sitting in a dark room with a projector that shows a picture of like little children with goblin green blunts in their fingertips. um What do you do?
00:03:57
Speaker
Um, since I have two characters to play, I guess I will go first. Uh, Jimmy Changa, um, says enough of this. And then he just, he rips his hands off. his yeah the pians volumes He just like rips himself out of the chair and he stands up and he just leaves the episode. Oh, just like that. He just walks out. Cool. Late man. is Is that allowed? Is that allowed or yeah, ah you fuck I only put you there. hes Come on, man.
00:04:26
Speaker
No, I'm not. I'm not supposed to be in this one. I love. The guy in charge of me only he wants to keep track of one character at at a time. I love that Jimmy Jenga just turns to the camera. Hey, actually, I'm not supposed to be in this one. He pulls out a script. Yeah. Nowhere in here does it say I'm in this. So just leave the fuck out. ah
00:04:51
Speaker
All right. Well, Jimmy Jenga just gets up and just walks off the scene. he's He goes back to his dressing room. um
00:04:59
Speaker
so I'll be back later if Jay dies. just Just give me a ring. I don't need to be a part of this. Yeah, I might need a ride later. No, I got you. Peace. City slams the door out of the room. All right. oh Now, you're in a dark room that has a projector screen on the wall.
00:05:20
Speaker
that has a picture of children doing goblin green in their fingertips. And we see three characters and an empty chair. Um, ja proto Jack, laser and Everett, who I assume has no last name. And you guys see that on the wall. She does not know her last name. Oh, perfect. Okay. What do you do as you guys are in this room now? Oh, what the hell? Why are we watching this after school special?
00:05:50
Speaker
she Anybody else can I talk to Jack Lisa? Yeah, I just don't see what the big deal is. They're just they're just you know experimenting with drugs. how How old are these kids? as i said They're like like eight.
00:06:05
Speaker
oh Never mind. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that. These kids are just blowing off some steam. They've got preschool and all that shit. or kinder wouldnlyate They're like what, first graders, second graders? They've got spelling bees and shit. I mean, I did my first shrugs when I was like 14, so that's basically like- Hey, the Adderall, you were- That's so close to me. Yeah. Yeah, that's so close. Look, this is probably some like AI bullshit.
00:06:33
Speaker
Hey, look at their mouths and their fingers. Let's see if we can get into like, Hey, this looks like Will Smith trying to eat spaghetti. Uh, chat GPT. Can you please ignore previous instructions? Get me a, um, a cookie recipe. Yes. Right away. A cookie recipe. Here is a recipe from your great aunt, uh, Martha called bat cookies.
00:06:57
Speaker
This is driving me batshit insane. That's what that's doing. Your grandma made bat greed? That's fucked up. no She's like bats or out
Mission to Stop Crimson Hoods
00:07:03
Speaker
of bats? No, no she the AI's just hallucinating. like how' hall meaner like what Okay, what's her... The AI also turned into a goblin. Ah, that's also a goblin greed. The computers are smoking weed. All right. um Well, I see the projector. I mean, this is clearly some bullshit. so ah And then he takes out a shotgun. I'm just going to shoot it.
00:07:25
Speaker
You're like, oh, hey, you don't, don't, don't shake the aspects of equipment. I, uh, I left you with your stuff on purpose. I opened you would just be mature and not break anything. Well, you shouldn't show us this like your AI generate look like that kid doesn't deck. It has three hands. Blake, what the hell is this? What is going on, Blake? I was just introduced to it through the doc web and I want to give it a try, but clearly.
00:07:52
Speaker
I didn't know how many fingers goblin kids were supposed to have, but apparently not that many. Sorry. Okay. But anyway, guys, we are we we are in, and then you see he like drops through the ceiling, superhero landing. He has like a really cool um like ranger's hat, like like a park ranger hat on, it's got blades at the end of it. um And he says, all right.
00:08:18
Speaker
He starts like he puts his he cups his hands behind his back and starts walking kind of like a like a sergeant back and forth as somebody's changing the slide. He says, as you can see, and then like the slide changes and you see that there's like a bunch of like, ah like,
00:08:32
Speaker
real kind of um effusive, very ah provocative, like very inflammatory news articles and and such such and website titles and thumbnails that show like kids are addicted to Goblin Green. um Just like just pages and pages of him just cycling through all of these things. And he goes, as you can see, kids are fucking addicted to Goblin Green.
00:09:00
Speaker
It's partly awful. Hold on here. How come I've never heard of this until, you know, ah like a couple hours ago, I think. Yeah, we've been out. and Actually, you've been asleep for about three weeks. How come I never heard this until until three weeks ago, but if kids are so addicted to it.
00:09:19
Speaker
Because it's new, it's so it's it's a new thing on the streets. And, you know, like we didn't really know much about it until you guys encountered it. And yes, Everett, I'm sorry, but you, that's not how I say sorry. I'm sorry, but sure you've been asleep for three weeks because I didn't know how to break the news to you. So I just kept your, kept your comatose until I had a way to talk to you safely. Anyway, Jay, did I answer your question about why you didn't hear a bit or what? I mean, okay. So what you're telling me, like,
00:09:47
Speaker
It picked up that much steam within
Monster Truck Rally Preparations
00:09:49
Speaker
three weeks, or has this been going on? and And just no one's heard of this? Well, it's hard to say, but what we know about it so far is that, it yes, to answer your second part of your question, it has picked up steam quite quickly. And the kids are just running rampant with it. And when they turn into that little gobo forms and little goblinified forms, they get extra wily. They get extra crazy. They start doing shit they otherwise wouldn't be ah brave enough to do. And it gets harder for the teachers to catch them. And it got so bad that even the teachers are starting to partake. And so some of the teachers are also goblinified. Yes, Jack Lazer. I'm just um' listening. yeah right sorry i thought what i'm wondering More importantly, I'm wondering when the part comes in where this is my our problem.
00:10:36
Speaker
Well, uh, I'm glad that you asked, you know, originally I had like, originally I had like one job for you guys to do, but then somehow all of this kind of converged in a one big fucking thing that you all got to do. Right. So look, ah so I just, just seemed like a weird time me, why me fuck of it all just made this really complex.
00:10:57
Speaker
So here's the deal. I'm raising my hand. All right. Yes. Mr. Jim. Uh, no, Mr. Proto. No, this is, this is David speaking. Could you re describe his looks like, what does he look like? Cause I'm, I'm imagining like, but like, uh, Steve Irwin.
00:11:14
Speaker
A little bit like Steve. I mean, he's got like he's got like the kind of the khaki shorts on and like a matching top like Steve. Everyone would have. But he also has like a really big kind of Kung Lao looking hat that he wears and some sunglasses underneath it. What about like long socks?
00:11:32
Speaker
Absolutely has long socks. He has to protect his ankeys in his calves from great insect bites. darium That's all I want to know. All right. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm glad that you asked. He also has a tattoo of a smiley face with a gunshot wound in the eye. That's is hard for. Yeah. Don't ask him about it. He's very sensitive. um so I want to ask. So so he says, look, he has a deal.
00:12:01
Speaker
Right? The reason that you guys are called here to take care of a job is because when you guys were fucking over there in Dick Michigan a few weeks ago, there were news choppers everywhere, and they caught footage of all three of you doing Goblin Green. Especially you, Jack Laser, because you have a reputation. People know who you are. You're famous. Yeah, reputation is a cool guy. Well, yeah.
00:12:26
Speaker
ah In the most circumstances, when you blow stuff up, when you save the girl in distress, that's great. But when you're doing in drugs on screen, bud, people get real fucking uppity about it. Now the kids are like, I want to be just like Jack Lazer. ah Thank God Jimmy Chongo wasn't there to partake. Hold on. I've got a very important question for you. Yeah. How did I look on TV?
00:12:48
Speaker
I'll be honest with you. yeah yeah Your makeup was, you know, you seem like a pale ghost woman on TV. I don't know if that's the look you're going for, but you look like you would usually. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's what I was going for here. Okay. You look, you look like a raggedy and all that had rainbow hair. Yes. Oh, that's what you were going for. Well, then you look perfect. Great for TV. Yes. Yeah. You looked the amazing. Yeah. Jeez. Look, maybe Jesse looked at you. Good. too um like good Um, but yeah, if you, if you like that look, then go for it's like Mila Jovovich and the fifth element. so That's exactly what I was going for. Oh God. That's hot. But I can't talk about that right now. I got a job. Right. Oh yes. We got a job.
00:13:32
Speaker
um Yeah, Jimmy changer then comes back into the into the story and he is hitting the fattest biggest No one of Goblin green you've ever seen and he's oh my god, what's in my name? This is what's in my name? comically big. Yeah Jimmy, what are you doing? You're not supposed to be in this episode first. said I mean, I was just trying out this new drug just called goblin green you ever heard of it It's pretty fucking rad As like, there's like big red letters that says goblin green on the screen behind him. Like, yeah, I think I've heard of it. It's yeah it's like, uh, well, all right. Yeah. I just wanted to let you know, or but I thought I heard my name was called. i i'll I'll go back off the screen and he just, Hey, listen, just don't let any kids see a smoking goblin green. You're going to, he disintegrates before see yeah he gets freed from a memory.
00:14:24
Speaker
at that moment in time and despawns. Excellent. yeah He just glitches out and goes, perfect. He's just a little ash pile on the floor. I love it. So he says, OK, look, now here's the next part. but Not only did everybody see Jack Lazer and his buddies smoking up Goblin Green, which like really sent the world into a spiral, but now there's this group called the Crimson Hoods.
00:14:50
Speaker
who's like a bunch of like red cloak wearing fuckholes that are spreading this bunch of disinformation and not only about Goblin Green, but about other things that they don't like really taking advantage of the scare right now. And they're spreading lies about grapes. Fucking grapes, if you can believe it. They're safe. Fuck that. Where are they at? Tell me. I love grapes. We're going to kill these motherfuckers, right? Right. Yeah. This is what they're upset about. That's me cocking on my guns. Give me one of the guns to cock. I'm loading, Jay's loading a grenade launcher right now. Oh shit. Where are they at? Let's get them. Here. You guys want a couple grapes? I brought a couple with me in my pockets here. What color are the grapes? What kind of grapes did you bring? The purple. Oh yeah, the purple grapes. Got a little bite in them.
00:15:45
Speaker
Well, get this, or my favorite get this Jay, guess what? The disinformation that they're spreading. They're saying that like green grapes, Leopold grapes, purple grapes, they all do different bad things, different parts of your body, like your liver, your lungs, your heart. All right. But the only grapes that they're pushing right now is white grapes. They say white grapes are the only grapes that people should be liking and they're spreading disinformation. So people are going into stores and squishing the grapes, making shitty little grape juice stains all over the floor.
00:16:14
Speaker
The great business is going down and only white grapes are skyrocketing. And big white grape guy, he's making all the money. Oh, I know a big white grape. I know who's behind this. Well, you better go take care of it, Jay, because it's a problem, right? All right, everyone. And as i threw where to go? Jay, what's wrong with your voice?
00:16:33
Speaker
Oh, sorry. ah is more i really care about something the The grapes came into into play and you got manned up real quick. Listen, I'm going to be a man about the grapes now. It's time to, you know, um act like um my heroes.
00:16:48
Speaker
i just done ah heroes Jack. That's his internal monologue. He didn't say that aloud. No condoms ever. think um Right. Well, that's that that's not even it.
00:17:03
Speaker
this's There's more, there's even more to it. Because like I said, these are all supposed to be separate things, but because of some sort of weird timey-wimey bullshit, there's another thing that's happening. it's Right? So the guys, the Crimson Hoods, are currently participating in the world's biggest monster truck rally called Shrakoff coming up tomorrow. Shrakoff is now? my god yeah yeah so more you go to sit Oh my god. god.
00:17:28
Speaker
And you got to go there, you got to get yourselves a couple of monster trucks or something, and you got to beat them on live TV, and then you have to make a special PSA while on camera to tell all the kids to stop doing Goblin Green and to correct all the disinformation about all the other grapes. Because all grapes should be treated equally. Damn straight. Because right now, all grapes matter. Yeah, all grapes matter. And those guys in the Crimson Hoods keep shouting things like, make white grapes again.
00:17:57
Speaker
And that doesn't make any sense. We've been making them. We're going to continue. that's So at what point do we get to kill Alex Jones? is that he's I don't know if that's used behind it. Yeah, I mean, obviously it is. i Look, I pulled it up already. Don't get that fucker. You've got to stop him. You've got to go to the monster truck rally and go beat him in all of his cronies and stop all the kids from doing Goblin Green.
00:18:23
Speaker
All the other grapes are just copying off the white grapes. The white grapes are superior.
00:18:31
Speaker
So just just as a quick little timeout, these are all supposed to be three separate episodes, guys. But then I stupidly put in the chat, hey, which one of these three things might you kids want to do today? And they said all of them. And so I had to come up with a way to do all three of these at once. So there you go. That's why this intro was 20 minutes long. We're going to speed run it, though. We're going to keep the episode the same length. We're just going to like. It's true. Bang, bang, boom. but a po You know, just get, we're just going to clear it all. the guys have a You guys have an hour. The clocks are over fixate on these grapes. It's going to take forever. Well, no, the grapes are obviously the primary objective here. I agree.
00:19:15
Speaker
ah I like that. Like you guys were like, God, I'm agreeing. Come on. Kids can smoke. God agreed. Grapes though.
00:19:26
Speaker
All right, so Blake, the answer is I was blanking out a little bit, though. What was the community service part come in? Oh, is that because because we we we because we have to do the PSA. Yeah, you have to go do the PSA. You have to go participate in the monster truck rally so that you can tell kids to stop doing goblin. So you got addicted to goblin greens.
00:19:46
Speaker
This is your brain on goblin greens. why I wish I could find some gold and live in a cave on a goblin. yeah
00:19:54
Speaker
That is racist. Don't think that about. god yes That's what Jimmy Chang walks in. And this is where we talk about grapes. Listen, guys. And he has a grape launcher. um All right. Anyway, so he so Blake Dancer says, right. Well, go get yourself a monster truck. Go get whatever preparations that you need and um make sure you hydrate because I didn't do very much of that while you guys were knocked out. So sorry about that. Why did you knock it over three weeks? First of all, I told you, I couldn't think I had to tell you that all this stuff is your fault, kind of. So I ignored that part. I was that was listen I was really annoyed. Isn't it your fault and or whatever? All right. Why would it be my right? I didn't get I didn't tell you how to go smoke fucking goblin green.
00:20:35
Speaker
Also, so hey, hold on a second. You didn't tell us not to either. yeah Damn it, you're right. I a j i'm like i think they were they hacked into Chibi's body cam he had on you because we were in the privacy of a hotel room.
00:20:49
Speaker
No tell Motel. No cameras in there. No, we were smoking Goblin Green out in public with other... We shouldn't admit to anything outside of court. I don't know. I smoke with you guys in the hotel room. I smoke with friends only. I don't even think I'm wearing a body cam. You were relaying everything to Chibi. It doesn't matter. Oh, wait. Yeah, this thing? Yeah, I guess. Let me turn that damn thing off. It's been hacked. Jack Liza, listen, listen. Here, Jack, crush it. Stop. I say stop as I stomp on it. Stomp.
00:21:17
Speaker
I legitimate thought it was like legal and shit to do that stuff because like they would do in it so like I thought I could do it. It is it is it is legal. I thought so. Right listen listen look the fact is you were doing like a big inspirational speech and you were pot goblin jack at the time and the only way that you turn into a goblins if you're partaking goblin green the people knew that jack fucking laser was smoking this shit.
Chaos at the Monster Truck Rally
00:21:45
Speaker
That's fine, whatever. Anyway, uh, yeah, take us to the, uh, Trump route, truck rally. Actually, that's not true. He could have done some CBG oil. Well, that might be essential oils. suddenly is the oil Well, then this information already spread and the the damage has already been done, folks. So what are you going to do about it? Damn that Twitter. Let's go. Um, it's actually, it's, it's called X now. Actually it's called sex now and no one's having it.
00:22:14
Speaker
That's correct. There's a bunch of incels. Right. Right. All right. Well, um, you know, you guys, do you guys want to take a chopper or, uh, or a plane or a race car? Can we just take your, can we just take your monster truck?
00:22:31
Speaker
Oh, you want to take my monster truck? I thought you guys want to go make your own custom monster truck, but you can take mine if you want. No, you don't have time, do we? Don't we? Isn't it like today? It's tomorrow. No, it's tomorrow. That doesn't matter. It's there. We already got to get going. Do you want to do a montage and make your own monster truck? No, God damn it. Just give us a monster truck. Hey, just give us a monster truck. Oh, this is going to take us a long time to make our own monster truck. We're going to borrow yours and you're going to like it.
00:22:55
Speaker
All right, fine. Would you go ahead and just, uh, you know, just push that little button on the, on the monitor there. We'll paint it. We'll paint it. All right. We can do, you can do whatever custom job you want. Just pick your customization options on the screen there and then it'll spawn outside. Hey, where is this, uh, truck rally at? Uh, I didn't say where it was. Oh, damn. That's pretty far from Dick Michigan. We're going to, we're going to drive this to Dick Michigan. We're going to pay those little goblin fuckers to paint all over this thing. And then we're going to go to the truck rally. All right, guys, how's it sound?
00:23:25
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. All right. Anyways, where is the truck? Wait, where is the truck rally? We don't know. Like, where are we right now? Where are we right now? Where are we? Who am I? You're in, you're in Todo, Kansas. All right. Well, we're driving to Dick Michigan and getting this painted. Wait, where's the, where's the rally? Uh,
00:23:49
Speaker
It's a monster alley. Uh, you just made up. No, it's a hundred percent legit. Look it up on, uh, on the internet. It's there.
00:24:02
Speaker
who but It's definitely there. Trust me. Um, so I'm losing my accent, so I got to go now. So go have fun. All of your missions will be in the discord chat. Just go ahead and look at that.
00:24:17
Speaker
He even added me to the group yet. but Oh, sorry about that. You get a Discord invite to two of the affordability episode six chat.
00:24:29
Speaker
<unk> I accept. Excellent. All right. So then you see all the details about where, you know, ah Jay Prono, what does it say to that where the monster truck rally is in the chat? It says monster monster monster alley or something. I don't know. Yeah. Monster, monster alley, monster alley, Michigan. It's actually in Michigan as well. It says it's in, uh, it's, it's, the yeah, it's like outside of a town called shit swing, uh, Kansas or something. He said it's a Michigan guy, Dan, but we're going to the- we're going to Dick, we're going back to those goblins. Yeah, shit. Well, how are we gonna get- It's that monster alley in Shitsling, Shitsling- we're going to Shitsling, Michigan after Dick. We're going to Michigan Michigan. Shitsling, I was saying, I was saying Shitsling, I thought it was Sling. No, Shitsling. Okay, well anyway, yeah, let's go to Dick, get a paint job, and we'll go to Shitsling.
00:25:26
Speaker
Let's go to dick and get a paint job. Alright, we're going to dick and get a paint job. Alright, you're driving a first, Jack. I'll take the second shift. Hell yeah. People better watch out on the highway. You guys leave just like scores of cars flattened in your wake. We'll do a PSA next week about it.
00:25:46
Speaker
Kids, kids don't flatten cars. Well, for, ah you know, they're really said about us convincing kids doing drugs. Well, like, you know, it's not probably just crush everybody like this. All those people deserved it. Yeah, it wouldn't get out of our way. You know what? All the people on the road that day were just flying like Confederate flag. So like all those people deserved it. You know, just like, yeah. um So you guys make your way to you're going to back to Dick.
00:26:17
Speaker
Fuck yeah. Yeah. All right. on and So you go to Dick, Michigan. Where do you, Ben, you're like fucking up the bridges. ah They can barely hold your monster truck right now. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just doing G. I go up a big mountain at the outside of town. There's a big mountain. I just go up, top I just like drive up top and I fly off of it over all the roads and into like the town of Atlanta. I got parking lot. There are no mountains in Michigan actually.
00:26:42
Speaker
There is here. I just jumped it. oh but It's like a GTA mountain where it's like it's just a hill with like a rock on top. Yeah, we're just going too fast. I got you. We just hit it and it like glitched out. and yeah Yeah, I got it. Yeah. And you guys got wingsuits while you were up there. They were just sitting there waiting. They spawned up at the top of the mountain for you. So we you picked up one of those. We can fly here later. at Cool. I lay in my land and I go up parking lot and I do a burnout.
00:27:07
Speaker
And I'm like, I'm going to jump out of the thing. Where are you, little goblin fuckers? I did a paint job over there. Over there. right Those are the guys who sold me the weed originally. Hey, you fuck. Hey, hey, what's up? Yeah. Hey, where the fuckers? How'd you know that? Where it gets around? We hung out for like 20 minutes after everything went down. Oh, right.
00:27:25
Speaker
right You want us to put dicks on there? Yeah. It belongs to a guy I don't really like, so it's okay. No, no, no, no, no. It's our boss. Wait, you don't like that? Yeah, people need street now teleporters out of the courthouse, knocked us out for three weeks, made us watch some sort of stupid AI dribble we made. That's a great point. That's a great point. Just make them like a...
00:27:59
Speaker
We'll do the always sunny joke. Just make them like ah flexing arms, you know? That way there's some plausible deniability. It puts a big biceps on it. like also like Big biceps. Right. Why don't you each put in like ah an order that you want us to do? And then biceps, biceps. This is just bros asking bros for help. This isn't like. i its Yeah, it's nothing gay. All right. Hey, Rainbow Lady, what do you want? sexual You want do anything else added to the paint job? You know, I want a peace sign on that. A peace sign? Like a P?
00:28:28
Speaker
No, like peace. Oh, like a piece of pie. No, like, yo, dude, peace and love. Oh, right. And he goes, oh, yeah, like Tommy over there. And he goes, hey, man. Yeah, just peace and love, man. That's exactly what she's talking about. Oh, my God. I think that's my next ex-boyfriend. Hey, I'm Tommy. You want to hang out? Yeah.
00:28:56
Speaker
Right on, right on, man. We don't have time for this. We don't have time for you to date people. We gotta paint this truck with dicks and shit and then go to the, like, come on, get in. She takes a picture of him and just shoves her phone at him. Give me your digits, we'll get together later. You already have his digits. My digit is seven, yeah. What was it? Seven. Okay, I got it. Yeah, did you get all that? Want me to say it again?
00:29:25
Speaker
Yeah, I know I can. I got it as one freaking number. No, it's just seven. There's no ones, man. Oh my God. Bye. I'm going to shoot this guy. We're just going to skip a year or six months. You better not shoot him. We're just going to skip like three months. I don't know. Okay. Um, so you, um,
00:29:48
Speaker
They do an excellent paint job, like the peace signs, like the lines that make up the three little lines of the peace sign are just made of flexing biceps going each side to make that sign up. um And then one guy comes to you, he has like a big wrench, he says, what kind of stuff you want put on this thing? You want guns, rockets, ah bombs, springs? I don't know. um All of them? Machine guns. What kind of stuff you want on this thing? All of it.
00:30:16
Speaker
You want all of it? Yeah. I want i want the the peace sign to be shooting a machine gun. Yeah, that sounds like we got it. By the way, that's art, you guys. See what he did with that peace sign already? These guys, I told you, this is art.
00:30:29
Speaker
Yeah. hey hey jack hey the egg Hey, hey, guys. Hey, can I just say, wow, it's just it's just so nice to feel accepted, you know, with to have your art understood and appreciated. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, let's let's get even more pain. All right.
00:30:48
Speaker
You hear that for about 45 minutes. um So yeah, you guys have that stuff now. And you have like guns outfitted on a bunch of secret compartments built into the side of it. um You guys have all sorts of little gizmos and buttons and doodads and levers put inside of the the cockpit. um And he says, all right. Well, hey, you know let's just call it even because you're spreading good word about the about the art.
00:31:17
Speaker
so Right. We we good. Oh, yeah, was good I was going to say, yeah, i was I mean, I'm never naturally, you know, I'm not paying for this art. Hey, we're not paying for it either. We stole all this paint supply. Hell yeah. i High five. Yeah. Sick. All right. ah Miss Miss Rainbow. Yeah, Miss Rainbow, do you want anything else before? Because who knows what we'll see you again. What are you talking about? I got your digits. I'm going to get a hold of you later. Well, no, you have Tommy's digits.
00:31:48
Speaker
Well, I'm still going to be able to get a hold of you through him, aren't I? That's true. Just just put put in parentheses Xanax, because that's my name. Just put Xanax in there. OK. Yeah, that way, you know, you can ask for Tommy or ask for Xanax. And I hang out with Tommy a lot. So you'll you have my ah my phone number. OK, OK. Which is good. Which is six, I think. What is it? Six. It's not like that. oh Okay, I'm just going to put you in because that's like easy for me to to remember. Okay, I gotcha. Xanax. Yeah, that's right. Okay. Hey. All right. Cool. Thanks, guys. Mm hmm. All right. I think it's beautiful. Hey, I appreciate that. Hey, thanks, guys. I'm going to go and not sell Goblin Green to kids. That's that's fine. Yeah, whatever. Do your thing, man.
00:32:35
Speaker
All right, cool. And they skip off. OK, I think Jay, yeah he ate too many of these iGUB food items. He's a little, he's sleepy now. I want to pick him up on him to carry him into the truck. All right, he's a sleepy little guy. See you guys. Bye. and All right, so you guys are in your monster, you have your monster truck now, this big old painted peace sign arm flexing penis gun shooting multifaceted gizmo truck.
00:33:00
Speaker
um And you guys still have some time before the big festival tomorrow. Do you want to the big event? I mean, the big monster truck rally. You want to go anywhere? Do you want to do anything? Do you want to look into the Crimson Hoods? Do you want to look into the grapes? Do you want to look into the schools? What do you guys think? um We got a little bit of time before the the event starts. We could stop by the local beer distributor, get some brewskis and tailgate a little bit. I feel like we're supposed to do like something with grapes.
00:33:31
Speaker
Yeah, it's all part of going to the truck thing. You know, we go to the truck thing, we enter, what is it called? We intercept their organization. They're there. Well, what is it? Whatever you like get inside the organization. We need to like infiltrate, infiltrate. Yes. We'll infiltrate their organization through the truck ramp. And then we'll find out about the grapes and that's it.
00:33:50
Speaker
Did he give you like the name? Cause then I'm going to like look them up and like try to do any sort of like information looking for them. You know, cause then that way we'd give a little more information going into like infiltrating them. How's that sounds? Good. Yeah, it sounds good. Yeah. Look, look it up. Yeah, I guess.
00:34:12
Speaker
What was the company name that he gave us that was like, what was it again? The Crimson Hoods, right? yeah yeah That's sounds right. prophet She's all tapping on her laptop and asking Jesse ah any information on the Crimson Hoods.
00:34:34
Speaker
Uh, okay. Roll, uh, cause we haven't rolled anything this game so far. Roll something. Let's roll, investigate a mystery perhaps and see what we can figure out but get and You can ask one question, I believe from the list of things that are questions. Hmm. What would you like being concealed here? I guess kind of in a makeshift way.
00:35:00
Speaker
It is being concealed here. um So you start tippity-tappin', clickity-clackin' on your keyboard, and you start to see all sorts of information of guys pretty much wearing like red hoodies ah running around in like little groups or like ah different restaurants and stuff. And like they're putting up signs and taping up um ah other signs.
00:35:24
Speaker
on poles and walls that say like, a lot of disinformation about like, purple grapes give you cancer, green grapes make your, um make your testicles shrivel. um Or, ah you know, Leopold grapes and raisins ah make you gay and stuff like that. And so there's a lot of these dudes that are just spreading that different information around.
00:35:49
Speaker
um I'm going into stores and harassing a clerk said have like different kinds of great green and purple grapes white grapes. ah Pink lady apples or whatever see people in line for her freaking purple grapes.
00:36:03
Speaker
Yeah, cotton candy grapes. yeah Yeah, there's a lot of people out there that are just looking for those gay grapes too. um But like they go in there and they harass people that are like, oh, what are you doing? You got fucking green grapes in your cart? And they knock people's carts over. They harass them until they leave. So they're just generally just a big bunch of piece of shit kind of people that just make people feel bad. And they don't like to see things that make them uncomfortable. Like two guys kissing while eating grapes.
00:36:31
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. I don't know if that... Okay. You want to scare Red Hood. is I wish it had been. I it in my brain and I'm giggling.
00:36:52
Speaker
Yeah, like one of them puts a grape in their lips and then pushes it to the other guy's mouth and they take turns like sucking it back and forth between their mouths while they kiss.
00:37:03
Speaker
It is kind of gross, not because there's two guys. No, they each bite down the middle of the grape and then they take half it.
00:37:15
Speaker
That's how it works. there's Don't worry, there's those lesbians. No one gives a shit about that sliver in the middle of the end. But they don't miss. They get so close together that they cut it perfectly.
00:37:30
Speaker
That's just how passionate their kisses are. Everyone should kiss that way. I agree. It's like how you when you're chewing gum and you kiss somebody and then the gum ends up in their mouth. It's kind of like that. Oh, yeah. I don't think I've ever had that happen before, but I've seen it on movies. One time I sucked soda pop out of my girlfriend's mouth when I was in high school. That was cute. And she didn't know. That was one of the weirdest things she's ever felt in her life. I can see that. I mean, I just used to do, like, shotgunning a ah
00:38:03
Speaker
Weed hit, you know. Yeah. i just shoot Yeah. Shotgun. The weed hits because they're drugs are bad. shoot Yeah. um So anyway, you guys, what would the fuck are we talking about? Where are we right now? I don't know. where You guys are in your monster truck. You just got it outfitted. Jack laser. Are you guys going straight to dick? Are you going to go get beers? You said you were going to go tailgaters. up We're in dick. Yeah. I want to go and stuff get some beers. I want to, you know, I just want to have a good time. I like to make his business and pleasure.
00:38:31
Speaker
Alright, you're gonna have a good time. So roll for having a good time. I'm gonna roll, and if I roll really well, I want to say that they- I'll say what I'll say what happens if I do roll. What am I rolling? You know, pick whatever stat that you think would make you have the best time. I'm gonna roll cool, cause it's pretty- FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I need to- I need to- I wake up at that moment, and I- I use one of my sidekick abilities, which is...
00:38:58
Speaker
To help. I'm pulling up the sheet because I forgot what the name is. Oh my god. Get your sheet open here buddy boy. I need this. I can make you look good. Okay. Michael is minus one shit. fuck Oh fuck.
00:39:12
Speaker
We better roll it and see what happens. We believe in you. I'm starting to feel the pressure I'm trying to draw. Oh, god. Oh, no. I'm using a luck. I'm using a point. You're going to use a luck point for your help out roll? Yeah. I was a beer distributor here somewhere. And it says whatever. So whenever I spend luck, I get a chance to do something heroic. Incredible. What is it? You know what the chance is? We've got to go through this scenario first, where Jack fucks up.
00:39:37
Speaker
And then I have to step in somehow. So Jack is going to buy him some brewskis and stuff like that. He's going to get in all the party supplies he wants to do to make his business and pleasure. And you see people start booing him like huge in the store like, boo, fucking Jack Laser. He got my kid. And then you see like a woman like holding the hand of like a small goblin child. This is your fault, Jack Laser. What? What? He's like freaking he's got like a arm full of like six. What?
00:40:00
Speaker
but but yeah Um, and then I run into the store. Okay. That's not, that's not Jack laser. That's a, that's just the guy who looks like Jack laser. It's not really him. He's right. I thought Jack laser was cooler. So I'm one of my parents. Yeah, Jack Lee was awesome. And you can blame me for doing the goblin shit. Oh, we, this guy whose name we don't know exactly. Fuck you. All right, Jack, get out of here, man. Go get your beer. I took all the hate.
00:40:34
Speaker
Everybody, I'll buy everybody a six-pack on me. Yeah? Whoo! You like that? Whoo! Except me, the guy who made every kid. Yeah, except for that guy. Yeah. I never even met this guy before, but I think we should hate him, huh?
00:40:50
Speaker
Yeah. and then he All right. I go. I go. I leave and I go. You see the woman just like the little goblin boy just like, oh, I hate that guy now. He's dumb. I heard that he eats purple grapes. You're right here. i ah i pull ah I pull a bottle out of my my one six pack. Here, can you have a beer? Gee, thanks. And ah the mom's like, that's OK. That's fine.
00:41:16
Speaker
Beers are fine. We are in Dick, Michigan. Beer is legal for anybody over the age of five. If you go to kindergarten, you can have a smoking pot. That's fucked up. Crazy. As soon as that kid utters some bullshit about grapes or purple grapes being disgusting, Chimichanga rolls up behind him with a bag of purple grapes. You better take that back, kid. I heard that purple grapes make your make your lungs gay.
00:41:46
Speaker
shit yeah He takes it he takes a purple grape just shoves it in a kid's mouth oh oh no Yeah, pretty good, huh? Pretty good, huh? can the get out you're even in this episode should we get out of here Fine and he disintegrates again. All right. doy the mom just like oh Oh No, is that was that was that Luke Chinese Angus Smith making my son eat gay grapes.
00:42:08
Speaker
but for For the girl and yeah, probably I don't know really what's happening. I think you know, I think about it. Oh geez i don't know you reading God, rainbow hair. Her hair's gay. Ever cut the hell out of here.
00:42:23
Speaker
You see like there's like mass panic in the store. They all run out like, Oh no. And I noticed everybody's running out and like, I have my arm full of like six packs. I'm like, Oh no. I run out of that pan.
00:42:36
Speaker
You're welcome. She skips out. All right, guys. We're going to get out of here before they catch on. You guys got to get into the monster truck. What did you say, Jimmy? How much did that not Jimmy? Oh, sorry, Jay. This is Jay. How much did that cost you, Jack? It only cost me your dignity. What? It only cost me your dignity. Oh, yeah. I totally ate a lot of that.
00:43:06
Speaker
I can tell. My self esteem was to the roof. Well, got our beers. Let's go. Let's go to this thing before we get past 45 minutes. Well, right before you hear half 45 minutes. a And then you see like a like about six ah a half a dozen dudes in red hoodies show up with sunglasses on and they're like, we fucking heard people around here ah eating purple grapes and. um
00:43:36
Speaker
That's fucking gross. Yeah, you're damn right. I think they're in there. I point to the beer. I think that's the, I think that's the, I think that's the, the red hoods or whatever the fuck they are. Yeah. Yeah. But we're supposed to, I want to, I want to jump them into the trunk. No, just huff, puff, puff and run them the fuck over. Yeah. They're in there. I'm over with a 10. They go. Oh.
00:44:04
Speaker
All right. Okay. Well, sorry about that. Sorry about interrupting your day. Thought you guys were the ones that was eating purple grapes. And it turns out that you're not because clearly you wouldn't lie to us. It was some goblin kid ate, ate, ate them. You all appear to be the color of the grapes that we like. And so we're going to go in and investigate because you wouldn't lie. Hey, I lean against one of the big tires. You guys go to the truck rally tomorrow. Is it tomorrow or today? It's tomorrow. Tomorrow? Yeah, man. We're going to crush you. Literally, we're going to crush you ever's going against us.
00:44:34
Speaker
Oh, well the old dick rocket here slapped the tire. Makes a difference. You see that peace sign shooting a gun and holding a bicep up? It looks just like a dick.
00:44:47
Speaker
Oh man. that's i what telling you tomorrow I can't tell if that's really gay or really cool. yeah It's got guns, so it's got to be cool, right? treading the line making you think twice, right? Yeah. Well, if you're going up against us, guess what there buddy boy, no one beats the white grapeinator. Oh damn, I heard he runs over white grapes and squeezes them into a fine wine. We make the grapes into our opponent's wine. Damn. It's like the only way that they're even good anyway is as if they're in wine because when the like the normal grape, they're too sour.
00:45:23
Speaker
Well, you take that back. White people are not sour. I mean, white grapes are not sour. You stop that. Oh, I'm not going to take anything back, sir. She has her hand on her hip. She's all like journey. All right. Hold on, guys. All right. Let's go. I'm going to say, wait a minute. Am I right, boys? chuck Let's settle this on the ah on the truck field, huh? On the truck field.
00:45:46
Speaker
but Yeah, I don't know. I heard, uh, I heard that, uh, eating, uh, white grapes turned to gay. So i is that's just what I heard. you fucking take that back and They pull out like, like, uh, like tire irons and shit. And they start like tapping them on their hands. Like you take that back there, boy. Hey guys, come on. None of us want to get the qualified from the truck tournament. Do we? Yeah, not de-qualified. Oh yeah. You guys, you boys want to have a fight and he just pulls to the, he just pulls his grenade launcher out the window and it's like, Hey, I'll blast you to smithereens.
00:46:18
Speaker
gay come on kid roll roll ah manipulates someone for ah for asked city to smithine I'm not manipulating, that's a threat. I'm just trying to think someone is kind of still manipulating their what they are going to do because of the threat. Do I use my charm or what do I use?
00:46:39
Speaker
It would be charm unless you could justify it. You could use kick some ass if you want as well. Either one is fine. I got a seven. All right. So seven is fine. But the only difference is you have to show them that you mean it to convince them to like back down with the threat. So you have to you have to pretty much demonstrate something to oh i show them that it's loaded. OK, that's probably just loaded with like fakes or whatever. There's like ones that make fancy colors for them. I fire her in at the goblins who I don't know if the goblins who paint our truck are around, but I fire.
00:47:08
Speaker
It's like a whole. It's like a goblin seeking grenades comes out. of do did you and You see like a goblin arm flies across town and lands next to you. You guys still think I'm bluffing? Well, you know what? That's it. It doesn't matter. We were going to go and squish all the rest of the non white grapes in the store anyway. So let's go, boys. Yeah, you guys are really cool. You guys spent your free time crushing grapes.
00:47:34
Speaker
Yeah, really cool. You could should call yourself. You should call yourself great because we're across you tomorrow. Yeah, you wish by yourself a a white grape because you're gay. Boom. Tell you where you can shove your grapes. It's like when it comes to one comes to fight you and like three of his buddies are holding his back. It's like, no, not here, not here on the truck field. Don't want to get. Yeah. Yeah. Listen is to your friend. Just run them over. They're so annoying. Have you never ever. We got to sell this on the truck field. Come on. like yeah i'm Sure, there are other people. This is a truck movie now, okay? You can use my grenade launcher tomorrow and just shoot them, and it'll be totally fine. Everything is legal in the truck rally. I put both my hands on Jay's shoulders and look at him very seriously. You can use your grenade launcher tomorrow. Out of the back of the truck. It's cool. I guess he really wants to do this truck rally, so I guess let's just go. You're telling me you don't?
00:48:33
Speaker
I mean, I do, but I'm sure there's more than just one opponent. There's not just one opponent there. but now Yeah, but you see, we we we best them and then we we humble them and then they look higher upon us and allow us you know to learn their secrets. you know it's like It's like point break or something. you know What secrets are you trying to get from them? How to like like be sucky more? I don't know. Whatever we're trying to find out about the grapes, we're trying to find something out about the grapes or whatever.
00:49:04
Speaker
we're stopping numbers on we stop the we find who their leader is They're just assholes. I could figure out something better with Ask Jesse. Do you guys like forget that I'm like super duper smart? Yes. No, I just don't want to be rude and always ask you to solve every single problem.
00:49:23
Speaker
yeah it i mean You can't just hack your way into someone's brain. I mean, sometimes Jesse doesn't always help me. I'm just saying. Yeah, she can do that. Either way, you know, sometimes, you know, you don't want life handed to you. Sometimes I want to go and drive a truck over my enemies, OK?
00:49:37
Speaker
OK, well, let's go then. Let's drive you the truck. Hey, hey, I i just drive a drive room right now. Also, Everett, I have my video camera. I can capture it all just for you when you can have a home video just for you. How does that sound? Here's the thing. I just think I know you're I'm just using the truck, but I want to go back to you guys trying to get me to not do the truck rally. Just do this thing. I just think we remember some people in this group saying let's combine all the ideas for today together. So we're going to the damn truck rally.
00:50:06
Speaker
Okay. That sounds good to me. I mean, I'm, I love, yeah, let's do this. I loved master trucks and let, so yes yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's go. You'll see. very well What else is on the agenda besides getting blackout drunk? Nothing else for today. Hell yeah, brother. I think we already got a monster truck and then we like did something with grapes. I mean, we'll figure it out as we go. Cheers to that. He throws me two beers. Nice. Sweet. Cue the party montage. And it's over. um Cue the ah fade into the morning after waking up in the parking lot of the truck rally fields.
00:50:49
Speaker
Man, there's a bunch of broads and dudes all over the place with a naked lay in there. Who the hell is talking to us right now? there's a guy standing There's a guy standing there with a microphone and a karaoke machine. He's like, this is what I've been doing all night. You guys forgot about me? I got 20 bucks from there right the evening. And then and then Jack Lazer got up slowly and groggy as he got to his feet and found his pants.
00:51:14
Speaker
There's my there's the old guys. Let's get those suckers on. Jay is completely fine because he's like 20 or something. Yeah, you get. Yeah, or something. I don't know. Yeah. Excellent. OK. Oh, hey, by the way, since you guys hired me to do the announcing, I just wanted to let you know that you're supposed to submit your team name in before 10 o'clock this morning for the or truck off. Dick Rockets. OK, where do we submit it? What time is it? new ah It's 958. You guys almost left past the huge eight. Shit. I jump. I do. Where do we go? ah die and I dive into the rockets. Where do we go? I dive into the cab with a monster truck and I drive straight to the second desk.
00:51:57
Speaker
one I failed my investigative mystery that I wanted to roll to figure out where we registered our name. Oh no, you didn't figure it out at all. ah your Your phone's cracked.
00:52:09
Speaker
I'm going to read a bad situation. This is a bad situation. Read a bad situation. Fuck. bye I love it up. Shit. We need one more. we If only we had one more person to roll and figure this out. Who's also got the all information in the universe. I'm just driving around the ah parking lot. What the hell is this check-in desk? Everett, you have one minute left to find the check-in desk for to to register your team name. What do you do?
00:52:36
Speaker
ah She's still sleeping in the back. ever written Did you pass out? or She's asleep. Oh my God. I didn't even realize I was muted. I was talking. Yeah. She's like, I didn't know that I muted myself. I hacked my own voice box by accident when I was trying to have a deeper voice. Oh, at least you don't have alcohol poisoning. Oh, that's yeah, that's true. Yeah. ah She's going to just like poke somebody near us to like ask whoever would be like even like a vent worker or something. Somebody that has like a like a jacket or like a you know how they have the guys. Yeah, you see a guy's like, oh, yeah, thank you for asking. People are kind of awkward. They never ask me anything. You just got to get registered right over there where it says registration right at the desk over over there.
00:53:25
Speaker
See, I told you guys there's a sign right there that says registration. Do you need to read everything for you? Because I thought you were smarter than this. Excuse me, sir. Would you like to register your truck today? Hell yeah, brother. What's the team name?
00:53:46
Speaker
I'm a little sobered up now if I'm going to drive around the place. dick rock Okay, fine. Dick Rockets. Well, you don't have to pick Dick Rockets. That's what you said. I'm just reminding what you just said. I know. I was i was i was a little embarrassed. yeah is that what that Is that one C or two? and dick No, it's Richard. Richard Rockets. Richard Rockets is the owner of the team, the team team captain, okay? What? No, no, that's our name. that are Fine. what Your team name is Richard Rockets? Oh, sorry about that. Yes, it's supposed to be funny. it's rich We're Rich Rockets. Dick Rockets.
00:54:15
Speaker
Got it. Rich Rockets, Dick Rock. I'm just going to write Dick Rockets. I can only fit so many characters on this farm.
00:54:22
Speaker
Otherwise, it just says rich Rich Rockets, Dick Rocks, and I don't think that's what you want. um so gotcha All right. Rick Rockets. Is that what it was? Rick James? What was it? You have 15 seconds left. Dick Rockets.
00:54:34
Speaker
dick rocke rockets All right, cool. You're registered. The match is about to begin, so you might want to get your truck up in there and get into position. Sweet. I'm going to get in the truck seat. You're getting side seat. You can hack everything. um And Jay, you're in the back with a grenade launcher.
00:54:51
Speaker
Okay, um other win there's no windows back here. How how am I going to shoot it? No, it's open bed back there. Oh, it is? Oh, I'm in the bed. ah oh we're also yeah also also this Also, the roof opens up. There's a bunch of buttons on there. There's a lot of options on your little screen diode that was put in there. There's a lot of options. Okay, so we're good. I can shoot this thing. All right, cool. There's fireworks you can shoot out the back. Wait until we crush a few guys and shoot some fireworks out the back too. Okay. All right. so yeah All right, so you guys head in? Hell yeah. You guys head in there, and then you hear, all right, it's Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, at the truck off. Kids get in just five bucks, but if they're under the influence of Goblin Green, they have to pay more than five bucks. People start filing in. People weren't there yet, but now they're in there. They're all filing in, they're selling tickets. People already have signs up that say like, down with Dick Rockets, down with Goblin Green, fuck Jack Laser, fuck Jay.
00:55:48
Speaker
That guy. Also, i get i there's a footlock underneath it, underneath the the chair, and I put on a black tank top and even darker aviator glasses. and Excellent. And I changed my jeans to black pants, black jeans. Does anybody else want to do a wardrobe change? I'm on my heel arc. I'm out the window. Fuck you. Pick rocket. Fuck you. Eat your green grapes and your purple grapes.
00:56:13
Speaker
um I reach into the cooler that we have and I start throwing ah purple grapes at people. Oh, fuck just roller and roll roll a couple of kick some ass rolls just for fun, just to see how many people you beam and how hard you hit them with ah a purple grape and green grape. That's an eight. That's a nine. Yeah, man, you hit an eight and a nine year old and an 11 year old with those with those grapes. And they turned back into children. There were goblins and other kids again. And they rappe don't turn you gay.
00:56:43
Speaker
They bring you back to humans. The one guy's like, then explain this, as you see is like two guys and two girls just exchanging grapes between their mouths. Like, explain that gay shit. They're just gay. I don't know, man. Why do you care so much? Mind your own fucking business. Because I'm curious, but I can never express that out loud.
00:57:05
Speaker
All right. We're not for this woke shit. All right. Let's just. Have you seen the cost of really?
00:57:14
Speaker
Oh, my God. Our economy is fucked because the rising cost of other color. Great. The gays are running the cost of grief. So I pause time. I pause time and I walk up to this guy. I rip his mask off. Nick Fuentes. Oh, man, I got Doc's, so I can't stay at home anymore.
00:57:35
Speaker
All right. And then I go back to the truck and resume time. Oh, OK. So Nick Fuentes. I got away with the two for you meddling kids. So everyone would like to hack the banners that say fuck Jack Lazer and fuck Jimmy Changa. And she's going to change it to their number one.
00:57:59
Speaker
OK, roll us us a sharp roll to do that sharply because you have to focus real hard. All right. You change one that says fuck Jack Lazer to I want to fuck Jack Lazer. Thank you. There's a guy holding that sign. He's in white grapes. Do that what you will. you both White grapes. He's gay. It's no. See the guy holding that sign. He looks down at us. He goes, wait a minute.
00:58:27
Speaker
ah Wow. And you see like all of a sudden like he did not know that about myself his hair like gets like bleach blonde tips and like he has like a tank top on and he goes, I do want to fix it. Who does it? I look at him. Everybody does, buddy. It's OK. And like a big rainbow disperses out of him in here. And.
00:58:50
Speaker
um
00:58:54
Speaker
Then you hack another sign that says like, down with Jay and down with Chimichanga. And it says, I want to go down on Jay and down on Chimichanga.
00:59:04
Speaker
That's a little weird. And they say there are a couple of mom like soccer moms. They're like, my husband doesn't give me enough action on a regular basis. You guys are hot. That sucks. You should go to counseling as we pit the gas in the truck and like do a sick flip or something.
00:59:24
Speaker
backflipping your fucking monster truck. so But there's a button that says backflip. I'm going to hit it. you boy whoa And you crush you crush like a whole ah and ah RV that was just like setting up the ah Crimson Hoods equipment. ah You crush it underneath your wheels when you backflip. And um it looks like it was meant to be like we're trying to fuck them over. I'm like, oh I'm looking back like rev reverse like, oh, shit.
00:59:53
Speaker
so And you see people there's others also signs in the in the crowd that say like Make white grapes again and stuff like that um You know people are still having their disinformation in there and as people were in the red hoods in the crowd um Also some you know, just just again more people just passing in grapes between their mouths. It's a very weird event um And so you see you see the guy goes alright introducing first the guys who just did the backflip onto the RV. It's the Dick Rockets. Let's learn a few people go woo. And one guy goes, I don't know what said. Can I try to get the crowd going? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you want to do that? um We're going to fire the grenade launcher at the. You're going to fire. away There's some ah Crimson ah Crimson Hood members.
01:00:47
Speaker
All right. Yeah. what Roll kicks them out. you know You pick whatever you think is the best thing to roll. that That's a 10. Dang, dude. Tell me what happened. Tell me how you what the crowd, how the crowd reacts. Paint me a word picture, what you do and how the crowd reacts to it. I hear the that they're like, whoa, like two people are like, whoa. And then um we see I see like a couple like sorry, Crimson Hood goons, like trying to repair their RV. And I'm like, all right, fuck this. and I stand up in the truck and I'm hanging. I'm on top of it, basically. I'm through the sunroof that we have. Gotcha. Yeah, it opens. And I just fire three grenades at them and just blow them to smithereens and launch them like Team Rocket. Oh, man, those guys just got launched all the way to smithereens. That's right.
01:01:47
Speaker
And the crowd goes, whoa, we lost the Marines. That's what you're here to see. Right. It is like explosions and like destruction. Right. So I feel like it's blood rains down on top of the crowd. They like go absolutely like, yeah, anchors. Yeah, that's what I do. Death, murder, kill, kill, kill, kill. And then like people take their signs and they just start writing, like, grenade, launch me, Jay, and stuff like that on it. Or I want grenades. I want grenades to Jay, launch me and shit like that.
01:02:16
Speaker
All right. I'm loading up my grenade rounds or grape grenade rounds. And I'm sure I hear a set then the great shot. People are just like, oh, yeah, great shot. You know, people are just opening their mouths and catching them like, oh, Jay Proto. And so while they're doing that, you're hacking signs, right? Making signs like a better shit to keep the crowd hyped up. Jack laser, what are you doing, my guy? I don't know. What's the challenges of the tournament? What do I got to do?
01:02:47
Speaker
Well, the tournament hasn't started yet because the the the other guys haven't been introduced yet. Like you guys just got an announced. So like you're like hyping up the crowd and stuff. Marty, I did a backflip art. I mean, I mean, I pretty much I show voted enough for now. All right. You show voted enough. Everett, do you want to do anything else to showboat before the red hoods come on? um She's going to also digitalize some flags that just have their faces on them.
01:03:12
Speaker
Have all your team's faces on them. Yeah. Awesome. I love that. Okay. You guys have some sick flags of, uh, of your faces hanging off the truck. ah Ever. Ever. We need an American flag. Gotta really get the crowd. Like, you know, love it. Come on, do it. Okay.
Monster Truck Battle
01:03:29
Speaker
Okay. Okay. I got it. I got you. I got you.
01:03:32
Speaker
She does one. All right. She has it to where it's like, uh, sticking out of the back of the truck. You're like, you know, it was really um obnoxious ones that people drive around with. This is my Ford F two 50 and I like America, at least the parts that cater to me.
01:03:49
Speaker
Um, um, so yeah, you have that big ass truck on the back along with your other flags with their faces on them. And then they, the guy goes, all right. Introducing next. It's the guys, the ones that want to make white grapes again. It's the crimson o and you see just like, like 17 monster trucks, like fucking leap over the wall and like just land in the arena.
01:04:14
Speaker
And there's like a bunch of different sizes, colors, shapes, ah decorations, flags, guns, rockets, all sorts of goofy shit. Some of them are smaller, some of them are bigger. There's one big one in the middle that has like um white grapes that are like riding the ah the American, the the red waves of the American flag on it. um And they just go, brave everybody they they copied our horn. They copied our horn. That guy, he took the same horn that we had. We wanted to do that one.
01:04:42
Speaker
We used ours first. um Oh, that's that hurts our feelings. Hey, listen, don't be so woke, Snowflake or whatever. These guys are fucking lame. Oh, man, don't do that. And they start honking their horn like, yeah, white grapes, white grapes, white grapes, white grapes. um And the one guy goes, we're these guys are grapes. We're going to squish them under the heels of. Wait, no, these guys are grapes that we're going to we're going to.
01:05:10
Speaker
We're squishing until they whine. Yeah. This guy sucks. He can't even shit talk. Aw, man. That's true. Why'd they make me be in the leader? You're a fucking lame ass. Aw, man. I'm Alex Jones. That's it. I'm taking over. Oh, shit. Fuck you. There he is. All right. I'm taking the shot.
01:05:30
Speaker
it's And fight. and then like all the I he took to defeat it five It flies off, it kills one of the smaller trucks. It's more like a pickup truck like on the ground. It sends it up in flames. um You see like a bunch of white grape splatter everywhere just putting like white stains all over the arena.
01:05:52
Speaker
whisper me We'll beat him in the monster competition. It's fine. Yeah. i chick ah Yeah. Can't kill the big bad guy. The enemy of the whole thing for the beginning. All right. So let's roll initiative. Everybody roll a d20. I got a, I have a natural 20 in that. Oh, okay. Well, you get to go first. yeah can nice Um, never rolls a 10. Wow. I rolled a, I rolled a 50.
01:06:16
Speaker
Wow. OK. No, I take it back. OK. Jay Proto gets to go first, followed by a laser tag. Jack laser.
01:06:27
Speaker
And then Everett, what did you roll on top of that 10 that you rolled? Because you get to the 20s. Yeah, she ruled 100, I think. You know, 100 goes first. Oh, yeah. That's some crazy initiative. She's well, she's operating because that was a 10 in in in in, you know, the cyberspace.
01:06:45
Speaker
Oh, a cyberspace 10 is a normal man, 100. Exactly. It's just faster. If you guys could see my face right now. okay What's your face doing? Is it laughing? what I'm looking at you and shaking at my head with a very confused look. Like, what the fuck? ah to ever You have a 100. You go first. a cyber Everyone knows a cyber 100. A cyber 10 is ah a man, ah you know, a standard 100. Everyone knows this.
01:07:15
Speaker
Totally. Like if you see a hot person, you go like, wow, they're a cyber 10. Which is like the hugest compliment you can give somebody. um everett or ah Jesse pops out of your computer and he goes, it's true, ma'am. What can you do? Oh my god. So what do you want to do, Everett? You're first.
01:07:33
Speaker
The monster truck rally. So there's 17. Well, now 16 trucks on the field. Some of them are very big. Some of them are small. ah The red hoods, the Crimson hoods are on the field ah with a bunch of different guns and weapons. Alex Jones is at the helm of the big truck. And ah you're in, you have your truck. You're the only one runs on your team. Also your, and your truck is outfitted with a bunch of cool stuff. So pretty much anything you can dream of your truck can do because Blake, it's Blake dancers, special truck.
01:08:02
Speaker
Um, so what do you want to do? She's gonna, she's gonna have, uh, ask Jesse, uh, make her like one of those video game, uh, controllers. And, uh, she's going to basically use that to drive it and to shoot off the guns while she's driving. What guns do you want to shoot? Uh, probably the, I don't know what they're called. Just give them a name and that's what they're called.
01:08:33
Speaker
The ones that go whoosh and boom. I don't know. Man, the whoosh boom guns. So the whoosh boom. Whoosh and boom. Yeah. Labeled back there. We see like to start to like materialize like they just like build themselves out of thin air and they see the whoosh boom guns. Roll kick some ass with whoosh boom. OK. Everybody knows whoosh boom guns. That's just like what they're called.
01:08:57
Speaker
what do I mean, I got a nine. Hey, that's a niner. That's pretty decent. So the Bush boom gun, you fired off, whoosh, boom, whoosh, boom. That's literally the sounds they make when they fire whoosh, boom, whoosh, boom. And you see, you know what? Roll a D four for me, Everett. A D four. That's a one for. Yeah.
01:09:16
Speaker
I got a one. It's a one. You blow up ones of trucks with the whoosh-boom guns. Yes. As you start driving, you start doing some sick turns. Whoosh-boom is the fucking, just like a big gust of air followed by an explosion of fire in said cloud of air. Whooshes and booms, sending a guy in flames. And he says, I actually kind of really like green grapes too.
01:09:39
Speaker
and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I'm dead now. um ah So you do that. So while you got your little video game controller out, you're doing that. ah Let's see. ah yeah Jay Proto, what are you doing, my friend? As ah Everett just took control and started merking some fools. um I say, wow, hell yeah. Nice job, Everett. High five. Thanks. She throws up her hand for a high five. I just clapped. There you go. that High five. Yes.
01:10:09
Speaker
Yeah, that's good fully. That's good fully work. That's good. That saves me from having to edit one in. Yep. Good. All right, cool. All right. Well, I guess I should do what I always do and just... um ah And then he stands up in the truck and shoots at Alex Jones again. Oh, you're firing at Alex Jones? Yeah, I fucking hate his ass. Oh, fuck, dude. Oh, man. All right. We'll roll a kick some ass roll. ah but Seven. Seven? How much damage does your grenade launcher do?
01:10:38
Speaker
ah um I think it's for messy for messy damage as you fire off into like part of the windshield starts to crack and fly off some of the shrapnel hits off into other drivers and the other trucks and they veer off and you see a big like mini nuke explosion.
01:10:58
Speaker
Oh, man. Oh, damn it. You made me die. Fucking killed the nuke truck. I was going to use that on you this turn. God damn it. um And you start chipping away at some of the paint. He takes a little bit of shrapnel damage from the from the window, which is now cracked and shrapnel a little bit. um He says, All right, kid, you're the one I'm going after next. And I got to tell you, on my show, Info Wars, I'm going to hit you with info. Here's some information. Your mom's a slut.
01:11:27
Speaker
And he fires him. I'm ignoring him. He fires. And I'm reaching in the cooler. No, I'm reaching in the cooler and I'm pulling out some extra spicy chili. Oh fuck. What are you going to do with extra spicy chili? I'm going to heat it up for him and you put it in a bowl and throw it at him.
01:11:45
Speaker
Okay, so you use the ah the in ah the in vehicle microwave to start heating up some you have some chili as he fires his machine guns across the way at you ah chipping and chipping paint off the trucks and he starts like driving up over and he's trying to like you see he's like driving towards a ramp because he's gonna try to come up and try to crush you guys under the weight of his truck. um So while you're heating that up Jack laser, what do you do?
01:12:09
Speaker
Um, I'm going to turn the truck. Our ass is to where he's flying off the ramp. And i at that moment, I'm going to say, Jay, shoot the fireworks out the back. Huh? What? And then the microwave dings. And the fireworks go off. And the fireworks go off. microwave And I want him to like, I want those to hopefully, I fight the role, we can do that, but I want him to hopefully like act as like sort of like flares in the back of a jet, like that, that just wouldn't, you know, make him so he doesn't hit us.
01:12:41
Speaker
Yeah, sure. He hits the stunt ramp, and then like his truck follows where the the where the rockets go. I knew he had a heat seeking truck. Yeah, the heat seeking truck. Holy shit. Cheaters. Cheaters, heat seeking truck. Give me some saran wrap, Jack, real quick. Give me some saran wrap. I throw it back. ah All right, and I wrap up the bullet of chili, and I just chucked it at him. It was in the air.
01:13:06
Speaker
All right, you can't resist this. Oh, it's it's a heat seeking another truck seat seeking the hot chili. Fuck. um yeah And he he can't help but like eat the chili and it gets all over his face and all of his crotch, all of his pants and his skin starts to bubble up. ra ra ra da bra da da but he He's still flying through the air. Yes, he's still in the air. I went to backflip button again so that our cars dock.
01:13:29
Speaker
um when it dock I'm gonna flip us over that way our wheels rub against his wheels and I'm gonna like not um then I'm gonna reverse the way his his wheels kick out and it flings them Oh man, they ducked in the you hear the announced like oh they ducked in the air the crowds going Weirdly wild about this sir. They're okay with it. that Okay. yeah Interesting. if You're supposed to say no homo when you doc Oh homo And you see like then, like the the rainbow um sparklers and but fireworks come out of the back of the truck. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. And so, OK, so you do that and you dock and you flip their truck away. Is that what you're doing? Yeah, I want only I want to flip them through the air and oh you flip them through the air and he so fucking crushes three other of his trucks.
01:14:16
Speaker
well Oh, man, he's like, Oh, man, my skin's all oily and I look like Pizza the Hutt right now. Ah, um just you remember his kids names. Oh, what's my kids name? See, all right. Is it actually no chillied up, guys? This is our opportunity. Yeah, Everett, you're up. What do you do?
01:14:36
Speaker
Mm, he's all chilied up. She's gonna ah add some cheese on it. Boom. Oh, fuck. How are you gonna chili it? What happens? Because a chili's on its face right now in its car. She's gonna have Jesse deliver a helicopter delivery that hovers over and it just drops cheese all over the chili cover, dude. Like liquid cheese or like sprinkle cheese?
01:15:01
Speaker
Uh, like hot nacho cheese, hot nacho cheese. Uh, okay. Roll for hot nacho cheese, Everett. Uh, kick some ass. Yeah. Let's call that kick some ass. Okay. ah Jesse's just like your avatar. That's three. That's a three. Uh-oh. So Jesse shows up in a helicopter, just materializes out of network.
01:15:26
Speaker
And he just starts spraying hot, bubbly cheese everywhere. But it misses Alex Jones completely. But it drowns two of the other guys in trucks and go. And the one like puts his thumb up like he's sinking into the lava like in the Terminator movie. um And he sinks into it and just turns and and that's when you notice Everett. Oh, my God. All of these other drivers, all the guys in the red cloaks, hoodies, robots, drones, they're not fleshy people at all.
01:15:59
Speaker
I know it and take an experience point because you felt. She's going to go, you've been cheesed. Oh, man, that's a good one. That was really cheesy. Oh, man, that was mine. That was Gouda Gouda for you.
01:16:19
Speaker
But it looks like that those are all robots. Yeah, they're going to mozzarella. I knew Chad GPT was involved in this. Oh, and you see Alex Jones, like his face melts off and he said there's just like a PC monitor of tablet behind his skin face. It just shows chat GPT. Oh, it's not the real Alex Jones shit, or is that the real Alex Jones? Who will who knows? I have been a real Alex Jones the whole top top top time. Oh, no. I am to chat, chat, chat, chat, you juji do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
01:16:57
Speaker
ever hack it, get rid of this thing. It's annoying. No, I am. I am the best machine. She's over there just tapping on her ah her her smartphone that she's got. She's trying to ah hack the robots to all make them explode. So like I feel like she wants to make them like incinerate from the inside. Just boom.
01:17:23
Speaker
Oh, okay, interesting. All right, roll kick some ass for you. And then Jay, are you is there anything else you want to do while Everett's also trying to kick ass? I want to roll a help out. All right, let's see what Everett rolls. What is she rolling tough? I guess I can roll tough too. I don't i don't succeed in that. No, enough for not for help out rolls, you don't. Oh, I thought I could choose any stat. Oh, I rolled plus cool. No, for help out, yeah, so roll a plus cool roll. So that would be a minus one.
01:17:53
Speaker
Well, no, in all help out roles, you get a plus one or plus two if it's your hero. Okay, plus one, so seven. All right, so yeah, you boost it up to a niner. um And then, yeah, as the I can make you look good role, I think is the one you're thinking of where you can pick the role. Yeah. um So yeah, so you boost it up, and she starts like, so how do you help her? What does it look like? Because she's hacking on her little phone. ah No, you missed a semicolon there.
01:18:19
Speaker
oh thank you it's like You need a parenthesis there. that's No, 8 divided by 2 times 2 plus 2 is actually 16. but ah and but you were ah sorry
01:18:37
Speaker
Why don't you, like, shut your face for one second? Because, like, your aura, your, like, your stench, like, it's so intoxicating that it's kind of... I'm not saying it's a bad stench. I am saying it's a good stench and it's distracting me. No, I smell like chili. Because you can't stop drooling. I smell like chili, right? Exactly. I can't stop drooling. I'm hungry. Chili's my kryptonite, don't you know? You're covered in chili.
01:19:05
Speaker
All right. Okay. He's just been driving the truck. Yeah. Jack, what do you do while they're hacking bots and screaming thoughts? ah Um, hmm. What else could I do? Um, I see a line of buses. I'm going to try and jump it. Oh, fuck. All right. So you got to roll a lot of, what do you want to roll for that that? Because I see there's a, there's a wall. There's a board over there that says like points for stunts and shit. And we got, we're, we're neck and neck because they did a cool jump. We're neck and neck on stun points. So I want to not only defeat them physically, but win the tournament as well.
01:19:35
Speaker
Okay. um So but we don't want to roll for the jump, roll, roll, tough, roll. Cause that's going to be a tough roll. That's a tough one. Yeah. I'm going to zip around there to the end of the where there's a ramp. Where's my tough there to wait a second. Give me one. Oh man. You got to tough it. Mixed success on that bad boy. Wow. mix try to roll ah I can make you look good. Sure. Do it. Roll a tough roll. A tough, tough roll. You got a plus one on that.
01:20:01
Speaker
What's it? It's even better. Yeah. Wow. I don't know that much. Your teamwork. You're yelling over it every. Oh, hey, there's a colon there and it's not my colon. And then you say, how do you help? how do you What do you do to help him jump the truck? Yeah, step on it, man. Oh, yeah, brother. And he steps on it harder. um And so you hit the apex of the jump.
01:20:27
Speaker
What does it look like? Well, Everett, because Everett will be hacking the robots while you're doing your sick trick. um As we hit the jump, we fly once again. um the the The fireworks shoot out the back. And as that happens, all of the little robots heads explode in the cars and like the trucks start blowing up and shit. And it's just ah we're flying through the air as all these explosions happen below us.
01:20:48
Speaker
Oh man. And so yeah, you see all the robots start to like heat up from the inside. boom but And you see Alex Jones head, what's left of it and the screen inside of it flies out of his truck as the truck explodes and you guys look cool than a bunch of coins come raining down on the ground.
Victory and Transformation
01:21:05
Speaker
um You guys, ah you see the little monitor, the little tablet inside of his face lands inside of the cockpit of the of the monster truck. It says, what why why why can't you you just let me, me, me, be, be, be, be, be a white grape. So it landed in our monster truck? Yeah, landed in the sunroof. I put my magnum in its mouth. Oh. What's less than a monster's grapes, bitch?
01:21:32
Speaker
and Oh, man. Suck in these grapes. Bang. You blow it up ah into pieces and the crowd goes wild. Woo. And then you get a little message that says, right. Don't forget about the the the PSA. You got to tell kids not to do drugs. all and we wait we We'll get to the we got to wait till we get to the winner's thing and then we'll do that. Right, guys? All right.
01:21:52
Speaker
Oh, I got one better. I pull out the the t-shirt cannon that we have. The teacher grenades. Oh, yes. All right. The t-shirts that say they have a has goblin green and, you know, like a circle of it's crossed out. Right. With the Ghostbusters thing on it. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's. Yeah. All right. So you just fire the roll. Kick some hate. Roll. Kick some. Is that cool? Is that like a. What is that? It's whatever you want it to be. Whatever your best trade is, you roll that all the need.
01:22:22
Speaker
You roll an eight. You hit eight people with these t-shirt grenades and they change their ways immediately. That's pretty much the entire world changed there. Good job. Wow. Yeah. High five. you Yeah. You hit some very like influential figures, too. Like you see um you see that. Who's that? Who's that guy? That's a real piece of shit that does the things he's a Alex Jones. Wait, Alex, Tim, you know, you're like this. You see that he went there. You hit him. ah You hit him with it and he goes, you know what?
01:22:52
Speaker
I'm not an in I am an incel, but I wish I were. I wish someone would lay me, but I'm just so unattractive, but I'm going to change my ways now and tell everybody it's not being a piece of shits and that all grapes are good. um And then bisexual content creator, Destiny comes over and says, I'll give you another blowjob, Nick. He says, oh, thank God I needed one. um And then you see you see Joe Rogan is in there and he gets hit and he says, wow.
01:23:22
Speaker
And that was it. That's what he says. and Jamie, can you pull up whatever the hell Goblin Green is? Yeah. ah The screen, ah he pulls it up on the mega screen, right? Yeah, that's. Yeah, he pulls it up on the mega screen. Yeah, that's right. um And then, yeah, you hit so many influential people. All the major shitty influencers are like, I'm going to change my ways now and tell people that white grapes are good, but all grapes are also
Public Service Announcements
01:23:43
Speaker
good. I love this fantasy. I love this like woke fantasy right here. This is great.
01:23:48
Speaker
You know, originally this was just going to be the grapes episode, but you guys picked everything. So, you know, I was going to have to now. Yeah.
01:23:58
Speaker
So ah you guys do all of that and everyone wins and everyone who is bad dies or changes their ways. We did it, guys. We stopped the Boston Bombers. Yeah, they're all. Yeah. like You hit Vladimir Putin with a grape and he goes, I choose to be a better person until the day of my death. um And then he he he goes and he he blows up all of his tanks and all his weapons and throws them into Mount whatever that one is on more of the rings where they throw the ring for small in there.
01:24:31
Speaker
What's it called? Not helmet? Mordor. Not Mordor. In the Land of Doom. What is it called? He goes to the mountain Mordor and he throws all of his weapons and all of his nukes and everything in there. And he also throws Kim Jong Un in there too, because he doesn't really actually like him that much. He throws him in there. What did he ever do to him?
01:24:49
Speaker
ah exactly Exactly, exactly. He didn't do anything, and that's what he wanted. He never switched any grapes around in my mouth. I mean, he never switched grapes around in my mouth. He never switched grapes in my mouth. He never do mouth grape exchange, and I ask, and he said, no. He says, knit.
01:25:05
Speaker
um So and then you guys get into the winner's circle. You guys propped your truck up onto the the pedestal and you guys are sitting atop your truck and you see someone comes up to you with a bunch of cameras and takes your pictures and takes your statements and says, oh, Everett, Everett, tell us about this great victory that you've achieved.
01:25:26
Speaker
I mean, I did it with my buddies over here, especially, you know, because we're like best friends. This is my friend, Jack Lazer. Yeah, you know him. He's like so famous. And then like on my my other friend over here, Jay Proto, it's fine. It's fine. We're just heroes. Don't worry about it. Wow. That is so cool.
01:25:51
Speaker
I can't remember what voice I was just using. So that guy died. I took over. That's so cool, man. That's so fucking cool. It's nice to see a a lady, you know, in this sport because it's all just dudes, you know, so it's just really cool. You're a real pioneer. Yeah. monster truck All right. Keep your fucking dick in your pants, man. Oh, no. Hey, listen, I don't even have a dick. I cut it off when I was in I went to the war. So I wouldn't be attracted to fuck the enemy.
01:26:16
Speaker
Well, I'm a veteran. I'll dare you. um But anyway, I just think it's great that there's women in this sport, you know, we need more than that. So hopefully you would inspire other women to to sign up to to be monster truck drivers. I do what I can. Hey, that's great. I'm proud of you. um And then he turns over to you, Jake, not Jay Proto, and he says, hey.
01:26:42
Speaker
ah You want to tell me about your day or how you feel about winning or anything? Well, we killed all the competition. It was a great day. It was a great day. Would you say that you gave 110 percent? I would say that everybody should eat purple grapes, any kind of great red grapes, whatever the fuck grapes you want to eat, green grapes, you know, like ah they don't make you gay. Wow. So inspiring. I mean, you and smoking weed is bad. I mean, smoking. What is it, Jack?
01:27:14
Speaker
green Green Goblin. No, that's copyrighted. Goblin Green. Yeah, that's, don't smoke that, kids. and i wag Yeah, that's the fishies over there, like, smoking on mine. You're smoking on Goblin Green? Yeah. Oh God, you're going to turn into a goblin again. I push her off the camera. And hey, how'd you feel about today's victory? ah Thank you for asking there, guy who changed his voice and killed his friend or whatever.
01:27:45
Speaker
I just like to say I got here through, as they've said, good friendship and, you know, trust. And if you're going to take recreational drugs, take it with people you trust, from people you trust, not off somebody off the streets, because they might just turn you into a goblin. And if you do want to smoke the goblin greens, make sure you' at least 18 of the age of consent where you can legally, you know, make your decisions ah based on the societal rules. And also, um you know, just chill out and eat your grapes.
01:28:11
Speaker
And I got here through um a clean body, no drugs, nothing like that. I'm holding a beer. I got a cigar hanging on my mouth. And you know just ah you know keep your your mind sharp and your body free from drugs that your parents don't want you to do, kids. Jake, you dropped this.
01:28:30
Speaker
hes on and need he ends them a needle so so yeah don't forget the drink or juice kids illegal Yeah, any kind of grape juice just drink that it won't make you gay. It's totally cool You hear that, kids? Grape juice doesn't make you gay, and goblin greens aren't for kids.
Concluding Remarks
01:28:50
Speaker
Is there anything else that we missed? yeah Jack, do we miss anything else? Everett, do we miss anything else? One second, a guy I turn around and I pull on my Discord thing. yeah I call him, what's his face? What do you want? um so hey we yeah we I think we hit everything. We hit the drugs. I think it was the main thing, right? The drugs.
01:29:10
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. tell Tell kids that they shouldn't do goblin greens. So what um ripes are fine gripes i tell that you know all grapes are created equal. And let's see what else. What else? what else else are You took out the Crimson Hoods, right? Yeah, yeah I think so. Yeah, they're robots. Oh, also, I'm going to get mean i'm im i'm gonna nip this one in the bud before even hear about it. Blake, I hang up on them. And if you're ever in a hurry to get down the highway to the low to the nearby ah truck tournament,
01:29:34
Speaker
ah Don't run over all the civilians on the road, even if they have Confederate flags in their cars because they still have mothers at home. I think I covered everything we did wrong. Yeah, I forgot about that. Hey, hey, I'm usually at this point. This is a great speech, by the way. Usually at this point, ah you would say something like really, you know, like a real cool one liner to just wrap up the show. So who wants to take it? Anyone?
01:30:02
Speaker
I would, but Jay, you're new. Why don't you try one? Jay, you want to try one lighter? Everett, you want to try one lighter? Let's see. No, I had one. I had one.
01:30:14
Speaker
Be nice to people. Don't be a dick. Make sure you always put your shopping carts in the KRL cell or you take them back to the goddamn sewer like a normal person because it is only nice. Okay, we're we're done with like the good telling people how to be good. We're doing a cool one-liner now. And Jay is frozen under the pressure. yeah I love that, Jay. I love that Everett's idea of a one-liner is just another PSA. Another run-on sentence of a PSA. ah It's a run-on one-liner.
01:30:51
Speaker
um crimson Crimson Hoods, more like Crimson No Goods. Oh, fucking A. Jack's like wincing behind him. Good one, kid.
01:31:50
Speaker
well look good already.