Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Fat, Sick, and Spiritually Dead: A Weight Loss & Spiritual Journey w/ Matthew Wyatt
97 Plays1 year ago
In this heartfelt and candid episode of the Shame(less) Podcast, Ken Freire welcomes long-time friend and guest Matthew Wyatt to discuss his powerful journey of overcoming morbid obesity, battling lust, and finding healing in Christ.
Matthew shares his struggles with unhealthy coping mechanisms, his turning points, and the vital role of community and accountability in his transformation. Together, they explore the interconnectedness of physical, emotional, and spiritual health, providing hope and encouragement for those battling similar challenges.
What You'll Learn in This Episode:
- How Matthew lost over 140 pounds in 11 months and transformed his health.
- The connection between lust, addiction, and unresolved pain.
- The importance of facing reality and embracing the identity God gives us.
- Practical steps to find healing and freedom through community, repentance, and faith.
- Encouragement for men struggling with shame, addiction, or obesity.
Key Quotes:
- “This is not going to fix itself. You will face consequences, but the good news is you can overcome it—and many have before you.” – Matthew Wyatt
- “God doesn’t just forgive you; He makes you completely new. You are the bride of Christ, a child of God, and a royal priesthood.” – Ken Freire
- “You’re not supposed to fight alone. You can choose to fight your battles with God or against Him. Choose wisely.” – Matthew Wyatt
Resources Mentioned:
- Pure Desire Ministries – Groups and resources for overcoming sexual addiction.
- Conquer Series – A biblically-based program for men battling sexual addiction.
- Connect with Matthew White: Find him on social media (@realMatthewWyatt).
Take the Next Step:
If you're struggling with shame, addiction, or weight issues, know that you are not alone. Reach out to a trusted friend, pastor, or mentor, and consider joining a support group. Start your journey today because, as Matthew says, “You are worth it.”
Follow & Subscribe:
Stay tuned for more episodes aimed at helping you kill shame, stand strong, and live on mission. Subscribe to the Shame(less) Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave a review to help others find encouragement and hope.
Connect with Ken Freire:
- Instagram: @KenFreire
- Twitter: @KenFreire
- Website: beshameless.org
Thank you for listening! See you next week as we continue this journey toward freedom and purpose in Christ.
Recommended
Transcript
Intro
Introduction and Episode Overview
00:00:30
Ken Freire
All
00:00:30
Ken Freire
another
Meet Matthew White: A Decade of Friendship
00:00:31
Ken Freire
episode. And today I have a really special guest because we've been friends now for over 10 years. He may not call me a friend, but we'll see after this podcast episode.
00:00:43
Ken Freire
But I'm so excited to have Matthew White here today. Matthew, we are going to be talking about the title of the podcast is fat, sick and spiritually dead. But we're going to talk about your weight journey and then
00:00:56
Ken Freire
your last journey and how you've overcome both of those things. So I'm excited. You are a serial entrepreneur and right now you're living overseas with your family and we work together at a university.
00:01:07
Ken Freire
So dude, welcome to the podcast.
00:01:08
Matthew
Yeah, for years, crazy. Thank you so much for having me, Ken. It's really cool to be here. Yeah, it's been a while.
00:01:13
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:01:18
Matthew
So I know like always in the story that you want to like share something about yourself and I feel like it's more interesting if you share something that you've just never shared before with anyone or anything, right? And so I think it's important that you know that while I promise to tell the truth this whole time, I have not always told the truth.
00:01:39
Matthew
had a friend who is one of those friends where like, if you say something and smile, they'll just sort of go along with it. And we were hanging out with a group of friends and and one guy was like, I've heard every story you guys have. and like, well, you haven't heard this one. And I made up this crazy elaborate story about us. like taking his car and and going on this crazy joy ride and then getting pulled over and lying to the cops and saying, no, we're on our way to go work at this hospital and then going to the hospital.
00:02:04
Matthew
And this is the cops trying to prove us wrong. And it can just got bigger and bigger and bigger. It's this crazy story.
00:02:11
Matthew
and people were so convinced that the story was true that they started asking me to tell it like at like parties and like i told it at his wedding and i told it at another friend's wedding and sometimes i'd switch the characters and people never noticed and finally recently i got a very angry call from my buddy's wife who was like, I just found out that that story wasn't true.
00:02:34
Matthew
I've believed that story for seven years and it wasn't true. And I'm like, don't you think he would have told you that? Like you dated for a while. So that's the seriousness with which I take storytelling and my sense of humor.
00:02:43
Ken Freire
Oh.
00:02:49
Matthew
But yeah.
00:02:50
Ken Freire
That's awesome, dude. Well, for those of you who are listening and may know Matthew, you know he has a great sense of humor.
00:02:56
Ken Freire
He used to be a comedian. He would still call himself a comedian. So we're going to have a lot of jokes that we probably throw in, a lot of maybe dark humor throughout.
00:03:04
Matthew
We're very serious, only seriousness.
00:03:08
Ken Freire
Yeah. Super serious the whole time.
The Weight Loss Journey: Challenges and Triumphs
00:03:10
Ken Freire
Matthew, dude, I know you have been on an amazing health journey the last couple of years.
00:03:18
Ken Freire
And when I first met you, you know you were overweight or or obese, I guess what would be the right terminology that you would use?
00:03:21
Matthew
So medically they use the term morbidly obese because if you add the word morbid, that somehow makes people feel better.
00:03:27
Matthew
I don't know. It's like, yeah, it was very encouraging, right? Yeah, yeah it's morbid.
00:03:35
Ken Freire
just throw the shame on top of you.
00:03:36
Matthew
Like some inner darkness was contributing to my fatness, right?
00:03:37
Ken Freire
Like, no, no, you're not just... Okay, so you were morbidly obese, but man, over the last several years, you have changed drastically.
00:03:40
Matthew
Like, yeah, it was perfect.
00:03:45
Matthew
Yeah.
00:03:50
Matthew
So at my heaviest, I weighed in, uh, like when we, you actually knew me pretty close to my heavy heaviest.
00:03:51
Ken Freire
How much weight did you lose?
00:03:57
Matthew
Um, and and my heaviest I weighed in just under 350 pounds.
00:04:00
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:04:01
Matthew
and so when I, I was, I was a fair amount lighter when I got serious about like making this transformation and everything. I had lost weight for bad reasons because I was sick from being overweight and different
00:04:14
Matthew
And even at that, I was still over 300 pounds. So I lost, in that time I lost a little over 142 pounds in 11 months.
00:04:26
Matthew
So it was a dramatic, dramatic change.
00:04:29
Ken Freire
Dude.
00:04:29
Matthew
So yes, my humor is still morbid, but my weight is not, so. It's a good change for sure. And yeah, and it's like, I mean, kind of like to the, you know, to the title of the episode, right?
00:04:38
Ken Freire
oh
00:04:42
Matthew
I wasn't just fat. I was sick. I had severe sleep apnea and fatty liver disease. I already have a degenerative disc in my back, which is hereditary, but throw onto that, you know, being literally twice the weight that you should be.
00:05:03
Matthew
and that was of course always a problem. and it was, yeah, it was miserable. Like I, I couldn't, you know, cause you can't fly on a plane without getting, you know, and an extension for your seatbelts. You can't, uh, really play with your kids. I mean, it was just, and, and the, I think the worst is you look in the mirror, you just don't, you don't like what you see. Like you don't like yourself and you, you live under this kind of quiet shame. and you cope.
00:05:29
Matthew
You know, and that's, that's how, that's why some of the fattest people you know, or some of the funniest people you know, because it's a coping mechanism, right? It's a way of getting away from the, whatever they're feeling bad about saying, yeah, okay, so I'm ugly, but I'm funny. It's, it's fine. It's, it's great. Um, you don't have to be ugly to be funny. Like it's not an either or thing, apparently.
00:05:51
Matthew
but, uh, yeah, so that was, that was where I came from. Um, I'd always been big, like my whole, like as a, as a kid, I was big. you know, at first it was like, that's great. I'll play football and then everyone got tall and I didn't get tall. So then I was just.
00:06:06
Matthew
there was really nothing to do with it from there, you know? And I, when I was little, and this plays into kind of our bigger conversation too, when I was little, I always assumed that as I got older, one day I would just deal with it.
00:06:12
Ken Freire
Ha ha ha!
00:06:18
Matthew
One day something would change and I would just magically, you know, like it would just change. And that didn't just happen on its own.
00:06:30
Matthew
Like it didn't, That day came and went like it never happened. Yeah, which was frustrating. I got past when i i I thought by the time I was an adult, I'd be thin and healthy or I thought that, you know, maybe by the time I settled down, I'd get thin and healthy or like I just, I wanted it, but I wished for it, right? Like I didn't,
00:06:56
Matthew
I didn't decide to do it. I didn't take action, meaningful action to do it. Um, I just wished for it, you know, and that doesn't work.
00:07:09
Matthew
I mean, it's just great.
00:07:12
Ken Freire
I wish wishing worked
00:07:13
Matthew
I've been wishing, wishing, wishing my whole life. I just need that wish granted. I'm set, but no.
Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Struggles
00:07:21
Ken Freire
how How did you how did you handle the like every day to day you know deep down inside you had this tension of like you wishing for it to go away but like you didn't like yourself and you were coping with like humor you're coping with a lot of things like that but like how did you handle the those emotions?
00:07:34
Matthew
Right.
00:07:39
Matthew
Yeah, well, and that's, I mean, that, that kind of cuts to the quick, that cuts to the heart of it. I did what most people do. I found distractions. I found ways to focus on anything but dealing with myself, confronting difficulty with life, confronting, because there were deeper frustrations and issues, unforgiveness I had towards myself, unforgiveness I had towards others, and rather than putting in the work of dealing with those things, I would eat, or I would masturbate, I would look at porn, I would go and
00:08:20
Matthew
you know, play video game and I'm not I'm not anti video game. But I'm anti anything that you're using as a like distraction to do instead of like today, the one that's easiest to fall on is like my phone, right? Like I can I can I can use my phone as a tool, or I can just get so lost to my phone that my phone's in my world. And I'm doing this instead of being present at the table with my wife and kids or doing it instead of being in the conversation with my friends. And we find these little distractions and and use those to self-medicate. Because the truth is, even though I lived with the consequences of being morbidly obese every single day, I never thought about it. Because thinking about it hurt. So I resisted that. I found distractions.
00:09:07
Matthew
And the problem with distractions is not only do they fail to make the pain go away, but some of those distractions are bad for you.
00:09:19
Matthew
And then you feel bad about those things. So then you need to be distracted from those things. So it becomes this vicious cycle where it's like, oh, I you tried to stop doing this. I tried to to stop doing that. And I failed when I feel worse about myself. And so it becomes this self-destructive cycle.
00:09:37
Matthew
And then I remember there'd be times like I would get so frustrated That I would I would almost it was almost like when I was a young man It was almost like I'd go into a self-destruct mode. I just reached point like I just don't I don't give an F I did Mmm, whatever I'm just gonna go and those were the most dangerous times for me to be alone or around other people because I would go and make stupid choices and And it was So on this side of it, I can see it now. What I didn't see at the time was that it was it very self-serving i didn't I didn't care about anything else. I didn't care about anyone else. And I think when when you're in that moment, whether you're you eating to self-medicate, or masturbating to self-medicate, or looking at porn,
00:10:27
Matthew
Heck, sometimes you just binge watching it, like whatever it is, whatever this thing, it it becomes this idol. And it gets your focus, it gets your devotion. And you're not, you know, you're loving that. You're not loving the things that God wants you to love. And the irony of that is that you are one of the things God wants you to love, right? So you're working against his love for you. You're working against it. You're working, it's this whole like, it's the, you're not going to fight your battle alone. You're going to pick someone to fight the battle with you. You're either going to pick God or you're going to pick Satan.
00:10:59
Matthew
And so it's either you and Satan versus Satan, let's see who wins, or you and God versus Satan, let's see who wins, right? You never fight it alone. And so that's, yeah, that was what made it worse and worse, and how I went from, oh, I'll never be over 250 pounds, oh, I'll never be over 300 pounds, or, oh, I'll never be over, you keep making these little promises to yourself.
00:11:24
Matthew
and then you keep breaking them and then it's hopeless and so then you do you well but i can be good at this and i'm just gonna let that go um and even and you you didn't believe for me i said i can see you i for me personally i got into this
00:11:27
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:11:40
Matthew
state of self-delusion where I think I didn't want to admit that it was as bad as it was. I can literally look at pictures of myself from then. I look at a picture of myself from 2008, 2009, and I'm just like, that's what I looked like, because I didn't think I looked like that.
00:12:02
Matthew
I was that disconnected. knew I was heavy, but I thought I looked like I did when I graduated high school. When I graduated high school, I was 250 pounds.
00:12:13
Matthew
I was big for a high schooler. It's a crazy thing. I was bigger than I am today, a bit, but at the time,
00:12:20
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:12:21
Matthew
Yeah, so that's what I thought fat Matthew looked like, right? And you just don't think of it as doing anything wrong, like not taking care of myself, not being a good steward of this gift. And then that all the self-medicating stuff, because it does serve a purpose, right? It stops the pain. And so you just,
00:12:41
Matthew
When you're in it, you think about it, you feel bad about it. And then when you're not doing it, you compartmentalize it, like, oh, this isn't a part of my life right now, so it's fine. Yep, God hates my sin, so do I, it's fine. yeah yeah We're on the same team.
00:12:58
Matthew
and
00:12:59
Ken Freire
Yeah. And what's fascinating about all that is that, like, as I listen to it, how you were in a place where with the distractions, you talk about that vicious cycle, you needed a deeper and bigger distraction.
00:13:11
Matthew
Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:13:15
Ken Freire
Right?
00:13:15
Matthew
Oh yeah.
00:13:15
Ken Freire
Because, like, the first one, the level one didn't work after a while, so you needed something wrong. And that fascinating is how you said it, like, you were in this delusional phase. of life.
00:13:26
Ken Freire
How did you all of a sudden just like one day wake up and be like, I need to change.
00:13:31
Matthew
I wish, I wish I could say that I just had this incredible moment where I was like, that's it.
00:13:31
Ken Freire
This is too much.
00:13:39
Matthew
Enough is enough. I'm drawing a line in the sand um um on this day, October 26th of 2020. I did that a hundred times where I would say, like would promise myself,
00:13:55
Matthew
this was it, I'm done, I'm gonna change this, or this is it, I'm done, I'm gonna change that. I hit this more with, because it's funny, because gluttony is a sin, but it's not one we talk about. So I didn't feel much guilt on that front. But of course, having, I mean, when you use pornography to masturbate,
00:14:18
Matthew
you have an orgasm and it's not a satisfying orgasm it's not a holy orgasm it's the oh bleep what did I do orgasm which isn't what it's supposed to be right like I created this to be this wonderful thing that is this you know consummation of this this incredible relationship that he's anointed and instead it's you running away from your problems and when you stop running, they're still right there. so it's it's not satisfying, right? So I would i to say that that that I planted that flag and that was it. But every time I planted that flag, it didn't work. It constantly didn't work. then I got more upset with myself because then I failed and I have to scribble out the datum
00:15:05
Matthew
whatever I wrote it on or whether I put it on my wall or told my accountability friends or whatever thing I was trying. But it actually took, it was weird because it actually took two things had to go sort of right at the same time.
Community and Church: The Support System
00:15:25
Matthew
on the fitness front, it was actually my best friend Shane, who you who you know, you've met Shane, he he was, you know, me well. Yeah.
00:15:35
Matthew
Yeah, yeah.
00:15:35
Ken Freire
Great guy.
00:15:35
Matthew
And he, so he
00:15:36
Ken Freire
We worked together for a little bit.
00:15:39
Matthew
went on a fitness journey first. And this was the guy who, I mean, he was of the bigger guys I knew. And was someone who like, if I was frustrated, like I would sit and eat a crap ton of ice cream and he could keep up with me. You know, like, it's great life choices. And I watched him radically change.
00:16:03
Matthew
I mean, radically change, reverse his diabetes, go from a very pear-shaped physique to like, he took this one picture of himself where I was like, dude, you look like a freaking superhero. Like, it was cool. And what that created for me was belief because suddenly there was evidence. And I think this is something we're desperate for in all of this because we've,
00:16:29
Matthew
As the church, like we're starting to address this. like knows In these things, there's always this requirement where you have to bad-mouth the church. We forget that the church is A, Christ's bride, and B, literally us.
00:16:39
Matthew
So whatever effort we're doing is what the church is doing. We're like, no, the church isn't talking about this at
00:16:43
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:16:44
Matthew
Yeah. Hi. Hi. Welcome to church. Yeah, we are. ah ah But we've not always done a good job. like We talk about the negative. We talk about the problem. We don't have a lot of people talking about how not only is it not okay to look at porn or to have an addiction to porn and porn assisted masturbation and all this stuff, but you don't have to do it. You can actually be free. Success is actually possible.
00:17:13
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:17:14
Matthew
And so seeing him change, it might actually be possible. And at the same time, I had reached that point and is is what you had kind of alluded to earlier, where everything that I was doing on the sexual sin side of my life was one upping.
00:17:39
Matthew
And so i I had gone from just the casually looking at pictures to the going in online messaging boards. and And it reached the point now where I found myself sending messages to the same person. And that, for me, was a red flag. Because I'm like, I'm about to cheat on my wife if I don't stop this.
00:18:03
Matthew
actually went to Shane and told him, I'm having a hard time with this. And he's like, well, obviously you have to freaking stop. and and And I just told myself, I was like, all right, I'm just not gonna message this person anymore. It's gonna be fine. That's it. I drew a line, done. And a week later, I messaged that person. And I got scared.
00:18:30
Matthew
And it's funny because it it be really easy to be like, oh, it was really brave. you You stepped up and said, hey, this is a problem I need help. No, I've watched enough people in Christian service, in Christian leadership, and in in in in businesses who who stand out and say, hey, I'm a follower of Jesus. How much enough of them hide their sin because of their pride and go down hard. We've all seen it. And I was like, man, if this keeps going this direction, that's going to be me. I am going to end up there. And if I don't suddenly take this way more seriously than I am,
00:19:13
Matthew
I am going to lose everything, hurt a lot of people, do more to hurt the credibility of the gospel than I've ever done for the glory of God, which is literally the reason I exist. And so I took a very... i i Some actually accused me of overreacting, and it was only out of the belief that I couldn't afford to underreact, and there was no way to really know where the line was.
00:19:41
Matthew
So I brought it to my wife. I brought it to the family and ministries leadership at my church. I brought it to where I was working at the time because I was serving in a Christian organization at the time. And I joined a men's group at my church.
00:20:03
Matthew
where we were talking about these things. And so it almost coincidentally happened that I started focusing on my health and fitness and purity at the same time.
00:20:17
Matthew
which i I know like the grace of God in the craziest way because what I didn't know then and of course I very much get now is how deeply connected these things really are and and that
00:20:19
Ken Freire
12.
00:20:32
Matthew
Yeah, like I said, I had no idea, right? So it wasn't that I suddenly figured it out or thankfully it wasn't that I like went and had an affair and you know, it was losing everything and had to hit rock bottom. But I reached a point where it became clear that I wasn't, that magic day wasn't gonna happen. I wasn't just suddenly gonna be grown up enough that I didn't,
00:20:56
Matthew
deal with lust anymore. I wasn't just suddenly going to be like, you know, that thing that a young man I thought would go away when my libido calmed down or when I got married. and thing that we get wrong in that is we think that our need that we're trying to meet is sex.
00:21:06
Ken Freire
Okay. Okay.
00:21:11
Matthew
We think it's just this biological desire. And that's not what we're trying to meet, right? The need we really have to meet is healing and redeeming this pain, there things that we've been running from, right? Things that can only be dealt with, obviously, in partnership with Jesus Christ, with the Holy Spirit. It's going through it. forgiving people who genuinely hurt us, whether they deserve it or not, because that's not what forgiveness is about, right? Forgiving ourselves and recognizing that our sin is bad, but we are not. At creation, God did not say, you know, it's very good. And then like, oh, but it's going to sin badly and not be worth it. Wipe it off from the earth. I mean, he came close with the flood, but he spared us, right? So
00:21:59
Matthew
to just throw humanity out with sin is to pass a harsher judgment than the one God himself is passing, right? And so it was crazy that, and I'm so thankful really, that I ended up trying to confront these two things together. And if you'd asked me to plan it that way at the time, I actually would have thought it was a bad idea.
00:22:24
Matthew
because I would have thought that I was overextending myself trying to dramatically change these two. What in my delusional mind was completely separate issues, right? Like, why would I try to, you know, like, I'm not gonna go a language and go fix my car at the same time. Like, why would I try to do, you know, they're just not related things.
00:22:47
Matthew
But self-discipline, taking care of our bodies, caring about ourselves as people, and how we then interact with everyone else, how we deal it with ourselves spiritually, physically, inside and out, that there's no duality.
00:23:05
Matthew
There's no, like we try to compartmentalize
00:23:06
Ken Freire
It was all interconnected.
00:23:08
Matthew
Absolutely. The compartments don't work. The compartments, you know what it is. You know those crappy box shelves that you get from IKEA that have the square?
00:23:18
Matthew
You think you're putting all these things in this, but there's no back. There's no back.
00:23:21
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:23:22
Matthew
So all just gets pushed through. It all ends up on a pile behind the stupid shelf.
00:23:24
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:23:26
Matthew
yeah yeah That's life.
00:23:28
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:23:28
Matthew
like like Absolutely.
00:23:29
Ken Freire
On the top of the baseboard. It's just so annoying.
00:23:31
Matthew
Absolutely. And if you don't deal with them, you can start on fire. So hooray for you. Yeah.
00:23:36
Ken Freire
Exactly. So Matthew, as you think about this, I have an observation, and I think this is maybe what you're talking
Facing Reality and Spiritual Awakening
00:23:44
Ken Freire
about, right? When you when think about scripture, like in Romans 1, it talks about like almost leaving you to a depraved mind. Like, I'm going to let you be in this delusion that you were just like, I'm going to keep falling. But then God, in his grace and mercy, you kind of had like a Paul experience where he started to rip the scales out, and you started to see how deeply these things were integrated and how deeply like you have all these sins that have been committed to you and sins that you've committed and all this hurt and pain.
00:24:14
Ken Freire
And now these scales are open and you're like, that's a lot of stuff I got to deal with.
00:24:16
Matthew
Yeah, yeah So I was again, I was fortunate in in the the fitness
00:24:19
Ken Freire
How did you start to overcome that?
00:24:26
Matthew
program that I did. One of the, so I have my coach, Scanlon Carmelo Quinn, brilliant woman, loves the Lord. about She had a similar fitness journey where she used to be morbidly obese, lost a ton of weight, has kept it off for years and she's actually since devoted herself to, like, that's the work she does. She helps other people transform their lives as well. And so she had launched a ah YouTube show, actually, to help support it called The Biggest Transformation. And Shane had been on it, season one, because they knew each other. They had worked together years ago. He actually worked for her once upon a time. And so I was in season two. And what's interesting,
00:25:12
Matthew
was that in that, had a time where we literally made a list of all the mean things or bad things that people had said or done to us about our weight. And then we went through and and actually like out loud, we forgave these people. And i it was clear that there's a lot of unforgiveness that I haven't done within my life.
00:25:36
Matthew
And at the same time, being in that guy's group, kept carrying out, like I'm watching, and I felt really spoiled, almost guilty, because so many of the guys that were in that group were in that group because their marriages had fallen apart. They had gone too far, too long. The very thing that I was afraid of was their story. And so as they're sharing their things, as they're talking about that, I'm just like,
00:26:04
Matthew
Yeah, short of me repenting and forgiving those, very short of me forgiving those who've harmed me and repenting and asking for forgiveness of what I've done, done, um he'll absolutely let me, he loves me too much to not let me hit bottom. This will get worse. And if I don't start treating my body better, I'm going to pay for it with my health or my life. And if I don't start,
00:26:31
Matthew
treating my heart Better matter I don't be like my physical heart. I mean like my my spiritual like my heart Because when you're when you Yeah, you're wrong.
00:26:42
Matthew
Yeah, absolutely.
00:26:42
Ken Freire
And for you, it was both actually, right?
00:26:43
Matthew
Absolutely my my resting heart rate
00:26:44
Ken Freire
You had to do both.
00:26:47
Matthew
This is funny now. at the time I laughed about it, and the fact that I laughed about it then is actually sad. I was at my least heavy, or at least heavy, am my least healthy, I bought a Fitbit.
00:27:00
Matthew
The thing is, you know, it's some novelty. I'm neurodivergent as the day is long. So I know that if I can inject novelty into something, I can use that for motivation. And so I was like, I bought a Fitbit and I was sitting, this and this is when I was working at the university, I'm doing, you know, doing IT. I'm sitting there the watch buzzes. Great job, four hours of exercise.
00:27:24
Matthew
And I look, and sure enough, my heart rate, my resting heart rate was so stinking high that it thought I was exercising. And was joking like, so I knew I had to do something right away, so I stopped wearing a Fitbit.
00:27:35
Ken Freire
Wow.
00:27:38
Matthew
And they're like, it's funny now. And it was funny then, but it was also really sad because it was true. That's what I actually did. I turned off that feature. any even put in the work and taking off the stupid watch. I turned off the feature and that was it. That was my transformative response to like, because I didn't i want to deal with it. And then I went back to work. I did my work. I went home. I you hid.
00:28:07
Matthew
look at porn and then because I hated myself I was less kind to the other people that I also love, right? Because so much of our ability and our capacity to love comes out of our understanding of God's love for us and us learning to love ourselves through understanding how he loves us and then we're able to better love others. And so last thing was here is this woman who God has given me whom I love so much and I wasn't nice to her. Like I couldn't just be a decent person and be kind
00:28:42
Matthew
And so, yeah, it was ugly, right? I don't know if I actually answered your question. I sort of storied off of it.
The Consequences of Ignorance and Self-Destruction
00:28:52
Matthew
Yeah, you you you end up where God will let you go far enough to the bad.
00:28:53
Ken Freire
No, no, it's okay.
00:28:58
Matthew
And that was seriously because you watched some friends who would then, like they'd go through on similar journeys. But then they would choose to turn their backs on God or they would choose to like, you know, one way to deal with the pain is to pretend that the things you're doing to deal with the pain are good and okay and endorse them.
00:29:10
Ken Freire
Yep.
00:29:15
Matthew
And, know, it's this whole, we're going to lean into sexual sin. and it's that difference between guilt and shame, right? people get into the semantics and they play with the words back and forth and whatever, right? But it's like that bad feeling, call it whatever you want, that you have when you sit, right? It's similar to when you touch something that's too hot, like the stove or the grill, and it burns, right? You're supposed to feel that pain.
00:29:44
Matthew
But you're only supposed to feel that pain so that you take your hand off off heat, right? You're supposed to feel that pain so you can change direction and stop hurting yourself. You're not supposed to sit there and hold your hand on the grill and be like, man, the grill is so hot. I can't believe I'm touching the grill. What is wrong with me?
00:30:01
Matthew
i i They do.
00:30:03
Ken Freire
And then some people throw their whole body into it.
00:30:03
Matthew
They really, we really do. And, and the thing that I'm, I'm most flabbergous and grateful for is I look at like my friends who've fallen into this, I'm no smarter than them.
00:30:15
Matthew
I'm no, like, I, I'm not, I'm, but for, but for God, but for grace go I, like, I, I don't.
00:30:24
Matthew
I don't know, almost am like, I don't know why I got spared when others didn't, it's like to that extreme, right? I will say this, if God puts it in front of someone, the reality of this, the opportunity to choose, they can choose, right?
00:30:42
Matthew
It's a beautiful thing. And that's I found myself with a ah ah community that was able to support me in both decisions, when I didn't feel like making those decisions. Because on the fitness journey you and on the repentance journey, like it sucks that that's a journey. right Repent literally means turn and go the other way it should be a one and done but for both of them there were definitely times when i didn't want like like my desire was contrary to my greater desire right there's the you know my greater desire i want to be someone who doesn't stand i want to be someone who takes care of myself
00:31:25
Matthew
But in the moment in frustration, you know, you've, you've worn this neural pathway, you know, this familiar road. And you're just like, I'm just, I'm going to go back to that. I mean, it's, it's the dog returning to their vomit, right?
00:31:36
Matthew
Like, whoa.
00:31:38
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:31:39
Matthew
but yeah, so, yeah.
00:31:45
Ken Freire
So, Matthew, you as you think about that, you had a lot of
00:31:49
Matthew
I'm just moving.
00:31:50
Ken Freire
the journey was slow, right? Where for you of like slowly turning, and I think that's for a lot of us, especially when there's like addiction involved or a lot of coping mechanisms, it took a while.
00:31:57
Matthew
Mm-hmm.
00:32:01
Ken Freire
Speak to those who might be in that phase right now where they're just like, I'm actually dealing with a lot of shame.
00:32:06
Matthew
Yeah.
00:32:09
Ken Freire
I know I'm overweight. I know I'm struggling with porn.
00:32:12
Matthew
Yeah.
00:32:13
Ken Freire
And I'm kind of in that delusion. How would you speak to them to kind of wake up a little bit so that they can start that journey of
00:32:20
Matthew
Right. that's a great That's a great question.
00:32:25
Matthew
I would start by, and I would not start inspirational. I would start by saying plainly, this is not going to fix itself. And you will at some point pay for this. There will be a consequence. It will come. You will have to either turn it around or live with the break that comes from it.
00:32:52
Matthew
But the good news is that you can and many have before you. The enemy wants to isolate you, make you think that you can't do it. Your problem is somehow special. Your sin is somehow special. know, we're in the culture where we're all so freaking special. The good news is you're not special.
00:33:12
Matthew
Like you there is nothing that you are facing that God doesn't understand. There is nothing that you are facing that your other brothers in Christ haven't faced. There is nothing before you that is unique to you and cannot be overcome. And on the other side of this,
00:33:34
Matthew
is the identity that Christ made for you and has for you. And that is you as his pure and smallest bride.
00:33:46
Ken Freire
Dude, that's so good. Just to think about the complete transformation of like, I love how you're talking about like, let's face reality. This is where you're at. Like, let's not in delusion.
00:33:58
Ken Freire
But at the same time, when you do that, on the other side, God's grace is not just like, hey, I forgive you.
00:34:04
Matthew
Right.
00:34:04
Ken Freire
He's also like, I've made you completely new. You're the bride of Christ. You are a child of God. You are a royal priesthood, right? Like all those things are true.
00:34:12
Matthew
Right.
00:34:15
Ken Freire
And they only come if you get out of the delusion and face reality and come to God.
00:34:16
Matthew
Yeah, let's be clear. God, God really likes you. Like the Like the the enemy will get us into this weird spot where we actually think that God likes us because he has to like us.
00:34:28
Matthew
Well, he made us, he made all the great, he's obligated. No, he genuinely likes you. And like wrapping your head around that is a big deal because ultimately like it it is, it it it can be slow, it can be a grind, but there is a moment And I wish, and I don't have a date for it because whenever I tried to put dates on them, it didn't work. Because those dates are when, date asks the question, when did I stop doing this? When did I stop doing that? When did I stop being a fat guy that just eats all the things? When did I stop looking at porn? When did I stop, you know, using masturbation as an escape? When did I stop like all this stuff? No, no, no, no, no. We step into an identity.
00:35:19
Matthew
And we let that identity, who who does God say you are? And who do you say you are? I reached the point where I just, where I don't do that anymore.
00:35:29
Matthew
Like that became my line. That became my like, I don't i do that anymore. That's not who God made me. And God, right, right.
00:35:38
Ken Freire
And that's not who you are.
00:35:39
Matthew
And as that becomes your identity, like even like now, it's funny because in the last, you mentioned, i'm living abroad now.
Embracing Identity in Christ for Freedom
00:35:45
Matthew
And as I've moved here, I'm still figuring out routines and everything. The food is different. Exercise is different. I don't have my little home gym and all my weights and all that. And it's challenging because As you live and walk out that identity, the things you say about yourself, you prove to yourself, it becomes this social proof to yourself that it's true, right? I'm a person who works out. I am a person who makes choices that are healthy when I eat. That doesn't mean that I never eat unhealthy things, but I don't eat to harm my body.
00:36:18
Matthew
I don't eat to, if I eat something, if I eat ice cream, I eat it because it tastes good and I like ice cream, not because it's going to make me stop feeling something. And there's no context in which looking at porn can be a healthy thing.
00:36:37
Matthew
Right? And I find, well, what I do? Well, I sleep at night, or at least try to. I have a feeling or a concern or something, I give voice to it. I don't try to convince my wife that I'm some perfect person, that she already knows I'm not. I don't...
00:37:00
Matthew
try to be better looking than I am. there's freedom that comes in that, right? Like I'm a person whom God loves who doesn't look at porn.
00:37:14
Matthew
So I don't look at porn, because that's not who I am. That's not what I do. And when you step into identity in any of these things, that's when you really experience freedom.
00:37:21
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:37:25
Matthew
Because then to do these things just goes against who you are.
00:37:30
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:37:30
Matthew
And the enemy's gonna attack your identity regardless. it doesn't, like, like either side of it, like it's like the, yeah, you know, you do too much, you do too little, all the, yeah, you can't, no, you just, you step into who God says you are and just, you put that on and you and walk in that.
00:37:33
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:37:35
Ken Freire
All the time.
00:37:48
Ken Freire
Yeah. And I found that that's a daily thing that I always have to do.
00:37:49
Matthew
Absolutely.
00:37:51
Ken Freire
And sometimes moment by moment, after a meeting, I'm like, I wanted to dropkick that person, but that's not who I am. So, you know, like just a reminder, Matthew, go, go.
00:37:59
Matthew
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:38:04
Ken Freire
I was going to say, as we wrap up here, there are people who are going to listen to this and there are there guys who are like, I know I want to get there.
00:38:14
Ken Freire
I know I want to be where you're at. I know I'm struggling. But I need that support system. I don't have that support system. What's maybe the best way to reach out to you maybe just to get some encouragement and kind of guide you to something?
00:38:26
Matthew
Sure, sure.
00:38:28
Ken Freire
Or what's a good program that you know that they could join in and start getting help?
00:38:29
Matthew
Yeah, yeah, so there are definitely a slew of programs out there. and different things. As far as reaching out to me goes, any social media channel is fine. They're all kind of the same. They all vent into the same thing, shoot me a message. I'm always happy to talk. If you're in the United States, I'm in a very different time zone, so I will respond when I can. You're probably messaging me while I sleep. But but yeah, yeah. real Matthew Wyatt or Matthew Wyatt on any social is probably me looks like this but with slightly better hair because it's very very photoshopped um um but uh that as far as like really stepping out I would look at whether or not your church has like a pure desire group are quite good
00:39:19
Matthew
You've got to look at kind of your own do your own check as far as what you're comfortable with some of the groups can be very This is who we are and this is who will always be and that can be good for a season but discouraging long term Beyond that it's it's really finding other like godly men godly brothers that you can walk alongside you've already taken a great first step in that even just in the fact that you're you're watching this and you've gotten this far in this because that means that you're you're taking it seriously. You're investing some time here. I know and I you spoilers whatever but I know there's whispers of a possible community that could
00:40:04
Matthew
exist in this space, that would be a great resource. And there are, you know, if you go, again, I like Pure Desire as a ministry, they do all these, I don't, I don't love absolutely everything about their approach, but I love their heart. and They've seen a lot of men free, is a beautiful thing. And there are groups on there. There's, I'm sure I'm right, who does the, the courageous, is it called courageous? I'm trying to remember the name of the program.
00:40:31
Matthew
Yeah, I feel like they've renamed it.
00:40:32
Ken Freire
It used to be called courageous. I'm trying to remember.
00:40:35
Matthew
the Yeah, and there's a whole video series that goes with it that can be done as a smaller rotor and it's
00:40:36
Ken Freire
They did. It's the conquer series.
00:40:42
Matthew
It's a little heavy-handed, but it's there's truth in it, and it's done by men who love God and are walking in freedom, and you can't argue with the fruit. I like them a lot just because I know people, they've helped. The basic is keep it in front of you, be intentional.
00:41:02
Matthew
Yeah, it doesn't have to be your life. The freedom is your life, Jesus your life. And that's the thing is that eventually you're able to actually take your eyes off all of this and put them on Jesus. And that's the real deal, right?
00:41:13
Matthew
Like that's the real thing. You get all these little ministries and programs that are so obsessed with what they're doing that they're not, it feels like they're not looking at Jesus.
00:41:18
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:41:23
Matthew
Look at Jesus.
00:41:28
Ken Freire
Yeah, 100%. And that's one of the things I'm always trying to tell guys when I've helped them overcome pornography is like, hey, obviously there's this current situation, but like the ultimate goal is that you are looking to Jesus, seeing how he made you, seeing how he loves you, and out of the overflow of that, you go live out your God-given purpose.
00:41:45
Matthew
Yes. That's awesome. I love that.
00:41:49
Ken Freire
And if you're doing that, man, God's going to do those things. And like you said, there might be a membership or something like
00:41:53
Matthew
Yeah.
00:41:54
Ken Freire
We'll see what happens. But are the things that we are shooting for and it in such a way that it's shameless, where you can walk in a place where there's freedom and joy.
00:41:59
Matthew
Right. Yeah.
00:42:17
Ken Freire
this is why I started the podcast, because I was like, I want to get people like you who are like, here's my story. Because there's a lot of people who are overweight and obese, like, especially in America.
00:42:25
Matthew
Yeah.
00:42:26
Ken Freire
It's a big deal. Right. So imagine what could happen if people hear your story and be like, I love it what you said what Shane did.
00:42:32
Matthew
Yeah.
00:42:33
Ken Freire
He brought you belief. He gave you belief like it is possible. And for those of you who are listening, I want you to know it's a hundred percent possible for you to see the healing and the transformation both in your weight journey and in your your lust journey, right?
00:42:39
Matthew
Absolutely.
00:42:50
Ken Freire
Like both of those can happen.
00:42:53
Ken Freire
And that's what we're both excited for. Matthew, the last 20 seconds, what would be one thing that you just want to want people to walk away with?
00:43:00
Matthew
Don't do this alone, but do do it. You are worth doing this.
00:43:07
Ken Freire
Dude, so good. Matthew, thank you so much, man, for being on the podcast.
00:43:10
Matthew
Thank you.
00:43:13
Ken Freire
And thank you for what you're doing overseas. I know that that's going to be a huge work.
00:43:17
Ken Freire
You know, I'm praying for you. My family's praying for you. And I look forward to the next time we get to hang out.
00:43:19
Matthew
Love it. Love it. Thank you so much.
00:43:23
Ken Freire
All right. Gentlemen, for those of you who are listening, thank you for being... watching this podcast. ah Remember, every single time I tell you this, the reason for this podcast is to kill shame, stand strong, and be on mission. We'll be back next week. Hope you guys have a great day and God bless.