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From Quick Fixes to True Fulfillment: Finding Purpose Beyond the Moment w/ Ian Simkins
140 Plays1 year ago
Guest: Ian Simkins, Lead Pastor at The Bridge Church
In this episode of the Shame(less) podcast, host Ken Freire is joined by Ian Simkins to dive deep into the journey from distraction to purpose, especially as it relates to struggles like pornography and lust. Ian draws from his wealth of pastoral experience to unpack why so many men, even within the church, struggle with distraction and sin. Together, they explore how a lack of purpose leads to these struggles and how embracing God-given purpose can break the cycle.
Key Topics Discussed:
- Why men often use distractions like pornography to fill the void of purpose.
- How presence and intimacy with God fuel a meaningful life and strengthen against sin.
- The importance of embracing the mundane and living intentionally in the "sacred ordinary."
- Practical steps for breaking free from distraction and cultivating intimacy with God.
- Why community and accountability are essential for overcoming shame and living with purpose.
Ian also shares wisdom from scripture, including how living as “beloved sons of God” reframes everything, from our ambitions to our daily actions. Whether you’re looking to overcome shame, break free from distractions, or discover a deeper purpose, this episode offers spiritual insights and actionable steps to help you stand strong and live on mission.
Resources Mentioned:
- The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence
- Fighting Shadows by Jeff Bethke and Jon Tyson
Connect with Ian Simkins:
- Website: iansimkins.com
- Instagram: @iansimkins
- The Bridge Church: bridge.tv
Connect with Ken Freire:
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/kenfreire
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/kenneth.freire
- Tik Tok - https://www.tiktok.com/@kenfreire
- X - https://x.com/KenFreire
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:30
Ken Freire
Everybody, welcome back to the Shameless Podcast. Today, I have with me lead pastor of the Bridge Church here in Spring Hill, Tennessee, Ian Simkins, and he's been a lead pastor since 2010.
Finding Purpose and Overcoming Distractions
00:00:44
Ken Freire
So, Ian, you have ah ah massive amounts of experience with men. Thank you for for coming on the podcast.
00:00:51
Admiral Soggybottoms
Of course, man. I'm honored to be invited. Thanks for having me.
00:00:53
Ken Freire
Yeah. Well, today we're having a fantastic conversation and the topic that we're going to talk about is helping men find their God-given purpose as a means to overcome their distractions and their sins. And specifically this sin of pornography that we talk about in last. My first question to you, actually before we get to do a massive deep dive is tell us something fun about yourself that most people wouldn't know if they just met you on the street.
Unicycle Family Fun
00:01:20
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sure, I mean, ah I'm the oldest of seven kids outside of Detroit, Michigan, but something that I learned early on is that all of my uncles rode the unicycle.
00:01:30
Ken Freire
Oh!
00:01:30
Admiral Soggybottoms
And so they taught most all of us and I have a ton of cousins. So there's probably realistically maybe 25 of us on my mom's side of the family that can ride the unicycle. And every year for our family reunion, we would gather and we'd play unicycle hockey together. And that is usually, that's not a story that I can usually weave in naturally in conversation. And I think people might be surprised to learn that.
00:01:58
Ken Freire
Okay, so if I ever see someone randomly driving a unicycle or riding a unicycle here in Spring Hill, I'll just assume it's you.
00:02:05
Admiral Soggybottoms
the the The chances are really good that it's me, absolutely.
00:02:09
Ken Freire
How often do you get a chance to to ride your unicycle?
00:02:11
Admiral Soggybottoms
Bro, I haven't ridden so long. I know where it is. My brother and I, we used to ride around town like it was our bicycle. We just found so much joy in seeing people's dumbfounded reactions.
00:02:20
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:02:25
Admiral Soggybottoms
But it's not super practical. It's really uncomfortable. You can only do it for so long. So I don't even know. It's been a long time since I've ridden it.
00:02:35
Ken Freire
Yeah, and I'm sure it's kind of like riding a bicycle that you can get it on it pretty quickly and it's just like muscle memory.
00:02:42
Admiral Soggybottoms
Boy, maybe I'm too nervous to try, to be honest. way that my uncle taught me, he's like, you basically just fall forward the whole time and then pedal to catch up with yourself. And I'm like, that's a pretty terrifying proposition, which maybe would explain why a lot of people don't do it.
00:02:58
Ken Freire
Yeah, you know, as soon as you said that, my heart just started racing because I was like, I'm going to face plant and eat it the whole time.
00:03:02
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah, right.
00:03:06
Admiral Soggybottoms
Well, that's why unicycle hockey thing was so unwise because the unicycles are already kind of treacherous, and then you give everyone a long wooden stick. Like a stick in a spoke of unicycle means there's bodies flying everywhere.
00:03:20
Admiral Soggybottoms
Someone was always getting a bloody nose or dislocating their arm or whatever, and we thought we was amazing.
00:03:26
Ken Freire
Yeah, you're like, this is the best thing ever.
00:03:28
Admiral Soggybottoms
Of course, of course.
00:03:28
Ken Freire
Uh, you should bring it back the next family reunion. Exactly.
00:03:32
Admiral Soggybottoms
I'll work on it. I'll get unicycle ready.
Intentional Living vs. Distraction
00:03:36
Ken Freire
Uh, okay. Well, that is not the conversation we're having today, but that was a fun one. You're going to have to weave it into a sermon at some point.
00:03:43
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sure.
00:03:43
Admiral Soggybottoms
I'll work on it.
00:03:45
Ken Freire
But we're going to talk about helping men find their God-given purpose.
00:03:48
Ken Freire
And I think that the biggest thing in your experience now, why do you think that this is such a pervasive struggle amongst men, even within the church?
00:03:48
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:03:59
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm. Yeah, I think the idea of purpose has certainly gotten co-opted by a lot of other parodies. And I think part of what, in my limited experience, I think when we lack purpose, we distract with pleasure. And not that I think, you know, I'm not a masochist, I don't think pleasure is wrong, but I do think when when we don't have some kind of vision for our lives and who we are in Christ and what that actually means as, you know, a husband or a father, if you are one,
00:04:29
Admiral Soggybottoms
I think without that, it's an old analogy, but you the boiling of a frog, it's just that slow cranking up of the heat that you don't really realize until you've blinked in 20 years have passed. You're like, oh, I haven't actually, I haven't chased after anything. I haven't fought for anything. And that's always, to me, that needs to be held in tension because There are very few times in the New Testament that it says that we are to be ambitious. And the couple of times that it does, it says things like make it your ambition to live a quiet life. So that that kind of instruction does sort of fly the face sometimes of our like,
00:05:05
Admiral Soggybottoms
Reach for the stars, change the world. So that's not what I mean when I mean my purpose. I think sometimes we hold up like the inventors of great technology or the cures of great diseases or whatever. I think purpose has a lot more to do with living life intentionally. Like who was mine to love and care for in Shepherd and to do that with intention?
00:05:27
Admiral Soggybottoms
Like Annie Dillard says, how we live our days is how we live our lives. I think a lot of men in particular sometimes desire big, grand, romantic or heroic acts, but we fail in the like subtle, mundane, like the easily overlooked stuff.
00:05:45
Admiral Soggybottoms
You know, my buddy's got a ah sign over his kitchen sink and it says, everyone wants a revolution.
00:05:47
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:05:49
Admiral Soggybottoms
No one wants to do the dishes. I find men in particular struggle in that space. Like we all kind of, at some point we'll fantasize about doing something remarkable, but we're maybe missing like the quiet patient mundane common ways that that God has right before us to live out our purpose.
00:05:54
Ken Freire
Oh.
00:06:05
Admiral Soggybottoms
You know, I think it's, I think it's catcher in the rye. JD Salinger says, the mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, but the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.
00:06:21
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:06:22
Admiral Soggybottoms
I think there's a lot of wisdom in that, particularly when it comes to like unpacking and engaging with our our purpose. Uh, I think it often looks much more mundane than we realize.
00:06:31
Ken Freire
Yeah. It's interesting. I had a friend who used to tell me, lot of us men, we have that heroic instinct inside of us that we want to die for something great, but we're not willing to die daily.
00:06:40
Admiral Soggybottoms
Right. Hmm, totally.
00:06:44
Ken Freire
you know, like die daily to our struggles, die daily to our sin, but at the same time, like die daily to the distractions that we have so that we could actually focus on the purposeful thing. I love how you said it, like intentionality to loving one another and the people around us.
00:06:55
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah, totally.
00:06:58
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I think that that that is part, we've seen examples of this. I actually just read this in a book yesterday, where there's a story of somebody who actually ended up doing something really heroic. But six days prior, it sent an email to a friend of his that was kind of despondent. Like, I guess I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to do anything heroic.
00:07:18
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:07:18
Admiral Soggybottoms
but the person that was sharing the story saying, but he was a man who lived by code. Like he knew who he, in, in the mundane, in the ordinary. And that's actually what prepared him to step into heroic action. When the moment, ah ah like, I think we imagine that like we'll become heroes when the need arises, but we're actually not like living the kinds of lives formationally that would even make us prepared to step into action or to, you know, whatever the situation would demand. I just, it was such a compelling,
00:07:48
Admiral Soggybottoms
example of a guy who like had, had purpose was actually a little sad that he didn't feel like he was ever going to get a chance to, to display it, to share that, but still lived by this code.
00:08:01
Admiral Soggybottoms
And then less than a week later had this opportunity to, you know, and it cost him his life, but it saved thousands others. Like it was just this really remarkable picture of how backwards I think we sometimes get it, you know?
00:08:07
Ken Freire
Wow.
00:08:12
Ken Freire
Yeah. So talk to us about like guys who they do struggle, right? Cause they're like, I want to live a heroic life, but they hate the mundane and that mundane leads them to distractions and sinful habits.
00:08:27
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sure. That's a big question, man. Um, I think it's a brother Lawrence wrote a book called the practice of the presence of God and his, his kind of aim, his thesis is
00:08:37
Ken Freire
Great book.
00:08:41
Admiral Soggybottoms
You know, the aim of the Christ followers to live in two places at once, the dishes and in the presence of God, driving to work and in the presence of God, you know, doing the gardening and and in the presence of God. And I think we often lack awareness of God's presence even in the mundane. And that's what makes it so unbearable for so many of us is because we're so dopamine addicted. We're such microwave culture. We want things instantly, fast, right away.
00:09:09
Admiral Soggybottoms
In my experience, it's often in the desert seasons that God does his best work. It's like it's in the wilderness that the roots go down deepest. And yet most of us have left our own devices. We want nothing to do with the wilderness or the mundane. We want up to the right and we want exciting and we want fulfillment. And I just think the crucible of formation is actually in the mundane moments of every day.
00:09:35
Admiral Soggybottoms
So it's like the, it's a little cliche, but I like to say that public fruit grows from private formation. If there's anybody that you look to as like a spiritual hero or a Titan or whatever, I guarantee you, whatever publicly, whatever you admire about their public life, there are hours of private things, private decisions that we'll never see or never know.
00:09:58
Admiral Soggybottoms
And yet I feel like we sort of elevate and celebrate the success that but platform or this dollar amount or whatever. And so we try to curse the ordinary in pursuit of that, not realizing like, man, what ultimately got that person there likely was actually a series of very small decisions compounded over 20 years or that formed them into the kind of person, you know, formation is way more crock-pot than microwave.
00:10:23
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:10:24
Admiral Soggybottoms
you can microwave a stew if you want. It's not going to be nearly as good though. And so, you know, we want these faster. I mean, and we fall into it all the time and pastors are not immune. You know, I get emails all the time.
00:10:34
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:10:35
Admiral Soggybottoms
They're like quadruple your church attendance in 48 hours. Like, I don't think it's supposed
Rest and Belovedness in God
00:10:40
Admiral Soggybottoms
to work like that actually. Maybe, maybe sometimes, you but by and large, I think it's, it's much more slow burn.
00:10:43
Ken Freire
yeah
00:10:46
Admiral Soggybottoms
So I think if we can learn to like reclaim the ordinary as sacred space, not just when the endorphins are high or when the song crescendos or at the spiritual retreat. And all those things are good, by the way. Like those are all like physiological. I think that's how we're made by design. But to reclaim the sacred sense of the ordinary, I think has a, I don't know. It's just, it's the question of like, Lord, what are you doing even in this moment?
00:11:16
Admiral Soggybottoms
You know, we tend we assume that like God only moves. It's the story of Elijah, right? there He wasn't in the fire or the wind. He was actually in the still small voice. And that for a lot of men in particular is the thing that I think we're running from.
00:11:29
Admiral Soggybottoms
Any kind of stillness, any kind of silence, any kind of rest of any kind. And yet we're surprised that when we live like that, that we we don't hear from God, you know?
00:11:41
Ken Freire
Yeah. And you know what's crazy is that when when I think about us running away from the still small voice, we think we're going to run to somewhere neutral, but what ends up happening, we run to something more sinful.
00:11:53
Admiral Soggybottoms
That's right.
00:11:53
Ken Freire
most of the time. And you're like, what just happened?
00:11:54
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yes.
00:11:56
Ken Freire
It's because God wanted to speak to us back then, but we got scared.
00:11:56
Admiral Soggybottoms
That's right.
00:12:00
Ken Freire
And, you know, I was just talking to a friend who was like, I hate sitting in quiet time.
00:12:00
Admiral Soggybottoms
That's right.
00:12:07
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sure.
00:12:07
Ken Freire
Like, it's just, it freaks me out.
00:12:09
Ken Freire
They're like, I need to be busy all the time. And I'm like, why? And they're like, oh, it's just like, if I feel like I sit down, I'm not good enough. And I'm like, when are you going to let God actually just speak to you in those moments?
00:12:22
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yes.
00:12:22
Ken Freire
And they were like, I don't think I could do that. I'm like, oh, that's good.
00:12:27
Admiral Soggybottoms
Well, and I think it's even more ontological than that. I think that is, and I can totally relate to that, by the way.
00:12:32
Admiral Soggybottoms
I am not good at sitting still. I'm not good at, I have that same productivity itch. You know, I had a ah mentor years ago that really lovingly pulled me aside one day and he said, Ian, does your pace of life look like that of someone who actually wants to hear from God?
00:12:50
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I, he didn't even need to tell me the answer.
00:12:51
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:12:52
Admiral Soggybottoms
I knew the answer, you know, but he presented it as a question. But part of what I realized is it's not just, cause you can be legalistic about it, you know, like carve out stillness time and you, and sometimes that's necessary.
00:13:00
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:13:04
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sometimes that's even. Good, but if I zoom back even further, and I think Henry Nowan talks about this, he says, one of the greatest things that we can commit our life to is leading from a place of belovedness, that you are the beloved in Christ, even when you accomplish nothing, even when you fall flat on your face.
00:13:19
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:13:20
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I think until we can actually like truly rest in that as our identity, Rest will always feel like stress if busyness is your drug. If that is the thing that you are using to either self-medicate or fulfill some sense of importance, like rest will always feel like stress because you're currently addicted to a completely different posture of life. And until you actually get at why, why am I actually addicted to constant activity, constant noise, constant production? I mean, until you actually unpack the why, you'll, you'll just fill it with a different vice.
00:13:57
Ken Freire
Yeah. You know, back in 2020, a lot of us were going through a little something-something here, right?
00:14:02
Admiral Soggybottoms
Uh-huh. Yeah.
00:14:04
Ken Freire
But I actually got really sick. And what I didn't realize is that I had burnt out like adrenal fatigue. There was a bunch of stuff that ended up happening. And my doctor was like, you need to slow down your life so much that it has to look completely different.
00:14:21
Ken Freire
She's like, you can't get elevated stress. You can't even get super excited. I had to become stoic.
00:14:27
Admiral Soggybottoms
Wow.
00:14:27
Ken Freire
And I'm like, that sounds so weird because I'm very driven,
00:14:30
Ken Freire
I'm going to go 100 miles an hour. I'm doing a ton of stuff. I had a lot of stuff on my plate.
00:14:34
Admiral Soggybottoms
Right. Right.
00:14:34
Ken Freire
And she's like, no, no, you can't even do that. She's like, Ken, you can't even go watch a movie that might spike your adrenaline.
00:14:41
Admiral Soggybottoms
No kidding.
00:14:42
Ken Freire
Yeah, she's like, you just got to go Anna Green Gables. I'm like, I'm going to die of boredom. And going back to purpose, right? I was like, that sounds like the most useless, wasteful, purposeless life I could have ever lived.
00:14:55
Ken Freire
And she's like, but that's because you don't know how to slow down.
00:14:55
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yes.
00:14:59
Admiral Soggybottoms
Right.
00:15:00
Ken Freire
And it it it took eight months for me to all of a sudden realize how much I was burning both ends of the wick.
00:15:03
Admiral Soggybottoms
Mm-hmm.
00:15:06
Ken Freire
And I was like, what have I been doing my whole life that I've just been going nonstop? And I still have those tendencies.
00:15:11
Admiral Soggybottoms
Right.
00:15:12
Ken Freire
I still like, if I'm not mindful, I'm like, oh, let's just keep doing it.
00:15:12
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sure.
00:15:15
Admiral Soggybottoms
Totally.
00:15:16
Ken Freire
So like, I am one of those people that is very ambitious.
00:15:19
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yep, same.
00:15:20
Ken Freire
How do you help men like that who are ambitious and that ambition actually is driving them away from their purpose?
00:15:29
Admiral Soggybottoms
Oh man, great question. I don't think God is anti-ambition, to be honest. I don't think the answer to Toxic ambition is sloth.
00:15:40
Admiral Soggybottoms
I don't think that's the, like you just need to go get a hut on an island and live out your days on the beach.
00:15:41
Ken Freire
up.
00:15:46
Admiral Soggybottoms
I don't think that's the answer. I did have a a friend say, time off won't heal you if the problem is how you spend time on.
00:15:53
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:15:56
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I thought that that was pretty apt because I'm like you where I was actually, I was really good at an early age at like guarding Sabbath. I was pretty militant about it. But i I was killing myself six days out of the week, collapsing for one and then just doing it all over again.
00:16:12
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I had a buddy kind of pull me aside and he's like, hey, I honor you for your commitment to Sabbath, but the rest of your life still feels like chaos. I don't know that that's the point of Sabbath rest.
00:16:21
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:16:23
Admiral Soggybottoms
So I didn't actually address the ambition piece. I just like militantly, legalistically held on to this idea of a 24 hour period of rest. So that didn't fix it the way that I had thought it would. And I realized so much of my ambition was aimed to try to either quiet a voice or counteract a narrative. And I don't know where this comes from, man, maybe you can relate to this. Somewhere along the line of my early adulthood, I bought the lie that I am only as valuable as what I can produce.
00:16:56
Admiral Soggybottoms
Like that just embedded itself so clearly.
00:16:56
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:17:00
Admiral Soggybottoms
And what's ironic is that at the same time, I'm preaching sermons that are against that. And yet internally still believing that if you're not producing, if you're not achieving, if you're not, so, so I needed to surround myself with people who would like speak life and truth back into me.
00:17:18
Admiral Soggybottoms
This wasn't something I was going to think my way out of. I tried that path. You
Community and Accountability
00:17:21
Admiral Soggybottoms
know, like, Oh, I just need to think better thoughts that'll cure this. I like realized, and that was pretty hard for me to admit.
00:17:28
Admiral Soggybottoms
I was like, I don't, I need people more than I realized, like gospel community to speak
00:17:34
Admiral Soggybottoms
the truth of my identity over me when I was pursuing all these other things to try and fulfill it. And that was really, that was harder for me than I thought it would be. I thought I could just sort of come up with my own game plan, implement, and then be healthier. And I don't know, I was just compelled by Like in the New Testament, there's something like 59 one and others, just like there's over and over and over again, these examples, like you were not meant to try and traverse this road on your own.
00:17:54
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:18:02
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I, for so long, just assumed I was the exception. I was like, ah, you maybe need people, but think I got this. I think I, you know, and unfortunately, I'm of those guys that has kind of has to fall flat on his face a few times before I get the message.
00:18:16
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:18:16
Admiral Soggybottoms
I wish I was one of those like, repent early and often, yes, Lord, whatever you say.
00:18:21
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I'm more like, God needs to pin me to the mat before I'm like, ah okay, all right, yeah.
00:18:26
Ken Freire
You over your own foot and then he's like, hey.
00:18:27
Admiral Soggybottoms
I got it.
00:18:28
Ken Freire
yeah
00:18:29
Admiral Soggybottoms
I don't like that about me, but it's just, it's part of how I'm wired, I think. So yeah, inviting people into that struggle was one of the healthiest things I think I've ever done.
00:18:39
Ken Freire
You know, it's interesting that most people that I've ever talked to have never... I don't think... And even myself as we talk about this, I don't know if I've ever talked intentionally with someone about helping me through my performance struggle, right?
00:18:53
Ken Freire
Like in an accountability sense of things. I've had mentors speak into it, I'm looking for rest, but to truly be like, hey guys, I have a performance struggle that I'm like...
00:18:55
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:19:02
Ken Freire
My identity is wrapped in my performance and I need help for Sabbath.
00:19:05
Admiral Soggybottoms
Totally.
00:19:07
Admiral Soggybottoms
Totally. And that's what's kind of dark, to be honest, man, because we live in a time where alcoholics get treatment, but workaholics get applause.
00:19:07
Ken Freire
I don't think I've ever heard that in a small group.
00:19:19
Admiral Soggybottoms
Like there's, that's part of what drove me to it so early on.
00:19:23
Admiral Soggybottoms
I was like, okay, I'm getting a lot of accolades when I put in 13 hour days. And when I say yes to every request and when I, you know what I mean? Like there's a lot of cheerleaders on the road to workaholism and burnout.
00:19:36
Admiral Soggybottoms
And so to ask for accountability for it,
00:19:40
Admiral Soggybottoms
For a lot of people are like, why? That's not a sin. Like why would you ask for accountability about a porn addiction or a substance abuse or whatever, but not performance. And, you know, I think, I think it was rich for Lotus.
00:19:48
Ken Freire
Well.
00:19:50
Admiral Soggybottoms
He said, when he, when he took over for Pete, Pete's gazero in New York, uh, the legend is that Pete said, um, there's one thing you can do that'll get you fired from this job.
00:20:02
Admiral Soggybottoms
And rich was like, what, what is it? And he goes, if you don't take a Sabbath, he talks about how that was not at all what he expected the answer to be. And he says, if you don't commit to taking a regular rhythm of rest, you will not have the depth that you will need to draw from in order to lead a church effectively.
00:20:19
Admiral Soggybottoms
I just thought that was really wise. Like someone bluntly saying, Oh no, I'll fire you for this. If you don't, if you don't prioritize this, uh, you will do harm to yourself and others. And I just, I, I won't, it's the first time I'd ever heard a pastor be that firm on it.
00:20:33
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I think, I think honestly, there's, there's some real wisdom to that.
00:20:37
Ken Freire
Well, i man, I think that our church culture desperately needs that. and you think about just you and I talking about our tendency to hustle, most churches and pastors are burning out, they're stressed out, they're working 50 plus hours a week.
00:20:45
Admiral Soggybottoms
Right.
00:20:49
Admiral Soggybottoms
Right.
00:20:52
Ken Freire
I talk to a lot of pastors and ministry leaders who come to me for my job at full focus.
00:20:55
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm. Yeah.
00:20:59
Ken Freire
And they're just like, I am exhausted. I cannot stop. And I'm like, you need to slow down.
00:21:04
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:21:04
Ken Freire
And they're like, I have no idea how to slow down. And it's this constant hustle culture that our society loves.
00:21:07
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm.
00:21:11
Ken Freire
And it's actually infiltrated our churches and also individuals now because that's what they think performance should look like is hustle. And then I think also with purpose, they think, oh, I need to hustle in order to achieve my purpose.
00:21:24
Admiral Soggybottoms
Totally. Totally. And I don't want to, I don't want to put too much stock in this, but I was thinking about this when I came to the bridge and we were, you know, sort of rethinking about our mission, vision, values type stuff, kind of looking at a lot of other churches, you know, slogans or mission statements and realizing how many of them begin either with a verb or an adverb.
00:21:43
Admiral Soggybottoms
Like they, it begins first with action, with doing, and
00:21:47
Ken Freire
Yep.
00:21:48
Admiral Soggybottoms
I think most of that's really well-intended, but I'm like, oh man, I wonder if this is part of it. Like even in our language, I go, what are we about as a church doing? And I'm like, yes, that's part of it. We are we on mission. We are sent people.
00:22:02
Admiral Soggybottoms
But man, mission is fueled by presence. And if we skip over presence and go right to mission, it's like a tree with no root system. Like it'll grow some branches and maybe some leaves, but eventually, eventually it'll, it'll topple beneath the weight. And I think even, yeah, to your point, even in our, and how pastors model it, you know, like I had to.
00:22:24
Admiral Soggybottoms
It is really embarrassing, man, but I had to really come to terms with the fact that for much of my life, I wasn't even trying to be less busy because busyness meant that I felt important.
00:22:36
Admiral Soggybottoms
I liked if someone looked over my shoulder and saw how full my calendar was.
00:22:36
Ken Freire
Hey.
00:22:39
Admiral Soggybottoms
There's a little part of my brain that's like, yeah, I feel affirmed in that. If our, if our leaders are setting the pace and the tone for our churches and the pace is unsustainable, we can't be all that surprised if people follow suit, you know?
00:22:56
Ken Freire
Yeah. that's where I found that for a lot of guys, when I've worked them, when their ambition takes them too far and they're burning out, they fall into so much sexual sin because they're like, I need to medicate,
00:23:04
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yes.
00:23:08
Admiral Soggybottoms
Of course.
Intimacy with God vs. Activity
00:23:09
Ken Freire
I need to cope, I need to figure things out.
00:23:10
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yep. That's right.
00:23:11
Ken Freire
But you said something, man, interesting that like presence, right? You talked about presence dictates like your your fruitfulness.
00:23:19
Ken Freire
And you've said it a few times now where you're like thinking about Brother Lawrence practicing the presence of God, and now talking about presence. How does presence help people, especially men, figure out their purpose?
00:23:30
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah Yeah, so many so many examples in scripture like the The simple distillation that I like to use is, know, when Jesus says, come follow me and I will make you fishers of men.
00:23:46
Admiral Soggybottoms
There are really three significant moves and that's sort of how we've organized ourselves as a church.
00:23:46
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:23:51
Admiral Soggybottoms
Come follow me is an invitation to presence. Just come be with me. And then he says, and I will make you. So there's a formation piece. You spend enough time with Jesus, you don't stay the same. He's going to chip away at some stuff.
00:24:02
Admiral Soggybottoms
There's a formation, a transformation that happens. Fishers of men you're gonna be a sense person. I'm gonna send you back out to do what I'm doing But I think the order is significant Jesus never says go for me before he says be with me and I think when he talks about Like the sheep knowing the voice of the Shepherd you don't get to know someone's voice without spending time with them like there is Jesus seems to be really really interested that we are very familiar with the Shepherd's voice and
00:24:34
Admiral Soggybottoms
And yet, for some reason, we think that that doesn't actually translate to to spending any real time with him. And we know that that doesn't work at a human level. Like, oh, this is my best friend, Steve.
00:24:43
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:24:44
Admiral Soggybottoms
Like, Like, who what was the last time you saw Steve? You're like, 1987. You're like, maybe, not maybe, not i don maybe, maybe. And, you know, that's a different.
00:24:52
Admiral Soggybottoms
I just think we intimacy requires intentionality. And if the goal isn't just to do things for God, but do them with God, I mean, that's the rebuke in Revelation 2, right?
00:24:52
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:25:04
Ken Freire
yeah.
00:25:05
Admiral Soggybottoms
Where he's saying, hey, it's actually, think it's a bit of a word for today's climate because he begins first with accolades. He's like, hey, I see all the good work you're doing.
00:25:15
Admiral Soggybottoms
And he kind of goes on this list, like offering real encouragement.
00:25:19
Ken Freire
Genuine like yeah
00:25:21
Admiral Soggybottoms
genuine, you guys are crushing it here, way to go, but I do hold this one thing against you, you have left your first love. Jesus seems to take it really seriously when we do things for him, but not with him. And I just think in my own life, man, if I look back over my shoulder, those are often the seasons that I was the most unhealthy. When I was doing good Jesus-y church type things, but I knew deep down, i I was doing a whole lot more for Jesus than I was doing with him. And bro,
00:25:50
Admiral Soggybottoms
I mean, I think you agree with this. Activity is a terrible trade off for intimacy and they often look the same.
00:25:55
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:25:58
Admiral Soggybottoms
Um, but it is, it is not an equal trade. And I unfortunately have made that trade far too many times in my life. And, um, I just, yeah, I think that men in particular can fall into that a lot.
00:26:11
Ken Freire
Why do you feel like men fall into that? Because I think when I talk to men, men struggle with intimacy. So they try to find a replacement and its activity.
00:26:17
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sure.
00:26:21
Ken Freire
They're like, well, I'm doing all these things, right?
00:26:21
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:26:23
Ken Freire
With their marriages, they do it. They're like, oh yeah, um I did all these things for my wife. I'm supporting her.
00:26:27
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:26:27
Ken Freire
But she's like, no, no, I want you to be with me. And we take that same thing with our relationship with God.
00:26:30
Admiral Soggybottoms
I know. I know.
00:26:33
Ken Freire
So why do you feel like that is?
00:26:36
Admiral Soggybottoms
Well, let me just first say, I don't think it's all bad either. you you Somebody made some comment the other day, I don't know who said it first, but they said, by and large, women tend to connect face to face, and men connect shoulder to shoulder.
00:26:39
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:26:49
Admiral Soggybottoms
I think there's some wisdom to that. Face to face, over a meal or something like that, men, and again, obviously, this are
00:26:58
Ken Freire
Generalization, yeah.
00:26:59
Admiral Soggybottoms
generalizations for sure. But I think that there is there can be intimacy found in inactivity. I don't think the goal is to become a monk and just sit in silence on the top of a mountain. I don't think that's the aim at all. But I do think for for a myriad of reasons, I think often there's a an undel with father wound.
00:27:18
Admiral Soggybottoms
I think it is, uh, uh, dealt with rejection or fear, uh, that if I actually allow myself to be fully known, if I'm supposed to be the protector, uh, the provider, the stoic, never let them see a sweat. Well, I felt that my guard down, then I, well, I'm going to lose respect from the people I'm leading or they won't trust my instincts or what I, you know, those are often the lives that I think that I, I believed. But I also think like in a marriage example, and doing doing things for is often easier than doing things with. I i personally, I like planning big grandiose romantic gestures. I that.
00:27:58
Admiral Soggybottoms
But that's not always what my wife needs. And she's like, yeah, thank you for the horse-drawn carriage. I actually just need someone to listen to me right now. I had a really rough day.
00:28:07
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I don't need all of it. I just need, I just need you. And I, it's taken me a lot longer to learn that than I realized. But I also think like David, David Augsburg has this, this line where he says being listened to is so close to being loved that for the average person, they're almost indistinguishable.
00:28:26
Ken Freire
Hmm, that's good.
00:28:26
Admiral Soggybottoms
So I'll often ask, I'll ask men, I'll say, when was the last time that you felt really loved? And when they describe it, I'll usually say something like, yeah, that sounds a lot like presence. That sounds a lot like intimacy. So if that's how you received that, why are we so unwilling to pursue that with our relationships going forward? And that, I think that is sometimes helpful to kind of juxtapose it with, you know, the times that we felt really seen and known and loved and, um, easier said than done though, man. There's, there's a lot of layers to it.
00:28:56
Ken Freire
Yeah. And when you think about that layer, right, what would you say for those guys who are, say, struggling with presence?
00:29:04
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah, yeah.
00:29:05
Ken Freire
What would be a good first layer to overcome and steps to take to be like, alright, I want to pursue intimacy?
00:29:13
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sure. Yeah, I mean, I think there's been a lot that's been written like in the habit space, you know, like James Clear and and of those writers have have I think provided some really helpful resources. Honestly, I would make it, I would start really small, like the amount of people who have their phone right next to their bed, and it's the last thing they look at every night and the first thing they look at every morning.
00:29:39
Admiral Soggybottoms
Listen, no judgment, no judgment. That's not even a moral thing. I just think, man, if someone was telling me, man, I struggled to be really present, and I'm like, is your phone the first and last thing you look at every day?
00:29:51
Admiral Soggybottoms
That might be contributing to some of our, either our distractibility or like what narrative has the loudest voice in our life. If it's social media, that is not leading to your flourishing. I can say that with confidence. Like sometimes it's something as simple as begin by plugging your phone in somewhere else in the house. Just start there. It doesn't have to begin with two hours of meditation every morning.
00:30:14
Admiral Soggybottoms
And you know what I mean? For some people that works, for most of us though, it's like, what if you one day a week didn't listen to anything in your car on your commute to work and you just talked with God? You're already in the car. You don't have to even carve out any additional time. What if you just took one commute one day a week? Like, this is my time just to be with God. I'm not gonna turn on the radio or a podcast or make phone calls. Like those decisions are things that are within most all of our power that don't require a Bible degree or $1,000 worth of tech, you can just, you know what I mean? There's these simple choices that I think we all can make if it's something that we want to pursue with more intentionality.
00:30:56
Ken Freire
Yeah, those are great tips that I think about when looking at how do you help men become more intimate and just practical, right? Because just sometimes they're just like, I don't know what this looks like.
00:31:05
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:31:08
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm.
00:31:09
Ken Freire
I found a lot of times guys, especially they were more rugged and tough, they're When you talk about being intimate with God, that sounds weird,
00:31:12
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
Purpose in Obedience and Community
00:31:15
Ken Freire
you know?
00:31:16
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:31:17
Ken Freire
But when you're like, no, man, you just want to hear his voice.
00:31:20
Ken Freire
Like, how do you hear his voice?
00:31:20
Admiral Soggybottoms
Right.
00:31:21
Ken Freire
You do these things. For, and once you do that, he actually starts speaking to you about your purpose and what you're supposed to be doing.
00:31:27
Admiral Soggybottoms
That's right.
00:31:29
Ken Freire
And I love how you said like, and and is actually part of bridge's mission, right? Like you're going to be with God and then you're going to do things for God, right? Or for the sake of the world, I think is is way you guys put it,
00:31:39
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:31:41
Ken Freire
When you guys think about it that way, right?
00:31:43
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm.
00:31:44
Ken Freire
How do you help men to figure out their purpose? And especially when when think that their purpose should be like this heroic thing, like day to day, life on life, how should they figure out their purpose?
00:31:50
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm.
00:31:59
Admiral Soggybottoms
Man, a couple of things I'll say. One is gonna be pretty unpopular. I don't think purpose is nearly as specific as a lot of us make it. I think we want this lightning bolt bullseye. What position am I supposed to hold in what company, in what city, in what state?
00:32:15
Admiral Soggybottoms
I actually don't know that it works like that for most people.
00:32:16
Ken Freire
out.
00:32:18
Admiral Soggybottoms
Maybe sometimes. I think it's much more. What are the things we already know that Jesus has told us to do? The Great Commission, the Great Commandments, John 17, like the unity of his church.
00:32:30
Admiral Soggybottoms
Like there's things already that most of us aren't doing that Like in my own life, I often try to distract from my lack of obedience by asking for new insights, new revelation. you And I think it was Marshall McClurean, he said that many of us have a low information to action ratio because we're taking in more information than our brains can even handle.
00:32:53
Admiral Soggybottoms
you know, all of the world's tragedies, all the world's drama, whatever, and it's making us completely inactive in like whatever space that we've been placed in charge of. So I think purpose for most of us is far less, I take this job or this job? Do I move to this city or this city? It's like, man, am I loving the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, loving my neighbors, myself, and am I,
00:33:19
Admiral Soggybottoms
Am I taking steps to preach the gospel, to share the gospel, to make disciples, to baptize in the name of Jesus? Like those those the things that he was clear on. And I think it was Augustine who said something, he said something like, love the Lord and do as you please.
00:33:33
Admiral Soggybottoms
Like give him your heart and then sandbox is pretty big.
00:33:35
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:33:37
Admiral Soggybottoms
And that might be as a mechanic or a business owner or a graphic designer, or like, I think that there's provision for a lot of that. And purpose, Frederick Buechner, he talks about it under the language of a a vocation, but I think it applies. He talks about vocation as the place where your great joy and the world's great need overlap.
00:34:01
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I come back to that as a Venn diagram a lot. Like, okay, what is that? What's the thing that like stirs my heart for God and others? And I can see at least in my tiny corner of the universe, like, I think there's an actual need for this.
00:34:13
Admiral Soggybottoms
That's been a helpful way to kind of think through and it's been helpful for other men because I don't think everyone, sometimes people will say to me as a pastor, I want to quit my job and go into ministry. And I always want to tell them, what have I told you?
00:34:25
Admiral Soggybottoms
You're already in ministry. Like you, if you're in Jesus,
00:34:26
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:34:30
Admiral Soggybottoms
at this job and in this neighborhood, you are having conversations with people that I'll never have conversations with. That may never actually show up to church, but you have a an opportunity to redeem this work environment or this neighborhood to bring the kingdom of God from heaven to earth. That's the invitation, the charge that we're given. And so I think purpose is is is a lot less ah ah about this granular, or this decision or that decision, and more about, man, what has Jesus already invited us into?
00:34:57
Admiral Soggybottoms
And how can I with a community of other men or other people begin to take steps faithfully in that direction? You know, we talk about small groups at our church all the time because I believe in them. I think that that that where transformation is found. I love preaching.
00:35:12
Admiral Soggybottoms
I can't believe that I get to do it. Like it's one of the great joys of my life, but I don't think the bulk of transformation happens from listening to sermons. I think it happens in the context of relationship and and walking it out. And so um yeah, I think a man trying to find purpose and isolation is at the very least not, not the wisest methodology in the world.
00:35:33
Ken Freire
Yeah, it's not helpful. Going back to what you were saying earlier, it's like the one another, right?
00:35:37
Admiral Soggybottoms
Exactly.
00:35:40
Ken Freire
If in order to overcome performance, you need one another, how much more do you need one another to help you, one, see what you're supposed to do with your purpose and two, actually living out that purpose?
00:35:49
Admiral Soggybottoms
Totally. Totally. I mean, that is, that is the, again, you know, I'm a Jesus guy, so I'll keep pointing back to that. But there's so many examples in the New Testament where like villages were begging Jesus to stay just a little bit longer, perform one more miracle. And he's regularly retreating from the very legitimate demands of the people to say, no, I have to, I need to be with the father. Like I need to go be, so like there's this,
00:36:17
Admiral Soggybottoms
There's this very real, like for a people pleaser like me, you know, that can be really hard to do. Like, well, their needs are real. I can actually help with this, but I'm not guarding my intimacy at all. Like it has to be a a both and.
00:36:31
Admiral Soggybottoms
and to be in relationship with one another, like God is himself relationship, father, son, and spirit. And so if we were made in the image and likeness of a God who ontologically is relationship, why would we think that flourishing for our lives would come apart from that? Like I just, to me, it feels so Like he makes it so clear and yet in our hyper individualized isolated siloed tendencies, you know, I think many of us think that we we're the exception. And the other thing I'll say about community too, because I'm certainly sympathetic to the person that
00:37:06
Admiral Soggybottoms
They joined small group or like a recovery group or whatever and they didn't jive and it wasn't like a great fit. And they're like, you know what, forget this. I knew this was whack. I think that there's space for that, but I also think community, like gospel community is way more forged than found. I don't think you just like trip on it. You're like, Oh, here's my, I found it. This is my perfect community. I think it's like a thing that, you know, you got to kind of work on and fight for a little bit. There's no perfect marriage. You, you got to work on it and not just on your anniversaries. Like it is a, you know what I mean? and what you were saying. It's a, a daily dying to self. It's a daily, not my will, but yours be done. It's a taking on my cross. It is,
00:37:50
Admiral Soggybottoms
looking not to my interest, but the interests of others, like these are not things that I don't think, I don't think we ever graduate from any of them. But by God's grace, like a muscle, they get stronger the more that we do it. So in my own life, since that 10 years ago, or like a knockdown drag out fight, anytime I was tempted, it's not that they're not tempting anymore.
00:38:10
Admiral Soggybottoms
But it's not that same UFC level, bloody nose battle. It's just like, I know,
00:38:14
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:38:15
Admiral Soggybottoms
ah Yeah, I don't go down that route anymore. I don't even, I don't even turn down that street. Like my muscle memory points to me a different direction now. That's the nature. That's the language of transformation. And I think that is the, that's the aim for all of us.
00:38:28
Ken Freire
Yeah. Everything you just said reminds me of Romans 12. Offer yourself up as a living sacrifice for the renewing of your mind so that this will be honorable and pleasing to God.
00:38:35
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yes.
00:38:38
Ken Freire
And I'm like, that's exactly it. And the more you do that, more you find yourself being with God and doing things for God.
00:38:40
Admiral Soggybottoms
Totally.
00:38:46
Ken Freire
Those two things end up happening. Ian, as we start to wrap up this conversation, and I feel like you and I could just talk for hours, and even if this thing was recorded, we're like, oh, we forgot. you Talk about unicycles again.
00:39:02
Ken Freire
Sorry, I was about to go on a total tangent there, but I'm going to bring back.
00:39:05
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah, I can feel it
00:39:06
Ken Freire
I was like, I brought it back. As you think about helping men, I know that there's a lot of myths that you kind of busted. Like even I was thinking about sometimes you feel disconnected with your job because you just feel like you have to pay the
00:39:14
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
Purpose in Daily Life
00:39:18
Ken Freire
bills, but you said something really important.
00:39:19
Ken Freire
You're like, but there are ministry moments there, right?
00:39:22
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:39:23
Ken Freire
How can you help men, as we wrap up here, really focus their attention so that they can see every moment of their day being purposeful for the great commission, purposeful for being with God, and and purposeful for loving those around them?
00:39:41
Admiral Soggybottoms
Great question, man. A couple of things. You mentioned Romans 12. I had a ah mentor that used to say to us, he said, that's the problem with the living sacrifice is that they have a tendency to climb off the altar.
00:39:53
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:39:54
Admiral Soggybottoms
And I just think that imagery is so apt because, you know, in a sacrificial system, not to be crass, but like you would sacrifice an animal and then ah ah it's not going anywhere. If our invitation is to be a living sacrifice, that means we don't just surrender once back at church camp and we're good. So there is like a daily dying to self that I think we are invited into that be a real struggle because some of the stuff that I think Jesus is asking us to die to, we don't want to die to. I think men in particular, I think we have a tendency sometimes to tame what the Bible says to put to death.
00:40:30
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:40:30
Admiral Soggybottoms
Like we keep pet sins over here, like like, yeah, I don't plan on going there, but I'm gonna keep it for a rainy day, maybe. The language of the Bible is, the Puritans give us the language of mortification, like put to death these sinful desires. like That's intense language on purpose. Don't manage it, don't teach it to do tricks, put it to death. The other thing I would say is that I think it honestly begins with,
00:40:56
Admiral Soggybottoms
like a level of expectation that maybe a lot of us are uncomfortable with. Like it sounds silly man, but I started even certain like prayer rituals in my car. Like, Lord, just give me eyes to see with your eyes. Like help me just to be, help me to have radars up, you know, help me to have a sense of what it is.
00:41:14
Admiral Soggybottoms
that you wanna do when I'm at this coffee shop, when I really need headstone work, but there's someone in my peripheral that I have this nagging sense, like, man, I think I'm supposed to go talk to this person, like soften my heart for those moments because, and I think you'll agree with this, what's lacking is never God's presence. We are always in God's presence. What's often lacking is our awareness of it. So my prayer has become not, Lord, be more present in this moment,
00:41:42
Admiral Soggybottoms
It's shifted and it's Lord make me more aware of your presence in this moment. You're already here. You're already doing work. You are already stirring in these conversations and the guy in the cubicle to my right and the neighbor behind me like my buddy Hugh talks about it as he says Kingdom work is like archaeology. We are always unearthing.
00:42:02
Admiral Soggybottoms
God, where are you already at work in this guy's marriage and in that conversation and in this teller and this waiter and this, you know what I mean? That to me is a much more compelling invitation. It's not, okay, men, now go and like make kingdom things happen. Go and generate spirit sanctified. It's like, no, no, no. It's Lord, where are you already at work? And help me to understand how I can join you in that. It's like in a pretty beautiful way. It takes the pressure off of us to like manufacture something.
00:42:32
Admiral Soggybottoms
But it's also a posture of readiness, like, okay, help me to have radars up, help me to see with your eyes, and help me to have the courage to actually step into that. And I'll and warn anyone listening, be sure you actually wanna pray that prayer.
00:42:45
Admiral Soggybottoms
Because God will open your eyes to things and make you more aware of people in a way that sometimes, to be totally frank, does not fit nicely into my calendar or my plan for the day, you know, and it disrupts some things.
00:42:57
Ken Freire
Oh.
00:43:00
Admiral Soggybottoms
But it's like such a beautiful way. It's like the kind of thing, once you get a ah ah sense of it, you're like, Lord, I want deeper waters. I want to keep growing in this capacity. to understand where it is that you're at work and how I can join you in it. And I think that's what's been helpful for me in kind of reclaiming the sacred ordinary of what most of us are not living on mountaintop moments all the time. Most of us are commuting and paying our bills and having dinner and watching Netflix. You know what I mean? like There's just a certain level of like, Lord,
00:43:33
Admiral Soggybottoms
Help me to have a more kingdom perspective for all of it. And I think, and I think that he gives it that.
00:43:39
Ken Freire
And I love that aspect of when you have your eyes opened to doing those things, how radically people's lives
00:43:44
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:43:47
Ken Freire
I know when I started doing that, man, I feel like my purpose completely shifted. Because I just started looking for those people that I'm like, oh, who does God want me to speak to today? And it actually drove me, like you said earlier, it's the day-to-day actions that you do to help me uncover more of what I really wanted to do with life.
00:43:57
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yes.
00:44:04
Admiral Soggybottoms
That's right, totally.
00:44:05
Ken Freire
I don't need to quit my job. I don't need to all of a sudden be like, oh my gosh, I'm doing this big thing.
Final Encouragement and Identity in God
00:44:09
Ken Freire
You're like, you can still be the CEO. I can't tell you how many times I have conversations at my job.
00:44:11
Admiral Soggybottoms
Right.
00:44:15
Ken Freire
It's not a faith-based company or anything like that, but people come to me and I just feel like the Lord all of a sudden is like, hey, you need to bring this up. and I'm like, okay. I am on a sales call right now.
00:44:28
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:44:30
Ken Freire
and And then I do, and Ian, I can't tell you, and and say this those who are listening as an encouragement, that when you start to do it, how much more exciting your job gets.
00:44:36
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm.
00:44:39
Ken Freire
Because it no longer becomes mundane, you actually feel like you're on mission, cultivating and discovering those little bits and pieces of where God is moving.
00:44:40
Admiral Soggybottoms
Totally.
00:44:48
Ken Freire
Because for me, man, like are times God just drops something on my heart for someone, I'm like, I know this sounds crazy.
00:44:51
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm.
00:44:54
Ken Freire
And again, I'm on a sales call, I know this sounds crazy, As I'm hearing you, I actually sense that this is what's really going on. And people would start crying. And they're like, how did you know that?
00:45:02
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm.
00:45:05
Ken Freire
I'm like, well, do you want to know my real answer or do you want to know my diplomatic answer?
00:45:08
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah, right, right, right, right.
00:45:12
Ken Freire
9 out of 10 times, they're like, no. Like, how did you know that? I'm like, and we talk about faith a little bit and then we get back into the discussion. But that's the beauty of purpose, right? Is that purpose is not this mountain type, like you said.
00:45:20
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah.
00:45:22
Ken Freire
It's always this like, hey, in the day to day, mundane, God just shows up.
00:45:25
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yeah. Yes.
00:45:28
Ken Freire
So as we finish off, any final words of encouragement for people who are listening to this and they're like, I want to know more about like looking for my purpose, drawing more into intimacy with him and not being distracted by all these things, any final words of encouragement.
00:45:28
Admiral Soggybottoms
I love that man.
00:45:45
Admiral Soggybottoms
Man, I would say stay in there. You're not alone. I think that men in particular can be driven to a a a certain level of belief that they're the only ones facing what they're facing. And that ironically drives us further and further away from the people that I think could help. I just finished a book by Jeff Bethke and John Tyson called Fighting Shadows.
00:46:09
Admiral Soggybottoms
Uh, I just would highly recommend that that's a really helpful kind of practical resource for like, how do, how do we actually overcome some of these things? But it's geared specifically for men and just a really, it's well-written, it's practical, but it had, it had some really, I think, keen insight on.
00:46:24
Admiral Soggybottoms
it did exactly that. you We walked through with some of our staff men. And I think even those times have been a good reminder. That's C.S. Lewis' definition of friendship, right? when When you see someone else and you go, oh, you too? There's a real gift to knowing, oh, I'm not the only one who's ever had that thought or struggled in this area. And there's, I don't know, I find a lot of a strength to keep going, knowing, I mean, I'm not the first or last person that's ever felt this way.
00:46:48
Admiral Soggybottoms
And that when God looks at me, he calls me son. Like what better thing to be called by the creator of the universe? He's like, yeah, whether you're crushing it or struggling or somewhere in between, you're my beloved son. And to do everything that else that I do from that place of belovedness to me has been maybe the single greatest shift in in my life.
00:47:12
Ken Freire
Ian, we're going to leave it there because that is probably the most important, if not the most important thing, right? Like when we come to faith in Jesus, like that
Conclusion and Contact Information
00:47:19
Ken Freire
we are beloved children of God, it changes everything.
00:47:19
Admiral Soggybottoms
Yep. Totally.
00:47:24
Ken Freire
Awesome. Ian, for those people who are like, man, I love i you're spitting. I love the truth. Tell us where can we find you and about the bridge.
00:47:33
Admiral Soggybottoms
Sure, man. Yeah, you can go to bridge .tv is our church website. You can go to iansimkins.com or at iansimkins on Instagram. or Those are two decent places to find me. think my MySpace is still active if you want to head over there. ah I probably have a live journal floating around somewhere. Those would probably be the two best places to head, yeah.
00:47:57
Ken Freire
I love it, man. Ian, thank you so much for being a part of the podcast. i I I appreciate the time that we've gotten to know each other and just the wisdom that you've had in really talking about stuff that a lot of the culture doesn't want to talk about right now, especially even in the church.
00:48:12
Ken Freire
It's all about doing, not about being.
00:48:12
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm. Yeah.
00:48:14
Ken Freire
So thank you so much for that.
00:48:16
Admiral Soggybottoms
It's my pleasure, man. Thanks. Thanks for the invite it means a lot.
00:48:18
Ken Freire
Yeah, absolutely. All right. For you men who are listening to this, I want you to take courage that like everything that Ian was just talking about is really the foundation to how you help yourself kill shame, stand strong, and be on mission.
00:48:32
Admiral Soggybottoms
Hmm.
00:48:33
Ken Freire
Until next time, I hope you guys have a great day and God bless.