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Intimacy vs. Imitation: What Men Get Wrong About Connection with God
131 Plays1 year ago
What if your connection with God isn’t as deep as you think? Are you truly experiencing intimacy with God, or are you just imitating faith?
In this powerful conversation, Eric Munoz shares his personal journey of breaking free from lust, overcoming shame, and learning true intimacy with God. From struggling with pornography and abandonment issues to finding spiritual freedom, Eric reveals the key steps every man needs to take to build a real, lasting relationship with Christ.
In This Episode, You'll Learn:
- The difference between intimacy and imitation in faith
- Why so many men struggle with shame, lust, and addiction
- How porn and self-medication keep men stuck in cycles of guilt
- The one daily habit that led Eric to true freedom
- How to stop wearing a mask and become the man God created you to be
Ready to stop imitating faith and start experiencing true intimacy with God? Hit play now!
Key Takeaways & Insights
1️⃣ Why Men Struggle with Intimacy with God
Many men avoid intimacy with God because they associate it with weakness or think it’s uncomfortable. Eric breaks down why deep spiritual connection is essential for overcoming struggles like lust and shame.
Key Quote: "Men put up so many roadblocks between them and the intimacy they actually need. God is calling you into a deeper relationship—will you step into it?"
2️⃣ The Dangerous Cycle of Lust, Shame, and Isolation
Eric shares how his early exposure to pornography created a pain-self-medication-shame cycle, trapping him in lust for years. He explains how this cycle fuels addiction, secrecy, and distance from God.
Key Quote: "Shame makes you hide, but hiding only makes the cycle worse. The key to freedom is stepping into the light."
3️⃣ The Breakthrough: Freedom Comes from Intimacy, Not Willpower
Eric spent years trying to "fix" himself with books, accountability partners, and self-discipline—but nothing worked until he prioritized spending time in God's presence daily.
Practical Step: Wake up earlier and dedicate time to prayer and scripture. Even 15 minutes can make a massive difference!
Key Quote: "Freedom didn’t come when I tried harder. It came when I spent time with God and let Him transform me."
Timestamped Episode Breakdown
[00:00] Intro & Why This Episode Matters
[02:02] Meet Eric Munoz: His Story & Mission
[05:25] The Hidden Struggles of a Young Christian Leader
[07:52] How Lust & Shame Create a Trap for Men
[13:12] God’s Game-Changing Word: “You Are Free”
[16:52] The Turning Point: Choosing to Walk in Freedom
[19:31] What True Intimacy with God Looks Like
[26:49] Overcoming Childhood Trauma & Removing the Mask
[37:06] The One Daily Habit That Can Change Everything
[41:41] Where to Follow Eric & Final Encouragement
Follow Eric Munoz
- YouTube: Valley of the Heroic
- Instagram: @EricMunozJr
Recommended
Transcript
Intro
Introduction to Eric Munoz and the Episode Topic
00:00:30
Ken Freire
All right, men, I am super excited for this new episode we got with you because I got Eric Munoz here with me. And today we're going to talk about intimacy versus imitation. What men get wrong about connection with God?
Eric's Early Ministry Journey
00:00:47
Ken Freire
And I am super excited because Eric, he is the content creator for Valley of the Heroic. There's a podcast, blogs, his sermons, and the whole goal is helping you find your voice in the valley so you can roar on the mountain top. Eric, welcome to the podcast, man.
00:01:06
Eric
Thank you, brother. Shout out to you, Ken, because you nailed that.
00:01:09
Ken Freire
Thanks, man.
00:01:11
Eric
You probably nailed that better than I would have, bro. To be honest, you even got my last name right. Shout out to you, bro. Hot sauce.
00:01:18
Ken Freire
It's the Hispanic inside me. I whenever I see a Hispanic name, i just rolls off the tongue.
00:01:23
Eric
Yeah, bro, as long as you didn't say Munaz or something like that, we're good to go, boys. I'm happy.
00:01:28
Ken Freire
ah ah I love it. I love it, man. Well, Eric, you before we get started, we're going to talk about intimacy. And obviously, you learned about intimacy with God through a lot of trials so in your life.
00:01:37
Eric
-hmm.
00:01:38
Ken Freire
before we go into the messiness of your life and how God redeemed it, just tell people a fun thing about you, man.
00:01:45
Eric
Fun thing about me. Okay, so, know, just like everybody else, I don't really like talking about myself. But I think a fun thing about me would be that I started ministry at 12, 11, 12 years old.
00:02:00
Ken Freire
Wow.
00:02:00
Eric
So I've been in ministry for most of my life.
00:02:06
Ken Freire
got you into ministry so young?
Personal Struggles and Realizations
00:02:08
Eric
Bro, funny story. So we used to go to a small group, my mom and I, and in the small group there was a bunch of different families.
00:02:12
Ken Freire
Yep.
00:02:18
Eric
You know, it was a pretty big small group, probably like 20 or so people. You know, the adults, I think that they were in a place where they wanted to have more mature conversations during small group. And they said, hey, let's just round up the kids throw them in a room. And who's the most mature kid out of all of these? Okay, we'll give him a lesson and he'll teach it, bro. So that's how, that's my introduction. It's a ministry just like.
00:02:45
Eric
being thrown into there because they just needed something else. It wasn't even like, hey, we see purpose in you and we're gonna build you up. But yeah, exactly, literally that.
00:02:52
Ken Freire
And they're like, you got a pulse and you're all this stuff.
00:02:57
Eric
And so the funny thing about it was is that I started to bring friends, it started to grow and they were like, hold up. It's like they realized it.
00:03:07
Eric
And so then they really started to build into me and give me resources and help me to grow. And I had that small group for Almost 20 years.
00:03:17
Ken Freire
Wow, dude.
00:03:19
Eric
Yeah.
00:03:20
Ken Freire
That's longevity right there, man. Just think about that from 12. You're just inviting your friends, hanging out, connecting, and bringing them to the ward, you know, and discipling them. That's got to be a fun ride.
00:03:32
Eric
Yeah, bro. I have so many great memories. There's obviously a lot of tough ones with ministry and anything involving people is going to be difficult, but so many great
00:03:40
Ken Freire
Oh, yeah.
00:03:41
Eric
used We used to like do so many fun things to bring people to to Bible study. We used to call it, you know, it's a small group. And we would just be like, I remember one time there there these guys who we grew up in church together.
00:03:54
Eric
And we got them to come to small group because we said, hey, we've got pizza and Xbox.
00:04:02
Eric
And, you know, what 15 year old, 14 year old boy is going to say no to pizza and video games.
00:04:08
Ken Freire
Oh, what did I ever say? Yeah.
00:04:09
Eric
Right. So my mom was a genius with that one. She was putting the money down, but I'm screaming out of the car, like we got pizza and Xbox, let's go. And we saw her play basketball together, but they never wanted to come. And that day they came.
00:04:21
Ken Freire
That's awesome, man. You know, it's funny, it reminds me of my times with my youth group back in New York City. We would come up with all these things like the elaborate lock-ins, you know, where you're just in there and you're like, we're going to have Xbox, PlayStation, the whole nine, you know, you're just trying to get people in.
00:04:31
Eric
Mm-hmm.
00:04:37
Ken Freire
They ended up doing an indoor basketball court. like they built the whole indoor basketball court because that was like a big ministry of just trying to get people from the streets to come play.
00:04:44
Eric
Yeah.
00:04:46
Ken Freire
And it was huge, wildly successful, you know. But that's awesome. And Eric, I'm excited for you. I'm excited for what God has done in your
Intimacy with God and Its Impact
00:04:53
Ken Freire
life. And now we're here today and we're talking about, you know, we're going to talk about a lot of the ways that God molded you, but there was also some heartache and some shame and some sin that you were struggling with all those times, even while you were leading those Bible studies. So walk us through a little bit of your testimony and how shame kind of gripped you a little bit.
00:05:13
Eric
Yeah, man. Man, I love to share a lot about that. you Like I mentioned, starting off in ministry at such a young age, it was definitely difficult for me navigating that because while I was thrust into a leadership role and I wouldn't change it for for for anything, growing up, especially going into high school, it was tough to manage all of the different experiences and different things that were coming my way.
00:05:41
Eric
When i was just me and my mom, my stepdad, he was there, but he worked a lot. My relationship with my dad was strained. you He was far away. I'd see him once a year, not so strong of a relationship. So I really didn't have male role models who were really building into me heavily.
00:06:00
Eric
And I was just trying to figure it out, man. I was a 15 year old kid in high school, 16, 17, who was lobbying attention from girls and trying to manage that while also trying to manage the small group.
00:06:16
Eric
And imagine, you know, me leading the this small group and then eventually leading in church, I started preaching at 15 years old and started to get really, really involved in the Sunday ministry during that time. But everybody that I was leading in my small group, they were all my age, they were peers. And so they're managing their relationship with God and getting to know Jesus.
00:06:40
Eric
And at the same time, they're leaders, this guy who's their age. And then they see this leader that is their age and he's struggling with lust. Or they hear some story because everybody's gossiping in high school, right?
00:06:53
Eric
They hear a story about
00:06:53
Ken Freire
Aw man, you had friends that gossiped? I i didn't have any of those.
00:06:57
Eric
Oh my goodness, it must have been amazing, bro, because it was nuts for me. And you everybody knew my crap. Everybody knew my mistakes. Everyone knew every time I fell sexually or whatever, there was different things that happened. They knew about it and they held it against me.
00:07:13
Eric
But at the same time, not so much because I'm a 15-year-old kid and I really didn't know what I was doing. And so for me, what's interesting is that in high school and actually to this point in my life, I've never smoked anything once. I've never drank alcohol. I've never struggled with a lot of things that my peers were struggling with. But what I did struggle with was lust.
00:07:37
Ken Freire
Okay, so how did that lust manifest? You know, why you you mentioned some stuff there, but like how did it manifest while you were still leading all these things?
00:07:45
Eric
Mm hmm. Great question, bro. biggest way, of course, that is most accessible, especially nowadays, was porn and masturbation. That was like, you know, that was just something that you turn to, to self medicate, you know, you were managing
00:08:00
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:08:01
Eric
I didn't know I was managing all of these emotions of abandonment, feeling so much pain in my heart, feeling pain because I felt like my relationship with my dad wasn't great and my mom had to work so much in order to provide when I was growing up. And then my stepdad came and I had my love for him, but he wasn't around because he had to work so much too.
Daily Steps to Maintain Freedom
00:08:22
Eric
So I always felt like I was alone and I didn't know I was managing this deep loneliness inside of me that I would then turn to, especially starting off early at an early age, I think I was introduced to pornography in third grade, right?
00:08:38
Ken Freire
Wow, yeah.
00:08:39
Eric
So once you lay your eyes on something like that, it just gets worse from there. So you're just constantly chasing a new visual to latch your mind onto. And with the time that we were growing up, bro, you know that it became more and more and more accessible. So it was a trap. And if you're going and you're in a place of pain and you don't even know you're navigating this pain, you're constantly turning to a way that is easy for you to self-medicate.
00:09:07
Eric
Then you feel shame. What is shame? Shame is pain. So now you're in a cycle. You're in this cycle of pain, self-medicating, shame. Pain, self-medicating, shame.
00:09:18
Eric
And in bits and pieces in between that you find Jesus and you try to latch onto him, but you don't really know what to do.
00:09:22
Ken Freire
Yeah. And it took you a while before you found what Jesus was truly trying to offer you. What was the point where all of a sudden you kind of hit rock bottom and you were like, dang, something needs to change?
00:09:37
Eric
Bro, I hit rock bottom mad times. I hit rock bottom so many times.
00:09:41
Ken Freire
You were like, I was just at the bottom for a while.
00:09:44
Eric
Yeah, bro.
00:09:45
Ken Freire
I just kept hitting myself in the head.
00:09:45
Eric
Yeah, I was just, I was starting at the bottom and I was still there, bro. Like I was just, I was chilling there for the longest and I think that... you know, ah ah aside from dealing with the pornography and the masturbation, then when I started to, when I lost my virginity and in high school, I lost, well, eighth grade, I lost all this weight and all of a sudden all these girls had all this attention that they were sending my way.
00:10:11
Eric
And I didn't know how to deal with that. And it was very hard for me because the lust was running really rampant inside of me. And I also, now as a 35-year-old man, I also realized that I just wanted to feel connection. That loneliness that I was feeling, that pain that I was feeling, I was trying to find connection. And like I said, I hit rock bottom so many times because I deeply loved the Lord and I was in ministry and I wanted to live pure. I wanted to be able to wait until marriage. So I was anston constantly, constantly rededicating myself to the Lord, begging him to free me, begging him to help me to so put porn down and put it away, begging him to make me feel fulfilled within myself. And every time I felt like, ah know what, this is the time, this is the last time
00:11:04
Eric
Maybe a week or two later, boom, fell again. Because the lust was just too strong. And as I was going, going, getting older, going into my 20s, especially, I remember, then it was just me trying to find a way to be successful. You know, oh, let me read every young man's battle. Oh, what's the next purity book that I can read? Oh, let me go do the conquer series with my boys. Oh, let me find a new accountability partner. And I was constantly trying to find a new thing And to answer your initial question that you asked me before this, it came to the point in my thirties, bro.
00:11:39
Eric
In my thirties. So I'm dealing with this all this time, right?
00:11:42
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:11:43
Eric
I'm in my thirties now, right? In my early thirties, I get to the point where I don't know necessarily that I was at rock bottom, but I, and it's interesting because I have a rock bottom moment after this, but one day I'm in church.
00:12:02
Eric
and I feel the Holy Spirit put in my heart, you are free, out of nowhere.
00:12:08
Ken Freire
Wow.
00:12:08
Eric
Now mind you, What's interesting about this is, and this is really the crux of what I feel men need to understand, but I know we'll get into that more later, is that this is the time that I was the most intimate with the Lord in my life. This is the time where I'm really praying, where I'm really spending time with Him, where I'm really getting into the Word way more than I ever did before in my life.
00:12:32
Eric
I'm waking up early in the morning, I'm spending an hour in his presence, seeking him, writing down what I feel he's leading me towards, writing down whatever I want to pray for, praying for people. And it was just crazy. And then it all culminates in this one day, a Sunday in the middle of service, nothing's going on. My pastor was just talking into the microphone. She might she have been giving announcements, right?
00:13:00
Eric
Out of nowhere, you are free. And I knew what he was referring to.
00:13:05
Ken Freire
Yeah, that's one of those moments where you're just like, Oh man, the Holy Spirit is just pricking your heart.
00:13:06
Eric
And you know, I know, I know because, and he was specifically dealing with lust with me during that time, right?
00:13:10
Ken Freire
You're like, Oh gosh.
00:13:14
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:13:16
Eric
And I hear you are free and I believe it. Now a few months go by I feel this freedom. The lust is, you know, there's always that element of it being there, but it's dead.
00:13:29
Eric
I keep putting it to death, right? You keep subjecting it.
00:13:31
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:13:32
Eric
If you're not constantly aiming to control the flesh, it's going to rise back up again, but it's there. I've got it at bay until one day I fell again.
00:13:44
Eric
And I said, wait a minute, God, you said I'm free. And the crazy thing about this time that I felt, I felt maybe a few times afterwards, a handful of times, I don't remember how many, but a handful amount of times.
00:13:57
Eric
And my wife and I have a conversation and she asks me if I'm struggling and I had to tell her that was the rock bottom.
00:14:05
Ken Freire
Aha, that's got to be the hardest part. You're like, the Holy Spirit pricks you, but then your wife.
00:14:11
Eric
That was the rock bottom. Because now you have to see the person that you love saying, whoa, I didn't know this side of you. So shame comes back in. And now I'm asking myself the question, God, I thought you said I was free. And I remember there's always an emptiness whenever you're falling into sin. But now the emptiness became even deeper because I didn't feel the, what's the best way to explain it? It's like there's a driving force
00:14:43
Eric
behind you when you are in a cycle of porn and masturbation or having sex outside of your marriage or adultery or fornication, whatever. There's this surge that kind of like, you feel like you're being pushed and you feel like you can't control it. Although you can, because the Lord doesn't put us in situations we can't bear, right? But you feel like you can't. And this time I didn't feel that surge. I feel like I made a decision.
00:15:10
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:15:12
Eric
Because why? Because I was free.
00:15:14
Ken Freire
And... Because you're afraid... And that's to be the hardest part of the shame because you're like, oh, before you could almost make an excuse. Well, it's my lustful desires that is pushing me to these things.
00:15:23
Ken Freire
I can't help it, quote-unquote, but now you're like, wait a minute, I made this choice to fall into this and I made this choice to hurt my wife and to not believe God that I was free.
00:15:35
Eric
Exactly.
00:15:36
Ken Freire
So, how did you handle that?
00:15:38
Eric
Bro, it was the time of my life where I finally realized what so many people say, that scripture says actually, that you need to walk out your salvation with fear and trouble. I was saved and free already, but I needed to walk it out. I needed to live in that freedom. I needed to make a choice.
00:16:02
Eric
to live in that freedom. And that's what I had to do, bro. I had to be in a place where I said, you know what? This has no control over me anymore. I don't even want this anymore.
00:16:14
Eric
I'm done with it. I don't want to go
Healing from Trauma and Embracing Vulnerability
00:16:16
Eric
through the embarrassment of having to tell my wife again. I don't want to go through the shame that I experienced afterwards. I don't want to lose my connection with the Lord. I've put so many hours of tears and sweat and prayer to get close to him. And this pulls me away from him. I don't want to go through that anymore. Plus he told me I'm free. So I just got to walk it out.
00:16:39
Ken Freire
then you started to take massive steps of you're like, okay, I gotta live in this truth that we're free, right?
00:16:42
Eric
Yeah.
00:16:47
Ken Freire
God has set us free. and we are new children of God. Like he's transformed us. The dead is gone. The new, the new is alive. Romans chapter eight, right? Like, so once you started doing that, what were the steps that you took to really get your, your butt into gear to walking out that freedom?
00:17:02
Eric
Yeah. Yeah, bro. Great question, man. For me, and this is what I constantly tell any men that I talk to who tell me they're struggling with lust, they're struggling with porn or whatever. I tell them, if you're not spending time in the Lord's presence, you're never going to be successful. That's what it came down to for me. I realized that the only time I received freedom was not because I watched this amazing episode of the Conquer series.
00:17:33
Eric
No shade towards Conquer, right? Because Conquer is actually pretty dope, right?
00:17:35
Ken Freire
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was great.
00:17:38
Eric
But it wasn't that. It wasn't me trying harder, which is what I did for 15 years, just trying harder and harder and harder to have self-control that I did not have within and of myself.
00:17:50
Eric
It wasn't any of that. I only received freedom when I started spending time in God's presence. And then in order for me to maintain that freedom, to walk into that freedom, I need to continue to spend time in His presence. So it came down to intimacy with God. For me, there were so many years where I loved the Lord, but I wasn't willing to sacrifice my time, my sleep, my flesh's peace to put Him first.
00:18:19
Eric
And while I wanted deeply for him to be first in my life, that wasn't enough for me to make him first. I needed to make a decision. And once I made that decision, I needed to make it every day. It's very similar to marriage.
00:18:32
Eric
You know, I know that as men, we kind of think everything's in the bag once the wedding is over with. And most women I hear, they have this question inside of their hearts. Do you still love me? Would you still choose me? Which is why they want us to constantly show them that love, to show them they are still wanted, to show that they're, I mean, it's just the way to a healthy relationship anyways.
00:18:54
Eric
If you have your foot off the gas in your marriage, then shame on you. It's not going anywhere. You know, healthy shame, healthy shame if there is any, but all jokes aside, like if you really want a healthy marriage, you have to put in work.
00:19:08
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:19:08
Eric
And if you want to have a healthy relationship with God, which is the key to everything, you have to spend time with him or it's not going to
00:19:17
Ken Freire
and And that's what, you know, as I talk to a lot of men, they're like, you're right, I don't have a deep, intimate relationship with God. But I have found this question many times with men, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, Eric, is that they a lot of times are like, it feels weird to talk about intimacy with God.
00:19:36
Ken Freire
Because when we talk about intimacy, right, we think about sex, we think about pleasure with a woman, and now you're like, wait a minute, I'm going to do that with God?
00:19:39
Eric
Yeah. Right.
00:19:45
Ken Freire
That sounds weird. So like, how do you handle that type of conversation when you're talking to men about intimacy?
00:19:46
Eric
Yeah. For me, I mean, it depends the guy that I'm talking to. But it's mostly going to be centered around something along the lines of get over it.
00:20:02
Eric
Because that's what it really comes down to. And you depending on the level of sensitivity that that guy might have, I might say it in a much lighter way. But think about how many roadblocks we put up ourselves in between us and the thing that we actually want.
00:20:22
Eric
If I know that scripture teaches me that all things that I want, all the things that I need, the best life that I could possibly live is with my Lord, Jesus Christ. Why am I going to get weird about thinking about getting close to him?
00:20:41
Eric
Just change the word intimate then, right? You don't like the word intimate? Okay, say getting closer to him. One of my favorite scriptures is just how scripture tells us, draw near to God and he will draw near to you.
00:20:54
Eric
And I remember in my teenage years, I used to teach that, I used to talk about that a lot. And I would say, imagine how wonderful it is that we actually have the power within our decision making to cause God to do something, which is to draw near to us. We take a step, and the way I visualize it is this, if you'll permit me, I feel like we take a step and he runs a hundred towards us.
00:21:24
Ken Freire
Yeah, that's so good.
00:21:24
Eric
That's the God that we serve. We love him so much. And it doesn't matter how much we could love him. It does not even come close to how much he loves us. He wants us to walk in freedom. He wants us to be able to live a life where we have self-control and discipline. He wants these things for us. So why would he withhold it from us? He's not withholding it. He's holding it. And you're just not going to him to get it. That's what it comes down to.
00:21:54
Ken Freire
Yeah. You know, Eric, I was thinking about, as you were sharing that story, story of the prodigal son, right?
00:21:59
Eric
Mm hmm.
00:21:59
Ken Freire
Where he's like... When he was a far a a away off, I think that's how the passage goes, right? In Luke 15... Like, he's walking, he's taking a step, but like, God the Father is running, you know?
00:22:09
Ken Freire
And and back then, that... Like, the whole parable, right? Elders didn't run, right? But he... Like, in order to run, he had to like, pick up his... I'm trying to remember what it's called now, but like, his clothing to be able to run.
00:22:20
Eric
Yeah.
00:22:20
Ken Freire
And it's a shame to do that, to do any of that. And he's like, no, no, I don't care. I'll take on this shame so that I can go be with my son.
00:22:29
Eric
Yeah, yeah, all level of decorum.
00:22:30
Ken Freire
And he gives him all those promises.
00:22:32
Eric
Yeah, all level of decorum is left behind. and Nothing else matters. My son is here.
00:22:37
Ken Freire
Yeah. And I love how you were talking about that because when we think about intimacy, you know, I remember a friend of mine telling me, hey... Because I i used used to think it was weird, right? Like, intimacy, that sounds like sexual...
00:22:48
Ken Freire
Like, my mind was so skewed because it was always just sexual.
00:22:51
Eric
Yeah, yeah.
00:22:51
Ken Freire
But it was like, Ken, intimacy is truly... And he had this little, like, verbiage. He said, like, into me see, that God will see into me and I will be fully known.
00:22:58
Eric
That's great.
00:23:02
Ken Freire
I will be fully seen and I'll be fully accepted.
00:23:02
Eric
Yeah.
00:23:05
Ken Freire
And I remember thinking that, like, do do I want to be accepted by the creator of the universe?
00:23:07
Eric
Yeah.
00:23:10
Ken Freire
Yeah, of course I do, right?
00:23:12
Ken Freire
Do I want to be affirmed by him when I feel extremely lonely? Like, absolutely. When I started to see intimacy in that fashion is not a sexual physical thing, but this emotional and also spiritual thing that I get to connect with God.
00:23:29
Ken Freire
And like you said, draw near to him, it radically changed my view. I'm like, yes, I want God in all aspects of my life. But it is really hard for men to do that, right?
00:23:39
Ken Freire
It is hard for men to just be vulnerable because they feel like they're going to be rejected.
00:23:44
Eric
Right.
00:23:44
Ken Freire
So you, Eric, mentioned you had abandonment issues. You had rejection issues when you were younger. How did God start to heal you of those as you were entering into his presence?
00:23:55
Eric
Yeah, bro, there's so many creative ways that I feel like God was leading me to health. There were times where the Holy Spirit I feel would speak to me and he would just be like, go and do this.
00:24:09
Eric
And I'd be like, why, why am I going to, and it would be something small or it'd be something big, like go make an appointment with a therapist for this specific reason. Excuse me. And then the going through that, I'd realize things and find new breakthroughs that I wouldn't have been able to have access to. Had I not been spending time with God and seeking the Holy Spirit's voice.
00:24:35
Eric
And so I remember one way early on, I have this, I don't have it with me, but I have a journal that is really precious to me. It's a journal where I only take it out to journal very important moments in my life.
00:24:54
Eric
And I remember one day I was in prayer at like five in the morning, I was spending time with God. And in that week, I was particularly going through these like inner struggles where I was like feeling down on myself. I was feeling like I had, I didn't have value to who I was because I wasn't able to be successful in whatever way I was thinking of during that time.
00:25:20
Eric
And so I was feeling really down on myself. There was a lot of shame. There was a lot of just feelings of inadequacy that I was experiencing. And I'm bringing that to God. And out of nowhere, bro, you're going to think this is so weird. And some people might be like, yeah, that didn't happen. But out of nowhere, I feel the Holy Spirit telling me to write down some of the qualities of some of my favorite fictional characters.
00:25:40
Eric
right And that fictional character, my favorite comic book hero is Batman. Bro, I love Batman. I love Batman. I'm a huge Batman fan. So I'm writing down like all these things about Batman, whatever, the good things, the bad things. And then I feel the Holy Spirit say to me, okay.
00:25:59
Eric
what things do you find in yourself that are similar to Batman? good and the bad, make connections here. So I'm writing them down and I'm like drawing on the sidelines. I'm just like, I don't know. I feel like I'm wasting time, but you know, I'm just doing it because I feel like this is where the Holy Spirit's leading me. It feels weird, but this is where he's leading me. And when I'm all done,
00:26:23
Eric
I literally write down afterwards, God, why did you have me do this? What was the purpose of this? And bro, one of the most pivotal moments of my life, one of the most difficult times in my life was second and third grade. In second and third grade, I went through an extreme amount of bullying. It was really bad. In second grade specifically, if I remember correctly, I had only one friend Nobody was my friend. And I think that friend might have left halfway through the school year. So that isolation and and pain that I was already feeling because of my home life now was intensified during school. And so second, third, and fourth grade, every time I would express something that I was interested in, I would get made fun of for it.
00:27:16
Eric
Like people would be like, Oh, look at Eric. So, and make fun of me. Right. And so as I grew up, I started to hide myself. I started to hide even to me, not just outwardly. I started to deny what I truly liked because I needed to put on a persona.
00:27:32
Eric
I needed to put on a mask so that other people would accept me and I would be more quote unquote popular. So now fast forward to that eighth grade experience where I lose all this weight. Now I'm playing basketball, I'm playing sports, and I'm masking so that other people will accept me. And this is how I live all throughout my high school years when I'm really struggling. I'm denying all the things that I love. I'm denying a side of me that I felt like it was unacceptable. And now in this moment of journaling, God's like, I want you to write about Batman. And I say, why I writing this? And he says, I like what you like.
00:28:15
Eric
Tears. That's something you can only experience by diving into his presence. That's something that you have to pay for.
00:28:25
Eric
for him to take me through this whole process, to tell me I like what you like, to tell me I like the way that this makes you smile, my son. In that moment, he healed a part of me that was broken since I was a kid, thinking that I could not be who I am because I'd never be accepted. 20-year-old me would have never said on this podcast that I love Batman.
00:28:53
Eric
I was just never told you that.
00:28:55
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:28:55
Eric
I would just thought, oh, Ken's going to think I'm weird. Or his his audience is going to be like, bro, you're a grown man. You like Batman? You still read comic books, bro? You're weird. Yeah, I do. Now I could say, now I could be like, yeah, I do.
00:29:07
Eric
And I have a whole bunch of other stuff that I do that's pretty dope too. And it took God bringing me to that place for him to free me from something that was holding me captive that I didn't even know.
00:29:18
Eric
Bro, in high school, I used to make fun of people who used to say, I'm finding myself. I I used to be like, you're finding yourself. How are you finding yourself? You should know who you are. Meanwhile, I didn't know who I was at that time either.
00:29:31
Ken Freire
Man, Eric, you know, it's so funny because I was on a podcast. I had a guest on the podcast and we were talking about childhood trauma and we were talking about
00:29:39
Eric
Yeah.
00:29:41
Ken Freire
when I went through childhood trauma, one of the things that I would do is I would skate through watching cartoons. You and I are very similar ages, so you remember Saturday morning cartoons, right?
00:29:49
Eric
Bro, the best.
00:29:50
Ken Freire
All the time, you're just watching them. And I remember telling guy I was younger, I was like, man, I used to love Pokemon and anime and all that stuff.
00:29:59
Ken Freire
But as I grew older, I was like, oh, I can't share that stuff about me.
00:30:02
Ken Freire
That's weird. And then I remember the Lord just freed me. It's OK. That's what I like. At the end of the day, It's not sin. It's something... It's like any other thing that other people like, right?
00:30:11
Ken Freire
Like books or shows. I'm like, that's my jam.
00:30:13
Eric
Yeah.
00:30:14
Ken Freire
And there was this like freeing moment to know, oh, that's just what I like. And that's who got... Like God made
Approaching Intimacy with God: Practical Advice
00:30:21
Ken Freire
me that way. There's something about those shows that draw me closer to Him, interestingly enough, ah ah because there's a unique way that they reveal the character, like what we're designed to do almost, right?
00:30:33
Ken Freire
You watch a lot of anime, it's always like this redemption story. They're trying to redeem something and it's like, yes, that's what we as men are called to.
00:30:36
Eric
Yeah.
00:30:40
Ken Freire
And I love how you're like, man, I love Batman because that's what you feel like I want to help in justice. I want to do all these things. I'm sure there's like the list of qualities, but dude, I love that ah ah about you.
00:30:48
Eric
Yeah.
00:30:51
Ken Freire
So as you think about now helping guys who are probably wearing the masks, how do you help them take the masks off?
00:31:01
Eric
Bro, that's a layered question and an excellent one as well. I think one of the saddest things that we had to experience our generation growing up, I don't know if like Gen Z and Gen Alpha are going through this too.
00:31:14
Eric
I would venture to guess that they are, but there was this whole thing about how being nonchalant was cool. Like if you show that you care too much, people would look at you like, what's wrong with this guy?
00:31:22
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:31:27
Eric
And I was the guy, I'm mad excitable. I'm super excitable. That's how I was in fourth grade. If I liked something, I was diving into it completely. I wanted to know everything and that's how I am now, because I've recovered that aspect of myself.
00:31:43
Eric
And so it did not work well for me. And that's why I had to hide that. I had to hide this, this excitedness that I had because I needed to be more acceptable to people, i.e. being more nonchalant, being more cool about things like, yeah, that's cool. You know, yeah, yeah. I watched Power Rangers growing up. That was dope, but you know, I don't watch that no more. You know, like it's like, whatever, you know, there's this thing that we have to present for other people and you I would start off by telling men, obviously I i talked to them about the intimacy with God, but on top of that, right? I think that we need to allow ourselves to have the freedom to be ourselves.
00:32:24
Eric
Like we can't be afraid of how people are going to react. Like imagine just earlier I said, I probably would have never told you that I liked Batman and that whole story earlier on in my life. And just sharing it with you now, you said, I think that's really dope about you, right?
00:32:43
Eric
and us having this conversation, even this conversation is leading towards intimacy between me and you. We're growing in our relationship.
00:32:50
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:32:51
Eric
We're growing in our friendship. We're growing to get to know each other. And you're finding that, hey, I think this guy's pretty cool. And I'm thinking in my mind, I'm like, yeah, I think Ken's pretty cool too. You know what I'm saying? And we lose out on so many experiences like that, even in our marriage, because we feel like we have to maintain a certain
00:33:06
Ken Freire
Yep.
00:33:12
Eric
presentation towards society, towards our friends, towards our wife. And you know what the sad part about this is that this is engineered into society.
00:33:24
Eric
It is it engineered into society. Men are typically expected to not complain, to not display emotion, you know be cool, to be presentable at all times. We have all these expectations that the world places on us.
00:33:41
Eric
And I think that one of the biggest indications of a healthy relationship, for example, or a healthy marriage, if you're, let's say before the marriage, you're dating this girl and you're not sure if she's the one.
00:33:53
Eric
Well, does she accept you for who you are? And you be yourself in front of her. That's intimacy.
00:34:00
Ken Freire
Yeah, 100%.
00:34:01
Eric
Fully known, fully loved, fully accepted.
00:34:02
Ken Freire
Yep.
00:34:04
Eric
Right? That's true intimacy right there. And if we could get to a place where we have the freedom to be ourselves, like the first person that has to accept you is you.
00:34:15
Eric
And if we can get to that place, I think we inch closer to finding the answer to that question. Like I said, I think it's multilayered, but we inch just a little bit closer when we allow ourselves to have the freedom to be ourselves and to be in God's presence and to freely be ourselves in this world, right?
00:34:35
Eric
To be ourselves in our marriages, to be ourselves as parents, not what everybody else tells us we need to be, who God says we are.
00:34:43
Ken Freire
Yeah. And you know what the cool part is that you can be more of yourself when you are being in his presence, right?
00:34:51
Eric
Exactly.
00:34:51
Ken Freire
Like he gives you the freedom. And then the add on to that too, I would say is that as you become more of what God created you to be, right? As yourself, you're actually becoming more in the image of him.
00:35:03
Eric
Yeah.
00:35:03
Ken Freire
Because if you're in his presence and you are being freed, you're going to be more like him. And this beautiful cycle of just like growth is happening. Just like there was a cycle of shame and sin, there's this beautiful cycle of purity and intimacy constantly of just like...
00:35:18
Ken Freire
He's like, hey, what else do you want to release? So you could just be out there. I'm trying to remember who wrote this book. I think it was John Eldridge who wrote the book Fully Alive. And I'm trying to remember the quote, but oh man, I'm going to butcher it.
00:35:31
Ken Freire
But in summary, he was ah at the beginning of the quote was about talking about men when we are fully alive or when we are most like him and ourselves. Something like that.
00:35:41
Ken Freire
I butchered it. I'll find it. I'll put it in the show notes.
00:35:42
Eric
Uh-huh.
00:35:43
Ken Freire
I'll send it to you. I'll text it to you.
00:35:44
Eric
Yeah, yeah,
00:35:45
Ken Freire
It's like I remember reading that and being like, oh, yes. Like we are called to be a certain way. But that starts with intimacy. Eric, you know, as we wrap up our time together, and you and I could probably chat for hours, you know, if there's a guy listening to this and they're struggling with lust and they're struggling with intimacy and all the stuff that we're talking about, what's like one practical thing they could start doing today that could help them to get one step closer to the intimacy that you had and the freedom that you've received?
00:36:15
Eric
Yeah, I would say start waking up earlier. Wake up earlier, right? Give God the beginning of your day. I have a black or white approach.
00:36:25
Eric
I'm all or nothing, right? Right now, I'm more heavy. I need to lose weight, but I've lost 100 pounds before. I've lost 50 pounds multiple times in my life.
00:36:36
Ken Freire
That's awesome.
00:36:36
Eric
The last time I did it, I did 75 hard for 105 days straight.
00:36:40
Eric
Like I was going nuts, but two workouts a day is not sustainable, right? But instead of having that all or nothing approach, I would say it's healthier for us to build small sustainable habits. So when I say wake up earlier, I'm saying set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier if you feel like that's the bite you could take right now.
00:37:05
Eric
And little by little, build up to the increments that get you to the time that you really want to wake up. If your workday starts at 9 AM and you need to start getting ready by 8 AM, don't wake up at 7.55. Wake up at 7. Wake up at 6.30, even better.
00:37:25
Eric
Right. So you can start just get ready for the beginning of the day. And a seven from seven to eight, you can watch a sermon, you can pray, you can read the word. Right. And, and don't let anybody define for you what that time looks like. Sometimes you'll say, yo, I'm trying to get closer to God. I'm trying to pray more. And you tell somebody that and they're like, Oh, okay. So are you on your knees with your hands lifted up for the whole hour? If not, it doesn't count.
00:37:52
Eric
No, if you watch a sermon for that that's just another aspect of people trying to add rules to us and trying to add to us and make us something that we're not.
00:37:55
Ken Freire
gonna say, my hands are my hands are gonna be sore, dude. It's like a workout for an hour.
00:38:04
Ken Freire
100%.
00:38:06
Eric
Be true to yourself. I tell people, not just men, I tell people all the time, go to the things you gravitate to. I love sermons. I'm a sermon guy. I do like worship too, but on Sundays, I want to hear the sermon. So if I'm going to spend time in God's presence and I have a choice between listening to a sermon or listening to worship, I'm going to choose the sermon. I'm not going to force myself to watch the worship because somebody else told me to lean into the things that you like. And as you spend more and more time in him, in his presence, you're going to find that it's easier
00:38:41
Eric
to do it, you're going to find that you start falling in love with every aspect of him. And it just, it starts to snowball. It's like Dave Ramsey with the, with the snowball thing of for debt, right?
00:38:52
Eric
You just, it starts to snowball.
00:38:52
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:38:54
Eric
And before you know it, you want to wake up every day at six 30 at five o'clock. You know, to, to spend time in God's presence. So I would say the most practical thing you can do, set your alarm for a little bit earlier, build towards an ideal time that you want to wake up.
00:39:09
Eric
Whatever works for you. Don't follow my rules. Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, but, but spend the beginning of your day with him.
00:39:16
Ken Freire
Yeah. And I would add to that, if you want to wake up early to spend time with God, it actually starts the night before. Like, what time are you going to bed?
00:39:23
Eric
Yeah.
00:39:24
Ken Freire
Right?
00:39:25
Ken Freire
If you're going to go to bed at midnight, it's going to be really hard to wake up at 6, 6.30. Right? Like, go to... Say you're alone for 10. Like, work backwards. What do you need to do? And for a lot of men, the place where you struggle and fall, it's most likely at nighttime when you're alone by yourself.
00:39:39
Eric
Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:40
Ken Freire
Right? So, if you could say, hey, you know what? I'm just going to cut all that off by just going to bed at 9. or 10. I got four little kids. So by 930, I'm like, dude, I'm tired. I don't want to do anything else.
00:39:49
Eric
We do nine thirties my time too, bro.
00:39:51
Eric
I'm done. I'm done for the day.
00:39:54
Ken Freire
So it just becomes easier to say, oh yeah, I'm going to wake up at 6.
00:39:55
Eric
Yeah.
00:39:56
Ken Freire
Right now, my wife, she's going to CrossFit and she goes at 5 o'clock in the morning. So she's waking me up at 4.40. I'm like, gosh, this is brutal.
00:40:04
Ken Freire
So I have to readjust stuff. But man, when she does, I'm awake. And I'm reading the word. And then when she gets back, I go to the gym. So by the morning, I've read the Bible.
00:40:15
Eric
Yeah You feel anything bro
00:40:15
Ken Freire
I've worked out. And I'm like, I'm ready to rock and roll. I'm connected. Yeah, I feel great. Right? So, but that's the thing that most men need. So, Eric, I appreciate that. I love that you're just given that real practical step because it's super important. For men who are listening to this and they want to know more about you and they're like, dude, I love Eric. I love his personality and i want to hear more about Valley of the Heroic. What's the best place they could reach out to you?
00:40:42
Eric
Yeah, bro. Thank you for that. The best absolute best place is going to be my YouTube channel. If you type in value of the ROIC, it should come up. then they can also follow me on Instagram at Eric Munoz Jr. are the two places that I really spend my time on YouTube and Instagram.
00:40:59
Ken Freire
Awesome, man. I'll put those on the show notes for everybody to find.
Conclusion and Encouragement
00:41:02
Ken Freire
Listen, Eric, thank you so much for being on the podcast. I know that you and I have been ah connecting since before the holidays, dude.
00:41:05
Eric
Yeah.
00:41:07
Ken Freire
And it's been a blast texting each other, just joking around.
00:41:11
Ken Freire
I know you live in the East Coast. The next time I'm in New York City, dude, we got to find a way to to connect and just hang out, dude.
00:41:16
Eric
Yes, sir. All right, but Thank you for having me on the show, man. It's really a huge thing that you're doing here, bro. And I really hope that a lot of men can find freedom with it.
00:41:26
Ken Freire
Yeah. Appreciate that, man. All right, men. Again, if you want to reach out to Eric, go to Valley of the Heroic on YouTube or on his Instagram. It's going to be in the show notes. And for this week, always remember, keep continuing to kill shame, stand strong, and be on mission. Hope you guys have a great day and God bless.