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00:00:01
Preventing Kids from Watching Porn
81 Plays1 year ago
In this powerful episode of the Shame(less) Podcast, host Ken Freire welcomes Jason Weening—husband, father of 10, and host of the Helping Men Thrive Podcast. Jason shares his wisdom on how fathers can help their children overcome the shame associated with pornography. They discuss the importance of creating safe spaces, having ongoing conversations, and leading with intention and love.
Key Takeaways:
- The Power of Intentional Fatherhood: Jason emphasizes that being a father isn’t just about financial provision but about active leadership within the home.
- Creating Safe Spaces for Honest Conversations: Encouraging kids to ask questions without fear of shame is crucial to helping them navigate tough topics like pornography.
- The Role of Training and Preparation: Fathers often feel unequipped to discuss these topics due to lack of training—Jason offers practical advice on where to start.
- Recognizing the Signs of Struggle: Jason shares key indicators that your child may be struggling with pornography and how to address them without judgment.
- Practical Steps for Parents: From making pornography a casual, approachable topic to utilizing great resources, Jason provides actionable tips for fathers.
Notable Quotes:
- "Dads, you matter. What you do in your family carries more influence than anything else."
- "Feel the fear and do it anyway. You don’t have to be perfect—just start the conversation."
- "Normalize the conversation around pornography, so it’s not a shame-filled topic in your home."
Resources Mentioned:
- Books for Parents and Kids:Good Pictures, Bad Pictures by Kristen Jenson (for young children)
Who Made Me? – A simple, age-appropriate book for kids
The Talks by Barrett Johnson – A guide to ongoing conversations about sex and purity
God Made All of Me by Justin Holcomb – A resource for teaching kids about body safety and sexual abuse prevention
The Bible – Using scripture to naturally introduce conversations about sexual integrity - Jason's Website and Book:Visit heydads.ca for Jason’s podcast, resources, and parenting content
Danger in the Jungle – Jason’s fiction book for boys, available on Amazon
Practical Tips for Fathers:
- Start early—don’t wait for “the talk,” but have many talks over time.
- Use everyday opportunities like car rides or walks to introduce these conversations naturally.
- Be honest about your own experiences and struggles to create a culture of openness.
- Praise your kids when they come to you with questions or concerns, reinforcing trust and safety.
- Watch for signs of secrecy and isolation and address them with grace, not guilt.
Connect with Jason:
- Website: heydads.ca
- Book: Danger in the Jungle (available on Amazon)
Recommended
Transcript
Intro
Introduction and Topic Overview
00:00:30
Ken Freire
All right, everybody. Welcome back to another fantastic episode. Today, we're going to have a slightly different conversation. A lot of our conversations are geared towards you, right, finding the help. But for many of you who are listening, you're dads, right, and you have kids, and you've always wondered, how do you help your kids, right, with the issue of pornography, or how do you help them prevent even falling into that trap. So, that's what we're actually going to talk about, helping kids, your kids specifically, overcome pornography.
Guest Introduction: Jason Weaning
00:01:05
Ken Freire
And today, I have Jason Weaning here. He is a dad of 10 kids
00:01:13
Ken Freire
and a husband of just one wife, he speaks and writes to encourage men to be intentional in their most important organization, not their company, but their family. And he is the host of the Helping Men Thrive Podcast. Jason, welcome to the podcast, man.
Parenting Experience and Strategies
00:01:30
Jason Weening
Thank you, Ken. I'm glad to be here. I love what you're doing. It's so important, so love it. Thank you.
00:01:37
Ken Freire
Yeah, absolutely, man. Jason, before we jump into it, I know that people heard the intro and they heard 10 kids. How in the world do you pull that off? I'm over here with four like, Lord Jesus come now.
00:01:55
Jason Weening
yes can i get asked that question a lot and i have a great wife and you do it one at a time except when you have twins then it's two at a time so we have eight-year-old twin girls but really yeah it's one at a time and you learn as you go and it is it is an organization to some degree At some point, well, you've got four kids, so you're outnumbered two to one.
Influence and Mentorship in Fatherhood
00:02:19
Jason Weening
So you get a little bit, I kind of think once you're at three, you're outnumbered and three, four, five, 10, you're outnumbered.
00:02:20
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:02:26
Jason Weening
So you just got to do the best that you can and hopefully empower the ones at the top of the list to leverage your, uh, influence through the rest of them.
00:02:37
Jason Weening
You know, the influence of older kids to young, that's a whole other topic on itself, but yes.
00:02:42
Ken Freire
Oh, 100%. You know, my wife constantly reminds me, in a good way, of like how if we train the older to write, it's like a ripple effect for all of the the younger ones. And I was like,
00:02:56
Ken Freire
We're just now starting to learn how to become good parents. If someone would have taught us, like, how do we train the first two to be really good? And obviously, that's the work of the Holy Spirit too, but you know, there's stuff that we could do. Man, we would have been in such a better shape. So we're learning. We're on the go parenting. And I think that's right. By the time you get to your 10th, I'm sure you're like, we got this in the bag. This is easy.
00:03:16
Jason Weening
Well, I say to my, I say to my oldest kids, like my oldest is she'll be 19 next week. And I, I say, Hey, I'm going to make mistakes. I've never had a 19 year old, but in 19 years, I won't be able to use that line anymore on my, on my baby who's six months right now, because I will have had nine 19 year old. So I should ah ah know by then what it's like to have a 19 year old.
00:03:37
Ken Freire
Oh, that's awesome. Well, I'm sure I'll be reaching out to you many times after this, like, how do I do this?
Intentional Parenting and Addressing Pornography
00:03:44
Ken Freire
But Jason, you know, as we jump into our conversation, first, I'm curious, what led you to talk about intentional fatherhood and especially helping men, you know, to talk about this issue of pornography with their kids? Because quite frankly, not a lot of people talk about it. And sometimes fathers think that intentional fatherhood is just financial provision.
00:04:06
Jason Weening
Hmm.
00:04:06
Ken Freire
Right? So what made you decide to like, let's go in and talk about this.
00:04:09
Jason Weening
Yeah. Well, there are a lot of facets to the areas that we can influence our children. That's for sure. But this, one of the authors I read, I think it was maybe Barrett Johnson said, sexuality is the greatest battlefield of our time and the battlefield is littered with casualties.
00:04:30
Jason Weening
And if we look around us at the marriages of our friends that that's what kind of spurred me to start the podcast was just talking about friends who marriages were falling apart.
00:04:30
Ken Freire
Hmm.
00:04:40
Jason Weening
These were good Christian guys in small groups in our church. doing well in business, but at home things were not going so
00:04:51
Jason Weening
But really the heart of it started with a mutual friend of ours, Heath Stoner, 25 years ago now, it's hard to believe that.
00:04:57
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:04:58
Jason Weening
Heath ran a program called the trailer club and it was about, he was helping young guys learn how to be better husbands and better fathers before we became husbands and fathers.
00:05:09
Jason Weening
And hislo his slogan or his motto that was for the trailer club was what one man can do, another man can do. The theory behind that is if you know a dad who is a great father or you know an older man who's a grandfather who has children that have grown up to become adults and grandchildren, guys that have won near the end of their lives, well, what one man could do, and another man could do. If he could do it well, well, young guys like us, we could learn to do it well too.
00:05:33
Jason Weening
by asking them questions, by learning, by reading, by having discussions with
Fatherly Influence and the Shame Barrier
00:05:38
Jason Weening
other men. So really it was in 2000, 2001 in that neighborhood where I think God really put a seed in my heart before I was married, before I was a father, you know, to kind of start preparing for the future.
00:05:53
Jason Weening
I have a great dad, you know, this, for me, it didn't come from like a father wound kind of a place. My dad is awesome. I love him. We have a great relationship, but really just seeing the need around us, seeing the need in my own friend's lives, you know, dad's, you matter what you do matters.
00:06:07
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:06:10
Jason Weening
You've got so much influence on your kids. Like it is, you got more influence than anyone else. And it's so important.
00:06:18
Ken Freire
And Jason, you know, you just said something really important. Dads, you matter. Right. But many times dads don't feel like that, especially when it comes to this topic of helping their their sons and their daughters talk about pornography and lust and in this issue. Why do they, why do you feel like parents and specifically dads have a hard time sharing and talking about this topic?
00:06:42
Jason Weening
Well, can I listen to some of your other interviews? You know, shame is the big topic that comes up when we start talking about pornography, start talking about this issue, start talking about masturbation, all this kind of stuff that is not You don't have these sorts of conversations every day at your coffee break while you're sitting you your softball game you with the boys.
00:07:03
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:07:09
Jason Weening
You're not having these kinds of conversations by any means because I think that shame is such a huge part of it. make a difference in people's lives by shaming them into it. The story where they wanted to stone the lady and he said, well, which one of you is without sin, then you throw the first stone and they all went away. And he looked at the lady and said, where are your accusers? Jesus is not accusing us, but there isn't an accuser out there who does want to accuse us and does want to build up those walls of shame
00:07:43
Jason Weening
and keep us from engaging in this with our kids. So shame is a huge thing. I think also our own upbringing, I don't know about you Ken, but I had I can think of one, but maybe two conversations with my dad about this kind of stuff.
00:08:00
Jason Weening
One was basic, like birds and the bees, you know, and, and the other, you know, I don't even know if there was another one. So have we had this modeled for us? I don't know if we have, I don't know many guys that have had this modeled for
Training and Counseling for Fathers
00:08:14
Jason Weening
them.
00:08:15
Jason Weening
So part of it is shame, I think. And part of it is I don't know what to do.
00:08:20
Ken Freire
Just a lack of training.
00:08:21
Jason Weening
Yeah, I haven't been trained to do this. He's used to say, you know, how long do you train to become a plumber or a mechanic or a doctor or a lawyer? You could be doing apprenticeships.
00:08:31
Jason Weening
You could be doing eight years, 10 years of schooling and stuff. Well, how many years did you go to school to learn how to be a dad or learn how to be a husband?
00:08:39
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:08:40
Jason Weening
Anyone?
00:08:41
Ken Freire
You know, I remember when Heath used to say that to us and I felt so convicted in a good way. Like, oh my gosh, you're right. Like we do all this training for everything, but we rarely do the training to be good husbands or good fathers. It's like, oh, maybe we read a book. Think about even like before you get married, premarital counseling, you're like, you do six sessions. And then it's like, then what?
00:09:04
Ken Freire
Right? It's just like, no, there's actually a lot of stuff that happens after you get married that, like, you... That's when you need it. I remember... And I don't know if you were there at the time when we were at the internship, John Bushnell.
00:09:16
Ken Freire
Does that name ring ring about to you?
00:09:18
Jason Weening
know John Bushnell, yeah.
00:09:19
Ken Freire
Yeah. So he actually did pre-engagement counseling with us.
00:09:24
Jason Weening
Wow, what a concept.
00:09:24
Ken Freire
Right? So, yeah. I know what it kind of sounds like. Hey, before you even think about getting married, let's just sit down and talk and figure out between me and her. Like, is this really the thing you guys want to do? I mean, it was like the most pivotal moment for me to be like, oh my gosh, I want to marry my wife. And then we did premarital counseling with him. And then we did postmarital counseling.
00:09:46
Jason Weening
Hmm.
00:09:46
Ken Freire
Right? Like, there was all this training that we did with, you know, him that, like, set us up to win. Right? Like, know right now we're in a complete tangent.
00:09:55
Ken Freire
I'll bring it back in a second.
00:09:56
Jason Weening
I'm writing it down. I'm like, I just wrote it down. My daughter's 19. I'm like pre-engagement counseling. Oh, I love it.
00:10:02
Ken Freire
It was huge. I mean, he has a whole curriculum. So, for all of you who are listening, John Bush now, he's got a whole curriculum. It's awesome. But one of the things that I remember thinking is I remember people telling us, wow,
00:10:15
Ken Freire
the first year or first two years of marriage was so hard.
00:10:18
Jason Weening
Hmm.
00:10:19
Ken Freire
And that was just not our case. I don't want to be like, oh, I'm special. I think it's because we had the training that you were talking about, right? Like we had someone who came and trained us. Like six months before we got married and then like six months after we were married, someone was there coaching us on how to deal with these conversations and built these muscles and habits for us.
Practical Advice for Discussing Pornography
00:10:39
Ken Freire
Right? So, was a huge, huge victory in that regard. Now, going back to our conversation here about dads, right? Same thing about training dads. They don't feel like they know what to do in this conversation. So, let's walk them through some practical tips on how do you help, okay?
00:10:58
Ken Freire
a father, right, who wants to help their kids, right? How do you help them gain some great practical tips on start working with their kids?
00:11:10
Jason Weening
That's a great question, Ken. And I think we don't have to feel like we're an expert. To go back to the shame thing, sometimes we don't want to talk about this stuff because of our own past mistakes or our own current struggles.
00:11:25
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:11:25
Jason Weening
And we feel like I don't want to, I can't go through this with my kids because I haven't figured it all out yet either. Uh, Yoda said, uh, didn't he say like do or do not do there is no try or something like that.
00:11:40
Jason Weening
I think I'm botching the quote, but, but
00:11:41
Ken Freire
Yeah. It's okay. Disney botched Disney. you Last three videos, that's fine.
00:11:48
Jason Weening
That's Yoda is wrong. He's wrong.
00:11:51
Jason Weening
Try. There is a try. Even if your heart is racing and your hands are sweating and you don't know what you're gonna say to your last week, Ken, my 10 year old son, we're driving in the van.
00:12:04
Jason Weening
Last week he says, dad, uh, how do people, I kind of think I know, but how do people breed? Well, he says, I think I know, but I just want to ask you, you know, and I felt my heart racing and I've had the conversation with his four older siblings. So, so this is the fifth time I'm having the conversation. It it did get a little bit easier.
00:12:28
Jason Weening
But we got to just have the conversation and if you've, you know, do, are, are you a professional baseball player? Uh, Ken, did you, you didn't play in the major leagues.
00:12:37
Ken Freire
No, not even close.
00:12:39
Jason Weening
I didn't see you in the, okay.
00:12:40
Ken Freire
No, I actually, I might've played for the Yankees, you know, at some point when I was 14, you know.
00:12:44
Jason Weening
Yeah.
00:12:46
Jason Weening
Yeah. Yeah. No doubt. You're the child prodigy.
00:12:49
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:12:50
Jason Weening
But I bet you've probably like tossed the ball with your kids. You've had a catch with your kids.
00:12:53
Ken Freire
Yes.
00:12:55
Jason Weening
You know, we don't have to be the pastors, the counselors, the therapists, the professionals. We can just be their dad and we can have a catch.
00:13:06
Jason Weening
We can just toss the ball with our kids. We can figure it out as we go. Just give it a shot. I think that's, that's where we got to go.
00:13:11
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:13:13
Jason Weening
Feel the fear and do it anyways.
00:13:15
Ken Freire
Yeah. You know, I remember before we recorded it, actually, for those of you who are listening to this, this is the second time we had to record this because the first time, welcome to technology, botched it up. the first time we talked about this, one of the steps that you talked about is creating a safe space.
00:13:30
Ken Freire
for both yourself, right, to mess up, but then a safe space for your kids to be able to have these discussions. Walk us through what does creating that kind of safe space look like?
00:13:42
Jason Weening
So one of the authors that I've read, it could have been in Barrett Johnson, again, I mentioned him already in his book, The Talks. There's another book called Unwanted, and it's more about sexual healing. It came from one of those two sources, I think, but the author said,
00:13:57
Jason Weening
We need to make pornography a casual term. And what he meant by that was that when we talk about, we've got to bring it up with our kids, even at a young age, a couple other good resources. There's a book called Good Pictures, Bad Pictures. There's an older kid's version and like an under seven version, very innocent.
00:14:17
Jason Weening
just painted drawing very, like it doesn't show anything, just great books to have the conversation. And I have read this with my eight year olds, I'm going to say.
00:14:23
Ken Freire
No.
00:14:27
Jason Weening
And actually we were reading it and their five year old brother came running out of his room and he was like, I heard you talking about cornography. And it was like, well, you didn't quite get it there, buddy.
00:14:37
Jason Weening
But But we're bringing it up. We're talking about it. And you mentioned the term safe space, like giving our kids an opportunity to ask questions. And when they ask questions, don't don't shame them about it. Like curiosity and and and attraction and sexual attraction.
00:14:55
Jason Weening
Okay, two things, curiosity, first of all, it's okay to be curious about things.
00:14:59
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:14:59
Jason Weening
And we're curious about lions and tigers and crocodiles and things, but that doesn't mean we jump in the cage at the zoo with the lion and get into it. No, we watch safely from outside of the cage in a healthy environment.
00:15:14
Jason Weening
And that's like a family, a healthy environment with a mom and dad to talk about these issues that you're curious about. So I asked my boys, when I type them in, I ask, my boys and my girls, you know, do you have any questions?
00:15:26
Jason Weening
You know, at the end of the day, hey, do you have any questions for me about anything? And it doesn't have to be about pornography or things like that. But I did ask my son when he was asking me on Tuesday night about how humans breed.
00:15:37
Jason Weening
I explained it to him and I said, any other questions you have or have you seen anything you want to ask me about?
00:15:37
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:15:43
Jason Weening
Just creating it so that it's not a talk about pornography. Bring it up in the home in a in a safe place so that it becomes part of your lifestyle to be bringing up topics like this. There's so many, I'll tell you another story. Same son, 10 years old, scrolling through, we have an iPad for the family, scrolling through Spotify.
00:16:11
Jason Weening
finds, sees something, some album cover, you know, some pornographic album cover. And he goes right away to my wife and says, Hey, mom, I just want to tell you, I saw this thing. It wasn't good. I saw it on Spotify. It was like, great, no big deal. Thank you for coming to me.
00:16:27
Jason Weening
That's another thing, you know, when they do come to us, praise them for it. Thank you. You know, a lot of kids would be scared to talk to their mom and dad about something like this, but I'm glad you came to me. I'm always open to have these conversations with you, to answer your questions. If you tell me you saw something, hey, I'm on your side. I'm going to help you figure it out and work through this. No shame. No shame.
00:16:48
Ken Freire
Yeah. You know, there was another episode previous to this with Trevor Windsor, and he talks about being vulnerable. But he said he remembers the time he was trying to be vulnerable with his parents, it was the first time he heard someone like a kid say the F word.
00:17:03
Jason Weening
Hmm.
00:17:03
Ken Freire
right? And he went back home and he asked his parents, like, well, what's the effort? And the way they managed it, he just remembered, like, it's not safe to bring this conversation up with my family.
Recognizing and Addressing Exposure Signs
00:17:15
Ken Freire
So anything to do with sexuality, he just kind of avoided.
00:17:19
Ken Freire
And that's exactly what you're saying. Like, I was actually listening to that and you're like, wow, you could have been like super helicopter parenting and be like, we're going to turn off Spotify. Can't believe you watched that. Why didn't you say something sooner? No, you were like, hey, I'm proud of you for coming to me. That's such a beautiful example of creating a safe space. And as you think about that, Jason, what happens on the flip side when you see that maybe one of your kids is struggling with pornography? What are some of the signs that are there, that you can start to, like, be aware, like, oh, I need to be mindful that my kid may be falling into a trap and I need enough step in as that.
00:18:00
Jason Weening
I've heard a few people joke about this. Like, is your son 10 years old? Does he have a cell phone? You know, there, those are your first two sides. He's probably, he's probably seen pornography or looking at it.
00:18:14
Jason Weening
You know, I had a conversation, I interviewed Dave Hawes, another mutual friend of ours for our podcast.
00:18:18
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:18:19
Jason Weening
And he said something along the way, saved by like, is your son 12 years old? Does he have a phone? Yeah, he's probably looking at pornography or has seen it, even if he's not looking at it.
00:18:27
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:18:29
Jason Weening
So what are the signs? That was your question. You know, secrecy, Proverbs says, when we bring things out into the light, that's where freedom comes. And if our kids are starting to act in a way that is secretive or they're trying to hide things or you're observing things, they're super practical, like taking their phones into their rooms or they have computers in their rooms. There's some practical things as parents we can do to prevent some of this from happening, like no phones or computers in the bedrooms could be one of those things.
00:19:02
Jason Weening
But watching, ah yeah, for secrecy, for hiding things, for acting in a different way, acting strange, you quickly flicking away as soon as you approach when they're looking at their phone or something or putting their phone down. Those are some kind of practical signs. And and you notice that, I think you just got to ask like, hey, what were you looking at? Was there anything you saw that maybe you feel bad about seeing? or How can you put your phone away so quickly? ah ah Just asking questions and and getting answers from our kids, just keeping the conversation alive, constantly just keeping the conversation alive.
00:19:38
Ken Freire
Yeah. One thing that's really important, Jason, and and this is probably your demeanor, but I think that's really important is it's not just the questions you ask, but also how you ask them. I think your tone, you bring a very curious, nonjudgmental tone.
00:19:53
Ken Freire
to it. Versus some people, you know, if you're like, I'm a type A individual, I could be driving. This literally happened to me earlier today. I asked my wife a question and then I gave a response to the way she responded to my question. And she's like, dude, why are you so edgy? Like, what's wrong with you right now? And I'm like, sorry, I'm just on the go. I'm like, I was just moving and I didn't recognize that I was not a safe person at that moment. Right? And my wife knows me, she blew her blew it off. But if my kids were doing something and I asked them the question that same way, I think a lot of walls would have come up. But what you did is very like...
Openness and Resource Recommendations
00:20:31
Ken Freire
maybe just because of this conversation, but from what I've known of you, you have that huge heart of compassion and like curiosity and non-judgmentalness that makes it easy. What are some other practical little tips that you can give to guys that go a long way?
00:20:49
Jason Weening
I think, and you go there all the time on this podcast, Ken, is just the transparency of your own life and telling them like, my son's, guys, I've seen things that I knew I shouldn't have looked at as well. I'm not perfect. I'm trying to figure this out and I need God's grace too. And as our kids transition to get older, I'm talking, my sons are 10 and 12 and six. So we haven't got into any,
00:21:18
Jason Weening
super intense discussions yet. My son turns 13 tomorrow, so I've got some ideas as we head into his 13th year of some very intentional discussions to have. But just letting them know that, hey, I'm not perfect either. I struggled when I was young, when I was your age. I understand. like I'm a man too. I was at 13. I know what it's like to be 13 years old. I am not some perfect I got all figured out. You know, when I was a teenager, to go back to the shame thing, I remember being like I was a good Christian kid at church and all this stuff, but still struggled with lust and masturbation and all this stuff. And I wrote a note to a friend of mine. We were both on the worship team at our church. I played drums. He played guitar. But I was too afraid to write it in my own handwriting. So I like cut out letters out of the newspaper, like a ransom note, you know, so he couldn't figure out who it was.
00:22:11
Jason Weening
cut out these letters, folded this up, put it in his guitar, but in the back of his guitar amp after practice one day. And it was like, please pray for me. I need help. Super vague. But what I had in mind was like, I need help because i I'm masturbating and I feel guilty about it. And I hadn't had any kinds of discussions at that point.
00:22:26
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:22:28
Jason Weening
I'm like, I don't know, 14, 15, 16. I'm not sure, something in that neighborhood. Anyways, he didn't know till like 10 years later that I had written that note. And we were both married. I said, hey, do you remember in youth getting like the ransom note?
00:22:39
Jason Weening
He's like, didn't think that was you. But the shame, that was the thing. The shame was just like, wanted to be anonymous. Didn't want him to know about it. With our kids, shame is the enemy. We don't want our kids to feel afraid and shameful to come to us to talk about it. Can God has put us as dads in our kids' lives? There's no one else who could have been your kid's dad except for you. Now I get it, there's adoption, there's fostering. So there are some exceptions to the rule. But God literally gave you your children
00:23:13
Jason Weening
He could not have given them to anybody else. And I believe along with that came this mantle of leadership and influence as dads, even when we feel like we can't do it. And even when we feel like we have shame and even like we are not perfect. Nobody was perfect. That's, you can do it. And God has given you that influence in your kids, even if you're not going to do it perfectly. That's okay.
00:23:40
Ken Freire
Jason, that is such an encouragement, right? Even when you were just saying, like, God gave you these kids. And I was even thinking about adoption, right? Like, God allowed that to happen, that you were to be adopted, right?
00:23:50
Jason Weening
Yes.
00:23:51
Ken Freire
Like, in his sovereignty, now you have those kids. Like, God gave you these individuals. So, there's a reason that he gave you these individuals. As you think about this topic, right can be really scary for a lot of parents. Like you were saying earlier, it's just unknown and they don't know what to do. are some good resources or recommendations that you have? You mentioned some already, but just remind them and any others that you think would be helpful for guys to just be like, I really need this because I want to take proactive steps in helping my kids and prevent them from actually ever falling into the trap.
00:24:28
Jason Weening
That is a great question. And like I said before, you know, if we've, we we get help from other people. And I found some of these resources to be helpful because you can sit and read this book, good pictures, bad pictures. It's like a, it's not a Dr. Seuss book, but it's a kid's book. It's innocent. You can read there and you can get the discussion started. So I like it that it kind of takes.
00:24:54
Jason Weening
I feel like it takes the pressure off of you as a parent to have to have all the answers and explain all the things. It is just an intro to get started. So good pictures, bad pictures. If you Google it, you'll find it. Kristin, I have it here beside me. Kristin Jensen is the author. Good pictures, bad pictures. So that is a fantastic resource. Another super simple one is called Who Made Me? And this is a book, my mom read it to me when I was,
00:25:21
Jason Weening
grade four probably who made me and it's just another simple kids book that explains the birds and the bees and what sex is and all this kind of stuff in a real simple kid friendly way to go through that so those are kind of for kids that are younger I'm gonna say they're kind of picture books the talks is another book by Barrett Johnson I've already mentioned him and the title of the book says it all Ken like We sometimes hear, oh, have you had the talk with your kids or how to have the talk with your kids? Well, that's the whole completely wrong premise. It's not the talk. It's talks over years. It's talks over coffee. It's talks when you're in the car. It's talks over meals.
00:26:04
Jason Weening
You know, kind of a practical tip. I find it easier, and I think a lot of dads probably could relate to this, to talk while you're walking. You know, and my son asked me, what was the F word? This was last February, so we're filming this in November, so it was 10 months ago. My son asked me, what's the F word, like that example you just gave, and we just went for a walk, and I explained, you know, what the F word meant to him.
00:26:25
Jason Weening
and walking along beside him side by side shoulder to shoulder or maybe while working on you know if you're working out in the garage or doing some woodworking or throwing the ball or maybe you're playing video games together you know doing something where you're shoulder to
Engaging Conversations and Overcoming Fear
00:26:38
Jason Weening
shoulder with your kids i find that a lot easier i think dads do some people say women like talking face to face better and guys like talking like shoulder to shoulder better i can certainly relate to that
00:26:40
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:26:51
Jason Weening
So talking shoulder to shoulder doing that. And yeah, using other resources there. There's so many resources out there and you don't have to have all the answers.
00:26:57
Ken Freire
Yeah. Yeah, 100%. And you know, there's two resources that I'll actually mention. One, and this is more in the sexual abuse area, but you know, this is something that's, it happened to me, it was personal to me. There's a book by Justin Holcomb called God Made You.
00:27:14
Jason Weening
Hmm.
00:27:14
Ken Freire
And it was all about how protecting yourself. So like, that's a great recommendation in this kind of conversation of like pornography and sexuality for kids. read that regularly to my kids and remind them, you know, especially as they're getting older and have other friends that are influencing them. I know I was at a birthday party the other day.
00:27:33
Ken Freire
And I saw my daughter hanging out with one boy and she's like, oh yeah, he's a really good friend of mine. And I'm like, oh yeah. And there's seven. I mean, it's like, but I could just tell, right? Like I could just tell there was something, the chemistry there.
00:27:45
Ken Freire
And I'm like, okay, I'm going to have to remind her how to like protect her and just like protect her body so that someone's just not like, oh, we're playing a game or we're being curious.
00:27:50
Jason Weening
Hmm.
00:27:53
Ken Freire
Right? So, fantastic book.
00:27:54
Jason Weening
Yes.
00:27:55
Ken Freire
And the second book, this is going to sound, you know, don't know what the right word is, like cliche, but the Bible. And here's what I mean by this. We go through devotionals every morning. I read the Bible. We're going through stuff. And as you're reading the Bible and you're reading books of the Bible to them, they're going to talk about sexual morality. They're going to talk about topics where that's where you can make it normal for them to like, oh, what's sexual morality? What's this? you And having those conversations be part of everyday life is super helpful.
00:28:29
Ken Freire
Right. And there are times, man, when I'm reading the Bible, I'm like, gosh, I hope they do not ask me a question. Right. Like it happens.
00:28:39
Ken Freire
And then there are other times that I'm like, I was not expecting that question. I really wish that they would have asked me the question on sexuality better. Like it was just like curve balls. Uh, but it's, it's super beneficial.
00:28:48
Jason Weening
Yes.
00:28:51
Jason Weening
One of my kids was reading, it was like Leviticus or something like the laws about sexual immorality.
00:28:58
Ken Freire
Yeah.
00:28:58
Jason Weening
And I forget what the term was, but it was some term he didn't understand. And it was from reading like Leviticus. You couldn't pick a more boring book of the Bible to read. And, and the sex questions come out of Leviticus, but proverbs, a hundred percent reading proverbs with my kids.
00:29:14
Jason Weening
One of the questions, dad, what is a seductress? We're reading our Bible, Proverbs four or Proverbs seven. I can't remember the term seductress comes out and the boys ask, dad, what is a seductress? And the book of Proverbs can to talk about the influence of moms and dads. Like it is a whole book of a dad.
00:29:31
Jason Weening
giving advice to his son and he talks about your mother and I and when you sit on your mother's knee and there's a whole chapter at the end of it about a godly woman like it is all about family and the influence of mom and dad so yes the bible is full of great examples good and bad of sexuality and it brings it up and normalizes it like you just said
00:29:54
Ken Freire
Yeah. I love it, Jason. As wrap up our conversation here, what's some final piece of advice or encouragement you want to give to these guys who are just starting off in this conversation with their kids? And they might even feel a little shame of just bringing it up. They're just like, don't know what to do.
00:30:14
Jason Weening
You know, we've all, we've all made mistakes. You know, anyone in the room here who's perfect. No, you know, there was one guy who was perfect. It wasn't Ken. It certainly wasn't Jason. So the pressure we sometimes put on ourselves that we need to have it all together and have it all figured out before we can talk to our kids.
00:30:33
Jason Weening
Just get rid of that pressure. Give it a try. Feel the fear and do it anyways. I had a quote out of my full focus planner, Ken, so you'll appreciate this. And the quote was, to begin, begin. Just give it a shot. Get out there and do it. And you know, don't feel like you've got to have it all together.
00:30:54
Jason Weening
It's okay. And if you, if you come across your son looking at something, you know, don't freak out kind of recapping some of that stuff, be calm, talk about it. None of us is perfect. Just make that normalization of the conversation happen, feel the fear and do it anyways.
00:31:13
Ken Freire
Yeah, I love it. And then and you're absolutely right. Feel the fear and do it anyways. Like just begin.
00:31:19
Jason Weening
It's a real thing.
00:31:20
Ken Freire
Yeah. I know I felt it. I feel afraid sometimes I have like other conversations, but I'm like, you know what? I got to do this. Like that's what I'm here for. As a father is to step up and to have those hard conversations.
00:31:29
Jason Weening
Mhmm.
00:31:33
Ken Freire
But if I don't have them, The social media is going to do it. The culture is going to do it. Their friends are going to do it. So, for those of you who are listening and are fathers, like you want... In this age, right? Like... And Jason, I think you would agree with me. Your kids are so impressionable at such a young age. And you have the most influence in this time span, right? When they're like 4 to 12, right? Like they're like probably like going to listen to you the most.
00:31:59
Ken Freire
that's when you want to be able to be speaking wisdom into their life. So, Jason, thank you so much for all of the wisdom, everything that you have talked about. For those people who are like, man, I i i want to help lead my family. Well, I want to help become an intentional leader in the household and father, like you were talking about. What's the best way to get a hold of you?
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:32:21
Jason Weening
Yeah, you can go to my website, which is heydads.ca. That's Canadian, that's where the .ca comes from. Heydads.ca, it's got links to all of my podcast and YouTube channel. I also wrote a fiction book for like eight to 12 year olds. I had boys in mind when I wrote it is about adventure and like Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, Hardy Boys, that was the vibe I was going for. Of boys going on adventures, not alone, but with older men, with their fathers,
00:32:48
Jason Weening
and learning from older men in that scenario. But heydads.ca is the best place to find all of my propaganda.
00:32:56
Ken Freire
I love it. And what what's the name of the book?
00:32:58
Jason Weening
The book is called Danger in the Jungle. It's available on Amazon.
00:33:00
Ken Freire
Yes.
00:33:02
Jason Weening
Danger in the Jungle.
00:33:03
Ken Freire
I love it. Jason, thank you so much for being on the podcast. And for those of you, again, who are listening, go check out heydads.ca and Dangerous in the Jungle.
00:33:13
Ken Freire
We'll also put that in the podcast show notes so that you guys can have it and find it easily. Jason, thank you so much again for being on the podcast.
00:33:23
Jason Weening
Thanks, Ken. Thanks for everything you're doing.
00:33:25
Ken Freire
Yeah. Men, as always, kill shame, stand strong, and be on mission. Hope you have a great day, and God bless.