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Phish Sucks & Norm Macdonald had AIDS
74 Plays1 year ago
DOUBLE EPPY. One of our best episodes yet. Norm Macdonald planned 9/11
Robin Williams and Portlandia rule
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Transcript
National Prayer Day & Conspiracy Theories
00:00:03
Speaker
Happy National Prayer Day. Stay prayed up. God bless you.
00:00:34
Speaker
I am not the guy who kills George Floyd. What about people who leave me alone?
00:00:59
Speaker
Assassinated Kobe Bryant. How many people know that? They assassinated Kobe Bryant. They tried to kill Tiger Woods in that car accident recently. Why? The Kobe Bryant deal is that he had dirt on the Clintons. I love black people.
00:01:11
Speaker
This is just right now the day, you know, these hoes come and go, man. It's costing China, it cost out here. The price of pussy is universal. Man, you a bitch. You a bitch.
Royal Visits & Podcast Introductions
00:01:29
Speaker
Here I am, Buckingham Palace, home of Queen. Freddie Mercury House is here. Freddie Mercury, very good homosexual man. He has a mustache like Joseph Stalin.
00:01:40
Speaker
Were you nervous the first time that you had sex? I will admit that I was, but not to the extent that I thought that I would be. I don't care. Nobody cares. They care. They want to know about what movies are coming out and what I think. What's up, guys? I'm Patrick, and I hate you at home. And I'm passing the phone to Travis Kelsey. Hello.
00:02:09
Speaker
My name is Thomas Cussey. For the offense and defense. For the cheese.
00:02:21
Speaker
Welcome to the greatest podcast ever. Dudes are us. This ain't that thumb head from fear factor. We're on top of the world. Thank you for listening. Please join the Reddit. We love you. Subscribe and review. Why? Let's go.
Virtual Meetings & Work-from-Home Challenges
00:02:48
Speaker
Normal people go on and off camera all the time, dude.
00:02:52
Speaker
Yeah, but like I do that all the time. Yeah, but I guess I mean like. Like for no reason, I kept going and it was like off camera and then like for like 30 seconds and then back on camera and off camera again, because he like kept like being OK, and then I'd like. You know, repay attention to the meeting and then he'd like come up and say something else. So it just like happened like three times in a rapid session, I'm like.
00:03:20
Speaker
I mean, obviously I'm like thinking about it more than anyone else is, but I'm like, what are you, like, what do they think I'm doing that I'm like, have to disappear like three different times in the span of like five minutes? You're working, dude. Yeah, just working. Grinding, dude. He's just trying to get his FaceTime. Yeah. And that was all for nothing. Cause he just like kept poking in, just kept popping in.
00:03:49
Speaker
He's like a little kid. He just wants wants to be on the fucking call with daddy. Well, yeah, his job is like he's works in like a warehouse, so he doesn't ever have to be on the computer. So I also think he just didn't learn like. Work from home meeting video meeting etiquette. God fucking damn it. Yeah, literally.
00:04:13
Speaker
Get out of the fucking frame. Go to your goddamn room. Dude, I felt like, uh, yeah, like, uh, some of the people we work with who've got kids, you'll see them sometimes like go on mute and clearly they're like yelling at their kid for some, for some reason, like their kids being loud or whatever. I legit felt like that. I was like, I'm going to have to tell them to fuck off. It was great.
School Experiences & Bullying
00:04:51
Speaker
follow me around today too you guys ever be ever like taking a test in school and ever thought like damn if I was retarded I'd get out of this test right now oh yeah dude the
00:05:09
Speaker
Like the guys that were retarded, they didn't have to take you looked over at them and you're like, damn, that ain't bad. I don't know. That ain't too bad of a life right now. Yeah. So I went to like private, like Catholic school. And so they don't, they have like, no do all the things. Well, they do, but they do all the things, but they, but they do them different. Like they don't have to meet the state standard. So they have their own thing. Wait, we had like, sorry, but people are paying 40 K for their retarded son to go to a private school.
00:05:40
Speaker
Most of it dude. Holy shit. That's awesome. Um, and that's the thing. Well, not that's the thing, but like they were, they were in all the same classes. We were like, there wasn't a, like, there wasn't like a sped clock class. Uh huh. Uh, they just, there was like four kids that were, that were in my grade, you know, up till up through middle school and like,
00:06:08
Speaker
They would just take them out of class during like the hard parts. I don't know what they did. They just like, like the guidance counselor would come in and be like, Andrew, Greg.
00:06:19
Speaker
shit. Those weren't their real names. Uh, then they would go, they were just like goofy, loud, get out here. Uh, they would just get to like, I don't know what they did. They just left the classroom for the rest of the class. Like while we all took a test and then they came back. So it was just like, they were, they just knew like, Oh, that's like, that's like hard. We're not going to make you do that. Um, same shit at my school. That's why I thought like, damn, yo,
00:06:49
Speaker
Yeah. Well, that one kid, Greg, he, one of his like things, I guess was like, if he heard the sound of a coin, he had to find it and pick it up. It like could not settle until he discovered the origin of the coin found and like,
00:07:16
Speaker
Of course, we would just whip change or like middle of a lesson and you just whip change under the desks and he just goes nuts and has to it was like crawling on the floor under desks looking for the coin. It was the best because you can't like you can't be like no one's allowed to bring change into the classroom and you also can't be like.
00:07:37
Speaker
Like one, she like features back his turn, so she doesn't know who fucking did it. But also, like, even if they were to accuse somebody, you're like, yeah, I don't know. I had a quarter in my pocket and it fell out. That's not like you can't punish me because change fell out of my pocket. And they can't really acknowledge it because then they're like, then they're like. Who's picking on goofy bread? They can't be like, you can't have you can't do that because weird kid has a trigger and it's change.
00:08:08
Speaker
Oh, man, I forgot about that until just now. That was amazing. Yeah, I found I found out where they go, bro. At least I my school, they would just go to the gym and just hurl half court shots at the rim. Makes sense.
00:08:27
Speaker
That actually makes 100% sense just to have the gym to be like, our gym teacher, you're responsible for like looking after the sped kids for like 20 minutes. Yeah, exactly. They're just trucking the fucking basketball around the goddamn court. You get those, they get those little square like scooters that you sit on. They just zoom around the gymnasium. Fuck yeah. I've been so great.
00:08:51
Speaker
I know if you could just blink and you're retarded for about 25 minutes, you fucking I was probably like not, you know, I was just like a really lazy student and like somehow got away with it for. Until I was like a Jews sophomore in high school. Like I remember some shit where like people must have been like that kids. That kid is borderline retarded like I had to we had to read the book holes.
00:09:21
Speaker
Great book didn't read it never read a book until I was in high school supposed to read that and Then we it was like such it was like a fucking classic like movie scenario where like the kid who like didn't do the reading has to like give a book report And so they're like
00:09:46
Speaker
We had, it was like book report day and like alphabetically I'm like pretty high on the alphabet. So I had to go like fifth, fourth or fifth. And so all I could do was base what I was going to say off of the three, four kids that went before me and like what I was like furiously reading from
00:10:08
Speaker
the book, just like opening a page and trying to read a paragraph and like make that into a book. Oh, so pretty much this book is like fucking crazy. So so I misread spoiler alerts for the plot of holes. I misread the phrase, the Yale Nats family curse. Which was like, I don't know, some premise where they like the Yale Nats had a curse. I don't remember what the curse did.
00:10:39
Speaker
Um, but I misread the word curses cruise. So that's probably like a, that's probably like a dyslexia red flag there, but misread. I read the phrase yelling that's family cruise. And then like based a whole bunch of what I was saying off this like family cruise that the young Nats went on. Oh my God. And yeah, everyone must've just been like that kid.
00:11:07
Speaker
Uh, he is retarded. One of my friends used to be in, um, she used to be retarded. She used to work in the special. We had, we had like the, uh, County or, yeah, the County. They had like a special ed room in our college and our high school, rather. Um,
00:11:34
Speaker
So there'd be like kids who were probably, I don't know, when do you start high school? Like 13 all the way up to 21. I think after 21 you aged out of it and 21 is like a college graduate. Well, I mean, you know, they're probably like third graders still anyway.
00:11:54
Speaker
So it was kids who were severely disabled, like in a wheelchair, couldn't warm verbal at all and just kind of like looked at stuff all the way to people who were just like mildly autistic basically. It was like pretty wide range. And the one person that she was teamed up with, one day he just stood up and he's like, I don't even know why the fuck I'm in here. I'm not retarded. My legs just don't fucking work. He had like polio or something.
00:12:25
Speaker
That's fucking, they just put all the like, all like every kind of special needs into the same room. The dude was on like, um, you know, crutches and his legs like straight up didn't work. And he's like, I don't even know why the fuck I'm in here. Oh man. Imagine that though. You're like, you know, you're, I'm sure he had some sort of disability and just like wasn't, you know, like wasn't aware of it maybe, or just like, it didn't seem like that big of a deal to him. And you're going to, you're in a room with kids who are just like drooling
00:12:55
Speaker
Yeah. Like, what the fuck is going on right now? He broke his own legs. Yeah, exactly. Like, no, your legs don't work because you fucking smash them one day. He's faking it for attention. Like, yeah, there's nothing physically wrong with his legs. He can walk if he wants to. He's just he's too stupid to realize he can. He's like Ricky Bobby when he thinks he's on fire. Yeah.
00:13:24
Speaker
My legs don't work, dude. I don't know what to tell you. God, when they told me that story, I was like, that's fucking so funny. Like wicked fucked up, but funny. That's the that's like the flip side or whatever. We were like, I'd be so dope to be one of those kids because you don't take tests and stuff. And he was that kid. He was like.
00:13:48
Speaker
I want to learn math. This fucking sucks. Sucks. I have to do another puzzle. I'm going to freak out. I'm sick of matching shapes. I got all, I got all six of them. If I have to do this puzzle one more time, I'm going to walk out of here. Oh man.
00:14:11
Speaker
We had a lot of classes like that, actually. We had another class in our school because we were regional. So we got a lot of kids from Springfield. Yeah. And there was like a early intervention class that you could get stuck in. And you were in that room, say if you had like, uh, and this wasn't just, just Springfield kids. That's not fair. It would have been the kids that were in the town that I grew up in as well.
00:14:32
Speaker
Yeah, but like if you got pregnant or you were just like chronically in trouble, you would be put in that room and all your classes were taught by one teacher. So it'd be like going back to elementary school. Yeah. And, uh, that guy was the leader of one of the clubs that I was in. So I got to know him pretty well. And then one of my really good friends was just like chronically always in trouble. So he was in that classroom and, uh,
00:15:01
Speaker
One day a girl poured a glass of water on him and he just fought the girl in the class. And I think that might've been one of the last days he was there. It was just like that whole hallway. It was just like the two special ed, like county rooms and then Mr. D's room. And then the library and that was it. I mean, it makes a kind of sense. All of them.
00:15:28
Speaker
Well, I went to so I went to a private high school, like a college prep school. So it was definitely like. I wouldn't have known it was more buttoned up than, you know, most schools if I hadn't done this, but when I was like a freshman, I kind of just like I had like a random day off like in the middle of the week for like. Some kind of Jesus holiday that, you know, public schools don't have. And I was seeing a girl who went to the public high school in the town
00:15:58
Speaker
And so I don't know why, but we were like, Oh, you should pretend you're doing like a, uh, you know, like you can do like a day at another school to like, see if you want to transfer their kind of thing. And so I went through that and like, basically it was like, Hey, can I have like a, you know, like, I don't know what you'd call it, but it was like the normal thing to go and be like, Hey, I just want to like spend a day in classes and see if I like it. Cause I'm thinking about transferring.
00:16:25
Speaker
And I was like in these classes and it was like a fucking zoo. There was like, there was like six kids in the back who just had a Walkmans and that was like fine. Like the teacher had just been like, it is easier for them to just be listening to music. Then we have to deal with like whatever it would be like if they weren't listening to music. So that was fine. And then there was like two or three, like definitely like Tourette's or like ADHD, like bad ADHD kids who just were standing up and like doing shit.
00:16:56
Speaker
just like while the teacher was teaching. And again, he's just ignoring the shit out of them, but they're like standing up like playing with like shit on the windowsill and stuff. And it's just like, that's not happening either. And then all the fun stuff by not going to fucking constant people fucking like fucking around and just like messing with the teacher messing with each other. And I was just like, how does anyone like, like, this isn't even like,
00:17:24
Speaker
If you were a kid here who wanted to actually learn, it would be impossible. How does anybody learn? How do you guys even learn? Who cares? But I guess when I compare it to what we got away with at my high school, I was like, damn, we are all sheltered pussies. There's just legit people getting in fights in the middle of a class, and the teacher's ignoring it. I was like, if that happened,
00:17:51
Speaker
Once everyone, like everyone involved would have been expelled and it would have just been like, that's that. We had some fucking great fights in public school. Um, so I guess anyway, makes sense to just take all those, like the headphones, kids, the hyperactive kids, the kids who get in fights and be like, all right, all y'all, you get a new special class where you can all just be insane. And it doesn't matter what happens. Bro, you missed out. Fucking did miss out.
00:18:21
Speaker
even when it's crazy sharing stories. Wait, go ahead. Even when I went to fucking middle school and like the city part where everybody in Rhode Island goes, there's like fucking three schools and all over Rhode Island. Well, middle school with first day like, that's where you go from like your neighborhood school and the yeah, let's basically like
00:18:43
Speaker
county jail because everybody from every county goes to the same fucking one. For our first day in sixth grade, we get off the bus and like two kids in eighth grade get stone cold knocked out by one dude. Then in like lunchtime, we wait outside all the classes. Fucking this kid from Baltimore, Tyshawn got attacked with a knife from us other kid in in sixth grade, dude.
00:19:11
Speaker
crazy shit. And then I was just fights every single day after lunch. And one maybe it was in like seventh or eighth grade where we got somebody brought in like a bag full of bulk paintballs. And every time the teacher turn around or just throw paintballs at the wall. It was fucking lit up by the end of the time you get out. It was literally exactly what you're describing a bazoo.
00:19:35
Speaker
Then like still just fights every every single day after lunch, bros like being in county jail where you had to be like, am I going to get have to fucking fight today for no reason? And a fucking oh, so fucking funny, dude, the amount of crazy bullying going on. This kid probably didn't. But. And it has nothing to do with your name. His name was Jared, too.
00:20:04
Speaker
He probably did, and I would say now that we're older, but one of the, uh, fellow kids said they caught him jerking off in the locker room and for, until he transferred schools for like probably a whole year, all of the, it was brutal cause it was even the girls.
00:20:23
Speaker
were would walk behind him, no word of exaggeration, and they would chant and clap, jerk off Jared behind him. Every class, every class, bro. How fucked up is that? Yeah, well, we definitely had shit like that. There was a there was like a retreat that all freshmen were required to go on, like a religious indoctrination thing.
00:20:49
Speaker
where you'd get like three days away from school and they took all the freshmen to like this, like camp it, like college campus. I think it was during the winter when college was out. Anyway, it was like a spiritual retreat. I don't remember what they called it, but you like prayed and like learned about God and stuff. But somebody started a rumor that this kid, Jimmy was like caught.
00:21:20
Speaker
like basically like fucking a vacuum cleaner, like how the vacuum cleaner hose like. And for sure, again, like in the in the hindsight of adulthood, you're like, that didn't happen. But we all for sure believed it because he was just a weird, quiet kid. And he was ridiculed for that. For the rest of high school. And there was another kid
00:21:49
Speaker
that somebody made up a rumor about him. Again, probably not true, but, but, uh, just made up a rumor that he like, that he like shit himself in gym once. Um, and you feel like you'd know, like you'd know somebody would be like, yeah, I saw it. Um, like had diarrhea and then like slipped on the diarrhea and he, and he just got, I'm not going to say his last name because that's too much, but he got his, his last name began with a P and he just got called poops last name.
00:22:19
Speaker
Like to his face, he would just get called poops for the rest of high school. It's like, why wouldn't you transfer? But then I get it because your parents are paying like 20 grand for you to be there. So you can't just be like, I'm not enjoying myself. Yeah, that's true. Dude, imagine getting called jerk off Jared for a year and a half, bro. Yeah, dude, no way. We had that age. That's PTSD shit.
00:22:47
Speaker
We had a kid and, I mean, he was all the way through high school. He graduated with us, but he was just one of those real weird kids. Like the kid who had like a waifu, just like an anime kid. No, not real quiet, but like just weird as fuck fat, shitty clothing, just like a fucking perpetual loser, basically. Yeah. And, uh,
00:23:09
Speaker
One day in class, this dude farts, and it just smells so bad. And instead of taking the blame for it, he just blamed it on Doug, and Doug just ate it. He was just like, yeah, my bad. That's pretty terrible. Just to be like, yeah, you know, my reputation is so bad that I'll just accept the fart that just ruined the entire classroom to the point where the teacher got up from her desk, went and opened the door and fanned it. Oh, my god.
00:23:41
Speaker
Probably one of the best fights I saw was two kids getting into an argument at lunch. And, uh, yeah, they're like going back and forth, back and forth. They're sitting across from each other on the table. The one kid picks up his milk and throws it on the other kid, just like assuming that that was going to be the end of it. The kid that got the milk thrown on him jumped over the table and just beat the fucking breaks off the kid. Absolutely. Just fucked him up until one of the teachers came and pulled him apart.
00:24:08
Speaker
And the kid that got beat up was in my class. I think I was a senior at the time and there was like sophomores in the class. Pretty sure the kid was a sophomore. And he comes in after his suspension. He suspended for like two days and he's just like fucked up. His face is all lumpy. Imagine getting your fucking ass kicked and then you just have to come back and sit in class and everybody just stares at you.
00:24:33
Speaker
God, you just got to eat it. You just got to eat it too. It's not, what are you going to say? You got your fucking ass kicked in. You threw the milk on the kid and then froze and he jumped over the table and just beat the fuck out of you deserve every punch of that. Yeah. Saw a few good ones, man. Just didn't happen. Oh man. There was probably at least one fight a week in my school, like one good fight.
00:25:00
Speaker
I'm sure it happened. Like kids got expelled, but it was usually for like drugs and stuff. Um, Yeah. Kid got expelled in my school because he had a bong in his locker and the drug sniffing dog came. There was like a wait list to be there. And anytime somebody got expelled within a week, that, that like spot was, there was just like a new kid in the class. So they would also like look for reasons if they'd, you know, if you were like a low grade student,
00:25:28
Speaker
or you were just like kind of a shithead, they would like look for reasons to get rid of you. And like kids got expelled because they, because like the Dean saw a cigarette butt in their car. Like stuff like that would like just looked in the window and saw like a cigarette butt in the like, you know, in like a soda can or something and was like, Nope, that's against the code of conduct expelled. Um, kids got expelled for like,
00:25:57
Speaker
not even getting caught drinking at a dance, but just like a teacher thought their breath smelled like alcohol at a dance, which like they were for sure drinking, but so is everyone. Um, yeah. So like, I don't know. I guess the things people got like, I don't know. Like us fucking around was just way more tame. I got suspended. I got suspended for,
00:26:22
Speaker
in school suspension. So that means you just stay after school for like four hours and do like janitor work for two weeks because I got those like snowball things from the cafeteria and like slid them under my friend's seat right while he was sitting down. And so he sat on them and they like one, the Dean made me buy him new pants, which was crazy.
00:26:46
Speaker
And then I had in school suspension for two weeks for like a joke where like a kid sat on a cupcake, basically. And he was even like, it was funny. We're friends. Like I'm not mad. And that was like, still how they handled it. And I just like, probably the, probably the worst one, just cause it was rude as hell. Like this girl got drunk and was drunk in school on the last day of her senior year.
00:27:15
Speaker
and somebody like told on her. So she panicked and she's trying to leave school, like drive out of the school. And we had a resource officer. So the cop just like went out and gone in his car and then pulled her over basically like in the parking lot still. I don't even think she made it out of the parking lot. And it's just kind of like ended up getting swept under the rug. Like I think he just had, like as her mom might've worked in the school district. So they just had her pick her up basically.
00:27:44
Speaker
And, uh, could still go to prom and shit. And people in the town were so pissed that they printed out all these flyers with pictures of her and then like what, what she did wrong and put them in people's mailboxes. That's like scarlet letter. Shit. Just like the girl. There you go. I mean, the girl makes like a pretty bad decision, right? You probably just shouldn't get away with drunk driving when you get.
00:28:09
Speaker
you know, caught red handed, but whatever school resource officer trying to do her a favor. Then fucking people in town are just printing out pictures over and putting in people's mailboxes. I mean, yeah, I'm not saying there shouldn't be consequences for that, but you're also talking about like somebody whose brain isn't fully developed yet. Right. Fucking 17, 18 year old. Pretty shitty. Jared. Did you ever have, um,
00:28:37
Speaker
like any type of teacher, maybe like your English teacher that maybe used to go to the school. And then he was a star student and he came back to your school and used poetry to embolden his pupils to new heights of self-expression. And then maybe there was like a painfully shy kid that was sent to the school too. And then his unpopular brother was valedictorian and his roommate
00:29:06
Speaker
was bright and popular. And then like sometimes maybe he was like worried about what the other two friends thought. And then he went to that teacher and then he told him about, you know, all the poetry and life learnings that he's had. Have you ever happened to you? Uh, which one is this? Is this 20, is this 22 jump street? Which movie is that?
00:29:34
Speaker
And then like the English teacher starts teaching you poetry and some, some of it is like a society almost. Okay. And now I knew his dead poet society from the start. The movie sucks. It doesn't suck. Yes, it does. Terrible movie. Just cause Andy Samberg isn't in it. Oh, we've talked about how, how Pobs hates anything with Robin Williams in it though.
Debating Robin Williams' Filmography
00:30:00
Speaker
It's not just Robin Williams. That's just a bad movie.
00:30:04
Speaker
I don't think it is. It's highly, highly sought after movie. Yeah, by people who have like bad movies. 93% rotten tomatoes. That's rare. He's tune in is out Jared. Wait, what happened? He's just
00:30:30
Speaker
Well, he put up. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, he's, he's, you know, bought some extra lives in Candy Crush. Just a bad, bad movie. What don't you like about it? The whole movie is just as bad. First of all, it's about private school. Gay. Second of all, it's about poetry. Gay. Not even really about poetry.
00:30:56
Speaker
Third of all, it's got one of the worst actors of our generation. Robin Williams in it. God. Freaking Andy Samberg isn't even in it. Yeah, exactly. You know, a good piece of cinematic is I can't even think of the movie Hot Rod. There we go. That is a good movie. You should just watch Hot Rod four times instead of watching that fucking terrible movie. They all dance in the parking lot. It's a great, great scene.
00:31:26
Speaker
The Asian guy that dances all the time and throws the flyers in the air. It's all jacked up on Mountain Dew. No, I just, I had to watch that. I took Linton film in high school on dead poet society. It was one of the movies we had to watch and it was just terrible. You think that maybe if you watched it like with a different lens, you might enjoy it. Nope. Nope.
00:31:50
Speaker
Calling it right now. This guy's gonna kill himself in 15 years This fucking guy's gonna pretend like he's happy and then kill himself Just just feel it coming Paul. Do you think Robin Williams killed himself for the inspirational mean clout? I'm gonna guess he was like a closeted drug addict when somebody's
00:32:17
Speaker
All good on the outside. They're not all good on the inside. Robin Williams. Mm-hmm. Checking, checking on your friends. Yeah, checking on your friends. Even if they say they're good. Even if they message you back on Reddit and say they're all good. Check in on those people. Check in on that user. That's right. Only good movie you ever did was Father of the Year. What about Flubber?
00:32:43
Speaker
Good movie. That's a good movie. What about Robin Williams out of it? Mrs. Doubtfire. That's a terrible movie. We already. Mrs. Doubtfire is. We already had this conversation. It's a terrible movie. It's so good. What about Jumanji? That's a good movie. I love this. But we're obviously talking about Jumanji with the rock and Kevin Hart. No, we're not. Oh my God.
00:33:14
Speaker
God guy's criminal I Need him watch that movie snatch. Oh, you never seen snatch. No, that's so good What guy Richie films have you seen did none I don't think any I'm actually kind of used and confused
00:33:41
Speaker
No. Nope. I'm excited for you to watch snatch and then be like, damn, that was a good movie. Are there any other movies like that? And then get to watch like lock stock and two smoking barrels and like rock and roll. And none of them are as good, but they're all great.
00:34:00
Speaker
I have snatch on DVD. You can borrow it next time you come up. Yeah, hell yeah. Leave it outside. I'll pick it up. Pick up a DVD like it's 2006. You know who loves rock and rolla? No, if I've ever seen that one. He loves weird movies. There was a time and
00:34:26
Speaker
my life where I could have probably recited the entire snatch screenplay. Me and my brothers and my dad watched it. What about Oceans 10? Oceans. Oceans. Oceans. Was Oceans 10 the third one? No. Where was there a notion? There was an Oceans 11, 12 and 13 today. And then they did an Oceans 8 that wasn't even any of the characters, right?
00:34:54
Speaker
This one is Melissa McCarthy. It's just the female cast of Ghostbusters. Now there's a great movie. The Female Ghostbusters? Are you fucking on crack? Original Ghostbusters? Not funny, dude. All Female Ghostbusters? Hilarious.
00:35:19
Speaker
I only liked the one that had like, what is her name? Kamala Harris. Yeah. I only liked the one that had like, I don't fucking know, Mindy Kaling in it and what, and didn't, and didn't have a plot. The Mindy show. No.
00:35:42
Speaker
I mean, like Pitch Perfect one. It's like instant classic. Probably rather we can. I think it's not controversial, I think. And like, whatever. Tell me I'm wrong on Reddit if I am, but like there was that phase that like post Me Too phase where like everyone was like, we have to make girl movies. Oh, yeah. And and I think we can like look back on that era.
00:36:10
Speaker
and be like, that was those were not good movies. Pitch Perfect is a good movie. I watched it again last night. I think Pitch Perfect wasn't part of that. I mean, like, I mean, like Ocean's eight and like the all girl Ghostbusters, like those weren't good. Pitch Perfect is about acapella singers in a competition.
00:36:29
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I wouldn't include that. Like there was movies like that before, like all the bring it on movies were like, they were like mean girls. Like those weren't part of that. Those are just movies that were like made for a female audience. That's different. But there was like this effort in like the 2010s or whatever year it is where they were like, we got to make Ghostbusters, but with with relevant female comedians in it.
00:36:59
Speaker
Yeah, you're like, I don't know if this was necessary. With Meg from Family Guy. Yeah. But you know, if anyone's like Ocean's 8 is my favorite heist movie and it was objectively good, then let's have a conversation about it. I want to hear it. Yeah.
00:37:28
Speaker
I just can't get behind the Robin Williams love. This is one of those ones where I can get being like, I don't get it. A lot of people, this is a beloved actor for many people and I just don't share that. I never, even before all the stuff,
00:37:49
Speaker
I never felt that way about like Mr. Rod, or not Mr. Rogers, never felt that way about Bill Cosby. I didn't feel that way about Mr. Rogers for that matter either. But where I was like, I didn't watch those shows when I was a kid, they meant nothing to me. So like those actors meant nothing to me. But like, to be like, no, I'm not indifferent to Robin Williams. I hate Robin Williams. Yeah, that's crazy. That I don't get. That's a tough take you have to try hard a lot on. Nah.
00:38:22
Speaker
Uh, you're halfway. He's halfway through, uh, uh, album right now on us, Jared. And then start listing off Robin Williams movies. And he's like, yeah, that one was good. Actually, patch Adams. That was a solid movie. All right. I hate that movie dodgeball. He did. We use grade and dodgeball. Nope. Oh, what's that dude's name? The dude who was in a King and a kid in King Arthur's court. Paul Rudd.
00:38:54
Speaker
Remember that film? Paul Rudd is an I love you man, right? That's a great movie. That's a really good movies of all time. Slap with a bass. Might be my favorite movie. I want to know how Paul Rudd looks the same at 50 as he did at 20 radiation. adrenochrome. Um, I bet he doesn't really look the same. You know, uh, I know who's, he looks the same. You know, who's legitimately looks the same. Jada kiss.
00:39:24
Speaker
Um, Avril Lavigne is 40 40 looks exactly the same as she did in 2000. Yeah, she does. It's insane. Let's see here. I'm drawing a huge blank. She was a skater girl. That's what it was. It was the skater.
00:39:56
Speaker
No, if that were true, Tony Hawk wouldn't look like a fucking mummy right now. He does look like a fucking mummy. Tony Hawk looks like a human pencil. They're just going. No one has him anymore. No one cares. God.
00:40:23
Speaker
Well, it was way better actor and way funnier than Robin Williams. Jesus Christ. Norm Macdonald. Oh my God. Why are those even a comparison? It's just way better. I would just rather watch any Norm Macdonald movie ever. Like what? Name is worst movie. I probably like it better than any Robin Williams movie.
00:40:52
Speaker
Name is top, your top three, Norm Macdonald movies. I don't even know, dude. They're just all better. Oh, my God. Name four Norm Macdonald movies while looking it up. And 30 Work is the only one that I can really think of. It's a great movie. Jesus Christ, Jared. Billy Madison. We can't be fallen in this role. You can't name a Norm Macdonald movie. Billy Madison barely counts.
00:41:22
Speaker
Yeah, he's in there for like five minutes. You could have put any 90s comedian, 90s male comedian in his role, and it would have been the same movie. Dirty work. No. Hey, I'm Norm Macdonald, something controversial. What is dirty? Oh. It's a classic 90s movie. It's Norm Macdonald.
00:41:56
Speaker
I haven't even heard any of these movies. Hey, I'm Noah McDonald. He had cancer, dude. I have cancer, dude. He didn't tell anybody. He never said that. I mean, made him so much edgier. He just died. I mean, the answer is your own body killing you. So that's kind of like suicide. So he went out like Robin Williams did.
00:42:24
Speaker
People don't know what's going on. He's a meme too. People don't know what's going on inside of you when all the outside of you looks good. More McDonald's. The outside of him didn't look that good at the end. Oh, didn't. He looked bad. He looked like... Tony Hawk got drugged by Bill Cosby. He looked like dough that had risen too much. Surprised he got Botox. His face was lit up.
00:42:50
Speaker
Yeah. Norm McDonald's gay. You got Botox. He's on the gay radar now. Sorry. What's something you love, dude? Me? Yeah. What's something you love? Just having fun. Name four having fun movies. You're going to destroy something I love? What's something you love? You just started this. You love Norm McDonald?
00:43:16
Speaker
I'm going to kick your fucking dog off the bridge. It's a Will Ferrell movie. Yeah, I love Will Ferrell so much. Yeah, like Anchorman, Anchorman 2. I don't want to get into it because I feel like it absolves Pobs in some way, but I don't really like Will Ferrell as an actor.
00:43:44
Speaker
Uh, he's good at some stuff. What don't you like about him? So, no, so it's not love them in dirty work. So I do want to be clear that it's not like I hate him. It's not like I won't like there's definitely some Will Ferrell movies I like. I think that for me, like the era where they would give SNL characters, basically like character actors from SNL who played a character, a movie.
00:44:11
Speaker
And then that movie did well, so they would just keep doing the same movie over and over and over and over and over with just that character that they played on SNL in different situations. Not literally, but you know what I mean. Will Ferrell in Anchorman was the same Will Ferrell that was in Step Brothers. You know what I mean? That went on for too long.
00:44:38
Speaker
Like they just did it like they should have stopped after like three. It went on too long. And then everyone was like, it's so good. And I'm like, it's the same movie. He's just on ice skates now, or on roller roller blades. He's just in racing a car now. What about Tropic Thunder? Fucking one of the best films. I've never seen it. Because it seems like it's just Will Ferrell in a wig. Even
00:45:07
Speaker
Yeah, it's a main student. Oh, no, I mean, what's that Will Ferrell basketball movies we're talking about? Oh, it's you are. It's similar sounding, but it's not Tropic Thunder. Tropic Thunder is a great movie, probably better than any Robin Williams movie ever made. Oh, my God. Listen, the way that Rob. All right. I'll give Robin Williams some respect because he went out in a pretty hard way. He hung himself.
00:45:36
Speaker
That's probably the shittiest way to kill yourself. So I'll give him some respect. And not like David Carradine did it. No, he wasn't. Different kind of hangings. I don't know what that means. But what? He he definitely wasn't jerking off like his character's son and father of the year. So. Semi pro. Yeah, OK. I didn't see that one because I assumed.
00:46:05
Speaker
But it was like all the other where you would just be like, oh, oh, I'm I'm wacky. I'm Will Ferrell, man. Oh. I'm Joe Biden, Will Ferrell. And oh, damn, Joe Biden, did Will Ferrell ever play Joe Biden? Would be a really although he did he did Bush Jr. So maybe not. What do you think Kamala Harris is up to right now? Just fucking having fun.
00:46:35
Speaker
Yeah, probably just eating bonbons, like laying on one of those like half couches. You think she lays down? Looking bonbons in her mouth. Not like laying like a half count, like, like a fainting couch. Curled up. Curled up, eating activity. All right, how about Danny McBride? Can we all agree on Danny McBride? It's all right. I like
00:47:06
Speaker
You spell it down.
00:47:08
Speaker
Yeah, it's a fucking classic instant classic. I think other movies was the end. This is Pineapple Express. I mean, yeah, I don't feel like this is the end counts. Tropic Thunder plays himself and this is the end. How does it not count? That's what I mean. Everyone like every comedian, every like that comedian was in that movie and like Aziz Ansari was in that movie. Give the shit. I think like I saw that and I didn't expect it to be like a zombie movie or whatever it was. And I was like, just kind of
00:47:37
Speaker
Like a movie about the end of the world. Yeah. Right. Just jump stones. He plays a whole, a hilarious character in layout. Um, I think Danny McBride's like his like arc was correct. He did what will Ferrell should have done in that. Like he became relevant because of pineapple express pretty much. Like I know he was in ship before that, but like everyone realized who he was. And then he was in everything. Like he was in like drove a Taylor got a show.
00:48:08
Speaker
he's found and down where he just played the character he was in pineapple express and he got a couple movies to like, I think he was in like land of the lost. And then it was basically over. Like they tried again at the end of eastbound and down. They were like, Oh, vice principals. And that was like not good. He, again, he just played, he just played the same character and he's found it down, but he was a vice principal of the school. And you're like, okay, this was funny, but there's a reason we stopped watching eastbound and down. Um,
00:48:38
Speaker
So he basically was like, he had like four years of relevance. And then he was like, all right, you like your character ran his course. We didn't force it for another like five years. My opinion. Yeah. But then he shows up and you're like, Oh, that dude's funny when he's just in random roles. Yeah. Yeah. He's a character actor. He's not, he's just meant to be like there to be funny for five minutes of the movie and then go away.
00:49:08
Speaker
All right. Any Dave Chappelle movie is better than any Robin Williams movie. I think there's maybe one. Who's Dave Chappelle? Tim and Half Baked. That movie's better than all Robin Williams movies. It's like such a lazy take. Half Baked. Is Dave Chappelle a Robin Williams character?
00:49:39
Speaker
Robin hood men in tights was good. I'll give you that. Okay. Funny movie. Respect that. Um, I'm on the mother professor. Even when I was bad movie, even when I was eight, when I was eight and saw that movie in the theaters and I was eight in like 1996 or something. Yikes.
00:50:08
Speaker
I found that movie racist. I was like, what about Pootie King? I didn't see that one. Good movie. That is a good movie. All right. Here's a question for Aiden. Why does the other guy from come town absolutely cook Steve? Oh, when he had him on his podcast, bro, both of them cook them.
00:50:29
Speaker
Adam Friedland, he just absolutely destroys Steve and entire podcast. I started listening to it. I was like, this isn't even fun to listen to the end. Steve gets mad at them. It's so funny. And he just like keeps like sucking in on this, like it's called a few fume, a few flavor there. Yeah, he's hitting it and just like going like this at the end to them. I'm like, dude, you're on a comedian podcast and you're such a pussy dude. They cooked him bad, dude.
00:51:00
Speaker
I've only listened like two episodes of that. I got to like actually start from the beginning. I've never actually listened to it. I just saw like an offhanded comment that he gets that he gets cooked in that listen to about 30 minutes of it today. And I was like, damn, this is just brutal. This is just awkward. Yeah. We listened to that on Christmas Eve, those hilarious.
00:51:20
Speaker
I wondered what the noise was of that perfume. Yeah. I don't even, I don't know. I don't want to fucking hit those things. I don't know what the fuck's in flavored air. Yeah, that shit's. I'd cook them for that too. Best business model ever though. Yeah, I'll just sell you a stick filled with essential oil. Yeah, and you just fucking rip it the whole time. There's different stripes.
00:51:49
Speaker
Yeah. Where you're just like, Oh, it's like a habit replacement. You're like, the thing I enjoy about smoking is being addict. Like a man is one. Well, yeah. First of all, yes. Just, just, just slowly kill yourself. But if you can't do that, if you're like, Oh, I have like a purpose to live, then like the thing I enjoyed about smoking was.
00:52:13
Speaker
One, that it genuinely like hurt my throat, like a good drag of a cigarette was like, whatever, man. Paws. Ayo, come on, bro. I think it like filled my mouth up and hit the back of my throat. Yeah. That milky cream smoke. You know, like, and then also you got a buzz from it. Yeah, that's number one. Like I'm breathing in lavender smell.
00:52:42
Speaker
That's dumb as fuck. Yeah, it just seems terrible. And it's like, kind of funny that he's a sober bro. And then he's just shilling for this fucking ridiculous company. Oh my god. Unless they want to sponsor. Yeah, they probably will eventually. The sponsor pods save America. So you know, we're probably next in line.
Inviting Kamala Harris & Historical Dueling
00:53:06
Speaker
The fuck is that?
00:53:09
Speaker
It's like a fucking lefty podcast. Oh, God. Maybe we'll get Kamala Harris on speaking to that. That would change the game for us. Yeah, Kamala, come on. Come on the pod. Tell us about what you would do if you became president after Joe Biden. Should we just hang out?
00:53:35
Speaker
People might think she's the worst vice president, but I think she's the best. She just kicks it, dude. She does exactly what you would want to do as a VP. That's true. She wasn't like trying to like fix childhood obesity or anything or like make put parental warnings on CDs. Yeah. Nancy Reagan.
00:54:03
Speaker
Uh, that's true. Talk to us about how you just kick it as VP. Break ties in the Senate. We could get her on easily. I think so. Send her a, we'll crack some credit cards and we'll send her a huge check. It's kind of cool that Aaron Burr killed somebody and then just went down south and he got away with it.
00:54:32
Speaker
You could do that shit back then No one actually knew what anyone looked like like think about how much like who's that internet? Who's my third vice president to kill the treasure? Yeah, they dueled right isn't that what isn't he the dude around the dual is the whole plot of Hamilton I've never actually seen that because I'm you know Straight man. Thank you. Well, it's also just like a historical event. I
00:54:57
Speaker
Same social. I took social studies in high school, so I know it. I didn't need to watch musical. All right. Well, same answers, man. History's gay. But anyway, yeah, no one knew what anyone actually looked like, like the most like you knew what the president looked like because there was like drawings of him in the newspaper. But otherwise, you could just show up anywhere and be like, yeah, I'm just like.
00:55:22
Speaker
James Smith. I'm John Smith, yeah. It'd be like, okay. And you didn't have to have like a license. That rules. Just cool that you're like, you know what, I'll just do the license.
00:55:33
Speaker
Yeah, you just literally go like two towns over. Yeah, not even like you. Yeah, you could go like states away, but you could also just literally go like 15 miles from where you lived and no one there met anyone from where you were from. Didn't have to buy a house. You're just there. This is my house. Yeah. Take some land from Native Americans. This is mine now. This is my house now. Thank you. I am Jim Smith.
00:56:01
Speaker
I mean, I guess Dick Cheney is like a modern era. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He shot his friend in the ass and then the guy apologized to him for being in the way. Whoa. Yeah, I'll pause. That dude probably enjoyed it too. Didn't you shoot him in the face? Oh, it was in the face, yeah.
00:56:27
Speaker
Well, he shot his friend and then his friend apologized to him. Probably wasn't wearing orange, dude. That's Cheney for you. President Dick Cheney. Paul, what music you got going on right now? Nothing tonight. Damn. You're not listening to like soft jazz from the peanuts? No.
Multitasking with Music & Cult Jokes
00:56:55
Speaker
Everybody who listens, we found out Pobs listens to music while potting. Pretty rare instance. I'm impressed only because I just can't like I can't think little bit. Yes. I know I couldn't do Candy Crush music and a podcast. Oh, typing. No Candy Crush tonight, but
00:57:21
Speaker
run a lot of lives. Because I was looking at movies. So now I'm gotta go back to the music. Mm hmm. Pops, you'd like the Grateful Dead song? I did. Oh, that was a good interview. You ever hear that before? No, that was new to me. Let's go, dude.
00:57:48
Speaker
Whoa. Deep cut. It was. It was a beat track. B side. Illinois is 1974. Whoa. You got the Steely from that show? Shake Shake John Street. Song wasn't written in 74. I tell you, you didn't know what it was, dude. When was anything ever written?
00:58:19
Speaker
When were seatbelts made? Look that up. I bet you remember 1958. I remember when seatbelts were when it became required to wear a seatbelt in a car. What's your like actual seatbelt though? I'm talking Paul. What's your bet? I already looked it up. Like the year they were invented? No, like you know, real seatbelts. I don't know what that means.
00:58:47
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know what that means. Not like a fucking piece of goddamn string on a horse. That's what I'm saying. In the early 1950s, they made a retractable seatbelt. Dude, that fucking money. What do you think that was, though? Like, what do you think a 1950 seatbelt looked like? Never forget the Ashton Kutcher episode, everybody. Yeah, that was actually really solid. Fucking here, dude. Knew it. Ashton Kutcher. Better actor, better movies than Robin Williams.
00:59:16
Speaker
I can't find that. All of that 70s show every single episode never misses better than anything Robin Williams ever did. I wish I could get that. I don't know where the fuck you can stream that shit from. They just took it all off the air because Danny Masterson just went to jail for rape. Jesus Christ, that's true. Oh, that's true.
00:59:40
Speaker
I made that up, not the part about the rape, but I made up the fact that they took it off the air. Well, you did make it up because it was three rapes. I think you could probably watch it on Peacock, but no one has that. Hey, yeah, you can watch it on Peacock, actually. What crazy thing that doesn't matter. Hmm.
01:00:08
Speaker
I like keyed into like Danny Masterson news for like a moment and then was like, I don't care about that. But I feel like he like in the, in the course of this trial or whatever, said some crazy shit or whatever. Uh, no, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher were like, well, you know, he, he like definitely raped those people, but he's not like a bad guy. Oh, that's awesome. We're not denying that he did that, but you know, he's, he was cool. He was fun to hang out with.
01:00:40
Speaker
good friends. They had his back dude through thick and thin. Not the right thing. But hey, you know, they're friends. These are my friends. Not sure. I don't think there's but that's the thing Danny Masterson is a big Scientologist. Just know because yeah, hello.
01:01:08
Speaker
That's crazy. Is Ashton Kutcher a Scientologist? I mean, all celebrities are either. Paul, can you look up a fashion or either Scientologists or gay or both? I didn't know that there was like the biggest part of them was in clear water. I got to go over there. Oh yeah. You can see the giant temple there. I heard they're just all walking around there all the time and like recruiting people. I should get that on video for the Reddit.
01:01:39
Speaker
Do it. Okay. Oh, is this sign tall? Yeah. And take their whole pitch and be like, so do you think Robin Williams is a better actor? They used to, um, we'll leave it up to the Scientologist recruiter. They used to have an office in that.
01:02:07
Speaker
building that was across the street from the urban on Newbrew street pubs that had the like Best Buy in it. And they'd stand out there by like the Heinz convention tea stop and be like, Hey, are you sad? And just like bring people up to their weird office where they read your Thetans. Do you think you're strong enough that you could go to a cult meeting for like a year and then not end up in the cult? Yes. Well, no, here's what would happen.
01:02:36
Speaker
is I would like figure the cult out and then I would like overthrow the cult leader. And then I would be the leader of the cult. So like in that sense, I would have joined the cult, but not as like a, not as like a member. Does that make sense? It would be like that movie. Um, what's the one where Leo is in the mental asylum and he thinks he's the cop, but really he's actually not the cop. Yeah.
01:03:05
Speaker
Shutter Island. You'd get Shutter Island. You'd be like, oh, I am the cult leader. And then they'd have you chained up in a little room. Oh my god. No. They would have told me that's you, dude. That's not me. That's so you. Fuck off. Meanest thing you ever said. You know how much I want to have a cult. Yeah, we'll let you fire the cannon, too. I can fire the cannon.
01:03:37
Speaker
He'd be down there just screaming. I'm the cult leader. Would be the cult leader. Go go give him this bucket of gruel and make him shut up. Yeah. Man, you think you could be the pope? No, I don't want to be the pope. The pope sucks now. What's his face? That racist. Mel Gibson.
01:04:06
Speaker
Same thing. Mel Gibson like, uh, Instagramed a picture of like the devil whispering like Pope's ear while the Pope's robe was made out of like a rainbow flag. Because he said that the Pope can like blessing or the Pope said that like Paris can bless same sex marriages now. So like the Pope is not even a relevant person anymore. Now that the only people that cared about him were conservative Christians. And now that they hate him,
01:04:36
Speaker
He has like, no one cares. Well, he doesn't care. He's Italian, right? Pope? That Pope? He actually might not be. I think he speaks a little Italian. Pope Francis, right? Pope Francis, I think was. I think they're all Italian. No, the Ratzinger was German. He was a Nazi. Actually, Pope Francis is also a Nazi. He was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina. He's white. He was not. Yeah. I mean, I guess that tracks.
01:05:06
Speaker
So maybe the Pope will hang himself. I think it's just, uh, well, that's a crazy thing too, is like, if you're Catholic, you believe that the Pope has like is infallible. Like if he says something, it's like God speaking through him. And he was like, yeah, you can, priests can bless same sex marriages now. And everyone was like, God's wrong. God's wrong on that one.
01:05:37
Speaker
God's SMH and up in the heavens. God took an L today. Sick ass motherfucker ruined me. Maybe God's a Scientologist. I don't think they believe in God, do they? They believe in, like, Xenu. Lord Xenu. No, God is a Scientologist, though. He got into Scientology.
01:06:10
Speaker
Yeah, that's right. Think about how sad you would be if you died and there really was a gun. That would just probably be like, all right, dude, we're good. I feel like the whole Yeah, like that. The idea that you would get a chance to I don't know, that feels mean. They were like, by the way, you were wrong this whole time. And I'm mad about it. Yeah, and be like, I heard what you said. Her bitch.
01:06:36
Speaker
Now you're going to go down and get chained up in the fucking dungeon where you think you're God, but you're not really the cult leader. I mean, that could just be life. You could be, you could be living out your eternal hell punishment right now. Pretty boring. Pretty boring hell punishment. Yeah. I like to think at least I'd get something, you know,
01:07:03
Speaker
I don't know. Can't even think of a good hell punishment. What exactly? Yeah, they just make you watch Dead Poets Society over and over. So if there's a good hell punishment, that'd be terrible. Because then in the end, you'd be like, you know what, smoothies not that bad. That's when they let you back into heaven. That was your that was your lesson you had to learn.
01:07:30
Speaker
Is that 9-11 video you posted on the Reddit reel? Yes. Isn't that one so good? Why are they all drinking like flat ass beer? That was the thing that stuck out. No, you have to listen to the audio. It puts so much work into the audio. Those videos, it bums me out that you don't listen to them. I did listen to them. I just heard the girl screaming. What was I going to say? They literally say what they're drinking. It's apple juice and vodka.
01:07:55
Speaker
Oh, I didn't hear that part. Say in the beginning. Sorry. Yes, whatever. I was more focused on 9-11 happening Jared. I mean, that's that's how they get you.
01:08:08
Speaker
So then, um, what did they, so they must've saw the other ones hit the, obviously, I think they freaked out because they look over as it starts to fall, but they know it's going to, there's two fucking planes in the building. Well, no, nobody thought nobody's going to fall. Yeah. Nobody thought, I mean, there's like a lot of videos like that where like, I guess we're going to go get the point out of the building soon. Yeah. Like obviously it was like, obviously it was scary January. They'll be out. But if you didn't know anyone who worked in that building,
01:08:39
Speaker
in their mind it was like yeah that's fucked up but they're like the firefighters are gonna go and put the fire out and that's like mad they're gonna they're gonna throw a plane into a trampoline on the ground and fucking get it out of there i was just saying there's like mad videos where people are just kind of like dicking around on 9-11 because like school was cancelled you better get a fucking rope start pulling that shit out of the building
01:09:06
Speaker
That's so unrealistic, dude. That's crazy. I mean, a 707, granted a lot smaller, did hit the towers in like the 90s or whatever, and they just fixed it. People in fucking 2001 were mad dumb, dude. That is also true. Dude, I told you, we talked about this when I talk about Twister. No, maybe we didn't talk about that. But like society before 9-11, we were like innocent,
01:09:35
Speaker
fucking idiots. No one knew anything. America was like the best country in the world. We didn't have to know anything that happened in Europe or the Middle East or Asia like who didn't matter. None of that mattered. And everyone was like America. Because it is dude. What are you saying? We fucking rule dude. This shit rules. No, I'm just saying if you don't remember living some shit whole country. I don't. I'm saying if you but if you if you if you feel that way now, you like
01:10:06
Speaker
realized that it was like 10 times that before 9-11. Like not only were we that good, we also just didn't even know. Like didn't know Qatar was a country and it didn't matter. Why does Qatar matter? That's what I mean. But you know that it, you know, all the countries in the middle East now, because like the news made you learn it back then. You didn't have to know. It didn't matter that there was anyone over there. America was just great.
01:10:37
Speaker
I didn't know about Kazakhstan. Yeah, I only know from Borat and DJ Khaled. DJ Khaled and Borat, my guys. Everyone was just dumb and didn't think anything bad could ever happen. That's why we made movies about like the world getting destroyed. It was like funny. It was like funny to imagine the world being bad because everything was like fucking amazing every day.
01:11:05
Speaker
Clinton, second term of Clinton. I only know about Dagestan. Yeah, Khabib. Yep. And the little short guy who Mike Tyson kissed because he thought he was a little kid. Oh, yeah. Hubalo. That fucking video of Mike Tyson kissing him is too funny, dude.
01:11:34
Speaker
There's just been eating mushrooms all day and then he meets a midget and he's like, come here, you little baby. Fucking Joe Byron on that shit, dude. Come here, baby. I'm gonna just nibble on you. Oh my God, dude. Jared and I watched gold member the other day. I was going to say, I meant to say that earlier in the pod,
01:12:01
Speaker
Uh, not everything from Austin Powers holds up, but like so much of that movie still held up. Good. It was so fucking funny. Yes. All those movies are fucking hilarious, dude. They're hilarious, but I, in my head, I was going to like, in my head, the reason they don't still air on TV. Just because they're too funny. Is because there must be like, like, it must be like, oh, that like you can't do like.
01:12:26
Speaker
Midget humor anymore. You can't do like even know. I can't think of what could have been like that bad. But I was like, there must have just been something that if I see it again, I'll be like, oh, wow. But like that. There wasn't. You like when I cooked our old coworker, when I sent you guys a picture of Scotty with the fucked up hair. Oh, my God, that was perfect. Yeah. Yeah.
01:12:57
Speaker
Took these ass, bro. Now those movies are hilarious, dude. They don't even fucking make funny. Oh, that's right. You're going to remember what you were talking about. That was fucking awesome. The scene where he kicks, he kicks mini me and he's like, yeah, oh, holds up. Still funny.
01:13:28
Speaker
And they just don't make, well, we've talked about it already, but they don't make funny movies anymore. They just decided comedies aren't worth making. And then I was watching that and I was like, damn, this is just a genre that disappeared and I miss. Let's be dumb and funny. It doesn't have to be about something.
01:13:55
Speaker
They stopped making, you know, good James Bond movies that they could make good, good, uh, parodies of. Yeah. Like old James Bond was just fucking just everything that moved just absolutely fucking. And then new James Bond has like, you know, have a character arc, have a three or four movie character arc.
01:14:19
Speaker
Respect women. Exactly. Old James Bond was just slapping people. Old James Bond would kick a midget. That's for damn sure. Hell yeah. I need to drink a scotch and fucking. You drink a martini. But yeah.
01:14:48
Speaker
I mean, doesn't even have to be an awesome power. They just don't make. Like, like I said, there used to be a pipeline of like, SNL character actors who made movies. Well, you got a racetrack outside of your house. I'm gonna fucking go blow that shit up. That happened every night? No, no, there was some other ones. I almost shot some
01:15:12
Speaker
when I was almost timing a truck out one time for like a few months that I was going to shoot the window. That's fucking awesome. Allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah, dude. Talk to my talk to my lawyer, dude. He speaks on my behalf. She speaks on my behalf. Her name's Kamala Harris. That's my bitch. That's my bitch.
01:15:45
Speaker
So what's up? What's up, guys? Bro, it's the New Year's. It's the last three. How do you feel about that? I'm happy, dude. I'm happy to get into an even-numbered year. Yeah, it's a leap year. One more year of whatever. Hopefully good. One more day, I mean. You know what I mean. All day and all night? One more day, a bit.
01:16:17
Speaker
Right. Get that ship off. Get it. Yeah. Hit that. Yeah. Oh, bro, how's the keyboard? How's the keyboard treating you? That's great. That's on my downstairs computer. As I said, I don't hear any clicking. It's not tough to get used to, but it's slippery keys. That's what they call me in high school.
01:16:47
Speaker
I would, when I would slam that synthesizer. Slippery keys, Carrasco. Yeah. All right. Sure. We're getting Shutter Island done. Yeah. Well, that's where my high school was. What's weird about that?
01:17:20
Speaker
Damn. If you were famous, would you would you fly on Spirit Airlines? No, no, who the fuck is doing that? I'm not famous. And I won't fly on Spirit like, you know, if I was the only way I could get there, I just wouldn't go. I'd take a fucking train. Tyree, kill a little baby or a baby guy, whatever that rapper's name is, little baby.
01:17:49
Speaker
Is he different than Dub Baby? They were on a spirit fucking flight. That has to be for like some promotional thing. Lil Baby is the more relevant rapper than Dub Baby. They could just get a fucking private jet. Yeah, I don't get that. Is Dub Baby the one that was really popular and then he said all that weird stuff about gay people? Or was that Lil Baby? Oh, you're gonna have to be more supportive. That was Dub Baby. That was Dub Baby, okay.
01:18:19
Speaker
Do your best baby. I don't really know any of his music. Do your best impression of the baby saying weird stuff about gay people. Nope. We can be clear that you're doing an impression, which means in the context of an impression, you can say whatever you want because it's not you saying that. We could call my lawyer, dude. Herman Herman Goldschlager.
01:18:49
Speaker
Her name's Hamala Harris. Herman and Durman, Kamala Harris. Paul, come on, dude. Nope. It's your best Colin mockery impression. What? Who's your favorite rapper? Me? Yeah, you.
01:19:19
Speaker
Old school or new school? Spartan new school first. Probably Revron. Okay. Jared. My favorite rapper. I don't have an answer to that question. Oh, easy there.
01:19:40
Speaker
I just don't, I don't know how to answer that question. All right, David Duke. I was listening to Czarface earlier today, so let's go there. All right. Still like all of Jack Harlow's discography is better than Czarface. That's ridiculous to say. Aiden knew I was setting up for something, so he just gave a fake answer.
01:20:10
Speaker
I respect that. Do you like the TV show or used to sit in the bathtub and then yeah, God is great. God is great rev run. He's on a fucking palm pilot or a blackberry. Rev south that was a good show. Now they should really that was a better time in America. They should bring all those shows back as the Osborne show.
Reality TV Critiques & Ethics
01:20:38
Speaker
Yeah.
01:20:39
Speaker
whole Kogan show. Am I Jaron now show just doing my Jaron now showing overdosing wild duties like six months sober sober, but like, Chris does crazy and skits. I'm just getting on the, I'm just getting on the phone with his kid and then crying for like a half hour. That's the show. His, his lawyer calling him and being like,
01:21:08
Speaker
I don't know what his real name is. Bam. It's probably Bam. Bam. Bam, they're limiting your visitation rights. And then he just cries. You just watch him cry for 45 minutes. Ape. What the hell, Ape? That's...
01:21:35
Speaker
Yeah, so like the Hulk Hogan show. What other good TV shows were there? Ashley Simpson and Nick Lachey. Does that sound right? I don't know. That was a good show. Well, you got to find out if tuna fish was actually a chicken or a fish. Chicken of the sea. Yeah. There was so that I mean, there was that see that
01:22:05
Speaker
They were all like, look at how dumb and fucked up these people are, actually. Most of it was like, look how dumb this woman is, which probably wouldn't play very well in today's society. I think you could still do that one that had
01:22:27
Speaker
uh, Paris Hilton in it. Nicole Richie. You could probably still do that show. Like you couldn't do it with them, but I think you could still do it with like, cause I think there is a side of people like, is that that different from like, I mean, not that I've seen them, but my entire team at work is obsessed with like trash TV on Bravo. Like they talk about like housewives shit all the time. Like that must just be like dumb, rich women, right?
01:22:56
Speaker
about mob lives. I don't know that one either. But I mean, that one's probably a little bit different. Or like Vanderpump. That must just be dumb rich people, right? Kardashians is just dumb rich people being dumb.
01:23:34
Speaker
Yes. I just automatically jumping right into it. That's great. I'm just here, dude. Hello. What's up, dude? All right. Back to the Kardashians. I like the Kardashians, dude. Great show. What? So I really haven't watched like I've seen like clips of it on like
01:24:04
Speaker
Reddit or whatever, and then more so sketches and stuff on it, so now I'm making fun of it, but what is the substance of that show? Just fucking chicks being dudes. Yeah. That's about it, honestly. I guess I... That's where I'm... Or dudes being chicks, I don't know. It depends on the person on the show.
01:24:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess that genre of just like rich people's dumb lives, I didn't I never really got the appeal of. Did you like the man Marjara show? Yeah, but I think I mean, it was there was definitely an element of that. You know, when you look back on like CKY and then you fast forward to that, where it's like clearly he he became or that whole group of people became like rich and famous from
01:25:03
Speaker
Jackass and stuff like that. And then. That affected their media as time went on because they could do more elaborate stuff and they were a little bit safer. And I was fine. Like I got that, but I didn't feel the substance of the show was like, look at these rich people's lives and they're just like us, but also like I want to be them. And also like they're stupid and they have all this drama, like the substance of that show was still like,
01:25:33
Speaker
what it was, well, like CKY and stuff where, which was like, we're just people fucking around and like doing crazy stuff. Whereas I guess, I don't know. Cause I haven't seen it, but my sense of like Kardashians and stuff is that it's supposed to be like, I mean, it's real quote unquote reality TV, right? You're supposed to be like, this is all really happening to them. Oh.
01:25:58
Speaker
Get them, dude. Yeah. All right. How about Ozzy Osbourne show? Can we all agree on that one? I mean, yeah, that one was more funny because it was like. It was like shit. Yeah, you were just like there. Ozzy Osbourne is retarded and it's funny. That was that was what made that show.
01:26:30
Speaker
Very true. Very true. There was that genre too of in the react where they like gave flavor flavor show and you were like, all right, this is borderline. Oh, yeah, that was bad. Again, this is like pretty racist. No way, dude. He was just looking for love. Him in Miami and the one who spit on the other one.
01:26:59
Speaker
Yeah. New York, New York. Yeah. New Yorkers, my bitch, dude. All right. How about maybe we've talked about this before, but the TV show, Joe millionaire, where they just had a regular dude, but they told everybody who was a millionaire. Hmm. Then in the end, they're like, actually, he's just a regular dude. And the woman had to decide if she wanted to stay with him or not.
01:27:21
Speaker
Um, well, that was like a weekly thing. It was like the bachelor, except for the guy was just like a construction worker, but they said he was rich. Oh, yeah. Okay. I know what you're talking about. And all the women are like, I want to be with him because he's a millionaire. But then the show was like, in the end, they're like, Oh, well, do you actually like Joe millionaire? Or were you just in there for the money? And I think that the woman might have just been in there for the money.
01:27:50
Speaker
I mean for sure she was but I feel like in that situation you say yes, and then you like Deal with like you let the show end and then you because then you're just gonna be like characterizes a gold digger, right? All those show shot in like three days. Yes Yes
01:28:20
Speaker
Um, they do the, uh, they do like, well, I think we talked about this, but they do like the family feud and like. Jeopardy and all that stuff. They just do like rapid fire. Like you do film, like they batch them or four or five episodes in a day and they just make you change your clothes and stuff. Or it's like the great British bake off where you have to wear the same clothes for three days.
01:28:50
Speaker
Yeah. Just seems terrible. Being in bake off. Having Yeah, I mean, just, okay, I thought in bake off, you got money in the end, and then you just get you just get a little trophy. That's so stupid. Paul Hollywood kisses you. Yeah, you get a hug. I mean, you get to be like low key, probably low key famous in Britain. Bet you get like, you don't do good.
01:29:19
Speaker
Like King Arthur flower sponsors you probably you get some some sick sponsorships from well You get a certificate that says you were the best from like saran wrap get knighted Do they knight people still Dude the queen died be responsible. That's what I mean That old pedophile probably doesn't do it
01:29:43
Speaker
Arthur. Yeah, King Arthur. King Charles. King shitbag, dude. Did they release more like right? Am I right, guys? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The Epstein list. Not my king. What? Not yet. That's what I was. Yeah, I wasn't sure if that came out. Yeah, I feel like I would have heard. They would have been like, yeah, King Charles is on there. It's never going to come out. It's going to be like this kind of just going to keep pushing up. Oh, my God.
01:30:19
Speaker
The judge just... Well, actually, the judge just disappears. That could happen. Isn't Jizz Lane still out there? Yeah, I think she's in jail right now. Yeah.
01:30:42
Speaker
You got to figure if there are, you know, celebrities and politicians and rich people on that list. Someone, someone going to, uh, make sure that list doesn't come out or, or punish her for releasing it to the public.
Conspiracies & Political Satire
01:31:05
Speaker
Jeff, if Jeff Brie F. Steen can just be murdered in prison with no cameras.
01:31:12
Speaker
That's true. What chance does she have? It's probably like Mark Zuckerberg's making an underground tunnel. Cause he knows that he's on the list and he's going to, I mean, valid point. He's just going to be like, fuck you come after me on my 600 acre Hawaiian underground compound mansion. Like at some point the government's like, he's basically in prison anyway. Like we'll never let him leave his compound.
01:31:41
Speaker
Um, basically rich prison. Let's play music until he comes out and then the lightest compound on fire. Like they did that other cold. Um, that's actually true. Maybe that's why Bezos is trying to escape into space also. Interesting timing.
01:32:08
Speaker
Is it even going to matter? Is this just going to be another one of those things or people like, Oh yeah, I always knew fucking Tom Hanks had sex with kids. Uh, it doesn't seem like it will. I keep wondering what the thing would be that would get people to care. And I don't know. Disrespected Tom Hanks. I was just the first name that came to mind. I watched Toy Story yesterday. He started COVID. It's fine. Um,
01:32:40
Speaker
Yeah, I keep wondering. Like everyone went crazy during Covid. Black Lives Matter and like smashed every all the windows and stuff. And there was like that's because people were bored and they were at home all day and just go crazy when you're together. They all got stir crazy. And also, I think like cops shot someone or something. But I don't think I can't think of what the thing would be that would get everyone to be like,
01:33:10
Speaker
Fuck this. We're going crazy. Everybody keeps sending me the trailer for the fucking Civil War movie. I don't want to watch that shit, dude. Civil War movie. It's like a dead be like if a civil war happened nowadays. There's a movie about that. It's coming out in the next couple of weeks. Who green with that? And also who keeps sending that to you?
01:33:34
Speaker
A lot of people, a lot of people that I know I've sent it to me. It's like, bro, I don't want to watch that. I have a little kid. I have no interest in watching a movie like you. Like in what context? We're like, it's finally like it's pops. It's happening. Oh, no. Just like, oh, look at this movie. It's probably going to be a good movie because like the trailer does make it look pretty interesting. But it's like, I don't want to see that little kid, dude. I don't need to think about somebody fucking coming into my house and killing us. Oh, it's called Civil War.
01:34:08
Speaker
Kirsten Dunst in it. It's shot from like the perspective of a couple of people who are journalists. It's got Nick Offerman in it, which means when it's an A24 movie, that means it's not like it's not like conservative people porn. It's not like Boogaloo.
01:34:31
Speaker
It's a bunch of like Hollywood liberal people being like, like, like a cautionary tale about the path we're on right now, which is so much worse. Either would be terrible, but this is, this is like Hollywood lecturing society. No disrespect to Nick Offerman though. No, that's what I mean. I love him as an actor, but the fact that he's in this, like he wouldn't be in, in like a,
01:34:57
Speaker
You know, like the fucking 9-11 movie where Mark Wahlberg defeated the terrorists. He wouldn't be in a movie like that. You mean the Boston bombing movie where Mark Wahlberg defeats the terrorists? He wouldn't be in that kind of thing. So the fact that he's in this means that it must be like, like that movie that was on Netflix last year, two years ago, where about like climate change or whatever. That movie was terrible. Don't look at it. It was just like, it was just like,
01:35:28
Speaker
fucking rich ass people who find private jets lecturing everyone else about like, recycling. This is like a bunch of celebrities who like, who would like get Donald Trump tattooed on their forehead to be relevant again. lecturing us about like political instability and stuff. No offense to Nick Offerman.
01:35:55
Speaker
Jared's a big Trump supporter. He voted for Trump both times. Donald Trump. I live in Colorado. I'm writing him in on the ballot. Yeah. You can't take my vote. You can't take my vote, Supreme Court of Colorado. Oh, they're not letting him be on the thing. Yeah, because he tried to overthrow the government. Oh, come on, dude. I mean, he did. I mean, he did. Like, if you read. He did commit treason.
01:36:24
Speaker
Yes, he objectively did. So if you're like, that's not fair, you have to, like, you have to at least be logically consistent and be like, he definitely attempted to commit treason. And I don't care. I still want him to be president. That's okay. That's at least logically consistent, but you can't be like, you didn't do that. You did.
01:36:48
Speaker
I mean, everybody deserves a second chance. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, realistically, I just I, I don't know how we always end up having to choose between like, people who were born before bread was invented.
Personal Anecdotes & Workplace Humor
01:37:10
Speaker
If you had to be a truck, what kind of truck would you be? Like a
01:37:17
Speaker
Pick up truck? I need truck, dude. Just answer the question, man. Mac truck. Grave digger, actually. I changed my answer. Jeff Gordon's car.
01:37:49
Speaker
Oh, the truck from cars. Actually, I changed my answer again. Tater. Tell me. I think I'd want to be that like time that like Chinese electric mini dump truck. That's like $2,000. You know the one I'm talking about? Oh, yeah, those things are sick. Yeah, I think I would want to be Chinese.
01:38:20
Speaker
shill. Tell me you have a katana. I have No, all my dad's katanas went to my brother's. That's just rude, dude. What? That you didn't get one. He had fewer than five, five katanas and more and more than that many kids. I didn't want I didn't well, I wasn't gonna fight for the katana.
01:38:48
Speaker
How did you guys decide who got one? The way that like Katana fight kind of the kind of the way I don't know. I don't know how other siblings would decide things, but you're like, you're like, Oh, does anyone want this? Because if any, if nobody else wants it, I'll take it. And like, if somebody says that, that means they want it. So you're kind of like, all right, I'm not going to say I want it because like, then we have to figure this out. So it's kind of just a who's who's going to be like, okay, if I have this,
01:39:18
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, I respect that. But it does seem like you got cheated out of a cool gift. I got his, it doesn't fucking matter. I got his pool cue, which felt more useful to me. There's only one of those.
01:39:47
Speaker
What kind of wood is it? To be clear, if any of my siblings ever listen to this, I don't want the Katana. I want all five of the Katana. I'm doing a bit. I'm not mad and I don't want them. Is it a composite or is it wood? The... pool cube? No, the Katana. No, the fucking pool cube. It's wood.
01:40:15
Speaker
Cherry maple. I didn't have it. Like I didn't take it to the pawn shop and have them like, tell me facts about it. That's how pawn shops work, right? The TV show led me to believe you can just bring anything in there and they'll bring out an expert who knows all about it. Uh, I think they usually just go, I'll give you like $45 for this item. That's worth about 4,500. They don't bring out an expert who they don't have a guy. I'm going to call my guy.
01:40:46
Speaker
He's the West Coast's best pool cue expert. He's going to be like this and he's going to be like, this has abalone inlays. That means it's worth $6,000. And then the other guy's like, you just offered me $42 for this. And he's like, well, listen, I gotta, it's going to be on my shelf. It's probably going to be there for like 11 years.
01:41:10
Speaker
before somebody buys it. And then I gotta like, I gotta make money here. So like, yeah, the best I can do is like, listen, I'll give you a deal $50. No one's gonna buy it. The best I can do. Just cause you thought your old man was the man doesn't mean I do. So I'll give you like 25 cents for that.
01:41:37
Speaker
This is actually a this is actually a factory replica of a pool cue. This isn't even a real pool cue. If you play pool with this, you're gonna die. Yeah, it's gonna explode in your hands. But lights, but you know, because you have a good story, because I'm feeling good today. $46. Abalone in car. That's right.
01:42:06
Speaker
Wait, you didn't say what truck you'd be. Dude, I'm not answering that stupid question. How I felt like that was going to go. Come on, dude. They asked me that at our last job during Hope Heroes or change champions or whatever that fucking shit was called.
01:42:26
Speaker
Like if you were a car, what kind of car would you be? What'd you say? I can't answer that. You can't put me in a car. I'm bigger than that. I don't fit in cars. I would say I need an extra seat on an airplane. I was saying more metaphorically, but that's even funnier. For all the listeners, Aidan just typed in the group chat that he'd be a Cybertruck.
01:42:57
Speaker
Oh, that's respectful. Saying for a little drive or no shit sock dude. There's so bad if I bought one out and fucking run myself over with it. Oh, like, what's his face? I render Jeremy Renner. Yeah.
01:43:24
Speaker
I think that was a plow but same but it was. Yeah, it was a plow truck. It was a snow cat. Was a snow. I think it was one of those things that they use at like a ski resort to like a snow groomer.
01:43:55
Speaker
Oh, really? They have like treads on them. Yes, correct. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize it was that bad. Yuck. He got clipped. Then what happened?
01:44:25
Speaker
I forgot what we were talking about. Um, Jeremy runner. I want to meet I guess. No, I can't. Did it like, does he still have all his limbs? I think so. Oh, yeah, he's fun. I saw him doing like training yesterday. Oh, god. Oh,
01:44:50
Speaker
What do you watch this video? Well, so I didn't I remember the story, but I didn't really know any specifics. And so I I'm looking at. Now, body camera footage of the aftermath of it, and there's just like so much red snow. Oh, yeah, I ran over by you see that thing that ran him over. Yeah, now that I see it and I'm like, holy shit, that in my head would turn you into like.
01:45:16
Speaker
Like, have you ever seen those X-rays of like a hand that caught, like caught in a, like a combine or something? And it's just a, it's just bone and skin, like mashed potatoes. And you're like, yeah, there, there's nothing there to fix that in my head is what would have happened. But it sounds like it wasn't as bad. I feel like maybe it's because of the industry that I work in, but you just hear terrible stories all the time.
01:45:45
Speaker
Like the mechanic at my work, his brother-in-law stuck his hand underneath a mower to free something up from it. Didn't turn the mower off and it came back on and cut his hand in half. So I have a, excuse me, two different stories. I'm a little drunk. That was a guy who lived down the street from me when I lived in my old town. His brother-in-law slipped walking up a hill with a push mower and pulled the mower back over his foot and it cut his foot in half. So that also happened to my grandfather.
01:46:15
Speaker
So that one I can at least be like, okay, you were, you were not technically being like unsafe. That was sort of like a freak accident. Unless you're telling me that slipping and cutting your toe off while you should be wearing steel toe boots. Most likely that would have solved that. But like, I have a thing like a, I guess like a irrational, rational fear where like, if I have to,
01:46:41
Speaker
reach into the blender or the thing I use to grind shrooms up into a powder, I'll unplug it. Even though the coffee grinder thing will not turn on if the lid is off of it. And same with the blender. So technically, there's already a fail safe there, but I'm like, if my hand is in here,
01:47:09
Speaker
Like I will not be in the scenario where like lightning strikes the building and it makes the blender go because of a power surge and my hand gets turned into Jeremy Renner. For the stories that you hear about people in your industry who are like missing a finger or like missing a toe or cut there, whatever, are they mostly people stories where you're like, Oh yeah, you're a fucking idiot.
01:47:38
Speaker
I'll stick underneath a mower when it's still on and running is pretty fucking stupid. Like we use I guess we use real mowers, which are way sharper, but probably harder to cut your hand off with. That's a lie. And I'll see people have it still running and they'll try to like take a stick out of it. If a sticks jammed in it. Yeah, that's just ridiculous. So yeah, I guess that's my question is like, is it a
01:48:06
Speaker
Like, there's definitely dangerous stuff we all do, like opening the car door while it's moving to see if the car door opens. But. Is that that's not like standard practice where everyone would be like, yeah, the rules say you're supposed to like completely turn the mower off, but like anyone's just going to like reach their hand in there and pull the stick out. That's not like I was just definitely just definitely coming stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I had a coming addicting to say, but you know what I mean.
01:48:35
Speaker
You just hear crazy shit. Like I know a guy who was still in work on the golf course with him and he was mowing rough and the rough hour rolled over on top of him and killed him. Oh my God. Yeah. Dude was a superintendent and his son was working on the crew and he just like got on to, to like steep of a grade and the mower rolled over and rolled on top of him and killed him.
01:49:03
Speaker
Or is this in fucking Moscow or something? I don't know. Somewhere in Massachusetts or Rhode Island. Jesus Christ. Like that one is just a freak accident. That's just like dude was probably doing standard operating. Just fucking some crazy shit happened. This is unrelated to what you said and I don't know why you talking about that triggered a memory. But do you remember like a few years ago or like maybe it was like 10 years ago when like
01:49:31
Speaker
There's like some towns in central mass where like the gas company just like over pressured the pipes and a bunch of people's houses exploded. Oh my God. My roommate's dad was the president of that gas company. You can like do everything right in life and be super safe. And maybe the gas company accidentally explodes your house while you're in it. Yep.
01:49:53
Speaker
not only explodes your house, but close your house up so bad that your chimney comes flying off your house and somebody who was sitting in their car outside of the house. That's your father's name. Kills like an 18 year old kid who's just sitting in his car. It was like a bunch of houses, right? That was like, it was in Northern Masses and Lawrence or Lowell, maybe.
01:50:25
Speaker
The fuck is that noise 40 homes That's crazy 40 people's homes exploded how do you get away with I mean like how do you just 80 fires 40 not necessarily like 40 homes fully exploded into nothing but like 40 explosions some of which were like The chimney fucking
Accidents & Manufacturing Errors
01:50:55
Speaker
rocket into the air. Well, the story was that the company, whoever the guy was, he put a, um, they had like a pressure relief valve on it and it was installed backwards. I believe that was what happened. I mean, that's the shit like now going back even further, there was that, there was that huge blackout.
01:51:25
Speaker
Um, what year was that? 19 2007, maybe 2009. I don't remember. Um, but there was a huge blackout in the United States sometime in the 2000s when like a big chunk of the power grid for the country went offline for like a little bit and they were like, Oh yeah, this one power line in like New York.
01:51:52
Speaker
had like a bad thing on it and it just set off a chain reaction. That shit is crazy, too, where you're like, Oh, yeah, I was the guy who put on the valve backwards and it blew up 100 houses. There shouldn't be like a definitely imagine being that guy and like, you know, there are maybe some times where you kind of just like go into the woods and don't come back. But also like there should be ways that
01:52:22
Speaker
One dumb dude can't fuck that much stuff up. I think there was like those planes that they grounded a few years back too. And that was because like the people who built them like put something in backwards, like some thing that you rarely have to use, but when you need it, it needs to work correctly. And that's how they figured it out. Cause like one plane crashed and they're like, oh yeah, all these got built wrong. It was like whatever, like,
01:52:52
Speaker
you know, low wage workers, they have come in and do the like, yeah, just install this thing here. Well, you would hope that on an airplane that they're not doing it that way, but I could see that being a thing. I don't know enough about it to like tell the whole story. And I'm kind of like, I don't know that I want to, but there was definitely like this,
01:53:20
Speaker
couple years back, like a, like a model of airplane that they had to ground all of them. And it was because of some like dumb defect in how they were all built. You're pretty shitty way to go out there. You're just chilling in your car and all of a sudden like your friend's roof blows off.
01:53:46
Speaker
Yeah, that instance of first having you that and see it and then crash down upon by a chimney of all things. I think about the girl who got hit in the head by a meteor every now and then. When the fuck did that happen? This was longer. I mean, in our lifetime, but but that's one where I'm like, again, where you're like, you could be like, that's so
01:54:15
Speaker
Unlikely, right? Oh, not in our lifetime. Nineteen. Ninety eight. Nineteen fifty four. And Hodges. Seven years ago, fifty four. Anyway, doesn't really matter when it was hit by a meteorite. So you're like, that's even like nobody fucked up there. There wasn't you couldn't have even trained
01:54:42
Speaker
Idiot at the gas company to not install the valve backwards or like done a better job building the plane That's like space was like fuck this fuck this particular lady She's just chilling and gets hit by a meteorite What are you supposed to do? Nothing can nothing can nothing can Save you from that
01:55:09
Speaker
So, uh, you know, live, live, live life. Like you might get hit by a meteorite at any moment.
Cynicism on U.S. Foreign Aid & War Anxiety
01:55:19
Speaker
Okay. Uh, man, Joe Biden sending another $250 million to Ukraine. What the hell? 250 million dollars for the United States is like, is like Play-Doh money. Hmm.
01:55:39
Speaker
Could they send me like five grand out of that 250? Kick up. Kick up. I think you probably can. I think there's probably government programs you could like take advantage of. Kick it up. Kick up to us. Yeah. Um, I'm anti-war. I think we should just stop doing this. Yeah, I agree. I'm totally anti-war too.
01:56:03
Speaker
If you're anti that, then you're pro Russia. That's a problem. Okay. Don't have a rebuttal for that. Just stop me anti war. I don't think we should be involved in all this stuff. It's not even. So here's the thing. It's, it's, we're not really,
01:56:31
Speaker
doing anything right even like even like the war on terror quote unquote that went on for like 20 years if we wanted to actually win a war we could do it in like in like a month
01:56:49
Speaker
Right. We have like more planes. We have like more military planes than those countries have people, like one plane per person, one drone per person. We could do that. We could actually do that. Okay. The reason we don't, the reason we don't is because the goal isn't to win anything. The goal is to be in a constant state of, or to have a constant state of war happening somewhere.
01:57:19
Speaker
We don't want to hear. Nobody wants to hear. But like, if you've got wars happening in like Ukraine and Qatar and Somalia, that's good for Northrop Grumman and Raytheon and Boeing and everything else. All the services companies and all that shit. That's why they do it. We're giving money to keep
01:57:47
Speaker
Because if we didn't keep the war going in Ukraine, then the economy would suffer from it. And it's $250 million investment in keeping the war going in Ukraine that pays back the American economy probably tenfold. That's what we do. OK. You just sound like an industrial military, industrial complex shill.
01:58:16
Speaker
I mean, just calls an ad as I seize it. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but I'm also saying that like, it's just reality. Listen, I had to stop smoking weed when all this shit happened because I was still nervous that the United States was actually going to get involved in a war with Russia, but I couldn't smoke weed. And that was part of my job was that I had to smoke weed. Hell yeah.
01:58:47
Speaker
That's awesome. Every time I'd smoke weed, I'd be like, oh, dude, this fucking sucks. This is going to be you're going to you're like, you're like very high and that's going to be the moment that like the air raid sirens go off. Correct. And you're like, I have to get my family in the truck and get to safety and I'm way too high to drive violently high right now. Yeah, I feel that. Same shit happened with
01:59:15
Speaker
COVID, because our fucking stupid ass boss at the time was like, Oh, everybody's gonna lose their job. And I don't know about you guys, but when the economy collapsed in 2008, it was not good for my family. So I was like, this is fucking terrible. This is just 2008 all over again. And I'm about to lose my fucking job. Yeah. Um,
01:59:43
Speaker
Jokes on me. I lost it anyways, but not because of COVID.
Office Dynamics & Climate Change
01:59:50
Speaker
It's because you wouldn't wear a mask. Correct. It's because I was a freedom fighter. They said get out. Put a mask on double mask. Triple. I mean, you did send that company wide email
02:00:07
Speaker
With the subject line, Jews did 9-11. Yeah. I think that was related to why. Jews couldn't get the plane out of the building. The building fell before the construction crew could get there. Or they could get the trampoline under it. Just wanted that plane. I farted in the office too many times. That's a real reason.
02:00:38
Speaker
No, they kept halfway around. Actually, no, he got to use his extra life. Bro, is that old dude who used to sit next to us and would play music over the speakers on his phone? He's the only one who goes into the office every day still. Oh, that's so sick that he's still there. So the other funny thing is, he goes into that office every day. And he could work from across the street, but he doesn't.
02:01:07
Speaker
Could also work from home. Could also work from home. I respect the fact that he goes in there. That week that we had, like three or four weeks ago, we had like in-person meetings at that building with like the leadership group for the company. And we had the meeting there. And there's a conference room in that building, but it was hot in the conference room. So...
02:01:36
Speaker
The big boss was like, can we just do this out in the main office? There's nobody there.
02:01:41
Speaker
There's rats all over this place. There's definitely rats all over the place, but there's like, there's nobody in here. So like, let's just do it out there. And they made him leave. You're like, sorry, we're having like kind of high level conversations. Can you go work somewhere else? I'm like, this is the only dude who actually uses this building. And we're like, Hey, Hey, we're just like, it's like hot in that room over there. So we didn't want to be in there anymore. We're going to do it out here in the open, but like, you're not allowed to hear what we're talking about. So can you go work somewhere else?
02:02:11
Speaker
He must have been so pissed. I mean, yeah, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who gets pissed, but definitely like street and was like these fucking big wigs thinking kick me out of my office. I mean, yeah, he would be 100% justified in feeling that way because that's exactly what happened. Poor buddy, dude. Shouts out buddy. Man, it's kicking me out, man.
02:02:40
Speaker
That guy gave me a recording he made of the Grateful Dead and it was one of the better recordings I've heard. You never returned it. No, I did. It took me a while to listen to it, but it was a very good recording. Then I actually saw him and his wife at a Grateful Dead event and his wife pretty hot, dude. No way. Yeah, I know you wouldn't expect it, but
02:03:13
Speaker
Dude's a good guy. All right. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Would hang out with him. That. Hmm. Nevermind. You'd hang out with him. You know you would. Uh, yeah. I mean, he's a lot older than me. I feel like I'd run out of things. I wouldn't, I'd be like, I don't remember the card.
02:03:43
Speaker
Not that you get along really well with uh Me and old people just connect. Yeah It's because I don't mind listening to their nonsense I Just played candy crush There we go. That's not rude down to just be like on your phone fucking old people don't know what being on your phone means I Feel like they're they're the ones who'd be extra affected by it
02:04:12
Speaker
Nah. Real old people. Like Buddy maybe, because he's not really that old. He's probably only like 60. But like real old people, like 70 plus, they have no fucking idea what you're doing. Yeah. As long as you can keep going. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You're good. Mm. Mm. Mm.
02:04:42
Speaker
Then you get to every now and then you actually get to hear some good nonsense. What's going down in the mean streets of central Florida? Nothing good, man. Nothing good, brother. You're going to move back up here? Yeah, right.
02:05:12
Speaker
These days I know up here was so terrible Fucking people cutting off of their goddamn hands and feet with lawnmowers to fucking live up there I Mean if it's any changes anything there was not seasons anymore. I
02:05:33
Speaker
Yeah, truth. It was 60 degrees today in Boston. I built a grill yesterday in a t-shirt. You know. It was 60 at work today, too. I was sweating. I went for a walk with my dog, and I was sweating. Yeah. So that's not concerning or anything. Guys, we did it. Two hours.
02:06:03
Speaker
Tried a really busy day at work. Clearly, I took my dog for a walk. Yeah, dude. It's been real busy at work for me as well. Just a non-stop week, you know? No one's working this week. It's great. I told my boy, I asked. I didn't tell anybody anything. I asked my boss today if I could just take the rest of the week off. And he was like, yeah, you can leave today if you want. I can fuck what you do.
02:06:32
Speaker
survive Then I want to put in some Time off request and he was like, yeah, just take the time off nice It's rad.
Playful 2024 Predictions
02:06:43
Speaker
Good guy. Good guy All right guys, let's wrap this show up great show to our podcast Hmm Should we do shouts out or should we do 2024 predictions?
02:06:59
Speaker
2024 predictions, Jeff Epstein is a free man. He's innocent. Robin Williams isn't actually done. That's a real, that's a real conspiracy theory. Jared. Oh, I heard you were talking shit about my bad movies. He comes back to exact his revenge. Oh, you think you're a comedian.
02:07:26
Speaker
Uh, Hamas wins the war. Signing out in Ukraine. That's the end of the episode. Enjoy the double episode. We are out for the week. Subscribe to the podcast. Join the Reddit and rate review on Apple and Spotify. Paul supports January 6th.