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Dungeon Dive Inc 9: A Priest's Ransom
81 Plays9 months ago
Today our three heroes are tasked with recovering a kidnapped priest. Listen and find out if they manage to royally screw things up! Check out our site: funinstallersnetwork.com for a bunch of stuff and curated playlists and check our kofi to show your support: https://ko-fi.com/funinstallers. Thanks big time!
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Transcript
Introduction and Character Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
Oh, welcome to the show. Sorry for that. Um, right in your ear. Welcome to dungeon dive Inc episode nine here. We got for you today. Um, hope you're having a good one. Um, and hope you're ready to listen to us. Let's talk about pretending to kill things. Uh, first of all, we've got a goblin male named Protex gall played by a German male named Adrian. Say hello. I am the master of the Fonda.
00:00:29
Speaker
Yep. And then we got a human mage male played by named boom Papa played by that guy. And then we lastly, we have an orcish woman named Tulip.
00:00:45
Speaker
played by none other than Cass. Hello.
Recap of Previous Adventures
00:00:50
Speaker
Last time, let me tell you what we did. They got back from their latest job and they were set loose on the world, much to the mistake of the guy in the game that I play and me as an actual person, I'm letting them loose in the world.
00:01:12
Speaker
Oh, come on. Dumps are off, Kat. Can you guys hear that? Oh. Thankfully, I can't. Oh, come on, dude. Are you hearing a lot of? I'm stuck to this computer for an hour. I can't clean it up. He's going to have to sit with it, brother.
00:01:30
Speaker
Um, anyway, uh, what the fuck happened? Jesus, criminy. Uh, nothing really. They protect, killed a bird. Um, boom, pa, uh, send a woman through a rift and accidentally let a little creepy creature through the rift at church. Um,
00:01:51
Speaker
And God didn't want to talk to him. And then he went to try and resurrect the bird that protects had killed and make it giant so they could fly around on it, but that didn't work out either. And then.
00:02:04
Speaker
And then Tulip went to the university in the city to tell the guy there about snake people they found, because he researches all kind of weird stuff. And he thought that that was something that had happened in the past, that there were snake people. And now he says, holy cow, there's more of them around still underground. We never even knew it. And that's really most of what happened, right guys? Was I here for this?
00:02:31
Speaker
I don't think you were. Well, you were kind of here, Cassie. You were kind of here. I remember going, I remember following Boom Pop Pot to the church because she was like, I don't have really anything else better to do. Oh, yeah, I do have to go to the university, but that's fine. I'll do that later. I'm the I'm the only character that can progress the plot.
00:02:56
Speaker
But, let's just, let's just table that for now. You know, let's just see what this boom guy does. He's interesting. I mean, to be fair, Tulip's usually the one having to solve all of the shit anyways. So, like, she was taking a day off. It's fine. Just wrap your head around that. Yeah, it was Tulip's day off. Can I have priorities? Tulip's Curbs FODS day off. Yeah.
Mission Briefing at Bureaucracy Office
00:03:20
Speaker
Anyway. Yeah. Let's, uh, let's fuck it up.
00:03:57
Speaker
So we're going to cut to you guys going back to where you work at to get another thing to do. So you have direction in life. Um, so you're there, you're outside bureaucracy's office. Um, and the door's open and you hear them in there going, you are great. You're a good guy here. You can do it. You can make it in life. This is a good book about self affirmations. He sounds like that.
00:04:24
Speaker
He's constantly got a mix of Patrick Warburton and like one of those like priests that go, you could do it. All you got to do is send me in two hundred dollars to plant your seed and then you will reap what you sow. You'll reap what we sow. Anyway, he's in there. He's doing his self-affirmation. So you guys can walk in if you like. I'm not. OK, you're going to let him finish. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm just being polite.
00:04:48
Speaker
Yeah, you know, just let's just wait and let's just... You guys want to play Rock, Paper, Fireball while we wait or...? How about we play Rock, Paper, Scissors? I don't know what scissors are, and I barely know what paper is. Neither do I, but Fireball is some kind of dangerous. No, I do them all the time. I don't get hurt. No. I might be a mess of magic, but Fireball is still a bit high level.
00:05:18
Speaker
So let's just not do that. And remember when there's people that cause you grief, especially, especially by fat boomp. Paul guy drives you crazy. Just remember to stay calm. It's okay. You're all right. All right. Hey, sorry to interrupted our protects. That's my cue. And I just like shoulder the door open. Hey, it's a party man's here. What's up guys? How's it going? Thanks today. Good to see you guys. Uh,
00:05:47
Speaker
Looking for work. Yes. Are we looking for work? No. I hope that's why you're here because I got some for you if you're interested. Yes. Oh, what stakes in here? Did a cat puke in here? No. Listen. Did you puke in here?
00:06:06
Speaker
No. I've been trying that. He points to Tulip. He's like, this one's always talking about candy and stuff. So I went out to town and tried those candy those guys make under the bridge. It's disgusting. Stinking the place up. I'm going to throw it away pretty soon here. Anyway. You hear that, Tulip? You hear that, Tulip? He's got candy. You got candy? Is it cherry flavored? No, it's shit flavors from what I think.
00:06:32
Speaker
Anywho, so listen here. I got a job for you guys. You're going to love it. It's pretty all right. Um, so boom, I know you're always complaining about some travel, walk around, go all these places. You hate doing it. Right. Uh, so.
00:06:45
Speaker
There's one I heard about something going on. There's a camp of bandits that are giving somebody some grief. Actually, the goddamn Cathedral of Altuzash sent somebody over here actually to talk to us, actually in all actuality. And they got a message that one of their priests is being ransomed off to them or something. They're going to pay the money to get them back safe. And they have a strict no-negotiation policy when it comes to ransomware's outlaws, terrorists, or what have you.
00:07:13
Speaker
So they want us to send some up there and see if we can resolve it. However, you might see fit. So it's all on the road to more drag up there. So you've already been there. So boom, I imagine you could do some magic and zip yourself up there. You don't got to walk and complain to me about it. So we all win. I'm sorry, I'm supposed to go where? Oh, my. Mm hmm. More rain. Take it. Take a deep breath. Your deep breaths.
00:07:40
Speaker
You're going to go. Whoa, whoa. This is the first time I've heard of Mordrage. I thought I was Mordragi this whole time. There's Dovin there. Hey, let's have a look. No. Like Dovin has been a thing of the past. He is? We never found him, did we?
00:07:56
Speaker
We did. All right. Can you break it down into smaller little nuggets? I'm supposed to go to more Draghi and get a priest phone number. You're not going once again. Like I think I had to tell you this before, put the name of more drag out of your goddamn head. You're not going there. It's just a place on the road that leads to there. Okay. You're going to a road. Okay. A road.
00:08:19
Speaker
Oh, so what road? What's the name of the road? You do you remember when you walked up that way? There's a crossroad point that goes to the town that we're not going to and the other town you've been to before that we're also not going to. Right. You're going to the crossroad where my troll friend lives. Maybe I don't fucking know anything about that shit. But yeah, you're going to go there.
00:08:42
Speaker
And oh, here's the note that the messenger Brody holds it out. And I'm assuming Tulip grabs it because she's the only one who takes care of things. Yep. And they left directions to their camp on there. And the church, he pulls up this little chest. They brought this enchanted chest here. He opens up and there's like a bunch of money in jewels and everything. It looks like it's got a bunch of coins and jewels in here, but it ain't got shit in it. You close it. It actually helps you get your foot in the door if they like act like, oh, you got the money in shit?
00:09:10
Speaker
You can show them that and they'll buy it for a little while. And if you can't get the priest back, apparently they're kind of okay with that, because apparently he's coming down here for a trial or something. But really, they want you to make a message to the bandits for doing, trying to extort the church. Okay, okay. Yeah. Hey. So, yes?
00:09:32
Speaker
Can one of you guys explain what I'm supposed to be doing after we leave? I could see a little vein in his neck starting to bulge out. Like it's about to lift some weights. And like, I feel like I, I feel a little responsible. So I'm just going to ask when we go outside. Okay. Okay. Don't worry. I'll just, uh, I'll just, uh, guide us like always. Oh, good. I don't want to do a lot of thinking. You know what I mean?
00:10:00
Speaker
I'm more of an improv kind of guy. You just, you just show me where the target is and I'll figure a way to get, get a fireball on it. You know what I mean? So you want to play rock paper fireball again.
00:10:13
Speaker
I want to play Rock Paper Fireball like all the time and nobody wants to play it. Do not play that in my office. Please, please go on your mission. Are you sure a cat didn't puke in here? Bring back some spoils or something. I don't know. Geez Louise. The church is going to pay us a much smaller amount than what they were ransomed for that guy. So I mean, we're going to get some money out of it. So please try and do something up there. Okay. What's the name of the town again?
00:10:41
Speaker
You know, even just go to the crossroad between more dragon Angmar. You know, you've been there. I know how teleportation magic works. You can get there. Just think about it. Jeez. Oh, I can teleport. Yeah. I'd be honest with you. I forget. I can do that sometimes. Well, that's when don't remember it now, I guess, uh, and do it. Okay. Boy. Um, Betsy wants a kiss from, from me. Yes.
00:11:08
Speaker
I'm not guessing that freaking little weird thing. I'm not touching that thing. I've seen where you pull that thing out from. I'm sorry, Betsy, but I tried. Come on, Protex.
00:11:25
Speaker
How do we have some time so I can like sell stuff real quick before we leave? Frickin' yeah, man. Go for it, dude. Adrian has been like fixated on being able to sell his valuables and he cannot do any other job until it's taking up all the RAM in his brain. He has to do this. I only have two RAMs. You need to understand.
00:11:46
Speaker
OK, yeah, you go out and hit the town and you go somewhere, I guess. Loot, sell loot. Yes. And you got a bunch of weird little bits
Teleportation Mishap and Comedy
00:12:00
Speaker
and bobs from the dungeon down there for the last mission you did, right? Like some weird little gizmos and things that they had down there. So let's just say you think that you probably the best bet going right across the street to a little magic shop, see if they want to hear a little trinkets and bits and things, you know. Yeah, good idea. So you go in there.
00:12:19
Speaker
And the two guys jump out I think one of them has like brightly colored clothes I said the other one wears like dark drab clothes and they're like I'm quicks and there was like an I'm query I'm protects. Oh, welcome to our shop. My good lad Hi. Hi, so I'm at the right place if want to sell some
00:12:38
Speaker
stuff i looted from some places oh one of these guys quirks you deal with him all right query hello hello um yes i suppose we could purchase some things from you what do you got i like open my bag of holding that's not actually a bag of holding i just call it that yeah trademark trademark uh oh i would
00:13:02
Speaker
What is that? So he pulls out a little, I think he had a little statue out of like a snake man. Oh, have you ever seen such a thing as this? I suppose some weird person would like to buy this as an ornament for their desk or something. I'm sure that's pretty nice. I forgot what else you had. So we're just going to glaze over that part. Oh yes. All these things that I can see clearly in front of me, what they are. I'm not going to say what they are. It's not necessary. How about I give you a nice round 27 for these things? Yeah.
00:13:27
Speaker
Umm, how about you give me 30 silver for that? 30 silver? My word, my man. Why don't you try to persuade me with your personality? Because I'm a very personal goblin. Well, then, Prude. That's an eight. Hells yeah, brother.
00:13:48
Speaker
Um, I think that's a full on success. I didn't pull my rules up to, I don't remember them cause I wrote them myself. So, uh, like no five to eight is a mid six. Oh, sorry. Um, how about 25? Um, 25 sounds okay. Okay. That's all right. He's bangs his hand on the table. It's a deal. He scoops all your things over. Yeah. Like high five him. Ah, fun. Um, here's your 25 syllabus.
00:14:16
Speaker
Thanks. Here's your stuff. And is there anything you'd like to purchase? We have many fantastic items here. I don't think so, my dude. Oh, well, don't forget us when you've got more money than that and you want to get something cool. I just want to sleep on a bed of coins. Exactly. I want to build
00:14:36
Speaker
Not really built, but I want my own house, so I'm really saving up for that. I can't really give you much money. Do you hear that quirk? He wants to have my quirks or my quirks. I don't remember who I am. He wants his own place. That's quite lovely. Hey, well, hey, good luck, sir. It's a shame that more of you goblin folk don't get your own places to live inside the city and such as that, because you all got a tough shake out there in life. But good luck, my man. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Later.
00:15:05
Speaker
I'll see you later. I will to see you later. We don't just stay later because that's not old timey enough. Bye. Bye-bye. And you leave and you meet your friends. I guess you meet Tulip. Protects, did you just teleport up to the place? I used my magic powers. Not you. Oh, did I just say protect? Not you. Not you.
00:15:32
Speaker
Yes. Yes, I did. On your own. OK, so you're up there. I don't know if I can bring people with me. You can. Oh, I don't remember that. You didn't. So you're up there at the crossroads. Hello. Shorty. Hello. Am I dead? Yes, too. Do you know where boom went?
00:15:59
Speaker
Um, no, he just like disappeared out of nowhere. I don't. Do we, don't we all have talking stones? Yeah. Oh, that's right. We do have talking stones. So I'm going to grab drain the rock and I'm going to try and call boom with him. Has no effect. Hello. You hear, you hear, Hey, Hey, can you smell what I'm cooking?
00:16:27
Speaker
Yes. I can smell the cookie that smelled delicious. You have it upside down. Oh, thank you. I turned it rock. Hello. It's still Dwayne the Rock and it does not have an effect. I think he's not home. I'll try mine, don't worry. And she pulls her talking stone out of Betsy's diaper. No. All right. And you call Boompapa? Yep.
00:16:57
Speaker
All right, Boompapaw, you hear if you feel your little sending stone vibrating, you hear... You hear coming through it, say your name, Tulip. Tulip. Tulip. Tulip. Yeah, I got two lips. Yes, I have two lips. Why do you give this to me? I'm lost. Boompapaw. How'd you know? Hello?
Journey to the Bandit Camp
00:17:24
Speaker
Hello. Oh, hi. Where are you?
00:17:27
Speaker
a bunch of boomers using sending stones. I see green. I see fields of green, red roses too. And I'm seeing them bloom. Probably for me. Are you trying to make me fall in love with you? That's weird. That's Betsy's job. Anyways, we need to find you. Put her on. Put her on. Yes. Okay. Hold on.
00:17:57
Speaker
Hey, girl, how's it going? Hey, what's it doing? I got flowers up here if you want to come get them. Flowers, yay. All right, yeah. Can you guys teleport up here? No, come back and get me, big stud. Okay. Okay, don't tell me twice.
00:18:26
Speaker
Hey, hey, what's up? Hey, come here, you silly creatures. I was looking at, I was looking at posies. So let's do that together at this time. Oh, I don't, it's, you got to hold on. Cause I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if I've done this before. If I have, I don't remember. I mean, there's only one way to find out. All right. Everybody grab ahold of me. You too, Betsy. Get a good, get a good grip.
00:18:55
Speaker
Tulip makes it so that Betsy like grabs on to her whole it like it's her whole body against his cheek. Yep. OK, here we go. Oh, you're so you're so you're so warm. Where you been? OK, then I'm going to try to poof us to the crossroads. I guess you're there. Hey, you did a good job.
00:19:19
Speaker
You did it. You guys are at the crossroads. Um, and you got to go towards more drag, which is westward on the road. Um, and then two lips, you have the note that tells you what to look out for and where to do. If, if you want to read that little sucker, do a reading. It says on the north side of the road, a short walk from the crossroad by the river, you will see a tall pale stone beneath a massive pine tree.
00:19:49
Speaker
And here we'll notice a faint path not far from the stone. Take into the forest at the spot keeping north. If you have progressed in the right direction, you will be hailed by one of our sentinels. So we got to go find a pale rock. Ask Dwayne the Rock if he knows a guy. OK. Hey, Rock. Do you have like a custom or something that's like called pale rock?
00:20:19
Speaker
Buy my energy drinks. You want to buy an energy drink, what's that? It's my Dwayne the Rock energy drinks. I also have a whiskey line or something probably. You should probably look out for energy drinks and then we'll find the stone. Alright, let's continue north and we're gonna find Dwayne's cousin.
00:20:44
Speaker
Okay, that's not cannon your rock does not have a energy drink company So yeah, you guys walk up the roadway and you see easily enough after a while you see a big-ass pine tree And uh, but right beneath there's this tall old stone. It's pretty pale in coloration Wow, I'm so glad that we found this fucking easy, right? And that's pretty much
00:21:08
Speaker
Long and short of that, and then you can probably, I'm not gonna make you roll to see the trail, you can see there's a little pointing, like where there's a little cut into the forest. You can go see there's a trail there.
00:21:16
Speaker
We see Thrill. We're so good at this. We're so good at following directions. Yeah. Yeah, we need to go to the north. It's just I'm getting that. And after a short time of walking, you guys see a fellow pops out from behind a tree wearing a green cloak. And he's a dwarven fella.
00:21:39
Speaker
with tan skin and um orange mustache and braided little chunky beard coming down and he says oh yeah he's doing it look at this handsome guy as they call me they call me handsome henry but um oh hi i'm protect hi protects he's from church yes protects from church excellent he's got some ransom we got like whole chest
00:22:09
Speaker
Oh, it looks nice. Yes. All right. Come on. OK, let's go in. And he walks you up through the forest. He zigs and zags and you're sort of getting a little more, a little more close to the mountains up there, you know.
00:22:25
Speaker
And it's getting a little rocky some very good little areas and they lead you into like this little like they sort of sort of make their own manufactured like Screens with like forest bits like you know pieces of branches of pine trees all kind of shit So they kind of have like it's kind of like camouflage, but then once you go through that shit You see all some tents and shit like oh man all kind of people was bustling around humming them around There's some guy playing a playing a loop
00:22:52
Speaker
And then there's these other guys are eating soup. And there's even little kids running around.
00:23:00
Speaker
There's a little goblin kid running around with a little elephant kid and they're like, pulling on each other's ears because he's got pointy ears. And that's what you see. And he's like, all right, guys. That's how I talk to you. All right. Got to talk to the boss. OK. The altitude change makes the most sense. A little higher now. There's a little thinner. Anyways, he's up here in the upper portion of that camp. Come on around.
00:23:30
Speaker
OK. And he leads you around like some rocky little outcroppings and shit. And then you see like like sort of further back into the little wooded clearing area. There's like some like a shitload of tents. There's like all kind of like people over there that don't look quite as like banded either. Like sort of just like some there's like old folk laying around sitting around like some people like.
00:23:52
Speaker
Man and while man and woman, you know with their little kids and like goblins orcs and shit, you know all kind of that kind of stuff and then he loops you around up the rocky portion and up a little slope and then he's takes you up to a little camp and you see some dudes sitting in like a smaller little camp cluster of tents and one of them's a orcish fella with sort of like black shit on and he's got a big axe beside him and he's and he looks up he's smoking a little pipe and he's like
00:24:20
Speaker
Holy shit, guys, look who the fuck came back. It's that chick from the road. Hey, girl, what's up? You remember me? You said you like my axe. She's just playing. Oh, yeah, that's right. She's playing hard to get, guys.
00:24:38
Speaker
totally yes i totally didn't forget about you as soon as i walked away from you i was thinking about you this whole time damn i see i told you guys she couldn't stay away man she had she had she came all the way up here like how'd you find your way up here
00:24:53
Speaker
And then the dwarf guys like boss there from the church. They got the money for the ransom for the priest. Oh, shoot, man. I was actually starting to hope they wouldn't pay. That guy's fucking funny. He's great. I love him. But you are. You work for the church. That's crazy, girl. That's crazy, man. What?
00:25:09
Speaker
Um, not so, well, yes, not so much the church, but I'm just helping out the church because, you know, these big muscles here and she like starts to flex her right bicep and she's all pointing at it. Like, yes. He grabs the shoulder of his, he grabs the shoulder of his friend. He's like, Oh my God. I know I said dibs already, but dibs, man, dibs. Um, I'm standing beside two of them and I'm also flexing on muscles.
00:25:38
Speaker
And you see there's like a, there's a, there's a, there's a goblin guy. He's like, um, he's stirring the soup pot and he like, looks up at you. He like does a little wave under his chin. So like an old time, you like, that's what we're talking about. Like flirtatious like wave. Uh, Rugrats or not. Rugrats. Uh, little rascals. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like,
00:25:58
Speaker
Anyways, that's great. This is like a two-fer right here, you guys. Well, hey, let's have that money and then, I don't know, you can stick around. We're talking shit. I'm about to come into a lot of money, so I mean, I can hook you up, girl. You know what I'm saying? Damn. Yeah. All right. Well, I do need to... I have to pay for a dress for my dolly and for me because we are having a tea party. So if you do want to, you know.
00:26:28
Speaker
um donate to that cause i wouldn't be too against it shit if i get to drink some of your tea girl i'll donate whatever you want we'll talk later anyways um here's the ransom i put that on that stump there um and he looks around he's like scrivius where you at scrivius and then uh out from behind one of the tents a really old like bent over guy comes out with a curly beard and he's like
00:26:55
Speaker
Yes, Kaldor.
00:26:59
Speaker
Come over here, man. We need you to check this shit out because I know those church fuckers. They're all stingy and shit. Make sure the shit ain't fucking weird or anything. All right. I'm going to come over there. Can I can I interject just real quick? Sure. I feel like I lost the thread somewhere. So these guys are the bad guys and they captured a priest from the church and we have a ransom to get the guy back, right?
00:27:26
Speaker
Uh, you have a fake you have an empty chest a fake ransom. Yes Right. See, I don't know if I understood that until just this moment. Um, otherwise I would have manipulated that box probably wasn't listening
00:27:39
Speaker
Yeah, it's already it already is manipulated. What's manipulated about it? It's enchanted. It's enchanted to look like it has silver in it. OK, so it's already enchanted to look like it has money in it. Yes. And the guy stands up in front of the stump. All right. He opens it up. Oh, wow. That's quite shiny, that calendar. I was like, hell yeah, brother. He's rubbing his hands together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That better be some real shit. And the old guy's like, yes, one second.
00:28:05
Speaker
I'm going to do a quick force spell to shut it. I want to shut the door. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot. Slamming the buckshot.
00:28:23
Speaker
How's the seven work for you? That is something. All right. Protects your fucking little thing. You wrote is a perfect success there. Perfectly true. And so yeah, so let's say what happens is protects rush over quick and slaps it down and then boom, you kind of you blow like you're a little wind attempt at it and it sort of like slides off the stump and
00:28:47
Speaker
Well, what you got? What you guys please is what you what you slamming a shit shut for where you blow them? But fucking wind around for man. Scrivy is like in a You already got the
Negotiations and Ethical Dilemmas
00:28:57
Speaker
money. So how about you like give us the hostage now? Well shit, man. Now that you playing off this bullshit I'm not believing that's real scrivius pick that shit up. Make sure that shit's real man. So he's like I can't bend a
00:29:08
Speaker
Oh my god. Joey, go over here and pick that shit up. And some other guy runs over. I told you this silver is real. So, just give me the stupid priest. I'm just gonna pink him in the head with one of my silver. What the fuck? Did you just throw silver at me, dude? Yeah, here, there's one. There's one. You can have the rest when we have our dude. Hey, you know, lady, I mean...
00:29:36
Speaker
You guys, that's starting to piss me out. So first of all, I've never had, you know, if I was giving somebody money, I've never had to say, Hey man, this is real money. Trust me. I just said, Hey man, here's the money. Give away the money until we see the goods and the goods of the priest. So, and that, and that's only because your little dude over there, your little crickety old bet boy is all like, is that Dovin? Hey, you Dovin.
00:30:02
Speaker
Dolan over here was all like, uh, you know, I've been spending a long time looking for you and you're, you're not being very cool, Dolan. Um, but, uh, he's over here saying like, Oh, I gotta see if it's real. So he's the one that started being all like little sus over there. I mean, are you sure he's not some sort of agent of chaos, maybe disguised from like a little, little rogue or something trying to steal from you? Stolen it.
00:30:27
Speaker
That means he's already made a spell on it. Hey, lady, now you're starting to piss me off too. Um, that man is like a father to me. He saved my life on several occasions. Um, scrivius, cast disenchant on that fucking thing. Yeah. How to spell. All right. Roll that mine beans for me. How's the 12? Um, so he does it. And, uh,
00:30:56
Speaker
And you're like, I don't want to make it look like I'm doing it, though. I want to like make it look like it's working, but I just kind of want to like maybe just like twiddle my reach behind on the stick on my back and just kind of like, you know, stroke it appropriately to the count as well. Well, it's it's it seems nothing has changed as I've cast a disenchanted on this and you ain't getting you're not getting like shitty in your old age, are you, Scrivius?
00:31:23
Speaker
Fuck you calendar and he starts shuffling back to where he was before well You got so we are these got a little heated there I don't like that you threw a coin in my head that kind of pissed me off But as long as nothing pissed on that gather
00:31:41
Speaker
You guys got some got some got some spice to you. So I'll give you these guys that that's cool Yeah, Joey bring that shit over here down man. I'm gonna look at those coins. That's pretty fucking sweet. That's a lot of coins there. Holy Yeah, hey guys bring out that uh priest and then uh this like little human priest comes out and he's like He's uh, they got him like sort of his hands Tied up and they're like, hey untie him man. Why don't you guys tie him back? I
00:32:07
Speaker
You guys are saying he was he was being so cool you guys. Come on. So I'm sorry you guys. I'm sorry too. What was it? Father? What was that in your name? I remember I talked shit. Hold on. Oh, yeah, bro. It's Father Aimsley. That's my name. Oh, Father Aimsley. Yeah. Yeah. Listen. Yeah, we got it, man. Sorry about that, dude. Also, right. I kind of like it. You know, freaking whatever. All right. I guess he's yours, you guys. That's great.
00:32:35
Speaker
What did you say the guy's name was again? Father Aimsley. Aimsley? Aimsley with an M in there. Aimsley? Aimsley.
00:32:47
Speaker
Oh, I see. And Father Angel walks over to Calvary, he's like, well, for Kaldor, may Outesash in his infinite wisdom bless you and not be a stingy prick with his gifts. And hopefully he helps all these poor people here too with this money he's given you.
00:33:05
Speaker
and everything like that and all the sick people you got here and he taps on the hell with his thumb that's great um all right let's get the fuck out of here even though i kind of like this treatment you've got to give me even nice um uh been nice uh to me but gotta be going now um see you cowdaw later joey scrivius yeah see you later man and then uh so why why did they why did they take you why did they take you anyway because they want money you know
00:33:36
Speaker
Yeah, we love getting money. Yeah. Where's all the money gonna go? Where's all the money gonna go? Oh, I mean, you know, man, uh, you know, we gotta, we gotta buy shit. We gotta buy, you know, food. We like, we like, you know, just, I don't know, more weapons and shit. Uh, I don't know if you saw on your way up here, we got a lot of
00:33:54
Speaker
Well, there's all those people out there that, you know, they don't got a place to live and shit. And we tried to do what we can out here in the woods for some people that, you know, I mean, we're shitty guys, but I mean, hey, we got hearts, you know, some people out there ain't got homes. One guy, I think he's missing the lung or something. I don't know. But you can't kidnap people for it. That's not right. Well, I still don't mind. You have to go look for it.
00:34:21
Speaker
Hey, I know you got I know you got a job fucking around for a church or whatever it is But you know how it is for people like us they exactly lining up to put me on at the market stall You know I'm saying exactly you guys have you guys heard of a dungeon dive? Incorporated Yeah You can maybe go get a job with them. They just opened up. They got 45 openings you think I
00:34:47
Speaker
Yeah, probably. There's all sorts of... There's all sorts of shit to do. They hire old people and sick people?
00:34:53
Speaker
Oh yeah, they're the ones that make the candy. There's all different kinds of shops, like shops for old people, like probably writing stuff down and other things, like for young people that catch other things and solve problems. You know, that's that's that's great, my dude. But I'm just telling you, I mean, you guys got lucky. People took a chance on you, I guess, down in the city. I don't know. She ain't as easy for all of us green skin people. You know what I'm saying? Right.
00:35:20
Speaker
But whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm not trying to change you guys mind. We ever saw worked out. This is a good day. I think, you know, uh, father aims. He was over there telling me that church wasn't going to fucking pay because they're stingy. They're always trying to ask people for tonight. He was, he had this whole, he has this whole spiel. Uh, he said he, that's why he's going down there. Cause he's been talking out against them, taking donations and shit. So as much as they do violence, like kind of over my head, I don't go to church, but, uh, yeah, they, they, they, they coughed up to him. They almost like you. Yeah, bro. I guess they do. Yeah. He's pretty cool for a church guy.
00:35:48
Speaker
Anyway, thanks, guys. See you later. I want to like whisper to boom. Hey, can you like manipulate the box or like explode when I actually open it again? Now, why would I do that? I mean, like the guy said that he should like send a message to the bandits. He did. Yes. Oh, what was I for that? Was I here? You probably were. Was I thinking flowers?
00:36:19
Speaker
Maybe you are. I don't know. See, I'm a little conflicted here because I'm the kind of dudes feeding sick people, but just getting money by unethical means. So I feel a little, if these people lost a guide, it's feeding them, then they're all going to die and boom, mama taught me better.
00:36:40
Speaker
Oh, you're kind of right about that, yeah. Hey, what you guys whispering about over here? My safe extraction from this place, I hope. We're talking about, uh, why, uh, how, how come you ain't healing the sick people up here, mister? Um, because I can't do that. Who can? Um, I don't really know. What kind of priest are you if you can't heal people? Or at least guide them to places where they can get care. First of all, I just got here because I don't know. Um, second of all,
00:37:10
Speaker
Um, I don't know, got my own troubles to worry about right now. You know, I made a tricky wizard's whole house fly into the air. I will do that to this mountain and your church. Oh, well, I mean, they're going to probably excommunicate me. So I mean, whatever you want to do to the church, it's all right by me. Cause why would they excommunicate you? Oh, he said what he said. I've been talking out about, you know, them taking all the donations they take. You seen that cathedral down there, right? It's so big. They tell people, Oh, unless you give us lots of money, you're not going to get this, get to see Evan.
00:37:40
Speaker
And Evan's the guy that lets him into the kingdom of the sun when you die. St. Evan, I'm sorry. Right. But if he ain't paying enough money, they're not going to let you in. I think it's bullshit. I think that sounds pretty bullshit as well. But why did they send us to get you? Oh, probably because they want to like, you know, make a show of it, you know, show everybody, oh, don't be talking out about the church.
00:38:05
Speaker
I kind of lost my accent there for a minute, sorry. How about you block the church instead? Oh, don't do that, bruv. There's a lot of people down there. I mean, with all the people, obviously. Oh, listen, terrorism is a slippery slope, because I mean, I think I got a better idea. One day it's a church, next day it's an orphanage or something. I've heard of a brothel before. I know my way around like some slippery slopes.
00:38:34
Speaker
Sometimes the slippery the better. I don't know. Well, I mean, you guys could do it. We just wait until army for been either been executed or out of town before you blow up the place. And then you can do whatever you want. Hey, how come? Why don't you just stay here for a little bit? I kind of have something I want to do. You know, maybe you should go to Dungeon Dive Incorporated and just hang out there for a little bit. Well, what are you talking about? What are you thinking? Well, I don't know if I should tell you because I don't want
00:39:01
Speaker
I don't want you to go to whatever the opposite of your heaven is, of your Graceland is, so. Is it Steve? I don't think that, man. I can't tell you, because Evan's here. What's your name? Evan. No, that's the guy you let in to heaven. Right, that's you. You're the guy that lets people into heaven. No, I'm not. Hey, I don't think it'll hurt nothing if you tell me what you're talking about, man. Now you got me pumped curious. Well, if I tell you, are you going to let me into heaven still?
00:39:30
Speaker
I mean, it depends on if you're paying enough money to the church. Seriously, I'll light you on fire. You'll let me in the heaven, right? Like I said, I don't got the authority to do that. But you're heaven, heaven of heaven. Well, I told you I'm not. My name's Father Aimsley. Come on. My first name's EO.
00:39:55
Speaker
You guys are here on this, right? Maybe you should like to go to school so you can learn names better. Are they talking? Yeah, yeah, Evan, learn my name. You don't know my name. That's true. I didn't say who's people to save me. What's your names? My name's protects. Oh, that's a good name. Hey, you're living up to the name. What's your name, lady? Protecting you. Yes, I know. That's why I said it.
00:40:23
Speaker
I'm Tulip and this is Betsy, my Dolly. Oh, she's very handsome. She like holds it up in front of her face. Hi, I'm Betsy. Oh, hello Betsy. He shakes her little, her little mitt. Nice to meet you. Hey, hands off, hands off. Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't get too fresh. Hey, come on. Hey, that's all right. You took a vow of not fucking right. Uh, no. Well, then you stay, take a couple of feet.
00:40:50
Speaker
I want to join the priesthood if that was one of the things you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, yeah. Anyway, what sort of things you got cooking up in your little bowl there there, huh? Well, as a saint myself, I just got some ideas on how we can send all of the accoutrement and the donations to the people that really need it without anybody having to be exploded. How do we do that?
00:41:18
Speaker
Yeah. With a flick of the wrist, give it a twist and then bam. Boom. Papa. We get that money. Whoa. Did you work at the brothel too? Uh, no, but I did get an application. I just haven't filled it out yet on account. I'm busy. Oh, all right. Um, I mean, whatever you think you got it, I don't, I don't, I didn't hear nothing. I don't know nothing. Do you know the inside of the church really well? Oh, I've been down there a couple of times. Yeah. Before they started like me.
00:41:48
Speaker
Where do they keep the coffers? Oh, because those things are deep under. If the ones on site are deep under the cathedral. But then the other ones I know for sure that the archbishop keeps them in his house. All right. Can you mark where those are on our map, please? Well, it's in the city. You're like a detailed map of the city.
00:42:09
Speaker
No, just, you know, we're not. I mean, like just where the Archbishop lives. Yeah. Oh, well, hey, you know what? Why don't we go down there to the city? I'll just point out his house to you. Well, actually, I lost. I lost my accent again. I'm just going to hug off. I'm going to hug off all five of the people here and then just bring them into a group panel and then just. And back at the as you leave, like, well, I guess that was all right. Nice. See you guys later.
00:42:39
Speaker
Yeah, I boink us outside of the yard of DDI, like in whatever the courtyard equivalent would be. Okay.
Conclusion and Reflection
00:42:47
Speaker
All right. Yeah, you're out there kind of, you're almost in the street, but yeah, there's a little staircase up and a little platform before you go into the building. That's where you are. Oh, that was crazy. Oh my, warn me when you're going to do that. Jeez, I'm going to throw up. I said boink.
00:43:02
Speaker
Oh God. I did say boink. Did a cat puke around here or is that me? I think that our supervisor is just a practitioner of some sort of weird arts in his room and doesn't want us to know about it because it stinks like the dickens in there.
00:43:25
Speaker
Oh, that's disgusting. Don't take me to see him then. I won't take you to see Dickens either. Cause Dickens stinks. All right. Yeah, cool. What's, all right. So what's, uh, what's going on now? Are you going to take me to the church or let me walk down myself? Oh, we are. No, Evan. No, I'm not. Yeah. Evan, we're not going to take you yet. Tell us where, tell us where the archbishop's houses. All right. Come on. I'll show you, follow me. Walk this way with me as we walk through the city here, as we're doing right now. All right. I'm walking. I'm walking right now.
00:43:53
Speaker
Um, you guys walk, uh, you walk across the bridge, um, up past like some, some sort of nice houses and you see the cathedral up there. He takes you like a right just off the bridge. And, uh, there's like a little, uh, you know, one of the, one of the Ritzy houses in like the nice part of town where the nobles and shit live. There's a one of the houses there. He's like, Ed, right. There it is. Look, look at the giant statue of, of Altezash holding up the sun. There it is. That's, he had that made because he's, yeah.
00:44:24
Speaker
That's his house. So this is where all of the nations are, right? Some of them, yeah, he keeps some of them here because that's how he affords the house. It's kind of bullshit. That's why I speak out against it because they say it's for the church and for Atasash, but it's really for him. And there were other people too in the church, but yeah, that's what they do. They live high off the hog, you know?
00:44:44
Speaker
That's heresy. Evan, I got a quick question for you. Do you have any sort of marking or key or anything on you that would help us be able to get into the church, you know, make it look like we belong there or, you know, maybe make it less likely that we'll be detective. Let's say we make a visit when the hours of operation are closed.
00:45:06
Speaker
Oh, because you know, there's all kind of traveling out to Sashi and priests that go around spreading the word, trying to get money. Um, so, you know, they don't know who everybody is. We just go get you some brown ropes. You'll fit right in, you know? Um, and really they got a shop right out front. We could get you some of the, uh, what you call them?
00:45:26
Speaker
to the medallions that people wear to show that they like Outer Sash. I'm wearing one right now. He shows you his little sun necklace. Yeah, right there. And one of them.
00:45:42
Speaker
And then they think he's going out and say, hey, we're traveling priests. I'm coming in to bring the donations we got. That's, oh, that's like pretty cool. Hopefully I'm not dead by the time you guys do this, it's pretty interesting to see. You won't be. We're going to protect you because we have Protex. Exactly. We're going to need four outfits, one for me. We're going to need one for me, one for Protex, one for Tulip, and one for Betsy.
00:46:05
Speaker
Oh, you know, you know what that means, then? Because, right. You know what I mean? Shopping montage. All right. What are we end that story there for now? We did it. Very good, guys. So yeah, that's the end of this episode there, everybody. Thanks for listening. It was this is a little more of a of an intrigue episode, I guess. A lot of twists and turns we had there.
00:46:35
Speaker
We got through it in the end. And Betsy, maybe one day, will they, won't they with Boompa Pa? We may never know. We only have time left to tell you that we have websites there and then we're not going to tell you all the names to go into fucking notes down below. You'll see it or beside. I don't know what kind of app you're using. Just read and click and tell those things. We only have enough time left for our, our German brother to say the following. I'm not cover priests.
00:47:02
Speaker
undercover priests. What's our German word of the day? What's our Korean word of the day? Perfect. Wait, hang on. Let me make sure I pronounce that right. Did I get it? You said an actual one there, Adrian. The German word for priest is what? It's priest.
00:47:24
Speaker
Man, I've been bilingual this whole time. Exactly. Wow. Nice, nice, nice. What I'm curious about, Adrian, is do you guys have different hedging noises? Like when you said um just now, if you're thinking in German, do you say um or something?
00:47:45
Speaker
He's asking you what um translates to the German do you guys have like your own of your own quirks like has its hesitation sounds that you make or do you also say I'm Trying to think but you're not really sure yet. Mmm, hmm Man, yeah, I think I'll take the cappuccino. I
00:48:04
Speaker
Man, we're all not so different after all, man. Break down those barriers, everybody. You know, see that Italian guy down the street that you thinks, I don't know, you're racist towards Italians or whatever? He says, um, and um, just like you. That German guy, he's- Exactly. We're brothers and sisters. We all don't know what the fuck we're going to say next.
00:48:23
Speaker
I say when I eat something tasty. Mmm. I say om nom nom as I eat. All right. That's that's it. Thanks for listening. Goodbye. We love you. Big big smoochies for more poochies. Everybody smooch. Edit that out.
00:49:18
Speaker
Well, does it look good already?