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The Ocky Way
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Transcript
Introduction and Humor
00:00:01
Speaker
Happy National Prayer Day. Stay prayed up. God bless you. You should do commentary over Wild Key's sunshine and rainbow song. Okay, let's go.
00:00:24
Speaker
I just, I had a girl, and you know, I'm me personally, I'm a booty leg, I'm a booty leg and hip man to the court. You don't have that, it's insulting that you've even approached me, okay? I just got full seven. I just got full seven. Oh my god. Are you serious?
Funny Scenarios and Advice
00:00:49
Speaker
You're gonna kill me over some pizza? Yes.
00:00:54
Speaker
Are you deadass right now? You're gonna kill me over some pizza? I gave you a pizza! A pizza! It's not fair. I gave you a pizza, but you're gonna give me a pizza? That's just deep, bro. That's deep. I don't know why I chose that. Why did you choose? I didn't say.
00:01:26
Speaker
Ayo, Dontavious. Yeah. What's in the base part of the day? You gotta stay gaming, bruh. Don't focus on no girls, just stay gaming. I don't wanna share that pizza, it's all just up to any here. You really gonna kill me over some pizza, my nigga? LGBTQ plus, man. Like, is it the premium version of gay?
00:01:53
Speaker
How long did it take you to suck that first beer down this morning after that tired victory last night? Oh, about five seconds. He took your thousand to the down, didn't he? Yeah, took it all down. That's what I'm talking about.
00:02:16
Speaker
Welcome to Dudes R Us. We are here for you. We will extract you from your daily grind at life and into our comfortable arms of joy. On this episode, we have Zingban Don Ronnie spitting some crazy stories of being in the band Africa. Chicken Berga. He's in the mean streets with fucking... He does like tours and shit now, bro. He like goes to places and does that. Made it off the streets, dude. He had a little bodega on Red Hook.
00:02:47
Speaker
terrible area in New York and now he's doing fucking cooking for celebrities. He's gonna end up like Subway Jared. You just wait, your favorite sandwich guy always turns out to be a villain. He's gonna go the hockey way. Yeah, he's going the hockey way. The Jared way.
00:03:11
Speaker
And then we cropped the photo. Like Biden smelling little kids. Smell the kid. And then we smell the kid. Okay. Imagine if Joe Biden went to that bodega. Wow.
00:03:41
Speaker
Just stupidly confused the whole time. I thought I ordered a steak and cheese. Why does this have hot Cheetos all over it? This is good. That's good stuff. Good, Jack.
Political Satire and Critique
00:03:54
Speaker
This is the real deal, Jack. Chop up, chop up dead ice cream. Put it on there. You like ice cream? You have ice cream where you're from? Joey's from New York.
00:04:07
Speaker
I smell you, hockey. Oh, that's so good. Starts calling him hockey. Oh, hockey. Yeah. I had a son named hockey. An Oregon. So then you chop up Hunter's laptop.
00:04:32
Speaker
He's like testifying, right? He's got it, he's in China's pocket, you know? I think that's what it's all for, is from a bank transfer from China or some shit, bro.
00:04:45
Speaker
Well, he was like, see, this is bad because I don't know enough about this to talk about it. I don't either. I've only heard that stuff. But he was like, so I think there was that, but like, I don't know, we all get large sums of money transferred to us from China. That's not that weird. Yeah, we wish this podcast could. That'd be great. We just got to, yeah, we just got to start, I don't know.
00:05:13
Speaker
failing to recognize the sovereignty of Taiwan to chop it up. Um, but no, what he was like, given regular, like large payments to his dad, like, you know, like monthly or weekly payments of like kind of a, a lot of money. And he was saying it was like reimbursing his for a car he bought. You're like, all right, what car was you got him a Bugatti? Like what, what car costs up? You know, you're making that high of payments every month.
00:05:41
Speaker
I don't know. That's what I'm saying. It's like that's as much as the Hyundai Santa Fe as much as I remember. I bought eight Hyundai Santa Fe's that I'm reimbursing. It was a 2003 Mitsubishi Eclipse. Yeah. I've referenced that commercial so many times to people and they don't know what it is. I'm like, are you kidding me? Days ago, but at least you've seen the Chappelle sketch, even if you didn't see the commercial.
00:06:08
Speaker
What's that song? Days Go By, probably. Yeah, it is Days Go By, I believe.
00:06:23
Speaker
That was just like, uh, as a girl, child of the 2000s. That was just a perfect, uh, you know, really that came out like what, right after nine 11. Everything did just really kind of summed up how the nation was feeling at the time. Like you want a shitty fucking hatch or a convertible.
00:06:51
Speaker
Did you see that? Sorry. No, go ahead. Biden said today that if Trump wasn't running, he probably wouldn't be. This dude's about to step down. They're going to run Gavin Newsom or something. They're going to run somebody equally as bad. You see Gavin Newsom playing basketball in China and just plowing people over. That's awesome. Look at that video. Doesn't that kind of make sense? They have him hanging out with Xi and like hanging out in China for some reason.
00:07:19
Speaker
It's weird that they have him doing so much stuff, like why Gavin keeps appearing instead of Biden at debates. Yeah, I guess they're going to run them. Just do it. First of all, no one would be mad if Biden dropped Kamala.
00:07:39
Speaker
No one would care. In fact, dropped her like he doesn't have to run in 2024 with her as the vice president. Yeah, she's she's just been chilling. She's just been chilling. And that's cool. Like go back to the Senate. Like I think there's a seat where the Dianne Feinstein left open when she broke. Oh, RIP. Yeah, RIP. Like maybe that's
00:08:10
Speaker
Maybe that's a good place for you. Um, I think so. Like if you're going to do that, make Gavin VP candidate right now. I don't know that I mean, I think he's, I don't know. It's very weird. Gavin Newsom as president. Why wouldn't they have done that by now? You would think.
00:08:37
Speaker
I mean, I'm not I'm not against it. Because just as much as all these people fucking. Yeah, they all. Everybody has to be locked down, except for me. I'm going to go to the restaurant and eat with no mask on. That's fine. Oh, that's not fine. You can't be running a state and be like, oh, yeah, well, if I can find your restaurant in the in the world of things, I can be I can possibly have enough room to be outraged by that scandal.
00:09:08
Speaker
That scandal where he was a do as I say, not as I do rich guy, like every fucking person else in politics, including Trump and Biden. Whatever. But, uh, yeah, it does feel like they're, they're pumping them up for something. I don't really know why. Like I could get, I could get Biden being like this, this appearance on Fox news isn't worth my time.
00:09:38
Speaker
Yeah, he's the president bro. He just does what he wants. Like that's kind of a boss move to be like, nah, but then put that's what that's like, literally that and that's your job. You do that. Like, you can't and everyone hates her. So well, they fucked up with the messaging on her right from the start. And so I was just saying that we're gonna like, we're gonna try to have a female vice president and just leave it at that. They're like,
00:10:04
Speaker
were specifically going to run a black female. And then they just pissed off a bunch of those fucking idiots who can't. You know what I mean? It's just like people can't understand. So instead of just being like, okay, they have like a specific person that they're trying to look for so that they can get more votes. And it's like not reading too much into a dollar. Well, fuck it, an affirmative. Well, there was a side of me in 2020 that was like, well,
00:10:35
Speaker
You know, you're voting like, like in this election, who's the vice president matters a little bit more to me because there's an, there's a more statistically likely chance that he, that dude dies. And so you're like, all right. And then 2020, I sort of was like, okay, she seems legit. And now like four years of her, I'm like, you suck.
00:11:04
Speaker
So now it's like a Biden Harris ticket again. And you're like, he, he dies from just normal things that happened to like 88 year old men. And that's what we have. Just like this, like extremely unlikable person, unlikable and like has done nothing. It does literally nothing. Well, that's what the other side of it is that a lot of people think they're going to run Michelle Obama.
00:11:32
Speaker
Oh, she would kill it. She'd say no. She'd win in a million fucking seconds. She would win so quickly. She would win so quickly, but she'd just never do it. What about Bill Belichick? Oh, my God. Roll him out there. He's like, I'm leaving the Patriots. Everybody's gasps. And he's like, I'm the fucking president.
00:11:53
Speaker
I'm running for president. Running a press conference session. Can't believe how bad they are this year. It's like on Sunday they kept they'd throw the ball for like 40 yards and then they'd go out in four downs. I was deep frying a turkey so I was distracted in that game but it wasn't good. That was not good. How did the turkey really taste that different?
00:12:18
Speaker
No, so good, dude. Sure. I never want to eat turkey prepared any other way. And I did nothing to it. Like I've done like an oven turkey and you go through all this bullshit. You put like seasoned butter underneath, like underneath the skin, like between the meat and the skin. Yeah, of course. Like a like a dry rub on the on the skin and you do all this shit. I've done like dry brining and wet brining and all this shit.
00:12:47
Speaker
It takes so long and it's so complicated And this turkey that I defrosted in the fridge for a week and then holy shit because you got it well out of like paranoia because the the reason I mean There's like three things people fuck up in deep frying a turkey and the big one is that they don't let it thaw out completely If there's like any ice in there it explodes. Oh, hell yeah
00:13:12
Speaker
uh why wouldn't you just buy one that wasn't frozen are they all i don't know because there was a frozen one well most turkeys come frozen and you have to thaw them out yeah but i don't think people understand that like a 25 pound bird doesn't just thaw it overnight yeah so well and so i guess if we're just being honest with each other started thawing it out on tuesday and we're frying it up on sunday so that like should have been enough time no most definitely but i get it out of the bag on
00:13:42
Speaker
Sunday morning and it is not frozen, but it is like not frozen solid, but it is like still very icy on the inside. And I have like, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I've talked up a big game with my friends that I'm going to fry a turkey. So I got to like, look like I pretend like I know what I'm doing. Um, not until I listen to this podcast. It's all right. They know.
00:14:05
Speaker
Like, oh, yeah, it definitely isn't going to explode when I put this kind of icy thing into boiling. Also, no. So what I did was, uh,
Thanksgiving Mishaps and Safety Advice
00:14:15
Speaker
so I'm, I'm there early in my buddy's house and we like, you know, we're like, this thing's still frozen. Like, what the fuck are we going to do? It's like two, definitely too late to try, uh, baking it. Right. And I'm like, dude,
00:14:28
Speaker
like I might break your microwave, but like, I think it's gonna fit in there. And so we had it in the microwave on defrost for an hour. No, Jesus Christ. And that's the trick, dude. It barely fit in the microwave, but it was in the microwave on defrost for an hour, dealt with the ice. Then that thing went in 350 degree fry oil for 45 minutes, less than 45, because of the microwave, probably more like 35.
00:14:58
Speaker
And I still I swear to you, best turkey I've ever had. And for all the like shit I've done to make them flavorful when I bake them, like I said, like with the butter and the seasoning and everything, I put salt on this and then put it in in the fryer. And it was the best turkey I've ever eaten. All right. Highly recommend. And so if you want to do if you want to do yourself, three things people fuck up.
00:15:26
Speaker
uh first thing you didn't thought out completely thought out completely if you didn't thought out completely you can put in the microwave on defrost for an hour and it'll be fine because i did it and it's fine how did you know it was fully did you like take a look at it when it came out fully cooked now from the microwave uh i reached my hand up in there and felt around
00:15:49
Speaker
Okay. Just smelled it. And it was like, uh, smells like weird microwave defrosted Turkey. Well, the defrost setting like is different from cooking. Like the defrost setting is, is I'm not going to explain how microwaves work to make a 10% you know, um, microwaves work by making water molecules spin. No, I've been, why didn't you? I've been defrosted. Uh, micro is better because microwave penetrate. So hot water is a thing you can do, but it's gross and same deal.
00:16:20
Speaker
Like oven and hot water, you're hitting the outside of it. And then the heat from the outside has to penetrate in. Turn that fucker upside down. Stick the spigot right into it. Maybe. Microwave is penetrating radiation. So it's going through the turkey. It's hitting all the ice on the inside. Trust me. I'm a science. Trust me, I do the science.
00:16:48
Speaker
Anyway, you see Berkeley you see Berkeley All right thing thing number one people fuck up. They didn't thought out it all the way Don't do that thing number two people fuck up. They overfill the pot with oil They ever fill the turkey Yeah They'll fill the pot with with oil and then when you go to lower the turkey and the oil overflows over the pot so the way that you
00:17:14
Speaker
Make sure that you don't do that is uh When the turkey's ready, but before you heat the oil put the turkey in the pot fill the pot with water and until the turkey's completely uh submerged Then you take the turkey out And then you mark the line mark a line on the pot where the water level is and that's the level you fill the oil to Okay thing number two
00:17:43
Speaker
done. You're not going to do that. Thing number three people fuck up. When you are putting the turkey in and when you're pulling the turkey out, turn the fire off. Because then you don't want the oil to get on there. Because if by some because I don't know. There was a video of it on my Instagram. But like, it's even if you fill the oil to the right level, it does bubble up a lot. So if that happens in the bubbling up oil spills over the side, if the fucking fire on the propane burners on
00:18:12
Speaker
gonna catch the oil. It's not on you just have oil spill and oil spilling is fine. So don't do those three things. And you're gonna be fine. Is there like a machine that just does all this? Yes, called your human body. Yeah, like, like, yeah, like, a propane burn that haven't they made like a fryer? That's just like a thing that you know what I mean? That ones
00:18:40
Speaker
Yeah, but like, why wouldn't you? So I got this because I was like, well, I wanted to do this, but then I was like, I can take this camping, take this ice fishing, like do some like grilling and cooking and it makes some French fries. I've got a walk that I never use because I have an electric oven. So like, put it in here, we made room, start frying stuff up. Yeah, so this was like a more than Thanksgiving investment in my head.
00:19:10
Speaker
Do like a crawfish boil if I was like that kind of person, which I'm not. Make some chicken nuggets. Chicken nuggets. Make some hot dogs. Make some blooming onions. I might do a blooming onion party. Hot dogs. Yeah, deep fried hot dogs. I've never done that, but hot corn dogs. Instead of deep fried, maybe just put a skillet over, get the heat off the deep fryer, and put a skillet on. Yeah. Yeah, it's basically just a propane burner that you put a pot of oil on, but you don't have to put the pot of oil on there, and then you just have a propane burner. Yeah, you can put a skillet on there.
00:19:40
Speaker
I wonder what that would taste like. I bet it's. I bet you got to like poke some holes in it so it doesn't explode in the oil, but I bet it's good. Get crispy crispy shin shrimp in there. Bacon. Oh, I love that. Actually, just a little bacon fry out. Yeah.
Ice Fishing Adventures
00:20:00
Speaker
Put some bacon on that on a skillet on top of the burner. Yeah. But then I also like can't like I can.
00:20:08
Speaker
Um, I can also just cook on a camp. I don't, I like cooking on a campfire. You just can't like really control the heat well enough. You go ice fishing? Yeah, dude, every year. Paul, you got to fact check that. I've seen the pictures. Kind of equipment are using when you go ice fishing, Jared. Just an auger. Just an auger and a fishing pole. Not nothing fancy, bro.
00:20:38
Speaker
You don't have a sensor with a screen on it catching on. No, I've seen those things. I've seen those and even like an electric auger would be nice. Not just a hand auger and an efficient pole. Real simple. Like we've got all that shit. We got an electric auger. We got a fucking flasher so you can see where the fish are at. Got a nice little shanty you go in a buddy heater so you're not cold. Yeah, none of that.
00:21:07
Speaker
He's got that I wouldn't not that I would say no to it, but just I don't have it. That's a this guy. This guy's Well, ice fishing is fun if you can stay warm fucking sucks when you're cold. Yeah, that's true It's like not fun at all. Once your feet get cold or if you fall through the ice That hasn't happened yet, but I agree that would so last year we were We were doing it the day after a blizzard and like
00:21:37
Speaker
March or I think it was in March. Up in like northern New Hampshire. And so lakes covered in snow. And then we decided, and it was really cold. So we decided to build an igloo. And we would like drill the holes in the igloo. So we built this, this like pretty good igloo.
00:22:00
Speaker
or like most of this pretty good igloo, but out of like, you know, like heavy fucking snow. And so we're like, we're at the part of building the igloo where you're trying to put in like the top third of the roof. And, you know, there's six of us working on different parts of it, continually piling, you know, going off and then bringing over heavy shovels of snow over to the, and then the ice starts cracking where we're standing.
00:22:31
Speaker
you just hear it crack and you're like, Oh, we there are six of us standing here and we've been piling hundreds of pounds of snow in one spot. And it probably would have been fine. But it freaked me out enough that I was like, Yeah, I'm not going in that igloo again. Yeah.
00:22:46
Speaker
It's just getting settled. The heat was just coming on. Yeah, it's freaky. I mean, I've been out on I've been out on lakes before, like, you know, like you're not in the spring spring, but like when it's starting to warm up at the ice is still thick and like the ice is just cracking. Like, you know, it's still like like a foot, 18 inches thick. So like you're fine. You are not going to fall through. But you have those moments where like a big crack just like shoots across the lake and you just hear that, like, I don't know. You've heard it pops like, but just like
00:23:16
Speaker
weird echo of like a crack through ice where it's like this like, I've been in some pretty fucking sketchy eyes. Yeah, that's what terrifies me.
00:23:27
Speaker
The cracking though is usually just like the surface noise because you can be on pretty thick ice and it'll crack on the top like that's what I mean Not well like that's what I mean like a big crack where like you hear it reverberate through and shoots through like half the pond That scares the shit out of me. I know and everyone's like it's not a big deal, dude, and it still scares me I don't know what to do. You should get
00:23:49
Speaker
I don't I've never used them. So take this with a grain of salt, but they make these little ice picks that you run around your shoulders and they go through the sleeves of your jacket. And if you ever did fall through the ice, they hang next to your hands and you can slam it into the ice and then you can pull yourself out. Yeah, I'd rather just die. Because when you go through the ice, you don't have very long to get out of it.
00:24:16
Speaker
No, you go into shock and you're in heavy clothes that make you sink. One of the years I was out fishing with my boss at the country club, we were down on the pond and the dog went through the ice. That was pretty scary. It was in like an extreme. Yeah. Cause it was in an extremely shallow area. It was up next to like a reed bed. So probably only fell into like two feet of water, but all of a sudden you heard it yelp. Dog yelps are the worst.
00:24:46
Speaker
kind of ruined the rest of the day. Well, we got to go inside now because the dog can't like freeze solid. Yeah. Yeah. Or you freeze and then they come back to life like six years later. Get a few extra years out of them. Yeah. Then you defrost. You guys ever think about clouds?
00:25:17
Speaker
Not really. Cloud insurance? No, no, no. Just while I was waiting for Aiden to send the invite, I went down a mental rabbit hole thinking about clouds. No, I usually just kind of look up at them. How would you describe clouds to me if I was from a planet that didn't have them? It's like all fucking rain comes out of. What does that mean? It's just water that comes off the fucking earth.
00:25:49
Speaker
It's what our ocean flips upside down when the world spin and then trickles down everybody else. Is there's an ocean in the sky? No, the earth is small, technically upside down. So then the earth is in the sky for momentarily and then it rains wherever it's like over at that time. Where does the rain come from? The ocean, bro. I just told you that. Paul, you get what I'm saying.
00:26:15
Speaker
Yeah, the ocean evaporates. Then it gets too dense forms. It comes back down. Yeah, exactly. That that part of it where it's a cloud. What is that? It's the ocean, bro. It's coming out of the fucking ocean. It's water. Yeah, it's water vapor. That's getting too dense and then it has to come back down. No, I'm not. I know what a cloud is.
00:26:43
Speaker
Like you do Evaporation and condensation you just asked is what a fucking I'm saying imagine I was from a I would say Imagine you had to explain clouds to someone who actually explained it to you right now No, you're explaining how condensation works no, that's what's in the cloud, dude
00:27:05
Speaker
Water. It's water that's floating in the sky. That's why when you fly an airplane in the sky, it's always clean because it's going through all tons of car washes in the clouds.
Comical Clouds and Awkward Situations
00:27:15
Speaker
I like that explanation. Describe a cloud. Ball of water. Ball of water in the sky. Earth spins, water dumps out of it.
00:27:36
Speaker
All right. Bro, Paul, Jared, you got an egg salad sandwich from Davidis today as like a curse, dude. Tell that you can tell briefly that story. I mean, I didn't I mean, I got it in the sense of there was a meeting that took a lunch order for the people at the meeting. So fucking dickhead, Paul. Jared, text me.
00:28:01
Speaker
what like an hour ago like thank god you didn't come to this meeting and then i know why because that guy had an egg salad sandwich from one of the best delis around there dude probably the best deli i would say around that area so did you order or did he order it for you no so here's the deal so there's this meeting they took a lunch order yesterday
00:28:21
Speaker
I didn't, I wasn't included on the lunch order because I kind of just invited myself today. I just did that thing where I show up and I'm like, Oh, well I'm here anyway. The meeting with the new company or was it? No, no, no. Just the, just the Reggie's. Okay. Um, so I'm there.
00:28:39
Speaker
And then the person who ordered the sandwiches was like, Oh, you weren't on my list. So I didn't order you. I didn't. I didn't order you anything. I was like, Oh, that's all that's all good. I usually don't eat lunch anyway. And she's like, Oh, you can have mine. And I'm like, No, no, no, it's fine. Like I don't I usually drink a cell Celsius and eat three wafer cookies for lunch.
00:29:01
Speaker
Yeah, basically. I was like, I don't usually eat lunch. It's all good. And and then I was just and then so everyone's eating lunch and I'm just like sitting there not eating lunch. And then homeboys like you can have half of my egg salad sandwich.
00:29:18
Speaker
And it was just a really nice gesture because no one else besides the woman who didn't take my order. Yeah, who the fuck gets out sandwich out everything. Do I know this person or this? Yeah, you do. Maybe I don't know. It's a rain. You wouldn't know his name. Oh, yeah. But bro, out of that menu is so big at the fetus to
00:29:38
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not saying that I was like, pumped that I got an egg salad sandwich. But it was like, it was a it was a nice gesture. And I was like, if I'm not gonna say no, I was like, I was like, Oh, man, I said, I said, I said, keep eating and decide if you want it. And if you don't, I'll take it. And he gave it to me. I would have been like, first of all, what the fuck is wrong with you? You think that people are there like, who orders this?
00:30:08
Speaker
like alright dude it was a weird a salad that we made two weeks ago yeah the people that was there so it was it was oh that wasn't that was um
00:30:18
Speaker
that was like in the bottom 40% but like not the weirdest thing that people ordered Jesus Christ bro just get a fucking Italian people were getting the devil day not double one of those things called pickled eggs in a sandwich and wrapping it up there was there was pickled eggs please there was tuna ordered fucking shit the face with that
00:30:44
Speaker
Yeah, I really liked everything someone got from the vetoes, but I would not order any of that shit. Someone got that. I didn't even know they had this as an option. Somebody got the pickled eggs. No, somebody got the American shop suey and chili. What the fuck, bro? I probably eat the chili. Probably not. Oh, I probably eat the chili. But did you know what existed? That's a meal you have when you have like $12 to feed your family.
00:31:13
Speaker
Yeah. Did I know it existed? Make it like you know, when there's a place that you've gone, you know, multiple times a week for like a year plus. And then start getting the weird shit. No, and then somebody who and then you're like, Oh, I'm gonna get food from this place. Like, here's the menu, decide what you want. And you assume they're going to be like, I'll get an Italian, I'll get a meatball sub, I'll get like a turkey.
00:31:40
Speaker
sandwich, I'll get a ham and cheese sandwich. Yeah, it's a deli.
00:31:44
Speaker
That's what I mean. Like you and then they're like, and then they go to the part of the menu that you've in the years you've been going there never looked at. And they're like, Oh, I'll have the like, the like chicken cutlet caprese on on Shabbat. And you're like, No, they don't have that. And then they're like, Yeah, it's right here. It's not the type of place they just have that on there. Yeah. Good chicken cutlet sandwich. So that's what I imagine the like chili mixed with American chop suey noodles.
00:32:12
Speaker
option on the menu was they were like fuck elbow macaroni fuck we gotta unfreeze that block back there Davida sold I was told I was told that by somebody and I was like that must be awkward because all those people live there upstairs in the apartment yeah they are moving also right
00:32:39
Speaker
I don't know, like the one the one dude that he knows doesn't live there. That's like cafes, like fucking neighbor or something. But the the guy who was always angry, and then like would act like you were crazy if you were ordering and weren't sure what you wanted. Mm hmm. He lives upstairs. I've seen him out on the porch just fucking angry. Maybe he died.
00:33:03
Speaker
Probably just sold it made some dope. Yeah, if they don't probably not somebody who plans on continuing It's probably why they're moving. They probably just sold the whole fucking thing in the building. Yeah, probably not gonna continue being a sandwich place I Feel like they had a pretty good liquor selection in there for like a place that probably doesn't get I
00:33:29
Speaker
I mean, they're not far enough from liquor world for like that. If you needed a liquor store and there, you wouldn't just be like, Oh, I'll just go like two more minutes down the road to that place.
00:33:42
Speaker
they just there you're like, why am I going to spend $35 on like a fifth of fucking vodka in this deli? Correct. But like still has propel fitness water somehow. Yeah, I could stop making that in like 2009. Back to that fucking sandwich with disrespectful place bro. You the fuck are you doing?
00:34:03
Speaker
That does seem insane to me that you would ever get any of the salads from there. Yeah. Who's getting a salad? Chicken salad, fucking egg salad. Egg salad on a sandwich makes it seem like you're just like, how are you eating? That's like eating a peanut butter sandwich, but it's like eggs.
00:34:21
Speaker
I mean, it's not a yeah, it was a You basically just ate bread with Like egg salad residue on it and then I use chips to scoop up the egg salad. I hate this. I hate this I got sick a couple times from the Vito's and that was just from like cold-cut sandwiches. I just don't think I could ever do Yeah, what god damn I hate that That's awesome
00:34:49
Speaker
I've eaten, uh, I had, I had to get the tuna melt from the Tampa airport. That kids like breakfast from the Tampa airport. Oh dude. I got me sick twice. I get Chick-fil-a at the Tampa airport. Every time they're not the regular like daytime Chick-fil-a no issues. Chick-fil-a breakfast. Something happens. Something's wrong with their breakfast at that airport. Yeah.
00:35:21
Speaker
But it's good. It's good. And it's right there. And it's easy. So you roll the dice on that. How was your flight back from that insane travel you had? My bag was fine. Yeah, literally no issues. Yeah. Did you guys ever discuss like,
00:35:48
Speaker
how fucking stupid it was that you didn't take the connecting flight and you drove for 12 hours. Yeah. I mean, you know, how many of there were you in the car? It varied depending on the leg. It was as much as or an occasionally just just me and one other person. With the four, you can't do very much in the car for that long.
00:36:18
Speaker
What do you mean? I don't know for people in the whip that don't really know each other that well. Oh, but it's like work stuff. So I just drove because I like don't need to I don't need that FaceTime and just like let the the other people have the FaceTime. Okay. You know,
00:36:39
Speaker
their FaceTime and their mom in the car. Yeah. Hey, Mom. I'm just kind of bored right now. I don't know. No, it's all right. It is funny because that one of those that drive from Pensacola to Tallahassee, which is like probably like three hours. I don't remember. It was either the Pensacola to Tallahassee drive or the Tallahassee to Tampa Drive, which were both long ass drives. But like the boss.
00:37:07
Speaker
like for a good two hours of that took just took phone like phone call after phone call. You're just like this is kind of funny. It's like the people you're talking to you don't know you're in the car with people. Oh my god. Tell that you're having, you know, like the stuff that like, I don't know if everyone can pick up on but I can certainly pick up on I'm like, I'm not supposed to know that did
00:37:35
Speaker
I'm standing by my W. So you got to hit the FaceTime while you're with mad people in the car is a hilarious move. And just act like they're not around, but be quiet. It's like an entire genre of tick tock. Oh, I don't know. No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. All right. Yeah, I'm just like stuck on this trip. I'll be back Friday. Yeah, I know. I wish it was true, too. Yeah. No, I agree. It's fucking stupid that we're driving and we didn't take the airplane.
00:38:07
Speaker
We're gonna fly out of the town that we were in that had an airport and instead we drove six hours back. We stayed at an airport hotel, Paul. I know. That's insane. The airport that he wasn't going out of. That's like somebody that's getting a hooker does that, Jared. Yep. Listen, all I'm gonna say, airport hotels are pretty dang. I used to crush the double truck in Pittsburgh. They are, if you're fucking gonna fly out of it eventually.
00:38:36
Speaker
Well, that double train in Pittsburgh, that was perfect. Because then the guys at the Grove would be like, oh, can we hang out? And I'd be like, nah, I got to drive 20 minutes back. Yeah, I'm 20 minutes away. Like, 20 minutes is like, I'd treat that 20 minutes like I'm in fucking New York. Yeah. Nah, it's like 19 minutes away. I don't know if this is true of every airport hotel, but like, this one was dank because it was connected to the terminal. So like, you could have just gone straight to the airport. That's even funnier. You could have literally just walked into the airport
00:39:06
Speaker
Yeah, actually that one foot in the airport. Did you ever think about just changing your flight? Yeah, why didn't you change your flight, dude? That'd be weird. All right. At one point, you just got to go who the fuck cares? I'm flying out of this. That's called like traveling with your friend. I don't know.
00:39:27
Speaker
How weird would it be to be like, we're homies and like, I don't feel like hanging out another day. I'm leaving. That's fine. What do you got to get? Yeah, I'll just be like, I feel you dude. I'm getting out of here too. But there's the difference is like, if it were us traveling, we wouldn't have planned it that way. It would have been like logical and like, yeah, we're going to do a 45 minute layer over in Atlanta and then fly into the airport we need to be in.
00:39:49
Speaker
Yeah, I know. Hey, we got your back on this, bro. This wouldn't have been a thing that had to happen. But in this scenario, where your homies got particular ways of wanting to travel, what can you do? You get home two days earlier. Whatever. And do what? It's fucking deep fry stuff with your roommate. I don't know. Deep fry is Clorox wipes. Those are my Clorox wipes.
00:40:19
Speaker
You guys, uh, oh, you guys got different bathrooms. So it doesn't matter, right? Yeah. There's no world where I'd share a bath. We got different bathrooms. I was gonna see what kind of TP he's rocking. Uh, yeah, I don't know.
00:40:37
Speaker
I get the Charmin from Costco. I don't know the answer to that. Yeah, we've talked about this. I get I get weird bamboo toilet paper. Yeah. Okay. You get to pull the Chipotle napkin toilet paper. Yeah. Tan. Is it tan? No, we just upgraded. I got a bidet. Nice. You got the bidet? Well, I mean, it's a Christmas present for my wife. And I was gonna say I should in your toilet and then I didn't remember a bidet.
00:41:05
Speaker
So there won't be one for a while, but does she know about it because she's listened. Yeah. I mean, I buy everything on Amazon and it's her account. So yeah, I can't wait though. It's about to be the cleanest fucking house on the block. You're on septic too. So it's even better, right? Yep. That's right. Although we couldn't get the warm.
00:41:33
Speaker
water one, cause then you'd have to like drill into our brand new vanity and run a water line to the hot water and just have like a random water line running across the floor. Just put a t-shirt over it. So it'll be cold water, but I'll wake you up in the morning. Yeah. I don't mind the cold water. Don't look at the t-shirt. There's a water line running under it. Get one of those yellow jackets. Like you run the, um, drive over with anything.
00:42:00
Speaker
She's like, disregard the yellow jacket in our bathroom. Yes. So it just gets wet and slippery as fuck. It's a trip hazard. One of my friends, this is actually kind of funny. One of my friends was looking to get a bidet. He goes, he sends us a text and he goes,
00:42:28
Speaker
So the Tushy Bidet's website is not Tushy.com. Do not search that when you're on a business call for work. Oh my god. Is there anybody who's unaware of Tushy.com as a hardcore anal porn website? Oh my god, that's hilarious. Wasn't he just like sharing his screen or something? No, thank god, but he was on a call. Oh damn. Oh no. That is like...
00:42:55
Speaker
Has an autoplay video on it too. So it's not I just looked it up. That is There is no paywall or no age age wall or anything. That is a just a super aggressive ass fucking scene comes up in place immediately literally Damn I was dying laughing. I go at least you weren't on a call and he's like, oh I was
00:43:21
Speaker
uh well on your work computer and he goes yeah i was oh my god damn that's that's awesome you got the whole setup now dude you got a squatty potter you got the a day oh yeah telling it's about to be the cleanest house on the street very ergonomic clean shits
00:43:51
Speaker
You're like in Japan, just put up a Japanese flag in there too. Yes. I wish we could just afford a Japanese toilet. My brother was just in Korea and he said that the Japanese toilet in the bathroom was like the coolest thing ever. It's the coolest part about the trip. What is it? Like a, what is a Japanese toilet? They have like, it has all the things built into it.
00:44:17
Speaker
So you don't have to buy like a bidet attachment for your or like a toilet seat has a sink on it. It's just like a smart it's like a you can control it with your phone. Scott like it's got like fans and shit on it to dry your ass after you spray it off with a bidet. It's got a heated seat. A nightlight. They love going to the bathroom.
00:44:40
Speaker
Actually, he said the actual coolest part of the trip is he got to go to the DMZ and then go in a tunnel That brought you within like a hundred meters of North Korea. He said that was pretty cool. Damn. That's awesome If you Trump, you can just walk across the DMZ True. I don't think my brother's got cloud like that. Yeah, did he just literally walk across it? That's hilarious Well, we're gonna do shoot him
00:45:07
Speaker
Wow, this place is gay. Goes over and he's like, if you shoot me, you'll die like a dog. You'll die crying. Dude, you catch up all of, uh, I think you should leave season three.
Entertainment Preferences and Nostalgia
00:45:25
Speaker
No, I haven't even really watched that much. I'm sure Jared came over and he said he was messing with my account, which is fine because the things that were being, um,
00:45:34
Speaker
I've probably watched like three hours of Netflix since I got it. No, I'll tell you exactly what I did. I finished that season of that barbecue show that we started watching the last time I was there. Okay. I had to know what happened. Respect who won? I don't want to spoil it for you. Do you actually care? No. The black guy. Yeah, I figured.
00:46:01
Speaker
But which is, so I'm not saying, here's what I'm saying. He was not actually the best person at making food. But the guy who was the runner up was the like fancy California Asian fusion barbecue guy. He had no chance. Well, his food was better. And like, if you watch the judgments and everything and like, how they complimented their food and who made fuck ups.
00:46:30
Speaker
that guy the guy who one fucked up more and they liked the Asian fusion guy barbecue guys food better but you can tell it was like season two of a show that's like
00:46:43
Speaker
very that's like trying to you know like get its following and they were like we can't yeah they're like we can't give it to some like modern barbecue like California ponytail guy and like this you know good old boy like
00:47:05
Speaker
Louisiana black guy loses like we can't morally do that. So they gave it to him but you could tell it was like they just there was they he would he would have won from day one.
00:47:20
Speaker
He was the bad guy who was in the first episode where he's fucking up and he was like almost, he's getting all flustered and everything. Every episode he fucked up. Like every episode he fucked something up. That last episode, he, like it was like a rotisser or it was like a, they had to cook a full hog.
00:47:39
Speaker
and he and they got to like there was like a thing where they picked different rigs and he got like a rotisserie rig and the other guy got a stationary rig and they and like the rotisserie rig was supposed to be the like thing that like the advantage and he didn't know how to use it so he just put cinder blocks under the end so that under that uh corners so that it couldn't spin because he couldn't figure out how to like
00:48:04
Speaker
like what a rotisserie was for so we just made it into like a grill basically and they were like they were like up until that point the judges were talking about how much of an advantage it was for heat control and everything to have a rotisserie and then they like watched him fuck it up with cinder blocks and were like i don't know what the fuck that guy's doing and then he like burnt it and they were like your skin's not crispy enough
00:48:29
Speaker
And then the other guy, they were like, this is the best, crispiest, full hog skin we've ever had. And then the black guy won. It was like, damn, Leroy, you're fucking up. It was just weird. Kevin, you can't win, dude. They were like, bro, you have a ponytail and you're from, and you're from like, you're from like La Jolla, California. Like, no, you can't win this. They went to American Idol when
00:48:57
Speaker
gave it to Ruben Stutter at the time, same exact concept. Yeah, yeah, too. Didn't Clay Aiken, wasn't that the same year? Maybe Clay Aiken won. No, I'm pretty sure Ruben Stutter did win and then they gave the other dude is like a runner up. They're like co winners. That's a bit up. They're taking the same approach. Yeah, look that up. Let's have them on the podcast. Get Ruben on.
00:49:23
Speaker
Um, okay. Well, you looked that up. So that was, that was, I did that. Um, and then I did the same thing to your Netflix account that I did to Aiden and Sarah's, which was go through in like every Netflix original movie starring Adam Sandler. Double thumbs up it. Leo's good movie. Um, so that anytime a new Adam Sandler thing comes out, it will immediately put that at the top of your recommendations. I feel like I did you a favor if I'm being honest. It worked. So I like it. I like his movies.
00:49:54
Speaker
Um, and then I went into Shannon's and I, uh, liked like old, like vintage Kung Fu movies. Okay. I respect that. That's all I did. Why'd you turn the baby changing table around? I genuinely did not do that.
00:50:15
Speaker
Like, that's not a bit I'm doing. I didn't touch your baby changing table. When you said that, I was like, that's fucking weird. I hope they don't think I actually did that. Why the fuck you do that? Maybe my mom did it last time she was here. You put the dog on the baby changing table. Yeah, for what it's worth, I promise I never touched it.
00:50:45
Speaker
Hm. Reuben stuttered one and Clay Aiken was the runner up. Yeah. They were both good. I think Clay Aiken still had a career of some kind, right? Yeah. What happened to my man Reuben? He's, uh, he goes by Cee Lo Green now, right? Oh my God. That's hilarious. What is he up to right now, Paul? He's touring still. Oh, hell yeah.
00:51:14
Speaker
He has eight studio albums. My buddy, I'm helping him move and I get up into his house and he's got a fucking katana. Okay. I'm like, No, no, you, you know him. Okay. Okay. And I'm like, did you get that signed by Randy Jackson?
00:51:44
Speaker
And I don't know if he got the joke or not, but I thought it killed. Look at the blade, says Randy Jackson. He had a lot of fucking crazy shit that I wanted him expected. The Katana being the number one. I mean, honestly, if you helped me move, I'm like judging hard and I'm like, I own four axes. Yeah.
00:52:13
Speaker
The guitar is pretty sweet. They're just strewn around my bedroom. I asked him, I'm like, you ever play with this thing? Because it's dull. And he was like, no, my neighbor gave it to me like a long time ago, and I've just hung on to it. His neighbor was a drug dealer of some sort. Because he's been to Tokyo. So I was like, oh, cool. Did you buy this and bring it back? And he's like, nah, I just got it as a gift. Tokyo.
00:52:45
Speaker
Then he had like multiple long boards. I learned a lot about him that day. Oh, long boards, the wrong board. Well, he had a regular skateboard too. So I'll give him that. All right. I don't know if you want to just particularly bomb Hills long boards, the way to go.
00:53:06
Speaker
I was bombing a hill on a regular skateboard and I hit a little tiny fucking rock and ate shit that I still have scars on my hands and knees for a minute. Yeah, man. That's that's why it's that's why it's harder. You want to put a Nerf gun on it. You got to ride that shit out. Are you gonna do Swalom skateboarding on a regular board? Yeah, you don't do that. Just make your truck super loose. That's how you eat shit when you fucking make them too loose going down a quick hill and then you're
00:53:36
Speaker
wheel touches the fucking deck, you fucking wipe out. Actually, I think they make a specific kind of skateboard for slalom. That's not a regular or a long board. Yeah, of course, like a coffin board. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I used to like the ones that like the original skateboards, not the penny boards, but the ones that were like fucking had only one curved side.
00:54:02
Speaker
Then the front was like a surfboard almost, but with a curved back. Yeah. Lord's a dog town board. Yep. Those were fun to ride. They had fan wheels on them. Does your buddy live by himself? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Multiple skateboards and a katana. No, he's like,
00:54:32
Speaker
He's a family one and two kids. Yeah. I just love the natural life. I'm jealous as hell of the place that he just got his fucking sick. Is he just fucking ripping it? Long board in his driveway with a katana. He's got a sweet lake house now. Damn. So I'm saying I'm so fucking jealous to lake life. Like life baby. And like the house itself is really cool.
00:55:01
Speaker
It's just like real tiny. Actually, I couldn't actually live there. I'm way too tall for it. I tried to go up the stairs and I had to fucking bend over at the waist, like all the way to get underneath the little overhang. That's a nice house, though. Jealous. You kept saying that while you had the katana in your hand. It's a nice place, man. It's a really fucking nice place. Nice place you got here.
00:55:35
Speaker
to his neighbors here, like cry for help if you asked him. And his new place now people I think only live there during the summer. Well, jazz, what do you think would wipe somebody out quicker acts that you have or a katana? adult katana or one of my axes, definitely one of my axes. Which one would you take somebody out with?
00:56:04
Speaker
Ooh. So I have one, um, posted on the Reddit after this. I've got a, uh, a Holtz Brooks splitting acts. So it's for, it's not for like chopping a tree down. It's specifically for like splitting logs.
00:56:31
Speaker
think I'd go with that one because that one's going to deliver like a lot of focused, you know, damaging power right to somebody's like skull. But I honestly think like any of them are going to do the job. I've got a double sided one. That's the that's the other one I was like,
00:56:53
Speaker
mentally debating. I was like, the double sided acts would do some good damage because it's like, it's like stereotypical looking like acts that a kid would draw with like the round and like on both sides. But I was that one that swinging that one scares me because I'm like, Oh, if you swing too far, you're like hitting yourself in the back with an axe. Yeah, double sided acts. What are you Gimli?
00:57:22
Speaker
Also, I'll put it. I'll actually put a picture on the Reddit. I can do that. You Dorf. It's. No, it's meant for it's like a it's like a it's like a it's like a like an extra dwarf forestry axe. I just don't know. I just got it because it was it looked cool. Not like a like a replica like LARPing axe or something.
00:57:53
Speaker
that it matters. I came up on Sunday, we went to the park and we came up on a whole larping.
Unusual Encounters and Gaming
00:58:02
Speaker
Probably like 45 larpers just sitting around the picnic tables. What were they doing? They were larping, dude. What do you mean? They're just taking a quick breather. No, yeah. But like, what kind of larping were they doing? I don't fucking know. They had their shields and fucking all that stuff.
00:58:18
Speaker
where they like some I just found out about that word like last year probably live action role playing I was actually like this is nice these guys just don't give a fuck what people think about him that's what I mean they're just having fun and they're like not yeah exactly like enjoying I don't know public spaces and not giving a fuck yeah what if someone laughed at me playing basketball or something
00:58:48
Speaker
That's not cool. Yeah. Hey, that's cool. You guys are focusing on that. That's that's awesome. But uh, yeah, they all pulled up to the function.
00:59:06
Speaker
Yeah, you're not a fan. Not a fan. What would you do if you I know that the property is owned by somebody, but there's not like a house on it. What would you do if people started larping in that like green across the street from your house? Would you call the cops on them? We send them over there.
00:59:25
Speaker
No, but I would I'd go over with a katana and show him what's up. This is reality motherfuckers. This isn't larping. Hope your armor's tough. You think there's gotta be in like the in like the literal lifetimes of episodes of like CSI and law and orders and like
00:59:50
Speaker
other crime dramas there's got to be an episode where like somebody brought a real weapon to like a larping like the pretense of the episode was like a murder was committed at like a larping thing and it was like because they wear masks and shit too so we brought like a real weapon and like actually stabbed somebody and then like ran away almost definitely one of the Dutch listener will you tell me will you tell us on the subreddit bro the Belgian
01:00:15
Speaker
Fuck. You're fucking this up, dude. They keep telling. My apologies. Belgian listener, will you, listeners, will you fact check that and let us know if there's an episode of an American crime drama where a larper is killed? Thank you. I like this TV show called Main Cabin Masters. Oh, I haven't watched that. I wanted to watch that. What is the, what is that show about?
01:00:43
Speaker
They just go and they fix up cabins in Maine, but they also, it's like one of those TV shows though, where they're like, yeah, my budget is $10,000 and I want you to rebuild the house. And they're like, okay, we can make that happen. We want all new windows, a second story put on the cabin, a fucking new bathroom and insulation in a solar panel. And our budget's $20,000. And they're like, yeah, we can do that. Yeah, for sure. No problem. We got you.
01:01:13
Speaker
Somebody who owns a house I can tell you right now that all new windows would eat your entire budget What do we watch that on it's on Not HGTV but It's on milk calm who are those two people? Chip and Joanna get Magnolia network. That's what it's on. Yeah, they're the best
01:01:45
Speaker
It's probably like the best show I've watched on Say Yes to the Dress, honestly. Let's say like the LARPing captain. Guess what kind of shirt he was rocking. Did you see that episode, Aiden? Where they went up and they did the LARPing cabin? No. Oh, yeah. Well, they went up and they renovated this LARPing thing in Maine. No way. Yeah, I swear to God. Dude, the lead LARPer, the king of it, it seemed like.
01:02:14
Speaker
He was rocking one of those sarcasm is my second language shirt. Fucking brilliant. The one that you saw. Yeah, I immediately was like, of course, there's one of those shirts there. Sarka or maybe it was sarcasm is my first language. The world revolves around me t shirt. Dude, that guy rocks. I was like, Hell yeah, this is just guys being dudes right now.
01:02:44
Speaker
you're going to get some sassy remarks from that guy. Yeah, it just seems crazy to me that I mean, I guess I can't say too much because I have gone to magic card like tournaments. So who am I to say anything, but seems like a terrible way to spend your weekend. They were just fucking they just pulled up. Like I said, it just seems like maybe they're just a Sunday, you know,
01:03:12
Speaker
fucking they all rolled up on their one wheels. Oh my god, not even. There was probably some bikes there. I think they arrived in like period appropriate. They rode horses and various they all took an Uber. They shared an Uber. I had to scout the parking lot parking lot was fucking packed. I was like, What the fuck's going on here? barping.
01:03:41
Speaker
Yeah, I wish I was like, damn, all right, that's pretty sick. I mean, I've seen some weird shit in the nerd community. Shit that people love. Just fucking weird shit.
01:04:07
Speaker
I guess it wouldn't be like weird in today's standard, but this would have been like 2000. You mean like going to a magic the gathering tournament? Yeah, so it would have been like 2008. And I went with my brother to a tournament and out in Western Mass. And it was in it was out near Amherst, but one of the small towns near Amherst. And there was a
01:04:36
Speaker
Guy had to be like 55 and he had a set of enormous fake tits that he would wear. And I just remember being like, this is the fucking weirdest shit I've ever seen in my life. As it was kind of before, it's probably at the start of like the, the change and the like how accepting people were probably in Western mass. That shit started a little early.
01:05:06
Speaker
But I would have been like 16, 17 years old. So I definitely was a little taken aback by it. Today's standard is not that weird. But playing cards of- Giant anime tits in your face. Legit, dude. And he would wear like a big long wig and a dress that he would wear and everything. But he also just had a beard. OK.
01:05:28
Speaker
just a bro with that going on wearing like a red socks hat yeah i just wear the tits just give me the fucking edge i need to win that's fucking awesome it was it was fucking looking back on it that's fucking good for the heck did you ever address it hell no no
01:05:52
Speaker
deal with it. Exactly what it is. That's just who he was. Who they were. I guess shouldn't assume they go. I was like pre they but yeah, you're not wrong. He's following order. There was like what that town in Alaska or whatever that had like a mare that like a cross dresser or something. Oh, man. Like weird, but people were just like, Yeah, that's just our weird mayor.
01:06:30
Speaker
how about the one mayor in what was it california who was just smoking crack oh that guy what was that guy's name that dude rips what's more scandalous him or this george santhos guy who just lied that mayor that cross-dressing mayor killed himself oh shit those things didn't go so great for him
01:06:59
Speaker
What's going on in Alabama? What do you think it's like to be in Alabama? Just nothing going on? Oh, God. It's Alabama and nothing going on in state. Yeah, dude. What is even, like, what is a city in Alabama? Birmingham? Birmingham, yeah. Huntsville? Yeah, that's true, too. Wherever it goes.
01:07:29
Speaker
colleges. Alabama. What about Georgia? I probably probably rather like Alabama, Atlanta. You'd rather live in Alabama than Georgia? Yeah. No, that's easy. What? That's a crazy fucking take. Why would you live in Georgia?
01:07:54
Speaker
I mean, anywhere in Atlanta, on the bottom half anywhere on like southern Georgia seems sick. I'd take take Bama, you would take if you had a house in Savannah, Georgia over Savannah living fucking Birmingham, Alabama, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, go find some fucking small shithole down and live in that be the mayor and know if you're considered white in Alabama, that'd suck.
01:08:25
Speaker
Who me? Yeah. Why am I not white? I don't know. You're a little Irish. You're in there wearing a Jeff cap. They ain't gonna like that. No, no Jeff caps. Got a fucking conductor hat on. Start rocking the Jeff cap. Start rocking. You probably did at one point didn't you?
01:08:52
Speaker
Me? No, I've never worn a scally cap. I got a big fucking head, they don't fit my head. Like a Guinness print scally cap? No, no, no, no, that's not me. Absolutely not. Hey, if it is, we support you. We'll support you like the mayor of Anchorage or whatever. And if it must be this hat for your birthday, we wear it. What is it?
01:09:22
Speaker
That's the Ari Shafir special. Yeah, I'll wear that fucking hat, dude. Hell yeah. Just walk around Publix in that hat. Holy shit, that hat's epic, dude. That hat is so funny. You can't wear that shit in New York City to get your ass beat. Of course it has a coupon code on it. It's already discounted. Damn.
01:09:52
Speaker
There's very specific neighborhoods in Boston and New York that you could wear that. And you'd fit right in. Oh, damn. Yeah, Brookline, they come here. Come and see my parents. Brookline will put a fucking note on your back when you're not looking. Oh, man.
01:10:18
Speaker
One of the businesses near me has a gigantic Israeli flag right now. Oh, yeah. You know, they took down the Ukraine flag and they put up a giant Israel flag. They're just swapping them out. What are the war business out of curiosity? Like, what do they need on? Oh, it's a country store. Oh, just like right down the street. That's different. Not kind of what you would expect from the country store right now. Not what you would expect at all.
01:10:46
Speaker
Well, actually, in this situation, yes, that is what I would expect. Maybe they just sell stuff they looted from Palestinian homes. What about Tennessee, Paul? Would you live in Tennessee? Mampfist? Some good music that came out of Tennessee. I just don't think I'm on away from the Florida. I wouldn't want to live in the South. Florida included. Oh, yeah.
01:11:18
Speaker
What about Texas? Do you consider Texas a south? Yeah, I think Texas is probably more south than a lot of these fucking areas. They consider themselves Southern. Why you wouldn't live in Texas? Texas is the real deal, dude. I think I think I could live in Texas. Yeah, I could probably take Texas, but I think I'd want to live out in West Texas and one of those little like blow through towns.
01:11:45
Speaker
What do you think about West Texas Mesquite dry rub on wings over wings? I don't know if I've ever had that one. I think Georgia is pretty underrated. Well, he's leaving on that midnight train to Georgia. Texas has a ton of fucking snakes all the time, like crazy ass snakes. Yeah, but so does Florida.
01:12:13
Speaker
Yeah, but Texas got like wearing like 30 foot Burmese pythons like all over the place. Yeah, Texas people just crazy people just have giant Burmese Texas has to wear Spurs because they have so many snakes. I don't know that that's a real thing. Look it up.
01:12:34
Speaker
Oh, yeah, it's really good to know. They have deadlier snakes, for sure. Yeah, like all all of America's deadly snakes. They got the Texan, the West Texan rattler. Diamondback, they got the horse copperhead. They got the imagine how dank the food is if you live in one of those border towns. If you live in like Laredo or something and you're right on the Mexican border, you should have a bunch of dogs.
01:13:04
Speaker
Dude, the food must be so good. Fuck. It'd be like if you took Maria's and you moved it into Texas and made it exceptionally better. Does anyone eat at Maria's anymore? No. I was gonna say I might blow your mind here Paul, but some of those people usually move and open up other places around down in south too. Did she leave? No, I'm saying.
01:13:27
Speaker
Those people on the border. There's other people of the same of the same skills that are making their restaurants around the country, too. It's not the same, dude. It's the soil. It's a real sun dried chili as opposed to one that they had to import. Yeah, we can't believe what's the order going to be for lunch tomorrow, Jared?
01:13:56
Speaker
How come you guys don't go to Maria's anymore? What happened? She asked for a job for her son too many times. Stop going. I don't know, man. That place fell off. Maybe it didn't fall off. Maybe I'm just used to it. But now dude, I'd rather go to fucking Culver's than Maria's. Wow. But have you tried and I know that.
01:14:22
Speaker
One of the guys used to go to all those places, get breakfast. He used to try to tell me to go all the time. I never did it. I mean, breakfast will be solid from all those places, but I don't know. Just not worth it.
01:14:41
Speaker
I think if I was in that town, for some reason, I would go back to Maria's. Because good Mexican food up here is like unobtainium doesn't really exist. Chili's. Yeah. A couple of the places in Boston were okay, but it's not the same. Soil is different. What about Augusta? Augusta seems pretty nice. Augusta, Maine? No, Augusta, Georgia. Yeah.
01:15:13
Speaker
That seems pretty cool. Portland, Maine. Portland, Maine. I broke my collar bone. Oof. Can you explain to me what's going on with the NBA? Why is this the score for the New York Knicks game 146 to 122?
01:15:41
Speaker
They're just fucking bawling out. This is just no defense. No, not really. They're in-season tournaments, so they're just fucking catching buckets. Oh, why? What's the in-season tournament that it's in right now? Oh, it's the new thing they invented this year that the Celtics got eliminated from. Yeah, that's why it was not good.
01:16:05
Speaker
but yeah, it's too way too, it's just way too fucking, it's just basically like how a soccer tournament or something else they do like a mid-season tournament. Just did it to like make people watch. Like incentivize, yeah, for people to watch. And then it was like, what is it? Every game on a Monday was like a, I don't know, to like encourage people to watch when it was on like,
01:16:32
Speaker
when it were you could only watch on like what was it like Amazon Prime or something? No, it wasn't you was on ESPN, TNT. I'm dumb. Yeah, some dumb thing you like it was not easy to watch. And then yeah, and then they said like to make it more competitive during like the games that don't matter as much like to encourage the players to like play harder or whatever. I don't fucking know.
01:16:58
Speaker
Celtics can't even win a fucking Mickey Mouse trophy. Yeah, they choked. Not good. All the New England teams are trash right now, except for maybe the Bruins. I don't know anything about the Celtics. I don't know anything about the Celtics. I take that back. Patriots are terrible.
Accents and Cultural Observations
01:17:18
Speaker
Fucking Red Sox just traded Verdugo to the Yankees for some prospects for some reason. They're like best hitter.
01:17:28
Speaker
I think he wanted I have no idea about baseball but I remember seeing last year that he was kind of like I'm fucking out of this place don't blame it thank you take all our good players you got a fucking call call up the Fenway pubs call me back in with the fucks going on what the hell are you guys doing
01:17:55
Speaker
Like we were a championship team when I worked here. Yeah. Who's fucking with the plate? We got to just get compound in Alabama and start recording. There we go. I bet you Alabama is nice. We can have dudes or studios headquartered in Alabama. You know what I'm going to do now? Read it. Live is living in Alabama. Nice.
01:18:32
Speaker
probably just depends. There's going to be about eight comments that just give you everything you need to know. Yep. Boom. Here you go. Now that culture and politics are awful. Well, yeah, I mean, you could really kind of assume that with the cultures. I mean, I think they're probably mixing culture and politics when they say the like, if you can get past
01:19:00
Speaker
I bet the culture in Alabama is not bad. Like. You know. Can it be that much worse than like fucking any rural area, honestly? Well, like if you're going by like overt racism, like the culture in Boston is just as bad. Yeah, true. Then they got sales tax on food. I have that here, too. Really? Oh, wait, no, not on food, not on like
01:19:31
Speaker
Like they don't have a lottery. Like there's a sales tax on like prepared foods, but not on like apples and shit. In mass. Yeah. Yeah. Property taxes are expensive in mass though tax. I'll get you. That one will get you. I think we pay like $7,000 a year in property tax.
01:20:01
Speaker
tax issues it's on my right my right palm alabama tax use it and i look of georgia now they got they got uh... beaches at least an element of reasons i live in georgia is going to be about ninety pages pretty mobile popular state cuz yeah like south georgia which is basically just like uh...
01:20:29
Speaker
better Florida weather coastal Georgia which I always forget Georgia has beaches Savannah's coastal as fuck. Yeah, exactly. And it's like basically in South Carolina. I've heard South Carolina as a shithole. Yeah, take South Carolina is definitely the war takes me by surprise. Honestly. I would figure it'd be nice. Would you want to live in Mississippi? I don't know what's up. Give me the facts on Mississippi.
01:20:59
Speaker
Biloxi's there. So you got a beach side casino. Okay. It's got a river from what I understand. Okay. Not quite sold yet. I think it's the worst rated state in America on education. Oh, man. It's also one of the most historically racist states.
01:21:26
Speaker
that's true okay made a whole movie about it's called Mississippi burning is that what it's called that's fucked up keep on turning Jackson all right what else we got although you're definitely right about the culture in Boston being pretty shitty why do people in New York City sound like the way they are
01:21:53
Speaker
Like I was thinking that today. Like why do these people talk like this? New Yorkers? Yeah. The meeting today, the like HR person made us watch like a two hour presentation that was like broken up into like a bunch of different videos. It was not like managing time and like you just like
01:22:19
Speaker
Stereotypical like HR bullshit where it's like think of how much more productive you could be if you figured out how to be more focused on tasks instead of like Instead of wasting time being reactive people need to be proactive. It was one of those things for two hours but what you have one of one of the videos was like
01:22:45
Speaker
You know, it was just like a normal, it was like a three minute clip of like a woman giving a talk about like how much better her life is now that she figured out how to like focus on doing one thing at a time. But she was like, she had the most like obnoxious, like Queen's accent. And you're like, I can't, I can't even hear anything you're saying. You sound ridiculous right now. No.
01:23:12
Speaker
yeah so like whatever i mean like literally like trying to give you like life advice about how to about like organize it like occupational like organization and and it's like it's anyway it was just it was it was hysterical so like this fucking greek fuck came up
01:23:42
Speaker
And she had like a, you know, she had like a short like Karen haircut. It was just, it was like too much. Jesus Christ. Short Karen haircut in like a pantsuit. Read the room, bitch. Strong New York accent. We ain't gonna watch this. Too much. That's so fucking funny. Yeah, you don't need to talk like that or get over yourself. Yeah.
01:24:10
Speaker
Like, I guess people from Boston talk a certain way. It's the same thing. I don't know why the fuck you guys. Why not you guys? I'm saying like, why the fuck do you have to talk like that? But then, yeah, for sure. But then you also fucking exaggerates the shit out of it. I'm like, bro, you're probably from North and over and you're acting like you're from the Dorchester. Doesn't he? Am I wrong to say that? I don't know as much about it as you guys, but that guy fucking is like.
01:24:36
Speaker
Then we get the halibut. I love halibut so much. Shut the fuck up, dude. I don't know. I've only ever met one or two people that really have the accent. They don't even live in Boston. They live in like the greater metro area. Yeah, it's very rarely like actual Bostonians. My friend's mother is from Weymouth and she has a crazy accent. Like people born and raised in Weymouth for sure. People like North Shore people.
01:25:06
Speaker
got it and like maybe east boston if you're like generationally from east boston okay yeah my homie that grew up in dorchester's got a really crazy accent he's like very hard to understand and they've got not even like the i mean yes but like the dorchester people have like generally or like old school dorchester people it's like a weird irish yeah irish to it too like where you're just like
01:25:30
Speaker
talks like the head of the Boston police from, uh, whenever it was. Oh, yeah. That looks like Pinocchio. He's still the head of Boston police. He's still chief of police. No way. The blonde guy who's been on that little bit. Yeah. Looks like he would die at any second. Yeah. Yeah. There's no way that drawn in cheats. I had a boy that looked like that forever. He's doing dead yet, but he's probably all right. There's no way. Yeah, it's still him. Michael Cox. Oh, whoa.
01:26:01
Speaker
No, that wasn't. My guy's got it. No, it was what was his name something Evans. Bill Evans. Oh, sorry. Yeah, Michael Cox is a black guy. You're talking about the old white guy. Yeah, Evans. You're right. Evans. Right.
01:26:22
Speaker
Yep. Yeah, that guy looked like he just looked like he was on junk, dude. Yeah, he did. He did look like he rides a mountain bike with two grocery bags on each end. He's just been taking a taste of everything that he took on duty. Came straight to the press conference from chemo. Yeah. Yeah, that dude was going through some, he was seeing demons, dude.
01:26:51
Speaker
Oh my god. Bro. Look at this. Oh shit. Fuck you Boston Globe. I'm not paying. This picture to always pay water on that shit.
Police Critiques and Personal Experiences
01:27:13
Speaker
Bro. Look at this guy's fucking haircut. I can't even.
01:27:25
Speaker
I can't it's invalid URL dog. Resend it. He was trying to just pull the picture. Oh, I'm just thinking about fucking how shitty that dude looked. Bro, look at that.
01:27:55
Speaker
Look at that. Look at that haircut there. He's got the Edgar on a white guy. He cut that himself with scissors. He's got the white guy Edgar. Just needs to get a fade. It's just a lot of injustices in this world. Like how is this guy even a fucking real person? Do you think that
01:28:21
Speaker
He was just British. These things are so fucked up. He was actually this guy. This he was actually the sketch on that thing. Oh, I mean, kind of. That's hysterical. And gave him a little like fisherman's hat. Oh, my God.
01:28:52
Speaker
Dude, that haircut is terrible. I can't believe that. He just like went about his job looking like that. Oh, my God. You got to imagine that like the dudes in the precinct were busting his balls, right? Like, hey, chief, what the fuck is up with your hair? I think he's probably a hard ass. So they're like, fuck that. They don't probably say shit to him. Where does the chief of police like reside? Where's his office at?
01:29:23
Speaker
Probably the biggest building on Tremont. I would guess it's in the main police precinct. Yes, it's not the one on Tremont Street. Oh, I have no idea. That building I had to go to once to identify a shoplifter. Really? When I worked for Urban Outfitters. That's him. Damn, you guys actually prosecuted a shoplifter? Never should have had to.
01:29:50
Speaker
That's how much did he did he steal more than $100 Yeah, it was like somebody who just was it was like camera it was like in the era when we had like those like $100 in stacks cameras. Mm hmm. And people would come in and just try to steal like the entire table of in stacks cameras.
01:30:09
Speaker
those were like high value and they and you could resell them anywhere um how far one of these people bro you like any of these stores you could have put on six fucking wardrobe items just walked out the front door nobody would even try to stop you well so that's what i mean is like if you knew what you were doing and you and it and it's so different now too like you see those videos on like
01:30:32
Speaker
TikTok or whatever of like just people smashing like a Nike store, just like a group of dudes just like walking into the Nike store and walking out with handfuls of shit and no one does anything because they're like not allowed to do anything anymore. Anyway, back then, so like some kid came in with like a puffer jacket and tried to steal like 10 Instax cameras and I like caught him at the door. And again, like if you knew what you were doing,
01:30:58
Speaker
You would have just run, like, I'm not allowed to stop you and I don't care enough about those cameras to chase you. So if I had just been like, hey, man, like, no, he was like, oh, jeez, he caught me. Basically, basically exactly that. And then like, we did have to call the police if it was like, I'm not allowed to like, make him take, be like, give me all the cameras. Like I have to call the police to be like, find all the shit this guy stole and give it back to me.
01:31:28
Speaker
That can't be what it was. Why would I have to go down there to identify him? This must have been a different time. Either way, I had to go to that fucking Boston police headquarters once to like just point at somebody and be like, yeah, I think that was that guy. It's dumb.
01:31:48
Speaker
And all I know is that my friend got arrested one time for underage drinking. We had to go sit at the fucking police station in Roxbury for like hours for the detective to come back.
01:32:01
Speaker
Then he was such a prick about it. I was like, he's such an asshole cop. This is why people hate cops. So, oh, did you have fun sitting in the waiting room? I was out on a date with my wife. I'm like, fuck you. Piece of shit. The fuck? Oh yeah. I had a lot of fun sitting here from fucking midnight until three in the morning. So I could bail my friend out for a stupid charge to minor in possession of alcohol. It's a real, real winnable case.
01:32:33
Speaker
That's dumb. Although I'm pretty biased, I've always hated the cops. When I was little, I got pulled over by a cop for skateboarding. What does that even mean? Exactly. I was riding down my street and a cop pulled up on me and made me pull over. Then I tried to hide the skateboard behind my legs because I was like eight years old. And he told me that if I ever lied to him again, he'd smash my skateboard.
01:33:03
Speaker
Yeah, dude, they pull up on us. I got all my boards taken. I got one snapped by a cop right in front of me, too. Just tombstone that shit. I was like, you motherfucker, dude, took the trucks and what was left over, too. I'd always have to go down there with my fucking dad and like the next day and like sign out a fucking skateboard from a locker for no reason. So you're so fucking the fuck are they teaching me that I was like,
01:33:29
Speaker
When they snapped my board, I was probably like 13 too. I was like, yeah, I fucking hate cops now. Exactly. This fucking guy just literally stomped my board in this fucking dumb boots. It was like kids like being outside doing stuff. Because we're skating. I got the ledge out like a Panera bread. Get out of the ground scumbag. You're destroying the property. Yeah, exactly.
01:33:54
Speaker
Then every time after that, I would go to fucking pick up my board and they'd be like, yeah, we don't have it, but we have these other ones. I'm like, bro, the fuck? What am I supposed to take a random ass skateboard? I grew up in a town of like 2000 people. So the cops are just notorious assholes. And one of them, one of my friends was drunk and he was like probably 17 and he snuck into the town's drive in theater.
01:34:22
Speaker
And the cops got called because he was probably causing a scene. He was drunk in 17. But instead of just like, you know, deescalating the situation, they fucking pulled a gun on him and beat him up. It's like, just what the fuck, dude? Say you can't you can't handle a 17 year old kid, you got to pull a gun on him, then kick his ass while he's all drunk.
01:34:50
Speaker
to your past. That's like supposed to make you like them. Yeah, Kamala Harris is gonna save us from that. Yeah, she definitely wasn't like a super cop. Number one cop district attorney. The goat. She's a highlight tape. We know the cops. Even worse to district attorney.
01:35:23
Speaker
Alright guys, let's give our shout outs. Hmm. Shouts out. Fried turkey shots out. Yeah, sandwich. Shout out to Jared's roommate. I know he listens.
Roommate Humor and Farewell
01:35:42
Speaker
Better not shout out shout out to Jonathan, Jared's roommate.
01:35:52
Speaker
Is his name Jonathan? No, it's not. All right. But I'll get it one episode. I'm just going to keep getting out. I'll give you a hint. It's not that's not a giveaway. He does go by like the he does have like a normal dude name, but he goes by the long version of it. Zachary. Not Zachary, but you're you're on the right track. Okay. Biblical.
01:36:21
Speaker
Jonathan. No, Lucas. If he was Lucas, Marco. So I think right now, what are the other fucking John Jonathan? No, Jonathan. John, James, Mark, Paul, Peter. Philip. Old Testament. Jeb, Judd.
01:36:53
Speaker
John F Kennedy RF Kennedy All right Give a shout-out Shout out bucatini. It's a perfect noodle. It's got a hole in it. It's his name Elijah Benjamin
01:37:16
Speaker
No, you're closer with Benjamin than Elijah, though. Abraham? Nope. God, that'd be the worst. Gideon? No. All right, guys. That's it, Andrew. Goodbye. Bye, guys.