Transcript
Speaker: Happy national prayer day. Stay prayed up. God bless you.
Speaker: I got homies go up in an urgent care signed a couple forms. Uh -oh. They brought him a car from Carvana dogs Right Costco is exactly right but Costco pizzas like a 1 .9 it stinks
Speaker: Pudding legal either. What are you, a fucking park ranger now? No, I'm just trying to - You give a shit about the fucking marmak! We are sympathizing here, dude. Patriot. Patriot. Vampire. Nationalist. Mental retard. Eugenicist. A scared man. Retard.
Speaker: 356 for a gallon of 2 % milk. Let's go, Brandon. Would you allow your partner to shave your body hair? I would, because the way I see it, that's a great way to promote intimacy.
Speaker: I like women with big giant tits and big asses. I don't like kids like you goddamn rapist f -heads. In fact, like this, you fucks are gonna get it, you fucking child molesters. I'll fucking get you in the end, you fucks. Now we're done right there.
Speaker: Welcome to the greatest podcast ever. Dudes are us. Please be quiet. We are recording this from the secretive Jewish tunnels from the Bronx to Epstein Island. We were all on the list. Fuck the roof. Let's send it to the moon. Why? Come on. Oh, our first pod of 2024 levels are good. Levels are line. They're good. I look a little quiet on mine. Good.
Speaker: Checkmate. Let's see. What direction? What direction do you turn that knob? The righty -tighty. Yes. Righty -tighty. It's on a little... Oh, you know what? I don't think it's on the butt symbol. No, and you're turning the wrong thing. You don't want to turn the volume, not the gain. I want to turn the volume knob? Your gain's fine. I thought the volume is the headphones. Yeah, I thought the volume was the headphones. The volume's the headphones.
Speaker: Uh, maybe that's true. So does that mean that when I turn the volume up, I'm just subconsciously making myself talk louder? Cause I think, yeah, I think you're just blowing your ears out picks up my voice louder. Does that sound better? Yeah. All right. Oh, you sound milky. Good. You sound smooth. Sound like New York. Nice. It's a boy. Boy.
Speaker: Fucking basements filled with water again. Oh, dude. Do you? Do you have some pump? I know. I thought it was the issue. I thought my flight was going to get canceled that morning and I fucking was out of there. I was I was trying not to jinx it or be a dick when you were saying you were here and you were flying out Wednesday morning. I was like, you were not flying out Wednesday morning. And then I wasn't sure if you were flying out of Logan or the province is going to that airport is going to flood tomorrow.
Speaker: Pobs, you know where I was driving down that main road near Gillette. Dude, it was three in the morning going to the airport. I almost, fuck, I drove through at least like two fucking lakes, dude. It was insane. I thought the engine block was gonna get flooded. Literally, it was that deep. You went through all the low spots? Yeah, it was fucking terrifying, dude. You still stay at that hotel over there?
Speaker: Yeah. I've got out, got, uh, got to the airport, fucking flew out first 20 minutes was like turbulence or like pretty bad turbulence. Uh, then it was all good after that, but I was like, bro, there's no way I'm going to wake up and this thing's going to still be going at normal, but dude, no issues. And on top of it all, I flew jet blue. No way. Yeah. Oh yeah. There and back.
Speaker: They've maybe they're back on the top of the game now. I mean, um, yeah, I guess. They flew out of a fucking torrential rainstorm, dude. I love jet blue. That's all. I still fly jet blue, but they didn't try to kill me. What? Oh yeah, that's true. But honestly, there was after the turbulence apart where the whole plane like went a little sideways was like, Oh man, this might fucking go down.
Speaker: Yeah. What flight were you on the day? That's this one going home, dude. Okay. They were like, the first time I've ever heard of this, they're like, Oh, sorry, guys. We, um, there's like a plane flying in front of us a few miles and we just caught the turbulence off of that or like the wake of that plane. And I was like, what the fuck? Why are you guys flying so close to the other fucking plane? Yeah.
Speaker: Sorry, guys. We just realized we were way too close to another plane. So that turbulence should be over now that we have evaded the other plane that's very close to us. Should be smooth. Should be a smooth ride. That's literally what they said. And it was fucking sideways, dude. I've never had a plane go that sideways. I mean, bro, on the top. Jesus Christ.
Speaker: Dude, on the topic of planes, 2024 has has already given us what that plane, that plane that was on the roof. So that was the one I was going to that was going to be my second one. Fuck. God damn it. We were still good. We have to be right.
Speaker: Everyone make a sound at the same time. Three, two, one. Yeah, we're still good. We're fine. One. One. Let's do a count off. One. One. One. All right. That was perfect. One. Two. Two. One, two, three. One, two, three. We're good. All right. That looked good. Yeah, that looks good. That seems fine.
Speaker: Um, so there was a podcasting. Uh, there was that plane in Japan that like caught fire on the, like was completely in the runway. I don't think anyone died, which is crazy because you're basically in like a Pandora oven. Uh,
Speaker: So that's crazy. But then, yeah, dude, when you were talking about where like the I don't even think it was it was not a door. They made a point of telling everyone that it wasn't a door. They were like, it was just a section of the plane that just flew off. And there and there was just that like explosive, not explosive decompression, but just like everyone's like in a plane that has a gaping hole in it until it lands.
Speaker: It was a door though, right? I don't think it was a door. I think they just said it was a section of the like Wasn't true that those two people that were supposed to sit there missed their flight That sounds like some like Some dumb fucking chicken soup for the soul bullshit
Speaker: But, uh, but yeah, I mean, everyone was supposed to sit there. We're also supposed to be on the flights that crashed into the twin towers. They were also at Sandy hook. Yep. They were. Yeah, that's why they missed it. They were in pulse nightclub. They were supposed to cover a shift at pulse nightclub, but they were too gay. So they had to leave early.
Speaker: Um, but let me check your wristband. Oh, you're too gay. Get out of here. Yeah. Even, even here. Yeah, you have the extra gay wristband. They created starry soda. Oh, fuck that. Bullshit. See, I missed. Um, plain. Plain shit, dude. So.
Speaker: 2024 is already good for that. I got four flights in the next 10 days. Jesus Christ. Speaking of planes, dude, when we were on the way down, it was a morning flight. And, dude, I smelled, it was me, homie, and some fucking
Speaker: Bitch -ass dude that was in like a business jacket in between us and he had like two sword earrings or something and At one point I smelled I'll say it kind of smells like a fucking nicotine vape, dude And then we were landing and I looked dude and I got looked what to look out the window And I was at right at the wrong time as this dude was hitting his fucking vape in his jacket the whole goddamn time, dude
Speaker: Dude, he didn't get caught. No. And he's sitting there, bro, in a middle seat doing that. That's fucked up. I told you by the time that it was a work trip and he was flying home. And when we landed, they were like, please, everyone remain seated while like the police, like we have to allow the police on board to handle a situation. And so everyone was like, what? And so the plane lands and the state police get on and escort this girl out who was just vaping in the bathroom. Yes.
Speaker: Maybe because he wasn't in the bathroom and he was just doing it right in the middle. Yeah, that's wild. That's crazy, right? That's the thing is even when I was a smoker, I mean, even when I was a packet a smoker, it's like you got to be able to control yourself and be like, hey, for this three hour flight, six hour flight, whatever. Just use a zen, dude. Just pop a zen in. Pop a zen or just like deal with it. Fucking deal with it. That's just dumb.
Speaker: But also like fucking whack, dude. I know I kind of was like that dude rules. But dude, that's what you're taking your fucking chances, man. Big chances. That's like way more of a chance. And it's like one of those elf bars, too, is just fucking has made contact with me. I contact. I was like, well, I'm not a snitch, but dude, I really want if this was something to snitch on, I would because you're a bitch right now, dude. That's embarrassing, actually. Imagine imagine
Speaker: he gets caught and the police come and arrest you. And it's like, because of your like cheesecake, melon elf bar. So that's the worst part of it. So come on, dude. Those things definitely aren't good for you. Those elf bars. No, even if the nicotine or whatever the oil, like, I don't know, all those people that were getting sick from the oil in them.
Speaker: There's no way that whatever fucking flavor they put in there that makes it taste like the fucking like a hub of bubble gum that that can pot like that can be good for you. And people, those things are like. What am I trying to say? Like people think that it's better, but you're like.
Speaker: You're like five packs of cigarettes per thing. People go through those like one or two a day and you're like, you were, this is, this is horrible.
Speaker: You're sucking on a battery, dude. I'm convinced that the Zen is the best thing ever made. Yes, it is. I'm convinced that the Zen is actually completely safe. I don't use them because I don't feel like I want to be addicted to nicotine again in my life. But I'm convinced that they're completely safe. I don't see how it could be. Yeah, what could be? It's just nicotine in a pouch. Yeah, there's no like tobacco leaf in contact with your gums. So you can't get the like
Speaker: I think the only reason that your gum could recede is because you're holding something up against your gum. So I guess it's still bad for your teeth, but. Yeah, but yeah, but yeah, I mean, sure. But yeah, I agree with you. If you're going to do it, that's the way this is the way. Um,
Speaker: fucking at work one, I might've told you guys this before, but there was this kid who was working with me and he was same age as me, 30, 31, 30. Had a wife, kids, fucking.
Speaker: Dude had his zins. I'm like, Hey, can I get one of those? He's like, yeah, sure. So I take his 10 and I'm tossing one in and then he's like, Oh fuck dude. That's my uncle. Like just hang onto it. Just pretend like it's yours. I'm like, what? I'm like, are you fucking kidding right now? He's like, dude, shut up. Just pretend like they're yours. The fuck is wrong with you. You're afraid of your uncle. Fuck up, dude. Shut up. Stop, stop, stop, dude.
Speaker: Hey, what's up, uncle? Yeah, Paul's fucking crazy. Yeah, dude, this fucking loser is faggot here. Do you believe this? That's legit what it was like, though. He's like, this fucking guy. Yo, fuck this guy, dude, right, uncle? I love you, uncle. And then he goes away, and I'm like, you're really afraid of your uncle like that? And he's like, no, he'll just tell my parents, and then it'll be like a whole thing.
Speaker: Nah, he's just so gay. I'm like, damn, this is crazy. He'll call my dad right now, dude. 100%, that's what he was nervous about, is that his uncle was going to tell on him. Oh my God. All I could think about was all the times that I drank beers with my uncles, we smoked weed with them when I was from the ages of 16 to 20. Dude, that's so fucking funny. Yo, take this, take this. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Speaker: Fucking one, my one uncle dipped and one time I was like, hey, can I get a chew? And he's like, fuck, yeah. Dude, it is sick, right? Any dad would be like, hell yeah, my son is fucking ripping it right now. My first actual drink, like not church wine, I was like legitimately in sixth grade at my grandfather's wake. And my uncle had set up a like tiny bar
Speaker: Um, and was making drinks and he was like, you want something? And I was like, I'm 11. He was like, okay, your dad's not here. What do you want? Screw. So screwdriver. Yeah. And again, I'm 11. So I'm aware of like two drinks, one of which was a screwdriver, the other of which was a Cape cotter. And I said, uh, I guess I'll have a Cape cotter. And he said, all right, kind of gay, but fine. He made me a vodka cranberry.
Speaker: And I pretended to do that. What are you in your fucking period? He's like, all right, Madelbo, I got you. It's your fucking uncle's wake. You're drinking a goddamn cranberry juice. Are you kidding me? Yeah, right. He was upset I didn't want to kill him. Yeah, my uncles got me drunk at a wedding. They just all kept giving me drinks, other drinks.
Speaker: My one uncle, though, I must have been. He just drives around with a cooler in his car. He's one of those guys. Oh, yeah. When I was like 15 or so, we were at a wedding together and I went up. I can't remember why. We went back to the hotel together and he's like, oh, come to my room quick. I'm like, all right. Then he just grabs his cooler and he's like, let's have a couple of beers before we go back. I was like, this is fucking sick. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Then as I got older, I was like, uh, he's just an alcoholic. That's still cool though. He's still chill. That was kind of weird as fuck. He's got a whole, um, actual like legit bar at his house that he built. And then on Thursdays he has all his boys over cause he used to work for the town. He plowed. So he has everybody over and they come over at like 11 and they start drinking. And then he cut my aunt was like,
Speaker: Yay. Came in all fucked up the other night at like midnight. We drank for 12 hours straight. Your uncle killed that cop that they blamed Karen for. Nah, different towns. That's legitimately this. That's the story. There was just this party house and they all got too drunk. Different States. Oh my God. That's so funny, dude. Terry Rosier.
Speaker: on the Charlotte Hornets, Jared's favorite basketball team. He said, Osama should have hooped instead of trying to kill people because he's tall as hell. Oh, that's fine. That's David by scary Terry. That's fucking awesome. What a cool thing to say.
Speaker: He said that on like a complex sports interview. I mean, how can you disagree with that? What are you trying to say? Like no, Osama should have stuck to terrorism. I know what he did, but you know, he should have hooped. He's tall as hell.
Speaker: That's hilarious. If somebody had to have a conversation with him after that, it'd be like, yeah, probably you can't say stuff. Yeah. Hey, I know. After that coach, that NFL coach who do, I don't remember what team it was, but was like, you got to be more like the, like the 9 -11 terrorists. Oh yeah. Sean McDermott. Sean McDermott. Yeah. What did he say?
Speaker: He gave like a halftime pep talk to, to the team in the locker room about like teamwork and, and like getting shit done. And he was like, like the nine 11, be like the nine 11 terrorists who like got it done. Yeah. That's so sick. That's such a fucking weird thing to say.
Speaker: How tall was Osama bin Laden? Does anyone know? He's hella bro. What are you gonna guess? I guess six seven came to mind. Paul. I mean, if they think you should play basketball, he's got to be at least six eight. Damn, six five. Six five? Yeah.
Speaker: Hell yeah. Saddam Hussein was 6 -0. He could have ran point guard. Those guys dribble in so goofy. No dresses. Dribble basketball. That's so emasculating of a guy. That's like a terror. It's like, hey, dribble this fucking basketball. What a fucking loser. Oh, my God. Throw this baseball. Hey, what a fucking loser.
Speaker: Um, maybe that's why he's a terrorist. It's actually crazy how like how tiny like Peyton Pritchard looks and he's like six to I know him, but you see him on the court and I'm like that that little guy must be I know It's like all the mafia guys are like under five eight. They're like five four and five five Yeah, they're Italian
Speaker: Like holy shit, that's so fucking crazy. I'll just have short guy complex. Actually, I take that back right now. My boss is Italian and he's like six one but he's an Italian Italian freak of nature. He's like king of the Italians. Yeah, it's how I am with Portuguese people. They're all like fucking short brick layers. Yeah.
Speaker: All the dudes in my family are fucking tiny. They're just short brick shit houses. Yeah, being sharp must suck. Yeah, it does suck. What would you even do? What would you even do if you had to like reach something that you couldn't read? Probably vape in the middle of a fucking airplane in the middle of the scene. That guy was tiny.
Speaker: You're at the grocery store and you have to ask somebody to get the soup off the top shelf for you. Here's the thing. I get asked. I get asked that like not all the time, but like once a month I'd say I'm somewhere and somebody asked me to reach something for them. Yeah. Like a woman though, right? Like an older woman. 99 out of a hundred times it's been a woman. Not necessarily an older woman, but definitely like sometimes it's a younger woman. Sure. But.
Speaker: I don't think a man has ever asked me to get something off the top shelf for him. If they do, do you call him little boy? Uh, I just, you just got to do the thing where you act like you like, aren't even a real person. You're like, what? Yeah. Do you just act like you just walk away? Like you don't even exist. You just act like you have headphones and you just pointed you're here, but there's no headphone in it.
Speaker: Yeah, well, you just got to act like you're like the most you're like helping, but it's also like you're being inconvenienced, but also it doesn't bother you. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Just reaching your hand at them and they say thank you and you don't even look at them in the eye or say that or you're welcome and just walk away. Shout out shout out to the wheat grower on Reddit. We got you.
Speaker: Yeah, hell yeah. Thank you for saying stuff. Glad you're here. Man, I looked up how much caffeine was in the large Dunkin Donuts cold brew and now it makes sense why I'm fucking feel like I'm on a drink one every day. It's 230 milligrams. No, it's more than that. It's like 300. Right.
Speaker: I used to think I had insomnia when I was when I was 18. 347 milligrams of caffeine. Oh, when I was like 1819, I thought I had insomnia and I was like going to go to the doctor for it. And I but then every night at like eight or nine o 'clock, I'd get four shots of espresso from Starbucks.
Speaker: Just never really thought about how much caffeine that was. Oh, yeah. I couldn't and couldn't. And I was just like, I can't I was like, tell my mom and stuff. I can't fall asleep before like 4am. It's crazy. And then I realized that four shots of espresso is a lot of caffeine. What is it now, Paul? How much is that much caffeine? Let me guess, is that 720 milligrams that Jared was consuming before bed?
Speaker: Oh, I have no I missed how much you said he was having four shots of espresso. How many milligrams of caffeine is that? 720. How many four? Yeah, it's less than that. God damn it. It's only gonna be like 300. Jared, I kind of have a similar story of insomnia.
Speaker: I was here when I was a little younger. I was actually dabbling in standup comedy when I was living in New York City and times were tough in the comedy and improv scene. So I had to take a day job. Yeah. So I started taking driving cabs in my free time. It was most time at night. Sometimes I'd go around the city and, you know, five different boroughs and pick up people.
Speaker: and, uh, you know, start kind of quizzing them on trivia and for every, you know, if there was a red light or something, they would get extra money. They kind of do a challenge at the red light. And then, uh, but if you have, you know, a certain amount of strikes, you got to get out. You don't win any money, but if you get to your stop and you win all the trivia questions, you get all the money. And then you, uh,
Speaker: you have, you know, an option to call somebody an option to even if you want to get out of the cab or walk through the say something through the window, some walking, you could have them help you out on the question. Then I you know, kind of goes further and further and then I get lights installed and music installed. And it's basically really took off. Then I went back to comedy. Then I had insomnia. Um,
Speaker: Yes. Auto time machine. Cash cam. Yeah. Is that just a Norm McDonald -esque joke that you were working on for me? Does he do those types of jokes? Isn't he dead? Yeah, well, he is dead. That's a Norm McDonald joke right there. He doesn't even know it. He doesn't do that. Dude, I'm doing that.
Speaker: That's relevant topic information right there. Who sent it? Pops, did you send the fucking George Carlin AI thing today or was that somebody else? Somebody else. There's like a, we don't have to talk about it if you haven't heard it, but there's, there's, I've had two different people send it to me today, but it's like an hour long quote unquote Carlin special that was written by an AI and is done in sort of a Carlin voice and it's,
Speaker: So, I probably think that it was written by comedy writers and then they just did the aliasing of it in Carlin's voice. But if the jokes were actually written by AI, it's pretty fucked up because it's not bad. OK. It's not a bad hour. What about a Bill Maher special? I'd rather die. What about a Lewis Black special? Is he still alive?
Speaker: Oh, dude, he he did he did he audition for The Daily Show when they were doing that like different host a week thing No, it was a senator. I wasn't loose black. Maybe they had Lewis black on it, but it was they had that senator the one who got fired for Like touching some girls boob like 40 years ago I Know who you're talking about
Speaker: Al Franken yeah I got confused Al Franken did the Week of Daily Show and I thought he was like fucking boring as hell. I was like, dude, you're not funny anymore but I Think Lewis Black does he probably writes. I don't think he probably does shows anymore though
Speaker: fucking Lewis black and prize never had a heart attack dude. Guy would just get up there and scream. Stick. And he stole that from who's the guy who used to scream and then he killed himself. Yeah, that guy. Who's that? Who is that guy's name?
Speaker: I'm a Sam kennison. Sam kennison. Oh, okay. Boo. That guy had great hats. Boo. Yeah, dude. Not a kennison fan. Boo.
Speaker: You listen to kinnison? No, no, fuck that. I've never listened to any of his stuff. That's how you could tell Joe Rogan's is fucking he's like, kinnison is the best comedy guy ever. He did cocaine. It's like, bro, everybody was doing cocaine then. And still is. Yeah, hell yeah. Not as much, that's for sure. But
Speaker: bros um so you know how all TVs now have like a channel or have channels that are that are just like only the only the part of family feud where they guess five things and then the other person in the family has to guess five things like a TV show
Speaker: Yeah, but so you know how like going to your like smart TV and there's like a live TV option that no one ever uses channels on that are like it's just like two minute clips from cooking shows or it's like only they like took a syndicated series and then they just made it like only the only the disappointing finds from Antiques Roadshow channel on your TV or like weird sports that would never be on ESPN.
Speaker: Yep. So I was at this Airbnb last weekend up at Lake Winnipesaukee and it was a smart TV and you had to log in to Netflix or whatever. And none of us wanted to do that. Cause like, it's like such a fucking pain in the ass. Now, if you try to log into Netflix on, on a new device at the hotel, I thought it was, but then it just had me enter a code into my app.
Speaker: That's dope. Well, I didn't I thought it was going to be annoying. So anyway, we just watched this fucking smart TV and there was a channel that was just a fear factor highlights. And back then, Joe Rogan and that show was wild even back then. Oh, yeah. He's like, I'm going to fucking fight you. Literally. Half the time is like you're going to just like talk shit at contestants to their face and stuff.
Speaker: I think it's crazy that they drink cum and shit on that TV show. Yeah, and you win like 1200 bucks. But even like I don't know, like if the show is about being scared, and then it's like you're gonna drink cum. So that's not really being scared. That's just like, fucking gross. I mean, they definitely did that show. How many seasons do you think fear factor went on for? 1220 12 seasons.
Speaker: Number of season six. Original series six, yeah. They definitely ran out of ideas towards the end, too. They were a victim of it being too popular, and so then they had the money to do crazy, elaborate stuff, where you'd be like, you have to tightrope, walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, and you'd be like,
Speaker: season one of this, you just made him eat cockroaches. Like you've gone, you've jumped a shark a bit, but, uh, but then, yeah, they also just ran out of ideas. Cause like at some point making people eat bugs isn't, isn't even like that scary anymore. You're like, I've seen him eat a fucking centipede. I don't care. You'd be like, you got to drink a gallon of cum. When they had to eat the cave falling spider, I was like, I would never do that. These things have crazy weird on them. Rather fucking die than put one of those things in my mouth. Uh,
Speaker: If any of our listeners have seen Harry Potter, the like spider that they do the curses on in that movie is the cave dwelling spider. Same thing. Okay. Okay. Okay. I can get down with that. They have freaky little arms. They got those weird front arms. What's up with that? How come they look like that? I don't know. They live in fucking caves, bro.
Speaker: Um, I, I think they're also not technically spiders. I think they're technically a kind of scorpion. The whip, whip, whip, whip tail spider or whatever the fuck they're called. And it's antenna like thorn claw hands. Fuck those things, dude. They don't, they aren't great. They look like, they look like they make a sound when they walk. Like it would be like,
Speaker: I don't like that. I don't understand people who like to go in caves. I used to like cave exploring when I was a kid. Whenever we'd go on like a road trip I would or like a vacation I would make my mom or dad take me to whatever like the nearest like tourist trap cave was.
Speaker: But I don't know. I started getting freaked out. As I got older, I got freaked out by like fine spaces. It's weird because when I was like seven or eight, I would just crawl on my stomach through a tiny cave hole. And then one like one time I was doing it when I was like 13 or 14 and I got I started having a panic attack. I was like, I don't like this anymore. Caves are fucking scary. Yeah, they're kind of cool. I went to Carl's bad. I was dope. I was big enough to like fly a plane through. So that's not scary.
Speaker: We went to Hal Caverns when I lived up in New York. They take you in this little boat down like a stream that's in the cavern and then they get you down dumb far into it or it's just like obviously pitch black and then they just shut the lights off.
Speaker: Is that your Syracuse? Is that not really, but kind of like near enough to Syracuse where if you were driving from Boston to Syracuse, you would drive past it. Correct. Then I think that one. Guys, I think we got to go over this tunnel action. Yeah. Caves is a good transition to the Jew tunnels. Yes. Naturally. Is it okay if I set it up?
Speaker: Go ahead, dude. Take the reins. Yeah. Please fill me in. I've lightly looked into it. Grab the Torah. Grab the Torah. Okay. So if you, I'm assuming everyone's a little bit aware of this situation. Let me give you like some of the context or some of the like story. So we're talking about Crown Heights, neighborhood in Brooklyn.
Speaker: Um, this is too much context. The crown heights is what crown heights is. Uh, if you've ever been, it's actually mostly like Haitians. I would say like 60 % Haitian people live there. Uh, 25 % white, but they're all acidic Jews. So, so it's like a lot, you know, percentage wise speaking for a place, a lot of Hasidic Jews and crown heights. Uh,
Speaker: It's also the worldwide headquarters for a sect movement, whatever you'd call it, like a branch of Jews, the ones that wear like fedoras, a branch of Jews called Chabad.
Speaker: They've got their headquarters on Eastern Parkway there in Brown Heights. There's a synagogue there that's been open for like a hundred years. There's like a synagogue with a school in it and like a
Speaker: bunch of other shit. And there's like 1000 kids, kids who go to this Jew school. And then there's like a Jewish school. And then there's like a synagogues and stuff, bunch of Jewish community things all on this like block. Uh, and then on, I want to say December 20th of last year in 2023,
Speaker: The NYPD gets an anonymous tip, a quote -unquote anonymous tip, but it is believed to have come from inside the building. That there's a tunnel being constructed underneath this synagogue in
Speaker: the main synagogue on Eastern Parkway. And this was a request to, this was allegedly initially a request to do like a safety assessment, not to be like, Hey, there's like tunneling happening. It was like, Hey, can you come check out our tunnel and make sure it's good? I don't know why it took so long. I guess the holidays and stuff.
Speaker: Anyway, holidays happen and it's now this week, last week, late last week, Saturday or Sunday or whatever. And the police show up to check out this tunnel underneath the synagogue. Yes. They're like, holy shit, this is like a fucking, this is like a gnome, this is like a dwarf tunnel.
Speaker: like these are like five foot high, two foot wide tunnels. This is this is this is very not great. And also like they're not they're not what would you call like supported structurally. And they're also like damaging the foundation of nearby buildings. So like, no, this is a bad tunnel. You you guys you stop doing this, stop tunneling and we're going to close this tunnel. And then
Speaker: Everyone freaks out. Everyone at the synagogue, they go fucking crazy. They're like, that's our tunnel. You can't take our tunnel. Where was it going to again? I think it was... I think they only got so far, right? They only got so far. Well, here's the thing.
Speaker: They're not really, there's limited information about the extent of this tunnel. I've, I think I've heard it was a 50 foot tunnel, but then there's branches of it that are like too narrow and they don't, they're not sure. So let's say it was a 50 foot tunnel. It connects the main synagogue at the headquarters with like a nearby synagogue. And also those two connect to like, uh, I'm going to get this word wrong. A, uh,
Speaker: underground pool, mikvah, which is like a pool that you use to clean yourself in like certain Jewish traditions or whatever. This is allegedly like an abandoned pool that's under, that was under built underground that is used for women, for Jewish women to like cleanse while they're on a period. So that's fucking weird. That's like a little bit weird.
Speaker: Um, so the police show up. They're like, this is weird. And just dig tunnels. There's actually a fucking hilarious video. Um, you can find on Twitter, I'm sure, but it's like a guy. It's like a, one of the cops. Um, who responded and there, and he's clearly, clearly they're arguing with him. Um, like the people at the,
Speaker: the synagogue are like arguing like, why can't we have our tunnel? Like, what's going on? And it's just like Italian cop. And he's like, he's like, we don't like we don't do this kind of thing in America, guys. And it's fucking hilarious. Oh, my God, that rules. He's like, you guys from Russia? We don't fucking dig tunnels in America. Fucking amazing. I'll put it in. I'll put it on the subreddit when I find it. So that was great. But then they're like, OK, guys, like,
Speaker: you can't dig this tunnel you need to leave and we're gonna fill this tunnel in and then like all the tunnelers freak the fuck out and they're like they're like tearing the fucking panels off the walls and like throwing the pews in the synagogue trying to like block the
Speaker: entrance to the tunnel so the police can't do anything and then some of them run into the tunnel so that because they're gonna like fill it in with concrete and so they're like Going full fucking j6 on the police because their tunnel got discovered and the police arrest like nine of them and Event I don't know what they do. I guess they go they smoke out the tunnel Tunnel and they all you know, they'll
Speaker: or a scurry away
Speaker: And then they've, I think, I'm not sure if they have or they're going to, but as I understand, they have filled the tunnel with concrete, as have now been sealed. Yes, dude. My favorite video from the whole thing is the dude coming up out of the sewer grate behind the fucking magazine. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, here we go. Because I've gone way too far down a rabbit hole about all this. So that particular sewer grate,
Speaker: That the tunnel the like escape exit of that tunnel goes under a children's museum So that's kind of weird yes there's videos if you again if you like look for them there's videos of like not long like 45 second videos of inside the tunnel and there's like weird stained mattresses and yeah, that was weird there's
Speaker: There's like a baby, what do you call it? Like a high chair in the tunnel, which is also extremely weird. And then obviously, yeah, it's got like, it's like a network. It's got like secret entrances and exits and connects buildings and stuff. So like, what the fuck is that about?
Speaker: So here's what I, so I did some digging on like what, what is this really? This is all uncorroborated. But here's the, here's where, here's where I think there's drama. So the ownership of that synagogue has been disputed for like the last 20 years between
Speaker: the landlords or whatever, like the people who actually own it, like legally who have like the deed. And then this group of Jewish people in the religion who like take care of it, like the groundskeepers, basically, but are not groundskeepers, but like the people who like maintain the synagogue, who don't own it, but you could they're like,
Speaker: I don't know, they just, they take care of it. And those people who take care of the building are like a splinter sect of the Chabad Jews who believe that the rabbi, this one particular rabbi that like ran the building for a while, he's the Messiah. He died in 1994. They think he was actually the
Speaker: The real messiah they think he's secretly still alive and like in hiding somewhere maybe in the tunnels who fucking knows? We gotta find him So there's like a secret rift right between the the let's call them like normal Chabad Jews who are just like yeah, we're like we wear fedoras and we look all look like post Malone, but like that's it. Yes
Speaker: And then there's, uh, and then there's this kind of like shadow year group that is like, we are also that, but also think that like this, this guy is the Messiah. Um, and they kind of tolerate each other clearly, but they don't get along cause they're fighting over who owns, who gets to control the building. And so, um,
Speaker: The first excuse for the tunnels was that they built them to make it easier to get from building to building during COVID because they weren't allowed to. The city wouldn't let them leave and then that was immediately struck down because it was like, no.
Speaker: These tunnels have only been under construction for six months, six or seven months or whatever. That's a lie. They're like, okay, you're right. We lied. We're actually just trying to expand the synagogue because we've been trying to make it bigger for years and years, but we can't do any construction while the ownership of the building is in court. So they were just like,
Speaker: some of the student, they, they're blaming like a radical sect of students of the school there for doing it and saying that they went rogue and did it without permission and stuff, which is maybe true. Um, cause the, the allegedly the, the anonymous tip came from the people like the, the, you know, normal Habads, not the ones who think that the Messiah came. Um,
Speaker: so there's a so yeah this sect of oh and then the claim is that this sect of students who are digging the tunnel are also the also believe in this like fringe belief that the that rabbi was the messiah so there's like there's like a weird fucking
Speaker: secret society within this already extremely secret Hasidic Jew community that's messing shit up. And this isn't even the first time they've done messed up stuff.
Speaker: same group same fucking group dude um was obviously this is the most fucking funny this is the funniest fucking thing but i was uh as i'm like going down this rabbit hole and looking for things so look at this article that i that i dug up from 2015 okay uh
Speaker: I don't know what this word means, Ms. Paullelem, who arrived at 770 this morning. 770 is the name of what they call the synagogue that they dug the tunnel in. This arrived this morning to Davin Shrekas.
Speaker: We're shocked at the site that met their eyes of dozens of students sleeping on the floor of the main shul, which is a synagogue at 770 to protest. Um, the refusal to restore electricity to their 749 Eastern Parkway dormitory. The electricity in the infamously lawless dorm was shut off by Conas. And last night after the students refused to pay the electric bill following months of violence perpetrated against fellow students and threats against members of the administration.
Speaker: who were running the dormitory. In addition, those who camped out on the synagogue floor, forged letters printed in the synagogue's official stationary listing the names and home addresses of students, basically like doxxing people who were, so they like, this was in 2015. So I think there's been this like crazy fringe
Speaker: like these students have been doing crazy shit for a while. And they're just finding it because of this tunnel.
Speaker: Um, the other fucking hilarious thing that I think pops you put in the twitter was like this guy or this on the No, that's hilarious The guy who was like tweeting like a few months ago Like here yiddish under the floorboards and there's no basement in his house Like that he said something wrote it like I can hear jews in my basement. Yeah, it's like a funnier way to put it
Speaker: Put it the most offensive way. So if you're just scrolling Twitter, you saw that you'd be like, this dude's fucking crazy. Oh, excuse me. I like where he wrote a lot of you owe me an apology. I'm sure people are freaking out on him. So that's kind of the story in like.
Speaker: You know, it's fucking hilarious. What? What was the tunnel for? Nobody knows, dude. Were they trying to dig up the rabbi? They were trying to find him. Yeah, they're like, Where the fuck do we put him? He's in like a cocoon. Oh, he's over here. All these mattresses are so dirty in these pictures, dude. That's the great I mean,
Speaker: It's it's crazy because you like. Listen, one of the great things about America is you can be as fucking weird as you want, and as long as you like follow the basic rules, no one bothers you. It's crazy that like. Acidic Jews living in Brooklyn are basically living like the Amish do in like rural Pennsylvania. But in the middle of New York City,
Speaker: I know, and acting like it's completely normal. There's a thousand people that go to that school, and most of them never leave the building. They created tunnels to get from building to building so that they didn't have to go outside. You just would never know they even exist. There has to be something else going on with those tunnels. There's these stories of just walking around.
Speaker: Yeah. Of like these, maybe not, not, not Habad, but like other like ultra conservative Jewish sects that like don't even teach their kids English. They like don't go to real school. They go to like, you know what I mean? It's just all just kind of wild. You know, it's been a great week for crazy news. Did you see the news about not to change the subject, but
Speaker: Did you see the news about the eight to 10 foot shadow aliens that shut down a mall in Miami? That was on my list because I was gonna, I was gonna like, yeah, dude. So this was, I want to say this was, was this on new year's day? It was sometime last week. Cause I was, okay. So I think it was January 5th or something, but yeah, it was last week. Um, okay. So let me put a,
Speaker: Since Aiden you haven't heard about it. I mean, look at this. Look at this tweet. Big police presence at the Miami mall. Yeah. Look at this tweet. Look how many cops are at the mall. Listen, the government saying it was because there was a bunch of black kids there shooting off fireworks. Oh my God. That's so many. Keep looking at the video pan. Oh my God. It is every, every fucking cop in Miami. Yeah.
Speaker: Uh, every cop car in Miami shows up at the, what was it called? The, it doesn't actually matter. Bayside marketplace mall in Miami on let's say it was the fifth, but it was around. Um, the, what they're, what they were radioed about was an active shooter. So, okay. Some amount of police presence.
Speaker: The entire city questionable, but okay. What was actually being reported by people running out of the mall was eight to 10 foot black shadow creatures moving through the mall and like explosions and stuff. Different, different.
Speaker: I'm from Active Shooter. What the cop said happened was that there was a group of black youths shooting off fireworks and causing a riot in the mall, which isn't impossible. It's Miami. And shooting off fireworks in the mall would be fucking hilarious if I were 13, 14, 16.
Speaker: uh so maybe that happened but maybe it was the eight to ten foot tall shadow alien that you can see in the video maybe it was the eight to ten foot tall shadow alien you could see in the video and that's been spotted in brazil today and what i'll say
Speaker: is. Oh, there's another sighting today. Another sighting today and I want to see it with Rio de Janeiro. Fuck yeah. But what I'll say about this that is worth considering.
Speaker: Because clearly, yes, the more convenient explanation is that there was a bunch of kids fucking off in the mall because I did that when I was that age, too. Maybe not fireworks, but you know, you go to the mall and you mess around. That many cops and also a mall full of people
Speaker: And there is genuinely no cell phone footage of anything online. There's no cell phone footage of kids shooting on fireworks. There's no cell phone footage of eight to 10 foot tall shadow aliens. There's no fucking cell phone footage of anything. It's like aerial helicopter photo of all of the police.
Speaker: It's like one of the only fucking videos there is. There's a weird looking thing moving back and forth on the one video, but that could also just be fake. It's hard. I mean, it's hard to tell because it's highly pixelated. It's like very zoomed in. But what I find the most suspicious about all of this is. Well, there was obviously a bunch of news coverage of it on the day the day of because a million cops showed up at the mall.
Speaker: What Twitter was saying was that there was like aliens. What the police was saying was that it was kids shooting off fireworks. Either way, you would expect someone took a video of it with their cell phone. Somebody would be giving an eyewitness account at this point. Like anyone would still be talking about it. And that story fucking died hard on like the day after. They all got memory wiped. And no.
Speaker: footage. No one's been like, here's my cell phone. I was there in the mall that day.
Speaker: look at these kids shooting off fireworks or look at these fucking mysterious shadow beings or anything. There's just like a story like exploded on Twitter and then it fucking fizzled out immediately and like very little has come from it since then. Like no new information or like somebody who was there is willing to talk or somebody who was there is sharing a cell phone video or the cops have like a new information. It was just like, nope, kids with fireworks caused a riot and everything's fine now. And that's suspicious as hell.
Speaker: Yeah, because then the fucking guy showed up with the with the memory wipers and wiped out. That's what I'm saying. They all got men in black. They all got or they got black bagged and they've been replaced by you know, fairies. The fae they've been replaced by doppelgangers or whatever. But how do you explain that shit in a world where like we all have phones and we all record fucking everything.
Speaker: I'm going to feel so vindicated when the aliens finally do. I know. I fucking hope they, I hope it happens. I hope it happens when I'm like 80 years old and ready to die anyways. Then I can be like, God damn it. I told you people go back and listen to the 40 hours of me talking about aliens on a podcast we did 70 years ago. Excuse me. That was terrible math. 60 years ago. You're going to be on an FM radio station doing the whole hour on it, dude. Yep.
Speaker: I told you. I fucking told you. Nobody wanted to listen to me, but I told you. So are we sure the what are they called aliens? What kind of they were? I don't know what they're describing. There's eight to 10 foot tall shadow aliens could be Jews.
Speaker: hadn't considered that because the Jews tend to be small enough to fit in a two by five foot tunnel. Holy fuck dude, I just almost spit my whiskey all over the place. You caught me at a bad time. Why are these pictures for these guys sleeping in the basement? They're so gross, dude.
Speaker: So that's the other thing. Why can't they just be fucking clean? These are like these are like twin XL mattresses. Yeah. No. With no sheet on them. They're all over the place. Books all over the place. But that's I mean, that's par for the course for them because they they're not like allowed to do other things. Yeah. 13 models Yahoo standing around.
Speaker: Uh, on dirty old mattresses, um, and my cup of noodles everywhere. You got to do a meme dude. Here's a meme. It's them digging the tunnel and it says we got to get to the modest Yahoo concert. The action Bronson modest Yahoo concert. Um.
Speaker: And this is and keep it and this is, to be fair to myself, this is like me. This was this was not a complete rabbit hole. So like, I've, I had to stop, you know, going down this rabbit hole at some point today to record this podcast. So like, I have no doubt I'm going to unearth more
Speaker: about this. Have you looked on the comments of this article you sent from 2015? I didn't have time to read them. Oh, man, it's deep. Am I the am I the first person to unearth it? relevant to now? Are there comments? Are all the comments from 2015? They're all from 2015 being like, I've got a I've got the scoop on second user as a blanket. Are you kidding me?
Speaker: It's all very Jewish comments. Oh yeah, they're mad. Um, so yeah, there's, I mean, it's crazy because you think about how, whatever, like there's probably like a couple thousand Jewish, Chavba Jewish people in Crown Heights, a few thousand and they're just chilling. And, but like, and like,
Speaker: for the most part, minding their own business. But then you're like, even within a community of people, that's like 2000 people, they're like, there's like this in this wild drama inside where it's like, where it's like the people who are just like, we're just trying to like go to church every day. And the other people who are like, the Messiah is underground and we must dig them up. And they can't really like, and they, and they're like at a fucking standstill, like check, they're like at a stalemate with each other where they're like, we can't. We gotta fucking find this guy.
Speaker: And it's like, you know, the entire Jewish community, which I actually have mad respect for, has this like, this like policy of like, don't rat out other Jews, no matter how fucking weird they are. So like, even in this, even in this instance, where they're like, like, it had to be an anonymous tip where they're like,
Speaker: Like this is like the worst thing I could possibly do is like rat out one of my own, but like they're digging this freaky fucking tunnel. We gotta do something about it. Anytime someone digs a tunnel, it's trouble. You gotta at least, oh man, that's like, this is not a universal reaction, but there is some funny fucking reactions on Twitter from like typically conservative commentators who
Speaker: it is the funniest way to out yourself for her for having a secret tunnel of your own who are like commenting on this being like the being like what right does the New York this New York City have to shut their tunnel down? Like, this is America, you should be able to take a tunnel. You're like, bro, I get it. You're like, you have a secret tunnel and you don't want to use us. Well, listen, we're all tunnel enthusiasts, like there's nothing wrong with a tunnel. But like,
Speaker: I don't know, like my family's from Juarez and El Paso. Like it's a very tunnel -y area, but. Listen, dude, Mexican tunnels, totally cool. Different kind of tunnel. Jewish tunnels in the middle of a city. That's what I'm saying. The tunnels between Juarez and Mexico, they're not under people's houses.
Speaker: They're specifically for smuggling drugs. They're well, you know, or people human trafficking, too. See, those are bad guy tunnels. The Jewish tunnel is just strange. It's just a good guy tunnel. It's a question mark tunnel.
Speaker: I'm going to assume that we're going to find out that it literally was just a connect between two buildings because they didn't want to go outside. I mean, the part of me, yeah, if you were like, what do you think is going on after going through two hours of a of a rabbit hole on the story, these students who believe the weird messiah or the weird rabbi was the true messiah. Probably feel persecuted by like the main religion who's like, no, guys, no, no, no, you're not allowed to believe that that's wrong.
Speaker: and they dug a tunnel so they can read about their weird messiah fetish in private. They had a secret tunnel where they could have secret meetings to talk about how this rabbi was the messiah and they needed a secret part of the synagogue to do it. Yeah, that's probably what I think happens. But what do they need to bring in? They will stain mattresses in there for. What do you need a sleepy feeding table in there for?
Speaker: So many rats down there, too. It's really like I don't want to be. Listen, and I'm not saying this isn't true of all of human history because the Jews have kind of been on the ropes for a while now. This did not. This is this is not helping them out. This is a this is bad PR for the Jews. I'm sorry. For that one specific type of Jew. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Tunneling we're we're tunneling not great. Oh, I like that. People being like, why can't we have our own tunnels? And it's like, well, bro, in a fucking building collapses because you dug the tunnel too close to the foundation. Well, that's the thing, dude. You know, you can you can tunnel. You can tunnel in New York City.
Speaker: go probably the worst place to tunnel. Not a great place to tunnel and especially like a 50 foot tunnel. You're like, you can't like the fact that the tunnel was a solution to not having to step out doors and walk 50 feet to another door and go into that building is wild. At no point during COVID were you not allowed to walk outside, but okay.
Speaker: Um... I don't even know how I got on that. Tunnels. You got it, dude. No, I really don't remember. What did I... What got me on that? Yeah, it's gone. You're good, bro. You got that. That's all right. I lost it.
Speaker: Um, do you think that the, um, that this tunnel conspiracy is to distract from the Jeffrey Epstein list? Oh, yeah. We haven't talked about that at all. Um,
Speaker: Or is it to distract from the giant South American caravan? Oh, who cares about a caravan? That's not even new. Um, that one was more of a joke. It does. Jeffrey Epstein list, not a joke. It does feel like the Epstein list was kind of like a, like a nothing. Well, because they released it and it's like 900 pages of fucking court documents that nobody's going to sit down and read except for actual psychos.
Speaker: Um, yeah, I guess I was like hoping for more. And maybe it's because they haven't, they're like, the way they're doing it is they didn't drop the whole list all at once. It's like.
Speaker: coming out and it's like rolling out. So that's also that kind of like limits the attention or like, you know, it's like sort of short attention span for stuff. You're like, Oh yeah, David Copperfield. Um, I don't know. I thought there'd be more.
Speaker: You thought it'd be Jimmy Kimmel? I didn't. I didn't think it would be Jimmy Kimmel. I thought that was funny. He's like with Aaron Rodgers over. It was pretty funny. But, uh, no. I think Jimmy Kimmel is fucking stupid for even commenting on it. Let's go. I'll sue you if you do it again. What a bitch thing to say. It's kind of a bitch thing to say. You're like, you're endangering my family by saying this.
Speaker: It's like you're worried about the guy who drank people's like fucking cum so that he didn't get COVID. That's what you're worried about. It is tough. It's tough. I don't know that I would have handled it the way that Jimmy did, but you're also like the way the world is now. The fucking fringe right is actually crazy enough that, you know, if they get worked up about something, they show up at your house with a fucking hammer and beat you to death.
Speaker: That's the fucking world we live in.
Speaker: Hm. In any event, I think he shouldn't have said he was going to sue him. That was like the ridiculous thing. Norm McDonald was on Epstein's list. It's not doubtful. He was there. Norm was a closeted gay man. He was on the second date. Oh yeah, that means he couldn't have been at the island, right? Yeah, he was a closeted gay man.
Speaker: Kevin Spacey was there. And he's not closeted. He was. Touche. For anybody who doesn't know the context, Norm had this weird running joker. He'd say he was a closeted gay man. And then people would say, Oh, so you're gay. And he'd say, no, I'm closeted. Yeah, that was a good bit. And then they'd be like, well, that means you're gay. And he'd be like, no, that means I'm highly closeted.
Speaker: And he did it on many talk shows, including Larry King Live. And it fucking threw Larry King for a loop, as one would expect. An old man did not understand that joke. Or not. Maybe he was gay. Who the fuck knows? Nobody's going to know now he's dead. I mean, I'm pretty sure every celebrity is. Just a little gay. I mean, why would you get into like entertainment?
Speaker: Alright now we're on it. We're an entertainment here Jared Easy dude stop projecting Alright guys, let's wrap it up here. We did an hour hour eight. Oh our late pod We'll be back on the normal schedule the next week fuck the Celtics
Speaker: normal schedule next week guys we promise almost get old record from the road again god hotel Wi -Fi shots of tunnels of all kinds out Jeffrey Epstein 8 to 10 foot shadow aliens that's out a 10 foot shadow aliens that's out acidic use all right bye
Speaker: That's it from your favorite members of the Bloods Gang. You can't stop us. Please subscribe, download and join the subreddit. Bye bye we love you.
