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Stop Caring What People Think: How to Finally Be Your True Self
133 Plays21 days ago
When your focus is on everyone else’s perception, it becomes almost impossible to fully be yourself...
“You don’t need to be understood by everyone. You just need to be aligned with yourself.”
In this episode, we unpack a hard truth: how much of our lives are shaped by the fear of what other people might think.
From second-guessing decisions to holding back parts of who we are, many of us are unknowingly living through the lens of perception—filtering our actions based on imagined judgment instead of personal alignment.
We also dive into how your past identity can quietly control your present—keeping you stuck in outdated versions of yourself and preventing real growth.
Through personal stories, including a powerful moment of reflection sparked during breathwork, this episode explores:
- Why trying to control how you’re perceived will always hold you back
- How fear of judgment is rooted in the desire to be fully seen and accepted
- The hidden ways your past is shaping your current decisions
- What it actually takes to show up as your authentic self
- How to release the pressure of being understood by everyone
If you’ve ever felt held back by overthinking, self-doubt, or the weight of who you used to be—this episode will shift the way you see yourself and the life you’re creating.
Because the truth is:
The life you want doesn’t come from managing perception,
it comes from being fully seen.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to rate the podcast five stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟. It really helps others find the show.
Make sure to subscribe, follow, and share it with a friend who needs it!
Stay connected and check out all the ways you can follow along!
- Email the show: heather@wanderingthewildmess.com
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- Host Facebook: heatherdyanmorgan
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- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
- Subscribe to YouTube: www.youtube.com/@wanderingthewildmess
My Find free mindset tools & more here:https://stan.store/wanderingthewildmess
For more on breathwork, find Keelie at keelierae.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Theme
00:00:37
Heather Morgan
I didn't realize how much of my life I was living trying to get ahead of judgment until I started to ask myself why i needed to.
00:00:49
Heather Morgan
Because when I really sat with it, I realized I wasn't just being careful. i was constantly trying to control how I was perceived.
00:01:02
Heather Morgan
And that is out of my control. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy that you're here.
00:01:16
Heather Morgan
hi y'all. I'm so happy you're here for this episode. And this is an episode you're really going to a lot of perspective about something that we all feel so often.
00:01:28
Heather Morgan
And we ask ourselves that question probably daily for a lot of us. What are they going to think? When really the only question we need to ask is, how will it make us feel?
Aligning Actions with Values
00:01:44
Heather Morgan
is it aligned with what we want to do? Does it feel genuine and authentic to who we are? Those are the type of questions we should be asking ou ourselves when we take actions throughout the day. But so many times we stop and we pause and we think, well, what will someone think?
00:02:03
Heather Morgan
How will I be perceived? Is this okay? Is this all right? Is this too much? Is this enough? And when we spend our energy, our minds, our time just trying to manage perception, we are draining so much valuable time and energy on something that we have absolutely no control over. And that is other people's perception of us.
Perception and Personal Struggles
00:02:37
Heather Morgan
And if you've been listening along for my journey and wandering this wild mess with me, you know that me going through my divorce and starting over, there was so much of that heaviness of how will I manage this? How will it be perceived? How will me as a grown woman go back into the world and try to navigate it? Like what will people think?
00:03:00
Heather Morgan
How will it feel? i don't know. And oftentimes I'm like, is this the right thing to do? Did I do the wrong thing after my divorce when I left all my friends and family and everything I knew? Was it right? Was it wrong? And how am I being perceived as someone? Is this just cold? Am I just bitter? I'm just this scorned woman that doesn't have a care and she left the world. Like I could spin my wheels all night, and I'm sure you can too, about the ways that you think.
Authenticity vs. Perception Management
00:03:32
Heather Morgan
that things will be perceived. And i just wanted to take this time for us to really step back and see that that does so much more harm than good for us. That doesn't allow us to move and make decisions that are the best for us because we're literally in the back of our minds like a little program. It's like, what are other people going to think? what and and and Better not do that.
00:04:02
Heather Morgan
And we're not living for anyone else. And i talk about this often, and it's not out of, oh I don't care about anyone. I'm selfish. It's just about me.
00:04:15
Heather Morgan
La-di-da. It's you are all you have. So making decisions that align with the life that you want are the only way to get the life that you want. The life that you want is not on the other side of trying to manage everyone's perception of you.
00:04:33
Heather Morgan
And i learned that so much in the life quake that was my divorce and like how it really like was this rebirth of like you know what, people are going to think and say things and I just can't control it.
Embracing Personal Growth and Mistakes
00:04:48
Heather Morgan
And what I wanted to talk about a lot and kind of help you see this is ah something that happened to me that really just opened my eyes to this. So I'm going to give you this to kind of imagine um because I think a lot of sometimes that perception, we even carry things that we've done in the past with us, right? And it feels heavy like we –
00:05:14
Heather Morgan
can't be someone else because of something that happened in our past. Like, well, I can never do that because of something else that I've done in the past. And I really want to challenge you to kind of let go of the mistakes and the things that you did as the version of you that was doing the best that they could at that point in time with what the information you had.
00:05:33
Heather Morgan
and remind yourself that you are not your past and you were never here to be perfect and get it all right the first time or anytime, always. That's just not possible. And I want you to take that pressure off yourself right now because it's heavy.
00:05:50
Heather Morgan
So i I have a little something and I want you to walk with me. Imagine this.
Fear of Rejection and Openness
00:05:55
Heather Morgan
You're walking through life, carrying pieces of your past you don't fully talk about. Maybe things you regret, maybe version of versions of you you've outgrown, maybe moments you wish no one ever knew.
00:06:11
Heather Morgan
And without even realizing it, you start moving through the world a little quieter, a little more careful, a little more guarded. And not because you were a bad person, but because somewhere along the way, you started to believe that if people really saw everything,
00:06:31
Heather Morgan
They might not choose you.
00:06:34
Heather Morgan
And deep down, all you actually want is to be fully seen and still loved at the same time.
00:06:47
Heather Morgan
That is just presence when you can be exactly who you are without the worry of your past or the fear of the perception of the now of how you are.
00:07:02
Heather Morgan
And that is the form of love I think we're all here that we crave the very most is someone truly knowing all of who you are and loving and accepting it.
00:07:15
Heather Morgan
And I was thinking about that. That's part of the reason why we try to control perception so much is because were we have this fear underlining that if someone really saw who we were,
00:07:32
Heather Morgan
without the performance, without the perceive me this way, the image that we're trying to create, then if they reject the real you, that would be a pain that most of us don't want to feel.
00:07:48
Heather Morgan
Because in one way or another, in our lives, our upbringings, um how we were raised in society, at some point, there's likely wounds of when we showed someone who we were or told something someone something very personal and someone may have made us feel shame or less than for that thing.
00:08:14
Heather Morgan
And the way that that hits our heart when someone uses one of our most vulnerable truths against us is that we no longer feel safe to share our truths with other people.
00:08:28
Heather Morgan
We're like, oh, no, no, that's not safe now. And then we carry around this idea that we can no longer be fully seen because it's not safe.
Growth and Authenticity Despite Judgment
00:08:39
Heather Morgan
Because it can hurt us. And that does two things. One, we're we're always fearing that our true self is not enough. And then two, we're not allowing our true self to show up.
00:08:56
Heather Morgan
in the world, which is, gosh guys, I have done so much inner work. You know if you've been here since the beginning, I have – this is my love is is mindset and and growing and finding out why we're here and and how we just make the best of this journey. And i can tell you that it really is to be our true self, to be authentic to who we truly are, to show up as
00:09:26
Heather Morgan
true to our soul and and and the things that light us up. and And when we move in the direction of what we feel called to do, it's just a whole different level of peace because you feel so good to be yourself.
00:09:44
Heather Morgan
But the scary thing is it's almost like being out there when they say like naked on a stage or without any armor because people will see you and they the the term used all the time, people throw rocks at things that shine. You start shining when you show up as yourself.
00:10:02
Heather Morgan
because it's just a level of like, I accept me and here I am, that mirrors brightness to others that aren't accepting that within themselves, that aren't ready to to be seen fully as themselves.
00:10:18
Heather Morgan
And either they that can inspire, that light can inspire them, or that light can make them feel a certain way because they're not there yet, right?
Transformative Experience with Breathwork
00:10:30
Heather Morgan
And so it is a scary dance. I think it's a delicate dance with your own personal growth to say, I want to be fully seen, but I want to know I'm safe to be fully seen. And when will I get to a place where it feels safe to be fully seen?
00:10:48
Heather Morgan
And where this came up is recently i had been doing, i did some breath work with a friend of mine, ah Keeley Walker. I'll have to tag her in the comments. um She does amazing breath work sessions. And if you haven't done breath work, I was kind of like, eh, but i loved I loved Keeley. So I was like, yeah, I'll do I'll try it And it's amazing, y'all. Like I know people are like, it's I didn't think I could lay there and breathe for an hour. You're like, this is what I'm doing. But it's a whole other level of like if if you've tried meditation but you haven't really fallen into it, like this is another way to kind of quiet your mind. or it it
00:11:26
Heather Morgan
I mean, that doesn't necessarily quiet it, but it brings up things that are really good for you to unpack. And it was really like so amazing for me to do this. But the last time before she ah moved out Nash, she came here and did a breathwork session with me. And I'm telling you this because it's it's critical in
Lessons from Father's Authenticity
00:11:46
Heather Morgan
this journey. And I want you to see that sometimes we get a glimpse of our past and we're like, oh.
00:11:54
Heather Morgan
And so i'm going to tell you a little vulnerable story that – I, that came up in this session for me and I'm going to try to hold it together because y'all know how I probably, i was going to go back to all the episodes and see how many I've cried on because I'm like, it's probably like 50%, but I don't really know if it's that much, but um sometimes it feels like because I'm just an emotional being. But um so I was doing this session and I,
00:12:21
Heather Morgan
I was intentional about, you know, I've talked about higher self being that version of me that really just shows up authentically and takes the path that is meant for her. So I'm in this visualization like phase. And if if you haven't done breathwork, it's kind of hard to explain, but you should definitely try it if it's something that's pulling at you. um I think you can even get YouTube videos on doing it, but I highly recommend someone like Keely to facilitate. But So I'm doing it and this thought of like my dad, right? And I've talked about my dad losing him at 26. Like it was absolutely heartbreaking for me. And there's so many things that I could unpack about my dad. and
00:13:09
Heather Morgan
But one thing I will say about him is that I realized like he – After he had, and if you listen back to the episode about him, like he had stress-induced panic attacks and was diagnosed um with bipolar disorder.
00:13:25
Heather Morgan
And he before that, he would suppress all his emotions. So he never really – I mean he was like a loving father to me, but I'm saying like he he was a man that didn't feel like he could cry, right? he just That's not what men do. And once all of that happened with his whole – um mental health journey, he was finally able to feel emotions again. And he ended up just showing up in this really like truly authentic state.
00:13:56
Heather Morgan
And he would just do and be the things that he wanted to in this most genuine way. And one of the things while I'm in middle school – He picked up that if you're you know as a kid, you're like, oh, my parents, so embarrassing. So he was like juggling.
00:14:18
Heather Morgan
I don't know why he wanted to juggle. He was specifically juggling these sticks. No background of circusry that I'm aware of in our family. No idea where this man got this thought.
00:14:29
Heather Morgan
But he would juggle sometimes. And i I kind of forgot this memory because i I think I just was like embarrassed by it for so long, which I feel so bad to dad. up and you know He knows I love him. But in the moment, I'm like, why is my father like juggling in the front yard, right? Like it just seems like a very odd thing, especially like you're in middle school. You're like,
00:14:50
Heather Morgan
dad, like my crush could ride his bike past our house or something and you're juggling. um But he really didn't care. and Like not about me or whatever, but just like that's what he wanted to do. So he did it and didn't really care how someone was going to perceive a grown man juggling sticks in his front yard.
00:15:13
Heather Morgan
And I'm telling you this because it came up in the breath work where I'm there and I'm just seeing my dad juggling. And I'm like, that memory came out of like nowhere. I'm thinking like, where did this come from?
00:15:31
Heather Morgan
And I'm like, what is this? And I realized that what it was showing me is that I had a father who authentically showed up as whoever he wanted to be.
00:15:47
Heather Morgan
He did something that maybe people were perceiving as like weird and crazy and, you know, didn't make a lot of sense, but he wanted to do it. So he did.
00:15:58
Heather Morgan
he wasn't harming anyone and he didn't care what anyone thought. And in that moment, I was like, and that was my father, the best man I ever knew.
00:16:13
Heather Morgan
and he's showing me through such an action that I had suppressed and forgot about that it doesn't even matter. Like now he's gone.
00:16:25
Heather Morgan
He's not even here. And I highly doubt anybody that drove past or anybody that would have seen or cared. No one's going, well, don't. man that passed away just to juggle sticks. What a real, you know, whatever. Like no one cares. It's not that serious. And so many times we're like stopping ourselves from doing the thing we feel like doing that's not hurting anyone that we just are like, I want to do that. And then we're going, wait, wait, but what will people think?
00:16:54
Heather Morgan
well Well, how will I be perceived? Is that all right? Like, can I do that? Am I not? My dad wasn't a juggler. He clearly was surely dropping them several times and still didn't care. He just picked him right back up, went on to juggling, juggling, y'all.
00:17:11
Heather Morgan
And I know now that there is no way that that man was not juggling to show me in some weird way that It's okay to juggle. It's okay to juggle in your front yard and let people think you're crazy because they're not going to get all of the dreams that you have.
00:17:37
Heather Morgan
They're not going to understand all of the things you want to do. They're not going to understand why you want to do the things you want to do.
Embracing Failure and Self-Perception
00:17:46
Heather Morgan
And when you're doing the thing you want to do, you're going have to keep doing it over and over And allow yourself to drop the sticks a number of times before you're good at it, before it gains momentum, before you gain the strength, just like the reps in the gym, repetition over and over. And you have to be okay with trying and learning and failing and being seen doing all of the above.
00:18:20
Heather Morgan
That was what my dad was doing when he was juggling. He was showing me, and now I'm telling you,
00:18:32
Heather Morgan
that it's okay to be seen doing something that someone doesn't understand.
00:18:39
Heather Morgan
And gosh, you know, if I could tell you what a blessing it is to be able to look and see those things, to have like such a genuine light that was, you know, my own father, it's like, man, I'm just grateful.
00:19:04
Heather Morgan
And if he was showing me that, I i want you to see that too.
00:19:12
Heather Morgan
Because i promise you, the level of joy that that man had when he finally just stopped saying, I'm not showing emotion because he suppressed that for so long and he just was.
00:19:27
Heather Morgan
i don't That man didn't complain about anything. He saw so much joy in so many things. And i think it's because he was fully himself and he didn't have anyone to impress himself.
00:19:43
Heather Morgan
And we're not on this journey to impress everyone. It's not a let me impress you competition. Let me be the the this and that for anyone else.
00:19:54
Heather Morgan
Like if you set a goal and you achieve it A hundred percent, i'm I'm on. You hype yourself up. You know I say that over and over. You hype your own self up. Not everyone's here to clap for you.
00:20:05
Heather Morgan
That's just the truth of the matter. And it's a hard one to learn when you're trying to do things in front of people and you're like, where's the applause? And you're it's crickets. But you learn that it's not about the applause.
Perseverance and Future Possibilities
00:20:21
Heather Morgan
It's about doing it without it.
00:20:25
Heather Morgan
That is just the cost of getting to the applause one day. If you can sit in the silence, the crickets, the is this working, the is, do I look stupid? Does anyone even care? Is this even working?
00:20:41
Heather Morgan
And then you just persevere because you it's what you want to do.
00:20:46
Heather Morgan
and that's enough. I think I've said it before, but nothing's going to be planted in your heart that's not supposed to be there.
00:20:55
Heather Morgan
And when you follow the things that you know are meant for you, you'll eventually get good at them even if you drop the sticks a number of times.
00:21:07
Heather Morgan
You know, and i i also want to bring that up about and like kind of tie that into the idea of like your past because oftentimes the perception piece, we're worried about what would people think, but we also are like, well, because of my past, I can't do this now.
00:21:26
Heather Morgan
But I want to remind you that that is, again, just worrying about perception of others and the identity that you used to have being used against you for the future your version of where you want to go.
00:21:38
Heather Morgan
and you're carrying that with you going, well, I'll be perceived as someone that was like this, so now I can't be that person. No. You are the only perception of yourself that matters.
00:21:53
Heather Morgan
And your perception of yourself is loud. It's in your mind every day. And it's the only one that matters. And even if there's people from your past that used to know you, like I used to think, you know, when they say, oh you knew me five years ago. No, you don't know me.
00:22:10
Heather Morgan
But I, and, or a year ago, no, you don't know me. And I used to think, yeah, people don't really change. And I still think people don't,
00:22:21
Heather Morgan
You shouldn't bank on anyone changing, right? Because you can only control changing yourself. But people definitely do change and evolve. But it's a very personal journey and it's their choice. And you're not really here to like, oh, well, Sam has to be the way he always was because that's how I know knew him.
00:22:44
Heather Morgan
That's just kind of not how it works. you're allowed to evolve and grow and just let go of, yeah, maybe they knew that version of me, but that version of me doesn't exist anymore.
Self-Perception and Freedom
00:22:55
Heather Morgan
And if I could tell you how many times i have to remind that self because I'm like, oh yeah, that past version of me would have totally made a different decision and that than I did. Like she would have been a little more messy with it She would have said, ah you know, but now that I've learned, I've taken those lessons and I'm like,
00:23:14
Heather Morgan
I'm not doing that. i'm not I'm not making those same decisions. Therefore, I'm not the same person that I was.
00:23:23
Heather Morgan
And whatever anyone's perception of who I once was is, is out of my control.
00:23:30
Heather Morgan
So when you're doing your life, when you're thinking about how much you're living for other people, i just want to remember, or I want you to remember,
00:23:42
Heather Morgan
that there was a grown man at one point, the kindest grown man ever, juggling sticks in his front yard, not giving a worry about what anyone else would think.
00:23:56
Heather Morgan
and And now he's gone.
00:24:00
Heather Morgan
and And no one's that worried that he was ever juggling sticks
00:24:06
Heather Morgan
But I'm sure the amount of joy he had from just choosing to do the thing he felt like doing without explaining himself was so freeing.
00:24:17
Heather Morgan
And I want that for you.
00:24:19
Heather Morgan
So I'll end this here just to say that in life, the way that we can be loved truly is when we can be seen fully And the only way we can fully be seen is to move through the world truly as the person we want to be, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
00:24:45
Heather Morgan
So I love you. Send this to someone who needs it. If you know someone's going through that pressure to figure it out and find themselves, I want to help as many people as I can.
00:24:57
Heather Morgan
That's why i love it when you guys share. Definitely send me shoot me a comment. ah Give the podcast five stars, y'all. That is so helpful and more people finding it. I really appreciate it. And I am going to come up with a Q&A episode soon. So if you have any questions, make sure to go to wanderingthewildmess.com.
00:25:20
Heather Morgan
You can put questions there, DM reach out. Anyway, i love to hear from y'all. And I am so excited for all the things you're going to do in this life.
00:25:32
Heather Morgan
Just don't let other people's perception, the idea of whatever you think they're thinking, hold you back. Let yourself be seen going after it.
00:25:46
Heather Morgan
This was Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.