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3 Years After Divorce: The Truth About Starting Over (What No One Tells You)
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How do you actually start over after a divorce, and why does no one talk about what it really feels like?
Three years after leaving my marriage and rebuilding my life from scratch, I’m sharing the raw, unfiltered truth about starting over—what happens after the decision is made and you’re left to figure out who you are on your own.
In this episode, I talk about the loneliness of having no one to fall back on, the rock-bottom moments no one sees, and what it takes to become your own safety when everything in your life changes.
If you’re going through a divorce, breakup, or major life transition, this is the part of the journey people don’t prepare you for—the emotional weight, the identity shift, and the unexpected strength you discover when you have no choice but to rely on yourself.
This episode will help you understand:
- What starting over after divorce actually feels like
- How to rebuild your life when everything changes
- Why rock bottom can become your greatest turning point
- How to develop self-trust and emotional resilience
- The mindset shift that changes everything when you're on your own
You’re not starting from nothing, you’re starting from experience.
And one day, this version of you will make sense.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to rate the podcast five stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 It really helps others find the show, and make sure to subscribe, follow, and share it with a friend who needs it!
Stay connected and check out all the ways you can follow along!
- Email the show: heather@wanderingthewildmess.com
- Host Instagram: @heatherdyann
- Host Facebook: heatherdyanmorgan
- TikTok: @wanderingthewildmess
- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
- Subscribe to YouTube: www.youtube.com/@wanderingthewildmess
Find free mindset tools & more here:https://stan.store/wanderingthewildmess
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Transcript
Heather's Bold Move Across the Country
00:00:37
Speaker
Three years ago, I packed up with my pup and a few things and moved across the country alone. Started from scratch.
00:00:51
Speaker
And now I want to talk about three years later, the truth in starting over. Let's get into it. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here.
00:01:11
Speaker
hi everyone. I'm so happy you're here.
Lessons from Starting Over
00:01:14
Speaker
And if you're starting over or you're feeling like in the middle of the mess, we're going to tell you all the things you need to know here about what's starting over is really like from someone who's three years post starting her whole life over from scratch.
00:01:33
Speaker
And I want to tell you some of the really key things that I've learned along the way and hopefully help you get some insight of what it will look like and what it will be and how you'll make it through whatever you're going through starting over in any facet of your life.
Embracing New Beginnings and Freedom
00:01:50
Speaker
And what I want to tell you about starting over that a lot of people don't realize is that starting over, not only is it in a journey, but it truly changes who you are.
00:02:03
Speaker
It changes. And I'll say that if you let it. And i think you should let it. Because oftentimes when things get taken from your life, whether that's like you lose something, someone leaves you, you leave a situation, an opportunity is no longer, there's all of those things.
00:02:27
Speaker
There's usually some purpose in that and there's some lesson and there's something to see. And so when we keep doing the same old things, we're gonna get the same old results.
00:02:39
Speaker
So starting over is just one of those opportunities for you to stop and go, what do I actually want my life to look like now that I have a little bit more?
00:02:50
Speaker
And I say freedom, meaning some of the things that are going to be you were so used to in your life, the routines, the people you'd see every day, the things you do all the time.
00:03:02
Speaker
When you're starting over, those things change. And you can either try to find those same things somewhere else and just fit in that same box and almost like stay stuck in the same loop, but it's just jumping from one loop to a next.
00:03:19
Speaker
Or you can say, let's sit back and see how I do this differently now. And I'm not saying that right when you get out of something, you're ready to say, okay, let's reexamine my whole life and let me fix everything. But I do think it's an opportunity for you to go, what do I want most from my life and who do I want to be?
00:03:41
Speaker
and in my starting over journey, and I know I've talked about the messy pieces of it, I wanted to be more fun and I wanted to take things less seriously. And I didn't realize I wanted to do that instead of and tell those were the actions that I started doing once my life completely changed and I got divorced.
Balancing Recklessness and Freedom
00:04:04
Speaker
I was finally allowing myself to just be less serious and have more fun and not be so worried if it was making the right decision. And although sometimes that can be a little reckless, it's also very freeing.
00:04:20
Speaker
And so it's finding that right balance between like this will not be completely detrimental to my life, but this is a new experience that I want to have. And that's a lot of what I did during my wild, messy phase. And in those early days of starting over, I remember so clearly getting in that car and one of my best friends came with me. I remember the last night that I was in Utah in the house that I had had with him he
00:04:54
Speaker
I can't even explain the feeling of that night knowing that in the morning I would wake up and leave Utah for good and meaning like the house and the life that I had with him and it was never going to be my life.
00:05:10
Speaker
And at the time I had my corporate job and I was also going to be fully remote And so I wasn't going to see the people in the office anymore. So like everything about my life was going to be different. And
Challenges of Moving to Nashville
00:05:23
Speaker
I didn't even have like a house like a situation lined up. I had an Airbnb for 30 days in East Nashville.
00:05:33
Speaker
And I remember a moment being like, once I leave here, i'm going to be homeless. and And the term of like, i don't have like a home base
00:05:45
Speaker
And as I took myself down that path to going back and driving across the country, and of course I'm enjoying it because my friend's there, but even as I'm driving, in my mind I'm like, Heather, everything's changing.
00:06:03
Speaker
And it took me so much to really just understand everything
00:06:13
Speaker
I don't even know where I got the courage for for a lot of that when I look back, but I think I just knew that I couldn't stay the same. And I think oftentimes that like when people talk about rock bottom, I feel like my divorce in some ways felt like a rock bottom for me.
00:06:30
Speaker
Like this is it, you got divorced, You can't just stay in Utah living at rock bottom, being like a divorced woman, no children, um where you're gonna be out there dating in Utah. You know, everyone has five children. like and you know,
00:06:49
Speaker
everything just was like, i it it really was such an interesting mindset for me. So when I fast forward to getting to Nashville and being by myself, I remember the first few days when she's there, you know, it was fun. But as soon as she went back home to Utah, it was like me alone in Tennessee.
00:07:11
Speaker
And there were some really low points mentally where i just didn't even know what to think.
00:07:25
Speaker
And no one really saw those moments. And if you listen back to earlier episodes, I definitely get pretty vulnerable because they were just so, it was overwhelming the amount of like I couldn't even fathom what I was supposed to do because it just felt like this giant mountain of of like i so many unknowns.
Discovering Storytelling and Podcasting
00:07:51
Speaker
And it's crazy because I also looked back to when I was just barely, because it's been about three years, um and I recorded this video that I sent to my friends.
00:08:02
Speaker
And I had said something like, and this is pre the podcast, not even a thought in my head at this time. And I'm kind of yapping to them about, I know that this is kind of hot, like a weird take, but like, I love just talking to people. I love meeting people. I love hearing people's stories. I just love it. I kind of feel like it's part of my purpose.
00:08:20
Speaker
I literally say those words. And It's funny now that I have a podcast and that's what I feel so called to do is make people feel less alone in this whole wild mess that it is. And I think one of the reasons why it was so important to me to make people feel less alone is because I had for so many years tried to make my life look buttoned up and perfect.
00:08:47
Speaker
The farthest thing from a wild mess. If someone was to describe me,
00:08:57
Speaker
messy would have not have been a word they would have thought of at all. And even when I was just back home in Salt Lake, um well, we were up in Park City with a whole bunch of my girls and one of them, you know, ah was saying, oh, yeah. And she knew me like ah right out like in college days. And she was like, yeah. And Heather was always so responsible. She had this and that and this. Like even when I was like younger, like that's her fond memory of like she was just spending money on clothes at the mall and I was like being all responsible.
00:09:31
Speaker
And i was thinking about that and I was like, wow, I i really was a different person when I came to Nashville. But I don't think it's like, oh, you changed so much. It was like, you finally didn't feel like you had to be so boxed in.
00:09:53
Speaker
You finally felt like you could, this is your chance to like, I'm not hurting anyone, so I'm just gonna try something new and do something different. and there were so many low points during my messy times because you got to think I'm making decisions I don't normally make. So I'm having feelings and and outcomes that I don't normally have.
00:10:16
Speaker
And so no matter how old you are in your journey, when you do something that you don't normally do, you feel things that you normally haven't felt, right?
00:10:29
Speaker
And so I'm experiencing all these new things that, But I'm like, it's not connecting together because I'm like, I'm a grown woman. How am i still learning this? How is this? How did I not know this was going to feel this way? How did I not? And i there's a lot of time where I'm just like, what are you doing?
The Importance of Support
00:10:49
Speaker
And I remember one time when I was in Niche Nashville, still at that first Airbnb, the first 30 days, i I got to a really low point. And my best friend that drove out here with me, she's a trauma therapist, like, geez, and a great human. And i remember calling her. in And that that takes a lot for me because I am a I can take care of myself kind of girl. Like, I don't want to burden other people with my...
00:11:16
Speaker
thoughts or like make them feel anyway and that's kind of just how I've always been i don't really you know and and obviously I learned so much that that's not a good way to have a marriage because I didn't probably express the things I should have to my husband because I just didn't want to burden him with my emotions and which seems so wild because if you're going to tell anyone, it should be your partner. But I mean, I've learned so much. But I remember calling her like, oh, like, i I don't know. Like, Elaine, I'm just.
00:11:55
Speaker
And I had never felt like that in my life. I mean, my dad dying was probably the closest, but I hadn't really said it out loud.
00:12:07
Speaker
And i just, I want to tell you that when you're when you're starting over and these really low points happen and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm i'm so rock bottom.
Self-Reliance and Self-Love
00:12:22
Speaker
And there's probably going to, and there's definitely, that was not the first rock bottom moment of the starting over journey. But what I'll tell you coming on the other side of it is how much self-love that I have for myself, for walking myself through the hardest parts of my life, all alone with almost no one and really no one to save me, but me.
00:12:56
Speaker
i didn't have a lifeline to pick me up at that moment, a lot of moments. And whether i I could have, I'm not saying I didn't have good people in my life, but I didn't, I mean, I went from having like a ride or die person, you know, that's your emergency contact, the things in your life to like, I don't even know who to put now.
00:13:25
Speaker
And that's, I guess, humbling, maybe sad, maybe, you know, I'm, maybe you relate. And you're like, ah, because you, there probably isn't anything that will teach you how to love yourself, like only having yourself to rely on, to only having yourself to get you through all of the difficult and hard things that you're going through, only having yourself to have your back. and once you go through that in your starting over journey,
00:14:08
Speaker
And if you can have the discipline to to put yourself first before going back into distracting your life again with people and things and just sit with yourself, you will gain a whole other perspective about who you are, why you're here, what's your purpose, why things happen the way that they did.
00:14:38
Speaker
It will bring you so much clarity and give you a gift that I absolutely think is priceless looking back now is the admiration that I have for myself for getting me through every single hard thing that i went through.
00:14:56
Speaker
And I'm not saying, oh, my things were the hardest. It's not that kind of competition. But it's the hardest things I've had to personally deal with. And I know our own strength.
00:15:08
Speaker
And that's part of this podcast is i I saw the strength I didn't know I had i had come out of me. And I was like, man, other people need to know this.
00:15:20
Speaker
They need to know this, that they have this strength too, that if they're starting over and they feel like I did that night in East Nashville, when I called my friend and I was like, this is hard, that they'll they'll get through it and then they definitely can.
00:15:40
Speaker
And starting over isn't, it's highs, it's lows, it's learnings, it's it's a whole bunch of becoming who you're really meant to be.
00:15:53
Speaker
And I am so much happier than I've ever been in my entire life now. Three years out of it, it has been hard. It has been beautiful.
Building Confidence from Hardships
00:16:05
Speaker
It has been wild. It's been messy. And it's been the greatest gift because I would not have gained the amount of confidence that I have in myself and my ability to lead myself through things. I would not have truly known that like, regardless of what life throws at me, I will be able to get through it
00:16:30
Speaker
Because I've gotten through some really hard things. My track record is great. And I said this the other day, like, I think I posted it up on threads, but like, you have got through 100% of the hard things that have ever been thrown at you.
00:16:44
Speaker
So when the next hard thing comes, don't act like it's going to be too much for you because you have 100% success rate up until this point, if you're here and you're listening to the podcast. But I know when you're going through it, it's like, man,
00:16:59
Speaker
Another hard thing. I'm good. I'm good on hard things. But sometimes if we can just realize that there is a gift in it.
00:17:12
Speaker
And just flip the switch in the perspective. And I think that's the one thing from starting over that you can gain if you finally figure out that I am here. No one's saving me. i am saving myself. And the best way I can do that is to believe in myself, love myself and know that no matter what comes my way, i will be able to take care of it.
00:17:34
Speaker
I will find a way, i will figure it out, and it will not define me. Mistakes along the way, not on a definition of who I am. They're just a point in time that I move through. And when you can look at things like that, it's just like,
00:17:50
Speaker
We're moving forward, onward and upward, and that's where we go from here. And three years has felt like a lifetime and like a blink of an eye at the same very time.
00:18:04
Speaker
And i wouldn't change it for the world And so if you're going through the starting over and it's not making sense, I promise you it will.
00:18:16
Speaker
Backwards, it will make sense. I know that my story isn't even close to over and I'm so excited for all that's going to unfold. But I i love this moment I'm in right now.
00:18:30
Speaker
I love this moment I'm in right now. And when you can realize the moment you're in right now is a gift, instead of trying to think 10 steps ahead, it will all come together for you.
00:18:45
Speaker
So the starting over doesn't have to be the end. It can be the beginning of the best years, moments, days of your life. You're not starting from nothing. You're starting from lessons, experiences, and exactly right where you're supposed to be.
Growth Post-Divorce
00:19:04
Speaker
So I don't want to forget that. ah Like I said, now that I'm on the other side of it, like I just know that I let go of who i was.
00:19:15
Speaker
And a lot of who I was was no longer serving me. And it led me to exactly who i was meant to be. My divorce made me the person I am today.
00:19:27
Speaker
And the person I am today, I'm so very proud of her. And i want you to know that's possible for you. So If you're going through anything, go to my
Audience Engagement and Support
00:19:40
Speaker
website. I have 22 habits that will help help your mindset if you're going through the mess and you feel like it's just overwhelming. You can download it there. It's free.
00:19:51
Speaker
And definitely ask me any questions. ah There's a spot there if you want me to talk about some topics, talk about something specifically about starting over. I really want to be a little more interactive with y'all. moving ahead because so many people are like, can I write in questions? And I would absolutely love that. So um I want you to do that.
00:20:16
Speaker
Give me all the thoughts. Give me all the feedback. I'm definitely here for y'all. I found in the starting over journey that this is part of my purpose. And so anything that I can do to make your life better, I'm here for it.
00:20:33
Speaker
So if you like this episode, make sure to give it five stars, write it a review. It means so much because more people can find the podcast. And when people find the podcast, I swear when they find it, it's right when they need to. And I know with podcasting or any other thing you're doing or creating in your life that when people stumble across what you create, it's for a purpose and they may take exactly what they need from it. So I just want to allow more people to find what they need.
Encouragement for Fresh Starts
00:21:04
Speaker
So again, I thank you so much for being here.
00:21:07
Speaker
Starting over is not the end. You're going to make so many amazing discoveries on the starting over journey. And if you're still in the messy middle of it, enjoy the ride. You will get to where you're supposed to be. Look at yourself and your life and where you want to be. And I promise you'll get there.
00:21:28
Speaker
This was Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.