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Do You Actually Want to Heal?
1 Playsin 1 day
What happens when healing starts asking you to become someone unfamiliar?
A lot of us say we want healing. We say we want peace, love, confidence, purpose, success, and a different life. But what happens when healing starts asking you to let go of the version of yourself that’s been "you" for so long?
In this episode, I talk about identity shifts, outgrowing survival mode, emotional attachment to chaos, and what it actually looks like to evolve into the next version of yourself. From divorce and starting over, to boundaries, discipline, nervous system regulation, and self-concept, this episode explores the uncomfortable truth that healing doesn’t just change how you feel, it changes who you are.
I also reflect on the deeper meaning behind the question: “Do you want to be healed?” and why true healing changes your habits, routines, relationships, standards, and the way you move through the world.
If you’ve been feeling pulled toward a different version of your life but struggling to let go of old patterns, old identities, or familiar chaos, this episode is for you.
Because eventually life stops asking what you want…
and starts asking who you’re willing to become to receive it.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to rate the podcast five stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟. It really helps others find the show.
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Transcript
Sacrificing Who You Are for Growth
00:00:37
Heather Morgan
Are you ready to sacrifice who you've been for who you want to become? Because I think a lot of us say we want healing,
00:00:49
Heather Morgan
We say we want peace, love, success, confidence, the relationship, the purpose, the next versions of our life. But what happens when healing starts asking you to become someone unfamiliar?
00:01:05
Heather Morgan
Someone with boundaries, someone with discipline, someone who says no to things they used to say yes to, someone who stops romanticizing chaos,
00:01:16
Heather Morgan
someone who can actually hold the life they keep praying for. and I think that's the part that nobody talks about because there's a version of us that became emotionally attached to the mess.
00:01:32
Heather Morgan
Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. Y'all, I know that's deep and I know you need to hear it.
00:01:46
Heather Morgan
And that's why you're listening. Because all of us go through different seasons in life. And there comes a time when we're in a season that we know is no longer serving us.
Identity Shift Through Life Changes
00:02:02
Heather Morgan
And we have to move. We have to make different decisions If we want a different life. But the challenge that I think so many of us face is that we pray and we ask and we manifest and we desire this other life, but we don't take a look in the mirror and say, am I the type of person that can hold that life?
00:02:31
Heather Morgan
And that is the question I want to talk through in this episode as I'm doing so much of this reflection myself. And I'm realizing that healing is not just about feeling better.
00:02:47
Heather Morgan
Healing is truly about it changes your identity. Right? And I've talked before about how divorce, starting over, all of that is such an identity death.
00:02:58
Heather Morgan
I've came to the conclusion that throughout our life, we're going to have a number of those if we're growing and evolving. Divorce for me was just the first one to completely trigger it in ways I mean, I guess I had a few others before, but it was the largest one that really disrupted every part of my identity. But now as I'm evolving and growing and taking a step back and looking at my life and going, there are so many more things I want for this life.
The Connection Between Identity and Habits
00:03:29
Heather Morgan
And i have to be the person that can have them. And if you listen back, I know I did my self-concept episode.
00:03:40
Heather Morgan
ah like that was A lot of people love that episode. So if you haven't listened, go back. And that is a lot of this but different in the sense that I realized that what happens is your nervous system, your habits, your standards, your relationships, your tolerance, your routine, your self-concept,
00:04:03
Heather Morgan
All of those things are wrapped up in your identity. And when you are looking to grow, you really have to ask yourself, are you willing to become someone else?
00:04:15
Heather Morgan
Because a lot of the things we want from life need a different version of us. And not becoming someone completely different, not losing your softness or your caring, like your humanity, being a good person, all of those things, but the person that can hold the life that you want.
00:04:36
Heather Morgan
And I talked about in the last episode about not abandoning. The version of me that has the life I'm desiring does not have energy leaks with relationships that don't serve me.
00:04:51
Heather Morgan
I really have to hone in on making the best choices for me. It's almost like what fuels your soul and makes life better. And a lot of things in your life, I mean, let's stop and think right now.
00:05:06
Heather Morgan
You can probably think of two or three things that you're doing in your life right now that do not make your life better. And you know it.
00:05:15
Heather Morgan
And you know that the version of you that has the life you want, the next version of you, when you look at, and I've said it before, your higher self, that next level you, they're not doing those things.
Post-Divorce Identity and Transition
00:05:28
Heather Morgan
But a part of you is like, oh, but that's me. I mean, i can't, can I give that up? Can I not do that thing? But I really like it. And I realized that although divorce is what caused my initial identity death, then I'm now like having to go through a process of grieving the messy me because she was so carefree and she just had fun and she just, and not saying I can't completely be that way, but the way and the level of
00:06:00
Heather Morgan
wild mess that she was served its purpose in that season. But I know now is not aligned with where I'm headed.
00:06:12
Heather Morgan
And I had talked to someone else recently that had went through divorce and we were both talking about the identity deaths. And I said, yeah, but don't you kind of miss that messy part when you were just having these fun, wild mess stories? And she's like, no. No.
00:06:29
Heather Morgan
And I thought, oh, I still do at that moment. you know and it was I guess it was a minute ago. It was probably a couple months ago. But I thought, oh, she doesn't even miss that version of her.
00:06:40
Heather Morgan
And I realize now looking back that I just wasn't there yet. I hadn't moved through enough of like detachment of that old identity that part of me was like, yeah, a fun night out in Nashville.
00:06:55
Heather Morgan
You know, and I i still want to have fun, but it's a different kind of experience, I realize. And Here's just an example. And I know a lot of people may think this is silly, but like there was a point in time, and I think me and Leah talked about this if you listened to her episode of when I first moved to Nashville, it's like, I don't know if I was just running on vibes and my nervous system was so wrecked. It was like, just keep going. I was just in fight or flight.
00:07:23
Heather Morgan
But I don't know how I was staying out so late.
00:07:28
Heather Morgan
Especially as a grown woman. Like I get it if you're like in your early 20s, but like, you know, I'm a grown woman, been married, a whole career and all these things. And I'm like, I don't even know. i' was just running on fumes. But now my life is like, no, no, that is not the version of us. There is not a world in which that is our...
00:07:48
Heather Morgan
norm. And it's funny how that happens. And it's not in this like, oh, now I'm just too good for that. I'm better than that. It's just you evolve and go, that season was fun.
00:08:00
Heather Morgan
And I don't regret the memories or the times, but that is not going to get me to where I want to be. And it's not even just about my goals. It's just about it's not who I am anymore.
00:08:12
Heather Morgan
But at the beginning of realizing that wasn't serving me, I realized that I had to like loosen the grip on that identity and and realize that she's messy.
00:08:24
Heather Morgan
Heather out till 3 a.m. in Nashville is no longer in the building. She's gone.
00:08:32
Heather Morgan
And she was so fun. And we did so many things together. And, you know, and that's how we are with our lives about things. That's why when those first few things came up when I asked you, what things are you holding on to? it could be as simple as you're going to get a super large soda. And I ain't coming at you.
00:08:55
Heather Morgan
I'm from Utah. I know you love your soda. But, like, let's just say if that's in your routine every day, No judgment. It can be. We all have our own vices. But like, is that version of
Conducting a Life Audit for Growth
00:09:06
Heather Morgan
you doing that?
00:09:07
Heather Morgan
Maybe, maybe not. But you get so tied into that joy of like, it's just so fun. And then I go there and I see the people and I say hi. And it's those routines that, that eventually when you look and kind of do almost a life audit, which I don't think I sat down personally and did a life audit, although I recommend, but I'm really, i don't, I'm like undiagnosed ADHD. So I'm always all over the place. So I probably started to do it and I didn't, but I really did take the few key things in my life that I'm like, this isn't working for me. And that would be staying out late.
00:09:42
Heather Morgan
That would be
00:09:45
Heather Morgan
making decisions that don't align with the person that I want to be. And without getting too personal, which, you know, i do in some ways, like there has been so many things I look back at and I'm like, that ain't me. and you can decide who you are at any time. You do not have to tie who you do not owe anyone a previous version of you. And I, I preach this through the podcast.
00:10:10
Heather Morgan
You know that that i truly believe that because this life is yours and you're making it what you want it to be. And we're not here to be 90 on a deathbed feeling like we lived our lives for everyone else and never chose our own path because I promise you that's not why we're here.
00:10:29
Heather Morgan
So but I do want you to kind of think about that because I hear – so many people in my life and and I do it too, where we're looping things like that we don't want in our reality,
00:10:44
Heather Morgan
but then we're doing the same things that got that result. We're being the same person. We're not changing behaviors that have proven to us
Embodying Desired Life and Identity
00:10:58
Heather Morgan
not beneficial, right?
00:11:01
Heather Morgan
We're asking for things that we can't give. Right. And I've talked about this in the episode with like um ready for love, but still single. I think it was where if you want a partner, you want to be a wife and you're not acting from the identity of how a wife would act or a husband like That's tough choose to feel because you're not embodying the thing that you want to be. So you're calling in a husband while not moving through the world like a wife.
00:11:36
Heather Morgan
And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's kind of like you think that's going to come. i like to think of it like you're going fishing, hoping to catch an elk.
00:11:46
Heather Morgan
That's not the pool you're in. That's not the way you're, you're, you know, uh, You got the wrong tools, the wrong equipment. That ain't how you're going to catch one because it's just not how it works. And i could think of a lot of examples of that. And i I thought that in my life when I started switching up a lot of the things that I wanted and I thought, well, these patterns won't work for me anymore if I want these other things.
00:12:20
Heather Morgan
And I i know that it takes a while to shift that. And I'm only saying this now because it's feeling so – I've pulled myself out of the messy stage. I feel like I'm out of it. I almost wish I would have recorded this when I felt even more of a pull that I was in it. But I finally feel like it's just locked in, like there's no going back. But I do remember it feeling – And you know what it took? Sometimes it took me doing those old actions again, thinking that I wanted that messy part of me, part of my identity to still exist.
00:13:01
Heather Morgan
And then when I did them, I didn't like how it felt.
00:13:05
Heather Morgan
It's like, it was, i thought I missed that. It's almost, again, I think I might have said that It's almost like you thought you missed that ex and then you go to dinner with them and you're like,
00:13:18
Heather Morgan
Oh, now now no, no. This will never work. I was wrong. i romanticized what it was like to be with you and I'm here and it's not it. And that is almost how the same it was with my identity where I was like, I miss the fun, messy me. And then I'm doing something and I'm like,
00:13:38
Heather Morgan
I got to go. This isn't me. I don't, nevermind. And it's only until then after you romanticize it. But then when you actually get back in it, you're like, nevermind. No, this ain't for me. And then you can kind of move on. It's almost that closure. i think some people can just do it more instantaneously. They're like, this isn't serving me one, one event. And they just cut it off. But for me, it really took time.
00:14:06
Heather Morgan
quite a bit of like processing to get there. And I think it's because my, that was the first identity I had after my divorce was just like, okay, I'm messy, delusional, fun.
00:14:17
Heather Morgan
Life is just flowing. And I was just carefree. And oh my gosh, that girl got me through so much. She literally saved my life because she just didn't have a care in the world. And that's exactly what I needed at that season of life.
Romanticizing Past Identities vs. Evolving
00:14:34
Heather Morgan
And so part of me is like, i can't give her up. That's my girl. I love that part of me. but then I realized I can still love her and know that this is just not where we are anymore.
00:14:46
Heather Morgan
You know, it's just like the character that got you through that that piece of the journey. And now it's like, all right, thanks for everything you did. We're moving on. And that's really what it feels like, you know? But it was just like, I love the freedom of her just being like, I'm figuring it out. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just wandering. This is just who I am But then it got to a point where my life is like, I know you've been just wandering for a while, but I think we're going to need to start having having some structure.
00:15:16
Heather Morgan
And i realized structure, i was delaying it and it felt so terrifying because it was unfamiliar and almost It was unfamiliar for that period of time, but I also realized that there was so much structure in my life, in my marriage, that I felt like I'd be going backwards.
00:15:35
Heather Morgan
Like, oh, that regimen I had is this wife and like cooking dinner every night and waking up early in the gym. And then that like then i I do this and this. And we had so many, and I've talked about this early in the episodes. Again, bench from the front if you haven't. But like I just had this really –
00:15:57
Heather Morgan
repetitious life that felt like there was so much structure in a lot of it and so much routine that I think I was afraid of like going back to that version of me because I'm like, I don't know, like that's where I left.
00:16:09
Heather Morgan
But I realized it's not going to feel the same because this is like my chosen structure. This is not a punishment. It's not becoming boring. And that's what I also was fearful about. It's just becoming someone who can hold peace without sabotaging it.
00:16:29
Heather Morgan
That's the season and I'm in
00:16:32
Heather Morgan
That's where my soul feels peace. is to know that I can live a calm, quiet life that is still fun, that is still meaningful, but without all the chaos
00:16:48
Heather Morgan
where things can feel healed be but still be
00:16:56
Heather Morgan
there
00:16:58
Heather Morgan
Like emotions always come up, I realize. Like two things can be true. You can heal through something and you can still grieve it. Because some things you grieve just will never change because they're just a truth and just part of the journey.
00:17:17
Heather Morgan
i can grieve, you know, missing the fun her in my life, but knowing that that it's never coming back. And I don't really want her to. Because I realized a lot of the things she was doing was from pain, from confusion, from feeling lost, from literally feeling the grief of the identity death that came along with her divorce and starting her whole life over.
00:17:41
Heather Morgan
And moving somewhere where she knew absolutely no one and just literally moving through the world with a hope and a prayer. And it's it's still wild to me that, you know, that girl was brave.
00:17:58
Heather Morgan
And I'm so proud of that. But it's okay to to heal that. And I, i want to I want you to kind of think when you're Thinking about healing wherever you are, it it the question becomes, and this was for me when I was holding on, holding on, because this was over a year process.
Desire for Genuine Change vs. Fantasizing
00:18:18
Heather Morgan
I knew I needed to level up, find my higher self, go through, but it did not happen overnight. This has been, and I'm not, I wouldn't even say I'm there yet. I've just really let go of a lot of the things that were holding me back that I was trying not to let go of for so long.
00:18:34
Heather Morgan
And i had to ask myself, do do I want the next version of my life or just the fantasy of it? You know, like we talk about there's people that want things in their life, but do they really actually want them or do they just want to talk about it?
00:18:51
Heather Morgan
I told you before that the whole reason I started my podcast, when I decided I was going to, I talked about it for months and months and months, months, until finally one of my buddies was like,
00:19:03
Heather Morgan
I don't want to hear about your podcast again until you start it.
00:19:07
Heather Morgan
And I remember him saying, I know so many people in my life that are so talented, that have so many abilities to do so many things, but they just talk. And that was something that I felt for other people all the time.
00:19:22
Heather Morgan
ah But yet, here I am being the person that was doing that. And I realize a lot of people spin their wheels speaking about a life they want or they think they want, but really aren't willing to give up the life they have or the identity that they've moved through the world with for so long.
00:19:46
Heather Morgan
Because there's comfort in the known. And when you have to do something different, you don't know. It's not predictable. You don't know how you'll feel.
00:19:57
Heather Morgan
and I'll be honest, at the beginning, it does kind of feel boring. You do kind of want to be like, yeah, of course I want to go do this. And you see other people doing things that you maybe would have done before. And then you're like, ah, and it's not like you can't do anything the same, but things just feel different. And I'll give a perfect example. I recently, like this is when I knew I was like, okay, the change is locked in. So I was recently in North Carolina for my birthday or right before my birthday, going to Zach Bryan, which I was a close, I was closing a loop from the last time I went. It was a whole thing, but amazing time. And before the concert, you would think, you know, you're pre-gaming, you're having a time. I felt like during my messy, that was for sure how I was moving through. i remember I saw him in San Francisco right after my divorce and went by myself. Like it was a whole thing.
00:20:50
Heather Morgan
And, went and stopped at this little mini bar, bought these like little mini bottles, was having a time. Now this, now fast forward. Now I'm in North Carolina and decide I'm going to go to the hotel gym and work out before the show.
00:21:10
Heather Morgan
And i thought about going and I was like, no, I don't need a pregame. You know what I'm going
00:21:16
Heather Morgan
I've been doing in this new like protein power powder and creatine whole thing. And I thought, yeah, this is – and I decided to – and this isn't about like, oh, look at me. I'm so great. It was just like um a choice that I made. And as I'm at the gym and there's no one there and I'm working out and it's a beautiful day in North Carolina, I thought to myself, this is the this is how the change shows up.
00:21:42
Heather Morgan
This is the growth. This isn't me forcing myself. This is what I'd prefer to be doing right now.
00:21:50
Heather Morgan
And I think that's powerful when you realize that it it becomes you finally being all right with making different choices than you have for so long.
00:22:04
Heather Morgan
And not in a forceful way, but in a way of like, this fill feels better.
00:22:10
Heather Morgan
This feels better. And not all choices like that are easy. But I think when you realize what actually feels good in your life and you're honest with yourself, not what you've always done, but what actually
Aligning Actions with Desired Life
00:22:26
Heather Morgan
feels good. And I don't mean in the moment.
00:22:29
Heather Morgan
I mean... And in the moment, it did feel good, right? But I'm saying oftentimes when you first are doing things, it it might feel like, oh, I'd rather be doing something else. But you realize after like, no, this is better.
00:22:43
Heather Morgan
as ah This makes me happier. This choice is more aligned with the life that I want.
00:22:50
Heather Morgan
And I want to like kind of one thing that triggered this and I was thinking about it the other day when I was at this event with um one of my friends and we were talking about something and it came up how Theo Vaughn and I just want to like preface this because it's so powerful if you're thinking about changing your life in any way because I know that change is hard and this is just to nudge you if you've been thinking about you wanting to make a shift and you know what it is and this could be again removing people from your life, removing yourself from situations or relationships or things that are not helping your life. And it it's hard for all of us to give up things we've always known. But um it was talking about how Theoban mentioned the ah the gospel of John.
00:23:41
Heather Morgan
And and just it's a it's a Bible. It's a story, as he prefaces. But he talks about how when Jesus asked this man, like, do you want to get well?
00:23:51
Heather Morgan
And of course, it's obvious at first, like, why wouldn't he want to get better? i think this man had been like sick by the water for like 38 years, just wanting to be healed.
00:24:02
Heather Morgan
But the deep meaning that really hit is that it would change his whole identity if he said yes. So think about it. If you knew there could be a power to just change your life to what you actually say you want, I want to heal. I want to be the person that does this. I want to have this life. If that could slight switch, one touch, do it.
00:24:26
Heather Morgan
Are you prepared to be the person that is actually healed, that is actually living the life that you're saying?
00:24:35
Heather Morgan
And even if that means
00:24:37
Heather Morgan
I mean, think about the deeper. Maybe yours is like, yeah, of course I want to be rich. Okay, do you want to steward all that money? you want to have friends that might not really be friends now approach you? Do you want to deal with like that new tax bracket? Do you want it? There's a lot of things that come along with the life you're calling. So without you building upon it, some people can't hold it
00:24:59
Heather Morgan
and you see that in lottery winners. That's already been talked about a million times, but it's so true because it's just an instant change in who you were to what you now hold.
00:25:12
Heather Morgan
And in this story, it talks about, I just want to tie back to like the idea that if you heal, then your entire life changes, your excuses disappear, your routines change,
00:25:26
Heather Morgan
People will see you differently. You have to live differently. and you can no longer identify as the person that in this instance, like who's just laying by the pool.
00:25:37
Heather Morgan
And a lot of people want relief from pain. that's why they want their life to change. Like this is painful the way it is. I want it to be different. But healing asks for transformation. Right?
00:25:50
Heather Morgan
And transformation can feel very terrifying because the old identity, even if it's painful, is familiar.
00:26:01
Heather Morgan
And I've talked about this before. So I want you to think about... When you're asking for a new life and you're saying, heal this, let me feel less pain. Let me have this life. Let me let me have these things. And we're we're wanting so much to be different in our life.
00:26:22
Heather Morgan
But are we willing to become someone new?
00:26:27
Heather Morgan
Not because the old you was bad, but because the old version was built to survive a different season.
00:26:34
Heather Morgan
And depending on what season you're in not everyone in this current season can come with you. Not every habit, not every person. It's it's a new season.
00:26:47
Heather Morgan
The leaves fall from the trees.
00:26:50
Heather Morgan
And I'll end this by telling you that I know it's uncomfortable to look at yourself and say, I do want to heal, but do I want to change?
Gradual Identity and Habit Changes
00:27:03
Heather Morgan
And what do I need to change? And how will that feel? And how will that be perceived? And can i do it?
00:27:11
Heather Morgan
And as much as no one wants to hear this, I had to remind myself all the time because I'm such a person that used to plan out so much. And now I feel like I'm evolving a little more back to that mindset of like, I just want to have it all figured out. And I just don't see in life where that comes a point that we do.
00:27:31
Heather Morgan
But it's day by day.
00:27:35
Heather Morgan
I'm not suggesting and it was not my experience that every habit and every thought and everything just changed overnight. It was continuously moving through the world as embodying who I want to be, who I desire to be instead of who I was.
00:27:58
Heather Morgan
And that helps me show up. For the the different life that I want to call in that i know that is meant for me that I'm here to do. i mean, even with this podcast, showing up for y'all is important to me because I i know that's my purpose. And so I continue because it's, it's who I am.
00:28:23
Heather Morgan
it's not It's not a question. And once you start changing your identity and once it's an ah identity lock-in, you don't have to think about it anymore. So I know at the beginning it feels overwhelming, but once you lock it in, you just choose it.
00:28:40
Heather Morgan
I've talked about this before. Like I just make my bed every morning because that's who I am.
00:28:45
Heather Morgan
I don't think about, am I going to, am I not? I just do it. And that becomes everything in your life once you do it from an identity level. And that's what happens with repetition.
00:28:56
Heather Morgan
And I know you got this. I wanted to bring you something that you could really reflect on and think about because it's so important for us to really combine what we Think about what we're ruminating in our minds, what we want, and put it into action because that's where the change happens.
True Change Through Actions
00:29:22
Heather Morgan
Words are powerful, but they're not going to change the world or your world or who you are. It's the actions that you take every single day that are going to make the difference.
00:29:37
Heather Morgan
So if this helped you or you know someone that needs to hear it, get it get it to em Send it to them. I feel like this is a light little nudge of I love you, I see you, and I know you're evolving.
00:29:52
Heather Morgan
And make sure that you go and give the episode five stars or give the podcast five stars. Y'all, that means so much. I feel like there's so much happening behind the scenes with the podcast. And I just can't wait to share with y'all everything that's moving.
00:30:06
Heather Morgan
And I want more people to find it because I'm seeing and witness of how it's helping us as we're all just evolving together and wandering the wild mess. So I want to kind of end this by just saying,
00:30:23
Heather Morgan
and asking you and posing you this question because I love you. Do you actually want the next life or do you just want to keep dreaming about it?
00:30:37
Heather Morgan
This was Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.