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92. What If You're Not Stuck?
68 Plays9 days ago
How many doors have you closed before opportunity ever had the chance to knock?
Because you didn't know how it would work out. Because you weren't sure you were ready. Because hearing "no" felt worse than staying where you were.
In this episode, I explore how fear of rejection, embarrassment, uncertainty, and discomfort can keep us from the very experiences we're hoping for. From joining a new gym to making unexpected friendships at the farmer's market, I've been reminded that many of life's best opportunities only appear when we're willing to step outside our comfort zone and say yes.
Because what if the life you want isn't “never going to happen,” you're just closing the doors that would allow it to find you?
If you've been feeling stuck, waiting for the right time, or wondering why life feels smaller than you hoped it would, this episode is your reminder that possibility often lives on the other side of uncertainty.
The life you want may not be avoiding you. You may be avoiding the situations where it can find you.
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- Email the show: heather@wanderingthewildmess.com
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Transcript
The Fear of Unknown and Self-Doubt
00:00:01
Speaker
How many doors have you closed before opportunity ever had the chance to knock? Because it felt safer to stay where you were than risk the unknown or even worse, rejection.
00:00:17
Speaker
Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. Welcome to the episode that's going to change your mindset about the life you want to build and the life you're restarting and the world that you're creating to be your own the life you're building and you are in a place where you know the doors that you're keeping shut and those doors are probably what need to open
00:00:48
Speaker
to create the life you want. What I've been realizing lately is so many of us aren't actually being rejected by life and we're not really as stuck as we think we are, but we're rejecting possibilities before they ever get the chance to unfold.
The Power of Saying Yes
00:01:06
Speaker
Feel that with me. There are so many times that we don't allow certain opportunities to come into our life Because we already doubt it but Lately, I've been noticing something. Almost every good thing that has been happening in my life recently started with me simply saying yes.
00:01:29
Speaker
I think that season I had last year, and you guys know if you've listened along the podcast, especially the episode, if life has hit you hard, this is for you. I was going through it last year and doing a lot of healing. And those seasons all have purpose, right? There's moments of more isolated seasons that are good to really self-reflect and work on ourselves.
Transformative Life Choices
00:01:51
Speaker
But when you're in a season of what I feel is happening right now, this big shift of like people just wanting to have a different life and forgetting that that takes a different version of you to have that life.
00:02:05
Speaker
And even if I think back about those of you that listen that been divorced or breakups or starting over, like you are a different person after that. When you leave a life that you've known,
00:02:18
Speaker
You become someone else because you're not moving through life in the same way that person was. And that's what we have to think about when we feel stuck. We're stuck because we're doing the same thing we've always been doing. Literally, we're stuck in the mud because we don't want to get out and start running because at least being stuck in the mud feels familiar,
00:02:41
Speaker
Right. And lately I've been saying yes to more. And during my messy phase, I was in this say yes, yes, yes. But it was it was messy. I wasn't saying yes to alignment. I was saying yes to distracting my life from anything that I actually had to like feel. But once I got my you know more isolated season and realized that when I was saying yes, it was so I could run away from my problems and not feel my emotions.
00:03:11
Speaker
Now I'm at a place where I understand that. And so when I say yes to things, it's things that feel like the opportunities And the right, like it's intentional, I guess is what I'm saying. So I want to tell you a little bit about how that's changing my life right now, because I want to open your mind to the possibility of you changing how you're moving through the world. And so you don't feel so stuck. And so you don't feel so lost.
00:03:40
Speaker
Heather, I don't like my job. I don't like that. I don't have a partner. I don't like, you know, X, Y, and Z. I get that. I feel that. There's moments where something about our current life doesn't feel ideal, right? We don't love it. But the way to move through that is to start making different decisions. And I think about like lately – I've been saying yes to so many more things. And my life has just looked so much different the last few months or since this year because I've just been saying yes. Like I think about earlier this year, I felt this nudge. I went golfing. I hit a bucket.
00:04:20
Speaker
And when I was leaving, i was like, I think I need to be um around more people. You guys know I do the podcast, but I also have like a remote corporate job still. And that's a whole other story. And i am working from home. So I'm home a lot. And I was like, I need more community.
Acting on Ideas and Facing Rejection
00:04:38
Speaker
And I feel like a lot of people are hearing that this year. So if you're feeling that, this will connect. But I was like, I think I need more community. So I'm leaving golfing and something nudges me and says,
00:04:49
Speaker
You know, there's that gym that opened up in you know in your area and you should just check it out. And again, I could have just been like, well, i know't I don't want to walk in by myself to this gym and I don't know anybody there. like dadada da da But I was like, no, I'm going to go. like If you want community, then you have to act like you do. right So that means going into this gym by yourself and being like, hey, I want to tour the gym. Get the vibe. So what do I do?
00:05:18
Speaker
Drive from golfing, go right to the gym. I don't even second guess it because I think oftentimes – The right time to move is usually right when the idea gets, the thought gets planted in your head because you have less time to like decide why you're not going to do it.
00:05:34
Speaker
Like if I put it off at that moment, who knows if I would have done it, right? Because life is always busy. Timing never feels ideal. It's just got to go now now, now. So one thing I would tell you, if you really want to change things about your life, then say yes in the moment and don't try to over-process, over-analyze it. And I'm telling you that as someone that has historically done that a lot and is still recovering from doing that.
00:05:58
Speaker
But in this instance, i go straight to that gym and meet with a guy. We're talking and I'm like vibing. I'm a viber. I like to know what it feels like. And I'm like, yeah, I feel like I can see myself working out here. And I just...
00:06:13
Speaker
It's funny because I think I mentioned before, like I don't watch television. It's something I kind of like quit after my divorce. I just stopped watching television. I think there was a lot of reasons for it. but i So I don't really do that at all. So it was kind of funny because when I first was going to that gym, it was like my TV show. I was like...
00:06:32
Speaker
people watching and making characters out of the people. And that's really fun for me. And it kind of makes the workout more entertaining. um But anyways, it was so good for my soul just to be around people. And like, then I started working with a trainer and like that just gave me like a new confidence at the gym and that, but it also felt uncomfortable. They're asking all those questions like, have you ever worked out before? What are your goals? Blah, blah, blah. Stuff that was like kind of out of my comfort zone. Had I got a trainer before? No. Like, do I want someone like pushing me? Yes and no. You know what I mean? It's just like different things.
00:07:07
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um But it was like the best thing for me. And I actually like now just look forward to going to the gym, love just seeing the people that are like little characters in my life. And the cool thing about it is i also said I wanted more friendships.
00:07:24
Speaker
right? Like community and then also friendships where I live because I live outside of Nashville and most of my friends are like in Nashville or Franklin or surrounding that and not where I live.
00:07:35
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And so I was like, I'd love more friends. So kid you not, I decide, okay, I'm going to the farmer's market every Saturday. Now there's a cute little farmer farmer's market in my town by my gym. And I'm like,
00:07:49
Speaker
Heather, if you want a different life, you've got to be in the world. So I start going to this farmer's market. And the second the first time I go, I didn't bring the dog. I didn't think about it. And then other people had their dog. i was like, duh, bringing my dog.
00:08:01
Speaker
Could you not? I bring my dog to this farmer's market the second time I go. And I'm sitting there and then like people are talking to me and I'm just open. I'm not like looking at my phone. I'm like open to receiving. And I want to remind us that because sometimes we're so distracted that we're not really even like existing in the world. And that's not how things can be received.
00:08:23
Speaker
You know, if we can't even see or notice them, then they, they aren't part of our, like we've talked about this before and just how the brain works. Like we only perceive what we see and view. So if we're not aware not,
00:08:39
Speaker
in the world, we we just, we might miss it. You know, it's that whole idea of look up. So I'm kind of sitting there with my coffee. I start talking, this little boy's telling me about fishing and I'm like, Oh, you're going deep sea fishing. And it was just so cute. And then the next thing you know, this like a woman comes over and she has this little girl, she's so cute. And she's like, can I pet your dog? And so I started talking to the woman and like her and I are just clicking.
00:09:03
Speaker
We're talking about workouts. We're talking about the farmer's market. We're talking about all these things. And she's like, Hey, I'm going to this, like, burn bootcamp and this Pilates class. Like, do you want, you should come. Like there's a whole bunch of other girls that go there. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, what asking yourself receive? Because I was like, I want more friends. So we exchanged numbers. I ended up like going to the burn bootcamp with her. I went to Pilates. I ended up signing up for now a Pilates.
00:09:30
Speaker
studio with her. And I'm telling you all this because when I was sitting at home being like, I am stuck and I'm trying to heal and all these things, I just didn't have the opportunity to have these other experiences because I wasn't putting myself in places that they could occur.
00:09:47
Speaker
And i know you're thinking about that. and And when I'm saying this, it's even if it's like the job, the relationship, like I get it when people are like, You have to be open to receive.
00:10:02
Speaker
And we talked about that in the episode 91 with Taylor about dating. Like you really, you don't have to like be like needy and out there like, oh, I just need friends. You just have to have the energy of openness. And I think so many times we get a little bit over the, our in our heads about,
00:10:24
Speaker
can I do this? That we like reject the possibility before it even comes to us. Like we've already talked ourselves out of it before it arrives, before it has a chance to even enter our world.
Creating Opportunities and Embracing Discomfort
00:10:36
Speaker
And this happens all the time and things even like a new job opportunity. Like, don't get me wrong. You like think that you want a new opportunity and you're like thinking about that thing you want.
00:10:46
Speaker
I have a friend right now. She's been wanting to get out of this one industry and into a new one. She's on the fence. She calls me. Heather, I'm working on my resume. Can you look at it? Like, I really think I want to do this opportunity, but I don't know. I looked and like, I don't have all the qualifications. And I was like, who cares?
00:11:03
Speaker
I've hired tons of people. I've been in corporate America for a long time. There has been no one I've hired that has had pretty much every single thing. Like that's just, that's the catch all. That's what we ideally want. But in a perfect world, that's very rare.
00:11:17
Speaker
Like that's, i that's very rare. yeah, Let's just not already close the door on this opportunity you really want just because you think you have to have everything because you don't.
00:11:29
Speaker
And I think so many of us wait for this perfect case scenario before we move towards the things we want in our life. And we're just, that's why we feel stuck because we're sitting there waiting for the perfect storm instead of creating it ourself.
00:11:47
Speaker
And when I mean creating it, I mean giving it a chance to happen. It's all a probabilities game. The probability of me meeting new friends while I'm never doing anything out in the world is pretty rare, right? Like, but me and even me out in the world, but just sitting on my phone and not looking up decreases my probability. I've talked about this before about a probabilities game, right? Like,
00:12:17
Speaker
putting yourself in positions to increase the problem but probability of you having the things you want from life. And that's friendships, relationships, jobs, like everything. And I think that even about like shooting your shot, like um when we think about like dating, like giving someone a smile, DMing that person,
00:12:40
Speaker
Whatever it is, like you're putting yourself in a position. And I think often sometimes we're worried about, and that's what I introed with, embarrassment and rejection, which if you haven't seen that, people talking about it, I can't remember remember who it was that was interviewed, but I think it was like a celeb, but, um, but a multiple people I've heard say this. And so if you haven't, this will hit your mind.
00:13:03
Speaker
Embarrassment is an under expressed or emotion. Like it's an under utilized emotion, meaning that we try to protect ourself from embarrassment so much.
00:13:18
Speaker
And it's like, why?
00:13:22
Speaker
Why? It doesn't really, i i know it feels like, oh we're embarrassed, but it's so temporary. And a lot of it's just in our head. And most people aren't that worried about it.
00:13:33
Speaker
And we really get to make up the meaning behind the embarrassment or rejection. I like to think, and I might have said this before, but I love this idea of thinking like if you don't get that opportunity or if someone's like, no, I don't really want you to work on this. Like, no, whatever it is, any kind of rejection. It's not really a rejection. It's kind of neutral.
00:13:56
Speaker
Like it's just, it is what it is. It doesn't mean anything about your worth, your value. it just means it's not an alignment for you at this time. And I probably repeat that through this podcast sometimes because I want you to remember that. And weirdly, I'll tie this back into even my divorce and how, you know, people have reached out and said like how I've talked about it. Cause you know, I don't have any,
00:14:25
Speaker
animosity to that. And when I think about it, it's because like we just, it was not a fit anymore. that doesn't mean that that person is bad. Like when you break up or get a divorce, like it doesn't have to be this, like they were the worst human being ever. And so I left, it's like you, it just wasn't ah an alignment anymore for me.
00:14:50
Speaker
And i don't even know if it ever was, you know, because I probably didn't have the the mindset that I have now. And so i guess it probably was at one point. But that's kind of the way I think about it. I don't think about me leaving him as a rejection of him.
00:15:05
Speaker
i think it was a decision that was more in alignment for me. And so when people are potentially rejecting you or making you feel like they don't want you, no, no, it's not about you. It's about what fits.
00:15:20
Speaker
And what works best. And if that woman never wanted to be my friend, I wouldn't think twice like, oh, she if I would have done this, if I would have done that. Like, that's not how it works. We're just open to receiving and what's meant for us will stay.
00:15:35
Speaker
And I feel like... In this world, self-protection and openness can't fully exist in the same place. If you're always trying to like protect yourself from feeling rejected, embarrassed, um not good enough, like you can't fully be open.
00:15:54
Speaker
And that's something I'm even thinking when you know I've opened my heart to love. Y'all know um I'm not really out there dating, but I know that's going to be the real thing Unlock is realizing that when you actually want to start dating someone and when you are, it's like you are out there putting your heart on the line and they can or cannot decide to carry on the relationship with you. And you have to be okay with taking that risk.
00:16:25
Speaker
Because When we don't do that, what we're trying to do is protect ou ourselves from disappointment and uncertainty and like awkwardness and failure.
00:16:36
Speaker
But we accidentally protect ourselves from possibility too.
00:16:45
Speaker
What do you think about that? And possibility is kind of like what it all is. Because the friendships I made, the people I've met, the experiences I've had, and the opportunities that showed showed up in my life, none of those came from me sitting at home trying to figure out the rest of my life.
00:17:09
Speaker
It wasn't until I decided like, okay, Heather, we're we got to start living. We've got to start being back out in the world. Maybe I don't need another sign or I don't need to sit here and try to plan everything.
00:17:21
Speaker
Because i could have never planned five years ago that this would be my life. And here we are.
00:17:29
Speaker
So maybe the purpose isn't planning and trying to protect myself from all the pain. Because if I would have protected myself from pain, I probably wouldn't have got divorced.
Learning from Life's Messiness
00:17:40
Speaker
And honestly, as a hard truth that it is, it was what needed to happen for my life. and that came with pain.
00:17:52
Speaker
And I think we have to at some point come to the reality that no doors are going to open if we're too afraid to ever unlock them.
00:18:07
Speaker
If we just want to look at them saying, oh, maybe one day I'll walk through that. But if you want certainty, that you're not going to have pain, you're and it's not going to hurt, it's not going to be uncomfortable, it's not going to be hard, you're not going to be rejected.
00:18:26
Speaker
That reality doesn't exist. I wish it did because I'm with you, but it doesn't. And so the more that we can get uncomfortable or comfortable being uncomfortable, the better we navigate this experience.
00:18:45
Speaker
So I wanted to throw you that bone and give you that reminder because I feel this year is one and we're like halfway through it already. And I know you had intentions for your year, whether you wrote new Year's resolutions or not, you had intentions. And now we're halfway through the year. And I just want you to be like, oh my gosh, what do I, and even if you're listening at a different time, wherever you are in your life,
00:19:14
Speaker
the doors open. want to open for you. i promise. Because that is, we're here to have experiences, but you just have to get comfortable being uncertain.
00:19:30
Speaker
And once you do that, I promise you, it just starts aligning so well. i Cannot even begin to explain how many things have popped up in my life that I was like, okay, i I'm supposed to do this. I'm supposed to be here. And there's just been so many like wow moments of, okay, this is where I need to be.
00:19:56
Speaker
And the other thing that makes it a little bit easier, i'll I'll wrap this up by telling you, that I realized too, even like disappointments, like I've had a few things where I was like, oh, I thought that was going to pan out and it didn't.
00:20:11
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, there's some purpose in the the reorganization of that. If not, there's something better. There's some kind of, and I like truly believe that,
00:20:26
Speaker
That there is purpose in so much that we just cannot even see. And often it makes sense looking backwards. That's something I've echoed quite a bit through this podcast. And I really want you to hone into that because when you do, you are able to trust your path no matter how messy it looks.
00:20:47
Speaker
And I'll end this by saying, I am so proud of you for showing up for life and to to listening to this episode and taking from it what I know you will. And that's a different perspective about showing up for yourself and allowing those doors to open for you.
00:21:07
Speaker
I know that a lot of my listeners are working through like healing and rebuilding. And so now I want you to let life meet you there. Put down the need to get it perfect, to fix everything, to get it right.
00:21:22
Speaker
That's not our whole purpose. Yes, improvement of ourselves is great. And that self-reflection and um all of that purposeful, meaningful. But living with joy and actually having real human connection and experiences is so important to unlocking the life that doesn't feel like you're stuck every day. I've been doing this romanticizing my life thing and it's been a mental game changer.
00:21:51
Speaker
And I just, I love it so much because I feel like it's helped me feel a little less stuck when I'm staying in gratitude. And life has just surprised me over and over again when I've been willing to just show up and be like, what's in store today? What's coming?
00:22:12
Speaker
And that's just been the key. So I'll leave you with maybe this week, the goal isn't to figure out your whole future. Maybe the goal was never to figure out your whole future.
00:22:26
Speaker
Maybe it was to simply stop closing doors on possibilities before they have the chance to knock.
00:22:40
Speaker
You matter. Thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess.