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When Life Doesn’t Look Like You Thought It Would By Now
117 Plays14 days ago
We often pick a time in our life and think we’ll be “there” by now.
But what no one talks about is the in-between—the space where you’ve changed your life, done the work, and you’re still waiting for it to come together.
Starting over can feel like 10 steps backwards, and getting another year older can feel like you still haven't made it to where you wanted to be.
In this raw and honest episode, I talk about the feeling of being behind, the pressure we put on ourselves to be further along, and the mental tug-of-war between gratitude and wanting more. I share what it’s been like navigating growth, identity, and learning how to trust the process even when the outcome isn’t clear yet.
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, alone, or like life doesn’t look how you thought it would by now, this episode is for you.
You’re not behind. You’re becoming.
Alexa play, "Be Her" by Ella Langley
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Transcript
Why Life Doesn't Align with Expectations
00:00:37
Heather Morgan
Why doesn't my life look like I thought it should by now? Let's talk about it.
00:00:47
Heather Morgan
So many of us feel that in our souls. When I say that my life is not what I thought it would look like by now, I feel that's a universal feeling for so many of us.
00:01:01
Heather Morgan
And today is my birthday, and if I'm being honest, wow, does it feel like I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be by now.
00:01:13
Heather Morgan
And I know so many of us feel that and I want to dive into that real emotion of feeling behind no matter where you are.
00:01:25
Heather Morgan
So let's get into it.
Overcoming Overwhelming Life Milestones
00:01:27
Heather Morgan
Guys, I just feel overwhelmed and I want to be real with y'all. I think there's so many times that we put these milestones in our life and we think, okay, by this time and that this time and a few years after this, then all of it will fall together and everything will look different and everything will be great. And I don't want to say at all that my life isn't great and that I'm not grateful for so many things in my life because I am.
00:02:02
Heather Morgan
But this... feeling of being so behind. Like y'all, when you start over and anything, it's like, it feels so heavy. Like you're taking 10 steps behind and often you're like, okay, it's going to be fine. I'll just, I'll just figure it out and then I'll make it work and I'll be where I want to be in no time. And then time happens and you're still not there. And you're like,
00:02:30
Heather Morgan
hi and it's so heavy to sit with sometimes because especially birthday to birthday, and I know we can all relate to this because on one birthday, you're like, okay, this is it. And then you're like, but the next one, I want all these things to happen. It's kind of the same idea of like starting a new year and all of those things. Whenever you can like timestamp what was last year to what was this year, and you're just like, what have I done?
00:03:00
Heather Morgan
And it just not never seems to feel like enough. And that's where I've been sitting with lately. Like, man,
00:03:13
Heather Morgan
I just feel like I should be so much farther along.
Reflecting on Divorce and Unmet Expectations
00:03:17
Heather Morgan
I was telling a friend that, you know, and with my divorce coming up, it was three years this year too I'm like, i don't know that I could have had the courage to leave my old life if someone specifically would have said, hey, just so you know, when you leave this life, more than three years from now, you're still going to be doing it on your own.
00:03:48
Heather Morgan
you're not going to have anyone in your life to help you and be there. And you're not going to, you know, you, you know, you don't want this marriage, but I'm not going to be ah I'm not giving you a partner even in three years.
00:04:05
Heather Morgan
And it's crazy because the first couple years, it's the last thing I wanted. And I'm not saying that that's something that's like, it's just heavy the longer and the longer I continue to carry my life alone. I i feel the weight.
00:04:24
Heather Morgan
And I feel like after all this time, i just didn't think I'd still be doing it alone. I didn't think I wouldn't be completely in the place in my mind that I want to be. i didn't realize that so much of what I wanted would still not be here yet.
00:04:46
Heather Morgan
And you know if you listen to the podcast, all of the things, I know how much growth has happened and I'm so proud of it. But that does not, and I'm not going to sit here and pretend that there are not been days in the last week or so that I have just been on my knees crying, just like,
00:05:11
Heather Morgan
where is this going?
00:05:13
Heather Morgan
And i know i you know i know I study the mind. I know we want to look for patterns. We want to feel safety. We just want to know the how. And I've preached before. I know it all works out for us. And I truly do believe that. And I remind myself and have faith in that all the time.
Universal Fears and Right Life Choices
00:05:31
Heather Morgan
But that doesn't remove the human emotion of going,
00:05:39
Heather Morgan
gosh, we're still here just figuring it out by ourselves. And we don't fully have the support of the things that we thought would be in our life by now.
00:05:54
Heather Morgan
And so we just have to continue to move through the world without it and gosh, it's it's a lot.
00:06:07
Heather Morgan
it's a law And I wanted to be this vulnerable and honest with y'all because if you're there, I just want you to know that you are not alone in that feeling of when is it coming? When is it my turn? When is it happening for me? When do the things that I've desired for so long show up?
00:06:29
Heather Morgan
And then that quiet fear in the back of your mind that wants to say, will they ever? What if not me? What if I never get it right? What if it never works out? What if I can't figure this out? What if I'm alone forever?
00:06:43
Heather Morgan
What if I made a mistake? And I know that I do not want to go back to my old life. I know leaving that part of my life was the best thing for me.
00:06:59
Heather Morgan
and that growth happens sometimes. when you get out of your comfort zone, when you leave the things that aren't meant for you, you can't grow by staying and stuck and in this loop of the same person you've always been and then expect a different result. But when you change and the result hasn't fully arrived, it's like, whew.
00:07:27
Heather Morgan
I'm just trying to be real, but it's Wow. It's a shock. And I think my nervous system is feeling like very overwhelmed and the the birthday thing comes up and you're like, whew. another year older and everything that I was ah hoping for it and I know and I feel truly because I love myself that I'm deserving of is still not arrived.
00:07:57
Heather Morgan
And that's a big paradox when you realize that we I have told you all before, like we are all deserving of love and the life that we want. But we do not have the control over when the timing of some of those things come into our life. And so staying in the now and loving and appreciating what we have now while desiring things that have not yet arrived is so important.
00:08:27
Heather Morgan
I think it's just not talked about enough because it's it's just this tug of war with your own mind of like, okay, be grateful for where I am. I'm so thankful. I love my life.
00:08:37
Heather Morgan
But where is what i' what I'm calling in, what I'm praying for, what I desire because i i need – not need. i don't like to – because I know that I don't need
00:08:55
Heather Morgan
for much.
00:08:57
Heather Morgan
But I have to be honest that that pull to to have more and become and be that person that has the life that i want truly.
00:09:09
Heather Morgan
is wild.
Struggle for Self-Realization
00:09:11
Heather Morgan
Like I think about, and I love this song, and you know, I've talked about Ella Langley's music before, even before she's had the amazing come up that has been her career. And it's so cool to witness, especially like had meeting her in person and feeling her energy even before she had the fame, just you could tell she was just a good soul. And I think about hers. I just want to be hers so bad. it hurts so bad.
00:09:39
Heather Morgan
be her, her song and like speaking to my soul because that is me so often just like I just want to be her so bad. It hurts so bad. It hurts so bad. and you you know that you're grateful for what you have, but you're just in this wanting to be fully emerged as the person that has the life that you kind of paint in your mind. And when I left my marriage, I was so fearful because I didn't know what my life would look like.
00:10:21
Heather Morgan
And I think sometimes I loop like, Heather, you left this life And this is what you get because you didn't know. It's almost like that game, you know, what you like pick the box that you don't know what you know, you already have something. You don't really want it.
00:10:40
Heather Morgan
You're like, I don't remember the game, but that game shows like way old. But, and then you choose the prize behind the box that you don't know what it is.
00:10:51
Heather Morgan
And you're just willing to bet that whatever is in that other box that you can't see is better than the thing that you have. And that is what I wrestle with every day because that is what I did.
00:11:03
Heather Morgan
i took something that was still I'm grateful for and was a prize in its own right, but was not for me. And I said, I'm going to chance it all and go with this box of the unknown. And I feel like that box is still not lifted.
00:11:21
Heather Morgan
I still don't know what's there. I'm still just waiting because i don't, know what's in store for me. i
00:11:32
Heather Morgan
see in my soul where my purpose is. And that's how I continue to show up for this podcast and for the listeners that I literally love and adore for taking this journey with me and wandering this wild mess with me because I just know you y'all can relate to me because I know so many of us are just feeling so behind. And at any point in time, you know, i feel like there's not a single soul on this planet that once it's their birthday, they're like,
00:12:03
Heather Morgan
oh, I should have had so much more accomplished by now. I just feel like it's a universal thought and I wish I could just take that away. And I just, i I was thinking to myself, like, I cannot feel this way next birthday. Can I please just be in the mental space that I'm like, ah,
00:12:24
Heather Morgan
This is exactly, I'm right on time because I talked about this a little, but like this book called The Gap and the Gain, um it's really about you instead of focusing on what you've gained, you think about the gap and you sit there and that it's so hard to really ever feel like your life's good enough if you're sitting in the gap.
00:12:48
Heather Morgan
And one of the examples is like, say you're going to like, your goal was to book 10 clients for whatever you're doing. Let's just use that example. And then you book seven and you focus on the seven or sorry, you focus on the three that you didn't get instead of the seven. And so you're always just sitting in that gap like, well, I didn't do enough. I didn't do enough. I didn't do enough.
00:13:13
Heather Morgan
And that is what I feel like right now. It's like my mind circling circling Last year for my birthday and going, what progress have you made?
00:13:33
Heather Morgan
Like, where are you even going with this? And although there's been so many things, it's like this bully in the back of my head trying to say, like, you're not doing enough.
00:13:44
Heather Morgan
And it's truly, like, brought me to my knees in tears over and over because I just feel As someone that's so like happy and positive and like full of self-love, it's like, how can I love myself so much and know my worth so much and still feel like I am just not doing enough?
00:14:11
Heather Morgan
I am just not where I'm supposed to be. i mean, even at the gym today. So I went and I have, uh, I, I like booked some sessions with the trainer and we were doing the weights and he's like, how big do you think you could do? And I remember like he started with like these heavier dumbbells or like weights and I did some and then I was like, just so discouraged.
00:14:36
Heather Morgan
Like You have to go down in weights because I can only do like seven reps and I was trying to even get eight. And that is sometimes what life feels like. We just want to jump and like go to lifting like what? Like I can't lift like 45 pounds like right out the jump or what? I mean, mine was literally like 25 on each. I couldn't even keep doing that many. And I was getting so frustrated myself because I just want to walk in and be so strong and just have it happen without – Building it, building the strength.
00:15:10
Heather Morgan
And it was such a, like, I realized that sometimes we're just so hard on ourselves when we see what we want to be able to do and it just isn't what we're doing.
00:15:25
Heather Morgan
and we're And maybe we're even doing it, but it's not,
Building Emotional Resilience
00:15:29
Heather Morgan
it doesn't look how we thought it should by now. And part of even why i wanted to like get in the gym and like start lifting weights more is because I really want to physically watch myself build the strength because I feel like internally I'm trying so hard to continue to build that internal strength.
00:15:51
Heather Morgan
And I want to be reminded of the contrast that that's how it works with physical strength too. I can't just come in and lift 100 pounds because I want to. I have to build up the strength and start smaller and get the reps in and continually show up for me to build that strength.
00:16:17
Heather Morgan
And i know that's how it works, but that pull to just be like, can I be there yet? Can I just already be there? Can I, I just want to be her so bad it hurts so bad is strong.
00:16:31
Heather Morgan
and I've talked before about when – and I think about this a lot. Like I've talked before when I – if you listen in the earlier episodes, like when I first got divorced, I found the book Power of Now. And that's on my website, Wandering the Wild Mess, if you should check it out. I have some books there and and lots of just fun stuff or i don't know, fun, but good motivational tools. But that book really helped me ground myself into the now and I used to listen to it while I was hiking in the mountains.
00:16:59
Heather Morgan
And just really, it was it saved me from so many future worries and past projecting. and it's almost like I know i have the tools and I know and I'm like, stay in the now, Heather, stay the now. But this like part of me, this like human emotion that's like deep and like just wants to feel things is like, no, we're feeling this.
00:17:28
Heather Morgan
Like we're going to cry about it. We're going to say this sucks. We're going to say like I'm kind of angry. Like there's even parts of me that it's like,
00:17:38
Heather Morgan
I was talking to a friend about it. like There's just expectations you put on yourself and the things that you thought would be part of your life by now. And sometimes it's like so hard to know that
00:17:56
Heather Morgan
do you you get let down in life.
00:18:00
Heather Morgan
like I've worked so hard to protect myself from being let down and that's kind of why I have like more of an avoidant attachment style because when someone lets me down, I choose to just avoid or like i can just detach.
00:18:18
Heather Morgan
And I use that so that no one can hurt my feelings. I just... don't attach enough. But what I realize is if I want certain things in my life, I have to be okay no matter what and not try to protect so much from disappointment.
00:18:43
Heather Morgan
And I think that happens with a lot of us. when we are creating goals for ourself and wanting things in our life, sometimes we don't even make those goals because we feel like we don't want to let ourselves down.
00:18:59
Heather Morgan
And for me, it's almost been the opposite. like i I feel like I can only control myself. So setting goals for myself feels easy because then I only have me to blame.
00:19:14
Heather Morgan
But depending on anyone else to show up for me, i just, I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to put my trust in someone else
00:19:30
Heather Morgan
to
00:19:32
Heather Morgan
do what they say they're going to do and follow through. And it's weird because i know that for my life to look like I think it should look by now, I need to be able to ask for more help, let people show up for me in the ways that i without me just like running away.
00:19:57
Heather Morgan
and And man, for some of you that understand what that's like to just feel like it's easier to take it all on your own than to depend on someone else,
00:20:11
Heather Morgan
it gets heavy to just carry it all alone. And i'm I'm trying to figure out how i balance both not knowing if I'm doing enough and and feeling like I need to do more and then even
00:20:36
Heather Morgan
asking someone else to do anything for me.
00:20:40
Heather Morgan
You know, I know I don't want to carry life alone forever, but if I can't even ask for what I need, i don't know how I can receive it.
00:20:51
Heather Morgan
And Man, that's been part of this journey for me. it's um It's been interesting to realize that it's it's not about becoming someone new overnight. It's the small things that you do consistently. And it's not like this one major breakthrough. It's like day-to-day showing up and saying, how can I become more of the person that does X, Y, and Z?
00:21:23
Heather Morgan
you know, and it, and it feels overwhelming sometimes because it feels like it's like five different things. Like it feels like, okay, I need to like restructure the stuff with the podcast and my business and that. And then I have this nine to five and I'm like still a corporate girly. And then I like want a relationship, but I can't even figure out how to be someone that can date, you know, and it's, and then I got it. I got to get to the gym and I got to create this. And it just feels like it's seven different paths and they're all chaos. And then I realized that they're all linked to one identity, which is me.
00:22:06
Heather Morgan
And I just need to understand how to be the person that doesn't make them all different things and sees they're all about me trusting my path and knowing that I can be the person that receives, that I can ask for something and that if the answer is no, it is neutral. It is not a rejection. it is not a disappointment. I mean, I can feel disappointment, but it really is just neutral.
00:22:37
Heather Morgan
I'm becoming the person that doesn't get attached to things, that just enjoys them and is moving through the world with just So much faith and acceptance of things being however they are and not meaning anything about me and my worth.
00:23:00
Heather Morgan
All those things are tied together. Everything. When I'm doing anything, it's all just who am I and how do I trust myself more?
00:23:17
Heather Morgan
I hope that makes sense to someone out there that's feeling like defeated because I've definitely been overwhelmed with feeling defeated and it honestly just feels good to like talk this out with you all. So I hope this is like resonating with your soul and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm not alone in this. She totally gets it because It just feels good to say it out loud. And I i talked to a friend um when I was in North Carolina and we were, you know, same kind of thing. Like, I don't, it's crazy that I'm this vulnerable on the podcast because I don't really like to burden, I guess you would say, other people with the heaviness I carry.
00:24:03
Heather Morgan
And i've I've also done that as a protection mechanism because I can feel when I do share depth and people don't know how to hold it, like it feels like rejection.
00:24:16
Heather Morgan
Like I shouldn't have said that or I shouldn't have been that deep or I shouldn't. and and that's hard because you're being seen and someone's rejecting it.
00:24:29
Heather Morgan
You're being yourself, you're being vulnerable, and it feels like a rejection even if it's something that that they can't hold and it has nothing to do with you.
Vulnerability and Rejection in Relationships
00:24:37
Heather Morgan
They're just not prepared to take on or have that conversation with you.
00:24:41
Heather Morgan
And i told you in my marriage I avoided that like the plague. i was I was not like that wife that was like crying like, you don't care about – like I was not very vulnerable in my marriage.
00:24:59
Heather Morgan
and i And I honestly, I should have been more because there's so many things he could have never known because I never said them. And i know I can't be that again in a and a healthy relationship, but that's scary because to show who you are and your truth, and especially when you're not where you think you should be,
00:25:22
Heather Morgan
It feels like I just want to I want to wait until my life feels perfect before someone can be a part of it.
00:25:30
Heather Morgan
But then will it ever feel perfect and will I push people away the whole time?
00:25:38
Heather Morgan
And will I show someone and then maybe they don't want that? And will that throw me like back? You know, will that make me feel like, gosh, see, I should have been better.
00:25:51
Heather Morgan
And these are the overthinking, depth, poetry, writing moments that I'm playing out in my own head. The overthinking that doesn't serve me at all, but just makes me feel so emotionally in touch with just my soul of
00:26:10
Heather Morgan
You're an emotional being, Heather. And I think so many of us are, but we just don't always show it. And I want you to know that it's okay. And that there is going to be someone out there that will love every part of your truth.
00:26:26
Heather Morgan
Because I believe that even if I don't know how that's ever going to happen. But I know I have to open myself up to the idea that it can happen.
00:26:38
Heather Morgan
Because like I've talked about before, like if you don't think it's possible for you, it's not. And I don't want to shun that away.
00:26:49
Heather Morgan
But I have to be honest that it's it's it's hard to
00:26:55
Heather Morgan
show up fully as yourself because that's the only time that you can truly be rejected is when you're not performing, not pretending, not suppressing.
00:27:11
Heather Morgan
You're being who you truly are. And if someone sees that and can't meet you there,
00:27:17
Heather Morgan
that can sting.
00:27:19
Heather Morgan
But the other crazy thing is if someone sees you and they meet you there, but then they still have to leave because it's just not that that feeling when I saw someone that I felt like really saw me, that replays in my mind all the time because that feeling is a reference point for what I want.
00:27:44
Heather Morgan
And sometimes even this birthday is just like,
00:27:49
Heather Morgan
it it becomes maybe it's not that I'm not so far along. Maybe it's not that I haven't done X, Y, and Z. Maybe I wouldn't even care so much about all of those things
00:28:01
Heather Morgan
if I felt safe in someone seeing that truth and still loving me.
00:28:10
Heather Morgan
Not for being perfect, but for being me. But I know that I am the person that has to get there.
00:28:20
Heather Morgan
I am the person that has to find that first.
00:28:25
Heather Morgan
So as I'm being an absolute baby, which what else is new, right? um I'm going to kind of close this out. And I just, i really wanted this for those of you that are just feeling like I just want to be.
00:28:41
Heather Morgan
where I want to be so bad and it hurts so bad. And you relate to that feeling and you're ready to just step fully into this new version of yourself. And it just, it's not arriving as quickly as you would have liked.
00:28:55
Heather Morgan
I see you, i feel you, i understand. and if you're listening and your life doesn't look like you thought it would, i just want you to know you're not alone and you're not behind and we're becoming. We're just becoming. And this is part of the journey. And this is part of how it all comes together for us. And this is just our story.
00:29:14
Heather Morgan
What do they call it Like the hero's journey. Like no one that had this great storyline just had a straight path to success and you know all of the things that they desire. And I want to ground this in. I really do feel blessed. I wake up every day and I'm telling you this only because I want you to know that gratitude an unlock and it's so key. So i do wake up with so much gratitude, but I've got to be real that we're human and there's a part of our life that doesn't look like we want it to. And that emotion and that heaviness that we hold when we when we get in our minds about that, it's okay. We just got to feel it and move through it
00:30:00
Heather Morgan
We got to feel it and move through it.
00:30:03
Heather Morgan
So I want to end this by saying there's just a ah shift that's coming. And I know for so many of us, it's right around the corner. We just cannot give up. We cannot stop. We cannot believe that this is not – that the life that we want is not coming for us because it is.
Hope and Future Growth
00:30:21
Heather Morgan
And I know there's a version of me, of you, that is still being built. And as we're building, we can feel for a moment like we're failing.
00:30:35
Heather Morgan
But maybe it's just that our story isn't finished yet.
00:30:40
Heather Morgan
And I think that's a beautiful thought. There's a lot of story left to come. I know you guys are going to be here with me on this journey. I have no thought in my mind of not continuing this path with y'all. And that brings me so much joy because
00:31:02
Heather Morgan
Some days I want to just be be there for y'all. I just want to you know, but I also just want to be honest in this journey. There has been some of the highest highs and the lowest lows and we get there.
00:31:17
Heather Morgan
I know we get there. The how, isn't my business, but I want it to be. So i will end this by saying i love y'all so much. I truly do. I want the world for y'all. I want you to know how worthy you are. i want you to know you're not alone and feeling behind. i want you to know that there's just not ever always this point in time where it's all going to just say everything makes perfect sense. I hope we get there, but I feel like
00:31:51
Heather Morgan
We're always going to have some questions. We're always going to be trying to evolve and grow and expand. And talk about that all the time. That's why we're here. so So continue to evolve with me. I'm so, so blessed that you're wandering this wild mess with me.
00:32:10
Heather Morgan
There's so much more to come. There's so many things that ah I can't wait to share with y'all. And if you haven't checked out my website, definitely go there and see if there's anything, any books that you need.
00:32:22
Heather Morgan
Always happy to answer any questions. I told y'all, I think before that I'm going to do a Q&A. So definitely shoot me a note. Follow me along on social media. And thank you so much for being here.
00:32:34
Heather Morgan
i I can't thank you enough. You keep me going. And for that, I love you to the moon and back. This was Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan.
00:32:46
Heather Morgan
You matter.