Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
The Babysitter (1995)
33 Plays2 days ago
This week on the Erotic Thriller Club Alicia Silverstone just wants to do her job and every man in the tristate area won't stop bothering her.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Invitation
00:00:00
Speaker
Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, a handful of restraining orders and gather around your radio. It's time for this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club.
What Makes Erotic Thrillers Appealing?
00:00:24
Speaker
is antithesis, mysterious and dangerous and oh yes, they've got all the sexiest movies out of VHS. So if you're fatally attracted to the racier stuff, Erotic Film Club.
00:00:48
Speaker
If you want a racier movie and you're too classic for smart,
00:01:08
Speaker
It's 1995 and we're on planet Earth, a place where men won't mind their own business and just let a lady be.
Focus on 'The Babysitter' Film
00:01:16
Speaker
can a teen babysitter successfully avoid the advances of every man in the tri-state area and also get the kids to bed on time?
00:01:25
Speaker
This week on the Erotic Thriller Club, the babysitter. Hey everybody, welcome to this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club. As always, Garrett Callender and Kit Ryan here.
00:01:36
Speaker
And this is where we answer the genre's three most important questions. Was I aroused? Was I thrilled? And would I ruin my life for this person? Hey, I've never seen anything like this movie, Kit.
00:01:50
Speaker
Can't say I have either. Not sure that's a good... Not sure that's a bad... I'm not sure that that's a bad thing that I've never seen a movie like this before. I'm not sure I ever want to see another one. i Garrett, I wrote down the exact time code at which something happened in this movie. Would you like to know at what time code something actually happened?
00:02:17
Speaker
let me Can I think for just a second? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are we constituting is something happening? You mean like an action? Spilling ice cream on her dress is not a thing that happens. That doesn't count.
00:02:30
Speaker
I'm talking about one character interacts with another character in a way where plot is like in like something that is noteworthy. i'll I'll go with that. Something that does not happen on an ordinary day, completely normal.
00:02:49
Speaker
Man, I mean, it might even be the last 15 minutes of this movie. Garrett, too generous. Oh, is it really like the last like seven?
00:03:02
Speaker
Last four minutes. That really checks out on this one, Kit. It really
Plot Absurdities and Comedic Elements
00:03:08
Speaker
does. At hour and 18 minutes, the two teenage boys start fighting.
00:03:15
Speaker
At one minute, 22. At one hour, 22 minutes. Don't give this away. umt give The fight is over and the movie is essentially over.
00:03:27
Speaker
Yeah. Everything before that was nothing. It was like, we're teenage boys with nothing to do on a Friday night except harass some chick. Oh, we're middle-aged, you know, yuppies who are going to go ruin someone's party by getting too drunk.
00:03:47
Speaker
That's it. That's all that happens. I'm a babysitter. I'm babysitting the kids. I spilled ice cream on my dress and they won't go to bed on time.
Alicia Silverstone's Career Discussion
00:03:54
Speaker
That's it. Well, Kit summed up the movie in two minutes, so... Did I not... What did I miss?
00:04:03
Speaker
Did I miss anything? Well, I'm saying you should have maybe let the people keep guessing a little bit and have a reason to listen to an hour more of this. I mean... You could just hang out with us, y'all.
00:04:15
Speaker
Hey, how was your weekend? Garrett and I both saw the new Superman movie. We thought it was pretty cool. I watch Barbarella for the first time if we're going to talk about something that's erotic.
00:04:26
Speaker
Oh my. Much, much better. or as my two-year-old was calling it as we watched it, because he's allowed, he's seen boobs. He's seen them up close and personal.
00:04:40
Speaker
Bubilella. He did not actually call it Bubilella. He requested it after we finished. He said Bubilella. This precious, perfect boy. I love him so.
00:04:52
Speaker
There's a little stingray that's used ah to pull a bobsled in that movie, and it's got the cuntiest little eyelashes. Oh, love that.
00:05:04
Speaker
No. Okay. So the reason we chose the movie we did actually is because Kit pointed out a week or two, I don't remember how long ago this was, that you noticed Alicia Silverstone has a new erotic thriller that just came out to streaming.
Impact of 'Clueless' Anniversary
00:05:22
Speaker
And maybe yeah doing apparently it's not very good. And I thought it was interesting that, you know, very early in her career, she's thee the jailbait in The Crush. And now she can be the cougar in in a new movie. That's ah a long and beautiful career.
00:05:38
Speaker
And that is um the life cycle of and a woman's sexuality summed up right there. You start off as jailbait and then you end as a cougar.
00:05:50
Speaker
I think it's going to be fun to finally be able to find a film she's in erotic. hey what It's not this one. Well, it isn't this one and it isn't the And it wasn't the crush.
00:06:02
Speaker
But we're on our journey and there's another one we're going to do after this. But really, the whole reason for this- we will find this very beautiful lady to be sexy.
Fantasy Sequences and Their Implications
00:06:13
Speaker
promise. I promise. it
00:06:16
Speaker
it's This month is the 30th anniversary of Clueless, a good movie that isn't an erotic thriller. So why not celebrate Alicia Silverstone's erotic thriller career in a single month?
00:06:28
Speaker
ah hey I love that idea um much more than I actually loved watching this movie. I had so much fun watching this movie, Kit. That's why I think it's insane to sum it up the way you did. i mean, because you're not wrong in the way you summed it up, but the things that are happening in between are so funny to me.
00:06:50
Speaker
There were so many like... Yes, it starts off with this, you know, you're in this Norman Rockwell suburb. The music sounds like something out of Home Alone or maybe like a family comedy. You're right with Home Alone. I wrote the same.
00:07:06
Speaker
The same, Home Alone specifically? Yeah, it is it is Home Alone music in the background. The whole movie. whole movie. yeah Every part of Home Alone. Every part of Home Alone.
00:07:17
Speaker
It's true. And most of this movie doesn't actually happen. Most of the movie is is fantasy sequences. That is what makes this movie unique. and And it happens early on in a way that makes it confusing for the viewer because you do see what you think is maybe I don't even know if it's a fantasy sex scene with Tuesday night from Nightmare on Elm Street 4 at the beginning of the film. But then you're right. The entire movie is men looking at this child.
00:07:55
Speaker
Yes. And then picturing washing her back. Yes, it's a lot of soaping her back, which I didn't think was... I don't know, Garrett, I was never a teenage boy. Is that what you were imagining?
00:08:10
Speaker
The thing is, the kid she's babysitting... Folks, I want you to understand, I was worried in this film. Anybody that sees her, it's... Kit, I know it's early podcast first they zoom in They zoom in on the person's face and then it cuts to the fantasy sequence of like what they're fantasizing about. And the music, the freaking Home Alone music is still playing.
Character Motivations and Unrealistic Plans
00:08:36
Speaker
So it feels very Looney Tunes.
00:08:38
Speaker
I compare it to um You know how you have a character that's like starving in a cartoon and they're looking at the person they're with and they suddenly see like a talking steak instead of the person that they're talking to.
00:08:53
Speaker
That is what these are. That is what these are. It's just a steak you want to come on.
00:09:04
Speaker
They suddenly cannot see what is right in front of them anymore. Instead, they can only see the talking steak because they are so horny that that is all that their minds can focus on.
00:09:16
Speaker
People nearly crash cars. There's a lot of, there's crashing of cars or almost crashing of cars. There's also just a lot of, Hey, like trying to talk to somebody and they have to snap out of it. bone out Yeah.
00:09:29
Speaker
This is beyond fantasy. It's, this is like, it get, like I said, it's really early to call this. yeah But it's supernatural.
00:09:40
Speaker
This is witchcraft. She is a witch. Stop it. She's not a witch. She doesn't want any of this to happen. I think alternative idea. Someone cursed her.
00:09:51
Speaker
Oh, that makes way more sense. Because definitely she is not the one in charge of this because she doesn't want any of these people to be
Challenges Faced by the Babysitter
00:10:00
Speaker
hitting on her. She hates every part of it.
00:10:04
Speaker
We have you not watched another movie with a lead character more innocent or non-deserving of what happens to them than this woman. I know she is She just wants to do her dang job to get these kids you know into bed bed and and get paid her what I'm assuming at the time was like six bucks an hour home.
00:10:33
Speaker
um ma Kit, this woman doesn't have a name until that timestamp you gave for something happening. Yes, yeah that is correct. It is with within the last two lines of the movie.
00:10:47
Speaker
that should we actually find out her name is Jennifer and not just the babysitter. The babysitter. Because she is she is the talking ham bone, the talking the talking steak. She is not a person to any of these people. She is an idea.
00:11:04
Speaker
She is a thing to be coveted. And the it sucks. She hates it. The only thing she does that the wife complains about at one point that she's like, last time she babysat us, I think she might have taken a bath. And that's weird.
00:11:23
Speaker
Maybe, maybe weird a little, but also odd, but I wouldn't be offended if I found out that like the babysitter had taken a bath in my house.
00:11:34
Speaker
ah The husband loves it. He can go lick the tub after she leaves just in case. Just in case. But like, again, also this woman is like, I don't think I trust her with the baby.
00:11:49
Speaker
okay Why'd you leave her with your baby then? What is wrong with you? Also, why would you not trust her? This child is so competent.
00:12:00
Speaker
She is like such a normal teenager She just screams competency. And yet this woman has the gall to be like, I don't know if I trust her with a baby.
00:12:12
Speaker
Okay, then don't hire her. Don't go out to this dumb party tonight if you think someone's not capable of taking care of your infant. Also, I couldn't figure out if, because there's a big age gap, right, between the two older children and the baby.
00:12:31
Speaker
And so my question was, was baby accident baby later in life? This is the 90s. I don't know how old the parents are supposed to be, the the Tuckers.
Comedic Elements and Character Dynamics
00:12:44
Speaker
Because people in the 90s looked a little rough around the edges. So they could be anywhere from 30 to like finding out that Paul Rudd is actually older than Wilford Brimley was in Cocoon.
00:13:04
Speaker
That is insane. That's of crazy talk. We live in a wild time. We live in a wild time. The dad in this movie kind of looks like John Hughes.
00:13:15
Speaker
And it's JT Walsh. He's been in a bunch of stuff. And then the mom, just like a mom. She just looks like ah i mean a mom. She just looks like a mom. It's not like, we're not dealing with a sexy couple here. Yeah.
00:13:29
Speaker
We're just dealing with a 90s mom and dad. and And this is very Gen X view of what adulthood is um in that you have lots of money and you're very bored and sexually frustrated. And and I was like, man. Those were the days.
00:13:48
Speaker
I wish that were true. Man, wouldn't it be great if our problem, Garrett, was that we had too much money in free time and we were kind of bored with it?
00:13:59
Speaker
Too much money and a pretty babysitter. Oh, dang. That's so tough. Let's go to a party where they're just handing out champagne like it's Pop Rocks. And, Oh, no.
00:14:14
Speaker
The parents in this are so weird, too. When she shows up to this house... The mom is like in lingerie almost getting. Yeah. She's still got her hair in curlers and she's, she's still doing her makeup and she's not, but she's in a robe.
00:14:32
Speaker
Dad comes down in boxers, which is intentional as ah he points. he, he comes down and he's like, where are my blue pants? And she says upstairs with the rest of your pants, right?
00:14:47
Speaker
like You crazy person. You just wanted the the babysitter, this 16-year-old girl, to see you in your white boxers. Why did want that? And then obviously he turns around and knocks a glass of milk off the table with his erection. Stop it.
00:15:06
Speaker
He doesn't, but he wanted to. i Okay, so I didn't read the plot description of this before I started watching it So i didn't know we were in a single night kind of movie. And my only thought in that moment was, oh man, he is giving that babysitter a ride home at the end of the night and he's going to touch her leg while talks to her.
00:15:24
Speaker
Well, the good news is that doesn't happen. The bad news is it's because way worse things happen. Yeah. yeah we'll see um let's talk about the two boys in this film there's two other main characters yeah mark who smokes and wears a black leather jacket so you know he's a bad boy he he's good at pinball garrett you know what that means one he exactly and when he when he when Oh, yeah.
00:15:54
Speaker
Yeah. A douche. um No, you're right. Smoking is his main attribute other than just being an asshole. And then he doesn't know what to do with a beer bottle once he's done drinking out of it. So he just throws it on the ground every time.
00:16:09
Speaker
I think that was actually a really perfect like king douche trait. It like and said, we we want this to be the exclamation point on you thinking he's a douche.
00:16:20
Speaker
we are video yeah Yeah, we introduced him smoking, so you know to be suspicious of him. Now he is, I don't think he was even done with the beer when he threw it on the ground.
00:16:32
Speaker
He's out of beer now, yeah. he When he enters this diner at the the beginning of the movie, he comes in and he Fonzies the jukebox.
00:16:44
Speaker
Yes. He kicks the jukebox. And I know this band didn't exist yet, but if you need to visualize Mike in your head... mark not that mark mark sorry mark
Sexual Fantasies and Their Relevance
00:16:58
Speaker
is the kind of guy that in 1995 was able to kick a a jukebox and even though they didn't exist yet hoobastank started playing like he he yeah his overall vibe willed hugh hoobastank into existence
00:17:15
Speaker
Meanwhile, our other teenage boy is Jack, and he wears a letterman jacket and has sort of floppy hair and glasses, and ah he's reading Catcher in the Rye when we see him sitting alone at the diner. As they say, like a loser on a Friday night, and that's like...
00:17:38
Speaker
okay he he was hard to put my finger on at first and still kind of is by the end how are you both glasses slash catcher in the rye kid and letterman jacket has practice on saturday morning kid like those are different guys man yeah he contains multitudes garrett That's true.
00:18:01
Speaker
Because my first thought was when I saw him reading Catcher in the Rye, i was like, oh, it's this fucking guy. first thought was he's going to shoot somebody. i thought school shooter too!
00:18:14
Speaker
I literally thought this fucking guy's a school... Then the Letterman jacket came on. I'm like, well, that's a different set problems. Here's the thing, though,
Comparison with Literature and Other Films
00:18:22
Speaker
is like maybe it was just for class because that is the age when you have to read Catcher in the Rye.
00:18:27
Speaker
so On a Friday night, though? Yeah. He didn't. At the diner drinking a Coke? Drinking a Coke at the diner. A diner that also serves beer. It is a cool diner. And the only nudity we see is Mark talking to Tuesday night, who is the the waitress at this establishment.
00:18:50
Speaker
really negs her hard negging i didn't even know negging was a thing yet in 1995 maybe this kid invented it because he she gives him a free beer and he says this is the only reason i even come in here you know And this is where we hit our first fantasy sequence where we see him have sex with her.
00:19:09
Speaker
Yes. Yep. Missionary position, smoking a cigarette into her face. Yeah. Which is also how fantasizes having sex with Alicia Silverstone is that that's how he really likes to do it is on the floor in a red room missionary position while smoking.
00:19:31
Speaker
hit Okay, if we're just going to jump into some of the fantasies with Mark. There are so many fantasy sequences. is maybe, I mean, I would say an enigma, but not really.
00:19:45
Speaker
he is gay.
00:19:49
Speaker
He's a closeted gay man, I think. I think, or he's like, he definitely... His main fantasy in this movie is having sex with Alicia Silverstone while making direct eye contact with Jeremy London.
00:20:04
Speaker
I thought Jack's the one who's secretly gay because he's the one who's having the cuck fantasy. Well, no, I thought that though, that when we saw those fantasies, that that was Mark's fantasy every time is that he's picturing himself cucking and getting off.
00:20:22
Speaker
No, some of those were definitely Jack's fantasies where, yeah, and the one where he the one where he actually comes inside her and is like doing her on the couch and then he makes direct eye contact with Mark and Mark is like, yeah, dude, good job. And Alicia Silverstone doesn't even look like she's enjoying it in the fantasy.
00:20:46
Speaker
That was 100% Jack's fantasy. Okay. That was Jack's, but and in Mark's, his are all looking in the corner like, yeah, I'm doing your gal.
00:20:57
Speaker
And Mark is in the corner, or Jack's in the corner like, why I oughta? But like also shirtless. They're both shirtless. I thought that that... I thought all the men were going to fuck at the end of this
Parental Neglect and Family Dynamics
00:21:08
Speaker
movie. Every man. definitely thought that they were all dreaming of a devil's triangle is really what they wanted here. But they didn't know that that's what they wanted because they're sexually inexperienced.
00:21:19
Speaker
You got to read a couple more books. u hu Which high school novel is going to lead to that devil's threesome? I believe that one is 1984 is the one that leads to the devil's triangle.
00:21:35
Speaker
That's the one. how I don't guess I don't know their age to know how far away from in that they are in English. About a year two. but a year or two Like, I don't understand Mark's motivation in this, which is to just bother Jack all night.
00:21:56
Speaker
No, his job was that that was what became clear at the very end. So, OK, we should explain Alicia Silverstone is babysitting. That is all she wants to do is she wants to babysit.
00:22:07
Speaker
And these two boys keep bothering her and trying to convince her to let them come over. And it's mostly Jack is the one who used to date Mr. Letterman jacket.
00:22:18
Speaker
Jack with the Letterman jacket. Jeremy London from
Critical Review of the Film's Execution
00:22:22
Speaker
Mallrats is who were who's Jack. Used to date her, but apparently she was like, you want to move too fast. I need a break to think things over.
00:22:31
Speaker
And so ah Mark is seeing that this is an opportunity for him to maybe like move in here. And I think his plan is to get Jack to be so obnoxious tonight and annoy her so much that she will instead want to fuck Mark.
00:22:51
Speaker
Instead. That she'll be like, oh my god, you're so pathetic and you're such a ah ah disgusting simp and I hate you. oh Mark, will you will you take my virginity instead?
00:23:06
Speaker
While smoking a cigarette directly my face. While smoking a cigarette directly in my face. I think that was his really bad plan. Yeah. No, I think you're right. I mean, it was definitely a plan to get on.
00:23:19
Speaker
He is manipulating Jack throughout this movie, but he just... I don't know why Jack hangs out with him for the entire beginning of this movie. I get, like, once he's drunk and high with him, that he's like, well, I've...
00:23:34
Speaker
I've attached horse for the night. But there were so many times when man could have just gone home or called one of his, I assume, actual friends. These guys aren't even friends. These guys apparently used to be friends.
00:23:48
Speaker
And then ah Mark, because of all his smoking and whatever, got kicked off the team. bad boy, yeah. And he's all his bad boy behavior got him kicked off the team and now they're not close anymore.
00:24:00
Speaker
And Mark's like, no, I want us to, it'll be like old times. We're going to get back together and be good friends. And also your girlfriend's super hot and we should ah climb up and watch her in the bathtub.
00:24:14
Speaker
And Jack's like, yeah, we should do that. But first we have to do a tour of the town where I smoke in all of the establishments. Yeah.
00:24:29
Speaker
he He's the kind of guy who will not be smoking outside and light it right as he walks in the door, just so everyone inside can see how cool he is. Meanwhile, the party that all the grownups are at, including the Tuckers, is at Mark's parents' house. So, like, he grabs some free beer from his parents' fridge.
Climactic Moments and Narrative Impact
00:24:50
Speaker
um Dad lets him borrow the car, and they're just going cruise around town, I guess.
00:24:58
Speaker
Drinking and driving. Drinking and driving, which is a theme throughout. and all All these people... This was a time before Uber, and you know there are no taxis in this pathetic little suburb.
00:25:10
Speaker
So, like, what else are they supposed to do?
00:25:14
Speaker
But the whole time we're at this party... so Now that let's separate from the two boys for a minute and get back to this married couple who are on their own side quest of just getting to this party.
00:25:26
Speaker
Even though before they've left the house, the dad has been drinking whiskey to the point that he shouldn't even be driving to the party. That is a problem. And I know we're supposed to think that his... there's There's some aspect of his wife that is supposed to be like, God, what a nag. And it's like, well, you drinking so much whiskey as a pregame that you can't even be trusted to drive to the party. And you, in fact, nearly crash on the way there
00:25:58
Speaker
Because you're fantasizing that it's the babysitter sitting next to you instead of me. Like, I'm kind of on her side. Maybe this man needs to be nagged more.
00:26:10
Speaker
Well, to play devil's advocate, the almost crashing had nothing to do with the drinking. It was horniness. ah
Blend of Fantasy and Reality
00:26:19
Speaker
and ah horny And they do have a pretty new baby, so he's definitely not having sex right now.
00:26:24
Speaker
Well, yeah. And... Horniness in this movie is a fucking affliction. It's a, yeah, it's a, I don't, yeah, there's no other way to put it. Like this, this is deadly. Like I've never had a horniness so deadly. Thank God.
00:26:44
Speaker
I mean, seriously, it has major consequences. God forbid you see this woman right before skydiving.
00:26:54
Speaker
or ah while operating heavy machinery. Oh, yeah. You could name any number of things. This is she's dangerous. And i hey, because of because of the witch's curse that was placed upon her.
00:27:09
Speaker
What do we think she did to piss off the witch? Yeah. it's a really good question because she seems like a perfectly nice girl. With absolutely no personality traits whatsoever other than nice and doesn't want to have sex with any of these people.
00:27:26
Speaker
Which, to be fair, makes her incredibly relatable.
00:27:31
Speaker
Do you think it's possible she babysat for the witch and used the last of the good bath bombs? Ooh, yeah. That could be it.
00:27:42
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:45
Speaker
it's that's into i think That's a good theory and I think I'm going to go with it. Yeah. She's not a bad babysitter. No, she's a perfectly cromulent babysitter.
00:27:57
Speaker
She has nearly no personality other than she's pretty and nice and pretty and just a regular teen. regular teen she's She's practicing her lines from Othello. or Was that Othello?
00:28:10
Speaker
I did not check which it was. and was. and Oh, man. That's interesting. ah Does that mean that her boyfriend is supposed to be Othello and Mark is his Iago trying to constantly convince him that his girlfriend is fucking someone else and therefore he should go see her right now, right now?
00:28:33
Speaker
I mean, that's the plot of the movie. I plot and quote. Plot is a very strong word. that's That's a thing that's happening in front of my eyes yeah that is maybe leading to a wet bandits Home Alone style ending of this movie.
00:28:50
Speaker
You don't know. you don't know. Is this movie going to end like Home Alone or Scream? The music will never let you know. music is not interested in you knowing because honestly in many ways this movie resembles a freaking Looney Tune. Like can you not picture the exact sequence of events
Babysitter's Perspective and Challenges
00:29:10
Speaker
but like it's a cartoon lady dog and like two cartoon horny dogs, like a Pepe Le Pew style thing. And they're trying to get in and she's like, no, I'm going to get in trouble. My owner said not to let anyone in and they keep like messing things up. Like your main concern is like, oh no, someone's going to mess up the house. And then the, you know, mom and dad are going to come back.
00:29:36
Speaker
Like it feels very farcical. the It does not feel thrilling. i honestly would disagree only because these two boys are very stupid.
00:29:52
Speaker
yeah And there is a baby involved. I was never worried about that baby. I was kind of worried about the kids because, i mean, obviously I don't want anything to happen to alicsia Alicia Silverstone.
00:30:07
Speaker
She's done nothing wrong. And the kids have done nothing wrong. Really, this was a thing where it's like, okay, these boys are going to ruin their life. The dad's going to ruin his life.
00:30:18
Speaker
And the kids are going to be scarred forever. It's basically where I thought this was going to end up. You weren't wrong about any of that. yeah you were pretty pretty on the nose with that one.
00:30:30
Speaker
Well, let's give our audience a taste. ah Describe some of these other fantasies that we see throughout this movie because that's what a lot of the movie is. So you've got... um Let's go through Papa's.
00:30:44
Speaker
Papa's fantasies are all about the babysitter. So Mr. Tucker ah pictures this babysitter ah that that she's going to be screwing her boyfriend on the couch and wouldn't it just be so hot if he walked in on them and like blackmailed her into fucking him somehow or something yeah but also she's into it also he's like i would be a ashamed if i told because his is like i drive her home and she's horny for me i come here and chase off this boy and then she's horny for me i come and get some aspirin and she's in the bath and she's always horny for me
00:31:25
Speaker
ah Then once I come in and she is dead and that is a nightmare for me That one wasn't his fantasy. That was his wife's fantasy. okay Okay. Okay. Oh yeah. I forget wifey gets one.
00:31:38
Speaker
Wifey gets fantasies too, because ah her husband is um being obnoxious at the party and clearly wants to go home and fuck the babysitter and is really, ah ah you know harshing the vibe of this whole get together And
Critique and Suggestions for Improvement
00:31:56
Speaker
ah one guy, the Mark's dad, Bill.
00:32:01
Speaker
um is ah George Siegel from, ah from, fuck, what's he from? who don't Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf? And he was on Just Shoot Me.
00:32:14
Speaker
He was on that show forever. He was the boss. He is mildly nice to her. um Like, gives the a compliment to her like you look you look beautiful you look younger every time I see like a base level compliment she interprets that as this man wants to have sex with me and wouldn't that be the best thing ever so she has her fantasies about him telling her how good she looks and then like taking her to a bed with there's candles and she's in lingerie and he's pouring champagne in her mouth very neatly much neater than other movies we've seen where champagne and sex are involved um a they this set was getting used afterward like something else no my theory was that that's part of her fantasy because she doesn't want to picture anything she would have to clean up afterwards um she's a mom she's a mom around
00:33:09
Speaker
So ah her true fantasy is a man who would consider the potential cleanup afterwards and not make a huge mess. I just want a man who
Comedic Interpretation and Narrative Impact
00:33:20
Speaker
might fuck me neatly. Neatly.
00:33:23
Speaker
Neatly. Please. And also tell me I'm pretty. All I need is one compliment and no stains on the sheets. Well, meanwhile, her own husband is like, um oh, yeah, she looks younger because she got fat while pregnant. And so it makes her face got all baby fat.
00:33:44
Speaker
ah so The fuck is wrong with you, dude? And he gets so fucking drunk at this party that he's like sticking his head in the host's wife's crotch in front of everybody.
00:33:55
Speaker
yeah He's a mess. He is a huge mess. And then he's like, give me the keys. Give me the keys. And she's like, okay, you drunk asshole. And ah the the hostess, Mark's mom, is like, ah you should not have given him the keys. And she's like, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:34:13
Speaker
The actual car key is in my bra. And truly he did go out to his car and then sit down and just fell asleep in the car for like an hour.
00:34:27
Speaker
And she was like, I'm not letting him ruin my good time. But he does come back in and get the key yeah and maniacally drive drunk home to fuck the babysitter.
00:34:39
Speaker
Yes, it's all in his head, the idea that he's going to walk in on her in the bathtub and she's going to ah be like, oh, you should soap my back. That's what everyone imagines when they think about her in the tub, soaping my back.
00:34:57
Speaker
Because Alicia Silverstone is not going to show her tits for this movie, and I respect the hell out of that. Apparently she got offered this movie a lot of times and kept declining and eventually it got to the point where they removed the nude scenes and she said, sure, which I think is still very generous of her to even...
00:35:20
Speaker
I mean, it wasn't like, I mean, this the same year Clueless came out, so it wasn't like, you know, she had this incredible star power at the time yet. It's absolutely a movie that is ah intended to be a soft core porn. And then they got an actress who cut all the nude scenes.
00:35:41
Speaker
um So what they are left with is um there' a lot of back scrubbing. Nothing and back soaping.
00:35:51
Speaker
it's yeah It's the opposite of that Sarah Silverman joke where she said, I'll tell you this, if you take a shower with your boyfriend, by the end, your breasts will be sparkling clean.
00:36:03
Speaker
No, not for her. It's the back.
Societal Themes and Gender Roles
00:36:06
Speaker
your Your back will be perfectly clean. Which is the weirdest back scrubby that you see? oh it's obviously the child one. Okay, can we...
00:36:18
Speaker
speculate on this child's age because I'm going to guess 10. He sleeps holding stuffed football. He is in a baseball themed bed.
00:36:30
Speaker
And I listen, i I work with a lot of kids. I'm pegging him at seven or eight, if I'm honest. He is. But this seems uncomfortable for me. It is. I was very uncomfortable with pervert child.
00:36:47
Speaker
I wasn't uncomfortable with him being in bed looking at a Playboy with a flashlight. That seems so normal. You found it. He has it. But for him to have this like...
00:36:59
Speaker
I don't even think it's weird for him to have this fantasy. I think it's weird for these fucking weirdos that made this movie, including Joel Schumacher, yes to show this to me.
00:37:10
Speaker
Yes. They really wanted to make it clear that all men are bastards. It's true. from a very young age that they um ah objectify and dehumanize women for their own sexual gratification.
00:37:26
Speaker
They wanted to make that explicitly clear. And it's like... this was before internet pornography. I know! oh So yeah, this kid's having his own fantasy of walking in on the babysitter in the bathtub, peering through the keyhole, and then she also asks him to soap her back. And I swear to God that he's holding the soap so weirdly and just sort of drawing on her back like it's a crayon in like one spot on her shoulder.
00:37:59
Speaker
Do you think that had to do anything with just weird like laws? i don't know. I want i didn't i hated all of it. i didn't want any any part of the I didn't want, I mean, there's so much of this movie I didn't really want to be a fly on the wall for. Yeah. But I did enjoy, i don't know, I did kind of enjoy the journey of hanging out with these dipshits because i didn't know where any of it was leading to.
00:38:26
Speaker
I didn't know if this was going to end in murder. If, like, I knew something, nothing good was going to come this. Nothing would come this. But seriously, we have these two dipshits doing their fantasies.
00:38:39
Speaker
The music gets so, so Home Alone. Like we're entering, like it gets third act Home Alone. It's the whole time. These are the, all of these men are the wet bandits.
00:38:50
Speaker
And then when they do sneak in and we're getting
Overall Analysis and Listener Engagement
00:38:54
Speaker
the wet bandits music, the little boy knows that they've broken into the house now or are out there prowling.
00:39:01
Speaker
And it seems like he's about to home alone everything. Yes. Like I thought. out And then, yeah. And then she is in the bathtub and, and all the men are, are converging on her location.
00:39:17
Speaker
so It's terrifying. It's like in Aliens. Like when she... Yes, but the music is still home alone. It's... Also, I need to point out another thing that just because it bothered me. So she's trying to get these darn kids to so go to bed, right?
00:39:37
Speaker
And the kids don't want to. They want to stay up late and watch what was on TV, Garrett? It sounded like an old Western based on the Pew News.
00:39:47
Speaker
It's black and white Westerns. as if as As if we're not in the 90s and these kids are actually staying up watching Ren and Stimpy or something. like What is this? They do not want to watch this.
00:40:00
Speaker
We were children in the 90s. We were not staying up late and watching whatever the hell this was. I assume that they they their budget was non-existent and like these are public domain Westerns.
00:40:14
Speaker
sorry something this little boy is already wanting to have sex with girls is it possible there's ah he's an old man trapped in a child body you I actually think you're correct and act it was the same witch that did it that trapped in this child's body this should have been a television series and it just every episode is house to house showing you the curse that has been put on each family And they're all weirdly uncomfortable, like vaguely ah horny court curses.
00:40:50
Speaker
Because the witch has her own issues that she should probably be settling. It does seem, though, like the twist could be that the witch ended up cursing the world.
00:41:01
Speaker
And this is why a lady can't just read a book in a park without a man coming and trying to talk to her. Yeah. Yeah. um i don't I don't know what all the rest of these women did that they can't read in the park to piss off this witch.
00:41:18
Speaker
What did we all do to you, woman?
00:41:23
Speaker
ah Also, Garrett... Had we considered it was a man witch? Maybe a warlock was offended. I hadn't considered that possibility. Also,
00:41:34
Speaker
are Our protagonist spills ice cream on her dress, so the only solution is to put it in the washing machine, wear the mom's robe, and then take a bath.
00:41:49
Speaker
None of this was necessary. No, I mean, am a particularly... I'm a loser. I would have just taken a wet dish rag and just like cleaned it up as best I could and be like, well, I'm babysitting two small children.
00:42:06
Speaker
I kind of expect to get something on me. They come home and I'm just like, I'm sticky. um like That is the nature of children.
00:42:17
Speaker
They are sticky. You're sticky now. I'm sorry. Sticky.
00:42:23
Speaker
Uh, yeah. What else is there even to talk about? These two goddamn clowns getting on the roof because I want to spy on my own naked girlfriend along with my friend because there's some, there is some homoerotic tension. I don't know where it's coming from, who exactly.
00:42:43
Speaker
i think- Something worth mentioning is just every weird thing Mark does once they've entered the home. For instance, one of the first, that because the kids all come down because she's screamed.
00:42:57
Speaker
Everybody's awake. She sends the kids to bed, takes these two boys upstairs. Yeah, because they broke in. After, I want to point out, he called. And asked, can I come over? She says no.
00:43:10
Speaker
he He drives to her house and knocks on the door and asks, can I come inside? And she says no. So obviously the only answer is to just break into the house.
00:43:24
Speaker
And that'll get her to have sex with you.
00:43:28
Speaker
Well, now that they've scared the shit out of her and bro and you know done a little B&E, the first thing Mark asks is, can I smoke in here?
00:43:39
Speaker
He's allowed to smoke literally everywhere else. It's the 90s. And she's just like, no. Followed by the dumbest phrasing of a question I've ever heard.
00:43:53
Speaker
do you have any sounds? She goes, sounds? And he says, music. I'm like, you fucking idiot. Why didn't you just ask, can you put on some music?
00:44:04
Speaker
Well, he's trying to do some slang he heard the record store. Or while he was kicking a pinball machine and ripping butts. I don't know.
00:44:15
Speaker
Yeah. And then Jack is like trying to to do the whole like scooch closer, make a move on the girl after she's already been like, I want you both to leave.
00:44:26
Speaker
Get out, get out. And Mark's like, but we've been drinking and it would be dangerous for us to drive home right now. And she's like, you can drink a cup of coffee and then get out.
00:44:40
Speaker
And so while they're waiting for the coffee, uh jack is a genius who's going in to make a move right in front of mark and she's like what the hell are you doing what is wrong with you fair question there's no answer to this question well then smacks her they get in a fight Yeah, that was the really crazy part is when he's like, did you have sex with Mark? And she's like, no.
00:45:13
Speaker
And he hits her. And Mark does not react. He doesn't even freaking blink when he sees good boy Letterman Jacket slap Alicia Silverstone. He does nothing.
00:45:27
Speaker
I do like, though, that Mark was able to see a man sitting alone in a diner, reading a copy of Catcher in the Rye, and think to himself, I bet he's got jealousy issues.
00:45:42
Speaker
Even the fantasies start getting more and more unhinged. Like, the fantasy, the cuck fantasy, turns into and I accidentally kill my girlfriend fantasy, and then turns into ah the kid watched it happen, and the guy who was fucking my girlfriend says we have to kill the only witness fantasy.
00:46:08
Speaker
Jesus Christ! What is this? I love, so yeah, the son calls 911 when these two two boys are just wrestling. These boys one hour, 18 minutes into the movie, the boys start to fight with each other because Jax finally realized he's been fucking set up by this dude. What's funny is- I think you pervert kid, good job calling 911.
00:46:39
Speaker
right I think it's kind of mean to call him pervert kid because he didn't ask for his fantasies to be seen by us. He was, he was the only one with the decency to keep it to himself.
00:46:52
Speaker
I don't know, man. ah feel like when he got out of his bed late at night, though, it wasn't entirely because he thought there was a prowler. I think he was hoping to see the babysitter naked.
00:47:10
Speaker
maybe maybe so was papa learned it from all everybody here wants to to soap her back i yeah did you kind of want to soap her back a little or were you okay i was fine without soaping her back honestly yeah i could go without um yeah but what well all All these guys are fighting and Papa swerving home drunk.
00:47:39
Speaker
Yeah, because um he walked in on. So so Mrs. Tucker started to to really get to be a sad drunk.
00:47:49
Speaker
And her garter belt came undone. And she's looking at herself in the mirror and talking about how they're going to put her in an old folks home. and then, you know, the host of the party is like, are you okay in there?
00:48:04
Speaker
And she starts. Won't somebody just soap my back? Yeah. Soap me! Oh, people only want to soap your back when you're 16 years old, and then suddenly no one wants to soap your back again, and those days are gone forever!
00:48:22
Speaker
closer to sponge bath than sex bath. Oh, Garrett. Oh, that hurts me deep. There's still good miles on this body.
00:48:35
Speaker
And so the host comes in that she's been fantasizing about all night and he's like, hey, calm down. You're not going to old folks home. He's just trying to like cheer her up a little bit and fix her garter for her.
00:48:46
Speaker
And she's like, but what will the neighbors think? And he's like, the fuck are you talking about? ah Turns out ah he really was just being polite. yeah he He has a totally healthy, loving marriage and does not want to have an affair with her, which makes her start freaking out, realizing she has deeply embarrassed herself.
00:49:08
Speaker
And that's right as her husband bursts in and sees them in a semi-compromising position and doesn't hair he just wants the key so he can go home and fuck the babysitter that's all this man wants and so now she's fantasizing about him going home and accidentally killing the babysitter because we're and and then she and the cops come in and find him standing over the babysitter's dead body and she grabs the cop's gun and shoots him and the cop is just like yeah that seems right lady
00:49:42
Speaker
Do you think that this movie, like the last couple minutes we're about to get to, the screenwriter basically came up with this idea that ended in some sort of sexual serendipity where everything just works out for the protagonist. He's like, I got figure how to get there.
00:50:02
Speaker
And it's just a long nothing journey good way that leads to... It really is. I don't know, man.
00:50:12
Speaker
It's bad. so the party is totally ruined, thanks to the Tuckers, who are bad drunks. Do not invite them anywhere. They're terrible. Oh, yeah, they're done.
00:50:24
Speaker
They're done. They reputation now, yeah. It's not good. And and um so ah The boys are fighting and Mark gets so into the fighting that he crashes a ah lamp onto Jack's head.
00:50:44
Speaker
And Jack is out cold on the ground. And Mark's like, well, I got all this adrenaline. I've been fighting. I gotta put that energy somewhere.
00:50:56
Speaker
So I guess I'm gonna chase the babysitter. It turns into he's channeling it to to great to to do some raping. He's he's.
00:51:08
Speaker
Oh, my God. So he's chasing her all through the house. She throws boiling hot water from the coffee maker ah in his face. That does not slow him down.
00:51:20
Speaker
ah Did you think that there was a possibility that the little boy was going to end up being the only person to rack up a body count in this movie?
00:51:31
Speaker
No, I didn't think so. I had a feeling that it was going to be the dad because the dad's madly, you know, driving like a drunk maniac to get home in time to fuck the babysitter, I guess. Yeah.
00:51:45
Speaker
you he's got He's got a deadline. He really, really wants to. He really wants to. And so she like kicks Mark off of her she's She's fighting the good fight and runs out into the street um And for a moment I was like, wait, you just left the kids alone in the house. That's not good. And then I had the second thought of, well, she took the dangerous thing in the house with her, which is the crazy teenage boy.
00:52:17
Speaker
I can't really blame her. um The little boy can take care of the baby for the hopefully couple minutes it takes. for Yeah, he can pick the baby up and it not die. i have faith in this little boy. yeah Here's my life advice to babysitters out here if they're ever in a situation where two teenage boys are fighting each other yeah after breaking into the home are fighting each other in your living the living room and breaking all the stuff and won't stop even though you're screaming at them you call 9-1-1 then you get the kids and go into the baby's room and lock the door and wait for the cops to arrive that is my advice to you
00:53:01
Speaker
I see where your head's at, but there's two maniacs that can absolutely kick in that door. And she, I think you're right though. She did take them outside. this is,
00:53:13
Speaker
Five stars. Five stars on the babysitter. I think I think she's actually quite a good babysitter. The bath thing is weird, but like not a deal breaker, not a deal breaker.
00:53:24
Speaker
ah So anyway, she runs out into the street. ah Mark's following and who should arrive at just that moment. But Mr. Tucker to slam the car into Mark, killing him stone dead.
00:53:40
Speaker
And that's it. That's the movie. That really is. It's a weird final line, too. I was really hoping, though, the cops need to take Alicia Silverstone in for questioning.
00:53:52
Speaker
They're taking her home first. She's a teenage girl. And they're like, we're going to question you later. you you should We're taking you home. That was the really sad part is when the two... Parents arrive with Mrs. Tucker in the back seat ah because that's their son.
00:54:08
Speaker
I suddenly remembered that that the drunk they let drive home from the party killed. Well, he was trying to rape. Papa was drunk.
00:54:19
Speaker
So now a son is dead and a dad is in jail. Yeah, he's going down for particular manslaughter. for sure. Do you think, though, that as the cops put this girl in the back seat... That they both had fantasies?
00:54:34
Speaker
That there was a cut fantasy of them handcuffing and like washing her back? yeah I'm sorry. We've got you handcuffed. Now we need to soap your back.
00:54:45
Speaker
There was probably two full days of her getting her back washed in a soundstage. Oh my God. um So yeah, and that's, ah you know, she's getting put in the back of the cop car to get taken home.
00:55:00
Speaker
um Mr. T, Mr. Tucker's getting put in the back of a different cop car to go off to jail. um ever It's so funny though that Jack leans in to basically be like, so can I call you tomorrow?
00:55:12
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, that is basically what he's here. She's like, Jennifer, first time we actually hear anyone call her by her name instead of just the babysitter. Jennifer, and she just asks him, like, what were you thinking?
00:55:27
Speaker
And the answer was oh that is yeah about about me being cucked by Mark or maybe a devil's triangle situation. i don't know. like I think it was going to end with her fearing for a life watching those two 69 each other.
00:55:45
Speaker
But yes, I mean, it's good to end on what were you thinking since it brings us back to like this. I guess this thing is a meditation on the horny male mind or something and why why horny men do dumb things.
00:56:02
Speaker
But like, Garrett, were you ever that much of a pathetic, horny s simp in your entire goddamn life?
00:56:12
Speaker
Hmm. Well, not this much, at least. I've never like committed like a breaking and entering to the Home Alone score. I've never... Climbed up onto a roof to watch your watch your girlfriend who won't let you do under-the-shirt stuff ah take a bath.
00:56:30
Speaker
You didn't do that? Well, pair binoculars and a sack of popcorn. I wasn't going to go in. Plus, climbing up on the roof just seems like so much work.
00:56:42
Speaker
Yeah, I'm afraid of heights. The latter is too much for me. and If it's not a first floor bath, then it ain't being seen. It ain't happening.
00:56:54
Speaker
No, it did make me kind of wonder, though, like, Obviously, like in movies forever, it was always dad gives the babysitter a ride home.
00:57:04
Speaker
That's dead, right? No one can do that. There's no dad that should be giving the teen babysitter a ride home ever again because we've all seen a movie. Yeah. Yeah. It has to. I'm sorry. It has to be mom the the that gives the babysitter a ride home.
00:57:20
Speaker
Or get an Uber. Just call just call her an Uber, honestly. That seems... Pay for her Uber. I guess that that is possible, but then you are also just sticking a teen girl in a car with a stranger and sending her on her way. It does feel safer for a parent, maybe mom, to do it. It's gotta to be mom. or or your parents come pick you up.
00:57:41
Speaker
um Did you ever have a hot babysitter?
00:57:46
Speaker
No, I don't think I would have noticed. Like, to me that. You hadn't seen Cruel Intentions yet. I had not seen Cruel Intentions yet. No, to me at that. yeah And I had like 15 year old boy babysitters at one point.
00:58:02
Speaker
um when i was again like seven um so none of that meant anything to me you know what does a 15 year old boy do with you while you're like hanging out for a few hours movies and lets you eat way more oreos than you probably should have been allowed to eat but they didn't give a shit didn't have a phone yet or anything he's just sitting there watching the movie too and they're watching the movie too were you ever the hot babysitter I guess I must have been because I babysat.
00:58:32
Speaker
I'm not. What a What, like, I babysat all through high school. Oh, shit. Mostly. Did dads ever give you a ride home? Uh, yes.
00:58:45
Speaker
Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, fuck. Kid, did anyone, like, ever touch your leg while you were talking or, like, oh linger too long? No. Is there any dad you wanted to? Were you ever the crush? Were you ever Alicia Silverstone in the other one?
00:59:03
Speaker
No hot dads. No hot dads. They were like dads that were like, because anybody I babysat for were like my friends my parents' friends.
00:59:14
Speaker
So like. That's always the fantasy though, right? Like for these weirdos? Well, maybe. i don't know. I'm not saying your parents' friends. I'm just saying in general in these movies. like The weirdness of getting to an age where like I could feel that my friends yeah like or my dad's friends treated me slightly differently.
00:59:35
Speaker
And it was never in a creepy way, but I could feel the difference between how they treated me post-pubescence versus pre.
00:59:46
Speaker
And it's weird. It's a weird... Like eventually... you yeah you've been there long enough that eventually you you were a person with boobs in their house yes and yeah nobody ever did anything inappropriate uh but it is a different vibe for sure scary just like this movie just like this don't know garrett did you have any hot babysitters i had babysitters i liked but not i i don't think i had babysitters i mean i i do remember ah the first person i was attracted to was michelle fiver cat woman and i was like kindergarten or something at that point so you know thoughts had existed within my head that girls are pretty something something something and ah and did that not translate to the babysitter not really
01:00:46
Speaker
I would love to. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder, like, if i had been this 10-year-old boy, did I ever want to. I know. I was never, like, peeping.
01:00:57
Speaker
I didn't have any of it. I'm sorry. I know this isn't interesting because nothing happened. No. I mean, I'm glad nothing happened. That would be uncomfortable.
01:01:09
Speaker
Yeah. Following me with the babysitter would be as dull as the first hour 19. Yes. ah but
01:01:21
Speaker
I don't think this movie was dull, though. So much of this is really putting a very interesting contrast between the fantasies everyone has about what the babysitter's doing and what the babysitter's actually doing, which is trying to get this obnoxious child to go to bed already and having to, like, bribe them essentially, like, okay, you can watch for, like, five more minutes and then we're gonna do this. Yeah.
01:01:48
Speaker
And then sometimes they they like they were doing like a tickle fight and they were, you know, like, she was like, stop it already. Babysitter shit. then showing that, like, no, this is not actually a sexy job, guys. she's She's going to spend the last hour just doing homework.
01:02:05
Speaker
That's what babysitters do. She absolutely had to wipe that little girl's ass earlier in the night. Yes, she did. there is just And you didn't even get to see all the stuff she probably had to do for the infant, right?
01:02:18
Speaker
yeah Which is a lot for a teen. It's lot for a teen. No wonder she didn't want these dumb boys coming and like, oh, but after the kids go to bed, I'll put my hand up your shirt.
01:02:29
Speaker
No! Leave me alone! have ice cream on me! have ice cream on me. These children are so annoying and I finally have an hour to myself before the baby is going to scream and I'm gonna have to go up and feed it and just let me have this.
01:02:48
Speaker
Oh, things are going to be so different once Clueless finally comes out.
01:02:57
Speaker
I mean, I really felt for the girl, um but I also really felt for me being forced to watch this long ass movie in which only four minutes of stuff happened.
01:03:09
Speaker
The movie is like 80 minutes or 85 minutes. One hour, 18 minutes, the fight starts. um And that's actually like when when like Jack hits her and then it devolves from there.
01:03:23
Speaker
And then at one hour, 22, Mark is dead and we're just like wrapping things up. That's it. That's it. they pay Four. Four minutes of stuff that actually happens. The rest is just the most boring Friday night of all time.
01:03:41
Speaker
Oh, these parents are making a real idiot of themselves at this party. And these two teen boys have shit all to do except smoke a joint and throw beer bottles on the ground.
01:03:53
Speaker
So did you actively have a bad time watching this? Yeah, did you not? No, I was having fun. And I also thought like these idiots are capable of anything.
01:04:04
Speaker
I don't know how this is going to end. And they're really making me hold out for it. So like my eyes were, I was ready. I knew it was going to end badly, but I didn't know how exactly. Although honestly it ends up pretty decently for her. Other than the fact that she is going to be traumatized for the rest of her life by what happened in these. Well, that's why I call this sexual serendipity. It all just kind of works out.
01:04:27
Speaker
But like, I knew something was going to happen, but it was so boring on the road to get there that I didn't care. Biggest question, though.
01:04:39
Speaker
Yeah. Okay, this was my biggest question at the end of this movie. Is she getting another babysitting gig? Is that your question? because i was Did she even get paid for this one?
01:04:50
Speaker
Oh, I didn't even think of that. Dad's in a cop car. Mom's so fucking drunk that she now has to go take care of three kids and should be in the cop car too. Three kids who, by the way, just watched a man die. ah yeah Kit. Well, the baby's still a baby. b No one's even going to think about the money that Alicia Silverstone is owed in this.
01:05:15
Speaker
And is she able to even call the mom and be like, I know your husband's in jail, but like you owe me $27. You owe me $27. I was actually really counting on that money.
01:05:27
Speaker
That's why I did this on a Friday night. I really needed it. is She dealt with a lot of shit too. Like this isn't just her, she earned 20, maybe even a tip on top of. I think she absolutely, wait it at least they should round up to 30 bucks.
01:05:44
Speaker
And I mean, she didn't even know the husband was on a sex drive back to the house. So, but yes, I truly do think at the end of this, the saddest piece is she didn't even get that Friday night babysitting cash.
01:05:58
Speaker
Oh my God, you're so right. That didn't even occur to me.
01:06:05
Speaker
She's definitely not gotten paid and she never will. Because you know that that mom, even though she is now going to have to be raising these kids alone while her husband's in jail, she's not going to call Alicia Silverstone to babysit.
01:06:21
Speaker
Somewhere right now, she's on a park bench talking to that old man with a salt... ah Salt trash can and the shovel from Home Alone. explaining They're both explaining their fucked up nights to each other.
01:06:34
Speaker
He's like, and then I smashed a little man with a shovel. And she's like, shit. Shit. Well, the guy that would tried to to rape me um after my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend, hit me, um got hit by the drunk dad that I was babysitting for.
01:06:54
Speaker
I'm so sorry to hear that. If I had been there, I would have shoveled his face. I appreciate that.
01:07:01
Speaker
Take it home, Kit. let's All right, all right. I mean, I feel like I know yours for a couple, but don't Yeah. All right, let's start where we start. Garrett, were you aroused?
01:07:16
Speaker
I just don't want wash on- that back. Soap in that back.
01:07:22
Speaker
There are people I do want to soap. There's so many people I would absolutely soap. Number one. just not I'm just not going to soap an underage person. It's not.
01:07:32
Speaker
and I'm not excited about it. What she were 18-year-old babysitter? Then are you going to soap her? Am I me me age? Am I pop-up me age now? No. Let's say you are horny teen age.
01:07:49
Speaker
Oh, if I'm a horny teen, am I going to soap her back? yeah Well, it's still me, so we know I don't have the confidence to come into that place. and so Unless she actively tells me to do it.
01:08:01
Speaker
No, no. Here's the thing, Garrett. You have admitted that you are bad at reading signals. She would say, come soap my back, and you would ah soap her back and then walk out.
01:08:14
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe eyes closed, even. Workmanlike Yeah, it was, yeah. It's very methodical. Like, it was a... Alright, alright. You are you, Garrett.
01:08:26
Speaker
just You, as you currently exist. Watching this movie, but she's 18. Are you, are you aroused? No. No.
01:08:36
Speaker
um I mean, if we had seen the two bad boys 69, then i don't know. We'll see. But as it was presented to me, um there's no There's the one set of boobs at the very beginning to lure you in um and give you a false a sense of how much boobage you're going to be seeing. A false sense of arousal, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was more worried about her getting ashed on.
01:09:05
Speaker
from the missionary cigarette smoking. So, yeah I mean, this one is and like any of the teen ones. We always rate them incredibly low with this one.
01:09:15
Speaker
We did actually see some nudity, which is something. And I do like Tuesday night is a huge nightmare on Elm street fan. So I don't want to like think Tuesday. Cause I hit red as I was reading about this, this a full point because you saw one set of tits for like,
01:09:33
Speaker
Point six seconds. Well, listen, Tuesday night said that this was the first movie, maybe the only movie she ever did nudity in. And she said that it's still like will occasionally pop up in gifts or photos on the Internet.
01:09:48
Speaker
And she's always very ashamed of it. And that makes me sad for her. um And like, that I feel like I should give her some sort of points so that it doesn't feel like it was all for not.
01:10:01
Speaker
I don't know. Or does she prefer that maybe like, maybe she prefer that you it got no points. Maybe that's the way she would prefer. You didn't think about it at all. And you didn't factor it in. Okay. I mean, no, I'll get purely on um Alicia Silverstone's shoulders. Cause that's about all you're going to say.
01:10:21
Speaker
Okay, then let's go zero because this movie is, it's not sexy, but it's dumb. Like, I thought it was funny every time they were washing her. I was like ready for the next washing scene. Absolutely hilarious. ah Especially when the the specific line about soaping her back kept coming was so funny.
01:10:39
Speaker
All these men have funny the the same fantasy. You think that sexuality is a wild and variable thing, but no, all men want one thing and one thing only and that is to soap a babysitter's back but i'm go two's a company three's an orgy yeah all right uh were you thrilled Garrett I kind of was I cannot believe that and you're not just for the four minutes in which stuff happened
01:11:19
Speaker
It's because I didn't know what they were. I genuinely didn't know what these two were capable of. The cigarette guy seemed so insane. But also Jeremy London's character seemed like he was getting progressively more insane as the went. He getting progressively more insane. That kid was barfing out the window of the car at like 9 p.m.
01:11:39
Speaker
And there was a lot of night left to go. um And he was also very impressionable. he He seemed to just be able to be talked into anything. And the dad was so crazy at that point, too, that if he didn't kill somebody on that drive, he had statutory rape in his heart.
01:12:01
Speaker
In his heart, he did. So I was genuinely... Sentencing when they're like, why are you driving home so fast, you know, in the middle of the night without your wife from this party while drunk? And he was like, I really...
01:12:17
Speaker
I really, really, really wanted to fuck the babysitter. Like, do you think that's going to lighten his sentence? No, that makes it so much worse. Keep that inside.
01:12:28
Speaker
and then hopefully her testimony of... I want to know, what excuse is he going to give when the cops ask him why he was doing this? he He has to just say drunk driving, and he because he told everybody he was going home to get aspirin.
01:12:45
Speaker
But these three dopey fucks felt capable of anything. And because of that, it did make me fear for her. Because while I'm not attracted to her, I am human.
01:12:57
Speaker
And didn't you want to see bad happen to this nice person. So I'm not going to give it zero. I don't think it's zero. I think a one and a half, perhaps.
01:13:09
Speaker
That's generous. it It's seriously generous. Garrett, four minutes of things happening, and the rest is the most boring Friday night you've ever been forced to watch other people have.
01:13:27
Speaker
not true. so i I do disagree with you. I was enjoying watching these fools evening because everybody is it was kind of a cringy movie.
01:13:38
Speaker
Like everybody's doing very cringy shit. I liked watching this cigarette fucking idiot. Cringe is not the same as thrills, Garrett.
01:13:48
Speaker
I'm just no, I'm not even i gave my thrills at one and a half. maybe one i'll knock it to one i'll knock it to one compromise i'm just saying i don't think the movie was boring a i and still had fun watching this i don't think this was a good movie and i do think watching these idiots journey kept it kept me on my toes is what i'm saying is that i knew something had to happen Yeah, the question is just like how close to the line is the movie going to make it before something actually happens? That was the most thrilling part is like, okay, ah we're getting close. Like I'd check the timestamp and I'd be like, well, there's only like 20 minutes left of the movie and nothing's happened yet.
01:14:36
Speaker
No, I'm giving it a 0.5. You can give it a one. That seems fair. And then nose all around for the last question, I imagine. Ruining your life? um I don't know. Garrett, are you going to ruin your life by driving home a drunk to to go fuck the babysitter?
01:14:56
Speaker
let's be fair, Kit. Driving drunk can ruin your life regardless of intentions at the end of the road. This is true. And regardless of whether the man you run into was an attempted rapist.
01:15:11
Speaker
He saved the day at the end.
01:15:17
Speaker
Yeah, I guess he kind of did. was ah He had two options. He could kill a teen or fuck a teen, and he chose right.
01:15:29
Speaker
He chose correctly. Good job, buddy. um Enjoy your your ah couple years in prison. No, I would not ruin my life for anybody in this movie. Everybody's awful except Alicia Silverstone.
01:15:42
Speaker
If you were, put yourself back in yielding times. You are teenage boy reading your Catcher in the Rye on a Friday night because your girlfriend said that she doesn't want to be with you anymore because you wanted to do under the clothes stuff and she doesn't.
01:15:58
Speaker
And she thinks you're moving too fast. So you're feeling a little lonely. Yeah. A little pathetic. And then your old buddy Smokey McLeather Jacket comes in. Smokey McFuckfuck, yeah. Smokey McFuckfuck comes in. He's like, here, man, have a beer. What if we just go try to get you back with that girl?
01:16:21
Speaker
Yeah. You can do right, Byer. so I'll go ahead and tell you. She just needs to another chance. you I would have not hung out with him all night.
01:16:31
Speaker
What would have happened is. Yes. And in high school, I was very jealous. I was a very jealous person. I would say for quite a while. To the point where I yelled at multiple boys for even, like, talking to my girlfriend. Oh, you are problematic.
01:16:50
Speaker
I'm not, like. Not in the lab. Problematic. Fuck, was I? Maybe a little problematic. I didn't yell at her for talking to anybody. That's still problematic. this was, you've got ill intentions and you're trying to fuck her.
01:17:06
Speaker
And I'm not even doing that. So go away.
01:17:11
Speaker
That's absolutely what this kid was thinking, though. It's like, I'm not fucking her. And if she fucked you, then I cannot emotionally handle that. If I'm not coming, nobody's coming.
01:17:27
Speaker
And I will come when we're both emotionally ready.
01:17:32
Speaker
so So what you're telling me is that you were a jealous boy. So maybe you would have been susceptible to this guy planting ideas in your head that she's off while she says she's babysitting.
01:17:46
Speaker
Maybe she's got another guy over. Maybe that's the reason she doesn't want you to come over. um Okay, kid. It turns out I exist on Earth. I'm a bad man.
01:17:57
Speaker
i get it. I'm just saying. I knew that. Are you ruining your life? Back then? Yes. I just definitely was never.
01:18:08
Speaker
i was definitely never going to drink and ride with that guy in a car. It just never was going to happen. There's no world where I end up in a car with him. i know myself back then. I was straight edge until like three months before I turned 21. I never had a step.
01:18:23
Speaker
There's no way. And plus, like, I just didn't do shit with people I didn't want to be around. Like, yeah, that's the most unrealistic part is that he doesn't just go the hell home.
01:18:34
Speaker
There's no chance I'd spend my whole evening with this fucking idiot. There's just zero. So no kid, I'm not ruining my life for anybody. Fair enough. yeah Yeah, neither am I. I'm not doing it. Listen, Alicia Silverstone is a delight. She seems like a real nice ah nice girl in this movie. ah shes She's very pretty.
01:18:56
Speaker
um I'm not ruining my life for her. sorry How old is Alicia Silverstone now? do you think within that Because the problem is the next movie that we're watching is from the same year. So age-wise, we're not really going up much.
01:19:08
Speaker
But by the time she is cougar in our last one, how old is Alicia Silverstone now? Is she the the person who's being sexual? or she like the she the with the heart yet no She's the one with a hot younger boyfriend.
01:19:26
Speaker
she's forty eight
01:19:33
Speaker
I'm looking up photos of Alicia Silverstone. Are you seeing if you still want to ruin your life for her? That's a question for another day.
01:19:42
Speaker
I just want to make sure that by the end of these three movies, I will have been like, yes, I'm going to do Alicia. Yes, me and Alicia. don't know, Garrett. We watched a whole lot of Antonio Banderas movies waiting for him to be allowed to unleash his sexual might and majesty. And did we did we get to experience that?
01:20:04
Speaker
Speaking of, I'm this.
01:20:09
Speaker
I think I found one more. Antonio one. You said you weren't willing to give him another chance. I did say that, but I'm pretty sure I did find another one. um There's one called, who else is in this?
01:20:25
Speaker
Never talk to strangers. And it looks like he's the bad boy. um come well Because we haven't watched one where he's bad yet, right? No, he seems to be constantly stuck as the cuck.
01:20:37
Speaker
yeah one at least on the poster he's got an evil eye and makes me wonder like when you the bad guy well let's set that up after we're done with our Alicia Silverstone ah month our month of ah celebrating 30 years of clueless for some reason great movie great movie Yeah. And I just like, I feel like we owe Alicia Silverstone being like, hey, of age.
01:21:14
Speaker
Pretty. Hell yeah. Very pretty. Yeah. Love it. All right. Get out of here. garret Hey, thanks for listening at erotic thriller club on Instagram.
01:21:26
Speaker
Erotic thriller club at gmail.com questions, comments, concerns. Make sure you like subscribe, whatever it is that you do. Leave us a comment. Tell us how you feel.
01:21:38
Speaker
Yeah. Leave a leave a review on iTunes. Say something nice. Say something nice. That'd be a, I like reading those and that'd be nice. Hey,
01:21:50
Speaker
We love you. Thank you for listening. Wet your snails. We want to shake you naked and eat you alive. Goddamn it. I don't know why that was coming.