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The Devil's Honey (1986)
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This week on the Erotic Thriller Club we return to the world of Giallo! Lucio Fulci shows us things we've never seen on film. Have you ever been pleasured with a woodwind? Have you ever gone topless to a dog funeral? It's movies like this that make life worth living... You don't want to miss it!
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Transcript
Introduction to the Erotic Thriller Club
00:00:00
Speaker
Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, empty the spit valve on your saxophone and gather around the radio. It's time for this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club.
Plot Introduction: 'The Devil's Honey'
00:00:26
Speaker
is antithesis, mysterious and dangerous and oh yes, they've got all the sexiest movies out of the ages so if you're fatally attracted to the raciest stuff, erotic film club basically instinctively craps and salacious, erotic film club if you want a racy movie and you're too classy, we're smart
00:01:09
Speaker
Johnny is a rebellious sexual deviant who can play the saxophone like you read about. Jessica is Johnny's girlfriend who adores him, even if he puts her in, this is putting it lightly, questionable sexual situations.
00:01:25
Speaker
After Johnny dies in a tragic accident, Jessica blames the kinky prostitute-loving surgeon who just had a little too much on his mind that day for Johnny's death.
00:01:37
Speaker
What can Jessica do besides go balls crazy, kidnap a doctor, and sexually torture him? This week on the Erotic Thriller Club, The Devil's Honey.
Morning Podcast Rituals and Energy
00:01:48
Speaker
Hey everybody, welcome to this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club. As is always, Garrett Callender and Kit Ryan here.
00:01:55
Speaker
And this is where we answer the genre's three most important questions. Was I aroused? Was I thrilled? And would i ruin my life for this person? Kit, you brought up something right before we started recording. you We've been recording the last several of these early morning, and I like this. This is like a cup of coffee for me.
00:02:16
Speaker
I think this is a nice way to start the day. The day hasn't beaten us down yet. ah Haven't read the news yet. Nothing's going on. Nothing's going on in the world right now other than these erotic thrillers.
00:02:31
Speaker
Obviously, like the rest of the day is going to wreck us. But you mentioned you had not had caffeine. and Yeah. There's nothing in the house. And that today might be a little low energy performance, potentially.
00:02:47
Speaker
I wanted to warn you that all I've had for breakfast today is Adderall and Diet Coke. So I'm the exact opposite. Oh, this is good. We'll balance each other out, I guess.
00:03:02
Speaker
Well, originally I was going to tell you, like, if I won't shut the fuck up, you need to be like, hey, Adderall, calm down.
00:03:10
Speaker
ah But who knows? It it might it might help. it This is, who knows? Yeah. We'll see. Have at it, buddy. Yeah. It's a brunch time speedball.
00:03:26
Speaker
I'm pretty sure speedball is supposed to include a downer, Garrett. Oh, do I need one of those? um Well, then I'll read the news after we're done. And that'll. There you go. That's a Hey.
00:03:41
Speaker
Well, I want to say, speaking of news, real up top, just want to say ah little erotic thriller news.
Celebrity Fandom: Charlie XCX's New Film
00:03:47
Speaker
Oh. As you know, i am a huge Charlie XCX fan.
00:03:51
Speaker
Like, you know, long, long time. I'm a ride or die for Charlie. She last year started getting these acting roles, like started booking acting gigs and she hadn't been in anything.
00:04:03
Speaker
ah She has seven movies currently in the works and it was like, oh my God, i hope she's good. Yeah. kind of happened to Ronda Rousey where Ronda Rousey booked a shit ton acting roles, did one movie, was terrible in it and didn't do any of the other movies.
00:04:21
Speaker
But Charlie was great on SNL and I think that showed, okay, we're going to be, we're going be fine. But one of those is Charlie XCX is starring in a, in an erotic thriller with Olivia Wilde and Cooper Hoffman, you know, Philip Seymour Hoffman's kid.
00:04:38
Speaker
oh Oh, interesting. It's going to be called i Want Your Sex. Okay, we're really we're really getting obvious with the title here. Just put it right up top.
00:04:50
Speaker
Love it. There's no details about what her role is in the movie yet, but you had me at erotic thriller and Charlie XCX. So obviously we're going to day one that.
00:05:03
Speaker
That's going to be a ah first showing. We'll be recording that.
Film Analysis: Themes and Aesthetics
00:05:08
Speaker
kit as far as the film we're about to discuss i feel like we were in a bit of a horniness drought we were and we absolutely were it was dark times
00:05:24
Speaker
leave it to the italians baby as the kids say we're so back so back oh loli I mean, it starts off with the hazy lighting and the ah aggressive eye contact while playing the saxophone.
00:05:42
Speaker
and Ghoulish lighting.
00:05:48
Speaker
Lit like a ghost playing in the a studio where no one is it no one else exists. ah her And then um the recording booth guy is jealous of the aggressive eye contact.
00:06:04
Speaker
he he messes up the record and they're all like, we're going on a break. And, uh, the, the lady who he was making aggressive eye contact with goes in and just like tit out.
00:06:17
Speaker
We are so early in the movie and there's a tit. Yeah. We're barely past the opening credits. Like they might still be going up at this point. But you're right. Just the way he's making eye contact, there's maybe four people in the booth, three, four people.
00:06:34
Speaker
Everybody thinks he's having eye sex with them. Yes, 100%. Everybody. Everybody's convinced this sexy saxophone playing is for me. Garrett, who was it really for, do you think?
00:06:47
Speaker
The furthest lady to the left.
00:06:52
Speaker
Who... I was in love with this woman. yeah This is, this is my giallo mommy. Uh, I'll say it from the top. I was a big fan of this lady.
00:07:04
Speaker
She, she's very pretty. i I will not disagree. She's very pretty. And the crazier she gets as the movie progresses, the prettier she got.
00:07:16
Speaker
Um, Oh, Garrett's already ah deep, deep in trouble on the ah the like crazy to hot scale where like, you know, the the the crazier they are, the better the sex will be, but also the more likely they are to kill you.
00:07:35
Speaker
And that's a risk Garrett's ready to take. Me and the doctor both. This... i the this It's so crazy. Like, the you're right. The guy is so angry at him when he realizes that the aggressive eye contact is not is not for me.
00:07:58
Speaker
And the movie's dubbed in English, so this makes it even funny. It was like I'm getting a coffee. Fuck you guys. And everybody leaves. This lady goes in, and you're right. Like, it is...
00:08:11
Speaker
this movie throughout a big theme is even in non-sexual situations, a tit will pop out. In some of the least sexual situations, she's chasing down the car of the man who let her boyfriend die on the operating table and her tit bounces out.
00:08:34
Speaker
No reason. Do you think Fulci was like, yeah this scene seems sad. we Listen, people are going to be sad. We need a little bit of something light.
00:08:48
Speaker
And yeah, just so you guys know, this is ah this is a giallo. This was made by Lucio Fulci, who did Zombie and Don't Torture a Duckling. Those are the two I most know him for.
00:09:00
Speaker
And as far as I
Toxic Relationships and Power Dynamics
00:09:02
Speaker
know, this was kind of a comeback movie. I think he had been gone for several years. And he's known for violence and gore. And this movie...
00:09:12
Speaker
I would say replace the gore and violence with just sheer weirdness. Sheer ah weird, weird, weird horniness. um Garrett, I was not prepared. You told me I wasn't prepared, which meant that I tried to prepare myself and I was not prepared for the opening like five minutes of this movie in which...
00:09:34
Speaker
um ah Jessica, our leading lady, goes into the recording booth with Johnny. And it starts out with one of the strangest things where he's putting his saxophone away.
00:09:49
Speaker
And he starts to like lick his lips. from And she's like, no let me. And she just starts to lick his mouth for him.
00:10:00
Speaker
And that only the beginning. Well, that's the kind of make out. that I like at the beginning of a relationship. Yeah, those kisses, that kind of kissing, I feel like gradually disappears the further the relationship goes.
00:10:15
Speaker
But the the face licking and the and the intense tongue, that is it. has the vibe of a brand new relationship, even though I think we learn it's not. So this is just European.
00:10:27
Speaker
Yeah, half the time they look like they are eating each other's faces. It looks fun. It does look fun. I can't deny it, but, uh, but he is like, I think the craziest thing so early on is we see panties pulled down and there's no way that it's simulated.
00:10:51
Speaker
he is rubbing her clit. No, no, no, no, no. no no and There's no way there. This is, this is soft core porn for sure. Yeah.
00:11:03
Speaker
Maybe actual. I don't know. I can't say for sure. i know for a fact the doctor never entered her. That's all I can say. But that's because he came so fast every single time.
00:11:17
Speaker
I love him. that's my that's i love it. His kink is prostitutes. The color red. The color red of being like a little extra naughtier than you would with your wife and coming immediately.
00:11:32
Speaker
Loves it. um But please, we have to get to... Okay, so... oh She doesn't want to be fingered in front of a giant window, essentially.
00:11:44
Speaker
Yeah. And a lot of this movie, the sex is very, don't do this to me... You see actual tears. Yes. Oh, she's got one tear running in a perfect little track down her her face so many times. And yet she wants to be with him so badly that she, despite the fact that I don't think we ever truly see her full throttle enjoying, no hesitation, no reservation, no hesitation.
00:12:18
Speaker
Never do we see that with their sex. She still is madly in love with him and wants him so bad.
Surreal Sexual Dynamics in Film
00:12:27
Speaker
You're right. like It's every sexual encounter they have.
00:12:32
Speaker
He is pushing it. It's a assault. It seems. Yeah. But it also seems like this is the game between them. Maybe, but not really. Like she might just be mentally unwell.
00:12:43
Speaker
Yeah. It's hard to say. um But, you know, she's like, don't want to have sex with you here in this recording booth, even though all the people left. And he's like, I got it. I got a great plan for you.
00:12:59
Speaker
He takes his saxophone and he puts the, I don't know, parts of a saxophone. The tootin' part. The parts that the toots come out of.
00:13:10
Speaker
but The parts that the toots come out of. In between her legs, right up against...
00:13:18
Speaker
her bits and starts playing a seductive saxophone song and and she is crying and shaking and thrusting and it insane mean i i i i literally turned to to my fiance and I was like, well, that's something I've never seen before.
00:13:47
Speaker
but like, I can genuinely say i that's a new one. That's a new one. i love that he worked it at the pace of sex though, that like, it starts out as like a careless whisper, kind of like, da um and you can see that's doing it.
00:14:06
Speaker
And then it becomes like, he's got to like up the tempo. It's like a little more tugboat, like a two, two,
00:14:14
Speaker
It comes a little more frequent, all while being sexy and have backing music. The funniest thing would be seeing this scene without the drums and backing and piano, because it would just like literally just be like, and her just like, ah, crying.
00:14:30
Speaker
I did not think of that, but you're absolutely right. And since the it's silent in the recording booth, I imagine that would also be really hilarious because you then turn and see that people did walk back in and are on looking through. ah God only knows how much of this they saw.
00:14:49
Speaker
But if the the sound was still off in the booth, what they saw was a silent image of a man shoving... saxophone into a lady's cooch and just like
00:15:06
Speaker
kit yeah yeah you have a wedding night coming up her does john play any woodwinds he plays the drums i am so sorry to say you get on the other side of a kick drum i think we can yeah yeah Well, not directly with the between.
00:15:27
Speaker
you don't need be between the mallet and the drum. you yeah no
00:15:33
Speaker
I was like, my jaw was dropped during this scene because we at this point have not hit the five minute mark when you see him playing in her vagina. It is like four minutes, 50 seconds.
00:15:46
Speaker
And already i was just like, I don't know if they can top this. Heads up. Movie escalates. um Absolutely. So I was just like, this is why we do this podcast.
00:15:58
Speaker
This is why we're here. The Italians understand. I would never have known such a thing was even in anyone's imagination. and i didn't know. this This movie introduced me to so many fetishes that I didn't know people had.
00:16:17
Speaker
i didn't know you could do that. And I feel educated. He's very much negging her this whole movie from the beginning. Oh, yes.
00:16:27
Speaker
He's a very bad boyfriend. Do not get me wrong. Yeah, it's not just their sexual situations that are aggressive and weird. It's the whole relationship.
00:16:39
Speaker
It's not until way late that we even see like what I would call a positive good moment. And even that's fleeting. There's the the scene where he brought her a baby doll.
00:16:52
Speaker
and like a haunted china doll type of deal and ah because he wandered off and then came back and she was like where did you go and he's like and you know i'm always coming back for you baby and i brought you this doll because it looked like you which shows that i'm always thinking of you hey garrett what color what color was that doll's hair
00:17:17
Speaker
Oh, shit. Um, boo, boo, boo, boo. Was it, guess, not black? It was red. The doll had red hair. She has dark brown hair. The doll had blue eyes.
00:17:29
Speaker
She has brown eyes. He even says, the eyes look like yours. And I'm like, I don't know. Like, is... i Well, that's a man thing. like, the eyes look like yours. They're eyes.
00:17:45
Speaker
there There's two of them. ah There's two. And they're used for scene. They are. um it's and then at one point, he like throws it across the room. And it's like, well, all right.
00:18:02
Speaker
You're. Like, i I already knew you were a bad boyfriend. It's it's weird that she's so so obsessed with you when you were never once nice to her.
00:18:14
Speaker
Okay, so yeah, throughout this movie, we're getting flashbacks of their relationship. And I'm having, i don't know, the movie is a little hard to pay attention to. And there's certain things that kind of happen throughout it that leave like more question marks than and answers.
00:18:30
Speaker
But at one point in this, she says she's pregnant with his baby. But I don't think that's true yet. But it seems like at one point she was and had a miscarriage or abortion.
00:18:42
Speaker
I my assumption was that she was pregnant and then ah like the stress of his death caused her to have a miscarriage.
00:18:54
Speaker
That was what I was assuming. because I guess there's all the you see in a lot of flashbacks conversation. She wants a kid. He doesn't because he's too good at saxophone. Yeah, obviously. And this would ruin his saxophone life and his his big saxophone career.
00:19:11
Speaker
if he had a child. um But also, her reasoning for wanting this baby is the most insane thing I've ever heard. She's like, I want something that's mine and and totally only mine. and I'm like, I don't think that's how a human being works, girl.
00:19:30
Speaker
But he's like, what? You got me. I'm yours. And she's like, no, you're not mine. i love you, you're not mine. the baby would be mine and only mine. And I'm like, again, I don't feel like you understand how parenthood works. It's probably honestly for the best. You didn't have a kid.
00:19:54
Speaker
she have Like engraved watch. Yeah. Something that, you know, it says it's hers. It's yes. Yeah. Yeah. Could we get you instead? i I mean, you had the doll. The doll was yours.
00:20:09
Speaker
that's all That's all yours.
00:20:12
Speaker
I would love if we did a shot-for-shot remake of this now, but replace the saxophone with whatever Kenny G plays and present this
Speculating on Johnny's Wealth
00:20:24
Speaker
as a life... Is that not a saxophone? I thought Kenny G played the clarinet.
00:20:28
Speaker
Am I wrong? I have no... i've The amount I think about Kenny G is... um Maybe I'm thinking of Yanni. Remember Yanni? He looks like he'd in an erotic thriller. Kenny G is a smooth jazz saxophonist. Okay.
00:20:44
Speaker
Well, we don't have to change anything for him. Change nothing.
00:20:50
Speaker
Look at a picture of this guy. He's got the stash, the hair. a ah Yanni plays a bunch of different instruments.
00:21:01
Speaker
Talented. that's See, that's a Johnny. that that's he can't he can't have a kid that would ruin his career whichever one doesn't say no we present it as if it's a straight biopic of one of them but it's just this movie and he dies halfway through even though he's still before he even gets his first record deal because they I want to point out this guy thinks that he is God's gift to saxophone and he is in the middle of recording his first album.
00:21:38
Speaker
And also he has enough money for a beach house and a motorcycle and a haunted doll for his girlfriend. So like hang in Cosby sweater.
00:21:49
Speaker
That banging Cosby sweater. I don't know if he has family money or if he's just been making a killing as a studio musician, saxophonist, maybe. but He's good. He's not a bad musician.
00:22:04
Speaker
The music throughout this movie is actually quite nice, which is not a compliment we give often. no I think it changes appropriately throughout, but also very Twin Peaks-y, like the kind of vibe, that gives an idea, like it's very calm music a lot of the time. don't I very much did and enjoy that piece of the movie.
00:22:29
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
Surgeon's Troubled Marriage and Work Life
00:22:30
Speaker
But we need to introduce our other main character. get him. We cut to a surgeon who looks very depressed. And i love that the other doctor is smoking in the hospital.
00:22:45
Speaker
And our our main surgeon ah is not even taking off his own scrubs. The nurse is undressing him. it is He looks so disconnected.
00:23:00
Speaker
baby. It's Italy, baby. He's on the car phone, and it is 1986, so that car phone is delightful. Garrett, did your parents have a car phone?
00:23:11
Speaker
My dad definitely had that bag, giant bag phone that sat in his car. Nice! I just want to point out that right now... In my notes, it says, doctor is getting scrubbed up.
00:23:23
Speaker
My early prediction is Saxman is going to die in a motorcycle wreck. We had not seen a motorcycle at this point, I want to point out. We had no indication that he rode one. Vibes were just there.
00:23:35
Speaker
Vibes were there. This was a man who was born to die in a motorcycle accident. You just take one look at him and you're like, well, he's not going to die in a saxophone accident. That's not a thing.
00:23:49
Speaker
I didn't think jerking off with one was a thing either, but here we are. Yeah, I didn't know you could make a woman come with only the power of your saxophone, but apparently you can. going be really hard to empty that spit valve.
00:24:01
Speaker
It's going like a super soaker when he blows into that. Oh, Garrett. We're past the first 10 minutes. Okay, this might not get banned from the YouTube algorithm.
00:24:15
Speaker
So... The doctor, I love this, that he is, he seems like a pretty decent doctor, but a terrible husband. He's like, hey, tell my wife I'm going to be late.
00:24:26
Speaker
and i got surgery. Goes and hangs out with the chattiest prostitute. I know this prostitute, I kind of loved her. She was just like, oh my God, this last client was a real loser. And oh no, I have a run in my stocking. Hold on. Let me fix it before i have sex with you. And then she she starts to fix it with nail polish, which is a real thing you can do. Fix a run your stocking with nail polish.
00:24:56
Speaker
You use clear nail polish for To fix a run in your stocking. You do not use bright red. I know you're a hooker. Everything you own is bright red. i i get it, but this is not going to.
00:25:12
Speaker
Okay. Thank you for pointing this out, honestly, because I did not know that that was a thing. I don't think there's a reason for me. I don't think it really fixes it, but it does stop it from tearing more.
00:25:25
Speaker
um It is like giallo red. It's very like giallo. It's red. But I thought that that was part of his kink. I didn't realize.
00:25:38
Speaker
i thought this was a pre-established story where she is painting on fake blood and his kink is like he has is murdering this woman and she's got some blood on her.
00:25:49
Speaker
That's what I thought was happening. No, I believe she is like, hang on, honey. Let me, I know I'm doing a New York accent, even though she had a British accent, but she looked like she would be saying it in like a Jersey type accent, but like, she's like, open gum give me a second while I fix this.
00:26:11
Speaker
And gets all face. he gets so turned on by the sight of the red nail polish next to her cooch that he starts getting all hepped up and she's like, oh are you into it?
00:26:27
Speaker
what if i just What if I just rubbed it on my crotch? And ah Garrett, I just recently got my nails done and then had to take it off with nail polish remover. And I gave up because it's so annoying to take off nail polish. You don't even know obnoxious it is.
00:26:49
Speaker
I still have one hand that has some on there because I am so lazy. And all I could think of is like, God, that is all over face. face that is all over her tights it is ah like oh this and you know it went through and some of it's going to be in her pubic hair a lot of it's in her pubic hair that's a full shave after this sucks i hope he paid her well i don't think i didn't see her get paid he says like you got your money and it's like if you say so the credit card on the phone maybe
00:27:24
Speaker
yeah at but I mean, this is a good night for her. I mean, it sucks that she has that all over her face, but he gets on and he is just like, this is immediately his kink. That's why, like, I just thought this was a pre-established kink for him because he so quickly just like, yes, this is my thing.
00:27:44
Speaker
He just discovered it. He had a beautiful light bulb moment where he realized this is his thing. It's really funny because because she's like, oh, you like this? What is it? The color was the color make you think of it? I'm like, don't psychoanalyze him. That's just going to ruin this.
00:28:01
Speaker
Don't make him think too hard about it. Just be like, ooh you like that? And then ah the answer is yes. Yes, he does. um And he's like smearing it all over her face.
00:28:12
Speaker
And then, yeah, it's like i don't know that he even entered her. It didn't look like he did, to be honest. I think she still had her tights on. He's just hitting a barrier.
00:28:26
Speaker
so fast. We do not see him take his pants down. i swear. oh i think he came in his pants. And it's like, she wasn't that mad while it was happening, but immediately when it's done, she's like, God damn it, you're worse than fucking a monster.
00:28:44
Speaker
Yeah, and I don't get it. Like, she got paid, and he came in two minutes maximum from the start of her painting nail polish on her cooch.
00:28:58
Speaker
who And don't know why she's so mad, but she is pissed. Yeah. She doesn't have to walk home with that shit all over her face now. mean like That is true. Maybe she didn't realize until afterwards, like, oh, I did not charge enough considering the fact I'm going to have to put nail polish remover in my pubic hair. Yeah.
00:29:24
Speaker
and like So I think an easier way to do this is to just go through a couple doctor scenes. just so And then we'll like, because we'd be bouncing back and forth between the two. And I feel like we can kind of catch up the vibe of doctor in a couple. Like he goes home.
00:29:43
Speaker
Wife had followed him. She knows. She knows she's what he's into. She knows he's in hookers. She still wants him. Oh, yeah. tries to wake him in the night titty fuck you gotta remember garrett this is italy is he not men are awful and women are naggy little bitches um and so like is he not expected to have at least one or two ladies on the side is that not part of that i'm trying to be culturally sensitive yeah
00:30:18
Speaker
I'm just more mind blown that I thought he was seeing hookers because he wanted to do things with them that he couldn't do with his wife. Like this weird blood role play.
00:30:29
Speaker
turns out his wife would be-
00:30:32
Speaker
Yes. what Yes. And his wife is like, treat me like one of your whores. When she finally admits that, like, hey, I know you're screwing whores. And, like, ah she's, like, putting on makeup that's, you know, more outrageous than she normally would. And he's like, take that off.
00:30:50
Speaker
And it's like, what? Okay. She's trying she's trying to get your attention, buddy. She's trying to, she's, like, treat me bad. You know, give it to me rough and dirty and he can't he he just won't it's really sad know was so mad at that part so she's like I'm gonna divorce you unless you have one night to impress me and win me back over you get one and he takes her out to like dinner at this crappy looking little club but
00:31:29
Speaker
like for rich people it doesn't look like they're having a great time but there is a lot of wine and uh how lucky could a man be that the you have one night to win me back over involves fuck me and fuck me like as dirty as you want How often is that case? Is that what, that's what's, not, oh, I need you to be home more often. I need you to ah take care of
Marriage Struggles and Sexual Preferences
00:32:03
Speaker
the kids better or or clean up after your damn self. No, the one thing she wants from him is is to be fucked like the horse he's already fucking.
00:32:13
Speaker
And the phone rings and he doesn't even answer it And it totally ruins the moment. And he can't, it's not just like, oh, he can't get it up. He just starts laying there dead, like a dead fish.
00:32:31
Speaker
And she's like, what the hell happened? I think the important thing that it has established at this point, or at least as a viewer, it feels like he doesn't give a shit about her.
00:32:46
Speaker
Yes. And I think that makes something that happens in a little bit weirder. Because at no point did I feel like he cares that his wife is... he doesn't care how she feels.
00:32:59
Speaker
But, like, he doesn't want her to leave. He's begging her not to go. but Later, after she asks for a divorce. Yes, that is true. But it was like...
00:33:12
Speaker
The moment after she asked for a divorce, he seemed distraught, but he seems everything leading up to that moment seems like he would be ecstatic that he can just have prostitutes now and watch whatever he wants on TV at night when he comes home.
00:33:27
Speaker
Is it like ah a status thing? Like, I'm a fancy doctor, man. I have to have a respectable wife. So your job is to stand there and be respectable at parties, not to dress like a whore.
00:33:41
Speaker
And he can't he can't wrap his head around the idea of whore in the sheets and a lady in the streets, which is clearly what she is willing and ready and happy to be. and this lucky dog can't
00:33:57
Speaker
He's the dog that caught the car. He doesn't know what to do with it. Okay. We've caught you up on Dr. Wife. Let's get back to our two freak shows.
00:34:10
Speaker
Yeah. Little carnival, little weird carnival date. Trouble, trouble, trouble. Tongue kissing on a roller coaster. her Next scene is where it's at. Next scene is where we're like, how are they going to top saxophone?
00:34:25
Speaker
How? What can we possibly do? is there to tap a saxophone? Motorcycle handjob! Motorcycle handjob! You thought that it was a dangerous, bad idea to have sex in a moving vehicle when it was a car, didn't you?
00:34:43
Speaker
Didn't you? But from the other Jello that we watched. Yeah. There's way worse things you can do. And this is one of them. And it's somehow the exact same scene.
00:34:55
Speaker
Yeah. Literally the exact. Everything about it's the same other than instead of a car, it's a motorcycle. Like down to the comic swerving.
00:35:06
Speaker
yeah Him taking up the entirety of the road. Yes. With a motorcycle while getting jacked off. And she's so unhappy. She does not want to be doing it. She's like, this is dangerous and a terrible idea. Why are we doing this?
00:35:21
Speaker
I hate this. And he's like, if you don't jack me off, I'm going to crash the motorcycle anyway. The swerving was like, I was i was howling.
00:35:32
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. It was all over the place. It was some Mr. Magoo shit. Like, it was not like... It was like, if you were getting, I promise you you, anyone could jerk me off on a motorcycle and I could keep it going relatively straight.
00:35:51
Speaker
Have you even driven a motorcycle, Garrett? Not once, but I'm confident enough that I could keep it at least within my lane and not the entirety of the road.
00:36:06
Speaker
Which is why I think he's doing it on purpose just to mess with her. I think he's fully in control at all times, and he is just trying to upset her.
00:36:18
Speaker
Also, did he come on his gas tank? Yes. 100% yes. Well, that's something. That's an insane, but I loved it. Like, cause at that point I'd already written, oh he's dying on a motorcycle.
00:36:34
Speaker
And then it gets to this. And with the big swerves, it's like, not only he swerving on the road, the movie swerved me where it's like, surprise, this isn't where he dies on a motorcycle.
00:36:44
Speaker
He will die on a motorcycle. Don't get us wrong, but it's going to be way dumber. Like way dumber. Yeah. And we go from motorcycle jerk off to explicit sex scene in like a desert cottage. I guess beach house.
00:37:02
Speaker
Yeah. it like a It does. um But and it's not only explicit sex, it's explicit anal sex. Which is our first anal sex in any movies we've watched. think it might be. And she's not enjoying it.
00:37:21
Speaker
Par for the course for every sex scene in this
Tragic Accident and Its Aftermath
00:37:23
Speaker
movie. the course for every sex scene. um While also being visibly fingered. Yeah. this is like There's nothing. like I can see pubic hair and I can see hard he's rubbing that area.
00:37:38
Speaker
There's no way she's not actually feeling his hand on her bits. We are watching porn.
00:37:50
Speaker
it The dog's outside barking, and once again, by the end of it, it does seem like... No, this one, she's smiling and happy by the end, but then they get in this weird little fight. Well, you know, they had to get in, you know, it was painful at first, and then she, you know, she relaxed into it.
00:38:13
Speaker
It's... That's why like this movie a little uncomfortable because it's but it's all like, is this essay or is it is this a game? it's like Because it does feel a little gamey.
00:38:26
Speaker
i oppos i think it's just an extraordinarily toxic relationship. Yeah. And she shouldn't be in it.
00:38:38
Speaker
Neither of them should be in it for sure. and your professional opinion, she should not date Johnny, the the saxophone saxophone rapist. Rapist, yeah.
00:38:50
Speaker
Um, so they're arguing afterwards and, ah they're outside and he's on his motorcycle, just like driving around in circles and it is the most boring argument of all time where she's like, go away. And he's like, no.
00:39:08
Speaker
And she's like, go away. hate you. Go away. And he's like, I'm not leaving without you. I love you. Go away. love you. Go away.
00:39:19
Speaker
it's he's not even driving that fast. No, he's going at about the speed of walking and going around in circles around her on his motorcycle.
00:39:31
Speaker
And then for basically no reason at all, falls over and hits his head on a rock. Which is hard enough to be. And him walking that off is so funny.
00:39:45
Speaker
Yeah. The glaze in his eyes was like, no, I'm good. There's just like a man that's so manly he can't admit that he just crashed his motorcycle and bashed his melon on a rock. And is now bleeding almost certainly externally and internally. Yeah.
00:40:05
Speaker
ah ru Kit, we cut to the studio and is and what is one of the funniest fucking cuts I've ever seen in any movie ever.
00:40:18
Speaker
Like, the producer is like, that take sucks. You need to do it again. it cuts to Motorcycle Johnny
00:40:30
Speaker
sweating like he has typhoid fever. Yeah! Like, you've never seen a more ill man. is so pale. is so sweaty.
00:40:41
Speaker
he is so, like, ah not there in the eyes that are are glazed over or rolling back in his head. He looks like he is dying consumption.
00:40:54
Speaker
He's so so sweaty. Somebody needs to open a window. He's so bad. Meanwhile, like, he's wearing a Cosby sweater. And is
00:41:11
Speaker
and she's so casually just like, oh, yeah, I'm pregnant. And Nikki, the recording guy, is like, you should get rid of that or you're going to ruin his life. And she's like, no, I don't think I will.
00:41:25
Speaker
and he's like, all right, let's play the song again. And it comes out like, whoop.
00:41:35
Speaker
is like still make my head hurt they let go on so long it's not like the first two or three off notes they're like hold it what's going on dude come on we gotta start over no they let it go for a while of him so bad until he falls on the ground It's so insane that who knows how long, because it's not like they lived by that studio.
00:42:04
Speaker
They had to ride a motorcycle while he's concussed to wherever the studio was. They were two hours late to the recording, apparently. ah so this man has been concussed for at least two hours. least two hours Yes, concussed and almost certainly hemorrhaging blood into his cranium.
00:42:27
Speaker
And him being like, I don't feel so good. And he's like, well, play the saxophone, bitch. You want to be famous? And you know, producer guy, if they're like, hey, he hit his head on a rock really hard earlier.
00:42:38
Speaker
um Doesn't he look fucked up? Yeah. Have you looked at him? Like, I know you're focused on the mixing board or whatever, but like, look up and take one look at this man turning gray.
00:42:52
Speaker
He is passing away in front of you. and But the producer would have cared because he wants to get sucked off by this guy. Yeah, spoiler alert.
00:43:02
Speaker
Well, that's not even... i mean yeah, it does happen. But it's it's not but at that moment, like even ah if you didn't know they were going to suck each other off later, you would look at that guy...
00:43:14
Speaker
And be like, that guy's not making a record. yeah That guy's not making a record today. Even if all you care about is making the record, like this man ain't blowing that saxophone today. That's why we told you the plot that she's mad at this surgeon for not saving him.
00:43:30
Speaker
and And the reason the surgeon doesn't do a good job on surgery is because he got broken up with by his wife on the drive to do the surgery.
00:43:41
Speaker
Yes. She's nagging him and saying, like, you never pay attention to me, and you're always, just ignore this call from the hospital to save someone's life.
00:43:52
Speaker
Why do you care so much more about your patients than you do about me? And I was like, can you can you not just save this conversation for a time when he is not on call for brain surgery?
00:44:04
Speaker
lady. He kicks her out the middle of the street and says, take a cab and fuck off. Yeah. And she's like, I'm divorcing you. And he's sort of surprised by that.
00:44:18
Speaker
so This is where I want to play devil's advocate. Yes. While he's in surgery, he's quite distracted by being sad about his divorce, which adds his hands are shaking as they're handing him the scalpel. And he just sort of stands there staring into the middle distance while the dude starts to flatline.
00:44:40
Speaker
So yes, he was distracted. I don't know that the surgery even happened, to be honest. i don't think he did. I think he just stood there staring off in the middle distance while the other doctors and nurses were like, hello, doc, doc, this guy needs brain surgery.
00:45:01
Speaker
Is it his fault for not doing surgery well? Or is it Jennifer, justs Jessica? Is it Jessica's fault for... For not taking him to a doctor six goddamn hours ago when he hit his fucking head on a rock.
00:45:16
Speaker
Well, I mean, here's the thing. I feel like this is one of those cases where if we were to take it to court, they would apportion blame and say that this is...
00:45:30
Speaker
20% the doctor's fault, 20 to 30% the doctor's fault, and 70% the guy and his girlfriend for not coming in earlier.
00:45:43
Speaker
i think that that's about how, and so the doctor's ah medical malpractice insurance would only have to pay out about 30% of whatever damages, you know. would And honestly, I think that's, I think that's generous considering Johnny probably drove himself there yeah on a motorcycle.
00:46:04
Speaker
Dang, didn't consider that, but like, yeah, I don't think Nikki, the sound mixer's doing this, putting him in, in his car. hit him with some smelling salts, wake him up.
00:46:17
Speaker
Get on there. Get on there. Drive yourself to the yeah er Jerk me off one more time. I needed to stay awake. No, you don't. Then you'll fall asleep after you come.
00:46:28
Speaker
Just eyes closed running through stoplights. His eyes were closed so many times while he was getting jerked off on that motorcycle. It was very disturbing.
00:46:40
Speaker
like our roadhead guy in the other, what was the other one we watched? What was that one called?
00:46:47
Speaker
Was that Arabella? Arabella. Arabella. yeah you're The black angel. Fuck, that was a good one. Yep, yeah yep, yep. And yeah, so he he dies. She's crying um and runs after yeah the titty chase, which is so great.
00:47:10
Speaker
And that's about it. Like, again, the guy died so quickly after they got him on the operating table that I don't think those two or three minutes of him staring into the middle distance, hearing his nagging wife's voice in his head is really what did it. But it sure didn't help.
00:47:31
Speaker
You know, time to remove the piece of skull they needed to to get to the brain. Like that was it was it was it was a done deal. But Jessica does not see it that way. She is so pissed.
00:47:45
Speaker
And she's already sending notes that say in red crayon.
Revenge and Control: Jessica's Kidnapping
00:47:52
Speaker
I think it was supposed to be red lipstick, but red crayon's way better.
00:47:56
Speaker
Why did you let him die? and he's getting phone calls. Why did you let him die? Yeah, basically all of this happens until she eventually kidnaps him.
00:48:10
Speaker
Yes. Hides in the back of his car with a gun against his head, makes him drive to the beach house. Yes, and the wife is not going to report him missing because she's already left him because he got a phone call in the middle of them having sex. And even though he didn't answer it, he was like, I can't, I can't perform.
00:48:30
Speaker
i got nothing. was like. Third strike and he's out. Yep, that's it. Goodbye. The rest of this movie, keep in mind, folks, this movie is 80 minutes long.
00:48:41
Speaker
I'm sorry, Carol. Maybe if the phone hadn't rung. That was fate. That was serendipity. They weren't meant to be. They weren't meant to be. Obviously, she's leaving him.
00:48:54
Speaker
um So yeah, she's waiting in the backseat with Gunn and a chloroform, and this woman manages to drag him into the beach house, even though she weighs about a hundred pounds soaking wet. And this is a large man. And she's also very good at knots. She's got him, you know, great knots.
00:49:15
Speaker
I assume she learned those from Johnny. Johnny seems like the type And, uh, she's got him in, like, a little noose dealio, um... hands tied, feet tied.
00:49:27
Speaker
Yeah. It's all in the same house that had the dog and the anal sex. And, uh, so hot though, in this scene, like she is, she's gone full nutso. And like, I mean, maybe this is just me and like my attraction to somebody who's going to be a little mean to me, ah a little mean to She's going to make you eat dog food out of a dog bowl, buddy. And take a hatchet to your car.
00:49:54
Speaker
The hatchet to the car was the most reasonable piece of any of her thing. That was pretty quick into I was delighted that, i think this is the first time in a destroying a car out of rage scene that anyone's ever bothered to open the car, go inside and mess up the dash too.
00:50:12
Speaker
Yeah, get the interior. Fuck up those leather seats. Get it, girl. You mentioned the dog food. This guy absolutely doesn't mind this kidnapping because the majority is kidnapping.
00:50:26
Speaker
This very beautiful woman is full nude. Yes. Just being crazy at him. She did not bring an extra set of clothes. And so she does have to spend a decent amount of the time completely naked. Yeah.
00:50:43
Speaker
There's so many times that this top just pops, Kit. Like, there's a bit where she's going to go have a walk in the rain and she just pops her top before she goes. There's a dog funeral where she pops her top.
00:50:55
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. There's a dog funeral in this movie that ends up titties out. That's the really funny thing is like when you think of like a tit bustin' loose, which happens all the time, you think of it being a large tit that just like, oh, the buttons just couldn't couldn't contain these big old titties. And it's like, no, she has very small, she's a skinny girl with small tits. And it's like the shirt still refuses to close.
00:51:23
Speaker
I loved it. I loved I loved it. She was, this is she's my girl. ah like her. ah She might actually, if I had to make a top 10 list of the people I'm most attracted to in movies that we've watched so far, I'd this uh let's look up her her name i looked and she's i don't disagree she's beautiful she's really gorgeous even when she's got a knife and she's like i'm gonna torture you so you better i'm giving you a chance to strangle yourself on the noose i put you in yes mommy i'll do my best
00:52:03
Speaker
but you mentioned the dog food kit. This motherfucker hasn't been there 24 hours. And you know how much objection there was to him eating dog food. Are you sure time time is a squiffy concept here?
00:52:18
Speaker
I don't know. They could have been at this house for months for all I know. To me, this movie took place in an evening. you serious? You thought this all took place in like one day? i was certain it took place over at least a week.
00:52:34
Speaker
You might be right. Her dog dies. Her dog dies for whatever the fuck reason. I assumed it's because she gave all the dog food away kidnapped man in her house.
00:52:48
Speaker
She can't ride to the store to get it because she destroyed the only vehicle. She destroyed the only vehicle. Exactly. And this place is clearly kind of out of the way, even though it's on a really lovely beach.
00:53:01
Speaker
But yeah, i she she lets that dog eat like one bite of that food. And then she's like, he's had enough. You can eat it now. So that is, yeah. I think that's why the funny that if the dog, act if you are correct, and this movie takes place over months, and it actually just died of old fucking age.
00:53:19
Speaker
Because it's not like it's killed. It's not like it's poisoned. Like nothing malicious happened. Just one day the dog's dead. we cut to her standing over a big hole in the ground and you're like, Oh, I guess she's getting ready to bury him.
00:53:34
Speaker
You know, when she's finished murdering the kidnapped man. And then you realize, no, there's a dog in there. She's burying her dog. On the beach.
00:53:46
Speaker
Yes. I can see the water. One high tide and that body is washing out to sea. It absolutely is. It's not good. ah But she does decide to take her top off and bury the dog with the sweater.
00:54:00
Speaker
it helped me. Like, I think if you're an animal lover and you don't like the sight of a dead animal. I do not. She helped you out. Pops that top. Because the only shirt she wears through this movie is her dude's Cosby sweater.
00:54:13
Speaker
and At least towards the end. At first, she's really a fan of of button-up shirts so that one tit can pop loose. But for the second half of the movie, it's Cosby sweater or nothing.
00:54:26
Speaker
The sexuality that happens in the end of this movie, like to just run through a few of the scenes, she's very sad and has a lot of flashbacks to Johnny and bad interactions they've had. Him filming their sex.
00:54:39
Speaker
Him just honestly just not being a good partner. It so wild like just even when she's sitting there watching like home movies we made together like aww and they're so cute and look how handsome he is and then he's like yeah let's fuck and she's like okay but like let me turn off the camera and he's like no we're filming it she's she does not want to she is not into it she starts crying and I'm like this is the happy Home movie?
00:55:10
Speaker
You're watching after he's dead and crying and masturbating and holding his sweater because, like, oh, it's so sad that he's dead? She's masturbating to these thoughts, and one of them, she has a fucking revolver in her vagina.
00:55:27
Speaker
Yes. Yes. And she's like, why am I doing this? It's not fun. Like... But ah she's like she's on the ground, full nude, masturbating to these horrific memories.
00:55:40
Speaker
She looks down and sees that she's not wet and then uses his Cosby sweater to masturbate. Yeah. What? Yeah. This movie is so naughty, Kit. this Yeah.
00:55:53
Speaker
It looks like there were several versions. Like, this movie got censored in Italy. It was naughty enough. Was it really? I mean, I can see that. She's sobbing masturbating with his sweater while flashing back to the time he put a gun up her vagina first for sex.
00:56:15
Speaker
Like, yeah. Yeah.
00:56:19
Speaker
And as far as I can tell, so it looked like in around 2016, this movie got a Blu-ray release or a DVD release from another company. So I think we had, there's no way we didn't watch the full uncensored version, right?
00:56:34
Speaker
I would be, like, if there was anything cut, it must have been full penetration, because that's the only thing it didn't have. There's a shot that is down the barrel.
00:56:45
Speaker
You can see her legs from an angle where if the shadows weren't just right, you would be seeing gynecologically ah what her OBGYN sees.
00:57:03
Speaker
I'm just a surgeon. i don't know about this. yes I'm sorry. This isn't my area.
00:57:10
Speaker
So. After her first night. I guess like we get to. She hits this dude who's tied up in the face with the blunt end of a hatchet. It's blood all over him. And it starts.
00:57:25
Speaker
And it's like slamming his head into her. pubic bone. It's not really her bits and it's not really her stomach. It's like the area right in between.
00:57:35
Speaker
And his instinct is to just see that his own red blood on her tum tum and it drives him crazy like that nail polish did. And he just starts licking it.
00:57:50
Speaker
This guy doesn't want to leave. I mean, i don't even know if this Stockholm syndrome or just wild horniness. She takes him out to the ocean on a leash and is... Hands untied.
00:58:05
Speaker
Yeah, hands untied. Yes, you chain he's on ah a chain with a collar, but like and she does have a gun, but he could easily just egg grab her skinny little arm.
00:58:17
Speaker
Not a problem. He does not want to. She is barefoot, like, shoving him down into the water to like... waterboard him essentially.
00:58:29
Speaker
and he's just like, drown me, mommy. Yeah. Part of my kink isn't yeeting this woman to the sea. It's, it's me being dominated. It's me being, and I love the lazy CPR she gives him after she drowns him a little too much. Mostly making out with him and licking him. She loves to lick a man.
00:58:50
Speaker
So she's licking his face back to life.
00:58:56
Speaker
man i listen i i have taken a basic cpr class i do not remember the part where you're supposed to just lick the guy's face until he comes back to life but you know it was a couple years ago so so that isn't the part that brought him full back to life it was the two very light compressions on both sides of his ribcages
00:59:22
Speaker
And after the rib cage push, then you lick his face. So the blood starts flowing throughout the body. Like it all moves down.
00:59:33
Speaker
And it worked because then he's now chained up, nude, eating dog food and just they're honestly having a really good vacation. Yeah. They're both just naked here at their beach house.
00:59:45
Speaker
Don't even have a dog to take care of. ah She has him operate on her haunted doll. Kit, this movie just gradually gets weirder. And I want to bring up something to you.
01:00:01
Speaker
Not cool, but we do see a flashback of her having a good day with Johnny, an actual good day. two One day. good day Laughing, frolicking with umbrellas.
Supernatural Elements: Magic Bracelets
01:00:14
Speaker
A lot of frolicking, a lot of smiling. umbrella, did you The umbrella had a little duck head for the handle. It was so cute. I loved it.
01:00:25
Speaker
but They buy little love bracelets from an old man who says that they are magic love bracelets. And that um it the first person to fall out of love needs to throw it away or there will be, quote, big sadness, big trouble.
01:00:49
Speaker
Is this movie magic? That is what I was going to say. I think that that old man selling magic love bracelets put some kind of freaking curse on them or something.
01:01:01
Speaker
i Guys, folks, friends beyond the binary, whoever we're talking to right now. Our beloved club members. Our club members.
01:01:12
Speaker
I know if you watched this movie, you were screaming too. Where they purchase these bracelets isn't like they go into a mystic shop. No. This is a dude on the street in a newsboy hat selling tourist magnets that say Italy on them.
01:01:28
Speaker
Yes. It is a boardwalk shop type deal where you could just as easily buy some postcards and an airbrushed t-shirt.
01:01:39
Speaker
And this man, I do believe, because I think this was the original, you know their relationship was like this. And then it was happy.
01:01:50
Speaker
And then they went out to the movies with Nikki, the sound mixer guy, whose girlfriend went home to the hotel.
01:02:01
Speaker
And ah he was like, let's all just the three of us hang out. It's not weird. I'm not a third wheel at all. And it's like, oh, that's great. ah Garrett, will you please explain what happens in the movies?
01:02:14
Speaker
They're having their lick fest because you know theyre they're very tongue forward couple as far as mouth kissing. Very much like I implore everybody to look up any kissing scene from the Mark Wahlberg movie, The Big Hit.
01:02:29
Speaker
There's never been more tongue in a kiss in an action comedy than that film or maybe just any film. Very close to this though. And as they're making out, she looks down and their producer pal...
01:02:42
Speaker
is ah sucking off Johnny in the movie theater. Yes. And she gets this horrified look on her face while Johnny is still kissing and licking on her.
01:02:54
Speaker
And she looks like she's silent screaming at at the the vision of of ah the producer guy's head in her boyfriend's crotch.
01:03:06
Speaker
And he's like moaning. I am a very, you shut the fuck up at the movies. Be respectful. So it's a holy place. Yes. We do not approve people who talk in movie theaters or on their phone. Don't do that shit.
01:03:21
Speaker
I would have been down there like, hey, can you suck him off in the lobby or like go over the boardwalk? Or at least the back row. They were in the front. You're in the goddamn... We're just trying to watch the movie. I can hear the slurping.
01:03:34
Speaker
oh yeah. i Like, your tongues are hitting each other so hard it sounds like this. Like... Just fucking knock it off. Also, my kid's here. Get the hell out.
01:03:47
Speaker
I know this is Europe, but this is fucked up. Mm hmm. Have some respect. That's so funny, though, that this newsboy hat man. Yes. Tells him a bracelet. They put it on and immediately he gets sucked.
01:04:00
Speaker
ho it up No, no, no, no, no. That's not the thing. That's not what causes it. It's that the first person to fall out of love has to throw it away. And when she saw Nikki sucking off her boyfriend, she was like, I'm not into this.
01:04:16
Speaker
I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. And she didn't listen to that instinct. She kept the bracelet. And that's why big trouble, big sadness.
01:04:27
Speaker
He starts like their relationship starts to deteriorate and he gets more and more abusive is because she realized that he was into stuff that made her feel icky.
01:04:38
Speaker
She didn't, consent bringing a third into this you know relationship which because she didn't say anything about it the relationship falls apart and then he gets you know it was the bracelet that made him fall off his motorcycle while he was going five miles an hour at most uh in a circle and bang his head on a rock its I mean, it's a short movie, so I can't be mad at it for introducing me to a magic element so late in the movie.
01:05:14
Speaker
But it's not like it isn't right like this. They wouldn't show me this. They like they could have easily the guy talking 10 Yeah. Her looking at a bracelet at the end of this movie and throwing in the ocean is a two second shot.
01:05:29
Speaker
yeah There is less than 30 seconds of this bracelet being talked about, shown, mentioned. Because you just see her holding the bracelet at the beginning, actually. You see her, you do. Yes. You see her holding it at the hospital.
01:05:43
Speaker
But she still has it. Yeah. I rewatched it this morning and saw the bracelet on the second time. and But you're right. like there's This is definitely the way it's it's presented in the film. It is a twist.
01:05:58
Speaker
It is a this explains everything moment. ah Visually is is what it's presented as. I don't know if that actually makes any goddamn sense.
01:06:10
Speaker
But that is how the film is treating it. It's weird to watch so much weird sex in a movie and then just... I find out with 10 minutes left that wizards are real.
01:06:23
Speaker
Yes, but only if they work in a little newsstand under the boardwalk ah selling tchotchkes to tourists.
01:06:35
Speaker
What is... There's... It leaves too many questions of what's this guy's deal. He might have not even known. he He's the one who bought them from, like, the dude from Gremlins. He's like...
01:06:47
Speaker
But the dude from Gremlins is in a spooky shop, so you're like, this guy could be legit. Like, maybe I shouldn't, you know. This is not... This is not that. This is not a spooky guy in a spooky shop filled with mystical treasures from from exotic lands.
01:07:07
Speaker
Again, this and the bracelet itself is like a crappy little twine friendship bracelet type deal. Like, this is... Well, do you think that this guy at his stand, times are tough. His wife doesn't want to fuck him because he's not bringing home. He can't provide anymore.
01:07:24
Speaker
Nobody's coming and buying these lemon magnets like they used to. it's So true. He needs something new to push something. i don't know. What do people need? I walked past this mystic shop and ah I was like, what could I buy? The whole, the movies. What's that guy's story? This is true.
01:07:44
Speaker
Yeah. Because once she throws the bracelet away... Everything resolves itself. It's fine. She throws the bracelet away and then she's like, okay, I'm going to release my my hostage.
01:07:56
Speaker
And the hostage doctor comes straight upstairs and starts making sweet love to her. And by sweet love, I mean, once again, he comes in about 30 seconds.
01:08:07
Speaker
He comes so fast. She does not come. I was... blown away in a way that she certainly was not. well, Kit, he has been pining for this woman somewhere between 18 hours and 18 months.
01:08:27
Speaker
but we And there's no way to know. And she didn't grow a beard. No, she was not letting him come. No way. Whereas she was masturbating on the reg.
01:08:41
Speaker
His hands were free. Yeah, but if she had caught him, well, he would have liked to be punished. Never mind. He seems like the type. What's crazy is we hit this, them having sex. He comes so fast.
01:08:56
Speaker
Her eyes are wide, stark open the entire time. And this is a thing for her. Not only do these people love to lick and kiss with like big, wide mouths, she does not close her eyes ever.
01:09:11
Speaker
It's important to so to kiss like a snake eating an egg.
01:09:24
Speaker
Now I can think about is Joanna from Rescuers Down Under.
01:09:32
Speaker
ah Before he has sex with her, because he's full nude downstairs, he comes up in a buttoned up shirt. And I like that. That means he had a moment like, I'm free.
01:09:43
Speaker
Put a shirt on. he's like, well, i do kind of want to fuck this lady. I can't just leave and go home to my, what, empty house with no wife in it. I could go find another prostitute. But, like, she's right here.
01:09:55
Speaker
i might as well. I think she's down to clown. She was. I just I cannot fathom why the movie does not end with her like with them having mutually beneficial sex.
Character Dynamics and Empowerment
01:10:12
Speaker
Well, that's not in the cards for this doctor like that's who he is. yeah yeah You know what? You're right. I think it's just that he cannot he is physically incapable of pleasing a woman.
01:10:26
Speaker
yeah and its I don't know why. Like, okay, so so you come fast. That's not the end of the world. you You have hands. You have tongue. Let this lady show you. She knows how to lick things real good.
01:10:40
Speaker
Like, why is his go-to just like ah get hepped up and horny watching something red and then ah come in your pants 30 seconds later and then lay there Like, good job, me.
01:10:58
Speaker
yeah i guess hadn't thought of baseball cold showers yet. Like, just thinking of other stuff so you can not bust so fast. Well, surely he has heard oral...
01:11:11
Speaker
Well, yeah, no, i he is selfish. I mean, he's not a good person. Which is why. He was changed his life with prostitutes for years. He's a very, very bad boy. He does need to be punished.
01:11:23
Speaker
You are absolutely right. And is she a bad person? Because she seems like a bad person, but I think she's a broken person who got caught up in a newsman's curse. I was going to say, like, is she a bad person or was she just caught up in the in ah in a newsman curse?
01:11:43
Speaker
Did he know that this was going to happen? Because he did have like a... don't He don't know what they say. Big sadness, big trouble. And I do want to point out that like when ah they the the the happy couple come over, Johnny's like, I want to buy a gift.
01:12:02
Speaker
And the newsman's response is, who for? Your girlfriend? Do you love her? And it's like... Well, then this shouldn't be an issue. And he's like, I'm madly in love with her. And he's like, well, good. Here's ah here's a magic bracelet.
01:12:19
Speaker
In no way will this help your relationship. It will only curse you if you if you fuck up the relationship and don't throw the bracelet away.
01:12:31
Speaker
You gotta believe It's only a couple dollars. It's only a couple dollars. Come on, Johnny. Come on. I refuse to believe the newsman was magic. Garrett, you have called so many people ghouls.
01:12:46
Speaker
And you don't think that the newsman is a ghoul. so yeah Oh my God. So the ghoul is where you least expect it? like this is Did you watch the K-pop Demon Hunter movie yet? I did. I did.
01:12:58
Speaker
He's one of them. ah It's just a guy yeah under the shirt. He had the tattoos, like the the demons and the thing. and i don't know. This is fucking stupid though. so i that with the giro movies like we get yelled at what are you talking about that it's stupid someone gets masturbated with a saxophone there's no limit here there is no there are no rules that's true coming by the power of music
01:13:33
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Literally. He's already in of pretty fantastical. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I do need to mention this. When I was describing this scene to a friend on the phone, he's like, what was he playing? Was he playing Yakety Yak?
01:13:48
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:51
Speaker
I also do want to point out that like he's like worshipping her at one point while he's still tied up, and she grabs a candle and drips hot wax on him, and I'm like, alright.
01:14:02
Speaker
And when it hits his body, it steams and he screams that it thought it was the acid that the Joker fell into. I swear to God. Alien dripping its blood. day It did. I was like, I don't know what kind of wax this lady has, but and then you see he has severe burns on his back later.
01:14:25
Speaker
Like, I don't know what she put on him. Do you think that she should have killed him? Because even after the curse is broken, i murder, violence is never the answer. But in this case, like, it might have died. I don't know. It was it was worth a shot. No, no. Because the odds of magic being broken is just as...
01:14:48
Speaker
I think they have a perfect relationship because this is a man who clearly needs to be punished. And this is a woman who needs to reclaim herself and feel her own power. She has been in an abusive, toxic relationship and her needs have not been considered at all.
01:15:08
Speaker
um ah She needs someone who will worship her and he is happy to do so. I think they are made for each other. She's, I mean, throughout the movie, like she even said, like she, she was ah his slave, like their boyfriend slave. And now he calls himself her master. And it's like, that's cool if that's what you're into. But I don't think that's what she, she needs.
01:15:33
Speaker
Remember, she wants something that's hers, all hers. Guess what's all yours, baby? This pasty man. This pasty, this pasty old man is Jess's bitch.
01:15:47
Speaker
Yes, and I think that's what she needs, and it's what he needs. I think they have found their perfect match. So is this what the movie Stella, how Stella got her groove back is about?
01:16:01
Speaker
ah You know, I don't think I've seen it since the ninety s but yeah, I do believe that is what happened, is she gets herself um a bottom.
01:16:15
Speaker
A fancy rich bottom. Fancy rich bottom. Yeah. now i Like, ah I think that yeah she was wrong when she thought she needed a baby. What she needed was a man baby.
01:16:32
Speaker
man she to chain up and care for her. Who does treat her better than her previous boyfriend by miles. That man is going to worship the ground she walks on. He let her drown him.
01:16:46
Speaker
He did not. He is physically strong enough that there is no way he needed to drown. because she was lightly putting her little barefoot on him. He wanted to. He wanted to be drowned by mommy if that's what mommy wants. And that's the kind of devotion that she's really needing.
01:17:05
Speaker
You can't get that from a child. You can't get that from Johnny the Motorcycle Saxophone Man. You can get it from this doctor. yeah She didn't do anything to him that I wouldn't allow her to do.
01:17:22
Speaker
Does that include drowning you, Garrett? She brings me back to life. Oh, then yeah, that's fine. She knows what she's doing. i get a little kiss afterwards. oh the little kiss? You get a lot of kisses.
01:17:36
Speaker
Yeah, i know. big
01:17:40
Speaker
This is my favorite movie we've watched this year. ah Maybe not true. This is... this is I don't know. It's really not good. Let's be clear. It's a bad movie. And there are times when it is boring. If no tits are out.
01:17:58
Speaker
um Come on. You weren't bored during the scene right up until the moment ah that what the Johnny bangs his brains out on the on the rock.
01:18:09
Speaker
Not the other kind of bangs his brains out, but like wax his head on the rock. Like that whole argument went on for so long. There are plenty of times where they are like stretching to make that 80 minute time limit.
01:18:21
Speaker
And it is obvious.
01:18:25
Speaker
No, because I was still thinking about the first four minutes and 50 seconds of the movie. Like anytime something happened, it got a little too talky. I had somewhere for my head to go.
01:18:37
Speaker
It's thinker. Yeah, just like that doctor staring into the middle distance hearing his nagging wife in his head, you had a woman getting literally blown to think about.
01:18:52
Speaker
Yes. i never I never once was bored during this one. I think this is a damn near perfect bad movie.
Impact of Commercials on Film Experience
01:19:01
Speaker
Well, know, my experience may be different than yours because you got no commercials while watching this on Plex. And I got them every 20 minutes.
01:19:12
Speaker
That's insane. Plex is such It was a full... Two minutes of commercials every 20 minutes, which really interrupted the flow and gave me a chance to get bored.
01:19:25
Speaker
So when I rewatch it, did it must have glitched because the thing is while I watched it the first time, I had to pause it, walk around, do some stuff, come back. It never gave me commercials. Not once, not from the opening titles.
01:19:37
Speaker
Never. I didn't watch anything. Just saw the movie. This morning it was hitting me with, so many commercials and they got longer and longer as the movie progressed. But yeah, if you're having to watch, um I don't know what targeted as it would always hit me with like, do you want to watch Lone Ranger on Plex, the original Lone Ranger? And then you're just like, yeah I don't no i want see the titties. don't titties. What about this heartburn medication?
01:20:02
Speaker
What about like whatever the fuck? I don't need that. What I need is this woman standing there naked, Making me eat out of a dog bowl.
01:20:17
Speaker
And I don't need your judgment, Plex.
01:20:21
Speaker
This movie is an hour and 23 minutes with credits. I did not think it was too long, but I think if every 20 minutes you added two to three minutes of commercials of sitting there waiting for it to come back, I do think that would make it feel long.
01:20:38
Speaker
uh but yeah i don't know i guess i but i was blessed i was blessed i actually got these freaky friday ah freakier friday friendship bracelets when i saw the new one and i think that that put a magic curse on me uh that just made the plex commercials disappear but when i yeah that's not a curse then the commercials come back then they'll come back a nice curse is called a blessing oh a nice curse A nice curse is called a blessing.
01:21:11
Speaker
You learned that church. I did. is what you go to Catholic school to learn. it's still magic. It's just that Jesus did it instead of a newspaper man under a boardwalk who also sells magnets.
01:21:28
Speaker
And Jesus is no different than that guy. He just has a better publicist. A way better publicist.
01:21:37
Speaker
Kit, this movie ruled. This was fun. I'm so happy and excited to get to ask you. Garrett, stupid question.
01:21:49
Speaker
Stupid, stupid question. Were you aroused? Scale of I loved this woman. I loved this woman. I didn't always love what was happening to her.
01:22:00
Speaker
ah But I wanted to save her. And I wanted to be her bitch. I thought this woman was gorgeous. I love that the answer to anything is pop the top dog funeral, pop the top dead boyfriend, pop the top, trying to chase down and yell at a surgeon.
01:22:23
Speaker
She didn't pop the top, the top. Titty out. ho tur The top knew what needed, the top knew what needed to be done. So it's hard to give it a full five because all of the, most of the sexual situations, if not all. Is non-consensual.
01:22:40
Speaker
or Or are i ah at best a dubiously consensual. At best, dubious consent.
01:22:54
Speaker
I think that I was so attracted to her that I was able to get past that on the second viewing, everything felt ickier. It felt much worse on a second time around.
01:23:07
Speaker
um I love that. Cause the commercials gave you a chance to reflect. You don't, that's bad. You just, yeah, when I'm going from saxophone pussy tooting to straight to motorcycle handjob, like it is a roller coaster of emotions and there's an actual roller coaster in between those scenes.
01:23:29
Speaker
So i I loved it. Five.
01:23:34
Speaker
All right. I would say because...
01:23:40
Speaker
ah it The variety, the sheer variety of of sexual...
01:23:48
Speaker
What is the word I'm even looking for? The sheer variety of sexual acts and novelties that I have not seen before. Perversities. it's yeah Perversities of of so many different stripes and flavors was really a treat after so many of these types of movies. The Neapolitan ice cream sex.
01:24:11
Speaker
I mean, seriously, we've seen so many where, like, the sex is only just, like, you see just their faces right together in the bed, breathing hard at each other. Like, this was a treat by comparison.
01:24:26
Speaker
This, the, I will not get half a point for the fact that, like,
01:24:33
Speaker
is there a second of male nudity like zero there is there's no male nudity you do not you see full frontal female and not even root that's bullshit two or three different ladies yeah yeah root like this movie it what was it a scared to show me a penis i guess like i don't know point is i'm gonna go four and a half uh because i do have to dock it some points for the lack of male nudity as well as the the the the consent thing gets it does kind of ruin the moment a couple times where like sometimes you're just like screw it i'm here to get i'm here to get what i want out of this movie i'm here to enjoy the naked people and then the naked people are crying and you're like
01:25:28
Speaker
Oh, never mind. Never mind. She wasn't crying at the dog funeral at first. Yeah, the dog funeral is also very unsexy, even if she does take her top off.
01:25:42
Speaker
Garrett, were you thrilled? Scale one to five. i think this is a movie that lets you know thrills come in different flavors.
01:25:55
Speaker
I think if we had a meter that judged thrills, like just, it doesn't have to be like, I was afraid it could be maybe a thrill, like a thrill can be titillating.
01:26:07
Speaker
And not the same as being aroused though. It's not, you can't just do the same number.
01:26:16
Speaker
How, though, can I not rate the saxophone thing as a thrill? Because I never stopped thinking about it. I mean, how you can't.
01:26:29
Speaker
And the motorcycle handjob is very thrilling because, like, he is swerving all over the place. And you know he's going to... The description of the movie is that he's going to die on the operating
Expectations vs. Reality: Fulci's Directorial Choices
01:26:42
Speaker
table. So you know this boy is doomed.
01:26:45
Speaker
So watching it is all the more ah ah heightened in its thrills, thinking like, ah what's going happen? Is this it? Is this it?
01:26:58
Speaker
And since it was Fulci as well, like I did have the expectation of violence and gore that didn't come. So I did think at some point, One of them is I thought the doctor or the lady, one of them was going to kill the other. I was hoping it would be the doctor, if anyone, because I saw no reason for him said to need to survive this.
01:27:20
Speaker
None whatsoever. He served his purpose. It sucks because I mean, I guess technically it was low on thrills, but also when you find out that the movie is happening because of magic, is that not a thrill?
01:27:34
Speaker
about A little bit. Is that not something where you're what the fuck? And the twist that um the thing that that ruined their relationship all along was the fact that he was screwing the music producer guy who we thought this whole time was just jealous because he wanted to also screw the pretty lady.
01:27:53
Speaker
No, no. He wanted to screw our our sexy saxophonist. He also wanted that aggressive eye contact. Like that makes you reframe the whole movie. That's a thrill right there.
01:28:06
Speaker
i think anything that makes your eyes do like a, whoa, like your eyes open up a little wider I mean, something happened. Sit a little bit. Yeah. So maybe I'll go four. I don't think like a five, but like, man, I don't know though. I'm going to four and regret it later.
01:28:23
Speaker
There's no need to drag it out longer. I will go with a... You know what? I will also go with a four. yeah I'm leaning more towards three and a half or four.
01:28:36
Speaker
ah But you know what The sheer novelty of all the different things that happened, even if they weren't always the most thrilling...
01:28:47
Speaker
It wasn't suspenseful, really. i wasn't I wasn't worried at any point. there's no There's no chance anyone is going to find them here.
01:28:59
Speaker
You just know that they that they are perfectly ah cut off from the world.
Absurd Moments and Character Limits
01:29:05
Speaker
And you do not care if the guy lives or dies. Like, why would I? Yeah.
01:29:11
Speaker
I think the main concern was, is he going to snap out of his his pussy haze and like grab that gun and shoot her in the head and run away? I was never once concerned about that. After seeing them out on the beach going for a little week, like taking your doggy on a W.A.L.K. out on the beach.
01:29:31
Speaker
It's yours next to you.
01:29:34
Speaker
No, is yours and it'd be funnier if I said it like that. Don't get him excited. just assumed Mika was at your feet. You're just like, I can't say it. Nah, she's in the bedroom right now. She's not getting up this early if I'm not walking her.
01:29:50
Speaker
um But you get my point. going on walkxey's We're going We're taking him on walkies. And he's not trying to fight back. He's not gonna. The dog dying was still bizarre.
01:30:02
Speaker
But yeah, no, I think we, yeah, I think four from both of us. And obviously, you know, my answer. i Are you ruining your life for Jessica?
01:30:13
Speaker
Are you willing to get acid wax dripped on you? I've been getting fit for a dog collar since noon yesterday. No, it's... so i'm good And Garrett would be better at this. I feel like Garrett would be willing to eat out of the dog bowl, no hands. This guy was using his hands to eat the dog food out of the dog bowl. Garrett would have gone all the way.
01:30:36
Speaker
Garrett would have committed the bit. As we discussed on here, I did it for a friend's short film. you Yeah. Garrett will commit. Yeah, no, I'm in. I'm in. I'll do what she needs. She needs to get better.
01:30:48
Speaker
And if part of the healing process is ah stepping on the back of my neck in the ocean, you know, who am I to hold back the healing? yeah Yeah, fair point. I will also ruin my life for her. Same reasons.
01:31:03
Speaker
Yeah, it's she's great. She's great. word Are you ruining your life for Johnny the Motorcycle Maniac? I hate him, but God damn, he wails on that saxophone.
01:31:19
Speaker
and Are you telling me he couldn't hit my boy G-spot putting that thing over my tush? He absolutely could. Yakety yakking up there. guys Don't talk back.
01:31:31
Speaker
Are you letting him put a gun in your orifice, Garrett? I draw the line. It's saxophone. we We aren't going past saxophone. No, Johnny is not.
01:31:42
Speaker
But I don't have a choice because we went on a fun day and he bought me a magic bracelet.
Entertainment Value and Critique of Johnny
01:31:46
Speaker
So this is true. you and You didn't know that you needed to break the magic bracelet curse. Is anyone on this entire planet, though, going to ruin their life for Sack?
01:31:59
Speaker
No, he's just no, he's just 70s Italian man who comes fast. Like what? He doesn't have anything to offer besides money and status. And I can get that from somebody who probably comes slower.
01:32:16
Speaker
Yeah, get that doctor who was smoking in the hospital. Yeah, guy that that a yeah he yeah, he looked like he'd appreciate it more, too. i I think if we had a club but of movies that got moved to the elite section, that based on our ratings, that this one would be ah in there with Bound.
01:32:41
Speaker
Damn. i mean, Bound still wins, hands down. It is a better movie. It's at the front of all of it. But in terms of our scales, yeah.
01:32:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
01:32:58
Speaker
It's hot. It's thrilling. It's ah and we are ready and willing, ready and willing to drown in the ocean for her. No questions asked.
01:33:11
Speaker
What a treat. What a treat, folks. How did you find this thing? I mean, this is another one that I had seen passing by on Tubi and Plex a lot. Like when I just looked at random stuff and the other day on my letterbox, it popped up that somebody had watched it recently.
01:33:31
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, that's been on the list. And then I reread the plot description and was like okay, yeah, I think this is, this is where we got to go from here. Cause we needed to step it up from the last three, like love Alicia Silverstone, but she just kind she killed the vibe a little.
01:33:48
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, to go from to go. yeah It's especially whiplash ah to go from like the babysitter where they would not show tits to the point where everyone's wanting to soap her back to tits are popping out all over.
01:34:09
Speaker
When you go from no nudity to tits come out at the death of a dog. At the death of a dog. I can't stress that enough. We saw tits because a dog died in this movie.
01:34:23
Speaker
That's insane.
Ending Analysis and Poetic Elements
01:34:25
Speaker
Tits came out when the dog dies. Tits come out when her boyfriend dies. Tits come out when, i don't know, she just didn't have an extra set of clothes.
01:34:33
Speaker
Like, fuck it. Tits Come Out is better alternative title than the actual alternative title. Because folks, if you're trying to search this movie, I couldn't find Devil's Honey anywhere.
01:34:46
Speaker
And it was under Dangerous Obsession on Plex. I found it under Devil's Honey on Plex. So I don't even know what what people ah need to do to find this.
01:34:59
Speaker
But we do highly recommend you find it. I guess Dangerous Obsession didn't have commercials. Devil's Honey did. yeah it does end with that little poem.
01:35:11
Speaker
is after he came in two seconds and is just laying on her back. When you've spent your life like a fortune that never seemed to end, the second chance will come like a long lost friend.
01:35:24
Speaker
Great joy will fill you and flush you hot. No, no, no more. Will you ever be cool for she is the devil's honeypot and you'll drown in her. You fool.
01:35:40
Speaker
yeah Yeah, that poem makes it seem like the movie is about his perspective and him finding where he needs to be in this life.
01:35:51
Speaker
And it is not. This is 100% her journey, and he is ancillary. But you know what? if If this is what it takes for him to... like is that he sees himself as the main character who has found his place in the world, like good for you.
01:36:07
Speaker
But it is not about you, son. Not even a little bit.
Conclusion and Farewell
01:36:12
Speaker
oh There were ups and downs. It was a roller coaster. It was an open mouth kiss with a lot of tongues that ended with us getting yelled at by movie theater management to get the fuck out of here. ah As we throw our cursed bracelet into the ocean, take us home, Garrett.
01:36:31
Speaker
Where do we go from here? Hey, thanks for listening. Uh, Ray review, subscribe, bit the Instagram. Haven't checked it. Emails. Haven't checked it. You can still do it.
01:36:42
Speaker
I'll get to around to it. There's a lot going on. Uh, but Hey, we love you. Thank you for listening. Wet your snails. What'd we add last time? Fidelity, oh, big man.
01:36:54
Speaker
we want to shake you naked. Need you alive.
01:37:02
Speaker
Oh, God, what is my ah wedding speech from you going to look like? Well, first, I'm going to pop my top.