Transcript
Speaker: Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, some nipple clamps, a jury of 12 of your peers, and help us ring in the new year as we watch the ball gag drop.
Speaker: It's time for this week's meeting of The Erotic Thriller Club.
Speaker: Antithesis, mysterious and dangerous, and oh yes, they've got all the sexiest movies out of the ages. So if you're fatally attracted to the raciest stuff, I'll ride in Belklo.
Speaker: Basically instinctively crave the salacious.
Speaker: Is it so wrong to be a beautiful woman? Is it so wrong to be a beautiful woman with kinks? Is it so wrong to be a beautiful woman with kinks that bangs an old man with a heart condition to death?
Speaker: That's for the jury to decide. This week on the Erotic Thriller Club, Body of Evidence. Hey everybody, welcome to this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club. As always, Garrett Callender and Kit Ryan here.
Speaker: And this is where we answer the genre's three most important questions. Was I aroused? Was I thrilled? And would I ruin my life for this person? Ho boy, Garrett, it's a toad strangler out there and you're dead and watching porn in your mansion.
Speaker: Oh my God. This is a classic bad movie at this point. Like this is one that is very well known. And honestly, I can't believe you and I never watched it just separately. I had seen this movie before. Was this your first time?
Speaker: This was my first time. be gentle. There's no being gentle. There is you, you must submit to this movie and let it do with you as it pleases.
Speaker: And you know what I will? I had a great time with this one. i think it's crazy that even in the world of erotic thrillers, that this is considered a bad one because it's so fun.
Speaker: It's so fun. I never stopped having fun. i can't imagine why anyone thinks it's bad. Bad by whose standards? It's just, it's a I've never seen this plot before where most of the erotic thrillers follow kind of the exact same beats.
Speaker: This one dares to do something different. I agree. So, you know, we open with the, well, is it a toad strangler or gully washer? Would you say this, this storm outside your mansion? Yeah.
Speaker: Was it even storming? I was too busy looking at naked Madonna and nipple clamps and sex tapes. And it really opens hot. Where like, if you're wondering, are you going to see Madonna have sex in this movie immediately? and Don't worry about it, like friends. Pretty full frontal walls to the wall. Set your mind at ease.
Speaker: You will, in fact. Reading... about behind the scenes on this movie is pretty insane because it sounds like she was kind of a nightmare to work with. And also a lot of folks saying that she was a method actor, which kind of puts that thing to rest that like, you know, only annoying method actors are men.
Speaker: and Madonna. Breaking that glass ceiling, girl. Get it I don't want to defend method actors because it does seem wildly annoying, but I guess at least when Daniel Day-Lewis is Abe Lincoln or Daniel Plainview, he's got a voice he's doing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Madonna's just sort of Madonna with a secret. Is she like DiCaprio in The Revenant and she needed to like eat an actual raw fish or something? like what What did she need to do that was method here?
Speaker: She's not wrapped in an animal that she like skinned herself. She, to everyone kind of shitty and like, I got a secret. I don't know.
Speaker: Did she fuck a lot of old people? Which really, that is the crime in this film is should it be outlawed to fuck old rich men, which might solve a lot of our problems anyway.
Speaker: If no one, I don't know. maybe They might be even worse. yeah Yeah, you have to balance whether they'd be more angry and destructive versus whether ah you'd be you know encouraging them in their bad behavior. Yeah.
Speaker: they'd just be so pent up they would they'd just be so ready to burst like that like fucking the the cast in this movie is insane i was getting ready to mention that like later in it frank langella's in it it's the performance of a lifetime frank langella he's incredible as he describes that madonna tried to murder him with edging Yes!
Speaker: Yes! And he delivers it completely straight-faced. His eyes wild. His voice trembling. it's an... I literally don't have the words to describe the tour de force of acting we are getting in the middle of this movie from Frank Langella cameo.
Speaker: Your Honor, every time I was about to bust... She would pull back and I wouldn't bust and it would drive me wild. Like he he was. I nearly died. mean i'm crazy. Like he.
Speaker: Death by blue balls. but It's just the pressure was building so much and he needed that bus to like stop the the house from exploding in in Winter's Tale.
Speaker: you paper paper And then not only we got Frank Langella in a supporting role, we've got Julianne Moore in a very early role where apparently she had a miserable time on this movie and hates it and says it's terrible. And also that she should have never agreed to do full frontal nudity in this film.
Speaker: I feel bad that she feels that way. She looks gorgeous and ah she does a ah commendable job. I feel like everybody's... ah not thinking of this movie they need to go back and look at it with fresh eyes julianne moore i feel bad that you had a bad time but you did a great job but and also the most subdued willem dafoe performance of his career perhaps absolutely and you get to see his butt what else do you need
Speaker: He probably would have been willing to show Dong, too. Absolutely, he would have. No, he's almost handsome in this movie, I feel like. Right?
Speaker: Like, in certain lighting, certain angles. Like, you're like, yeah, I could see why Madonna would fuck you and Julianne Moore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, in the grand scheme of erotic thrillers, I think one of the things that made him most fuckable was...
Speaker: I knew what his job was. I love that for us. I understood his I knew exactly what his job is. It is, you've heard of ambulance chasers.
Speaker: He's a hearse chaser. Find some pretty lady who's about to be accused of murder and get in there quick. And you would think that the court case parts of this movie would normally, like that would normally be the slowed down boring parts of any movie.
Speaker: really fun because that's where we're getting down to the nitty gritty of what happened and watching a whole courtroom go like they're on Jerry Springer every time where the judge has to remind they could have had a more prudish judge I know I love her so much she's up there banging her gavel like I will clear this fucking courtroom don't you make me bang this gavel again all of your gasps and oh, chitter chatter. I won't have any of it.
Speaker: Listen courtroom in this trial, you're going to hear the words jizz. You're going to hear nipple clamps. You're going to hear pussy wussy. If I hear but a snicker through out there all gone.
Speaker: This is the best thing that's ever happened to this courtroom in 1993. yeah ah great role it is but really funny and she's amazing yes but before i want to talk about yeah i want to talk about one thing with it was a set piece in this movie um that this is one of the main things i remembered from having seen i think i watched this movie early on in the pandemic and the main thing i remember is i don't understand madonna's home
Speaker: We call it a houseboat. There's definitely no steering wheel. It is a boat on a you're a house on a dock, like but it looks like it could float away. was confused by that, too, when they said, you were at her houseboat. Julianne Moore says that your car was at her houseboat, and I was like, her what?
Speaker: That's not. I thought she just had a house it's on ah on the water. That's a boat? That ain't no boat. huge When you say when you say a house on the water, you mean like usually waterfront. This home is in the water.
Speaker: I didn't realize that it was because we kept going there at night. So i couldn't really see where the property and the water met. But apparently it is an isthmus.
Speaker: I believe there is a boat underneath it and that we built walls around this boat. But I don't know why you would do that. I don't either.
Speaker: The idea of this multi-story huge house being able to just like float away and drive off somewhere else is inherently quite ridiculous.
Speaker: Well, Madonna was the villain in Dick Tracy, and it she is kind of Batman villainy in this. And maybe it is a breakaway boat situation where at a moment's notice there is a room with a steering wheel where she can, you know, all motors ahead. Drop the anchor. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah smashed through a wall and now it is actually I'm pretty sure there's a boat under there and I don't fucking get it but that's that being said alright let's let's get into it but this movie is hot it's thrilling it's steamy it's wild it's stupid it's fun it's Madonna it's 93 Madonna's hot It's amazing. Every part of it is amazing. I enjoyed so much. And and really, the
Speaker: the The overall theme, I would say, of this movie is sort of like the difference between what is just and what is provable in court and what is belief in in innocence. What is the difference between innocent and not guilty in our justice system? And also, um should it be legal to fuck a man to death?
Speaker: And I, for one, say yes. After having seen this movie, I am fully on board. I agree. And I think most men watching in 93 and probably now would be like, I wouldn't be so mad. That's a pretty good way to go. Hey, you know what, guys? Like all just aside, that's a pretty good way to go. If if I have to choose between being edge to death or eaten by a Wolverine, edge to death.
Speaker: slow death from Slow death from cancer or edge to death? Come on now. There's no there's no competition. Illinois recently passed Garrett a medical assistance in dying act. And what I think is that we could hire Madonna for this. this needs to be government sanctioned that you can get like a note from your doctor that this man has a terminal illness and will die in six months and Madonna will fuck you to death.
Speaker: Um, and in exchange for a small percentage of your, your vast fortune, I i think this is a system that people would willingly sign up for.
Speaker: She might be 80, but she's with, she had that plastic surgeon that's on that like generational run as Stavi said, that's like really knocking it out of the park right now. So i bet, I don't know. That would be weird. I don't know if like 80 year old woman would, I i don't know if she's 80. She's probably not that old.
Speaker: Okay, fine. We could get we could get a different Madonna. That isn't Madonna, Madonna. You know, just a hot lady will fuck you to death. Yes.
Speaker: Get Lady Gaga to fuck you to death. Get, um, I don't know. Billie Eilish said she'd fuck your dad Billie Eilish said she'd fuck your dad What does it matter if her dad's eating has a heart condition?
Speaker: yeah Hey, I am overweight. And, you know, I'm praying for that sweet release that I'll never get and I'll die. They made it sound like it is a bad thing to fuck a man knowing that he has a heart condition. And I find that offensive. These men have every right to ignore medical advice and ah fuck hot a hot...
Speaker: woman uh who is um insatiable for sex and to be edged until their heart gives out that is their goddamn right as americans to do uh dangerous things against medical advice because because it gets them off how dare you Do you think that in 2025, almost actually, as you're listening to this, cause we're recording this on new year's Eve.
Speaker: Cause I've not had my voice for six days. we're a little late getting this one out, but in 2026,
Speaker: You present the same court case. The judge has a nose piercing, colored hair. This isn't that weird. I think in 1993, the real shock of it is you're looking at somebody who has wax burns on their body, handcuff marks on their wrists.
Speaker: We're all freaks now. We get it. This isn't a crime. But in 1993, it looked like a crime scene
Speaker: Yes. But even... Is this a post-internet? This just isn't as weird of a court? but I think you're right, because when the cops show up, one of them's like, what the hell is this? And the other one says, it's a nipple clamp.
Speaker: How do you know? He's from LA. Ah, of course. The one place where they have nipple clamps on every street corner. Los Angeles.
Speaker: Not like here in Portland where this takes place, where we don't have nipple clamps. This woman clearly imported them. Keep Portland normal. like baby death cab for cutie is sitting somewhere just like in the wings ready to come out. and Oh my God.
Speaker: Yeah, so obviously this is all very titillating for 1993, and they're asking her about drugs and kinks and, you know. It did hurt me a little bit that Joe Mantegna plays Mr. Garrett, who is the one kink shaming everybody this whole damn movie. So, like, I didn't, like, youre Mr. Garrett, now you say that. I'm like, shut up. You're giving us a bad name over here. We just.
Speaker: don't don't tell Don't tell the world that us Garrets are anti-nipple clamps and ah hot wax and fucking Madonna until you die. Garrett doesn't want that on his name.
Speaker: no No. We've worked hard to be sex positive people, us Garrets. you know But 93, we've all done all lot our work and put it in and people know we get freaky.
Speaker: Basically, yes, ah the cops have seen that this old man is dead, and obviously it's got to be his hot young girlfriend who's going to get $8 million dollars in the will.
Speaker: And, you know, that's what that's what we're doing here. Really, yeah, the movie is just bouncing back and forth between court cases and Willem Dafoe being like, man, this Madonna's a sick freak, and I'd love to bang her too. I get it. ah But she does look pretty guilty.
Speaker: She looks pretty guilty, but she always has an explanation for everything. When ah the secretary says, I saw her doing the nose candy, Madonna takes him to the old-timiest ye olde drug shop and shows that um she gets...
Speaker: cramps drugs in a fancy old-timey bottle
Speaker: and then gets acupuncture the idea that she brought this man with her and was like ah hang on one second i'm gonna i have an acupuncture appointment that i'm just gonna real quick if you just don't mind waiting right there This scene, honestly, this movie is lowbrow enough that I'm surprised that this like Austrian man wasn't doing like a Chinese accent or something. Everything about the place we were in was like an Eastern medicine situation. We've got this like her doctor's a freak.
Speaker: Her doctor is a freak. Yeah. And the fact that we have to watch Willem Dafoe as she's getting acupuncture in her ass. this is We're already seeing Madonna nude for a second time very early on in this movie. and he We have to see him pet the cat and say, hey, puss, puss, don't say that.
Speaker: Just don't. As he peeks through the thing, she knows he's peeking. She's really flirting with this lawyer because a lot hinges on him being a fucking idiot.
Speaker: Here's the thing, though. It doesn't need to. Her whole plan is a waste of time of, like, I need to fuck Willem Dafoe so he'll give me a good defense. Number one, he immediately believed you. His own son, his child, who we see only once and then never again, by the way. I think he may have gotten raptured. um But her even his son says like, oh, she obviously did it. He's old. There's no way she didn't murder him. And he's like, no, I think she I believe her
Speaker: So and also he says from the beginning, he doesn't need to believe his clients. He doesn't give a shit if you did it or not. He is here to do his job. His job is to give you the best possible defense. That's it.
Speaker: Do you remember, what does the son say? Doesn't he say like some freak stuff for like a seven-year-old? Can you really screw someone one to death?
Speaker: i and no Defoe is like no and I'm like don't lie to this boy don't lie to this boy you know this is not true throughout the movie they just kept saying the phrase like is it against the law too and then fill in the blank and I could not get the flight of the Conchords out of my head. He's like, it not against the law to turn your hands into a paw?
Speaker: do the doggy bounce. Come on, do the doggy bounce.
Speaker: The thing is, like, they keep saying, like, the the prosecutor, Mr. Garrett, is here telling everyone, like, this woman turned her body into a weapon. No different than if she had punched him to death, but with her pussy. And I'm like, I don't think that's a thing. don't think that's a thing.
Speaker: ah As long as they're consenting to sex, that's not a thing. i mean, giving him cocaine so that his heart rate would go up, that part's probably a crime. the Using her body to to get a man so worked up because you're insatiable for sex and you're kind of hoping he'll kick the bucket while you're doing him, that's not a crime.
Speaker: ah cry it's along the lines of of what you said when they're talking to his doctor because they found cocaine traces of cocaine and like his nasal spray or whatever and the doctor said he did cocaine once he said he felt like he was going to die and i told him if you ever do this again it's suicide he said giving him cocaine is like suicide. Giving him cocaine and then fucking him that good is the same as putting a gun to his head.
Speaker: Absolutely. You're playing Russian roulette and every chamber has a bullet. that See, that's a different kink that we save for the sequel. Russian roulette, you're in sick. That's like a thrill like you've never experienced.
Speaker: Her pussy is basically a gun, is what this prosecutor needs you to know. Her pussy is a gun. as the and As they're going back and forth saying this, the judge's head is just spinning like, stop saying pussy in the floor. Please, please, everyone, just stop saying pussy. God, do you know how hard it is to be a female judge and then they give me the sex case? Obviously.
Speaker: you know how hard it is to get taken seriously up here?
Speaker: So my question to the witness, after you had done the cocaine and taken 13 blue chews, how hard was your cock?
Speaker: Oh no, stop. Everybody out. Everybody out. out, out. This movie made me want to be on. Oh, made you want to be on?
Speaker: jury duty so bad. Like is such a specific case. I feel like they'd kick me off though. Cause they'd be like, what do you, what's going on? Like erotic thriller podcast. Like get the fuck out of here. but you Get out of say get out get out. We know you would, you are in favor of ruining your life for a beautiful woman. you You're obviously biased.
Speaker: So, so, uh, Yeah, as Willem Dafoe so beautifully puts it, it's not a crime to be a beautiful woman. It's not a crime to be a beautiful woman.
Speaker: and And they, honestly, the state's case, having watched a lot of Law and Order in my youth, I can say the state's case here is absolute garbage. They have no proof the man was even handcuffed at the time of his death.
Speaker: None. None whatsoever. Which he wasn't. He died watching the tape and jerking off to him having sex with Madonna. Right? Like, that's what happened, I think. There's no way to know exactly. She could have staged the body, you know? small lady. I don't know if she's dragging me. But she doesn't an accomplice. Never mind. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Speaker: Skip it out. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. ah But yeah, it is really funny when they're like, they bring the doctor up and the doctor says like, obviously, this was the, he told me it was the first and last time he was doing cocaine.
Speaker: And I told him if he ever did it again, you know, he he would die. And obviously no one has ever lied to their doctor or gone against medical advice.
Speaker: Ever. Especially not when things like drugs and sex are concerned. Those are the things people are most honest with their doctors about. We all know this. Like, this is nonsense. This case is bullshit.
Speaker: this yeah the The doctors in this movie all have their list like, you wouldn't lie to your mother. You're not lying to I just know you're not. You would never lie to your mother. Why would you do that? i'm basically I'm basically a confessional booth. I'm God.
Speaker: Yep, yep, yep. So, the case is going, uh... The thing is, Willem Dafoe knows what he's up against here. The state's case is absolute trash, but everyone's taking one look at Madonna and saying, like, that hot lady wanted his money, and she definitely killed him for it. So, he has ah an uphill battle here, and, um...
Speaker: Madonna ah and he go out for dinner to discuss the case. She shows off her kink dar. Did you know that was a thing? You can scan the room and know which guys want hot wax dripped onto their donguses.
Speaker: and All of them. yeah All of All of them. It's everybody in the room. That's not a radar. Like, trust me, 1993 Madonna could have picked anyone in that room and convinced anyone to get hot wax poured on them.
Speaker: Gay or straight? like Gay, straight. Everybody. Female, male, does not matter. I loved the conversation where she knows she's into bondage and dominating and that it's that she as a child had to go through thorn bushes to get the really sweet strawberries. And that as her body was being ripped to shreds by the the thorns, it just made the strawberry that much sweeter. Hell yeah, girl.
Speaker: Yeah, girl, you were a weird child, but you know what? More power to you. I assume that you were... That's how I learned I like to get tased while eating a pie.
Speaker: I have to say, in terms of like sexual awakenings, um it's not one I've ever heard of before, but who am I to judge? Yeah. I won't.
Speaker: So he starts making a move so early on her. So early. Too early. we've already seen he has Julianne Moore as his beautiful, beautiful wife, who he has excellent, hot, sweaty sex with.
Speaker: I gotta say, by the way, I miss the fact that in the 90s, people actually got sweaty during sex. That's how you knew it was good sex. Modern day, I don't know, actors don't want to be sweaty on camera or something. I find that to be bullshit.
Speaker: Well, sex scenes are just so few now. And there was i there was a while where I felt like I kept seeing articles popping up about how Gen Z doesn't want to see sex in movies. And I think it's their access to pornography probably is just like, I don't need to watch like watered down pretend I have ah the real thing at home or whatever. Yeah.
Speaker: I would rather watch the sex scenes in this movie than porn, though, because it's very tastefully lit and gorgeously shot. And you know what? There are some long takes here. They do not do tasteful cutaways here. Uh-uh.
Speaker: kit Well, this once again, because we talked about this during our bound episode, this was produced by Dino De Laurentiis, who we learned some actors didn't like working with because he would send more raunchy versions of the movie overseas and stuff. And the movies wouldn't always be tastefully shot. And that's why the Wachowskis shot bound and that spinning,
Speaker: scene if you remember so that he couldn't cut in extra sex kit i mean there are scenes in this that made me blush like the on top of the car in the parking garage we'll get there in a minute but dang no we can't that knock but like five stars so good absolutely absolutely oh yeah no even their first sex is so hot it is so hot the the she belts his arms behind him and is dripping hot wax on his chest then pouring champagne on top and then licking the champagne off oh my god holy moly
Speaker: From what I read, it said that the director of this movie had these two, like basically rehearsed sex for two weeks. And Madonna chose Willem Dafoe to be the male lead in this movie because the movie was basically given to Madonna. Like Dino De Laurentiis bought it was like, I think this would be a Madonna movie.
Speaker: And apparently a good amount of those sex scenes were like full improv. So his arms, they didn't have body doubles. So they were just them.
Speaker: And i guess it was, she wasn't actually supposed to pour the wax on him that it was like going to be like implied, but they filmed these long scenes and Madonna's just going for it and pours hot wax all over him three times. Um, So you're seeing his actual reaction to getting hot wax, which i will, him to foes a freaky doesn't care. I'm sure.
Speaker: i mean, the amount of teasing and dramatic eye contact that they are making, it is so spicy. It looks so good.
Speaker: You can kind of tell that they don't have body doubles or anything because it's so the way he shudders. Oh, there's just no faking that.
Speaker: Well, I saw because, you know, so many of these you always hear actors say like it was so unsexy, you know, like there's crew members around like you're doing this like I was not turned on. I saw something where Willem Dafoe was like, yeah, I was hard.
Speaker: like There is no one i'm alive save someone with some sort of like a condition that would not be hard under these circumstances. It's just impossible.
Speaker: it The sex scene is all I could think is if I were cheating on my wife and somebody bound my arms behind my back with my belt, both of my shoulders are going to dislocate. And there is no way I can come home with two arms and slings and burns all over my body and just be like, nothing happened. I fell down some stairs. Yeah.
Speaker: That is a tough one to explain. But then again, Garrett, you have to remember that this is Portland in 1993 and they've never heard of kink before. So she would think that you had been kidnapped by mobsters and tortured. Because you have secret gambling debts you had not been telling anyone about. Because there is no way that anyone could look at that evidence and say that man had sex. Because that's not what sex is.
Speaker: Sex is missionary position and um ah the lights are off and you're thinking about England.
Speaker: Willem Dafoe does try missionary position at the beginning of this because they're in this like sex fight up the stairs. And it is funny because like his whole like she kicks him out.
Speaker: And he sits in his car and kind of has that body heat moment where he has too much confidence where he's like, no, I have to go in there and have sex with this woman. And then they're just like, literally just Hulk Hogan in shirts and tearing tits out of bra and fighting up the stairs. And then he's like, I'm going have sex with you missionary. And she's like, shut the fuck up. You can't even kiss me. You little pig, you little pig slut.
Speaker: yeah yeah so he wakes up next to julianne moore and sees that he has uh evidence on him uh which he burns oh yeah he's like matches has holding a ah towel up He gets sexual damage in this movie. Like by the end of this movie, he looks like he's been in a, like a pro wrestling death match. Like he's got yeah broken glass marks on his back. Like this guy, he goes through it.
Speaker: Garrett, you wish a pro wrestling death match involved this much horniness. That would take it to the next absolute level. Sometimes it does get a little horny, but that is beauty in the eye of the beholder situation.
Speaker: ah elevator hand job in front of like 15 people is pretty cool. Like we're up to that next as we go through another courtroom scene, get into the parking garage kit.
Speaker: I'm trying. and ah do we you We find out Madonna dated this dude's doctor. The one who said, if he did cocaine again, uh it would kill him and he casually mentions like oh oh yeah i violated doctor patient confidentiality and hipaa laws i i told her bro this uh this dude if he does cocaine again he'll die and then she started dating him and it's like what you just really casually mentioned that you broke the law
Speaker: And should have your doctor's license taken away. um no big deal. But yeah, ah he used to date Madonna is the story. And then he like tried to attack her in a parking garage because she wouldn't fuck him. And he's blackmailing her. and He left these voicemails saying like, I'm going to get you. So his testimony is garbage. Yeah.
Speaker: great This is the creepy Austrian fellow from the beginning of the movie that we gave her the the nose Tylenol.
Speaker: thought this was a different guy. I was not paying attention to who the doctor was. Well, no, I didn't get that either until the end of the movie when he shows back up, right? Like, that's the same guy. and There's not two, like, Austrian doctors, is there? There there could be. i don't know. i don't know how many Austrian doctors live in Portland.
Speaker: Look, it doesn't matter. It's funny that you're like, i don't know. Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? She's feeling him up in the back of the elevator with like 15 people in it. It's naughty as hell.
Speaker: And then this courthouse parking garage is the creepiest. Oh, yeah. in the And then it's the creepiest parking garage you've ever seen. This is like, ah people should be meeting Deep Throat here to like hand off files to to an investigative reporter type deal, this is not a place where respectable people, including like judges and lawyers and people who like genuinely might have threats on their lives should be parking here. Uh-uh.
Speaker: There's no security here. And she so climbs up on a car And breaks the one light in this whole fucking parking garage level.
Speaker: yep, yep. And now she's standing on top of the car, hiking up her skirt. There's broken glass everywhere. The lighting is red.
Speaker: And now he starts doing oral. And she's hanging on to the ceiling pipes with her legs wrapped around him.
Speaker: He gets a face full of pubes and labia right in front of my eyes. So the movie did get an NC-17 and they had to cut some sex, but all of it got put back in for the video release. And it was just given the regular r So I guess that had to have, there's no way that was theatrical, like just face full, like.
Speaker: talking about it now i'm getting a little willem defoad it's right it's not nice it's it's uh like she's laying on a pile of broken glass yes she lays him down on that sitting right on his face this is this is pornographic this isn't even we've not it is no longer a movie sex scene i am watching madonna's bare ass strangle his face as he lays in a pile of broken glass is this the hottest sex scene of any movie maybe that says something about me
Speaker: personally. would say that this and ah what's it? um Is it nine and a half weeks? The one with the rain? Where there's like a gutter pouring down on them on the stairs? i would say these are the top two in my mind of the ones we've seen. It is so good. And knowing the MPAA like we do and how they do not like ah men going down on women.
Speaker: There's no way this made into the theatrical cut. Like, But then like, how are you going to explain why he has blood all over his back? It's so long. Yeah, it's it's integral. it's it is This is plot.
Speaker: This is plot. And you wonder if they didn't make that part of it. Like, oh we got it. You can't cut this scene. People will wonder why he has glass in his back.
Speaker: They're like, why didn't you shoot it different? You see her like her assholes on his nose. like Yep. It is a sex scene. Like this is, it's insane that there's some of these movies we watch that like are so tame. And this is a woman at the height of her popularity.
Speaker: Like 93, Madonna's so famous. h Doing in the craziest movie. And I did see, cause you remember it was the same year that Madonna released the sex book.
Speaker: I did not know that. She released like a coffee table book called sex. And it was just like a lot of like, I mean, the, the main picture I really remember is like Madonna nude hitchhiking, but it is a lot of nudity and like bondage and like sexuality and Madonna coffee table book.
Speaker: And that book was about to come out and Dino DeLaRentis begged to let the movie come out first. Yeah. otherwise no one will come see it see sex book the movie and she's like no books coming out and book was a huge hit this was not and he still blames that it was the book's fault that the movie did so bad oh yeah because people were like i'll just wait for the coffee table book i don't need to see madonna straddling a man you know live in front of my face i'll just look at the pictures it's fine
Speaker: Honest to God, 93, what did people have going on that was better than this? What came out this week? What was fucking Point Break or like Forrest Gump, Bill and Ted? What was in theaters at this time that stopped people from going like, I'm going to the face-sitting movie? pop face sitting set like The Just hearing in Madonna has sex with a guy to death sells me a movie so fast. I can't imagine being an adult in 1993 and not, and and what like ah ah what? What else do I have? My kids' ah parent-teacher conferences? I'm not going.
Speaker: I'm going to this. This is worth hiring a babysitter to have a night out for. What? Like, I understand at this point you've been in 93 oversaturated with a lot of erotic thrillers.
Speaker: And we've watched a lot of them for this show. This one is offering something completely different other than like Meridian and Cat People. You know, like like they're all just only kind of formulaic.
Speaker: that I can guess is that the marketing ah could not properly convey just how good of a time you were going to have watching it i think that may be the problem.
Speaker: Well, those freaks that were like 93 would have been around the time of USA's Up All Night, where you could watch like smuttier sex comedies and stuff on on the USA network.
Speaker: This would have played so well as a trailer at 2 a.m. on that. Someone needed to put a red band trailer out there for, for somebody. um Okay. So we have a surprise witness next at the trial.
Speaker: And we're here to scale. This is not a thing, by the way, if anyone's curious, the prosecutors are just like allowed to do. It doesn't happen. Defense is allowed to do surprises. The prosecutor has to run everything by the defense first so the defense can mount a defense.
Speaker: ah But no, they're like, he was um busy, so we couldn't get him until ah right this second. And the judge is like, I want this case to be done so badly. i am so sick of this shit. Yeah, sure.
Speaker: Put him on the stand. I don't give a fuck. And so now Frank Langella is up there giving a a performance for the ages. It is so good. this out and put it for an Oscar clip. Best supporting actor, 100%. And here's the thing is I've seen Frank Langella do this before where he shows up in like one scene in a movie and just blows it out of the water because this man is a consummate professional and I respect the hell out of him for that.
Speaker: This scene is incredible. He's incredible. She tied me up. Then she started masturbating and telling me how much she wanted me inside. and then my heart hurt real bad. Every time I got close, she'd stop.
Speaker: I couldn't take it. She edged me to death. I thought I was going to die. and the judge is just like, oh my God, put me on any other case. Stop
Speaker: Here's the thing. Like, this is around when I was like, this is this this is why she should be allowed to do this. It should be government sanctioned. It should be part of the um medical assistance in dying up.
Speaker: set up give this man the right to die in this way. He wants to have that. He wants to be able to sign some paperwork and sign his life away. He is mostly sad that Madonna is no longer fucking him to death. You can tell, you can see behind his eyes that he is not so distraught up there because she tried to kill him, but because she stopped trying to kill him after he got his heart fixed.
Speaker: and it's She's hearing this. The judge signs ah assisted suicide into law and then just like takes the bailiff's gun and puts it to her own head.
Speaker: ah She said she was going to fuck me like I'd never been fucked before. Okay, sounds good. Okay, Madonna.
Speaker: What is the, like the jury, like it is a jury of other old men that are like, just old men that have less money that are like, yes, yes. He's awesome.
Speaker: Like that is the dream to someday be rich enough that some Madonna or someone who looks a lot like her will want to fuck you to death for your money. That is the dream. Yeah.
Speaker: and Willem Dafoe gets so mad at her. A lot of throwing Madonna around for the rest of the movie from Willem Dafoe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hates her as a client, hates this case, is embarrassed that he's ruined his marriage.
Speaker: Embarrassed that he ruined his marriage, that he that he believed her when she said that she wasn't a murderer. I don't know why he's so offended by that. Like, surely he has, as a defense attorney, had people lie to him before and say, I didn't do it. And then they definitely did. But, you know, he usually doesn't fuck them. So I guess he takes it less personally.
Speaker: It's the doctors and moms thing. He's like, I'm your lawyer. You wouldn't lie to your lawyer, would you? Why are you lying to your mother? Why are you lying to your mother? You wouldn't do it. You're disappointing your mother.
Speaker: Also, have you been eating? You look so thin. yeah
Speaker: Put on your scarf when you go out. It's cold outside. Yeah, so Julianne Moore figures it out. She figures it out so fast. She's like, are you fucking kidding me You are covered in marks that you just are suspiciously not telling me about. Do you really think that in any normal situation you show up covered in like first degree burns and don't mention it to your wife? Like what circumstances could this happen under that aren't sex that you would not want to mention to me?
Speaker: I'm not stupid. Why do you think i I cheated? It says Madge was here on your ass and Sharpie. Right? He's like, what what do you mean?
Speaker: i oh Obviously I'm not having sex with her. Why would you think that? And she's like, I thought we were happy. I thought we were a family. And he says the most devastating thing I think you can say to your wife in this situation, which is it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker: What? She correctly labels him a son of a bitch after that one. It's like, how can you say that to me? What the do you mean?
Speaker: has nothing to do with me. It has nothing to do, he could have phrased it nicer. It has nothing to do with she's done incorrectly. Wrong in the marriage, yes.
Speaker: it's a It has everything to do with handcuffs and hot wax. could have told Julianne Moore, she seems like she would have been okay with trying some hot wax and handcuffs, okay?
Speaker: well She would have been willing to give it a try. He can't stop thinking about it and goes home and bangs his wife better than he has in years. Yeah. Thinking about Madonna in handcuffs. Just buy some handcuffs. You know, cops, you're dear and just turn to you cups get a get some handcuffs.
Speaker: I like that when he goes after this scene to yell at Madonna, he just gets over it so quickly because she fingers herself in front of him. And he's like, damn it. You're right. That's awesome. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, my wife would never suck on her middle finger and just shove it down her panties in front of me. Apparently all of that improvised as well. That scene, the the whole fingering thing, not in it. Madonna just freestyling, being really good at movies.
Speaker: And sex. I wrote here in regards to this scene. Madonna has a constitutional and God-given right to fuck men to death.
Speaker: Nay, a responsibility. She's Batman. She is doing us all a favor. You know what we need, Garrett? Fewer billionaires. You know who could have helped us get there? Madonna.
Speaker: Somebody call up J.B. Pritzker and see if we can get this done. That's my governor. I know he's the governor, but is she going to kill him?
Speaker: I mean, i don't care. Listen, the man. Wait, is he trying? He's a billionaire, too, right? like Absolutely. Just because he's a good Democrat billionaire. But absolutely, he would fall for Look at him.
Speaker: That man would fall for immediately. He would sign it into law. He would sign up for it and he would fall for it. 100%. As a fellow plus size man, like his heart's not going to handle that. Like, you know, he he's up there eating that Chicago food.
Speaker: And now Madonna going to edge him to death as he eats like a cheesesteak. In terms of ways of overthrowing the billionaire class, Garrett, this is by far the most humane.
Speaker: People talk about guillotines or rioting in the streets. No, no, no, no, no. no no This is like a make-a-wish. This is make-a-wish. Absolutely. lee this is This is the kindest, gentlest, nay, generous. This is this is a generous option. up I'm just saying, put it out there.
Speaker: off with their socks. So Willem Dafoe's sleeping in his office now. um i love this. And they find out that... Yeah, seriously. I mean, like, guy, you you seem like you can afford a hotel room. Just get a hotel room.
Speaker: Whatever. ah Someone else in the office is like, guys, everyone was so busy having turned off this homemade video of Madonna after they finished jerking it um that they missed the fact that it was actually taped over um the secretary having sex with him. So yes, all three female ah parts in the roles in this movie do show their tits on camera. So you got that going for you.
Speaker: Defoe's willing to show butt and he's willing to let the angles get in there. I think he would have been willing to go further. i put this as like male producers and directors and whatnot. Just not letting that happen.
Speaker: um I can't speak to the working conditions. Yeah, rude at the very least. I mean, there's that, what was an antichrist that they had to use a stunt penis because Willem Dafoe's penis was too big?
Speaker: Yes, we all deserve to see this. And I feel bad that we didn't. um I love though that the other detective is just like, I happen to be watching this tape again.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. For evidence reasons for the, it's for the court case. This is for my job. This is for work. i did not have a show. I was watching favorite movie again. and I liked it. Willem Dafoe comes in. Cause he has just had like kinky sex again with Madonna that we didn't even describe like her hand to a bed and all this. And yeah this time he turns the tables on her. He's, he's on top and she's just as into it. It's great.
Speaker: but you know, like he went into that office still stinking of sex. He didn't have a shower before he went home. And as they're sitting there watching that tape, I'm surprised the guy's like, does it smell like a like Christmas in here?
Speaker: like What is this like cinnamon and pine smell?
Speaker: so It's the candle. Sorry. The defense, on the other hand, is allowed to produce surprise evidence. And so they do They bring the secretary back up and they're like, do you want me to have to enter this into evidence? And she's like, no I cocaine him.
Speaker: I cocaine di But not this time. I just cocaine him the first time. That's. that's It's fine. And yes, I was jealous, but men don't marry women like her, so obviously he was going to come back to me.
Speaker: No, he wasn't. He was willing to die here. That's the thing all you fucks need to understand. He wanted this. Just leave the man alone and let, like, this is Let the dead rest.
Speaker: This is how, ah we hadn't mentioned this, so we should dedicate this episode your dear sweet best friend Mika who did pass. But as Mika doesn't want us to fuss over her, this man who is getting sex to death by Madonna also just like, let it lie. i don't want the fuss.
Speaker: This is a dog by the way, lest anyone think um that like a human has passed. But yes, my dog did not like hugs, did not lick faces. and would leave the room if you were crying and give you a derisive sort of which was hilarious every single time. And so yes, my dog would not want me to be crying over her, even though I am.
Speaker: And in the same way, this man does not want this big trial where everyone's talking about his handcuffs and he just wanted to fuck Madonna until he died. He knew he had a heart condition.
Speaker: Come on. They produce a tape of him where he's just like, hey, it was all consensual. Don't cry for me, Argentina. In reference to another Madonna oh film. ah the the I would fuck to her in that one, too.
Speaker: What do you think her method acting was like in Evita and Dick Tracy? Yeah.
Speaker: I assume for Evita that it involved um taking over a South American country, I want to say, that that's what she did just for that. I bet she put on a banger concert there, though, with like 100,000 people in attendance. And that felt the same.
Speaker: Spiritually. Yeah, absolutely. So ah the blame is now looking pretty good for the secretary. We all are are feeling it. the the The state's case is garbage.
Speaker: You have that the secretary regularly bought nose sprays and things like that for him. She was the one who gave him cocaine the first time. And she was jealous and angry, a scorned woman. It's pretty obvious to the to to everyone that there is at least reasonable doubt here.
Speaker: right There's no way. um But Donna wants to take the stand anyway. She's like, let me take the stand. I gotta explain myself. And by explain herself, what she means is um forcibly outing Franklin Jella as having had sex with a man. And that's why she left him. Not because he got his heart fixed and she couldn't murder him anymore, but because he was secretly gay.
Speaker: Bye. Because he definitely wanted to have sex with Madonna. So he was, he was buying. Every gay man wants to have sex with Madonna. Like it's just.
Speaker: It's a bipartisan issue. ah The look he gives from the back of the courtroom where he just like slowly nods and then sadly, but with some dignity behind it too,
Speaker: like musters up the last of that, of, of that self-worth and walks out of the courtroom while still acknowledging that, yes, he does fuck men is beautiful. It's beautiful.
Speaker: Like, I know everybody got nominated for Razzies for this movie. Fucking he didn't. He was amazing. This is an amazing That man deserved an Oscar. Also, I don't think anyone deserved a Razzie for this. I thought all the performances were exquisite.
Speaker: that's what I think everyone's weirdly harsh on a movie that is dumb, but no one, like Madonna isn't that bad. We've watched bigger movies where the acting's worse.
Speaker: Absolutely. I've watched Madonna movies where the acting is worse. If what all I'm being asked to believe is that she is a sex fiend slash murderer, and I can believe that perfectly easily.
Speaker: i have no doubt in my mind. Well, that's like, I just watched the the Sidney Sweeney um erotic thriller that's out right now. Awesome, by the way. Can't wait for us to do that. It's like a legitimately well done erotic thriller. Like this is, it is one I quite enjoyed, but it's kind of like Megan Fox and Jennifer's body.
Speaker: I think she's great in that movie. I thought Sidney Sweeney was pretty good in this movie. too Sometimes you just need the right role that makes sense for the person. And i feel like Madonna was perfectly serviceable in this role, even maybe good. I don't know.
Speaker: Yeah. Listen, if what you're asking for is, did I believe her in the part? Yes, I did. And in the same way that Gone Girl casted um Ben Affleck so wonderfully, because you don't, you're supposed to not really trust him.
Speaker: And, know, He's not the world's ah most convincing actor a lot of times. And so like casting him as someone you're not supposed to quite believe was perfect casting. And in the same way, the fact that you don't quite believe Madonna works perfectly with the fact that you're not supposed to be sure whether she did it or not. I mean, obviously she did it.
Speaker: I know what the conventions of a movie are. Obviously she has to have done it, but win the case anyway. And then we have a big climactic scene where Willem Dafoe confronts her about the fact that she lied to him.
Speaker: That's just how movies work. But it wasn't her performance that the ruined the surprise. I love you. You just said that like, you know, he goes over to confront her. It turns out like her and the Austrian doctor have been plotting this whole time. The Austrian doctor is so hurt to find out she was also having sex with Willem Dafoe.
Speaker: I think we probably both have Madonna's line written down that she says after that. Please I fucked you. fucked Frank. I fucked Andrew. It's what I do. fuck.
Speaker: that's what i do i fuck what what do you want for me look at me do you think i'm gonna fuck only you
Speaker: i have a card i have a laminated card from the government that says i am allowed to fuck men to death fuck is what it says on this card it's just her face and the words with like a government seal I love also the idea that like the doctor is is here arguing him with Madonna because he's worried he's going to be in trouble. And it's like, yeah, you violated HIPAA and admitted to it on stand.
Speaker: yeah You're in trouble. You're going to lose your doctoring license. And that's not worth whatever cut of 8 million she was going to give you. And then we find out that like also he provided the cocaine, you know, the whole thing was a setup of him like pretending to blackmail her. All of that was designed from the beginning.
Speaker: Whatever. It was all completely unnecessary. Madonna way overcomplicated her plan. girl, you should have just been banging guys like Frank Langella. You did not need this whole second setup with like a partner in crime to help locate old men and give them cocaine.
Speaker: Is that the worst part of this movie? Because that is where right at the in the last three minutes it just gets too complicated. And it doesn't really matter. And it would have, I guess you you really just have him there as a reason for her to die.
Speaker: Yes, that is entirely it. Is that ah karmically, the movie believes she needs to be punished for what happened, for what she did. And Willem Dafoe is not going to kill her.
Speaker: He's just not. It's... the you just don't believe that he would. So yeah, they needed to introduce a a character that would kill her and it's the doctor.
Speaker: And um for he's trying to kill her for using him and not cutting him in. She's not going to cut him in on the money and she's, you know, like, ha ha ha. And so great she has a little fight scene.
Speaker: Yeah. He thought it was his girlfriend only. Why would you ever think that? Why would you think you can hold Madonna? You can't. You can't keep Madonna as as exclusive to you. That's a stupid thought.
Speaker: No. Yeah, you you should just be grateful that it happened. Yeah. Right? You got to fuck Madonna, and you aren't gonna die from it. So, congrats. But yeah, Defoe...
Speaker: Right? like So there's a lot of wrestling going on because Doc's trying to kill Madonna. Defoe's trying to stop him. Defoe throws him over the railing while he's like trying to shoot Madonna. It's great. But he wasn't dead like Freddy Krueger. He was still alive and he shoots Madonna and she falls dramatically out the window and into the pool.
Speaker: It's cool as far as like deaths at the end of an erotic thriller goes, right? well And like you just said with Freddy Krueger, like as she's floating there, you're waiting for her eyes to open for like one last thing. But really just like her tits came out of her shirt for one last time. you know that if only.
Speaker: It's so dramatic. It was maybe the most beautiful death. ah the most beautiful dead person we've seen, like, cause she is floating there. And once again, we talked about the sweat. Everybody looks better, a little wet. They are coming out of her shirt. It's a, and then, yeah, basically we, I didn't see a fact that said, this is one of the only erotic thrillers where no one's just like smoking the whole movie and no one smokes until the end. When Joe Montagna, Mr. Garrett lights up a victory cigarette because he won the case.
Speaker: No, you didn't. That is not how the justice system works. First of all, um it's still like in in your long like record of cases won and lost. This one's an L, bro. It's an L no matter what. It does not matter. And you're out here talking about karma and that you won the case. That's not how this system works.
Speaker: du That's not how this works at all. You lost. Get over it. In fact, this just proves how bad you are at your job. that She clearly did it, and you didn't manage to get her for it.
Speaker: You just wanted a cigarette. You wanted a cigarette. You can't pretend like this is a little victory. but Good. Joe Mantegna. Good to see him. we've Surely we've watched another movie with Joe Mantegna, right? Was he in...
Speaker: Actually, was he in Bound, maybe? I don't know. It seems like he was in half the movies we watched as like a detective, but I might just be making that up. he plays a good detective type character. he's he He plays the straight man very well. And here he is trying to deliver like some sort of of cosmic justice theme, which does not make sense at all. I think the movie does not understand its own um like message here. don't know.
Speaker: Especially because Defoe is not a character that has ever believed that a client needs to be innocent in order to get a good defense. He doesn't believe that.
Speaker: And i think this movie thinks it's challenging that belief, but it isn't. It's not. like Thematically, the movie is confused. Sexually, this movie is not confused. It is confident. It is beautiful.
Speaker: It is well worth your time. Do not worry about anything ah to do with whether you're going to be entertained by this. Because you will.
Speaker: Go watch it. And now the big question... Easy. this Is it against the law to turn your hands into a ball?
Speaker: Is it, Garrett, is it illegal to be a beautiful woman? No. all right All right. Scale of one to five. Were you aroused? Stupid question.
Speaker: Five. Five. you can't You can't argue. This is one of the hottest movies we've watched. It's insane. the like Any one scene from this movie is hotter than most movies we've watched. But this one, you get like four different scenes throughout. It's insane. I mean, we discussed them all nauseam, as the song says at the beginning. And it's not like a lot of movies of this genre where they stop being sexy halfway through.
Speaker: No. we We keep on going. i love it. Yeah, five, five, five, five. Five. Were you thrilled? I guess so, yeah.
Speaker: I mean, probably not as much as a rouse, but i I mean, even the the thrill of a handjob and a full elevator. I mean, would thrills go closer to like a three? Yeah.
Speaker: I think it's like three and a half maybe because, yeah, you're never really all that invested in whether or not they're going to win the court case or anything like that. You're never really worried. He's going to get found out by his wife.
Speaker: He does basically immediately. It's not that. It's, Well, and it's not like anyone's chasing him or like trying to harm him throughout the movie. And then you do get that kind of.
Speaker: It does, but it you're right. Like now that as we discuss it, the ending does kind of suck. ah But it's a fun ride to get there. Does it drop the ball a little bit to just get the movie over? Yeah, but it is a once it's a fun ride.
Speaker: I would say three and a half seems fair. And stupidest question I've ever asked. Would you ruin your life for Madonna? Yep. Yep. I'm showing up with my arms in both slings, the burns, being like, it's not your fault.
Speaker: Sorry, Julianne Moore. You're very, very pretty. I love our weird son that I only saw for one scene in the Never Again This is all my question if that was even their son when I was like, was that just a bier boy?
Speaker: Who was this boy? No, they talk about picking him up from school at one point. um So he is their son. He's just not here. It's like some kid that Tom Hanks would talk to on a park bench that would like drop some wisdom on him. He's like Jason Meg Ryan around.
Speaker: You know, ah out of the mouths of babes, though, that child knew Madonna was guilty and Defoe didn't. So who's got the better judgment here? That's true.
Speaker: This movie ruled. I'm happy that this is what we went out on to to end 2025. Happy 2026, folks. Next time we will do the awards. I've been been sick the last few days, so we had to do this one really last minute. I'm happy we got to get it in, though, because this is there no better way to end than, like I said, with the ball gag drop-in.
Speaker: yeah ah Yeah, ah it's a great time. I loved it. I would ruin my life for Madonna. We all would. Stupid question. I don't care like how not into women you are.
Speaker: You would. You would. You would. yeah it's Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hey, ah we gotta do that Sidney. You gotta go see that Sidney Sweeney movie. That movie's fun.
Speaker: i do recommend that to all the all the listeners. like It is truly like a modern, traditional, erotic thriller. I thought it was a smidge too long, but as soon as my brain thought, is this movie too long? It goes into such a fun third act.
Speaker: And... it's It's what we hope to watch in these. And it's nice to see like a competently made erotic thriller. I saw some people say they thought the movie should have gone harder into camp.
Speaker: But I think that what makes erotic thrillers fun is when you try and do it honestly. I absolutely agree. like The camp will come all on its own.
Speaker: Just like you. yeah After you've watched Madonna fucking old man to death. and I love that this movie exists. I hope for a remake with a different pop star someday. Maybe we can get Charlie XCX to add this to her giant collection of movies she has coming out.
Speaker: Nice, nice, nice. Yes. Well, as always, hey, everybody. Thanks so much for listening. Erotic Thriller Club on Instagram, eroticthrillerclub at gmail.com. Questions, comments, concerns.
Speaker: Make sure to tell your friends, rate, review, subscribe, you know, all that good stuff. And we hope that your 2026 is a filled with thrills, ah arousal, um maybe not ruining your life.
Speaker: But you know what? You do you. it is your choice. If you want to spend 2026 getting fucked to death by a beautiful woman, that is your right and we support it.
Speaker: And if you're one of the thousands of people that out of the last couple months started, or out of the last month started listening to the Deepwater episode or the Giallo saxophone sex episode, both of those got a ton.
Speaker: I think both of those got like 10,000 each this last month. So if you came in through those, thanks for joining us. ah Go back and listen some old episodes.
Speaker: All right, Garrett, take us home. As always, we love you. Wet you, snails. We want to shake you naked and eat you alive. fuck.
Speaker: fuck. fuck. It's what I do. That's what I do. It's my job.
Speaker: It's my businessman job as Madonna.
