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Obsessed (2009)
53 Plays9 days ago
Since the Erotic Thriller Club has been naughty this year Santa punished them with this PG13, sexless erotic thriller! To make matters worse we have the 2 most attractive leads we've ever seen trapped in this sexless movie! Idris Elba, Beyonce, Ali Larter, Christmas time, no sex. Let's get into this Magic Johnson produced movie.
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Transcript
Holiday Party Restrictions and Erotic Thriller Club
00:00:01
Speaker
Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, and gather around the... Actually, scratch that. Unfortunately, company policy states no spouses or significant others at the holiday party, so you can cut loose.
00:00:18
Speaker
Sorry. It's time for this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club.
00:00:31
Speaker
antithesis, mysterious and dangerous and oh yes, they've got all the sexiest movies out of the edges. So if you're fatally attracted to the raciest stuff, erotic film club.
Challenges of Being a Sexy Man
00:00:52
Speaker
If you want a raciest movie and you're too classic, we're smart.
00:01:14
Speaker
The world is a hard place for sexy men. One day you're just having a flirty conversation with the new temp. The next thing you know, she's molesting you at the company Christmas party.
00:01:25
Speaker
This is no good, especially when you have a Beyonce and a newborn baby at home.
Movie 'Obsessed' Introduction and Key Questions
00:01:29
Speaker
Is a Merry Christmas still possible when the Grinch is busy trying to suck you off and destroy your family? This week on the Erotic Thriller Club.
00:01:38
Speaker
Obsessed. Hey everybody, welcome to this week's Meet into the Erotic Thriller Club. As always, Garrett Callender and Kit Ryan here. And this is where we answer the genre's three most important questions.
00:01:50
Speaker
Was I aroused? Was I thrilled? And would I ruin my life for this person? Is it so much to ask that one year for Christmas, we don't get a lump of coal? Yeah.
Critique of PG-13 Rating and Audience Expectations
00:02:08
Speaker
have no been so naughty yes we have been too naughty this whole thing is so naughty that um this is what we get this is what we get oh hey the shadow ban from youtube meant this is what happens you end up with a pg-13 erotic thriller with no sex not ah Yeah, erotic is a really strong word. it's It's like they tried to do all the beats of an erotic thriller, but they were like, but what if literally... children could come.
00:02:47
Speaker
Literally, it would be okay for Idris and Beyonce's two-year-old to watch this movie. This is, I would say, arguably...
00:02:58
Speaker
The most attractive two leads we've ever had in any movie we've watched. And you get to see nothing. Nothing. I was honestly surprised.
00:03:11
Speaker
You know this movie did so well at the box office because everyone was hoping to see Idris Elba and Beyonce naked. And they got not even shirtless.
00:03:23
Speaker
No, I think it would have, this movie really would have benefited from Idris Elba's cheeks. Yes, yes, it would have. I could just hear the collective like ah like boner withering of of everyone in the movie theater who must have seen this in 2009 expecting to see some saucy, sexy nothing. No, no, you get nothing.
00:03:50
Speaker
You'll get nothing and like it.
Film's Ending and Writer's Filmography
00:03:53
Speaker
I think this is a movie that while you're in the theater partway through, you think, wait, what is this rated? And then you're like, oh, God damn it. I ended up in a PG-13 erotic thriller. No wonder there's so many preteens here.
00:04:08
Speaker
Honestly, I don't think it even needed to be PG-13. I think it could have gotten PG. They just made it PG-13 to try to be a little spicy. Yeah.
00:04:19
Speaker
Yeah. I don't, I want to go ahead and throw this out at the top, just so you have something to look forward to at the end. The end of this movie is incredible. Amazing.
00:04:31
Speaker
One of the best endings we've ever seen on this entire podcast. I love it. Loved every part of it, but holy God, is it a slog to get there.
00:04:45
Speaker
I mean, there is there's a lot funny about this movie, but just know that at the end of our conversation, we will be discussing what becomes a Beyonce action movie. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. God bless.
00:05:01
Speaker
I would have, I mean, i watched this maybe in January when I was just looking for something for us to watch. Had no idea it was a Christmas movie. It's only obviously we have to wait. And as I'm watching, I'm like, that we're never going to use this. But then we get to that last act. yeah Well, this is better than any Marvel fight.
00:05:19
Speaker
This is. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, this goes up there with, ah with some John Wick shit. Oh, yeah. We'll get to that, folks. I do want to say this movie it came out in 2009. It was written by David Laurie, who, if you look at the movies he's written, it is a wide range of stuff. I mean, he wrote Star Trek five The Final Frontier.
00:05:46
Speaker
he wrote Passenger 57. He did The 90s, Three Musketeers with Charlie Sheen and The Sutherland. Money Train, Tom and Huck, a movie from our childhood. Wow, I remember that one with JTT. Yeah, and there's a couple others in here, but he's written things. Some of it good, some of it not so good. ah I don't know what would, I don't
The Formula of Erotic Thrillers and Cast Attractiveness
00:06:13
Speaker
know. i I do think that it's movies like this that make me also think I could sit down and write an erotic thriller that would be fun for me.
00:06:20
Speaker
How hard could it be? Well, with this, you just follow the bat the beats of, like, a fatal attraction or something. Yeah, and skip all the fun parts. ah The thing this movie did have going for it was an incredibly attractive cast.
00:06:37
Speaker
Incredibly attractive. Even the baby is adorable. 2018's Sexiest Man Alive. Idris Elba. Beyonce.
00:06:48
Speaker
Ali Larder. You know, this is... Let's get in. Jerry O'Connell. Jerry O'Connell, who I do. We know their job. This is like a no. I love this.
00:06:59
Speaker
Capital B business. He's the VP of business. And he has a big client in Germany. And you know how those Germans are. If he finds out if this German client finds out that Idris Elba might have fucked a temp, this German client's going to walk Garrett.
00:07:21
Speaker
The only thing that separates our businessman in this movie from the other businessmen is we're saying really big numbers attached to his business. 150
00:07:35
Speaker
I love that Jerry O'Connell is his work friend who has such scruffy hair. I can't believe no one like combed him before. Like he doesn't look like he should be allowed in the building.
00:07:48
Speaker
No, he absolutely does not. And his whole character, which I think it's funny that he did it. I mean, it's not like ger o'con Jerry O'Connell in Stand By Me. Love it. R.I.P. Rob Reiner, one of my favorites. ah But he didn't have anything to do in this movie besides be the friend that's like, you should cheat on your wife. Yeah! Cheating on your wife would feel so good. Cheating on your wife is the best, dude. Highly recommend. going to cheat on my wife. like He's just awful.
00:08:18
Speaker
He has lines like, ah Idris is like, oh she's the new temp. And Jerry's like, i think you mean temp-tress.
Gender Roles and Workplace Dynamics in 'Obsessed'
00:08:31
Speaker
This movie did have a lot of one-liners throughout that you know the writer was proud write. Very proud of. Very proud I was proud of him, too, because those little things are really what keep you going through acts one, two, and some of three.
00:08:48
Speaker
Yeah, one, two, two and a half, two and three quarters. I do think... that they did something really cool with this movie, which was make everyone unlikable.
00:09:06
Speaker
Did you like anyone? o The baby. The baby was cute. Baby didn't do nothing wrong. Honest to God, that's the only right answer. That baby was cute as hell. And...
00:09:21
Speaker
He just exists. And know you're right though, because, uh, Beyonce, who is supposed to be the perfect woman, perfect wife, perfect, everything. She's correct about everything.
00:09:36
Speaker
ah has At one point she says, i thought we agreed no female assistants. Like, her husband's not allowed to have a female assistant at work, which is explicitly illegal.
00:09:52
Speaker
That is discrimination. You are not allowed to do that. Well... she doesn't work there so she's allowed to say it and it just so happens that he's had a series of gay assistants her husband has been told and he is doing so idris elba our good guy is committing workplace discrimination when we meet him it is true it is true like he could have even hired like an older lady like you know like ah Like Marge. Like we saw him dancing with Marge at the company party and that wasn't a threat. He could have hired an old lady.
00:10:32
Speaker
I loved his gay assistant. Loved his gay assistant, who was terrible as an assistant, by the way. And as a written character. Oh my God. The tokenism of like, we got a gay character here is so wild. Multiple times. Uh, he is called girl.
00:10:52
Speaker
ah by Idris Elba. By Idris Lots of people are like, okay, girls. Um, Also, his main ah personality trait, can't help himself, loves to gossip.
00:11:09
Speaker
Can't help himself, loves to gossip. Loves to gossip. Loves to gossip. Loves to gossip. He has been explicitly told he will lose his job if he speaks to this woman. But as soon as she's like, hey, girlfriend, what's the latest hot goss at the office? He's like, girl, let me tell you.
00:11:32
Speaker
His wife was his former secretary and she knows he has a thing for secretaries. Why do you think I'm here? ah I think everyone in this whole office is trying to fuck Idris Elba and I don't blame them.
00:11:48
Speaker
He's very handsome. It's hard out there for a handsome man. Although I will say I prefer Idris with ah facial hair that he started to wear later in life. I think it i think it looks good on him. But he's still a pretty good looking in here. I ain't going complain.
00:12:07
Speaker
I want to throw this out there at the top. Did did were you ah you watch The Office? No. Okay. So Idris Elba does join The Office immediately.
00:12:19
Speaker
a few seasons in the British office or
Unrealistic Portrayals in Film
00:12:22
Speaker
the no the ah the American one. oh ah and what is funny is I don't remember it. I think it's prior to him joining the office. He's there for a whole season and maybe like pops up once or twice later on and later seasons. He's like their temporary boss for a while.
00:12:42
Speaker
And Michael Scott in a season prior to that, is the other man and like a lady is cheating on her husband with him oh and one of the characters says you're ali larder he's beyonce and points at the man that he's cucking oh that means that movie exists in this universe it does exist and his response is i'm beyonce always
00:13:15
Speaker
But once Idris Elba joins, his character's name is Charles Minor. And in this movie, his name's Derek Charles.
00:13:27
Speaker
can't an accident. Two of the ladies are obsessed with him in the office. And every time they cut, they keep showing up and saying, Charles, you wanted me. And Allie Larder says that line in this movie.
00:13:43
Speaker
So that means somebody who was writing on The Office really liked this movie, really liked Obsessed or just thought it's funny to. don't know. This is an insane movie to make references in such a popular television series it multiple times. It truly is.
00:13:58
Speaker
So the movie opens with, they've bought a new a house. ah Idris and Beyonce have bought a house. And then they leave their two-year-old alone next to an open flame while they decide to go upstairs exploring the house and fuck on a carpet with a mirror on the ceiling.
00:14:20
Speaker
Yes, Gerr?
00:14:23
Speaker
I mean, you left out, I mean, as a parent, there is a detail i noticed. All of that is awful, what you said, for sure. But the baby's asleep in one of those, like, self-rocking swings, and you're not even supposed to let a baby sleep in that.
00:14:37
Speaker
Really? Yeah, because they can like roll over and suffocate. There's a lot of like suffocation things. Oh, no! So especially not just leaving the baby near an open flame, but in a thing that explicitly tells you on tags that hang off of it, don't let the baby sleep in this. And they just leave it. He's like, it's, yeah, I'm just throwing that out there. This is right off the bat, bad parents.
00:15:03
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. It's good thing they're both so attractive because then you don't hold it against them. i It is in that scene that you were saying, like, because they do have the mirror. And obviously it makes sense that they would want to go up and bang each other. i So I don't fault them for that.
00:15:18
Speaker
But it's the first time he gets like a call or he's to have to leave soon. And Beyonce says, i don't want no 30 second nookie. Mm hmm. The word nookie is used throughout this. What what creative decision were they had to change to get a... Because can't say fuck.
00:15:37
Speaker
Nookie's just such a funny one that it's like, it's 2009 people are still saying that. Absolutely. 100%. It's not going anywhere. The whole beginning shot like a Hallmark commercial where you get to watch all of them do excellent mime work with no dialogue. Yeah.
00:15:56
Speaker
Excellent is a strong word, but okay. But yeah, even though the movers are coming today, bro could not take the day off work to help move the all their furniture in. He is going to work.
00:16:11
Speaker
He's the captain of business. Yes. The business don't business without businessman here. One strange detail that I did, I know like we're going to spend too much time. Like I'll, I promise I'll leave little details out the rest, but I got to throw this in. You see them come to their house, see the sold sign and what the baby is sleeping next to is they're burning the sold sign.
00:16:34
Speaker
Yes. Weird. I thought that was weird. No, it's ah symbolic that they that they bought it. Also though, that's plastic. So, right? It was absolutely plastic. So you've left your baby asleep in a thing it's not supposed to sleep in next to an open flame that is absolutely pouring out petrochemicals.
00:16:56
Speaker
Yeah. Poor Kyle. Poor Kyle.
Character Flirtation and Relationships
00:17:00
Speaker
Do you think that Olly Larder seemed insane from the beginning? Get go. Absolutely. 100%.
00:17:07
Speaker
Like you just got the vibe that, cause she is being flirty, but she hasn't gone like full mental, but it is an excessive flirtation at work.
00:17:18
Speaker
Yeah. The, the, oops, I dropped my files.
00:17:26
Speaker
And the sexiness that we're supposed to get from this is she is wearing a skirt and we see her legs. Yeah. Legs. Yeah. You know, a lot of legs, a lot of leg.
00:17:37
Speaker
Here at Gage Bendix, the glass and chrome office of the future, perfect for the VP of business to do business in. is the most like like late 2000s office I've ever seen. It's very open plan. There's ah just random windows inside the building. it's great. i hate it. It's steady ass set.
00:18:06
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, uh, yeah, so she's the new temp. I think you mean temp, Triss. And, uh, yeah, that's it.
00:18:19
Speaker
Got a hot blonde new temp. That is really it other than maybe she's poisoning his coworkers. so I did have that thought 100%. I'm surprised they didn't get deeper into that, but it definitely is seeming like she is poisoning people in his office so that she can continue to temp here.
00:18:43
Speaker
Actually, now that I think about it, because later in the movie, she does roofie Idris Elba. She has the catty conversation with his gay assistant. And she he's like, you think you can tempt me without Cosmos?
00:18:58
Speaker
Well, you're right. Yeah. So she knows everything about him in the next scene. So I think it does imply that they went out for drinks. She probably did the like wedding crashers, eye drops in the Cosmo. So he's just shitting the whole next day.
00:19:16
Speaker
then, uh, it, So she she knows everything about this. She's she knows that he sends flowers every week to his wife. Isn't that so sweet? And she's super efficient, which reads to me as someone who right after the ah the Great Recession is just trying to keep a job. She probably really needs this job.
00:19:41
Speaker
She's hoping to get hired here full time. But yeah, this is another one where it's like she got there and just immediately was after him. Yes.
00:19:53
Speaker
There is no buildup whatsoever. Like we see her meet him and then research him on the own, like the company website. So it was truly just a, she saw him in the elevator, brain snapped, and she's going to ruin that man's life.
00:20:10
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes. yes Even though everybody's like, he's super duper married. He's like the most married anyone's ever been. You think you've met a married man before? You have not. This man is the most married.
00:20:23
Speaker
And he will absolutely not cheat on his wife. And he says it to a degree that makes you think something has happened in the past. Yes. Really pissed off Beyonce. Like when you heard that Mike Pence has the rule that he's not allowed to be in a room with um with only a woman and no uh no chaperone that is a rule that it is not his christian faith it is a hundred percent that he has cheated in the past and his wife and he had to come up with this rule to make her feel comfortable with him continuing to have a job
00:21:03
Speaker
Mother is keeping tabs on this man. Mother is keeping tabs a hundred percent. And it does make me wonder since, okay, so Beyonce was his last assistant before gay guy um and And so their whole relationship is an HR violation.
00:21:22
Speaker
So I guess that might be why she is suspicious is like, that's how you got me. you like to flirt with your assistants?
00:21:35
Speaker
He did try to... allla Do you think he resisted the flirting? like He did eventually give in and flirted, but it also just really showed how stupid men are.
00:21:48
Speaker
Yes. i I also think, though, that it's sort of implying that he used to be a player and he used to be fun, and it's just that since marrying Beyonce that he has become a I don't drink. I don't party. i don't, ah you know, flirt with all of the people in the office anymore. it It's funny. Cause Beyonce is not fun in this movie. last Last scene. Very fun. But up until that point, no fun.
00:22:19
Speaker
Think of how like Judd Apatow wrote characters, like female characters in Knocked Up or is his older movies. Yeah. But it applies to everyone. i think that's what's interesting is I'm not... you know i Come to think of it, though, she used to work in this office.
Christmas Elements and Workplace Relationships
00:22:38
Speaker
So now that I'm thinking about it, I'm absolutely on her side because this is the most fucked up office ever in terms of the amount of peer pressure that Idris Elba is getting to cheat on his wife, who all of them know, by the way. This isn't like some abstract wife. They knew her and used to work with her and they like her and they are still like, Idris,
00:23:03
Speaker
Fuck this lady. Look at those legs. Don't you want some of those gams wrapped around you? And it's not just his friend saying that. Yeah, it is his boss boss. It is his boss. It is everyone. They go on a company cheat on your wife retreat. They go on a company cheat on your wife retreat. The Christmas party is a cheat on your wife Christmas party because spouses aren't allowed.
00:23:29
Speaker
Have you ever heard of such a thing? Well, you can't cheat on your wife if she's there and This is an HR nightmare, this office party.
00:23:41
Speaker
Usually, the I've never had a job that did that. I've had company Christmas parties where the bosses aren't there because they want the employees to be able to cut loose and they feel like they can't do that in front of the boss. But I've never seen, like, leave the wife at home.
00:23:59
Speaker
We're taking our pants off at work today. i Literally never heard of that. And and the fact that Idris talks about it like it's super common. Like, oh, yeah. Lots of offices do this because they want everybody to have a good time. And it's like, what are you fucking talking about? Why are you intentionally trying to screw up your office like relationship dynamics? Why do you want HR violations every freaking year for Christmas? Here's your present.
00:24:30
Speaker
It's a lawsuit. And chlamydia. Yeah. Just to say that this is a Christmas movie. Uh, we see them setting up Christmas stuff at their home. Beyonce mentioned she's taking their baby to the Grove to meet Santa. This is an LA movie, so no snow. It's not very festive other than this and the main incident that kicks everything off happens at the company Christmas party.
00:25:00
Speaker
Yes. Um, They mention a lot of Christmas and New Year's things sort of in passing. Jingle bells plays. Like there's Christmas music in this film. I don't think there's a way to argue it isn't a Christmas movie ah other than Christmas is done halfway through.
00:25:18
Speaker
We're just in a regular movie. Yeah. And so you get various ah shots and instances of Allie Larder trying to spy on her boss.
00:25:32
Speaker
She is looking through his CD collection. She is um looking him up on the website. She is listening in on his phone calls.
00:25:45
Speaker
Their DMs are a little flirty while they're talking about music, but he shuts it down. yeah What the hell is Crudo? Are you familiar with who they were talking about? I don't know Crudo, but I'm guessing that Idris Elba is a little older than me and it's music from that I don't know.
00:26:02
Speaker
Oh, God. And then Jerry's like, listen, buddy, single gals see the workplace as their hunting ground, so you gotta watch out. And I was like, that is, ew, that is so disgusting.
00:26:17
Speaker
What is fucking wrong with you people? yeah The idea that women just go to work to like find themselves a rich husband so that they can then pull a Beyonce and ah quit to go raise your child. And then and even Beyonce is like, I want to go back to school. I want to do business. I could business.
00:26:39
Speaker
I could do full-time business. And Idris is like, babe, don't you like being at home? I make enough money. and she's that's not what it's about.
00:26:51
Speaker
As you say the things that happened in this movie where everybody's terrible, it makes me realize that Jerry O'Connell might be worse than Allie Larder. Yeah. No, he definitely is. Allie Larder, I believe her character has the excuse that she is batshit insane. Jerry's doing all of this fully aware. As a friend. As a friend. ah ah Oh my God.
00:27:23
Speaker
So he gives in it to peer pressure at the company Christmas party to drink so quickly. Yes. Basically, all it takes for her to get him to take shots is to call him a pussy.
00:27:38
Speaker
Yes. Although not even pussy, just coward, because this is PG-13 and pussy would be a little much. So she calls him a coward. And then next thing you know, he's dancing with Marge.
00:27:50
Speaker
And that was cute. And then there's mistletoe at the office Christmas party where spouses aren't even allowed.
00:28:03
Speaker
This is why Beyonce is nervous about her husband working here. oh that's yeah, absolutely. Is this our first show? sexy mistletoe scene in any movie we've watched?
00:28:17
Speaker
I do believe it might be. Or did Pigman try and Fidelio Tom Cruise under the mistletoe? I don't remember. I don't think so.
00:28:29
Speaker
She chases him, though. she like She molests him in the bathroom with the mistletoe. Yes. ah she She follows him into the bathroom and into the stall and is like not taking no for an answer. He's physically pushing her off of him and she just keeps going for it.
Aggressive Advances and Tense Car Scene
00:28:52
Speaker
She's on her knees trying to take his pants off. Yeah. Yeah. And... It is so batshit crazy. Why did he not? She's a temp, dude.
00:29:07
Speaker
Fire her. This is, I don't know why he didn't immediately tell his wife. Who invites the temp to an office Christmas party anyway?
00:29:19
Speaker
Jerry O'Connell because he wants this happen. Oh, Jerry O'Connell did it because he wanted this to happen. and You're right. You're right. were you right This was ah was his Christmas present. I retract the question. It was obviously stupid. It was Jerry who did it. ah But yes, I don't know either why he didn't tell his wife. Every time he is about to do the right thing and talk to somebody or tell the police or get a restraining order or fire her, something dumb happens and he's like, no, I don't think I will.
00:29:49
Speaker
But what he's going to tell his wife, maybe because she shows up later in the movie in his car in a trench coat and takes it off and is in lingerie. And maybe that's the moment. get out it is that That one was genuinely funny where he was like, get out of my car. And she's like, ah what do you mean? Isn't this what you wanted? Get out of the car. Leave me alone.
00:30:13
Speaker
I don't care if you like crudo too. get out! Like, he could not possibly be more explicit with her. And so whenever she's like, you're not gonna give him me mixed signals, you're like, i don't think he is, hun.
00:30:29
Speaker
The most he did was that he saw her crying in the break room, and he wanted to leave the room, and then felt bad, and was like, hey, chin up, girl, don't be sad over a guy, you're yeah You're young and and pretty. You'll find somebody else.
00:30:51
Speaker
And she says, you're just saying that to make me feel better. And he says, is it working? Because yes, he is just saying this to make you feel better.
00:31:02
Speaker
But he does say the line, if I were single. Yes. Which she interprets as, I wish I was single. Which is insane.
00:31:15
Speaker
And this kind of became like a zebra lounge situation where I couldn't tell. well I guess like we know she didn't know him from the beginning, but it just, did I can't tell what,
00:31:29
Speaker
I don't know. Is she doing things? Is she trying to trap him against his will? Or is she genuinely delusional and thinks he's in love with her? It's very hard to parse because she does things like buy herself flowers from his account and include a message on
Character Delusion and Threats
00:31:49
Speaker
it. Or, um, when she, um,
00:31:54
Speaker
Rapes him? Rufy's his drink and then rapes him. Yes. Like, that seems to imply that she's trying to knowingly... like destroy him.
00:32:08
Speaker
But then also she like gets this big wide eyed look on her face. Like what? I thought you said you, you said you loved me. i love you. and you're like, wait, do you genuinely believe this? How can you, that can't be right.
00:32:23
Speaker
How can you think this man truly loves me and wants to leave his wife? That's why I'm going to roofie his drink. if i grape him then he's mine forever and he'll get over that but yeah it also like because there was part of it was like well is she trying to like sue the company and get money but it's like it no definitely seemed like that at first because like she gets seen leaving the men's bathroom right like that seems like a thing that she's using as evidence or like it seems like she's trying to do things that would give her the ability to claim sexual harassment against him but she never does in fact she quits the job immediately after the uh parking lot scene because she's like you said you didn't want to have you didn't want to ruin your work life so i quit
00:33:19
Speaker
To be here with you. So that that also sucks because the threat is gone. Like there's there's no threat left to his job anymore.
00:33:30
Speaker
Well, yeah. The majority of the thrills of this movie is like, how mad is Beyonce going to be at him? How mad is Beyonce going to be? And after the party, he does drunk drive home, which I was like, oh my God. beyond and And once again, I wasn't even worried what the cop was going to do. was like, Beyonce is going to be bad. Because it's it's a real like, have you met my wife? I can't tell her anything. Beyonce hits me.
00:34:01
Speaker
No one takes anything that's going on seriously. if he tries to tell people, they laugh at him. Which is fair, man. That that genuinely is a ah real concern when men are being the targets of harassment.
00:34:15
Speaker
Is that they tend not to be believed or taken seriously. But like he does go to age. He yes and then so he goes to HR and he's like ah there's a problem with the temp and they're like oh she quit and he's like oh okay nevermind but cool cool cool cool cool and I'm like please please put some of this shit on record my dude you are not covering your tracks at all.
00:34:39
Speaker
HR was the only person in the movie who's like, something's up here. Like you could see in his face. He's like, he's like, I'm pretty sure he banged this lady or something. Which is still like the HR exists to protect the VP of business. That is what HR exists to do.
00:34:56
Speaker
But HR's friends with his wife and he can't get Beyonce mad at him. The HR guy knows not to tell Beyonce. Everyone knows not to tell Beyonce.
00:35:09
Speaker
How similar to Beyonce and Jay-Z's real life did this movie end up foreshadowing? That's a good point. was Yeah, because part of the problem I thought is, first of all, I love Beyonce, but she's not the...
00:35:27
Speaker
greatest actor if if we're honest here and i did not fully buy her um as like when she says what what was her line about um oh like if none of you take care of this i will i was like i feel like we need a slightly stronger actress to do this if you had taraji henson For this role. I would have believed every word that came out of that that woman's mouth. I would have believed that Idris was in fear for his fucking life. If he cheated on his wife. and She would beat the shit out of him. Absolutely beat the shit out of him.
00:36:07
Speaker
um So I just feel like like that aspect of it is a little bit thin. Because Beyonce is just not strong enough as an actor here.
00:36:18
Speaker
And once again, no shade to Beyonce. I will throw out. been to I've seen Beyonce in concert three times. I am a fan. But there is a reason she's only in like three or four movies. This is a different skill set for sure.
00:36:32
Speaker
and so like, yeah, he's about to tell his wife about all this shit that happened, but ah her sister got cheated on. And so he's like, if I tell her this, she's going to think I'm cheating on her.
00:36:44
Speaker
I just cannot deal with that shit right now. and she's like, oh, what were you going to tell me? He's like, uh, uh, uh, business is hard. Oh, there's some real business-y business going on at business work. And she's like, I'm so sorry about business.
00:37:03
Speaker
So is it shortly after this that he has to go, well... Next is Christmas, and there's the photo thing where he gets an email as well. sex virus.
00:37:18
Speaker
Yeah. ah it's Oh, it's like three in the morning after New Year's, and ah his – Beyonce is like, answer it. It might be from the businessman in in Germany. That's why it's arriving at three in the morning. and He opens it up, and it's like 20 pop-ups of her looking – or How is she dressed?
00:37:40
Speaker
Is it sexy? These are mall glamour shots. These are mall g full body mall glamour shots where once again, you do see her leg from the knee down. So ah like this movie has been banned in multiple countries from that. I'm sure. I'm sure.
00:38:00
Speaker
and she's wearing like a really silly hat that you might wear on stage in Chicago. yeah Like on on the play Chicago. 100 absolutely it is like if anything if you walked in yeah oh it is like i guess it's like a seductive face but there's nothing sexual about the fuck it's more baffling than anything if beyonce walked in it would be more like why do you have that temp's picture open 20 times on your computer yeah
00:38:35
Speaker
Yeah, here's the thing is I would assume that he was a pervert who was just looking at like her photo, like her photo from a community theater production of Chicago that she was in.
00:38:50
Speaker
And that my husband is a pervert who's just opened that picture 20 times to
Manipulation and Suicide Attempt Aftermath
00:38:56
Speaker
jerk off. I would not assume that she had sent it to him because surely if she were trying to tempt my husband away, she would have at least been in her fucking underwear. So clearly this is not something some woman has done. This is something my creep of a husband has done.
00:39:17
Speaker
Okay. What is the punishment for that though? For my creepy husband? Yeah. You walk in and John has 30 pictures of a former coworker opened that are, yeah, the, a glamor shot from the stage production, like an off Broadway stage production of Chicago.
00:39:35
Speaker
Um, Hmm. It's more just like, what the fuck? Yeah. I don't know that there's even a punishment so much as ah a long, serious conversation about like, are you okay? Yeah.
00:39:47
Speaker
Like 30, you can jerk off to just one photo, Garrett. i don't know if you know this, but you don't need 30 identical photos. Like, I think my initial reaction would even be like, oh, he fucked up and accidentally opened that 30 times. Like, it's still weird that he has it. The 30 times is clearly an accident. Because he's not a psychopath. He's just like, this is bizarre behavior. I'm not going sex with him tonight. No, no, no. But I'm not going to be mad at him tomorrow.
00:40:17
Speaker
No, I'll be confused and maybe make fun of him a little bit tomorrow. Like, that seems like the kind of thing I might, like, give him a hard time over. Jerking off to, like, a weird thing where it's just like, you know, it's okay if you do this. I think it's natural that you're going to do that to someone else. This is a weird photo to have done that to. Do you need me to dress up like a 40s gangster for you? Because I will. Yeah.
00:40:49
Speaker
And meanwhile, he's like then emailing her being like, you need to stop doing this shit. And she sends back the most ominous thing a a person can send you, which is ah big winky emoji.
00:41:04
Speaker
A huge emoji. I would be horrified if you could send them so big. Well, this was 2009, Garrett. Times were wild and different. We'll remember in in Love Lies Bleeding, she's big, she got big, sort of the emoji. thank I rewatched that this week for fun and I can't not cackle. Think about, I'm so good.
00:41:29
Speaker
That's like the best accidental heckle. Right? so So, yeah, he's still not telling anybody what's going on. And now it's time to go to the business retreat where we're going to talk about synergy and client acquisition. and While booby ladies swim in the pool. While booby ladies swim in the pool next to you.
00:41:52
Speaker
And she has followed him here and is wearing her sluttiest red dress. And not very revealing at all. No. And by slutty, I mean, it's got like, it's backless.
00:42:07
Speaker
The front you could wear to church. Yeah. With a jacket, you still could. With a jacket. Absolutely. You could a hundred percent wear that to church. ah So.
00:42:19
Speaker
pulls a real power move in this scene. Yeah. Go ahead. ah She tries to kill herself in his bed. yeah
00:42:30
Speaker
Yeah. What I'm, my question is why does this hotel not have fucking locks? This is a fancy hotel, Garrett. Why are there no locks? Well, i think she is somewhat of a hacker cause she did send him the weird Chicago virus. I think she's out there. Hacked her way into his hotel room.
00:42:52
Speaker
So what we do find out from the, the worst cop in any movie we've ever watched, in which we say every movie, every movie. They never get better. ah But that she told the front desk she's his wife and she wanted to surprise him, which that person has to be fired now yeah because he gave a key card to a woman who went to commit suicide. bed and hand giving Angry CPR to her while saying, breathe, you dumb bitch. Yeah.
00:43:22
Speaker
So fucking funny. He's like, I hate you so much, but I really cannot have you dying in my bed. Oh my God. and then he doesn't talk to his wife on this trip. So she calls Jerry O'Connell and he's like, I think you should talk to Idris Elba. And she's like, yes, I know. I've been trying to call him. He won't answer me.
00:43:45
Speaker
He's alive at a hospital. What do you mean? it Is he hurt? Is he hurt? Is he, is he okay? should just go see him. What do you, what the fuck do you mean?
00:44:00
Speaker
this lady cop is such a terrible detective. She like at this point in the movie, i'm order go unwell yes I love that everyone is like, so clearly you were fucking her and that's why she's, she's obsessed with you.
00:44:19
Speaker
And he's trying to be like, guys, she's mentally unwell and delusional. And you know, what might be seen as evidence of the fact that she might be mentally unwell, The fact that she took an entire bottle of prescription pills in my bedroom.
00:44:34
Speaker
But all Beyonce hears is she was naked in your bed. she You're sleeping outside tonight. And he's like, you don't understand. she literally Literally, no one will let anyone say anything.
00:44:48
Speaker
And I'm sorry, but this interview, the fact that the cop is like, do you need to talk to your wife in private? And Idris Elba says no. So that he instead then gets interrogated by a cop. About the the nearly dead woman in his hotel room before his wife hears it from him that there was a nearly dead woman in his hotel room.
00:45:12
Speaker
And the cop gave him the opportunity to tell her and he turned it down. Is baffling. I mean, the fact that he didn't just say like, this lady tried to blow me at work and I had to storm out of the bathroom.
00:45:30
Speaker
I am so afraid that she's going to try and say, like, have a conversation. You're not supposed to be this afraid of your wife. It's true. You're really not. You're not supposed guys out there. If you're this afraid of your wife that you can't tell her someone was ah inappropriate with me at work and it made me very uncomfortable without worrying that your wife's response is going to be, well, what'd you do to lead her on?
00:45:57
Speaker
This is not a healthy relationship. This is bad. which does imply maybe something happened in the past, but also she's postpartum. I would, the baby's pretty fresh.
00:46:08
Speaker
That baby's two. They say, they explicitly say that baby is two. I didn't even remember that. It's in such a small thing though. Maybe my baby was just a huge ass baby. You have a huge baby.
00:46:22
Speaker
have a huge ass baby who definitely couldn't have fit in that baby swing. Yeah. So that skews the way I look at other babies, I guess. But I'll say this, after two your Beyonce's keeping it tight.
00:46:34
Speaker
Absolutely. She looks great. But this whole thing, like this man has been assaulted multiple times and this cop is giving him nothing.
00:46:48
Speaker
This cop does not believe him for a second. He doesn't even, he doesn't, we don't know if he's been sexually assaulted by her after she drugged him. Come on Is it, he would have been dead asleep. Is that even possible?
00:47:05
Speaker
Yes. I don't like your confidence in saying that.
Roofie Incident and Diary Evidence
00:47:10
Speaker
I, listen, i The body will respond sometimes, even if like the the ah consciousness is not.
00:47:24
Speaker
Also, like that's assault no matter what, dude. She was in his bed. no, i no. There's no question about whether it was assault. It just, I don't know what she did to You want to talk about the times we've been roofied?
00:47:39
Speaker
Did we already talk about those? I don't know. Did we? we had to have talked about a roof. There has to have been a roofie episode. I'm I'm I'll say I'm 95% sure. I remember editing conversations of us talking about getting roofied on this show.
00:47:56
Speaker
I have to say this one felt fairly realistic the way it was fuzzy at the edges. And then like things were coming in and like fits and starts. Yeah. Felt about right. All I was thinking is, oh my God, if she's going to try and do anything, like when I was, I was vomiting everywhere.
00:48:16
Speaker
There was nothing sexy about what would have happened to me in in my roofing. um Me being roofing. I'm sorry. I want that to be clear. And did I phrase that correctly? um Yeah. No, that's nothing sexy could have happened to me. I think it would have been a...
00:48:34
Speaker
I think the person would be wildly disappointed in what they got. Well, maybe. yeah i mean, it's possible Allie Larder was disappointed, but she sure claims that they had a lovely night together.
00:48:46
Speaker
Well, yeah. After he was like, leave me alone forever. I hate you.
00:48:55
Speaker
so After she kills herself though, and the cop is interrogating her, we get another scene with Idris Elba where he's like, I never had sex with this lady.
00:49:07
Speaker
And she says, well, that's not what her diary says. And then basically throws her 50 shades of gray. and she's like, it's pretty racy what you did to her. says in this crazy person's book.
00:49:19
Speaker
This movie is so tame that they don't even read any of her racy diary out loud. They just have Idris reading it and then making a face. Like I said, a lot of mime work in this movie. a lot of mime work doing a lot of the heavy lifting.
00:49:37
Speaker
Let's get to them making up and just get to this third act. Right. Unless there's anything where... No, like she sent herself flowers and Idris has to be like, yeah, because I send my wife flowers every week. So this woman has access to my account from when she was my assistant. And like, no one listens to him. But also he's not in any real danger because he's not being accused of anything that is a crime.
00:50:01
Speaker
Like, fucking someone and then them trying to kill themselves is not a crime. And she fully admits she took the pills. So, like, there is no threat here. His boss says, I'm on your side. I believe you. The biggest thing that is on the line here is that he loses the big client.
00:50:23
Speaker
To Jerry. Jerry gets a big client. And Jerry's like, hey man, you shouldn't have slept with her
00:50:32
Speaker
her. Well, but the back to the flowers thing, like I could send myself flowers right now. Yes. Same there from you. yeah And yeah Like, it's not didn't even have to like she'd have a receipt that showed it was his credit card. Like, it was just a note that somebody at a flower shop wrote. That's an insane thing for a cop to just immediately seem to believe, especially considering the woman you're talking to is clearly unwell.
00:50:59
Speaker
And she visibly unwell. And you just saw this man get yelled at by his wife in the lobby of the hospital. He's afraid of her, deeply afraid of her. The only real consequence of any of this is that he is going to lose Beyonce.
00:51:17
Speaker
And that is a loss. That is a loss. It's a serious loss. But also, I don't know, man, maybe you deserve someone who won't make you this afraid in your own home.
00:51:28
Speaker
Kit, you gotta think of Kyle. Gotta think of Kyle. Stay together for the kids is what... And like, i think there is, yeah, I mean, you're right, but I think there is a certain level of you're willing to deal with it a little longer because it's Beyonce.
00:51:48
Speaker
I mean, that is fair. That's fair.
00:51:54
Speaker
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? Like, I wouldn't. ah Stick it out for a couple years longer than you should have. Right. who Who among us would not?
00:52:06
Speaker
Um, so he is kicked out of the house for three months. He only knew Larder for two weeks is what the cop reveals to us is that it has been two weeks.
00:52:22
Speaker
And we're just watching a montage of him every morning, crawling out of a wooden dog house in the backyard, showering with a garden hose. Yeah.
00:52:35
Speaker
Basically, yeah. And all this is because like they just can't communicate with each other. Like, why can't he just say, like, listen, hon, I didn't tell you because you freak out like this about everything! you-
00:52:52
Speaker
She tried to suck me off. I cried in the car. i can't tell you these things. Yeah. Right. Therapy session that needs to happen. A hundred percent. They needed a couples therapy session.
00:53:06
Speaker
um So finally she's ready to take him back or at least give him a shot. She's taking him out for his birthday. Got a bad babysitter at home. Worst babysitter we've ever seen.
00:53:21
Speaker
100% it's Scout Taylor Compton from a film I love called Sleepover. and It's a terrible ah movie from around the same time period with high school kids having a little sleepover.
00:53:35
Speaker
Cute, funny, good time. lot of cameos. She was also Laurie Strode in the Rob Zombie Halloweens. Oh, shit. hey Oh, she was. I did not recognize her.
00:53:47
Speaker
rock. punk rock Hell yeah. um Wow. So yeah, worst babysitter ever. Ever. Like, break down why Okay. So starting with, um so there's a knock at the door, right? And she just opens the door straight up. Doesn't look through the peephole even. Just yeah wide open, opens the door. It's Allie Larder on the other side. And Allie says, hey, I'm Kate.
00:54:16
Speaker
I'm a friend, which is not her real name. I'm a friend of Beyonce's and I brought by a gift for little
Kidnapping and Final Showdown
00:54:24
Speaker
Kyle. And the babysitter doesn't insist on like, oh, great. I will take it.
00:54:29
Speaker
Bye. Instead, ah she lets Allie Larder walk straight past her into the house And then when she tries to be like, oh, um I can't let you up because she's like, I'm going to go up and I'm just going to leave this right up here with Kyle. And she tries to be like, um, I don't think that's OK.
00:54:49
Speaker
And she says, OK, do you need me to call Beyonce and see if and and show you it's OK? And babysitter's like, yeah, that's good. That's good. We can do that. And so Allie Lutter makes a fake phone call and is pretending she's on the phone with Beyonce and offers the phone to the babysitter to be like, do you need to talk to her? Which is a bold gambit.
00:55:14
Speaker
And the babysitter doesn't take it. She's like, no, it's fine. All you have to do is take it and be like, hey, just checking that it's okay.
00:55:25
Speaker
Okay, cool. Bye. Like she's been pretend talking on the phone so long that at this point it's basically doing the like beep, beep, beep, beep. The number your child's no longer in service. It's steals the baby.
00:55:39
Speaker
Yeah, so ah then she... Hides outside. she She sits in the living room while Allie Larder is upstairs cuddling the baby for what has to have been like 30 minutes.
00:55:51
Speaker
And she does not go up with her. She does not check on her at any point. and Even after she leaves. Yes, and then she lets Allie Larder just like walk out the door behind her and is just like, bye!
00:56:05
Speaker
And does not check on the baby again for the rest of the night. So that they don't even know that baby's been taken. So I would say this couple probably has a baby monitor with a video on it. Maybe 2009. That's a little too high tech and it didn't exist yet. I don't know. Probably did.
00:56:26
Speaker
this is a good point. Where's the baby monitor where you can hear Allie Larder like holding the baby being like, I'm going to take you away. I'm going to take you away from Beyonce. Yeah. she's definitely a say the whole evil plan out loud to a baby kind of gal her but this is also the family that left their sleeping baby in a thing that could suffocate it next to an open fire so no claim so you know what I buy it bad parents bad parents bad babysitter And then so they come back. ah Beyonce's given him another chance in exchange for a car, um which does not make her look like a good person. She's like, I want your Benz.
00:57:10
Speaker
And then you can come back home. That's crazy to me. Yeah. um Also, she's like, I didn't come from a family of divorce. What's that got to do with it?
00:57:23
Speaker
It is weird that he buys his way back into the relationship. That actually says something about Beyonce. It says a lot about Beyonce. I'm very uncomfortable with it. So they get back and realize that this bitch has been in their house, that the baby's. This is line read of she took my baby. Oh, God is terrible.
00:57:44
Speaker
I laughed really hard. it Beyonce has some killer line reads though in this movie of just... That ain't one of them. No, I mean like similar to that. Like oh yeah when she kicks Idris Elba out I believe a line that's said is something along the lines of get your prophylactics and get out of here. He's like, where am I supposed to go? And she says, i don't know, to hell. Yeah.
00:58:12
Speaker
But for now, go to the four, try the four seasons. It's so awesome. I love it right that Idris Elba's running outside screaming Kyle. Kyle can't.
00:58:25
Speaker
Kyle can't respond. Kyle is too. ky What is Kyle going to do? Maybe he can wah. But he gets in his car to drive somewhere. Best moment. Turns around to see Kyle happy just sitting in the back seat with a smooch mark on his head from some lipstick. Yeah, he's got lipstick smooch on his forehead. And then the house, their bedroom is ripped to shit.
00:58:49
Speaker
Classic. She cut Beyonce's face out of a family photo. Love it. Fucks. This sucks. Everything sucks until the last. Beyonce calls her. She's like, you think you're crazy? I'll show you crazy. Just try me, bitch.
00:59:07
Speaker
And they, it doesn't listen. She doesn't, they get a new security system. They forget to set the alarm. It doesn't matter. This movie is just people being idiots until the end.
00:59:19
Speaker
And now it's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It is time. For the best fight scene of any of the erotic thrillers we've watched. Great choreography.
00:59:30
Speaker
Excellent. Great ah like Arnold Schwarzenegger one-liners. Yep. Great use of sets and weapons. 100%. I love an improvised weapon in a fight scene.
00:59:42
Speaker
this That jelly shit gets me every time. I love it. Beyonce's in heels. Allie Larder is Pooh Bear in it. Yeah, she's like a T-shirt um and and underpants and barefoot um because she's broken in, taken one of Andrew Selva's T-shirts and put it on. And she's got like champagne glasses because she thinks Beyonce is going to be out of town.
01:00:08
Speaker
Rose is on the rose petals everywhere. mine. And I was so glad that the movie had established when they were moving in that there is a loose floorboard in the attic and that they have a chandelier over a glass table.
01:00:28
Speaker
It's a real Clark Griswold ass attic. Like it is a Christmas vacation attic. Yes, and they they do a great job of setting up ahead of time. Chekhov's whole setup here. Chekhov's high ceilings. The whole thing is set up from the beginning, and then it comes back, and I appreciate that level of craftsmanship in a movie.
01:00:51
Speaker
Okay, in their chandelier room, floor to ceiling, how many feet you think we're looking at? Fifty. Yeah, I was going to say a hundred
01:01:02
Speaker
I mean, I've heard of vaulted ceilings, but this is like cathedral vaulted. like And I'm not talking about some cathedral built in America. I'm talking about like ancient cathedral.
01:01:16
Speaker
all the like I'm pretty sure there should be a little ah hunchbacked man in a bell tower in their attic based on how high the ceiling is.
01:01:28
Speaker
It's insane. I didn't know Idris Elba was doing that kind of business. Oh, yes, he is. And so... The beginning of this fight, Ali Larder makes herself a spear.
01:01:44
Speaker
Yes. Out of a ah a standing lamp. smash It's amazing. Smashes the light. Now you got a spear. This is incredible.
01:01:56
Speaker
beating Beyonce with boards. There would just as well be nails in that board during this fight. Like it goes all through the house. The interest. Elba's calling Beyonce answers the phone and is like, I'm going have to call you back.
01:02:13
Speaker
Literally Hank doesn't say I'm fighting this woman. Like this really shows why Idris Elba was has been afraid of her the whole time. Yes. She has a warrior in her that unleashes in a action movie manner.
01:02:30
Speaker
The final fight of most erotic thrillers is supposed to be scary. This is not. This is cathartic. This is flipped. The person who should be scared is Allie Larder. It is not Beyonce.
01:02:45
Speaker
She is ready for this fight. She has been mentally prepared for a month or more now. And so the this fight goes all through the house. They end up in the attic.
01:03:01
Speaker
Allie's swinging a loose board at her and like genuinely like off balance every time. And Beyonce's like backing up, trying to get her onto the loose boards.
01:03:14
Speaker
In heels. In heels. She's rattling narrow boards in heels to not fall through a ceiling. Incredible. Incredible. Never seen that in a movie. And then Allie goes through the floor.
01:03:28
Speaker
Fulls. Mark Griswold style. yeah like and And Beyonce, even though she did this, she she knew this would happen and she orchestrated it. She has a moment of like, oh, I don't actually want to kill this lady, I guess. And she reaches down. She's like, take my hand.
01:03:47
Speaker
And Allie's like, aha I'm going to pull your ass down with me.
01:03:54
Speaker
What was, I don't understand. It seems, i can't tell if Allie Larder wants to die. like She's like, we're both going to die. I think it was like, we're both going down.
01:04:06
Speaker
If I can't have him, no one can. Did Beyonce not want her to die or did she just really like her coffee table? Oh, could be. That was a nice glass, you know, tabletop. No, I think to get broke it was absolutely going to get broken. No, I think it was that she realized that like um she might get accused of murder because she had multiple opportunities to summon the police with the touch of one button and she chose not to And I think she realized like this might look bad. First of all, this woman is half naked in my house and dead.
01:04:46
Speaker
and I'm the only one here. i feel it don't look great. She's so crazy in this moment that even if that lady cop did show up and Ali Larder is laying on the ground, her nose has been bitten off, both tits cut off. Yeah.
01:05:02
Speaker
she'd be like, what happened? And Beyonce would just say like, I don't know. She did it to herself. And the cop has no choice, but to believe her because that's her line of detective work. Like that's her, her moves like leaves the last thing anyone told her. Yeah.
01:05:17
Speaker
And Allie's not here to give her another line. So she's got nothing. She bit her own nose off. It's just, it is possible. I, I, you're right. I think I heard about that. So, uh,
01:05:29
Speaker
ah She falls, ah Beyonce manages to get her, you know, her hands off and Ally falls and she grabs the chandelier on her way down this like hundred foot fucking drop.
01:05:42
Speaker
And she's hanging on for dear life. It is so tense. It is so awesome. And then she still falls, crashes through the glass table, and is laying there, like, knocked out. Her head is at a weird angle. It definitely looks like she should be dead. But Freddy fucking Kruger style, she opens her eyes again. And then what should happen to seal the deal? But she God severs this chandelier from the ceiling and it crushes her to double tap and finish the job.
01:06:20
Speaker
As Beyonce says, welcome to prime time, bitch, because that it is flip. So she's Freddy in this scenario. Basically. um And then, you know, ah Idris comes there. ah Beyonce comes out and is like covered in blood.
01:06:37
Speaker
And the detective's there. And she's like, what happened? And Beyonce says, what was it? It's like, you know what happened. Which I would take as a confession of murder. The detective has to be like, I don't unless you say. i can't piece things together with clues. I am very bad at this. I'm very bad. She's like the opposite of monk. That's why they assigned me. That's why they assigned me to a case that was an obvious suicide.
01:07:04
Speaker
could i would watch a ah story of the week like style show of just that cop not solving crimes well. Yeah, absolutely. And then we have, ah you know, they embrace a terrible Beyonce song ah plays over the credits.
Final Thoughts on 'Obsessed'
01:07:22
Speaker
Movie It's not one of her bangers. It's not one of her bangers. One moment of the fight, though, that I did feel like got glossed over a little that I would like to point out. Yes. Yes.
01:07:33
Speaker
There is a whole scene where they're fighting upstairs. Beyonce gets kicked down the stairs. She's crawling back up. Ollie Larder is crawling away because she's genuinely terrified of Beyonce. Camera's shooting right up her butthole the way that and that angle is. It's weird. But then Ollie Larder is trying to push Beyonce over the railing and she to push her over the thing to fall on the table.
01:07:55
Speaker
but she can't get her over the railing because her ass is holding onto the railing. You can't, she can't breach that ass over the railing. It acts as a barrier to hold her back. It's like an extra set of hands. Thank God.
01:08:10
Speaker
If she'd had a flat ass, she'd have been dead. Done. But no, that ass did save her life in that moment. And I thought that was pretty cool. Cause I've not seen that before either. Can't say I have.
01:08:22
Speaker
um yeah. Yeah. movie sucks this movie sucks a lot but that end fight was real great it was awesome it made me be like yeah of course beyonce could be in like a marvel movie she's just as good as any of that i want to watch beyonce fight throw her in a john wick i don't know i would i mean like i am okay with that i don't like seeing her act but i will watch her fight for sure yeah I think overall this movie, it's not going to be the star present you've received on Christmas, but it's an okay stocking stuffer.
01:08:57
Speaker
don't know. It's kind of sad. Like Idris Elba ends up with all the bad parts of an erotic thriller and he didn't get to have any of the fun parts. Like his character has zero fun this entire time and I feel bad for him. It is a series of bad things happening to him.
01:09:17
Speaker
To a man who just wants to not get the shit kicked out of him by his wife.
01:09:23
Speaker
Yeah. theres I mean, David Lowery did the impossible. He wrote three worse leads than Stephanie Myers. place
01:09:37
Speaker
it's It's something. It's bad. Nobody here is a person you will root for. The movie thinks you should root for Beyonce. You're not. YouTube the last 15 minutes. You're good. yeah That is what you should do. I 100% agree.
01:09:55
Speaker
Garrett, were you aroused? Scale of one to five. I liked when her butt held on to the railing. yeah
01:10:06
Speaker
But I think it's it's weird because nothing like it is a sexless. I mean, even the only time you saw any skin above the knee is when she opens her trench coat in his car to reveal her lingerie. Her lingerie, which is I mean, that is like 1920s style lingerie. It's not even like it's high waisted even.
01:10:31
Speaker
Well, i think what we've learned is outside of the office, she dresses like a flapper or something. Like she's... That glamour photo, that was insane.
01:10:42
Speaker
Maybe erotic. You know what? No. You know what? If any listeners want to send me 30 of the same photo of you... With a cocked fedora. Yeah.
01:10:53
Speaker
yeah Some big fake pearls. Yeah, that you're holding on to suggestively while being fully clothed.
01:11:05
Speaker
Maybe a box of, like, candied cigarettes with the straps over your shoulders, too. there you But no, i mean...
01:11:14
Speaker
.5 if I have to give it a number at all. This is not a sexy movie. No, I'm giving it a zero. I'm not even giving dad ass anything. The fact that Idris Elba doesn't even take his shirt off.
01:11:26
Speaker
Not even he shirt. Let alone ass cheek, root, nothing. should at least put a scene where he walks out of the bathroom at the like before bed shirtless.
01:11:40
Speaker
That's all I'm asking. Maybe he's abs. Maybe he doesn't look that good without his shirt off in 2000. I find that. I find that very difficult to believe Garrett. And so, I mean, it was 2018 was when he was sexiest man alive. This guy didn't have facial hair. Maybe he didn't even have abs. I find that difficult to believe. I think he looked great and ah we just didn't get to see it. So I'm giving it a zero.
01:12:04
Speaker
Were you thrilled?
01:12:08
Speaker
How good the end is is such a surprise. Yes, because there is nothing thrilling before that. i mean, I guess him getting him getting roofied is pretty like you're pretty upset watching that.
01:12:22
Speaker
I mean, just the threat of a man getting yelled at by his wife is hilarious, but not thrilling. No.
01:12:31
Speaker
But that last scene's so good, and it really does something where sometimes it's important what you remember when you walk away from the movie. And what I'm going to walk away with is the last 15 minutes that was a legitimately well-choreographed fight.
01:12:49
Speaker
Yes. Beyonce's hilarious is she's just like,
01:12:54
Speaker
just like hold my purse. I'm going to beat this bitch's ass. Like that doesn't even seem that outrageous of a line. That feels not as insane as something she brought. going to call you back to her husband. going call you back. And like, it's, I'm going to go a little higher than I should.
01:13:11
Speaker
her Three. Wow. I think I'm giving it a three because that last scene is so insane and fun. And, I didn't know if that coffee table was going to break.
01:13:24
Speaker
it ah You knew it was going to break. You knew from the se from the second they introduced that table, when they were moving in, in the first 10 minutes, I knew someone was going to fall on that table and it was going to smash.
01:13:39
Speaker
And I was waiting. um I'm not going that high. I'm going to go two and a half, I guess. like You've dragged me up from what I would have. Because I do agree that that last fight is...
01:13:54
Speaker
chef's kiss perfect no notes um and so I will give it some for that but overall
01:14:05
Speaker
it's not it's it's not that thrilling yeah and um And here's the thing about this question. Normally I would say, would you ruin your life for Ali Larder?
01:14:17
Speaker
But Idris Elba doesn't ruin his life for Ali Larder. He never even flirts with her. I would not characterize anything he did as less than professional at any point.
01:14:30
Speaker
Would you ruin your life by marrying Beyonce, knowing that she would kick your ass if you had a female assistant? for one day because your gay assistant was out sick.
01:14:47
Speaker
from poisoned Cosmo. a it It does make me wonder what Beyonce was like before the baby. And when she worked there, cause she has to be fun somewhere along the line and not just hot, but presented with what I, i have, I can't handle Beyonce in real life. I couldn't handle nice Beyonce.
01:15:11
Speaker
I definitely can't handle mean Beyonce. no, Like, you don't get to leave the house. But you that cute But, yeah, you're right. You're not allowed to leave the house. You're not allowed to... I'm not allowed to touch the TV remote. Like, I am going to be doing what Beyonce does, and you have to really submit to her as a partner. And I think I'm looking for more of a partnership. Like, I need us to be, you know... Working together, Working together.
01:15:44
Speaker
Not one person. yeah yeah Those jeans. She got them on the jeans. And see ice. You see it. You see it. You get to have sex with Beyonce on the carpet under the ceiling mirror.
01:16:02
Speaker
but It won't be that 30 second nookie. She don't want that. Then I probably shouldn't. Yeah.
01:16:12
Speaker
So what am I hearing Garrett that you're not going to marry Beyonce? I am not team Edward or team Jacob on this one. think everybody gets a that's a pass from me dog.
01:16:23
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I'm not marrying Beyonce either. i just can't handle that level of intensity. I need a much more chill vibe in my home.
01:16:39
Speaker
going change everything about my life. Like the things I enjoy are no longer my hobbies.
01:16:47
Speaker
I'm sorry that we're saying this about you, Beyonce, but this isn't you. This is the script. This is, this is us too. We are too weak to handle too weak your magnificence. We can't, you're queen and we're not ready to be your servants.
01:17:05
Speaker
We're just not.
01:17:08
Speaker
I will go get a Cosmo with that that gay assistant, though, and see what's up. Yeah, for sure. oh absolutely. who What a way to end the holiday. Our next episode is going to be New Year's Eve.
01:17:26
Speaker
I don't know what that's going to be like, but I i mean, I guess we could technically still we could do a Christmas one again if we can find another one. I don't know. This one might have ruined Christmas for me.
01:17:37
Speaker
ah you don't mean that. But we will give out awards next week. yeah Yeah. got to give out awards to the, I mean, all I know is that there has to be an award from the man for the man from the phone sex movie. There will be an award created.
01:17:57
Speaker
What award? The most pathetic man. Honestly, like, it would be hard to go back and find the most pathetic man. I think that should definitely be a category.
01:18:09
Speaker
first I already know my favorite movie we watched this year. I won't say, I'll say that next week, but don' I absolutely like had a favorite this year, but we'll come up with some categories for that. Hey, happy holidays, folks. Happy Hanukkah. Merry Christmas. happywanza Happy Kwanzaa. Happy Toyota-thon.
01:18:27
Speaker
What other holidays? What other holidays am I leaving? I thought I said Kwanzaa. ah We got Honda days. um That's the most important one, I think.
01:18:42
Speaker
So, yeah, I think we're good. I think we got them all. Be good. Don't cross Beyonce. do not fuck with Beyonce. Rate, review, subscribe. We want to shake you you alive.
01:18:54
Speaker
we want to shake you naked and eat you alive