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Rising Above: How Dillon Pollard Transformed Shame into Strength
158 Plays1 year ago
In this episode, Dillon Pollard shares his powerful testimony of breaking free from the chains of pornography and overcoming the shame that once defined him. Through his faith, Dillon transformed his deepest struggles into a source of strength and reclaimed his God-given identity. Listeners will not only be inspired by his story but will also receive practical, faith-based advice for overcoming personal battles and shame. Tune in to learn how Dillon’s journey can help you rise above your own struggles and find purpose in Christ.
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction to Damn Shame Podcast
00:00:31
kenfreire
Welcome to another episode of the podcast where we help men kill shame, stand strong, and be on mission.
Meet Dylan Pollard: From Basketball to Leadership
00:00:39
kenfreire
Today, I'm super excited to have Dylan Pollard here. He's a former professional basketball player turned leadership coach and entrepreneur. He's known for his faith-driven approach to coaching,
00:00:52
kenfreire
focusing on leadership development and personal growth. After his basketball career in Puerto Rico and New Zealand, he transitioned into the business world, helping entrepreneurs and leaders achieve peak performance through programs like his 16-week challenge. He also runs a faith-based community called The Elite, which emphasizes intentional growth, leadership, and impact. Dylan, so glad to have you here, my friend. Tell me, before we jump into this, what's one embarrassing thing or silly thing that you would want our guests to know about you.
00:01:24
Dillon Pollard
Yeah, dude. Ken, thanks for having me, bro. It's honor and just a pleasure to talk with another brother in Christ and dive deep and get gritty have fun, man.
00:01:32
kenfreire
it
00:01:32
Dillon Pollard
think instead of a funny, embarrassing, or whatever it is, I think for me, dude, one thing that I discovered probably three years ago was the meaning of my name.
00:01:42
Dillon Pollard
So Dylan means lion, and Leroy, my middle name means the king. Um, and even step further wifey's middle name, uh, Rachel means little lamb.
00:01:53
Dillon Pollard
Um, and so you, you have the line and a lamb, uh, together. And so that's just like always a fun, like behind the scenes, um, medium names is, is, is huge for me.
00:01:57
kenfreire
I love it.
00:02:03
Dillon Pollard
So there you go, dude.
00:02:04
kenfreire
I love it, man. And what's great about that is that that falls right in line with a lot of like your branding, right? Your business branding.
00:02:10
Dillon Pollard
Yep. Yeah, exactly.
00:02:11
kenfreire
Dylan LaRoy.
00:02:12
Dillon Pollard
Yeah. The line with the crown, you know, typically in leadership, you see the, the line with the crown or, you know, there's, there's some meaning to that. The lion's den is, is used in this personal wellness space too.
00:02:23
Dillon Pollard
Um, but that is the name of my podcast and, um, has some deep remaining to it because it's intertwined with the name.
00:02:30
kenfreire
I love it, man. I love it. Well, let's jump in, man. I know that we've talked a couple of times here about your story, right? Your struggle, but also your victories.
00:02:36
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:02:38
kenfreire
And that's what I really want to talk about, right? Like rising above, like the transformation from shame to strength and talk to us, man.
00:02:40
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:02:45
kenfreire
So just give us a quick rundown of your story of how did you over, how did it first start,
Dylan's Traumatic Past and Coping Mechanisms
00:02:51
kenfreire
right? How did you fall into pornography loss and walk us through that journey?
00:02:56
Dillon Pollard
Yeah, dude, um, so it's you know, it starts kind of in the young young young age so I was you know had a I was sexually abused when I was six years old and And then kind of from that abuse, I think of literally the next year I was hiking with my cousin and he throws me this magazine I flip it over and it's, you know, it's a pornography magazine. And then it's just like this kind of snowball from there. Those are kind of the two key instances that it was kind of like exposed to. And then, yeah, like curiosity and, um,
00:03:42
Dillon Pollard
I've always been a curious kid, adventurous and spontaneous, but also like what's the why behind this or is the you meaning and why does this exist kind of thing. So, thrill seeking, pleasure seeking. And so I think that personality mixed with those instances is kind of where it kind of snowballed.
00:04:00
kenfreire
Man, so you threw two things there, at two major events.
00:04:05
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:04:05
kenfreire
I see there's abuse and then there's pornography.
00:04:08
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:04:08
kenfreire
Man, the average age of people being first introduced to pornography was age 11, but for you it was at six.
00:04:16
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:04:16
kenfreire
or seven, and and both of those probably cause a lot of trauma in your life.
00:04:17
Dillon Pollard
Right.
00:04:22
kenfreire
If I talk to other men who've experienced those things, it's caused a lot of trauma.
00:04:22
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:04:27
Dillon Pollard
Mm hmm. Yeah, you know, I felt like this is kind of where the religion comes into play with my background in faith. So, raised in the Church of Christ home, had the structure, but it was more of like a religion than, you know, you hear the the religion versus relationship.
00:04:27
kenfreire
Walk us through how did those two things affect your life moving forward?
00:04:47
Dillon Pollard
I think like it was kind of like yeah, checking the box, just going, showing, attending. And so when it came to those instances, I just felt like kind of like a shell. I couldn't like express myself or one, I didn't know how to express myself, but to like having someone express myself too, excuse me, was kind of and just non-existent. Didn't really know where to go to, to share to, and you know, just kind of kept that within.
00:05:14
Dillon Pollard
I think as things continue to progress or down spiral, I just kind of internalize it, right? and Darkness came in, the depression, the lack of identity, the uncertainty,
00:05:33
Dillon Pollard
just chaos, right? Darkness and chaos. And that wasn't until you found basketball and sports really to cope or to you kind of have an outlet to just kind of push that under the rug and kind of something to run to.
00:05:47
kenfreire
Yeah, man. Walk me through your identity, right? Because I think when, and you know, you and I have talked about this in the past, I've been abused too. And a lot of the things that come from that is our identity just gets so warped at a young age, right?
00:06:01
Dillon Pollard
Mm hmm.
00:06:03
kenfreire
And it takes years, right?
00:06:03
Dillon Pollard
Well.
00:06:05
kenfreire
ah ah In fact, like even today, I would say that there's certain parts of my life that God obviously is still sanctifying from it.
00:06:08
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:06:11
kenfreire
right, that I'm trying to prove myself or something like that. How did your identity get warped because of these experiences and and what did that warping look like? You know, if you think back then, 15 year old, 16 year old Dylan, what was that identity based off of?
00:06:22
Dillon Pollard
Mm hmm.
00:06:27
Dillon Pollard
Yeah, it was, you know, I think it was it was based off those instances that had happened. And so it became this, like, you know, you feel, you know, you mentioned the shame, right? The shame came about the the the guilt, the, you know, I really had to find find myself in those instances, but what I kept coming up with was, you know, just, just performance-based. It was, you know, how, how did I show up or how did I perform and how do people receive me? How do they see me, perceive me and receive me? And I think like that, yeah, it was, it was just a, a season of like, the best way I can describe my identity, even just the recurring theme along my, my journey and my story is,
00:07:16
Dillon Pollard
identity for me was what I did versus who I was, right? And it was my accomplishments, it was my accolades, the things that I you strive for, whatever, instead of who I was and obviously identity in Christ and like who I am as his child, his son, his beloved. And so, yeah, that's just kind of where my mind goes, man, is like, to answer your question, like that's,
00:07:40
Dillon Pollard
where, you know, it does get kind of fuzzy and my identity, you know, it was in that kind of like instance and then, you know, being exposed to it and then, you know, the athletics kind of trying to feel that identity and then, you know, and so on down the road. So yeah, dude.
Turning Point and Seeking Help
00:07:57
kenfreire
Yeah, dude. I mean, I think that that's great, great clarity. I know you said it was kind of fuzzy, but great clarity. Cause I think what ends up happening when people suffer through trauma, right?
00:08:09
kenfreire
There's this thing where in themselves they feel like, well, I must not be worthy enough or I must not be good enough. So you either fight flight or freeze.
00:08:15
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:08:18
kenfreire
And for you, you fought, right? You're like, well, no, no, I now need to go prove myself.
00:08:19
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:08:23
kenfreire
Right? And you're like, I'm going to go prove myself. And you coped with basketball, right? Walk us through that journey of like, as you were coping, how did that coping almost kind of mask your pain for a little bit? And then when did you realize that? Oh my gosh, I'm coping. I need to really get fixed and cleaned up.
00:08:41
Dillon Pollard
Yeah. Gosh, that's so good, man, because it was, it's, it's reoccurring even into this season of like, it's continuing like sanctification process, I guess, you know, as we, as we're healing our heart, we're hearing on healing our spirit too. Um, and our mind, right? It's kind of, you know, mind, body, spirit. Um, and I think from, uh, you know, um, I mean, a applicable, um, like tangible level from healing from that, you know,
00:09:10
Dillon Pollard
the the pornography, the instance at a young age, all the way into my marriage. Like that's where it really like crept into the most and I had to, you know, cope with, deal with, heal in. Um, and so I think, but, but backtracking on the sports side of things, it was, you know, just kind of pushing the emotions under the rug and letting them out in sports, right? It was the, the anger or the,
00:09:37
Dillon Pollard
the disappointment or the discouragement or the, um, yeah, I'm not good enough and just, you know, constantly chasing kind of yourself, right. And, and, and continue to approve, but there was no re positive reinforcement or, you know, there, there was no level of like celebration, right. It was always like strive, grind, be better. And, um,
00:10:08
Dillon Pollard
So, you know, I was kind of reoccurring throughout my coaches, you know, and even the people I was playing with, like, just constantly trying to prove. Right. And yeah, so I think I just kind of like a reoccurring theme and throughout basketball career into college and overseas and throughout high school.
00:10:29
kenfreire
Yeah. Dude, what I think about is, i I love how you said this, right? Where you felt like you were never good enough. And it almost felt like your coaches reinforced this, like keep striving, keep pursuing.
00:10:43
kenfreire
And no matter how well you did, there was something in the back of your head saying, I'm not good enough.
00:10:43
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:10:49
kenfreire
And really, it's condemnation, right? It's like the enemy, the accuser comes in and is just like, you will never amount to anything, right? And that shame just builds up. And I think a lot of us as men, we walk around.
00:11:01
kenfreire
You don't have to go through abuse, right? But we walk around with that feeling of like, I'm not good enough, right? And so they put on masks. I like to call it the mask, right? The mask of like, I got it all together.
00:11:12
kenfreire
Or the mask of performance of like, hey, like like let's see what I need to do, right?
00:11:16
Dillon Pollard
That's right.
00:11:16
kenfreire
It's in the fitness world a lot too, right? like They're always like, let's get this other game. Let's go for this greatness. And it's like, when does it end? When do you feel like you've fully been accomplished? So for you, Dylan, what was the turning point or the transition of like, yes, this is what I really I need help.
00:11:35
Dillon Pollard
Yeah, the pivot, I think the pivotal moment was really, you was mentioning like, marriage side of things. So been married six years, going on seven in November. And year one was just a crazy turn of events, right? I mean, even in an engagement timeframe, I had a mental health diagnosis, trying to find a career, just getting married, graduating college, like all these different, you know, not playing basketball anymore, like, you know, a lot of changes and shifts. So
00:12:06
Dillon Pollard
We talk about identity, like completely you renewed and restored. But in that, the ball ran out of air. So it was like, what's next? So you got into business, got into those things. And then I think that became a new identity versus really focusing on being a husband and trying to figure out what the career was instead of being a husband and and a ah ah leader first.
00:12:30
Dillon Pollard
So during that time, my wife, her father ended up getting stage four cancer, year one end of marriage, and two two weeks kind of given to live, walks himself into the yard and is given two weeks to live.
00:12:43
Dillon Pollard
So we moved back to Florida. This is from Georgia to Florida. Moved back there. He passes away within a couple days. We start taking care of family. So I'm trying to take care of my wife, her family, and myself on the mental you health journey to try to put myself together.
00:12:59
Dillon Pollard
That happened in instance, first year of marriage and then also we had one one friend pass away in his sleep, one close friend committed suicide. My wife was hospitalized, like just all these different adversity and pieces that just like we couldn't get traction. We couldn't get really a solid foundation built.
00:13:21
Dillon Pollard
our married marriage counselor, like we just didn't dive deep and we should have, right? So in that, you know, all that being said, like year one and year two, we're just trying to hang on.
00:13:31
Dillon Pollard
My wife always uses the analogy like in Toy Story where Buddy and Woods are like hanging onto the string and they're just like bouncing up and down on the back of the truck. Like that's just trying to hang on my string.
00:13:39
kenfreire
Oh yeah.
00:13:42
Dillon Pollard
And so it came to a point where, you know,
00:13:46
Dillon Pollard
living in the backyard of my mother-in-law's house, 80 pounds overweight, depressed, full of just like darkness and you just identity and the unknown, no peace, didn't have faith.
00:14:01
Dillon Pollard
And I looked myself in the mirror and I'm like, I couldn't even recognize myself. Like just didn't know who I was. I only knew like what I'd kind of done and just rejecting everything that was positive in my life or that got a place in my life. And just like seeing it from the opposite perspective, right? The opposite lens, you know, you have the the the freedom or the fear or the faith versus fear lens, positive, negative, abundance, scarcity, you want to look at it. But I was seeing it through that negativity and that scarcity mindset. And so then I started questioning my wife, my whole life, everything.
00:14:37
Dillon Pollard
And so I ended up actually going back home and went back home Huntsville where I'm from. And that you instance, my my addiction really flared up. And so I just, you that was the moment, man. I really like...
00:14:50
Dillon Pollard
Woke up, took ownership. One of my sayings is the first step to leadership is ownership, right? And so you take ownership of who you are, what you've done, where you're at, and be able to to cope and work through that. it starts with a decision, right? The word decide means to kill off. You're killing off your past, everything that you've done, but you use it to fuel you towards your future and a better self.
00:15:14
Dillon Pollard
Made of that decision, went back home to wifey. We started getting through, you know, marriage counseling. And then, you know, that kind of really started the kickstart of the process and the journey of the healing. I got some therapy, walked through the, you know, the different seasons of my life and where I was, where I wanted to be, you know, unraveling what I've done, those kinds of things, but not from a, you know, a condemnation standpoint, never, but a, you know, conviction, like where, where'd I go wrong?
00:15:43
Dillon Pollard
where, you know, where can I learn? How can I grow? It's not a law, it's a little less. And then, um, and just keep, you know, towing forward brick, brick by brick, man.
00:15:52
kenfreire
Man, Dylan, you had an intense few years of marriage.
00:15:57
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:15:57
kenfreire
I mean, and I'm sure you going through marriage counseling, they probably went through like, Hey, do you realize all this stuff you just said, or like people hear this and they're like, Oh, he just said that in like two minutes. But like, that's like years of excruciating pain and grief and loss.
00:16:09
Dillon Pollard
You're,
00:16:10
kenfreire
And you're like, You don't know how to help her, right? And you're just like, dude, what am I supposed to do? All of those performance metrics that you're used to now, they're failing. So now you feel like you're failing her, and now you're taking that on as an identity of failure. And it's this cycle, right? How long were you gone from your wife when you of hit rock bottom almost and you're like, I'm done?
00:16:32
Dillon Pollard
Yeah. I want to say a month, um, couple of weeks and between a couple of weeks in a month, somewhere, somewhere in there.
00:16:39
kenfreire
Yeah. But it was enough for you to realize this is not the place to be.
00:16:44
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:16:45
kenfreire
And then you started getting healing. So walk us through. Let's switch into some practical advice, right? For those listening in, they're like, man, I recognize I'm very much like Dylan, where I'm super performance oriented.
00:16:59
kenfreire
I have fallen into addiction and actually it made my marriage rough. And for those listening, their marriage might be rough right now. right What are some practical pieces of advice? I think the first one you had mentioned was take ownership. Take ownership. But what are some other practical advices that you could give?
00:17:17
Dillon Pollard
Yeah, dude, no, it's really good. It's actually it's interesting because I wrote this out in in one of my journals and and I kind of gave it to a client to like walk through so I think I kind of like, it starts with decide, right? The word decide, you know, ownership was the first like step to leadership and leading my own life to overflow and and grow into others. But I think really that word decide was kind of the starting point, killing off the past. And then, you know, I think the the next part was just being able to like,
Keys to Healing: Decision-Making and Growth
00:17:55
Dillon Pollard
you know, deciding and then really being able to like the word that kind of keeps coming up is like discipline, right? Disciplining myself, learning discipline and the way to build discipline is giving myself confidence that what I said I was going to do, I do and follow through with, right? And then, you know, um and I think, I wish I hadn't, I was trying to find the notes notes to to kind of backtrack with it, but Instead of making it goingnna sound sound pretty, man, I just, I think that applicable tactical plan is deciding to make the change, pursuing discipline and continuing to, you know,
00:18:31
Dillon Pollard
speak yourself truth and and back up what you're going to say you're doing and execute on it. And then just being able to give yourself grace along the way to know that you're not going to be perfect. It's not going to change overnight, but that cost and discipline over time will compound. And those incremental steps that you take will be and lead to those monumental results, right? That you're looking for and and knowing that it's okay if it's two years, three years, five years on the road, man, and being able to To understand that, to let that sink in, but just knowing that every step closer to that goal or that place you're trying to reach is toward health and healing and it's totally worth it when you get there and even along the way. creates a huge, huge momentum and huge breakthrough when you
00:19:25
Dillon Pollard
when you start seeing and you look back of how far you've come and like acknowledge that and celebrate that.
00:19:32
kenfreire
Yeah, it sounds like you ended up using a lot of what you did before, like the performance and all that stuff in coping to say, no, you know what, this is a skill and a habit that God has given me.
00:19:38
Dillon Pollard
Yep. Yep.
00:19:45
Dillon Pollard
Yep.
00:19:46
kenfreire
Right. And now you're using it for his good. And like, I'm going to get healing through this by building what like some people call like grace driven habits or like, you know, saying I'm going to work with what God has given me here.
00:19:57
Dillon Pollard
Yeah, that's good.
00:19:58
kenfreire
Right. As you started building these disciplines, let's just get really practical.
The 5 Fs Framework for Life Evaluation
00:20:03
kenfreire
What were some of the disciplines that worked for you that really helped?
00:20:07
Dillon Pollard
Yeah, man. So this is kind of part of the coaching that I that walk through and kind of the framework, but it's really simple through 5S. So it's, you know, Analyzing where you're at in each area of your life in these five F's. Your faith, your family, your fitness, your finances, and your fuel. And fuel is one of those things that stands out and it's not your you're eating or drinking, it's actually hobbies, activities that bring fun and fulfillment to your life. how do you you analyze and assess where you're at and then where do you want to be and then what is a
00:20:38
Dillon Pollard
Where are you at now? One out of 10. And then what does a 10 out of 10 look like for you? And then incrementally working towards getting there. So know one of patterns or the paths that I like to take through that series and keep it in my mind, the framework as I grow through those different you ah areas and not just going through them. You grow through them, not just endure.
00:21:01
Dillon Pollard
a positive perspective. But I think like, I call it the SOS for success, right? You surrender to what you can't control. You walk into obedience to what God shows you or what he what reveals to you on the path to take. And then you steward what he provides.
00:21:17
Dillon Pollard
Right. So you surrender obedience and stewardship and it's a constant cycle. So, you know, um, it'd be hard to kind of give a knife. It's all top of like, you know, in faith, just the SOS, right? You know, it's kind of like waving the white flag, but it's all including and incorporating God into your story and in your journey. Um, which is what I didn't have and the religion side of things. But, um, excuse me, that relationship continued to, um, be renewed and refined through, through the SOS.
00:21:47
kenfreire
I like it man. So let's take the SOS and apply it to someone, a guy coming in and he's struggling with pornography, right?
00:21:54
Dillon Pollard
Yeah,
00:21:55
kenfreire
How would the SOS apply?
00:21:58
Dillon Pollard
that case, I mean, it's a great question. I mean, the simplicity of it, man, is you one of the questions I hear is like, how do I get close to the Lord? How do I hear more of His voice?
00:22:12
Dillon Pollard
That is getting still, right? Still and and getting silent, getting in your quiet place. So the tactical practical man is is being able to get in a still quiet place to hear his voice. I like to say he's always speaking, but are we always listening, right? And getting still and silent enough to listen.
00:22:29
Dillon Pollard
know, wisdom comes from his word and you know, he can speak to us so, you know, that he can speak through us through his word. And that's a great way to to hear him and to listen to him. And then prayer, right? It's just, it's, that's on the, you know, all on the spiritual side, but that prayer is conversation with the creator. And then also, you know, submitting your request to me, to be made known to God. And through prayer, having that communication and that,
00:22:58
Dillon Pollard
being able to grow through that. So yeah, you know, prayer, meditation, you know, slash quiet time, just journaling your thoughts. And then, you know, of course the scripture, a great way to start in scripture, if if people who wanted wanted to take it further, I like doing the Proverbs a day, right? It's something I do for my clients. So, and this kind of ties in with someone who's going through an addiction is like,
00:23:22
Dillon Pollard
Identifying those statements in those like what Proverbs one or let's say, you know Proverbs 22 because today's the 22nd so read through that Proverbs journal to verses that stood out to you and then doing a voice memo or a voice message to yourself Empowering yourself and like hey, this is what I learned. This is what God sees inside of me This is not what and I'm not defined by what I've done but I'm you know defined and and I identify with who I am in Christ and how He sees me, not how what I've done allows me to portray myself as it the lie, as the deceit and as the the the distractions that come. So hopefully that kind of gives a somewhat of a you of a you know simplicity of the spiritual route that I've taken, but also like how do you apply that into taking some scripture and and having a ah ah framework around it.
00:24:12
kenfreire
Yeah, I like him and you know if you think about your your Meta framework or your overarching framework of like the SOS,
Overcoming Pornography: Faith and Surrender
00:24:18
kenfreire
right?
00:24:19
Dillon Pollard
yeah
00:24:19
kenfreire
I like to think about when people are overcoming pornography like the s surrender it's like I are you going to surrender yourself to a place where it's like, I'm willing, I i i can't do this on my own, right?
00:24:32
kenfreire
Cause a lot of people, when it comes to pornography, they're trying to do it on their own strength. They're like, come on, I could do this, right? How many times have you said, I'm going to stop doing it. And then all of a sudden, right next day, or maybe a week, or maybe a few months from later, you fall again.
00:24:34
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:24:44
Dillon Pollard
Yep.
00:24:44
kenfreire
Cause you relied on your own strength, like you just said.
00:24:47
kenfreire
like you surrender your will and say, God, I let you reign in my life. i I want to do the things that you called me to do. And then the second thing, the the the obedience side, right? Where it's like, it's sometimes people kind of poo poo, especially like in faith, they're like, read your Bible, pray, meditate, all that stuff. But like, those are the foundations that God has given us, the godly disciplines that he says, that if you do these things, right, it will lead to life and godliness, like it says in 2 Peter. So if we do those things, and I love how you just outlined it, like very practical, even for those who are like, where do I start in the Bible?
00:25:19
kenfreire
read Proverbs 22 or the day today when we're recording, right? It's not going to come out to this day, but 20 seconds, right?
00:25:26
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:25:26
kenfreire
It's 20 seconds, like, man, just read Proverbs day and see how that really invigorates your heart. How is God seen in the passage, right? How is God revealing who he is and who he's called you to be?
00:25:34
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:25:38
kenfreire
And those things change and transform your life. I love how you were just talking about that. And then S, the steward part, you're just like steward the calling and the giftings that he has told you to do in that season of life.
00:25:52
Dillon Pollard
And that being said, man, like this, the theme of stewardship is like, for me, it's like, what do you, what is he, what is he giving us to, to steward?
00:26:03
Dillon Pollard
Is it the skill sets? Is it the monetary? Is it, you know, time, talent, and treasure? As one of my mentor says, how are you stewarding your time? How are you stewarding your talent? And how are you stewarding your treasure? And God's God will increase our capacity to steward as long as we're stewarding what we currently have, right? And as we do that, he'll increase that capacity to steward more. So yeah, dude.
00:26:28
kenfreire
Dude, I love that. And I think for you, just to to encouragement and kind of go back to your story, I love how you decided to steward your wife, right? Because you were like, when you were in that rock bottom and you left her, you could have left her for good. And you were like, you know what? I could have found someone else. I could have given, you know, given. But instead, you're like, no, no, let me steward this gift that God has given me. Let me grow. Let me get help. Both of us get help.
00:26:54
kenfreire
And now you guys are living a happily married life. There's such struggles.
00:26:57
Dillon Pollard
No.
00:26:58
kenfreire
Like we all got struggles. Anybody who's married knows we have problems, right? But like you steward of that and God has found you faithful in those, in those side of things.
00:27:07
Dillon Pollard
That's right. That's good.
00:27:09
kenfreire
Any spiritual, you know, as we kind of turn the corner here and talk about just like more spiritual wisdom and encouragement that you can offer people, I think as they're going through the journey,
00:27:12
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:27:19
kenfreire
Sometimes it could be like we could fall into this guardrave. It's just all on us. Let's do all this prayer. Let's do all this meditation. Let's do all this stuff. But how did you see God at play in your life in helping you to empower you to actually do these things that will get you the freedom that you found?
00:27:41
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
Finding Peace Through Faith
00:27:44
Dillon Pollard
I think one of them is just having, seeking him allows us to have that peace and that reassurance that he, you know, holds us in the palm of his hand and that, you know, he he he he he knows us before we even, you know, foreknow before we ever consumed or conceived in and our mother's womb. So I think like,
00:28:05
Dillon Pollard
That is a huge just reassurance piece and knowing that he created me and he knows me. So seeking him first and knowing that all of these things will be added. That's my life versus Matthew 6.33.
00:28:17
Dillon Pollard
But what I love about that is it's in context with 26 through 33 and even 34.
00:28:17
kenfreire
Yeah.
00:28:23
Dillon Pollard
It talks about know him taking care of the birds of the air and all of creation. So he takes care of us even more so, right? He closed the lilies and he, you know,
00:28:33
Dillon Pollard
He does the same for us, right? So it's like his provision. He's never fill us and he won't start now. So yeah think that reassurance is a principle and and a verse that I continually lean into and and follow.
00:28:47
Dillon Pollard
Another one is, I'm actually in this in season right now of, I think it's Galatians 6'9",
00:28:55
Dillon Pollard
about don't grow weary in doing good, but in due season, you'll reap a harvest. So, you know, my tagline is, you know, let's grow, right? And, know, a lot of people say, let's go. and It's like, well, where are we going? Is it an alignment with where we need to go or God's calling us to go? So always be growing, right? And then I think concept with that is like, you know, being able to constantly be tilling the soil to plant the seeds and letting God take care of the rest. So it's like this kind of growth journey while also surrendering walking obedience and stewarding what he provides. So that's kind of just a ah ah couple like places where my mind goes.
00:29:36
Dillon Pollard
creating an identity statement is actually really, really powerful. So I have it right here. I'll just read it and people can take with it however they see
00:29:42
kenfreire
No.
00:29:44
Dillon Pollard
But it's basically like a Senate and really like a paragraph that you kind of are able to show and remind yourself of who you are in context to like you value, right?
00:29:57
Dillon Pollard
So my name is Dylan Leroy Pollard. I'm a man of growth. Gratitude, reverence, ownership, wisdom, trust, and humility. I am a worthy warrior, a loyal lion, and a king with the King of Kings. So I think that for me, just like a couple reminders, a couple, you know, resetting yourself and an anchor to go back to, man.
00:30:26
kenfreire
Yeah. You know, I want to go back to something that you said when you talked about Matthew six of just like how God was, you know, ultimately he's sovereign.
00:30:31
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:30:35
Dillon Pollard
Yep.
00:30:36
kenfreire
He's a provider, right? He's a good King and a good father to us. And I think one of the things that I have walked through when I've helped men overcome pornography is the reality that like, stop trying to do everything on your own, do it in God's power.
00:30:46
Dillon Pollard
Yep.
00:30:51
kenfreire
But even then, sometimes you kind of use God's power as like our own thing, right?
00:30:52
Dillon Pollard
Yep.
00:30:55
kenfreire
And it's no, no, no, just realize what he's done for you.
00:30:57
Dillon Pollard
Yep.
00:30:58
kenfreire
He's the provider.
00:30:59
kenfreire
Like he's going to provide healing for you. That doesn't mean you don't do anything, but you have to get this mental shift in your mind of like, he's providing. I love Philippians 1.6 where he says, he who started a good work will complete it at the day of Christ Jesus, right? Of his return.
00:31:15
kenfreire
And that empowers me, right? And in the meantime, the new identity that he gives me because I am in Christ and I have put my faith in Jesus Christ is I am a son of God. I am a child of God. I am the king of kings, right? Like all the things that you're saying, like, I am a man of growth. Why can you be a man of growth? Because You know that that's what God is doing.
00:31:32
Dillon Pollard
Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:32
kenfreire
He's perfecting you, right? Like all the things like you are men of wisdom. Why? Because you are a child of God who is teachable and wants to learn and grow in wisdom. Like Proverbs 8 talks about.
00:31:43
kenfreire
But like all these things are found. I like how at the end you're like, I'm a king with the King of Kings, right? You cannot separate your relationship with God and who he's made you to be.
00:31:54
kenfreire
You cannot separate that with what you're doing. They both have to go hand in hand, right? And I would actually say that your relationship with God and who he's made you to be and called you overflows and all that stuff actually happens.
00:32:06
Dillon Pollard
That's right.
00:32:09
kenfreire
So with that, Dylan, man, as we wrap up here, what are some practical or some final sayings or final tips that you would want to give to these guys who are like, man, Dylan, I'm right with you.
00:32:09
Dillon Pollard
That's right. Amen.
00:32:24
kenfreire
I am in a performance based mentality.
00:32:28
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:32:28
kenfreire
I'm struggling. I'm addicted. My My relationship, if you have, if they have one is, is in the rocks and I'm, they almost kind of want to give up, you know, and they're just like, I'm done, but I know that there's a better life.
00:32:36
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:32:43
kenfreire
I've heard people have that, but I don't know what to do next. What's some encouraging words that you got for them?
SOS Framework: Encouragement for Addictions
00:32:50
Dillon Pollard
Yeah, I'm actually gonna walk back through the SOS because touched on a great point, man.
00:32:54
kenfreire
Yeah.
00:32:55
Dillon Pollard
It's just a great framework for for really anything. and think particularly to that person who's struggling is You surrender what you can't control and you give that to God, right? Because He is our strength. He is our you provider. He's our comforter. He has everything we need. We just have to seek Him first, right? I think like that's the first step, man, is is surrendering and knowing you don't have it all figured out. You can't do it alone.
00:33:22
Dillon Pollard
And tactical is man even just seeking a therapist, seeking accountability partner, seeking someone who who you trust that you can vent to, give your burdens to, share you your burdens together with one another. And then also they can check in on you, hey, how did this week go or whatever it may be for that instance.
00:33:43
Dillon Pollard
You know, the obedience part, man, is it kind of coincides with a decision, right? If we decide and we make a choice to quit or to run or to flee, sticking to that and keeping the words that we speak to o o ourselves, man, over and over and over.
00:34:00
Dillon Pollard
and holding true and holding steadfast to those because that's how we breed that confidence in ourselves and even our our path and trajectory of where where God has us and and and is calling us. So obedience piece is, you know, not only in a spiritual realm, but also like obedience to, you know, the person we're seeking, right? Whether it's a counselor, a therapist, a friend, a confidant, a mentor, like actually being obedient and what the wisdom they share and actually applying it. That's the best way to honor a mentor is to do what they say. It's that simple, you know, and that's one of the things I've like just kind of a ah simplicity, um,
00:34:43
Dillon Pollard
concept, a simple concept, but like it's changed a lot for me and actually just taking action and trusting it, right? Which is you final letter is S, stewardship. And so ah you're stewarding what you can control, but surrendering the rest, right? You're stewarding what you have that's tangible and every step is a step of faith.
00:35:04
Dillon Pollard
but it's a step of faith because he's the lantern. He's a lamp into our feet and a light into our path, right? I think of Peter, right? And, you know, kind of in the season that I'm in also, it's like I've stepped out of the boat in faith. You take you that step of faith on the water and obviously keeping your eyes fixed on Christ. And every step of the way, as we keep our eyes fixed on him, we won't drown. Even if we do sink, he's still there to pick us up out of the water.
00:35:29
Dillon Pollard
Um, and so, you know, being reassured of that, but focusing on our savior, not the storm.
00:35:35
kenfreire
Dude, I love that. That's a great final saying, right? Don't focus on the savior, focus on the storm. Or sorry, flip it, right? Don't focus on the storm, focus on the savior. Everybody's gonna laugh like, no, you literally just said the opposite of what he said.
00:35:48
Dillon Pollard
That's good. Yeah.
00:35:51
kenfreire
ah But man, I think that that's extremely important, right? Like we are gonna falter as people right? We're human we're gonna make mistakes But that's where I find encouragement that God is always gonna finish what he started in us He's like, hey keep going right like imperfect action is what I got when I heard you's like just keep moving just keep going but don't go in your own strength go knowing that you are a king a son of God and
00:36:10
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:36:15
kenfreire
And you got the King of Kings who is transforming you moment by moment. And you're going to ride in sunset.
00:36:23
kenfreire
So for those of you who are struggling and you're like, man, I don't know what to do. Reach out to Dylan. Reach out to myself. right I don't ever want you to feel like you're alone out there in this chaos.
00:36:34
kenfreire
So Dylan, last question for you, man, before we wrap up. What's the best way for people to find you if they're hearing this and they're like, man, I love it. I love Dylan. He's a man of faith. He's a man of leadership.
00:36:44
kenfreire
working with peak performance. can people find you?
00:36:48
Dillon Pollard
Yeah man, I think Instagram is the best way. I have my Linktree on there. So it's at Dylan, D-I-L-L-O-N P-O-L-L-A-R-D underscore. It's got my Linktree previous podcast I've done in the past, my website, LinkedIn, all that good stuff. And yeah, it's a way to reach out to stay connected. I'm always on Instagram.
00:37:10
Dillon Pollard
DMs and that good stuff. So it's that and then The Lion's Den, stay in contact in the book also. The Lion's Den is a podcast and then the book is called Built to Lead. So hopefully in the next year or so I'll be able to launch that and have that prepared to be able to serve others and help them on their journey as well.
00:37:32
kenfreire
I love it, man. Dylan, thank you so much for being on this podcast. Thanks for sharing, There's some vulnerable stuff you shared. Not a lot of people would would talk about. And for you men who are listening, what I want to encourage you is there is freedom on the other side. Dylan was brave enough to just share the stuff that he overcame, what he went through, in hopes that, it says I believe in Psalms 37 or 36, in that light you shall see light.
00:37:57
Dillon Pollard
Yeah.
00:37:57
kenfreire
Like when you see like, hey, get the stuff that's in the darkness into the light, man, God can transform your life and you could do so much greater things than you can imagine.
00:38:00
Dillon Pollard
No.
00:38:06
Dillon Pollard
yeah
00:38:06
kenfreire
So for those of you, thank you guys so much. Dylan, thanks for being here on the podcast. Appreciate you, man. And appreciate our relationship that we're building together.
00:38:15
Dillon Pollard
to my pleasure, bro, it's an honor. I love what you're doing. I love that you're creating that safe space that not only men can share, but also men can listen in and learn and grow. And what's the tactical practical to talk, to conquer, to and to incorporate God in every step of the way.
00:38:29
kenfreire
I love it, man. All right, man, for those of you who are listening, go check out Dylan. And also, if you know a guy that would just really benefit from this story, right? You may not know if he's struggling with with or not, but you're like, dude, this was a great testimony that you want others to hear. Can you just think of one guy in your circle that you would want to share this with? but might be a few, but just one guy that you think it would benefit with. Share it, send it to him, and keep following us, man. Put a like on on YouTube or wherever you're looking at us.
00:38:58
kenfreire
And make sure you keep following for more content. Thank you Dylan again one more time so much. And for those of you who are still listening, I want you to remember every day, go kill shame, stand strong, and be on mission. God bless.