Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
89 Plays5 months ago
Christmas is here and you know what that means, It's time for Tom Cruise to poke around New York looking for sex! Does this movie prove Kubrick couldn't have faked the moon landing? Fidelio pigman?
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to The Erotic Thriller Club and Episode Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, rent the classiest sex cloak and gather around the radio. It's time for this week's meeting of The Erotic Thriller Club.
Fantasy Confessions and Holiday Greetings
00:01:08
Speaker
After getting high on marijuana, your wife admits to fantasizing about leaving you for a sailor on vacation ten years ago. You're not jealous, but that's not going to stop you from walking the streets of New York to scrounge up any scrap of puss you can find. It sounds to me like you're getting a lump of HIV in your stock in Dr. Bill. This week on The Erotic Thriller Club, Eyes Wide Shut.
00:01:32
Speaker
Hey everybody, I hope you're having yourselves a slutty little Christmas. And for those tomorrow, a horny Hanukkah, a kinky Kwanzaa, a ditto-lating Toyotathan, and a nasty New Year, as always here at Calendar and Kit Ryan here with ya. And this is where we answer the genre's three most important questions. Was I aroused? Was I thrilled? And would I ruin my life for this person? And as a special holiday bonus, did it put you in the holiday spirit?
00:02:00
Speaker
So Garrett, what a nice little gift you've given me this year.
Anniversary Reflections and Film Discussion Introduction
00:02:05
Speaker
Yeah, we actually knew one year ago, because I think we're coming up. January will be the one year anniversary of us doing this show. And when we started in January, one of the first things we said was, well, obviously when we hit Christmas, we're doing Eyes Wide Shut.
00:02:23
Speaker
I didn't realize it was going to be actual Christmas day that we dropped this bomb on everybody. This beautiful gift comes right down the chimney for everybody. I had never seen this movie before watching it for this, so this was all very exciting. This was not what I expected the movie to be about. um Which nobody was expecting this in 1999 either because of the vague promotional material.
00:02:47
Speaker
Yeah, I get the feeling that like the trailer showed it as being, you know, here are these two hot people from movies that you like because they're hot and now you're going to see and be all slutty and sexy together. And then and then they're really not.
Kubrick's Style and 'Eyes Wide Shut' Expectations
00:03:01
Speaker
I don't know. Yeah, the the trailer really is just the Chris Isaac song and clips of vague sexiness, but not even the most iconic bits of the movie, which are the masks. You don't even see that in the trailer.
00:03:16
Speaker
It is just one minute of really the main thing is Cruz Kidman, a film by Stanley Kubrick, because at this point, Cooper, he hadn't made a movie since 1987. So we're over. ah Yeah, there was nothing between clockwork or or not. I'm sorry, between a full metal jacket and this.
00:03:38
Speaker
Wow, oh God, I didn't realize people might have been expecting something on the level of Full Metal Jacket when they got this. See, I think a movie like this is potentially why someone like Quentin Tarantino would stop it once upon a time in Hollywood. They're like, you know what, sometimes you just gotta to know when to when to walk away.
00:04:02
Speaker
And I want to go ahead, anybody who's listening to this, because Eyes Wide Shut has been discussed at nauseam since 1999. There are a lot of theories. If you're a huge Kubrick fan listening to this, and you're very defensive of your dear coops, just turn it off. It's okay. Well, you can catch us on the next one.
Themes, Reception, and Symbolism in 'Eyes Wide Shut'
00:04:23
Speaker
We love you. We'll see you in the new year.
00:04:26
Speaker
And, you know, we would love to have you back another time, but I feel like you're going to get mad at me. You're going to leave. If you've listened to any other episode, you know that maybe this isn't going. I'm not the person to be telling you what Coobs was thinking. I'm going to be goofing on Coobs. Oh, God, no. No. Yeah, we are. We are. I have some some thoughts for for for Mr. Kubrick and his thoughts about women. That's all I can really make a hazard to guess at.
00:04:55
Speaker
um But yeah, no, this is not going to be a particularly reverential sort of treatment here that we're giving to this film. Which, it's funny, like it is, I mean, I guess it's an erotic thriller. It's Coob's version of an erotic thriller and I wouldn't- People die. People have sex and people die. I don't know what more you need for it to be an erotic thriller.
00:05:18
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. this I think I need somebody who is more sexual. Tom Cruise is such a non-sexual bean to me.
00:05:29
Speaker
that's why I kept thinking that like especially because they kept having references to to rainbows there are two significant references to rainbows in this movie and the image of a sailor specifically that you fear a sailor fucking your wife a well-known like gay image of a sailor specifically like I wondered if it was not going to be an exploration of Tom Cruise's character secretly being gay and that like going to this orgy would and thinking about his wife having sex with other men would like open that up in him and I'm not convinced that that's not part of it because he seems
00:06:09
Speaker
real dumb about women like when his wife is like what if a woman in your office thinks you're hot he's like women in my office working for tom cruz might think i'm good looking and fantasize about me come on we only see him deal with like two patients and one of them is just a hot lady with her tits out One of them was an old guy with a with a leg that needed help. And one of them was a little kid that he asked if he was looking forward to Christmas. He sees a wide variety of patients. But yes, ah there is no reason why that woman needed to have her gown completely off for him to listen to her heart. He wasn't even doing a breast cancer check. He was just listening to her heart.
00:06:59
Speaker
This character is such a dickhead. I hate him so, so much. But I do, you you brought up the Navyman, the Seaman, the Navy boy. um Literally right before we were going to start recording today, this happened, Kit. Top Gun star Tom Cruise becomes a military hero in real life, says CNN.
00:07:27
Speaker
So as I scroll down, he went to a naval ceremony in London, the place of filming this, the whole movie filmed in London, ah where he basically got a medal for military propaganda movies.
00:07:43
Speaker
for making real good- Honestly, he does make excellent military propaganda, I'm not gonna lie. Like, the man should, uh, sure, why not get him get a medal for for helping the old U.S. of A. with its recruitment. To be honest, I mean, every time he flies a plane, enrollment does go up, so oh that's worth a little something. It's just funny that he has to go to the place where his wife wanted to fuck the sailor.
00:08:09
Speaker
a Yeah, that is too bad. But everybody saw that people like like somebody dies in Top Gun. People die. ah And you still want to join? Yeah, but the main characters don't. And you're the main character in your story, Kit. Oh, that's a really good point. Everyone thinks of themselves as being the Tom Cruise of their own life.
00:08:34
Speaker
So let's give a quick plot rundown because we're not going to go scene by scene. But with this, let's just give you fucking long. do You haven't seen too fucking long to do that. Let's give in case people haven't seen it, though, the the short and nasty version, the quick and dirty of the plot of this movie.
Plot and Relationship Dynamics
00:08:51
Speaker
Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise are married. They have a kid together. They're going to a party. He is a doctor to rich people. He makes house calls and stuff. And we find out she does not have a job, lost her art gallery or something. And she dances with a rich Hungarian man. Meanwhile, he gets hit on by two models. The worst man, worse than Tom Cruise.
00:09:16
Speaker
He introduces himself to her by stealing her drink and downing it, which is not, but that would not work on me, I'm just saying. If I see a tall, pretty lady, I wanna drink her saliva. I get where the Hungarians coming from. But- And if she's not gonna make out with you, you gotta make do with what you can get and what you can get. It's her but glass of champagne. As good as a kiss. Absafuckin' Lily.
00:09:45
Speaker
So, Tom Carers is being led away by some models who seem way too interested in him, and he seems really unsure of like, where are we going, guys? Two pretty young gals trying to work Tom into a threesome very early into this movie. Absolutely. And next thing you know, oh no, main guys throwing the parties, named Ziegler, says, I need you to come upstairs. Played by Sydney Pollack, director of Tootsie. Yes. Sydney Pollack has a dying hooker.
00:10:14
Speaker
in his room. Tom checks on the dying hooker dying hooker makes it through her OD. And he's like, you chill for the night. Great party zigs. And ah That's the end of that. ah They go home, smoke a jam. Full frontal, just not sexy. it is It is a problem. She's done an eight ball and it's not sexy. it is There is good and bad nudity, as we learned in Seinfeld, and overdose nudity, bad nudity.
00:10:47
Speaker
I just kept wondering like, when are they gonna put a blanket over this poor girl? And then they finally did. And I was i was happy, but it took way too long to to put a goddamn blanket on that girl. Sydney Pollock took the time to pull his suspenders up, but not cover up this poor dying woman. You're absolutely right. What tons of a man. Like he didn't even have a shirt on. He went suspenders, no shirts. He didn't want to look like an idiot in front of Dr. Bill. Dr. Bill.
00:11:17
Speaker
um Okay, so they're smoking a J after the kid goes to bed and Nicole starts asking about the two girls at the party and he's like, well, what about the guy you were dancing with at the party? They get into the weirdest worst argument ever. It is a war games argument. The only way to win was not to play ah because she's like, would you fuck those girls if I weren't married to you? And he's like, well, obviously.
00:11:46
Speaker
Yes, but I wouldn't fuck them because I i love you. And for some reason, I wouldn't fuck them because I love you. Is the wrong answer? Which I did not think was the wrong answer. But she is infuriated at the idea that like, what? If you weren't married to me, you would have sex with other women? Beautiful women? Eject! Hit the eject button! You gotta get out of this thing!
00:12:10
Speaker
And then from there it goes to, you you're telling me men only want to fuck me cause I'm pretty. it's like He's in ah an unwinnable fight right now. Yes. She gets jealous of the women. He's checking for breast cancer. It's you get the feeling this woman has been cooped up for too long. She has let her imagination run wild and it's a problem. So, uh, then they discuss, um,
00:12:38
Speaker
that like she's mad that he's never jealous of her, which is weird because she also like doesn't want him to be like control. It doesn't matter. Point is he's not jealous. He's not jealous enough of of her. And she's like, well, you're sure of it. He's like he's like, well, you're not going to cheat on me. I'm not going to cheat on you. And she's like, well, you're sure of yourself. And he's like, no, I'm sure of you.
00:13:03
Speaker
which I thought was extremely sweet. Like, I'm sure of you that you would not cheat on me because I trust and love you. And I'm sure that our love is so strong that we would never cheat on each other is a very sweet thing to say. And instead she laughs at him. I mean, I know she's high, but come on, girl. She laughs real hard. And then proceeds to tell him a very long story about how she kind of really, really wanted to fuck a sailor one time.
00:13:30
Speaker
Yes, and it is the longest, most boring monologue of all time where, ah I don't know. Basically, she wanted to fuck a sailor and she didn't fuck the sailor. but at one time She didn't fuck the sailor. She did have sex with her husband, Tom Cruise, while thinking about the sailor though. Thinking about the sailor. And that makes Tom Cruise look very sad, like someone ran over his cat sad in terms of of how sad he is.
00:13:55
Speaker
Tommy C really hit us with hilarious facials this whole movie. ah This guy, like I have a book for my child. It's about emotions starring the Incredible Hulk. And each page has a photo of the Incredible Hulk with a different emotion and a mirror. And you have to match that.
00:14:15
Speaker
We could easily make an Eyes Wide Shut one, but most of them are shame. When when Tommy gets horny, he looks like this. can you and Can you make the same face as Tommy C?
00:14:32
Speaker
Yes, you can. So before they can unpack this whole conversation about how she she she she imagined cheating on him with a sailor and didn't actually do it um and still loves him. By the way, she even specifies that she she loves him and was relieved when the sailor was gone because it meant that the temptation was gone. But anyway, he gets a call that he has to go to one of his rich patients house because the rich patient has just died.
00:15:01
Speaker
And so they're just going to sit and chat in the same room as the corpse, Tom Cruise, and the daughter of the dead man. And she tries to make out with him and confesses her love for him. And I think that's the moment when Tom Cruise is like, oh my God, what if my patients do you want to have sex with me, handsome man, Tom Cruise? I had no idea all this time I could have been getting laid.
00:15:23
Speaker
The woman who he is with here that is like wanting to kiss him, her her husband or boyfriend, whatever, is Greg from Dharma and Greg, which is a real treat. They definitely styled him to look like a discount Tom Cruise. like She had chosen a boyfriend who would look like her dad's doctor, and it's really funny because Tom Cruise is like, oh I don't think... Yeah, it's Tom Cruise, but taller.
00:15:48
Speaker
I don't think we've had a single conversation about anything other than your father." And she responds with, I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much because you look like Tom Cruise.
00:16:06
Speaker
This is the first of Tom Cruise just, pussy keeps falling in this man's lap for the first hour of this movie. Of course it does, he looks like Tom Cruise. What are you, like, it shouldn't, it's not hard.
00:16:19
Speaker
It comes from where you least expect it though. This, he seemed like real pump the brakes. I'm not interested. Your dead dad is looking at me. yeah I haven't even put the pennies to heaven in his eyes yet. If he had said to her in that moment, like, let's push your dad off the bed and have sex right here, right now, would she have said yes?
00:16:42
Speaker
She would have said yes, absolutely. Yeah, that's my question, is do you think she would have shoved her own dead father out of the bed to have sex with Tom Cruise?
Wandering and Temptations
00:16:51
Speaker
Yes. Yes, i I, she would have. Like she was, she was in a horned up craze for this really, really handsome man.
00:17:01
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Uh, we split. Get the fuck out of there. So were what I love this. It is just walking down the street. It is just a lot of Tom there. There's he doesn't need to walk anywhere in particular. He's just walking. This is the busiest night any single human has had since 1999.
00:17:24
Speaker
I honestly kept being like, wait, that happened the same night. Wait, that happened yesterday. That no, come on. that can't I was out of breath. It's a lot. And I love this him.
00:17:38
Speaker
it It was around this time, though, that I thought that like, is this movie originally written about people who are not Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman levels of good looking? Because like the way he doesn't seem to understand that women want to have sex with him and the way neither of them have apparently ever thought about their partner having sex with someone else or fantasizing about having sex with someone else. It definitely made me think that that that maybe these people aren't supposed to be this ridiculously good looking. Like, you can put glasses on Nicole Kimman, but she's still smoking hot. So you are correct with that? Oh, I am. Yeah. So this new this is based off a book from the 60s and it's
00:18:23
Speaker
It kind of seemed like this was almost a little bit of Kubrick's like great white whale. Like he that he wants to do this, but he can't figure out how to do it. And it there were a lot of versions of it over the years. There was a point when this was written as a comedy to star Woody Allen. teen twenty six not sixty s I'm sorry, he got the rights to the book in the sixties.
00:18:47
Speaker
oh Okay, the movie makes a lot more sense if I imagine these people are in the 1920s because my wife can have fantasies about having sex with men. It makes a lot more sense in the 1920s. Did you hear who I said this was supposed to star? No, I'm sorry. I missed that part. Woody Allen. It was supposed to be more of a comedy. It was written and it went through a lot of different versions, but once it finally got to the point of where it was,
00:19:17
Speaker
and that Warner Brothers was going to make it, they were going to do it. Warner Brothers obviously wanted to do it with big movie stars. And his first choice was Harrison Ford, which even that he's too handsome for this, but it's a little better. So to give the audience a little backstory on this movie, because honestly, I think the making of this movie is so much more interesting than the movie itself.
00:19:45
Speaker
Basically, you know, Kubrick has always set records for the most number of takes it's ever taken to get through a scene. Like he abused poor Shelley Duvall in The Shining, setting the record. This movie has the world record for the longest it's ever taken to film a movie. Like the longest, this movie started filming in 1990s. I mean, no, because it's consecutive. They never stopped filming.
00:20:12
Speaker
ah This movie filmed for 15 straight months. They started in 1996 and didn't finish until 1998. And when Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman had to sign on, whatever actor signed on had to sign an open-ended contract that you will be in this movie until it is done, no matter how long that is.
00:20:35
Speaker
Okay, it's suddenly making a lot more sense that Alan Cumming has that teeny tiny role as just a receptionist at a hotel because I was like, isn't he way too big of an actor to be? But if it if this thing started filming way back then, he wasn't a huge star at that point yet, wouldn't have even done Rummy and Michelle yet.
00:20:55
Speaker
So I'm trying to think, cause at that point I did watch an interview with him where he did say that basically they were looking for a popular gay actor of the time. And like anyone wants- It's interesting that they want a gay in particular. That's another way in which they are trying to end. Oh my God. I just remember that all those guys attack Tom Cruise and call him the F slur like This movie is absolutely about Tom Cruise being gay, right? Like, there's no way in hell- Stanley Kubrick didn't know that there have been rumors about Tom Cruise being gay for forever.
00:21:31
Speaker
but and just just a quick thing about the timeline, like the timeline of this being made. Two actors dropped out that had filmed a ton of shit because so many things were being refilmed as they go. Like they were just in a constant state. Like ah a 10 minute scene of dialogue in this would take three weeks to film. Like they would just be doing it over and over and over. So Harvey Keitel originally played the Sydney Pollock part, but basically- What happened is he got fired and I watched an interview with Harvey Keitel and he said, Kubrick is a genius. hu But and he said, you never want to get fired from a movie, but I was fired from that movie because I don't let people talk to me the way he talked to me. And he said, no one should be talked to that way. Oh, I would believe it.
00:22:25
Speaker
The other actor was Jennifer Jason Lee, who played the daughter of the deceased man, who she had already filmed her shit. That's not a big part. No. But she couldn't come back because she had another movie to be in. So they had to just completely redo it with another actress. That's such a short scene get. I know. That's I mean, seriously, she's even that's one scene and it's not that long.
00:22:54
Speaker
They were in England so long filming this movie that as their, as Tom and Nicole's children grew up, they had, by the time they left, they had British accents. Stop it.
00:23:12
Speaker
Like this movie, Tom Cruise said he worked on it for three straight years. And this is what you got from it, huh? This is the movie that took, and here's my theory of what happened, because there's so many theories with this movie. A lot of people think 20 minutes have been cut from the movie. And there are clues to things that have been cut throughout it. And a big thing is a whole subplot of a pedophilia ring. Yes. Yeah. And
00:23:49
Speaker
That would make a lot more sense of of actually like like how upset he is at the end of the movie. Like, yes, there's a couple see devastated in a couple different parts, and it's not clear why he's so upset. It makes sense when he thinks his friends been killed. It makes sense when he sees that that girl is dead, but like.
00:24:12
Speaker
I'll tell you a couple of them as we get to them here in a little bit. okay But my biggest theory with this movie is there isn't that much. I don't i think people look too deep into this movie and this movie is too surface level and people want it to be a Kubrick puzzle. Well, that could very well be true. In another interview, he was still friends with Arlie Ermey from Full Metal Jacket. And Arlie Ermey did an interview where he said that, because, you know, this movie got made, uh, it got turned into Warner Brothers and four days later, Kubrick died. Yeah. like yeah Four days after he turned it in. Arlie or me talked to Kubrick a week before he died and Kubrick, according to him, Kubrick said, this movie is a piece of shit and the critics are going to have my ass on this one. Prophetic. So like,
00:25:08
Speaker
I don't know if you even believe him on that. We can get back into the movie, but I just, like every scene, like Sidney Pollock said, like there's a scene he does with Tom Cruise, like a big monologue later in the movie. He said that scene, they filmed it for three weeks. Oh my God. And he said that like they would do it from angles and Sidney Pollock said he Kubrick didn't do that to him because he's not an actor and Kubrick knew this the length that he could push Sidney Pollock to the best of his abilities. But he said he would just have an over the shoulder camera where they're filming Tom Cruise. And it was not uncommon for Tom Cruise to do 70 to 90 takes of any given scene. I never thought I would say this about Tom Cruise, but poor guy Jesus.
00:25:55
Speaker
What's weird is it seems like they knew signing up for this, this movie was going to fuck them up and it ruined their marriage in real life. It doesn't surprise me, to be honest. But it sounds like Tom Cruise signed up to be like, Shelley, devolve me, man. I really want to like, I want to experience the Kubrick, like really fucked me up. And he did turns out, turns out you got what you wanted. He didn't do a lot of dramas again after this and mostly just did action shit where he strapped to an airplane, jumped on the couch,
00:26:24
Speaker
You would rather like jump out of a plane than do something like this again, and I don't blame the man. All right, I know, sorry, very long tangent, but to me on my first watch, the movie watched like ah honestly a pretty straightforward movie. But when you watch it through the lens of the insanity that these people were put through and like just the scope of like,
00:26:52
Speaker
Kit, Warner Brothers didn't know what this movie was about and they weren't allowed to know. This whole movie was like so secretive. Like over the time, like wreck while it was being filmed. They didn't know what this movie was about until it was delivered to them. No one gave them a copy of the script where they just not allowed. You will not show this to a producer.
00:27:14
Speaker
They said it was so secretive that it points in the production like plot was kind of leaking to them, but it was super incorrect. what like What like crew members were speculating the plot of the movie was. honestly, I think what happened is he made a shitty movie, was kind of embarrassed about it and spent three years trying to make it not a shitty movie. And we just kind of got this and he died.
00:27:45
Speaker
yeah Yikes. Okay. Well, at least he didn't have to deal with any of the critics savaging him. He didn't have to hear any of that. So that's nice for him. But as we go through this and we hit certain pieces, I'll throw out um little plot theories that there are a lot of speculation about. A big one later that might tie into the pedophilia thing. But let's get back. Tom Cruise leaves the the ladies apartment and he, ah yeah, gets effed slurred. Like he group of like frat boys.
00:28:19
Speaker
Yeah, and the ah ah the fact that one of them says I ah have turds bigger than you, ah I like cackled at that one. And I did kind of wonder like, did Tom Cruise make sure that man never worked again? That like that was just an ad lib, they were like ad libs some slurs to this guy. And someone made fun of him for being short. And Kubrick thought it was funny and left it in. But Tom Cruise made sure that that man never got a job in this town again.
00:28:48
Speaker
If anything, they used amazing effects work to make him and Nicole Kidman look the same height. You can tell that it's a little complicated, that sometimes the the effect is not perfect. ah They had an easier time with Elijah Wood hanging out with Gandalf at a table. so Then it's a hell of a lot of force perspective. And so when they're like standing still, it's mostly OK, but when they try to walk next to each other, there's definitely some issues. OK, so so he's walking aimlessly and he gets picked up by a hooker and she brings him back to to her place and she's like, he's like, I guess we need to talk about money. And she's like, yeah, well, you know, it depends on what you want.
00:29:38
Speaker
What do you recommend? Because he wants the chef's special, I guess, for the hooker, I guess. It's one of those where like you have something in mind, but you don't really wanna say out loud. because it's embarrassed like I wouldn't wanna say anything sexual to the girl from Hocus Pocus.
00:29:57
Speaker
you know
00:30:00
Speaker
She's wearing George's hat from Seinfeld, the big puffy like Russian head thing. like they This is, I don't know, they're in a dirty apartment. He is like, he's pretty excited about it though. It's a cramped New York apartment. You can tell he's a little uncomfortable in there at first. He's not used to being in a poor person place. He's not used to being in a super rich person's place either. He thought he was. He thought he was. He thought he was cool with it. He thought he could fit in at this party where he knows no one because he is not rich enough to know these people. And the cold came in greatly. You don't drive the Downton Abbey in a cab.
00:30:37
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, basically. And Nicole Kidman right away is like, she she needs to get drunk at that party they were at. She knew that she was not gonna fit in with these people at all. And that the only reason that man was talking to her is because he he thought she was one of the hors d'oeuvres. Like he thought she was one of the models or something.
00:30:58
Speaker
So- Why did you dance with him? He drank my saliva. He drank my saliva. I think that makes us soul bonded now. Recording now. So he's kissing the hooker and Nicole calls. And so now he's kissed two women who are not his wife tonight and he ain't done for the night. So, yes, he did fall into pussy again. He did kiss this time. He kissed back the first time he actively does not kiss. He has fish lips for that woman. It is actually in a frame to pull away, though. The shot, though, his lips are just like ah they're uncomfortable. I'll give him like if his wife saw it, she'd be like,
00:31:38
Speaker
You get a pass on that one. Going up to the hooker's apartment is harder to deal with. ah her Kissing the hooker, not acceptable. Spending $150 on the hooker. I love Nicole Kidman in this phone call. She is peak 90s mom. She's at the counter, smoking a cig, eating a box of snack wells. And drinking milk while watching TV.
00:32:07
Speaker
Did your mom drink or eat snack wells growing up? They were like, they were diet cookies, basically. No, my mom went full on cookies or no cookies at all. Oh, man, we had diet cookies all over the house. It was that was such a 90s delight that I don't even know if by 99 those still existed. So that was like very much that was in the 96 part of the film. Yeah, they tried to reshoot that part, but they couldn't get the same snack wells.
00:32:37
Speaker
So, uh, he pays the hooker anyway, cause he's a gentleman. Uh, and then he goes and he sees, uh, Nick, the piano man that he ran into at the first party that he, at the rich man's party.
00:32:52
Speaker
Hmm. So yes, ah he had at the party recognized ah that the piano man was a guy he went to med school with who had then dropped out of med school to become a piano so man.
The Orgy Experience and Elite Manipulations
00:33:02
Speaker
And ah he stops by this jazz club to see the piano Nick the piano man, and ah misses his set entirely gets to hear like, six bars of a song. And then Nick tells him, well, you know, I got another gig tonight and he's like, it's really late. Where are you going? And he's like, well, I play the piano for mystery gigs where I'm blindfolded. And I don't know. For some reason, these people don't know that you can just play prerecorded music. No, they need live sound at the. I'm with them. Live is better.
00:33:38
Speaker
so true I mean it's hard for him to operate like there's a lot of tech it's not just a piano that he has he's got like a synth and other things and he does all that blindfolded he it's a sweet gig for the piano man and he lets it slip he's like I'll be honest the the blindfold slipped off once and he said I'll I'll tell you what titties There's titties and Tom Cruise. I got to go to this party. I got to go to this party. And he sees that, you know, there's a password to get into the party and he's like, look, it won't even come back to you. I'll show up later. I know the password now. So like, no big deal. And he's like, you're going to need a costume. Where am I going to get a costume and a mask at this hour? Meet and fire district.
00:34:25
Speaker
This is I mean, I think a lot of people when they first saw this movie, and I think it is ah it's reasonable to wonder, are pieces of this movie a dream? Is everything happening to be taken literally? Because at the beginning of the movie, the two girls that um that are trying to work them into a threesome and they're like, where are we going to go? And she says to the end of the rainbow, he gets to the fucking costume shop, which is called like the it's the rainbow rainbow costume place. Yeah, I thought that was a reference to how he's secretly gay, but you know.
00:35:05
Speaker
I don't know, honestly. like i You can try and interpret things, but I think the movie just might be dumb. I mean, the guy even's like, doesn't the doctor want something a little more colorful?
00:35:19
Speaker
I know that the guy is a genius, but he's an asshole as well. I don't think that is even debatable. I would even debate if genius is like, yes, he has a specific look for his movies. That's very nice and works, but also.
00:35:37
Speaker
I think very wasteful of everybody's time and his own time. There's no reason it should, like there's no way it needed that many takes to get the right stuff for all of his movies. There's no reason he needed to abuse poor Shelly Duvall to get a performance out of her. Like he's just a bad man. ill see um The right amount of takes is somewhere between Clint Eastwood's one and Stanley Kubrick's 90.
00:36:04
Speaker
A real tight seven probably actually. That shit happens while we're here in the costume shop. He sees three people, a lie of the young lady in white underwear and two Asian men in makeup are having sex in the shop. and ah ah This young lady is like a 15-year-old Lili Sobieski. Was she actually 15?
00:36:32
Speaker
Like, I mean, she looks 15 if I have a given age. It's uncomfortably unclear because the shop owner says she's just a kid. You know, you guys are going to go to jail. It specifies she's underage, though, I think at one point. It does. But you don't know if he's telling the truth or not, or if he's just like mad that they're having sex with his daughter and he's threatening them wildly. Like, it wasn't that clear to me.
00:36:58
Speaker
yeah But eventually, as the movie goes on, later we do return to this shop. And that is clearly not his daughter. She is a sex trafficked child and he's a pimp. How do you know he's not sex trafficking his own kid? I mean, I guess that's possible too, but it's... but it's certainly a sex trafficking situation and he is very Russian and she has zero accent. She doesn't talk like at all. She does. She absolutely does and just has an American accent in the second time we see her. She was raised here so you know.
00:37:33
Speaker
She was raised here. Fucking Tom Cruise's kids got British accents. I don't know. You think hanging out with a guy with that thick of a Russian accent isn't gonna rub off on you a little? if I find this new guy with a Philly accent too long for an hour, I have.
00:37:48
Speaker
Uh, like she has this sort of beatific, like impassive, vaguely happy look on her face the whole time. I don't know if she's supposed to be on drugs or if she's just like happy to be here having sex with these two men in makeup, who I definitely thought were gay. So I, I was like, what part is she even playing here in this little threesome? It doesn't really matter. Point is he gets his costume and he goes to the goddamn orgy, get to the goddamn orgy already. Um.
00:38:19
Speaker
This scene is so bizarre. yeah But not necessarily for the reasons that it should be. I think this sea is the scene is ultra tame and it makes like the scariest thing that's supposed to happen in this movie is mildly scary. Like the thrills in this, there was more of a threat to Tom Cruise visually by the nine college guys calling him a faggot. 100%. That definitely seemed like that was more of ah of a personal threat to him than anything at this goofy ass party. And also, he shows up to this masked party, no mask, no cloak, Fidelio gets let in, doesn't put his shit on until he's through the doors. Already inside, totally weird.
00:39:17
Speaker
Everybody's masked and him wandering into this party that frankly looks like it sucks. I had the same thought. It's not an orgy. It is a satanic ritual. If I went expecting an orgy, I would be disappointed. Like I would say only what, 4% of people there are are unclothed.
00:39:41
Speaker
Everyone else is entirely cloaked. Even when some people do get naked, it's boring. They have them kiss, like these ladies lean over and do this ritualistic kiss, but like their masks are still on. So they're not, you don't even get to watch two hot ladies make out with each other. What are you doing? What is this? What is this blue balls bullshit here? Well, there's no snacks. And even if there is a drink, you can't have them.
00:40:07
Speaker
That's a good point. Everyone's got masks. So I can't get drunk. I can't do drugs. I can't eat food. I can't have sex because it doesn't look like most people here are having sex. Most people here are just watching. And what they're watching warner most of the time is boring.
00:40:25
Speaker
So that is not the case when they filmed. You correct. So Warner Brothers claims and there are a lot of film nerds disagree with this and think that there is 20 minutes lying elsewhere. Suppose there are a lot of things where it's like there's a a conveniently placed lady's butt or man in cloak that is blocking the act of penetration. yeah So you can see like it's digital.
00:40:50
Speaker
That was a digital man and cloak blocking my view? Several. Several. Warner Brothers added that to escape the NC-17, and they claim that Kubrick knew that was going to have to happen. And um he doesn't seem like a guy who... Do you know why I didn't notice that those were digital men? Because I was trying to crane my neck to see around them. I know. I was right there with you. And I'll say, those ladies' faces had ecstasy on them, but I could see through the mask.
00:41:19
Speaker
Mm hmm. They seemed like they were enjoying themselves. Could you? There's not even water at this place. You're going to get so dehydrated. I don't think I could. I wouldn't fare well at an orgy. OK, I would fare fine at an orgy. This is a satanic ritual. I'm not going to do well at a satanic ritual. I don't even like going to regular church. There's a lot of boring ceremonial stuff. And this is just worse church because there's nowhere to sit.
00:41:47
Speaker
You have a hundred percent nailed it because that is that is true. People will go to satanic church thinking this is probably going to be pretty hyped up. It's going to be fun. They're going to play Slayer. They don't. It is regular. serna They're going to, you know, sacrifice a goat ah and like save his beliefs. are Pretty tame, just like Satan's God, kind of. it like This party fucking sucks. And I hate that he's there. And I hate that he's talking like a mystery man in a noir now. ah Also, I hate that, like, okay, so we later learned that these women are hookers, obviously. um Most of the women here are hookers. And they are here to be the playthings of the extremely rich ah elites who are all here masked.
00:42:36
Speaker
I do not believe for a one second that someone was hiring an array of prostitutes to serve as a buffet at their satanic orgy and they decided what we want are all identical women. They all have to be tall, rail thin, generous but not too big boobs, white. They all have to be the same.
00:42:59
Speaker
Like, no one wanted a single girl that didn't look like that. I was like, if this is a secret society, it is a secret white supremacist society, because this is the most lily white thing I've ever seen, and not even the hired hookers are allowed to be anything other than pasty pale and real thin.
00:43:24
Speaker
Well, obviously like, yeah, they they are racist, um but I wouldn't say like a Charlottesville racism. Like they're not. Oh, do tell what type of racism are we looking at here? Old Southern racism, fancy i plantations. No, if it was plantation racism, then we would have had black hookers.
00:43:44
Speaker
I have plenty of black friends racist is kind of. Oh, I just don't want them at my fancy boy orgy. They're not good enough for my fancy orgy. Well, also, we don't know like who the leader of this is. like I'm sure there's people there who have secret preferences that aren't getting fulfilled. Which is a little more reason why this party sucks. There's no Doritos, and there's no chicks that are anything of the varietals you might be interested in. I'm sorry, do you like a girl with piercings or tattoos? Too bad. Do you like a girl with a little more meat on her bones? More to love? Can't have that, so sorry.
00:44:22
Speaker
Kit, if I go to a restaurant, I'm never once going to order sliders, but if I go to a party, I will partake in them because they are available and free. Yes, but this party served only sliders and nothing else. Yeah, and you're going to try one and see if you like it. Maybe the slider has good personality. Okay, but if I don't like the slider, there's nothing else at the party, not even water.
00:44:51
Speaker
We're not being forced to be there as far as I know. And I do have some theories of like who might be under those masks. Oh, do you? it's Listen, it's just it's all the George's bush. It's like the the Skull and Bones guys. yes So you do have to think about it this way. We are outside right outside of New York at some hidden Downton Abbey, somewhere between 96 and 99. Who's gonna be there? ah Rudy Giuliani is probably there. There is a Trump there. um Carson Daly from MTV is probably there.
00:45:26
Speaker
I don't know, he might not be he might not be cool enough. Are you kidding me? Get the fuck out of here. Late 90s Carson Daly was the coolest. He was in New York. He's getting invited to the orgy and I bet those were his type. I don't think he was getting invited to the orgy because I don't think the other fancy rich white men want him there. I think he's too lowbrow for their tastes.
00:45:50
Speaker
I think you rich white people still like celebrities. They do, but you can't tell. It's not like you can tell everybody you got to party with Carson Daly because you don't know he's there. Everyone's in masks. Yeah, but you can talk to your other secret society brothers like, wasn't it fucking cool? Jim Carrey was at our fuck party. I mean, I didn't see him, but I saw his dick. No, you don't know you saw his dick. You saw someone's dick and you thought well wonder if that's Jim Carrey's.
00:46:16
Speaker
How did I know it was his? Because he said smokin', okay? He said smokin'. No, here's the thing. They can't invite A-list Hollywood actors.
00:46:28
Speaker
Are you kidding me? This is a Diddy party. Diddy parties went on for 20 years. Hollywood people would have made it a more fun party. Hollywood people would have demanded that there be snacks, booze, drugs. They would not have just been willing to stand around in robes chanting while someone swings around the smoke thing from church.
00:46:51
Speaker
They're absolutely not. They would not stand for that. They want a pool. They want a DJ. Not a guy with a piano. Plonk plonking stupid, you know, Romanian chanting. And absolutely not. This party is not cool enough for Hollywood. It has to be old, sad, white, rich people who would not get invited to cool Hollywood parties.
00:47:14
Speaker
Let me throw in one of the theories on this movie because of what you just said. So there are theories that this movie was going to be Kubrick exposing those Hollywood parties and that what was cut from the movie is pedophilic shit that happened there and that he was murdered. That's the dumbest thing I've ever. This is like people who read too deep into The Shining just because they want it to be like really They want the numbers to all mean something. Kit thinks Epstein died of natural causes. Yes, absolutely. Look, here's the thing. I can believe that. Look, people also think Kubrick faked the moon landing. Garrett, I'm not going to.
00:48:02
Speaker
Are you kidding me? he absolutely if If anything, this movie proved to me that he didn't fake the moon landing because it was a space race and he is not there. He does not work on that timetable. You are absolutely right. There's no way he would have been done in time.
00:48:21
Speaker
We you maybe would have gotten to the moon by 1984. No, Neil Armstrong would not have been able to keep his mouth shut about how abusive that man was on set and how many takes he had to do of putting the flag up. Right before he died, is Buzz Aldrin still waiting? No, Buzz Aldrin's gone on now. Don't remember, so. He's pretty old at this point. it's Somewhere he's going to be like, he yelled at me.
00:48:52
Speaker
There's no way he would have let the mistake of one step small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. No way Kubrick's letting that slide, simply not. Well, he let it slide 187 times, actually more than Shelley Duvall. But unfortunately, when you look at IMDb, Kubrick doesn't have credit on that that picture. Oh man, this is great.
00:49:20
Speaker
So, yeah, this party super sucks. And I don't know why Tom Cruise doesn't take one look at this place as he walks in and sees them all gathered around in their cloaks in a big circle, just chanting and think, like, no, I don't want to be here, man. Do you think that um because there's a lot a variety of masks, all pretty fun and silly, some pretty. The art department did a great job with the props or whoever kept costumes. I don't know which department does it, but they did a great job with masks.
00:49:48
Speaker
I would have gone big O face mask just in hopes that there maybe was a drink and a straw would fit through that.
00:49:59
Speaker
I just want to see one shot of some guy like awkwardly like trying to pull up his big pig mask just slightly enough to to get his mouth open to pour a vodka tonic in it.
00:50:12
Speaker
Pigmen, no white claws. No white claws, pigmen. But there's no laws when you're drinking claws, and that includes orgy laws. Fidelio, pigmen. Fidelio. Fidelio.
00:50:26
Speaker
Okay, so yeah, there's sex shows that he walks through and sees all the people having the sex. It's all pretty tame. There's not even any gay sex. You see one gay couple dancing. Sorry, you see one gay male and one gay female couple dancing, fully clothed.
00:50:44
Speaker
that's the That's the wild ah crazy party we're seeing. Like, I'm sorry. that You really think that's the best that you can offer? Nobody's getting even whipped or butt-fucking or like any of the really weird shit you could be. Like, good God, you remember all the fisting we saw in cruising? There was none of that.
00:51:09
Speaker
It's funny, because at the beginning of the podcast, you said you had never seen this movie. And I genuinely don't remember if I watched this back in 1999. This seems like a movie I would have rented when it came out to see And the orgy portion is so unremarkable.
00:51:31
Speaker
Yes. That it didn't affect a junior high kid to the point that when he's in his 30s, he had genuinely didn't remember if he had seen this movie. Which is wild because when you're that age, every pair of boobs you see is is a magical treasure. But like you said, maybe they were all too the same.
00:51:54
Speaker
Mm, that's a good point. You're like, where's, where's, where's my big boobs? Where's my small boobs? Where's other theories? The Nicole Kidman is in on this whole thing because her body type does fit that, but she might've been one of the close. Oh my God. I did kind of think it was like, I definitely thought that she was going to get to come to the orgy. I didn't realize that her character doesn't get to go and have fun at the orgy. It's kind of sad, really.
00:52:21
Speaker
That's what's so weird about this movie is I remember i do however remember in 99 when this came out, a big thing was the rumors that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were forced to have like an intimacy coordinator to make them look more like a couple and more like teach them to fuck. They don't fuck in this movie. They do make out pretty realistically which actually made me sick to my stomach a little bit.
00:52:52
Speaker
Tom Cruise just isn't sexual. He's not, he's not. He's very good looking. He just like, I don't know, he climbs a building, he jumps off a cliff, he parachutes from somewhere, he don't fuck. We have seen him fuck. He has children, we know he has had sex. I wasn't there, I didn't, I mean. You know what, that's a fair point. um So yeah. He's a dandial pig man, a dandial.
00:53:21
Speaker
It's in trouble because they realize he's an outsider and they pull him in. They're having a little tribunal here. and I could not stop laughing through this entire scene because the the music in this is all diegetic. It's coming from the piano man, his friend, who is apparently listening to his buddy like get threatened with death.
00:53:42
Speaker
And he's over there waiting for just the right moment in the conversation to go, pling! The music is like exceptionally bad. Well, he's doing his best, man. Come on, go easy on the guy. He's blindfolded. When they got to the fucking mansion at the beginning, the first note that hits is the first note of Black Parade.
00:54:07
Speaker
like the I don't know. I just kept thinking of some guy leaning over and having to like whisper in Nick's ear like get it's really ominous right now, like make it really, really dark. We're not doing the fun sexy bit now and we're not doing the churchy bit. We need you to do like a like a you're in big trouble and we might kill you bit. OK, good, good, good, good. Yeah.
00:54:33
Speaker
Yeah this movie really could have benefit from like a Trent Reznor Atticus Ross score because it was fucking lame the whole movie. And I keep bringing it back to like I really need more dramatic pling. Yeah thank you for for bringing that up because I might have forgotten about it just because it was like That was a thing, though, that wasn't complete when the movie was turned in. There had been, because I had a hard time believing that that Chris Isaac song is in the movie, and that felt weird and kind of out of place for a Kubrick movie, too.
00:55:09
Speaker
Yeah, and so ah they're like acting like they're gonna punish him. They tell him to take his clothes off. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, guys, guys, what do you mean? Take my clothes off here at the orgy. And then ah the woman who has been trying to tell him to leave all night long, that he's in danger, says so dramatically, I will take his place. yeah And they're like, are you sure? And she's like, yes, I will. And it's pretty clearly,
00:55:37
Speaker
the hooker from the first party that ah that had temporarily died a little bit and now is feeling good enough to go to the orgy the next day. So that's a good sign for her. Do you recognize her from her pubes? No, it was her voice. It's pretty recognizable. But yes, also, I mean, she's wearing a thong. Did she talk in the first scene where she's dying? Yeah. Yeah.
00:56:04
Speaker
Not a lot, but yeah. And she's got the same hair. Come on. You didn't notice that. So you recognize that, but not that Lili Sobieski just has a normal American accent isn't like, Oh yes. sir vo No, I did not. I was a little bit distracted by the fact that, you know, there's a lot going on in that.
00:56:21
Speaker
All right, so so he goes home finally this is all happened in one Exceedingly long night. He comes home. It's like four in the morning and his wife is Laughing in bed and she has another torturously long, slowly spoken, drawn out monologue, during which she cries for reasons I can't explain. her sheaxcks She starts talking about a dream that she'd had. ah And in the dream, she's she's fucking a bunch of guys. And she starts crying. And it's like, why are you crying? This dream sounds pretty rad. She didn't say like, oh, no, these men are ah assaulting me.
00:57:07
Speaker
No, she says she's fucking them, but like she feels sad that she's cheating on her husband, I guess. even It's like you get the vibe from her description of the stream that like being with her husband makes her feel ashamed and not sexy, but she doesn't want to be with other men because she's afraid she would turn into a super slut and not be respected by men.
00:57:33
Speaker
And that is just pathetic, honestly. I think that falls into Coob's lap of um what, like you said, what Coob's thinks of women and how he writes them. And i'm not good and I was reading a section about it in ah the erotic thriller and contemporary cinema by Linda Ruth Williams, where she described ah just kind of Kubrick's ladies is like a tall sexy lady who will stand naked at the naked at the fridge and get chicken out. Like, you know? Yeah, I'm sorry, maybe it would make sense in the book that was written in 1926 that she would be this distraught over her own desires, but like, it's the 90s, girl. You're allowed to have fantasies about someone other than your husband.
00:58:27
Speaker
Like calm the fuck down. She's sobbing over this and it just doesn't make any sense. And here's the thing for both of them. It seems like at first she didn't wanna talk about this. And yes, he did say, tell me about your dream, but I don't think he meant it because it is four in the fucking morning. He just fell into pussy three times and got denied. This guy like, he was gonna fuck that lady at the party and the pig man took it away.
00:58:56
Speaker
You know, it's ah it's a shitty night. He couldn't even get it from the prostitute because he got cock blocked by his wife and her damn snack wells. So now he's got to listen to his wife talk about how she fucked all these men and she's weeping. In her dreams. In her dreams. But what's funny is Tom Cruise walked in so he knows that it wasn't all bad because she was laughing like a crazy person.
00:59:23
Speaker
So as she's saying this, she goes, and I was just fucking all these men. And I wanted to make fun of you and laugh in your face. So I did. I laughed. Oh, we do need to throw out one thing that has been happening throughout the movie so far that we didn't mention yet.
00:59:47
Speaker
Tom Cruise keeps having flashes to an imaginary fantasy of her fucking the sailor. The sailor. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And it drives him batty. He just like ever since she told him that she once thought about cheating on him once 10 years ago with a sailor. Now he can't stop picturing her fucking the sailor. And it looks like she's having a great time.
01:00:08
Speaker
Honestly, the sexiest stuff in the movie are these five second snippets that we get like five times throughout. So, but, you know, I mean, 20 seconds of these, I would say even less. I would say there's probably 15 seconds of footage of her having sex with the sailor. So, Kit, those specific scenes of her fucking the sailor, they filmed that for one whole week.
01:00:36
Speaker
And Tom Cruise was not allowed on set. And she was not allowed to tell him about what happened during those filming. Stanley Kubrick ah thought that he that ruining their marriage in real life would help make the marriage look tense on screen, didn't he? He was just like, I don't care what happens to these people's marriage, as long as it makes my movie into a cinematic masterpiece. And boy, oh boy, did he sure get what he wanted, the dissolution of their marriage, not the cinematic masterpiece.
01:01:10
Speaker
He only worked with celebrities three times. Jack Nicholson worked out great in these two. um That didn't work as well. Jack Nicholson isn't going to let that shit happen. He seems like a guy like Harvey Keitel, who probably isn't going to put up with bullshit. Tom Cruise, however, he seems like a guy who is begging for the bullshit, which is honestly why I thought that that sort of tribunal at the orgy was going to end with them like like taking his clothes off. No, I thought they were going to cane him. Like, you know, he's been a naughty, naughty boy and he needs to be punished. And I thought he was going to realize he liked it and then have to go home to his white bread, you know, family and wife. And that would be the major conflict at the end of deciding if he can go back to his normal suburban life now that he's tasted that sweet, sweet S&M. And no, that is not what happens. Instead, it's all way more boring than that.
01:02:05
Speaker
Kane is ween, pig man. Kane is ween.
01:02:12
Speaker
So yeah, he spends the next day going around trying to investigate what the hell just happened to him last night. He keeps pulling out his medical license like it's a fucking FBI badge everywhere he goes. He pulls it out. Dr. Bill FBI.
01:02:28
Speaker
Seriously, at the costume shop, at the hotel, at the the the morgue, everywhere, he just keeps whipping it out. like Somehow this gives him license to be everywhere.
01:02:42
Speaker
I've never seen this in another movie ever. never Like it it isn't even that. I think it's the combination of he's so fucking sexy and he has a business card essentially in his wallet. It's nothing impressive. Like it is impressive that he's a doctor. I hope a good one. He's a fucking idiot. Yeah.
01:03:06
Speaker
I mean, you see him working with all the patients, they seem pretty happy. I don't know. But like, it's not that special. He seems to think that being a doctor gets him should get him access to a whole echelon of stuff that he doesn't actually have access to. He thinks he deserves to go to these fancy parties with all of these skull and bones types and he doesn't. I'm sorry, I know that you're on the high end as far as doctors go because you work in New York and you have very rich clients, you go to their houses, but you're not one of them and you should know that and they make sure that this movie is actually surprised not about a marriage at all, it's about capitalism and how he doesn't deserve to be there and they will not let him come into their special little club.
01:03:52
Speaker
Like, Nicole Kidman is barely in this movie. It's powerfulism, Pigman! It's powerfulism! By the new iPhone, Pigman! You are bourgeoisie, Pigman! You gotta ignore us!
01:04:15
Speaker
so So, okay. I hate this part of the movie so much because I mean, and we've seen this part in all of our erotic thrillers when a guy who just wanted to come 20 minutes ago has to solve a case. I am sick and fucking tired of horny, handsome men thinking just because they couldn't come that they're fattening on me. They're not even Dick Tracy. Like these guys,
01:04:45
Speaker
Like, fuck. Well, he thinks he's rich. So he thinks he's Batman. He thinks his money and his medical license can just like get him anywhere and get him anything. And you know he just keeps pulling out money. He spends like fifteen hundred dollars in cash in one night, which if I were his wife, I would be furious about over and on top of all the other stuff he's done tonight.
01:05:07
Speaker
They've got a dope house though, so like it I mean clearly know power win well yes, They don't have a maid though because their place is a little messy like they they make it very clear the distinction between the level that Tom Cruise and his wife are at and the level that real rich people are at the 1% which he does not get to be a part of and Side note, real quick, if you don't mind, just for our listeners that are listening that have never seen this movie and are just getting all of this from us, which I know that we do have a lot of listeners that are never gonna watch any of these movies, and they just like hearing us tell them a dumb tale. Because, you know, today is Christmas day, you have escaped your family, maybe you're driving somewhere and you're listening to this in the car, and you're like, this is a Christmas movie? Okay.
01:05:59
Speaker
So every time they enter any room anywhere, there's a Christmas tree. There's decorations about. But the word Christmas is maybe uttered a total of three times throughout this whole movie. I think it mentions that they're going Christmas shopping at the end. I want to point out though that something I wrote right here is this production only had one string of Christmas lights because every tree has the exact same
01:06:29
Speaker
Christmas lights nobody has a tree that has all white lights or nobody has a tree that has like just red or green lights Nobody even has those weird little bubble ones like you know the bubble ones No, no, no, they all have the exact same lights I think they may even be the exact same tree that they just hauled to a new location Kit, I didn't notice that, but I did notice this, which plays into this. So part of a Kubrick thing is like, everything means something is set to like meticulously decorated. If there are words written on a wall, they are there on purpose and meaningful. um However, you said, you noticed that about the tree, which I did not.
01:07:09
Speaker
There is one decoration that is in multiple locations throughout this movie and it is kind of shaped like a curlicue mustache with lights around it and it hangs from ceilings. I've never seen this piece of... But it is in multiple locations and now that you're saying this, I think Coobs was slipping.
01:07:30
Speaker
Mm hmm. I think that that like, how could you film that for 15 fucking months and not be like, we just use the Curly Q mustache or and like decoration in five scenes? They were so careful to make sure that like there was such a variety of masks in the in the horogy scene, like such a delightful variety of masks. And then when it came to Christmas decorations, he was just like, everybody just pull out what you got in your attic and like it's fine. Well, just whatever.
01:07:59
Speaker
So the budget of this movie was 65 million, which isn't nothing, but when you stretch a 65 million budget out over 15 months, then sometimes you have to use your one set string of Christmas lights. Um, I'm surprised considering these are old timey Christmas lights that they didn't have one bulb go out and the whole strand was ruined. So, after, I'm going to skip a little bit here and get us to Alan coming.
01:08:26
Speaker
Don't skip Alan Cumming. We've got to skip it. It doesn't matter. Fine. Alan Cumming's there. He's adorable. It's fine. Nick might be dead. I don't know. It doesn't really matter. yeah Alan Cumming was probably on set for eight months filming his two minute scene. You see the costume guy again. He's whoring out whoever this girl is. I wrote so long, so bored.
01:08:46
Speaker
ah No, but where I want to get us is he's trying to solve this crime. We end up at the gates of the mansion that we were at earlier. And as he's standing there, a security camera looks at him and an old like Alfred Butler comes to hand him a note. And this is where there are theories that this note is how they were able to get certain things out of the movie, but it also makes things not make as much sense for the rest of the movie. So he's handed a note through there. And basically the note is just a close up of gloves and a note. So that could have been changed very, very fucking easily. But it just says like, go stop trying to investigate this and go home, you idiot. Like that's basically this is your second warning. Yeah.
01:09:39
Speaker
which his first warning was so fucking threatening that if you talk to anybody, we're going to butt fuck your family. Yeah. Why would they give him a second warning? And when he gets this, when he gets the second warning, he looks up and looks so disturbed through the gate. huh The theory is that this i note may have been something about the pedophilia and something about taking hit their daughter.
01:10:09
Speaker
What? Oh my god, that they were threatening to take his kid? To take his kid for that pedophilia ring, which the theory of this does come with notes or does come with like basically receipts. Like the people who have this theory have reason to believe this. Really? So this is why they think there's stuff missing from the movie is that maybe there's still sprinklings.
01:10:38
Speaker
of some of this shit little hidden. hint We're like, you can cut out some, but you can't catch it all cutting it out. It's wild though that the theory then would be that he was going to call out real life perverts instead of, Oh, they just cut it. Cause that was a step too far. And they decided this movie was disturbing and weird enough. And they didn't want to include that. Cause it took it to a whole new level of fucked up.
01:11:04
Speaker
So basically to tell you what happens with the letter theory, you have to cut to the very, very end of the movie. Oh, okay. Wow. Okay. We can't though. We have to get through. Tom's getting followed. The hooker has AIDS. No, no. Okay. I think what's funny. doing here So basically what happens for the next little bit of the movie is Tom Cruise retraces his fuck steps from the night before. Yes. And no one wants to have sex with him anymore. Just kidding. Everyone wants to have sex with him.
01:11:34
Speaker
He calls the bereaved woman to be like, do you still love me? Do you want to fuck? But Greg from Dharma and Greg answers, quick hang up. We go back to the hooker's apartment where he brings her a fucking cake kit. He shows up at the hooker's house with a cake. She's gone. I wrote that this was a new level of pathetic. Calling the bereaved daughter who had kissed you on the night her father died is pathetic.
01:12:03
Speaker
calling up the hooker and bringing her a gift, whole new level of pathetic. No, no, no. That is the most logical of the three fuck steps he's retracing. Really? Why would you start at the bereaved woman? but That's a weird phone call. She was the only one who wanted to have sex with him for him. That she was really in love with him, not just sex. She wasn't, she was bereaved.
01:12:29
Speaker
The hooker was pretty and to and it was transactional. So he you're telling me he's out there not to just come. He's out there for love.
01:12:40
Speaker
I don't know, dude, I'm just fucking with him. Well, and then obviously, so the third in his tracing back his fuck steps, I don't fully understand how he gets to her, is the dead woman with the mask that was high as a party. Right. So first he finds out that the Hooker has AIDS, which is a bombshell that has dropped so wildly out of nowhere. I don't know what I'm supposed to take from that other than I guess it's a good thing he didn't have sex with her and only kissed her and then gave her $150. I really don't know what I'm supposed to take from it. It is so batshit out of nowhere.
01:13:19
Speaker
You've never seen a man wanna get out of an apartment faster. So fast! Because he had just been grabbing the woman with HIV's roommate's titties. When he realized that he couldn't have sex with the hooker, he was, because she's not there, he was like, well, I guess I'll have sex with her roommate, because she seems pretty into me. And the roommate's like, look, I i really do need to tell you something. He's like, I'm not sure whatever, I wanna grab your titties. And then she's like, no, like really. He's like, I will.
01:13:47
Speaker
She's like, no, really but I feel like I need to let you know first that Domino has HIV and she's like, do you want some coffee? And I think he's just like, I know I'm not going to get AIDS from putting my mouth on the coffee cup here, but like I might get AIDS or HIV. I'm here. You keep the cake. You keep the cake. I'm out.
01:14:12
Speaker
so He he's being followed by a bald man in a trench coat. and so He ducks out yeah he gets de ducks into a restaurant, which for some reason is not playing Christmas music, despite having Christmas lights everywhere, but is instead playing weird like classical music or opera or something. It makes no sense. This is not the type of restaurant that would have that. He pulls out a newspaper and he sees in there the headline,
01:14:37
Speaker
that a woman ah who was a former beauty queen has just OD'd and he recognizes her as the hooker from. Oh, my God, there's so many hookers in this. No, but does it say her name is Mandy? Yes, it does. says It does. It does specify. OK, it says her name is Amanda, whatever. And he recognizes her as being the the first hooker, the one who almost OD'd and probably also the woman who rescued him on the night of the orgy by saying she would take his place, whatever the hell that means.
01:15:08
Speaker
And so he goes to ah the morgue, ah flashes his badge, of course, and goes and looks at her body. It is the weirdest shot of all time of him like slowly lowering his head closer and closer and closer down to the corpse. Like so agonizingly slowly, I thought for sure he was going to kiss the corpse and it was going to be weird and I hated every second of it. And then no, he just stops and looks sad and then pulls back up. Well, I thought it was weird that he out loud said, well, I guess she isn't going to fuck me. hi Yes, he did. So, yeah, Mandy Odeid for good this time and. ah
01:15:49
Speaker
then he Then he ends up at back, ah he gets a call from his main man, the guy who threw the very first party, Ziegler, the big boy.
Confrontations and Symbolic Revelations
01:15:57
Speaker
Sydney Pollock. Sydney Pollock, who's like, hey, come over, I want to talk to you. And he's like, this is it a clap? Is it? He's clearly thinking this dude has some um genital herpes he needs checked out. But no, he's here for something else.
01:16:12
Speaker
And this is another one of those scenes that like, yes, it is an important scene to the movie. It's what, 10 minutes long. They shot this shit for like three weeks. And that's insane. and I would die. I would just die. It's insane. Like when you're, I mean, I guess in this, like he is kind of Shelly Duvall in Tom Cruise as the movie goes on and that Tom Cruise is becoming sadder and more insane. Yeah. But this scene where Sidney Pollock is basically like, tell me what you did last night. And Tom is like, what? I don't know what you're talking about, Victor. And his face roll expressions get so bizarre as the scene goes on until he's basically about to fucking cry. yeah As Sydney Pollock tells him, hey man, I'm in the satanic sex cult.
01:17:02
Speaker
You we all knew you came in a taxi. You fucking everyone else comes in a limo. Jesus Christ. I didn't know how you got there until I realized you knew the piano man. Yes, I hired the same piano man for both parties. And that was a mistake. That was a big mistake on my part. I definitely didn't kill the piano man. Piano man's fine in Seattle. Tom Cruise has no way of ever finding out if that's true or not.
01:17:26
Speaker
um And he's like, look, the whole thing was fake. It was an illusion. We were tricking you. he He says, but she warned me. And he goes, yeah, it was fake. And he's like crying. And he's like, why the hell? Why would you fake it? And he goes, to scare the shit out of you. So that you would stop looking around, but then apparently you're too big of an idiot to realize that you should leave stuff alone.
01:17:56
Speaker
seriously though like to go through all of this what was happening at the party other than just like people were fucking and like yeah what if they're telling a satanic prayer in Latin literally like they're not killing anybody they're not maybe just get to that part of the night that's a good point there are no drugs there's not even alcohol at this party as far as we can tell this may be a Mormon party for all we goddamn know It's kind of a fucking boring theater kid party. No, how dare you? Theater kids bring alcohol to parties. I said a boring theater kid party. They're dressed up, but there's no...
01:18:37
Speaker
They brought the costumes. This wasn't a theater party at kids house where I saw you slap the shit out of Jimmy Heisner. This is my defense. Jimmy had lit my homework on fire and in my house in the living room and I had to get it out of his hand and throw it into the fireplace so that it would not burn my house down. And then, yes, I slapped him and I regret nothing.
01:19:01
Speaker
regular fire in the living room bad homework on fire completed homework on fire in the living room worse worse I had to go to my professor and explain that you know some idiot lit my homework on fire and I needed a new copy of it and also an extra day to do it that moment at your theater party had more thrills than this whole Cause here's the thing, you did hit him. He was in actual danger. Your house could have burnt down from the fire that was burning inside of it. His face was red like the piano players after they brought him out.
01:19:39
Speaker
yeah yeah okay yeah let's get out of this house tom cruise yeah oh wait wait wait he's like we didn't kill the hooker we didn't kill the hooker there was no like uh you know uh oh she took your place and we killed her that's stupid why would we do that that wouldn't even make any sense it was just part of the charade to get you out of there She died because she's a ah hooker who's addicted to drugs. You saw her almost OD once already, and you yourself said, like, you got to quit this shit or it's going to kill you. So he says the really callous line, it was just a matter of time with her, which, damn, Sydney Pollock, that is ice cold. But, you know, that's how he feels. So and it's weird because like this whole movie. Is.
01:20:29
Speaker
really predicated on like how much we believe Sidney Pollock. And I kind of believe him. Yeah, I kind of did too. Like it just seems like he seems like a real straight shooter and that he likes Tom Cruise pretty good. He's being honest. likes him He likes him in that like this is his pet poor person. Well, pet middle class person.
01:20:53
Speaker
I'll, okay, yes, so I will say like Tom Cruise seems rich and fancy until he's with all the rich and fancy. yeah But throughout the movie, the weirdest thing about Tom Cruise to me is he seems like a fancy man, but when he goes into an alcohol situation, he always goes for a beer. That's because deep down he's not actually that fancy. I i agree. it's It's proof of ah the fact that he has low class roots.
01:21:23
Speaker
Can we, let's, we gotta speed this up and get through my favorite scene. His wife is falling, he comes home again and once more, this has all been one long ass day and he sees his wife is laying there with the mask on the pillow. I don't know what I'm supposed to take from that, but it's deeply symbolic, I bet. um He starts crying and he's like, I'll tell you everything. Let me, let me please. Oh, I hear absolutely after you, sir.
01:21:50
Speaker
It's just gonna take 70 90 takes and I need you to scream that I'm a disgusting little bitch and I'll never imagine nothing you are a disgusting little bitch
01:22:39
Speaker
and i should much no
01:22:44
Speaker
pick so And then his wife's like, so you kissed two people? Yes. Long story short, I kissed two people. I kissed two people.
01:23:00
Speaker
I mean yeah that about does it like that's pretty much what he has to to sum up to to his wife and They're both crying about it, and they're like we have to take our daughter Christmas shopping today
Theories, Tarantino's Thoughts, and Ending Criticism
01:23:20
Speaker
Which is weird. You don't take your kid Christmas shopping with you. Then that's not how that works. My parents did. What? No, you give your kid a catalog. It's the nineties. Give them a catalog, have them circle what they want.
01:23:33
Speaker
I'd circle but like usually they take me to a place and distract me and presence would hide in the back of the car or at a certain point it would be like just pick out what you want to be under the tree. There was not a lot of surprise but it was still fine. um right But as the scene goes on we get in there we're walking around and they're paying attention to their daughter.
01:23:51
Speaker
But then they connect to have a serious final monologue or you know conversation of the movie. What are we supposed to take from all this? What is the lesson? Did we learn a lesson? So this is where the letter thing comes in.
01:24:08
Speaker
Remember we mentioned that earlier that it ties back into the very end. So in this moment, before it goes to like a tight closeup of each of them back and forth for the rest of the movie, it is a shot of the two of them with their daughter in the middle and two men in the background. And the two men round the corner and the daughter follows them. And then it just goes into tight closeups the rest of it.
01:24:35
Speaker
So those two men are in the background of multiple scenes for the whole fucking movie. They're at the party at the beginning. They are the supposedly the two men that walk the musician out of the party when they know he did it. ah They've popped up a few times. And there are theories that the letter had something to do with like,
01:25:02
Speaker
Basically, your daughter we're taking your daughter to settle your debts. Because once again, anything in writing in a movie or in a Kubrick movie mean mean something. Well, anything on a wall that means something. There's a part when they're in the doctor's office and there's just writing on the wall. That's like all debt must be settled now or like I'm trying to remember how it was phrased or like basically a deal must an agreement must be a come upon and they there is like theories that something has to do with her leaving with those two men and basically they've given up their daughter to for their own freedom essentially no way if they were having that conversation it ended with her saying well we should go fuck there's just no way right
01:25:52
Speaker
That's why it's a weird ending. And one of the people that I heard talking about this, Tarantino does a podcast with one of his ah best friends from like that he worked at a video store with. And he said, I've been watching Kubrick movies my whole life. I feel like I'm a student of Kubrick. And there's so many things in this that aren't Kubrick.
01:26:13
Speaker
And he talked about that and apparently he got a hold of a shooting script of it and the whole movie was supposed to have like noir style narration over the top he specified the scene where he's looking at the dead body. And oh that makes a lot of sense for that really slow ass dead body scene if there was supposed to be narration over it supposed to be narration and he said that it doesn't seem like.
01:26:37
Speaker
they didn't not film everything, but it seemed like things were suppressed and kind of pushed to the background and that maybe this scene with the daughter going around the corner with these two guys, which doesn't seem like an accident if the same two actors are caught in multiple scenes throughout the movie. Especially since you have to get those actors, the same actors back over three freaking years. Yeah. You had to dig those people out of storage.
01:27:02
Speaker
It basically just ends with Nicole Kidman saying, there's one thing we have left to do. Tom Cruise says, what's that? And she says, fuck credits written, directed by Stanley Kubrick. Weird movie. There's no way that that's how that ends. Okay.
01:27:20
Speaker
Well, that's why like it makes sense if 20 minutes is missing, but we'll literally never know. We'll literally never know. And I think that mystery of it makes the movie more interesting than it actually is. Much more interesting because the way that scene reads now is ah she says, I think we should be grateful. And it's like, excuse me, this sounds like some some bullshit, like live, laugh, love nonsense that we're about to be in for.
01:27:49
Speaker
And she's like, look, you had one really wild bad night. And I had these dreams. And so like, we're both equally guilty here.
01:28:03
Speaker
They make it seem like like we're both we both had fantasies and we both didn't, that's okay. like We both survived, we're fine. They do use the word survived, which now like has a little different tinge to it. But they they do make it seem like their fantasies are and dreams are exactly the same. Her wanting to fuck a sailor one time is exactly the same as him going to see that hooker twice. Twice.
01:28:30
Speaker
Twice. I was like fuck this misogynistic shit. This can fuck right off. This is such nonsense. The idea that her daydreaming about having sex with a sailor is exactly the same as him actually going to the hooker with the intent to have sex with that hooker is Bet shit insane. And I thought this was supposed to be a movie about a marriage. It is not is a movie about Tom Cruise. It is entirely a movie about Tom Cruise's character, like dealing with his own sexual jealousy. That's it. Like she doesn't even really like deal with her issues about like her being ashamed of her fantasies, but also like turned on by them, but also feel guilty about them because she loves her husband. Like that's an angle you could have considered. But no, we didn't do that.
01:29:18
Speaker
Instead, it's all about he's sexually jealous of his wife for wanting to fuck a sailor. So he goes on a little peewee's big adventure of ah almost cheating on her. And then he learns, I guess, at the end to to be OK with the fact that they're both going to occasionally want to fuck other people. It's like. All of this is nonsense, like what what is what two people that good looking?
01:29:47
Speaker
had never before considered the idea that other people might wanna fuck their spouse and their spouse might wanna fuck other people. Like, what world are they living in where nobody ever has a stray thought about, about like, wow, that lady's hot and I would fuck her if I weren't married. Like, that is so incomprehensible to you people.
01:30:06
Speaker
You don't live in the middle of a relationship. I think it's actually healthy in a relationship. You can acknowledge another human is attractive because sometimes you just pass something like, what are we supposed to do? Sit there and watch a Sydney Sweeney movie. And we all know this is an attractive woman. Or like in this movie, Tom Cruise is, I don't even think it's subjective. He is a sexy man. He has a handsome face if you can look past the metal tooth.
01:30:36
Speaker
Well Nicole Kidman is absolutely gorgeous. So like why are you guys getting so weird about this? Why can't it be like you were getting hit on and Be a came home to me. So that's hot, right? It's hot I think it's hot when other people find your partner attractive because it means you made a good choice, right? Like hey I And fucking that. You want it. I have it. Good for me. Right? Why couldn't you guys just, like, chill and be cool about it? These people have the worst communication skills, and they also just do not seem like they are from the 90s at all. They have weird sexual moors where they seem to think women don't want sex. And she's like, no, women do want sex. And he's like, what? But with me, right? And she's like, sometimes not with you. And she's like, what?
01:31:27
Speaker
Anyway, it's a misogynistic piece of shit and it annoyed me, but I like your version better where apparently they sold their child into slavery. Wait, no, I don't like that better. Wait, now that I said that out loud. Well, that's what I think. Like there's theories that people can come up with that give the movie a lore and a like a mystique that it doesn't have on its own. When I think it's perfectly fine to just look at this movie at face value of what's given to you and just be like, Kubrick, like if Arlie Ermey is telling the truth, Kubrick thought this movie was a piece of shit. No.
01:32:07
Speaker
And yeah I don't know, i like I liked it on my first watch. Why the second one? I don't know that I did think it was boring. I was like kind of because it's like watching a Kubrick movie where you're trying to like solve a Rubik's Cube in your head of what's he hiding for me. But then I think on the second viewing, it was like I just don't.
01:32:26
Speaker
And then once I fell down the rabbit hole of reading about theories and everything, then it brought like an entire new life to this movie for me that I was at the very least excited to talk about. That's fair. And that I don't think I would have had otherwise.
01:32:43
Speaker
Yeah, because now, like, oh, my God, the scene where the guy might be pimping out his daughter from a costume shop like that. is Oh, maybe that's like Tom Cruise thinking about like, oh, God, my kid could end up in the same situation. You know, like it's way more interesting if you think about it that way, but it probably isn't true. It's probably just kind of a shitty movie that did well. I mean, it made a lot of money. It's good. It did well. It made its money back.
Critiques on Screen Time and Tension
01:33:12
Speaker
Don't we see any Tom Cruise naked? I don't think we even see his butt. That is disappointing. All we see is him shirtless. Absolutely. We didn't even really talk about like the movie, the first shot is just this iconic shot from the movie of Nicole Kidman taking her clothes off. ah Nicole Kidman essentially goes full frontal and you see her having pretty awesome sex. Let's get into the- Oh, but yeah, let's do the thing. So Garrett, scale of one to five, where you were you aroused?
01:33:40
Speaker
Nicole Kidman is a gorgeous lady, but there's three, I mean, two hours and 40 minutes of movie that isn't Nicole Kidman. She is, what, in 15 minutes total of this movie? Maybe 20 minutes if we're being generous. ah The flashbacks to her with the sailor were really yeah sexy. I'd love to see that week of footage, because in the interview she said it was downright pornographic, what they shot.
01:34:07
Speaker
i that That sounds like a better movie.
01:34:14
Speaker
so i'm moving I'm going low on this one. This is like a one, maybe a low two, but yeah the any of the points that come to it are all Nicole. It's all Nicole. Yeah. She's doing all the heavy lifting and most other nudity you see is like what the dead hooker that's not going to make me.
01:34:33
Speaker
feel aroused. So it's really hold her out. They did jiggle a little bit. oh war Yeah, i'm I'm with you. I'm going to give it a 1.5. I think i because I think that's basically what I did. Yeah. Nicole Kidman is giving it her all. She's gorgeous. Tylee recommends if you want to just go watch those. yeah But everything else is not very sexy. I'm sorry. Were you thrilled, Garrett? No.
01:35:04
Speaker
nearly a zero. yeah Like I never felt in danger for him. I wish I did because he's unlikable. I would have liked him to have experienced something, but it's a whole movie of him experiencing. It's like him walking to the edge of maybe there's danger, but then they're like, it there and wasn't. And like they fully explain essentially like it could have been bad for you.
01:35:28
Speaker
but And they're like, no, it wasn't. You were never in any real danger. Obviously nothing bad ever happened to anyone. Nick wasn't in danger. The hookers died on her own because of of a really sad life that she lives. And you should feel sad about that. But like nobody was ever in any danger. The winner of ah MTV's who wants to be a VJ contest, Jesse Camp ah was actually Pigman and was going to cane his weed. And that didn't happen. and so If that had happened, if we had felt like there was actually the possibility of his ween being caned, then you know this may have been a lot more exciting. Yeah, I'm going to put it at 0.5. I'll give it 0.5 just because he does do a lot of running around and flashing his badge.
01:36:12
Speaker
and That's yeah, I might try that to even get your mom's. Right? Yeah. Like my mom carries her medical license in a wallet. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You never know when you're going to need it. Yeah, apparently ah it comes in handy in all kinds of situations. So yeah, no point five. Maybe when I thought Nick had been murdered, that seemed kind of like, oh, shit. But yeah.
01:36:37
Speaker
So, uh, would you ruin your life for, who are we even ruining our lives for here? There's no other woman, the hooker? Tom Cruise is just ruining his life for the sake of it. He's just ruining his life for the sake of it. You're right. Like what? he the The bereaved daughter, one of many hookers.
01:36:58
Speaker
Like, there is no other woman. There's no other man. He kind of Mr. Bean himself out of AIDS. It was like Mr. Bean tripped and fell down the stairs and missed getting AIDS on accident. What else he did? Wait, what about the sailor? Garrah, would you rude in your life to go have sex with that sailor like Nicole Kidman wanted to? He gave her quite the fingering in one of those five second scenes. And if anything, really the sailor is
01:37:26
Speaker
i well I think Tom Cruise doesn't know that this wasn't fake since it broke up his marriage in real life. And now he has in the Navy so that he can go beat the shit out of this fictitious sailor.
01:37:38
Speaker
Yeah, maybe Nicole Kidman should have, in fact, ruined her life ah in the movie by going off with the sailor like she dreamed about doing. Maybe that's what the real problem is, is that she should have ruined her life by leaving him and not getting involved in all this mess to begin with.
01:37:56
Speaker
But even she is not like a fleshed out character. yeah she's She's very annoying. Yeah, she's a harpy. She's a hairdo. And she like she asks him that question about like, would you have sex with those women? And there is no correct answer. He gives the correct answer and she shuts it down. Like this is what she does when she's high, when you're supposed to be having fun. This is her at her most fun or crying.
01:38:21
Speaker
ah de big man I feel bad for her because she clearly has like a life that is unfulfilled that she is never allowed to discover more about. like that That is not going to be explored. She's going to live a life of quiet desperation until the end of her days. I hope she ruins her life. I want her to go find a sailor and go have sex with that sailor. Do not stay with Tom Cruise. Kit, ask me the most disappointing question now. I know. Garrett, did this movie put you in the holiday spirit?
01:38:54
Speaker
Not even a little. no Like all you hear for years and you see like all of our cool art house theaters throwing, showing 35 millimeter prints of this movie around Christmas every year. This ain't a Christmas movie folks. Like yes, it is Christmas adjacent and that there's trees. Yeah. Hear the mention of it three times. The one strand of Christmas lights that they keep reusing, but there's no Christmas music even, even when they're playing music at the, at the fucking shopping center.
01:39:24
Speaker
or the restaurants, all kinds of random places. No, no Christmas music. You don't get that. No, no fun for you. Yeah. This movie did not put me in the Christmas spirit. I'm okay with Christmas adjacent movies. Like I'm okay with adjacent in a movie. I don't think that that's wrong. I think it does. Like, I like to watch Christmas adjacent movies around Christmas. Cause like, you don't want to watch this shit in, in July. It just, it's a winter setting. So this is the time of the year. You're right. That is the worst time of year. for your marriage to fall apart. Kids out of school, it's hot out. No, what are we talking about? It being hot out while you cheat on your wife or husband is like a classic trope. It is supposed to be that the sweat is dripping off of you in New Orleans.
01:40:21
Speaker
You can dissolve your marriage in summertime. I don't know why this one had to be at at Christmas time, maybe to give it more of the sense of family so that you really feel like what he's what he's going to lose here. I don't I don't get it. All I got was a hooker with AIDS. I'm sorry, HIV, everything. Yeah, yeah, yeahp yeah, yeah.
Conclusion and Holiday Farewell
01:40:42
Speaker
All right, everybody. Don't forget the pig mask.
01:40:45
Speaker
Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa. Happy Toyotathon. Happy, uh, all the things I said at the beginning. Merry maryrysler Yeah. it is Hit our shop and get a, uh, Fidelio Pigman shirt off our merch page.
01:41:00
Speaker
Do not have that boom. Not yet, but I feel like I need to wet your snails. I need a Fidelity pig man. I need a, you know, I'd wear it. This is for me alive. Oh yeah. I think it is just for you at this point, but ah you know what? Uh, we love y'all. Make sure you like subscribe, tell your friends, uh, more of the merrier, ah especially around this beautiful holiday season, the sluttiest of Christmases.
01:41:27
Speaker
Hope you had yourself a horny holidays. I hope there was something sexy under the tree for you. In junior high, my friend Kyle, his brother gave him a pocket pussy for Christmas, wrapped it, put it under the tree, so he unwrapped it in front of his entire family. Wow. I hope something like that happened to you, but not as weird. Maybe your weird uncle gave it to you. No, that's worse. That's worse. You made it worse, Garrett. You made it worse. It got worse. It got worse. It got worse. Hey. Hey.
01:41:54
Speaker
yeah All right. Hey, thank you for listening. have I hope you had yourself a slutty little Christmas. Fidelio Pigman, sweat your snails. We want to shake you naked and eat.