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Species
55 Plays7 months ago
The Erotic Thriller Club continues with erotic horror for the month of October! This week we're watching the 1995 alien sex classic Species. Can a group of science pals stop an alien from sexing its way across Los Angeles? Does the alien give a suspicious amount of tongue? Is Bill Clinton to blame?
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Transcript
Introduction to Erotic Thriller Club
00:00:00
Speaker
Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, a van full of science homies and gather around your radio. It's time for this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club.
Alien Creation and Chaos in LA
00:01:07
Speaker
It's 1995, and after 30 years of trying to make contact with extraterrestrial life, Sir Ben Kingsley finally does it, but accidentally creates a horny fish out of water in the process. The alien escapes the lab and tries to fuck its way across Los Angeles. Can a ragtag group of science-ish pals stop her before it's too late? This week on The Erotic Thriller Club, species.
00:01:34
Speaker
Hey everybody, welcome to this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club. As always, Garrett Callender and Kit Ryan here. and this is where we try to answer the genre's three most important questions was i aroused was i thrilled and ruined my life for this person We're back in our Halloween-ish episodes, our horror, erotic, horror-y things, both from 1995 so far. We started with vampires, and now we're on to aliens.
00:02:05
Speaker
Both of these movies are movies that I saw on the shelf as a child that I thought that seems too naughty for me, and I waited until I was 37 to see either of these movies. And Lloyd, do you regret that?
00:02:23
Speaker
kind of do, to be honest. This one, with our, one of the first computers we got, like it was the first computer we got that had a DVD player, like DVD players were brand new at that point.
Mismatched Scientists vs. Alien
00:02:35
Speaker
And in the packaging, they included a DVD that had scenes from several movies you could buy on DVD. a Species was included in that. I would have been pretty young when species came out. And the scene that was included was that pool scene. Oh my god. Well, they knew how to reel them in, didn't they, huh? So I knew that this movie would change me as a child. And I and i didn't i wasn't ready for that evolution of Garrett yet.
00:03:13
Speaker
You know what, that takes a lot of um introspection, and I'm honestly proud of you, that some part of you knew, like, if I see tentacles coming out of boobies, I'm not gonna be the same boy I was the day before, and I'm not ready for that. No, and I've never searched any sort of tentacle porn in my existence, and here we are at 37, it's my new thing.
Ethical Concerns and Hybrid Creation
00:03:40
Speaker
oh no carrot
00:03:44
Speaker
I didn't realize that the change would still occur even post puberty.
00:03:53
Speaker
Apparently you are still very fragile. Yeah. i You know, my mind is like clay. it is You can can't mold it however you want. I'm easily influenced. I love this movie. This movie was so fun.
00:04:10
Speaker
It started off really fun with like a Predator type intro. And then next thing you know, the names that are being flashed across the screen. Ben Kingsley, what? Michael Madsen, Alfred Molina, Forrest Whitaker, H.R. Geiger. I was not expecting this many big boys in this movie. Two Academy Award winners, an Academy Award nominee, and fucking Geiger.
00:04:42
Speaker
but created The alien and aliens. Yeah. And if that one wasn't, um you know, coded
Character Highlights and Humor
00:04:50
Speaker
enough for you as about why female bodies are terrifying. ah Here you go. Have this one instead. This one may might make it a little clearer.
00:05:03
Speaker
I loved this random team of scientists clearly because I mentioned them twice in the intro. I wrote them down as a crack team of of oddballs or weirdos. Like it's funny that they treat Michael Madsen because Michael Madsen is, it seems like they needed like a Will Smith and Men in Black character to to be there to help fight the aliens while the other scientists just willingly accept this information so quickly. Oh yeah.
00:05:35
Speaker
and they say you is the only non-scientist to Michael Madsen. When there's a guy, Forrest Whitaker, whose power is to just like, he knows what people are feeling, like they treat him like a sidekick, certainly not one. No, he is he is a scientist and his science is the science of feelings.
00:05:59
Speaker
He's not though, is he? Like, does he have a science job? but I have no notion. It's not made very clear. It's so funny though. Throughout the thing, he'll look across the room at two people like clearly flirting. He's like, they like each other. Or like somebody's crying. He's like, she's sad. like It's not super insightful. Even his ah take on Michael Madsen, who's like, so what do you think you know about me? And he's like, I bet that this ah tough guy facade is just an act you're putting on. It's like, oh, you wounded me.
00:06:34
Speaker
How did he know? oh Don't let him see your eyes. He can tell you exactly how you're feeling and repeat it twice in a row. Oh yeah. No, but then other times he can like go to a location and be like, she was feeling trapped and scared. And it's like, you're just fucking guessing, aren't you? And but then other times he like gets like flashes of the future or something like he can see that something bad's happening somewhere else. It's not clear. His powers are unclear.
Alien's Journey Through Los Angeles
00:07:09
Speaker
He's also the only one with powers. Why is there a guy with magic powers? Aliens are real. Anything is possible in species land.
00:07:19
Speaker
I guess I guess so. Our crack team of science homies is ah we've got Forest Whitaker, who is an empath. We have Michael Madsen, who is a dickhead, a dickhead assassin for the government. Alfred Molina, who is an anthropologist.
00:07:42
Speaker
I couldn't even remember what his job was other than just generic scientist. Yeah, anthropologist. And then ah the girl. She was on CSI. I don't remember her name in or out of character. She's there to be the the girl on the team because your team needed a girl to tell you things like the most.
00:08:02
Speaker
No, they needed a girl to be like, that's menstrual blood. None of you may have noticed, even though it doesn't actually look like menstrual blood. Ben Kingsley, as as the ah I don't know, what do we want to call him? The the the the Xavier of the X-Men. Is that what we're going for here? He's the leader of the group.
00:08:29
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no, as my child would say. I think that he was ah closer to just the Elon Musk of the group. He seemed like the guy who had the money that could like tell everyone what to do because he's paying them.
00:08:46
Speaker
Well, that is true. um he More well spoken, obviously. Yes, obviously. But this is our our crack team that we assemble to find ah the missing alien. Whoops, we lost our alien. I hate it when that happens. The reason we have an alien at all is we've just been shooting our information into space for 30 years. We've been. shit That's true, though. We do do that. We do that. Oh, absolutely.
Real-life SETI and Movie Parallels
00:09:15
Speaker
Said he's a real organization and they really have been like trying to send signals into space. I mean, it's really funny when they're like, it's half a kilobyte of information and we all giggle. ah But yeah, they actually that's a totally real thing. Honestly, the amount of information they were shooting up there is about half a kilobyte.
00:09:34
Speaker
right It was our DNA makeup, where we're located, what our solar system looks like, and hi. Hi. Do you want to be friends? Do you want to be friends? How do you get that job? Because I mean, obviously, I'm sure the government is hiding some men in black shit from us in real life. Probably.
00:09:57
Speaker
but mostly probably nothing is going on in that lab and I can do a lot of solitaire at a computer while I shoot my half a kilobyte into space. I wonder if they make you do other shit like data entry just to like fill the time while you wait for aliens to message you back.
00:10:15
Speaker
It's a lot of spreadsheets and meetings. And I'm like, fucking Paul will not get off my ass about this. I'm shooting the information to space as hard and far as I can every day. Every day I pick a different direction and then just like alter it slightly. And then, you know, because space goes in so many directions, man.
00:10:40
Speaker
Mm, yeah, you gotta, yeah. That's true. That is the most true statement ever spoken on this show. Thank you, I am a science girl. But we finally get a hold of aliens. And they send back. What do they send? What do they send us? Well, ah we have clean energy that we're like, oh my god, infinite clean energy. Oh my god, let's not use that. We don't need it.
00:11:09
Speaker
Well, we want it, but they're also like, hey hey guys, um here's our DNA and here's instructions on how to ah make one of us. Here's how to
Gender Biases in Alien Design
00:11:20
Speaker
make an alien-human hybrid, which I'm sure you wanna do. I love that Ben Kingsley just glosses over this free energy and no one asks, is there a reason we're not using that? Well, they didn't give it to us yet. like Basically, they were like, you gotta make one so that it'll teach you how to get it.
00:11:37
Speaker
They said they got this information in 1993. They have had yeah plenty of time. They have made all of these little attempts at making the little alien, but they didn't want to make the free energy first. Yes. Listen, we can make a super hot alien hybrid and that sounds more fun.
00:11:58
Speaker
If you told me right now, this afternoon, my family is out of town. It's me here by myself. You give me the option of creating clean energy or a really good re- like, uh, what are were they called? Real dolls? Um, I got a couple of days to spend alone. Yeah, of course I'm going to make a real doll.
00:12:20
Speaker
A monster. I I just it's it is wild. It is hilarious. But like the movie starts with them ah deciding their real doll is ah not good enough and they're just going to gasser with cyanide.
00:12:38
Speaker
which is a 12 year old Michelle Williams Academy Award nominee. She has their little button nose and she looks just adorable. She says almost I don't think she has a single line in the movie. She doesn't know how to they never bother. Listen, they made themselves ah an alien human hybrid real doll, but they did not bother to teach her English.
00:13:00
Speaker
Well, she's only been that way for under a month. Like she, it shows the the progression of like fetus to adult. Clearly a very fast learner. She learns how to drive a car after watching a guy in a car. Like she catches on very quick. She very quickly understands that Fanny Pack is the pinnacle of fashion.
00:13:25
Speaker
Hell yeah, she does. It's convenient and stylish. That immediately made me so attracted to that character. Not Michelle Williams, but like the adult Natasha. and ah Really, when you saw her have her fanny pack over the wedding dress that she bought? That was funny. But like when her outfit was tight leather pants, fanny pack bra, that They were right. nineteen that was That was great. That was great. ah We can't gloss over, though, that Michelle Williams, after she escapes this lab, ah tears a hobo in half. Yeah, she snaps that fucker in half. I mean, listen, it was justified. He was going to, like, rape murder, murder rape her. He was very menacing. You can't judge a person based on their pirate teeth.
00:14:20
Speaker
I wasn't, I was judging him based on the fact that he was going, as he leaned over a 12 year old girl. We can't all be people persons. you like some of us people Some of us have, you know, social anxieties. Some of that means you have Nosferatu hands, you're flashing your pirate teeth and ah laughing your ghoulish laugh. And that's just not the way you interact.
00:14:49
Speaker
Yeah, I'm just saying I get the I feel like it's entirely possible. Everyone's very convinced that like, oh, they must have sent
Alien Transformation and Adaptation
00:15:00
Speaker
her like us this information to build an alien human hybrid so that then it would be like a weapon that would wipe out humanity by breeding incessantly and being super powerful, super strong.
00:15:11
Speaker
I'm guessing the heat that the aliens never expected that we would raise this thing in a glass box and threaten to cyanide it. I think they were expecting we would raise it like a child, like as part of our society. And all of this only happened because you treated her like a feral animal And, like, human children don't turn out well when you lock them in a glass box and don't ever teach them how to speak or anything. They turn out real bad. You are right. We might have clean energy right now in the most fuckable aliens of all time. But we did begin the movie the way E.T. ends. Yes, absolutely. Hazmat suits, people running around. It's all very menacing.
00:16:02
Speaker
And I can't say I don't blame them there. I don't know, would you? you Like, you're giving me a very doe-eyed face right now. Like, you gotta to trust the aliens, Garrett. You gotta just trust them. What's the worst that could happen? I was not going to make the alien to begin with, sir. I was gonna take my clean energy and then ignore all of the instructions on how to build a human-alien hybrid, which seems ethically dubious for so So many reasons. Garrett, where do you think they got these ovum? This ova from? This human? The ovum? Yeah, where do you think they got those from so that they could implant it with alien DNA? Well, clearly a hot Swedish woman.
00:16:47
Speaker
I'm just imagining that like some, some nice lady donated her eggs to science after her IVF treatments or something. And she was like, well, I have all these extras. I'm going to donate them to some other family so they can be blessed with a child. And instead it was used to make this. And that's a violation of trust. Once you give up the ovum, it's not yours anymore. If I go donate my sperm at a sperm bank, if they make an alien Garrett hybrid, that's on them.
00:17:17
Speaker
I don't have to parent it. I'm not saying they don't have to, you would have to parent it. I'm just saying, I feel like there should have been some language, you know, in the documents that you signed when you signed it over that warned you that it may be used to make an alien hybrid. This is not informed consent. I don't know. I mean, there's a lot, like contracts can be purposefully vague and still legal.
00:17:44
Speaker
so Yes, like, what the woman- Contracts can, science and experimentation cannot. We have review boards for a reason to make sure that our our ah experiments are ethical. This is not an ethical experiment. Number one, to for the woman who's ova, you stole. And number two, for the fact that you tortured a child. They tortured a child. The child, children should not be raised this way.
00:18:13
Speaker
You were really painting Serban Kingsley in a negative light here. Stole the
Alien's Human Integration Attempts
00:18:20
Speaker
ovum? You assume that they just stole? I'm sure that- I 100% know they got it unethically. Listen, Garrett, my mom's a bioethicist. You're not going to beat me on this one. Yeah, well, I'm an empath and I- you know And your face is expressing joy.
00:18:39
Speaker
yeah Oh my god. How does he know? Got her. Here, it's just wild that on our crack team of of science homies, we didn't include a bioethicist. The only thing this team was missing was a comedic relief. Like it really could have used like a 90s Philip Seymour Hoffman. Oh, absolutely.
00:19:03
Speaker
I think you are correct. I mean, I think yeah Alfred Molina was trying to be kind of the goofy one of the group, but it doesn't really, it doesn't land quite in that way. Also, all of them are such cute little babies. Forest Whitaker's got that sweet little angel face and Alfred Molina's just a wee little lad. They're so cute.
00:19:24
Speaker
Let's get in to the sexiness of this movie. ah Or actually, we gotta, actually, yeah, the the sexiness does start at like a pretty- Pretty early. Yeah, like a pretty gross like alien-ish scene, like of some very Geiger-esque shit. It is a very dutifully paced movie in that like at the 30 minute mark, you've met all the characters you need to meet. We have explained the basic premise And we are getting to the sexiness like we don't need to fuck around anymore. So our cute little Michelle Williams ah kills a very nice lady who was so helpful to her on the train, very sad, and then goes into ah a cocoon and comes out a hot 20 something.
00:20:11
Speaker
So the train lady that helps her, cause she does, she steals some credit cards and shit, gets a train ticket, the very nice lady on the train comes in, you're right, she does kill her, but she sucks her into this cocoon, which also that lady should have never, like if you come into a room with strobing lights and a thing that just looks like a giant meat sack,
00:20:31
Speaker
You go get somebody else because that's above your pay grade. Absolutely. I did not. I mean, I understand being frozen in absolute shock at the meat wall that has exploded all over your train compartment where I want to point out once a 12 year old girl was, I can understand why you'd be a little concerned about what happened to the cute little blonde girl and why is there now a throbbing meat wall?
00:21:00
Speaker
So what I think I am confused because the lady did get sucked into the meat sack and the 12 year old becomes a 20 something I would imagine age wise. Did she eat her and suck her life force and grow? I don't know. I don't know. The aliens don't seem to be eating us.
00:21:21
Speaker
No, she was eating a whole lot of junk food before that. She was clearly packing on the puddings so that she could ah gear up the calories needed to turn into a hot lady. I don't think so. I thought she just killed her out of pure self protection. Like I can't let her tell anyone she saw me in a chrysalis.
00:21:43
Speaker
Yeah, if I find somebody in a chrysalis, I start asking questions and questions lead to scientists, so. And you don't want those. Scientists try to cyanide you. We already know this about scientists. Yeah. So she escapes a hot lady dressed as, I mean, kind of a pilot. She's supposed to be a trained lady because she's still trained close, I guess.
00:22:10
Speaker
I love though that she went to Los Angeles because she can be as weird as she wants and blend in. I'm sorry, this this girl doesn't know how to eat a banana correctly. I doubt she chose Los Angeles in particular. I think she just accidentally ended up in Los Angeles.
00:22:28
Speaker
I love this point. though im I am always a sucker for a fish out of water story. There's always just some, there's some hilarity to be had. And even more so in a hot alien lady who just is trying to mate, presumably to take over the world. Is that why we just need to keep making more aliens?
00:22:48
Speaker
a I mean, here's my concern. Like it doesn't make a lot of sense to me that's like, oh, we're going to spread our DNA throughout. Like if you only start with like she is half human, half alien, the child will be quarter alien and so on and so on until the alien DNA is so thin that all you do is like, oh, here's my beautiful baby boy. He's all he's got spine spikes.
00:23:19
Speaker
ah But I don't think that the DNA would continue to be all that well, ah you know, integrated into the the creature. I don't know if it would even get the the flashes of insight nightmares from beyond space and time telling them to take over the world and fuck Michael Madsen.
00:23:40
Speaker
Yes, so the nightmares. Throughout this movie, the alien has these sex nightmares. yep and And it is a male and female alien, but we're only catching it in flashes, absolutely fucking in a swimming pool, a space swimming pool. Maybe inside of a belly, I don't know. Like it seemed like it could be in inside, maybe in the chrysalis, the chrysalis maybe has certain hot tub features.
00:24:08
Speaker
We don't know what the alien world even looks like, so it's hard to say. But I saw that Geiger said they filmed 20 minutes of that and he was so disappointed in how that turned out on screen. He said that they edited it poorly. I think it sounds like somewhere out there is 20 minutes of really hot alien sex that we just don't get to have because I guess, fuck us.
00:24:38
Speaker
Carrot, for every other movie we've watched where we have found out that there is cutting room floor sex, I have been disappointed and ah lamenting our loss as as people, as a culture um to not get to see it. I don't give two flying fucks about not having seen more of these gross ass aliens fucking each other. I'm so sorry.
00:25:07
Speaker
20 minutes. You would not sit down and watch 20 minutes of just two plastic guys mashing at each other. Garrett, what does your empath feeling say that I feel about it? Kid is feeling apathetic. She's apathetic.
00:25:29
Speaker
and a little grossed out. Grossed out? Yeah, they're gross. The aliens are gross, dude. I didn't want to fuck the alien in Alien either. Well, that was the premise of this movie. Somewhere was a meeting where they're like, what if you kind of wanted to fuck the xenomorph? And somebody's like, tell me more. Tell me more, tell me more. Well, it would have boobies. Tell me more. ah Yeah, the thing kind of...
00:25:57
Speaker
More looked like the Lady Ninja Turtle. um But it did shoot crazy Barb things out of its weird nippies. um There are a lot of boob tentacles.
00:26:11
Speaker
a lot of boob tentacles, a lot of spikes. I didn't really understand though, cause as Natasha Henstridge walks around Los Angeles, she is killing people and we're seeing glimpses of the alien. But it seems like she can pop in and out of being a person in and an alien.
00:26:31
Speaker
however she chooses. However she chooses, but it seems like she would have to tear out of her own flesh or something. But her flesh regenerates. Remember, she
Struggle for Belonging and Connection
00:26:40
Speaker
cut off her bone. It grew back. That was gross. That was cool. I liked that. Very gross. Yeah. So ah Ben Kingsley is telling everybody that like, oops, we lost our alien. and We need to go track her down and get her back. And um Also, ah just FYI, we made her a woman so she'd be more docile and controllable. And Michael Madsen has a cute little line where he's like, I guess you guys don't get out much. And he is the only one in that group that's fucking.
00:27:13
Speaker
And also, though, I feel like you don't understand aliens because, um, how the fuck would you know if this aliens females are more or less aggressive than the males?
00:27:29
Speaker
I mean, what if it's an angler fish situation and like the males are just like this tiny little fish that gets like attached to a big angler fish and then like does nothing. It just sort of gets all of its juices sucked out and just hangs on for the ride for eternity.
00:27:45
Speaker
like you don't know shit about aliens but you were like it is coming from a sexist place yeah yeah he's he's just like you know what I'm going off of what I know about ladies this this lady alien is gonna come I'm going to pay her less and she's not going to say anything
00:28:07
Speaker
Yeah. and Also, maybe I'll want to fuck her once she grows up. You know, win-win. That really is. That comes down. That is truly it, Kit. Is like, you know what? um Hot Swedish jeans in there. I don't care what a boy alien looks like. I'm not. I'm sex with it. I'm Ben Kingsley. I don't care. Not doing anything gay with an alien. Is it gay if they're not even the same species as you?
00:28:37
Speaker
yeah I don't know, we didn't we didn't get a good look at how the boy alien looked. We really only got a good look at the lady alien, which yeah was mostly boobies and nipples. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, I'll give it a go with the boy alien just to, you know, for science, for science. Open-mindedness, gotta do it for science. I'm proud of you. I'm afraid though, as this movie goes on, and like, I mean, we'll get into some of the kills, but I love when we find out, because she really, really wants to fuck, and like, she's having a hard time fucking, which is crazy, because she's such a beautiful lady.
00:29:14
Speaker
Well, she's very picky too. Like, she gets a guy to take her home and she's like, and no, thank you. Nevermind. Which, you know, fair. That is her right.
00:29:25
Speaker
I love the reveal though that like they can smell or whatever, sense if there's something bad in you, like if you had cancer or like in this one guy's case, diabetes. but Also, like he was just kind of rapey, so she maybe she sensed that as well. and that like You don't want a kid with a horrible personality and that could be genetic with aliens. i mean Does she not want a kid with a horrible personality? It's not like the kid she did have turned out to be like a real sweetie pie. He was trying to kill Forest Whitaker. He was cute as fucking Forest Whitaker's aiming a gun at his head. What the fuck is that? No, he wasn't. Forest Whitaker put the gun away and was like, hey, buddy, come on out. Come around. No one's going to hurt you. didn' But that's getting ahead of ourselves. We're too far ahead.
00:30:12
Speaker
So she she's, she's in LA. She's started watching TV. Oh no. Now you know where she's going to get all her ideas about being a sexy adult woman are coming from. Cause she definitely sees porn. She sees hair dye commercial. So she knows that exists.
00:30:29
Speaker
various other things that she will use throughout the movie. I'm disappointed they didn't show her watching a true crime show, though, because how did she know to how to fake her death later if she didn't watch Investigative Discovery? You're taking it in a different direction than me. I would have gone more like Encino Man and let her wheeze some juice. Oh, OK, that's fair.
00:30:56
Speaker
so I need a little dumber and enjoy Six Flags first. but so There's a fun little side quest where they're like, what if we tried to make ah the alien without the human parts and we could just study it in the lab and we would know what its weaknesses are. And ah that something goes wrong with the camera as they're, you know, implanting this, we can't Send a tech in there to fix it. It's classified. What is classified? The thing you are doing is literally imperceptible to the human eye. That's why you need a microscope and a camera. What is a technician going to see in there, you fucking morons?
Science Team's Dynamic Pursuit
00:31:41
Speaker
Oh, it doesn't matter. But we will have some random woman looking over my shoulder the entire time. I don't know who she is or how she got there. She's never seen a again.
00:31:51
Speaker
That we can allow, but someone to go fix the camera can't allow. Point is, uh, uh, Michael Madsen has to go in to help instead, and that dipshit drops, uh, an important bolt, and so now the container isn't secure, and now we have an evil hungry blob.
00:32:11
Speaker
It's gross and Ben Kingsley does not give a fuck. Uh, he's like, sorry, I'm going to have to burn you. I'm sorry. Uh, I am going to have to burn you. And they're like, why just let us out of here. It's still really small. Let us out now. And then you can burn it. And he's like, I'm so sorry. I really do have to burn you.
00:32:32
Speaker
I disagree that he didn't care. I think that maybe this is just the empath of me. ah But as I look at Big Kingsley. He was really feeling, let us know. Yeah, tell us Forrest. He was going to have to kill those people. And he was worried that his other science homies were going to be mad at him.
00:32:52
Speaker
yeah so he was Cuz how do you trust your new boss if he just killed two guys as and the The thing is like yeah, this goo is scary. We do need to burn it. It sucks. It's very a horror blob. It's not good But it is kind of stationary. It's not chasing them. And this door open and closes fast enough. So fast. And it's really small. There was no issue. And they're at first like, can you let us out? And he's like, no, no, no. And they're like, boo-wah. It's really tiny at that point. And he still won't let them out. And then, of course, at the point where it's starting to launch itself across the room and try to eat everything, then it's too fucking late.
00:33:38
Speaker
Give me we've been talking too much about protocol. It's protocol. Where is it erotic? I guess I know. I'm sorry. You're going to have to you're going to have to get to L.A. and what the nightclub for that. She does take her top off when she's watching the pornos. Good for her. Yeah, she's a quick learner. She's a really quick learner.
00:34:05
Speaker
ah But yeah, so that they, um he you know, he's screaming about protocol, protocol. The people do get out. They live. that Michael Manson does not die. um
00:34:18
Speaker
And they didn't learn anything from this experiment. It really is just a dumb little side quest. They're not like, oh, clearly it cannot truly exist or take form without another species to mate with it. And therefore it's clearly a parasitic species or it's, you know, they don't learn anything. They're just like, horror blob was bad idea. Terrible idea. Turns out that you can't fuck itself.
00:34:44
Speaker
The goo can't fuck itself and it is creepy. It is not a hot lady. It's creepy. It did have a nice squish to it though. That's true. If you close your eyes and felt it.
00:35:01
Speaker
I mean, it'd probably be like some of that like gak, you know, type squishiness that we did was when we were kids. You remember gak. Yeah, you're right. Like it kind of, you're right. it If you closed your eyes and felt it, like in my mind, it's what's inside your lungs after 20 years of smoking.
00:35:21
Speaker
oh it does It is that color though of of the pictures they show you in health class to try to convince you not to. It is the exact color of your lungs after 20 years of smoking pack a day. So she's in a hotel. She finds herself in a room and she's already asking the very important questions. Garrett, what does she want to know? First thing,
00:35:45
Speaker
Well, she asked the front desk man, where's where can I find men? We're going to find where's a good place. Where is a good place to find a man? And he's like around the corner. He didn't even try and hit on her. Beautiful women. He didn't even be like, there's one right here. Everyone in L.A. is so fucking nice. The people. It is outrageous movies. I don't if you haven't seen a lot of movies that are set in L.A. in the 90s, they make it seem like a hellhole.
00:36:14
Speaker
They make it seem like everyone is murdering everyone. People will steal from you. And actually, even in the movie, people are like, you got to be careful, honey. You can't just like put your money out here like this. People are going to rip you off. Not everyone's as nice as me. And no, every single person is so nice to her. And I don't know if it's because she's a cute blonde or or just because like turns out L.A. actually is just the nicest city in America.
Climactic Alien Confrontation
00:36:40
Speaker
But like ah other than the ah hobo and the rape.
00:36:43
Speaker
other than the hobo and Robbie the Rapist. And the hobo, that wasn't even in LA, so that doesn't count. So it's really just Robbie the Rapist. Everyone else is an absolute gem. An angel of a person did not deserve what she does to them. Did we get, ah so she does go to the club. yeah We see her transform into a monster and kill a guy or a lady that tried to steal her her man that she was going to take home.
00:37:09
Speaker
It is so ridiculous. She, she kills this nice slutty girl over a guy that by the way, she doesn't even go back to that same guy once she leaves the bathroom. She goes to a different guy entirely. So what the fuck do you kill her for? Oh, it's sexual competition. Do you think the tourism board of LA made this movie?
00:37:33
Speaker
because they basically were showing like, are you a boy? Come here. Too many hot women and not enough boys to go around. Not enough boys to go around. I mean, it's clearly different in the science community. The science homies have only one lady to fight over and it causes a little bit of sadness. I mean, you you might need Forest Whitaker to feel it out, but clearly, Alfred Molina is feeling left out here. You couldn't have gotten two science ladies?
00:38:03
Speaker
Nope, nope, one science lady, that's all you get. We did have a second one, but she left after she saw the goo. Yeah, whoever the fuck she was.
00:38:17
Speaker
Point is, uh, she, she's got her cute little, uh, pink fuzzy sweater that she quickly realizes at the, the club is unnecessary, merely a hindrance, takes it off, walks around with her bra. Uh, that's, I guess when Garrett loved her the most. The tight pants, the fanny pack, the bra that is the best outfit in any of the movies we've watched. Like she wore it well.
00:38:46
Speaker
She does wear it very well. I don't know. It's a very basic white bra. It's not like the sexiest cutest. It was. It was cute. It was cute. Okay.
00:38:59
Speaker
It's one your mom picked out for you at JCPenney when you turned 13, Garrett. That is the exact- Good luck finding a man in 1995 LA, Kit. I can. They're everywhere. It's the nicest town full of the nicest people.
00:39:20
Speaker
and i love that oh the glass science The science crew shows up ah to try and find her there and find that she's murdered this lady with her alien hands. And they're like, well, she probably went home with a regular. And they're like, ask, like, do you know any regulars have any regulars left with women? They're like, well, I didn't see Robbie leave. Robbie's here a lot. Robbie left with a lady. And he left with a blonde. All right. One guy, one blonde. That's it. One guy, one blonde.
00:39:51
Speaker
Uh, but yeah, so we see Robbie, uh, Robbie is fucking loaded. He does not look loaded. He dresses kind of 90, you know, grunge schlubby, but damn, his house is nice yeah and he can turn on his lights and his stereo by snapping his fingers. That's pretty impressive. Kit very turned on by the clapper.
00:40:20
Speaker
I know what you're getting for Christmas. I didn't say I would fuck him for it. I'm just saying he's the man has a nice house. ah But he goes and takes a shower and that's where we finally see a little bit of man. There's a tiniest bit of roots in there. He did show root. That's a a rare bit of root. I you know me. I love to see a little bit of root in movies and there's something you know that's a little little boy cleavage.
00:40:52
Speaker
Yep. Yep. And so here's the problem, though. She's suddenly decided she doesn't want to have sex with him after all. And Robbie gets mean. ah So um she kisses him and penetrates the back of his skull with her alien tongue. That's fucking cool. You know, that one, I believe it was 1996 MTV Movie Awards Best Kiss. It did. They know what's up. They know what's up in in the 90s.
00:41:22
Speaker
That was fun. that was fun like that It really did have it. like You could tell that was ah a Geiger thing. you know I guess he had a lot of say in this and that was supposed to be a lot more violent and cool and it just didn't work out. But it also sounds like everything he put in this movie was shit he had written for other movies. It sounded like this was a combination of like three different movies.
00:41:44
Speaker
he had written I have so many other ideas for how sexy alien women and can kill men, and I don't know why they won't let me put them all in one movie.
00:41:56
Speaker
One of them was supposed to be a Stallone movie. At one point they wanted Schwarzenegger in this movie, but it was too low budget and they couldn't afford him. So like, honestly, I like the cast we did get. I had zero complaints about this cast. No complaints whatsoever. it It was a good group. They had good chemistry as a group of science friends. You believe them as science friends, you know?
00:42:20
Speaker
She steals Robbie the rapist car and she's driving around in it. She gets out. She's walking around. This is where we get to one of my favorite moments in this movie. um She gets hit by a car.
00:42:33
Speaker
Yes, it is dangerous to be a hot blonde because then a guy on a skateboard will get distracted by how hot you are and then nearly get hit by a car and then the car has to swerve and then it'll hit you because that's the real dangers out there ah for beautiful women out there in the world. Watch out. And she absolutely explodes through a bus stop.
00:42:57
Speaker
yes oh Like a glass box bust up, like explodes through it. And a nice man takes her to the hospital where Elaine Bennis's boss is her doctor and sees that she just regenerates. He hates that. Doctors do not like that they didn't get to charge you for this situation. he the The healing happened itself.
00:43:22
Speaker
Oh, they still charge her. Don't be ridiculous. No, they didn't charge her because of the weirdest thing in the whole movie. She didn't have insurance. So the man that drove her to the hospital, not a man responsible for this in any way. Keep in mind, this is a random bystander. If you ever met.
00:43:45
Speaker
a human so attractive that you were willing to pay for their health care out of pocket. Never um in this economy. in This economy. I mean, this was the 90s and he's driving a nice car. So clearly he's got some money. But like you don't know how bad like you saw her go through a bus stop. Whatever she has been through is expensive.
00:44:08
Speaker
put it on my card, that is the that is a move though. And the thing is like is, that seems like a move that you're like, I am getting laid from this. But he doesn't know that because as far as he knows- He doesn't wanna get laid. No, as far as he knows, she's gonna be in six different casts and comatose. like He doesn't have any reasonable expectation that she's gonna be up to fucking anytime soon.
00:44:35
Speaker
Yeah. People in LA are just really nice. People in LA are nice. This movie just as well have taken place in the South. Yeah. Oh, honey, come here. I'll put it on my card. Put it on my card. But yeah, so they're checking out Robby the Rapist's house and they're like, wow, shit, I think she's trying to fuck.
00:45:01
Speaker
She hasn't learned how yet. He's exploded. that's what they They point out they're like well his pants are still on so I don't I don't think she was successful Which is fair?
00:45:14
Speaker
So from there, do we just we go back to the blonde guy's house that paid for her hair? She just walks out and the doctor's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And she's just like, nope, I got to go by and she sees a hot, rich guy who put it all on his credit card. And she's like, let's get out of here. What is his deal?
00:45:36
Speaker
because she goes to his house and I'll be honest, she is a little forceful with the tongue. She immediately is. She's a little desperate. She does come off as a little desperate, which is odd for a woman that hot. And I can see why most men would be a little perturbed by the fact that they are not having to work at all for this. Instead, she is literally like pressuring you into having sex with her which is not how you were expecting this night to have to go so i think i understand why most men would be like wait what why like when was the last time you heard a man say like this is moving too fast
00:46:25
Speaker
Well, it I mean, right? like i mean i You get the feeling he's already like mentally composing in his head like, dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me, but I paid for a woman's medical care after she got hit by a car and sent through a bus stop and nearly died, and she decided she wanted to come back to my hot tub.
00:46:47
Speaker
What's funny though is this basically what you're describing where this hot man, this hot rich man is just like, this is a suspicious amount of tongue. It is a suspicious amount of tongue.
00:47:00
Speaker
Is that ever, I have definitely been on the receiving end of a suspicious amount of tongue, but I went Alfred Molina with it. I didn't go. I crushed those concerns. I buried them deep, deep down inside me and I took what was offered and I didn't look at it closely. like I was experiencing that amount of tongue and like my brain just goes like, you know what? I am a nice little piece of ass.
00:47:30
Speaker
I do deserve this. This this about a tongue checks out. I yeah, I'm irresistible. am hot. I am lovable. And so no, ah this guy instead is like, I don't think maybe he has self esteem issues. He doesn't understand why he's getting so lucky.
00:47:55
Speaker
And so when she's trying to take his shorts off in the hot tub, he starts to push back a little like, whoa, whoa, slow down, honey. And um well, she says the thing. Don't go, please. I want a baby. And he reacts exactly how you'd expect to that. Not well, how did I try to remember, how does she even kill him?
00:48:25
Speaker
Uh, tentacle boobs. Tentacle murder boob. She fucking deep throats him with her tentacle down his fucking throat. It's a gruesome one. As you described that, my erotic score went up on this film.
00:48:44
Speaker
No, that's pretty cool. but you know show Show me something I haven't seen before. That is true. if you Listen, if you are someone who feels like you've seen every type of porn there is, and you're just not excited by stuff anymore, you haven't seen anything new, try watching a guy deep throat a tentacle, see if it does it for you.
00:49:10
Speaker
It makes me pretty excited that there's multiple sequels to this, because there are more tentacles to be explored, and you know, in a sluttier movie, that they explored it more. The sequel's always sluttier. The sequel's always sluttier. You know, whoever directed, like, the straight to video three and four, where two is theatrical, maybe it didn't go there, I don't know. But three and four, you're like, we're getting into it, because we got nothing else going on.
00:49:36
Speaker
Maybe before we were trying to say something about women and feminism. We don't know exactly. The message is not clear, but at least we were sort of trying. Now we're not trying. I don't need like this was a competent movie. Like it was a extremely competent movie.
00:49:55
Speaker
i need I need one that isn't. Like I'm actually super pumped to do a sequel to this. And we might just skip straight to like four. um We won't know the context of the previous movies to know what's going on. Hey, the director didn't see the other three. Just like you say there's a sexy alien human lady ah with tentacles. Got it. i No, I don't need to know anything else. I got the brief.
00:50:25
Speaker
look at ah Was the pool scene sexy up until that point? or Because it was it was mostly forceful. It was a little aggressive. I mean, she's you could she's naked. She looks very good. But yeah, it's a little unsettling, especially because we all know she's going to murder him. Come on. Isn't it kind of insane like she didn't become she's I don't know. She's very likable in this movie. She's a very attractive lady. It seems like she should have had a huge career.
00:50:54
Speaker
This seems like this would be a nice kicking off point. This was like the movie says and introducing Natasha Henstridge. Does she not have a big career after this? She did three of these. She did the whole nine yards. She did Ghost of Mars, which was a John Carpenter movie. Yeah, I liked Ghost of Mars. It's really good. And she was doing it. Statham was in that, right?
00:51:19
Speaker
oh Is that the Ice Cube Statham one? Yeah, it's Natasha Henstridge, Ice Cube, Pam Grier, Jason Statham. Pam Grier! God, she was so good. I love Pam Grier so much. Yeah, I need to rewatch this.
00:51:35
Speaker
All right, so the man will not give her a baby. She deep throat tentacle kills him and then runs off naked where she finds yet another nice person willing to help her. She comes across this lady and she's like, please, I need your help. And of course you see a naked woman running up to you begging for help. Of course you're going to help her.
00:51:59
Speaker
You're a nice lady. You're a really nice lady. Nope, this does not go well for you. She did this nice lady. So dirty. So dirty, kid. Well, it's bad. You think that it's bad, and it only gets so much worse. Yeah, your assumption when you later see her wearing the woman's clothes and driving the woman's cars, she killed another one. Mm-mm. Kidnapped her. Tied her to the bed.
00:52:22
Speaker
and ah Talked at her a lot. Yeah, talked at her a lot. Cut her thumb off. Cut her thumb off. Well, she cuts off her own thumb, sees it grow back. She's like, huh, that's neat. And then she cuts off the lady's thumb. For science? I think it's just like, so do humans do that? Or is it she doesn't know shit? She didn't even know how credit cards work. OK, so obviously she doesn't know that humans grow their don't grow their thumbs back. So.
00:52:51
Speaker
She's clearly been watching some investigative discovery. She now knows how to fake her death and she's going to use this poor, poor nice lady to help accomplish that. After she cuts the thumb off and you don't know where it's going, like you see her driving around stealing a couple cars, filling things with gasoline, filling like canisters.
00:53:16
Speaker
The our science crew knows where she is and we're in a high-speed chase after her She's got this poor woman tied up next to her during the chase Flies down a hill Natasha her woman is screaming bloody murder. She does not want this And you're like, oh, this poor lady, like she has been, she lived so much longer than I thought she would. Natasha dives out of a car. This car full of gasoline just booms, just rams into an electrical box and explodes, but that isn't it. Military helicopter follows behind and shoots fucking rockets at this poor woman. Yeah.
00:54:03
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I get it. They wanted to kill it with fire, make sure it's dead, but I mean, that woman wasn't getting out of there. she I pray she died on impact because good God. Is that going to go down as an unsolved murder or were we in her car? What do you mean? the Will her family ever know what happened to her? Oh God, no.
00:54:27
Speaker
No, they incinerated that poor woman, but they found ah the thumb that that our sexy alien cut off so that they can say like, look, it's her DNA on the thumb. So we know it was her in the car. And I guess you'd have to pretty badly incinerated this thing.
00:54:49
Speaker
to not recognize that the dead body is in the passenger seat and not the driver's seat. So you get the feeling that they really did a number on this, and there is no body left to claim. As far as this woman's ah concerned, ah she is a missing person. Hmm. Poor poor.
00:55:12
Speaker
it's really sad it this time that i started making a list of justifiable and not justifiable deaths because first whiker First Whitaker keeps saying like she kills when she feels threatened. She kills when she feels threatened. And I was like, I don't know if that's actually true. So I started making a list. And um of the deaths that we see, I only put three as justifiable. And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven as unjustifiable.
00:55:47
Speaker
So was train lady death unjustifiable? Absolutely not justifiable. That lady let her ride for half price. She was, she was going to tell on her though. She was so nice. No way. She was so nice. So the rapist, justifiable. The hobo I wrote is justifiable.
00:56:10
Speaker
I think he's just misunderstood, but I'll go with you on that one. Look, there's only room for one boxcar child in this boxcar, and it ain't that guy. That's just how hobos talk, Kit. That's what you talk like after you've been riding the rails. If she had been riding the rails for a little longer, she would have started to laugh like that too.
00:56:31
Speaker
Like if you remember, that's basically how the old, the hobo and Pee-Wee's big adventure when he's in the box car talks and Pee-Wee didn't incinerate him or tear him in half. Well, Pee-Wee wasn't a one month old, you know, baby brained girl. You work almost describing Pee-Wee.
00:56:53
Speaker
Oh yeah, know what that's a good point. It's possible she didn't even intend to kill him. She does have super strength. It's possible she just meant to push him away from her. And then, you know, oopsie daisy, I broke him in half. Fair, fair, fair. yeah ah Yeah, that's where I decided that she'd probably watch some true crime along with the hair dye commercials. ah And she's doing a really pretty good job.
00:57:19
Speaker
I would say of of doing this. Her fatal mistake, really, is that she didn't just skip town. I mean, I guess because L.A. had been so nice to her that she didn't want to leave. She's like, what if in New York they're a bunch of assholes? You know, where am I going to find such giving, loving people who are so willing to help me and fuck me as L.A.? Hopefully we find out in the sequel.
00:57:48
Speaker
All right. By four, she's in Canada. Our crew of science friends are all hanging out. They think they've had a job well done. And what are they doing, Garrett? Hanging out at a nightclub, trying to get laid. Nobody wants like the.
00:58:06
Speaker
Do you think it's weird how tight this crew is and that everywhere they show up is in a giant passenger van and they're all there when not all of these people are necessary at every place? Oh, it is a little ridiculous. I'm sorry, did I really need a molecular biologist here at this exact moment? I don't think I did. When they were making the black goo, Forrest Whitaker absolutely didn't need to be there. No, he needed to be there to sense what the goo was feeling.
00:58:36
Speaker
I feel like they don't wanna be locked in that room with the goo. I think they don't wanna be in the goo room and I think the goo also does not want to be in the goo room. Michael Madsen's mad, he's mad. but they this Yeah, we go to the club where the lady scientist and Michael Madsen are clearly flirty with each other. ah Alfred Molina's pretty sad. Alfred Molina's feeling left out.
00:59:03
Speaker
He's like, please, Forest Whitaker, be my wing man. And Forest Whitaker's like, no, I think you should go to bed. You're clearly unfuckable. He doesn't feed him a whole bunch of ice long island iced teas, even though he says he doesn't drink. He's like, ah does it have any tea in it? Nope. Which I did not actually know until this this line that Long Island I see does not have any tea in it. It just has a whole shitload of different liquor.
00:59:32
Speaker
which I knew it was super alcoholic, but doesn't taste super alcoholic. It tastes fucking delicious, but I didn't know it has no tea. I assumed it had a little splash at the end for the color or something. I didn't do. No, that's cola. That's Coke. So he's there and he can probably empath that like, Alfa Molina, no one here is going to fuck you. I can tell. I am sensing that no one here will fuck you and this is a waste of your goddamn time.
00:59:58
Speaker
He's just in the corner telling strangers he's sad because he can't come right now. He really wants to come. Meanwhile, those two, they want to fuck each other. I can tell because I have powers. And it's so funny. She goes back to her hotel room. he fought Michael Madsen ends up following her to the hotel room, is in the elevator with the alien first, who's stalking him.
01:00:21
Speaker
Yeah, both the lady and Michael Madsen spend some time with the alien and don't recognize her because she's dyed her hair. And I think she looks cuter as a brunette. What do you think, Garrett? Do you like her better as a blonde or a brunette? Ooh. Um, I mean, I typically go brunette over blonde, but I don't know. I think like she was a, she was a pretty blonde. She is a very pretty blonde. I like her natural color.
01:00:45
Speaker
She looked very good at at both both options, but excellent choices. But I don't know, I kind of felt like she had ah a fun vibe to her when she was a brunette. She's personal preference. give it yeah it was it was a Yeah, it was trying a whole new whole new life, a different personality, somebody that might not cut your thumbs off.
01:01:07
Speaker
Yes, someone who wears different lipstick, different perfume, different style of dress, doesn't cut off your thumb. Last tongue. Last tongue. More, you know, fucking Alfred Molina. What is she wants to fuck Michael Madsen? Both the both the science lady and the alien want to fuck Michael Madsen. But the science lady gets to him first. So yes, she says when he knocks on the door. Yes. Yes.
01:01:37
Speaker
Oh, my God. And so they're they're going to hook up. And ah you know what? Good point for, you know, points to our alien. She is so quick to to change directions when Alfred Molina walks in and and is like, what are you doing here? And she's like, waiting for you, obviously. Checks out. Yeah, she checks out into his room. A beautiful, ah beautiful woman he's never seen before is just in his room.
01:02:05
Speaker
And when she says, I'm here to have sex with you, he's just like, yes, you are. yeah I will question none of this. And he's like, what about protection? She doesn't answer. He doesn't push the issue. He's just willing to go for it.
01:02:25
Speaker
He really lets that go quick. yeah Yeah, you know your your brain when it is blood rushing elsewhere and you just he doesn't have time to think scientifically and The scientific method would have proved like hypothesis. This woman wants to fuck me because I'm really attractive. And like you go through the steps and you would have come up with the result of like, no, that's not. No, my hypothesis has been proven incorrect. ah She's probably an alien who wants to to mate with me and then destroy me ah with is probably what he would have come up with if there were any blood left in his brain, which there wasn't.
01:03:08
Speaker
ah But yeah, she's riding on top of him and she's got there's a very cool shot of the spikes coming out of her spine as she's riding him. It's fun. I enjoyed it. This is our really our only true sex scene in the film. You wouldn't think it'd be this hard for this woman that she only gets to have sex the one time. She's been in LA for like three days. Yeah. It's hard out there.
01:03:38
Speaker
Everybody's too nice and needs to go on a week's worth of dates first. Yeah, they're like, can I take you out for dinner? I don't, come on. Little did she know she was gonna have to find a slutty little scientist. Luckily yeah Doc Ock had some tentacles for her.
01:03:53
Speaker
i ah ah It's true though. I loved the end of this sex scene because it like implies that he just comes really fast. Oh, yeah. And then what is the I wrote the line down that he says, oh, he comes really fast. She has a look of disappointment on his face. And he says in his British accent, I enjoyed that immensely.
01:04:19
Speaker
And then she's like, it's starting and he looks really excited. Like, what? And I'm like, what do you think she's coming now? Now that you're but like, what is wrong with you? She's like, no, the baby, the baby's already coming and he starts to laugh at her like, oh, you stupid, stupid woman. Haha. You dumb slut. When really he's the dumb slut, he is the dumb slut and he has to die for it.
01:04:49
Speaker
So, you know. she I kind of wish he got like a cooler death. It's more of an off screen. Yes. He gets tentacled too, though, with all the back tentacles, right? like Yes, the back tentacles come at him. And meanwhile, ah Forest Whitaker has sensed that something is wrong. And so he grabs everyone. He interrupts Michael Madsen and the Science Lady, who thankfully have finished what they were doing. So they can, you know, take a quick quick break ah before round two.
01:05:25
Speaker
They're having a nice little thing and like as he knocks on their door to interrupt he's like they're angry that I've interrupted coitus He's so good at knowing what people are feeling he really is and so they ah They knock they're they're about to to break down Alpha Molina's hotel door when she just comes busting out through the walls and
01:05:55
Speaker
This whole finale seems so 90s sci-fi action movie-ish. We just end in like some mysterious underground cavern that's beyond the sewers. We all know the l LA has the sewers that lead into creepy underground caverns that are filled with oil. Oil pits. we Yeah, that's a thing. You know.
01:06:23
Speaker
It seems legit. They have a wide range of guns that they're following her down with. We get to see Ben Kingsley get jawed. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because they see that Alfred Molina is dead and they go chasing after her. They're like, it's fine. and There's fire doors down there. There's no way she'll get out. And it's like, well, she burst through one wall already. I don't know why you think she wouldn't be able to burst through another wall. And oh, shocker. She did. And she goes down to the sewers. They're chasing her. They got guns. And I'm like, does the molecular biologist
01:07:01
Speaker
know how to fire this military like assault rifle. Does Ben Kingsley even know? It's not molecular science, kid. it's You pointed at the bad guy. It's a real point and click adventure.
01:07:21
Speaker
Yeah, so they're they're running through ah the sewers and ah Ben Kingsley is starting to get real, real huffy. You know, he's like Forest Whitaker. Which which way did they go? And he's like, I don't know. My power suddenly don't work underground or something. I don't know. His signal is is blocked by all the concrete and rock.
01:07:47
Speaker
You can't figure it out. And so Ben Kingsley's getting real snippy and sees bubbles from the water underneath them and for some reason doesn't just shoot and instead is like hundred oh oh giving her plenty of time to pop out of the water.
01:08:03
Speaker
and yeah What do you think? like Because it has made us wait other than in the nightmare flashes she has to see the alien. like There is a long wait for the reveal of the full, full gale. You get bits and pieces of it. You get the boobs with the boob tentacles or you get the spikes, but this is, you're right, the first time you see it in all of its full glory.
01:08:30
Speaker
What do you think? Is the juice worth the squeeze? Like was it worth the weight or do you think like it was? I don't know. She's very metallic. Certainly not as good of a costume as the xenomorph. No, it's it certainly doesn't hold up to the xenomorph. And I think there's a little bit of squishiness with some of the effects. The practical effects on this look really good. The CG stuff does not look as good. It doesn't hold up after 30 years. Shocking way.
01:08:57
Speaker
Well, only the full alien, though. I think like the the effects when she's like riding them in the tentacles are coming out of her back. Like some of that stuff looks really great. Like the the cocoon thing and the train actually looked really great. Oh, that looks good. The cocoon looks excellent. And her coming out of the cocoon looks fabulous. Like. Full nude just like. Full nude boobies comes slipping right out.
01:09:22
Speaker
um But yeah, the the the effects during this action sequence get a little iffier. ah And, you know, they're doing their best to disguise it with, you know, low lighting and such like that. But it's not it doesn't work in the same way that the xenomorph worked as just this visceral, gooey like she's surprisingly clean looking, you know, she doesn't have the.
01:09:48
Speaker
the ick factor that the xenomorph has. She's a little too sleek and metallic. It just doesn't even really have a scary-ish face. It's just like a metal lady. It is. It's a metal lady, but sometimes boobs tentacles pop out. Like that. Haven't seen that. That's new. Haven't seen that. That's new. But yeah, so she has her baby. Boops out a little bit.
01:10:14
Speaker
little baby who is instantly toddler sized and very cute, very cute baby. um Which does seem to imply like an even faster growth than she had because But you know, I don't think too much about the science in this movie. They weren't, clearly. So Forrest Whitaker sees the baby. He's like, oh, hey, baby. Nobody's gonna hurt you. It's okay. And the baby sticks his tongue out like, nah. Yeah, just like mama, too much tongue. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. But Forrest does not die. He just ah ends up like clinging to the edge of a cliff because there's cliffs. Don't ask.
01:10:59
Speaker
Don't ask an earthquake opened up a weird underground cavern or something was the basically it seemed like they had a leftover set from something else. Yeah, oh, definitely. And so, ah you know, there's some struggling with in yeah Michael Madsen is getting choked by a boob tentacle, not the way he wanted to die. I get the feeling and then.
01:11:23
Speaker
do we light the We light the oil on fire so that we can have a cool Terminator style, you know, like melting into the the fiery pit sort of deal. Geiger didn't like it. He said it was too much like T2 in Alien 3. I mean, he's not wrong. It's definitely pulling from those as inspiration. He's got to shoot it in the head to make it a little different.
01:11:47
Speaker
And so yeah, Madsen and Science Lady are trying to pull Forest Whitaker up, but the alien pops out of the fiery oil and grabs his leg and is trying to drag Forest Whitaker down. And Michael Madsen grabs the gun and points it at her face and says the iconic line.
01:12:10
Speaker
Let go, you motherfucker. I was so deeply underwhelmed. Shoots her in the face, and that's ah that's that. That's that right there. Other than we see a mouse or a rat dragging away one of the booby tentacles that got cut off earlier, ye and then disappears, a rat looks at another rat, and then the rat shoots its long tongue out, credits. Also, the rat also uses too much tongue. He's too aggressive with the tongue.
01:12:42
Speaker
So I think I thought the movie would be a little more erotic. You do see her nude quite a bit. Quite a bit. You see a lot of boobs. And for a movie of a lady trying to have sex, it is so hard for her to do. yeah It is really a hero's journey that when she finally does it, I felt like Frodo dropped the ring into more. Is that exactly the feeling you got of like, ah, her long journey is at an end. She can now peacefully go off into the West.
01:13:20
Speaker
now a long walk home yeah no she's gonna have the eagles take her that's fine yeah i i think i thought there would be more there but as far as like it wasn't not erotic it was no it wasn't but i feel like the movie has a bigger reputation for eroticism than it actually has eroticism in it because yeah you hear sexy alien-human hybrid fucks her way across LA trying to mate and make more aliens and you do kind of think you're gonna get more fucking
01:13:59
Speaker
I'll give him this though, as far as the thrills, like her exploding through the bathroom wall and clawing up that lady's back, those thrill moments were pretty great. And to be honest, I liked this team enough that I was concerned for some of the characters that I would have been a little bummed if they died.
01:14:20
Speaker
I was a little bummed that Alfred Molina died. So like, yeah, because he seemed like ah he was a good natured sort of member of the crew. It's not his fault. He was super, super, hurt super horny. and And there was only one science lady to share between all the men.
01:14:39
Speaker
You know when that happens? How dare she not choose him? No, the problem is- She chooses the dumbest guy in the crew. Well, obviously she does, but no, this is Ben Kingsley's problem. He should have made sure that, you know, this is why diversity in hiring is so important and why you need to have parity in equal number of women and men. It's not because Women are people and they deserve to make the same money and have the same jobs No, it is because otherwise your men will get all fighty over the one woman in the group and then they'll get desperate and end up fucking an alien-human hybrid and possibly ah Causing the end of all humanity Do you wish that there had been further
01:15:26
Speaker
arguing over the use of protection, and here the alien justify why he cannot.
01:15:34
Speaker
Wait, are you saying that I ah do? I wish Alfa Molina had been like, no, seriously, it's the 90s. We're worried about we're worried about eight stuff. We can't just we can't just have this isn't the 70s anymore, lady. We can't just have sex all the time. We're worried about AIDS now. So um I'm really going to need to ask that you respect, oh you know, the fact that I would like to use protection.
01:16:04
Speaker
I'm just saying I would have liked to have seen her back tentacles poke holes but I like it. Just a little like he turns to do something and just like, people just the tiniest little.
01:16:28
Speaker
Yeah, Garrett, that's what this was missing, is is that... I mean, she already learns so quickly. Like, she picks up on stuff so fast, and you know what? I could see her learning, like, what is a condom? That is what men use condoms for. Excellent. How can I get around that since my main goal is to make baby? I could see her learning that pretty quickly. If she were going to...
01:16:59
Speaker
mate with you, what do you think your red flag would be? Like what are her senses going to pick up on that she's too choosy to choose you?
01:17:11
Speaker
Wait, are you sick so ah in this scenario, I'm I'm Robbie the Rapist that she's deciding not to have sex with after all because she found my my insulin or whatever. She finds your beaties, yeah. like ah what is what is What is going to be her ick of of you? Other than the fact that she's like, wait a minute, I can't get any sperm out of this one. You don't think that would be enough?
01:17:41
Speaker
Give me your ovum. Give me your ovum. I'm gonna take it back to the lab.
01:17:49
Speaker
Um, I don't know. She probably would find out that I'm, uh, you know, I wouldn't say that I have the most childbirth and hips. So if I'm the one who's going to have to deliver a shit pile of alien babies, I'm probably not the the best choice for that. Um, you too yeah too short also. Yeah. You're going to need physically strong, uh, very sexy babies to then go procreate.
01:18:15
Speaker
you know, filtering throughout the world. I just don't think I'm a good option for that. Garrett, what about you?
01:18:22
Speaker
Well, I mean, I've been going to the doctor. My spleen's too big and they can't figure out why. And it doesn't seem to like I know it's not cancer, but I do have a little too big of a spleen and I don't know. She's going to sniff that out. She's going to sniff it out right away. She's like, what about that spleen thing? I was like, I don't know. Give it a try. Like what's the worst thing that happens? Like you just have to ploop out a different baby in 20 minutes?
01:18:47
Speaker
That's a good point. It's not like it's a ah real time commitment. The baby came out so quickly. What do you give a fuck if your your baby has diabetes? Like, I guess like and i mean maybe I need the impact. Yeah. or No, but like the baby can walk and feed, take care of itself, murder within minutes of birth. So it's not like you really it's a big time investment on raising the young even. So if the pregnancy lasts 30 minutes max,
01:19:17
Speaker
and infancy through toddler hood lasts a day. It is not that big of a content like ah of a conflict. Just go go mate. Have more. It's fine. It's taking care of itself. Holy shit. do it inling Do any of the sequels have a boy alien like a second man alien that's just trying to get laid?
01:19:42
Speaker
They did point out that a sexy man alien would be far more dangerous because it can impregnate so many more women than, you know, one. But she can have so many babies so quickly that I don't think it's honestly that big of a difference. And she's gonna have an easier time getting laid than even the sexiest man alien. Cause a man gang alien comes in with all that tongue and women are gonna get turned off.
01:20:10
Speaker
It's true. like I'm thinking about that as like he's got too many red flags. we've got Too aggressive. doesn't seem Doesn't seem like he's a real giving lover. You get the feeling he's not going to go down on you. He's not going to be particularly attentive to whether you come or not. I don't think it's going to work out too well for him.
01:20:32
Speaker
Species Four looks like a porno. But yeah, it looks like these are all ladies. It doesn't look like I get a species man. Species The Awakening. I get a subtitle. That's the TV movie. um Kit, take it home. All right, Garrett, let's start with the obvious. Where are you aroused?
01:20:57
Speaker
Yes. Yes, ma'am, I was. I liked this alien lady and her quest to fornicate. Very relatable. Very relatable. Yeah. It's just being a human, trying to find the right person. Hard out there on the dating scene.
01:21:16
Speaker
Yeah, hard to find the right one. If only she had hinged back then, that would have been really helpful for her.
01:21:24
Speaker
I think, yes, we see her topless, a great deal throughout this movie, but the pants, the bra, the fanny pack, that got me right up top. That was the best look. That was my look for the movie where I was like, yeah, this is my gal. I'm in. So as far as eroticism,
01:21:48
Speaker
I don't know, three, three and a half? Like I don't think I have to go like full low on it. ah Though as we, as I think about our last 90 minutes of conversation, very little of it was sex. It was mostly just alien movie.
01:22:06
Speaker
So yeah i I would put it more at a one and a half or two. There were nice boobies. If you're into the male body, you see a teeny bit of root and that's about it. Roots worth half a point at least. Roots worth half a point. That's where that comes in. It's one point for the boobies that are very nice boobs and you do get a lot of them and you get a little bit of root.
Tentacles and Alien Thrills
01:22:29
Speaker
Uh, but I dunno, for me it was always very quickly interrupted by like really gross tentacle stuff, which is a bit of a downer for me. I'm not into it like you. I'm sorry. Tentacles are uric. Yes. I'm sorry. I know I'm a weirdo. You seem like you'd be into tentacles. You look like you own, like I bet there's a manga in that room you're in right now.
01:22:55
Speaker
I mean, not this room.
01:23:04
Speaker
oh All right. Were you thrilled, Garrett? Yes, I wouldn't say it was super high. Like, I mean, they're going for alien like thrills.
01:23:15
Speaker
obviously not succeed into like the level of a five star yeah movie. Alien and aliens both get you five stars worth of thrills. ah This this does not compare.
01:23:29
Speaker
and that I love when they blew that lady up with the rocket stuff. And I was on the edge of my seat worried about that poor kidnapped woman. ah You know, every time she's with somebody, you get the you they do a pretty good job of it being both like, oh, this is sexy. But also, oh, no. Oh, God, what is she going to do to this guy?
01:23:54
Speaker
Yeah, and heard the the kidnapping of that lady. You know what? I feel like with this, I'm gonna go like two and a half, three. I was gonna put it solidly to three. I think that's fair. I think that's fair. I think this movie is more thrilling than erotic. But I think that is also based on how into tentacles you are. and does That is an important factor to consider.
Raising Half-Alien Children
01:24:17
Speaker
And ah would you ruin your life for a sexy, blonde, alien, human hybrid? and Yeah, I think on paper I would usually say no, but it's like, I got to go see what's in that fanny pack. Oh, God damn it, Garrett. I'll pay for your health insurance. What are you- It's not condoms in that fanny pack. I'm just going to warn you up top. Good. I'll put a baby in you. I need full feeling on this one. I need all the pleasures. and that She better not put any on those tentacles.
01:24:51
Speaker
o And you know what, in terms of like how much child support you're gonna have to be paying for that kid, it is not long. Number one, kid eats rats or whatever. It does not need a lot of food. Number two, it's grown out of diapers by day two. That's cheap as fuck. Don't have to worry about ah most of the expenses associated with having a kid. It's gonna be 18 in like a week and a half. Don't even worry about it.
01:25:17
Speaker
It does suck that like you came once and in like a week and a half I'm already paying for college. Yeah, that's a really good point. But I might come to trade school. We do not have enough time. I think we're going trade school because at this point that's a better option anyway.
01:25:35
Speaker
Plus, you know, he still has to learn. He's not going to be ready for college right off the bat because hes he won't have had time to learn basic math yet. So he's got a lot of remedial schooling to do.
Alien's Biological Urges and Utopia
01:25:48
Speaker
I do have the question though, like she grows up so quickly.
01:25:52
Speaker
You do kind of start to worry if like she's going to hit menopause in like two days. And that's why she has this insane biological drive is that like, my God, her lifespan is so short that, you know, the clocks taking and I mean, by seconds, not months, not years, but every second brings her closer to infertility.
01:26:18
Speaker
Good point, I do have a feeling in my soul that they are going to always peak at hotness. They are just going to plateau at hotness and they're just a hot lady for the rest of life. A hot lady until they die and they peak fertility forever and what they live a normal human lifespan is just that they lived 70 years, all of them being 24 looking.
01:26:48
Speaker
Yeah, they are. the drink That's That was Geiger saying like throughout all the alien movies, are always like it's the perfect specimen. It's the perfect life form. Nuh-uh, nuh-uh. Not hot enough. Yeah, the alien is sleek, but it is not. I'm not seeing a lot of downsides come to think of it now that we're talking about it to letting them take over, right?
01:27:13
Speaker
So what, so what? Like, we still have human DNA in there, right? We still look like hot humans. We get to be hot humans. We don't have to deal with the long, ah you know, protracted childhood. ah Clean, unusable, in or un you know, clean energy. forever Yeah, free energy. I am seeing so few downsides. I, for one, welcome our alien overlords. Let's get it. Let's do it.
01:27:40
Speaker
I have certainly in my lifetime had more incompetent bosses than this alien life form is going to be. Absolutely. You know what? and Government isn't working.
01:27:53
Speaker
And think of how many problems are solved just by having the free energy alone. Maybe we're living in a utopia. We don't even need to have jobs. We just fuck all day. Carrot? All day, all night. This sucks because if we had just let it do what it was going to do instead of let the ET government get involved, this is- She probably wouldn't have killed anybody. She just would have had sex, walked away, and then had her babies. And none of this, nobody would even have known that this had happened.
01:28:22
Speaker
So based on when this came out, who was, would this have been Clinton's fault?
Humorous Alien Engagement Risks
01:28:29
Speaker
1995? Yeah, that's, that's, that's Clinton. Yeah. Just another thing to blame fucking Clinton's for. Thanks a lot Slick Willy.
01:28:38
Speaker
Like Slick Willy wouldn't have been in favor. He would have been 100% pro sexy alien human hybrids. 100%. I believe Ben Kingsley didn't inform his higher ups about this. And that's why he was trying to hide it all. It's because he's embarrassed that he fucked it up so bad. The problem is he got too into those aliens and now he had to fuck it up for all of us so that his wife doesn't find out what he was doing with these these hot young interns. So selfish.
01:29:08
Speaker
Oh, what an asshole. Yeah. What about you? You, uh, I mean, I think you might've talked yourself into ruining your life for this better life. feeling Like I want to ruin my life. ah Like ah it seems like pregnancy is a lot of faster, quicker, easier. Uh,
01:29:25
Speaker
I'm not seeing a whole ton of downsides, so ah but if I am going to get tentacle murdered afterwards, if I am going to get bri back spiked, then that's going to be a hard pass for me. I'm sorry. It is quick. I don't care. It isn't quick for that guy who got drowned. That looked very prolonged and and unpleasant. I'm willing to take my chances.
01:29:52
Speaker
Well, you know what? That's your right as an American ah to say that you are willing to take your chances with the booby alien. Meanwhile, I'm a gonna wait until they're a little more established in society and they don't feel like they need to kill everyone they fuck. But that's just me. That's just you. And everybody's entitled to ruining their life for somebody in the way they choose, potentially. Hey!
Conclusion and Future Episodes
01:30:22
Speaker
Happy Halloween, everybody. Thanks for joining us on this semi-erotic horror movie. ah We're going to do one more in a couple of weeks. I think I know what we're going to do, but we will see. We will see. we've Honestly, I kind of want to keep it in 1995.
01:30:43
Speaker
And I'm sure there are others. But yeah, if you want to questions, comments, concerns, erotic thriller club at gmail.com at erotic thriller club on Instagram. I've been really bad about updating stuff on there, but I do check it. So if you have, if you need to message us, we're there. We're there. We're going to talk to you. Kit.
01:31:06
Speaker
Tell your friends ah if you liked hanging with us and we'll you know invite more people to join the club. We always love seeing new people. so it's It's insane to me the number of listeners that have been popping up in England. Hey, hello across the pond. Yeah, I don't know why. It seems like it's really taken off in England. ah I don't know why. I appreciate you. You seem to be telling people over there because I'm seeing I'm seeing downloads pop up all over the country over there and that that is fun. I'm actually seeing a lot in Europe and just overseas. We honestly at this point probably have more overseas listeners than in the United States. And that's weird. Don't know why. Love it. Glad you're here. Not complaining. But as always, thank you for listening. We love you. Hey, we want to shake you naked and eat you alive.