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The Bedroom Window (1987)
65 Plays6 months ago
This week on the Erotic Thriller Club Steve Guttenberg wants to sleep with his bosses wife but also be a crime solving hero. Can he have his cake and bang it too?
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Transcript
Introduction to The Erotic Thriller Club
00:00:00
Speaker
Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, pick a fight with Ace Ventura's Landlord, and gather around your radio. It's time for this week's meeting of The Erotic Thriller Club.
00:01:07
Speaker
Steve Gutenberg is a handsome man with a high position at whatever his job is. He has sex with his boss's wife because sex feels nice. Unfortunately, post-Coitus, she witnesses a crime out of his bedroom window. They can't tell the cops or everyone will know of their sins. Can he continue having an affair while also being a hero? Find out if Gutenberg could have his cake and bang it too. This week on the Erotic Thriller Club. The Bedroom Window.
Exploring Critical Questions of Arousal and Thrill
00:01:37
Speaker
Hey everybody, welcome to this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club. As always, Garrett Callender, and get Ryan here. And this is where we answer the genre's three most important questions. Was I aroused? Was I thrilled? And would I ruin my life for this person? Garrett, I did not know that that was Ace Ventura's landlord. You really got me on that one.
00:02:00
Speaker
Gutenberg in this movie beats up, i off the top of my head, I don't know the actor's name.
Actor Trivia and Romantic Decisions
00:02:05
Speaker
Also in Breaking Bad, he was ah the guy ringing the bell from a wheelchair. But he'll always be Ace Ventura's landlord to me. In your heart of hearts. We start with Gutenberg in a tux, walking home. How hot's Gutenberg to you? Did you have a crush on Gutenberg growing up? I think a lot of people our age did because he was in some formative movies for for us youngins.
00:02:31
Speaker
I don't think I saw any of them. I have no Gutenberg related opinions. Really? You didn't watch like the Olsen twins movie. It takes two. If I did, I have no recollection of it. Not the, the Disney channel, original movie, the tower of terror. Nope. I've been on the ride to the tower of terror. It was pretty fun. Hmm. Well, so it was cute. Yeah, I'd fuck her.
00:03:00
Speaker
handsome, fuzzy little guy. We'll get into whether I would ruin my life for him in a minute. You know, well, about an hour, actually. But like, yeah, I fucking for sure. This is truly a movie of the good making poor choices. Oh, God. Question not even always poor, just questionable. This is the kind of movie that my mom would get up and walk out of because she would not be able to handle all of the bad decisions he makes.
00:03:29
Speaker
and all of the misidentification, like the fact that he just keeps making it worse and is mistaken for for the bad guy, she can't handle that. She won't do it. Yeah, this movie is too much. it It opens with Gutenberg going home and... ah He's quickly trying to tidy up his apartment so you can tell someone's about to get laid.
00:03:55
Speaker
Yeah, Isabel Hubert ah comes to his apartment and I love the way she speaks to him. I mean, this movie opens so hard 50s noir. Everybody's breathy. It is a tone of voice that yells consent. Absolutely. ah It is breathy. It's mysterious. She's standing in the doorway. She's European. which is so exotic to a man like Steve Gutenberg. I do have to ask, have you ever been that breathy with a lover? Good question. I don't think so, but maybe i don't maybe I do it subconsciously and I don't even know it. Maybe I turn into a femme fatale in the bedroom.
00:04:48
Speaker
It would have been intriguing to me if while you were with a lady that you got that breathy. Like, I don't know if that's a, if two ladies can be that breathy at each other at the same time. ah Maybe that that's just not compatible. No, actually it uses up too much of the oxygen in the room and they both will pass that off. It's too dangerous.
00:05:13
Speaker
Oh my God. ah I was with a gal that breathy once. Yeah. Yeah. It felt, it felt fake. It was nice. Like I absolutely had a nice time. Like it was, it went nice places. Um, I didn't get murdered in the end, so it did work out. Like, but I think that if a, if a gal is that breathy, you do have to proceed with caution. oh I mean, maybe, or maybe it's going to turn out to be Jennifer Tilly or something and you're going to have a great time.
00:05:45
Speaker
I don't know, but once again, like that's that's an erotic thriller, that's a noir where breathy gals lead to problems. very like yeah yeah were there Are there other, I don't know, are there other movies from the 50s where people speak that breathy and they just have nice sex and end happily ever after? And also, does the breathiness go on the whole relationship? you If you start day one breathy,
00:06:12
Speaker
ah her by like two years in, are you gonna be like? can i just I fell in love with the breathy gal, I. Yeah well, I can't talk that way when I'm telling you that you need to buy us more milk on the way home from work today. Can you buy me milk on the way home today? Yes ma'am.
00:06:40
Speaker
meanwhile we see that i change my pan Meanwhile, we see that Steve Gutenberg has a ah lovely little arrangement of chest hair. yeah so He's a furry little guy. I like his apartment. um I mean, it is a bachelor pad, but he's got this one beautiful triangle red shelf that's huge that looks like a shape off the floor of an 80s arcade.
00:07:06
Speaker
You know what, I hadn't had that thought. And now that you mentioned that, yes. Like, you know, like old arcade carpet or like movie theater carpet, it was very specific to 1987. This is it's nice to go to a movie of the year I was born. Does that make you feel special somehow? Kind of. I mean, yeah, this was an OK one. I liked it. I mean, although the anxiety levels do get pretty high the further this this goes on.
00:07:36
Speaker
What do you think of basically their conversation? This is his he's coming back from a party. His boss's wife follows him home and essentially the conversation between the two of them as to why she is now at his apartment to have sex with him is. Why are you here?
Bold Actions and Consequences
00:07:56
Speaker
Well, it seemed like you really wanted to me.
00:08:01
Speaker
Was it that obvious? Yes, and I guess I couldn't ignore it. I can't imagine a lady who's just like, that guy looks like he wants it so bad. that I just have to give it to him. I gotta do it. It's charity. At some point, you feel bad for the poor guy. And plus, the party was for him. He had ah done a big contract or whatever at his job. And so the boss is throwing a party for him. And then you take home the boss's wife. That is a bold move. So we call a Christmas bonus.
00:08:38
Speaker
Only this one has a French accent. Did you get a vibe that they had ever met before? I mean, this was this a long running? This is just like, he's seen her from afar for so long and just been 30 for a long time? They've seen each other at a bunch of these work events. The boss seems like the kind of guy that does this thing all the time. And yes, I think he was following her around like a dog with like his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his eyes going a-hoo-ga.
00:09:09
Speaker
Yeah, we get they get right into the sex scene so much so that we miss all of it. We skipped to the end and I'm grumpy about it. I would have loved a thruster too. Just a little. Just a little. However, both leads give us nudity immediately. That is true. We get we get boob and we get cheek.
00:09:32
Speaker
We get a little peek-a-boo of a nipple, and ah Gutenberg gets up to go to the bathroom. We see, he has maybe the longest nudity shot in the whole movie, which is they walk across a room to a bathroom. You get a whole, like you get to really gaze and take in Guten cheeks. And then ice, he's got a good butt. And, little dangle between. You see a little, so little dangle.
00:09:59
Speaker
I did not see a little dangle, but then again, I didn't freeze frame and like enhance, enhance, zoom in, enhance. I did, and I could have seen it better, but I used, and I want to throw this out there to our listeners. um i Did you watch it on like 2B or freebie or one of those? Yeah.
00:10:18
Speaker
So I watched it on Canopy, which is a free app you can get through your library. And you get so many, I put it in quote, tickets a month to like check out digitally. It's all free. It does, I found out, charge the state $1 per ticket. So the state of Tennessee paid $2 for me to watch this erotic thriller this week.
Access and Cultural Funding
00:10:43
Speaker
And ah since we're cutting so much public schooling and banning so many books, fuck you. You pay for my erotic thrillers. You do something for me. Absolutely. Money well spent, I say. But and Gutenberg has a big member. Like, I think we've even talked about it on this show before, right? I don't know. I know we've talked about other actors with notoriously big ah Janssens, but I did not ah know that, I can't remember if we've talked about him in particular. I certainly have had to have told, if I haven't told this story, I'll tell it again for any new listeners that didn't hear whatever episode that was on. I walked into a party at our friend's house in Los Angeles, our our mutual friends, and everyone, when I opened the door, is howling. Like everybody's losing their their fucking mind.
00:11:37
Speaker
And all I hear yelled at me as I walk through the doors, goot swinging a hammer, goot swinging a hammer. And I'm like, what does that mean? Cause I've just entered a room.
00:11:50
Speaker
And they are all watching the nineties children's movie, the big green, the soccer, the movie was a soccer coach. Okay. And there's a scene where like a training scene, like a training montage and all the kids are jogging and Goot is jogging with them in sweat pants. And Kit, when they were wound the movie and press play, I found out quickly what Goot swinging a hammer means.
00:12:21
Speaker
And today I posted a photo of this on our Instagram to tease what the next thing is going to be. And a friend of mine messaged me to let me know that one of his high school friends dated Gutenberg for years. Wow. And can confirm. Can confirm. swing and hammer A big hammer. Good for him.
00:12:46
Speaker
I hope it makes them happy. So sorry to spend so much time on Goot Tamer, but- Are you sorry? I don't think you are surprised. It's really a Thor situation. Like, can you handle, can you pick it up? ah The answer is yes, I am worthy of Goot Tamer.
00:13:07
Speaker
So while he's in the bathroom, ah his boss's wife goes to the window. Here's a scream and goes to the window and she sees a woman who's been grabbed from behind and and the assailant is dragging her towards the the street.
00:13:27
Speaker
And she is panicking, trying to open the window. She's completely nude. She's screaming for Steve Gutenberg to get out here and help. And she finally manages to unlock the window and open it. And at that moment, the assailant looks up and makes eye contact with her up in the apartment and he gets scared off and runs away. And then Steve Gutenberg comes out and he's like, hey, what'd I miss? Anything important?
00:13:56
Speaker
The villain really is the love child of like Conan O'Brien and a Chucky doll. Yes, he is so pasty that and I didn't know that he could get, he glows in certain lights. That is how pale he is. And then you get to see his ass later and it's even whiter.
00:14:17
Speaker
and you can actually see straight through it to where the penis is absolutely it is transparent and i say this is a fairly pale irish uh heritage person myself but like good lord get out in the sun man guttenberg is like can you describe him her first thing is like and she says it filled with horror. He was so white. She basically saw a ghost, Garrett. Of course she's freaking out. She saw a ghost with red hair. Turns out he's like, he can't remember later. So he's like, I don't know. I think it might've been Larry Bird. I was just trying to think of the whitest.
00:14:58
Speaker
so the the The scene where he is attacking this woman is so violent. the What I assume was a stunt double, and I actually re-watched it to try and see if it was a man in a wig, and I hope to God it was, I don't think it was, but goddamn he slams that lady's head. she he She had spiked into the ground where it is a real, like that person's face hits the ground.
00:15:26
Speaker
Yeah, and they give her scratches like on her face later in the movie, and I'm like, that is not enough for how much that that woman was, was her face would have to be ripped open, because it's onto concrete. Yeah, I bet if we talk to that stunt person, they'd be like, oh, I got a fucking concussion at work that day. Oh, 100%, I would believe it.
00:15:49
Speaker
It was, that was pretty nasty. Like that was to a point that even as somebody who watches a lot of really gross pro wrestling, I was like, Oh. so
00:16:02
Speaker
Garrett, you've got blood on you at those shows before. Yeah, but I don't wanna see anyone gonna have head injuries. Oh yeah, that's, you're right. Those are those lead to you murdering your family later. You're not wrong. ah It's great though that what stops this woman from being murdered is Isabelle who bears boobs. Yes, she is standing there. Howdy doody stares a long time.
00:16:30
Speaker
I have to say i John and I, my partner and I had something similar ah experience where we were ah watching TV and heard a scream coming from out of our window. And I turned around and looked through the window and I saw a man standing over a woman who was laying on the ground. And I i told John and he ah ran outside with a baseball bat.
00:16:55
Speaker
I called 911 and ah we got the cops out there. And ah I just felt like I would not be standing there trying to open a window latch for like a full two minutes. Like if I couldn't open the window right away, I don't even think I would try to open the window right away. I i would be pulling on a bed sheet to cover me and running out the door.
00:17:25
Speaker
Like, I would want to physically intervene, not... I just don't feel like just opening a window. She didn't do enough. Do it. Then again, everyone treats him like he is the, when he later lies and says that he saw ah the the crime happen so that they won't be caught at cheating. Everyone treats him like he is the goodest of good Samaritans, that he is a noble ah a prince among men because he told the cops he saw a guy. As it,
00:18:02
Speaker
Can I rewrite your you and John witnessing the same thing story for the next time you tell it to somebody? Okay, yeah, sure, sure, sure. What you got? So it's gonna make you more of a hero. Cool. So what happens is you see what's happening. You yell at John, quick, distract him. John flying's open the window, is helicoptering his penis. And screaming, so the guy is just like, what the fuck? And then you hit him from behind with a baseball bat.
00:18:31
Speaker
Oh, I like that. Yeah. You know, it's one of those things where you always think of it too late, what you should have done. it's And see, that's the problem with this too. Her tits were out. She is kind of, like we find out she's not a great person as the movie goes on. No, that is true. She feels bad about what she saw, but not so bad that she's willing to disrupt her life in any way whatsoever.
00:18:59
Speaker
And when the guy runs away, neighbors come and gather her up and, you know, take her to say to safety and call the cops presumably and get her to a hospital. It's just wild how quick that part of the night is done for Goot. Yeah. He, they go back to just chilling. Later. He goes out to, to wave her off. Goodbye. Walks her to her car, obviously. Cause there's a,
00:19:24
Speaker
and a salter on the loose. And then he goes back and yeah like, like nothing happened. Pretty good day all around. So now that we've walked now that we've walked her to the car, I'm going to throw out a theory I have for this movie. Oh God. And I feel like you're going to disagree, but maybe I can convince you. Okay, I'm ready.
00:19:45
Speaker
So Goote walks Isabel Hubert to her car. that He's like, do you regret anything? And she's like, not a thing. And then she starts to drive away. She's halfway down the block. And Gutenberg throws his arms in the air and goes, all right! Woo! And claps. Does he really? Oh my god. Because he just had sex. Yeah, with his boss's wife.
00:20:16
Speaker
but I'm going to say, he had sex for the first time. I think This is the tale of a weird virgin, and that's why he makes so many weird virgin decisions. No! Because those are weird virgin decisions. Those are not what an expert coxman would do in his life.
00:20:45
Speaker
in times of duress. What are you talking about?
Debating Virgin Decisions
00:20:50
Speaker
He makes so many stupid uncool decisions. And you decided that this was his first time. Because he's so in love with her for no reason. oh Of course you're going to love the first time you have sex with somebody. And of course she noticed he really wanted to have sex because he'd never had it before.
00:21:13
Speaker
You're telling me that he got this, he has this nice job at ah at a firm that does things. He does a lot of important business and he has this nice um two bedroom, no, one bedroom apartment in Baltimore.
00:21:31
Speaker
um And you think that this man, this man who you know is, yes, he's 30 something, he is swinging a big hammer as you yeah yourself know. And you're telling me that he has never once done the nasty. Not one time, no. And that somehow by some miracle, his first time is with his boss's wife. Who I will argue is a mentally ill person.
00:22:06
Speaker
Okay, Garrett, she's French, there's a difference.
00:22:13
Speaker
We don't get a lot of French listeners, so that so i'll I'll not edit that out. I don't know, she's weird. Like, I think as the movie goes on, it's like, oh, this lady has problems. Because it's not even like as we meet her husband, he's not even like the worst.
00:22:32
Speaker
No, he is showing off a gun at the office, which I found to be pretty uncool. um Opening scene, first time we see him, he's holding a gun and uses the word PUD, which that's two for two in the cool meter for me, and having only known him for 12 seconds. When he finds out that Steve Gutenberg called the police to report that he had seen a crime the night of the party, he says, I didn't know you had such a strong sense of civic duty.
00:23:00
Speaker
My goodness, what kind of morally reprehensible person are you that you're like, wow, look, look at good guy over here. Okay. It was the eighties, different times. Different times. Who was president at that time?
00:23:20
Speaker
Yeah, so he sees in the newspaper that ah this there was another there was a killing later that night, like a half hour later, like half a block away, and they're pretty sure it was the same person. So they know that since the woman who was attacked was attacked from behind, likely ah the affair partner is the only person who saw the criminal, who can identify the assailant.
00:23:49
Speaker
Um, and she is all torn up about it because she wants to to do the right thing and help this person be caught, but she doesn't want to come forward because maybe she could do it anonymously, but like, you know, she doesn't know what to do. Steve has the bright idea of, I'll just call the police and tell them I saw it and it'll be like you were never even here. And.
00:24:13
Speaker
Which honestly, on paper, there was a way to go about this version of the plan that is perfectly acceptable. Okay, tell me how you think this plan could have been done properly.
00:24:25
Speaker
Well, one, they needed to have a longer discussion about things and to think about, like, from a lawyer's perspective, like, oh, I couldn't have had my contacts in at this point when I looked out the window. And, you know, they needed to they needed to have a longer conversation than 12 seconds in a bed drinking champagne after banging.
00:24:46
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I can see it being the kind of thing I would do, though, if I'm being honest with myself, I can be sort of impulsive in that way where, you know, there's a problem. I see a solution. Let's just do the thing that will fix the thing. Let's do it already. Let's not fuss about it anymore. And so, yes, I can see myself getting into this predicament. Well, he's a sad virgin who can't even drive. And He can drive, we see him drive multiple times. And it's on his driver's license that they learn that he can't see without his glasses.
00:25:27
Speaker
Fine, fine. he's I stand by, though, that this man, and coming into this scene where they're drinking champagne in bed just had sex for the second time in his life, probably even better than the first night. Oh, I'm sure, because the first time he was, you know,
00:25:43
Speaker
all caught up in his head you know with the being a new experience the second time he can really take his time and enjoy it. Because I bet there is an amount of pressure to having a hog that big and not being able to use it well. like There's a lot of more expectations with something that size. and in In your fiction here, does she know that he is a virgin before she comes to his house? No. but Did she ever find out that he was a virgin? No, that's not he's not gonna tell her that, that's embarrassing. and Right, got it. Okay, interesting. ah All right, so his whole genius plan falls apart when the cops say, ah it's time for a lineup. Let's get a lineup. And? And we have to do say this about who he's in the lineup with. This is this is a big deal for me.
00:26:38
Speaker
When we see who the victim is, I squealed a little. I didn't realize she was in this movie. Elizabeth McGovern? Fucking Lady Grantham from the Downton Abbey series and movies? Oh, I never saw Downton Abbey. Or Cora Crawley? Yeah, quote like she she's in the whole, she's the mom. She's the American mom married to married to the ah the guy, to Hugh Bonneville.
00:27:07
Speaker
So she's like one of the main characters and I'd never seen her this young. I don't think she's very cute. I must say it's a little odd. I don't think in real life. I don't think in real life the police would have brought both the only witness and the victim to the lineup at the same time. It seems like that could taint your results somehow, but.
00:27:30
Speaker
whatever, it's a movie. And so ah he sees a guy and he sort of hones in that this one looks the closest to the description, but he can't bring himself to actually accuse anyone there of a crime. And I don't know why he doesn't say, this guy seems the closest, but I can't be sure. Instead, he just says, ah.
00:27:55
Speaker
See, this is like, he's already made weird decisions at this point. Cause he's even already had the cops at his house and like said he doesn't smoke to the cops, but then is trying to hide cigarettes. Like you don't have to hide. You don't have to explain to the cop that those are someone else. Just quit being weird. That would be evidence though, that someone else was in the apartment last night. They could have been there anytime. Cigarettes can be around and not be smoked yesterday.
00:28:23
Speaker
That's a good point. Unless it is still lit. Uh, there's no real evidence. And her fingerprints all over it.
00:28:38
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So how is this a virgin mistake Garrett to not identify the suspect that you think is closest and then just say, but I'm not a hundred percent sure.
00:28:50
Speaker
He's just like an uncool virgin kit. It's just an uncool thing that an uncool guy who identifies as cool. I want to make it very clear that I have nothing unlike Garrett against people who have not had sex either by choice or accident or whatever. I think you're very cool. Live your life however you want to live it. Don't let Garrett's judgmental ass make you feel bad about yourself.
00:29:21
Speaker
Garrett. You can be a cool virgin or you can be this fucking dork that wahood in the middle of the street when he had sex. He wahood after he knew the person he had sex with saw a woman not just like a little attacked viciously beaten Yeah, it went on for so long. She really would be traumatized by having witnessed that much. um But he makes it seem like they the whole night was a success all around.
00:29:57
Speaker
Woo-hoo, yeah, clap. He clapped to himself. He clapped for his sexual encounter. That is virgin shit. And I will not continue to defend my. That should be like, right then, I just presented as good of a case as, oh my God, let me give me, Sean Wallace.
Defense Strategy and Character Analysis
00:30:22
Speaker
Oh, okay, you rest your case?
00:30:26
Speaker
While Sean, yeah, you're saying well sean yeah yeah that you're as good of a defense attorney, but oh in this case, you're a prosecutor, and what you're accusing this man of is being a loser virgin. You lost your case. I would like to present my case to the court. He is a virgin who can't even drop, who he was also in clueless, so the movie I'm making fun of him with, he's in both of them. He knows a thing or two about us.
00:30:55
Speaker
So he's feeling a little bad that he didn't he wasn't able to positively identify anyone. So he decides he's gonna be a stalker for a little while.
00:31:06
Speaker
ah
00:31:10
Speaker
kit what the what the fuck does this business man i'm putting in quotes which i do know the name of the business i went back and re-watched Wentworth Development Corporation they couldn't have made him have a more vague job that he's important enough at that he doesn't have to be there ever so that he can go around playing fucking Well, he did all of this after hours. Garrett, this was all after work. No, he didn't. He is always walking around not working. That is a good point. And his boss does seem to sort of notice at a certain point. He goes to an aquarium midday one episode. That was probably on a Saturday. That was probably on a Saturday. I don't think it was. And also...
00:31:58
Speaker
If he thinks the cops are trailing him at this point and he goes to an aquarium, what a weird place to be. Yeah, that's a fair point. i would I'm just an adult man going to an aquarium alone in the middle of a Wednesday.
00:32:15
Speaker
That is peak unemployment behavior, I have to say, where you are just out of things to do. I was going to say because you have nowhere to be during the week and the aquarium's free on Wednesdays. Okay. Well, he's practicing for how he's about to lose his fucking job for banging his boss's wife and never working. Exactly. So he's decided his new hobby is to stalk a man from a police lineup.
00:32:47
Speaker
Which by the way, they don't put other criminals for the most part. It's not like they just get a whole bunch of criminals and line them up. They have one criminal and then a bunch of people who look like that criminal, right? Yeah, Kramer has that job in an episode of Seinfeld. Right. So he could be stalking someone who is just an actor who was looking for a side you know, hustle to get a little extra money ah when the, he could be stalking a regular ass person. I do feel bad for the Redhead community because this is the kind of representation that they get. Like really like,
00:33:33
Speaker
poorly represented people are redheads and albinos really always get the uh the short end of the stick in movies and I'll say it though he was a so he was a sketchy ginger and you know I think it helps the case that uh the the sighting of him was very good because again he glowed so he was very visible even though there were very few street lights So that helps the case that he was a credible witness. He is just a bicycle reflector when he's on the street, like the the streetlights are just everything radiates off of him. So yes, you he follows the redhead ah home and where he hears the guy getting chewed out by what I want to think is his mom, right? Redhead lives with his mom.
00:34:23
Speaker
Redhead definitely lives with his mom. i You could argue elderly roommate, but we're gonna it's for sure, mom. like He's got mommy issues. Yeah, for sure. and so um He goes to the basement and shows his cheeks. Yes, that is when we see the cheeks and we see a good amount of his cheeks. We don't usually see the random stalker killer character yeah He had no reason to show cheeks. I actually really appreciated this and he showed us tip. I paused. There was tip. Wow.
00:34:57
Speaker
And honestly, I saw a dangle. I saw a tip. I saw four cheeks, six. You bears when you should have known that this man was a criminal because he lives on ah the ah garden apartment. Right. That window is fully visible to the street. It is exactly human body sized and he is perfectly framed within it completely naked. He did not draw the curtains.
00:35:24
Speaker
There's already something a little stretchier. Kit, the first time I went to San Francisco, ah my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, we drove to San Francisco. We were staying at a hostel. it was ah For anyone who's a Metallica fan, it was the hostel was the building that Metallica recorded St. Anger in. Oh, I've seen the documentary. mean the document three Yeah, it was there. When I was watching the documentary, I was like, get the fuck out. I slept there. But as we pulled up, there was one of those style windows, but it was only like pecs down. so Literally the second we park, I just see a perfectly framed penis in a window.
00:36:14
Speaker
And the window I can hear is open and they're speaking German, but it was a realized welcome to San Francisco. Here's a dick for me. Yeah, they put in a new construction of a building somewhat near our place. So we see it when we walk the dog and we were so confused when they put the windows in because they're at about ah the floor starts at about chest high and it's sort of ceiling windows. So it is perfect upskirt height, ideal upskirt height. Wild. I feel like it's my new favorite building. there Always have their shades drawn. Damn it. I'm so sorry. All right. Would you like to please describe for us the bar that our red headed friend goes to where he is followed by Steve Gutenberg?
00:37:04
Speaker
You mean the Hooten Holler and 20 to 30 something man bar? Yeah. That is also not a cool theme. It's a little, well, I mean, our criminal works as a boat welder. Like he's, he's welding sea, sea boat. Like, you know, big, I don't know, I don't know, giant ships. Men that work with boats want to go to a boat themed bar at the end of the day. That makes a lot of sense.
00:37:33
Speaker
Yeah, that's why you and I go to to podcaster bars after hours insufferable. Oh, God. Yeah, we should really stop going.
00:37:44
Speaker
Oh, my God. um But yeah, they go in in like the two most suspicious people in this room. are really just Gutenberg and this redhead, but there is a lady, it is like most, I would say 90% men, right? Are there any women besides this one blonde? There are, there are a couple other women and they clearly were not directed appropriately by the AD or whoever on what they should be doing, how they should be reacting to what they're seeing because they seem perplexed.
00:38:19
Speaker
as to are they into this? Are they against it? Are they just supposed to um not notice it or or be you know choosing to ignore it? The female extras have no clue what they're supposed to be doing. I don't know if the lady dancer knew what she was supposed to be. This this lady though, this blonde lady, she gets the bar going. She starts dancing.
00:38:49
Speaker
And she, she, she's into it. She goes for it. There was no choreography. Somebody clearly said, just go do what you feel. that She may be the precursor to Ray Gun in many ways. so She has a similar vibe, only more, so more sexual.
00:39:11
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, some of it was kind of hot. It's like a combination of a strip tease and like a music video. I don't really know what's happening with her, but either way, she's wearing some nice bracelets that we get an up close shot of. So we're definitely going to need to remember those later, unless it's like the boss's gun, which never has a pay. Absolutely not. And so, uh,
00:39:36
Speaker
while Steve Gutenberg is watching all this go down, and he's watching the redhead watching the woman, a waitress bumps into him and spills his beer. So I even at that exact moment, I was like, Steve, you are setting yourself up to be framed for murder.
00:39:54
Speaker
you just walked straight into this you have you have gone to a place where you know murder might happen and then you've gone and made yourself recognizable to the staff in a way that this guy who's just quietly
Risky Decisions and Flawed Logic
00:40:09
Speaker
drinking his drink over in the corner would not you are you you are not doing yourself any favors here When the cops interview this waitress, I promise you this part of the conversation happened. Do you recognize this man? Oh yeah, I recognize that man. I asked him if he wanted anything to drink from the bar, and he responded with a very vague,
00:40:34
Speaker
I'll have a beer as if we don't have 13 beers on tap and several others in bottles. So when I came back by, I'm not going to lie to you. I was a little angry. I was not having a great night. I spilled beer all over. Garrett, they order just beer at the bar so many times. In fact, at one point she like someone asks for beer and a shot. A shot of what? I don't know. I don't care.
00:41:03
Speaker
Liquid in a tiny glass, please. Yes, I put it in a tiny, tiny glass. Uh, yes. No, you're right. Like people in movies always say beer. It's like the five, five, five phone number thing. Like you're not allowed to, no one can have a beer preference. Whatever you have give me, but I bet you silly because at later he, his view is comically blocked by a giant Budweiser truck. And I'm like, well, if you're getting Budweiser money in here, you might as well have the mortar bud at the bar. Cause it was weirdly conspicuous in this movie in a way it normally doesn't stand out to me. Yeah.
00:41:42
Speaker
Well, howdy-doody-murders-this-lady. Those are in a dumpster. Yeah. And he know we is he is at the crime scene talking to other people on the street and sees the dramatic of the the the shot of the hand ah with the bracelets coming out from under the sheet. And so I at this. There's cops there and he pulls up like he was got a call to to get there. Like he is such a police officer in this movie that it's fucking annoying.
00:42:13
Speaker
So he now feels even more compelled that he has to go back and report this dude. So he goes and admits that he's been a little bit stalkery, not totally stalkery, just a little bit stalkery. He says that he followed the guy.
00:42:30
Speaker
because he wasn't sure, and then when he saw him at nighttime, he was more positive that this is definitely the guy he saw. He doesn't say, then I stalked him for like three more days and and followed him to a bar where I saw him eyeing a woman who later got murdered. He probably should have said that. Because otherwise it looks suspicious when they find out later.
00:42:54
Speaker
Yeah, he just walks all over town getting people suspicious of him. And it has no fucking idea that he looks suspicious. no Like as a viewer, you are cringing like, sir, so stop, stop, stop. It's bad decision after bad decision. It really is.
00:43:17
Speaker
ah So because he only gives them this tiny little bit of information They are able to say that we can make a case for the assault but not for the murders So Stevie we need you to take the stand which is which means he's gonna have to lie under oath and This is so excited to do it though. He's cuz he's like I'm gonna be a handsome hero.
00:43:40
Speaker
Yeah, he definitely has a bit of a a hero complex, but also everyone else is hyping him up so you can see where he got that idea from. Because everybody tells him he's magnificent. Big Goot just had sex recently for the first time. Like he's feeling like a new man. This is... And now he's gonna put a criminal in jail. Which might lead to more
00:44:07
Speaker
And, uh, the boss's wife is, is all, you're just trying to play hero. This is a stupid idea. You shouldn't do it. Literally one scene later, she's at his apartment saying, you are a hero. I love you so much. You definitely should do it. And I'm going to be in the courtroom and I'll like signal you in case you're doing bad stuff, like you're getting it wrong.
00:44:30
Speaker
him getting it wrong and being so obvious that he's looking directly at one person who that several people in the court turn to look at that is feeding him answers. Yeah, both the the victim of the assault and the redhead note that he is taking cues from this woman.
00:44:50
Speaker
The red head has the funniest flashback as he's staring at her, trying to place her, and then it goes to a shot in his brain that is just her and her titties up in the window. He's like, oh, definitely remember her. Right, there was a face attached to those tits. It was her. It was that face! I'm like, kill that bitch.
00:45:13
Speaker
The really funny thought I kept having was that if this is a coincidence and this guy just happened to be at this bar and this redhead is guilty of nothing and he gets put away for years because Steve Gutenberg says I saw him attack a woman and he didn't because When he brings boss's wife to go look at this dude, she says, i key I don't know if he's the one who did it. I'm not sure. So he's going off of a lot of vibes right now. And I did kind of have an imaginary version of this movie in my head where he realizes he has sent the wrong person to jail when the killer kills again after he has put this guy away. And it turns out he's just a regular set jitter.
00:46:04
Speaker
And now you've you've done a horrible crime. Turns out it really was an albino in a wig. Yup. Just to bother them too. ah Wallace Sean is here to be the defense attorney we all dreamed of. He's a a wily little character. Garrett would you like to describe? Yeah I mean as We said earlier, I mean, he nails the case like great fucking attorney, like thought of things that yeah somehow no one thought of, but like he's really smarmy about it and he deserves to be because he's smarter than everyone in the world he exists in.
00:46:43
Speaker
And is completely true. And he he really nails him on things like so you're sure you're in bed. You didn't fall asleep in front of the TV. You were in bed. Okay. And then he paints us full Yeah, full picture. And then he has the dramatic reveal of Okay, I'm gonna go in the back of the room, ah which is about 20 yards away, which is about the same distance you were from the assailant. And we're gonna turn the lights off because It was dark. And I'm gonna hold up an object and you're gonna tell me what it is. But you're gonna have to take your contacts out. W-what? why Holy crap. nobody knew Nobody knew this could be a problem. Until just now.
00:47:24
Speaker
And Gutenberg isn't fast enough to just say like, oh, I didn't have my contacts. them but My glasses were on my nightstand and I grabbed them and put them on. i assume he mentioned Yeah, I forgot to mention it well when you were asking me all these questions. And I can't do that right now because I don't have them with me because I'm wearing my contacts. Yeah. Problem solved.
00:47:45
Speaker
Obviously, the man would own glasses. I've never met anyone who only owns contacts. You have to have glasses as well, especially as they pointed out back then when it was hard contacts that, you know, once you took them out and you had to take them out because they were gonna hurt otherwise, like, you're blind! So obviously the man must own glasses. Just say you grabbed your dang glasses. No, instead he's up there humiliated as the entire courtroom very, very rudely laughs at him as he fails to correctly identify that Wallace Shawn is holding up a red book. ah The judge allowed a lot of making fun of the witness. Yeah, there was no order in the court. No, the judge, the judge absolutely is like, yeah, he's a bit of a doofus and I think we should all laugh at him.
00:48:37
Speaker
i love that they after they leave like um oh no that
00:48:44
Speaker
Next, yeah, he goes home and basically they've started a full fucking case on Goot because he's they're like, you know what? Goot seems fucking guilty. Yeah, real guilty, real shady. And he finds out that the neighbor said, I saw him come into the house at three in the morning from his wahoo. I saw that man wahoo because he had done a murder probably. leave, like, wait. Oh, no, that's.
00:49:08
Speaker
hey yeah This becomes another thing where he can't tell, like he can't tell the truth because he doesn't want to let all these cool police officers know he was a virgin set like four days ago. and Like he'd rather deal with the murder trial than he would just tell everyone. Admitting that he went out and woohooed in the street because he had sex. like He couldn't have just tell his neighbor that. That's amazing. Yeah, this guy was a virgin.
00:49:40
Speaker
special But then from her, they move on to like, he goes into work and his boss is like, they're questioning me here too. Like what I know about you. And he's like, oh, it's nothing. Why you left? What kind of mood you were in? It all seems really suspect. I love he meets her at the aquarium, which becomes like kind of a date, kind of a information sesh. Yeah, because he realizes his phone's being tapped and he's being followed by the police. So he meets with, uh,
00:50:10
Speaker
ah his his first love according to Garrett and they discuss what they should do and she does not want to help. She is not about this at all. She's done.
00:50:24
Speaker
She's done and like he calls her at her house after this and she won't talk to him. So Gutenberg basically has to chase her and her husband to the opera, which he just ballet play or the the the ballet. I'm sorry. And he basically double parks in front of the the opera house.
00:50:43
Speaker
It's not called a ballet house. It is an opera house. And he goes in, no ticket. Yeah, I didn't know. No, I like to think he went in and he paid like $200 for a ticket because otherwise he was not getting in there. And they're like, sir, the show has already started. And he's like, that's fine.
00:51:00
Speaker
Do you think, so he does interrupt the ballet a little bit and gets who bears attention and the husband's like, what the fuck? Why is he here? I bet the whole time she was gone, he did not enjoy the ballet. I think that did in like ruin his enjoyment. Oh, that's so sad. Why is my worker here to talk to my wife in the middle of an event? And I'm just sitting here watching this dancing and I can't even concentrate.
00:51:30
Speaker
ruined. and A very expensive night out ruined. So ah she says that I told my husband about sleeping with you just once. I said that I slept with you once the night of the party and he said he would forgive me only if I would never tell anyone I was anywhere other than at home in bed at that time because he doesn't want it to be a scandal be in all the papers and because obviously this would be news that you know and then everyone would know that he's been cucked and you don't want that uh so now his only the only person who can verify his alibi he went to the ballet and left with a shirt that said i went to the ballet and all i got was this i got cucked shirt
00:52:22
Speaker
So he leaves the ballet. He's dejected. He doesn't know what to do. And he sees outside. Another car is double parked. Another car is double parked. And this one is the killer. I love that the killer double parked to run in and do a murder real quick. Just real quick. Was it his plan to go find her in the middle of the aisles? Was he going to find her during the act break? He was stalking who?
00:52:48
Speaker
so he knew goop was doing it Yeah, so he goes in and he sees the perfect opportunity ah to kill, to to to kill the only witness, the only actual real witness to his crimes. And just so happens that, you know, Steve is running back in to protect her from the killer and she falls dramatically into his arms covered in blood.
00:53:15
Speaker
whoette covered a blood and now has to fight his way out of a god damnn ballet And this part is so, I i enjoyed this section unreservedly so much. He is pushing through people. People are screaming. At one point he ends up on the stage.
00:53:35
Speaker
Gooch, you don't go on the stage. On the stage, covered in blood, he then goes through the curtain so now there's all the ballet dancers and the crew members who are telling him like, what are you doing back? Oh my God, you're covered in blood. It is a comedy of errors as he tries to get out of here subtly and simply cannot.
00:53:59
Speaker
And the only place he can go where there is still two, I'll say, I had a blast with this movie. My only issue is like, once we hit this point, there's still like 40 fucking minutes of movie left. There's so much movie. Like this movie is almost two hours. And the last bit of the movie is just so fucking weird and outlandish and could have been a little shorter, but he has to go to the victim's house.
00:54:27
Speaker
because she is the only person because she had previously confronted him saying, I saw you getting signals from a woman in the back of the courtroom and I know that you weren't the real witness. And he's like, yeah, you're right. She's my boss's wife. It feels so bad. And she's like, you must be either a hopeless romantic, a romantic fool or an idiot. And he's like, yeah, yeah. Or a virgin. He whispers that under his breath.
00:54:57
Speaker
And she thought it was breathy and sexy. And that's why she's like, well, this is so he's basically sleeping nude on her couch. And she comes out and it's like, I haven't been able to have sex since the crime, which once again, murky timeline and all of these probably a few weeks. It takes a while for a trial to get going. You never know how long that took. Right. This might be a four month break. Right.
00:55:24
Speaker
So she comes out and she's like, do you wanna have sex? And Gutenberg is like, absolutely, kiss my mouth. She really would like to do it on the bed, but he's adamant about it being on the couch. I wasn't sure what symbolically I was supposed to take from his refusal to go into the bedroom. isn't that He's now afraid of bedrooms and bedroom windows. He now has a phobia, having sex in those places.
00:55:51
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. He's weird. He's got things. He's got kinks. Okay. He was a virgin yesterday and now he's already got kinks. the Man is moving too fast. Virgin has kinks. Like any Virgin has, like they've seen enough pornography at this point in their lives that I guess this is eighties. A little harder to come by. A little harder to come by. He's just looking at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. That's all he's got.
00:56:22
Speaker
We do see Mrs. Crawley's nude silhouette through a bath, ah through a ah shower curtain, which is nice. I was disappointed we didn't get more, to be honest, because she's so lovely and cute. um But it was a nice little silhouette. It gave me left something to my imagination, and she's too classy of a lady. Mrs. Crawley does not show things like that, especially when we've seen two dude roots. We don't need Mrs. Crawley.
00:56:51
Speaker
That's fair, I suppose. So be the end of this is just you just bat shit. So they're trying to suss out like what to sets him off and they realize that it's he doesn't like seeing women getting sexual like attention from men.
00:57:10
Speaker
but That's why he went after the ah so woman who was dancing. Dancing lady at the bar. And that she had kissed our our first victim. A coworker. now i Yeah, she kissed. It sounded to me like he was a manager, to be honest. I got manager vibes from him that she kissed him because it was his birthday and she was bringing him a cake. And the crowd went wild. So they kissed like a couple more times at the Nevermore bar. So.
00:57:39
Speaker
That seemed not her fault. I mean, no none of them were, no one's fault in any of the murders, really. This guy has a bad mom and has red hair and that's enough. That's enough. Don't want to weld boats. Don't want to weld boats. So they come up with this great idea that the only way, obviously the only way to clear Steve Gutenberg's name is to have an elaborate set up ah where extremely elaborate setup where ah she is acting as bait to lure ah the the killer to try to come assault her and then have the cops be there at the same time because Gutenberg will call them and tell them to come, like, uh, come arrest me. I am at this place. And that's their, that's their, that's, that's their plan.
00:58:35
Speaker
But how it falls where it's like, okay, you go in there and act so sexy that this guy either has to come or murder and he's only gonna be able to do one.
00:58:47
Speaker
the I'm gonna be out here and I'm gonna call the cops from this payphone when I see you leave because then he's gonna leave too. and And you know, we just hope that he murders the same way he's been murdering and you don't get murdered and that the police are competent.
00:59:06
Speaker
and that the police don't just arrest me instead. There are so many ways we go wrong. She does have a little mace. She does have mace. And they get around the fact that he would recognize her by having her dress up in a wig. She dyes her eyebrows and she puts on a sexy outfit. And honestly, she says to him when he's like, no, you can't be bait. That's a terrible idea. And she's like, you just don't think I'm sexy enough to pull it off.
00:59:35
Speaker
And I was like, why would he think that you already got targeted once before? Why would you, is this so coming from some deep insecurity within you, madam? And then she is like, I can get his attention because I'm a woman. And then this is clearly supposed to be her glow up. This is her, she's all that moment where she comes out and she's got the wig instead of her short sort of tomboyish cut hair. And she's wearing a bright pink.
01:00:03
Speaker
dress that, by the way, the dress goes up to her clavicle and down to mid thigh. This is not that. Oh, but when you pop that top and there's like a leather. She's got tight. She's got high heels. And to be honest, I don't know. I kind of liked her better before we think.
01:00:24
Speaker
Well, I think she was beautiful before. I think she had some, either I couldn't even tell that she really had self-esteem issues or Gutenberg really didn't think she was that attractive.
01:00:36
Speaker
Well, Gutenberg gives like a, whoa. He gives an Ooga look when she comes out, yeah. And honestly, this is really funny because this was like a personal deep seated fear that I had and still somewhat have to this day of like, I dressed like a regular person most of the time. I'm not putting a lot of effort in. If I ever put in a lot of effort and I don't look good,
01:01:03
Speaker
Uh, that is devastating. Like the idea of that would be like, Oh God, I, like, I thought it it was okay that men ignored me because i didn't I wasn't trying to get their attention. But if I tried and failed, that would be so hurtful. And to see it work that way for her where she gets glammed up and I didn't think she looked better, was it it's brought up some feeling feelings in me that I was not expecting. So when you get dressed, you look in the mirror first and think like, how killable am I?
01:01:40
Speaker
I do every single time. How killable am I? Ooh, not that killable. God slit that throat. Yeah, girl. So she's he's all sexed up. And if you thought the lady from the first dancing in a bar scene was awkward, this lady truly has no idea how to act human. This really feels like some Madam Web shit. How in Madam Web, she can just never act like a Dakota Johnson just doesn't know how to be human in that movie. Like she doesn't know what to do with her hands. And she has to go in there and just like, it sucks that she has the self-esteem that she is not just a beautiful lady. They can just stand there and be a beautiful lady. She has to be doing something awkward and weird.
01:02:32
Speaker
Yeah, and she's she's ordering ah a beer and a shot. She's playing pool with the guys and making really strained innuendos, I would say, trying to- A smooth stroke is more than just a key to the game. Yeah. Like, why are you gonna tell that man, like, that guy played Harvey Weinstein in Entourage. Why are you going to tell a Harvey Weinstein looking man, give him a,
01:03:01
Speaker
The hint that there might be a hand job in your future. That seems more dangerous. It seemed like he was gonna kill her. Honestly, yes. There was a moment where he was threatening her when she wanted to leave the bar alone after he had bought her a drink. Cause he felt he owned her now. And I was like, that is the exact vibe I got from that guy. Do not accept a free drink from that man.
01:03:23
Speaker
The amount of cat calling she got in that bar was dangerous. Absolutely outrageous. Also, especially because she walks in having not taken off the top layer. So she just walks in and what looks like a business woman in the 80s ass dress. Like it is it's not that slutty. Her hair is not teased to the gods. Her hair looks very professional in many ways. She looks so normal.
01:03:50
Speaker
So the cat calling is essentially like, yeah, Yeah. Look at that woman face. Yeah. Yeah. And they, they're happy to see it. But yeah, you don't walk around club rape. Promising hand jobs is all I'm saying. Like it's, it's just the scariest place I've ever been. And I was watching from my couch 40 years later.
01:04:17
Speaker
I very recently actually was ah meeting a friend of mine, a former coworker who is a man at a bar, and I texted to ask if you wanted me to buy him a drink you know before he got there. so you know He said, yeah, you know, give me something blah, blah, blah. Okay. I'll have one beer, please on draft. So I go up to the bar and order his drink. I had already ordered mine. Um, so I'm just up there buying a drink and these, this crowd, this gaggle of drunk men in their forties or fifties keep trying to buy me a drink. And I'm like, no, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. No, you don't have to do that. No, thank you. That's very sweet, but no, thank you.
01:05:01
Speaker
And finally, this guy is just like, he talks to the bartender for me and says, this guy is paying for it, his buddy is paying for it. And I was like, okay, well, here I am. ah Hilariously, the timing worked out so perfectly that as soon as the drink was put into my hand by the bartender, my former coworker walked in, I turned and just put the drink in his hand.
01:05:27
Speaker
And so all of these guys are like, what? to And I was like, I told you that you didn't have to buy me a drink. I hate that situation. They took it. Well, I'll give them that. They didn't like they seem to realize that it was hilarious that they had accidentally bought a man a drink instead of no it's getting mad about it. But I hate how much you had to talk to people. Yeah.
01:05:56
Speaker
And also like how lucky are we that we were both wiped down? You're about to be wiped down and not have to be part of bar culture and trying to buy strangers beverages. a right I mean, I'd be so bad at that. I don't want to buy strangers beverages. Leah, don't leave me.
01:06:24
Speaker
All because of this, it's not because, you know, of any of the many reasons you love your wife and your family that you have together, but no, don't make Garrett go buy women drinks at Baja Arts. Don't make me buy the pretty lady vodka tonic.
01:06:41
Speaker
Listen, if the guys had just taken no for an answer, it wouldn't have been a problem. Yes. No means buy my man friend a drink.
01:06:54
Speaker
Alright, so ah the there is another comedy of errors to fit to to follow our previous one of him trying to get out of the ballet while covered in blood.
Climactic Ballet Scene
01:07:06
Speaker
We now have the comedy of errors of of things going wrong at this bait setup that they've got, right? So at first his car won't start. And then ah the the Budweiser truck blocks his view. And then, so he has to go inside, which is where he sees the guy looking at her wallet. So he's like, oh, he's gotten her dress from that. That's how he does this. And so then he's, he's the next part of the plan is he has to call the police, but there's a guy in the phone booth.
01:07:42
Speaker
And I'll tell you this, Ace Ventura's landlord doesn't want to want to get off the phone. He does not. And he doesn't matter. All you could do is fight him. It doesn't matter that he says it's an emergency. Instead, the guy closes the door on Steve Gutenberg's fingers, which I found pretty hilarious. And yes, instead of just going into the bar and asking if you can use their phone, ah the only solution is to physically fight this man. Which he tries to fight, but then the landlord is just like, fuck you, buddy. And like,
01:08:18
Speaker
The landlord's winning. Gutenberg is so rarely cool in this movie. but's that wait is this how Is this another piece of evidence for you that he's a virgin, is that he doesn't know how to fight a man outside a phone booth? I think this just means that, you know, instead of casting like a traditional 80s heartthrob, they cast the lead from Police Academy in an erotic thriller.
01:08:46
Speaker
So obviously a cop comes to break up the fight and ah the cop won't listen when Steve keeps trying to tell him that there's an emergency and then they need to call this detective or whatever. The cop doesn't care. He's dealing with two unruly ah folks outside of a payphone. He just wants to so take them both in. And so obviously the only solution is to steal a cop car.
01:09:12
Speaker
had a real sassy conversation with the lady on the other end of the police horn. It is so funny. He's like, hello? Can can anybody hear me? And the woman's like, get off the line. This is for the police. And he's like, bitch, I know it's a police line. I just stole a cop car.
01:09:30
Speaker
He literally calls her a bitch. She says, art well, then pull over the cop car, you stolen, use a pay phone or whatever she says. Yeah, she's not having it, but he says, you know, you got to tell these, these particular cops that I'm going to drop off this stolen car at this location and they better get there soon.
01:09:53
Speaker
And then, of course, that means that they're late getting there and she's tussling with the killer in the stairway. I appreciated the very realistic way in which the her tights got ripped and her knees got scuffed because of it. I thought that normally they do not think about things like that in movies, ah but this time they did. Yeah, the violence to this lady, um They never let up on it. She took that head spike earlier and it's ah now she's getting choked. She's trying to mace him.
01:10:31
Speaker
The mace scene was amazing. At first it seemed like she did mace him and I'm like, oh, he doesn't, mace doesn't affect gender. So it's like, what's the movie that's taught me? But I guess she just didn't push it hard enough. Cause when that guy finally gets sprayed in the eyes, he like I love him. nice I love a man scream. Inch away from his eyeballs. So you know, it got him good. It is like a top tier man scream. I really, I really love it.
01:11:01
Speaker
For a second, I thought she had gotten Steve Gutenberg too because he joins the tussle and they're all tussling. But no, she does manage to get just the ginger. The ginger's good now leaving. Oh no, more comedy of errors. we We have to get him not to leave because otherwise the cops are gonna show up and you're just gonna see this woman all beat up and only Steve Gutenberg is there.
01:11:26
Speaker
so I really thought Gutenberg was gonna die. I did not see a scenario where Gutenberg didn't get shot by the police. because it seems like he's the one to shoot for many reasons yeah that have spanned the whole movie. Hanging out of the truck door, fighting yeah the the ginger in the cab of the truck, like they are, it is so insane and he's like half hanging out and the woman has to scream like, don't shoot him. Don't shoot him, he's not the bad guy.
01:12:03
Speaker
Finally, they crash the car. Steve goes flying. He's gonna be feeling that one for weeks to come. And I guess it all gets settled. It all gets settled. Other than like, we see the ginger go into an ambulance and the cop comes over and is like, well, for all the line on the stand and shit, 10 to 12 years in jail. And Koot's like, what? And he's like, just kidding, just kidding. Again, just kidding. I love that he also says, ah we'd have gotten him anyway, you know.
01:12:34
Speaker
We're great police. We're good police officers. You didn't need to do the stupid elaborate ruse of using this poor woman as bait.
01:12:45
Speaker
I would say in this movie, the two main cops, like other than not checking the eyesight thing that like really fucked the case and interviewing this guy in depth and prepping and. The lawyer should have done that. That is 100% on the state's attorney for not looking into that. It is not the cops job to find out if this guy is a credible witness or not. That's where the state's attorney to to deal with prepping him for being on the stand.
01:13:11
Speaker
Well, then in that case, I would say these are two of the most competent police officers we've seen in any of the movies we've watched so far, and other than I think it was questionable that when they first came to his house, that the one cop lit up a cigarette in his home. That is a little unprofessional, but it was 1987, so who knows? It's a different time. Either way, in total, like as a whole, a little too long, but an enjoyable movie.
01:13:41
Speaker
More in the, more a noir than an erotic thriller, but there is, it it all involves love or whatever the fuck he thinks he's doing with this woman. and Yeah. Yeah. He just can't have his cake and bang it too. And I guess he kind of did. Kind of did. At one point he says he's gonna lose a job that I was just something for her to do.
01:14:05
Speaker
ah to which our other woman says, there are worse things I can think of to do, which is a cute line. That was cute. But yeah, I want more of your theory about how this woman is not right in the head. Go into this boss's wife a theory that you had. Well, she really doesn't care about anybody but herself.
01:14:32
Speaker
Like, she never cared about Goot. I don't understand really why she was there other than like, she didn't even really seem unhappy in the marriage. Like, the marriage, I didn't yeah see any anything, like, I don't know, she just kind of seemed like a sociopath. Yeah, I mean, it is her idea that like, she shows some concern. Like, oh no, we should have called. We should do something. I don't want to, but we should.
01:15:01
Speaker
like And I kind of, but then again, that could be self-centered because she's like, otherwise there's a murderer right outside the building I'm in and I don't want to die. So even that could be taken as selfish and self-interested. She had such a hard fall off as a likable character. Yes.
01:15:21
Speaker
It ah pretty much immediately went downhill after our first meeting. The woohoo was the end of nice times. She even admits that she recognized the dude immediately as the killer, but she didn't want to make a thing out of this. So she she she wouldn't let it go any further.
01:15:46
Speaker
That's such a heavy side, Garrett. Yeah, I don't know. This was Thanks, Curtis Hanson. I have to say there were some fun, like visual motifs in it. You know, the the fact that like the the end of the act, the curtain coming down as the killer has staged the scene, right? Like there's some clever little moments like that where you can tell that, you know, some love was put into the project for sure. Some thought was put into it.
01:16:19
Speaker
Well, also Curtis Hanson that wrote and directed the movie is a good filmmaker. I mean, the couple that come to mind are, well, for sure, LA Confidential, like great movie, River Wild, I remember really, really enjoying, and, you know, Eight Mile. Oh, yeah. Forgot about that he had done Eight Mile. He also did Hand That Rocks The Cradle, that we'll have to do eventually as well. All right, so Garrett, I think it's time.
01:16:48
Speaker
Were you aroused, Garrett, scale of one to five? I'll be honest, when I got the silhouette of Mrs. Crowley, I blushed. I blushed and said, oh, Mrs. Crowley. so Um, Elizabeth Hubert was never afraid to show me anything very French of her. I think overall though, like no sex. It was just the, it was just the human body and on display occasionally. They just kept cutting to after the sex and.
01:17:21
Speaker
So as far as erotic, very low, very low. Nudity, nudity, you get things like you see dude butt adds points, dude root adds points, and we got essentially two of each. So I'll give it a two. I'll give it a two. One point five, I think, because I didn't see Downton Abbey, so I wasn't as excited. Okay, that's fair. That came from just pure fandom.
01:17:49
Speaker
Fair enough. All right, and were you thrilled? I was a little thrilled on this one because I never knew, I really thought Gutenberg was gonna die. I just, it really didn't feel like he was gonna get a happy ending on this one. In terms of like me being anxious for for him, constant. He's constantly making bad decisions. And so yeah yes, you are on the edge of your seat begging him to stop fucking up.
01:18:19
Speaker
Please stop doing this. He's gone girling himself for God's sake. Like Mr. fucking Bean would have handled this situation basically the same.
01:18:34
Speaker
And it it does have some Mr. Bean-esque qualities. As I said, like it does become a comedy of errors a couple times where it's just, I started to laugh at the number of things that were going wrong. So... ah Mr. Bean would have gotten pulled out of his murder clothes and put into a ballet costume because of the stage hands. thank that they You have to change his clothes and get him out. And now he's in the ballet dancing. and That's the only difference in the two movies.
01:19:03
Speaker
the only difference, you would also have seen Mr. Bean's cheek. Oh, duh, duh. All right, give me a number then. Um, two and a half. Okay. Actually, maybe even three, because you're right, there was that sense of the whole movie. I'm just like, fuck, why are you doing this? Stop! It's so many times it looks like it's gonna be bad and then it gets worse. So yeah, I would agree with that. I'd put that at a three as well.
01:19:33
Speaker
Ruining lives, however. Ruining lives, however. Who bear? Get the fuck out of here. you're I am not... I've got a good career at business. I can just try and buy ladies' gin and tonics. And if you buy a hundred of them, maybe one will bite.
01:19:53
Speaker
Garrett, you're a virgin in this scenario. Keep that in mind. And your boss's wife, your boss's wife wants you to come home, or wants to go home with you. And she's French and very pretty. Are you sure you're gonna just turn that down? You're gonna turn that down?
01:20:17
Speaker
I'm a dumb man. And she put it, she's like, I'll even drive. I'll drive. I will meet you there. I don't, you don't have to go anywhere. She must have her own ride home at the end of the night. And would I have woohooed in the street? Fuck yes.
01:20:35
Speaker
what
01:20:41
Speaker
Garrett, Garrett, Garrett. Garrett, is that what you did after the first time you had sex? No, I think there was a lot more shame. I did it after the second time. Oh, okay. The second time you went and clapped for yourself. Yeah. I was like, you didn't come so fast. That was better. Well, and you didn't also have the buildup of waiting until you were an established businessman in your thirties. Uh, so he had a lot more buildup to, uh, to celebrate, uh, release of, um, yeah.
01:21:20
Speaker
yeah Yeah, you're doing it. Yeah, of course you are. I, on the other hand, would not ruin my life for her. You just sit here and convince me. I guess you're not a dumb man. I'm not a dumb man. That's the difference between you and me.
01:21:36
Speaker
You're just getting free drinks thrown at you in a bar and you're like, I don't want dead and fucking tonics. Stop giving me G and T's. I don't even like them. I think tonics too bitter. Make it a cranberry juice or some shit. Uh, yeah, no, I would not. I mean i would be way too nervous to fuck my boss's wife for sure.
01:22:02
Speaker
Have you ever had a boss, a boss that there's significant other is somebody that you would have wanted to end up with? Not that I've ever known. Like I haven't met enough bosses wives for that to really be a problem. Um, one, one of my bosses was fucking Mrs. Fields. Like the actual, the actual Mrs. Fields. And you wanted to, you wanted to do the nasty, you wanted to put some, some cookies in her oven.
01:22:32
Speaker
and get a crack at that cookie empire. Get a crack at that cookie empire. Here's the thing, you don't know this about me. I love an oatmeal raisin. And if I get a little oatmeal raisin with the the thing. It's a pretty good incentive. That job wasn't very good either, so it would I didn't have a lot to lose. That's true, you weren't a fancy capital B business man.
01:23:02
Speaker
Yeah. Uh, so I'm going to say no to her. Would I ruin my life? If I am boss's wife, would I sleep with Steve Gutenberg? That's the other question. Garrett, if your boss's wife situation, your husband's employee wants to have sex. It seemed like she was just kind of horny and wanted to, and it seemed like there weren't a lot of strings attached. It was going to be quick and easy until you saw a crime.
01:23:30
Speaker
until you accidentally saw a crime. I don't know, he looked too eager. It would just be like fucking a Golden Retriever. Well, lots of girls are into Golden Retriever energy. That's a common thing that people like in a partner. I'm a cat person. Yeah, of course you are. Yeah, that's why you're with me. That's why I'm like, well, as I think about like Hubert, I'm like, actually, she's kind of mean. Like she's like a little my type.
01:23:58
Speaker
A little bit, yeah. You gotta work for her affection. Sometimes it's nice to have someone who's eager to please, ah then they're eager to please. No, I wouldn't ruin my life for the Goot. I like the Goot. I like him fine, but yeah, I probably wouldn't ruin my life for him either. Mrs. Crowley on the other hand, yeah, fuck yeah. Mrs. Crowley, me and you are going on dates after we're done with this murder trial.
01:24:25
Speaker
Well, the thing is, being with her doesn't ruin your life. It actually saves you from going to jail. Like being with her is ah is the right decision. Anything she got who bear some awkward conversations with her husband, really. Yeah. Ruined her life more than. All
Overall Movie Impressions
01:24:44
Speaker
right. Yep. There's the movie. That's the movie. Would you recommend it to folks?
01:24:52
Speaker
I'd say this was a this one was fine. like I wouldn't say it was the best. I would say this one's kind of probably in the middle somewhere, but a fun one. I would agree with that. It's pretty goofy. like I had fun laughing at stuff. there's There was enough goofy shit. and like When I established him as a virgin within five minutes of the movie being on, it changed the whole movie for me. where i I feel like I need to watch it again now with your cannon virgin filter to see if it makes me feel any differently about it. But yes, I also enjoyed it. it It's like medium good. Go have fun. If you like The Goot, this movie is for you. If you're a kid who grew up and you want to see Goot cheeks,
01:25:38
Speaker
There may be, there's other good cheeks out there that I don't remember, but they they are certainly here and make your
Viewing Platforms and Audience Engagement
01:25:44
Speaker
state pay for it. If you have access to canopy free through your library or it's just on freebie. Yeah. Just check, check, check Amazon prime. Yeah. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for listening at erotic thriller club but on Instagram, erotic thriller club at gmail dot.com. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, get Leave a like, leave a subscription, a comment. We love to see what people have to say. If you have suggestions, if you agree or disagree with Garrett's bold theory about the Goot's virginity, ah let us know. Yeah, if you do think the Goot has had sex before, maybe write a little fanfic for us and tell us who, how many times, what is Goot's body number? I don't know. i Maybe we looked at them completely different. Absolutely.
01:26:37
Speaker
All right, everybody, we will be back next time. Thank you for listening. We love you, witches snails. We wanna shake you naked, meet you alive.