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Original Understudies - EP 6 - Running Into Elvis
112 Plays2 years ago
I am so excited to share this week's episode, partly because it is a really funny one, but also because we have new music. The opening song is from a band I am a really big fan of and after careful consideration they have given me permission to use their song "Get to it" from their album County Live. I was listening to the album and when this song came on I knew it was a great fir. It features some amazing Sax.
The Quick Six - Get To It
Atul Singh instagram.com/atultime
Landon Kirksey LandonKirksey.com
Maggie Widdows - Stinkers
Caroline Cotter - Instagram.com/cotterpoops
James Heaney - You found me.
----------Don't for get to write in
OriginalUnderstudiesPodcast@gmail.com---------
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Transcript
Introduction and Social Media Handles
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome back to the original understudies improv comedy podcast. I've gathered the world's most original understudies and we're going to do some make them ups for you right now. There are no new members today. This is, I think, the first time we've done a recording where everyone's returning. First up, a tool sitting.
00:00:23
Speaker
Atul, where can people find you on the internet? Well, if you're on Instagram or Twitter, Atultime, which is my first name in the word time. And if you are going to be in the Omaha area around Labor Day, I'm going to be there for a sketch comedy and improv comedy for the Omaha Comedy Festival, headlined by the one and only Amber Ruffin.
00:00:47
Speaker
Oh, my gosh, that's awesome. And just a heads up, we're about six weeks deep into one week for recording, so I don't know when Labor Day is. I'm not sure if that's going to come out. But coming up next, we got Landon. Welcome back, Landon. Oh, thanks, James.
Imaginary Festivals and More Handles
00:01:04
Speaker
Hey, how are you?
00:01:05
Speaker
I'm doing great. Where can people find you online? I know you said he didn't do a lot of tweeting, but is there a place that they can get, they can get some land and love? I don't do a lot of tweeting on Twitter. Now I will tweet individually, of course. But if you're on in the Instagram, I'm with, I'm Splandon. That's my first name, Landon, with an SP at the front for no good reason at all. And if you happen to be in the Omaha area, then enjoy that comedy festival. I will not be there.
00:01:38
Speaker
And now we have Maggie Widows. Maggie, welcome back. Thank you, James. I'm on Instagram, m-w-i-d-s, m-wids, and I have a podcast Stinkers that you can listen to. It's really fun.
00:01:55
Speaker
And we couldn't have the podcast thinkers. Well, there's three, but today we've got another part of the puzzle. It's Caroline Cotter. Yeah. Hi, Caroline. Hi. You know, I just want to clear something up. You said that I've been on this. I don't think I've been on this podcast before, but, um, wow. What do you, is that for real? I think so. Yeah. I think you cancel. Oh, you cancel one of them. I guess you're right. I want to make your life a living hell. Um, Oh, that's true. So, but that's fine. I don't, I'm not pissed or anything. I just wanted to say something.
00:02:25
Speaker
I remember I got you and Maggie together for the two-person set when we were recording three groups. Yeah, but for me, I like to not think about that. You know what I mean? So for me, it's like the first time every time. She prefers I perform with a bag over my head when it's just... Yeah, I don't like eye contact. So Zoom is actually perfect for me.
00:02:47
Speaker
But yeah, so my Instagram, I know everyone's kind of wondering what that is. It's actually cotter poop, which is my last name cotter and then the word poop at the end. Like the stuff you do in the toilet. I do the same podcast as Maggie and that's kind of all she wrote in a way.
00:03:10
Speaker
Right. Without further ado, oh, here's the further ado.
Listener Interaction and Elvis Impersonator
00:03:14
Speaker
Give me an email at originalunderstudiespodcastatgmail.com. We're getting suggestions from what I, I don't know if it's offensive to call it the graveyard of suggestions, but these suggestions aren't going to get used. They refer elk me this. And this one's coming in from Haley Bonds. Since we last spoke,
00:03:34
Speaker
I got married by an Elvis impersonator at the height of the pandemic with only two weeks notice. We keep running into this Elvis impersonator now, and it's so weird because we have nothing to talk about other than the fact that he married us. I'd love to hear some scenes based on the life of an Elvis impersonator. But as a reminder, and I'm going to probably stop reminding people, we don't do the scenes just as that. Instead, we talk about the suggestion.
Professional Boundaries and Awkward Encounters
00:04:03
Speaker
I am confused as to like, where are they that they're continually running? Are they just in Vegas on like outside of the little white chapel? They keep going back to get remarried and they're like, why are you here? This is crazy.
00:04:20
Speaker
There's a lot of questions here. It's like, you know, getting married, kind of spur of the moment without much notice. Let's get our Elvis impersonator to do it. That'll be good. But you know what? Keep running into him at the grocery store. That's very strange. You can pay for a job. He doesn't need to be your friend. He doesn't need to reveal any more information.
00:04:40
Speaker
You have good boundaries. You do have good boundaries. I go to Subway all the time. I don't expect to have a relationship with them. But if you run into the person working at Subway somewhere else, you're friendly with them, right? I'm friendly, but I'm like, hey, how come I don't know what you drive? That's creepy.
00:04:57
Speaker
But how would you feel if the subway person was like, ah, tuna mountain, whatever? That's part of the job. That's the job. But if he was like, hey, you're dry cleaning's ready, I'd be like, oh man, you got to stop following me. Yeah, well that would be creepy. How do you want your interactions with professionals that you work with in the world to be? I'll put it this way. My barber, five, six years, we don't say a word.
00:05:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's ideal. I sit down. And when have you seen them? In the barber's chair. Oh, no, I'm like, what if you run into the barber at the gas station or Costco? Like what then?
00:05:37
Speaker
Nothing. Hey, Steve. All right. Have a good week. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're having a conversation about professionals and it was bounced off of from a discussion about an Elvis impersonator who marries people. I mean, sure, but we're a little far afield. I'm so sorry. I don't recognize you outside of the doctor's office, but I think
00:06:06
Speaker
I think you're my doctor. Yeah. But you're not wearing, you're not wearing a gown. You're not wearing gloves. Look, I am. I'm so sorry. It's a Jack. I just saw you last week. You had like a very
00:06:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's what it was because I thought it was a fake name. So I looked it up and it was my name is Dr. Thompson. But Jack Jingleheim, I remember you. You don't really think I wear doctors clothes outside of the doctor's office, right? You're what, like 52?
00:06:44
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't say that I thought you'd wear it outside the office. I was just trying to explain why I didn't know for sure. Okay, how is how are your how's your heart doing?
00:06:57
Speaker
Um, actually put your hand against it right now. Well, that's, I'm not going to get a clear measurement. No, no, actually this is what's weird is when I'm in the office, it never, I'm never having the palpitrations that I talk about, but yeah, the palpitrations right now I'm having it. I'm not, I'm so sorry. I'm not going to put my hand on your chest.
00:07:18
Speaker
Like this is like a rare opportunity for you to really feel what my health is like in a real world setting. I'm not going to get an accurate read. We're at Avant. Okay. Okay. I'll take it. Look, I have a stethoscope actually in my pocket. I don't normally carry it with me, but I do have a stethoscope. So I'll just put it on a few. Roger to aisle three, toys. Oh, that's me. That's me. Can you come to aisle three with me? Roger. You use a different name for work.
00:07:48
Speaker
Well, honestly, that's my legal name is Frotcher. Welcome, welcome.
Celebrity Impersonators and Viral Videos
00:07:56
Speaker
You are a young family, a young couple. You're going to get married. We got, we got every, any celebrity you want. That's awesome. That's very exciting. Who do you want to get married by? You remember this day for the rest of your life.
00:08:11
Speaker
Okay, honey, let's on the count of three both say, because obviously we'll probably say the same one. Of course, of course. One, two, three. Neil Young. Neil Young, we have a Neil Young, we're here. Neil Young, come out here right now. You wanted Lorde, okay. But that's okay, Neil Young's fine. No, no, no, Lorde too. As soon as you see the Neil Young, we're going to bring out the Lorde.
00:08:35
Speaker
All right. Oh my God. Neil Young. All right, Neil, go back there. Send Lorde out. No, no, nobody ever wants Neil Young anymore. Come on, use Neil Young. That is a really good Neil Young. You got a really good Neil Young. Here comes Lorde out of this door, number two.
00:08:52
Speaker
Hey, hey, I'm Lord, I'm Lord. We officiate your wedding. Okay Lord, take five. Now that's two great choices. Any other celebrity you think of? Honey, I really don't know if either of these people are right. They're both like really disgusting and have sort of like an Arl Stein book character. Oh, hi Arl. Let's see Arl Stein. Let's get Arl Stein. Can you come out here?
00:09:20
Speaker
I don't look so much like Earl Stein, but I sound just like Earl Stein. You sound just like him. Just like, all right, hit in the back, R.L. All right, you want him? He's on sale today, so... I mean, I did like Goosebumps quite a bit. Obviously, it's an amazing series. It's okay. I think you're having cold feet, honey. It's normal.
00:09:41
Speaker
Okay, yeah, I have cold feet, but isn't that something I should listen to? Like, am I in the wrong marriage? Am I with the wrong guy because he wants these freaks to marry him? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen to your heart. Here, let me put my hand. My heart is bad. I have a bad heart. I have to see Dr. Thompson about it. You have heart palpitrations? I have heart palpitrations.
00:10:05
Speaker
She was diagnosed with heart proper triceps. All right. Well, I see now why you're getting married. I understand. I just want to get married before, you know, anything bad happens. Don't say that. Don't say that. Let's do it. Okay. Let's get a fresh new celebrity and let's do it. Okay. Who do you have? Joni Mitchell. Let's see Joni Mitchell. Oh, I love Joni. Joni, come on out here. What song do you want me to sing? She's eating her beer.
00:10:36
Speaker
original understudies. Oh, sweetheart, I ran into the doctor today at the at Vons when I was shopping. Oh, that's great. You recognized her without her doctor clothes on.
00:10:50
Speaker
I, it was surprising and I, I actually, I didn't 100% recognize her, but I asked. You're so smart. That's my smart man. That is my smart man. Well, John Jacobs, not the only Jinger Heimer. That's smart. She wouldn't let me get, she wouldn't let me get eggs or butter or hash browns. What do you mean she wouldn't let you get them at the store?
00:11:13
Speaker
Well, my heart was doing that thing where it goes... Yeah, it sounds like a car that's about to fucking bust. Yeah, so she said, put those things away. Oh, Mom, I heard you say bust from the other room. I had to come in. I've only got you. You did not get me. That was one time when I was screaming bust and you unfortunately... You said it again. Oh, my God. Okay, so, honey, you're disgusting. You're obsessed with busting.
00:11:39
Speaker
So honey, I actually have to talk to you about something and I'm glad that our son is here because we can have a family conversation. It's kind of embarrassing, but I was...
00:11:49
Speaker
spending some time with myself in our bedroom. And you were there for this. Are you sure this is? Yes, this is what I'm saying. This is a thing that he walked in on. I was, you know, pleasuring myself and I said, I'm going to bust. And that's when our little son here walked in the room and now he can't, he won't stop saying the word bust and he's policing me when I say bust. I've never heard you talk about busting. It's a thing I do with my son. It's just about you.
00:12:19
Speaker
original understudies. All right, I now pronounce you a man and wife, a busted. Come on, bust it together. Come on, just bust it. Do it. Bust it. Thank you. Come on. You two, you two love each other, don't you? Come on now. A busted. Oh yeah. Does he want you to like,
00:12:44
Speaker
Do that now here. Yeah, we're not. All right. Thank you. We're going to go now. Thank you. This is, Hey, you're welcome. Hey, be sure to fill out all the paperwork, huh? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You can't leave here. It's not consummated. Oh my God. He has a gun. Okay, sir. Or you could just not be married. We do things a little bit different here in Prim. Okay. So it's time for you to just take it and bust it. All right. Honey, I'm really freaked out. I think you have to bust it.
00:13:12
Speaker
Do I, do we need to bust it together or just me busting them by myself? It doesn't really matter which one busted just as it gets busted is the only thing that matters. Honey, you can do it too then. Okay. Yeah, I guess we'll solo bust. Okay. Do that thing I like. Wait a minute. Let me turn on the cameras here. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. You're recording this? You're recording this? What the heck is happening? Yeah. We only use it for our website though.
00:13:40
Speaker
Oh man. Oh, this is going to go viral. Original understudies. Oh my God. Hi. I'm so sorry to interrupt. It looks like you two are having a nice meal at this restaurant. I just want to let you know that I paid for the bill. I'm such a big fan of your busting video. So I just saw you. I recognized you immediately. And yeah, it's on me. It's on me. So that's all. You don't have to do anything. I just
00:14:05
Speaker
I love your work. So you must also be someone who's turned on when your husband impersonates Shrek. Yes, that's exactly right. Are you a doctor? Is that you're wearing scrubs? Yes, I am. Well, hopefully I'm going to be a doctor. Yeah. What? You're a woman. I know. It's like that. Have you guys ever heard that riddle? The doctor was a woman. The doctor was his mother.
00:14:32
Speaker
It literally tricks me every single time. Me too. And that riddle is actually what inspired me to get into medicine. That's amazing. Because I was so effing stumped when someone said that to me. What are you practicing? What kind? Well, I'm kind of looking into it. I'm kind of seeing what I like. But I think right now I'm either going in between orthopedic surgery or really old people. What is an orthopedic surgery?
00:15:00
Speaker
Well, yeah. So basically, exactly. It's kind of like a lot of bone-based kind of surgeries. Bone-based surgery. Oh, wow. Gosh, you seem perfect for it. Oh, thank you. You got that just from talking to me for these couple of minutes. That's such a compliment. Why don't you sit down and join us? No, I mean, I did bring a chair with me, but I couldn't possibly... Drop it down. Okay, I'll drop it down. Yeah.
00:15:25
Speaker
It's funny, at first we were really embarrassed by that viral video of us busting, but now I feel like we've gotten to meet this amazing international community of like-minded people. Sorry, excuse me. Am I opening up a new tab? You paid for this table. Am I just opening up a new tab for this table? Is that what's happening? Yeah, you can go ahead and they'll just probably take care of this. Okay, great. Thank you.
00:15:49
Speaker
Isn't it crazy how short my torso is? When I sit down, I look so much shorter, right? I didn't even notice, really. Really? Yeah. I hadn't noticed how short your torso is. Is that something like, is that a condition? Medical, yeah, medical. Original understudies.
00:16:09
Speaker
When I was on that movie set not that long ago, I was so excited because they had a snake handler coming in because we were running through, I can't disclose too much of what it was about, but I was running through grass.
Misunderstandings and Paradigm Shifts
00:16:22
Speaker
Oh, Atul, you were in the movie too. But anyways,
00:16:25
Speaker
We're running through the grass in the mountains, and they need to bring a snake wrangler out. And I had said how excited I was to meet him. And I was very quickly corrected that it was a woman. And I said, wow, I can't believe I'm so sexist. Like, why would I think a snake wrangler has to be a man? And then I realized 100% of the snake wranglers I've met in my whole life have been women. And that was a pretty big paradigm shift. How many snake wranglers have you met?
00:16:53
Speaker
Just that one, just that one snake wrangler. Just that one snake wrangler. And she didn't, I don't know if you were there that day that we were shooting, but she didn't find any snakes, but she found a scorpion with her black light. She had like this flashlight, this UV flashlight, and she found a scorpion and she removed it and had it in the little cup.
00:17:12
Speaker
And she wasn't allowed to kill it because there was also like a member of, I don't want to say PETA, but somebody that was representing the safety of the animals on set. So if you have that, then you can't kill a scorpion that should very well be killed.
00:17:29
Speaker
So that is interesting. So yeah, just, I mean, we have time for a couple more questions from the audience, but thank you so much for going into detail about that, James. But just to be clear, the snake handler, she didn't actually bring snakes with her. She was just kind of in charge of catching them to use.
00:17:46
Speaker
We were running through grass that was about knee high and they were making sure because it's California in the deserts, they were making sure there was no rattlesnakes because it was rattlesnake season. So she went through, found zero snakes, but she did find one scorpion and removed it, which did make me think to myself, like, I didn't think there could be scorpions. I've never seen one in person. But now that they've removed one, I can only imagine there's got to be more. Aren't they like cockroaches? Are you running through the fields like naked? Is that what the concern is?
00:18:14
Speaker
Well, in shorts, which if you know me outside of, in real life, you'll never see me in shorts unless I'm swimming. But I ran through the grass where there was at least one scorpion removed. Wow. Okay, great. Thank you for that thorough answer. We have about, yeah, time for any other audience questions about the new snake-based action movies starring James and Atul.
Film Q&A and Comedic Scenarios
00:18:38
Speaker
If anybody else from the audience wants to ask a question,
00:18:44
Speaker
We're doing this for you, our college students here at... Yeah, I guess I'll ask a question. Okay, great. Go ahead. I'm studying film as we all are. And I was just wondering... I'm not studying film. I'm in films. I don't... Yeah, okay.
00:19:06
Speaker
Sorry. Okay. Well, I'm just wondering, did you ever think about making it in black and white? And if not, why? And if so, why? James, I'll take this question as the director of the film. Now I've directed a lot of talent, a lot of talent. Most men have.
00:19:32
Speaker
Okay. That took a turn. That's not what I want. The question was, if I have to repeat the question, it was about why didn't we direct in black and white or why did we direct in color and explain why? Was that the question? Was that not the question? Yeah. All right. What's your name? Megan. Megan, what year are you Megan?
00:19:51
Speaker
Please don't ask me my age. Let me just interject here. We don't want to get in any more physical altercations with students. We've already beat a path of the audience. So I want to keep it civil.
00:20:03
Speaker
No, no, that was the stunt coordinator, not us. Okay, you're right. All right, thank you. Megan, are you a third year? Are you a fourth year? Are you going to be a fifth year? I will fucking kill you. Okay. This is an eight year program. I just want to know where you are in your study. Okay, fine. I'm a fourth year. Okay. All right. You're right. I know where you are. You're taking Dr. Jones, lighting and techniques. All right. I took that class. Lovely class.
00:20:32
Speaker
All right. But one thing you have to ask yourself is what am I trying to show? And that's the question we answered. And that's why we went with color. Wow. Wow. Okay. Thank you. I think we have time for one more question. I know I said that before, but I am just learning how to read clocks the right way. So if anyone has one more question.
00:20:56
Speaker
Is it too much for me to continue talking about the thing I was talking about? I guess, if it doesn't look like people are raising their hands. I got a question for the audience because a lot of them have left some of them from the violence of the stunt coordinator, but are they forced to come here? Are they fans of the movie? Are they fans of mine? The movie is not out yet, so they're not fans of the movie. This is your first feature film?
00:21:24
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm not really- So I don't think they'd be fans of you either. Yeah, I think they're just, it's just we have a lot of programming and they're interested and engaged students. So I think that's what's- I'd like to answer that. I'd like to answer that. Go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. Trevor, I'm a sixth year focusing on production services. So we have to go to 14 events every semester. This one counts as two. So that's why I'm here.
00:21:50
Speaker
Oh, okay. That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. And I really liked Megan's question. I didn't feel like the director guy really answered it. Oh, I came in for the AC and, uh, air conditioning, not assistant camera. Um, and I just, I just stayed cause it's hot outside. I bet he is a Marvel fan.
00:22:17
Speaker
So, um, okay, so like not really, I was expecting like a lot of fans and a lot of signatures asked of me, but I guess that's probably just not the, not the event that I'm at today, huh? Hey, uh, Mr. James, you're, um, you're my favorite teacher and I'm applying to this pretty intense film program and I need a reference. And I was wondering if you'd be like, um,
Aviation Comedy and Women's March
00:22:41
Speaker
Let me ask you this. One question. Are you prepared for the life of an artist? That is a no. You have already answered me no. Are you saying no or are you saying I said no? I am saying, Steven,
00:23:10
Speaker
You know what, I'm gonna ask Ms. Julie. If you have to ask, then you already know the answer. Film is a medium of light, Steven. Light. Light and life. Am I clear? Well, I just need a yes or no, Ms. James. Like, it's due in two days and like, I'd really like to get someone to do it. What's your favorite movie, Steven? I guess it's Shawshank Redemption.
00:23:41
Speaker
What is your favorite movie that is not replayed on TNT? Not on TNT. What's the one with Matthew McConaughey where like he meets Jennifer Lopez, but he's like already going to marry somebody else. But then Jennifer Lopez is like there and like he goes dancing with her and you shouldn't have, but like it was a dance class. But like his fiance is the one who kind of told him to dance with her.
00:24:09
Speaker
I don't think that's the ghost of girlfriend's class. Wedding planner, wedding planner. Oh, wedding planner, yes. You see, Steven, that is an artist answer. You're very, very perceptive. All right, I'll see you later, Mr. Jones. Okay, you don't have, okay. See you later. Excuse me. Excuse me, Dr. Thompson? Dr. Thompson?
00:24:39
Speaker
Dr. Thompson, I'm talking to you. Dr. Thompson, are you okay? I'm sorry. Whenever anyone says Dr. Thompson to me, I don't think they're talking about me because I always forget that the doctor is a woman. It's like the riddle. I'm so sorry. Exactly. Yes, I'm sorry. I'm here. Because you've broken so many boundaries and I was wondering if you're like, I need a reference for this film program. It's pretty intense. Okay. Well, what's your favorite film?
00:25:10
Speaker
That doesn't play on TNT. Oh, well, there's the wedding planner with Matthew McConaughey. I've never seen it, but I've heard it's very good. It's pretty entertaining. It's a really good movie. Jennifer Lopez is underrated. Like she does rom coms really well. People don't know that. Yeah. But she's married now.
00:25:33
Speaker
There's a secret ceremony. You know what? I'm going to do something I never do and I'm going to take a chance on you. I'm going to write this recommendation because that's what someone did for me. Who did it for you? Can you tell me about that story? Yeah, it was a long time ago before I was
00:25:54
Speaker
before I am the person I am today. So it was about five years ago, a long, long, long time ago. Long time ago, long time ago. Long time ago, long time ago. Original understudies. All right, Mary.
00:26:09
Speaker
You want to be a doctor? Yes. I want to be a doctor, but like a, um, like, uh, like a doctor of like film or like a kind of smart, not that, you know what I mean? Not a medical doctor, like a PhD kind of thing. Oh, I'm sorry, Dr. Thompson. Uh, we've only got, uh, I've only got referrals for, for medical doctors. But you just called me Dr. Thompson.
00:26:34
Speaker
I know, because I'm actually able to just watch this. I'm going to write it up. Oh my God. This is a prescription, Pat. I prescribe you as a doctor. Oh my God. That's a referral. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Kamarski. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dr. Thompson. Oh my God. I love it when you say that. I don't want to mislead you. It's going to be a confusing life you live, okay?
00:27:02
Speaker
As a woman, it's going to be pretty difficult for you to probably be addressed as a doctor. Yeah, keep talking about that. So I want you to keep this stethoscope in your pocket. Dr. Capris.
00:27:16
Speaker
All right, you know what this is? Listen, we have a problem. Oh, yes. First of all, I mean, first and foremost, your your ideas of gender norms are far, far outdated. Secondly, you have a prescription pad that is incredibly illegal. And I'm going to have to confiscate that right away. I will have to take this. I will take it. I made a lady doctor.
00:27:46
Speaker
Give it back, please. What? What did you say? I said, it's just maybe you didn't know about that. I don't know why you're taking this from me. Is this because I made a lady doctor? You made a lady doctor? I know it's against the rules. It's like really illegal probably even. No, it's more illegal for you to have this prescription pad. I didn't ask you to make a lady doctor. I don't even know what you're talking about.
00:28:12
Speaker
Well, I know it sounds confusing, but there was a woman with big dreams and big hopes. She was just a regular old Mary Thompson. I made her a lady doctor. Okay, well, I can't fire you because you're tenured, but... Thank you. Oh, don't thank me. It's because you're tenured. Can I have that prescription pad back? Absolutely not. But I will give you an identical one. Thank you.
00:28:40
Speaker
Oh, this says void, right? That's right. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Dr. Kabruski, you're going to have to control yourself. I can't control myself. I want to change all the norms. I don't want to live in a world where ladies can't be doctors. Okay. Neither do I. Fine. Great. Okay. All right. Then just stop. Then you and me.
00:29:11
Speaker
Okay, Women's March, 2022. Our next speaker is literally changing the game. So get your pink pussy hats on and make a round of applause because Dr. Jim Kaspersky is here to talk to you. Hello, everybody. I've brought a really big prescription pad here today.
00:29:38
Speaker
And I'm going to make doctors out of every last one of you know, it does save weight on them. OK, but yeah, I'm sorry, I can't fill this prescription. It is so comically big. This has to be a fake prescription. It's like a clearinghouse publisher check or something. Clearinghouse publisher check.
00:30:00
Speaker
You know what I'm talking about. You know those giant checks that they give people when they knock on their door and they're not real? Oh, publisher's clearinghouse. I'm sorry. I really was. But yeah, so if you see there, that prescription allows me to be a pilot.
00:30:18
Speaker
Look, this just, it says void also very large on it. Looks like a size 72 font. Barbara, this flight is running really late. Let's just, what's the hang up? Well, I don't want to die. I feel like if he pilots the plane, I might die. Barbara, does he or does he not have a prescription? He does, but it's big and wacky.
00:30:42
Speaker
You know, a lot of people describe me as big and wacky. Well, you are big and wacky. You're a clown when you're not working. Well, yeah, it's a profession. Yeah, that's big and wacky. Get this guy on the plane. Sorry, is he gonna let him fly? Sorry. I'm still waiting here for my pilot's license. Yes, I didn't forget about you. You can be the pilot, okay? Thank you. You can be the pilot. Don't crash. There's a lot of children and just regular people on... And us. And us. Yeah, and us.
00:31:11
Speaker
Thank you. Okay. You can get on. You can get the cockpit. You'll see the co-pilot in there. Have fun.
00:31:21
Speaker
Oh, hey there pal. Uh, you, uh, new to the piloting game. Yeah. Yeah. I just, uh, just got my wings. How many hours do you have? Um, well, I have zero, zero hours. Oh, okay. Yeah. Zero hours. Really excited. My family's on. Hi gentlemen. It's me, Marsha. Um, I just wanted to see if you guys needed anything, any tablets, cold or warm, um, a little bit Scott or some fruits.
00:31:51
Speaker
I will take a cold towelette, Marcia. Thank you very much. No problem. You're fine. Okay. Well, we do things the old fashioned way here. So don't worry. Do not be scared to ask for anything on this flight. Thank you. Yes. My son is back there. Can you just make sure he's all right? Do you mean that sexually?
00:32:14
Speaker
Wait, what? We do things the old fashioned way. The old fashioned way. So Stewartus is like, we are to take care of every, every one. No, no, yeah. Don't, don't fuck my son. We don't fuck them. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. It's just hands and mouth. It's okay. He has zero hours. He has zero hours, Marsha, just forgive him. He has no idea. Oh yeah. Oh my God. It's your first, did you just get your wings? First life. Yes, I did. Oh my God. How did I, I forgot to sing this song. Oh, please. Of course.
00:32:44
Speaker
He's a wing boy. He is a wing boy. He's a wing boy flying the big plane. And that's just a little song we've been flat singing. Oh yeah. Um, thank you. I've heard some weird stuff about her, but she seems pretty cool. I'm too happy and do too much to cocaine to listen to her though. Excuse me, fight attendant. Yeah.
00:33:10
Speaker
I don't know if you can do anything for me, but my dad's the pilot today or one of them. Does that get me like a free drink or does that get me a... Free anything you want? Oh my God, I was just hearing about you. You're going into your second year at dental school. Congrats. Thank you.
00:33:28
Speaker
Yeah. What do you want? Do you want some fruits, a Biscoff? You know, we are, we do take care of the whole person. So if you need to relieve yourself, either sexually or bathroom style, you can do that anywhere you want. I don't know. No, no, no, no. Bust it, kid. Just bust it.
00:33:56
Speaker
You're welcome to bust it. Bust it. I got the middle seat. I just don't know if I want a problem for me. Is there a problem for you, dude? No, bust it, kid. Yeah, bust away, my friend. This is the bust it zone. Yeah, you're seated in the busted area for a reason. You're welcome to bust now. Okay. All right.
00:34:23
Speaker
I'd really rather not. It's going to be hard for me. Yeah. That counts as cheating. Okay. I don't care if a flight attendant had you bust on an airplane. We're still dating. I saw the video online. Well, I, I thought that that was old fashioned. That was an old fashioned flight. It doesn't, it can be old fashioned, but that doesn't mean it's not cheating.
00:34:45
Speaker
Well, how do you think? When in Rome, when in Rome. From Omaha to Dallas. Okay. That's not when in Rome. It's like a boring flight in the United States. Okay. How do you think I feel? I was trying to go look at my nasty Shrek porn that that's the only thing I can get off to. And then little do I know my boyfriend or so I thought is up there. It's disgusting with a stupid flight attendant who doesn't even offer my thing.
00:35:15
Speaker
Packing all my things is overreacting. You don't have that much stuff so it can fit in this stupid little suitcase.
00:35:23
Speaker
I don't have anywhere else to go. I just got back from my trip. Just let me please. Why do you go live in a tooth? If you like being a dentist so much, okay? Live in a tooth? Yes. I'll start looking tomorrow. I'm not going to find a tooth this time of night. It was this fucking figure of speech that I'm trying out. That's what I thought. Thank God. But you can't stay here. That I was being serious about.
00:35:50
Speaker
All right, I was just doing a scene. I don't know. So we were supposed to do janks, I forget. Yes, it is. I didn't say it last time and Caroline caught me with it. Oh, sorry, sorry. I didn't realize it. No, it's okay. It's great. It was organic. Yeah. It was very organic. I used to do a stand a bit about knowing the airport codes for major airports.
00:36:16
Speaker
And it was, the good bit was like to start with like, I can name any cities everywhere. And I know the big ones, like I know Chicago, ORD, MDW, you know, DFW, LUV, like, but, you know, test the audience to say a city. And like by the second city, it was always a city I didn't know. So that just reminded me. That's still an impressive thing. Those are,
00:36:43
Speaker
Very weird. Find MCI soon. That's Ken City. EWR. New York. Yeah. LGA, JFK. CG. Charles. CGI. People don't believe you when you get there. Pixar. Pixar.
00:37:04
Speaker
fix our headquarters. When I've flown at different airports, sometimes there's so much security at some, and then there's others like in Montana, and I don't know if it's just because of how small Butte, Montana is, but I've been to the Butte, Montana airport, and they've known me by name when I've walked in the doors and said, we were waiting for you.
00:37:28
Speaker
Like there's like nobody else there and it's just like one little room. Have you guys been to a small airport? Yeah, but not to that extent. Well, it was early in the morning, but yeah, there was no like, I had never seen an airport like that. I probably saw you at the grocery store and were like, oh, I'm going to see you later. Oh, that guy.
00:37:47
Speaker
No, it was the Butte, Montana airport. And we got a hotel across the street from the airport because we didn't want to have to return our car or anything. So we literally walked across the street from this like lodge, dragging our suitcases. And when we walked in, there was it was just like the same room that you walk in for security, like just behind like a metal detector was the room that you sat in to get on the flight.
Airport Recognition and Reflections on Nantucket
00:38:14
Speaker
Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah.
00:38:16
Speaker
I wouldn't call that safe. Yeah, it's a different kind of safety. Sure. There's only two people going through there. Also, we're not working on it, dude, so don't bring your complaints to us. Let me jot this down, Mr. James.
00:38:34
Speaker
Bozeman, yeah. What is the smallest airplane you guys have ever ridden on? Oh, God. Oh, I hate... I did one once from... I was visiting some friends in Florida last year and it was somewhere to somewhere in Florida, just a tiny plane. It was just so... You just feel everything and I hate it. I hate flying anyway, so it was just awful.
00:38:57
Speaker
Yeah, I've been in a five person. Oh, five person? Yeah, I went to college. Were some of those people the pilot? No, it was like two pilots, no, single pilot, two seats, two seats, one.
00:39:16
Speaker
That's like a private jet, right? Is that like another word? No, it was, what do they call them? Like sprinter planes. I was flying into like a super local airport. And my grandmother used to live on Nantucket and that's where from Massachusetts. This was like before, you know, now you can take like huge, regular commercial size planes there. But it used to, when I was growing up, be like,
00:39:43
Speaker
really scary and really small and I would throw up. But it was so worth it to see my grandma.
00:39:55
Speaker
I've never been to Nantucket. It's an Island. I'm taking it from your discussions. Yes. Yes. It's how big is it? Is it like Catalina Island? Yeah. Yeah. It's a bit, I think population size. It's bigger, but it's super small. Like you can drive. I think you can drive around the whole Island in like two hours. I want to say.
00:40:18
Speaker
Yeah, it's weird. It's like weird at Waspy and it's like Martha's Vineyard. It's similar to Martha's Vineyard. The famous limerick is based off that or is that something about the old man from Nantucket? What is that limerick? The old man from Nantucket? Nobody knows. It's something about a fuck it.
00:40:43
Speaker
So like they rhyme it with fuck it. I think at some point, I literally never took the time, all the souvenir shops and everything. They're like, have t-shirts with it and everything. And I never took the time to learn it. Wow.
00:40:56
Speaker
What is your grandma doing? What is the island person doing? She was retired. She wrote limericks in a book. She was like a nit, I think, and stare longingly at the sea.
00:41:16
Speaker
Hey, you're visiting here, huh? Come on in, take a look. All those trinkets are on sale. Oh, yeah, these are real nice. Why, these are all so very offensive. Yeah, it's kind of our thing here. We write these offensive stories and we've kind of got, we're kind of famous for it. These are, they all have drawings that are lewd. Yeah, read that one. Read that one you're holding. Dad, can I get this? No, absolutely not. Put that down.
00:41:43
Speaker
Okay. You should have a beaded curtain to enter this store. Beaded curtain? We're not selling weed here. We're selling these pornographic lyrics to poems. Yeah, that's exactly right. They're all pornographic. Honey, honey, we got to leave this store, okay? Our son just showed me something that says Jesus has a huge cock. I know that doesn't even rhyme with it. Yeah, that was written by grandma once and she lives down the street.
00:42:06
Speaker
What is this place? Listen, I don't want to offend you. I mean, that seems ridiculous, but we got to get out of here. I mean, is there somewhere else that we can go? Is there any place on this island that doesn't have offensive writing literally everywhere you turn?
00:42:26
Speaker
Well, you can, you can try Martha's right next door. Uh, people who don't like our store go there and they have a good time. All right. Oh, okay. Hi, welcome to Martha's. Um, just feel free to, you have to go through the beaded curtain, but feel free to take a look around. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, oh, um, Oh, this is
00:42:50
Speaker
Oh, wait, let me turn the black light on. You'll get a better effect. Oh, oh, wow. Oh, oh, no. This is like SVU or Rumerators. What happened in here? Somebody busted. That's for sure.
00:43:05
Speaker
everywhere, literally everywhere. We are just on a family vacation. We're just trying to have a nice time by a little trinket. No, no. Dad, this looks like a really nice vase. No, no, no, no. Put that down. Put that down. Put the vase down. Don't lick it. Don't lick it. No, just put it down. Oh, he puts his mouth on everything. Oh, my son was the same way. I understand.
00:43:26
Speaker
Well, my son was a dog, so you should have your son checked out if he does put his mouth on everything. That could be cause for concern. Sorry, your son was a dog? Mm-hmm. You're so brave. Thank you so much. That's incredible. Yes. I think I read about you. Oh. The woman who gave birth to a dog. Yes. Yeah, there's a limerick about me, so maybe... Oh, yeah. I'd love to hear it. I'd love to perform it for you.
00:43:55
Speaker
Thanks for coming in. We got your ultrasound back. Usually we do the little thing on the belly while you're in the room.
Bizarre Revelations and Relationship Comedy
00:44:03
Speaker
I noticed you sent me out of the room while you had the machine in the other room. Yeah. So it's like an x-ray. I guess we should say it's like an x-ray. I don't want to get into the technology. I don't understand. I own a souvenir store, so please don't.
00:44:17
Speaker
I just want to look up here and see this inside. This is your belly, this area here. This up here is your, well, you know, that area and down here is that area. That's the Jenny's down there. Yeah, the Jenny's right here in the middle. Do you, you're not having twins. I'm not. No, there's only one heartbeat. It's a, it's actually a dog.
00:44:40
Speaker
And we are amazed and we'd like to follow your journey for the Journal of American Medicine, JAMA. I'm sorry, this is a lot to take in. I didn't know I could get pregnant with a dog. Yeah, that's exactly why we're excited too.
00:45:01
Speaker
I mean, of course I've been making love to my dog, but I never thought that I would be anything would happen. We don't ask questions. We don't want to know. It was consensual. That was a thing. We could talk about it. And it was a dog with human-like eyes. You know what I mean? And he actually came on to me. So it wasn't me that was doing it. I mean, he cooks me dinner. What am I supposed to do? Say no. No, no. We're not questioning your decisions. What kind of dog was it?
00:45:28
Speaker
Um, it was a Yorkshire Terrier. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gather and I, I know we just had a son together and I've, I've cared about you for a long time. You've given me a good life here on the vineyard, but I just don't know if we can raise our son together. I'm sorry. I,
00:45:59
Speaker
I've enjoyed being your Yorkie. I have. But I met a man. A man from Nantucket.
00:46:10
Speaker
and the things he can do. Okay, I don't wanna hear it, frankly. I think it's disgusting. I think this is weird, okay? Oh, now it's weird? Yes, now it's weird. Now it's weird. Do you know how many neighbors talk about this? Oh, come on. This is just like you. This is just like me. You're leaving me for a man and you have a good week left of life. Good luck, Trent. What?
00:46:38
Speaker
Beep, beep. Oh, he's outside? Yes, that's him. And he drives a classic car as well? He does. He does drive a classic car as for a matter of fact. Yes. Leave that out. No. Well, here are your shit bags. Here's your food. You can take it all with you. I don't want to keep any of it. No, you shouldn't. Don't come back for your son because he is not. I'm going to raise him without a father. He'll never know. He'll think he's a boy. He'll never know that he has a dog father.
00:47:07
Speaker
Yes, what's up? What's going on? Your dad's going on. Um, you know, your dad's actually leaving your dad's leaving so you can say goodbye to your father at the door. Hey champ. Listen, I'm, I'm, I'm not going away. I'm just, I'm just going to go live on a ranch somewhere. Okay. What's wrong? Is it a place where I can run free? No, no, no, no. My heart's always going to be with you. Yeah.
00:47:38
Speaker
Just coming through the dog door, whoever's knocking. I'm sorry. Oh, who's this? I can't get my, I can't get my shoulders. There you go. There you go. This is nothing. Who are these people? I'm his wife and this is his son. Well, I'm... What? What? Yes, it's true. I'm leaving my wife and son.
00:48:04
Speaker
I mean, this can't be that shocking to you. You're fucking a dog. You know what I mean? I had no idea. I had no idea. What, did you just drive around in your MG? What is that? Like an MGA and... It's an MGA 83. Yeah. It was happenstance. I didn't know you have a wife. We can get out of here. We can leave. Leave. Get out. Original Honda Studies.
00:48:31
Speaker
Oh, welcome. We got all kinds of... Oh, you two want to get married? You're a man and you're a dog. Yes, that's what's so wrong about that. No, no, nothing. It's my job to get you married. I guess that's it. What kind of dog are you?
00:48:48
Speaker
I'm a Yorkshire Terrier. Wow. Wow. I've heard stuff. Heard stuff. Yeah. We got dog celebrities too. We got human celebrities too. Cat celebrities, bird celebrities, you name it. We got it. Just tell me what you want to get married to. On the count of three? Sure. One, two, three.
00:49:06
Speaker
Oh, you both win the dog, I get it. You're a human, but you love dogs. Best friend, man's best friend. All right, let me get Benji in here. Benji, come out here and do your little number. Oh yeah, that looks pretty rough.
00:49:37
Speaker
Thank you for listening to another episode of Original Understudies. This episode wouldn't be possible without our mastering engineer, Toyvo Kalil.
00:49:46
Speaker
And a special thank you to the band, The Quick Six, who have allowed us to use their song, get to it from their album, County Line, as our intro and outro music. I'm so excited. I've been a big fan of their band for years. You could check out their entire album on Spotify, Amazon. My guess is anywhere you get music, you could probably get the Quick Six album, County Line. And I don't know, if I like it, I can only assume you'd love it, right?
00:50:15
Speaker
Well, let me be honest. I love it. I love it. But I also want to thank the Patreon members who up till now have been a huge emotional support, a huge intellectual support. In fact, they inspired me to get new music to make this podcast better. But starting September 1st, there can also be an enormous financial support.
00:50:35
Speaker
I'm turning on the charges. So that's your final warning, guys. If you want to parachute out, now's the time. I'm going to start charging. Episodes will always be free. But if you'd like, you could be a Patreon member. Go to patreon.com slash originalunderstudies. For $1 a month, you can listen to our recordings live. Actually, you could see it and listen to it live. It'll be streamed on Discord to Patreon members.
00:51:02
Speaker
For $5 a month, you can get the recordings of those live performances. It won't be edited. The music won't be in there. It won't be the best audio, because it's going to be Zoom audio. But for that $5, you could watch it whenever the hell you want. And for $25 a month, you could be a cast member. Isn't that exciting? Cool your jobs. Cast members, well, they don't get to say anything. They don't get to perform.
00:51:32
Speaker
the podcast original understudies is performed completely by understudies but the cast members are listed at the end of the show specifically at this part of the show so you could be listed as a cast member but honestly i understand the economy's tough it's hard to stretch a dollar uh you could snap a hamstring before you could stretch a dollar thin enough you know so
00:51:57
Speaker
for no cost at all you could click the subscribe button and that would make it so that every time a new episode released you downloaded it and that would help our numbers
00:52:08
Speaker
And I know that for years I begged you to give reviews on Apple iTunes or whatever platform you listen to podcasts on. But those previous ones, well, they just don't count for original understudies. I wish they did. If you could give us reviews, it's actually really been helping. People have been leaving reviews and it's making us grow faster than I could have ever expected. I mean, we're hitting the charts. Check us on Chartable, check original understudies. We're hitting charts all over the place.
00:52:37
Speaker
But if we can snowball this and keep it growing, I honestly think we could be bigger than anyone anticipates. But ultimately, I'm just super thankful that you guys are sticking around. I'm proud of the podcast, and I think it's just getting better.